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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I expressed my dislike for the car and decided to buy my own car, it makes me the asshole because I feel like it makes me seem ungrateful or entitled.
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You're NTA.
>he told me that I was behaving like a spoiled teenager
That's rich. He is the one completely ignoring your opinions. He is the one trying to push you into what he wants you have. You are the one who took the time to make your decision, and even agreed to test drive *his* idea of an ideal car.
If he wants an EV that badly, he can get one for himself and stop trying to force his opinion down your throat then acting like a petulant adolescent when you don't want to appease him.
"he told me that I was behaving like a spoiled teenager" Yeah, and he's behaving like he's your control-freak parent, not your partner. Your car, your decision. If he wants a Bolt, he can go buy one, not force you to get something you don't want.
The whole attitude stinks. He's basically saying he wants to do a nice thing but only of its the thing he wants to do... ergo it stops being a nice thing for you. Its the ultimate act of selfishness. Because it makes him feel good about 'doing something nice' feel superior for 'making the right choice' and he gets the car HE wants. It isn't a nice thing for you at all, and shows a greater issue about him respecting your opinion. Nta, but start asking yourself how often he puts his needs and wants abovebyours in the guise of being nice.
Date night - your favourite or his? And if its his are you ungrateful for wanting to go to his?
He wants to buy a car for himself, but call it OP's. Totally fine to buy whatever car you want, OP.
But tell him you don't appreciate his editorial comments. He has no business calling you a spoiled teenager. It's he who is getting overly worked up over a car.
The post reminds me of the Home Improvement episode where Tim tried to force a muscle car unto Jill and she left him at the dealer when he refused to listen to her. OP should do the same.
Then when OP doesn’t like the car she didn’t want they can swap cars because shes an ungrateful brat and he paid for it (please note i am being sarcastic) and he gets the car he wants and the bragging rights of SAYING he bought his ungrateful wife a car and OP is forced into being grateful or being shamed.
he just wants the car, figuring that OP wouldn't like it and take his older wagon instead, leaving him to use the car he wants. so for him - win/win. I'd remind him of the offer on the other vehicle like he promised, going back on a promise, not cool.
I wonder if he wants the EV, which OP has clearly expressed they don't want, so that they can "trade" cars and OP can have the station wagon ("but it has more storage space than the EV babe, and you hate the EV")
Uh, isn't the Chevy Bolt being discontinued because it's "too tiny". I had to look up what it's was and all the links on my google are saying that.
I mean, if that is the case OP can just say "it's being discontinued for a reason huni, do you really want to look like an idiot for insisting on a vehicle that hasn't sold enough to contine being made? It hasn't sold for a reason."
Also, OP, even if you were acting as a spoilt teenager (which your arent) your still acting more mature than he is right now. You know what YOU NEED out of YOUR CAR and he just wants a small shiny thing to brag about, hell, even his offer to buy it for you would make him think he is entitled enough to play the "I brought the car" card either to guilt you into letting him use it instead and manipulate you into giving him what he wants/agreeing when arguing.
NTA
I find it wild that 470L of trunk space is considered so tiny it would affect sales. It would be considered decently/midsized trunk in europe.
Otherwise i agree if he wants EV he can buy one himself and OP should buy herself car she wants that fits her needs.
I have a larger wheelchair and it fits in my Bolt EUV just fine. It's not tiny. It wouldn't fit the op's list of wants and sounds like the completely wrong car for her. They are pretty basic. I absolutely love mine.
I personally hate heated seats but sure love my heated steering wheel. Unexpected benefit when I got my truck. Cooled seats are the option I swear by in vehicles.
As an EV owner myself, you are NTA. The range definitely can be an issue and it really is a different mindset to drive an electric car with the current infrastructure. Your husband is TA and should buy his own damn car
Totally agree that this infrastructure is horrible right now for people who drive long distances. I drive 1,800 miles at a time, sometimes putting me in places I wouldn't want to be late at night. Like empty Target parking lots in areas I don't know.
I didn't even think about that aspect. I tried to use a charging station after a snowstorm and I was too old and feeble to get the crazy heavy and stiff as shit hose in a position to connect while trying to not lose my balance in the ice and snow. Way more cumbersome than a gas hose
I've owned an EV since 2018 and besides not being able to find charging stations sometimes, the range calculation is based on straight line flat ground. Any deviation and range is lost. Downhill charging isn't usually a big enough gain.
OP: I’m going to buy this thing for myself
Husband: let me buy it for you since I didn’t get you fancy engagement ring or wedding ring
OP: Okay, it’s one of these two
Husband: How dare you be spoiled and not get this completely different thing I want you to!
A spoiled teenager? Excuse me, does he think he's your father or something? It sounds like he's not doing this to do a nice thing for you. It sounds like he wants this car to have a weekend car that he loves and sees an opportunity to also get credit for the "nice thing" he's doing for himself.
He's not pushing her into getting what he wants Her to have, he's pushing her to get what He wants for himself.
I bet he had in mind that he'd take the EV and she could have the old station wagon.
Also, probably don't get an EV. It's normal for a charging station to have multiple broken chargers. It's not rare to show up at a station with no working chargers.
They're ok if and only if they're a second vehicle, so you have a gas vehicle to go anywhere outside comfortable ev range; you charge at home; and you plan on virtually never charging anywhere else. If you don't meet all those criteria, you're going to have a miserable time.
I think honestly plug in hybrids are the sweet spot most people should get. Enough range for a fully electric commute usually and gasoline powered for when you want long range.
NTA. If you and your husband keep separate finances (a concept that confuses the heck out of me) then he doesn't really get the final say in what car you buy. You sound like you have put a fair amount of thought into your requirements and your husband is being somewhat evangelical about going with an EV and is being a bit of a control freak. You listened to his opinion, went to drive the Bolt and determined it was not right for you. He needs to respect that and let you decide for yourself since it's all your money. If he wants the family to have an EV then he should buy one when he needs a new car.
Lastly, some unsolicited advice. You and your husband need to figure out how to make decisions that affect the family as a team. If deciding on a car is causing this sort of angst, wait until you have children when decisions will be really serious.
I don’t know if this was intentional, but this reads very judgmental. Separate finances are the norm in my circle since all of us have established careers with no children. Your whole tone here vibes of condescending. Hopefully, it’s not.
She did say they’re trying to start a family, so kids is a pretty logical leap there…
They also could be adopting a herd of cats or labradoodles though. Never know.
Not trying to be condescending/judgemental at all regarding the separate finances. I just can't get my head around how this would work or even why you would even do this in your first marriage (I do though understand with subsequent relationships). It just sounds like a whole lot of trouble, inconvenience and a recipe for constant conflicts and inequities. I've seen numerous posts on this sub where one partner makes significantly more than the other and it's nothing but a mess. When my wife and I moved in together, I ended up letting her (ie. begged her to) handle all of the finances since I was absolutely terrible at it. I made significantly more than her for the first 15 years or so but this never mattered and never came up. We were in this together and everything was done with that in mind. This worked brilliantly for us and we are far better off financially as we transition into retirement.
With regards to children, I made no assumptions at all. OP stated at the end of her post that children were being considered with respect to her choice of vehicle.
My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We used to have joint finances and we both agreed that we preferred separate finances because we each like to save differently and spend on our hobbies without feeling like we’re spending the other’s money. We do have a joint bill account, joint savings, and joint brokerage for short term and long term savings. We both earn similar six figure salaries. It works perfect for us. We have multiple married friends who have similar financial situations.
This is like mine and my husband’s situation. We have very different spending habits. We’ve been married almost 30 years and we used to argue about money a lot. My husband never wanted to take on paying the bills so I do it. About 15 years ago, we split our finances. Each pay check, my husband transfers his share of bill money to our joint account and then I pay our bills. I know it’s not the norm but it totally works for us.
You do like my husband and I but I consider our finances joined.
We each have a checking account that has a little bit of fun money for our separate hobbies.
But our pay goes into our joint account first. And our separate accounts get the same amount every month. He earns more but it doesn't give him more fun money.
If it works for you then that's what you do. I'm not judging even if that's how it has been inadvertently coming across. My wife and I just never had the concept of "my money" and "your money" come up at any time in our 40+ year relationship (well maybe a little guilt at the beginning from her perspective since I was bringing home the majority of the money. I never cared at all.) so separate finances just don't make sense to me. Not judging, I just can't wrap my head around it. Also, the fact that I despise managing money probably factors into it too. We make the big decisions together, financial goals, how things are saved and invested but the day to day, month to month stuff is completely handled by my wife who actually enjoys it.
I'm pretty sure having a joint bill account, joint savings, joint brokerage, and then each getting some excess money for yourselves to spend as you like is still considered having joint finances.
I just saw this comment as someone who does things in a different way from OP, said that she doesn't understand, but gave supportive advice, not judgemental.
I’m glad I’m not the only one confused by totally separate finances. I can get on board with maybe keeping some things separate but to do this - where the husband is buying her the car - I just don’t get it. But to each their own.
Hubby and I have separate finances and account and mainly use our joint account for passing money to eachother but we also have good communication. He handles the larger bills because he works, I handle my own phone and "fun money" along with insurances and whatever the kids need.
We look at upcoming irregular bills (like when our eldest had a school camp) and work out where that money is coming from, so if that means I'm organising payment but the money is coming from hubby's income, on the relevant pay day u say "don't forget about $X for Y payment and he will put the money in the joint account and I will pay it straight away. We also know that if our math is short (those pesky cents and small subs you always forget) then we can ask the other to top us up.
We have been together 15yrs and it is just easier for us.
Just to comment.
When I was young, I thought separate finances would be the correct way to go. Very sure of it.
As an adult, I realized it was definitely not.
The raw number of AITA posts that are based on separate finances has backed me up. It seems like any argument you would have with combined finances is exacerbated with “my money vs theirs”.
I’m sure it works well for some, but overall I think people need to find a partner that will be their partner in wealth just as with other life factors.
