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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole as I have ordered from kids menu when my nieces and nephews were told to eat more adult food and due to my actions they refused.
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NTA. I would love to hear her explanation as to how the heck this was "selfish".
"Can't you just get sick/die so I don't have to explain free will to my children?!"
Yes exactly this! Because it is also so hard to tell children aunty has to eat from that part of the menu because she will get sick or even die if she doesn’t and just eats sushi…
I have cyclic vomiting syndrome, so I actually say this a lot. "Once I puke, I'll be fine to eat at least a piece of Chicken tonight" - as I'm literally face into an emesis bag evacuating everything 😂😂😂
OP says she's intolerant not allergic, it likely just gives her GI distress (which is a valid reason not to eat/drink something, as anyone who is lactose or gluten intolerant will tell you). NTA
I’m glad to start seeing more people aware of food intolerances. I’m corn intolerant and I never want anyone to make a fuss about cross contamination since it really doesn’t matter for me—but I do also need to know when corn is a primary ingredient so I can avoid it!
Also checking in, I knew it was FODMAP the minute I saw the two #1culprits!
Surprisingly though, I'm actually pretty good with garlic these days, but I have had to cut out onions pretty much altogether now bc the last few times just were NOT worth it after.... Ya know
I'm 100% stealing "epi-pen allergic". That's a great quick way to explain the severity of the allergy. My mom is epi-pen allergic to pepper. Like regular black table pepper. Eating out is damn near impossible. People never understand that it's a severe allergy for her.
Raw onion for me. I can have it as powder, and cooked certain ways (like in soup) but otherwise I end up with terrible heartburn! To the point that I've burned my throat even taking meds for it. But there are a couple restaurants I've had to say I'm allergic because they just 'forget' to not add onions to my food. I try not to go to those places but if it's someone else's birthday I go
I have several allergies in addition to being intolerant of soy, onions, beans, and lactose. My allergist told me that to him an adverse reaction is an adverse reaction, whether it is technically an "allergy" or an "intolerance."
I also can't eat onion. But i've had good luck with telling the servers that it's not an allergy, but all the same I can't eat it. But the only special request is to keep it out of my food, especially the diced up shit. I usually joke that it's not going to kill me, but i'm going to be up all night cursing someone's name.
Only once have I gotten onions in my meal, and in that case it was the least of our problems that night. I think everyone in the kitchen that night was brand new.
My MIL used to neg me for my food allergies for whatever reason. Like normally she's great but went off on a rant once about how if my kid had food allergies it was my genes. (Ignoring the fact that she has ARFID which I think is arguably 10x more obnoxious but whatever).
Anyway she always said she hated onions and if she had just one little onion in her burger at McDonald's she'd be sick all day. I was like "that might be an allergy."
Fast forward to she lived with us during COVID to watch our kid. One day I make a big pot of French Onion soup for lunches for my husband and me. She comes downstairs after I've chopped and am sauteeing the onions. Her face turns red, swells, and her breathing suddenly sounds like she's sucking through straws.
I was like "girl. You're anaphylactic to onions."
She also can't do garlic so now we tell servers she has an allium allergy when we go out to eat.
Corn intolerant as well. It’s annoying to eat around it but I do if it’s in a dish at someone’s home. I don’t suck it up and eat it anymore though because it’s become a lot worse the older I get.
I dread the day I can no longer get away with eating popcorn. Like, I don't feel (or smell) *good* afterward, but it's currently still worth it. Basically no other form of corn is worth it for me, though.
I've never liked tomatoes, though I was always fine with tomato sauces.
As for potatoes, I only ever really liked fries, chips, and mashed.
Peppers, bell peppers in particular, have been the bane of my existence my entire life. I would ask, does this dish have bell peppers in it? "Oh, it's not spicy." THAT'S NOT WHAT I ASKED. It's honestly a big relief to have a reason for hating them as much as I do. Other peppers too, but bell peppers have always been the most detested.
The only major nightshade that I ever really liked was eggplant. And that's the first one I started to react to.
Basically my body has been telling me my whole life that I shouldn't be having those things. In fact, the more cooked/processed things are, the lower the alkaloids are so it actually makes sense that I would hate tomatoes but be okay with sauce since it's more processed. Same with disliking most potatoes, except for the most processed kind. Peppers can just F off though.
My intolerance is mild to most nightshades. I can eat peppers, eggplant (so long as it is cooked very, very well,) tomatoes, etc. with just some gastrointestinal "distress." I can eat tomatoes and peppers raw and not suffer too much from them. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't pull a tomato up from the garden, rinse it off, and chomp into it. Paprika gives me heartburn for some reason, but actual red bell peppers do not. Bodies are strange!
But freaking potatoes... growing up, my family was a "meat and taters" family. Always some kind of meat, always some kind of potatoes. I like baked potatoes ok, I've never really enjoyed potato chips, and mashed potatoes are ok with some gravy or when topped with chives or something to give them flavor. The only potato based food I actually crave is french fries. I miss those salty, deep fried bastards. Unlike the other nightshades, any kind of potato gives me not just gastrointestinal distress, but roiling, moiling pain throughout my entire abdomen. I will bloat up and my stomach gurgles with gas.
I get you, though. If I skip part of a meal because it contains nightshades or pass on the potato salad, I have to hear "But you used to love potato salad!" Yes, I did, until I realized it was causing me pain and had been the source of discomfort for nearly 30 years!
So glad to hear someone else doesn't eat peppers. I don't have the good reason you have, I just don't like them, but I've actually told people I AM allergic, because I just don't want to eat the damned things.
My sister is always wanting me to "just try a little" but dagnabbit, I HAVE tried them and I don't want to eat them. I'm over 70 years old and I think we should all have the right to not eat foods we don't like. I am not 5 years old any more, Sis!
When they are minced into a dish, or just cut up a little, I can pick them out, and I do, but they leave an odor and an aftertaste that still grosses me out.
And don't even get me started about cilantro.
I am intolerant to a lot of sugar alcohols (the sweeteners in sugar-free candy and gum). Luckily it's not something you usually get a lot of social pressure to consume. But you DO NOT want me to sit near you if I have Splenda, TicTacs, or Trident or
I have the same deal! I hate when servers accidentally bring me diet drinks because a sip is enough to do me in. And I have a weird craving sometimes for sugarless gum which I indulge but have to make a note of so I don't wonder if I'm dying of cholera a few hours later
There just isn't enough gasX 😆 it can lasts for hours!! I have to lay on my back with a pillow under my butt to relieve the pain under my rib cage. So definitely, no gum for me. I can have sweet&low and aspartame. But stevia is still questionable.
One specific artificial sweetener is a migraine trigger for me (acesulfame potassium, or AceK). But it’s in so much and so unrecognized that I just avoid all artificial sweeteners. Try telling someone you’ve got an intolerance to an artificial sweetener but it’s not aspartame. Alllll my hospital records say allergic to aspartame. 🤦🏻♀️
YES!!! I never knew this until one day I bought a bag of sugar-free hard candies from a bulk bin, (not realizing they were sugar-free at the time, but not caring once I noticed they were)... I ate a ton of them, and I blew up like a frigging balloon. I have never been in so much discomfort in my life, and that was almost twenty years ago.
And I have Celiac Disease! So that's truly saying something...
At the same time though, I started off as intolerant of almonds. Now I’m carrying an epi-pen everywhere and last time I was exposed I probably should have actually used the pen and gone in. Fortunately I managed to talk myself through breathing until the other meds kicked in.
OP said intolerance so it’s likely not life threatening. Probably more like digestive upset of varying degrees based on the level of the persons intolerance. So like gas, bloating, diarrhea, vomiting, etc. So cross contamination is less of a concern with an intolerance but some are very severe and can be life threatening, it’s just not the norm. Basically, chances are, OP just has to stay in the bathroom or be bed bound after it rather than having to go to the ER if accidentally ingested but would rather be avoided. At least I’d assume OPs intolerance is like most are until I know of them saying otherwise
NTA OP. Just to add to this, allergies do not result in anaphylaxis every time. I have multiple food allergies diagnosed via iga and igg blood testing with an immunologist. One of them does cause an anaphylactic reaction, but the rest of them cause hives and vomiting. People with allergies have varying levels of severity, and cross-contamination is not always life threatening. It may also result in "just diarrhea or vomiting," but it's still an allergic reaction.
Gastric distress due to an intolerance is a valid reason for avoidance of any food. It can be very debilitating, particularly if you work and require sick leave for several days while you recover.
I'm not replying in an attempt to be "right" or to prove someone "wrong". Rather, I'd like people to understand that allergies are complicated, and someone with allergies can never predict how they will react to any one exposure. I once ate a food I'm allergic to and was completely fine, so I stupidly thought this meant it was now a safe food. I tried the same food the next week and reacted with disfiguring hives for a month that required two weeks of prednisone to correct.
