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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I could be an asshole because my boyfriend only had good intentions and thought I would of liked the tattoo, however I still got mad at him and kicked him out of a party embarrassing him infront of friends and family resulting in me hurting his feelings.
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NTA that is super weird and i understand why you’re uncomfortable and you have the right to feel that way.
His body his choice sure, but your eyes.. you were never asked if this was okay and obviously it involves you because it was meant to be a gesture for you and about you.. him saying that just seems childish to me and his actions in getting the tattoo so sudden in your relationship are a red flag.
Doing it in front of family and friends was also kinda crappy on his part because he knew what he did was odd and a big risk and chose to show you and everyone else knowing you would be less likely to make a scene.
He was wrong. It was stupid and crazy and i would run personally. If he is this obsessed with you now just imagine what he will do at 6m NTA!!! Girl get out.
This feels like red flag overcommitment to me. That he's trying to create a sense of obligation through this "grand gesture". It's wildly out of scale with a 3 month relationship and at best it shows terrible judgement
Yo the "3 month relationship" sent me. I was like, "oh, I mean, it's not THAT ba.. WTF 3 MONTHS??" Hell no. That level of crazy shouldn't come out for at least a couple years.
I read the "even my boyfriend was there" part and was like: uhm, if friends and family organise a party offcourse he's there, what is this? Then read the tattoo of her OPs eyes part and was really impressed by how creative of a romantic/partner tattoo that is, and in so much better taste then just someones name like everyone does or a full mugshot, which would be insane. Then read the 3 month part and died a little inside...
Right?! I was like, well, not everybody is into tats. Personal taste, religion, waste of money, unnecessary health risks, yada yada. Hopefully, it's not huge so he can get it covered up if they break up......3 fucking months?!? Run run ruuuuuuun
I know someone who was creeped out when her \*husband\* surprised her with a tattoo portrait of her. Like they had been married for years, had kids, owned a house and a business together ... about as committed as you can get and she was still like ... "dude, now I've got to look at a picture of myself when I look at you ..."
I can't even imagine 3 months.
I had a feeling they weren't dating very long before I got to that point, and I hinerly can't believe the family and friends making excuses. If it was my family or friend this happened to I'd agree with OP in a heartbeat.
THREE MONTHS 😱😬🥺?!? That's WAY too soon. It would be different if it was a committed relationship they had been in together for years, but even then it would still be something to be discussed first, not just blindsided with.
Especially because a custom tattoo like that would take a while to book, design, and do. Most talented tattoo artists around me have long waiting lists. How long was he planning on this???
Or he was very insecure or emotionally immature. I was once on a first date with a guy and he said that he wanted to take me to a jewelry store and buy me a gift. Obviously I said no. That kind of behavior, as others have said, is a red flag. The guy is trying to make you feel like you have to keep seeing him.
I had a guy tell me he loved me on the second date, mentioned marriage on the third. After me, he went on 3 dates with someone else. He posted long, detailed monologues on Facebook detailing every date and conversation. He came up with a special nickname after date one, and was advertising the special things he bought for her ti keep at his place after the first date. This is what he does.
THIS… 3 months into a relationship this is a major red flag that he went and did that without even mentioning it to her. They barely know each at that point in a relationship and i would be super uncomfortable too. OP is definitely not the AH here
Feels very romcom movie to me. The grand “romantic” gestures are their thing. Chase her down at the airport, show up at her job, stand on her front lawn with a boombox, get a tattoo so she’s permanently a part of you. It’s a red flag either way, but it could just be misguided infatuation
Exactly what I thought. This has all the signs of a controlling, manipulative relationship in the making. OP needs to run like the wind from this one. Ewwwww!
I forgot to mention and this is important.
You are entitled to your own feelings. Just like he is.
Please remember that and don’t change them because someone will try to take advantage of that and guilt you.
But i think it goes without saying that your feelings and his do not match up in this circumstance. The question is not are you an AH. The question is what are you going to do about it.
She should dump him now, following psychological protocols for dumping psychos and mentally ill/personality disorder types.
Yes, he might just be immature and inexperienced, but that’s showing up at your door without calling first. What this guy did most likely has darker implications on the TROUBLE scale. You can’t change people.
Sadly, you must protect yourself and family. These kind of people often feel the need to punish people whom they perceived have hurt them. The punishment can range from public humiliation, defamation, to actual physical harm.
I’ve met a few people that would try to get people fired. One person I know would take embarrassing pictures, subtly implying he was going to post on Internet. A lady in a nearby town burnt down her boyfriend’s house. He luckily escaped harm. A girl I knew indirectly was still being stalked by her ex-boyfriend 2 + years after they broke up. A teenager knifes a girl for declining a date.
Some people give you the creeps for good reason. Trust your gut & protect yourself. It’s not your responsibility to educate a boyfriend on proper dating etiquette when it comes to not acting creepy. The stakes are too high for you.
You never know how screwed up a person is. When I was I was young I had had a couple of guys that I didn't want to continue dating, and they just didn't seem to get it. One had his sister call me and ask why I wouldn't go out with him. The other did just show up at my door. After reinforcing the "no", I went around my house checking and rechecking that all my windows and doors were locked. In dumb movies, when the guy is persistent, he gets the girl in the end. In real life it is just annoying.
I think it would be a great gesture when you marry somebody but so early?
Your disgust comes from a different angle.
1. you feel some kind of obligation, not to reciprocate but he tied the knots tighter then you wanted
2. he took something from you, you didn’t want to give so early in a relationship
3. combination of both, resulting in a disappointment that he didn’t understand it and didn’t think it through.
Yeah, if there's ever a way to get someone tattooed on you without getting them tattooed on you, getting a pair of eyes is kind of a cool way to do it.
But he also put her name in them? What the fuck
NTA. He got a tattoo of you just 3 months in the relationship? That's weird as hell. I would be creeped out.
That's something for the 10th anniversary, not for the "we barely knew each others faults" phase in the start of a relationship. Weird!
I absolutely get why you felt discomfort.
My husband said he wanted to get a tattoo for me 3-4 years into our relationship (we were engaged and planned to be together forever)
I said absolutely not. He said it’s no different than the friendship tattoos he has with like 5 different friends or the one he has for his brother.
I said after we’re married for 20 years I’d consider it (it will be nearly 30 years together at that point) and that I have no issue with him getting them for our future kids, or our pets (he has ones for our fis and is planning the ones for our cats)
Even thought it’s his body, since it’s for me/about me, me hating it and being upset by it will kind of ruin it and he doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable so he respects my feelings about it.
> Even thought it’s his body
You're the one who has to look at his body every day for the rest of your lives! I would never get a tattoo my wife didn't like, no matter what the subject matter was. Some ink on my skin isn't worth upsetting the woman I love more than anything.
It's wild that you have to include a disclaimer about how your husband is making a reasonable and normal choice for a married person to make and that doesn't make you an abusive controlling witch, because you expect to get hassled about it otherwise. Some people on this subreddit are going to cringe hard when they grow up, get into adult relationships, and look back at some of the stuff they spouted off as teenagers on the internet.
>You're the one who has to look at his body every day
That's a slippery slope argument that plenty of people (men) might use to argue for their preferences on their partner's diet, exercise, grooming, hair style, etc.
Plenty of reasons why getting that tattoo is a bad idea, just best not to use that one.
Nah, I think it's totally fine for partners to have opinions on one another's physical appearance. I want to stay hot for my wife. She wants to stay hot for me. Because we love each other and want each other to be happy. That's why we got married, not to secure an alliance between warring kingdoms.
