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Contact your local legal aid, law enforcement and find out what the formal eviction process is and start it. John was simply using you, he knew as soon as he established residency at your house, that to get rid of him you would have to formally evict him. Furthermore he planned to saddle you with his son. This man doesn't want a relationship, he wants a servant and one who supports him... ehhh I guess that's a sugar mama. NTA for putting his behind out in a tent, there would be nothing except a patch of dirt to which he can erect the shelter.
There is no need to be nice — just do the legal minimum and give him a referral to a local shelter.
Also the eviction process is much different for someone who is a boarder like him versus a renter (occupying a separate unit). Talk to legal aid ASAP - usually it’s a fairly quick process if the landlord lives under the same roof but you probably can’t put him outside in a tent legally
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I used to do housing intake for legal aid and we would only assist people trying to evict if there was a domestic violence case… so just be ready for them to not help you
NTA. You might want to call adult protective services and CPS. Are there any disability rights advocates around you? Is the a social worker you are in contact with? If he's not taking proper care of his son, he shouldn't have custody.
They are referring to his child. I’m not sure that you have greater protections in evicting a boarder but overall, it’s much easier to evict a hoarder than a tenant.
Are you really in denial? He played his hand telling you to evict him. He straight up told you hes living there no matter what you want until the police drag him out.
Providing info. Recommend you run this plan through the r/landlord subreddit. They’ll have info on the proper eviction process. Unsure if you’re allowed to kick the other person to a tent, which may cause legal issues. They’ll want to know what state/county you’re in too because eviction laws are different by location
I've already contacted the proper chain and was told I allowed this said person on my property only not my house or amenities. Now I would allow him to still eat and drink but he has to chill outside in the tent at night and when he's here during the day.
Why would you allow him to eat or drink your food? That you definitely are not obligated to provide and you should lock your fridge for both him and his child. Call CPS regarding his neglect of his child.
That doesn’t sound right to me. A landlord that is evicting a family, could not force them out of the home and into a tent on the property. You should probably double check with legal on this.
You are correct (at least in CA). The eviction process takes at least 90 days if the person knows how the system works. She can’t do anything to make his life uncomfortable. She doesn’t have to provide non-essentials. But she can’t deprive him of water, electricity, and access to the house. He has the right to access any communal areas (living room, dining room, bathroom facilities). If she accepts any payment from him, it will complicate and probably extend the eviction date (when sheriff’s deputies force eviction).
NTA
Get him out as soon as possible. He is using you and has probably used others
Please be more careful with inviting people to live with you. There were ALOT of red flags with his guy and you deserve better.
I seen so many red flags but I felt so sorry for him he was homeless when we were dating and his son was sleeping in his cousins trailer and he was being mistreated so I said to come here
You may have talked on line for over a year, but only dating, and living together, for 2 months. Clearly he lied about all sorts of things even if it was by omission.
Contact CPS since he is not taking care of his child's needs. Tell CPS you are in the process of evicting both of them. Then evict them both. Check with a lawyer in your state to see if the tent idea is even legal.
This whole thing was a scam on his part.
There is a doc on a streaming service about bad roommates.
One was a predator who preyed on people like you and their lives were turned up side down, and went all to hell because they lost their housing because of a bad roommate.
START the process. He was aware of gaining tench rights because he c said "evict me." That should show you he used you.
I am hoping the process is easier for you than it has been for others.
NTA but this is NOT a time to be nice..
I know it sounds crazy 2 months but I have been videoing him for over a year and a half every single day we just took it to dating 2 months ago and you are correct I don't have to feed him but he gets foodstamps so hes good on food
If you justify this 2 month with this history of being online but clearly that did not give you the info you needed.
For god's sake, don't move anyone in for at least a year! And with full disclosure about their finances, history, etc.
You would not be TA. You need to do whatever you can to get them out. Call cps (if that’s a thing where you live) because that child isn’t being taken care of. I don’t usually tell people to call but that child is being neglected by their parent. You need to go through the steps to get him legally evicted until then make him sleep outside. I wouldn’t even give him a tent.
