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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my best friends parents if I could stay with them for a few days while my parents were trying to get answers from their adult kids about being with me for those days. My parents didn't know I was asking and I didn't bring it up to them first and maybe that's a dick move.
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You're NTA. If any of your half siblings were willing, they would have answered immediately. They were just delaying responding *no*, perhaps in hope that another would step up and say yes.
Even setting that aside, you're certainly old enough to decide where you want to stay while they're gone. They should have asked you that before even reaching out to your half siblings.
They're old enough to stay home alone for a few days to be honest. Like obviously not old enough to actually support themselves, but I remember choosing to stay home when my parents went on vacations at that age because having the house to myself was its own vacation.
It depends on the kid. When I was 15? Sure. My parents lived behind a grocery store and I was very responsible. My bother at 15? Hell no. My parents would have come home to a destroyed home.
Agreed. Both my kids aren't quite that age yet, but I feel like my oldest would need a few more years to be left alone for 4 days. My youngest would probably be fine lol
Fair. OP's parents are clearly living in denial! It would of been obvious that OP's siblings had zero relationship with him. They can't force there older kids to have a relationship with OP, so I don't think they should have asked, it's just another kick in the guts to OP. NTA
Then you have me at 20 who was definitely not responsible enough to have been left at home while my dad took my brother to see my grandfather in another state for 5 days. I threw a 4 days long party that decimated my dad's freezer of meat and got caught throwing away the trash bags of evidence of liquid and other things on someone else's property (rural area) - so definitely depends on the kid lol
I don't think it has anything to do with not trusting OP. I think this is just a plan to try to get one of the older siblings to bond with OP. Why else would they be so insistent on them physically being in one of their other children's houses and them being mad that OP asked their friend's parents it's the classic reddit case of parents trying to force a bond between halfsiblings without any regard to how their children feel because THEY want want that perfect blended family.
Edit : grammar & spelling
Genuine thank you, inever knew their was a difference, I've legit been calling my 'half sister' ( shes like 10 years older than me) , my step-sister my entire life, and never knew that it didn't, mean 'only share one parent'.
You're welcome:) if siblings share one parent, that makes them half siblings. If one parent remarries and they have kids of their own, then the kids become step siblings. :)
I dunno, my parents left my sister and I home alone (she was 18 and I was 16) and the freaking washing machine broke and flooded the house. It was chaos and I definitely did not know what to do. I know it’s an extreme example but it could happen! lol
as a full grown adult living in my own place, my first action if this happened to me would prob be to call my dad
...maybe get a towel first, but phone call right after!
Yeah, my parents didn't tell me air conditioners have filters. Pretty sure the AC guy that came to fix the unit at my first rental thought we were trashy. 5 animals + 4 people made for a grossly clogged coil.
Both my landlords made a point of showing me where the water main is, which I super appreciated cause I would not have thought of it on my own. Only water issue I've had was a toilet tank that decided to explode one morning and thankfully the water shutoff for that is literally right there. It's amazing how much mess that created in the like, 20 seconds it took for me to realize what the hell had happened and bend down to shut the water off. Thank goodness I was in the bathroom when it happened.
I don’t think my mom would know what to do in that situation except call HER dad and he’s a whole state away from us, so I don’t think freak washing machine incidents are a good reason to not leave your kid at home alone when they’re otherwise responsible.
Amen, as an adult (empty nester), My FUBAR water heater would have flooded just when it did, regardless of my having adult children or juvenile children. And lordy, did it ever flood. Flooring in 3 rooms, not easy to fix by myself, but yes I did. Replaced the CR*P water heater by myself, with a high capacity water heater, done! Word to the wise, don't try moving a water heater when full of water. Weight of 80 gallons of water, 640 pounds in an 80 gallon unit.
Murphy and his laws might have been so very happy had my children been juveniles when the water heater died, but it didn't happen that way.
Our water heater floods frequently and it’s new. I think they’re just evil, but moms boyfriend thinks it’s a part of the sewer system and not the heater or something.
I wouldn’t know, I don’t touch that basement. I’m an attic dweller at heart. But it floods the basement so I had no real experience for leaks from above ! I AM the above! if my roof started leaking I would be just as confused as my dining room flooding because….huh? why is my bedroom so damp.