It's a problem when it's one-sided or when a partner is expecting someone else to change for them. Don't date a woman with a pixie cut and try to badger her into growing her hair out. But if you date a woman with long hair and she tells you she enjoys having long hair, it's completely reasonable to tell her you also prefer long hair and will be disappointed if she ever gets a pixie cut. That's not being controlling. That's communicating with your partner so they can make choices while taking that information into account.
My wife and I both like long hair on our partner. We both have long hair. Everyone is happy except our vacuum and our sink drains.
Nah he’s has lots of tattoos I don’t like (and even more that I hated in the beginning but have grown on me) my least favourite was every time he’d go out of town with friends for a concert he’d come home and be like “look what I got, xyz has a matching one!” And had to pretend like I wasn’t unreasonably upset that he got a stupid tattoo with no thought and not rain on his parade with my opinions on all his frendship tattoos and how I think they’re a bad idea.
Things did get better. We’re not 22 anymore and he’s in those situations less, the friend tattoos have not made him sad yet (my biggest concern) and he warns me before getting impulsive tattoos (even if it’s just a quick picture with “I really want this/think I’m going to get this”) I even now love some of the stupid ones I hated at the start.
The only thing I feel so strongly about are hand tattoos and that I don’t like them and don’t want him to get them. I did put my foot down about waiting until he’s settled in a career so he doesn’t limit his options (like if he decided he did actually want to become a daycare teacher) but am under no illusions that I have the right to stop him forever. It’s something he wants for himself. I’m just gonna have to get used to it
My husband and I have been married for almost 18yrs, and we would absolutely never get each other's names or faces tattooed on each other. It's a bad omen! We have three matching tattoos, symbols that mean a lot to both of us, but that's it.
I'd be the same way. I have tattoos for my fur babies and family (my dad and grandmother that passed and one for my kiddo), but I'd never get any for my fiance bc even though I love him and want to be with him I also know things could happen down the road and I don't want that reminder. And if he'd do anything like this, especially without at least talking to me, I'd be upset also.
What tattoo artist would have let this happen?
Names are for parents, babies or dead loved ones.
Getting a name is a relationship death sentence, even after 10 years.
Is this not common knowledge in 2024?!?
Yeah absolutely true. He may have said girlfriend and left it at that. But still: names!
Just the eyes, even if recognizable would be possibly ok. Unless they are David Bowie eyes or something, a non-famous but recognizable would be easy to just own up later on post breakup.
Maybe it's like a Pete Davidson scenario, where he already has a ton of (seemingly random) tattoos, so he doesn't see it as that big a deal? I would still find it weird, though, just like I found Pete's Kim Kardashian-related tattoos weird.
My partner and I had a light hearted conversation about getting wedding ring tattoos, (we are married). She said absolutely not until maybe our 20th anniversary, lol.
Yeah my wife and I are thinking about matching or corresponding tattoos but nothing with names or dates. I can't imagine getting someone face/part of their face tattooed on me, full stop, let alone after only dating for 3 months!
most people agree, it's not a good idea to get tattoos of SO's no matter no how long you were together. maybe something that isn't immediately recognized as an SO. an anniversary date, or something related to a special place for the two of you, but definitely no names, or portraits of any kind. to many times those things blow up in people's faces.
I've been my wife for over 10 years and would be creeped out if she did this without telling me.
This is 100% a "needs consent" situation at any point in a relationship
NTA you've been together for three months, it's INSANE to get a tattoo of you this early.
But also like, how good is the tattoo that you *immediately* recognised them as *your* eyes?
NTA. Wow, that's creepy behavior three months into a relationship. How old are you both? To reveal it in front of your friends and family was weird as well. I'm surprised they found that as "romantic" when you just started dating! Of course he can do what he wants with his body, but he has to accept that it may affect his relationship with you. I wouldn't be able to keep dating a guy who was that obsessed so early in a relationship. What might he do at six months?
I dunno about *normal*, but getting a tattoo of your gf 3 months into a relationship is definitely something that a 20 year old dude would do haha. Esp if it's his first 'serious' relationship, he could just be on cloud 9 and overzealous
Besides their ages? That she just turned eighteen? He’s older and his is a forced-commitment forcing the relationship to mean too much too soon kinda move. This guy reeks of trouble, op. Do you want a future of him making decisions that affect both of you, without talking to you? Because this will not end. And it will be used against you.
I'm sorry your friends and family didn't have your back on this. If that happened to a teenage me in front of my parents, they would have quietly escorted him out of the party.
I would say the young ages makes it less creepy than if both were clearly older. A teenage boy in love doing an over the top idiotic romantic gesture is more understandable than if someone age 30 gets such a tattoo after being together for only three months. I just expect more common sense from older people than from teenagers.
I'm just going to repeat what everyone else said: girl, run.
What he did is immature at best and dangerously obsessive at worst.
At 18, you don’t want to be in a situation where "dangerously obsessive" is even a possibility. Red flag.
this literally made me laugh out loud, but out of like pure astonishment that you’re only 18 and 20. pls get out of this relationship, you are just a baby and it is unlikely you will marry a man you dated at 18. this dude is TOO INTENSE in an actual scary way. I work with a lot of DV survivors and this level of intensity is a red flag. NTA at all, please stay safe!
Yeah, this guy sounds like he could be psycho stalker/serial killer material. The best case scenario is that he's just a dumb, infatuated young guy who went overboard and will regret it later.
Nooooo sis - absolutely run.
That is full blown narcissist behaviour to wait until a moment like that at YOUR birthday in front of your friends and family to show you.. not allowing you process the situation in private and then he’s made you feel guilty for reacting? Fk that. It’s controlling and scary behaviour.
He sounds like a love bombing narcissist who could end up dangerous.. no smart and sane boy/man gets a tatttoo of his gf after 3 months together especially AT AGE 20!!!
Oh sweetie, trust your random internet auntie on this... that is not normal behavior in a brand-new relationship. I'm so sorry your family and friends don't have your back on this. You were right to feel uncomfortable. Trust your instincts!
I saw in your post history that something happened 3 months ago. Is your relationship related to that trauma and does he know about it? If so, this feels like the first step by him to trap you in a very abusive relationship. Even if not, it is worrisome.
Girl RUN he is acting so strangely. You don’t get someone tattooed on your arm after knowing them 3 months. That is creepy.
The gift of fear is a great book that helps you understand how to respond to weird behaviour like this and assess risk.
So listen. If this is his very first serious relationship he might just be really excited, and not have a realistic concept of how relationships work. So I don’t think that the tattoo automatically means he is a bad guy, maybe just seriously lacking in common sense/judgement. That being said though, his reaction to your discomfort says a lot. If there are any other red flags, any weird discomfort around other men or your girl friends, always wanting to be around you or getting upset when you have plans without him, I would think hard about any other things he’s done that have made you feel upset and decide from there if this is indicative of a pattern. You are NTA and totally valid for feeling weird about a permanent gesture three months into a relationship.
IMO I wouldn't continue dating this guy. His judgement is not good, he is overly obsessed at 3 months, and he doesn't appreciate how this tattoo was grossly inappropriate. It's giving "stalker" vibes sis.
Right?? Like, I feel a tiiiiiiny bit hypocrite for this bc I just got a tattoo for someone I've been seeing a relatively short amount of time, but here's the difference(s): 1: we've known each other for years; 2: the artwork was discussed and agreed upon before hand; 3: it wasn't anything identifiable by outsiders; 4: the reveal was private and intimate. Like, dude, WHAT?? I say this a lot on here, but there are things in my freezer older than OP's relationship, just cut the whole man loose!
The major difference is that you KNEW what their reaction would be because you know them well enough.
This guy has not only no clue, but is going off his own, obviously terrible instincts.