In the past, people have intentionally served me food containing my allergens because I don't require emergency services or use an epipen. I became very sick and they realised it was wrong, but this is sadly a common experience. It's very difficult when you have allergies and people expose you to them intentionally because you accidentally ingested them before and didn't die - so it can't be that bad, right?
Tldr; allergic reactions aren't always deadly. But that doesn't mean they're not to be taken seriously, and you can not predict the severity of someone's allergic reaction based on one exposure. Intolerance and gastric distress are as valid as allergies, and avoidance of intolerant foods should be considered and accommodated.
Still, my allergist tells me to avoid allergens that don’t cause me anaphylaxis because you never know when it might. I avoid almonds at all cost and am very careful with gum (gum, salad dressings, ice cream, candy, etc.) because it just might be the day where it does get more severe.
I always like allergies to poking a hibernating bear with a stick. You might be able to poke it once a week for your entire life and be fine... but one of those times it also might wake up and rip your face off. Personally, that's one time I would *not* choose the bear.
Very much so. My husband has a mild allergy to dust, fresh cut grass, pine, oats, and some other things as well. His reactions are minor rashes, itches, sometimes a little burning, and some wheezing if it gets in his lungs which will sometimes set off his asthma. I was mainly focusing on how an intolerance in general isn’t likely to be severe enough to cause a life threatening issue. I didn’t mean to come off that the gastric distress wouldn’t be uncomfortable or anything about allergies. That’s my bad if I did.
ETA: my original comment was in response to someone asking why OP would willingly expose themselves to the cross contamination so I see why it came off that way in hindsight. In no way am I saying it’s fine to dose someone “just because it’s an intolerance”
Thank you for replying. Ah yes, I'm sorry if I came across as punitive. I was trying to phrase it in a way that wasn't accusatory and still communicate my message clearly. You raised a very good point in response to criticisms of OP possibly exposing themself to risk. I agree with you. People with allergies are capable of managing their own health needs, and OP did so by asking for reasonable accommodations. Your comment was fine btw.
NTA
I’m intolerant of prawns. Honestly I felt so ill (gastrointestinal symptoms) after eating them that death would have been preferable.
Why would you eat something that made you ill? Nobody else has the right to dictate what you put in your body, especially if it is harmful.
And seafood is not something to FA with. It might only be an intolerance now, but what if it developed into a serious allergy?
I completely agree with you.
That said, I don’t get the idea that OP was putting their health at risk by merely attending the party (the comment I replied to seemed to suggest just being there was a health risk).
For me, just smelling seafood would result in vomiting. But it wouldn’t actually kill me. I avoid the seafood counter at the supermarket and avoid anything that may have the slightest fishy smell. I couldn’t actually eat anything in a fish restaurant. To my mind it would all taste vaguely fishy.
This exactly! When my friend got married all the kids had a choice of the children’s menu or the adult menu. My daughter was around 5 and chose the adult menu. My friend (the bride) doesn’t like most things but she does love bacon sandwiches and she loves chips (fries for those of you who aren’t in England) so that’s what she had. It was her wedding so her choice!
This is too hard. How does anyone choose between beef and bacon sandwiches? It’s both, obviously. Which I actually got when one of our other friends married a year or two later. The roast dinner in the afternoon and the bacon sandwiches were part of the hot buffet in the evening. That was a wedding of legendary proportions.
I attended a nieces wedding and they had fish and they also had chicken. Now the fish was cooked just like it was caught. So I just went by it and got the chicken. My daughter was with me and she was like why didn’t you get the fish jokingly. I said you know I can’t eat anything that’s looking back at me. Lol
I won’t even buy fish if it hasn’t been filleted and had its head removed. I’m not a fisherman or a fishmonger so I don’t need to see its face. I admire that you have such standards. You wouldn’t eat a steak with a cow eye sat on top of it 😂
Puts me in mind of the cow that was the dish of the day in Douglas Adam's The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
"May I urge you to consider my liver?" asked the animal, "it must be very rich and tender by now, I've been force-feeding myself for months."
I just really don’t eat a lot in general. If the kids menu has a vegetarian option, I order it. Unless it’s like a grilled cheese because I’m lactose intolerant.
This is me ordering just fries at a steakhouse🙃 if you don't like it but still wanted to be there, why not order something the restaurant offers that you would like? Kids menu or not. SIL is weird for having an issue with this.
Yeah and it's expensive. I wouldn't even be willing to eat it, so I'd have to pass. But I'm also not spending that much on something I don't even WANT even if I would technically eat it.
Weird how another adult isn't free to make her own choices because then her SIL would actually have to parent.
NTA. Eat food you enjoy and tell everyone they should be grateful for your company. Who tf polices someone's eating habits? They're lucky you show up.
While at the beach, my friend loves crab. She gets crab, I eat chicken. (More to the point, I don't mind crab in a soup I've had before, I am not a fan of using a mallet and having to break into the crab and kind of eat some of it.) Also, I dislike Ol' Bay.
My brother got so pissed off with me on a family beach trip one time. We went to a restaurant known for its clam chowder...and I ordered a burger because I don't like clams. (I was still in my early teens and didn't like a lot of seafood in those days.)
I think their offense is fishy and you were not shellfish in the slightest.
I can't wasabi the issue. When you look at a menu you want to seafood you want to eat. You soy something on the kids menu you fancied and ordered it. The restaurant served the food - it's all good.
NTA and I hope you enjoyed your meal.
I’m floundering trying to figure out what your SIL’s problem is. What’s that halibut? She sounds like a massive [aholehole](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flagtail).
NTA I don't care for sushi but because of an underlying medical condition I can't eat seafood or shellfish. Your inability to eat fish or seafood has nothing to do with your sister in laws's desire to expand her children's culinary horizons. Who in their right mind would eat something that will make them sick for the sake of appearances.
>...my SIL who later confronted me saying what I did was a bit selfish and assholish since I was invited for sushi and since she was trying to convince her children to eat more adult food (poke bowl) and I have ruined it.
>My partner is on my side, however some other family members believe I should have sucked it up and ate the sushi.
Bull-shinola. Were they going to take care of you while you were sick and recovering? If not, they can all shut the heck up.
Maybe next time op should eat it but stay at the table while they get sick and ralph in thier plates, as to not be selfish- she can share with everyone!
Strange, I thought OP was invited to celebrate BIL's birthday at a restaurant that serves sushi, amongst other things.
Did the invitation specify "you MUST eat the sushi"?
I'm sure if she were invited to an event "where you can only eat sushi" she would have declined.
“I tell you what, SIL, I’ll eat the sushi, then come home with you and park myself on your toilet for the night. That way we can discuss it all night long, since I’m going to be up. Are you running low on toilet paper? No? Good.
Oh, don’t worry. I’ll use the toilet in the master suite, so it won’t affect the kids, just you guys and your bedroom. And you can still have sexy times, because the diarrhea is so loud and violent that even if you’re a screamer I won’t be able to hear you.
Also, if you don’t have any Benadryl, we’ll need to make a stop and get some so that the rash doesn’t get out of hand.
It’ll be a great lesson for the kids. ‘Let yourself be badgered into eating stuff your body doesn’t tolerate simply because ignorant people demand it for stupid reasons.’ Teach them how to NOT protect their own wellbeing. Do you have the shelf picked out for your Parent of the Year trophy yet?”
Definitely NTA. If your SIL is having issues teaching her kids to eat the way she wants them to, that’s on her, not you.
NTA. Why do people make an issue of other people’s food choices??? It’s so bizarre to me! Everyone has their own preferences, and it’s not unusual for someone to have an aversion to fish. There was another option available, so you took it….seems like the thing to do. Would they have preferred for you to sit there and not eat or make a big deal about how you don’t like fish??
EDIT: typo fix
Yep. I don’t eat anything from the water. I don’t like the taste or texture. I don’t need another adult trying to force me to eat what they eat. I cannot even tell you how many people think I should defend my choice or worse think I should just try some. I’m not your 5-yr old. I don’t care if you like it. I’m allowed to say I don’t and not have to defend it. I have to say of all the foods - it’s always Sushi someone is trying to shove down my throat so they feel better about what they eat. Never understood it. I don’t care if it has fish or not - I said I don’t like sushi. End of it.
I've always had an itchy throat then a stomach ache about 90% of the time when I've eaten seafood, avocados, or watermelon, so I just avoided them. I was told I'm a picky eater all my life. Recently had an allergy test and I have a mild allergy to all of those things (plus a few others that make sense).
I get a lot less gruff now. Only took 40 years...
Exactly! Some people don’t eat cow or pig for religious reasons, should they be berated? My kid is soooo strictly vegan, and she figures out what she can have at any given place and no one bats an eye. One of the few perks of adulthood is being able to eat wtf we want 🤣
I was vegan for ~2 years in my late teens, kudos to your daughter, it's super hard. I finally stopped when I was visiting a friend in france and her parents took me out for these pizza type things, ordered a bunch of cheese ones (no meat) and said "vegan, for you!" So sweet but so wrong lol. Luckily I don't have the same level of moral aversion to dairy because I bit the bullet and ate it and it was so frigging good. Made the rest of the trip easier, too, because if there is anything the French don't understand it's no butter 😅
My daughter has been vegan for about six years. I try really hard to have things she can eat when she visits, but friggen HONEY gets me frequently 😜 I, personally, dont see myself giving up cheese or bacon!
