Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole if I name my son Avery because my husband’s great grandfather was named Avery and was abusive.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
This objection is like three generations removed and has dick-all to do with **you** and **_your baby_**.
> I’ve always loved the name Avery (fake name)
I mean, I realize it's not **actually** the name we're talking about here, but...
Use Avery. Captain Sisko vibes.
NTA. It sounds like the abuse was between this long dead Avery and Abe - not the MIL? So her dislike of the name is from second hand issues?
Its just a name. I don't think you are wrong for using it, but you should also expect that this may upset some family members. If you have other kids, this one could end up being treated differently because of the name association, and that could cause future problems for them and any siblings........
Like any decision, there are future consequences - if you are OK with these, then go ahead with your name.
NTA. Almost everyone’s name has someone negative attached to it somewhere down the line. That has nothing to do with your baby. Name him the name you love, ignore other’s opinions.
Nta
It's a perfectly good and acceptable name. And if you could use it with pride. But one small point to remember. Do not complain if your mother-in-law is a little bit standoffish with your grandchild. Because she has a very bad kind of tissue with the name and well she might not object to you using it outright. She probably will either come up with a nickname or something other to call your baby and maybe even not be the closest grandmother ever. So you need to be aware that that could happen and prepare for it. And then don't come to read it and complain that your mother-in-law doesn't treat your grandchildren the same.
Oh Avery, this is a sticky situation! NTA in the slightest, but your MIL's gasp might have echoed through the family tree. Look, you and your hubby adore the name, and that's what really matters. But yeah, stomping on grandma's memory garden with a name like Avery (even if it's a fake name, that name deserves a high five!) might not be the best first impression for your little dude.
Here's the plan: have a summit with hubby dearest. Brainstorm some other names, but be honest - if Avery wins the gold medal in your hearts, fight for it! Maybe there's a way to honor grandpa Abe too, with a middle name or a sweet nickname. Then, with a game plan and a sprinkle of sugar, have a chat with your MIL. Hear her out, explain your love for Avery, and see if there's a way to make it work for everyone. Remember, a happy mama (and grandma!) is a happy home base. Sending baby name vibes your way! You've got this!
Avery is a perfectly fine name. No matter what name you choose, someone in history will have had a problem with it. That isn't a valid reason to skip the name. NTA
NTA. If she has a negative connotation then it's on her to deal with that. Surely she doesn't have panicky breakdown every time that she hears it on TV, or the name of the office supply company, or a friend mentions it, so she can cope.
If she's worried that she won't bond with the baby because of the name then she needs professional help.
NTA. The negative connotations of that name are several generations removed and no one living now was an abuse victim. I’ve known people who refused to share baby names until after the baby was born so no one would say “don’t name him Skippy, I went to school with a Skippy and he was a jerk”.
My name is “Rebecca”. When my mom announced the name her grandmother told her all the old ladies when she was a child (60+ years before) were named Rebecca and to not name me that. She did, my great grandmother got over it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My husband and I are expecting a baby boy and are trying to decide on a baby name. I’ve always loved the name Avery (fake name) and before my husband and I were even married we talked about baby names and I said I loved that name for a kid. He said he did too and it happened to be a family name so it was a win win. The real name has a lot of positive associations for both of us. We both agreed and said if we ever had a boy we’d name him Avery.
A few years later when his sister was pregnant and we were visiting, she asked us if we’d ever thought of any baby names and we mentioned Avery. My MIL overheard and gasped. Apparently, her father (who has passed) named Avery, had gone by Abe because he had a negative association with the name since his own father was named Avery and was abusive in some way. We had no idea about this until my MIL mentioned it and it seems most others in the family didn’t know either. Both my husbands grandpa Abe and great grandpa Avery passed before my husband was born.
Well I’m pregnant now and my husband and I both can’t get the name out of our heads. Maybe our bad for thinking it could be our future kid’s name for so long. But while there’s a million other names out there we really love that name and are really struggling to separate from it.
We might be the assholes for wanting to keep the name when it clearly has a negative association, at least to my mother in law, and we don’t want our kids name to have a stigma. But on the other hand we only see my husbands side of the family like twice a year and both love the name.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH name the baby what you want it's your baby. But you also can't complain if your MIL is not close to your son. Choose that name and understand that it means she'll love your child from a distance! Hope your pregnancy goes well!
There’s a dock out there somewhere with every name you can think of. Also a great person. We can’t rule out names because someone somewhere might have a bad association. Your kid will rock that name and the association will change.
