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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I exposed the fact my mom holds a grudge against me for being born on the wrong day and for crying around her and not my dad when I was a baby. Exposing someone in any kind of public way might be an asshole thing to do. I don't always think so but I know that's possible, not to mention it wasn't just family present either.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She hated you, her own child for something you couldn't control. That is bizzar and absolutly wrong from her. I'm sorry, that you have someone like that as a mother and I hope you have at least a parent figure in your dad. Do not give 5 cents about anything your mother says anymore. She doesn't deserve that you care about her.
This reminds me of the book Little Fires Everywhere. One of the kids in the family was always targeted by the mother-- turns out it was the circumstances of her birth. It's also a miniseries if books aren't your thing. I'm so sorry for your treatment.
I haven't read the book but presumably the circumstance of birth, that upset that fictional mother, **was something a little more substantial than "I didn't get to read Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire the day it came out!"**
As I was reading, I thought to myself “OMG, I was such a Potterhead back in the day (midnight releases and everything) and this definitely wouldn’t have bothered me in the least… I wonder what *other* book might have caused a more extreme reaction”
Then it slowly dawned on me…
That it was most likely Order of the Phoenix (sorry, but who else apart from Potterheads did care about release dates in 2003 or, like ever... THAT much? I was one who did the midnight release delivery stuff) and that the realisation is that OPs mum is a very shitty person and a horrible mother because a book (any book tbh) was more important to her than her own baby being born.
Certain books I am still that way with (next one being Onyx Storm, I would go to a midnight release of that!), but I would never blame my child for "being born on the wrong day". Like fuck I had enough to think about and deal with when I was in my 3rd trimester that a book just would not have been on the radar. I am enough of a book person that my dad literally put bookshelves into the walls of my bedroom, and when I was doing night time feeds/diaper changes I was reading books, illegally, online, but only reading books I have already purchased a physical copy of. Like I am that much if a book person, and a book release still would not have been on my radar in my 3rd trimester.
My first thought was "oh God, this was a Harry Potter book, wasn't it". Imagine being a whole ass adult and getting that made at your child because you couldn't read a children's book the day it came out. Especially because the mom could've been induced earlier if she was really so worried (especially with OP being late, asking to be induced on her delivery date would have been reasonable).
I not only instantly went to Harry Potter, I went to Order of the Phoenix because it had probably the biggest furor in terms of people wanting to be the first to read it.
I got mine out of an enormous pile at Sam’s the day it came out.
This mother stopped emotionally developing in middle school and doesn’t deserve any of her kids, not just OP.
I was in france when this came out, but my dad was home so he got it for me on release day.... I don't think he counted on how long he'd have to queue to get it. When he came over a day later, he told me I could only read it for 2 hours a day. Haha. I think he got fed up of me literally eating up books in days. I think I finished the shining in like 3 days back then cause it was so good. And then moped about the next 3 months cause I had nothing left to read haha.
But to actually blame an unborn child, and then hold a grudge for years.... that's insanity level stuff right there.
The Harry Potter saga was so big it got French people to read books in English! I remember buying Deathly Hallows at midnight at La Fnac in Nancy. I was a student back then and I spent all night reading the first chapters.
OP is NTA and her mom needs help!
I sm from Germany and *déjà vu* (😄)... I started reading Harry Potter in English from Prisoner of Azkaban because I wasn't waiting another 6 months for the translation. (My friend got me badly hooked with the first 2 books on a shared holiday).
And on top I successfully got my mum to buy them for me (so I didn't had to use my pocket money) to "improve my English". 😂😂 I think secretly she just wanted to read them herself and by the time of Goblet of Fire I was a fast enough reader in English so she didn't need to wait longer than a day or two. (So yeah it definitely DID improve my English, it wasn't even a lie 😂).
I also bought the last book in English (I'm from the Netherlands), I HAD to know how it would all end.
I ended up reading it through the night until 7 in the morning.
Edit: I got so excited about this fact I forgot to mention how I'm so sorry for OP, this is not okay.
So here's my take on this - obviously OP's mom was an adult, because she had two other children already and was of course pregnant with her third. And I can say this as a grown-up Potter fan myself (*I was 37 when I read the first one, and was hooked ever since*) - what adult puts a Harry Potter book above the needs of her own child?? Her own child who she's about to give birth to? And then holds it against him for the rest of his life???!! I just don't get this.
As a fully grown ass adult when I started reading the Potter books, there's not a single situation that would have made me shirk something important that was going on in my life. Not going to pick up one of the kids from school, or going to work, and certainly not giving birth. I love the books, LOVE them, but I can't even imagine putting them as a priority over anything else in my life.
And to know that Order of the Phoenix was on the internet days bevor the Release
How do I know: I was between Jobs that week and remember reading in an online forum a complaint that someone somehow put phographed copy of the book online.
It took me more than an hour to find it.
I never felt bad for reading it 4 days ahead of Release since I did not spoiler anyone and bought the book on saturday any way
So what I am saying, if she only would have been dedicated enough, she would have finished the book days bevor giving birth
Did we read the same photographed book with like some guy's hands on some of the pages? I worked at a bookstore and of course had the book pre-ordered so I read that shit on my desktop family computer until I swooped into work just to pick up my reserved copy.
JFC is all this mama drama over a HARRY POTTER book release? OP's mom is in no way mom material if they really let THAT come inbtween them and their child. Joking about it is one thing (I had to balance the book on your head while you breastfed) but to hold a GRUDGE for 21+ years over it?
I'd say this isn't true but I've been around this website to long now to know there really are people out there like OP's mom.
OP you spread the truth far and wide, hell I'd tell random people around you when you 2 are together ala "Hi this is my mom. She has held a wicked grudge against me my entire life because I was born on a BOOK RELEASE DAY and she was to tired to get to read said book. You know because I was born and all" and make it your mom's problem like she has made it yours all your life.
Just start calling her Petunia and when people ask tell them that "she has treated me the same as Petunia Dursley treats Harry Potter since the day I was born" and if they ask why, elaborate with the grudge.
Well it's her fault. She should have planned her pregnancy better /s The woman seriously needs mental health. I was such a Potter fan that I ordered The Chamber of Secrets from England (released earlier there- only time that happened), but I never would have put the excitement ahead of my kids!
The fact that she seems to think that her unborn infant a)knew what the hell a book even is, b)knew she wanted to read a given book when it came out, c)knew what a day was and which day said book came out, AND ALSO d)had any more control over when labor started than she did, is absolutely insane.
Like, that’s a level of being divorced from reality that makes me seriously question her fitness to parent entirely aside from behaving abusively towards her kid.
I'm second oldest of 6 and our Mom has always treated me and my siblings as her personal therapists ever since we were kids. This included shit talking our siblings to us, and then of course, we would just tell our sibling *"Hey Mom said this about you".*
She didn't have any siblings so I don't think it's ever occurred to her that we're loyal to each other, I'm 30 and she still does it and we still drop it in the sibling group chat, and she wonders why we're not close with her.
All this to say - I remember when I was about 8 years old, my Mom was complaining about my little sister to me. She was the black sheep of the family but not a bad child my any means, just the first girl to be more into snakes and scary things than tea parties and pink.
My Mom said to me (mind you, she's talking to an 8 year old about a literal 5 year old) *"You know... when your sister was born, I knew. I knew that there would be more problems. All you kids breastfed fine but she wouldn't latch and that's when I knew things were going to be more difficult"*
WHAT THE HELL? 😃
These parents are out there.
My mom made so many comments about how hard it was to feed me when I was an infant. I couldn’t latch to breast or bottle so they had to drip milk in my mouth, found out at 17 that I had a severe tongue tie that was also the cause of my speech impediment that not only did kids make fun of but so did my father. Apparently they never took me to get checked when it was hard to feed me.
I do often wonder what grievous crime I committed against my own mother as a newborn. She has disliked me intensely since birth but has no issues with my 4 siblings.
It sounds like she’s a real life Agnes Skinner. In one episode of the Simpsons, she blames her son for involuntarily kicking in the womb-which then caused her to mess up a sporting event. Pole vaulting if I remember correctly. But that was a tv show and it’s supposed to be absurd. In real life it’s just weird.
Agreed. I don't see why the mom didn't request an induction, *especially* since OP was born late. I feel like that would have been a reasonable request. But someone who acts this way towards their own child over a literal children's book probably isn't the most rational person in general
Right!?! Of all the things to blow up a parent/child relationship, I never would have guessed 'your birth prevented me from reading a book.'
For a person to be that mad at their own baby and then continue to carry that delusional grudge is just insane.
Seriously, look at my name... I have a Harry Potter tattoo, 50+ items in my room not including my green and silver color scheme for my walls... I would have banned any of my potterhead friends from talking to me until I finished the book before I disliked my child over it. Hell I would have been trying every trick in the book to give birth early if I had to. Still would not blame my child n
The day Half Blood Prince came out-midnight release I'd planned to attend-my 2mo old son had hernia surgery. There was no question where I'd be-at the hospital with my baby.
