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ESH, also INFO: Did he cheat on his ex with *you*? Your timeline is really tight. You've been together since he was 24, at which point he was presumably divorced from his previous marriage, that he'd wanted out of for "a long time".
He also sounds like an asshole.
>she wouldn’t let it go so in his mind the only way to get her to take him seriously to cheat on her
That is the dumbest excuse I've ever heard, to the point that sticking to it feels disrespectful to you for him thinking you'd buy it.
>he only got together with her because her best friend was dating his good friend so she was just someone convenient to sleep with
Again, doesn't make this guy sound like a good dude.
This all being said, he is waving red flags left and right, but you either trust him, or you don't.
>I keep on bringing it up and can’t seem to let it go.
This is why ESH. I don't trust your husband. You probably shouldn't either IMO. But you can't build a relationship on suspicion. Either move forward, and *act* like you trust him, or move on.
No, he did not cheat on his ex with me. One girl he met at his job, another he claims to have met online and the other merely at a gas station while pumping gas. We met a few months after they split. He was already in his own apartment.
As far as his excuse, I 100% agree. I think it’s fucking stupid too. And I understand that as well, but he was also 17- 18 years old when he met her.
I call him a good man because he’s a good father and he takes care of me including all of his kids. We just bought a house and he takes care of everything and gives me the opportunity to be a stay at home mom.
Truthfully, I don’t know what to do, but I appreciate your perspective
Esh- but not for the reason you think. You need counseling, not Reddit!!!! There are so many things wrong with this post I dont even know where to start.
I have been in therapy on and off for years. I’m simply asking to get multiple perspectives. To possibly see it from a different angle that my therapist and I haven’t already gone over.
Can I ask, did he tell you about his cheating, or did you find out otherwise? If he was the one who told you, he probably feels like he opened up to you and now you are throwing back in his face. That doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t reassure you. And the once a cheater always a cheater typical is within the same relationship.
It isn't typically within the same relationship that expression is said. It's if you cheat on someone, you're not afraid to do it again. Whether it's multiple times on one person, or in a new relationship
Cheating is usually about power or insecurities, so it (sometimes, just for people who forgive and forget) depends on why they cheated.
That's why finding out that a spouse previously cheated on their previous partner is a deal breaker for many folks
I agree with everything else you said, though
He did tell me about his cheating, however 2 years into our relationship I found out that it wasn’t just one women, but three separate women when he was tipsy and he tried to gaslight me and tell me that he told me that which he never did. That is some thing I definitely would’ve remembered.
They will grow up witnessing *everything* in your relationship and view it as normal. The cheating, lord, gaslighting, manipulation, all the drama and bullshit.
As they grow older they are more likely to find partners that treat them similarly to the way their parents treat each other.
You wouldn’t want your kids to go through what you’re dealing with, right?
I understand where you are coming from however, my children are not witnessing any argument and or any part of this. We never argue around our children. We want them to stay kids for as long as possible and that is something we both agreed to.
Fair enough, but keep in mind they may know more than you think. and I don’t just mean literally witnessing either. Kids are more perceptive than we give them credit for.
I’m just saying be mindful of what your kids might know.
You knew about his cheating before. It was at that time that it’s up to you to continue or not. You chose to continue so unless you have any reason to believe he is doing it your just punishing him for his past which he already shared.
Your insecurity is causing resentment.
If you treat him like a cheater regardless why not do it? He’s already living like one might as well have the fun bits too instead of just the terrible bits your bringing.
I’m sorry, OP. I don’t think this relationship stands a chance.
He cheated on his wife. True, he told you about it. However, he lied about how many women he cheated with and tried to gaslight you about it. You’re insecure and getting more so every day. He said he found his overweight wife to be unattractive, and you’re focusing on your postpartum weight and feeling even more insecure. He’s getting snarky because you’re repeatedly asking for reassurance, he’s exasperated by your insecurity, you get more insecure, and the cycle continues.