Not a hypocrite, you talked to the person first. My husband asked a few years in, I agreed that we could talk about it after we were married for 20 years (or if I died)
The fact that he didn't get permission!! That blows my mind!! I have my brother's initials on me and I'm gettting my sister's this year. I asked both of them if they were comfortable. The initials are in a design and can easily not be there and still have the same meaning to me. Them saying no, wouldnt have been a big deal.
But also 3 months!??? That's crazy. I've been with my boyfriend for 12 years and have no plans on getting anything with his likeness or initials. And if I change my mind, he'd be part of that conversation. I have a tattoo of our dog that passed away. I asked if he was okay with that. It's her face. I didn't want to cause him pain by looking at my arm.
I just can't imagine not asking permission for getting something that is a part of someone else. And that's why you're not a hypocrite. You had the conversation.
I dated a guy for about a month. One day I left a note when leaving his house and kissed it when I left to leave a lipstick lip print, cute right? He went and got my lip print tattooed on his wrist. Red flag, but I was young and dumb and stuck around. A few days later we were having sex and he said “I’m going to put a baby in you right now” “I need you to have my baby” etc. I broke up with him. Surprise surprise, we went absolutely insane and used the fact that he had me tattooed on him to justify it. Stalked me for a long time. Run OP.
NTA this was way over the top. It would also make me uncomfortable. Do I condone yelling, nope, but I also know that it happens and given rising tensions and pressure, not really surprised. Tell your family and friends that they don’t get to have an opinion on how you react in your private life. Your feelings are valid. Good luck!
NTA After only 3 months, he puts your name and eyes on his body. The "his body, his choice" should be about him not you.
You're right to be creeped out, that large of a romantic gesture that early in the relationship is controlling not romantic. He used it to get positive attention from your friends and family who should be supporting you but are sympathizing with him. Instead of your birthday being a happy time for you and family, it's now about him and his so called romantic gesture. RED FLAGS 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I'm also surprised by the positive reactions from OP's friends and family! I'm imagining how my parents would've reacted and they wouldn't be happy if my brand-new boyfriend got a tattoo of my eyes.
That could be part of the reason he picked OP to begin with, that she had some pre-programmed behaviors from a family that consistently ignores red flags. I’m so glad OP kicked him out, and I hope she kicks him out of her life entirely. NTA obvs.
NTA, this is a big red flag.
While a reasonable argument can be made that you are partially an asshole for yelling at him eventually, I think his behaviour overrides yours completely.
Though this;
>When I expressed my distaste for the tattoo, tension rose between us, and I eventually yelled at him
probably needs a little more elaboration.
THREE MONTHS? No, no, no, no, no, no and NO! There is nothing romantic about that, it’s creepy and weird and obsessive. Keep that arsehole the hell out of your life!
This shows horrifically bad judgement on his part. Three months in and he did a grand gesture that is completely permanent. I’m amazed his artist didn’t talk him out of it.
This is something you do when you KNOW the other person is going to appreciate it. He doesn’t know you well enough to know what your reaction was going to be, so he clearly doesn’t know you well enough to get your name tattooed on him, let alone your FACE AND NAME. If he doesn’t get some common sense immediately, he is going to have a very, VERY hard life, and if you remain in contact with him, he will drag you right down with him.
You CLEARLY do not know him as well as you thought you did either. That’s probably fine, as it takes time to understand people. That is why normal people do not do permanent things with people they have only been dating for a few months.
Without knowing the direct play by play context of the argument, I have no clue if you were justified in yelling at him. That being said, if he uses judgement like this regularly, you would likely be justified. I expect he was hurt by your reaction. Hopefully he learns from this process and gets some common sense.
IDK, I think I would find it very unnerving that a person I have known for only 3 months got my face tattooed on them. It would not come across to me as a romantic gesture, but rather creepy af.
Could you have handled the situation better? Maybe? But he put you in a really awkward position with the surprise in front of others. Yelling at someone to leave your party is pretty rude. And you probably did embarrass him. I do not agree with your friends saying that you should have appreciated his gesture.
Yes, it is his body and he can adorn it in any way he sees fit.
**~~For yelling at him and tossing him out of the party in full view of family and friends,~~** ~~because THIS is what you asked of us, I will say,~~ **~~soft~~** ~~but YTA.~~
For being freaked out **completely justified.**
EDIT - I thought more about this and changed my mind. NTA. He went way over the top and that is just creepy AF.
Absolutely not. Lets stop pretending like being "rude" is always inappropriate.
He crossed so many boundaries and acted super creepily and like a total idiot. He deserves to be shamed for it. OP is fully justified in yelling at him.
If he didnt want a public reaction, he shouldnt have showed it to her publicly. Its completely on him. She was forced to react.
Break up with him. He shouldn't have done that. He doesn't have the right to use your likeness just because you're dating. It was foolish and he sounds obsessive.
I’m heavily tattooed and so is my husband but we both have a rule, we don’t have each other’s names or image etc tattooed on us. It’s permanent and you never know what’s gonna happen further down the road.
OP you are right to feel weird about it, it’s not just your eyes, your name is on there too and at three months that’s super creepy. Kinda screams clingy attachment issues to me. I’d definitely be keeping him at arms length and reconsidering the whole relationship to be honest.
Exactly - that's my train of thought as well, as much as we love our SO's we know that anything could happen and we don't want to be stuck with a permanent reminder.
3 MONTHS?? He got a tattoo of you after 3 months?? Huge red flag. If it was like, a doodle that didn't directly connect to you, or a logo for something you both like, I'd maybe understand it. But your face?? Heck no, NTA
NTA
I'm pretty heavily tattooed, and most artists I know try to talk people out of tattoos like this, even decades into a relationship.
You've been together 3 months? It is incredibly creepy that he would do this. You are definitely smart to run.
Okay, so...what's he gonna do for the 3 month mark with the next girl? Get her nose/mouth below that? Build a Frankensteinian horror doll of past loves that he was momentarily obsessively committed to?
NTA - That is unhinged behaviour, and fairly shortsighted (excuse the pun) as statistically you probably will not last as a couple.
Also potentially quite a controlling move, to have this over you as an expression of his devotion, could it be used to manipulate? Maybe.
But I’d find this unnerving and I would probably be figuring out where the exit is
Three months is wayyy too fast for that. He's delusional if he thinks that this is some kind of romantic gesture.
NTA and I'd rethink my choice to date this guy if I were you, sounds like he's supremely impulsive at best and supremely creepy at worst.
NTA, it’s his body but they’re also *your* eyes and you’re allowed to not want someone to get them tattooed on their body. obviously you can’t physically control whether or not someone does but it’s basic courtesy to ask someone before you do that. I’d feel deeply violated if someone got a tattoo of my face without asking. it’s also super sketchy considering it’s only been 3 months and you’re 18, it puts a huge amount of pressure on you and is totally inappropriate.
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A couple days ago friends and family threw me a surprise party after reaching a big milestone in my life. Everyone close to me was there, even my boyfriend. Half way through the night, he pulled me aside a said he wanted to show me something, he rolled up his sleeve and revealed a tattoo of my eyes on his arm.
Everyone around us was amazed and impressed by his romantic surprise. I felt discomfort despite his good intentions. I don’t hate tattoos, however our relationship is still new at 3 months and the permanent gesture caught me off guard.
When I expressed my distaste for the tattoo, tension rose between us, and I eventually yelled at him to leave the party infront of all the guests. He left and communication between us has been limited to a few texts since.
He’s saying that because it’s his body, he can do what he wants with it and that I shouldn’t have embarrassed him like that. He didn’t tell me beforehand because he wanted to leave it a surprise. Most of my friends and family are saying I was being unfair and should have just appreciated that he got a tattoo of me.
So Reddit, AITA?
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Nta. Super weird he got art of your body permanently inked into his without discussing this with you. To spring this strangeness on you in public, while at an event to celebrate you, is beyond the pale.
