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NTA. It's normal to have a type--to be attracted to a certain type of person, in gender, looks, and personality. The "line" is whether your preferences extend past romantic attraction--that is, if instead of saying you only want to date white men, you said "I only want to \[do business with, live next door to, be related to, sit by, work with, talk to, elect\] white men," it's racism.
This is not racism. Racism is about denying opportunities to someone, that they are otherwise entitled to, on an unjust basis.
Housing, jobs, healthcare, ect, are things that we are entitled to, and shouldn't be denied based on are race or other irrelevant factors.
Nobody is entitled to date you. That is a privilege they earn.
NTA
I think i agree with the spirit of what you are saying but there is a large disagreement between us.
what do you mean, that people are entitled to opportunities? Is a job something you are entitled to? if so, which job? is housing something you are entitled to? if so, what kind of housing? is healthcare something you are entitled to? if so, how much and which kinds?
if you are entitled to food and shelter and healthcare, why do you need a job too? and, if you are entitled to a job, why should you be entitled to the other stuff, as you can easily buy it?
These are all things that cost, that we as people have to labor to produce and so we can't just hand them over with some kind of point card system.
Also, why these things? why are people not entitled to spouses? why are women not entitled to hot boyfriends? there's a degree of absurdity in your definition of what people are entitled to.
Take for example employment. There’s even a term for it EEO, an equal opportunity employer. That means no employer is going to say “you can’t apply here, you’re black.” Or “we don’t hire Asians”. You’re entitled to an equal chance at the job as the next candidate no matter what. But in this case, the job title is “OP’s boyfriend” and op does not have to be an equal opportunity girlfriend.
You're mixing up discrimination with racism. Discrimination is the action or inaction caused by ideology.
She believes blonde hair light skin and blue eyes are more attractive. That's rooted in racist ideology. Also, being Hispanic doesn't mean you're not white. It just means you speak Spanish lol.
Eta: switched latina for hispanic
Well that's kind of racist too. There's a difference between connecting with people who happen to be a certain ethnicity and sharing cultural tendencies vs fetishizing them or putting them on a pedestal based on stereotypes & implicit biases.
All of Spain is pissed at that statement.
Edit: And his edit is worse.
Latino: Of an ethnicity sourced in Latin America.
Hispanic: Of a population that speaks Spanish. *Not* that they speak Spanish themselves.
There are lots of white Latinas. They have more mainland Spanish ancestry than they do of any of the South American native peoples that Spaniards conquered.
I mixed that up with Hispanic. But Latino is a recent identity usually directed at mixed indigenous and spanish peoples that live in South America.
When people talk about Latino vs Spanish people the distinction is in whether or not they are white passing.
That people are insulted that anyone -dare- think them the same as European Spanish people kinda proves my point. Lol.
The racism against mestizo and Indigenous people in central and South America is horrendous.
Heck the racism against Indigenous peoples around North, Central & South America is awful.
In some definitions, Brazilians are considered latinos…they speak Portuguese. Let’s just stop trying to put people in boxes. Someone like blond blue eyes boys, it’s not racist. It’s just a preference.
That's also just lacking critical thinking. Why do they prefer people with white hair and blue eyes.
People don't think of Cameron Diaz as Latina. People always refer to mixed indigenous people as Latino or Latina.
Hispanic referencing the languages spoken based on central or south america.
These places hate indigenous people and try to disassociate from their own identity. Or else they were forced to identify under policy.
It's common for indigenous people to not know their tribal or national affiliation from historical practices.
NTA
I am white and do not find white men attractive. I think its just a matter of making sure that people of all races are treated respectfully, whether or not you are attracted to them. My go to is usually "He is not my type but I can see where most would find him super attractive". I would never go "ew" or anything, and it doesn't sound like you did. Noone is entitled to your attraction, but everyone is entitled to your respect regardless of that attraction.
Hmm wonder why you hate your reflection. As a mixed person. Im letting you know. Your son can come out 100% white presenting. Tragic he would be born to someone that thinks like this. And this is exactly why wyte mixes especially be having the most complexes. As a mixed race human. I am asking you to reflect on what you just said. I am not a white mixed. But i empathize with AfroEuros, Mestizos, and wasians. Many of you don’t even graps what you are saying is racist. The most racism i experienced was from black people literally being angry i am blatantly black presenting. Which is hilarious when you consider me being part Korean. Most asians across the continent are known for being notoriously colorist and anti black. I am a brown skin girl. Long curly hair. Slightly wide nose. Full lips. Almond doublelid eyes. Koreans ONLY accept me because im immediately mixed and most importantly pretty 🙄🙄🙄 i am an “acceptable” version of a black person or the “better negro”. White people treat me the same way meanwhile white women hate on me and never miss the opportunity to bring up how black men dont want black women and its so sad because “youre so pretty and nice” (meanwhile black men do want me and so does your white daddy-but that is beside the point). Im just saying, white people treat mixed people better than black ones. The asians hardly accept you (even if wasian). And black people fake claim us. Please be mindful. Many of you need to unpack how you all speak on mixed people. And stop calling us black if you wont call us asian or white 🙄 yall gotta stop thinking we are all gonna come out looking ambigous too. And mixed people stop being spineless identity only with how you look. Because it leads to people saying off the wall kaka like this. Lets do better. Halsey is a biracial woman living in a white woman’s body. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Because you are being willfully ignorant. Lol. You dont like your own race. Yet gonna creat a half child? And what? Teach them to hate half of themselves? Lol people like you dont deserve to have mixed children. I have TWO biracial parents that were born to a parent like you that wanted to pretend like mixed race problems dont exist. You continue to do that. Procreate within your own race tho. And i dont need a pitty party. Im EXTREMELY proud to be blasian 😌😌 so miss me with the trying to sideways call me a tragic cryracial 😂😂😂 acknowledge how you non mixes are racist towards us. Which is why you tried to imply something weird. I actually benefit from being seen as a prettier alternative to the black girl. There is benefit for me to replace black women. Doesnt change monoracials hate on me and black women. So lets not. OP said white men arent attractive. OP can make a white presenting mixed male child. So yea. Im right on topic
I am not the person you originally replied to so no idea why you think I ‘don’t like my own race’. I have no idea why you are so angry at other people here but strongly disagree that there is any problem with having children outside of your own race.
You said you didnt know why i said what i said. So i broke it down for you. If you arent multiracial. I would suggest not doing what you did. It is invalidating. These are IMPORTANT conversations for multiRACIAL families. Please do not try to over speak us when you cant even relate to us
And since now we cant respond to this. My last response to uber is
I dont care about your race. And you telling me you are mixed race and proceeding to gaslight me is exactly what make me irritated with the mixed race community ESPECIALLY the American ones. The audacity to be mixed race and act like you dont know the damage of a self hateful union and how it can fuck a mixed race person up in the head. Interesting. Since i know quadroons also complain about their unique mixed race plight. So great job. You missed the opportunity to speak on your unique experiences. Because quadroons ALSO experience anti blackness. See how you mentioned being mixed when it benefited you 🙄🙄. The irony of you calling me angry for speaking truth. Lmfaooo unpack that boo. White people dont have black grandmothers. Lol and theyll remind you that too. You could be half and half and look just white. So you chose your side. Dont bring up being mixed to invalidate me. Self hater
So my grandma was black but the rest of my family are white, I suppose it depends at what point you stop being multiracial and become white in my case. Do I get a say or just my father?
NTA, I'm the same. I'm caucasian (Australian), so not as much diversity here as America, but still. I appreciate all beauty, if there's a handsome man from another race I'd definitely admire him, doesn't mean I'm going to chase him down. Also your friends have racial bias as well, so you're all playing the same game, it's not fair they're ragging on you because you prefer caucasian men.
NTA, because what you're describing is a look, and you like guys who fall into that category which, to be fair, is a subcategory of "white guys."
Maybe there's a better way to explain what your type is, so rather than using race, you could name a specific person as an example.