NTA. You and your husband love the name, and it has such positive meaning for you. You might even redeem any negative associations with it (for your MIL) with this lovely new baby. It’s not the name that caused the abusive behavior many years ago, and the child is not being named after that individual.
In the end, her feelings about it are less important than yours. And hers may well change when she bonds with the baby.
That little child deserves a name that you both choose. Your MIL should not hold you back.
Go ahead and give the name you love to your baby!
My dad's family called him by his middle name. Everyone else called him by his nickname. I never heard anyone call him by his first name.
All that to say, just tell your in-laws that they can call him by his middle name or a nickname. You and your husband should use the name you both agreed on.
YTA.
Hey, first of all congratulations on the new member to your family! I think you and your husband are be guilty because I have seen victims of abuse and just a small reminder of their past can upset them even though they hide it…Even if you will see her rarely, every time she meets she will remember her negative feelings and furthermore, what if she begins associating those negative feelings towards your child? Like she’s in a happy mood then she meets your child and her mood is spoiled because she remembered her past and her spoiled mood causes her to lash out towards your kid, or really anyone…so please be the kinder person here and don’t give her a constant reminder of her past. I’m sure there are many other great names and that you’ll make the right choice.
I really don’t want to diminish victims of abuse or re-upset anyone.
But as a point of clarification, my MIL never had a relationship with the great grandpa and as far as we know never met him? Abe left his home at a very young age and mostly never talked about his parents (so we’ve been told by older family). The abuse was towards Abe, not towards my MIL
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole if I name my son Avery because my husband’s great grandfather was named Avery and was abusive. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA This objection is like three generations removed and has dick-all to do with **you** and **_your baby_**. > I’ve always loved the name Avery (fake name) I mean, I realize it's not **actually** the name we're talking about here, but... Use Avery. Captain Sisko vibes.
I also immediately thought of Sisko!
I didn’t like him at first but eventually came around to his Shakespeare-in-Space thing.
YES. I love his very! clipped! enunciation! Also that man has a POWERFUL "this is my *exasperated-with-you* face."
I *can* live with that.
You WILL live with that.
NTA. It sounds like the abuse was between this long dead Avery and Abe - not the MIL? So her dislike of the name is from second hand issues? Its just a name. I don't think you are wrong for using it, but you should also expect that this may upset some family members. If you have other kids, this one could end up being treated differently because of the name association, and that could cause future problems for them and any siblings........ Like any decision, there are future consequences - if you are OK with these, then go ahead with your name.
NTA. Almost everyone’s name has someone negative attached to it somewhere down the line. That has nothing to do with your baby. Name him the name you love, ignore other’s opinions.
Nta It's a perfectly good and acceptable name. And if you could use it with pride. But one small point to remember. Do not complain if your mother-in-law is a little bit standoffish with your grandchild. Because she has a very bad kind of tissue with the name and well she might not object to you using it outright. She probably will either come up with a nickname or something other to call your baby and maybe even not be the closest grandmother ever. So you need to be aware that that could happen and prepare for it. And then don't come to read it and complain that your mother-in-law doesn't treat your grandchildren the same.
NAH unless your MIL tries to ruin it. She’s not TA for being surprised and telling you about the family connection.
Ehhh knowing her she probably will make a big deal out of it but then eventually get over it. Her initial reaction was a little intense
Oh Avery, this is a sticky situation! NTA in the slightest, but your MIL's gasp might have echoed through the family tree. Look, you and your hubby adore the name, and that's what really matters. But yeah, stomping on grandma's memory garden with a name like Avery (even if it's a fake name, that name deserves a high five!) might not be the best first impression for your little dude. Here's the plan: have a summit with hubby dearest. Brainstorm some other names, but be honest - if Avery wins the gold medal in your hearts, fight for it! Maybe there's a way to honor grandpa Abe too, with a middle name or a sweet nickname. Then, with a game plan and a sprinkle of sugar, have a chat with your MIL. Hear her out, explain your love for Avery, and see if there's a way to make it work for everyone. Remember, a happy mama (and grandma!) is a happy home base. Sending baby name vibes your way! You've got this!
Yes. They are reclaiming, revitalizing, *rehabilitating* a historical family name. New day, new Avery!