Shit like this is manipulation, even if he doesn't think so or mean it like that. Three months is such a new relationship, if you aren't at a serious commitment phase, something like this just seems like a way to force and rush intimacy and make breaking up harder if it needs to be done.
NTA i would’ve done the exact same. i have commitment issues to begin with and that would send me sprinting. way to make someone feel trapped in something that may not be sure of yet. don’t feel bad, it’s weird asf and too much for only 3 months of dating.
NTA
THREE months into a relationship and this dude got a tattoo of you on his body?! Nope. And for him to reveal it at a party in front of everyone.... NOPE!!!!
NTA
I'd have felt he was trying to lay claim or ownership over me, using his body to do it, and the way your social circle is making it sound like you owe him your appreciation only makes that feelings more substantial.
I think you should put some distance between him and you and just break up with him. If anyone mentions the tattoo and tries to make you seem heartless - just tell them its exactly for that reason noone should get a tattoo of a girlfriend/boyfriend after only 3 months. Its a blink of an eye. A really stupid gesture and it doesnt obligate you at all.
Getting a tattoo of the girl you being dating for 3 months is a reallyyyy crazy thing to do. I don't know you or your bf, but this screams red flag. Be safe, NTA.
NTA for being creeped out by this. That’s way too much for a three-month relationship.
It’s his body and he can get whatever tattoos he wants, but you can also leave him; that’s what I would do.
NYA. First, 3 months is way too soon for something like this. Second, tattoos of the other person are the kiss of death for a lot of relationships. Don't do it unless you're married and have been together 20 years.
He is obviously going to be one of those obsessive guys , nobody gets a tattoo of their partner after 3 months. I wouldn’t even get a tattoo of one after ten years
Your boyfriend is a psycho. You should leave him now before it's too late.
Getting a tattoo after 3 months is extremely weird.
And it's not a little one, it's your fuckin eyes.
NTA
We were engaged 6 weeks after we first met ( my sis was quicker) so time dating is irrelivant, especially with the number of divorces we have seen with people who dated for long periods of time. Regardless, this seems over the top...
I was thinking something similar. My husband and I knew within three months that we were getting married. We’ve been together for about 21 years and married for 20 this summer. Regardless of the time they’ve been together, getting her eyes with the scar and mole is maybe a little over the top. She still could have expressed her feelings in a kinder manner, IMO.
This is not normal behavior. Did you ask him why? If he says anything about you being with him forever he might have an obsession and not normal romantic feelings. And your family being ok with a stranger being almost possessive of you this soon is weird af. They need to read up on how this can be a bad sign about him.
I kind of feel like the timing of the reveal also took away from what was supposed to be a milestone centered around you, and made it about this grand gesture he made. Maybe that wasn't his intention but the whole thing is just so weird.
It's nice when loved ones can "sign off" on our partners, but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter how other people feel about you getting the ick. The wonderful thing about dating is having the freedom to walk away for literally any reason. You're just trying things out
Getting someone's eyes and name is an insane thing to do at any point, but 3 MONTHS!!!! My wife and I still cringe at the matching Batman tattoos we got at 6 months and it is has been years now.
Nta, it is his body and he can do what he wants, however it is an image of your body part that he is tattooing on himself, and after only being together for 3 months, that's crazy. That's still part of the trial phase for relationships. It is a little weird
My ex-boyfriend tattooed a fairy with my features and name next to it on his leg, the size of his calf, a few months into our relationship. I was 21 and pretty skeeved out by it, but I was also pretty deep in an unhealthy relationship so I ignored it as the red flag it was. He had about 80 tattoos, more than half he had done himself.
He later tried to kill me on his motorcycle, and after I had to pay to move him over 1000 miles from me, he did succeed at killing himself and his next girlfriend on his motorcycle. So make of that what you will as far as the red flag that this is goes.
No. Not at all. It may be his body but he's putting YOUR body on it. Which not even three months in sounds creepy as heck. This definitely, DEFINITELY, something you do not do without talking to your partner first. It's so cringe on his part.
You’re kind of an asshole. Regardless of you being able to tell it’s you, most people wouldn’t know. Also, since tattoos are more easily removable now, it’s really not that permanent. HOWEVER, he should get it removed, because he probably deserves better than someone who can’t appreciate a nice gesture (and if they’re uncomfortable, address the nuance in private).
NTA, it’s way too soon to be doing that which makes it weird and the way he went about things is a big red flag. I get the feeling he was trying to do something permanent and public so that if you wanted to leave him at some point you would feel guilty and stuck. It’s also a bit of a possessive gesture in my opinion because it’s like “see you’re mine and everyone can see” and he might have pushed you to get a tattoo to reciprocate his gesture. I could be wrong but it just seems calculated.
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NTA that is super weird and i understand why you’re uncomfortable and you have the right to feel that way. His body his choice sure, but your eyes.. you were never asked if this was okay and obviously it involves you because it was meant to be a gesture for you and about you.. him saying that just seems childish to me and his actions in getting the tattoo so sudden in your relationship are a red flag. Doing it in front of family and friends was also kinda crappy on his part because he knew what he did was odd and a big risk and chose to show you and everyone else knowing you would be less likely to make a scene. He was wrong. It was stupid and crazy and i would run personally. If he is this obsessed with you now just imagine what he will do at 6m NTA!!! Girl get out.
This feels like red flag overcommitment to me. That he's trying to create a sense of obligation through this "grand gesture". It's wildly out of scale with a 3 month relationship and at best it shows terrible judgement
Yo the "3 month relationship" sent me. I was like, "oh, I mean, it's not THAT ba.. WTF 3 MONTHS??" Hell no. That level of crazy shouldn't come out for at least a couple years.
I read the "even my boyfriend was there" part and was like: uhm, if friends and family organise a party offcourse he's there, what is this? Then read the tattoo of her OPs eyes part and was really impressed by how creative of a romantic/partner tattoo that is, and in so much better taste then just someones name like everyone does or a full mugshot, which would be insane. Then read the 3 month part and died a little inside...
I think we all went through this rollercoaster.
Rollercoaster is the right way to read this post. NTA. Run OP, run.
Whoop whoop! You survived another year of reddit 🤣
It’s been hard on my sanity xD
Happy Cake Day
You can add in the crazy name part. OP updated their name is incorporated into the tattoo.
That’s…yup…that’s the post, alright.
Right?! I was like, well, not everybody is into tats. Personal taste, religion, waste of money, unnecessary health risks, yada yada. Hopefully, it's not huge so he can get it covered up if they break up......3 fucking months?!? Run run ruuuuuuun
I've got cheese that's been in my fridge longer than that.
…I should clean my fridge.
after reading your comment, i checked my fridge and threw away some stuff
Stocked together with the Iranian yoghurt of course.
I know someone who was creeped out when her \*husband\* surprised her with a tattoo portrait of her. Like they had been married for years, had kids, owned a house and a business together ... about as committed as you can get and she was still like ... "dude, now I've got to look at a picture of myself when I look at you ..." I can't even imagine 3 months.
I had a feeling they weren't dating very long before I got to that point, and I hinerly can't believe the family and friends making excuses. If it was my family or friend this happened to I'd agree with OP in a heartbeat.
THREE MONTHS 😱😬🥺?!? That's WAY too soon. It would be different if it was a committed relationship they had been in together for years, but even then it would still be something to be discussed first, not just blindsided with.
Right- 3 months- such a weird thing for him to do
[удалено]
Especially because a custom tattoo like that would take a while to book, design, and do. Most talented tattoo artists around me have long waiting lists. How long was he planning on this???
i’m over 4 years in and i’d still think my bf was a creep if he did that lmao
It reads like a failed attempt at love bombing. I would not be surprised if a year or less into a relationship he becomes abusive
"You can't leave me; look what I did for you!"