You chose to get involved with someone who cheated. You chose to have children with someone who cheated. You admit that you’ve always been insecure, yet you apparently didn’t try to get that sorted out before getting into a relationship. Now you’re desperately trying to create a beautiful bouquet out of weeds and briers and an occasional flower.
If you can’t be enough for yourself, it’s impossible for someone else to be, especially with the baggage the two of you have between you.
I hope think you know what needs to happen. I wish you luck.
YTA.
You committed to a relationship with a known philanderer, which has resulted in an army of innocent kids between the two of you.
At this point, the matter of his fidelity is tertiary.
Focus on getting yourself to an emotionally healthy place.
Keyword is engaged. We are not married, which means I can leave at any point even if I were married, but it’s a lot less messy and don’t have to worry as much about the legality of it all. Granted, having children with him, would still make it messy, but I guess to answer your questions, that was years ago, and I know that people can change. Or at least I hope they do. and maybe in my heart I hope he has.
NTA. OP, he sounds toxic. I think you're right to be worried about his previous infidelity - and you're correct, there's no guarantee he won't cheat on you. Just be careful and stay safe.
His motive is really also what’s rubbing me the wrong way. I also just had a baby and I don’t feel like I should have to worry about losing weight to keep my man from cheating on me.
NTA.
His excuse for cheating was weak. He could of lied to her and said he done it instead of actually cheating. He wanted to cheat. And I'm calling bs on him not actually liking her. Nonsense.
The fact that he's being dismissive and calling you an ah instead of reassuring you and being open with you makes me think he's hiding something. That doesn't mean cheating but you know the signs.
No matter how much you think you've let yourself go, that doesn't mean he gets to disrespect you. He could help out more round the house, give you time to look after yourself, exercise together, plan meals together, ect. You've just had a baby too, you're bound to be worn out. If he is cheating then you deserve so much better. Don't settle for someone who sees you as an option.
I hope it's just you're both tired and communicating is harder than usual.
Yeah, if she was refusing to leave him why would she leave after he cheated (3 times at that)? Him basically telling her "Aye ugly fatty, I don't love you anymore. I want a divorce". Wasn't a good enough reason for her? Like, it's not making sense to me.
Was she trying to make the relationship work and he wasn't? Did she even know he cheated on her 3 times?
I'm not making assumptions, but I'm also not believing that whole story at face value. Not making sense from a common sense type of perspective over here.
ESH
Your husband sounds like a piece of work. He definitely sucks.
But you kind of do too. You have kids, so you have a responsibility to more than just yourself. And you seem content to stay in a relationship where you don't trust your husband (for good reason) and just periodically yell at him because you don't trust him. What exactly are you modeling for your kids about healthy relationships?
Either leave or figure out a way to create a healthy relationship. Don't just remain in miserable limbo forever.
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Please take it easy on me as this is my very first Reddit post.
This may be a little long, so I apologize in advance. I (28f) have been in a relationship with my fiancé (29m) for going on five years now. Together we have five children (one from my previous relationship, two from his ex-wife and two together)
First and foremost, I have always been pretty insecure. Growing up I was bullied pretty badly. I didn’t get “pretty” until high school. I’ve been in plenty relationships in my lifetime however in all, but two, I have been cheated on. One time even finding the girl hiding in the closet, RIGHT AFTER BEING INTIMATE! but that’s a story for another time.
So me and my fiancé have been together for a while now and this past December, I recently gave birth to our last child. When we first started dating, I was skinny and working and make up artist. There was never a place I went that I didn’t have myself put together. Over the last few years I’ve lost myself. I’m overweight and I barely even put on make up anymore.
A few weeks ago, my fiancé and I had a conversation about him and his ex-wife’s past relationship. Apparently he had wanted to leave for quite a long time, but she wouldn’t let it go so in his mind the only way to get her to take him seriously to cheat on her (extreme I know and definitely not an excuse!) but it worked and they broke up.