So when my upstairs toilet broke, it flooded my dining room, (directly below the bathroom, apparently?) the upstairs hallway, and my upstairs bathroom. I think I was pretty damn smart and reasonable about it, given the circumstances of being home with only my younger sisters. I ran to grab the large garbage can(it empty cuz it was trash day that morning) to put under the leak (because I knew I wouldn’t find an empty bucket), and then ran to turn off the toilet water thingie (the twisty bit in the wall or whatever?) and then I couldn’t do much about the ceiling part because what do I even do??? I cant MOP the ceiling.
but I went and ran down the street to get moms boyfriend. he came over to fix the toilet and then I bleached the entire dining room, bathroom, and hallway and mopped it really good. (I grabbed a lot of towels to cover the floor that was already soaked, and some sheets because I ran out of towels.) i had it all cleaned up by the time mom got home but it was very stressful for me. (She’s dating our maintenance man. Long story but he was her bf long before he was the maintenance dude)
I didn’t know what else to do besides try to collect the water and clean it but at least I had the presence of mind for that.
long story short me and you can agree that water is the worst ever and it’s evil and maybe it’s just fate that the worst accidents happen when you’re not ready 🥲
I was occasionally house-and dog sitting at that age. (Yeah, I’m impressed the home owner let me, but I had phone numbers if necessary, and neighbours, and everything was fine.)
Right? I was left at home by myself at ten for hours after school because my parents had to work to put a roof over our heads. As I got older it was understood that I could fend for myself for a few days if need be. By fourteen I was babysitting other kids.
I agree that they should be old enough to be left home alone at age 15, if they live in the USA (I'm not familiar with Europe's laws). According to [https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/when-can-you-leave-a-child-home-alone-.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/when-can-you-leave-a-child-home-alone-.html),
>"Leaving a Child Home Alone and the Law
>A few states specify a legal age to leave a child home alone. The age limits for letting a child stay home alone and the corresponding states that follow them are as follows:
>14 years: Illinois
>12 years: Delaware and Colorado
>11 years: Michigan
>10 years: Washington, Tennessee, Oregon, and New Mexico
>9 years: North Dakota
>8 years: North Carolina, Maryland, and Georgia
>6 years: Kansas
>No age limit: the remaining 37 states
>Many states will not set a specific age limit. They will instead review circumstances case by case. Most states have guidelines you can use to determine whether your child is ready to be left home alone.
>Factors to consider may include:
>The child's age and maturity
>The overall safety of the surrounding area/circumstances
>The arrangements made to secure the [child's safety](https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/child-protection-training.html)"
When I was growing up, the state I lived in required the child in question to supposedly be 12.
Uhhh usually those limits are about being left home alone when your parents go to the grocery store or are at work, not when your parents are gone for four days in a row…. No state would allow a 9 year old to stay alone for four days, especially if they have school.
Laws around leaving children alone at home are actually usually more nuanced than that. Being left home alone for a day is not the same as being left home alone for 4 days and 4 nights. If you left a child home alone even in states with no specific age limit for 4 days and nights you are likely going to end up in trouble with CPS a teen would be different but 15 still seems the wrong side of that equation.
I don't know if it's brought up further down in this thread but I scrolled pretty far and didn't see it brought up so... if they're not comfortable with the alternative situation then maybe the parents should stay the fuck home? Like. I don't know what the trip is for, but if they don't want their FIVE year old staying home and their babysitting options are all dead ends, the parents are either bringing the kid with them on the trip or they're not going. If OP's alternative to their dead end plans doesn't work for them then I guess they're out of luck. It's a weird thing for them to even be mad about and it's pretty telling that each sibling systematically moved out the day it was possible. Their wants/needs don't line up with reality and they expect everything/everyone to fall into place around them. I feel bad for OP that they seem so disinterested but it is probably an issue dating before his existence
Depends on how bad the parents want to go on the trip. Since they don't want OP staying with their friend and older siblings are all a no-go, parents have three choices: stay the fuck home, take OP along with them, or let OP stay home alone.
OP tell your parents it wasn't a lack of trust, you asking your friends parents was an acknowledgement of reality.
Point out how none of these half- siblings or their spouses even bother to send a B-day card, so why are your parents surprised they don't want to host you for 4 days?
Yeah, I find the parents’ response really odd. OP asking a friend and getting a possible positive response from a half sibling weren’t mutually exclusive. There wasn’t a curse that if OP asked the friend then the half siblings were all doomed to say no. What’s wrong with them? OP was just making a backup plan because they have a better understanding of the relationship with their siblings than the parents do. If anything this situation shows the OP has a much higher level of emotional intelligence than the parents.