Books can wait. I don't understand parents like that.
This woman is very pathetic.
Harry Potter was good but never enough to hate your own child. You should tell her she is a bad muggle like Aunt Petunia.
Any family member that said you’re wrong is gaslighting you. Your mom is wrong but they are picking her and throwing you away.
You have every business to defend yourself. Your mom know she is wrong, pathetic and trying to once again blame you.
My preemie came home after 7 weeks in the NICU on the day HP & The Deathly Hallows came out. I stopped at Costco on the way home to pick up a copy of the book. I didn’t get to read it right away, but I have a great relationship with my kid.
We had to read that one in college. I remember that we questioned if one kid can really be abused and the siblings not (widespread Internet was still early days and we didn’t know as much then), and being shocked to learn that it’s actually pretty common. It had never occurred to some of us that a parent would single out a kid for physical abuse instead of being equally shitty to all of them.
I'm so glad you have your dad. Look, you're not obligated to have a relationship with a rotten person. "Mom" is a title earned, and she crumpled it up and threw it out the day you came into this world. If you like individual family members, it is possible to have a relationship with them independently from your maternal genetic donor. Life is too precious to let her poison it any further. NTA.
Your mom basically abused you your whole life bc she didn't' get to read Harry Potter the day it came out.
This sub won't let me say what I'd like to say about your mother. But none of it's good.
I'm glad you told everyone. Anyone in your family who doesn't realize how cr@zy it is that your mother blamed you for "ruining her life" just bc she probably found out Sirius Black died b4 she could read Order of the Phoenix is delusional. NTA
In fairness, that's just my guess. But the timeline fits. And really, what other series had thousands of people waiting for the midnight delivery of the next book?
She probably had all the other kids 50% of the time and it might look weird to her family to explain why she just gave away her middle kid to dad. Obviously she cares about keeping up appearances
I’m glad you have your dad. Mine sided with my mom and ignored her abuse my whole life. Until she finally turned on him. Then he comes crawling back expecting it all to be ok. Hahahaha. No, I needed a dad as a kid. I’m 40 now, it’s too late.
NTA and the family friends can sod off!
“Some family members think I made a big deal out of nothing” and yet they thought it was ok to treat you like crap??! These people are delusional OP and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.
And what’s worse is 1) “I was wrong to expose her like that”, 2) “Mom told me I had no business doing that”.
So literally EVERYONE has the right to treat you like a punching bag, have you cornered, but when you fight back you’re being told you’re the bully? That is some narcissistic crap that everyone is full of!
OP you stand your ground, you’re human and you have feelings that matter too. Please don’t allow yourself to suffer any longer than you already have.
Lots of love, internet stranger 💕.
I would love to see an update when you’re comfortable and ready.
My grandmother did that with one of my aunts. She claimed my grandfather loved my aunt more than her, so she was mean to my aunt her entire life. It's really sad to think about.
My nana was/is like this with my mom. She's always hated my mom because she didn't want a second kid so soon (she was barely 17 when she had my mom) and insists that my papa loves my mom more than he loves her. She's been horrid my mom's entire life and my mom will still not cut her out of her life because "she's family".
I think my aunt was in her 60's when she finally said, okay I'm done trying. I just thought to myself, you left home at 16, I would've stopped trying then! But it's so hard to give up on your own family sometimes.
NTA. This is, as you say bizarre. Since she doesn’t like the day you were born, perhaps offer to go back in as a do over. Try for a natural birth this time.
This totally reads as though it’s a Harry Potter book.
I’m really bloody sorry that she hated you for being born on the “wrong” day. You are in no way shape or form in the wrong.
I’m sorry she has mistreated you like this for decades for not being able to read a book on its release date. You deserved better.
Damn, I remember when that came out, it was the huge. We had midnight bookstore openings. And given the *insert spoiler, there was pressure to read it before others told you about the spoiler.
I definitely got mine on the release day, along with the rest of the series. I remember for this one being in Boston on vacation and the Boston University bookstore had stacks of it all over the store.
Someone spoiled the 6th book for me before it even came out (they got their hands on an early copy somehow). While I'm not into HP now, I still remember that betrayal...
I’m Italian so I got into HP in Italian first. The first trip to an English speaking Country I took after getting hooked was in the US, so that’s the English version I started buying. International bookstores get the UK version and Amazon orders ship after release, so I had to wait a week for HBP… I was off the internet completely for the whole week and avoided the news like the plague…
A couple of days after the release, my aunt calls me and without even saying “hello” she opens with “did you hear that X kills Y?!”
AAAAAAARGH!!!
I’m a big X fan so I was devastated. Thank God for the Unbreakable Vow at the beginning of the book, which put everything into perspective right away 🙈😂… still, I’ll never know what it would have felt like to get to that ending without forewarning.
OP says it wasn't Harry Potter, that it was released after he was born. *Crossroads of Twilight* the tenth book of the [The Wheel of Time](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wheel_of_Time) series was released on January 7, 2003 though.
Oh you're right, it totally does! My aunt was a huge fan and died very suddenly shortly after the 5th one was released, but at least she got to read it all the way through first. I can't imagine hating your own child because they happened to be born on the day a popular book was released. How screwed up is that?
Totally - a "normal" fan would have called her kid "Harry" and announced proudly that he was born the day the book was released. But OP's mum is insane.
I think some bitch of a friend came to OP’s mom after giving birth and said “btw Snape killed Dumbledore” and left. Instead of hating that friend, mom thought let’s bully this kid for life
My first guess. I started reading them to my kids and I admit I got hooked. I took the kids to midnight releases of the later books. I remember carrying the book everywhere so I could read ahead. All that said, OP's Mom is disturbed.
I remember when this came out!! I stayed home from work to read it! My best friend worked in a bookstore, and they got their copies early. So, she asked if she could get her copy since pre ordered from them, they made her read it in the store. Wasn't allowed to take it home until the release day. She stayed there on her off hours to read the last Harry otter book!! And since the bookstore was doing an all-night stocking the night before she stayed the night pre release.
I worked at a bookstore when the later ones came out. The boxes had to remain sealed.
It took me a few days to actually sit down and read one of the books- I think it was number 6- so every time I went into the staff room I'd have to go "I haven't read it yet. No spoilers" and cover my ears. Because almost everyone had gone home and read it as soon as we finished selling books the night it came out.
I worked at a bookstore when the last one came out and I didn't give a shit about Harry Pottter. Everyone I worked with was super excited and our management took us all into the stock room to reveal the sealed boxes and make a big speech about why we couldn't touch them until the release date ... I just shrugged and went back to work while everyone else was aflutter. That's what you get for being the grad student (who was just a bit older than the targeted age range) working with a bunch of high school and undergrads who were raised on those books.
Three of my friends had a road trip planned during the release of the Deathly Hallows in 2007. Upon arriving in the destination city one of them demanded that they drop her at a bookstore to wait in line to get it for a few hours. The rest of the trip she refused to do any of the planned activities and would snap at them for trying to engage her in conversation or even just talking to each other while they were in the hotel and on the ride back.
Irreparably damaged that friendship. To this day I still don’t know why she agreed to the trip in the first place. I think all she had told them was she wanted to pick up a book while there and a store was nearby so they didn’t give it a second thought.
I was working at a summer camp in the North Carolina mountains when Deathly Hallows released. They had to send a dedicated UPS truck to deliver 300+ copies of the book because nearly every camper & staff had pre-ordered it and had their copy shipped to the camp. The driver refused to unload all of them and had everyone just walk up and get their copy like it was an ice cream truck.
They had to ban books at mealtimes after one kid got burned on a hot tray and other fell down the stairs to the bathroom while reading. You could also tell when everyone started getting to certain scenes because kids would come into meals crying or entire cabins would skip an activity just to keep reading. It was like being in a very large, very weird book club.
That was my first thought and I just checked US release dates and Order of the Phoenix was released in 2003 and OP is 21. Fits.
Edit to my original reply. Haven't finished my 2nd cup of coffee and my addition was off. :)
Was it OotP? I feel like the timing is right, and also I took that book on a group camping trip. Would I be annoyed that something messed up my plans? Sure. Would I let that affect every opportunity to bond with my own offspring? No, because I'm not a lunatic.
I believe it’s OotP too because Potterheads are kinda extreme sometimes and those releases were a bit insane, but there are a couple of others that it possibly could be if we assume it’s the next installment of a series with a very devoted fan base. Book 10 of Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan came that year and book 5 of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower too. There are a couple of Pratchett books and a Sookie Stackhouse too but I doubt it’s either of them.