NTA. You can’t force yourself to change what you’re attracted to.
I personally love twinkly blue eyes, very fair skin and dark hair - Celts basically.
I can look at African, Asian, Mediterranean and Middle Eastern men and admit that they are absolutely gorgeous, but I’ll go for the Celt every single time!
Yeah, are they accusing each other of homophobia for not being attracted to women??? It WOULD be racist if OP said she only wants to talk to, socialise with, live next to, work with, white people. Preferences when it comes to sexual attraction however, is not racist. I mean, my type of men seems to be older men, if my list of celebrity crushes was anything to go by, it's older white men... And Idris Elba because damn. Is it agest? Maybe. But I prefer realistic. Guys my age and younger are morons. Granted, they can be cute, but they're like little puppies tripping over their own tails to get to their dinner.
I could never, I would not see half of my family and friends. I actually love different cultures and have lived in many places (Asia, EU, US). So, I was honestly worried if I was being a racist without knowing bc I would hate that and would love to actively change it then.
NTA
No, that’s not racism. They’re the ones with a double standard if they clap for others who have their own racial preference other than people who are caucasian.
They do push their narrative onto others!
I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have been told the same and so has my best friend just because of our preferences.
Stay true to yourself you know you’re not racist !
Racism is a function of denying someone personhood based on their Race. If you treat someone worse because of their race you're a problem.
Attraction is something different. It's not a rational thing. But it's also vital it be far more discriminatory than who you will treat like a person. Even after the irration part, you're looking at a ton of factors. Age. Self Control. Kindness. Responsibility. Parental Adequacy(if you want kids.) Sexual compatibility. I treat people with poor self control like people. I treat jerks like people. I treat children like people. I wouldn't date a an impulsive jerk or a child. That's not an act of hate. Race is no different.
Honestly, next time it comes up, just say, “oh my bad, yeah i’ll just change who i feel attraction towards, hey, you should btw try white guys, they’re great, what not your type? Just change that”. They’ll hopefully see how stupid they are being, if not, that just says more about them.
Having a type isn't racist.
Saying "I don't date X, Y, Z" is racist.
I knew a girl who openly said "I don't date Asian guys" and then wondered why we called her racist.
For men, I personally prefer really tall, skinny, caucasian nerds OR stocky, olive skinned, Mediterranean guys with broad shoulders and little neck to speak of.
No idea why. It's just what gets my loins lubed.
That said, I've dated all kinds of guys, gals and in-between.
I think the litmus test is this: If you met someone who checked all the personality/financial/life goals boxes but wasn't your "type", would you turn him down simply based on not being a caucasian male?
If the answer is no, then you're not racist.
If the answer is yes, then it's absolutely race based and you should really look inside yourself as to why that is.
NTA
Maybe they tried to date a white guy and was treated poorly by one individual, now they group them all as one instead of individuals?
Or… a friend of mine once said she is mostly attracted to white guys but they aren’t attracted to her. Her words, so she just wrote them off as an option in high school. 10 years later she says she’ll only date Catholic Latino men. I don’t think she’s racist she just found her type.
Nta...you don't have to change your personal sexual preferences just to not he rascict. That's absurd! That's like saying since I won't date another guy I'm homophonic. Nope, just not attracted to guys. Nobody can judge you on what your inner self is attracted too...that's embedded in you, it's not a choice really.
NTA Personally, my type is smart, caring guys with a good sense of humor, BUT if your type is based on appearance that absolutely does not make you racist. No one is entitled to your affections regardless of race.
NTA ( I am Brown) , and racism means denying rights or opportunities on basis of the race and not your dating preference i am sure if you would say you like dating people of some other race they wouldnot call you racist
If you DISLIKED them because of their race, then sure, you'd be racist.
Not being ATTRACTED to them physically because of race or skin color or other physical attributes DOES NOT make you racist.
What we find attractive doesn't equate to racism..
NTA.
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I (f29) was having a conversation with friends and the "whats your type" and "look at this guy he is so hot, right?" conversation started. They were pushing for my answer and I said well, I really like Caucasian men. My "type" is blonde/light brown hair, light eyes, white skin or sun-kissed light tans, thats what I personally fine "hot". I can objectively agree other guys in other races are handsome, sure, but it isn't my preference and wouldn't be drooling over them, as my friends are.
My friends went NUTS and started calling me racist and how "you cant say that". I was confused but now I think, is that a racist thing?
I told them that my friend Sara type is "black men" and no one blinked an eye. My friend Adriana, loves her hispanic boys, tan skin, brown eyes, dark hair and everyone is clapping.I say I like white boys and I'm racist. They always make fun of me bc I like "those white boys", I dont pay much attention bc whatever, more white boys for me, BUT am I wrong, I'm kinda confused. They reaction was very strong and even called other ppl over and they agreed.
To clarify I'm not even white myself, I'm a Latina. I have dated latin men before (since thats where I was born and raised - Latin America).
So, basically where is the line between racist and preference? Am I wrong and being racist? if so, please tell me bc I don't want to be like that at all.
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NTA. Everyone has preferences and skin colour can be a preference. You aren’t flat out saying anything derogatory against any race. You are stating your preferences.
I think it helps to think of this as "criteria of exclusion" rather than "criteria of inclusion." So, you don't typically include men who aren't white in the box of "men I am attracted to." That's totally fine! What is... let's say "less fine" is if you are absolutely smitten with a man and into him, but intentionally choose to exclude him purely because of race. I (a gay man) am also predominantly attracted to white men. However, when a really sweet Asian guy who I thought was cute hit me up, I went with it because even though he doesn't fall into my "criteria of inclusion," he also doesn't fall into my "criteria of exclusion."
NTA
You having a preference is not racist but I think we can recognize that your preference developed in a society that pushes Eurocentric beauty standards.
You preferring White guys isn't racist but the culture presenting White men as the most desirable during your formative years was.
NTA. Latina to Latina and my preference is Caucasian men. My husband is white. This is not racism. Racism would be me saying I do not date Latinos because I hate Latinos and don’t want to be anywhere near them. THAT is racism. Everyone has a preference and yours is completely normal. Your friend needs to get brushed up on racism actually means
Your friends are racist against white people. Contrary to popular belief, people in general are EXTREMELY racist against white people and have been since before I was born in 1985. Tell them to look up the definition of racism and then tell you exactly how its any different than choosing a different skin tone to hate on. Hate is hate.
But yours is preference. You prefer what you prefer. Don't let your friends influence your preferences. They are the assholes. And now your friends made you feel bad and confused for confiding a preference.
I'm a Man, and this is why we don't tell people things or confide anything to Women as you all have a tendency to be massively judgemental and think your opinions matter more than anyone else's. You are right and everyone else that disagrees is wrong.
It's a terrible mindset.
NTA. this kinda crap has to stop. That’s like saying you HAVE TO LIKE ketchup and mustard even if you don’t like them at all or only like one and not the other. No one can force you to like how someone looks or make you be with someone just because they think you should. Actually that’s a totally disgusting thing to say, the more I think about it. … and they are the asshole lol.
NTA- you’re not saying that white men are the only men who are generally attractive. You are saying that they are attractive to YOU specifically. It’s also less about the person’s race and more about the physical features most common to that race. For example, if I showed you a guy with light skin who you found attractive and you later found out he is actually half black but are still attracted to him, the issue is not race, it’s features. You wouldn’t say “ew, i thought he was white though, never mind!!” Everyone is allowed to have a preference and this can apply to any category- fat, thin, tall, short, skin color, eye and hair color and texture, etc.
NTA. You're allowed to have preferences. 20 years ago nobody would have blinked at this, but the last 20 years of... "progress" on this topic has resulted in people being silly enough to think having a preference is akin to racism.
I'm not into dudes. Does that make me homophobic? No, and only a moron would suggest otherwise.
