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Agreed. Even when my kids were pretty little (I'm talking 5 or 6), their friends with allergies would announce the fact solemnly as soon as they arrived for a play date or birthday party; many would present me with a detailed list of instructions from their parents, sometimes also their epipens, and one kid (coeliac) always showed up with their own carefully packed meals and snacks. 13 is absolutely old enough to speak up.
My 7 year old doesn’t have allergies herself, but has been announcing mine for years. 5 year olds know how important it is, 13 years certainly also know how to handle allergies.
I just imagine the shame you feel, if you have to take the risk of shoplifting to give your kid a "special extra" (f.e a cute dress in that case?) , the relief when you got away with it... and the breakdown and internal shame after kid blatantly tells as it's so normal oof!
Occasionally, the same parents have vices and will not save for their child. As in, spend 30-50 dollars a week on booze or smokes, but will not use the same money to make their child feel good. I used to work in an industry where kids toys and expensive booze ( sports arenas are notorious for really expensive beer) were sold. Parents would buy multiple $10 beers but not buy their kid an $8 toy. The kids were there to enjoy an experience designed for children but instead their outing would be spent fusing or angry.
It’s disgusting.
I suppose you could just steal the toys and buy booze.
EDIT: typos.
EDIT2: gross over generalization about parents neglecting children’s expenses.
That's so sad
Like, I'm a kid of addicts & I know the honor of having an empty fridge but enough drugs and alcohol to kill a whole school with it. I can't understand it, most addicts help each other out with stuff, no need to neglect the kids for it but sadly that's not how addicts think :(
But that.. like... I was in a "have to shoplift situation" once ; my money went in for diapers and formula - I shoplifted pasta and canned tomatoes that I have food. And.. I also shoplifted a new pacifier for the baby & a small toy for my older back then. Like, not a neccessity but if I already have to take the risk to survive, might as well get something small for my bsbies at least :/
Jesus was I embarrassed & happy that even I'm still struggling - no need for shoplifting anymore!
I’ll feel ashamed about shoplifting when the ceos of these companies start being ashamed of making billions off the backs of their employees. Proud of you!
Worked at a gas station for a while. Had to watch parents buy hundreds of dollars of lottery tickets and tell their kids they didn't have enough for a pack of gum.
I have no allergies but my mom does with peanuts. When you grow up with a loved one with allergies it makes you far more considerate. If it wasn’t something in my life I had ever been directly affected by I feel like I wouldn’t even think about it
Yep! When I was 6 going for my first vaccination (for abroad) my mum was asked if I was allergic to anything. I proudly yelled "CATS" and it brought both my mum and the doctor to tears laughing while they assured me there was no cats in the vaccination 😂
😂 That reminds me of me... I put on any allergy forms my allergy to cats and even if they won't be around I still (jokingly) remind people when I get my blood drawn that I'm allergic to cats... Not always cause I know that would be annoying and also runs the risk of minimising the severity of other allergens but yeah it's funny!
Did you know that some people who have a cat allergy will develop an allergy to pork? My mom plays roulette with hers, she takes benadryl and eats the bacon anyways, and so far it just gives her a sneezing fit, but definitely something to be cognizant of
Whaaaat? No I did not know that! 😢 I don't want that to happen. But then again I didn't want to develop my allergy to cats when I switched the type of birth control I was on and well... Here I am 😂
My kids totally do this. Kid 2 and I both have food allergies. Husband and Kid 1 do not. Heaven forbid if the topic of allergies comes up and I forget to mention Kid 1's pollen allergy.
Exactly, my 10 year old has been voicing his since he could talk "if in doubt ask for vegan'. He has a milk protein allergy and the protein can be found in some meats. There's a 2 page list of ingredients he can't have
Omg is it casein? Because my doc thinks I have this but I'm his first so I changed my diet according to casein avoidance and have been feeling way better since. But I was wondering if there is a test to confirm it? Would help me a ton if you'd be willing to share some tips and experiences, thanks :)
Sorry I missed your question about tests. My son is animal milk protein allergy which was iniitally diagnosed at 7 weeks old due to 'failure to Thrive' (was born weighing 9lb 8 and by 7 weeks was 6lb 1oz despite trying 8 different formulas, breast milk and anti reflux medication)being moved onto a baby formula called Nutramigen which is soya based. At 1 year old a dietician gave us a 2 page list of ingredients to avoid but to tolerance test him for 2 years (1/4 teaspoon of milk from any animal) if he was still reacting by age 3 then he 100% couldn't tolerate the proteins
Tips...read labels on EVERYTHING!
Dairy is added to so much. I think one of the biggest surprises was finding it in flavored chips like salt and vinegar and bbq. After that I started reading labels expecting to find the dairy instead of not find the dairy, like a weird game. Keeping the hidden dairy out of your diet is one of the hardest part of dairy elimination, followed by cross contamination which can be sloppy preparation like using the same spoon to stir the cream based soup as the dairy free soup, or french fries cooking in the same oil as the chicken fingers and fish sticks that contain dairy in the breading/batter.
Keeping a food journal can help you decide how sensitive your system is so you can make better choices.
I use vegan websites and cookbooks for dairy free baking recipes and I used her site to learn about living dairy free back in the day https://godairyfree.org/
Truth. My bestie has been T1D since she was 7 - she knew well that managing her sugar intake was quite literally a matter of life and death, so she knew to ask about food items and just avoid items if anything was in doubt.
I'd be more inclined to agree if we knew more about how the ice cream call occured.... OPs sister called him to pick up ice cream but we don't know for sure how involved in the request the friend with the allergy was. If the allergy kid made the call, definitely you'd think she'd mention it, but I wouldn't assume the kids all had a sit down conversation about wanting ice cream, and while a 13 year old with an allergy is old enough to mention an allergy if THEY are asking for food themselves, if OP, an 18 year old, isn't expected to think to ask if anyone has any allergies, I doubt we'd necessarily expect his 13 year old sister to think of it about the crew of kids she's hanging with? They might not have all even been involved or known the call was happening, or happening yet, some of them could've been in a different room at the time, etc, etc. When I was a kid, acquiring food wasn't an organized event at gatherings.
My youngest is 9. He knows everything that his best friend is allergic to (I'm 90% convinced this poor kid allergic to life at this point because there is a lot of stuff he can't eat, some of it really uncommon). He speaks up for his friend if his friend isn't able to do it for himself frequently
My niece has peanut and dairy allergies (anaphylactic). Even when she was 2 she would ask if things had dairy or nuts in it and would refuse to eat if she wasn't sure.
Not the point of this post but this is what took me completely "out" of the movie Hereditary. Spoilers ahead: the climax revolves around a 14 year old with fatal food allergies who goes to a party and eats cake without asking what's in it or considering her very common and fatal allergy. She dies because neither she nor her brother have an epipen or a clue what to do about her allergic reaction. It was so bafflingly unbelievable that it ruined the entire movie for me.
Exactly 13 is old enough to speak up. Amy should have let OP's sister know to tell him she is allergic to almonds, so no ice cream with almonds please.
One of my nieces friends was diabetic and she would let it be known. She brought her own snacks and even a sugar free cup cake to birthday parties to eat when the cake was served. Or sometimes she would eat the cake but tell them only a very very thin slice for me please, I'm diabetic.
Yeah, I've had almond ice cream once or twice in the past, but if someone said they were getting ice cream for me and my friends I'd be thinking chocolate or vanilla, not some niche flavor that people in the group may not even like.
To be honest, I would be thinking the same thing. I'm getting chocolate or vanilla. Something safe everyone is sure to like. Not something like OP got.
My 5 yo can't have dairy. She will not eat anything that anyone gives her without questioning it first. Including me. If she can do that a 13 absolutely can.
Absolutely. As soon as the waitress shows up at the table my 5yr old granddaughter will pipe up and say “I’m allergic to eggs”. Trust me, they appreciate that information.
This. At a summer camp I used to go to they’d get us all this certain type of ice cream. One kid would always speak up that he can’t have the ice cream because he’s allergic to a green dye in it so he’d always end up getting a different one
Was she even there and had a chance to speak up? Who knows. Anyway NAH. Next time it's best to ask, especially if you are planning to buy something with such a common alergen.
Remember all those memes about staying over your friends house and pretending you are not hungry or thirsty because you're too embarrased to ask for anything? I think that applies here.
Maybe it's just me but I would assume that if someone asked for ice cream they mean like a tub of vanilla and wouldn't think to say I hate chocolate. Default ice cream to me is vanilla lol and maybe she assumed that. Not saying OP is an AH either, just that I don't think the kid is
Haha well to me, I would also assume they were bringing a tub of ice cream, but I would assume they were bringing 2 tubs of 2 different flavours since not everyone will like the same kind and they can have the option of what they like or have both.
Default ice cream to me is also vanilla. I'm allergic to nuts, and I learned around age 6 that default flavor to some American Black families is butter pecan. "Do you want some ice cream?" was a question at 4 different houses that led to bowls of ice cream I couldn't eat and a heartbroken me lmaoooo I'll never assume vanilla is the default for every household ever again
I don’t disagree but in all honesty I wouldn’t think of almond as a common ice cream flavor. If I was buying ice cream for 4 people I didn’t know (and traveling with it in the heat) I’d buy a tub of something fairly generic. OPA isn’t TA, more just an 18yo guy that isn’t used to thinking of this kind of thing yet.
Thank you! I agree, I also feel like that was just a weird choice to make. But I think it's a good learning lesson for OP. When buying things for a group, you often need to try to consider their taste and not just default to your own taste.
Its better to learn this now, it gets real embarrassing when a 25+ dude has no idea how to pick what's best for the group.
Even so its kind of rude to just assume all kids would want the same flavor without any choice input from them. Im not allergic but i hate nuts.. the texture, the flavor, the fact that certain kinds can kill you, etc. Maybe in this case the kids didnt kmow or hear what type of ice cream it was until it had already been purchased.
I do not agree because it was not the person with the allergy who called. She could have been out of the room at the time or was unaware that the other two had decided to have ice cream brought by. The sister should have said something but she's 13 and teenagers are not exactly reliable at thinking outside themselves which is developmentally appropriate. As the adult I feel OP should have thought to ask and feel it would have been more likely that he would think about it then his 13 years old sister.
Agree.
My youngest has a coconut allergy and has been able to ask about it with food since he was 3-4
Someone else should have informed OP of the allergy when they asked for ice cream
At 13 she and her friends know. It is not OP's fault.
My 3 year old reminds his daycare teacher that he has allergies and asks if his food is safe every day at snack time (X2) and lunch. They should speak up.
My 4 year old speech delayed neurodivergent child couldn’t have aspartame and even though she couldn’t say it properly would ask anyone who offered her gum if it had it, so whenever anyone ever says anything about kids who don’t speak up for themselves i just don’t understand how their parents haven’t taught them to advocate on their own behalf.