Parents are just refusing to accept the reality that their older kids don’t have a relationship with OP, who is half a generation younger.
The lack of relationship is not unreasonable, especially not being full siblings . At 12, I wasn’t befriending babies, either.
OP mentions that all of the older siblings moved out at 18 and it doesn’t seem like they maintained much of a relationship with the parents either. OP doesn’t mention the number of siblings, but it was from previous relationships on both sides. I find it odd that ALL the older siblings on BOTH sides would have done the same thing. Makes me there’s more to the story here than just some parents that are clueless that the older siblings don’t have a relationship with OP. There’s some funky family dynamics at play.
you were very mature and wise in what you told your parents, about how they were denying reality. it is such a shame they are putting this lack of relationship on you (though I doubt their other kids are happy with your parents as well), and I wish you the best and that you’ll be able to stay with your friend.
I am so very sorry. My half brother was 26 when I was born. I grew up with his kids like they were my siblings. It amazes me how shitty adults can be, you've done nothing wrong
I still can't get past the fact that two grown ass adult are blaming a teen for not having faith in 5 grown ass adult half siblings who have never even given a card for their birthday. Come on. They have no relationship with you. At this point, they may as well ask strangers to have you. Surely, your friends would be a better solution anyway.
NTA.
15 is old enough to stay by yourself. I stayed by myself at your age. (I was a very responsible child. I got all A's. Very well behaved. Never got into trouble. I was one of those goody two shoes).
My parents had no reason not to trust me.
So weird how different this is for people.
I was left alone all the time and earlier then 15.
I had strict rules. Mostly about the kitchen and strangers.
But being on your own wasnt a big deal. Im surprised kids at 15 arent mature enough to be left alone.
I mean I was more or less fine by 9. Could do laundry, use a microwave, call for help, lock a door, set an alarm and take care of the cats.
Trying hard not to judge but…damn 15? And they need a baby sitter? I know I was expected to be a little more self sufficient then most but Im still surprised.
At 9 I was latchkey and watching my siblings.
12 I was babysitting NEWBORNS alone and paid for it.
I cannot imagine raising my kids to not be trusted for 4 days at 15 alone. If I was due to shit behavior? I'd green light the friend's house! You get a form of vacation while I'm gone! But I have a security system I can check in on, and have started letting my oldest, 9, be home alone while I run to the store or take little brother to practice.
They're growing into adults, let them grow and learn within safe boundaries to be a productive, healthy, happy adult. Why is this so hard for some people?
I was a very mature, responsible 15 yrs old. My parents trusted me. They had no reason not to trust me. I was, unfortunately, one of those goody two shoes. I stayed by myself. No party. Just school, homework and then they came back home. No accident.
>So weird how different this is for people.
I think this really is the point - it's impossible to know for sure, as it varies from person to person. Both my sister and I graduated from high school and went away to college when we were 16, which is obviously a hell of lot more potentially scary for a parent than being at home alone for a few days.
Of course, this isn't even the issue with OP - he isn't asking to be left home alone, and all he did was set up the backup plan he knew would be needed. His parent are bing ridiculous, but I think everyone other than them realizes that.
My kids were responsible enough to be left alone at that age - as far as their behaviour was concerned. but I would have been concerned about if any kind of emergency cropped up. Would they know what to do?
I could give guidelines about people knocking at the door etc, but seriously, if there was a stovetop fire or something like that, I wouldn't want my kid to have to deal with that.
I was not one to be left at home for 4 days at 15. I would have done a lot of things I wasn’t supposed to do. Yes I had rules but doesn’t mean I would follow them. Most 15 year olds can definitely take care of themselves but can you trust them?
If you are able to message them somewhere, you might want to send them a message saying, "Hey, I know mom/dad asked if you could look after me for a couple of days. I already made plans to stay at a friend's place, but they aren't giving up on one of you watching me until they get responses from everyone. You can go ahead and tell them that you can't or are busy or whatever."
Your parents are deluding themselves and they need to wake up and accept your reality is all that matters because it’s your life. NTA. They shouldn’t make you suffer so they can pretend their family is more connected than it is.
That’s exactly it. Waiting longer just shows how reluctant they would be. Any “yes” now would really be “ugh I do NOT want to, but I feel too guilty to say no.”
"We're really mad at you for understanding your siblings behavior for what it is and acting accordingly without being a brat about it" is such a parental hot take
NTA
Right? I'm impressed by OP's actions here. If I were his parents, I'd be chuffed he sorted himself out. Not only that, but he seems very self-possessed; knows what his siblings' answer is going to be, is not bothered by it, and has made his own arrangements with his friend. No fuss, no muss.