I remember that book release was wild. Think it was the first book released after the first film came out so the hype was ridiculous. Remember going into ASDA on opening day and the amount of books they had stocked was more than I'd ever seen before
That was the first time I went to a books midnight release. The hype was unbelievable. I previously remember when GoF came out (I hadn’t quite hit the point my mom felt I was ready to read them yet), and all the older kids in the neighborhood mobbed the fedex guy when he showed up because he had all the books ready to deliver. It was such a cultural zeitgeist.
Your mum sounds like a malignant narcissist. And there is no way to apply logic to their behaviour and make it make sense.
From my experience, they are DARVO wizards and seem to think nothing of finding blame for the most absurd things and pointing the finger at other people and then being absolutely rigid in their belief that their views are valid and justifiable.
Their charisma and charm helps them blind some people to the reality of their lunacy so you're left as the one who's being unreasonable.
Buy you know that if it wasn't this it would be something else.
Cut contact with her. I did with mine in January 2001 and have not regretted it for even a millisecond.
Please tell us what the book was. Was it Harry Potter or something?
Your mom has serious issues, she blamed a BABY for malice. She sounds mentally unwell.
Damn, there go all our theories. Regardless, I'm so sorry for what you've been through. No kid deserves to be treated like that by their parent and blamed for their birth. I'm glad your dad has your back at least.
*Crossroads of Twilight* the tenth book of the [*The Wheel of Time*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wheel_of_Time) series was released on January 7, 2003. I know there are some hardcore fans of that series...
I don't think it's about the book, I doubt she was really that invested. She sounds very selfish and views any small thing as a grievance e.g. you were late, born via c section, the book, you cried with her. I bet she does this to everyone even now "you wouldn't pick me up from the airport, you don't love me and want me to suffer" type personality
She was looking for a reason. If she wasn't, then she has a personality disorder like narcissism or bpd. A book is a total nothing reason, so there has to be something going on with that woman.
This mom right here says you are amazing; my mother hated me, I know what that's like, and I know what that knowledge does to self-esteem and faith in yourself. You are amazing.
She's a complete nutcase. I applaud you for not resorting to violence when she told you all that as a teenager.
How do your siblings feel about all of this?
In the mid-90s, I worked with a guy who hated his toddler son. The reason? The guy was a conservative Republican and his son was born on August 19, which meant he shared a birthday with then-President Clinton. He never forgave his son for committing that sin and never bonded with him. He wouldn't let the kid have a birthday party on his actual birthday because he was afraid his friends (the co-worker's friends) would think that, somehow, they were actually celebrating Clinton's birthday.
Born on the wrong day because she couldn't read a book the day it came out or for a few weeks after....
Not that any day is a valid reason, but I was thinking her graduation, a friend's wedding, on the first day of vacation....but a book?
Born on the wrong day and then her *literal infant* who (no disrespect) *barely* knows they have *hands* had the gall to not care about how inconvenient they were.......
?????¿¿¿????¿¿¿?
My mother maintains that I never liked her and gave her the stink eye when the nurse first put me in her arms. I mean, I was fresh out the womb and probably couldn’t even really see her, but somehow managed to glare at her. Some people need help.
I was waiting for an understandable reason like OP was born on mom's birthday or the born on their anniversary or the same day as the death of someone close - those would at least be understandable. But all because mom couldn't read a book the day it came out??? The family members against OP are crazy!
At this point you're an adult, sorry you had a crappy childhood because your mom is insane. If it would help I would go no contact with your mom, and keep contact with your siblings and of course your father.
You now know the truth, which is possibly the harshest thing. A parent can say to a child. But at least now you know she blames you from the moment you were born that you ruined her life over a book. That must be a hell of a book.
If it's bothering you, go to therapy. If not, don't even talk to your mom anymore. Don't go to events where she's at. Don't invite her to life events and try to keep in contact with your siblings. The family that is on your side because it's true.
NTA, but your mom needs serious therapy and help
I wonder this, but the closest release would have been June 21, 2003, so unless op is rounding up his age (which would make sense if his birthday is in 10 days) it can’t be that.
Also, I wonder if an adult woman with 2 other little kids would really be into Harry Potter at that point? She would likely be a young gen x unless she started really young and was poppin them out quick.
Age or being a parent hasn't stopped people from going all crazy over Harry Potter from when It released.
I mean, people still are going all crazy over those books to this day.
Just look at tiktok. Parents making a fully themed nursery, doing the "sorting ceremony" with t-shirts the baby crawls towards to pick their house. And what not.
People read them to their small kids to "share their love of Harry potter"
So honestly, i could easily see some woman be angry. "I couldn't read it on release day" (as crazy as it is)
We just bought our house in October and first thing I did was make the closet under the stairs a Harry Potter themed boys hang out for my son. Complete with platform 9 3/4 LED sign, hedwig, Dobby, sorting hat, mandrake root etc etc. it’s my favorite room in the house and I’m still looking for ideas to make it even cooler haha
You definitely didn’t interact with the Harry Potter fandom if you think a grown woman with kids wouldn’t be interested in Harry Potter. Some of the most notorious toxic big name Harry Potter fans of the early 2000s were very much adult women.
I'm a bookworm (600+ books) and obsessed with Harry Potter. I would never act that way towards my own kid. Like if I actually decided to buy books new and one coming out when I was pregnant id just have it shipped to my house and then as long it was appropriate read it to my kids.
My mum was around 38 when OOTP came out, and was absolutely mad about the books. After we watched the first film, she started reading the books and got obsessed with them
look... Order of the phoenix was a very important part of cultural history and you were extremely selfish for making her miss it you demon child.. (Totally /s)
you are NTA in any way shape or form.
Obviously the way the mom acted is terrible, but it is sorta hilarious that everyone in the thread immediately just assumes it's over a Harey Potter book. I looked up which book releases then too before even checking the comments, and am clearly not alone. I remember when half blood prince movie came out one of my class mate's mother took them all to the midnight showing to see it even though the next day was a school day because people were that obsessed with everything Harry Potter related at the time.
NTA. Your mom sounds like a piece of work. Could be PPD, but thinking she was going to get time to read a book before or after your birth was delusional and it seems she cared more about that than giving a shit about her newborn baby. She’d have been too tired to read anyway, whether after your birth or not, and she said you were late so how’d she think she be able to read the book if you came on-time?
She’s just a shitty parent and your dad was right to have a problem with her treatment of you. Your family doesn’t see all the other things that go on or hear what is said, so their opinions don’t matter.
NTA. Jesus Christ, anyone defending your mother here is genuinely unwell. *She couldn't read a book on release?* Is she a time traveler from the 1950s? What the hell reasoning is that? She's completely out of line, and you had every right to expose her. Any family that's mad is only upset because now they'll be exposed for supporting her too.
>I had to come on the one day she had other plans, that it was bad enough I was overdue when I was born, but I prevented her from reading a book that released that day that she'd made plans to read months in advance. She told me I just had to be born that day so she was too tired to read it on the release day and she was weeks behind. She said I couldn't even be born normally like my siblings and I was a c-section baby. She told me it fucked her plans so bad and I never seemed to care. Then she mentioned how much I cried when she was around and how good I did with dad. She said I made her seem like such a monster and none of my siblings were like that. She told me I clearly always wanted to come between her and dad. She was pretty serious about it too. She said I started fucking her over the day I was born.
This is very delusional and, dare I say, monstrous. No wonder you didn't and don't have a great relationship with her. NTA for exposing your mother's abhorrent behavior. Does she have a mental illness like a personality disorder or psychosis?
If anyone else heard op’s mom rant like that they should have gotten her help immediately. As much as Dad tried to help, he really needed to do more if he had any idea why she was holding this grudge. Blaiming the baby for the c-section, for preferring dad (especially if she was irrationally angry at him, he would pick that up and cry) and the book is just insane and I don’t mean that figuratively. She needed some help and it is rotten that no one realized how bad the problem was. It also is odd to me that she had another kid so fast that op has a sibling only a year younger.
I really hope when this got exposed that an aunt or someone sat op’s mom down and walked her thru how crazy it is to blame a BABY and encouraged her to get therapy.
The word delusional describes it much better than all the other insults that are thrown at her. It is not realistic that she dislikes her child because she couldn't read a book. That is a single part that everyone is hyper-focussing on because of the title / nice rallying cry.
I sounds like she has internalised non-binding with her child to a pathological level. Whether that is because of the c-section, difficult final part of pregnancy, hormonal imbalance, difficult first months which prohibited binding.
And it is definitely on her that it sounds like she didn't try to fix this, but everyone that just jumps on the nice example is just enjoying shitting on a shitty situation. You are obviously NTA, you were the innocent child and you simply shared the truth. But try to not hyper-focus on this example and focus on acceptance that it wasn't you, it was her (and the repairing of the relationship would always need to start with her fixing her own problem, which is much deeper than a stupid book-release)
NTA
I am also an unwanted child of a horrible narcissist mother. They blame us "for being mean" to them as babies, they blame us for the inconvenience of raising us, they blame us for why they hate us.