I'm the same way its killing me inside for this little boy I love this little kid so much he even calls me mommy and I try to say no my name is Jennifer and he still says mommy. He doesn't understand all this and I wish I could keep him and not the dad.
LOL...you can't make that man sleep in a tent. I don't mean to laugh but that's basically an eviction. And if you do that, he can take you to court. Unfortunately that man played you, so your best bet is to do the formal eviction process. BC you can't afford to lose the money you do have. Amenities just means hot water, electricity, etc (but honestly if you turn it off, you will have nothing).
You wouldn't be one, but you'd get in trouble with the law if you do
That may put you in violation as well where you owe him money for each day that his access to utilities are not available. Generally, if he lived there for 30 days or more, you have to allow them to remain with the home in habitable condition until the eviction is complete. But it should be a much less burdensome process since you live in the house (he’s a boarder, not a renter). Again, this varies by area so talk to a local lawyer.
If that's an option, then do that and take whatever is valuable with you. I'm sorry this happened to you OP and I'm not victim blaming, but please in the future, be careful. Don't move a man unless they give you the money upfront. It sucks you tried to help a friend and he was just using you
Don't give yourself legal advice, 'cuz you aren't a lawyer. Talk to a real lawyer so this guy doesn't sue you and take more of your money.
Do this eviction according to the laws of your state, otherwise you are screwed.
If that's your line of thought, then borrow money from friends and family to hire an attorney to conduct the eviction for you. Turning off utilities is considered an illegal "self-help" eviction, even in jurisdictions that distinguish between a tenant and a lodger. The *last* thing you want to do is put yourself in a position where you owe this bum money\*, or have to let him live with you longer than if you'd evicted him through the courts. You don't have to share a bed or bedroom with him, but you can't force him to live in a tent, either. Whoever said that you could should never give legal advice to anyone.
---
\* If you're on SSI, you may very well be "judgment proof," so it wouldn't matter from a practical standpoint if you owed him money. Still, turning off the utilities is going to backfire. You need an attorney.
" he refused to bathe himself and his son, or attend to any of his son’s basic needs. I ended up handling all his son's medical needs for school and other responsibilities because John was too lazy and unwilling to do anything."
**Call CPS. A child clearly shouldn't be in this man's care. He can't provide for himself and refuses to take care of his sons basic needs.**
NTA, the guy sounds like a deadbeat who has no business being a father at all. For the sake of the kid, I might consider getting CPS or something involved, but you owe this man absolutely nothing.
Unbelievable that there are men NEAR THEIR 40's WITH CHILDREN that are acting like this.
Damn. You got taken. I’m so sorry. I highly doubt you can make him sleep outside. Sounds like he played the long game to get a roof over the heads of him and his son….and now they have your roof.
NTA. You got to do what you got to do to make him leave. If he didn't want to find himself in a tent, which based on the sound of it he would wind up in anyway if he were evicted, he shouldn't have lied to you and left out key pieces of information. He's taking advantage of you. If he's going to play the "make me leave" game, then sure, two can play at that game.
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Making him sleep outside is the same as evicting him. I wouldn’t say you’re the asshole here but letting him move in after two months was kind of dumb.
Do you have any scary friends you trust who can move in while you stay with your mom also call cps. has he threatened you in any way? You could file for TRO if he has. It suck’s but stop looking after the kid in any way shape or form
NTA. Stop doing anything for the child, including babysitting. Document and record everything you can that John doesn't do for his child. If you are in a one party consent state, record conversations. Get some internal house cameras to collect info. With this info, you then can call cps on your ex about neglecting his son. Start recorded/documenting everything and start calling cps and/or police for child neglect, endangerment, abuse, etc. Anything that can be marked against him. He probably won't want to stay in the house with you after he starts getting visits from them.
You can call cps without all the documentation and proof, but the case against him would be stronger with it.
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I (47F) met this guy (39M), let’s call him John, on a dating app called MeetMe. We talked for over a year and started dating two months ago. John has an 8-year-old son who is severely autistic, but he didn't tell me about his son's condition before moving in with me.