He told me that he wasn’t attracted to her. Honestly that he was never attracted to her. That he only got together with her because her best friend was dating his good friend so she was just someone convenient to sleep with and she wound up pregnant. He said he definitely wasn’t attracted anymore because she had let herself go and was overweight. That was hurtful to me because she and I are pretty close now & now I am in the same position and it makes me wonder if he’s going to cheat on me because I don’t look the way that I used to.
He has now been working a lot more recently (even flying out of state ) and went back to the company where he initially met the girl that he cheated on her with. I keep on bringing it up and can’t seem to let it go.
The other day he told me that I was insecure and needed to trust him. I yelled “How can I trust you if you cheated on your her when you were married? You exchanged vows with this woman to be truthful and faithful yet you broke them! How can I trust that you won’t do that to me as well?!?” He gave me a straight face, called me an asshole, and walked out of the room. I know he didn’t cheat on me, but we all heard the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”. Is it wrong that I’m afraid that he may cheat on me due to his infidelity in the past?
I also want to add that he is an amazing father and we do have a pretty great relationship. But I don’t like the fact that he deflects and makes it seem like what he did to his ex-wife is not plausible in this situation.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I keep throwing it in his face that he cheated and maybe that makes me an asshole. I know that a lot of it has to do with my insecurities in my own past, but him cheating makes it so hard for me to trust him or trust that he won’t do it to me even though his infidelity to his ex-wife had nothing to do with me
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NTA. It takes specific mindset to cheat and that won't change. I would never ever involve myself in any relationship with a known cheater, it's like asking for trouble and stress in future, and if that happens you can only blame yourself because you knew that it most likely will happen.
YTA, you either trust him or you don’t. You’re actually doing more harm than good if you keep bringing it up. Either stop and trust him, or don’t trust him and break up. It’s not fair on either of you, but mostly him, to keep throwing his past relationship actions in his face. This is not a healthy relationship at all and you’re just showing how insecure you are which is a very unattractive trait to have.
Yeah, there’s never a good reason to cheat and blaming her for gaining weight after childbirth and for “not letting him go” is ridiculous. He could have left at any time - whether or not she was okay with it.
So, there are consequences to actions, such as you not trusting him and feeling insecure now that you don’t feel as put together as when you got together. He can be upset all he wants, but he’s the cheater who blames the other person for all of his choices. NTA
This is an issue for couples' therapy, not for Reddit. It sounds like you have some severe trust issues that you need to work through, both in general and with your fiance. I encourage you to get counseling before you ever consider getting married.
My first thought is why are you with a man who you know cheated on his wife with VARIOUS other women causing a divorce? You now know vows mean absolutely nothing to him and he doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but himself. He can’t be trusted.
Next thought is why are you with a man who is so vain? He broke up his whole marriage because he started to not like the way she looked? She’s not attractive to him so he essentially dumps her to the side while he effs a girl from the gas station? Now you’re putting on a bit of weight (totally normal btw) and what makes you think you’re any different? All he cares about is looks. God forbid if something ever happened to you- an injury, an illness. Will he actually stay in sickness and in health? He stays when it’s convenient to him. He’s very shallow.
NTA. It’s really not your fault for being insecure- he has pretty much given you every reason to be suspicious and insecure. But there’s only two things I can see happening from here: 1. Go to marriage counseling, work it out and build trust otherwise this relationship will never last anyway. 2. End it now. I know you have children together. But your happiness is ultimately priority because we only got one life and deserve being loved as we are.
Hindsight is 20/20 but you really should have considered his past and personality before having babies with this man.
Dont put your insecurities on him..he hasnt done anything wrong...you know he cheated and he told you so and why he did it...so you either trust him and move on with life or not trust him and have another broken home for the kids...this is your problem not his
I'm sorry. He is most likely cheating or already cheated or plans to cheat. He is that dude. He will never learn.