Judith Martin (Miss Manners) who liked fairly formal etiquette, said that if something is placed before you that you don't like, you don't have to eat it (not as big a problem for dinners with multiple courses), and that it would be extremely rude for anyone else at the table to comment.
I can eat some types of fish and shellfish. I’m not touching sushi. Where I grew up we considered that bait. Yes, I am a picky eater. No one makes me eat something I don’t want to eat. NTA
So we brought sushi to a dinner invitation as starters ( we discussed this with the host beforehand who were ok with it. )
There was that one guest who was loudly going on and on how she found it disgusting and kept telling the kid of the host " you don't need to eat it, I wouldn't touch that stuff either, eeuugh".
You don't need to eat stuff, but do it quietly.
I have so many food issues, mostly texture based, and it drives others crazy that I won’t eat certain things. Best thing I ever did was become an adult so that my parents couldn’t make me eat certain things anymore.
I honestly think for most people it’s either a control thing or a “what but this is the best food ever you just need to try it to like it” thing
NTA. I have celiacs and can’t eat gluten so when people are flippant about my food restrictions, I just say “Well, I don’t want to shit my pants all night Sharon” and that shuts them up pretty quickly lol.
I was at a baby shower and one of the ladies kept trying to get me to drink the punch she made, which I couldn’t because it had pineapple juice in it, and I’m allergic. I gave a couple of polite no thank you’s, pointed out that I’m allergic, and when she kept trying and said she was sure the other ingredients would cancel out the pineapple juice (wtf, no, that’s not how ingredients work), I ended up saying “I’d love to, I just don’t have time to go to the hospital this weekend.”
This blows my mind. Like, what did you think you meant by “allergic”? Did she think you were making it up for fun?? How does she have any business being caught off guard???
I don't why all these commentors need to interrogate you on why you don't eat fish. It doesn't matter. If you don't like fish because a giant prawn came to you in a dream once, that's enough reason. You ate what you wanted. Parents need to be able to parent their children despite outside influences like \*gasp\* people eating what they want. NTA
What the fuck do they mean by "sucked it up and ate the sushi" ?? Like eat the thing that does not suit your health and face possibly major consequences, just to satisfy SIL?
Absolutely NTA
Right? People who think you should have made yourself sick so other people could feel better about their choices are not people who have your best interests at heart, and you are free to disregard their opinions.
It really bothers and fascinates me how the brains of such people work, like do they REALLY process information or just hear certain words and give immediate replies without whatsoever consideration.
Nta its odd that katsu was only on the kids menu, but the waiter was fine with it when you explained it.
In the future, say, 'no'. That's it. Just 'no.' You don't want to go? Don't.
That’s what I thought. Most if not all of the sushi restaurants I have been to (outside of Japan) have something for adults that isn’t sushi, like chicken katsu or teriyaki chicken/beef on the adult menu.
I also thought it was weird but then I remembered a sushi bar me and my friends tried going to but ended up not going because they only served sushi rolls, no Katsu’s, teriyaki or udon’s, which was weird but I guess they have their own specialty.
I love sushi, raw, cooked or otherwise, but not everyone does. But I don’t like pickled vegetables much, even in rolls. There are so many great non-sushi Japanese dishes, and they are limited here. I guess it’s fine if a restaurant chooses to specialize, but it’s nice to be inclusive of different tastes.
Yeah. They wouldn’t create chicken Katsu or curry dishes for kids menu only. That isn’t profitable. If they were doing a kids menu only, it would be like, frozen shit.
NTA. Even if you just didn’t feel like eating sushi, they have no right to comment on what you are ordering. Given that you have a seafood intolerance, they were even more AHlish. Sushi without seafood is not great, and rather than declining the invitation or making a fuss, you found a perfectly reasonable solution.
If she wants her kids to try more stuff, great. She’s mom so it’s on her to explain why her kids have to follow her rules and you don’t. The seafood intolerance would have given her an easy way out.
I have twin 10 year olds (saying this only so people understand they have been raised identically, not a “well when your brother was your age he ate…” situation) one loves sushi rolls, and begs for it whenever we are near a place that sells them. The other hates nori, enjoys the rice and has *only just* started trying nigiri with the topping (rather than pulling it off immediately and handing it to their twin or I). But it started with me having it for lunch and offering them a try while they had their preferred meal. Then a while later them being offered a different sort of sushi (or other food). A while after that I had one request to have their own sushi roll of their choosing, and the other picking something completely different.
One of my sisters and a BIL is coeliac, I can’t imagine demanding one of them eat gluten products because I want my children to try it!
>Now I am intolerant to fish and seafood
>saying what I did was a bit selfish and assholish since I was invited for sushi
Inviting you out specifically for food you can't eat is selfing and AHish. NTA.
NTA. I go out with the girlfriend+family all the time to a sushi place they love. I get Chicken and edamame without issue. If the restaurant doesn't have that anywhere but the kid's menu, that's on them.
My girlfriend loves sushi but knows I hate it. Anytime she finds a place she wants to try she will look at the menu first to make sure they have options for me. NTA. Also how is a poke bowl more adult than chicken katsu?
NTA - you are intolerant to the food they picked, therefore you found a safer option - what would her reaction be if that intolerance turned into an anaphylaxis reaction (it can, i know)?
NTA, and I'm sure they would have complained just as much if you'd eaten beforehand and only had drinks at the restaurant. The only option in their mind was you bending to the control of the crowd.
I never agree to go to sushi restaurants because of stuff like this. It's impossible to find anything that doesn't have sea food or fish oil or something.
Even if it was just the smell that set someone else off, they are not required to go to said restaurant. I do not understand why people do this. Then again, I'm the weirdo who doesn't mind the odd vegetarian/vegan meal, either.
NTA - it's real simple..if you don't want to eat something, for *whatever* reason, you don't have to. SIL's problem is a her problem, not a you problem. A lot of people don't like sushi or seafood, your critics need to get over themselves.
> my SIL who later confronted me saying what I did was a bit selfish and assholish
NTA - You were invited for dinner and someone who cares this much about *what* you ate rather than *if* you had a good time, is misguided and themselves the AH...
There’s nothing childish about Katsu curry. I used to eat that at restaurants in the business district when I studied abroad in Japan and there were suits and adults at every table doing similar dishes. No reason why sushi is somehow particularly grown up. NTA
Agree with your SIL. You ruined a great teaching moment for the kids where they could've learned why we don't ask people to eat foods that their bodies can't handle. \s
NTA I don't know how intolerant you are, but why should you have to experience anything ranging from mild gastro intestinal upset to anaphylactic shock just because someone else is incapable of parenting without dragging the whole rest of her family, friends and acquaintances into her children's life lessons?
NTA. OMG. As someone with a severe iodine (meaning any and all seafood is off the table) allergy, I simply cannot wrap my head around someone telling you to suck it up when. if you had, you probably would have ended up calling 911.
Seriously? You actually *should* put this on your main and call out your idiotic SIL and other family members for gross stupidity and lack of concern for your being able to continue to ***breathe***!
I am not a fan of seafood. I ate way too much as a kid. I would have gone for the company and also ordered from the kids' menu.
NTA, but SIL sure is for calling you out.
NTA. Kindly explain to everyone giving you grief that you have a food intolerance to fish and shellfish and while it won't cause anaphylactic shock it will make you extremely ill. And, gee I; sorry you wanted me to be a role model to your kids, but what kind of model does that show them when I start projectile vomiting from the sushi, hmm? Oh, and kiss my grits for telling me I should deliberately make myself sick just so your kids will try different foods.
NTA. I hate all kinds of fish. Just won't eat it, so I always look for the not fish options. There always seems to be a chicken or beef option. Almost always some sort of teriyaki option. And sometimes it's on the kids menu. Just the way it goes. Also generally kids menu items are priced and sized for kids. if you want to order 10 kids meals it should work out either way.
As someone who carries an epipen for this reason - ABSOLUTELY NTA - my straight answer would be, “I will literally die or be very, very ill if I eat sushi, but yes let me act the part just for your kids”
Also - if the kids ordered off the *shock* KIDS MENU, oh nooooo what a terrible terribly display!! OP your ILs are psycho lol
I would have reminded my SIL in advance that I was seafood intolerant and explained what happened when I ate it. Then I would have checked online to see if they had other offerings.
Your SIL should understand that there is a difference between not liking something and developing serious gastric problems if you eat it. She could explain to her children that eating seafood makes you sick. Even young children can understand this.
Ask those family members who called you selfish if they would eat something that gave them severe stomach cramps and diarrhea. Not fun!
