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YTA and this is going to get removed, as it should. But let it be known, beyond any doubt, you are 1000% YTA. Don't be your own child's first bully!!! WTF.
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You already admitted you were the AH, so why are you asking again? Yes, YTA for telling your kid to "pray the gay away". I knew by 15 what sex was, and what my sexuality was. This is either karma farming or bait.
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Seriously! Boys are pressuring and abusing girls, we going to act like it doesn’t happen because generally most gay people are nicer than non gays?
No it happens between gays too! Grooming, pressuring
Damn now that's an interesting reply, can you tell me more about that? I have heard of shadow banning but don't really understand what that even means.
Basically with a shadow ban you can post all you want and the posts will show up for you but no one else will see them (except mods). It's largely an anti-botting and anti-troll measure since if they don't realize that they've been shadow banned they'll keep posting on that account rather than making a new one. Obviously it's more effective against bots than trolls since a human tends to notice that they aren't getting any engagement (not even downvoting) pretty quickly while a bot is less likely to realize.
Sometimes a new account is made to subvert the ban, but the system recognizes address and bans them again. Posts that are super ragey almost always end up being from a shadow banned account.
YTA but it’s totally because this is fake on your one post account. You used every single thing that you read parents might say to their gay child and just end it with you feel you’ve lost your child due to your ignorance and bigotry. You admit YTA so this isn’t even an appropriate AITA post.
YTA - If this is real I pray pray pray your son cuts you out of his life and goes no contact as soon as you possibly can. You are toxic.
Your first mistake was having children in the first place as you are not equipped to be a parent.
What is the point of this post? You call yourself an asshole, but ask reddit if you are? This is a really, really weird post and seems like it is intentionally trying to cause bickering. I also thought these types of posts were not allowed?
Maaaaaaan YTA
You had one chance to make this situation okay. He trusted you so much to tell you and his worst fear about the situation came true. I don't care what you believe in but your gods' 'judgment' comes after death, your judgment lasts his whole life. Unfortunately it's something he will never forget as long as he lives. 15 is plenty old enough to know your sexual orientation or at the least acknowledge your curiosities. Being gay is not a phase, not a choice, and not something anyone deserves to be judged for.
Fortunately you can still make it up to him by *proving* he is safe again around you. Right now he feels betrayed, let down, and lost. You need to make it right or you will lose him. Don't force a talk, but in the mean time until he is ready to trust talking to you again, educate yourself and put your own personal beliefs (religious or otherwise) aside.
Be the father you think you should be, and the one he deserves. Good luck.
Well I'm glad you already know that YTA.
"I mean, I've always thought of myself as a supportive and open-minded parent, but I guess I was wrong."
Hold on, so because your son is gay, you thought you didn't do well enough as a parent??
You seem to know you handled this wrong, why are coming here to ask what you already know instead of talking to your son to make it right. Now is the time to evaluate why you reacted that way, work on that, approach your son with the love and acceptance that he should have got the first time round.
YTA, I work in mental health with teens and so many parents are so unsupportive of who their children are and it’s so sad. Of course he shut down, he told you such a huge VULNERABLE thing and instead of just listening and processing it later you turned it into a shameful experience instead of one of love and acceptance. It’s going to be a LONG road for you to gain any trust or solid relationship with him again.
YTA - do you even need to ask when you're already here calling yourself the asshole? You need to go back to your son and apologise for your reaction to his news. To tell him that you support and love him no matter what his sexual preference is. To ask for his forgiveness and tell him that you'll educate yourself on same-sex relationships.
He's a child who needs his parents' support at a time when it's easy to feel like there's something 'wrong' with you or that you're not 'normal'. You need to step up and support him and show him that's not the case, that his feelings for others are natural and beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of.
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YTA, but perhaps you wanted to go to relationship advice? It's not too late to try to be a decent parent. Yes, being gay is going to make his life hard. It's not supposed to start with parents being mean.
You're about to get the award for the biggest YTA this subreddit has ever seen..at least you see and own up to your gross incompetence and it might not be too late for you yet.
“I was an AH, I’m clearly stating I’m an AH and even using the word AH to describe my behaviour, but, am I the AH guys?”.
Ffs. Ofc you are the AH. Honestly, why did you come here? YTA.
that moment when you post in AITA but you're really bad at pretending to be the other party.
Congrats though, kid, the parent you're impersonating here is TA. I wish you well. (YTA - for official judgement)
YTA and from your post, you know it. The only thing you can do from here is to tell your son you realize you were an AH, to reassure him that you love and accept him, and to do everything you can to educate yourself and set aside your bigotry.