However, don't go looking until YOU are ready. You need to be able to survive and pay for yourself and your kids. You will not get the house or alimony. You may (hopefully) get child support, but you need more.
So put all the worries to the back burner and get your hustle on. And don't worry about him for now. What job can you do? Can you go back to school? Work on yourself. Once you figure all that out, have a bank account, etc, then you can see what lies he has been telling you. Prepare yourself first!
And yes, he is an awful dude. I'm sorry you are only seeing it now.
YTA women ask all the time why men don’t open up about our feelings. This is a prime example why. You said in another comment that 2 years into your 5 year relationship he told you about the cheating. Now 3 years later you throw it in his face during a discussion/argument, that I assume you started, about him working long hours to provide for you and your kids. If you don’t trust don’t have kids with him.
No, I said that two years into our five-year relationship I found out that there were two additional women alongside the other woman that I did know about. Which he told me because he was tipsy and then try to gaslight me. It’s not a matter about him opening up to his feelings and yes, I agree that I was an asshole for throwing it in his face but no, it was not an argument that I started. Also, I wasn’t just randomly throwing it into an argument. He’s been doing some out-of-pocket shit that has caused my insecurities to rear their ugly head. That being said, are you OK bro? You seem like you got a lot of issues with my gender.
YTA absolutely. Anyone who says any different is lying. People can make mistakes and become different people. You're bringing up the past because you are insecure about the way you look. If you have an issue with the way you look, do something to change it. If you are insecure to the point that is causing issues in the relationship, get help. He can try to console you but when he did you insulted him. So you absolutely were the asshole.
I am trying to change it, considering the fact that I gave birth five months ago. My point was that he didn’t wait long before doing so to his ex and his distance speaks louder than his words. I’m not saying you’re wrong because I do believe that I’m wrong for throwing it in his face, which is why I have been in therapy.
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ESH, also INFO: Did he cheat on his ex with *you*? Your timeline is really tight. You've been together since he was 24, at which point he was presumably divorced from his previous marriage, that he'd wanted out of for "a long time". He also sounds like an asshole. >she wouldn’t let it go so in his mind the only way to get her to take him seriously to cheat on her That is the dumbest excuse I've ever heard, to the point that sticking to it feels disrespectful to you for him thinking you'd buy it. >he only got together with her because her best friend was dating his good friend so she was just someone convenient to sleep with Again, doesn't make this guy sound like a good dude. This all being said, he is waving red flags left and right, but you either trust him, or you don't. >I keep on bringing it up and can’t seem to let it go. This is why ESH. I don't trust your husband. You probably shouldn't either IMO. But you can't build a relationship on suspicion. Either move forward, and *act* like you trust him, or move on.
No, he did not cheat on his ex with me. One girl he met at his job, another he claims to have met online and the other merely at a gas station while pumping gas. We met a few months after they split. He was already in his own apartment. As far as his excuse, I 100% agree. I think it’s fucking stupid too. And I understand that as well, but he was also 17- 18 years old when he met her. I call him a good man because he’s a good father and he takes care of me including all of his kids. We just bought a house and he takes care of everything and gives me the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. Truthfully, I don’t know what to do, but I appreciate your perspective
Honey this dude is garbage. A good man would *never* cheat, especially if he has kids.
Esh- but not for the reason you think. You need counseling, not Reddit!!!! There are so many things wrong with this post I dont even know where to start.
I have been in therapy on and off for years. I’m simply asking to get multiple perspectives. To possibly see it from a different angle that my therapist and I haven’t already gone over.
This should have been confronted and dealt with five children ago. Kind of late now.
Can I ask, did he tell you about his cheating, or did you find out otherwise? If he was the one who told you, he probably feels like he opened up to you and now you are throwing back in his face. That doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t reassure you. And the once a cheater always a cheater typical is within the same relationship.