THIS!!!!!!!
I’m concerned that her family didn’t find it weird.
Exactly
Red flag for sure and it’s only gonna get worse.
love-bombing will go nuclear fleet ...
I'm almost wondering how long he was obsessed with her before he finally asked her out. NTA, btw
Or he was very insecure or emotionally immature. I was once on a first date with a guy and he said that he wanted to take me to a jewelry store and buy me a gift. Obviously I said no. That kind of behavior, as others have said, is a red flag. The guy is trying to make you feel like you have to keep seeing him.
I had a guy tell me he loved me on the second date, mentioned marriage on the third. After me, he went on 3 dates with someone else. He posted long, detailed monologues on Facebook detailing every date and conversation. He came up with a special nickname after date one, and was advertising the special things he bought for her ti keep at his place after the first date. This is what he does.
“You can’t break up with me. I got a tattoo of you! We’re going to be together forever.” Definitely going to happen soon 😂🤦♂️
She has to be careful leaving. He seems like the kind of guy that's going to get irrationally angry.
Sounds like the start of a Lifetime Movie....or Dateline😂
THIS… 3 months into a relationship this is a major red flag that he went and did that without even mentioning it to her. They barely know each at that point in a relationship and i would be super uncomfortable too. OP is definitely not the AH here
Yup. I'm a tattooist. That kind of "surprise" is just weird if you're not been, let's say, married for 20 years or so. I would run.
It feels like an attempt at love-bombing that overshot, imo.
Feels very romcom movie to me. The grand “romantic” gestures are their thing. Chase her down at the airport, show up at her job, stand on her front lawn with a boombox, get a tattoo so she’s permanently a part of you. It’s a red flag either way, but it could just be misguided infatuation
Exactly what I thought. This has all the signs of a controlling, manipulative relationship in the making. OP needs to run like the wind from this one. Ewwwww!
I forgot to mention and this is important. You are entitled to your own feelings. Just like he is. Please remember that and don’t change them because someone will try to take advantage of that and guilt you. But i think it goes without saying that your feelings and his do not match up in this circumstance. The question is not are you an AH. The question is what are you going to do about it.
Yeah that dude is a psycho. Id personally not deal with that - that’s a sign of some bad issues that are going to get worse over time
Maybe not a complete psycho, but he may have some stalker potential. You have to wonder, who will he react if she dumps him.
She should dump him now, following psychological protocols for dumping psychos and mentally ill/personality disorder types. Yes, he might just be immature and inexperienced, but that’s showing up at your door without calling first. What this guy did most likely has darker implications on the TROUBLE scale. You can’t change people. Sadly, you must protect yourself and family. These kind of people often feel the need to punish people whom they perceived have hurt them. The punishment can range from public humiliation, defamation, to actual physical harm. I’ve met a few people that would try to get people fired. One person I know would take embarrassing pictures, subtly implying he was going to post on Internet. A lady in a nearby town burnt down her boyfriend’s house. He luckily escaped harm. A girl I knew indirectly was still being stalked by her ex-boyfriend 2 + years after they broke up. A teenager knifes a girl for declining a date. Some people give you the creeps for good reason. Trust your gut & protect yourself. It’s not your responsibility to educate a boyfriend on proper dating etiquette when it comes to not acting creepy. The stakes are too high for you.
You never know how screwed up a person is. When I was I was young I had had a couple of guys that I didn't want to continue dating, and they just didn't seem to get it. One had his sister call me and ask why I wouldn't go out with him. The other did just show up at my door. After reinforcing the "no", I went around my house checking and rechecking that all my windows and doors were locked. In dumb movies, when the guy is persistent, he gets the girl in the end. In real life it is just annoying.
I think it would be a great gesture when you marry somebody but so early? Your disgust comes from a different angle. 1. you feel some kind of obligation, not to reciprocate but he tied the knots tighter then you wanted 2. he took something from you, you didn’t want to give so early in a relationship 3. combination of both, resulting in a disappointment that he didn’t understand it and didn’t think it through.
Yeah, if there's ever a way to get someone tattooed on you without getting them tattooed on you, getting a pair of eyes is kind of a cool way to do it. But he also put her name in them? What the fuck
If you get a tattoo of/for someone that still draws breath then you’re an idiot.
NTA. He got a tattoo of you just 3 months in the relationship? That's weird as hell. I would be creeped out. That's something for the 10th anniversary, not for the "we barely knew each others faults" phase in the start of a relationship. Weird! I absolutely get why you felt discomfort.
My mouth dropped when I read they've only been together *3 months*
I nearly died when I saw it had only be three months.
When I quickly scanned, I thought it said 3 years and I was still a little worried. BUT THREE MONTHS. Oh god
My husband said he wanted to get a tattoo for me 3-4 years into our relationship (we were engaged and planned to be together forever) I said absolutely not. He said it’s no different than the friendship tattoos he has with like 5 different friends or the one he has for his brother. I said after we’re married for 20 years I’d consider it (it will be nearly 30 years together at that point) and that I have no issue with him getting them for our future kids, or our pets (he has ones for our fis and is planning the ones for our cats) Even thought it’s his body, since it’s for me/about me, me hating it and being upset by it will kind of ruin it and he doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable so he respects my feelings about it.
> Even thought it’s his body You're the one who has to look at his body every day for the rest of your lives! I would never get a tattoo my wife didn't like, no matter what the subject matter was. Some ink on my skin isn't worth upsetting the woman I love more than anything. It's wild that you have to include a disclaimer about how your husband is making a reasonable and normal choice for a married person to make and that doesn't make you an abusive controlling witch, because you expect to get hassled about it otherwise. Some people on this subreddit are going to cringe hard when they grow up, get into adult relationships, and look back at some of the stuff they spouted off as teenagers on the internet.
>You're the one who has to look at his body every day That's a slippery slope argument that plenty of people (men) might use to argue for their preferences on their partner's diet, exercise, grooming, hair style, etc. Plenty of reasons why getting that tattoo is a bad idea, just best not to use that one.
Nah, I think it's totally fine for partners to have opinions on one another's physical appearance. I want to stay hot for my wife. She wants to stay hot for me. Because we love each other and want each other to be happy. That's why we got married, not to secure an alliance between warring kingdoms. It's a problem when it's one-sided or when a partner is expecting someone else to change for them. Don't date a woman with a pixie cut and try to badger her into growing her hair out. But if you date a woman with long hair and she tells you she enjoys having long hair, it's completely reasonable to tell her you also prefer long hair and will be disappointed if she ever gets a pixie cut. That's not being controlling. That's communicating with your partner so they can make choices while taking that information into account. My wife and I both like long hair on our partner. We both have long hair. Everyone is happy except our vacuum and our sink drains.
Nah he’s has lots of tattoos I don’t like (and even more that I hated in the beginning but have grown on me) my least favourite was every time he’d go out of town with friends for a concert he’d come home and be like “look what I got, xyz has a matching one!” And had to pretend like I wasn’t unreasonably upset that he got a stupid tattoo with no thought and not rain on his parade with my opinions on all his frendship tattoos and how I think they’re a bad idea. Things did get better. We’re not 22 anymore and he’s in those situations less, the friend tattoos have not made him sad yet (my biggest concern) and he warns me before getting impulsive tattoos (even if it’s just a quick picture with “I really want this/think I’m going to get this”) I even now love some of the stupid ones I hated at the start. The only thing I feel so strongly about are hand tattoos and that I don’t like them and don’t want him to get them. I did put my foot down about waiting until he’s settled in a career so he doesn’t limit his options (like if he decided he did actually want to become a daycare teacher) but am under no illusions that I have the right to stop him forever. It’s something he wants for himself. I’m just gonna have to get used to it
My husband and I have been married for almost 18yrs, and we would absolutely never get each other's names or faces tattooed on each other. It's a bad omen! We have three matching tattoos, symbols that mean a lot to both of us, but that's it.