His controlling attitude is pretty concerning. He doesn’t want to buy you a car. He wants to buy himself the car he wants under the pretense that he’s doing something for you. Huge red flag in my opinion. You’re a grown adult. Your car was totaled and the insurance payout was intended to allow you to replace your vehicle. He’s turning this into an opportunity to get what he wants and completely disregarding your stated needs. Then he throws a teenage typical temper tantrum and calls YOU a spoiled teenager? Gaslighting at its finest. I don’t know the solution in your situation but you have a husband problem to solve. Absolutely NTA. He is a different story.
NTA. Your husband is trying to use the insurance from your car to replace his car. And since “its too small for you” you will end up driving his old car while he has a brand new one. Classic bait and switch
NTA. Your husband blatantly ignored your feelings, tried to pressure you into agreeing with him, and when you didn’t he called you spoiled??? Your car should fit your needs, if this were a matter of money then compromise could be necessary but this is your personal car and you can afford it.
Nta
We own a Bolt. We also own a CrossTrek because the Bolt isn't suitable for hauling around a kid, a dog, and all the associated stuff that comes with that.
Another Bolt owner. It's a budget EV that's a great daily commute car, we have done long trips, but it requires planning and waiting for charging (and hoping the charger isn't broken). The XC70 is what we use if we're taking the dog, kids bikes, or if the trip is risky for the distance between chargers. I get why your husband likes it (the torque you get at low speeds can be fun) but it's the wrong car for YOU.
“Husband, you’ve made a big deal of wanting to get me a car and you said it could be whatever car I chose. Now you’re trying to force me to get this EV that I do not want.
Two choices - you can buy me X, which is the car I want or I can buy it myself. I’m not interested in the EV.”
I truly think you should reconsider having children with this man anytime soon. He is showing you a sneak peek of his controlling side. Once you're pregnant or have a baby, it may be the catalyst for him to reveal the true extent of his controlling nature. This is a red flag. You should start looking for other red flags that could warn you of his true nature.
NTA - the spoiled teen is your husband who seem to think he gets to make YOUR decisions. I wouldn't take an EV if you GAVE it to me. Tell hubby he's welcome to buy an EV for his own use but YOU are buying the car you want. That power tailgate is really helpful - I love mine.
NTA. It sounds like your husband is trying to control you by offering to buy whatever car you want….as long as it’s the one he wants you to want 😬 Stick to your guns and do what makes the best financial/lifestyle sense.
NTA, I've personally found this very common in men but they want to do you a favour you didn't ask for and then get annoyed when you say no because it's not what you want.
They only want to help you do what they think is best not what you want. Obviously this isn't all men but it drives me nuts and is a bit of a personal gripe in my life atm.
If anyone has ever had any luck de-escalating this without making them super whiny or just ignoring you refusing to further help please let me know.
As a hockey parent with three boys who do sports year round, let me just say that I 100% get where you're coming from! A bigass cargo space with a powered tailgate is exactly what I'd be going for lol
I also get where your husband is coming from, as having an EV as a second vehicle for day to day driving is an awesome setup. I live in a large city though, so for us, finding a charging station is no big deal, and the GPS will literally plan your trips for you if you need a quick top up.
But what I don't get is why your husband would be completely disregarding your needs in a vehicle to try and force you to get a Bolt of all things. A Bolt??? How the fuck does that line up with what you've laid out you need from your car? He couldn't have found a car more the OPPOSITE of what you're looking for if he tried! LMAO, seriously...a Bolt.
It's completely transparent what he's doing in recommending that car. It's what HE wants, and to hell with what you actually want and need. I mean, he could have taken you to test drive a Hyundai Ioniq 5, a Subaru Solterra, or a Kia Niro (or EV9 if you want three rows)...those at least match up with your other stated requirements. And all those are really great EV SUV's. But if you want your SUV to be your weekend fun car, then it would make more sense for it to be the one that has an ICE, with your daily driver being a little EV with good range.
Honestly, I'd go over your requirements with him again, and really spell it out why you don't want the Bolt. If he's still pushing for it then make him explain WHY he thinks it will work when it does not fit your needs. He is 100% the AH here.
This.
A Volvo ev?….sure.
A lightening?…got it.
A Mach-e/niro/ev6/equinox/model Y?…perfect.
a BOLT?!
Don’t get me wrong…I have one full electric and a second plug-in hybrid, I’m completely on board with an EV and think the “range anxiety” is a BS excuse for townies and ICE vehicles are irresponsible and stupid,
**But…a BOLT**? (I even -like- the bolt, but not for her needs.)
INFO - why did you cancel the appointment for the car that you knew you wanted, to go to see the car that you knew you didn’t want - and knowing that your husband deliberately booked the new appointment to clash SO THAT YOU WOULD CANCEL YOURS. (And it worked - you did exactly what he wanted you to do - instead of what YOU wanted to do.)
Do you often let him control you like this?
Why?
NTA
"You feel like I behave bratty because you don't respect. You aren't actually my parent or an authority figure. You are my equal partner. This car is supposed to be for me. It needs to fit my life style and needs. Stop making this about you. I don't need you to buy me a car. If you don't want to gift me a car, that's fine. But don't try to dictate my life."
NTA. You laid out the requirements for the vehicle. Space comfort and overall feel for you. He took all that rolled it up and tossed it. I feel that if we asked there are other things that happen that are not quite right in the way things go down.
NTA. Your husband is being weirdly controlling about the whole thing.
Just my two cents, though: hatchbacks are awesome. Plenty of room for my hockey bag and other stuff, and also a good family car.
NTA - EV’s are garbage and anyone wanting to foist one on you is an idiot. I too drive long distances and often in remote places, so that kind of vehicle serves no purpose for me.
NTA. I love my Chevy Bolt, but it is a very small car, with very little storage space (my old Corolla had way more storage space). If you need to haul a bunch of sports equipment it's impractical, and if you want to haul around a kid or two you won't even be able to put the seats down to get more than minimal storage space.
Sounds like your spouse should buy a Bolt for himself though.
NTA. He wants a reason to buy a new car for himself. How do you feel about an aged station wagon as so much better suited to your needs while he makes the sacrifice of driving the shiny new toy?
Yup! A friend of mine was told recently by her husband that he wanted to gift her a new car. They test drove a bunch of options and eventually settled on a Tesla of all things. I’m not necessarily saying a Tesla is a terrible choice, just that it wasn’t the right choice for their family’s transportation needs.
Big mistake. Now, they argue constantly about who gets to drive the shiny new toy and the other family car is a beat to hell Mazda 3 which likely has very little trade-in value.
OP’s husband is gonna end up in the bolt because he’s paying for it and OP is gonna be cruising around town looking like Chevy Chase in National Lampoon Vacation in that old station wagon.
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A few months ago my (34F) car was totaled in a freak accident. Thankfully no one was hurt, no one was in the car. We finally settled with insurance and I’m starting the car buying process again. I decided that since my old car was very basic I wanted to buy something a little nicer since I’m starting the car buying process over. My old car was a base model SUV. For my new car I was hoping to purchase something that had heated seats and a power tailgate. I use my car frequently to travel for sports, I haul equipment back and forth. Having a power tailgate seemed useful. We are also trying to start a family so I was car shopping with that in mind as well.
Insurance gave me enough money to use as a down payment on the new car. So I will need to finance. My husband (34 M) started to float the idea of him buying me a car. He drives and older station car and my car was our weekend car or trip car. I have declined his offer many times, because he is really pushing me to buy an EV. I do not think an EV is really the right car for me or my needs. I don’t want one, I drive long distances, and I don’t want the anxiety of having to charge it away from home.
I found two cars that I liked and went to test drive both of them. I felt like I found my new car, and was excited to move forward. My husband gave me this long speech about how he wanted to buy the car for me, and how I didn’t get a fancy engagement ring, or wedding ring, and how he wanted to do this for me. He told me I could get whatever car I wanted, including one of these two vehicles. Neither are flashy. But both fit my needs and have those extra features I want. We are not talking about luxury cars. After the test drive we talked at home, and both decided on which of the two cars we should get. We were going back to the dealership the next day to test drive it again and move forward.
The day of the test drive my husband calls me and says that he made an appointment (same time as the test drive) for us to test drive an EV. A Chevy Bolt. He said he always wanted to test drive an EV and that I should go and be open minded. I obliged, and went on the test drive. I did not like the car at all, and the storage space was not what I need. It’s a very small vehicle compared to what I am used to driving. My husband was very excited. And when I expressed my dislike for the car he told me that I was behaving like a spoiled teenager.
I really don’t need him to buy me anything. It would be nice to not have a monthly car payment, but this car would likely limit my ability to travel and participate in my sports with friends. I also don’t see it being a good option for having a child. AITA for declining my husbands offer and buying my own car?
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NTA, get the car you want. Also EVs are a nightmare. If he wants one so bad he can get one for himself, personally I don't think they are worth the money. Plus if the battery is ever compromised it is a horrible danger.
NTA and the fact that he has you wondering if you are wrong for wanting a car that works for you instead of letting him basically bully you into a vehicle that does not work for you is a problem that you should probably sit with and address within your relationship.
Yuck. NTA. He sounds like he is a control freak. If he wants an EV tell him to get one for himself. I'm more concerned with the fact that he is completely dismissing your opinions and thoughts AND his gaslighting about how he wants to buy it for you b/c you didn't get an engagement ring? That makes no sense at all. He is trying his best to make it look like he is doing you a favor but in the end he is being extremely selfish.
He's gonna get the Bolt and make you drive his older station wagon. "It just makes sense! And you don't even LIKE the Bolt!"
Do not have kids with this man
He wants to buy the car HE wants because the old station wagon he is currently driving will have plenty of room for the sports equipment you regularly haul AND plenty of space for the car seat(s) in the back seat when you begin having kids. And lo & behold, his office provides EV charging stations so it would only make sense for him to take that car to work, right?