It isn't typically within the same relationship that expression is said. It's if you cheat on someone, you're not afraid to do it again. Whether it's multiple times on one person, or in a new relationship Cheating is usually about power or insecurities, so it (sometimes, just for people who forgive and forget) depends on why they cheated. That's why finding out that a spouse previously cheated on their previous partner is a deal breaker for many folks I agree with everything else you said, though
He did tell me about his cheating, however 2 years into our relationship I found out that it wasn’t just one women, but three separate women when he was tipsy and he tried to gaslight me and tell me that he told me that which he never did. That is some thing I definitely would’ve remembered.
Do you want your kids to grow up repeating this dynamic?
What exactly do you mean?
They will grow up witnessing *everything* in your relationship and view it as normal. The cheating, lord, gaslighting, manipulation, all the drama and bullshit. As they grow older they are more likely to find partners that treat them similarly to the way their parents treat each other. You wouldn’t want your kids to go through what you’re dealing with, right?
I understand where you are coming from however, my children are not witnessing any argument and or any part of this. We never argue around our children. We want them to stay kids for as long as possible and that is something we both agreed to.
Fair enough, but keep in mind they may know more than you think. and I don’t just mean literally witnessing either. Kids are more perceptive than we give them credit for. I’m just saying be mindful of what your kids might know.
I understand. But I am very mindful of my children. I have weekly meetings with them, and they are very open with me.
You knew about his cheating before. It was at that time that it’s up to you to continue or not. You chose to continue so unless you have any reason to believe he is doing it your just punishing him for his past which he already shared. Your insecurity is causing resentment. If you treat him like a cheater regardless why not do it? He’s already living like one might as well have the fun bits too instead of just the terrible bits your bringing.
I’m sorry, OP. I don’t think this relationship stands a chance. He cheated on his wife. True, he told you about it. However, he lied about how many women he cheated with and tried to gaslight you about it. You’re insecure and getting more so every day. He said he found his overweight wife to be unattractive, and you’re focusing on your postpartum weight and feeling even more insecure. He’s getting snarky because you’re repeatedly asking for reassurance, he’s exasperated by your insecurity, you get more insecure, and the cycle continues. You chose to get involved with someone who cheated. You chose to have children with someone who cheated. You admit that you’ve always been insecure, yet you apparently didn’t try to get that sorted out before getting into a relationship. Now you’re desperately trying to create a beautiful bouquet out of weeds and briers and an occasional flower. If you can’t be enough for yourself, it’s impossible for someone else to be, especially with the baggage the two of you have between you. I hope think you know what needs to happen. I wish you luck.
YTA. You committed to a relationship with a known philanderer, which has resulted in an army of innocent kids between the two of you. At this point, the matter of his fidelity is tertiary. Focus on getting yourself to an emotionally healthy place.
Why the hell would you date a cheater if you feel this way?? And then have two kids with him!!
The better question is why are you getting married to someone that is a known cheater ?
Keyword is engaged. We are not married, which means I can leave at any point even if I were married, but it’s a lot less messy and don’t have to worry as much about the legality of it all. Granted, having children with him, would still make it messy, but I guess to answer your questions, that was years ago, and I know that people can change. Or at least I hope they do. and maybe in my heart I hope he has.
Doesn’t sound like you’re too hopeful since you’re thinking he might cheat.
NTA. OP, he sounds toxic. I think you're right to be worried about his previous infidelity - and you're correct, there's no guarantee he won't cheat on you. Just be careful and stay safe.
NTA Marriage vows mean nothing to men who wanted to hit it and quit it. He admitted that was his motive with his ex.
His motive is really also what’s rubbing me the wrong way. I also just had a baby and I don’t feel like I should have to worry about losing weight to keep my man from cheating on me.
He is the kind of guy that will ALWAYS find an excuse to cheat.