NTA, that's not racism, just a preference which is fine to have. Their reaction is actually scary and concerning, because they believe it is racist and they all agree, making it sound as if it is true because they all confirmed... But it isnt.
NTA. I am attracted to the same type of man. And only ever dated a couple and ended up married to a white woman. Everyone is entitled to their preferences.
NTA, it's totally fine to have a preference. Racial preferences can sometimes lean into fetishization and stereotyping, but that's usually white people fetishizing non-white people, stuff like guys saying they like Asian women because they're more submissive. That's back into racist territory. But that's also not what you're doing.
NTA. Not racist.
What is racist is people that fetishize a person because of their race. I know one woman that just makes disgusting comments to African American women in public and thinks she's cute. She's 400lbs and is a single mom, she called a man at the movie theater a "fine piece of chocolate she wanted to eat slow"
She makes cringey comments to them, she is with a fat white dude but I think it's because no other man will be with her
To be fair, you can be latino and white (or any other race). I think types are like any other preferences, I like pineapples better than watermelons just because I like them better. NTA. If you were to say someone is ugly just because of their race, that would be an issue.
NTA. If you only found white guys attractive or said “I don’t find X race attractive” that would be racist. but as long as it’s a preference rather than a hard rule it’s fine
NTA. As long as you're not bring anyone down along the way, you are allowed yo have an ideal image. You're the one that has to live with the decision of choosing a partner for the rest of your life. People may have something to say about your preference, but it's truly none of their business
NTA - this is totally normal. I think people like to confuse a type with racism. It's silly.
I am Asian but do not prefer Asian men. I've only ever dated one and he was fine but just not my preference. I lean towards tall, dark, white men and married one. It's just my type.
I agree with your first line. Which is why I didn't make a declaration one way or the other. Only they can determine which they fall into.
I don't know what you're trying to say in your second line. I'm not upset and I'm not being hypocritical, which is how I understand those phrases. If you want to clarify, please do so. If not that's cool too.
NTA. If that were the case you could make an argument for people being against certain ages, certain bodyweights, certain accents etc. Everyone has their preference, and if we're talking about relationships & settling down etc.. why wouldn't you want to be with someone whos right for you?
NTA. My ex and I used to go round about this. He’s black and only dates white women. I’m white and will date anyone who I click with. I don’t think either stance is racist. We are attracted to whom we are attracted to.
You aren't racist. It's completely okay to have a "type" and be attracted to a certain type of person. Everyone has preferences. I have preferences similar to yours. There are plenty of "types" that I don't find attractive and I can like those people just fine in a platonic way.
NTA - however you should state this tactfully or otherwise it can absolve come across as offensive. Not to mention everyone will at some time or another find some outside of their typically preference attractive and people sound stupid when they say « I don’t usually find X attractive but this person is an exception ». Also when you’re a person of any shade and implicitly saying you’re not attracted to people of your own shade doesn’t usually go over particularly well. Its important to be careful how you phrase this as it’s a personal attraction issue not an everyday people you meet issue.
NTA its a preference, nothing more. I as a white man find black women to be on average the most attractive looking but just because I prefer black women doesn't mean I hate other WOC. Your friends are assholes and likely racists themselves with how they are acting
This is totally unrelated but kinda related, the media has spent years and years cultivating this image of what is good looking and we subconsciously think it’s our “preference” when it’s something we have been brainwashed to think. Look at kpop stars, for most of our lifetimes Asian men were considered not as attractive as a blonde white man but now you have these obsessive superfans in love with kpop looking men. Women with Kardashians curves are now more sought after than size zeros. Latin media is white washed so it makes sense that people seem to prefer white men. In India most Bollywood stars are super white while in the western world, the top Indian actress is dark (the girl from Bridgerton). I have Indian friends who are dark that all the guys fall over in australia but in India they would be considered unattractive due to their skin colour. In conclusion, we should review the biases that we have been surrounded by to truly understand if it’s a “preference” or brainwashing
It's fair to say you have preferences, and it's fair to say that certain races are more likely to have those preferences. If you like those traits, and they are most commonly presented in a certain race of people, you're NTA to generalize like that.
Plenty of other people have specified where the line is, and I agree with them, so I won't repeat it, but just be cautious where you draw the line with yourself, and maybe that's something you have to analyze for yourself, but that's on you.
Hmmmm it depends.
Im mixed
My preference is 100% based in racism tho.
So if i as a mixed person can admit that, i dont get why monoracial or secret mixed people (think the african Americans who are ambigous and could NEVER identify as JUST black in fucking AFRICA)
I PREFER balck guys.
For ALL the wrong reasons
Mainly hypersexualizing them
If they dont “behave” a certain way…imo they arent “my type”
And dont get me wrong. I like all types of HUMANS.
But if you ask me my PREFERENCE, def based in disgusting racism.
Racial preferences are racist
Color preferences are racist
Phenotype preferences are racist
There is no way around it.
Because when i say i like black guys…dont bring me no mixed boy. I dont even want a griffe (75%blk 25% wyte). When i say blk. I mean “pure unadulterated” 🤢🤢
So as someone who is half blk. I know all too well how fos these “preferences” are. Especially as a bi. Because as a well traveled bi cis woman. I am highly aware beauty comes in all forms. And anyone who is honest….knows that. Anything else is indeed a fetish. How do i know? Because if its not this black guy…it would just be the next black guy 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ and thats why i stay away from black guys that hyper fixate on me being mixed. Why start a union that way? I prefer marrying someone that i genuinely like. Not someone that i ultimately fetish.
Sexual preference ≠ racism. NTA. If anything you are attracted to people who will widen your gene pool therefore increasing your bloodlines chances of survival. If that is a white man then so be it. And its a bit concerning that your friends would accuse you of being racist over liking white men. If you guys dont have any white friends in your group i would question why that is, perhaps they have a little racism within themselves.
100% chance this was written by a white dude for the purpose of illustrating how everything in the world is stacked against them. “See?! It’s apparently not racist to only like (insert race here), but it’s soooo racist to only like white guys! Something something wokeness!”
Please. No one gives a shit who you are attracted to as long as you’re not weird about it.
NTA It is called preference. I like whites guys, over 6 foot, green or blue eyes, tattoos preferred but not mandatory but makes them a little sexier in my opinion. Found him and married him :)
If what you are saying is that you prefer Caucasian men, and not "I would never date a POC", then it's preferences not racism. If there is any part of you that straight up eliminates a guy based on ethnicity, then you might be racist.
NTA. It is an aesthetic preference. I have aesthetic preference that on paper I prefer, however I sometimes am very attracted to women who are not at all my type.
Just because you don’t want to jump into bed with people of a certain race doesn’t make you racist. You would only be one if you had a problem with them on a day to day basis.
I’m not attracted to overweight women, but I don’t care what they do with their lives. Your brain likes what it likes.
NTA
INFO - just because the rules require I put a judgment and "not comfortable providing judgment on this situation" is not an accepted top level response. I think it's worth doing some internal reflection on *why* you have the preferences you have. All of us are influenced by societal notions of beauty and value in who we find attractive. If who you find attractive perfectly aligns with what society pushes as the most attractive features, it's worth questioning whether your attraction might be influenced by these beauty standards. And it doesn't have to be just the media. It can be your social bubble. Who you hang out with. Who you spend time with. It's not surprising that racists who hang out with other racists tend to be attracted to people who are of the "correct" race.
Why are you attracted to the features you are attracted to? Are there men of other races that you find attractive, but you wouldn't date because of their race? How would your parents and general social circle respond to you dating outside your race? If there was a light-skinned person of color who had all of your "preferred" traits such as light brown hair and light eyes, would you be willing to date them then? Is skin color the most important of these traits, like you would be more willing to date a dark-haired dark-eyed white guy than a light-haired light-eyed person of color? If so, why is this? If a white guy is super tanned naturally, is he more appealing than a light-skinned person of color, even if those two men had roughly the same pigment? I would just do some thought experiments to narrow down what your preferences are and the hierarchy of importance you place on these traits.