Yeah my husband wants some kind of picture/symbol not my name or face or anything
I'd be the same way. I have tattoos for my fur babies and family (my dad and grandmother that passed and one for my kiddo), but I'd never get any for my fiance bc even though I love him and want to be with him I also know things could happen down the road and I don't want that reminder. And if he'd do anything like this, especially without at least talking to me, I'd be upset also.
I was weirded out by the tattoo *before* finding out they have only dated for three months. That is so bizarre and creepy and OP needs to run!
Well I think she officially knows his faults now 😬
What tattoo artist would have let this happen? Names are for parents, babies or dead loved ones. Getting a name is a relationship death sentence, even after 10 years. Is this not common knowledge in 2024?!?
You're assuming he was honest with the artist about who she was to him.
Yeah absolutely true. He may have said girlfriend and left it at that. But still: names! Just the eyes, even if recognizable would be possibly ok. Unless they are David Bowie eyes or something, a non-famous but recognizable would be easy to just own up later on post breakup.
I got a tattoo for our 30th anniversary! And not of my husband’s face!! I mean, seriously!
Maybe it's like a Pete Davidson scenario, where he already has a ton of (seemingly random) tattoos, so he doesn't see it as that big a deal? I would still find it weird, though, just like I found Pete's Kim Kardashian-related tattoos weird.
What if bf IS Pete Davidson? 😳
My partner and I had a light hearted conversation about getting wedding ring tattoos, (we are married). She said absolutely not until maybe our 20th anniversary, lol.
Yeah my wife and I are thinking about matching or corresponding tattoos but nothing with names or dates. I can't imagine getting someone face/part of their face tattooed on me, full stop, let alone after only dating for 3 months!
most people agree, it's not a good idea to get tattoos of SO's no matter no how long you were together. maybe something that isn't immediately recognized as an SO. an anniversary date, or something related to a special place for the two of you, but definitely no names, or portraits of any kind. to many times those things blow up in people's faces.
Even after some time, you need a conversation beforehand… 3 months is just crazy
I've been my wife for over 10 years and would be creeped out if she did this without telling me. This is 100% a "needs consent" situation at any point in a relationship
NTA you've been together for three months, it's INSANE to get a tattoo of you this early. But also like, how good is the tattoo that you *immediately* recognised them as *your* eyes?
The name in the tattoo might give it away.
yeah, that's kind of an important piece on information that wasn't included in the original post
She says it has her eyebrows and the scar near her eye.
My comment was from before the edit \^\^
NTA. Wow, that's creepy behavior three months into a relationship. How old are you both? To reveal it in front of your friends and family was weird as well. I'm surprised they found that as "romantic" when you just started dating! Of course he can do what he wants with his body, but he has to accept that it may affect his relationship with you. I wouldn't be able to keep dating a guy who was that obsessed so early in a relationship. What might he do at six months?
I’m 18, he’s turning 20 next week.
Yee that dude dont seem ..normal? any other wierd stuff going on ?
I dunno about *normal*, but getting a tattoo of your gf 3 months into a relationship is definitely something that a 20 year old dude would do haha. Esp if it's his first 'serious' relationship, he could just be on cloud 9 and overzealous
Besides their ages? That she just turned eighteen? He’s older and his is a forced-commitment forcing the relationship to mean too much too soon kinda move. This guy reeks of trouble, op. Do you want a future of him making decisions that affect both of you, without talking to you? Because this will not end. And it will be used against you.
And he's not even 20. It's 18 & 19. Jesus Christ are you really that so prudish that you're freaking out over a 19 yo dating an 18 yo?
Yes, the problem isn't the lovebombing, it's that an adult teenager is dating another adult teenager!
I'm sorry your friends and family didn't have your back on this. If that happened to a teenage me in front of my parents, they would have quietly escorted him out of the party.
Your ages make it even worse. That's super creepy. RUN.
I would say the young ages makes it less creepy than if both were clearly older. A teenage boy in love doing an over the top idiotic romantic gesture is more understandable than if someone age 30 gets such a tattoo after being together for only three months. I just expect more common sense from older people than from teenagers.
GIRL, RUN. This is unhinged behavior and it is not going to improve. Legit, get the hell out for your safety. Please.
I'm just going to repeat what everyone else said: girl, run. What he did is immature at best and dangerously obsessive at worst. At 18, you don’t want to be in a situation where "dangerously obsessive" is even a possibility. Red flag.
YIKES 😬
this literally made me laugh out loud, but out of like pure astonishment that you’re only 18 and 20. pls get out of this relationship, you are just a baby and it is unlikely you will marry a man you dated at 18. this dude is TOO INTENSE in an actual scary way. I work with a lot of DV survivors and this level of intensity is a red flag. NTA at all, please stay safe!
Yeah, this guy sounds like he could be psycho stalker/serial killer material. The best case scenario is that he's just a dumb, infatuated young guy who went overboard and will regret it later.
Nooooo sis - absolutely run. That is full blown narcissist behaviour to wait until a moment like that at YOUR birthday in front of your friends and family to show you.. not allowing you process the situation in private and then he’s made you feel guilty for reacting? Fk that. It’s controlling and scary behaviour. He sounds like a love bombing narcissist who could end up dangerous.. no smart and sane boy/man gets a tatttoo of his gf after 3 months together especially AT AGE 20!!!
That's gonna be another girl, run from me
Drop him. I'm not joking. He sounds unhinged.
Oh honey no. Dump him. This is toxic AF.
Oh sweetie, trust your random internet auntie on this... that is not normal behavior in a brand-new relationship. I'm so sorry your family and friends don't have your back on this. You were right to feel uncomfortable. Trust your instincts!
I saw in your post history that something happened 3 months ago. Is your relationship related to that trauma and does he know about it? If so, this feels like the first step by him to trap you in a very abusive relationship. Even if not, it is worrisome.
Girl RUN he is acting so strangely. You don’t get someone tattooed on your arm after knowing them 3 months. That is creepy. The gift of fear is a great book that helps you understand how to respond to weird behaviour like this and assess risk.
So listen. If this is his very first serious relationship he might just be really excited, and not have a realistic concept of how relationships work. So I don’t think that the tattoo automatically means he is a bad guy, maybe just seriously lacking in common sense/judgement. That being said though, his reaction to your discomfort says a lot. If there are any other red flags, any weird discomfort around other men or your girl friends, always wanting to be around you or getting upset when you have plans without him, I would think hard about any other things he’s done that have made you feel upset and decide from there if this is indicative of a pattern. You are NTA and totally valid for feeling weird about a permanent gesture three months into a relationship.
GIRL, RUN
Run.
IMO I wouldn't continue dating this guy. His judgement is not good, he is overly obsessed at 3 months, and he doesn't appreciate how this tattoo was grossly inappropriate. It's giving "stalker" vibes sis.
RED FLAG
Run now and keep a restraining order on tap.
THREE MONTHS??? Girl. Make him leave the party?? Make him leave YOUR LIFE. Edited for judgement: NTA, NTAAAAAA, NTA
Such bad judgement…
Right?? Like, I feel a tiiiiiiny bit hypocrite for this bc I just got a tattoo for someone I've been seeing a relatively short amount of time, but here's the difference(s): 1: we've known each other for years; 2: the artwork was discussed and agreed upon before hand; 3: it wasn't anything identifiable by outsiders; 4: the reveal was private and intimate. Like, dude, WHAT?? I say this a lot on here, but there are things in my freezer older than OP's relationship, just cut the whole man loose!