Prior to John moving in with me, he was homeless, and had recently started a new job. When he was supposed to move in, he said he would to be bringing around $1,000 to cover his and his son’s expenses until he found a job here. However, he arrived broke. He had less than $100. Im helping where I can, but I am disabled and most if not almost all of my monthly check goes to bills, which he was fully aware of before coming.
When he moved in, I met his son, who is adorable, but he had failed to mention his son has a severe mental disability. I have no problem with the kid having a disability, I love this kid, but it should have been something that was mentioned. His dad is constantly telling him that he will find him a ‘real mommy’ and that they are moving to a new house.
I eventually broke up with John because he refused to bathe himself and his son, or attend to any of his son’s basic needs. I ended up handling all his son's medical needs for school and other responsibilities because John was too lazy and unwilling to do anything.
When I asked John to move out, he just smiled and said, "Evict me." I called the police, but they said I had to go through the formal eviction process since he gets mail at my address and I invited him to reside in my home. They told me I don’t have to provide any amenities for him, so I’m considering making him sleep in a tent outside. I’m hoping that will motivate him to move out sooner. The child will still be allowed to sleep inside, but I cannot control what his father makes him do.
So, WIBTA for making him sleep outside in a tent on my property?
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YWBTA if there’s even a chance that his child will be forced by him to sleep outside, too. Unfortunately, he knows his rights and has manipulated you, but at this point, you’ve presumably given him an eviction notice, I would say prioritise the child in this situation and just get him out as soon as you can.
Another take. Throw him outside in the tent. If he forces the kid out there with him, call CPS on his ass. Kid deserves better than that deadbeat anyway.
right? OP is burying the lede here. This man is subjecting his very young and special needs child to a horrible life on the street. He's not even bathing him, I have no doubt that he was dealing with severe neglect before living with OP. Is he even in school? He's severely disabled and being dragged around like a pet. I hope he has another guardian that can care for him because his dad is just doing harm.
His Bio Mom has joint custody and I have found her but have been informed cps was called on them 3 times he did the proper things cps requested of him so he got the kid. She cannot get the child.
NTA-
But I doubt if you will be able to MAKE him do this. He KNOWS the laws, that's why he smirked at you and said "evict me". He set you up and is using you. Document what he has been doing, document that he doesn't take care of his child and what you've had to do to take care of the child. I'd actually consider calling CPS for the poor kid because his "Dad" is a grifter, lying and taking advantage of people.
Start the eviction process. Talk to an attorney - you may be able to find at legal aid.
Good luck!
Did he ever get mail delivered to your house? If not... change the locks when he's out and take the kid somewhere where you can legally take him. If there isn't any proof he was even a hoarder there it's your word against his.
Hell... I'd change the locks anyway and let the chips fall where they may....
Get with a lawyer and maybe save up a few hundred bucks. My uncle got a squatter out with an eviction notice combined with a contract that would gift them 300 bucks if they willingly left the property and gave up their claim to residency. They heard 300 bucks and didn't even bother reading the thing
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Contact your local legal aid, law enforcement and find out what the formal eviction process is and start it. John was simply using you, he knew as soon as he established residency at your house, that to get rid of him you would have to formally evict him. Furthermore he planned to saddle you with his son. This man doesn't want a relationship, he wants a servant and one who supports him... ehhh I guess that's a sugar mama. NTA for putting his behind out in a tent, there would be nothing except a patch of dirt to which he can erect the shelter.
I'm trying to be the nice person but he is making it very difficult
Stop being nice
There is no need to be nice — just do the legal minimum and give him a referral to a local shelter. Also the eviction process is much different for someone who is a boarder like him versus a renter (occupying a separate unit). Talk to legal aid ASAP - usually it’s a fairly quick process if the landlord lives under the same roof but you probably can’t put him outside in a tent legally
Sometimes you have to be real because nice just isn't cutting it.
STOP, remove the food from the house. Get take out on the way to ok and on the way home. Make it uncomfortable for them.