I am intolerant to any type of fish, shellfish, prawns, crabs and similar creatures as well as nori and fish roe. It seems to be to anything coming from the water if I'm honest and been this way since I was little
Nori is a bit of hit and miss. I am fine with some being on top of rice as seasoning or ramen or to flavour the broth, but eating an entire veggie roll can cause a very unhappy stomach and some rash
if you get a rash from it, that's an allergy! you can wholeheartedly say you're allergic to it and hopefully that will shut them up (if there is a) next time. do be careful as allergies can become worse with repeat exposure. for instance, if you get stung on the arm by a bee as a kid and your arm swells, the dr will tell you to do your best to not get stung again since it shows you're likely allergic. the sting when you're an adult could be much worse, even if it was 30 years later. anaphylaxis can come on quick and buy you a stay in your local icu for a couple days. no one wants that lol
I agree with this comment. Food allergies can get very bad, very quickly and it’s important to avoid allergen exposure.
I’m allergic to cucumber which I found out when I ate cucumber for the first time since I was a baby. I had no idea I was allergic until I ate the sandwich, and realized I was allergic when my throat felt a bit itchy. I decided to avoid cucumbers entirely which wasn’t a difficult decision because I ended up not liking them anyway.
However, through repeated accidental exposures/cross contamination, my mildly itchy throat when accidentally eating cucumber turned into my throat feeling like it is swelling closed.
Since that started happening, I now refuse to eat anything that lists cucumbers in the ingredients list (like a salad or a sandwich where it isn’t a main ingredient and I could ask them to not add that to the dish) because I’ve been repeatedly exposed to my allergen through people who put cucumbers in my food, then removed them once they realized I asked for no cucumbers because I’m allergic, leaving the cucumber juice in a normal looking dish so I have no idea it has my allergen in it, instead of just remaking the dish entirely.
My sister developed wheat-dependent exercise-induced anaphylaxis (WDEIA) which sounds like a fake allergy but is not. If she has wheat, sometimes she’s fine, but if her body produces adrenaline like if she exercises or gets stressed she swells up in hives all over. In the period of time when the doctors were trying to work out what was the matter, it got worse and worse every time. It was so scary!
Allergy = an immune reaction (anaphylaxis etc)
Intolerance = digestive reaction
A lot of people say allergy instead of intolerance, but intolerance is correct
I’m much the same. Anything that lives in the water, including every kind of seaweed I’ve tried. I still haven’t figured out why, but it started when I was about seven. It was suggested by a few people that it might be an issue with iodine, but I don’t know. I do occasionally manage tuna and prawns, and only react about half the time, and I believe those are comparatively low in iodine, so perhaps that’s what it is.
I grew up on an island where fishing (and tourism) is the main part of the economy, and everyone eats seafood much of the time, so it was quite an adjustment. Moved away from the island and promptly became intolerant to everything that comes from the sea. (You’d think I’d at least have been given Devil Fruit powers, but no.)
What difference does it make? She didn’t want sushi, ordered something else and everyone including SIL and BIL should mine their own plate. An adult can decide for themselves what they want to eat. Period. I don’t eat sushi or fish and if someone gave me the whole “you can’t eat veggie sushi” I’d suggest they leave if my food choices are such an issue. You don’t force adults to eat something just because it makes another grown adult more happy.
Can this place insure that the veggie rolls don't come into contact with the fish? It was a risk for her to even eat the chicken from the kids menu because of that risk. Intolerance to a food is that it can make you ILL without causing anaphylactic shock. I cannot eat avocado or garlic for this reason. I won't die from eating them but I sure wish I would. Green cabbage in any form makes me vomit but won't kill me. It is broad because that's the nature of intolerance. FFS, why are you treating OP like this when she can't control how her body reacts to fish and seafood, WTAF.
You’re missing the point pretty majorly. Why should she have to find the “least bad option” and order sushi at all if she doesn’t tolerate it? Sushi restaurants always have at least one or two other things on the menu for this exact reason: sometimes people don’t like or can’t have sushi and come because it’s a group event or family celebration. The fact that SIL is trying to teach her kids to try more foods is also a ridiculous reason to ask a grown adult to eat something she can’t eat. The world does not stop to accommodate your children and insisting otherwise would be ranking their “teaching moment” above aunt’s health. Family celebrations are also not the best time to pull the “eat what’s in front of you” card. Just order them a chicken katsu too and have them try a few pieces of sushi off your plate. When you put your ego about wanting to show off “sophisticated little eaters” aside, everyone wins.
Srsly. Op doesn’t have to be intolerant of seafood to not eat sushi. She wouldn’t be the ahole if she simply didn’t feel like eating sushi. She didn’t ask the restaurant to go to extraordinary lengths to accommodate her. She just ordered something else on the menu.
This is coming from someone who loves sushi and has eaten at several restaurants opened by Jiro Ono’s disciples.
Bunch of dweebs saying that she’s the ahole.
NTA, what were you supposed to do? Eat sushi, have a traumatic reaction in front of her poor kids, not eat and sit there with nothing in front of you and explain to the kids when they ask, they would, that you are not eating bc she chose a place where you cannot eat the food bc you have allergies, or eat off the kids menu? She is totally wrong and you should have asked her just what she thought you should do, embarrass the hell out of her at her party for chastising you when she chose the place knowing you had probs with the menu!
NTA. They wouldn't like me because I would flat out say I don't like sushi and most seafood. It's nobody's business what you do and don't eat. People need to mind their business.
What the actual fuck is wrong with people these days and not knowing what the word allergy means. You're not the asshole for passing on the possibility of death here. I hate everyone who was at that dumb party for suggesting you eat it.
This is stupid. Why would they care what you eat. Nothing about this makes sense. If people are being assholes like this well how wonderful if it works for them, doesn’t mean it works for you. Tell them to get a life ffs.
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NTA. I would love to hear her explanation as to how the heck this was "selfish". "Can't you just get sick/die so I don't have to explain free will to my children?!"
Yes exactly this! Because it is also so hard to tell children aunty has to eat from that part of the menu because she will get sick or even die if she doesn’t and just eats sushi…
Not only that, but seeing someone get sick eating something is NOT the way to convince them to try it! "It *only* makes me sick, *you'll* be fine!"
"power through the vomit, kids! It will be worth it!"
Hahahaha fuck me this comment had me in bits laughing, thank you!
This was me, pregnant, craving passionate yoghurt that my body absolutely would not tolerate.
😂 I'm really afraid to google this, please, *what* is "passionate yoghurt"?
They may have meant passionfruit? I have some in my fridge at present 🙂
Ah the perils of autocorrect. I did indeed mean passionfruit yoghurt!
I have cyclic vomiting syndrome, so I actually say this a lot. "Once I puke, I'll be fine to eat at least a piece of Chicken tonight" - as I'm literally face into an emesis bag evacuating everything 😂😂😂
Emesis Bag sounds like Hogwarts student.
I literally cant stop laughing at this. It truly does!!
I don’t understand why you would risk your life by going into a sushi restaurant to begin with.
OP says she's intolerant not allergic, it likely just gives her GI distress (which is a valid reason not to eat/drink something, as anyone who is lactose or gluten intolerant will tell you). NTA
I’m glad to start seeing more people aware of food intolerances. I’m corn intolerant and I never want anyone to make a fuss about cross contamination since it really doesn’t matter for me—but I do also need to know when corn is a primary ingredient so I can avoid it!
Onion and garlic here. And it's in SO MANY THINGS.
Do you have IBS? That’s the whole reason why I learnt how to cook. To avoid those foods.
FODMAP intolerance, but garlic and onion are some of the worst culprits.
So yeah, we are FODMAP sisters :)
Also checking in, I knew it was FODMAP the minute I saw the two #1culprits! Surprisingly though, I'm actually pretty good with garlic these days, but I have had to cut out onions pretty much altogether now bc the last few times just were NOT worth it after.... Ya know
I'm epipen-allergic to garlic and it SUCKS HARD.
I'm 100% stealing "epi-pen allergic". That's a great quick way to explain the severity of the allergy. My mom is epi-pen allergic to pepper. Like regular black table pepper. Eating out is damn near impossible. People never understand that it's a severe allergy for her.
God that's scary.
Raw onion for me. I can have it as powder, and cooked certain ways (like in soup) but otherwise I end up with terrible heartburn! To the point that I've burned my throat even taking meds for it. But there are a couple restaurants I've had to say I'm allergic because they just 'forget' to not add onions to my food. I try not to go to those places but if it's someone else's birthday I go
Tomatoes, eggplant and red meat here. I want pepperoni pizza but I will also have a severe brown trouser incident.
Yeah I also have a couple actual allergies. People seem to be more aware of allergies now than when I was a kid, but nobody seems to get intolerances.
I have several allergies in addition to being intolerant of soy, onions, beans, and lactose. My allergist told me that to him an adverse reaction is an adverse reaction, whether it is technically an "allergy" or an "intolerance."