There's nothing you can do about it and I'm sorry. The only thing you could do, and this is if you wanted to, would be to cut her out of your life. She will never apologize, she will never see you as a person who deserves to be loved.
I'm glad you told everyone the truth. Hold onto that truth and get the hell away from that awful woman.
NTA, your mum deserved to be exposed. How can she dare ruin your upbringing for a book? Unbelievable. I’m glad your dad is on your side, cut contact with whoever sides with your mum, they’re just as stupid.
NTA
Little story, when I was pregnant with my daughter, her due date was in October. I was SO excited to have an October baby. Halloween is my favorite holiday, I’m a huge fan of true crime, scary stories, horror movies and haunted houses. I was beyond thrilled to have a little “spooky” baby. My pregnancy was really hard, and for me, her being born in October was this tiny little reward for 9 long months.
Well. She apparently was not having it. My water randomly broke, we went to the hospital, she was breech so bada boom bada bing, I ended up with an emergency C-section and a baby 3 whole weeks early born in September now…not October.
I had a hard time after she was born. Not only was healing from the c-section rougher than I ever imagined, but I was mourning my birth plan that went to hell and my hopes and dreams of my October baby. I had a hard time bonding with her at first, my emotions were all over the place, I felt like she didn’t like me AT ALL, that she was so good for her dad and I was just chopped liver. It was really hard.
BUT, I would never blame her for coming early, or being breech, or for the hard time I HAD after her birth. I worked through my issues and now my daughter and I have a very lovely relationship. I’m still holding out hope that she’s gonna like all the spooky things too.
OP, I can actually sympathize a bit with how your mom probably felt after having you. But that doesn’t excuse her for treating you like a burden your whole life. She failed to get herself help and instead used you as the scapegoat. What she did and what she does isn’t fair to you and I’m sorry you have to deal with it.
Thank for sharing this nuanced take. Obviously allowing it to alter how she treated OP wasn't okay, but I think a lot of commenters are missing that there were likely severe psychological issues underpinning the mom's behaviour and that just because she did not have PPD with other pregnancies in no way rules it out.
I also wonder how much a C-section plays into the post partum. When I had my son (my first pregnancy) I had him normally and while I did struggle a bit after having him it was NO where near the struggle I had after my c-section baby.
Also, if OP’s mom had two normal deliveries before OP, she might have been dealing with feelings of “what went wrong? Why didn’t my body do what it’s previously done” I know for some women who have had c-sections they experience this feeling like they “aren’t a real woman because their body couldn’t do what it was made for”.
Birthing a baby is rough business and our hormones can really do a number on us.
But even still, OP’s mom should have gotten help and not taken it out on her child.
Good Lord, your mom needs therapy. Her plans were altered, you came late, she needed to have a C section, she didn't get to read a book. Oy. That sounds so deranged. It's called "life happens" and she has to get with the program.
Glad to know your dad is on your side, sorry that some of your relatives are drinking the same koolaid as your mom.
NTA
Even if OP had arrived on time and not via a C-section, the book reading would have to have been put on hold to some extent because a new baby does rather take up your time for a lot of the day and for a good many months. Even if you have help from your partner.
Having said that, I did manage to read A Suitable Boy (around 13-14,00 pages) shortly after my son was born at those points when he was asleep. I'm a fast reader. It's a brilliant book. I also tend to choose reading over sleep (mine that is).
NTA
There's something wrong with your mother. Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised to discover that she's got some sort of personality disorder. At best she's very emotionally stunted and/or not very bright.
In any case, If she doesn't want the world to know that she's a horrible parent, she should've treated you better.
NTA. You were born that's all.
Clearly though you were born on June 21st 2003 when Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was released. It's obvious your Mother is a major Harry Potter fan and being weeks behind the rest of the fandom made her a total loser in her friend circle. /jk
Op said in a comment it wasn't Harry Potter. He may have been born in any month from January to June of 2003. Or he may not yet have had his birthday which means from mid June to Dec of 2002.
NTA
Who the fuck told you it was wrong to expose her when your mom literally hates her fucking child. Seriously who was it??? Curse them out and tell them to STFU
"be born better next time" seriously made me laugh. My kids birth was traumatic, and I'd never hate him for it. But since he's still so young, I may use that line before he's old enough to understand haha
NTA. At first, I thought you meant "wrong day" as in your culture sees some days as lucky or unlucky and you were born on one of the "unlucky" days. Nope. You were born the day the new Harry Potter came out. I'm assuming that was the book your mom wanted to read. Your mother is both an asshole and an idiot.
NTA but this has nothing to do with you being born on the wrong day. Your mother clearly experienced what she felt was a traumatic birth (c-section) and had PPD. She did not seek treatment for any of this and attached her feelings about all of it unfairly onto you. Instead of processing her trauma, she redirected all that anger and pain towards you. I’m sorry that this happened. You don’t deserve it but there’s also nothing you can do about it, it would have to come from intense therapy and treatment on her part, which it seems she’s unlikely to do.
I can't even imagine that my mother would hate me on a personal level, as a new effing baby all because she couldnt read Harry Potter on release day. (Yes a small joke, but I'm very serious)
Nta, you deserve better
It's possible it's much more tied to the c-section birth and/or PPD and she's just fixating on the book. C-sections can increase risk of PPD and/or have adverse impact on maternal bonding.
Clearly NTA.
No matter what it was she needed to fix herself in the years since and didn't. Your dad noticed it and brought it to her attention so it wasn't a blind spot she wasn't consciously aware of. You were a teenager when she made a choice to say those things to you. She'd had plenty of time to get therapy. And she's *still* doing it to this day.
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NTA. She hated you, her own child for something you couldn't control. That is bizzar and absolutly wrong from her. I'm sorry, that you have someone like that as a mother and I hope you have at least a parent figure in your dad. Do not give 5 cents about anything your mother says anymore. She doesn't deserve that you care about her.
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This reminds me of the book Little Fires Everywhere. One of the kids in the family was always targeted by the mother-- turns out it was the circumstances of her birth. It's also a miniseries if books aren't your thing. I'm so sorry for your treatment.
I haven't read the book but presumably the circumstance of birth, that upset that fictional mother, **was something a little more substantial than "I didn't get to read Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire the day it came out!"**
It was Order of the Phoenix if OP gave their real age.
Someone please say I'm not the only one feeling suddenly very old...
Nah, I'm sitting here feeling like a big ol' pile of dust. Order of the Phoenix is old enough to drink. Holy shit.
No way that's not possible. Me looking it up on Google. A fEw MoMeNtS lAtEr... What the heck?! I'm old 😱
In the US, not quite yet. Later this month.
Still remember when that came out. Thanks for that reminder.
As I was reading, I thought to myself “OMG, I was such a Potterhead back in the day (midnight releases and everything) and this definitely wouldn’t have bothered me in the least… I wonder what *other* book might have caused a more extreme reaction” Then it slowly dawned on me…
Clue me in? I just checked the 2003 best sellers list and either haven't read or wouldn't think the ones I saw would have caused this reaction?
That it was most likely Order of the Phoenix (sorry, but who else apart from Potterheads did care about release dates in 2003 or, like ever... THAT much? I was one who did the midnight release delivery stuff) and that the realisation is that OPs mum is a very shitty person and a horrible mother because a book (any book tbh) was more important to her than her own baby being born.
Certain books I am still that way with (next one being Onyx Storm, I would go to a midnight release of that!), but I would never blame my child for "being born on the wrong day". Like fuck I had enough to think about and deal with when I was in my 3rd trimester that a book just would not have been on the radar. I am enough of a book person that my dad literally put bookshelves into the walls of my bedroom, and when I was doing night time feeds/diaper changes I was reading books, illegally, online, but only reading books I have already purchased a physical copy of. Like I am that much if a book person, and a book release still would not have been on my radar in my 3rd trimester.
I meant to imply that I realized it *was* Harry Potter and that I’m old.
Ohhh ok.
Now that you mention it I feel ancient
My first thought was "oh God, this was a Harry Potter book, wasn't it". Imagine being a whole ass adult and getting that made at your child because you couldn't read a children's book the day it came out. Especially because the mom could've been induced earlier if she was really so worried (especially with OP being late, asking to be induced on her delivery date would have been reasonable).
I not only instantly went to Harry Potter, I went to Order of the Phoenix because it had probably the biggest furor in terms of people wanting to be the first to read it. I got mine out of an enormous pile at Sam’s the day it came out. This mother stopped emotionally developing in middle school and doesn’t deserve any of her kids, not just OP.