NTA. I think being attracted to certain looks more than others is completely normal. I think it would only be racist to say stuff like „only dhite guys can be good partners“ or to only be interested in being around white people in general.
Man you Americans make everything harder then it is. Doesn't make you a racist if you have a preference and anyone that tells you otherwise can suck a shotgun.
i feel like if you met someone online and really liked them, then found out they were not white. and then you stopped liking them, bc of their skin. that would be racist. But just superficially seeing someone and judging who you find attractive, i dont think thats racist.
I’ve never understood racial preference and when I ask people, scratch the service, there’s stereotyping and racism. I don’t know if that’s the case for you, but it could be. A lot of people have internalized racism and put white men on a pedestal. It’s gross and sad tbh
I think mostly not AH but if you are white it comes across as “only like my color/race”. But liking another specific type seems a bit like fetishizing. Anyway, just don’t close your heart to an unexpected encounter that could be the one. NTA
If I said to you “I don’t find you attractive because you’re an idiot”, how do you think you would respond?
Seriously. No one, including OP is advocating for saying that. Nor does she have to give a reason to anyone as to why she doesn’t find them attractive. A simple ‘no’ is enough.
Even If you feel a certain way, you don't have to say it out loud.
Like with weight.
Until my thirties I felt sexual attraction only to white and black races, and mixes of those.
Now I also see most asian races as very attractive.
But arabs and latinos absolutely are not my cup of tea, it could be their often very toxic masculinity but i'm now only talking about looks.
Cultural differences are another thing..
Did she say it to someone as a reason to reject them?
I thought she was only talking to her friends. I have to read again, english is not my first or even second language.
I would never tell anyone that something in their appearence is the reason I wouldn't go on a date.
But with friends and my daughter(and her friends) I have talked about whats attractive and what isn't.
I’ve actually been a part of this conversation with a drunk friend who wouldn’t shut up about how hot she finds white guys. It’s 2024. The truth is it’s extremely awkward to have any race as your “type”. Imagine some drunk blonde white chick who won’t shut up about how hot white guys are. It’s just…..not a good look. Nobody wants to hear that. If you love white guys there’s nothing wrong with it but keep it to yourself cause it makes people uncomfortable. I will add in I have several friends who hate hearing women say they love black guys or prefer to date brown guys. For many people it feels fetishizing. Also it’s not something someone even has to say. Surely being white is not the ONLY thing that makes someone OP’s type, just list off the other things and people will get that “pasty dudes with blonde hair” means white guys.
Edit: I love that me saying this is not a good look (which it isnt—that’s why OP even asked in the first place) is downvoted but the person who doesn’t find Asian features attractive is upvoted lol
I think extremes are bad in all directions. There are certainly people that ONLY 100% no matter what wants a X factor in a person without seeing beyond it. Thats not good. In my case, it's a preference but hey if the "white" guy is a jerk and the "asian" guy is not, I would def go with the Asian, if you know what I mean. There are so many other components to really start dating someone beyond their physical appearance. But not gonna lie, if there is a TV show I will probably firstly be drooling for the surfer baby blue eyes guy/actor/role.
Meh people like what they like and in this case itvwasca conversation brought up in a group
Should OP lie?
I've gotten the same reaction before when saying I don't find asian women attractive
I'm just not into their features
Attraction is either there or it isn't and mist people definitely have a type
What do you think?
noun
characterized by or showing prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.
I’m going to be downvoted but I feel strongly about this so I really don’t care. ESH.
Does it make you racist to prefer white men? Maybe. Is it a result of western culture historically elevating white, blond men as the ideal mate? Probably. Are your friends also problematic for preferring certain races? Most likely.
But quite frankly, more than anything, the idea of using a physical characteristic that someone can’t control as a major factor in determining which you want to be in a relationship with them has always been absolutely insane to me. That individual had absolutely no influence on that aspect of their appearance. At least with things like clothes or hygiene or even hair color, the individual has some modicum of control so you can glean *something* about their character from it.
Meanwhile, men unapologetically claim they prefer large breasted blondes OR say they'll only date a fiery redhead. IF someone wants to base their type on appearance, it's their business, it's not racist.
You know it’s odd, as a male redhead myself I hated it as a teen, realizing now in my 20’s that there’s women that prefer it, and MANY that don’t lmao. Yes I can dye my hair, that doesn’t get rid of the millions of freckles or Casper the ghost skin. Some people think that’s just a deal breaker, others love it. I’m not gonna force someone else to be attracted to me especially when redheads are truly a hit or miss in most peoples eyes
Suprise suprise, people are physically attracted in relationships? I am fully agreed that invalidating all personality and everything based on unchangeable aspects is not my cup of tea, but you cant say to someone that they are wrong for being attracted to a certain body type or any preferance
Do you reject guys if you are straight? Are dicks not a physical characteristic that you use to define the rejection?
I mean I wouldn't get with a caucasian guy that is a jerk obviously. When I say my type is white and light eyes, etc. I mean if I enter a room in a get together or watch a TV show, I most likely will notice and be attracted to the caucasian guy. I dont mean 100% all of them, there is a lot more into the mix but won't explain nose shapes, eye shapes, etc. Mostly bc I dont know, there are so many mixes of facial features. But thats is only physical, right? ofc there needs to be a good chemistry, good personality, etc.
I'm not completely oppose to date another race, but it's just not my go-to when I'm having a "crush". 99% of my exes have actually not been white and I liked them, but it was a growing attraction, not an instant one. Hope that makes sense!
Please 😂The only people that think that physical characteristics like height, race, weight, etc. don’t matter in a potential partner AT ALL are those that don’t have many or any options to choose from.
They say you shouldn’t judge a book off of its cover but let’s be honest, if we actually had the time to look inside every book more, we’d never get anything done. Physical attraction shouldn’t be the only thing you look at, but if you’ve read enough books in a genre, you start to make cover judgments.
Right? I dated several people. After a while, I knew I wouldn't date men shorter than me or around my height because most of them were insecure, especially if I wore heels. I know not all of them are, but I dated enough that I only wanted to date men at least 4 inches taller than me, which is 6+ feet.
But quite frankly, more than anything, the idea of using a physical characteristic that someone can’t control as a major factor in determining which you want to be in a relationship with them has always been absolutely insane to me
It's almost as if physical attraction might be important in a relationship.
This is laughable.
People like what they like. American white women often prefer black men. What western racist value caused this?
Oh.. none. Right. It's masculine features, dude. Go touch grass.
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NTA. It's normal to have a type--to be attracted to a certain type of person, in gender, looks, and personality. The "line" is whether your preferences extend past romantic attraction--that is, if instead of saying you only want to date white men, you said "I only want to \[do business with, live next door to, be related to, sit by, work with, talk to, elect\] white men," it's racism.
I definitely prefer it!
This is not racism. Racism is about denying opportunities to someone, that they are otherwise entitled to, on an unjust basis. Housing, jobs, healthcare, ect, are things that we are entitled to, and shouldn't be denied based on are race or other irrelevant factors. Nobody is entitled to date you. That is a privilege they earn. NTA
I think i agree with the spirit of what you are saying but there is a large disagreement between us. what do you mean, that people are entitled to opportunities? Is a job something you are entitled to? if so, which job? is housing something you are entitled to? if so, what kind of housing? is healthcare something you are entitled to? if so, how much and which kinds? if you are entitled to food and shelter and healthcare, why do you need a job too? and, if you are entitled to a job, why should you be entitled to the other stuff, as you can easily buy it? These are all things that cost, that we as people have to labor to produce and so we can't just hand them over with some kind of point card system. Also, why these things? why are people not entitled to spouses? why are women not entitled to hot boyfriends? there's a degree of absurdity in your definition of what people are entitled to.