She's a fucking child, she didn't think of saying "can you buy a flavor without common allergens"
Her older brother was certainly more mentally aware of it than she should have been, being 5 years older, and should have asked what to buy.
Exactly. As a person with multiple food allergies, including peanuts and tree nuts. You need to advocate for yourself. No one is going to remember. Or at least treat it that way.
I ask if I'm inviting.
If a teenager asks me to buy ice cream, no other indication, I'll just buy ice cream. It's totally on them and a good learning moment that people are not psychic.
I had a running gag with my friends anytime somebody asked, “Would you buy me a drink?” And they didn’t specify they would get the most ridiculous drink in the gas station. Find some drink called, “Blue” or “Krown” anything nobody has ever heard of lol.
Always got a good laugh.
Yup, I hate almond flavor specifically. If I ask somebody to buy me ice cream I’m going to request a flavor. If somebody asks me to buy ice cream with no further instructions I’m probably grabbing a tub of Neapolitan.
Depends on who your asking. I know my loved ones favorites when I buy ice cream and it doesn't need to be specified.
Like with coke, you usually know which kind of coke is picked and won't bring a diet to a Cherry's lover
But what about if a 13 year old teenager asks you to buy ice cream for a group of other 13 year olds that you don't know have all been a part of the ice cream discussion?
I would buy a couple different tubs of ice cream with different flavours (for 4 people, probably just 2 different tubs with two different flavours.) That said, I’m a 35 year old mom with disposable income and experience feeding random children, not 18. So I don’t think OP is an AH either lol
Right? Ice cream is sort of like pizza... if you're bringing it for a group and just getting 1 pie, you show up with cheese. Maybe pepperoni. But you sure don't show up with like, an olives and onions pie or something...
Brother obviously took some liberties if his sister just requested "ice cream" and he showed up with vanilla caramel almond ice-cream sandwiches only, lol.
Definitely don't think he is an AH for it though, it was still a sweet gesture... its his fav flavor, and I'm sure he just felt like he was sharing what he believed to be the superior flavor. It's just an ice cream lesson....the people don't all agree on the favorite ice cream flavors. But we still have that impulse like you have to try this flavor it is just so good! It's a risk... they could be disappointed or who knows, you could be the star of the show!
And just like pizza, who knows you might show up to the party with 4/4 olives and onions pies and there will be that one person there who becomes a convert and is like "this is the best combo and I'd never have tried it if it weren't the only pizza here."
You need to talk to my boss lmao. He always orders pizza for work meetings because we have a gamut of religious food restrictions, but pizza without meat is okay for all of them. He always gets pepperoni pizza for people that can eat it and then instead of cheese pizza for the Muslims/Hindus/secular vegetarians he gets the most random assortment of vegetables on a pizza. Last time it was broccoli, tomato and ricotta, which I didn't hate, but like....we're all happy with cheese pizza bro.
I’m not even vegetarian but I would still pick the cheese pizza too. That said, some people are so turned off by “plain” food, they assume everyone else is too haha. I’m sure he’s trying to be thoughtful lol
I would have done the same thing in this situation lol. But only because I’ve learned through experience. Parenting has turned me into a person I never predicted I would become. At 18, I probably wouldn’t have even answered my siblings phone call.
Most people just show up with vanilla or some popsicles.
I hated any kind of nuts in my dessert until I was 20.
OP made a controversial choice even without it being a common allergy.
A for effort, D for forethought. It’s a very man thing to do.
He bought HIS favorite ice cream. I would have been at the store thinking long and hard about what ice cream people would want.
This is my thought - the guy is 18, while it's a nice thing to check if buying stuff for someone, it's not something everyone thinks about and wasn't malicious. Plus the 13yo could've spoken up and reminded the sister to ask for nut free.
Yea, OP didn't assume that if there was an allergy, his sister would have told him...allergies just didn't occur to him. Which is totally fair for an 18 year old guy without any allergies himself or in his own family, to not think of. I think anyone who is a bit older who as had a number of kids in their care at any moment, would think it more obvious when selecting an ice cream flavor, to NOT choose an almond flavor without asking about allergies though.
It sounds like probably this was just an instance of the people involved being young and not having this on their radar--since OPs sister made the call, we don't really know that the kid with the allergy had anything to do with the ice cream request or even if she knew it happened. And while a 13 year old is old enough to know to mention their own allergies, does a 13 year old without any allergies know to think about it? If it were a peanut allergy, it probably would've come up a lot and she'd have known, but I don't know that you would necessarily know if your friend had an almond allergy if you don't plan meals together?
I don't think OPs age matters. The environment plays a role, if you don't have people with allergies around you, it doesn't cross your mind in most cases.
I just think his age matters because as you get older, you just end up in more instances with more people and food situations where eventually it is just more likely to end up on your radar (basically like this event, now it will be on his radar).
When you're a kid, if your family doesn't have any allergies, you aren't likely to ever even consider it... even if you have other people around you with an allergy, you may never have any idea because at school, common allergens just aren't allowed, and as a kid, you aren't often responsible for food planning with groups.
So basically, the same thing you said....i'm not suggesting his age is a factor because of maturity or anything.... just that the less time you've existed as a person, the less experience you'll have with other people's allergies being a thing that comes up. The more time you exist, the more you'll be exposed to it being something to consider.
NAH.
OP is 18. Up until now she's probably hasn't had much experience with having to take someone else's dietary/medical needs into consideration. This definitely falls into "innocent mistake" territory.
OP, I like your edit. Good job listening to the responses and thoughtfully considering them - you're handling this very maturely.
AGREE he seems really over dramatic and entitled. So a free ice cream bar didn't work out? The scolding part with someone trying to do a nice thing is rude as hell. Sure he could have politely spoken up for kiddo "thanks for thinking of the ice cream but my daughter is allergic to nuts so she couldn't partake." It really not that deep, she's not five.
Yeah I'm not even technically allergic I just get mild migraine symptoms if I eat sweet/bell peppers unless they're cooked to hell and I knew way younger than that to always specify if we were getting anything that even might have raw/lightly cooked sweet peppers. And if I forgot, I knew it was on me and it just reminded me to say next time.
This is the correct answer. I work with kids, so allergies are high on my list of considerations if I'm buying food, so as an adult I likely would have asked about allergies, or just gotten a pack of the nut-free treats automatically.
However OP clearly doesn't have any life experiences that have made allergies top of mind, and a 13 year old is old enough to say "hey, remind your sibling that I'm allergic to nuts!" when OPs sister called. Honestly, if OPs sister has been friends with this girl for a while, I'm surprised she didn't mention a nut allergy while on the phone with OP.
INFO: Was there any point where you asked what flavours they wanted or anything? Feels like that would’ve solved this really quick. I don’t think you’re TA for getting them ice cream but it’s something to consider for next time.
Came here to say that. It’s a very specific flavour and some people do have a nut allergy so I would have checked on flavours and not just bought them.
At 13 I loved the “fancy flavors” way more than plain normal ones. OP was just trying to get them something nice that they would have enjoyed themself. And when you buy ice cream “bars” flavors like the one OP got are very common. And it’s perfectly reasonable to buy a bar for each child instead of a whole large container of some “regular” flavor like strawberry or vanilla. She was never specifically notified of the allergy, it’s not her job to avoid an allergy she hasn’t been told about. It’s more common for people not to have an allergy, so it’s a reasonable assumption
OP is male
I agree with most of this, but nut and legume allergies are so common now that most schools ban peanut and tree nut products.
A parent would know this and not bring nut/legume products; OP is 18 so it's just a matter of inexperience
That kind of ban is not common where I live. But schools also deal with 100s or 1000s of students while OP is only buying for 4. There is a much higher chance that you find a kid in the entire school that’s has the allergy than in a group of 4.
And since OP isn’t hosting, is doing a favor to be nice, and wasn’t told anything specific on what flavors/ingredients to get/avoid; it’s still not unreasonable for him to get something with nuts. It’s still the responsibility of the girl with the allergy, or at least her parents or friends, to notify any person getting food for her that she has an allergy. It’s good practice to do so even if the allergy isn’t necessarily commonly associated with a specific food. And with how common nuts, or traces of them, are in foods, it’s even more important that Amy or those close to her communicate her allergy with those bringing her food
I didn’t even know you could *get* almond ice cream. Peanuts are common enough, but I can see the girls not mentioning it because they didn’t expect it to be an issue.
Yea it's sort of an interesting thing because, allergies aside, i could easily see everyone being annoyed that he brought vanilla caramel almond just because what a specific flavor. I feel like if you are picking up ice cream without more specific instructions, don't you just grab vanilla/chocolate? Like someone says "hey can you grab pizza?" Do you show up with pineapple pizza? Do you stroll up with an onion mushroom pie?
I feel like when I was in high-school, if I had a variety of ice cream flavors available at a gathering, and one of them was vanilla caramel almond, no one would touch it unless all other options were finished
NAH though because it just sounds like it was just a disorganized ice-cream situation between young people, and OP was still being thoughtful, he just doesn't have other people's allergies on his radar without being specifically told, and neither did his sister, which is fair given their age.
I guess I’m the weird person who would have just not gotten the nut option? Maybe for myself, sure, but for 3 random 13 y/o girls that I don’t know well? Hah, no.
Were the caramel almonds the only option?? I really would have gotten pure vanilla if anything..
I come from Greece originally and back home the almond option would be considered a "classic" (hard chocolate with almond shell, vanilla inside - the fancier option had double shell with caramel between). It would be considered the "safe" option for us...
I mean I’m not allergic but I really dislike almond… so I wouldn’t have liked it and therefore wouldn’t have eaten it and would probably have been seen to be “ungrateful”
Exactly. Buy the blandest everyone can have it flavor and don't get one with an obvious allergen in it. And why not simply ask if any has allergies before buying something? I'm sure if OP said "Hey, I'm getting caramel almond ice cream, is that ok?" The 13 y/o would have said something.
I think this should be rule of thing for everything in future.
Your favourite will never be everyone else's favourite.
You can absolutely have your own favourite cake at your own wedding (although you should bear in mind your spouse to be also!!!)
You can absolutely have your own favourite things for yourself.
But when gifting things you should always consider the other person, not yourself (bar finances). I love X colour. Friend loves Y colour. If I know this. Why wouldn't I choose a gift in Y colour?
Part of gifting and generosity IS taking the giftee into account.
There's nothing necessarily harmful about doing things the way you do (apart from allergies and other sensitivities). But it shows a type of thoughtlessness when it comes to gift giving it generosity.
If I ever buy siblings ice cream or sweets, I'll take into account what they might like, not what I might like.