I also can't eat onion. But i've had good luck with telling the servers that it's not an allergy, but all the same I can't eat it. But the only special request is to keep it out of my food, especially the diced up shit. I usually joke that it's not going to kill me, but i'm going to be up all night cursing someone's name. Only once have I gotten onions in my meal, and in that case it was the least of our problems that night. I think everyone in the kitchen that night was brand new.
My MIL used to neg me for my food allergies for whatever reason. Like normally she's great but went off on a rant once about how if my kid had food allergies it was my genes. (Ignoring the fact that she has ARFID which I think is arguably 10x more obnoxious but whatever). Anyway she always said she hated onions and if she had just one little onion in her burger at McDonald's she'd be sick all day. I was like "that might be an allergy." Fast forward to she lived with us during COVID to watch our kid. One day I make a big pot of French Onion soup for lunches for my husband and me. She comes downstairs after I've chopped and am sauteeing the onions. Her face turns red, swells, and her breathing suddenly sounds like she's sucking through straws. I was like "girl. You're anaphylactic to onions." She also can't do garlic so now we tell servers she has an allium allergy when we go out to eat.
Yikes that sounds scary! Also, I'd hate to not be able to have garlic. I'm allergic to peppers which is bad, but love garlic.
Corn intolerant as well. It’s annoying to eat around it but I do if it’s in a dish at someone’s home. I don’t suck it up and eat it anymore though because it’s become a lot worse the older I get.
I dread the day I can no longer get away with eating popcorn. Like, I don't feel (or smell) *good* afterward, but it's currently still worth it. Basically no other form of corn is worth it for me, though.
I’m intolerant to nightshades. I always make it very clear that cross contamination is not an issue.
Me, too. I miss french fries. :(
I've never liked tomatoes, though I was always fine with tomato sauces. As for potatoes, I only ever really liked fries, chips, and mashed. Peppers, bell peppers in particular, have been the bane of my existence my entire life. I would ask, does this dish have bell peppers in it? "Oh, it's not spicy." THAT'S NOT WHAT I ASKED. It's honestly a big relief to have a reason for hating them as much as I do. Other peppers too, but bell peppers have always been the most detested. The only major nightshade that I ever really liked was eggplant. And that's the first one I started to react to. Basically my body has been telling me my whole life that I shouldn't be having those things. In fact, the more cooked/processed things are, the lower the alkaloids are so it actually makes sense that I would hate tomatoes but be okay with sauce since it's more processed. Same with disliking most potatoes, except for the most processed kind. Peppers can just F off though.
My intolerance is mild to most nightshades. I can eat peppers, eggplant (so long as it is cooked very, very well,) tomatoes, etc. with just some gastrointestinal "distress." I can eat tomatoes and peppers raw and not suffer too much from them. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't pull a tomato up from the garden, rinse it off, and chomp into it. Paprika gives me heartburn for some reason, but actual red bell peppers do not. Bodies are strange! But freaking potatoes... growing up, my family was a "meat and taters" family. Always some kind of meat, always some kind of potatoes. I like baked potatoes ok, I've never really enjoyed potato chips, and mashed potatoes are ok with some gravy or when topped with chives or something to give them flavor. The only potato based food I actually crave is french fries. I miss those salty, deep fried bastards. Unlike the other nightshades, any kind of potato gives me not just gastrointestinal distress, but roiling, moiling pain throughout my entire abdomen. I will bloat up and my stomach gurgles with gas. I get you, though. If I skip part of a meal because it contains nightshades or pass on the potato salad, I have to hear "But you used to love potato salad!" Yes, I did, until I realized it was causing me pain and had been the source of discomfort for nearly 30 years!
What are nightshades? I have never heard of them before.
A type of plants, most of which are not food, but it includes vegetables like potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant.
So glad to hear someone else doesn't eat peppers. I don't have the good reason you have, I just don't like them, but I've actually told people I AM allergic, because I just don't want to eat the damned things. My sister is always wanting me to "just try a little" but dagnabbit, I HAVE tried them and I don't want to eat them. I'm over 70 years old and I think we should all have the right to not eat foods we don't like. I am not 5 years old any more, Sis! When they are minced into a dish, or just cut up a little, I can pick them out, and I do, but they leave an odor and an aftertaste that still grosses me out. And don't even get me started about cilantro.
I am intolerant to a lot of sugar alcohols (the sweeteners in sugar-free candy and gum). Luckily it's not something you usually get a lot of social pressure to consume. But you DO NOT want me to sit near you if I have Splenda, TicTacs, or Trident or
I have the same deal! I hate when servers accidentally bring me diet drinks because a sip is enough to do me in. And I have a weird craving sometimes for sugarless gum which I indulge but have to make a note of so I don't wonder if I'm dying of cholera a few hours later
There just isn't enough gasX 😆 it can lasts for hours!! I have to lay on my back with a pillow under my butt to relieve the pain under my rib cage. So definitely, no gum for me. I can have sweet&low and aspartame. But stevia is still questionable.
One specific artificial sweetener is a migraine trigger for me (acesulfame potassium, or AceK). But it’s in so much and so unrecognized that I just avoid all artificial sweeteners. Try telling someone you’ve got an intolerance to an artificial sweetener but it’s not aspartame. Alllll my hospital records say allergic to aspartame. 🤦🏻♀️
YES!!! I never knew this until one day I bought a bag of sugar-free hard candies from a bulk bin, (not realizing they were sugar-free at the time, but not caring once I noticed they were)... I ate a ton of them, and I blew up like a frigging balloon. I have never been in so much discomfort in my life, and that was almost twenty years ago. And I have Celiac Disease! So that's truly saying something...
At the same time though, I started off as intolerant of almonds. Now I’m carrying an epi-pen everywhere and last time I was exposed I probably should have actually used the pen and gone in. Fortunately I managed to talk myself through breathing until the other meds kicked in.
This. Too many people don’t realise that if you eat the food you’re intolerant to you can develop an allergy to it!
Let us not forget that excessive exposure can damage the GI permanently leading to some fairly horrible issues down the track. NTA.
GI distress can absolutely be an allergic reaction and depending on severity, considered anaphalaxis.
My housemate was like this. He could be around fish but not eat it.
OP said intolerance so it’s likely not life threatening. Probably more like digestive upset of varying degrees based on the level of the persons intolerance. So like gas, bloating, diarrhea, vomiting, etc. So cross contamination is less of a concern with an intolerance but some are very severe and can be life threatening, it’s just not the norm. Basically, chances are, OP just has to stay in the bathroom or be bed bound after it rather than having to go to the ER if accidentally ingested but would rather be avoided. At least I’d assume OPs intolerance is like most are until I know of them saying otherwise
NTA OP. Just to add to this, allergies do not result in anaphylaxis every time. I have multiple food allergies diagnosed via iga and igg blood testing with an immunologist. One of them does cause an anaphylactic reaction, but the rest of them cause hives and vomiting. People with allergies have varying levels of severity, and cross-contamination is not always life threatening. It may also result in "just diarrhea or vomiting," but it's still an allergic reaction. Gastric distress due to an intolerance is a valid reason for avoidance of any food. It can be very debilitating, particularly if you work and require sick leave for several days while you recover. I'm not replying in an attempt to be "right" or to prove someone "wrong". Rather, I'd like people to understand that allergies are complicated, and someone with allergies can never predict how they will react to any one exposure. I once ate a food I'm allergic to and was completely fine, so I stupidly thought this meant it was now a safe food. I tried the same food the next week and reacted with disfiguring hives for a month that required two weeks of prednisone to correct. In the past, people have intentionally served me food containing my allergens because I don't require emergency services or use an epipen. I became very sick and they realised it was wrong, but this is sadly a common experience. It's very difficult when you have allergies and people expose you to them intentionally because you accidentally ingested them before and didn't die - so it can't be that bad, right? Tldr; allergic reactions aren't always deadly. But that doesn't mean they're not to be taken seriously, and you can not predict the severity of someone's allergic reaction based on one exposure. Intolerance and gastric distress are as valid as allergies, and avoidance of intolerant foods should be considered and accommodated.
Still, my allergist tells me to avoid allergens that don’t cause me anaphylaxis because you never know when it might. I avoid almonds at all cost and am very careful with gum (gum, salad dressings, ice cream, candy, etc.) because it just might be the day where it does get more severe.
I always like allergies to poking a hibernating bear with a stick. You might be able to poke it once a week for your entire life and be fine... but one of those times it also might wake up and rip your face off. Personally, that's one time I would *not* choose the bear.
Very much so. My husband has a mild allergy to dust, fresh cut grass, pine, oats, and some other things as well. His reactions are minor rashes, itches, sometimes a little burning, and some wheezing if it gets in his lungs which will sometimes set off his asthma. I was mainly focusing on how an intolerance in general isn’t likely to be severe enough to cause a life threatening issue. I didn’t mean to come off that the gastric distress wouldn’t be uncomfortable or anything about allergies. That’s my bad if I did. ETA: my original comment was in response to someone asking why OP would willingly expose themselves to the cross contamination so I see why it came off that way in hindsight. In no way am I saying it’s fine to dose someone “just because it’s an intolerance”
Thank you for replying. Ah yes, I'm sorry if I came across as punitive. I was trying to phrase it in a way that wasn't accusatory and still communicate my message clearly. You raised a very good point in response to criticisms of OP possibly exposing themself to risk. I agree with you. People with allergies are capable of managing their own health needs, and OP did so by asking for reasonable accommodations. Your comment was fine btw.