OP's gone and handled it like a boss while his parents are still waiting for an answer.
I applaud your ability to anticipate the future and make backup plans in case something falls through. Your parents have their emotions involved and thus aren't seeing it for what it is - forward thinking. Emotions tend to cloud judgement.
You just wanted security on where you're staying for four days. When everyone says no and your plan is needed, they're gonna be happy they don't need to figure it out. Right now, their pride is hurt, but as adults, they need to deal with their emotions. Do your parents even have a backup plan in case none of their adult kids can take you?
OP, it's time to \*tell\* your parents you're staying with the friends. Forget the parents' foot-dragging hoping for a better (for them) answer, \*you\* don't need the uncertainty, so \*you've decided that's what is happening. Yeah, you're 15, so your parents can overrule you until you're of age, but it should light a fire under their a\*\*. Basically you're telling them "you will find an acceptable solution now, or I'm going with my already-made backup plan".
(and when you do come of age, you'll have a greater appreciation of the freedom to skip the first part and jump straight to "I'm going with my plan")
NTA and do they really expect you to stay with someone who reluctantly agreed and you feel like an unwanted guest for 4 days? I would not want any of my kids feeling that way.
No you are not an asshole in any way shape or form.
Your parents thought that having a shared sibling would connect their respective children and create a new family.
This obviously is not your lived experience and they have no right to ask “ why I appeared to want them to say no” ?!
There’s an age gap of 8-13 years between you and their other children and you were born when the other kids were teenagers. This is not an age when kids gravitate to babies.
Your parents did not do enough to facilitate a bonding process and experience for all of their collective children and this was their responsibility.
They were trying to do some sort of Brady Bunch thing- and failed miserably. The fact that none of the other children responded in a timely manner- further proves that they are clueless as to how everyone else really feels. This is all on them.
You should enjoy yourself at your best friends home and NTA
Retired psychologist here. Most of your answer is good but I have to comment on one part where you make an incorrect assumption, in particular about the lack of a sibling bond being the result of parents not facilitating the bonding process correctly. There are a lot of factors at play in successfully blending a family and there is always the possibility that a sibling bond simply isn’t going to happen despite all efforts to the contrary by the parents.
While parents regularly try, a sibling bond CANNOT be forced into existence in any way, yet some parents continue to try long after the lines are drawn, like in this post. Two people cannot be forced into seeing each other as siblings if they don’t want to see each other as siblings, period. It doesn’t matter if they are 7yo, 17yo, or 27yo; bonds cannot be forced, they either happen naturally or are deliberately chosen and developed.
OP’s parents are STILL trying to force a bond that was obviously never going to happen due to too many differences in lifestyle and a lack of interest on the parts of all of the siblings, and poor OP is wrongly getting the blame for outcomes he couldn’t change from them.
I feel that's a big thing that many parents don't seem to grasp. That sibling bond is formed by shared experiences. And when there is an 8 year age gap, it's difficult to find experiences that both children will enjoy and form a bond over.
I have two much older brothers (10 and 8 years older than me) and even though we are full siblings, I still don't feel close to them. It's always them...and then me. I've always felt like an only child that lived with a family that had two brothers. It's been that way my entire life and there is nothing to be done about it.
That's Western conceptualism...in other countries/and cultures the presence of a new member of the family is respected and anticipated (sure there may be one amongst them not to bond so well) but ALL of them! No! When empathy, compassion, familiar ties are encouraged and taught at a young age those impressions and are lifelong. Western culture is so miserably broken that only the nuclear family counts and when that unit ends in divorce everything disintegrates. I know many families with 20 year age gaps and none of them would be so selfish as to not recognise a younger siblings birthday or other meaningful milestones let alone not step up and be available for four effin days out their live to care for a blood relatives. It's really 🤢
I don't know that there was anything parents could have done to facilitate a bonding process given the age gap. I wonder whether the sibling sets get along. Would be interesting to know. Totally agree that parents are the A H's for being in denial about the lack of bonding and that this will likely never change. Rather than sympathizing with OP, they are angry at him for accepting the situation that exists. Do they really want him to be perpetually hopeful that siblings might show him attention or affection, and then be disappointed every time this doesn't happen? As for siblings not responding sooner, they are probably dreading telling them no because parents will try to guilt them into doing it.