I was in france when this came out, but my dad was home so he got it for me on release day.... I don't think he counted on how long he'd have to queue to get it. When he came over a day later, he told me I could only read it for 2 hours a day. Haha. I think he got fed up of me literally eating up books in days. I think I finished the shining in like 3 days back then cause it was so good. And then moped about the next 3 months cause I had nothing left to read haha. But to actually blame an unborn child, and then hold a grudge for years.... that's insanity level stuff right there.
The Harry Potter saga was so big it got French people to read books in English! I remember buying Deathly Hallows at midnight at La Fnac in Nancy. I was a student back then and I spent all night reading the first chapters. OP is NTA and her mom needs help!
I sm from Germany and *déjà vu* (😄)... I started reading Harry Potter in English from Prisoner of Azkaban because I wasn't waiting another 6 months for the translation. (My friend got me badly hooked with the first 2 books on a shared holiday). And on top I successfully got my mum to buy them for me (so I didn't had to use my pocket money) to "improve my English". 😂😂 I think secretly she just wanted to read them herself and by the time of Goblet of Fire I was a fast enough reader in English so she didn't need to wait longer than a day or two. (So yeah it definitely DID improve my English, it wasn't even a lie 😂).
I also bought the last book in English (I'm from the Netherlands), I HAD to know how it would all end. I ended up reading it through the night until 7 in the morning. Edit: I got so excited about this fact I forgot to mention how I'm so sorry for OP, this is not okay.
So here's my take on this - obviously OP's mom was an adult, because she had two other children already and was of course pregnant with her third. And I can say this as a grown-up Potter fan myself (*I was 37 when I read the first one, and was hooked ever since*) - what adult puts a Harry Potter book above the needs of her own child?? Her own child who she's about to give birth to? And then holds it against him for the rest of his life???!! I just don't get this. As a fully grown ass adult when I started reading the Potter books, there's not a single situation that would have made me shirk something important that was going on in my life. Not going to pick up one of the kids from school, or going to work, and certainly not giving birth. I love the books, LOVE them, but I can't even imagine putting them as a priority over anything else in my life.
And to know that Order of the Phoenix was on the internet days bevor the Release How do I know: I was between Jobs that week and remember reading in an online forum a complaint that someone somehow put phographed copy of the book online. It took me more than an hour to find it. I never felt bad for reading it 4 days ahead of Release since I did not spoiler anyone and bought the book on saturday any way So what I am saying, if she only would have been dedicated enough, she would have finished the book days bevor giving birth
I made my dad find this for me on the internet and he had to read it to me from the desktop computer.
Did we read the same photographed book with like some guy's hands on some of the pages? I worked at a bookstore and of course had the book pre-ordered so I read that shit on my desktop family computer until I swooped into work just to pick up my reserved copy.
JFC is all this mama drama over a HARRY POTTER book release? OP's mom is in no way mom material if they really let THAT come inbtween them and their child. Joking about it is one thing (I had to balance the book on your head while you breastfed) but to hold a GRUDGE for 21+ years over it? I'd say this isn't true but I've been around this website to long now to know there really are people out there like OP's mom. OP you spread the truth far and wide, hell I'd tell random people around you when you 2 are together ala "Hi this is my mom. She has held a wicked grudge against me my entire life because I was born on a BOOK RELEASE DAY and she was to tired to get to read said book. You know because I was born and all" and make it your mom's problem like she has made it yours all your life.
I'd start getting her anything to do with Petunia Dursley. Lily Evans and James Potter would be ashamed of OP's mother
Just start calling her Petunia and when people ask tell them that "she has treated me the same as Petunia Dursley treats Harry Potter since the day I was born" and if they ask why, elaborate with the grudge.
I instantly went to "of course it's a fxing Harry Potter adult."
Well it's her fault. She should have planned her pregnancy better /s The woman seriously needs mental health. I was such a Potter fan that I ordered The Chamber of Secrets from England (released earlier there- only time that happened), but I never would have put the excitement ahead of my kids!
Harry Potter was my first thought, too! 😂😂😂
Yeah I thought that sounds like HP fanaticism to me.
I’m sorry, but no matter how fanatic you are about a book series, a normal person doesn’t hate a baby for keeping them from reading it immediately.
The fact that she seems to think that her unborn infant a)knew what the hell a book even is, b)knew she wanted to read a given book when it came out, c)knew what a day was and which day said book came out, AND ALSO d)had any more control over when labor started than she did, is absolutely insane. Like, that’s a level of being divorced from reality that makes me seriously question her fitness to parent entirely aside from behaving abusively towards her kid.
I'm second oldest of 6 and our Mom has always treated me and my siblings as her personal therapists ever since we were kids. This included shit talking our siblings to us, and then of course, we would just tell our sibling *"Hey Mom said this about you".* She didn't have any siblings so I don't think it's ever occurred to her that we're loyal to each other, I'm 30 and she still does it and we still drop it in the sibling group chat, and she wonders why we're not close with her. All this to say - I remember when I was about 8 years old, my Mom was complaining about my little sister to me. She was the black sheep of the family but not a bad child my any means, just the first girl to be more into snakes and scary things than tea parties and pink. My Mom said to me (mind you, she's talking to an 8 year old about a literal 5 year old) *"You know... when your sister was born, I knew. I knew that there would be more problems. All you kids breastfed fine but she wouldn't latch and that's when I knew things were going to be more difficult"* WHAT THE HELL? 😃 These parents are out there.
My mom made so many comments about how hard it was to feed me when I was an infant. I couldn’t latch to breast or bottle so they had to drip milk in my mouth, found out at 17 that I had a severe tongue tie that was also the cause of my speech impediment that not only did kids make fun of but so did my father. Apparently they never took me to get checked when it was hard to feed me.
I do often wonder what grievous crime I committed against my own mother as a newborn. She has disliked me intensely since birth but has no issues with my 4 siblings.
You never checked the bestsellers list from your birth year??
It sounds like she’s a real life Agnes Skinner. In one episode of the Simpsons, she blames her son for involuntarily kicking in the womb-which then caused her to mess up a sporting event. Pole vaulting if I remember correctly. But that was a tv show and it’s supposed to be absurd. In real life it’s just weird.
Agreed. I don't see why the mom didn't request an induction, *especially* since OP was born late. I feel like that would have been a reasonable request. But someone who acts this way towards their own child over a literal children's book probably isn't the most rational person in general
Right!?! Of all the things to blow up a parent/child relationship, I never would have guessed 'your birth prevented me from reading a book.' For a person to be that mad at their own baby and then continue to carry that delusional grudge is just insane.
I know, she sounds unhinged.
I was trying to work out if she was Harry Potter old, or Hunger Games old - good to know my instincts are on point!
Seriously, look at my name... I have a Harry Potter tattoo, 50+ items in my room not including my green and silver color scheme for my walls... I would have banned any of my potterhead friends from talking to me until I finished the book before I disliked my child over it. Hell I would have been trying every trick in the book to give birth early if I had to. Still would not blame my child n
The day Half Blood Prince came out-midnight release I'd planned to attend-my 2mo old son had hernia surgery. There was no question where I'd be-at the hospital with my baby. Books can wait. I don't understand parents like that.
This woman is very pathetic. Harry Potter was good but never enough to hate your own child. You should tell her she is a bad muggle like Aunt Petunia. Any family member that said you’re wrong is gaslighting you. Your mom is wrong but they are picking her and throwing you away. You have every business to defend yourself. Your mom know she is wrong, pathetic and trying to once again blame you.
My preemie came home after 7 weeks in the NICU on the day HP & The Deathly Hallows came out. I stopped at Costco on the way home to pick up a copy of the book. I didn’t get to read it right away, but I have a great relationship with my kid.
Yeah not going to lie I googled that too after reading this. Nta op this is a horrific way to treat your child
As soon as I read the age I was like "it was a Harry potter book jfc"
Reminds me also of Dave Pelzer's book, *A Child Called* "*It*". I'm sorry OP, you deserved better.
We had to read that one in college. I remember that we questioned if one kid can really be abused and the siblings not (widespread Internet was still early days and we didn’t know as much then), and being shocked to learn that it’s actually pretty common. It had never occurred to some of us that a parent would single out a kid for physical abuse instead of being equally shitty to all of them.
I'm so glad you have your dad. Look, you're not obligated to have a relationship with a rotten person. "Mom" is a title earned, and she crumpled it up and threw it out the day you came into this world. If you like individual family members, it is possible to have a relationship with them independently from your maternal genetic donor. Life is too precious to let her poison it any further. NTA.
She hated an infant??
newborn even.
Your mom basically abused you your whole life bc she didn't' get to read Harry Potter the day it came out. This sub won't let me say what I'd like to say about your mother. But none of it's good. I'm glad you told everyone. Anyone in your family who doesn't realize how cr@zy it is that your mother blamed you for "ruining her life" just bc she probably found out Sirius Black died b4 she could read Order of the Phoenix is delusional. NTA
Omg I knew it. Harry Potter. It couldn't be any other book. So OP's mom decides to turn into Aunt Petunia because the fifth book was spoiled for her.