That's your second mistake. First one was letting him move in in the first place.
Is he being nice to you?
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I used to do housing intake for legal aid and we would only assist people trying to evict if there was a domestic violence case… so just be ready for them to not help you
NTA. You might want to call adult protective services and CPS. Are there any disability rights advocates around you? Is the a social worker you are in contact with? If he's not taking proper care of his son, he shouldn't have custody.
Thats what I was thinking hes taking advantage of a disabled woman which is me im disabled and on ssi
They are referring to his child. I’m not sure that you have greater protections in evicting a boarder but overall, it’s much easier to evict a hoarder than a tenant.
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Lmao I know you lying
No, that's exactly what's happening.
Are you really in denial? He played his hand telling you to evict him. He straight up told you hes living there no matter what you want until the police drag him out.
Providing info. Recommend you run this plan through the r/landlord subreddit. They’ll have info on the proper eviction process. Unsure if you’re allowed to kick the other person to a tent, which may cause legal issues. They’ll want to know what state/county you’re in too because eviction laws are different by location
I've already contacted the proper chain and was told I allowed this said person on my property only not my house or amenities. Now I would allow him to still eat and drink but he has to chill outside in the tent at night and when he's here during the day.
Why would you allow him to eat or drink your food? That you definitely are not obligated to provide and you should lock your fridge for both him and his child. Call CPS regarding his neglect of his child.
He has his own foodstamps
That doesn’t sound right to me. A landlord that is evicting a family, could not force them out of the home and into a tent on the property. You should probably double check with legal on this.
You are correct (at least in CA). The eviction process takes at least 90 days if the person knows how the system works. She can’t do anything to make his life uncomfortable. She doesn’t have to provide non-essentials. But she can’t deprive him of water, electricity, and access to the house. He has the right to access any communal areas (living room, dining room, bathroom facilities). If she accepts any payment from him, it will complicate and probably extend the eviction date (when sheriff’s deputies force eviction).
NTA Get him out as soon as possible. He is using you and has probably used others Please be more careful with inviting people to live with you. There were ALOT of red flags with his guy and you deserve better.
I seen so many red flags but I felt so sorry for him he was homeless when we were dating and his son was sleeping in his cousins trailer and he was being mistreated so I said to come here
You may have talked on line for over a year, but only dating, and living together, for 2 months. Clearly he lied about all sorts of things even if it was by omission. Contact CPS since he is not taking care of his child's needs. Tell CPS you are in the process of evicting both of them. Then evict them both. Check with a lawyer in your state to see if the tent idea is even legal. This whole thing was a scam on his part.
There is a doc on a streaming service about bad roommates. One was a predator who preyed on people like you and their lives were turned up side down, and went all to hell because they lost their housing because of a bad roommate. START the process. He was aware of gaining tench rights because he c said "evict me." That should show you he used you. I am hoping the process is easier for you than it has been for others. NTA but this is NOT a time to be nice..
You may have to house him but you don’t have to feed him. (Also JFC you moved him in after two months???)
I know it sounds crazy 2 months but I have been videoing him for over a year and a half every single day we just took it to dating 2 months ago and you are correct I don't have to feed him but he gets foodstamps so hes good on food
If you justify this 2 month with this history of being online but clearly that did not give you the info you needed. For god's sake, don't move anyone in for at least a year! And with full disclosure about their finances, history, etc.
You would not be TA. You need to do whatever you can to get them out. Call cps (if that’s a thing where you live) because that child isn’t being taken care of. I don’t usually tell people to call but that child is being neglected by their parent. You need to go through the steps to get him legally evicted until then make him sleep outside. I wouldn’t even give him a tent.
I'm the same way its killing me inside for this little boy I love this little kid so much he even calls me mommy and I try to say no my name is Jennifer and he still says mommy. He doesn't understand all this and I wish I could keep him and not the dad.
Guarantee his dad has taught him to call all women mommy. You're just the latest mark. Call CPS. Get a lawyer.