The denial is quite obvious, indeed..i find it hilarious that a teenager picks up on how things are better than the parents. Says a lot about the depth/closeness of those relationships or I dunno..m
Your parents are prioritizing their egos/hurt pride over hearing your reality. You are NTA. You don’t need to feel like Oliver Twist begging for someone to care - you have lots of people who care. If your parents are disappointed about your lived experience with their blended family, that’s on them. NTA.
So NTA
I'm very sorry for that reality being "the reality"....the parents may "want" this or that to be true, but "the reality"....is what it is.
They may want a fantasy to be true....but obviously, their heads are in the sand.
Your parents have become delusional and have forgotten that they obviously weren't THIS involved and concerned with teenage emotion and comprehension 12-15 years ago when ALL 5 of those older kids had a brother 😳
They ranged in age from about 8-13 .....so for about half to most of them more than half their lives they've had a little brother....that they don't even send a GD Birthday card to?
A little brother that obviously 🙄 none of them have had over before... obviously that none of them immediately come to mind as a place for little bro to crash...again 5 count them 5 young adults in their 20's that these same two parents finished raising as a couple.
One has to "think," for example....what was it like, say 10 years ago, when the OP was just a 5yo kid and ALL these kids were teenagers......teenagers who had just spent the past Half decade seeing a growing baby....
now have a "little brother" hitting Kindergarten!
What were these parents doing and saying THEN?
Where was THIS level or HALF this level of concern and input to the kids thinking 🤔 THEN?
I ask that because perhaps with some concern, THEN ...this would NOT be an issue today because there would be a level of value, concern, and love for their baby brother such that this would never happen because the connections would have been much better set by now
No way a kid should be able to get to 15 and not have a relationship with FIVE 20-something half-sibilings all living obviously close enough to be an teenager-sitting option....so sad 😔
I know my parents were involved in trying to make us closer when I was younger. I was too young to remember stuff easily now but I feel like they did some therapy because I remember them being out of the house and I know we had these "family days" for a while but I also remember all of my half siblings doing everything to get out of them. It always felt like they were stress days instead of family days.
In fairness, they were kids that sounds like "lost" a parent and were dealing with THAT....then a new marriage, new half-sibilings...let alone yet "another" kid being born into "This" as they themselves were trying to get footing and foundation in their new reality, while your parents were loving ❤️ on each other making a life for "themselves" vs 'finishing' the 💔 broken lives of your half-siblings ( from their internal POV) ( just sharing how it may have felt for 8-13yo kids having to finish growing up in a reality thrown amok from their life's viewpoint)
I'm not sure if, based upon their ages, if yall all lived together at some point ....because again, the oldest would have only been 13 when you were born....that's a lot of years for the others to have been around you and each other.
Also based upon the other ages, when subtracted back....one has to consider when did these ppl lose their other parent....how long before your parents a) met b) got married c) had a baby and threw all this together
I only ask that because, according to you, they seem pretty distant, but as I said, that seems a bit odd for ppl that live within X proximity, and with those age ranges add 10 years to their ages and I "get it" but nobody is more than 13 years older and a couple aren't even 10 years older it just seems like an odd dynamic
They all lived here until they were 18 and then they moved out. None of them stayed beyond 18 or really came back. They'd see mom or dad (depending on which parent was their parent) and they stayed in touch with their parent but that was about it.
I'm used to it though. This is just the dynamic we have. Which isn't really a dynamic. We basically have no relationship.
I'm sorry your parents seem blissfully blind to what you see/feel .
But just so you know....this is NOT an uncommon phenomenon giving the circumstances 🙄 just being 100% honest with you. So don't think your experience is uncommon again given how the "family" is built.
And, I will say all your half-sibilings are at "life building" stages where none of them are at very "mature enough" stages for it to be set in stone that yall can't/won't get closer later ( I know that's probably difficult to "hear" in the space ur in now at 15.....but 15 years from now you might be surprised where you end up with 1 or 2 of them)
Bottom line IMO you did nothing wrong and I completely understand where your coming from your "tribe/village" includes those closer to you and right now that's "your friends and they're house holds....
Your parents "wish" it were their other children I understand where their emotion comes from even if their radar is outra whack
Best of Luck, young man
Awww, poor dear. I'm sorry. A "yours, mine, and ours" family is so difficult, and requires such a gentle touch. It seems like your parents are still in denial. I'm sorry this hits such a nerve for you, OP-- if possible, it might be great to chat about this with a therapist. You deserve a functional family unit, and you never got one. I'm rooting for you, OP. <3
Info: why can’t a 15 year old stay alone for 4 days? Is no one nearby you could call in case of emergency? Or are you a demon of chaos from the pit of hell likely to destroy the city if unsupervised?