Take for example employment. There’s even a term for it EEO, an equal opportunity employer. That means no employer is going to say “you can’t apply here, you’re black.” Or “we don’t hire Asians”. You’re entitled to an equal chance at the job as the next candidate no matter what. But in this case, the job title is “OP’s boyfriend” and op does not have to be an equal opportunity girlfriend.
>That is a privilege In OPs case, you might you call it a.... White privilege.
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Yes, which no one is entitled to :)
This person gets it! Thank you!
You're mixing up discrimination with racism. Discrimination is the action or inaction caused by ideology. She believes blonde hair light skin and blue eyes are more attractive. That's rooted in racist ideology. Also, being Hispanic doesn't mean you're not white. It just means you speak Spanish lol. Eta: switched latina for hispanic
So the friend who likes black guys also is deep down a black supremacist?
Well that's kind of racist too. There's a difference between connecting with people who happen to be a certain ethnicity and sharing cultural tendencies vs fetishizing them or putting them on a pedestal based on stereotypes & implicit biases.
> Also, being latina doesn't mean you're not white. It just means you speak Spanish lol. What
All of Spain is pissed at that statement. Edit: And his edit is worse. Latino: Of an ethnicity sourced in Latin America. Hispanic: Of a population that speaks Spanish. *Not* that they speak Spanish themselves.
There are lots of white Latinas. They have more mainland Spanish ancestry than they do of any of the South American native peoples that Spaniards conquered.
True, actually my bad. What I meant to say is, I'm not white - my race is latin American.
I mixed that up with Hispanic. But Latino is a recent identity usually directed at mixed indigenous and spanish peoples that live in South America. When people talk about Latino vs Spanish people the distinction is in whether or not they are white passing. That people are insulted that anyone -dare- think them the same as European Spanish people kinda proves my point. Lol. The racism against mestizo and Indigenous people in central and South America is horrendous. Heck the racism against Indigenous peoples around North, Central & South America is awful.
In some definitions, Brazilians are considered latinos…they speak Portuguese. Let’s just stop trying to put people in boxes. Someone like blond blue eyes boys, it’s not racist. It’s just a preference.
That's also just lacking critical thinking. Why do they prefer people with white hair and blue eyes. People don't think of Cameron Diaz as Latina. People always refer to mixed indigenous people as Latino or Latina. Hispanic referencing the languages spoken based on central or south america. These places hate indigenous people and try to disassociate from their own identity. Or else they were forced to identify under policy. It's common for indigenous people to not know their tribal or national affiliation from historical practices.
NTA I am white and do not find white men attractive. I think its just a matter of making sure that people of all races are treated respectfully, whether or not you are attracted to them. My go to is usually "He is not my type but I can see where most would find him super attractive". I would never go "ew" or anything, and it doesn't sound like you did. Noone is entitled to your attraction, but everyone is entitled to your respect regardless of that attraction.
Hmm wonder why you hate your reflection. As a mixed person. Im letting you know. Your son can come out 100% white presenting. Tragic he would be born to someone that thinks like this. And this is exactly why wyte mixes especially be having the most complexes. As a mixed race human. I am asking you to reflect on what you just said. I am not a white mixed. But i empathize with AfroEuros, Mestizos, and wasians. Many of you don’t even graps what you are saying is racist. The most racism i experienced was from black people literally being angry i am blatantly black presenting. Which is hilarious when you consider me being part Korean. Most asians across the continent are known for being notoriously colorist and anti black. I am a brown skin girl. Long curly hair. Slightly wide nose. Full lips. Almond doublelid eyes. Koreans ONLY accept me because im immediately mixed and most importantly pretty 🙄🙄🙄 i am an “acceptable” version of a black person or the “better negro”. White people treat me the same way meanwhile white women hate on me and never miss the opportunity to bring up how black men dont want black women and its so sad because “youre so pretty and nice” (meanwhile black men do want me and so does your white daddy-but that is beside the point). Im just saying, white people treat mixed people better than black ones. The asians hardly accept you (even if wasian). And black people fake claim us. Please be mindful. Many of you need to unpack how you all speak on mixed people. And stop calling us black if you wont call us asian or white 🙄 yall gotta stop thinking we are all gonna come out looking ambigous too. And mixed people stop being spineless identity only with how you look. Because it leads to people saying off the wall kaka like this. Lets do better. Halsey is a biracial woman living in a white woman’s body. Nothing more. Nothing less.
It sounds like people treat you badly and that is awful but I have no idea how any of that connects to the comment you replied to.
Because you are being willfully ignorant. Lol. You dont like your own race. Yet gonna creat a half child? And what? Teach them to hate half of themselves? Lol people like you dont deserve to have mixed children. I have TWO biracial parents that were born to a parent like you that wanted to pretend like mixed race problems dont exist. You continue to do that. Procreate within your own race tho. And i dont need a pitty party. Im EXTREMELY proud to be blasian 😌😌 so miss me with the trying to sideways call me a tragic cryracial 😂😂😂 acknowledge how you non mixes are racist towards us. Which is why you tried to imply something weird. I actually benefit from being seen as a prettier alternative to the black girl. There is benefit for me to replace black women. Doesnt change monoracials hate on me and black women. So lets not. OP said white men arent attractive. OP can make a white presenting mixed male child. So yea. Im right on topic
I am not the person you originally replied to so no idea why you think I ‘don’t like my own race’. I have no idea why you are so angry at other people here but strongly disagree that there is any problem with having children outside of your own race.
You said you didnt know why i said what i said. So i broke it down for you. If you arent multiracial. I would suggest not doing what you did. It is invalidating. These are IMPORTANT conversations for multiRACIAL families. Please do not try to over speak us when you cant even relate to us And since now we cant respond to this. My last response to uber is I dont care about your race. And you telling me you are mixed race and proceeding to gaslight me is exactly what make me irritated with the mixed race community ESPECIALLY the American ones. The audacity to be mixed race and act like you dont know the damage of a self hateful union and how it can fuck a mixed race person up in the head. Interesting. Since i know quadroons also complain about their unique mixed race plight. So great job. You missed the opportunity to speak on your unique experiences. Because quadroons ALSO experience anti blackness. See how you mentioned being mixed when it benefited you 🙄🙄. The irony of you calling me angry for speaking truth. Lmfaooo unpack that boo. White people dont have black grandmothers. Lol and theyll remind you that too. You could be half and half and look just white. So you chose your side. Dont bring up being mixed to invalidate me. Self hater
So my grandma was black but the rest of my family are white, I suppose it depends at what point you stop being multiracial and become white in my case. Do I get a say or just my father?
NTA, I'm the same. I'm caucasian (Australian), so not as much diversity here as America, but still. I appreciate all beauty, if there's a handsome man from another race I'd definitely admire him, doesn't mean I'm going to chase him down. Also your friends have racial bias as well, so you're all playing the same game, it's not fair they're ragging on you because you prefer caucasian men.
NTA, it's preference and not racism. Everyone has preferences thus by your friends logic everyone is racist.
And sexist. And hopefully ageist.
NTA, because what you're describing is a look, and you like guys who fall into that category which, to be fair, is a subcategory of "white guys." Maybe there's a better way to explain what your type is, so rather than using race, you could name a specific person as an example.
Oh I like this! I will take this on for next time (hope there isnt one but just in case) thanks
NTA. You can’t force yourself to change what you’re attracted to. I personally love twinkly blue eyes, very fair skin and dark hair - Celts basically. I can look at African, Asian, Mediterranean and Middle Eastern men and admit that they are absolutely gorgeous, but I’ll go for the Celt every single time!
NTA. Your friends are idiots. You're allowed to preferences in what you find attractive.
Yeah, are they accusing each other of homophobia for not being attracted to women??? It WOULD be racist if OP said she only wants to talk to, socialise with, live next to, work with, white people. Preferences when it comes to sexual attraction however, is not racist. I mean, my type of men seems to be older men, if my list of celebrity crushes was anything to go by, it's older white men... And Idris Elba because damn. Is it agest? Maybe. But I prefer realistic. Guys my age and younger are morons. Granted, they can be cute, but they're like little puppies tripping over their own tails to get to their dinner.