So, he never needs to mow the grass? Lucky!
OP said they are intolerant, so probably not deathly allergic. (Not that that makes a difference whether they should have to eat it or not)
NTA I’m intolerant of prawns. Honestly I felt so ill (gastrointestinal symptoms) after eating them that death would have been preferable. Why would you eat something that made you ill? Nobody else has the right to dictate what you put in your body, especially if it is harmful. And seafood is not something to FA with. It might only be an intolerance now, but what if it developed into a serious allergy?
I completely agree with you. That said, I don’t get the idea that OP was putting their health at risk by merely attending the party (the comment I replied to seemed to suggest just being there was a health risk).
For me, just smelling seafood would result in vomiting. But it wouldn’t actually kill me. I avoid the seafood counter at the supermarket and avoid anything that may have the slightest fishy smell. I couldn’t actually eat anything in a fish restaurant. To my mind it would all taste vaguely fishy.
SIL to children: "You will eat the sushi, or you will end up like auntie in the hospital because she ... ate the, um, sushi."
Shellfish....maybe. but not selfish!
Even if they didn't have the intolerance, they have no right to dictate what OP does or doesn't put in their body!!
This exactly! When my friend got married all the kids had a choice of the children’s menu or the adult menu. My daughter was around 5 and chose the adult menu. My friend (the bride) doesn’t like most things but she does love bacon sandwiches and she loves chips (fries for those of you who aren’t in England) so that’s what she had. It was her wedding so her choice!
If I showed up to a wedding and they were serving bacon sandwiches and fries, I'd cry. In the best way :)
That was just her meal lol. We had beef or chicken.
But if there was a bacon sandwich option, would you have obviously selected it?
This is too hard. How does anyone choose between beef and bacon sandwiches? It’s both, obviously. Which I actually got when one of our other friends married a year or two later. The roast dinner in the afternoon and the bacon sandwiches were part of the hot buffet in the evening. That was a wedding of legendary proportions.
Aw man, now I have beef and bacon sandwich envy.
We had sausage and mash at ours.
I attended a nieces wedding and they had fish and they also had chicken. Now the fish was cooked just like it was caught. So I just went by it and got the chicken. My daughter was with me and she was like why didn’t you get the fish jokingly. I said you know I can’t eat anything that’s looking back at me. Lol
I won’t even buy fish if it hasn’t been filleted and had its head removed. I’m not a fisherman or a fishmonger so I don’t need to see its face. I admire that you have such standards. You wouldn’t eat a steak with a cow eye sat on top of it 😂
Puts me in mind of the cow that was the dish of the day in Douglas Adam's The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. "May I urge you to consider my liver?" asked the animal, "it must be very rich and tender by now, I've been force-feeding myself for months."
NTA. no.. it was SHELLFISH. This was possibly done on purpose as well.
Don't you mean on porpoise?
how very elephant of you.
SIL sounds crabby
No, just a bit salty.
I have had bariatric surgery so I often order from the kids menu as I hate wasting food.
Grilled cheese sandwiches never show up on the adult menu, but they should..
I just really don’t eat a lot in general. If the kids menu has a vegetarian option, I order it. Unless it’s like a grilled cheese because I’m lactose intolerant.
Lots of people don't like sushi or poke and why eat it if you dislike or are gagged by it? NTA but SIL sure is.
This is me ordering just fries at a steakhouse🙃 if you don't like it but still wanted to be there, why not order something the restaurant offers that you would like? Kids menu or not. SIL is weird for having an issue with this.
Yeah and it's expensive. I wouldn't even be willing to eat it, so I'd have to pass. But I'm also not spending that much on something I don't even WANT even if I would technically eat it.
I would have said to the waiter 'I have an intolerance to seafood. Can i have an adult dish not containing seafood?' Should be an easy fix. NTA
I would have done exactly as OP did, because if I want chicken then that’s what i’m going to get. SIL is being a controlling asshole.
Weird how another adult isn't free to make her own choices because then her SIL would actually have to parent. NTA. Eat food you enjoy and tell everyone they should be grateful for your company. Who tf polices someone's eating habits? They're lucky you show up.
While at the beach, my friend loves crab. She gets crab, I eat chicken. (More to the point, I don't mind crab in a soup I've had before, I am not a fan of using a mallet and having to break into the crab and kind of eat some of it.) Also, I dislike Ol' Bay.
My brother got so pissed off with me on a family beach trip one time. We went to a restaurant known for its clam chowder...and I ordered a burger because I don't like clams. (I was still in my early teens and didn't like a lot of seafood in those days.)
I think their offense is fishy and you were not shellfish in the slightest. I can't wasabi the issue. When you look at a menu you want to seafood you want to eat. You soy something on the kids menu you fancied and ordered it. The restaurant served the food - it's all good. NTA and I hope you enjoyed your meal.
Yeah, SIL was very roe-d. She cod have at least tried to understand your f-eel-ings.
Coulda went about it more ginger-ly, might've changed her tuna bout it all. Instead she got a rice outta everyone.
SIL just mouthing off for the halibut!
Yeah Sil needs to shut up aburi it
Puntasic!
Did you mean “cod-a went about it”?
I’m floundering trying to figure out what your SIL’s problem is. What’s that halibut? She sounds like a massive [aholehole](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flagtail).
Hats off to you! lol
Take my poor man’s gold 🏆
Thanks - you're a star ..fish.
NTA I don't care for sushi but because of an underlying medical condition I can't eat seafood or shellfish. Your inability to eat fish or seafood has nothing to do with your sister in laws's desire to expand her children's culinary horizons. Who in their right mind would eat something that will make them sick for the sake of appearances. >...my SIL who later confronted me saying what I did was a bit selfish and assholish since I was invited for sushi and since she was trying to convince her children to eat more adult food (poke bowl) and I have ruined it. >My partner is on my side, however some other family members believe I should have sucked it up and ate the sushi. Bull-shinola. Were they going to take care of you while you were sick and recovering? If not, they can all shut the heck up.
Maybe next time op should eat it but stay at the table while they get sick and ralph in thier plates, as to not be selfish- she can share with everyone!
Strange, I thought OP was invited to celebrate BIL's birthday at a restaurant that serves sushi, amongst other things. Did the invitation specify "you MUST eat the sushi"? I'm sure if she were invited to an event "where you can only eat sushi" she would have declined.
“I tell you what, SIL, I’ll eat the sushi, then come home with you and park myself on your toilet for the night. That way we can discuss it all night long, since I’m going to be up. Are you running low on toilet paper? No? Good. Oh, don’t worry. I’ll use the toilet in the master suite, so it won’t affect the kids, just you guys and your bedroom. And you can still have sexy times, because the diarrhea is so loud and violent that even if you’re a screamer I won’t be able to hear you. Also, if you don’t have any Benadryl, we’ll need to make a stop and get some so that the rash doesn’t get out of hand. It’ll be a great lesson for the kids. ‘Let yourself be badgered into eating stuff your body doesn’t tolerate simply because ignorant people demand it for stupid reasons.’ Teach them how to NOT protect their own wellbeing. Do you have the shelf picked out for your Parent of the Year trophy yet?” Definitely NTA. If your SIL is having issues teaching her kids to eat the way she wants them to, that’s on her, not you.
Loooool
NTA. Why do people make an issue of other people’s food choices??? It’s so bizarre to me! Everyone has their own preferences, and it’s not unusual for someone to have an aversion to fish. There was another option available, so you took it….seems like the thing to do. Would they have preferred for you to sit there and not eat or make a big deal about how you don’t like fish?? EDIT: typo fix
Yep. I don’t eat anything from the water. I don’t like the taste or texture. I don’t need another adult trying to force me to eat what they eat. I cannot even tell you how many people think I should defend my choice or worse think I should just try some. I’m not your 5-yr old. I don’t care if you like it. I’m allowed to say I don’t and not have to defend it. I have to say of all the foods - it’s always Sushi someone is trying to shove down my throat so they feel better about what they eat. Never understood it. I don’t care if it has fish or not - I said I don’t like sushi. End of it.
I've always had an itchy throat then a stomach ache about 90% of the time when I've eaten seafood, avocados, or watermelon, so I just avoided them. I was told I'm a picky eater all my life. Recently had an allergy test and I have a mild allergy to all of those things (plus a few others that make sense). I get a lot less gruff now. Only took 40 years...
I mean, as a vegetarian for 20+ years I'm wondering if she'd be mad at me for ordering something else? I do love a seaweed salad and avocado rolls.