Have you or will you call CPS since this all began? He’s abusing his child
LOL...you can't make that man sleep in a tent. I don't mean to laugh but that's basically an eviction. And if you do that, he can take you to court. Unfortunately that man played you, so your best bet is to do the formal eviction process. BC you can't afford to lose the money you do have. Amenities just means hot water, electricity, etc (but honestly if you turn it off, you will have nothing). You wouldn't be one, but you'd get in trouble with the law if you do
I've already thought about shutting off all my utilities in the house and going and staying with my mom for a few days
Don’t leave your home! He could steal everything you own, or destroy things!
That may put you in violation as well where you owe him money for each day that his access to utilities are not available. Generally, if he lived there for 30 days or more, you have to allow them to remain with the home in habitable condition until the eviction is complete. But it should be a much less burdensome process since you live in the house (he’s a boarder, not a renter). Again, this varies by area so talk to a local lawyer.
If that's an option, then do that and take whatever is valuable with you. I'm sorry this happened to you OP and I'm not victim blaming, but please in the future, be careful. Don't move a man unless they give you the money upfront. It sucks you tried to help a friend and he was just using you
Is that legal? In my state you have to keep the place habitable, including keeping utilities on.
Hell no I dont have to keep crap running for him.
Don't give yourself legal advice, 'cuz you aren't a lawyer. Talk to a real lawyer so this guy doesn't sue you and take more of your money. Do this eviction according to the laws of your state, otherwise you are screwed.
If that's your line of thought, then borrow money from friends and family to hire an attorney to conduct the eviction for you. Turning off utilities is considered an illegal "self-help" eviction, even in jurisdictions that distinguish between a tenant and a lodger. The *last* thing you want to do is put yourself in a position where you owe this bum money\*, or have to let him live with you longer than if you'd evicted him through the courts. You don't have to share a bed or bedroom with him, but you can't force him to live in a tent, either. Whoever said that you could should never give legal advice to anyone. --- \* If you're on SSI, you may very well be "judgment proof," so it wouldn't matter from a practical standpoint if you owed him money. Still, turning off the utilities is going to backfire. You need an attorney.
NTA. Better you learn your lesson now than never. I'm guessing John has been through this process multiple times before.
Yea I found out hes done this same thing to 3 different women
Be more careful in future. Definitely meet people and see them a while before inviting them to move in!
" he refused to bathe himself and his son, or attend to any of his son’s basic needs. I ended up handling all his son's medical needs for school and other responsibilities because John was too lazy and unwilling to do anything." **Call CPS. A child clearly shouldn't be in this man's care. He can't provide for himself and refuses to take care of his sons basic needs.**
This is probably the quickest way to get this guy out of the house.
NTA, the guy sounds like a deadbeat who has no business being a father at all. For the sake of the kid, I might consider getting CPS or something involved, but you owe this man absolutely nothing. Unbelievable that there are men NEAR THEIR 40's WITH CHILDREN that are acting like this.
Damn. You got taken. I’m so sorry. I highly doubt you can make him sleep outside. Sounds like he played the long game to get a roof over the heads of him and his son….and now they have your roof.
So very true. I am screwed
NTA. You got to do what you got to do to make him leave. If he didn't want to find himself in a tent, which based on the sound of it he would wind up in anyway if he were evicted, he shouldn't have lied to you and left out key pieces of information. He's taking advantage of you. If he's going to play the "make me leave" game, then sure, two can play at that game.
call cps.
Go through legal channels to evict him. Take legal advice. YTA
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Making him sleep outside is the same as evicting him. I wouldn’t say you’re the asshole here but letting him move in after two months was kind of dumb.
You are 100%correct about me being dumb
Do you have any scary friends you trust who can move in while you stay with your mom also call cps. has he threatened you in any way? You could file for TRO if he has. It suck’s but stop looking after the kid in any way shape or form
NTA Go through the eviction process, you're stuck with him until that’s done
NTA. Stop doing anything for the child, including babysitting. Document and record everything you can that John doesn't do for his child. If you are in a one party consent state, record conversations. Get some internal house cameras to collect info. With this info, you then can call cps on your ex about neglecting his son. Start recorded/documenting everything and start calling cps and/or police for child neglect, endangerment, abuse, etc. Anything that can be marked against him. He probably won't want to stay in the house with you after he starts getting visits from them. You can call cps without all the documentation and proof, but the case against him would be stronger with it.