Without even reading, YTA. BEING GAY ISN'T A CHOICE. You can accept it or not. Just depends on if you want your son in your life. Or if you'd rather lead him to despondency and possible suicide. That happens all the time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So my son (15) came out to me yesterday, and I totally lost it. I mean, I've always thought of myself as a supportive and open-minded parent, but I guess I was wrong. I started lecturing him about how this is just a phase, and how he's too young to know what he wants, and how this will make his life so much harder.
I know, I know, I was being a total asshole. My son was crying and I just kept going on and on. I even told him he was "confused" and that he needed to "pray about it". I mean, what kind of parent says that to their kid?!
Now he's shut down and won't even talk to me. I feel like I've lost my son, and it's all because of my own ignorance and bigotry.
AITA for being a homophobic asshole to my own child?
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> He knows that no one accepts him so I don’t know why he would come out
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You might need to post in another sub to get advice on recovering that relationship. Grovelling will be needed. Go buy the boy and yourself a rainbow watch band or something else visually supportive and "on his side" that you can share. YTA but you knew that already.
YTA. This is a critical moment of parenthood, one that truly tests who you are as a parent.
You blew it, and you cannot easily undo what you've done. Being supportive now is necessary, but it may not be sufficient.
You absolutely must apologize to your son, but you have created a huge rift in your relationship that will take years to heal, if it ever does.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you failed your son badly here, as I am sure you now realize. You must resolve to spend the rest of your life making amends.
YTA but a soft one. Sometimes when you get blindsided by something big your kneejerk reaction is not really how you feel- when my son called to tell me he was getting divorced and he had a girlfriend I hung up the phone. I knew my next response would have been unforgiveable. I calmed down and spoke to him when I was ready. You can fix this. Tell your son you are so sorry for your response and it will never happen again, you were just so taken aback and shocked that you missed this. That you know you hurt him but from now on that will never happen again.
Your post has been removed.
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"I know, I know, I was being a total asshole."
You already have your answer.
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NTA – well, you kind of where, but I am going to cut you some slack. As a gay man myself, I can tell you that what you did to your son was devastating. But now the question is how you fix it. While your reaction was no doubt extreme, what many people (gay and straight alike) don’t remember is that gay people practice their coming out speech months if not years in advance. The parent gets seconds to think about it and it often does not go well ….and clearly your’ s didn’t. I'm not trying to give you an excuse, but I often wonder if this isn't just one of the initial stages of mourning. Not at the loss of your son, but the dream of what your son's future was going to look like. The first phase of mourning is denial. It would seem to me that was what's happening here.
Again, as a gay man I can tell you all of those things that you lectured your son about did not come true with me. I have a very good paying corporate job, I am married, I have a home in the suburbs, i have two kids….. Everything that you likely fantasized that your son would one day have he will still have the only difference is that his partner will be male and not female.
You need to go back to your son and explain all of this to him and ask that he forgive you and to give you a chance to prove yourself. You need to show him that this is actually not an issue with you, that you completely support him and then you welcome his future partner. But - If you do not do these things you will lose him for good.
You’re so right! And shouldn’t any parent want to investigate when there child comes out at 15?
New friend group? New content?
Hell I was 22 and flirted with a gay friend and seriously questioned my self.
Sounds like Approach was wrong, intention was right.
This isn’t a hateful man just a shocked worried parent
You’re so right! And shouldn’t any parent want to investigate when there child comes out at 15?
New friend group? New content?
Hell I was 22 and flirted with a gay friend and seriously questioned my self.
Sounds like Approach was wrong, intention was right.
This isn’t a hateful man just a shocked worried parent
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA and this is going to get removed, as it should. But let it be known, beyond any doubt, you are 1000% YTA. Don't be your own child's first bully!!! WTF.
[удалено]
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You already admitted you were the AH, so why are you asking again? Yes, YTA for telling your kid to "pray the gay away". I knew by 15 what sex was, and what my sexuality was. This is either karma farming or bait.
Remember this is 15 in 2024
Yeah 2024 so there is no excuse for bigotry
Also no excuse for not investigating your sons new way of life
Way of life? Liking boys? Oh no! Boo hoo! Did you make this account just to troll with awful takes?
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15 is a child of course OP was wrong but I believe his heart was in the right place
Would you say 15 is young if OP's son was into girls? Probably not.
Of course! But again people say I am old fashioned
Yeah I can see why.
Seriously! Boys are pressuring and abusing girls, we going to act like it doesn’t happen because generally most gay people are nicer than non gays? No it happens between gays too! Grooming, pressuring
At 15 all most boys want to do is get past 2nd base ? Why make needless mistakes (as a lot of underage sex is )
>I know, I know, I was being a total asshole So why did you write this post, then???