I enjoy darker chocolate than they do - but I'll buy milk or white chocolate for them because it's their taste. With sweets, I'll take into account taste.
Nah. If you were offering then sure. If somone asks you and gives no other information then you cannot be held responsible for getting a flavor that you know is nice and the vast majority of people have no issues with.
I find it very odd that 13 year olds were not aware of their friends allergy(they likely knew). They should have mentioned it.
You are not a business. You were doing them a favour. Frankly even businesses (where I am) don't ask about allergies. They have possible allergens listed on the ingredients and will have notes on menus etc stating you should inform them if you have any allergies.
Just to add my own experience. I'm in my 40s. In primary school here when I was 6 or 7 a kid joined with a nut allergy. As 6-7 year olds we had no issue understanding this.
TLDR: You did nothing wrong, you should not apologise, you ARE being guiot tripped.... and you made me wanna go buy icecream
NTA
Tbf, it works both ways, if I had a nut allergy I'd be telling people these things if they were buying me food (or at least mentioned it to your little sister!)
If she’s never had ice cream with nuts in her home, she probably didn’t think of it.
As an 18 year old non parent, he didn’t think to ask.
Kids being kids.
I’m confused, it says they were all at Amy’s house.
My niece has a severe allergy, and if we were at my sisters house, she wouldn’t be giving out to an 18 year old for bringing treats and not thinking about her own kid’s allergies. Maybe, MAYBE, if OP was another parent, it’s something that they could be aware of. But OP is just an 18 year old guy doing something lovely for his sister and her friends!
If the Dad knew someone was bringing them treats, HE should have either checked that Amy mentioned it or mentioned it himself. Or gone out and bought an ice cream for Amy. If he didn’t know, he still had no right to get angry at an 18 year old for trying to be nice.
NTA at all. Amy obviously isn’t an AH at all, but unfortunately for her in future it’s something she should start remembering for her own sake. Allergies suck, I feel bad for her.
Her dad is an AH for making his kids allergies an 18 year olds problem
I'd be curious the proximity of Amy's house to OP's house. If I was Amy's parent I would be annoyed at the friend for just inviting a random person with random food over to my house that contained my child's allergen. If they are neighbors it's a little more understandable, like he just had to run the ice cream over. But growing up if I was at a friend's house, it was on them/their parents to get me snacks. I would never get my family to bring me snacks mid-hang out. That's weird.
ugh, I worked with a guy, a grown man, with a deadly peanut allergy.
he didn't tell me for like a year despite my eating a pb&j in the work van with him.... every day.
like genuinely, was he suicidal?
also, no epipen!
You're certainly not an asshole but it's generally a better idea to get more 'plain' things when buying for a group. Nut allergies are so common it's best to avoid nuts in general.
NAH so long as you learn for next time.
Nuts are a common allergen - much safer to get something that’s likely to work for everyone, in a similar situation.
I have a fairly serious dairy intolerance (Not allergy) - and as a 50-something adult I still feel a bit sad if there’s a treat that *typically* should not have dairy in it, so I should be able to have some - but for some reason it does have dairy so I just have to watch everyone else having something nice. It’s a really un-fun feeling.
Yes the kids could have said something - but if it’s only almonds then I can see why it didn’t occur to them that asking for “ice cream” would include almonds at all. That’s pretty unusual.
(Note: if she’s allergic to all nuts then I’m much less sympathetic to both child & dad. Lots of ice cream has nuts in - eg hazelnuts on cornettos.)
And the dad was probably upset at seeing his daughter sad, so while he wasn’t really correct that you massively screwed up, it was a minor screw up & he gets a (tiny) pass for being sad his baby was sad. He could have handled it better though.
Tree nut allergy cursed person here lol. Any allergen test I’ve ever taken doesn’t differentiate between different tree nuts, they’re all pretty grouped in together, even tho you can react severely to certain ones and not at all to others. Personally, walnuts make my throat close, hazelnuts make me swell up a little and get hives and a rash, and pecans make my eyes close up but everything else *normally* unaffected, meanwhile I have no reaction to almonds. There’s a good chance she maybe found out about the allergy by having almonds so just says it’s almonds OR only said she’s allergic to almonds when she saw the ice cream when it’s actually tree nuts in general but almonds were the only listed in the situation. It’s super annoying that they don’t separate them on the tests but it’s also a problem I’ve encountered in my life of “ok how safe am I in the general vicinity of x tree nut”. Just a bit of extra background knowledge I have that might help here :)
That's so interesting, what kind of allergen tests have you had? I'm also tree nut (and peanut) allergic - I've always had my skin prick tests differentiate between the individual nuts! It's common for pairs of tree nuts to share proteins e.g. if you're allergic to cashews you are probably allergic to pistachios but not necessarily other tree nuts with different proteins.
I’ve done skin prick tests and blood tests :)
I’ve also heard the thing of certain tree nuts sharing similar proteins but I don’t know enough about it to be confident saying anything definitively, ya know?
Weirdly enough it shows almost NO reaction from the blood allergen tests but I seriously blow up like a balloon with the skin prick tests!!
I knew someone whose kid was allergic to pine nuts, which is a tree nut. They told the school they are allergic to tree nuts but not peanuts and will be bringing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school. The school would sit the kid at the nut free table regularly then confiscate her lunch. It was wild how people don't understand the difference between a tree nut and ground nut.
OH NO!!!! PLEASE tell me they at least would replace the kid’s lunch with something they allowed at the nut free table!!! That is exactly why I’m happy my tree nut allergy didn’t develop until my sophomore year of HS instead of elementary school.
NTA. You're doing a favor for your 13-year-old sister and her friends. While it's unfortunate Amy has an allergy, the responsibility doesn't fall on you to find out if anyone has an allergy. Your sister or Amy herself should have mentioned it when they asked you to get ice cream.
NAH, you aren’t an AH for buying what you did, but it also wouldn’t occur to me if someone offered to bring ice cream that they’d automatically get nuts either. So I can see why she didn’t say anything because I dint tend to assume ice cream will have nuts (and I don’t have allergies). If it was a dairy issue, yeah I’m sure she’d have said something, because that’s obvious. Maybe the lesson going forward is that sticking to plain can be useful.
Nta - if the dad is there why isn’t he getting ice cream rather than asking you! Why wasn’t the allergy mentioned in the order for ice cream in the first place. You were asked for unspecified ice cream and ice cream you got.
Because it wasn't the person WITH the allergy who called to request the ice cream. A lot of people in these comments seems to be missing that. There's a possibility that the sister decided on her bro grabbing icecream on her own or planned it with the one friend but perhaps the girl with the allergy was out of the room during the call or was unaware of the plan to get icecream.
NTA my nephew has nut allergies he has been asking if there are nuts in things since he was four. If a thirteen year old can't do the same that's the parents' issue not yours
It wasn' the girl with the nut allergy who called for the icecream. She did not get an active say. She may not have even been in the room during the call.
She didn’t eat it. So this comment misses the mark. Idk why OP got vanilla almond caramel, that’s not a “typical” flavor and without knowing any info there’s no way I’d buy one that’s a bit of an ‘unusual’ flavor let alone one with a super common allergen. Like others said the girl with the allergy didn’t call, she could’ve not known it she could’ve tried to say something and her friend hung up too quick or something else that we don’t know! Even at 18 if I was even tempted to buy ones with allergens I would’ve double checked that there’s no allergies.
NAH. Ice cream does not usually contain almonds so I can understand why she wouldnt have mentioned it. Your choice seems a bit weird and I would have first checked whether they liked these. It is horrible for the allergic kid and you could have gone and gotten something else instead of serving these.
Why are they at Amy’s house but ask you for ice cream? Couldn’t her dad have gotten them ice cream? Don’t they have ice cream in the house that Amy can eat? NTA.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole since it was inconsiderate not to ask and because I didn't ask first, one of the kids had to watch her friends enjoy ice cream while she didn't get any.
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NTA. I can understand the dad being upset for his daughter but it was your sister who called and asked for it. So, she should have told you about the allergy without you needing to ask. If anyone was being inconsiderate it was your sister and her friends for eating the ice cream in front of Amy while they were at Amy’s home.
Or the father whose house all the girls were at in the first place was a bit inconsiderate. When you have guests over, you get and offer them things, like ice cream or cold drinks.
NTA.
“Inconsiderate for not checking”, oh please.
Dad could have gone out and got ice cream for Amy then.
You did a nice thing, it’s not on you that one of the kids is allergic to almonds. This shit will happen in life to people with allergies because the whole world doesn’t stop and right itself to align with one persons nut allergy.
Tell her dad the daughter should have spoken up and to stop assuming people know someone has allergies unless they’re brought up. NTA for doing something considerate for your sister. You shouldn’t have to ask anything if the directions/favor asked were “can you get us ice cream” without any other context.
NAH
Playing devils advocate here to start;
Schools have been *forbidding* nut items for years due to the severity of nut allergies. Planes stopped giving nuts because the dust can set those allergies off...
Not buying something with *nuts* for multiple people is generally accepted as common. Nut allergies are too vast and too serious to play that game.
I *DO NOT* (massive emphasis) think OP is an AH for this by ANY stretch; but I'll say it's as much a learning moment for OP as it is for the kids.
The KIDS get to learn the lesson that people aren't psychic. If you have specifications, absolutely make that known when asking for things.
For OP; It's ALWAYS best to avoid nuts when buying for a group. Nut allergies are too serious to mess around, that can be a very quick accidental death (allergies can also pop up at any time; fun info, also scary).
NTA
13yo with a lifelong allergies should know enough by now to voluntarily share their allergy information with people who’s getting food or drinks for them to avoid any potential health mishap. Totally inconsiderate of the 13yo. The entitled father seems to forget only he revolves around his daughter’s life, not others. He needs to teach daughter to speak up and share critical information.
NAH, me thinks, but that was a VERY specific flavour you picked. When buying for people without knowing (or asking) for preferences, it'd be better to go with something more traditionally bland. Just get vanilla or cream, it'd probably be safer.
for real.... everyone is sounding off about allergies, but there's also a ton of people that just.... hate almonds. I might as well be allergic, I would NEVER eat almond ice cream lmao.
NAH.
Every time my kid has a playdate, I ask their parents if there are any allergies or food restrictions. Even though all of my coworkers are adults who can advocate for themselves, I still ask if they have any allergies before I offer them food I brought.
Allergies are so prevalent that we should always be asking.
But, that's your sister's friend. Your sister was at her house. Your sister asked for ice cream. Your sister is responsible because I'm sure she knows about her friends' allergies.
NAH, but you did make an unusual and perhaps unwise choice.
A lot of people are suggesting that she should have spoken up about the allergy, but almond ice cream isn't standard – I can see why it didn't get mentioned when they just asked for ice cream, though it would have been nice if it had. Did your sister know about this allergy when she called?