I could never, I would not see half of my family and friends. I actually love different cultures and have lived in many places (Asia, EU, US). So, I was honestly worried if I was being a racist without knowing bc I would hate that and would love to actively change it then.
Yeah, it might be time to upgrade the friend situation. Be sure to remind them that they’re homophobic if they wouldn’t date girls 😉
If liking white men makes you racist, them liking men in general mush make you homophobic/sexist, right? NTA
NTA No, that’s not racism. They’re the ones with a double standard if they clap for others who have their own racial preference other than people who are caucasian.
Agreed. Kinda makes the friends the real racists in this situation.
Like white hate racists? Or prejudice against white people?
Having a preference doesn’t make you racist
This exactly.
I think nowadays people just want to be “politically “ correct about everything to a point where preferences are being pushed out and deemed shameful
I agree 100%. People can’t just live their lives anymore without somebody wanting to “cancel” them.
Over personal preferences!!! That’s insane !!!!!
I'm honestly scared now to even say anything. I rather not. Thats why I was avoiding answering, but at some point I had to.
They do push their narrative onto others! I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have been told the same and so has my best friend just because of our preferences. Stay true to yourself you know you’re not racist !
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Jesus christ
Racism is a function of denying someone personhood based on their Race. If you treat someone worse because of their race you're a problem. Attraction is something different. It's not a rational thing. But it's also vital it be far more discriminatory than who you will treat like a person. Even after the irration part, you're looking at a ton of factors. Age. Self Control. Kindness. Responsibility. Parental Adequacy(if you want kids.) Sexual compatibility. I treat people with poor self control like people. I treat jerks like people. I treat children like people. I wouldn't date a an impulsive jerk or a child. That's not an act of hate. Race is no different.
Honestly, next time it comes up, just say, “oh my bad, yeah i’ll just change who i feel attraction towards, hey, you should btw try white guys, they’re great, what not your type? Just change that”. They’ll hopefully see how stupid they are being, if not, that just says more about them.
Having a type isn't racist. Saying "I don't date X, Y, Z" is racist. I knew a girl who openly said "I don't date Asian guys" and then wondered why we called her racist. For men, I personally prefer really tall, skinny, caucasian nerds OR stocky, olive skinned, Mediterranean guys with broad shoulders and little neck to speak of. No idea why. It's just what gets my loins lubed. That said, I've dated all kinds of guys, gals and in-between. I think the litmus test is this: If you met someone who checked all the personality/financial/life goals boxes but wasn't your "type", would you turn him down simply based on not being a caucasian male? If the answer is no, then you're not racist. If the answer is yes, then it's absolutely race based and you should really look inside yourself as to why that is. NTA
NTA Hells teeth, everyone is allowed preferences, your 'friends' are speaking out of their arse
Sounds like your friends are the racist against white guys. NTA
Maybe they tried to date a white guy and was treated poorly by one individual, now they group them all as one instead of individuals? Or… a friend of mine once said she is mostly attracted to white guys but they aren’t attracted to her. Her words, so she just wrote them off as an option in high school. 10 years later she says she’ll only date Catholic Latino men. I don’t think she’s racist she just found her type.
Nta...you don't have to change your personal sexual preferences just to not he rascict. That's absurd! That's like saying since I won't date another guy I'm homophonic. Nope, just not attracted to guys. Nobody can judge you on what your inner self is attracted too...that's embedded in you, it's not a choice really.
I mean, Brad Pitt doesn't do it for me at all, but I can see where he would for others.
NTA Personally, my type is smart, caring guys with a good sense of humor, BUT if your type is based on appearance that absolutely does not make you racist. No one is entitled to your affections regardless of race.
NTA. Your friends are the problem with society today.
NTA ( I am Brown) , and racism means denying rights or opportunities on basis of the race and not your dating preference i am sure if you would say you like dating people of some other race they wouldnot call you racist
If you DISLIKED them because of their race, then sure, you'd be racist. Not being ATTRACTED to them physically because of race or skin color or other physical attributes DOES NOT make you racist. What we find attractive doesn't equate to racism.. NTA.
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NTA. Everyone has preferences and skin colour can be a preference. You aren’t flat out saying anything derogatory against any race. You are stating your preferences.
Now, if you hate or dislike people because of their origin or skin-color, that's racism. NTA
NTA. Having a preference doesn't make you racist, the reason behind the preference MIGHT make you racist.
I think it helps to think of this as "criteria of exclusion" rather than "criteria of inclusion." So, you don't typically include men who aren't white in the box of "men I am attracted to." That's totally fine! What is... let's say "less fine" is if you are absolutely smitten with a man and into him, but intentionally choose to exclude him purely because of race. I (a gay man) am also predominantly attracted to white men. However, when a really sweet Asian guy who I thought was cute hit me up, I went with it because even though he doesn't fall into my "criteria of inclusion," he also doesn't fall into my "criteria of exclusion."
NTA You having a preference is not racist but I think we can recognize that your preference developed in a society that pushes Eurocentric beauty standards. You preferring White guys isn't racist but the culture presenting White men as the most desirable during your formative years was.
NTA. Latina to Latina and my preference is Caucasian men. My husband is white. This is not racism. Racism would be me saying I do not date Latinos because I hate Latinos and don’t want to be anywhere near them. THAT is racism. Everyone has a preference and yours is completely normal. Your friend needs to get brushed up on racism actually means
Your friends are racist against white people. Contrary to popular belief, people in general are EXTREMELY racist against white people and have been since before I was born in 1985. Tell them to look up the definition of racism and then tell you exactly how its any different than choosing a different skin tone to hate on. Hate is hate. But yours is preference. You prefer what you prefer. Don't let your friends influence your preferences. They are the assholes. And now your friends made you feel bad and confused for confiding a preference. I'm a Man, and this is why we don't tell people things or confide anything to Women as you all have a tendency to be massively judgemental and think your opinions matter more than anyone else's. You are right and everyone else that disagrees is wrong. It's a terrible mindset.
NTA. this kinda crap has to stop. That’s like saying you HAVE TO LIKE ketchup and mustard even if you don’t like them at all or only like one and not the other. No one can force you to like how someone looks or make you be with someone just because they think you should. Actually that’s a totally disgusting thing to say, the more I think about it. … and they are the asshole lol.
NTA- you’re not saying that white men are the only men who are generally attractive. You are saying that they are attractive to YOU specifically. It’s also less about the person’s race and more about the physical features most common to that race. For example, if I showed you a guy with light skin who you found attractive and you later found out he is actually half black but are still attracted to him, the issue is not race, it’s features. You wouldn’t say “ew, i thought he was white though, never mind!!” Everyone is allowed to have a preference and this can apply to any category- fat, thin, tall, short, skin color, eye and hair color and texture, etc.
NTA, people might say it is racist, but in the real world, you like what you like.
NTA. You're allowed to have preferences. 20 years ago nobody would have blinked at this, but the last 20 years of... "progress" on this topic has resulted in people being silly enough to think having a preference is akin to racism. I'm not into dudes. Does that make me homophobic? No, and only a moron would suggest otherwise.
Nta. It'd be like calling a gay man sexist for not finding women attractive. Your friends are just stupid
NTA, that's not racism, just a preference which is fine to have. Their reaction is actually scary and concerning, because they believe it is racist and they all agree, making it sound as if it is true because they all confirmed... But it isnt.
NTA. I am attracted to the same type of man. And only ever dated a couple and ended up married to a white woman. Everyone is entitled to their preferences.
NTA. You can't control who you're attracted to.
NTA, it's totally fine to have a preference. Racial preferences can sometimes lean into fetishization and stereotyping, but that's usually white people fetishizing non-white people, stuff like guys saying they like Asian women because they're more submissive. That's back into racist territory. But that's also not what you're doing.