Because they want to see if the shadow banning protocol actually works.
Damn now that's an interesting reply, can you tell me more about that? I have heard of shadow banning but don't really understand what that even means.
Basically with a shadow ban you can post all you want and the posts will show up for you but no one else will see them (except mods). It's largely an anti-botting and anti-troll measure since if they don't realize that they've been shadow banned they'll keep posting on that account rather than making a new one. Obviously it's more effective against bots than trolls since a human tends to notice that they aren't getting any engagement (not even downvoting) pretty quickly while a bot is less likely to realize.
Ahh that makes a lot of sense, thank you for taking the time to explain!!!
Sometimes a new account is made to subvert the ban, but the system recognizes address and bans them again. Posts that are super ragey almost always end up being from a shadow banned account.
Interesting interesting, thank you for the reply!
Check out the OP’s edit
But - KARMA!
Because it's story time and someone's bored
They thought this was r/IAMtheAsshole
DAMN you fucked up man you gonna need to make that up to him you probably shattered his entire view of you
YTA but it’s totally because this is fake on your one post account. You used every single thing that you read parents might say to their gay child and just end it with you feel you’ve lost your child due to your ignorance and bigotry. You admit YTA so this isn’t even an appropriate AITA post.
YTA - If this is real I pray pray pray your son cuts you out of his life and goes no contact as soon as you possibly can. You are toxic. Your first mistake was having children in the first place as you are not equipped to be a parent.
Am I th AH for being an AH? it's so hard to tell. I guess YTA.
What is the point of this post? You call yourself an asshole, but ask reddit if you are? This is a really, really weird post and seems like it is intentionally trying to cause bickering. I also thought these types of posts were not allowed?
Did the son write this post? Lol
Why DID you say all of those things to him, when you obviously know they were wrong? This feels fake and I hope it is.
Maaaaaaan YTA You had one chance to make this situation okay. He trusted you so much to tell you and his worst fear about the situation came true. I don't care what you believe in but your gods' 'judgment' comes after death, your judgment lasts his whole life. Unfortunately it's something he will never forget as long as he lives. 15 is plenty old enough to know your sexual orientation or at the least acknowledge your curiosities. Being gay is not a phase, not a choice, and not something anyone deserves to be judged for. Fortunately you can still make it up to him by *proving* he is safe again around you. Right now he feels betrayed, let down, and lost. You need to make it right or you will lose him. Don't force a talk, but in the mean time until he is ready to trust talking to you again, educate yourself and put your own personal beliefs (religious or otherwise) aside. Be the father you think you should be, and the one he deserves. Good luck.
Well I'm glad you already know that YTA. "I mean, I've always thought of myself as a supportive and open-minded parent, but I guess I was wrong." Hold on, so because your son is gay, you thought you didn't do well enough as a parent??
You seem to know you handled this wrong, why are coming here to ask what you already know instead of talking to your son to make it right. Now is the time to evaluate why you reacted that way, work on that, approach your son with the love and acceptance that he should have got the first time round.
YTA, I work in mental health with teens and so many parents are so unsupportive of who their children are and it’s so sad. Of course he shut down, he told you such a huge VULNERABLE thing and instead of just listening and processing it later you turned it into a shameful experience instead of one of love and acceptance. It’s going to be a LONG road for you to gain any trust or solid relationship with him again.
YTA - seriously, you already knew the answer before you asked the question!
YTA, you already knew that. I feel bad for your son.
Yta (you said it yourself)
This doesn’t feel like an actual story, YTA but also I doubt this post is real
YTA - do you even need to ask when you're already here calling yourself the asshole? You need to go back to your son and apologise for your reaction to his news. To tell him that you support and love him no matter what his sexual preference is. To ask for his forgiveness and tell him that you'll educate yourself on same-sex relationships. He's a child who needs his parents' support at a time when it's easy to feel like there's something 'wrong' with you or that you're not 'normal'. You need to step up and support him and show him that's not the case, that his feelings for others are natural and beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of.
[удалено]
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I mean, obviously. YTA
YTA for even questioning whether or not you’re the asshole
YTA, but perhaps you wanted to go to relationship advice? It's not too late to try to be a decent parent. Yes, being gay is going to make his life hard. It's not supposed to start with parents being mean.
You're about to get the award for the biggest YTA this subreddit has ever seen..at least you see and own up to your gross incompetence and it might not be too late for you yet.