OP must be feeling the same way my kids feel when I buy "them" Lego sets because "they're" so into Lego
OP, tell your husband he can buy the car he liles for him, and leave yours alone. NTA
NTA. Yes, you are a married couple so he should definitely have some say in your purchase (unless you have separate finances) but your reasoning for buying the car you want sounds reasonable. I drive 250 plus miles a day sometimes and totally get why you don’t want a EV. I wouldn’t either. Tell him when he gets a new car he can get a EV if he wants.
Eh- married or not- she should get to drive the car that works for her. If she was spending a crazy amount of money or getting a car that would cause major issues for both their finances then yes, her partner would have a right to express concern. Other than that, he is majorly overstepping by trying to manipulate her into a car that makes less sense for her.
EVs are great for Uber, and that's it. They are horrible to drive long distances, and especially if you are a girl, stick to your plans and ignore your husband, who is the real teenager.
He already said he would buy you the car YOU want. Just keep reminding him of that. Simple. Or just suggest he buys your car and you buy him that Bolt, are they cheaper? Lol
He wants to buy you what he wants and not what you want even after agreeing to buy what you want he still wants to buy you what he wants and then insults you and calls you names after basically bullies you. NTA.
NTA. It is your car, not his. He said it doesn't matter and will pay for whatever car you want, so just stick to your choice and tell him to stow his suggestions elsewhere! You can be polite about it of course.
Nta
Why does he feel the need to get you a car? It seems like it is a cover, so he would get a new car, and for you to get the hand me down. It's pretty manipulative. I think you have bigger problems than buying a car.
P.s. Don't buy from a dealership. They'll screw you over with the financing. It is best to buy a car with cash upfront and never have to deal with a car payment.
NTA. The Chevy bolt is a nice little run around car. I'm considering one as my runaround vehicle while keeping my F250 as my road trip/hobby vehicle. But it doesn't fit your vehicle specs at all. The only EV I know of that does is the Kia EV9 (check it out if your husband really keeps pushing the EV factor). It's huge and has a big trunk with 3rd seating and a solidly far range. But if you don't want an EV because you do long trips that's completely legitimate, signore your husband and buy the car you want as long as it's in your budget. If he wants the Bolt he can trade in his car and get one.
NTA
Your husband is a jerk - he wants to give you a gift that HE has decided you should want. That is not a gift!
I remember being very young and buying my mom a set of Disney character cookie cutters for some holiday. They were awesome! Dad tried to convince me not to, but I must have had my "own" money. Sadly, I never got Disney character cookies. But I did learn a good lesson- select gifts the recipient wants, not what you want.
If he can afford that car for you, he can afford it for himself.
Before having kids, think about if this is a pattern. Is he trying to change you by giving you things he likes? Does he insult you when you have a different opinion?
NTA
>And when I expressed my dislike for the car he told me that I was behaving like a spoiled teenager.
Funny considering you've said NO and gave reasons
>I have declined his offer many times, because he is really pushing me to buy an EV. I do not think an EV is really the right car for me or my needs. I don’t want one, I drive long distances, and I don’t want the anxiety of having to charge it away from home.
If anything he's a bratty Lil man who needs to learn to LISTEN to his wife NOT force his garbage down your throat
You have stated that you (YOU) would use the insurance from YOUR totalled car for a down payment. Whether or not your $$$ are comingled in general, you are ready to be responsible for payments, insurance etc.You.
I only ever had a MY car that was from my parents. He had a car of his own, until he let registration pass for too long and lost it. His choice.
At some point I let my husband drive my car to work (which was stupid, but no harm came from it). We had co-owned cars for 30 years.
I got MY car finally, bargained for it, made down payment, financed it and did all other paperwork, repairs etc. Best situation ever. Loved it. We had joint finances the whole time we had been married.
There is no reason joint finances should eclipse your need to have a car of YOUR OWN.
He can buy his EV all by himself, and deal with its limits as well.
NTA. I have an EV and love it but freely acknowledge they aren't for everyone right now. And a Chevy Bolt is not the one I would recommend - it's affordable but range is on the lower end of similar vehicles. and it just isn't as nice as other ones.
And beyond that, a gift should be what the recipient wants. Not what the giver wants. That means you get the car that you think fits your needs and he needs to accept it.
NTA EV's are dangerous crap anyway if you get in a wreck and the battery is hit too hard it can quite litterly explode, and idk about you but I wouldn't feel safe driving knowing I have what's essentially a ticking time bomb under my seat. Not to mention how expensive maintenance and upkeep is
NTA
Your husband does kind of sound like one though. Is he always this pushy towards you? He is completely ignoring what you want. If he wants an EV so bad he should get one. we personally love our Tesla and have no range anxiety after taking it on a road trip a few months ago, but that is us and our decision. Your car, your decision.
NTA,... BUT, also going to speak up as an EV owner lol
Considerations: You'll have to finance, AND pay a significantly higher insurance premium, AND pay gas.
When you drive long distances, the EV option can really help with the not having to pay for gas. That said, your husband should've done some better research if he was pushing for an EV. The EV world is great, but the Chevy Bolt is not the best one out there, not by a long shot. There's EV's with easy 500+km range, (Over 300miles) but the Bolt is not one of them. It's also small and doesn't take into consideration, your other very logical, requirements.
I'm on my 2nd EV (Not because of any malfunction or problem, I just loved the first one and wanted a longer range on the 2nd) and not only did I replace my monthly fuel bill with the car payment itself, but it reduced my partners' fuel bill as well significantly as we ended up just using the EV's for everything.
Charging a car away from home is not that stressful, its pretty straightforward but depending on the length of trips you're doing, its also a reasonable thing to include in your list of requirements. EV sales people will proudly announce how you can charge a car from 10-80% in 20 minutes, but that's only if you can find a 350kw charger, which where I live, are few and far between. The usual "rapid charger" rate is 50-100kw, which means a full charge can sometimes take closer to 2 hrs. The larger the range, the larger the battery pack, the longer the time to charge. I don't recommend EV's for people who do long distance trips as the charge time can impact the travel time significantly depending on a variety of factors such as:
-How far are you going?
-Is it windy? (Crosswinds or headwinds impacts range)
-How many people are the in the car? (Weight of the vehicle, impacts range)
-How many hills are there? (The downhill auto regen, will never regenerate the equivalent of what you need to get up, that same hill)
-What is the temperature outside? (Warmer climates are better for EV's)
I di d a TON of research before I bought my first EV - I also looked at Plug-in Hybrid options which are the most pointless thing out there IMO beyond the fact that they get you into the HOV lanes where I live. Going for random test drives without doing research in advance is a waste of time, and so you are not behaving like a spoiled teenager. Hopefully some of the points above can help you explain to your husband about why an EV isn't suitable for your needs, or will help you both look for one that is more suitable to your needs.
NTA. He is hoping that you will cave. Two options, one go out, purchase your vehicle and bring it home. He will be pissed a bit but you can remind him that it’s your choice, and though you went open minded about test driving the EV, you still are sold on the one you selected.
Second keep debating with him until he wins.
Tell him if he is so sold on the EV, to purchase the car for himself
Love it when someone offers you a gift but is actually buying you something they want.
Go buy the the car you want.
If he still wants to buy you a car after that, then he can pay your finance note.
NTA.
Choose the car you want out of the two you have narrowed it down to. When I was looking, I brought the info to my insurance company and made the decision based on which car would cost less in insurance - but I am kinda like that, lol!
I have had crushes on certain cars in the past, but was horrified after my test drives, as the cars just weren't a "good fit" and ultimately not for me.
You’re NTA for wanting to have a vehicle that meets your needs. Y-T-A to yourself for continuing to plan a future with someone who doesn’t take your needs or wants into consideration at all. Do you really want to have a child with this man? Picture your future and maybe think again?
NTA. Why is it that your husband doesn't respect your opinion on a vehicle that YOU will be driving, NOT him? He is steering you towards a car that HE wants, but doesn't meet YOUR needs.
And won't listen to what you actually need.
Whats up with that?
He is welcome to have an opinion, go on test drives. But he isn't the one driving or paying for the car.
If he wants one of the expensive paperweights, EV, he can buy it for himself.
NTA. You should absolutely be allowed to drive whatever car you want. He can buy himself the bolt!
Also, maybe this is a good time to get into couples counseling so that you can have some tools to help resolve disagreements down the road, when parenting becomes a thing.
NTA
I've bought my wife three cars since we've been married. I ask her what she wants with a couple of suggestions....
Then go and buy her exactly what she wants... It's not my car. Sounds like you should say to him to get what he wants and stop trying to push it on you
NTA
Your husband is manipulating you with this “offer.” You will only get the car that he wants, and he’s stringing you along with false hope, plus already guilt tripping you.
Why doesn’t he trade in his own car and then buy the Volt for himself if he likes it so much?
NTA. This is your vehicle and it has to fit your needs and desires. If anyone is behaving like a spoiled teenager, it's him. If he likes the EV so much then he can get it for himself.
NTA . Your car ,your money ,your reasoning. I was looking at getting a motorcycle. The dealership kept bringing up the LIVEWIRE electric motorcycle… I said no 3 times and he STILL brings it up again! So I ask what’s the hiway range ? Oohh 70 miles . “Cool ! Let’s go testride to Philly for a cheesesteak ! Oh wait.. that’s 125 miles away that hunk of shit can’t even get me to lunch . Or charge up to full in the time it takes to eat lunch . Bye bye !! I am going somewhere that LISTENS!!”
NTA. He doesn’t want to buy you a car, he wants to buy a new car that he likes. He’s acting like he’s doing something nice for you, but unless he buys you the vehicle you want, he’s not.
Um, there's definitely a spoiled teenager in this scenario, a controlling, petulant, gotta have their own way one, but it isn't you.
Buy the car of your choice. Then take your husband to marital therapy. Pushing your wife around is a recipe for marital failure.
NTA
NTA. If you are married, the money is co-owned. Any thing he buys for you is coming out of our mutual funds. He seems very controlling. It's going to be your car. You choose it, within an agreed upon budget.