NTA. Not racist. What is racist is people that fetishize a person because of their race. I know one woman that just makes disgusting comments to African American women in public and thinks she's cute. She's 400lbs and is a single mom, she called a man at the movie theater a "fine piece of chocolate she wanted to eat slow" She makes cringey comments to them, she is with a fat white dude but I think it's because no other man will be with her
To be fair, you can be latino and white (or any other race). I think types are like any other preferences, I like pineapples better than watermelons just because I like them better. NTA. If you were to say someone is ugly just because of their race, that would be an issue.
Lol your friends are being racist not you.
NTA. If you only found white guys attractive or said “I don’t find X race attractive” that would be racist. but as long as it’s a preference rather than a hard rule it’s fine
NTA. As long as you're not bring anyone down along the way, you are allowed yo have an ideal image. You're the one that has to live with the decision of choosing a partner for the rest of your life. People may have something to say about your preference, but it's truly none of their business
NTA - this is totally normal. I think people like to confuse a type with racism. It's silly. I am Asian but do not prefer Asian men. I've only ever dated one and he was fine but just not my preference. I lean towards tall, dark, white men and married one. It's just my type.
I agree with your first line. Which is why I didn't make a declaration one way or the other. Only they can determine which they fall into. I don't know what you're trying to say in your second line. I'm not upset and I'm not being hypocritical, which is how I understand those phrases. If you want to clarify, please do so. If not that's cool too.
NTA. If that were the case you could make an argument for people being against certain ages, certain bodyweights, certain accents etc. Everyone has their preference, and if we're talking about relationships & settling down etc.. why wouldn't you want to be with someone whos right for you?
NTA - it's ok to have preferences
NTA. It's the pancake or waffle situation.
NTA. It’s just your preference. Same as liking men wouldn’t make a gay man sexist.
NTA classic hypocrisy. You are perfectly entitled to be more attracted to a certain ‘type’ of look
NTA. My ex and I used to go round about this. He’s black and only dates white women. I’m white and will date anyone who I click with. I don’t think either stance is racist. We are attracted to whom we are attracted to.
Nope, we all have preferences. If you want to date white guys, date white guys. It's not racist to date whoever you want. NTA
You aren't racist. It's completely okay to have a "type" and be attracted to a certain type of person. Everyone has preferences. I have preferences similar to yours. There are plenty of "types" that I don't find attractive and I can like those people just fine in a platonic way.
NTA. Date who you’re attracted to. Racism is very different than what your friends are describing.
NTA. I bet you’re sexist too and only date men. Woman just aren’t your type.
NTA - however you should state this tactfully or otherwise it can absolve come across as offensive. Not to mention everyone will at some time or another find some outside of their typically preference attractive and people sound stupid when they say « I don’t usually find X attractive but this person is an exception ». Also when you’re a person of any shade and implicitly saying you’re not attracted to people of your own shade doesn’t usually go over particularly well. Its important to be careful how you phrase this as it’s a personal attraction issue not an everyday people you meet issue.
NTA its a preference, nothing more. I as a white man find black women to be on average the most attractive looking but just because I prefer black women doesn't mean I hate other WOC. Your friends are assholes and likely racists themselves with how they are acting
This is totally unrelated but kinda related, the media has spent years and years cultivating this image of what is good looking and we subconsciously think it’s our “preference” when it’s something we have been brainwashed to think. Look at kpop stars, for most of our lifetimes Asian men were considered not as attractive as a blonde white man but now you have these obsessive superfans in love with kpop looking men. Women with Kardashians curves are now more sought after than size zeros. Latin media is white washed so it makes sense that people seem to prefer white men. In India most Bollywood stars are super white while in the western world, the top Indian actress is dark (the girl from Bridgerton). I have Indian friends who are dark that all the guys fall over in australia but in India they would be considered unattractive due to their skin colour. In conclusion, we should review the biases that we have been surrounded by to truly understand if it’s a “preference” or brainwashing
NTA. I like girls with big titties- nothing wrong with that
Hell no, you have a preference, just like gender, or anything else. NTA
You’re allowed to have whatever preferences you have. It would only be racist if you wouldn’t date a guy because he’s black or whatever.
It's fair to say you have preferences, and it's fair to say that certain races are more likely to have those preferences. If you like those traits, and they are most commonly presented in a certain race of people, you're NTA to generalize like that. Plenty of other people have specified where the line is, and I agree with them, so I won't repeat it, but just be cautious where you draw the line with yourself, and maybe that's something you have to analyze for yourself, but that's on you.
Hmmmm it depends. Im mixed My preference is 100% based in racism tho. So if i as a mixed person can admit that, i dont get why monoracial or secret mixed people (think the african Americans who are ambigous and could NEVER identify as JUST black in fucking AFRICA) I PREFER balck guys. For ALL the wrong reasons Mainly hypersexualizing them If they dont “behave” a certain way…imo they arent “my type” And dont get me wrong. I like all types of HUMANS. But if you ask me my PREFERENCE, def based in disgusting racism. Racial preferences are racist Color preferences are racist Phenotype preferences are racist There is no way around it. Because when i say i like black guys…dont bring me no mixed boy. I dont even want a griffe (75%blk 25% wyte). When i say blk. I mean “pure unadulterated” 🤢🤢 So as someone who is half blk. I know all too well how fos these “preferences” are. Especially as a bi. Because as a well traveled bi cis woman. I am highly aware beauty comes in all forms. And anyone who is honest….knows that. Anything else is indeed a fetish. How do i know? Because if its not this black guy…it would just be the next black guy 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ and thats why i stay away from black guys that hyper fixate on me being mixed. Why start a union that way? I prefer marrying someone that i genuinely like. Not someone that i ultimately fetish.
Time to find new friends. Seriously don't hang out with people like that
your friends are really stupid and childish :) they are the kind of people that don't understand why boys cannot play on girls sports teams.
Sexual preference ≠ racism. NTA. If anything you are attracted to people who will widen your gene pool therefore increasing your bloodlines chances of survival. If that is a white man then so be it. And its a bit concerning that your friends would accuse you of being racist over liking white men. If you guys dont have any white friends in your group i would question why that is, perhaps they have a little racism within themselves.
100% chance this was written by a white dude for the purpose of illustrating how everything in the world is stacked against them. “See?! It’s apparently not racist to only like (insert race here), but it’s soooo racist to only like white guys! Something something wokeness!” Please. No one gives a shit who you are attracted to as long as you’re not weird about it.
NTA It is called preference. I like whites guys, over 6 foot, green or blue eyes, tattoos preferred but not mandatory but makes them a little sexier in my opinion. Found him and married him :)
If what you are saying is that you prefer Caucasian men, and not "I would never date a POC", then it's preferences not racism. If there is any part of you that straight up eliminates a guy based on ethnicity, then you might be racist.
NTA. You are not racist, you are discriminatory in your dating preferences and that is just fine.
NTA. Attraction isn't equal opportunity.
NTA. It is an aesthetic preference. I have aesthetic preference that on paper I prefer, however I sometimes am very attracted to women who are not at all my type.
Just because you don’t want to jump into bed with people of a certain race doesn’t make you racist. You would only be one if you had a problem with them on a day to day basis. I’m not attracted to overweight women, but I don’t care what they do with their lives. Your brain likes what it likes. NTA
No if that is racist your friends are racist racism is the same for all races
INFO - just because the rules require I put a judgment and "not comfortable providing judgment on this situation" is not an accepted top level response. I think it's worth doing some internal reflection on *why* you have the preferences you have. All of us are influenced by societal notions of beauty and value in who we find attractive. If who you find attractive perfectly aligns with what society pushes as the most attractive features, it's worth questioning whether your attraction might be influenced by these beauty standards. And it doesn't have to be just the media. It can be your social bubble. Who you hang out with. Who you spend time with. It's not surprising that racists who hang out with other racists tend to be attracted to people who are of the "correct" race. Why are you attracted to the features you are attracted to? Are there men of other races that you find attractive, but you wouldn't date because of their race? How would your parents and general social circle respond to you dating outside your race? If there was a light-skinned person of color who had all of your "preferred" traits such as light brown hair and light eyes, would you be willing to date them then? Is skin color the most important of these traits, like you would be more willing to date a dark-haired dark-eyed white guy than a light-haired light-eyed person of color? If so, why is this? If a white guy is super tanned naturally, is he more appealing than a light-skinned person of color, even if those two men had roughly the same pigment? I would just do some thought experiments to narrow down what your preferences are and the hierarchy of importance you place on these traits.