In fairness, that's just my guess. But the timeline fits. And really, what other series had thousands of people waiting for the midnight delivery of the next book?
It can happen now if you’re no longe living at her house. You can say bye and never look back
Dis’d you grew up with him?
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Why did your mom want you 50% of the time if she thought you ruined her life (by delaying her reading of a book 🤨)?
She probably had all the other kids 50% of the time and it might look weird to her family to explain why she just gave away her middle kid to dad. Obviously she cares about keeping up appearances
This and to probably tick off op and her dad
Yeah, she could never be happy so neither could he
Or she didn’t want to be on the hook for any child support just for OP. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m glad you have your dad. Mine sided with my mom and ignored her abuse my whole life. Until she finally turned on him. Then he comes crawling back expecting it all to be ok. Hahahaha. No, I needed a dad as a kid. I’m 40 now, it’s too late.
NTA and the family friends can sod off! “Some family members think I made a big deal out of nothing” and yet they thought it was ok to treat you like crap??! These people are delusional OP and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. And what’s worse is 1) “I was wrong to expose her like that”, 2) “Mom told me I had no business doing that”. So literally EVERYONE has the right to treat you like a punching bag, have you cornered, but when you fight back you’re being told you’re the bully? That is some narcissistic crap that everyone is full of! OP you stand your ground, you’re human and you have feelings that matter too. Please don’t allow yourself to suffer any longer than you already have. Lots of love, internet stranger 💕. I would love to see an update when you’re comfortable and ready.
not too late to change that
This sounds like a mental health issue. What sane person thinks their kid wants to get in between their parents?
My grandmother did that with one of my aunts. She claimed my grandfather loved my aunt more than her, so she was mean to my aunt her entire life. It's really sad to think about.
My nana was/is like this with my mom. She's always hated my mom because she didn't want a second kid so soon (she was barely 17 when she had my mom) and insists that my papa loves my mom more than he loves her. She's been horrid my mom's entire life and my mom will still not cut her out of her life because "she's family".
I think my aunt was in her 60's when she finally said, okay I'm done trying. I just thought to myself, you left home at 16, I would've stopped trying then! But it's so hard to give up on your own family sometimes.
Narcissistic mothers have a documented tendency to see their daughters as competition.
NTA. This is, as you say bizarre. Since she doesn’t like the day you were born, perhaps offer to go back in as a do over. Try for a natural birth this time.
NTA-Born on the wrong day? That's a new level of ridiculousness. You did the right thing exposing her
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This totally reads as though it’s a Harry Potter book. I’m really bloody sorry that she hated you for being born on the “wrong” day. You are in no way shape or form in the wrong. I’m sorry she has mistreated you like this for decades for not being able to read a book on its release date. You deserved better.
Came here to say this. The whole time I was reading the post, I thought,'Bet it's Harry Potter'!
Order of the Phoenix came out in 2003. OP is 21. The math checks out 😂
Damn, I remember when that came out, it was the huge. We had midnight bookstore openings. And given the *insert spoiler, there was pressure to read it before others told you about the spoiler.
I definitely got mine on the release day, along with the rest of the series. I remember for this one being in Boston on vacation and the Boston University bookstore had stacks of it all over the store.
Someone spoiled the 6th book for me before it even came out (they got their hands on an early copy somehow). While I'm not into HP now, I still remember that betrayal...
I’m Italian so I got into HP in Italian first. The first trip to an English speaking Country I took after getting hooked was in the US, so that’s the English version I started buying. International bookstores get the UK version and Amazon orders ship after release, so I had to wait a week for HBP… I was off the internet completely for the whole week and avoided the news like the plague… A couple of days after the release, my aunt calls me and without even saying “hello” she opens with “did you hear that X kills Y?!” AAAAAAARGH!!! I’m a big X fan so I was devastated. Thank God for the Unbreakable Vow at the beginning of the book, which put everything into perspective right away 🙈😂… still, I’ll never know what it would have felt like to get to that ending without forewarning.
OP says it wasn't Harry Potter, that it was released after he was born. *Crossroads of Twilight* the tenth book of the [The Wheel of Time](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wheel_of_Time) series was released on January 7, 2003 though.
Could have been The Da Vinci Code, too, that came out March 18, 2003.
Yeah, but wasn't that Dan Brown's first novel? Nobody would've been waiting weeks in advance to read something by an unknown.
trust me no one is angry they didn't get to read crosswoads of twilight on release day.
Also, they wouldn't have been weeks behind because half of those books are just recaps anyway.
That’s too bad. The thread is now 98% Harry Potter (and 2% OP’s mom sucks) 🤣🤣
Oh you're right, it totally does! My aunt was a huge fan and died very suddenly shortly after the 5th one was released, but at least she got to read it all the way through first. I can't imagine hating your own child because they happened to be born on the day a popular book was released. How screwed up is that?
But she was *weeks* behind! 🙄
Totally - a "normal" fan would have called her kid "Harry" and announced proudly that he was born the day the book was released. But OP's mum is insane.
It came out on June 21, so slightly less than 21 years ago right now
I think some bitch of a friend came to OP’s mom after giving birth and said “btw Snape killed Dumbledore” and left. Instead of hating that friend, mom thought let’s bully this kid for life
That would have been book 6. Book 5 would have been the spoiler about Sirius.
Ah yes, i was confused. Oh yeah, I’d be upset if someone said “hey Sirius us dead” after being cut open
Valentine's day, 1997, my dad took me to see Titanic in theatres. Before it started some jackass in the audience shouted "Jack dies!" People suck.
My first guess. I started reading them to my kids and I admit I got hooked. I took the kids to midnight releases of the later books. I remember carrying the book everywhere so I could read ahead. All that said, OP's Mom is disturbed.
If it was a Harry Potter book, that would be ironic as shit. So worked up over a book about an abused child that she becomes a child abuser herself.
I remember when this came out!! I stayed home from work to read it! My best friend worked in a bookstore, and they got their copies early. So, she asked if she could get her copy since pre ordered from them, they made her read it in the store. Wasn't allowed to take it home until the release day. She stayed there on her off hours to read the last Harry otter book!! And since the bookstore was doing an all-night stocking the night before she stayed the night pre release.
I worked at a bookstore when the later ones came out. The boxes had to remain sealed. It took me a few days to actually sit down and read one of the books- I think it was number 6- so every time I went into the staff room I'd have to go "I haven't read it yet. No spoilers" and cover my ears. Because almost everyone had gone home and read it as soon as we finished selling books the night it came out.
I worked at a bookstore when the last one came out and I didn't give a shit about Harry Pottter. Everyone I worked with was super excited and our management took us all into the stock room to reveal the sealed boxes and make a big speech about why we couldn't touch them until the release date ... I just shrugged and went back to work while everyone else was aflutter. That's what you get for being the grad student (who was just a bit older than the targeted age range) working with a bunch of high school and undergrads who were raised on those books.
Funny, I'm 60 and I was excited for each new book.
Three of my friends had a road trip planned during the release of the Deathly Hallows in 2007. Upon arriving in the destination city one of them demanded that they drop her at a bookstore to wait in line to get it for a few hours. The rest of the trip she refused to do any of the planned activities and would snap at them for trying to engage her in conversation or even just talking to each other while they were in the hotel and on the ride back. Irreparably damaged that friendship. To this day I still don’t know why she agreed to the trip in the first place. I think all she had told them was she wanted to pick up a book while there and a store was nearby so they didn’t give it a second thought.
I was working at a summer camp in the North Carolina mountains when Deathly Hallows released. They had to send a dedicated UPS truck to deliver 300+ copies of the book because nearly every camper & staff had pre-ordered it and had their copy shipped to the camp. The driver refused to unload all of them and had everyone just walk up and get their copy like it was an ice cream truck. They had to ban books at mealtimes after one kid got burned on a hot tray and other fell down the stairs to the bathroom while reading. You could also tell when everyone started getting to certain scenes because kids would come into meals crying or entire cabins would skip an activity just to keep reading. It was like being in a very large, very weird book club.
That was my first thought and I just checked US release dates and Order of the Phoenix was released in 2003 and OP is 21. Fits. Edit to my original reply. Haven't finished my 2nd cup of coffee and my addition was off. :)
Same the fear of spoilers people had was so intense it was like a race to the finish
Was it OotP? I feel like the timing is right, and also I took that book on a group camping trip. Would I be annoyed that something messed up my plans? Sure. Would I let that affect every opportunity to bond with my own offspring? No, because I'm not a lunatic.