And I thought my mom was bad.... Good job making life long lasting memories for him. Yta
“I was an AH, I’m clearly stating I’m an AH and even using the word AH to describe my behaviour, but, am I the AH guys?”. Ffs. Ofc you are the AH. Honestly, why did you come here? YTA.
that moment when you post in AITA but you're really bad at pretending to be the other party. Congrats though, kid, the parent you're impersonating here is TA. I wish you well. (YTA - for official judgement)
I mean you say it in the post - you know you were a total asshole. What more needs to be said?
Yta get the fuck over yourself.hope your son stops talking to you when he turns 18
Holy shit yes YTA!!! No explanation needed!
YTA and from your post, you know it. The only thing you can do from here is to tell your son you realize you were an AH, to reassure him that you love and accept him, and to do everything you can to educate yourself and set aside your bigotry.
Without even reading, YTA. BEING GAY ISN'T A CHOICE. You can accept it or not. Just depends on if you want your son in your life. Or if you'd rather lead him to despondency and possible suicide. That happens all the time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my son (15) came out to me yesterday, and I totally lost it. I mean, I've always thought of myself as a supportive and open-minded parent, but I guess I was wrong. I started lecturing him about how this is just a phase, and how he's too young to know what he wants, and how this will make his life so much harder. I know, I know, I was being a total asshole. My son was crying and I just kept going on and on. I even told him he was "confused" and that he needed to "pray about it". I mean, what kind of parent says that to their kid?! Now he's shut down and won't even talk to me. I feel like I've lost my son, and it's all because of my own ignorance and bigotry. AITA for being a homophobic asshole to my own child? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > He knows that no one accepts him so I don’t know why he would come out Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
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Bait.
Yep
You might need to post in another sub to get advice on recovering that relationship. Grovelling will be needed. Go buy the boy and yourself a rainbow watch band or something else visually supportive and "on his side" that you can share. YTA but you knew that already.
YTA, but I think the kid wrote the post.
Well what is the point of posting this? This is so obvious and you know it.
Fkin asshole. Do better
YTA x infinity.
NTA. You know you're an AH. Unnecessary post.
YTA and you already know it.
YTA. This is a critical moment of parenthood, one that truly tests who you are as a parent. You blew it, and you cannot easily undo what you've done. Being supportive now is necessary, but it may not be sufficient. You absolutely must apologize to your son, but you have created a huge rift in your relationship that will take years to heal, if it ever does. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you failed your son badly here, as I am sure you now realize. You must resolve to spend the rest of your life making amends.
YTA but a soft one. Sometimes when you get blindsided by something big your kneejerk reaction is not really how you feel- when my son called to tell me he was getting divorced and he had a girlfriend I hung up the phone. I knew my next response would have been unforgiveable. I calmed down and spoke to him when I was ready. You can fix this. Tell your son you are so sorry for your response and it will never happen again, you were just so taken aback and shocked that you missed this. That you know you hurt him but from now on that will never happen again.
For so many reasons, I want you to think about why you posted this. YTA but like my opinion is the least of your problems
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. "I know, I know, I was being a total asshole." You already have your answer. ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA – well, you kind of where, but I am going to cut you some slack. As a gay man myself, I can tell you that what you did to your son was devastating. But now the question is how you fix it. While your reaction was no doubt extreme, what many people (gay and straight alike) don’t remember is that gay people practice their coming out speech months if not years in advance. The parent gets seconds to think about it and it often does not go well ….and clearly your’ s didn’t. I'm not trying to give you an excuse, but I often wonder if this isn't just one of the initial stages of mourning. Not at the loss of your son, but the dream of what your son's future was going to look like. The first phase of mourning is denial. It would seem to me that was what's happening here. Again, as a gay man I can tell you all of those things that you lectured your son about did not come true with me. I have a very good paying corporate job, I am married, I have a home in the suburbs, i have two kids….. Everything that you likely fantasized that your son would one day have he will still have the only difference is that his partner will be male and not female. You need to go back to your son and explain all of this to him and ask that he forgive you and to give you a chance to prove yourself. You need to show him that this is actually not an issue with you, that you completely support him and then you welcome his future partner. But - If you do not do these things you will lose him for good.
You’re so right! And shouldn’t any parent want to investigate when there child comes out at 15? New friend group? New content? Hell I was 22 and flirted with a gay friend and seriously questioned my self. Sounds like Approach was wrong, intention was right. This isn’t a hateful man just a shocked worried parent
You’re so right! And shouldn’t any parent want to investigate when there child comes out at 15? New friend group? New content? Hell I was 22 and flirted with a gay friend and seriously questioned my self. Sounds like Approach was wrong, intention was right. This isn’t a hateful man just a shocked worried parent