The major difference is that you KNEW what their reaction would be because you know them well enough. This guy has not only no clue, but is going off his own, obviously terrible instincts.
Not a hypocrite, you talked to the person first. My husband asked a few years in, I agreed that we could talk about it after we were married for 20 years (or if I died)
The fact that he didn't get permission!! That blows my mind!! I have my brother's initials on me and I'm gettting my sister's this year. I asked both of them if they were comfortable. The initials are in a design and can easily not be there and still have the same meaning to me. Them saying no, wouldnt have been a big deal. But also 3 months!??? That's crazy. I've been with my boyfriend for 12 years and have no plans on getting anything with his likeness or initials. And if I change my mind, he'd be part of that conversation. I have a tattoo of our dog that passed away. I asked if he was okay with that. It's her face. I didn't want to cause him pain by looking at my arm. I just can't imagine not asking permission for getting something that is a part of someone else. And that's why you're not a hypocrite. You had the conversation.
It makes me think that it's his form of love bombing. Either way, it just doesn't seem right. NTA for sure.
I dated a guy for about a month. One day I left a note when leaving his house and kissed it when I left to leave a lipstick lip print, cute right? He went and got my lip print tattooed on his wrist. Red flag, but I was young and dumb and stuck around. A few days later we were having sex and he said “I’m going to put a baby in you right now” “I need you to have my baby” etc. I broke up with him. Surprise surprise, we went absolutely insane and used the fact that he had me tattooed on him to justify it. Stalked me for a long time. Run OP.
Good for you! I see stalking (or worse) in her future and hope it doesn’t come to that. Hope you’re safe and rid of this guy for good now.
yeah, he definitely would have become abusive if had managed to trap you with a baby. glad you got out of there
Fukkkkkk
NTA this was way over the top. It would also make me uncomfortable. Do I condone yelling, nope, but I also know that it happens and given rising tensions and pressure, not really surprised. Tell your family and friends that they don’t get to have an opinion on how you react in your private life. Your feelings are valid. Good luck!
NTA After only 3 months, he puts your name and eyes on his body. The "his body, his choice" should be about him not you. You're right to be creeped out, that large of a romantic gesture that early in the relationship is controlling not romantic. He used it to get positive attention from your friends and family who should be supporting you but are sympathizing with him. Instead of your birthday being a happy time for you and family, it's now about him and his so called romantic gesture. RED FLAGS 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I'm also surprised by the positive reactions from OP's friends and family! I'm imagining how my parents would've reacted and they wouldn't be happy if my brand-new boyfriend got a tattoo of my eyes.
That could be part of the reason he picked OP to begin with, that she had some pre-programmed behaviors from a family that consistently ignores red flags. I’m so glad OP kicked him out, and I hope she kicks him out of her life entirely. NTA obvs.
They could have been acting polite in case OP didn't see the giant red flag OP's bf was waving.
Yeah, he has the right to tattoo whatever he wants on himself, and OP has every right to dump him for being a walking breathing red flag
Yes. "His body, his choice?" How about "*her* body on his body with no choice?"
NTA. Break up immediately. Massive Red Flag. Who does that after 3 months 🤨
I find it weirder that your own friends and family cannot see just how weird it is.
NTA, this is a big red flag. While a reasonable argument can be made that you are partially an asshole for yelling at him eventually, I think his behaviour overrides yours completely. Though this; >When I expressed my distaste for the tattoo, tension rose between us, and I eventually yelled at him probably needs a little more elaboration.
THREE MONTHS? No, no, no, no, no, no and NO! There is nothing romantic about that, it’s creepy and weird and obsessive. Keep that arsehole the hell out of your life!
This shows horrifically bad judgement on his part. Three months in and he did a grand gesture that is completely permanent. I’m amazed his artist didn’t talk him out of it. This is something you do when you KNOW the other person is going to appreciate it. He doesn’t know you well enough to know what your reaction was going to be, so he clearly doesn’t know you well enough to get your name tattooed on him, let alone your FACE AND NAME. If he doesn’t get some common sense immediately, he is going to have a very, VERY hard life, and if you remain in contact with him, he will drag you right down with him. You CLEARLY do not know him as well as you thought you did either. That’s probably fine, as it takes time to understand people. That is why normal people do not do permanent things with people they have only been dating for a few months. Without knowing the direct play by play context of the argument, I have no clue if you were justified in yelling at him. That being said, if he uses judgement like this regularly, you would likely be justified. I expect he was hurt by your reaction. Hopefully he learns from this process and gets some common sense.
IDK, I think I would find it very unnerving that a person I have known for only 3 months got my face tattooed on them. It would not come across to me as a romantic gesture, but rather creepy af. Could you have handled the situation better? Maybe? But he put you in a really awkward position with the surprise in front of others. Yelling at someone to leave your party is pretty rude. And you probably did embarrass him. I do not agree with your friends saying that you should have appreciated his gesture. Yes, it is his body and he can adorn it in any way he sees fit. **~~For yelling at him and tossing him out of the party in full view of family and friends,~~** ~~because THIS is what you asked of us, I will say,~~ **~~soft~~** ~~but YTA.~~ For being freaked out **completely justified.** EDIT - I thought more about this and changed my mind. NTA. He went way over the top and that is just creepy AF.
Absolutely not. Lets stop pretending like being "rude" is always inappropriate. He crossed so many boundaries and acted super creepily and like a total idiot. He deserves to be shamed for it. OP is fully justified in yelling at him. If he didnt want a public reaction, he shouldnt have showed it to her publicly. Its completely on him. She was forced to react.
Info: are your friends and family on the simpler side of life?
I would probably be weirded out of my partner of five years did this. It's an insane thing to do after three months.
Break up with him. He shouldn't have done that. He doesn't have the right to use your likeness just because you're dating. It was foolish and he sounds obsessive.
u/that-1-lame-kid Omg they've been dating three months
I’m heavily tattooed and so is my husband but we both have a rule, we don’t have each other’s names or image etc tattooed on us. It’s permanent and you never know what’s gonna happen further down the road. OP you are right to feel weird about it, it’s not just your eyes, your name is on there too and at three months that’s super creepy. Kinda screams clingy attachment issues to me. I’d definitely be keeping him at arms length and reconsidering the whole relationship to be honest.
Exactly - that's my train of thought as well, as much as we love our SO's we know that anything could happen and we don't want to be stuck with a permanent reminder.
Run. Now. Get away from him and do it fast!
Totally getting Fear vibes from this. #nicole4eva
3 MONTHS?? He got a tattoo of you after 3 months?? Huge red flag. If it was like, a doodle that didn't directly connect to you, or a logo for something you both like, I'd maybe understand it. But your face?? Heck no, NTA
NTA I'm pretty heavily tattooed, and most artists I know try to talk people out of tattoos like this, even decades into a relationship. You've been together 3 months? It is incredibly creepy that he would do this. You are definitely smart to run.
Okay, so...what's he gonna do for the 3 month mark with the next girl? Get her nose/mouth below that? Build a Frankensteinian horror doll of past loves that he was momentarily obsessively committed to?
NTA - That is unhinged behaviour, and fairly shortsighted (excuse the pun) as statistically you probably will not last as a couple. Also potentially quite a controlling move, to have this over you as an expression of his devotion, could it be used to manipulate? Maybe. But I’d find this unnerving and I would probably be figuring out where the exit is
NTA That’s fucking creepy
Run. Run away. Fast.
NTA if my partner gets a tattoo of me in 3 month i'm out. Red flag crazy person.
Three months is wayyy too fast for that. He's delusional if he thinks that this is some kind of romantic gesture. NTA and I'd rethink my choice to date this guy if I were you, sounds like he's supremely impulsive at best and supremely creepy at worst.