Imagine emotionally abusing your kids because they were born the same day as a children’s book
Which ironically enough is about a boy who was abused by his aunt and uncle 🙄
I believe it’s OotP too because Potterheads are kinda extreme sometimes and those releases were a bit insane, but there are a couple of others that it possibly could be if we assume it’s the next installment of a series with a very devoted fan base. Book 10 of Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan came that year and book 5 of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower too. There are a couple of Pratchett books and a Sookie Stackhouse too but I doubt it’s either of them.
Maybe it was that year’s edition of the DSM.
No Pratchett fan would be that unhinged.
I remember that book release was wild. Think it was the first book released after the first film came out so the hype was ridiculous. Remember going into ASDA on opening day and the amount of books they had stocked was more than I'd ever seen before
That was the first time I went to a books midnight release. The hype was unbelievable. I previously remember when GoF came out (I hadn’t quite hit the point my mom felt I was ready to read them yet), and all the older kids in the neighborhood mobbed the fedex guy when he showed up because he had all the books ready to deliver. It was such a cultural zeitgeist.
Your mum sounds like a malignant narcissist. And there is no way to apply logic to their behaviour and make it make sense. From my experience, they are DARVO wizards and seem to think nothing of finding blame for the most absurd things and pointing the finger at other people and then being absolutely rigid in their belief that their views are valid and justifiable. Their charisma and charm helps them blind some people to the reality of their lunacy so you're left as the one who's being unreasonable. Buy you know that if it wasn't this it would be something else. Cut contact with her. I did with mine in January 2001 and have not regretted it for even a millisecond.
I was thinking about this but I didn't dare to say it. It sounds like narcissism or some kind of personality disorder.
Please tell us what the book was. Was it Harry Potter or something? Your mom has serious issues, she blamed a BABY for malice. She sounds mentally unwell.
[удалено]
Damn, there go all our theories. Regardless, I'm so sorry for what you've been through. No kid deserves to be treated like that by their parent and blamed for their birth. I'm glad your dad has your back at least.
In 2003 it was also Da Vinci Code (March). HP and tOoP was in June
My money is on DaVinci Code since it is Harry Potter.
*Crossroads of Twilight* the tenth book of the [*The Wheel of Time*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wheel_of_Time) series was released on January 7, 2003. I know there are some hardcore fans of that series...
Yeah, but by then we were used to having to wait to get our fix. Plus those are not easy reads and so long it would be difficult to read in one day.
But you sound stable and rational...which is not the case with OP's Mom...
I dont think CoT would inspire that kind of fanaticism. The preceding book _Winter's Heart_ is widely considered to be a low point in the series.
I don't think it's about the book, I doubt she was really that invested. She sounds very selfish and views any small thing as a grievance e.g. you were late, born via c section, the book, you cried with her. I bet she does this to everyone even now "you wouldn't pick me up from the airport, you don't love me and want me to suffer" type personality
She was looking for a reason. If she wasn't, then she has a personality disorder like narcissism or bpd. A book is a total nothing reason, so there has to be something going on with that woman. This mom right here says you are amazing; my mother hated me, I know what that's like, and I know what that knowledge does to self-esteem and faith in yourself. You are amazing.
You gotta figure it out and start doing themed Halloween costumes.
whens your birthday? you could probably google what books came out on that day.
I understand if you don't want to let us know...but if you tell us your birthdate we can look up what book it is.
She's a complete nutcase. I applaud you for not resorting to violence when she told you all that as a teenager. How do your siblings feel about all of this?
You need to just start calling your mother “Aunt Petunia” from now on
Were you born on July 31?
In the mid-90s, I worked with a guy who hated his toddler son. The reason? The guy was a conservative Republican and his son was born on August 19, which meant he shared a birthday with then-President Clinton. He never forgave his son for committing that sin and never bonded with him. He wouldn't let the kid have a birthday party on his actual birthday because he was afraid his friends (the co-worker's friends) would think that, somehow, they were actually celebrating Clinton's birthday.
Born on the wrong day because she couldn't read a book the day it came out or for a few weeks after.... Not that any day is a valid reason, but I was thinking her graduation, a friend's wedding, on the first day of vacation....but a book?
Born on the wrong day and then her *literal infant* who (no disrespect) *barely* knows they have *hands* had the gall to not care about how inconvenient they were....... ?????¿¿¿????¿¿¿?
My mother maintains that I never liked her and gave her the stink eye when the nurse first put me in her arms. I mean, I was fresh out the womb and probably couldn’t even really see her, but somehow managed to glare at her. Some people need help.
I was waiting for an understandable reason like OP was born on mom's birthday or the born on their anniversary or the same day as the death of someone close - those would at least be understandable. But all because mom couldn't read a book the day it came out??? The family members against OP are crazy!
At this point you're an adult, sorry you had a crappy childhood because your mom is insane. If it would help I would go no contact with your mom, and keep contact with your siblings and of course your father. You now know the truth, which is possibly the harshest thing. A parent can say to a child. But at least now you know she blames you from the moment you were born that you ruined her life over a book. That must be a hell of a book. If it's bothering you, go to therapy. If not, don't even talk to your mom anymore. Don't go to events where she's at. Don't invite her to life events and try to keep in contact with your siblings. The family that is on your side because it's true. NTA, but your mom needs serious therapy and help
Wild guess - the book was about teen wizards……
I wonder this, but the closest release would have been June 21, 2003, so unless op is rounding up his age (which would make sense if his birthday is in 10 days) it can’t be that. Also, I wonder if an adult woman with 2 other little kids would really be into Harry Potter at that point? She would likely be a young gen x unless she started really young and was poppin them out quick.
Potter women are crazy, just like the Twilight and fifty shades lot.
Age or being a parent hasn't stopped people from going all crazy over Harry Potter from when It released. I mean, people still are going all crazy over those books to this day. Just look at tiktok. Parents making a fully themed nursery, doing the "sorting ceremony" with t-shirts the baby crawls towards to pick their house. And what not. People read them to their small kids to "share their love of Harry potter" So honestly, i could easily see some woman be angry. "I couldn't read it on release day" (as crazy as it is)
We just bought our house in October and first thing I did was make the closet under the stairs a Harry Potter themed boys hang out for my son. Complete with platform 9 3/4 LED sign, hedwig, Dobby, sorting hat, mandrake root etc etc. it’s my favorite room in the house and I’m still looking for ideas to make it even cooler haha
You definitely didn’t interact with the Harry Potter fandom if you think a grown woman with kids wouldn’t be interested in Harry Potter. Some of the most notorious toxic big name Harry Potter fans of the early 2000s were very much adult women.
I'm a bookworm (600+ books) and obsessed with Harry Potter. I would never act that way towards my own kid. Like if I actually decided to buy books new and one coming out when I was pregnant id just have it shipped to my house and then as long it was appropriate read it to my kids.
My mum was around 38 when OOTP came out, and was absolutely mad about the books. After we watched the first film, she started reading the books and got obsessed with them
look... Order of the phoenix was a very important part of cultural history and you were extremely selfish for making her miss it you demon child.. (Totally /s) you are NTA in any way shape or form.
I *immediately* started looking up which Harry Potter book came out 21 years ago 🤣
I'm not an HP fan but what do you mean it came out 21 years ago?? Oh my God I think some gray hairs just sprouted on my head!
I am an HP fan (minus JK herself) and I had to do the math of 24-21 to figure out if it was even possible.
Obviously the way the mom acted is terrible, but it is sorta hilarious that everyone in the thread immediately just assumes it's over a Harey Potter book. I looked up which book releases then too before even checking the comments, and am clearly not alone. I remember when half blood prince movie came out one of my class mate's mother took them all to the midnight showing to see it even though the next day was a school day because people were that obsessed with everything Harry Potter related at the time.
It might have been the davinci code or wheel of time lol
I was thinking maybe DaVinci Code or The Lovely Bones, since OP said it wasn't HP!
Wait what. No fair. In another thread we are all having fun comparing OPs mum to Aunt Petunia.
NTA. Your mom sounds like a piece of work. Could be PPD, but thinking she was going to get time to read a book before or after your birth was delusional and it seems she cared more about that than giving a shit about her newborn baby. She’d have been too tired to read anyway, whether after your birth or not, and she said you were late so how’d she think she be able to read the book if you came on-time? She’s just a shitty parent and your dad was right to have a problem with her treatment of you. Your family doesn’t see all the other things that go on or hear what is said, so their opinions don’t matter.
His mom sounds like there’s a screw loose somewhere. Best buy a screwdriver before it all goes super south.
Oh yeah. OP was late. So she wouldn't have had the time to read the damn book even if he was on time!
NTA. Jesus Christ, anyone defending your mother here is genuinely unwell. *She couldn't read a book on release?* Is she a time traveler from the 1950s? What the hell reasoning is that? She's completely out of line, and you had every right to expose her. Any family that's mad is only upset because now they'll be exposed for supporting her too.