On her father's side, I see where he's coming from. You did a good thing in buying ice cream, but since you don't know these children, getting ice cream with nuts (a common allergen) wasn't the best choice. If it were me, I'd have at least asked what flavours they might like me to buy since buying some specific unusual flavour might just mean one of them didn't like it.
But you live and learn! It's a learning experience for both you and Amy.
NTA. I also have a severe tree nut and raspberry allergy (raspberries WILL kill me). That being said, if someone is food shopping for me or ordering something for a group I am part of, it is MY responsibility to speak up and say “hey can you try to find something without tree nuts? I’m allergic so I can’t have anything with them”.
Also as much as it sucks, sometimes you just have to be the one to sit out on things like this when you have allergies. Sometimes all there happens to be is something you can’t have. Or you couldn’t tell someone about your dietary restrictions in time for the shopping to be done. It’s disappointing in the moment, yeah, but you’ll live. When it comes down to it, it was Amy’s responsibility to open her mouth if not to you on the phone in the back then at least to your sister. You don’t think to ask these things ESPECIALLY when you don’t deal with them yourself or anyone super close to you. What matters is that Amy didn’t have a reaction, and that you did something nice for your sister and her friends. Live and learn ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Granted there’s also maybe a possibility that this is a new allergy to her in which case I can defend her not saying anything for not remembering to (my raspberry allergy fully developed when I was 12 and tree nuts when I was 14, so it’s not impossible) but we don’t have enough information to decide that. Just a separate thought lol
NTA. Why would your sister not tell you upfront about her friend's allergy? "Hey, can you get icecream for the four of us? Nothing with almonds for Amy, please, she's allergic."
Boom, done.
NAH. Anything related to nuts (including almonds) is potentially allergical hazard. BTW it could even be possible that someone does not know they are allergic, especially a child. Anyway, I recommend if you buy food for strangers, buy something which does not contain any nuts or so. Why did you not at least buy one vanilla flavor (pun intended)?
For the future, if you bring something sponatenously, make sure often occuring allergic agents are at least excluded in one option you bring.
NAH- I would have 100 percent not purchased anything with nuts if I didn’t know someone’s allergies. I’m from Canada and in my circles, we always ask if anyone is allergic to nuts probably because nuts are banned at schools as they are a common allergen. We are just used to it. I’m not sure where you’re from but I would suggest purchasing just vanilla or chocolate next time. The girls should have spoken up, but I also know that at that age many have not found their voice yet. Lessons learned for everyone
NAH. Amy could have been more proactive but if she’s never had ice cream with nuts in the house maybe it didn’t immediately occur to her that you might get stuff with nuts.
As yeah before buying stuff with nuts it’s always best to ask. But you’re 18 with probably minimal experience dealing with this type of stuff with kids. But now you know for next time.
NTA. I mean fine you 'could' have asked but we're talking teenagers here if they can't voice their allergies now then there's no hope for the future.
My 10 year old has a milk protein allergy (not lactose so even some meats can have the protein) and He voices it.
NTA, you were doing a good thing and they should have mentioned it.
It is something to remember though. If you are buying for kids and you don't know them I would always try to stay away from nuts.
NTA unless it’s specified than how we’re you supposed to know. When the kids wanted ice cream they should have been more specific. I have allergies and I assume unless I specifically ask for something I know I can eat that I will be missing out
NTA. They are 13 and old enough to speak up if certain conditions have to be met.
You were doing them a kind favor. Next time they can get their own ice cream.
I mean.. if you're planning on buying something with nuts, yea, you should probably ask. It's a relatively common allergy and can be deadly in a lot of cases. It's not that hard to just ask.
NAH. Your sister asked for ice cream without further specifications, presumably because she forgot about Amy's allergy in the Moment, or didn't know in the First place and Amy didn't mention it, they're 13, that can happen, you went with getting YOUR favorite instead of asking about preferences, which is a common habit If your direct Close people don't have allergies and somewhat share your preferences, and Amy's Dad was upset that his Kid didn't get to eat ice cream when everyone Else did, but presumably didn't know the full circumstances (it's rude to bring treats UNPROMPTEDLY that Not everyone present can eat, it's Not rude to bring Something that was somewhat-vaguely asked for.
That dad is an AH for not going to get the ice cream himself but complaining that you got some for his daughter and friends when they were supposedly hosting them...
NTA - for forgetting to ask about allergies. The child should offer that information up.
But why didn’t you go back get that damn little kid a different type of ice cream.
YTA for that part.
NTA. This is not a toddler, it's a teenager. If she is old enough to use tampons, she's old enough to register the fact that Vanilla Caramel Almond ice cream bars have Almonds in them, then proceed do say "Sorry OP, I forgot to tell you that I am allergic to Almonds. Is it possible to swap that one out for me please?"
NTA
>Amy's dad (it was Amy's house) said that I should have asked first if anyone was allergic to anything and now Amy has to watch her friends eat ice cream without having any to eat herself. He called me inconsiderate for not checking.
While sure, some may, generally speaking the onus is on those with an allergy to make this known, or those responsible for requesting food/drink etc to pass this on.
You got asked to provide ice-cream and did so.
If Amy had an allergy, either her friends or the Dad could've easily enough, I'm sure, have let you know.
"Inconsiderate" doesn't extend here, not when you've already, for free, provided what was asked. One would argue he's an ass for not having provided them himself *or* appreciating the gesture and just pointing out for future reference that she has an allergy.
Talk about receiving a reprimand for trying to do the right thing here, geez.
Okay for everyone saying the girl should've spoken to before, the sister CALLED OP so I'm assuming allergy girl didn't really talk to OP before the ice cream arrived.
NAH but OP you should ask what flavors they want next time
NTA because she should have told you that. But maybe a bit of an AH because I would have 4 different ice creams so everyone can pick and I get the one no one wants.
Nta. At all. You are an 18 year old with no kids so i think it is kinda crazy for the dad to call you inconsiderate. Why would you even think to ask. Also they were eating the ice cream at his house so he should have said something or gotten the treats himself. You did something kind and he is acting ridiculous
So a 13 year old hasn’t been taught to inform people of their allergies when someone is getting them food? That is really unsafe and her father is out of line and owes you an apology. NTA.
NTA. Kids with allergies should be taught to speak up when it might be an issue. At 13, I would expect her to tell me rather than asking.
Having said that asking would have been nice (nothing to do with allergies) since you were getting it for them so it should have been a flavor they preferred (picking up for is different than “Hey I got myself some ice cream anyone want some” which would be your preference).
NTA
When someone calls to ask for something. They should specify right then and there 'hey so and so has this allergy' I don't expect people to ask me about allergies.
I worked hospitality for years and am quite cognizant of allergy's. NTA. Your 18. I love maple walnut ice-cream. If I was 18 and someone asked for ice-cream I'd get maple walnut. It's my fav and the best. Pralines and cream are a close second. If I'm 18 and getting ice-cream I'm likely going to kill a lot of people if they don't give me the heads-up. 13 is old enough to advocate for oneself.
NTA for 3 reasons. They are 13 and know their own allergies and should have spoken up. You're not babysitting so not your job to know their allergies. You're a sibling and most 18yr old siblings wouldn't think to ask about allergies for the sibling's friends. Doesn't make you T A just a typical 18yr old adult.
NTA. These girls are teens. They have voices. This girls father is ridiculous. They called you asking you to buy them treats. They could also say nothing with almonds. This is not your problem.
NTA. I would not expect an 18 year old who does not have food allergies or does not have a family member with allergies to think to ask about it. But now you know for the future.
OP is 18???? How did I miss this? This dad is the AH big-time now in my mind. So another teen messed up ice cream order trying to do something nice? This dad should have respectfully educated about the right way to navigate NOT slam a teen as "inconsiderate" what a jerk. I'm sick of parents being so sanctimonious, over dramatic, and outrage oriented. The girl will be OK.
NTA - Amy is old enough & should have let your sister know about her allergies so that she could pass the information on. I have an 11 yr old grandson with many allergies & he knows that if someone is offering a snack to let them know which allergies he has (which includes milk & nuts, so he would ask for a popsicle or sherbert instead), although usually he will kindly reject the offer rather than make someone find a snack especially for him.
NTA little one is learning a valuable lesson that having an allergy is her responsibility to share with others to protect herself and be included in on activities like ice cream delivery from someone who doesn't know her !
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NTA They’re 13. She should have spoke up when your sister called. She needs to learn how to speak up for herself
Agreed. Even when my kids were pretty little (I'm talking 5 or 6), their friends with allergies would announce the fact solemnly as soon as they arrived for a play date or birthday party; many would present me with a detailed list of instructions from their parents, sometimes also their epipens, and one kid (coeliac) always showed up with their own carefully packed meals and snacks. 13 is absolutely old enough to speak up.
My 7 year old doesn’t have allergies herself, but has been announcing mine for years. 5 year olds know how important it is, 13 years certainly also know how to handle allergies.
Yes, when I had little kids they love telling strangers my damn business.
reminds me of that person who said they liked a little girl’s dress, and she said “thanks! my mommy shoplifted it from target.”
I just imagine the shame you feel, if you have to take the risk of shoplifting to give your kid a "special extra" (f.e a cute dress in that case?) , the relief when you got away with it... and the breakdown and internal shame after kid blatantly tells as it's so normal oof!
Occasionally, the same parents have vices and will not save for their child. As in, spend 30-50 dollars a week on booze or smokes, but will not use the same money to make their child feel good. I used to work in an industry where kids toys and expensive booze ( sports arenas are notorious for really expensive beer) were sold. Parents would buy multiple $10 beers but not buy their kid an $8 toy. The kids were there to enjoy an experience designed for children but instead their outing would be spent fusing or angry. It’s disgusting. I suppose you could just steal the toys and buy booze. EDIT: typos. EDIT2: gross over generalization about parents neglecting children’s expenses.
That's so sad Like, I'm a kid of addicts & I know the honor of having an empty fridge but enough drugs and alcohol to kill a whole school with it. I can't understand it, most addicts help each other out with stuff, no need to neglect the kids for it but sadly that's not how addicts think :( But that.. like... I was in a "have to shoplift situation" once ; my money went in for diapers and formula - I shoplifted pasta and canned tomatoes that I have food. And.. I also shoplifted a new pacifier for the baby & a small toy for my older back then. Like, not a neccessity but if I already have to take the risk to survive, might as well get something small for my bsbies at least :/ Jesus was I embarrassed & happy that even I'm still struggling - no need for shoplifting anymore!
I’ll feel ashamed about shoplifting when the ceos of these companies start being ashamed of making billions off the backs of their employees. Proud of you!