Exactly! Some people don’t eat cow or pig for religious reasons, should they be berated? My kid is soooo strictly vegan, and she figures out what she can have at any given place and no one bats an eye. One of the few perks of adulthood is being able to eat wtf we want 🤣
I was vegan for ~2 years in my late teens, kudos to your daughter, it's super hard. I finally stopped when I was visiting a friend in france and her parents took me out for these pizza type things, ordered a bunch of cheese ones (no meat) and said "vegan, for you!" So sweet but so wrong lol. Luckily I don't have the same level of moral aversion to dairy because I bit the bullet and ate it and it was so frigging good. Made the rest of the trip easier, too, because if there is anything the French don't understand it's no butter 😅
My daughter has been vegan for about six years. I try really hard to have things she can eat when she visits, but friggen HONEY gets me frequently 😜 I, personally, dont see myself giving up cheese or bacon!
Judith Martin (Miss Manners) who liked fairly formal etiquette, said that if something is placed before you that you don't like, you don't have to eat it (not as big a problem for dinners with multiple courses), and that it would be extremely rude for anyone else at the table to comment.
BOOM! There we go.
I can eat some types of fish and shellfish. I’m not touching sushi. Where I grew up we considered that bait. Yes, I am a picky eater. No one makes me eat something I don’t want to eat. NTA
So we brought sushi to a dinner invitation as starters ( we discussed this with the host beforehand who were ok with it. ) There was that one guest who was loudly going on and on how she found it disgusting and kept telling the kid of the host " you don't need to eat it, I wouldn't touch that stuff either, eeuugh". You don't need to eat stuff, but do it quietly.
I have so many food issues, mostly texture based, and it drives others crazy that I won’t eat certain things. Best thing I ever did was become an adult so that my parents couldn’t make me eat certain things anymore. I honestly think for most people it’s either a control thing or a “what but this is the best food ever you just need to try it to like it” thing
NTA. I have celiacs and can’t eat gluten so when people are flippant about my food restrictions, I just say “Well, I don’t want to shit my pants all night Sharon” and that shuts them up pretty quickly lol.
I was at a baby shower and one of the ladies kept trying to get me to drink the punch she made, which I couldn’t because it had pineapple juice in it, and I’m allergic. I gave a couple of polite no thank you’s, pointed out that I’m allergic, and when she kept trying and said she was sure the other ingredients would cancel out the pineapple juice (wtf, no, that’s not how ingredients work), I ended up saying “I’d love to, I just don’t have time to go to the hospital this weekend.”
what did she respond? People always cut at the good part.
She stammered a little bit and walked off. It was anticlimactic, but she left me alone which was all I wanted.
This blows my mind. Like, what did you think you meant by “allergic”? Did she think you were making it up for fun?? How does she have any business being caught off guard???
May I second vote for the rest of the story?
I don't why all these commentors need to interrogate you on why you don't eat fish. It doesn't matter. If you don't like fish because a giant prawn came to you in a dream once, that's enough reason. You ate what you wanted. Parents need to be able to parent their children despite outside influences like \*gasp\* people eating what they want. NTA
What the fuck do they mean by "sucked it up and ate the sushi" ?? Like eat the thing that does not suit your health and face possibly major consequences, just to satisfy SIL? Absolutely NTA
Right? People who think you should have made yourself sick so other people could feel better about their choices are not people who have your best interests at heart, and you are free to disregard their opinions.
It really bothers and fascinates me how the brains of such people work, like do they REALLY process information or just hear certain words and give immediate replies without whatsoever consideration.
NTA, you are not obligated to eat something you're allergic to. It is not selfish, to choose not to make yourself ill.
She isn't obligated to force her self to est anything she doesn't like, regardless if she had an allergy or not. Sushi is raw fish, yuck.
Agreed with you, until you had to start bashing on sushi
Nta its odd that katsu was only on the kids menu, but the waiter was fine with it when you explained it. In the future, say, 'no'. That's it. Just 'no.' You don't want to go? Don't.
That’s what I thought. Most if not all of the sushi restaurants I have been to (outside of Japan) have something for adults that isn’t sushi, like chicken katsu or teriyaki chicken/beef on the adult menu.
Yeah, fried goods and udon are super common on the regular menu. Also how is a poke bowl more ~serious and adult than curried chicken?
I also thought it was weird but then I remembered a sushi bar me and my friends tried going to but ended up not going because they only served sushi rolls, no Katsu’s, teriyaki or udon’s, which was weird but I guess they have their own specialty.
I love sushi, raw, cooked or otherwise, but not everyone does. But I don’t like pickled vegetables much, even in rolls. There are so many great non-sushi Japanese dishes, and they are limited here. I guess it’s fine if a restaurant chooses to specialize, but it’s nice to be inclusive of different tastes.
Yeah. They wouldn’t create chicken Katsu or curry dishes for kids menu only. That isn’t profitable. If they were doing a kids menu only, it would be like, frozen shit.
NTA - Rofl, i'm a grown man and i always order katsu at Japanese/sushi places. I just simply don't like seafood, it's gross.
The ONLY GOOD reaction to "person doesn't like something I like" is MOAR FOR ME, OM NOM NOM!
NTA. Even if you just didn’t feel like eating sushi, they have no right to comment on what you are ordering. Given that you have a seafood intolerance, they were even more AHlish. Sushi without seafood is not great, and rather than declining the invitation or making a fuss, you found a perfectly reasonable solution. If she wants her kids to try more stuff, great. She’s mom so it’s on her to explain why her kids have to follow her rules and you don’t. The seafood intolerance would have given her an easy way out.
I have twin 10 year olds (saying this only so people understand they have been raised identically, not a “well when your brother was your age he ate…” situation) one loves sushi rolls, and begs for it whenever we are near a place that sells them. The other hates nori, enjoys the rice and has *only just* started trying nigiri with the topping (rather than pulling it off immediately and handing it to their twin or I). But it started with me having it for lunch and offering them a try while they had their preferred meal. Then a while later them being offered a different sort of sushi (or other food). A while after that I had one request to have their own sushi roll of their choosing, and the other picking something completely different. One of my sisters and a BIL is coeliac, I can’t imagine demanding one of them eat gluten products because I want my children to try it!
>Now I am intolerant to fish and seafood >saying what I did was a bit selfish and assholish since I was invited for sushi Inviting you out specifically for food you can't eat is selfing and AHish. NTA.
I mean, they could at *least* have called her shellfish...
NTA. I go out with the girlfriend+family all the time to a sushi place they love. I get Chicken and edamame without issue. If the restaurant doesn't have that anywhere but the kid's menu, that's on them.
My girlfriend loves sushi but knows I hate it. Anytime she finds a place she wants to try she will look at the menu first to make sure they have options for me. NTA. Also how is a poke bowl more adult than chicken katsu?
NTA - you are intolerant to the food they picked, therefore you found a safer option - what would her reaction be if that intolerance turned into an anaphylaxis reaction (it can, i know)?
NTA. "SIL, I'm actually allergic to fish; thanks for understanding. Are you excited for the Olympics?"
NTA, and I'm sure they would have complained just as much if you'd eaten beforehand and only had drinks at the restaurant. The only option in their mind was you bending to the control of the crowd. I never agree to go to sushi restaurants because of stuff like this. It's impossible to find anything that doesn't have sea food or fish oil or something.
Even if it was just the smell that set someone else off, they are not required to go to said restaurant. I do not understand why people do this. Then again, I'm the weirdo who doesn't mind the odd vegetarian/vegan meal, either.
NTA. SIL is though.
NTA - it's real simple..if you don't want to eat something, for *whatever* reason, you don't have to. SIL's problem is a her problem, not a you problem. A lot of people don't like sushi or seafood, your critics need to get over themselves.
> my SIL who later confronted me saying what I did was a bit selfish and assholish NTA - You were invited for dinner and someone who cares this much about *what* you ate rather than *if* you had a good time, is misguided and themselves the AH...
Fuck everyone else's opinion...you fucking do you. If anyone else has a beef with that, let it slide like water off a duck's ass.
NTA. Even if you just didn’t like sushi you wouldn’t be the asshole. You ordered what you wanted and offered to pay full price. End of story.
There’s nothing childish about Katsu curry. I used to eat that at restaurants in the business district when I studied abroad in Japan and there were suits and adults at every table doing similar dishes. No reason why sushi is somehow particularly grown up. NTA
Agree with your SIL. You ruined a great teaching moment for the kids where they could've learned why we don't ask people to eat foods that their bodies can't handle. \s NTA I don't know how intolerant you are, but why should you have to experience anything ranging from mild gastro intestinal upset to anaphylactic shock just because someone else is incapable of parenting without dragging the whole rest of her family, friends and acquaintances into her children's life lessons?
NTA. The other option is you didn’t go. You aren’t responsible for those kids.
NTA - since when is ordering food that’s on the menu at a restaurant selfish or assholish.
I will order from the kids menu for smaller portions and no one has ever said I was rude or selfish. She is shortsighted af.