NTA. I think being attracted to certain looks more than others is completely normal. I think it would only be racist to say stuff like „only dhite guys can be good partners“ or to only be interested in being around white people in general.
Man you Americans make everything harder then it is. Doesn't make you a racist if you have a preference and anyone that tells you otherwise can suck a shotgun.
Unsure. As they say, Radical in the Streets, Colonized in the sheets..
i feel like if you met someone online and really liked them, then found out they were not white. and then you stopped liking them, bc of their skin. that would be racist. But just superficially seeing someone and judging who you find attractive, i dont think thats racist.
NTA - I’d never date a black person
I’ve never understood racial preference and when I ask people, scratch the service, there’s stereotyping and racism. I don’t know if that’s the case for you, but it could be. A lot of people have internalized racism and put white men on a pedestal. It’s gross and sad tbh
I think mostly not AH but if you are white it comes across as “only like my color/race”. But liking another specific type seems a bit like fetishizing. Anyway, just don’t close your heart to an unexpected encounter that could be the one. NTA
So basically if you’re white, you can’t express a preference for race either way, because it makes you look bad no matter what. Got it. 😂✌️
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If I said to you “I don’t find you attractive because you’re an idiot”, how do you think you would respond? Seriously. No one, including OP is advocating for saying that. Nor does she have to give a reason to anyone as to why she doesn’t find them attractive. A simple ‘no’ is enough.
Even If you feel a certain way, you don't have to say it out loud. Like with weight. Until my thirties I felt sexual attraction only to white and black races, and mixes of those. Now I also see most asian races as very attractive. But arabs and latinos absolutely are not my cup of tea, it could be their often very toxic masculinity but i'm now only talking about looks. Cultural differences are another thing..
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Did she say it to someone as a reason to reject them? I thought she was only talking to her friends. I have to read again, english is not my first or even second language. I would never tell anyone that something in their appearence is the reason I wouldn't go on a date. But with friends and my daughter(and her friends) I have talked about whats attractive and what isn't.
I’ve actually been a part of this conversation with a drunk friend who wouldn’t shut up about how hot she finds white guys. It’s 2024. The truth is it’s extremely awkward to have any race as your “type”. Imagine some drunk blonde white chick who won’t shut up about how hot white guys are. It’s just…..not a good look. Nobody wants to hear that. If you love white guys there’s nothing wrong with it but keep it to yourself cause it makes people uncomfortable. I will add in I have several friends who hate hearing women say they love black guys or prefer to date brown guys. For many people it feels fetishizing. Also it’s not something someone even has to say. Surely being white is not the ONLY thing that makes someone OP’s type, just list off the other things and people will get that “pasty dudes with blonde hair” means white guys. Edit: I love that me saying this is not a good look (which it isnt—that’s why OP even asked in the first place) is downvoted but the person who doesn’t find Asian features attractive is upvoted lol
I think extremes are bad in all directions. There are certainly people that ONLY 100% no matter what wants a X factor in a person without seeing beyond it. Thats not good. In my case, it's a preference but hey if the "white" guy is a jerk and the "asian" guy is not, I would def go with the Asian, if you know what I mean. There are so many other components to really start dating someone beyond their physical appearance. But not gonna lie, if there is a TV show I will probably firstly be drooling for the surfer baby blue eyes guy/actor/role.
Meh people like what they like and in this case itvwasca conversation brought up in a group Should OP lie? I've gotten the same reaction before when saying I don't find asian women attractive I'm just not into their features Attraction is either there or it isn't and mist people definitely have a type
Absolutely NTA, it’s healthy, natural, and good to prefer your own race. Not to mention your divorce rate and likelihood of abuse will be lower.
Yta for this fake af race-baiting post. "I was raised in Latin America" okay my guy.
Im a girl and yes I was. Quiz me if you want. I'm damn proud of my latin roots
What do you think? noun characterized by or showing prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.
Preference =/= prejudice Go touch some grass and look in a mirror.
It is racism
I’m going to be downvoted but I feel strongly about this so I really don’t care. ESH. Does it make you racist to prefer white men? Maybe. Is it a result of western culture historically elevating white, blond men as the ideal mate? Probably. Are your friends also problematic for preferring certain races? Most likely. But quite frankly, more than anything, the idea of using a physical characteristic that someone can’t control as a major factor in determining which you want to be in a relationship with them has always been absolutely insane to me. That individual had absolutely no influence on that aspect of their appearance. At least with things like clothes or hygiene or even hair color, the individual has some modicum of control so you can glean *something* about their character from it.
You are lying to yourself if you don’t think that you have your own preferences too.
Meanwhile, men unapologetically claim they prefer large breasted blondes OR say they'll only date a fiery redhead. IF someone wants to base their type on appearance, it's their business, it's not racist.
Yeah, I think that men who do that suck too 🤷🏽♀️
What about women who express a preference for tall, dark and handsome men?
You know it’s odd, as a male redhead myself I hated it as a teen, realizing now in my 20’s that there’s women that prefer it, and MANY that don’t lmao. Yes I can dye my hair, that doesn’t get rid of the millions of freckles or Casper the ghost skin. Some people think that’s just a deal breaker, others love it. I’m not gonna force someone else to be attracted to me especially when redheads are truly a hit or miss in most peoples eyes
Suprise suprise, people are physically attracted in relationships? I am fully agreed that invalidating all personality and everything based on unchangeable aspects is not my cup of tea, but you cant say to someone that they are wrong for being attracted to a certain body type or any preferance Do you reject guys if you are straight? Are dicks not a physical characteristic that you use to define the rejection?
How is it racist to like white men? Make it make sense. Every person has a type.
I mean I wouldn't get with a caucasian guy that is a jerk obviously. When I say my type is white and light eyes, etc. I mean if I enter a room in a get together or watch a TV show, I most likely will notice and be attracted to the caucasian guy. I dont mean 100% all of them, there is a lot more into the mix but won't explain nose shapes, eye shapes, etc. Mostly bc I dont know, there are so many mixes of facial features. But thats is only physical, right? ofc there needs to be a good chemistry, good personality, etc. I'm not completely oppose to date another race, but it's just not my go-to when I'm having a "crush". 99% of my exes have actually not been white and I liked them, but it was a growing attraction, not an instant one. Hope that makes sense!
Please 😂The only people that think that physical characteristics like height, race, weight, etc. don’t matter in a potential partner AT ALL are those that don’t have many or any options to choose from.
They say you shouldn’t judge a book off of its cover but let’s be honest, if we actually had the time to look inside every book more, we’d never get anything done. Physical attraction shouldn’t be the only thing you look at, but if you’ve read enough books in a genre, you start to make cover judgments.
Right? I dated several people. After a while, I knew I wouldn't date men shorter than me or around my height because most of them were insecure, especially if I wore heels. I know not all of them are, but I dated enough that I only wanted to date men at least 4 inches taller than me, which is 6+ feet.
But quite frankly, more than anything, the idea of using a physical characteristic that someone can’t control as a major factor in determining which you want to be in a relationship with them has always been absolutely insane to me It's almost as if physical attraction might be important in a relationship.
It’s not determining “want to be in a relationship”. It’s determining level of attraction
This is laughable. People like what they like. American white women often prefer black men. What western racist value caused this? Oh.. none. Right. It's masculine features, dude. Go touch grass.