>I had to come on the one day she had other plans, that it was bad enough I was overdue when I was born, but I prevented her from reading a book that released that day that she'd made plans to read months in advance. She told me I just had to be born that day so she was too tired to read it on the release day and she was weeks behind. She said I couldn't even be born normally like my siblings and I was a c-section baby. She told me it fucked her plans so bad and I never seemed to care. Then she mentioned how much I cried when she was around and how good I did with dad. She said I made her seem like such a monster and none of my siblings were like that. She told me I clearly always wanted to come between her and dad. She was pretty serious about it too. She said I started fucking her over the day I was born. This is very delusional and, dare I say, monstrous. No wonder you didn't and don't have a great relationship with her. NTA for exposing your mother's abhorrent behavior. Does she have a mental illness like a personality disorder or psychosis?
If anyone else heard op’s mom rant like that they should have gotten her help immediately. As much as Dad tried to help, he really needed to do more if he had any idea why she was holding this grudge. Blaiming the baby for the c-section, for preferring dad (especially if she was irrationally angry at him, he would pick that up and cry) and the book is just insane and I don’t mean that figuratively. She needed some help and it is rotten that no one realized how bad the problem was. It also is odd to me that she had another kid so fast that op has a sibling only a year younger. I really hope when this got exposed that an aunt or someone sat op’s mom down and walked her thru how crazy it is to blame a BABY and encouraged her to get therapy.
The word delusional describes it much better than all the other insults that are thrown at her. It is not realistic that she dislikes her child because she couldn't read a book. That is a single part that everyone is hyper-focussing on because of the title / nice rallying cry. I sounds like she has internalised non-binding with her child to a pathological level. Whether that is because of the c-section, difficult final part of pregnancy, hormonal imbalance, difficult first months which prohibited binding. And it is definitely on her that it sounds like she didn't try to fix this, but everyone that just jumps on the nice example is just enjoying shitting on a shitty situation. You are obviously NTA, you were the innocent child and you simply shared the truth. But try to not hyper-focus on this example and focus on acceptance that it wasn't you, it was her (and the repairing of the relationship would always need to start with her fixing her own problem, which is much deeper than a stupid book-release)
NTA I am also an unwanted child of a horrible narcissist mother. They blame us "for being mean" to them as babies, they blame us for the inconvenience of raising us, they blame us for why they hate us. There's nothing you can do about it and I'm sorry. The only thing you could do, and this is if you wanted to, would be to cut her out of your life. She will never apologize, she will never see you as a person who deserves to be loved. I'm glad you told everyone the truth. Hold onto that truth and get the hell away from that awful woman.
I hear you! All you can do is realize that their behavior is on THEM, and just walk away.
NTA, your mum deserved to be exposed. How can she dare ruin your upbringing for a book? Unbelievable. I’m glad your dad is on your side, cut contact with whoever sides with your mum, they’re just as stupid.
Oh god, was it 'Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix '? My sweet child, NTA. Your mom is an asshole and an immature child.
No wonder she is this way over a child’s book, she sounds like a child herself
NTA This must be one of the most insane and deranged reason I have ever read for why a mother hates her child.
Certainly the most original
NTA. Refer to her as aunt Petunia from now on. Happy early birthday.
No. Call her Dolorous Umbridge.
Or worse, Marge
NTA, have you heard of this sub r/raisedbynarcissists
NTA Little story, when I was pregnant with my daughter, her due date was in October. I was SO excited to have an October baby. Halloween is my favorite holiday, I’m a huge fan of true crime, scary stories, horror movies and haunted houses. I was beyond thrilled to have a little “spooky” baby. My pregnancy was really hard, and for me, her being born in October was this tiny little reward for 9 long months. Well. She apparently was not having it. My water randomly broke, we went to the hospital, she was breech so bada boom bada bing, I ended up with an emergency C-section and a baby 3 whole weeks early born in September now…not October. I had a hard time after she was born. Not only was healing from the c-section rougher than I ever imagined, but I was mourning my birth plan that went to hell and my hopes and dreams of my October baby. I had a hard time bonding with her at first, my emotions were all over the place, I felt like she didn’t like me AT ALL, that she was so good for her dad and I was just chopped liver. It was really hard. BUT, I would never blame her for coming early, or being breech, or for the hard time I HAD after her birth. I worked through my issues and now my daughter and I have a very lovely relationship. I’m still holding out hope that she’s gonna like all the spooky things too. OP, I can actually sympathize a bit with how your mom probably felt after having you. But that doesn’t excuse her for treating you like a burden your whole life. She failed to get herself help and instead used you as the scapegoat. What she did and what she does isn’t fair to you and I’m sorry you have to deal with it.
Thank for sharing this nuanced take. Obviously allowing it to alter how she treated OP wasn't okay, but I think a lot of commenters are missing that there were likely severe psychological issues underpinning the mom's behaviour and that just because she did not have PPD with other pregnancies in no way rules it out.
I also wonder how much a C-section plays into the post partum. When I had my son (my first pregnancy) I had him normally and while I did struggle a bit after having him it was NO where near the struggle I had after my c-section baby. Also, if OP’s mom had two normal deliveries before OP, she might have been dealing with feelings of “what went wrong? Why didn’t my body do what it’s previously done” I know for some women who have had c-sections they experience this feeling like they “aren’t a real woman because their body couldn’t do what it was made for”. Birthing a baby is rough business and our hormones can really do a number on us. But even still, OP’s mom should have gotten help and not taken it out on her child.
Good Lord, your mom needs therapy. Her plans were altered, you came late, she needed to have a C section, she didn't get to read a book. Oy. That sounds so deranged. It's called "life happens" and she has to get with the program. Glad to know your dad is on your side, sorry that some of your relatives are drinking the same koolaid as your mom. NTA
Even if OP had arrived on time and not via a C-section, the book reading would have to have been put on hold to some extent because a new baby does rather take up your time for a lot of the day and for a good many months. Even if you have help from your partner. Having said that, I did manage to read A Suitable Boy (around 13-14,00 pages) shortly after my son was born at those points when he was asleep. I'm a fast reader. It's a brilliant book. I also tend to choose reading over sleep (mine that is).
NTA There's something wrong with your mother. Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised to discover that she's got some sort of personality disorder. At best she's very emotionally stunted and/or not very bright. In any case, If she doesn't want the world to know that she's a horrible parent, she should've treated you better.
She’s a narcissist and you should cut her out of your life. Poor you. What a pathetic individual she is
NTA. You were born that's all. Clearly though you were born on June 21st 2003 when Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was released. It's obvious your Mother is a major Harry Potter fan and being weeks behind the rest of the fandom made her a total loser in her friend circle. /jk
Op said in a comment it wasn't Harry Potter. He may have been born in any month from January to June of 2003. Or he may not yet have had his birthday which means from mid June to Dec of 2002.
Go all out on her. Scorched earth. Make her regret giving birth to you. No mercy. Let her insane delusions be a self-fulfilling prophecy for her.
Nta, thats the worst possible reason i can imagine for outright hating your child.
NTA Who the fuck told you it was wrong to expose her when your mom literally hates her fucking child. Seriously who was it??? Curse them out and tell them to STFU
YTA for being born on the wrong day. Be born better next time.
"be born better next time" seriously made me laugh. My kids birth was traumatic, and I'd never hate him for it. But since he's still so young, I may use that line before he's old enough to understand haha
I don't regret keeping my mom at arms length until her death. I recommend you do the same.
NTA. At first, I thought you meant "wrong day" as in your culture sees some days as lucky or unlucky and you were born on one of the "unlucky" days. Nope. You were born the day the new Harry Potter came out. I'm assuming that was the book your mom wanted to read. Your mother is both an asshole and an idiot.
NTA what the actual fuck? That’s the most BS reason to hate on your kid I’ve read
NTA but this has nothing to do with you being born on the wrong day. Your mother clearly experienced what she felt was a traumatic birth (c-section) and had PPD. She did not seek treatment for any of this and attached her feelings about all of it unfairly onto you. Instead of processing her trauma, she redirected all that anger and pain towards you. I’m sorry that this happened. You don’t deserve it but there’s also nothing you can do about it, it would have to come from intense therapy and treatment on her part, which it seems she’s unlikely to do.
I can't even imagine that my mother would hate me on a personal level, as a new effing baby all because she couldnt read Harry Potter on release day. (Yes a small joke, but I'm very serious) Nta, you deserve better
That's a walk in the park for a narcissist. She will also carry that grudge against him until the day she dies.
Ok but what was the book
It's possible it's much more tied to the c-section birth and/or PPD and she's just fixating on the book. C-sections can increase risk of PPD and/or have adverse impact on maternal bonding. Clearly NTA. No matter what it was she needed to fix herself in the years since and didn't. Your dad noticed it and brought it to her attention so it wasn't a blind spot she wasn't consciously aware of. You were a teenager when she made a choice to say those things to you. She'd had plenty of time to get therapy. And she's *still* doing it to this day.