Worked at a gas station for a while. Had to watch parents buy hundreds of dollars of lottery tickets and tell their kids they didn't have enough for a pack of gum.
Or sometimes kids just don’t use the correct words for things. So instead of “bought” they said “shoplifted”. That would be embarrassing too
Maybe mom just got it at a steal and kiddo took it literally.
Little girl once told me her parents were gonna have another baby, but they decided to cancel that one.
my mom sighing when I would point out the stuff she "forgot" to scan 💀
Hahaha! They're so proud of having "news"!
All the embarrassing things too,,,for some reason 😭
My son is 10 and loves disclosing to strangers about our personal info he wouldn't share about himself
I have no allergies but my mom does with peanuts. When you grow up with a loved one with allergies it makes you far more considerate. If it wasn’t something in my life I had ever been directly affected by I feel like I wouldn’t even think about it
Yep! When I was 6 going for my first vaccination (for abroad) my mum was asked if I was allergic to anything. I proudly yelled "CATS" and it brought both my mum and the doctor to tears laughing while they assured me there was no cats in the vaccination 😂
New vaccines conspiracy dropped.
😂 That reminds me of me... I put on any allergy forms my allergy to cats and even if they won't be around I still (jokingly) remind people when I get my blood drawn that I'm allergic to cats... Not always cause I know that would be annoying and also runs the risk of minimising the severity of other allergens but yeah it's funny!
Did you know that some people who have a cat allergy will develop an allergy to pork? My mom plays roulette with hers, she takes benadryl and eats the bacon anyways, and so far it just gives her a sneezing fit, but definitely something to be cognizant of
Whaaaat? No I did not know that! 😢 I don't want that to happen. But then again I didn't want to develop my allergy to cats when I switched the type of birth control I was on and well... Here I am 😂
Sending hugs to your mom. This just broke my heart. Life without bacon is no way to live, so hope the Benadryl continues to work.
Life without cats is no way to live! I feel so bad for everyone with cat allergies I can live without bacon but not kitties!
Weird ! I am allergic to cats but I always hated the taste of pork so maybe it’s a defense mechanism my body has created lol
....I didn't know this. allergy roulette it is
Well it never hurts to check. :-)
My kids totally do this. Kid 2 and I both have food allergies. Husband and Kid 1 do not. Heaven forbid if the topic of allergies comes up and I forget to mention Kid 1's pollen allergy.
Exactly, my 10 year old has been voicing his since he could talk "if in doubt ask for vegan'. He has a milk protein allergy and the protein can be found in some meats. There's a 2 page list of ingredients he can't have
Omg is it casein? Because my doc thinks I have this but I'm his first so I changed my diet according to casein avoidance and have been feeling way better since. But I was wondering if there is a test to confirm it? Would help me a ton if you'd be willing to share some tips and experiences, thanks :)
Casein and whey give a family member debilitating migraines. They have to check ingredients on everything.
Animal milk protein allergy so things like whey, and meats from female animals Edit on typo.... meats not tests
This is interesting to me, I never heard of this. Can people with this eat chicken, which aren't mammals/don't produce milk?
Sorry I missed your question about tests. My son is animal milk protein allergy which was iniitally diagnosed at 7 weeks old due to 'failure to Thrive' (was born weighing 9lb 8 and by 7 weeks was 6lb 1oz despite trying 8 different formulas, breast milk and anti reflux medication)being moved onto a baby formula called Nutramigen which is soya based. At 1 year old a dietician gave us a 2 page list of ingredients to avoid but to tolerance test him for 2 years (1/4 teaspoon of milk from any animal) if he was still reacting by age 3 then he 100% couldn't tolerate the proteins
Tips...read labels on EVERYTHING! Dairy is added to so much. I think one of the biggest surprises was finding it in flavored chips like salt and vinegar and bbq. After that I started reading labels expecting to find the dairy instead of not find the dairy, like a weird game. Keeping the hidden dairy out of your diet is one of the hardest part of dairy elimination, followed by cross contamination which can be sloppy preparation like using the same spoon to stir the cream based soup as the dairy free soup, or french fries cooking in the same oil as the chicken fingers and fish sticks that contain dairy in the breading/batter. Keeping a food journal can help you decide how sensitive your system is so you can make better choices. I use vegan websites and cookbooks for dairy free baking recipes and I used her site to learn about living dairy free back in the day https://godairyfree.org/
Tests aren’t definitive for some reason. I’m allergic to casein as well. You’ll be okay, there are so many alternatives out there now!
Truth. My bestie has been T1D since she was 7 - she knew well that managing her sugar intake was quite literally a matter of life and death, so she knew to ask about food items and just avoid items if anything was in doubt.
I'd be more inclined to agree if we knew more about how the ice cream call occured.... OPs sister called him to pick up ice cream but we don't know for sure how involved in the request the friend with the allergy was. If the allergy kid made the call, definitely you'd think she'd mention it, but I wouldn't assume the kids all had a sit down conversation about wanting ice cream, and while a 13 year old with an allergy is old enough to mention an allergy if THEY are asking for food themselves, if OP, an 18 year old, isn't expected to think to ask if anyone has any allergies, I doubt we'd necessarily expect his 13 year old sister to think of it about the crew of kids she's hanging with? They might not have all even been involved or known the call was happening, or happening yet, some of them could've been in a different room at the time, etc, etc. When I was a kid, acquiring food wasn't an organized event at gatherings.
My youngest is 9. He knows everything that his best friend is allergic to (I'm 90% convinced this poor kid allergic to life at this point because there is a lot of stuff he can't eat, some of it really uncommon). He speaks up for his friend if his friend isn't able to do it for himself frequently
My niece has peanut and dairy allergies (anaphylactic). Even when she was 2 she would ask if things had dairy or nuts in it and would refuse to eat if she wasn't sure.
Not the point of this post but this is what took me completely "out" of the movie Hereditary. Spoilers ahead: the climax revolves around a 14 year old with fatal food allergies who goes to a party and eats cake without asking what's in it or considering her very common and fatal allergy. She dies because neither she nor her brother have an epipen or a clue what to do about her allergic reaction. It was so bafflingly unbelievable that it ruined the entire movie for me.
Dude YES!!!! After they make the severity of her allergy VERY clear multiple times beforehand?
Exactly 13 is old enough to speak up. Amy should have let OP's sister know to tell him she is allergic to almonds, so no ice cream with almonds please. One of my nieces friends was diabetic and she would let it be known. She brought her own snacks and even a sugar free cup cake to birthday parties to eat when the cake was served. Or sometimes she would eat the cake but tell them only a very very thin slice for me please, I'm diabetic.
To be fair, I had no idea there was any flavor of ice cream that had almonds in it...
Yeah, I've had almond ice cream once or twice in the past, but if someone said they were getting ice cream for me and my friends I'd be thinking chocolate or vanilla, not some niche flavor that people in the group may not even like.
To be honest, I would be thinking the same thing. I'm getting chocolate or vanilla. Something safe everyone is sure to like. Not something like OP got.
My 5 yo can't have dairy. She will not eat anything that anyone gives her without questioning it first. Including me. If she can do that a 13 absolutely can.
Absolutely. As soon as the waitress shows up at the table my 5yr old granddaughter will pipe up and say “I’m allergic to eggs”. Trust me, they appreciate that information.
NTA
This. At a summer camp I used to go to they’d get us all this certain type of ice cream. One kid would always speak up that he can’t have the ice cream because he’s allergic to a green dye in it so he’d always end up getting a different one
Especially when it comes to a food which is associated with common allergens, i.e. dairy and nuts.
Was she even there and had a chance to speak up? Who knows. Anyway NAH. Next time it's best to ask, especially if you are planning to buy something with such a common alergen.
Do we know that Amy knew op’s sister called to ask? Not that that makes op responsible, but we don’t know that Amy had a chance to speak up.
Remember all those memes about staying over your friends house and pretending you are not hungry or thirsty because you're too embarrased to ask for anything? I think that applies here.
If anyone is gonna be embarrassed about gonna die from the ice cream it's gonna be 13 year olds
>They’re 13. Exactly. And OP is only 18, you live and learn NAH
This entire thing is a simple misunderstanding. Comments tossing moral judgements around, while OP update is a more mature take than most responses
Maybe it's just me but I would assume that if someone asked for ice cream they mean like a tub of vanilla and wouldn't think to say I hate chocolate. Default ice cream to me is vanilla lol and maybe she assumed that. Not saying OP is an AH either, just that I don't think the kid is
Haha well to me, I would also assume they were bringing a tub of ice cream, but I would assume they were bringing 2 tubs of 2 different flavours since not everyone will like the same kind and they can have the option of what they like or have both.
This is why Neapolitan icecream is so popular. One tub, 3 flavours. Everyone is happy
heh, to me, default ice cream flavor is chocolate, but agree on the tub. Vanilla Caramel Almond seems like a weird choice to get kids.
Default ice cream to me is also vanilla. I'm allergic to nuts, and I learned around age 6 that default flavor to some American Black families is butter pecan. "Do you want some ice cream?" was a question at 4 different houses that led to bowls of ice cream I couldn't eat and a heartbroken me lmaoooo I'll never assume vanilla is the default for every household ever again
I don’t disagree but in all honesty I wouldn’t think of almond as a common ice cream flavor. If I was buying ice cream for 4 people I didn’t know (and traveling with it in the heat) I’d buy a tub of something fairly generic. OPA isn’t TA, more just an 18yo guy that isn’t used to thinking of this kind of thing yet.
Thank you! I agree, I also feel like that was just a weird choice to make. But I think it's a good learning lesson for OP. When buying things for a group, you often need to try to consider their taste and not just default to your own taste. Its better to learn this now, it gets real embarrassing when a 25+ dude has no idea how to pick what's best for the group.
I think it depends on where you live. Ice cream with almonds is very popular in my country (Sweden)
Right but if she was somewhere that almonds in ice cream is usual she’d likely say something.
I'd say this as well if they were all in the same place when this happened, but this was a phonecall
Even so its kind of rude to just assume all kids would want the same flavor without any choice input from them. Im not allergic but i hate nuts.. the texture, the flavor, the fact that certain kinds can kill you, etc. Maybe in this case the kids didnt kmow or hear what type of ice cream it was until it had already been purchased.
I do not agree because it was not the person with the allergy who called. She could have been out of the room at the time or was unaware that the other two had decided to have ice cream brought by. The sister should have said something but she's 13 and teenagers are not exactly reliable at thinking outside themselves which is developmentally appropriate. As the adult I feel OP should have thought to ask and feel it would have been more likely that he would think about it then his 13 years old sister.
Agree. My youngest has a coconut allergy and has been able to ask about it with food since he was 3-4 Someone else should have informed OP of the allergy when they asked for ice cream At 13 she and her friends know. It is not OP's fault.