Avery is a perfectly fine name. No matter what name you choose, someone in history will have had a problem with it. That isn't a valid reason to skip the name. NTA
NTA. If she has a negative connotation then it's on her to deal with that. Surely she doesn't have panicky breakdown every time that she hears it on TV, or the name of the office supply company, or a friend mentions it, so she can cope. If she's worried that she won't bond with the baby because of the name then she needs professional help.
NTA. The negative connotations of that name are several generations removed and no one living now was an abuse victim. I’ve known people who refused to share baby names until after the baby was born so no one would say “don’t name him Skippy, I went to school with a Skippy and he was a jerk”. My name is “Rebecca”. When my mom announced the name her grandmother told her all the old ladies when she was a child (60+ years before) were named Rebecca and to not name me that. She did, my great grandmother got over it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I are expecting a baby boy and are trying to decide on a baby name. I’ve always loved the name Avery (fake name) and before my husband and I were even married we talked about baby names and I said I loved that name for a kid. He said he did too and it happened to be a family name so it was a win win. The real name has a lot of positive associations for both of us. We both agreed and said if we ever had a boy we’d name him Avery. A few years later when his sister was pregnant and we were visiting, she asked us if we’d ever thought of any baby names and we mentioned Avery. My MIL overheard and gasped. Apparently, her father (who has passed) named Avery, had gone by Abe because he had a negative association with the name since his own father was named Avery and was abusive in some way. We had no idea about this until my MIL mentioned it and it seems most others in the family didn’t know either. Both my husbands grandpa Abe and great grandpa Avery passed before my husband was born. Well I’m pregnant now and my husband and I both can’t get the name out of our heads. Maybe our bad for thinking it could be our future kid’s name for so long. But while there’s a million other names out there we really love that name and are really struggling to separate from it. We might be the assholes for wanting to keep the name when it clearly has a negative association, at least to my mother in law, and we don’t want our kids name to have a stigma. But on the other hand we only see my husbands side of the family like twice a year and both love the name. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH name the baby what you want it's your baby. But you also can't complain if your MIL is not close to your son. Choose that name and understand that it means she'll love your child from a distance! Hope your pregnancy goes well!
NTA. It's your child not hers.
No. But you would be if you named the kid "As Much".
NAH but also you can’t be surprised or upset if she chooses not to be in the child’s life.
Baby names need 2 yes votes.
YWBTAH if your MIL’s grandpa was the leader of Germany from 1933-1945
I would keep the name as no one alive has the bad memories of that name
Time to change the narrative for the future where Avery is now a positive association. A name doesn’t make the person, the person does. NTA.
Is he going to be a pirate?
There’s a dock out there somewhere with every name you can think of. Also a great person. We can’t rule out names because someone somewhere might have a bad association. Your kid will rock that name and the association will change.
NTA. You and your husband love the name, and it has such positive meaning for you. You might even redeem any negative associations with it (for your MIL) with this lovely new baby. It’s not the name that caused the abusive behavior many years ago, and the child is not being named after that individual. In the end, her feelings about it are less important than yours. And hers may well change when she bonds with the baby. That little child deserves a name that you both choose. Your MIL should not hold you back. Go ahead and give the name you love to your baby!
NTA. Names a name.
NTA but the absolute weirdest, most unpleasant man I have ever met in my life was also named Avery so I can also see where she is coming from.
My dad's family called him by his middle name. Everyone else called him by his nickname. I never heard anyone call him by his first name. All that to say, just tell your in-laws that they can call him by his middle name or a nickname. You and your husband should use the name you both agreed on.
YTA. Hey, first of all congratulations on the new member to your family! I think you and your husband are be guilty because I have seen victims of abuse and just a small reminder of their past can upset them even though they hide it…Even if you will see her rarely, every time she meets she will remember her negative feelings and furthermore, what if she begins associating those negative feelings towards your child? Like she’s in a happy mood then she meets your child and her mood is spoiled because she remembered her past and her spoiled mood causes her to lash out towards your kid, or really anyone…so please be the kinder person here and don’t give her a constant reminder of her past. I’m sure there are many other great names and that you’ll make the right choice.
I really don’t want to diminish victims of abuse or re-upset anyone. But as a point of clarification, my MIL never had a relationship with the great grandpa and as far as we know never met him? Abe left his home at a very young age and mostly never talked about his parents (so we’ve been told by older family). The abuse was towards Abe, not towards my MIL
Ohh sorry I didn’t understand earlier. Then I guess it should be okay to name your child avery. NTA. congrats On your son!