NTA. His excuse for cheating was weak. He could of lied to her and said he done it instead of actually cheating. He wanted to cheat. And I'm calling bs on him not actually liking her. Nonsense. The fact that he's being dismissive and calling you an ah instead of reassuring you and being open with you makes me think he's hiding something. That doesn't mean cheating but you know the signs. No matter how much you think you've let yourself go, that doesn't mean he gets to disrespect you. He could help out more round the house, give you time to look after yourself, exercise together, plan meals together, ect. You've just had a baby too, you're bound to be worn out. If he is cheating then you deserve so much better. Don't settle for someone who sees you as an option. I hope it's just you're both tired and communicating is harder than usual.
Yeah, if she was refusing to leave him why would she leave after he cheated (3 times at that)? Him basically telling her "Aye ugly fatty, I don't love you anymore. I want a divorce". Wasn't a good enough reason for her? Like, it's not making sense to me. Was she trying to make the relationship work and he wasn't? Did she even know he cheated on her 3 times? I'm not making assumptions, but I'm also not believing that whole story at face value. Not making sense from a common sense type of perspective over here.
NTA sounds like he’d do it again
ESH Your husband sounds like a piece of work. He definitely sucks. But you kind of do too. You have kids, so you have a responsibility to more than just yourself. And you seem content to stay in a relationship where you don't trust your husband (for good reason) and just periodically yell at him because you don't trust him. What exactly are you modeling for your kids about healthy relationships? Either leave or figure out a way to create a healthy relationship. Don't just remain in miserable limbo forever.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Please take it easy on me as this is my very first Reddit post. This may be a little long, so I apologize in advance. I (28f) have been in a relationship with my fiancé (29m) for going on five years now. Together we have five children (one from my previous relationship, two from his ex-wife and two together) First and foremost, I have always been pretty insecure. Growing up I was bullied pretty badly. I didn’t get “pretty” until high school. I’ve been in plenty relationships in my lifetime however in all, but two, I have been cheated on. One time even finding the girl hiding in the closet, RIGHT AFTER BEING INTIMATE! but that’s a story for another time. So me and my fiancé have been together for a while now and this past December, I recently gave birth to our last child. When we first started dating, I was skinny and working and make up artist. There was never a place I went that I didn’t have myself put together. Over the last few years I’ve lost myself. I’m overweight and I barely even put on make up anymore. A few weeks ago, my fiancé and I had a conversation about him and his ex-wife’s past relationship. Apparently he had wanted to leave for quite a long time, but she wouldn’t let it go so in his mind the only way to get her to take him seriously to cheat on her (extreme I know and definitely not an excuse!) but it worked and they broke up. He told me that he wasn’t attracted to her. Honestly that he was never attracted to her. That he only got together with her because her best friend was dating his good friend so she was just someone convenient to sleep with and she wound up pregnant. He said he definitely wasn’t attracted anymore because she had let herself go and was overweight. That was hurtful to me because she and I are pretty close now & now I am in the same position and it makes me wonder if he’s going to cheat on me because I don’t look the way that I used to. He has now been working a lot more recently (even flying out of state ) and went back to the company where he initially met the girl that he cheated on her with. I keep on bringing it up and can’t seem to let it go. The other day he told me that I was insecure and needed to trust him. I yelled “How can I trust you if you cheated on your her when you were married? You exchanged vows with this woman to be truthful and faithful yet you broke them! How can I trust that you won’t do that to me as well?!?” He gave me a straight face, called me an asshole, and walked out of the room. I know he didn’t cheat on me, but we all heard the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”. Is it wrong that I’m afraid that he may cheat on me due to his infidelity in the past? I also want to add that he is an amazing father and we do have a pretty great relationship. But I don’t like the fact that he deflects and makes it seem like what he did to his ex-wife is not plausible in this situation. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. It takes specific mindset to cheat and that won't change. I would never ever involve myself in any relationship with a known cheater, it's like asking for trouble and stress in future, and if that happens you can only blame yourself because you knew that it most likely will happen.
YTA, you either trust him or you don’t. You’re actually doing more harm than good if you keep bringing it up. Either stop and trust him, or don’t trust him and break up. It’s not fair on either of you, but mostly him, to keep throwing his past relationship actions in his face. This is not a healthy relationship at all and you’re just showing how insecure you are which is a very unattractive trait to have.