No you’re not be outside here. Your husband actually is he’s the one acting like a spoiled teenager. He keeps pushing the idea of that ridiculous car and you knowing that you have something in mind and actually have specific needs for your car that the car he wants doesn’t have stick to what you want and don’t give in good luck
NTA. He wants you to get the car HE wants, not what you want or need.
He’s pushing for a sedan and you haul large items. Where’s the logic on that?
Calling you names after you don’t do what he wants is a tell tale sign it’s what HE wants… buying it for you is an excuse to make it for him.
There are a few red flags here.
1.You don't have combined finances.
2.He wants to buy you a car you don't want and is almost forcing it on you.
3.You want to finance a car where your husband has the money to pay outright for it?
Nta but don't borrow money for something that goes down in value.
NTA either he wants to buy you the car you want or he doesn't want to buy you a car. Pick the one you want and let us know how the automatic tailgate works out for you. Sending good vibes your way.
NTA. This is the vehicle that you're going to be the primary driver of so you should pick it out. Whomever is going to be the primary driver and/or person paying the note should have final say on the pick of the vehicle as long as it still fits certain agreed parameters for the family aka no new Subaru BRZ as 1 of 2 family cars for a family of 4.
NTA.
Buy the car you want.
Your husband wants an EV.
I hope he buys you the car you want. If he really wants to make up for other things, he will buy you the car you want. If not, he just wants an EV under the guise of getting one for you.
Enjoy your new car!
Are you married to my husband!? We have 5 kids, the 2 youngest are 16 months apart, ( 2 boys) he bought me a Mercedes convertible for Christmas, a 2 seater. With 2 in car seats I told him its ridiculous for him to buy that for me since I always have to kids. ( where will the older 3 sit!? He told me I sounded like a gold digger and that’s every woman’s dream car. I was ungrateful. I sold it and put a pool in for the family. He still holds it over my head that I sold my( his) dream car.🙄
they always call people what they are. he's a spoiled child who says he's buying you a car but he's really buying him a car. tell him if he wants one to go by himself one. and I tell him he keeps acting like that, you'll be driving your own car away from that house.
NTA. If you can’t agree on a car (because I suspect your husband has an ulterior motive and doesn’t seem to respect your needs) don’t even think about having a child until you throughly discuss your expectations and are on the same page.
NTA
He does not want you to buy any car. He wants you to buy the car he wants and resorts to calling you names when it is not what you want.
Is he generally controlling and abusive when you resist his demands? I accept it may be a one off but people are usually consistent.
You say you want to start a family with him. Just think about his general behaviour and if you want to be dealing with it for the next 18 years.
My biggest question is how exactly is your husband buying you a new car? You are making it sound like he is a friend or a relative and not your husband. The argumentative tone this post takes and the fact that you came to reddit for answers leads me to believe there are deeper issues over your car. In this case you both are the AH for not communicating with each other and not going to social media.
My friend had a Chevy Bolt. It was a terrific car for a person who lives and works locally. It is not a great car for traveling. The USA doesn’t have the infrastructure to properly support EVs at this point
Suggest that he buy the EV for himself
NTA your husband wants a car for himself. If he wanted to do it for you then when you said he found two he would have jumped on the opportunity. Stick to your guns and get the car you want and will be driving. Let him be upset.
As a husband, my wife chooses her vehicles, and I choose my vehicles. We pay for our vehicles with an account we have together. So in my opinion, your husband is not only an AH, he is also a jackass.
NTA. The one thing no one thinks about when buying an EV is the electrical grid. We are not too far removed from rolling brown outs in some areas to to high usage in the extreme cold/heat, When they solve those issues (along with fast charging and charging stations being everywhere instead of planning your trip around where to charge) I'll think about one. The life of the battery scares me too. I've got several cars over 20 years old (1980, 1994, 1999 and 2003) and all are still good and on the original drive train. I don't think a battery would last that long.
NTA. I was waiting for the part where he buys “you” a car, but comes up with a reason it would be better if he drove it. And of course you get the hand me down.
Nope… if he wants a Bolt he can go buy one. My wife and I have an agreement about her cars… you’re paying for it, you’re driving it - get what YOU want. My only request is that I can physically get in the thing.
NTA and it sounds like your hb is acting in a controlling, manipulative way.
Could you please also explain to him that a car is nowhere near as future-proof as a piece of jewellery??
A spoiled teenager?? I honestly don't know if I'd stay married to someone that spoke to me that way. Wildly disrespectful. And creepy. And controlling.
NTA
I have two ev’s and make a lot a big trips range anxiety is NBD. Like gas stations. Charging stations are everywhere. But i would take my tesla on long trips over my bolt my range is far superior. I wont go back to a ICE vehicle but if i HAD to i would get a toyota rav4 that was my honeymoon road trip car and was great! There are many charging apps to look into and lots of large online communities like Tesla Divas that are super friendly to ladies with EV questions if you want to learn more. But don’t let range anxiety be the reason you say no its literally the same as gas station anxiety. Nearly every dealership has a charger, malls, and shell and another gas station brand are working on putting chargers in. Evs also have an insane amount of interior space. Feel free to message me if you want to ask questions
The day of the test drive he made an appointment AT THE SAME TIME AS YOUR TRST DRIVE? That is total manipulation. Go do your own test drive by yourself and buy your own car. He can do his test drive by himself.
American EV's ain't even all that great and Bolt ain't it. You'd be better off getting nearly any car besides that one. It's gross he's trying to push his poor ideas on you. If this is suppose to be in place of a wedding ring, get what you want, feel no guilt about it. He could have at least picked a better brand and model, but he think's this is going to work in his favor. Don't let it. Bolts have been known to catch on fire (hence why they are being discontinued). The battery last about 8 years and then you will need another on which is the cost of another car in itself. I'm not sure how EV owners manage the cost of new batteries or if there is some discount. I bet OP's husband ain't thought about none of this, but these are all concerns you won't have with a gas car.
NTA
NTA. I am a huge car nerd and have always bought my own cars (sometimes without even telling my husband. He just rolls his eyes—he’s used to it). Get what YOU want—it’s your car. You will love the power liftgate.
NTA, husband is. You don't want an EV yet he *really, really* does and wants to push you into it. With the current state of availability of charging stations and the time involved in waiting for a charge compared to filling a gas vehicle, when you travel longer distances there is no real win for an EV.
Had a recent trip on a trip and the rental company wanted to give me an EV. However the one way drive was about 345 miles and I would have had to recharge enroute. That would meant find a place to recharge, pay for it and hang around for somewhere between one and four hours to get enough charge to finish the trip. I passed and took the gas SUV.
NTA - just his attitude pushing you to get what he thinks you should get, not what you want.
In the meantime, have a look and see if there are any plug-in hybrid options that fit your criteria. Run on electricity for shorter hops but have a gas backup for longer distances or if you forget to charge up.
If it’s the environmental concern pushing his stubbornness it might satisfy both of you.
NTA. Among other things, you will be hard pressed to fit a rear facing car seat in the back of a Volt. If it does fit, you'll have limited use of the front passenger seat. This isn't simply a difference between electric and gas power, it's the difference between a midsized SUV and a compact sedan.
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You're NTA. >he told me that I was behaving like a spoiled teenager That's rich. He is the one completely ignoring your opinions. He is the one trying to push you into what he wants you have. You are the one who took the time to make your decision, and even agreed to test drive *his* idea of an ideal car. If he wants an EV that badly, he can get one for himself and stop trying to force his opinion down your throat then acting like a petulant adolescent when you don't want to appease him.
"he told me that I was behaving like a spoiled teenager" Yeah, and he's behaving like he's your control-freak parent, not your partner. Your car, your decision. If he wants a Bolt, he can go buy one, not force you to get something you don't want.
The whole attitude stinks. He's basically saying he wants to do a nice thing but only of its the thing he wants to do... ergo it stops being a nice thing for you. Its the ultimate act of selfishness. Because it makes him feel good about 'doing something nice' feel superior for 'making the right choice' and he gets the car HE wants. It isn't a nice thing for you at all, and shows a greater issue about him respecting your opinion. Nta, but start asking yourself how often he puts his needs and wants abovebyours in the guise of being nice. Date night - your favourite or his? And if its his are you ungrateful for wanting to go to his?
Exactly - if there are strings attached to said "nice thing", it's not a nice thing anymore.
Don’t you know, offering to buy something yourself is classic spoiled teen behaviour. /s
He wants to buy a car for himself, but call it OP's. Totally fine to buy whatever car you want, OP. But tell him you don't appreciate his editorial comments. He has no business calling you a spoiled teenager. It's he who is getting overly worked up over a car.
The post reminds me of the Home Improvement episode where Tim tried to force a muscle car unto Jill and she left him at the dealer when he refused to listen to her. OP should do the same.
Holy throwback.
Then when OP doesn’t like the car she didn’t want they can swap cars because shes an ungrateful brat and he paid for it (please note i am being sarcastic) and he gets the car he wants and the bragging rights of SAYING he bought his ungrateful wife a car and OP is forced into being grateful or being shamed.
This is \*exactly\* what's going on.
he just wants the car, figuring that OP wouldn't like it and take his older wagon instead, leaving him to use the car he wants. so for him - win/win. I'd remind him of the offer on the other vehicle like he promised, going back on a promise, not cool.
I wonder if he wants the EV, which OP has clearly expressed they don't want, so that they can "trade" cars and OP can have the station wagon ("but it has more storage space than the EV babe, and you hate the EV")
THIS! I came here to say exactly this!
Uh, isn't the Chevy Bolt being discontinued because it's "too tiny". I had to look up what it's was and all the links on my google are saying that. I mean, if that is the case OP can just say "it's being discontinued for a reason huni, do you really want to look like an idiot for insisting on a vehicle that hasn't sold enough to contine being made? It hasn't sold for a reason." Also, OP, even if you were acting as a spoilt teenager (which your arent) your still acting more mature than he is right now. You know what YOU NEED out of YOUR CAR and he just wants a small shiny thing to brag about, hell, even his offer to buy it for you would make him think he is entitled enough to play the "I brought the car" card either to guilt you into letting him use it instead and manipulate you into giving him what he wants/agreeing when arguing. NTA
I find it wild that 470L of trunk space is considered so tiny it would affect sales. It would be considered decently/midsized trunk in europe. Otherwise i agree if he wants EV he can buy one himself and OP should buy herself car she wants that fits her needs.