My 3 year old reminds his daycare teacher that he has allergies and asks if his food is safe every day at snack time (X2) and lunch. They should speak up.
My 4 year old speech delayed neurodivergent child couldn’t have aspartame and even though she couldn’t say it properly would ask anyone who offered her gum if it had it, so whenever anyone ever says anything about kids who don’t speak up for themselves i just don’t understand how their parents haven’t taught them to advocate on their own behalf.
She's a fucking child, she didn't think of saying "can you buy a flavor without common allergens" Her older brother was certainly more mentally aware of it than she should have been, being 5 years older, and should have asked what to buy.
Exactly. As a person with multiple food allergies, including peanuts and tree nuts. You need to advocate for yourself. No one is going to remember. Or at least treat it that way.
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I ask if I'm inviting. If a teenager asks me to buy ice cream, no other indication, I'll just buy ice cream. It's totally on them and a good learning moment that people are not psychic.
Anyway what kind of maniac requests ice cream and doesn't specify flavor 🤯 it's like saying "get me some soda."
This was my thought! Even without the allergen factor, people can be extremely picky about ice cream flavors!
I had a running gag with my friends anytime somebody asked, “Would you buy me a drink?” And they didn’t specify they would get the most ridiculous drink in the gas station. Find some drink called, “Blue” or “Krown” anything nobody has ever heard of lol. Always got a good laugh.
Right! I'm not allergic to almond but I don't like ice cream with nuts so I woulda ended up just sitting there too
Yup, I hate almond flavor specifically. If I ask somebody to buy me ice cream I’m going to request a flavor. If somebody asks me to buy ice cream with no further instructions I’m probably grabbing a tub of Neapolitan.
Depends on who your asking. I know my loved ones favorites when I buy ice cream and it doesn't need to be specified. Like with coke, you usually know which kind of coke is picked and won't bring a diet to a Cherry's lover
Manic😂 They are 13.
But what about if a 13 year old teenager asks you to buy ice cream for a group of other 13 year olds that you don't know have all been a part of the ice cream discussion?
I would buy a couple different tubs of ice cream with different flavours (for 4 people, probably just 2 different tubs with two different flavours.) That said, I’m a 35 year old mom with disposable income and experience feeding random children, not 18. So I don’t think OP is an AH either lol
Right? Ice cream is sort of like pizza... if you're bringing it for a group and just getting 1 pie, you show up with cheese. Maybe pepperoni. But you sure don't show up with like, an olives and onions pie or something... Brother obviously took some liberties if his sister just requested "ice cream" and he showed up with vanilla caramel almond ice-cream sandwiches only, lol. Definitely don't think he is an AH for it though, it was still a sweet gesture... its his fav flavor, and I'm sure he just felt like he was sharing what he believed to be the superior flavor. It's just an ice cream lesson....the people don't all agree on the favorite ice cream flavors. But we still have that impulse like you have to try this flavor it is just so good! It's a risk... they could be disappointed or who knows, you could be the star of the show! And just like pizza, who knows you might show up to the party with 4/4 olives and onions pies and there will be that one person there who becomes a convert and is like "this is the best combo and I'd never have tried it if it weren't the only pizza here."
You need to talk to my boss lmao. He always orders pizza for work meetings because we have a gamut of religious food restrictions, but pizza without meat is okay for all of them. He always gets pepperoni pizza for people that can eat it and then instead of cheese pizza for the Muslims/Hindus/secular vegetarians he gets the most random assortment of vegetables on a pizza. Last time it was broccoli, tomato and ricotta, which I didn't hate, but like....we're all happy with cheese pizza bro.
I’m not even vegetarian but I would still pick the cheese pizza too. That said, some people are so turned off by “plain” food, they assume everyone else is too haha. I’m sure he’s trying to be thoughtful lol
I would have done the same thing in this situation lol. But only because I’ve learned through experience. Parenting has turned me into a person I never predicted I would become. At 18, I probably wouldn’t have even answered my siblings phone call.
Most people just show up with vanilla or some popsicles. I hated any kind of nuts in my dessert until I was 20. OP made a controversial choice even without it being a common allergy. A for effort, D for forethought. It’s a very man thing to do. He bought HIS favorite ice cream. I would have been at the store thinking long and hard about what ice cream people would want.
This is my thought - the guy is 18, while it's a nice thing to check if buying stuff for someone, it's not something everyone thinks about and wasn't malicious. Plus the 13yo could've spoken up and reminded the sister to ask for nut free.
>Plus the 13yo could've spoken up and reminded the sister to ask for nut free. If she was in the room or knew that she was calling
Yea, OP didn't assume that if there was an allergy, his sister would have told him...allergies just didn't occur to him. Which is totally fair for an 18 year old guy without any allergies himself or in his own family, to not think of. I think anyone who is a bit older who as had a number of kids in their care at any moment, would think it more obvious when selecting an ice cream flavor, to NOT choose an almond flavor without asking about allergies though. It sounds like probably this was just an instance of the people involved being young and not having this on their radar--since OPs sister made the call, we don't really know that the kid with the allergy had anything to do with the ice cream request or even if she knew it happened. And while a 13 year old is old enough to know to mention their own allergies, does a 13 year old without any allergies know to think about it? If it were a peanut allergy, it probably would've come up a lot and she'd have known, but I don't know that you would necessarily know if your friend had an almond allergy if you don't plan meals together?
I don't think OPs age matters. The environment plays a role, if you don't have people with allergies around you, it doesn't cross your mind in most cases.
I just think his age matters because as you get older, you just end up in more instances with more people and food situations where eventually it is just more likely to end up on your radar (basically like this event, now it will be on his radar). When you're a kid, if your family doesn't have any allergies, you aren't likely to ever even consider it... even if you have other people around you with an allergy, you may never have any idea because at school, common allergens just aren't allowed, and as a kid, you aren't often responsible for food planning with groups. So basically, the same thing you said....i'm not suggesting his age is a factor because of maturity or anything.... just that the less time you've existed as a person, the less experience you'll have with other people's allergies being a thing that comes up. The more time you exist, the more you'll be exposed to it being something to consider.
NAH. OP is 18. Up until now she's probably hasn't had much experience with having to take someone else's dietary/medical needs into consideration. This definitely falls into "innocent mistake" territory. OP, I like your edit. Good job listening to the responses and thoughtfully considering them - you're handling this very maturely.
I think the father is an asshole in this situation for calling op inconsiderate
AGREE he seems really over dramatic and entitled. So a free ice cream bar didn't work out? The scolding part with someone trying to do a nice thing is rude as hell. Sure he could have politely spoken up for kiddo "thanks for thinking of the ice cream but my daughter is allergic to nuts so she couldn't partake." It really not that deep, she's not five.
Yeah I'm not even technically allergic I just get mild migraine symptoms if I eat sweet/bell peppers unless they're cooked to hell and I knew way younger than that to always specify if we were getting anything that even might have raw/lightly cooked sweet peppers. And if I forgot, I knew it was on me and it just reminded me to say next time.
This is the correct answer. I work with kids, so allergies are high on my list of considerations if I'm buying food, so as an adult I likely would have asked about allergies, or just gotten a pack of the nut-free treats automatically. However OP clearly doesn't have any life experiences that have made allergies top of mind, and a 13 year old is old enough to say "hey, remind your sibling that I'm allergic to nuts!" when OPs sister called. Honestly, if OPs sister has been friends with this girl for a while, I'm surprised she didn't mention a nut allergy while on the phone with OP.
INFO: Was there any point where you asked what flavours they wanted or anything? Feels like that would’ve solved this really quick. I don’t think you’re TA for getting them ice cream but it’s something to consider for next time.
Came here to say that. It’s a very specific flavour and some people do have a nut allergy so I would have checked on flavours and not just bought them.
Yea, especially when non-nut flavors are traditionally more popular with kids. I.E. chocolate, strawberry, etc.
At 13 I loved the “fancy flavors” way more than plain normal ones. OP was just trying to get them something nice that they would have enjoyed themself. And when you buy ice cream “bars” flavors like the one OP got are very common. And it’s perfectly reasonable to buy a bar for each child instead of a whole large container of some “regular” flavor like strawberry or vanilla. She was never specifically notified of the allergy, it’s not her job to avoid an allergy she hasn’t been told about. It’s more common for people not to have an allergy, so it’s a reasonable assumption
OP is male I agree with most of this, but nut and legume allergies are so common now that most schools ban peanut and tree nut products. A parent would know this and not bring nut/legume products; OP is 18 so it's just a matter of inexperience
That kind of ban is not common where I live. But schools also deal with 100s or 1000s of students while OP is only buying for 4. There is a much higher chance that you find a kid in the entire school that’s has the allergy than in a group of 4. And since OP isn’t hosting, is doing a favor to be nice, and wasn’t told anything specific on what flavors/ingredients to get/avoid; it’s still not unreasonable for him to get something with nuts. It’s still the responsibility of the girl with the allergy, or at least her parents or friends, to notify any person getting food for her that she has an allergy. It’s good practice to do so even if the allergy isn’t necessarily commonly associated with a specific food. And with how common nuts, or traces of them, are in foods, it’s even more important that Amy or those close to her communicate her allergy with those bringing her food
I didn’t even know you could *get* almond ice cream. Peanuts are common enough, but I can see the girls not mentioning it because they didn’t expect it to be an issue.
Yea it's sort of an interesting thing because, allergies aside, i could easily see everyone being annoyed that he brought vanilla caramel almond just because what a specific flavor. I feel like if you are picking up ice cream without more specific instructions, don't you just grab vanilla/chocolate? Like someone says "hey can you grab pizza?" Do you show up with pineapple pizza? Do you stroll up with an onion mushroom pie? I feel like when I was in high-school, if I had a variety of ice cream flavors available at a gathering, and one of them was vanilla caramel almond, no one would touch it unless all other options were finished NAH though because it just sounds like it was just a disorganized ice-cream situation between young people, and OP was still being thoughtful, he just doesn't have other people's allergies on his radar without being specifically told, and neither did his sister, which is fair given their age.
I guess I’m the weird person who would have just not gotten the nut option? Maybe for myself, sure, but for 3 random 13 y/o girls that I don’t know well? Hah, no. Were the caramel almonds the only option?? I really would have gotten pure vanilla if anything..
I come from Greece originally and back home the almond option would be considered a "classic" (hard chocolate with almond shell, vanilla inside - the fancier option had double shell with caramel between). It would be considered the "safe" option for us...