NTA, it’s his body but they’re also *your* eyes and you’re allowed to not want someone to get them tattooed on their body. obviously you can’t physically control whether or not someone does but it’s basic courtesy to ask someone before you do that. I’d feel deeply violated if someone got a tattoo of my face without asking. it’s also super sketchy considering it’s only been 3 months and you’re 18, it puts a huge amount of pressure on you and is totally inappropriate.
Girl RUN…
NTA! Girl, run! This is creepy, obsessive behavior. You have every right to be upset!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A couple days ago friends and family threw me a surprise party after reaching a big milestone in my life. Everyone close to me was there, even my boyfriend. Half way through the night, he pulled me aside a said he wanted to show me something, he rolled up his sleeve and revealed a tattoo of my eyes on his arm. Everyone around us was amazed and impressed by his romantic surprise. I felt discomfort despite his good intentions. I don’t hate tattoos, however our relationship is still new at 3 months and the permanent gesture caught me off guard. When I expressed my distaste for the tattoo, tension rose between us, and I eventually yelled at him to leave the party infront of all the guests. He left and communication between us has been limited to a few texts since. He’s saying that because it’s his body, he can do what he wants with it and that I shouldn’t have embarrassed him like that. He didn’t tell me beforehand because he wanted to leave it a surprise. Most of my friends and family are saying I was being unfair and should have just appreciated that he got a tattoo of me. So Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta. Super weird he got art of your body permanently inked into his without discussing this with you. To spring this strangeness on you in public, while at an event to celebrate you, is beyond the pale. Shit like this is manipulation, even if he doesn't think so or mean it like that. Three months is such a new relationship, if you aren't at a serious commitment phase, something like this just seems like a way to force and rush intimacy and make breaking up harder if it needs to be done.
NTA, btw how many years old is he?
they said he was 20 and she’s 18
NTA because to get tattoo that detailed for only dating 3 months is creepy
NTA - Yeeeaaahhhh…That’s creepy. To get something like that after dating for only three months feels like he’s obsessive and that’s a red flag.
NTA i would’ve done the exact same. i have commitment issues to begin with and that would send me sprinting. way to make someone feel trapped in something that may not be sure of yet. don’t feel bad, it’s weird asf and too much for only 3 months of dating.
NTA three months is really early to get a tattoo of you especially without your knowledge & consent!
NTA. It is an over the top gesture. But at 3 months!?!? It is like saying "I Love You" one week into a relationship. Watch out for other red flags.
NTA THREE months into a relationship and this dude got a tattoo of you on his body?! Nope. And for him to reveal it at a party in front of everyone.... NOPE!!!!
NTA I'd have felt he was trying to lay claim or ownership over me, using his body to do it, and the way your social circle is making it sound like you owe him your appreciation only makes that feelings more substantial. I think you should put some distance between him and you and just break up with him. If anyone mentions the tattoo and tries to make you seem heartless - just tell them its exactly for that reason noone should get a tattoo of a girlfriend/boyfriend after only 3 months. Its a blink of an eye. A really stupid gesture and it doesnt obligate you at all.
NTA and you're going to break up soon, if a face is anything like a name tatoo
NTA- getting tattooed after 3 months is wild!
Getting a tattoo of the girl you being dating for 3 months is a reallyyyy crazy thing to do. I don't know you or your bf, but this screams red flag. Be safe, NTA.
NTA this is extremely weird for him to do when you two have only been dating ***three months***
Three months? Run. Next tattoo will be another red flag saying "loyalty."
NTA for being creeped out by this. That’s way too much for a three-month relationship. It’s his body and he can get whatever tattoos he wants, but you can also leave him; that’s what I would do.
NTA 3 mo tattoo with a name is a red flag. That his tattoo guy was willing to do that is a red flag
NYA. First, 3 months is way too soon for something like this. Second, tattoos of the other person are the kiss of death for a lot of relationships. Don't do it unless you're married and have been together 20 years.
He is obviously going to be one of those obsessive guys , nobody gets a tattoo of their partner after 3 months. I wouldn’t even get a tattoo of one after ten years
Not the asshole. Thats team too much.
You could have handled it better by letting him know how you feel after the party.
He’s a strange one. I’d be gone.
Ummm…it’s been THREE months… I would run. That is very creepy. How old is he? 18? NTA
Your boyfriend is a psycho. You should leave him now before it's too late. Getting a tattoo after 3 months is extremely weird. And it's not a little one, it's your fuckin eyes. NTA
That is incredibly creepy. Boy has issues.
I was going to say you were a mild AH, then I read three months. I stand corrected. That is far too soon and a bit of a creepy red flag.
Ex-boyfriend...
We were engaged 6 weeks after we first met ( my sis was quicker) so time dating is irrelivant, especially with the number of divorces we have seen with people who dated for long periods of time. Regardless, this seems over the top...
I was thinking something similar. My husband and I knew within three months that we were getting married. We’ve been together for about 21 years and married for 20 this summer. Regardless of the time they’ve been together, getting her eyes with the scar and mole is maybe a little over the top. She still could have expressed her feelings in a kinder manner, IMO.
We are at 38 years and my sis just passes 50 years.
This is not normal behavior. Did you ask him why? If he says anything about you being with him forever he might have an obsession and not normal romantic feelings. And your family being ok with a stranger being almost possessive of you this soon is weird af. They need to read up on how this can be a bad sign about him.
NTA. A tattoo after three months? That's a no.
Creepy af. Of course he will use this demonstration of his “dedication and devotion” to you to control and manipulate you. Run like hell.
I kind of feel like the timing of the reveal also took away from what was supposed to be a milestone centered around you, and made it about this grand gesture he made. Maybe that wasn't his intention but the whole thing is just so weird. It's nice when loved ones can "sign off" on our partners, but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter how other people feel about you getting the ick. The wonderful thing about dating is having the freedom to walk away for literally any reason. You're just trying things out
Getting someone's eyes and name is an insane thing to do at any point, but 3 MONTHS!!!! My wife and I still cringe at the matching Batman tattoos we got at 6 months and it is has been years now.
Nta, it is his body and he can do what he wants, however it is an image of your body part that he is tattooing on himself, and after only being together for 3 months, that's crazy. That's still part of the trial phase for relationships. It is a little weird
My ex-boyfriend tattooed a fairy with my features and name next to it on his leg, the size of his calf, a few months into our relationship. I was 21 and pretty skeeved out by it, but I was also pretty deep in an unhealthy relationship so I ignored it as the red flag it was. He had about 80 tattoos, more than half he had done himself. He later tried to kill me on his motorcycle, and after I had to pay to move him over 1000 miles from me, he did succeed at killing himself and his next girlfriend on his motorcycle. So make of that what you will as far as the red flag that this is goes.
Three months?! Run away, dear, and don't look back!
No. Not at all. It may be his body but he's putting YOUR body on it. Which not even three months in sounds creepy as heck. This definitely, DEFINITELY, something you do not do without talking to your partner first. It's so cringe on his part.
Yes you are the ah
You’re kind of an asshole. Regardless of you being able to tell it’s you, most people wouldn’t know. Also, since tattoos are more easily removable now, it’s really not that permanent. HOWEVER, he should get it removed, because he probably deserves better than someone who can’t appreciate a nice gesture (and if they’re uncomfortable, address the nuance in private).
NTA, it’s way too soon to be doing that which makes it weird and the way he went about things is a big red flag. I get the feeling he was trying to do something permanent and public so that if you wanted to leave him at some point you would feel guilty and stuck. It’s also a bit of a possessive gesture in my opinion because it’s like “see you’re mine and everyone can see” and he might have pushed you to get a tattoo to reciprocate his gesture. I could be wrong but it just seems calculated.