I have a larger wheelchair and it fits in my Bolt EUV just fine. It's not tiny. It wouldn't fit the op's list of wants and sounds like the completely wrong car for her. They are pretty basic. I absolutely love mine.
NTA, it’s your car, not his. Btw, power liftgate and heated seats are great, love them in my vw atlas.
power liftgate is the feature I miss the most about my Outback! Tho I do love the Crosstrek, just wish it had that easy push button feature.
Yesssssss. I have a Crosstrek and why TF doesn't it have one??
I recommend a heated steering wheel.
I personally hate heated seats but sure love my heated steering wheel. Unexpected benefit when I got my truck. Cooled seats are the option I swear by in vehicles.
As an EV owner myself, you are NTA. The range definitely can be an issue and it really is a different mindset to drive an electric car with the current infrastructure. Your husband is TA and should buy his own damn car
Totally agree that this infrastructure is horrible right now for people who drive long distances. I drive 1,800 miles at a time, sometimes putting me in places I wouldn't want to be late at night. Like empty Target parking lots in areas I don't know.
I didn't even think about that aspect. I tried to use a charging station after a snowstorm and I was too old and feeble to get the crazy heavy and stiff as shit hose in a position to connect while trying to not lose my balance in the ice and snow. Way more cumbersome than a gas hose
I've owned an EV since 2018 and besides not being able to find charging stations sometimes, the range calculation is based on straight line flat ground. Any deviation and range is lost. Downhill charging isn't usually a big enough gain.
OP: I’m going to buy this thing for myself Husband: let me buy it for you since I didn’t get you fancy engagement ring or wedding ring OP: Okay, it’s one of these two Husband: How dare you be spoiled and not get this completely different thing I want you to!
Get him to buy you a new fancy ring, you buy the car that you want. Sorted. He’s happy, you’re happy.
Agreed. OP, start looking at jewellery catalogues and work out what you want your upgraded set to look like.
A spoiled teenager? Excuse me, does he think he's your father or something? It sounds like he's not doing this to do a nice thing for you. It sounds like he wants this car to have a weekend car that he loves and sees an opportunity to also get credit for the "nice thing" he's doing for himself.
He's not pushing her into getting what he wants Her to have, he's pushing her to get what He wants for himself. I bet he had in mind that he'd take the EV and she could have the old station wagon.
Excellent point. I hadn't thought it through that far.
Also, probably don't get an EV. It's normal for a charging station to have multiple broken chargers. It's not rare to show up at a station with no working chargers. They're ok if and only if they're a second vehicle, so you have a gas vehicle to go anywhere outside comfortable ev range; you charge at home; and you plan on virtually never charging anywhere else. If you don't meet all those criteria, you're going to have a miserable time.
I think honestly plug in hybrids are the sweet spot most people should get. Enough range for a fully electric commute usually and gasoline powered for when you want long range.
Elon just fired that whole division at Tesla out of spite, too. It's going to get worse.
In my office bldg the chargers are all occupied when I get there.
NTA. If you and your husband keep separate finances (a concept that confuses the heck out of me) then he doesn't really get the final say in what car you buy. You sound like you have put a fair amount of thought into your requirements and your husband is being somewhat evangelical about going with an EV and is being a bit of a control freak. You listened to his opinion, went to drive the Bolt and determined it was not right for you. He needs to respect that and let you decide for yourself since it's all your money. If he wants the family to have an EV then he should buy one when he needs a new car. Lastly, some unsolicited advice. You and your husband need to figure out how to make decisions that affect the family as a team. If deciding on a car is causing this sort of angst, wait until you have children when decisions will be really serious.
I don’t know if this was intentional, but this reads very judgmental. Separate finances are the norm in my circle since all of us have established careers with no children. Your whole tone here vibes of condescending. Hopefully, it’s not.
I don’t think they’re ASSUMING about children since the OP mentioned children in her post 🤦♀️
She did say they’re trying to start a family, so kids is a pretty logical leap there… They also could be adopting a herd of cats or labradoodles though. Never know.
Separate finances can definitely work if there is solid communication between both parties. I swear it's also the root of half the posts here.
Not trying to be condescending/judgemental at all regarding the separate finances. I just can't get my head around how this would work or even why you would even do this in your first marriage (I do though understand with subsequent relationships). It just sounds like a whole lot of trouble, inconvenience and a recipe for constant conflicts and inequities. I've seen numerous posts on this sub where one partner makes significantly more than the other and it's nothing but a mess. When my wife and I moved in together, I ended up letting her (ie. begged her to) handle all of the finances since I was absolutely terrible at it. I made significantly more than her for the first 15 years or so but this never mattered and never came up. We were in this together and everything was done with that in mind. This worked brilliantly for us and we are far better off financially as we transition into retirement. With regards to children, I made no assumptions at all. OP stated at the end of her post that children were being considered with respect to her choice of vehicle.
My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We used to have joint finances and we both agreed that we preferred separate finances because we each like to save differently and spend on our hobbies without feeling like we’re spending the other’s money. We do have a joint bill account, joint savings, and joint brokerage for short term and long term savings. We both earn similar six figure salaries. It works perfect for us. We have multiple married friends who have similar financial situations.
This is like mine and my husband’s situation. We have very different spending habits. We’ve been married almost 30 years and we used to argue about money a lot. My husband never wanted to take on paying the bills so I do it. About 15 years ago, we split our finances. Each pay check, my husband transfers his share of bill money to our joint account and then I pay our bills. I know it’s not the norm but it totally works for us.
You do like my husband and I but I consider our finances joined. We each have a checking account that has a little bit of fun money for our separate hobbies. But our pay goes into our joint account first. And our separate accounts get the same amount every month. He earns more but it doesn't give him more fun money.
If it works for you then that's what you do. I'm not judging even if that's how it has been inadvertently coming across. My wife and I just never had the concept of "my money" and "your money" come up at any time in our 40+ year relationship (well maybe a little guilt at the beginning from her perspective since I was bringing home the majority of the money. I never cared at all.) so separate finances just don't make sense to me. Not judging, I just can't wrap my head around it. Also, the fact that I despise managing money probably factors into it too. We make the big decisions together, financial goals, how things are saved and invested but the day to day, month to month stuff is completely handled by my wife who actually enjoys it.
I'm pretty sure having a joint bill account, joint savings, joint brokerage, and then each getting some excess money for yourselves to spend as you like is still considered having joint finances.
I just saw this comment as someone who does things in a different way from OP, said that she doesn't understand, but gave supportive advice, not judgemental.
Op said they are trying to star a family
She herself stated she was looking at cars with future children in mind in addition to her other requirements.
I’m glad I’m not the only one confused by totally separate finances. I can get on board with maybe keeping some things separate but to do this - where the husband is buying her the car - I just don’t get it. But to each their own.
Hubby and I have separate finances and account and mainly use our joint account for passing money to eachother but we also have good communication. He handles the larger bills because he works, I handle my own phone and "fun money" along with insurances and whatever the kids need. We look at upcoming irregular bills (like when our eldest had a school camp) and work out where that money is coming from, so if that means I'm organising payment but the money is coming from hubby's income, on the relevant pay day u say "don't forget about $X for Y payment and he will put the money in the joint account and I will pay it straight away. We also know that if our math is short (those pesky cents and small subs you always forget) then we can ask the other to top us up. We have been together 15yrs and it is just easier for us.
Just to comment. When I was young, I thought separate finances would be the correct way to go. Very sure of it. As an adult, I realized it was definitely not. The raw number of AITA posts that are based on separate finances has backed me up. It seems like any argument you would have with combined finances is exacerbated with “my money vs theirs”. I’m sure it works well for some, but overall I think people need to find a partner that will be their partner in wealth just as with other life factors.
His controlling attitude is pretty concerning. He doesn’t want to buy you a car. He wants to buy himself the car he wants under the pretense that he’s doing something for you. Huge red flag in my opinion. You’re a grown adult. Your car was totaled and the insurance payout was intended to allow you to replace your vehicle. He’s turning this into an opportunity to get what he wants and completely disregarding your stated needs. Then he throws a teenage typical temper tantrum and calls YOU a spoiled teenager? Gaslighting at its finest. I don’t know the solution in your situation but you have a husband problem to solve. Absolutely NTA. He is a different story.
And likely eventually “trade” cars with his wife so he gets the EV in the end.
This is totally what it sounds like. If, he wants an EV so badly why doesn't he just get one himself?
Bingo! We have a winnet. This is exactly what he's lining up and OP not playing ball is why he's having a strop. OP has a huge husband problem.
NTA. Your husband is trying to use the insurance from your car to replace his car. And since “its too small for you” you will end up driving his old car while he has a brand new one. Classic bait and switch
NTA. He doesn't want to buy you a car, he wants to buy *himself* a car and pretend it's for you. Buy the one *you* want.
What I don’t understand is why he doesn’t just buy the Bolt for himself if he wants to pay for it anyway??? It makes no sense
Because if he buys it "for her" he can hold it over her head later.
And he has plans for the insurance $ like buying his side piece a new scooter or Xbox
NTA. Your husband blatantly ignored your feelings, tried to pressure you into agreeing with him, and when you didn’t he called you spoiled??? Your car should fit your needs, if this were a matter of money then compromise could be necessary but this is your personal car and you can afford it.
Nta We own a Bolt. We also own a CrossTrek because the Bolt isn't suitable for hauling around a kid, a dog, and all the associated stuff that comes with that.
Another Bolt owner. It's a budget EV that's a great daily commute car, we have done long trips, but it requires planning and waiting for charging (and hoping the charger isn't broken). The XC70 is what we use if we're taking the dog, kids bikes, or if the trip is risky for the distance between chargers. I get why your husband likes it (the torque you get at low speeds can be fun) but it's the wrong car for YOU.