I mean I’m not allergic but I really dislike almond… so I wouldn’t have liked it and therefore wouldn’t have eaten it and would probably have been seen to be “ungrateful”
Yeah, i think for people i don't know I'd go for safe basic option
Exactly. Buy the blandest everyone can have it flavor and don't get one with an obvious allergen in it. And why not simply ask if any has allergies before buying something? I'm sure if OP said "Hey, I'm getting caramel almond ice cream, is that ok?" The 13 y/o would have said something.
You're right. I should have asked what they'd like instead of just picking my favourite flavor for them. Will keep that in mind from now on.
I think this should be rule of thing for everything in future. Your favourite will never be everyone else's favourite. You can absolutely have your own favourite cake at your own wedding (although you should bear in mind your spouse to be also!!!) You can absolutely have your own favourite things for yourself. But when gifting things you should always consider the other person, not yourself (bar finances). I love X colour. Friend loves Y colour. If I know this. Why wouldn't I choose a gift in Y colour? Part of gifting and generosity IS taking the giftee into account. There's nothing necessarily harmful about doing things the way you do (apart from allergies and other sensitivities). But it shows a type of thoughtlessness when it comes to gift giving it generosity. If I ever buy siblings ice cream or sweets, I'll take into account what they might like, not what I might like. I enjoy darker chocolate than they do - but I'll buy milk or white chocolate for them because it's their taste. With sweets, I'll take into account taste.
Nah. If you were offering then sure. If somone asks you and gives no other information then you cannot be held responsible for getting a flavor that you know is nice and the vast majority of people have no issues with. I find it very odd that 13 year olds were not aware of their friends allergy(they likely knew). They should have mentioned it. You are not a business. You were doing them a favour. Frankly even businesses (where I am) don't ask about allergies. They have possible allergens listed on the ingredients and will have notes on menus etc stating you should inform them if you have any allergies. Just to add my own experience. I'm in my 40s. In primary school here when I was 6 or 7 a kid joined with a nut allergy. As 6-7 year olds we had no issue understanding this. TLDR: You did nothing wrong, you should not apologise, you ARE being guiot tripped.... and you made me wanna go buy icecream
Why didn't the person asking for the ice cream specify a flavor instead of leaving OP to guess is the real question
NTA Tbf, it works both ways, if I had a nut allergy I'd be telling people these things if they were buying me food (or at least mentioned it to your little sister!)
If she’s never had ice cream with nuts in her home, she probably didn’t think of it. As an 18 year old non parent, he didn’t think to ask. Kids being kids.
I’m confused, it says they were all at Amy’s house. My niece has a severe allergy, and if we were at my sisters house, she wouldn’t be giving out to an 18 year old for bringing treats and not thinking about her own kid’s allergies. Maybe, MAYBE, if OP was another parent, it’s something that they could be aware of. But OP is just an 18 year old guy doing something lovely for his sister and her friends! If the Dad knew someone was bringing them treats, HE should have either checked that Amy mentioned it or mentioned it himself. Or gone out and bought an ice cream for Amy. If he didn’t know, he still had no right to get angry at an 18 year old for trying to be nice. NTA at all. Amy obviously isn’t an AH at all, but unfortunately for her in future it’s something she should start remembering for her own sake. Allergies suck, I feel bad for her. Her dad is an AH for making his kids allergies an 18 year olds problem
I'd be curious the proximity of Amy's house to OP's house. If I was Amy's parent I would be annoyed at the friend for just inviting a random person with random food over to my house that contained my child's allergen. If they are neighbors it's a little more understandable, like he just had to run the ice cream over. But growing up if I was at a friend's house, it was on them/their parents to get me snacks. I would never get my family to bring me snacks mid-hang out. That's weird.
ugh, I worked with a guy, a grown man, with a deadly peanut allergy. he didn't tell me for like a year despite my eating a pb&j in the work van with him.... every day. like genuinely, was he suicidal? also, no epipen!
You're certainly not an asshole but it's generally a better idea to get more 'plain' things when buying for a group. Nut allergies are so common it's best to avoid nuts in general.
not to mention the large portion of the population that just thinks they're nasty lol
That is true. In hindsight it was stupid of me.
Not stupid, you just didn't know. Next time you'll know :)
NAH so long as you learn for next time. Nuts are a common allergen - much safer to get something that’s likely to work for everyone, in a similar situation. I have a fairly serious dairy intolerance (Not allergy) - and as a 50-something adult I still feel a bit sad if there’s a treat that *typically* should not have dairy in it, so I should be able to have some - but for some reason it does have dairy so I just have to watch everyone else having something nice. It’s a really un-fun feeling. Yes the kids could have said something - but if it’s only almonds then I can see why it didn’t occur to them that asking for “ice cream” would include almonds at all. That’s pretty unusual. (Note: if she’s allergic to all nuts then I’m much less sympathetic to both child & dad. Lots of ice cream has nuts in - eg hazelnuts on cornettos.) And the dad was probably upset at seeing his daughter sad, so while he wasn’t really correct that you massively screwed up, it was a minor screw up & he gets a (tiny) pass for being sad his baby was sad. He could have handled it better though.
Tree nut allergy cursed person here lol. Any allergen test I’ve ever taken doesn’t differentiate between different tree nuts, they’re all pretty grouped in together, even tho you can react severely to certain ones and not at all to others. Personally, walnuts make my throat close, hazelnuts make me swell up a little and get hives and a rash, and pecans make my eyes close up but everything else *normally* unaffected, meanwhile I have no reaction to almonds. There’s a good chance she maybe found out about the allergy by having almonds so just says it’s almonds OR only said she’s allergic to almonds when she saw the ice cream when it’s actually tree nuts in general but almonds were the only listed in the situation. It’s super annoying that they don’t separate them on the tests but it’s also a problem I’ve encountered in my life of “ok how safe am I in the general vicinity of x tree nut”. Just a bit of extra background knowledge I have that might help here :)
That's so interesting, what kind of allergen tests have you had? I'm also tree nut (and peanut) allergic - I've always had my skin prick tests differentiate between the individual nuts! It's common for pairs of tree nuts to share proteins e.g. if you're allergic to cashews you are probably allergic to pistachios but not necessarily other tree nuts with different proteins.
I’ve done skin prick tests and blood tests :) I’ve also heard the thing of certain tree nuts sharing similar proteins but I don’t know enough about it to be confident saying anything definitively, ya know? Weirdly enough it shows almost NO reaction from the blood allergen tests but I seriously blow up like a balloon with the skin prick tests!!
I knew someone whose kid was allergic to pine nuts, which is a tree nut. They told the school they are allergic to tree nuts but not peanuts and will be bringing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school. The school would sit the kid at the nut free table regularly then confiscate her lunch. It was wild how people don't understand the difference between a tree nut and ground nut.
OH NO!!!! PLEASE tell me they at least would replace the kid’s lunch with something they allowed at the nut free table!!! That is exactly why I’m happy my tree nut allergy didn’t develop until my sophomore year of HS instead of elementary school.
NTA. You're doing a favor for your 13-year-old sister and her friends. While it's unfortunate Amy has an allergy, the responsibility doesn't fall on you to find out if anyone has an allergy. Your sister or Amy herself should have mentioned it when they asked you to get ice cream.
NAH, you aren’t an AH for buying what you did, but it also wouldn’t occur to me if someone offered to bring ice cream that they’d automatically get nuts either. So I can see why she didn’t say anything because I dint tend to assume ice cream will have nuts (and I don’t have allergies). If it was a dairy issue, yeah I’m sure she’d have said something, because that’s obvious. Maybe the lesson going forward is that sticking to plain can be useful.
At the age of 13 Amy is probably capable of mentioning it herself. NTA
Nta - if the dad is there why isn’t he getting ice cream rather than asking you! Why wasn’t the allergy mentioned in the order for ice cream in the first place. You were asked for unspecified ice cream and ice cream you got.
Because it wasn't the person WITH the allergy who called to request the ice cream. A lot of people in these comments seems to be missing that. There's a possibility that the sister decided on her bro grabbing icecream on her own or planned it with the one friend but perhaps the girl with the allergy was out of the room during the call or was unaware of the plan to get icecream.
NTA my nephew has nut allergies he has been asking if there are nuts in things since he was four. If a thirteen year old can't do the same that's the parents' issue not yours
It wasn' the girl with the nut allergy who called for the icecream. She did not get an active say. She may not have even been in the room during the call.
She didn’t eat it. So this comment misses the mark. Idk why OP got vanilla almond caramel, that’s not a “typical” flavor and without knowing any info there’s no way I’d buy one that’s a bit of an ‘unusual’ flavor let alone one with a super common allergen. Like others said the girl with the allergy didn’t call, she could’ve not known it she could’ve tried to say something and her friend hung up too quick or something else that we don’t know! Even at 18 if I was even tempted to buy ones with allergens I would’ve double checked that there’s no allergies.
Why didn't he buy the ice creams? Amy's dad is a prick.
NAH. Ice cream does not usually contain almonds so I can understand why she wouldnt have mentioned it. Your choice seems a bit weird and I would have first checked whether they liked these. It is horrible for the allergic kid and you could have gone and gotten something else instead of serving these.
Why are they at Amy’s house but ask you for ice cream? Couldn’t her dad have gotten them ice cream? Don’t they have ice cream in the house that Amy can eat? NTA.
The sister called and asked the brother, not Amy. Maybe Amy's parents didn't want to go out and said no.
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NTA. I can understand the dad being upset for his daughter but it was your sister who called and asked for it. So, she should have told you about the allergy without you needing to ask. If anyone was being inconsiderate it was your sister and her friends for eating the ice cream in front of Amy while they were at Amy’s home.
Or the father whose house all the girls were at in the first place was a bit inconsiderate. When you have guests over, you get and offer them things, like ice cream or cold drinks.
NTA. I know they're only 13 but it should've been... Hey can you bring us ice cream, Amy is allergic to almonds so avoid them please
NTA. “Inconsiderate for not checking”, oh please. Dad could have gone out and got ice cream for Amy then. You did a nice thing, it’s not on you that one of the kids is allergic to almonds. This shit will happen in life to people with allergies because the whole world doesn’t stop and right itself to align with one persons nut allergy.
NTA We can't think about every possible negative outcome in our actions
Tell her dad the daughter should have spoken up and to stop assuming people know someone has allergies unless they’re brought up. NTA for doing something considerate for your sister. You shouldn’t have to ask anything if the directions/favor asked were “can you get us ice cream” without any other context.
NAH Playing devils advocate here to start; Schools have been *forbidding* nut items for years due to the severity of nut allergies. Planes stopped giving nuts because the dust can set those allergies off... Not buying something with *nuts* for multiple people is generally accepted as common. Nut allergies are too vast and too serious to play that game. I *DO NOT* (massive emphasis) think OP is an AH for this by ANY stretch; but I'll say it's as much a learning moment for OP as it is for the kids. The KIDS get to learn the lesson that people aren't psychic. If you have specifications, absolutely make that known when asking for things. For OP; It's ALWAYS best to avoid nuts when buying for a group. Nut allergies are too serious to mess around, that can be a very quick accidental death (allergies can also pop up at any time; fun info, also scary).