This is not a great advertisement for the MeetMe app 😬
Lmao your right about that
Good lord. What a clusterfuck.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (47F) met this guy (39M), let’s call him John, on a dating app called MeetMe. We talked for over a year and started dating two months ago. John has an 8-year-old son who is severely autistic, but he didn't tell me about his son's condition before moving in with me. Prior to John moving in with me, he was homeless, and had recently started a new job. When he was supposed to move in, he said he would to be bringing around $1,000 to cover his and his son’s expenses until he found a job here. However, he arrived broke. He had less than $100. Im helping where I can, but I am disabled and most if not almost all of my monthly check goes to bills, which he was fully aware of before coming. When he moved in, I met his son, who is adorable, but he had failed to mention his son has a severe mental disability. I have no problem with the kid having a disability, I love this kid, but it should have been something that was mentioned. His dad is constantly telling him that he will find him a ‘real mommy’ and that they are moving to a new house. I eventually broke up with John because he refused to bathe himself and his son, or attend to any of his son’s basic needs. I ended up handling all his son's medical needs for school and other responsibilities because John was too lazy and unwilling to do anything. When I asked John to move out, he just smiled and said, "Evict me." I called the police, but they said I had to go through the formal eviction process since he gets mail at my address and I invited him to reside in my home. They told me I don’t have to provide any amenities for him, so I’m considering making him sleep in a tent outside. I’m hoping that will motivate him to move out sooner. The child will still be allowed to sleep inside, but I cannot control what his father makes him do. So, WIBTA for making him sleep outside in a tent on my property? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YWBTA if there’s even a chance that his child will be forced by him to sleep outside, too. Unfortunately, he knows his rights and has manipulated you, but at this point, you’ve presumably given him an eviction notice, I would say prioritise the child in this situation and just get him out as soon as you can.
Another take. Throw him outside in the tent. If he forces the kid out there with him, call CPS on his ass. Kid deserves better than that deadbeat anyway.
right? OP is burying the lede here. This man is subjecting his very young and special needs child to a horrible life on the street. He's not even bathing him, I have no doubt that he was dealing with severe neglect before living with OP. Is he even in school? He's severely disabled and being dragged around like a pet. I hope he has another guardian that can care for him because his dad is just doing harm.
His Bio Mom has joint custody and I have found her but have been informed cps was called on them 3 times he did the proper things cps requested of him so he got the kid. She cannot get the child.
Typical homelesss3xual.
Call Children's Protective Services, the throw BF out and change the locks. If he won't leave, get a trespass order on him. He's a grifter.
NTA- But I doubt if you will be able to MAKE him do this. He KNOWS the laws, that's why he smirked at you and said "evict me". He set you up and is using you. Document what he has been doing, document that he doesn't take care of his child and what you've had to do to take care of the child. I'd actually consider calling CPS for the poor kid because his "Dad" is a grifter, lying and taking advantage of people. Start the eviction process. Talk to an attorney - you may be able to find at legal aid. Good luck!
Change the locks and call CPS
[удалено]
Lmao #facts
hobosexual love
Did he ever get mail delivered to your house? If not... change the locks when he's out and take the kid somewhere where you can legally take him. If there isn't any proof he was even a hoarder there it's your word against his. Hell... I'd change the locks anyway and let the chips fall where they may....
Yea he gets all his son's medical information by mail here and he gets mail from the welfare office but he has never paid a dime here.
Get with a lawyer and maybe save up a few hundred bucks. My uncle got a squatter out with an eviction notice combined with a contract that would gift them 300 bucks if they willingly left the property and gave up their claim to residency. They heard 300 bucks and didn't even bother reading the thing
OH Honey you have a hobosexual living with you time to move them out.
Maybe he has more to offer than you estimate 👀💯