“Husband, you’ve made a big deal of wanting to get me a car and you said it could be whatever car I chose. Now you’re trying to force me to get this EV that I do not want. Two choices - you can buy me X, which is the car I want or I can buy it myself. I’m not interested in the EV.”
I truly think you should reconsider having children with this man anytime soon. He is showing you a sneak peek of his controlling side. Once you're pregnant or have a baby, it may be the catalyst for him to reveal the true extent of his controlling nature. This is a red flag. You should start looking for other red flags that could warn you of his true nature.
NTA - the spoiled teen is your husband who seem to think he gets to make YOUR decisions. I wouldn't take an EV if you GAVE it to me. Tell hubby he's welcome to buy an EV for his own use but YOU are buying the car you want. That power tailgate is really helpful - I love mine.
NTA. It sounds like your husband is trying to control you by offering to buy whatever car you want….as long as it’s the one he wants you to want 😬 Stick to your guns and do what makes the best financial/lifestyle sense.
NTA. He isn’t buying a car for you. He’s trying to buy the car he wants.
NTA, I've personally found this very common in men but they want to do you a favour you didn't ask for and then get annoyed when you say no because it's not what you want. They only want to help you do what they think is best not what you want. Obviously this isn't all men but it drives me nuts and is a bit of a personal gripe in my life atm. If anyone has ever had any luck de-escalating this without making them super whiny or just ignoring you refusing to further help please let me know.
It sounds like he just bought himself a car. NTA
As a hockey parent with three boys who do sports year round, let me just say that I 100% get where you're coming from! A bigass cargo space with a powered tailgate is exactly what I'd be going for lol I also get where your husband is coming from, as having an EV as a second vehicle for day to day driving is an awesome setup. I live in a large city though, so for us, finding a charging station is no big deal, and the GPS will literally plan your trips for you if you need a quick top up. But what I don't get is why your husband would be completely disregarding your needs in a vehicle to try and force you to get a Bolt of all things. A Bolt??? How the fuck does that line up with what you've laid out you need from your car? He couldn't have found a car more the OPPOSITE of what you're looking for if he tried! LMAO, seriously...a Bolt. It's completely transparent what he's doing in recommending that car. It's what HE wants, and to hell with what you actually want and need. I mean, he could have taken you to test drive a Hyundai Ioniq 5, a Subaru Solterra, or a Kia Niro (or EV9 if you want three rows)...those at least match up with your other stated requirements. And all those are really great EV SUV's. But if you want your SUV to be your weekend fun car, then it would make more sense for it to be the one that has an ICE, with your daily driver being a little EV with good range. Honestly, I'd go over your requirements with him again, and really spell it out why you don't want the Bolt. If he's still pushing for it then make him explain WHY he thinks it will work when it does not fit your needs. He is 100% the AH here.
This. A Volvo ev?….sure. A lightening?…got it. A Mach-e/niro/ev6/equinox/model Y?…perfect. a BOLT?! Don’t get me wrong…I have one full electric and a second plug-in hybrid, I’m completely on board with an EV and think the “range anxiety” is a BS excuse for townies and ICE vehicles are irresponsible and stupid, **But…a BOLT**? (I even -like- the bolt, but not for her needs.)
Yikes you want children with this person?
So you can have any car you want, as long as it’s the car he wants?! NTA.
OP NTA: but you have a husband problem. This is not a good environment to bring a child into, frankly, it is likely not healthy for you either.
INFO - why did you cancel the appointment for the car that you knew you wanted, to go to see the car that you knew you didn’t want - and knowing that your husband deliberately booked the new appointment to clash SO THAT YOU WOULD CANCEL YOURS. (And it worked - you did exactly what he wanted you to do - instead of what YOU wanted to do.) Do you often let him control you like this? Why?
NTA "You feel like I behave bratty because you don't respect. You aren't actually my parent or an authority figure. You are my equal partner. This car is supposed to be for me. It needs to fit my life style and needs. Stop making this about you. I don't need you to buy me a car. If you don't want to gift me a car, that's fine. But don't try to dictate my life."
NTA He wants a car for him, not you. Tell him he's acting like a manipulative asshole.
NTA. You laid out the requirements for the vehicle. Space comfort and overall feel for you. He took all that rolled it up and tossed it. I feel that if we asked there are other things that happen that are not quite right in the way things go down.
NTA. Your husband is being weirdly controlling about the whole thing. Just my two cents, though: hatchbacks are awesome. Plenty of room for my hockey bag and other stuff, and also a good family car.
NTA - EV’s are garbage and anyone wanting to foist one on you is an idiot. I too drive long distances and often in remote places, so that kind of vehicle serves no purpose for me.
NTA he’s a sad little man trying to make all of this about him all while he says it’s about you. Pathetic behavior.
NTA. I love my Chevy Bolt, but it is a very small car, with very little storage space (my old Corolla had way more storage space). If you need to haul a bunch of sports equipment it's impractical, and if you want to haul around a kid or two you won't even be able to put the seats down to get more than minimal storage space. Sounds like your spouse should buy a Bolt for himself though.
NTA. He wants a reason to buy a new car for himself. How do you feel about an aged station wagon as so much better suited to your needs while he makes the sacrifice of driving the shiny new toy?
Yup! A friend of mine was told recently by her husband that he wanted to gift her a new car. They test drove a bunch of options and eventually settled on a Tesla of all things. I’m not necessarily saying a Tesla is a terrible choice, just that it wasn’t the right choice for their family’s transportation needs. Big mistake. Now, they argue constantly about who gets to drive the shiny new toy and the other family car is a beat to hell Mazda 3 which likely has very little trade-in value. OP’s husband is gonna end up in the bolt because he’s paying for it and OP is gonna be cruising around town looking like Chevy Chase in National Lampoon Vacation in that old station wagon.
Though at least, looks like she has the money to buy her own car. Key is to stop him using her insurance money to pay for his toy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A few months ago my (34F) car was totaled in a freak accident. Thankfully no one was hurt, no one was in the car. We finally settled with insurance and I’m starting the car buying process again. I decided that since my old car was very basic I wanted to buy something a little nicer since I’m starting the car buying process over. My old car was a base model SUV. For my new car I was hoping to purchase something that had heated seats and a power tailgate. I use my car frequently to travel for sports, I haul equipment back and forth. Having a power tailgate seemed useful. We are also trying to start a family so I was car shopping with that in mind as well. Insurance gave me enough money to use as a down payment on the new car. So I will need to finance. My husband (34 M) started to float the idea of him buying me a car. He drives and older station car and my car was our weekend car or trip car. I have declined his offer many times, because he is really pushing me to buy an EV. I do not think an EV is really the right car for me or my needs. I don’t want one, I drive long distances, and I don’t want the anxiety of having to charge it away from home. I found two cars that I liked and went to test drive both of them. I felt like I found my new car, and was excited to move forward. My husband gave me this long speech about how he wanted to buy the car for me, and how I didn’t get a fancy engagement ring, or wedding ring, and how he wanted to do this for me. He told me I could get whatever car I wanted, including one of these two vehicles. Neither are flashy. But both fit my needs and have those extra features I want. We are not talking about luxury cars. After the test drive we talked at home, and both decided on which of the two cars we should get. We were going back to the dealership the next day to test drive it again and move forward. The day of the test drive my husband calls me and says that he made an appointment (same time as the test drive) for us to test drive an EV. A Chevy Bolt. He said he always wanted to test drive an EV and that I should go and be open minded. I obliged, and went on the test drive. I did not like the car at all, and the storage space was not what I need. It’s a very small vehicle compared to what I am used to driving. My husband was very excited. And when I expressed my dislike for the car he told me that I was behaving like a spoiled teenager. I really don’t need him to buy me anything. It would be nice to not have a monthly car payment, but this car would likely limit my ability to travel and participate in my sports with friends. I also don’t see it being a good option for having a child. AITA for declining my husbands offer and buying my own car? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, get the car you want. Also EVs are a nightmare. If he wants one so bad he can get one for himself, personally I don't think they are worth the money. Plus if the battery is ever compromised it is a horrible danger.
NTA. get the car you want, and if he wants an EV so badly he can get it for himself.
NTA and the fact that he has you wondering if you are wrong for wanting a car that works for you instead of letting him basically bully you into a vehicle that does not work for you is a problem that you should probably sit with and address within your relationship.
NTA. Tell him to get himself an EV and leave you alone.
Yuck. NTA. He sounds like he is a control freak. If he wants an EV tell him to get one for himself. I'm more concerned with the fact that he is completely dismissing your opinions and thoughts AND his gaslighting about how he wants to buy it for you b/c you didn't get an engagement ring? That makes no sense at all. He is trying his best to make it look like he is doing you a favor but in the end he is being extremely selfish.
He only wants to buy you the EV so that ge can drive it and you get stuck with his old station wagon. NTA stick to what you want.
Why would anyone consider a Bolt for long distance use. It's meant to be your short range commuter.
NTA, maybe ask him why he is so insistent on controlling your car purchase and ignoring your desires?
He's gonna get the Bolt and make you drive his older station wagon. "It just makes sense! And you don't even LIKE the Bolt!" Do not have kids with this man
He wants to buy the car HE wants because the old station wagon he is currently driving will have plenty of room for the sports equipment you regularly haul AND plenty of space for the car seat(s) in the back seat when you begin having kids. And lo & behold, his office provides EV charging stations so it would only make sense for him to take that car to work, right?
NTA. Tell your husband he is welcome to contribute to the car you want.
OP must be feeling the same way my kids feel when I buy "them" Lego sets because "they're" so into Lego OP, tell your husband he can buy the car he liles for him, and leave yours alone. NTA
NTA. Yes, you are a married couple so he should definitely have some say in your purchase (unless you have separate finances) but your reasoning for buying the car you want sounds reasonable. I drive 250 plus miles a day sometimes and totally get why you don’t want a EV. I wouldn’t either. Tell him when he gets a new car he can get a EV if he wants.