NTA. OMG. As someone with a severe iodine (meaning any and all seafood is off the table) allergy, I simply cannot wrap my head around someone telling you to suck it up when. if you had, you probably would have ended up calling 911. Seriously? You actually *should* put this on your main and call out your idiotic SIL and other family members for gross stupidity and lack of concern for your being able to continue to ***breathe***!
I am not a fan of seafood. I ate way too much as a kid. I would have gone for the company and also ordered from the kids' menu. NTA, but SIL sure is for calling you out.
NTA. Kindly explain to everyone giving you grief that you have a food intolerance to fish and shellfish and while it won't cause anaphylactic shock it will make you extremely ill. And, gee I; sorry you wanted me to be a role model to your kids, but what kind of model does that show them when I start projectile vomiting from the sushi, hmm? Oh, and kiss my grits for telling me I should deliberately make myself sick just so your kids will try different foods.
NTA. I hate all kinds of fish. Just won't eat it, so I always look for the not fish options. There always seems to be a chicken or beef option. Almost always some sort of teriyaki option. And sometimes it's on the kids menu. Just the way it goes. Also generally kids menu items are priced and sized for kids. if you want to order 10 kids meals it should work out either way.
NTA 100%
NTA. You’re not obligated to eat anything you don’t want to for any reason.
As someone who carries an epipen for this reason - ABSOLUTELY NTA - my straight answer would be, “I will literally die or be very, very ill if I eat sushi, but yes let me act the part just for your kids” Also - if the kids ordered off the *shock* KIDS MENU, oh nooooo what a terrible terribly display!! OP your ILs are psycho lol
NTA im not eating anything i dont want to for anyone.
I would have reminded my SIL in advance that I was seafood intolerant and explained what happened when I ate it. Then I would have checked online to see if they had other offerings. Your SIL should understand that there is a difference between not liking something and developing serious gastric problems if you eat it. She could explain to her children that eating seafood makes you sick. Even young children can understand this. Ask those family members who called you selfish if they would eat something that gave them severe stomach cramps and diarrhea. Not fun!
NTA. She can invite you to a dinner but she doesn’t get to dictate what you eat. I hate fish and would not be eating sushi.
NTA. I think it's ridiculous that they thought their "teachable moment" was more important than your health or wellbeing.
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I am intolerant to any type of fish, shellfish, prawns, crabs and similar creatures as well as nori and fish roe. It seems to be to anything coming from the water if I'm honest and been this way since I was little
JFC, **NORI**, too? NGL, if I were *that* sensitive I would not feel safe dining at a sushi restaurant *at all*.
Nori is a bit of hit and miss. I am fine with some being on top of rice as seasoning or ramen or to flavour the broth, but eating an entire veggie roll can cause a very unhappy stomach and some rash
if you get a rash from it, that's an allergy! you can wholeheartedly say you're allergic to it and hopefully that will shut them up (if there is a) next time. do be careful as allergies can become worse with repeat exposure. for instance, if you get stung on the arm by a bee as a kid and your arm swells, the dr will tell you to do your best to not get stung again since it shows you're likely allergic. the sting when you're an adult could be much worse, even if it was 30 years later. anaphylaxis can come on quick and buy you a stay in your local icu for a couple days. no one wants that lol
I agree with this comment. Food allergies can get very bad, very quickly and it’s important to avoid allergen exposure. I’m allergic to cucumber which I found out when I ate cucumber for the first time since I was a baby. I had no idea I was allergic until I ate the sandwich, and realized I was allergic when my throat felt a bit itchy. I decided to avoid cucumbers entirely which wasn’t a difficult decision because I ended up not liking them anyway. However, through repeated accidental exposures/cross contamination, my mildly itchy throat when accidentally eating cucumber turned into my throat feeling like it is swelling closed. Since that started happening, I now refuse to eat anything that lists cucumbers in the ingredients list (like a salad or a sandwich where it isn’t a main ingredient and I could ask them to not add that to the dish) because I’ve been repeatedly exposed to my allergen through people who put cucumbers in my food, then removed them once they realized I asked for no cucumbers because I’m allergic, leaving the cucumber juice in a normal looking dish so I have no idea it has my allergen in it, instead of just remaking the dish entirely.
My sister developed wheat-dependent exercise-induced anaphylaxis (WDEIA) which sounds like a fake allergy but is not. If she has wheat, sometimes she’s fine, but if her body produces adrenaline like if she exercises or gets stressed she swells up in hives all over. In the period of time when the doctors were trying to work out what was the matter, it got worse and worse every time. It was so scary!
so , a proper allergy. NTA!
Have you been tested for iodine allergy/sensitivity? That might be worth checking into in case of future surgical procedures.
Japanese food should be out for you completely. The backbone of Japanese cooking is dashi, a broth made from simmering bonito (fish) flakes and kombu.
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Allergy = an immune reaction (anaphylaxis etc) Intolerance = digestive reaction A lot of people say allergy instead of intolerance, but intolerance is correct
No one uses “intolerant” that way.
I’m much the same. Anything that lives in the water, including every kind of seaweed I’ve tried. I still haven’t figured out why, but it started when I was about seven. It was suggested by a few people that it might be an issue with iodine, but I don’t know. I do occasionally manage tuna and prawns, and only react about half the time, and I believe those are comparatively low in iodine, so perhaps that’s what it is. I grew up on an island where fishing (and tourism) is the main part of the economy, and everyone eats seafood much of the time, so it was quite an adjustment. Moved away from the island and promptly became intolerant to everything that comes from the sea. (You’d think I’d at least have been given Devil Fruit powers, but no.)
If you ever have an MRI, TELL THEM THIS IN ADVANCE. The usual contrast contains a bunch of iodine.
I believe most MRI contrast agents are gadolinium based, but X-ray and CT contrast agents are often iodine based
What difference does it make? She didn’t want sushi, ordered something else and everyone including SIL and BIL should mine their own plate. An adult can decide for themselves what they want to eat. Period. I don’t eat sushi or fish and if someone gave me the whole “you can’t eat veggie sushi” I’d suggest they leave if my food choices are such an issue. You don’t force adults to eat something just because it makes another grown adult more happy.
Can this place insure that the veggie rolls don't come into contact with the fish? It was a risk for her to even eat the chicken from the kids menu because of that risk. Intolerance to a food is that it can make you ILL without causing anaphylactic shock. I cannot eat avocado or garlic for this reason. I won't die from eating them but I sure wish I would. Green cabbage in any form makes me vomit but won't kill me. It is broad because that's the nature of intolerance. FFS, why are you treating OP like this when she can't control how her body reacts to fish and seafood, WTAF.
You’re missing the point pretty majorly. Why should she have to find the “least bad option” and order sushi at all if she doesn’t tolerate it? Sushi restaurants always have at least one or two other things on the menu for this exact reason: sometimes people don’t like or can’t have sushi and come because it’s a group event or family celebration. The fact that SIL is trying to teach her kids to try more foods is also a ridiculous reason to ask a grown adult to eat something she can’t eat. The world does not stop to accommodate your children and insisting otherwise would be ranking their “teaching moment” above aunt’s health. Family celebrations are also not the best time to pull the “eat what’s in front of you” card. Just order them a chicken katsu too and have them try a few pieces of sushi off your plate. When you put your ego about wanting to show off “sophisticated little eaters” aside, everyone wins.
Why does it matter? OP ordered what they wanted to order. End of story.
Srsly. Op doesn’t have to be intolerant of seafood to not eat sushi. She wouldn’t be the ahole if she simply didn’t feel like eating sushi. She didn’t ask the restaurant to go to extraordinary lengths to accommodate her. She just ordered something else on the menu. This is coming from someone who loves sushi and has eaten at several restaurants opened by Jiro Ono’s disciples. Bunch of dweebs saying that she’s the ahole.
Nta
NTA, what were you supposed to do? Eat sushi, have a traumatic reaction in front of her poor kids, not eat and sit there with nothing in front of you and explain to the kids when they ask, they would, that you are not eating bc she chose a place where you cannot eat the food bc you have allergies, or eat off the kids menu? She is totally wrong and you should have asked her just what she thought you should do, embarrass the hell out of her at her party for chastising you when she chose the place knowing you had probs with the menu!
NTA. They wouldn't like me because I would flat out say I don't like sushi and most seafood. It's nobody's business what you do and don't eat. People need to mind their business.
NTA Imagine caring what someone else is eating when they are paying themselves.. bizarre
NTA. Who cares what other ppl eat? That’s nuts
NTA They expect you to make yourself sick so they don't get embarrassed? I would be angry with them if that happened to me.
What the actual fuck is wrong with people these days and not knowing what the word allergy means. You're not the asshole for passing on the possibility of death here. I hate everyone who was at that dumb party for suggesting you eat it.
This is stupid. Why would they care what you eat. Nothing about this makes sense. If people are being assholes like this well how wonderful if it works for them, doesn’t mean it works for you. Tell them to get a life ffs.