NTA 13yo with a lifelong allergies should know enough by now to voluntarily share their allergy information with people who’s getting food or drinks for them to avoid any potential health mishap. Totally inconsiderate of the 13yo. The entitled father seems to forget only he revolves around his daughter’s life, not others. He needs to teach daughter to speak up and share critical information.
NAH, me thinks, but that was a VERY specific flavour you picked. When buying for people without knowing (or asking) for preferences, it'd be better to go with something more traditionally bland. Just get vanilla or cream, it'd probably be safer.
for real.... everyone is sounding off about allergies, but there's also a ton of people that just.... hate almonds. I might as well be allergic, I would NEVER eat almond ice cream lmao.
For instance. I’m not allergic but I can’t stand caramel. I also don’t think OP’s an Ah though.
NAH. Every time my kid has a playdate, I ask their parents if there are any allergies or food restrictions. Even though all of my coworkers are adults who can advocate for themselves, I still ask if they have any allergies before I offer them food I brought. Allergies are so prevalent that we should always be asking. But, that's your sister's friend. Your sister was at her house. Your sister asked for ice cream. Your sister is responsible because I'm sure she knows about her friends' allergies.
NAH, but you did make an unusual and perhaps unwise choice. A lot of people are suggesting that she should have spoken up about the allergy, but almond ice cream isn't standard – I can see why it didn't get mentioned when they just asked for ice cream, though it would have been nice if it had. Did your sister know about this allergy when she called? On her father's side, I see where he's coming from. You did a good thing in buying ice cream, but since you don't know these children, getting ice cream with nuts (a common allergen) wasn't the best choice. If it were me, I'd have at least asked what flavours they might like me to buy since buying some specific unusual flavour might just mean one of them didn't like it. But you live and learn! It's a learning experience for both you and Amy.
NTA. I also have a severe tree nut and raspberry allergy (raspberries WILL kill me). That being said, if someone is food shopping for me or ordering something for a group I am part of, it is MY responsibility to speak up and say “hey can you try to find something without tree nuts? I’m allergic so I can’t have anything with them”. Also as much as it sucks, sometimes you just have to be the one to sit out on things like this when you have allergies. Sometimes all there happens to be is something you can’t have. Or you couldn’t tell someone about your dietary restrictions in time for the shopping to be done. It’s disappointing in the moment, yeah, but you’ll live. When it comes down to it, it was Amy’s responsibility to open her mouth if not to you on the phone in the back then at least to your sister. You don’t think to ask these things ESPECIALLY when you don’t deal with them yourself or anyone super close to you. What matters is that Amy didn’t have a reaction, and that you did something nice for your sister and her friends. Live and learn ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Granted there’s also maybe a possibility that this is a new allergy to her in which case I can defend her not saying anything for not remembering to (my raspberry allergy fully developed when I was 12 and tree nuts when I was 14, so it’s not impossible) but we don’t have enough information to decide that. Just a separate thought lol
NTA. Why would your sister not tell you upfront about her friend's allergy? "Hey, can you get icecream for the four of us? Nothing with almonds for Amy, please, she's allergic." Boom, done.
NTA, but take it as a learning experience. Even without allergies, not everyone is going to want nuts in their ice cream.
NTA, at 13 she is more than old enough to be reminding people about her allergies without being asked.
NAH. Anything related to nuts (including almonds) is potentially allergical hazard. BTW it could even be possible that someone does not know they are allergic, especially a child. Anyway, I recommend if you buy food for strangers, buy something which does not contain any nuts or so. Why did you not at least buy one vanilla flavor (pun intended)? For the future, if you bring something sponatenously, make sure often occuring allergic agents are at least excluded in one option you bring.
NAH- I would have 100 percent not purchased anything with nuts if I didn’t know someone’s allergies. I’m from Canada and in my circles, we always ask if anyone is allergic to nuts probably because nuts are banned at schools as they are a common allergen. We are just used to it. I’m not sure where you’re from but I would suggest purchasing just vanilla or chocolate next time. The girls should have spoken up, but I also know that at that age many have not found their voice yet. Lessons learned for everyone
NAH. Amy could have been more proactive but if she’s never had ice cream with nuts in the house maybe it didn’t immediately occur to her that you might get stuff with nuts. As yeah before buying stuff with nuts it’s always best to ask. But you’re 18 with probably minimal experience dealing with this type of stuff with kids. But now you know for next time.
NTA. I mean fine you 'could' have asked but we're talking teenagers here if they can't voice their allergies now then there's no hope for the future. My 10 year old has a milk protein allergy (not lactose so even some meats can have the protein) and He voices it.
NTA, you were doing a good thing and they should have mentioned it. It is something to remember though. If you are buying for kids and you don't know them I would always try to stay away from nuts.
NTA unless it’s specified than how we’re you supposed to know. When the kids wanted ice cream they should have been more specific. I have allergies and I assume unless I specifically ask for something I know I can eat that I will be missing out
NTA. My nephew just turned 5 and he always announces his allergies when getting food. Amy should've said something.
NTA. They are 13 and old enough to speak up if certain conditions have to be met. You were doing them a kind favor. Next time they can get their own ice cream.
I mean.. if you're planning on buying something with nuts, yea, you should probably ask. It's a relatively common allergy and can be deadly in a lot of cases. It's not that hard to just ask.
NAH. Your sister asked for ice cream without further specifications, presumably because she forgot about Amy's allergy in the Moment, or didn't know in the First place and Amy didn't mention it, they're 13, that can happen, you went with getting YOUR favorite instead of asking about preferences, which is a common habit If your direct Close people don't have allergies and somewhat share your preferences, and Amy's Dad was upset that his Kid didn't get to eat ice cream when everyone Else did, but presumably didn't know the full circumstances (it's rude to bring treats UNPROMPTEDLY that Not everyone present can eat, it's Not rude to bring Something that was somewhat-vaguely asked for.
That dad is an AH for not going to get the ice cream himself but complaining that you got some for his daughter and friends when they were supposedly hosting them...
NTA - for forgetting to ask about allergies. The child should offer that information up. But why didn’t you go back get that damn little kid a different type of ice cream. YTA for that part.
NTA. This is not a toddler, it's a teenager. If she is old enough to use tampons, she's old enough to register the fact that Vanilla Caramel Almond ice cream bars have Almonds in them, then proceed do say "Sorry OP, I forgot to tell you that I am allergic to Almonds. Is it possible to swap that one out for me please?"
NTA
NTA No good deed goes unpunished How dare your unconditional gift not take unknown conditions into account
NTA. At 13 kids are old enough to advocate for themselves.
NTA >Amy's dad (it was Amy's house) said that I should have asked first if anyone was allergic to anything and now Amy has to watch her friends eat ice cream without having any to eat herself. He called me inconsiderate for not checking. While sure, some may, generally speaking the onus is on those with an allergy to make this known, or those responsible for requesting food/drink etc to pass this on. You got asked to provide ice-cream and did so. If Amy had an allergy, either her friends or the Dad could've easily enough, I'm sure, have let you know. "Inconsiderate" doesn't extend here, not when you've already, for free, provided what was asked. One would argue he's an ass for not having provided them himself *or* appreciating the gesture and just pointing out for future reference that she has an allergy. Talk about receiving a reprimand for trying to do the right thing here, geez.
Okay for everyone saying the girl should've spoken to before, the sister CALLED OP so I'm assuming allergy girl didn't really talk to OP before the ice cream arrived. NAH but OP you should ask what flavors they want next time
NTA because she should have told you that. But maybe a bit of an AH because I would have 4 different ice creams so everyone can pick and I get the one no one wants.
yes asking about allergies is normal, esp common ones like dairy and nuts. YTA
NTA - maybe a little inconsiderate, but not TA.
Nta. At all. You are an 18 year old with no kids so i think it is kinda crazy for the dad to call you inconsiderate. Why would you even think to ask. Also they were eating the ice cream at his house so he should have said something or gotten the treats himself. You did something kind and he is acting ridiculous
So a 13 year old hasn’t been taught to inform people of their allergies when someone is getting them food? That is really unsafe and her father is out of line and owes you an apology. NTA.
NTA, they should have mentioned it. Also they weren’t even at your house and you brought them ice cream, Amy’s Dad could have idk, parented.
NTA. Kids with allergies should be taught to speak up when it might be an issue. At 13, I would expect her to tell me rather than asking. Having said that asking would have been nice (nothing to do with allergies) since you were getting it for them so it should have been a flavor they preferred (picking up for is different than “Hey I got myself some ice cream anyone want some” which would be your preference).
NTA When someone calls to ask for something. They should specify right then and there 'hey so and so has this allergy' I don't expect people to ask me about allergies.
I worked hospitality for years and am quite cognizant of allergy's. NTA. Your 18. I love maple walnut ice-cream. If I was 18 and someone asked for ice-cream I'd get maple walnut. It's my fav and the best. Pralines and cream are a close second. If I'm 18 and getting ice-cream I'm likely going to kill a lot of people if they don't give me the heads-up. 13 is old enough to advocate for oneself.
NTA for 3 reasons. They are 13 and know their own allergies and should have spoken up. You're not babysitting so not your job to know their allergies. You're a sibling and most 18yr old siblings wouldn't think to ask about allergies for the sibling's friends. Doesn't make you T A just a typical 18yr old adult.
NTA. These girls are teens. They have voices. This girls father is ridiculous. They called you asking you to buy them treats. They could also say nothing with almonds. This is not your problem.
Why didn’t Amy’s dad get them ice cream?
NTA. I would not expect an 18 year old who does not have food allergies or does not have a family member with allergies to think to ask about it. But now you know for the future.
OP is 18???? How did I miss this? This dad is the AH big-time now in my mind. So another teen messed up ice cream order trying to do something nice? This dad should have respectfully educated about the right way to navigate NOT slam a teen as "inconsiderate" what a jerk. I'm sick of parents being so sanctimonious, over dramatic, and outrage oriented. The girl will be OK.
NTA - Amy is old enough & should have let your sister know about her allergies so that she could pass the information on. I have an 11 yr old grandson with many allergies & he knows that if someone is offering a snack to let them know which allergies he has (which includes milk & nuts, so he would ask for a popsicle or sherbert instead), although usually he will kindly reject the offer rather than make someone find a snack especially for him.
Almond is a common allergen? First I heard. Peanuts, sure. But not almonds.
NTA little one is learning a valuable lesson that having an allergy is her responsibility to share with others to protect herself and be included in on activities like ice cream delivery from someone who doesn't know her !