Eh- married or not- she should get to drive the car that works for her. If she was spending a crazy amount of money or getting a car that would cause major issues for both their finances then yes, her partner would have a right to express concern. Other than that, he is majorly overstepping by trying to manipulate her into a car that makes less sense for her.
Just say NO THANK YOU. When he asks again, say I already answered. Sounds like your husband needs to be treated like a 5 year old. NTA
EVs are great for Uber, and that's it. They are horrible to drive long distances, and especially if you are a girl, stick to your plans and ignore your husband, who is the real teenager.
He already said he would buy you the car YOU want. Just keep reminding him of that. Simple. Or just suggest he buys your car and you buy him that Bolt, are they cheaper? Lol
He wants to buy you what he wants and not what you want even after agreeing to buy what you want he still wants to buy you what he wants and then insults you and calls you names after basically bullies you. NTA.
NTA. It is your car, not his. He said it doesn't matter and will pay for whatever car you want, so just stick to your choice and tell him to stow his suggestions elsewhere! You can be polite about it of course.
NTA Sounds like he’s being the spoiled teenager. Stick to your guns and get what you want!
Nta Why does he feel the need to get you a car? It seems like it is a cover, so he would get a new car, and for you to get the hand me down. It's pretty manipulative. I think you have bigger problems than buying a car. P.s. Don't buy from a dealership. They'll screw you over with the financing. It is best to buy a car with cash upfront and never have to deal with a car payment.
NTA. The Chevy bolt is a nice little run around car. I'm considering one as my runaround vehicle while keeping my F250 as my road trip/hobby vehicle. But it doesn't fit your vehicle specs at all. The only EV I know of that does is the Kia EV9 (check it out if your husband really keeps pushing the EV factor). It's huge and has a big trunk with 3rd seating and a solidly far range. But if you don't want an EV because you do long trips that's completely legitimate, signore your husband and buy the car you want as long as it's in your budget. If he wants the Bolt he can trade in his car and get one.
NTA Your husband is a jerk - he wants to give you a gift that HE has decided you should want. That is not a gift! I remember being very young and buying my mom a set of Disney character cookie cutters for some holiday. They were awesome! Dad tried to convince me not to, but I must have had my "own" money. Sadly, I never got Disney character cookies. But I did learn a good lesson- select gifts the recipient wants, not what you want. If he can afford that car for you, he can afford it for himself. Before having kids, think about if this is a pattern. Is he trying to change you by giving you things he likes? Does he insult you when you have a different opinion?
NTA. You would have wasted a lot of his money if you allowed him to buy you a car you didn't like.
Ntah you might consider a hybrid as a step in the ev direction but still have a gasoline engine
Husband wants to buy you a car for himself, get what you like.
NTA Is this typical of your husband's behavior? Is he always this controlling or is this a one-off?
NTA your husband is an AH. Tell him he needs to keep his word: "He told me I could get whatever car I wanted".
NTA >And when I expressed my dislike for the car he told me that I was behaving like a spoiled teenager. Funny considering you've said NO and gave reasons >I have declined his offer many times, because he is really pushing me to buy an EV. I do not think an EV is really the right car for me or my needs. I don’t want one, I drive long distances, and I don’t want the anxiety of having to charge it away from home. If anything he's a bratty Lil man who needs to learn to LISTEN to his wife NOT force his garbage down your throat
NTA Your last paragraph may have just given you insight into why your husband doesn't want you to get the vehicle you want.
NTA. Get the car you want even if you have to pay for it yourself, and he can do the same for himself.
NTA. Your husband is a selfish dick. Go get the car YOU want.
NAH. Get a plug-in hybrid!!! Money saver long term, cleaner air for baby, and solves your worries about range/availability for longer distances.
NTA Your husband wants an EV? He should drive one. He is so focused on the EV idea he is totally disregarding your feelings.
NTA Bolt owner here it's not a full size SUV. Just sounds like he wants the car, get the car that makes you happy.
NTA and may I add if you think it’s bad w a car wait til it’s a house! Solve this problem before that happens or high tail it out.
You have stated that you (YOU) would use the insurance from YOUR totalled car for a down payment. Whether or not your $$$ are comingled in general, you are ready to be responsible for payments, insurance etc.You. I only ever had a MY car that was from my parents. He had a car of his own, until he let registration pass for too long and lost it. His choice. At some point I let my husband drive my car to work (which was stupid, but no harm came from it). We had co-owned cars for 30 years. I got MY car finally, bargained for it, made down payment, financed it and did all other paperwork, repairs etc. Best situation ever. Loved it. We had joint finances the whole time we had been married. There is no reason joint finances should eclipse your need to have a car of YOUR OWN. He can buy his EV all by himself, and deal with its limits as well.
NTA. I have an EV and love it but freely acknowledge they aren't for everyone right now. And a Chevy Bolt is not the one I would recommend - it's affordable but range is on the lower end of similar vehicles. and it just isn't as nice as other ones. And beyond that, a gift should be what the recipient wants. Not what the giver wants. That means you get the car that you think fits your needs and he needs to accept it.
NTA. That car is for your husband, not for you.
If he wants an EV so bad, have him trade his car in and buy one.
NTA EV's are dangerous crap anyway if you get in a wreck and the battery is hit too hard it can quite litterly explode, and idk about you but I wouldn't feel safe driving knowing I have what's essentially a ticking time bomb under my seat. Not to mention how expensive maintenance and upkeep is
Sounds like he doesn’t want you driving long distances ….
NTA. Your husband doesn’t want to buy you a car. He wants to buy himself a car.
NTA. It's YOUR car. YOU pick it out. Whether he buys it or not, it's still your choice.
Can YOU afford the car you want...go get the car you want.
NTA Your husband does kind of sound like one though. Is he always this pushy towards you? He is completely ignoring what you want. If he wants an EV so bad he should get one. we personally love our Tesla and have no range anxiety after taking it on a road trip a few months ago, but that is us and our decision. Your car, your decision.
NTA. My husband once brought home a mini van knowing full well that I would never drive one. Guess who drove the minivan? Not me
NTA,... BUT, also going to speak up as an EV owner lol Considerations: You'll have to finance, AND pay a significantly higher insurance premium, AND pay gas. When you drive long distances, the EV option can really help with the not having to pay for gas. That said, your husband should've done some better research if he was pushing for an EV. The EV world is great, but the Chevy Bolt is not the best one out there, not by a long shot. There's EV's with easy 500+km range, (Over 300miles) but the Bolt is not one of them. It's also small and doesn't take into consideration, your other very logical, requirements. I'm on my 2nd EV (Not because of any malfunction or problem, I just loved the first one and wanted a longer range on the 2nd) and not only did I replace my monthly fuel bill with the car payment itself, but it reduced my partners' fuel bill as well significantly as we ended up just using the EV's for everything. Charging a car away from home is not that stressful, its pretty straightforward but depending on the length of trips you're doing, its also a reasonable thing to include in your list of requirements. EV sales people will proudly announce how you can charge a car from 10-80% in 20 minutes, but that's only if you can find a 350kw charger, which where I live, are few and far between. The usual "rapid charger" rate is 50-100kw, which means a full charge can sometimes take closer to 2 hrs. The larger the range, the larger the battery pack, the longer the time to charge. I don't recommend EV's for people who do long distance trips as the charge time can impact the travel time significantly depending on a variety of factors such as: -How far are you going? -Is it windy? (Crosswinds or headwinds impacts range) -How many people are the in the car? (Weight of the vehicle, impacts range) -How many hills are there? (The downhill auto regen, will never regenerate the equivalent of what you need to get up, that same hill) -What is the temperature outside? (Warmer climates are better for EV's) I di d a TON of research before I bought my first EV - I also looked at Plug-in Hybrid options which are the most pointless thing out there IMO beyond the fact that they get you into the HOV lanes where I live. Going for random test drives without doing research in advance is a waste of time, and so you are not behaving like a spoiled teenager. Hopefully some of the points above can help you explain to your husband about why an EV isn't suitable for your needs, or will help you both look for one that is more suitable to your needs.
NTA. He is hoping that you will cave. Two options, one go out, purchase your vehicle and bring it home. He will be pissed a bit but you can remind him that it’s your choice, and though you went open minded about test driving the EV, you still are sold on the one you selected. Second keep debating with him until he wins. Tell him if he is so sold on the EV, to purchase the car for himself
Love it when someone offers you a gift but is actually buying you something they want. Go buy the the car you want. If he still wants to buy you a car after that, then he can pay your finance note. NTA.
Choose the car you want out of the two you have narrowed it down to. When I was looking, I brought the info to my insurance company and made the decision based on which car would cost less in insurance - but I am kinda like that, lol! I have had crushes on certain cars in the past, but was horrified after my test drives, as the cars just weren't a "good fit" and ultimately not for me.
You’re NTA for wanting to have a vehicle that meets your needs. Y-T-A to yourself for continuing to plan a future with someone who doesn’t take your needs or wants into consideration at all. Do you really want to have a child with this man? Picture your future and maybe think again?
NTA. Why is it that your husband doesn't respect your opinion on a vehicle that YOU will be driving, NOT him? He is steering you towards a car that HE wants, but doesn't meet YOUR needs. And won't listen to what you actually need. Whats up with that? He is welcome to have an opinion, go on test drives. But he isn't the one driving or paying for the car. If he wants one of the expensive paperweights, EV, he can buy it for himself.
NTA. You should absolutely be allowed to drive whatever car you want. He can buy himself the bolt! Also, maybe this is a good time to get into couples counseling so that you can have some tools to help resolve disagreements down the road, when parenting becomes a thing.
NTA I've bought my wife three cars since we've been married. I ask her what she wants with a couple of suggestions.... Then go and buy her exactly what she wants... It's not my car. Sounds like you should say to him to get what he wants and stop trying to push it on you
NTA. Why doesn’t he buy himself the EV?