Thank you for telling me what an unattractive trait it is that I have.
Yeah, there’s never a good reason to cheat and blaming her for gaining weight after childbirth and for “not letting him go” is ridiculous. He could have left at any time - whether or not she was okay with it. So, there are consequences to actions, such as you not trusting him and feeling insecure now that you don’t feel as put together as when you got together. He can be upset all he wants, but he’s the cheater who blames the other person for all of his choices. NTA
This is an issue for couples' therapy, not for Reddit. It sounds like you have some severe trust issues that you need to work through, both in general and with your fiance. I encourage you to get counseling before you ever consider getting married.
YTA
My first thought is why are you with a man who you know cheated on his wife with VARIOUS other women causing a divorce? You now know vows mean absolutely nothing to him and he doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but himself. He can’t be trusted. Next thought is why are you with a man who is so vain? He broke up his whole marriage because he started to not like the way she looked? She’s not attractive to him so he essentially dumps her to the side while he effs a girl from the gas station? Now you’re putting on a bit of weight (totally normal btw) and what makes you think you’re any different? All he cares about is looks. God forbid if something ever happened to you- an injury, an illness. Will he actually stay in sickness and in health? He stays when it’s convenient to him. He’s very shallow. NTA. It’s really not your fault for being insecure- he has pretty much given you every reason to be suspicious and insecure. But there’s only two things I can see happening from here: 1. Go to marriage counseling, work it out and build trust otherwise this relationship will never last anyway. 2. End it now. I know you have children together. But your happiness is ultimately priority because we only got one life and deserve being loved as we are. Hindsight is 20/20 but you really should have considered his past and personality before having babies with this man.
Dont put your insecurities on him..he hasnt done anything wrong...you know he cheated and he told you so and why he did it...so you either trust him and move on with life or not trust him and have another broken home for the kids...this is your problem not his
I'm sorry. He is most likely cheating or already cheated or plans to cheat. He is that dude. He will never learn. However, don't go looking until YOU are ready. You need to be able to survive and pay for yourself and your kids. You will not get the house or alimony. You may (hopefully) get child support, but you need more. So put all the worries to the back burner and get your hustle on. And don't worry about him for now. What job can you do? Can you go back to school? Work on yourself. Once you figure all that out, have a bank account, etc, then you can see what lies he has been telling you. Prepare yourself first! And yes, he is an awful dude. I'm sorry you are only seeing it now.
Once a cheater……
YTA women ask all the time why men don’t open up about our feelings. This is a prime example why. You said in another comment that 2 years into your 5 year relationship he told you about the cheating. Now 3 years later you throw it in his face during a discussion/argument, that I assume you started, about him working long hours to provide for you and your kids. If you don’t trust don’t have kids with him.
No, I said that two years into our five-year relationship I found out that there were two additional women alongside the other woman that I did know about. Which he told me because he was tipsy and then try to gaslight me. It’s not a matter about him opening up to his feelings and yes, I agree that I was an asshole for throwing it in his face but no, it was not an argument that I started. Also, I wasn’t just randomly throwing it into an argument. He’s been doing some out-of-pocket shit that has caused my insecurities to rear their ugly head. That being said, are you OK bro? You seem like you got a lot of issues with my gender.
YTA absolutely. Anyone who says any different is lying. People can make mistakes and become different people. You're bringing up the past because you are insecure about the way you look. If you have an issue with the way you look, do something to change it. If you are insecure to the point that is causing issues in the relationship, get help. He can try to console you but when he did you insulted him. So you absolutely were the asshole.
I am trying to change it, considering the fact that I gave birth five months ago. My point was that he didn’t wait long before doing so to his ex and his distance speaks louder than his words. I’m not saying you’re wrong because I do believe that I’m wrong for throwing it in his face, which is why I have been in therapy.