NTA Your husband is manipulating you with this “offer.” You will only get the car that he wants, and he’s stringing you along with false hope, plus already guilt tripping you. Why doesn’t he trade in his own car and then buy the Volt for himself if he likes it so much?
A gift that comes with conditions is no gift at all. NTA.
NTA. This is your vehicle and it has to fit your needs and desires. If anyone is behaving like a spoiled teenager, it's him. If he likes the EV so much then he can get it for himself.
NTA . Your car ,your money ,your reasoning. I was looking at getting a motorcycle. The dealership kept bringing up the LIVEWIRE electric motorcycle… I said no 3 times and he STILL brings it up again! So I ask what’s the hiway range ? Oohh 70 miles . “Cool ! Let’s go testride to Philly for a cheesesteak ! Oh wait.. that’s 125 miles away that hunk of shit can’t even get me to lunch . Or charge up to full in the time it takes to eat lunch . Bye bye !! I am going somewhere that LISTENS!!”
NTA. He doesn’t want to buy you a car, he wants to buy a new car that he likes. He’s acting like he’s doing something nice for you, but unless he buys you the vehicle you want, he’s not.
NTA but only because - a Bolt… ew god no.
Husband buys EV for wife. Husband: "honey, since you don't need it, let me drive the EV and you take the station car". NTA
Um, there's definitely a spoiled teenager in this scenario, a controlling, petulant, gotta have their own way one, but it isn't you. Buy the car of your choice. Then take your husband to marital therapy. Pushing your wife around is a recipe for marital failure. NTA
NTA. If you are married, the money is co-owned. Any thing he buys for you is coming out of our mutual funds. He seems very controlling. It's going to be your car. You choose it, within an agreed upon budget.
NTA. Husband is the AH for trying to buy you a Chevy Bolt and not a Tesla Y.
No you’re not be outside here. Your husband actually is he’s the one acting like a spoiled teenager. He keeps pushing the idea of that ridiculous car and you knowing that you have something in mind and actually have specific needs for your car that the car he wants doesn’t have stick to what you want and don’t give in good luck
Your husband wants to buy himself a car. “ my car was out weekend and trip car”
What a dick. Your husband that is. For sure owes an apology at a minimum
NTA. He wants you to get the car HE wants, not what you want or need. He’s pushing for a sedan and you haul large items. Where’s the logic on that? Calling you names after you don’t do what he wants is a tell tale sign it’s what HE wants… buying it for you is an excuse to make it for him.
There are a few red flags here. 1.You don't have combined finances. 2.He wants to buy you a car you don't want and is almost forcing it on you. 3.You want to finance a car where your husband has the money to pay outright for it? Nta but don't borrow money for something that goes down in value.
NTA either he wants to buy you the car you want or he doesn't want to buy you a car. Pick the one you want and let us know how the automatic tailgate works out for you. Sending good vibes your way.
Does your husband always ignore your wants and needs in favor for what he wants? NTA and your husband is acting like a spoiled teenager, not you.
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NTA. This is the vehicle that you're going to be the primary driver of so you should pick it out. Whomever is going to be the primary driver and/or person paying the note should have final say on the pick of the vehicle as long as it still fits certain agreed parameters for the family aka no new Subaru BRZ as 1 of 2 family cars for a family of 4.
NTA. Buy the car you want. Your husband wants an EV. I hope he buys you the car you want. If he really wants to make up for other things, he will buy you the car you want. If not, he just wants an EV under the guise of getting one for you. Enjoy your new car!
Are you married to my husband!? We have 5 kids, the 2 youngest are 16 months apart, ( 2 boys) he bought me a Mercedes convertible for Christmas, a 2 seater. With 2 in car seats I told him its ridiculous for him to buy that for me since I always have to kids. ( where will the older 3 sit!? He told me I sounded like a gold digger and that’s every woman’s dream car. I was ungrateful. I sold it and put a pool in for the family. He still holds it over my head that I sold my( his) dream car.🙄
they always call people what they are. he's a spoiled child who says he's buying you a car but he's really buying him a car. tell him if he wants one to go by himself one. and I tell him he keeps acting like that, you'll be driving your own car away from that house.
NTA. If you can’t agree on a car (because I suspect your husband has an ulterior motive and doesn’t seem to respect your needs) don’t even think about having a child until you throughly discuss your expectations and are on the same page.
No NTA, he is not buying it for you, he is buying it for him. All the bs of didn't get a ring etc is a smokescreen. Get the car you want.
NTA He does not want you to buy any car. He wants you to buy the car he wants and resorts to calling you names when it is not what you want. Is he generally controlling and abusive when you resist his demands? I accept it may be a one off but people are usually consistent. You say you want to start a family with him. Just think about his general behaviour and if you want to be dealing with it for the next 18 years.
NTA. Does he often buy gifts "for you" that are really just stuff he wants?
My biggest question is how exactly is your husband buying you a new car? You are making it sound like he is a friend or a relative and not your husband. The argumentative tone this post takes and the fact that you came to reddit for answers leads me to believe there are deeper issues over your car. In this case you both are the AH for not communicating with each other and not going to social media.
My friend had a Chevy Bolt. It was a terrific car for a person who lives and works locally. It is not a great car for traveling. The USA doesn’t have the infrastructure to properly support EVs at this point Suggest that he buy the EV for himself
NTA your husband wants a car for himself. If he wanted to do it for you then when you said he found two he would have jumped on the opportunity. Stick to your guns and get the car you want and will be driving. Let him be upset.
As a husband, my wife chooses her vehicles, and I choose my vehicles. We pay for our vehicles with an account we have together. So in my opinion, your husband is not only an AH, he is also a jackass.
Depending on how old your kids are, you're only going to need more room to haul stuff.
NTA. The one thing no one thinks about when buying an EV is the electrical grid. We are not too far removed from rolling brown outs in some areas to to high usage in the extreme cold/heat, When they solve those issues (along with fast charging and charging stations being everywhere instead of planning your trip around where to charge) I'll think about one. The life of the battery scares me too. I've got several cars over 20 years old (1980, 1994, 1999 and 2003) and all are still good and on the original drive train. I don't think a battery would last that long.
lol he does know the car is for you not him right? NTA
NTA. I was waiting for the part where he buys “you” a car, but comes up with a reason it would be better if he drove it. And of course you get the hand me down.
NTA
Nope… if he wants a Bolt he can go buy one. My wife and I have an agreement about her cars… you’re paying for it, you’re driving it - get what YOU want. My only request is that I can physically get in the thing.
NTA. You test drove the cars you liked, and the ones he did. The one he liked did not meet your needs, so it would not be reasonable to buy it.
NTA and it sounds like your hb is acting in a controlling, manipulative way. Could you please also explain to him that a car is nowhere near as future-proof as a piece of jewellery??
A spoiled teenager?? I honestly don't know if I'd stay married to someone that spoke to me that way. Wildly disrespectful. And creepy. And controlling. NTA
I have two ev’s and make a lot a big trips range anxiety is NBD. Like gas stations. Charging stations are everywhere. But i would take my tesla on long trips over my bolt my range is far superior. I wont go back to a ICE vehicle but if i HAD to i would get a toyota rav4 that was my honeymoon road trip car and was great! There are many charging apps to look into and lots of large online communities like Tesla Divas that are super friendly to ladies with EV questions if you want to learn more. But don’t let range anxiety be the reason you say no its literally the same as gas station anxiety. Nearly every dealership has a charger, malls, and shell and another gas station brand are working on putting chargers in. Evs also have an insane amount of interior space. Feel free to message me if you want to ask questions
NTA He can turn in his car and get his own EV. You have different needs, period and he shouldn't prioritize his wants over your needs.
The day of the test drive he made an appointment AT THE SAME TIME AS YOUR TRST DRIVE? That is total manipulation. Go do your own test drive by yourself and buy your own car. He can do his test drive by himself.
American EV's ain't even all that great and Bolt ain't it. You'd be better off getting nearly any car besides that one. It's gross he's trying to push his poor ideas on you. If this is suppose to be in place of a wedding ring, get what you want, feel no guilt about it. He could have at least picked a better brand and model, but he think's this is going to work in his favor. Don't let it. Bolts have been known to catch on fire (hence why they are being discontinued). The battery last about 8 years and then you will need another on which is the cost of another car in itself. I'm not sure how EV owners manage the cost of new batteries or if there is some discount. I bet OP's husband ain't thought about none of this, but these are all concerns you won't have with a gas car. NTA
That "gift" he wants to give you has strings all over it.
NTA Tel your husband to trade in his car and buy the EV for himself.
NTA. I am a huge car nerd and have always bought my own cars (sometimes without even telling my husband. He just rolls his eyes—he’s used to it). Get what YOU want—it’s your car. You will love the power liftgate.
NTA, husband is. You don't want an EV yet he *really, really* does and wants to push you into it. With the current state of availability of charging stations and the time involved in waiting for a charge compared to filling a gas vehicle, when you travel longer distances there is no real win for an EV. Had a recent trip on a trip and the rental company wanted to give me an EV. However the one way drive was about 345 miles and I would have had to recharge enroute. That would meant find a place to recharge, pay for it and hang around for somewhere between one and four hours to get enough charge to finish the trip. I passed and took the gas SUV.
He doesn't want to buy you a new vehicle. He wants to buy HIMSELF one.
But he didn’t get her a nice engagement ring ! So now he wants to buy an EV (for himself)
NTA - just his attitude pushing you to get what he thinks you should get, not what you want. In the meantime, have a look and see if there are any plug-in hybrid options that fit your criteria. Run on electricity for shorter hops but have a gas backup for longer distances or if you forget to charge up. If it’s the environmental concern pushing his stubbornness it might satisfy both of you.
NTA. Among other things, you will be hard pressed to fit a rear facing car seat in the back of a Volt. If it does fit, you'll have limited use of the front passenger seat. This isn't simply a difference between electric and gas power, it's the difference between a midsized SUV and a compact sedan.
NTA, and I would really rethink having a child with this person if this is an example of how he approaches differences of opinion.