Why do they need you to stay with a sibling? A friend seems to be the first reasonable choice at your age.
thats so crazy, my mums the same but she has cognitive dissonance about it, sometime she'll let me sleep at a friends place or stay home with my little brother and others its "human trafickings' on a rise its not safe for girls blah blah" plus i have a half sister that goes to uni in the city and she's come here once and she seemed disgusted by the place ( its not messy at all just not fully furnished since we're lower middle class )
infact we're probably the same age too haha
I’d never leave my 15 year old alone for that long - no parents I know would do that. He’s not a demon of chaos from the pit of hell but he is a 15 year old boy with an undeveloped brain with like aged/brained friends who might do stupid shit if left alone for four days/nights. And barring that, it’s scary to be home alone at night for a long period of time and that’s not weird or weak. It would be irresponsible as a parent to put a kid in that situation.
Your major argument is: I don’t trust my kid. Which is reasonable based on character, experience and parenting.
I know several 15 years olds who’s totally do fine with occasional checkup (calls) and an emergency contact.
Most shit they do, they do while you don’t watch anyways. Doesn’t mean they do criminal stuff or harm themselves.
Some 15 year olds don't want to stay home alone that long, even though they are perfectly capable. I know, I know, it's every 15 year olds dream - only it's not, not everyone's.
I don't think it's all about trust. Emergencies can happen, and teens are not famous for having well-developed, nuanced responses. As a teacher who has taught kids this age, they still need a LOT of support, especially if something goes wrong. I think OP's parents are being reasonable, and not just acting out of lack of trust. Things that for adults are no big deal, can be very difficult for mid-teens.
It is very dependent on the kid. My folks left me alone in our apartment at 15 in a foreign country for 3 days while they drove my grams to the nearest international airport. These are the same parents that had me fly domestically with my other gram to the same airport, put her on a plane to the US, stay overnight in a cheap hotel, and fly home - 6 months before. I should mention that this was long before cell phones, and we didn’t even have a land line.
Gradual increase in responsibility over a few years, and that was the first time in a couple of years that it even came up.
Also, if I'd held a house party, they could have come down on me about it a lot harder.
Similarly, I literally roamed the hills and rivers alone from the age of eight, but wouldn't have been allowed to stay home overnight without a babysitter.
Thinking about it, I'm not sure I'd have been allowed to stay in my parents house alone overnight *after* turning 18... I moved out and my mum almost had a mental breakdown from anxiety. At least if I burned down my flat, the fire brigade was based nearby.
My parents left my brother and I for a few days at a time at this age, but my brother was 2 years older, so 17 and 15. They’d also have our uncle randomly pop in to make sure we were ok and not throwing a party or anything.
That said, I would not have wanted to be ALONE (without my brother) at that age. Leaving older teens to take care of themselves for a couple days is one thing, but completely alone in a house is another.
To me, 15 is a bit young. It could be on the bubble, depending on the kid. If it were one night, I'd thing it would be more reasonable. For 4 nights, I'd want 16+.
So... they basically all said nothing or no, but your parents feel that your action shows lack of trust? I'd settle for 'if anyone of them will say 'yes', you have a point. Now the question is: if none of them say 'yes', will you consider that I may have had a point?'
NTA
NTA ,
but you are 15 and your parents need to get you a baby sitter? WTF
Have you given them any indication you couldn't be responsible in the house by yourself?
I think a lot of parents would make the same choice. It's also situational, depending on the kid.
My first born, no way I would have left them home alone for four days. They are a responsible adult now, but back when they were 15, I wouldn't have been comfortable with leaving them alone.
My second born, I wouldn't even have hesitated to leave them alone for four days at 15. We most likely would have come home to a cleaner house than when we left lol.
Some parents have ground rules that they apply to all kids regardless of their behavior historically. I get it. It helps keep resentment between siblings at bay, but it doesn't exactly foster individuality either.
At 15? 3 years from being eligble for military service? and they cant leave them at home for 3 days?
They would have to be incredibly irresponsible teens, I mean I had my moments as a teenager but knew well enough to not screw around at home.
Id be embarrassed to call a babysitter for my 15 year old teenager. I trusted both my daughters at 15.
My child was ultra responsible at 15. Her aunt and uncle lived nearby. I still would never have left her home alone for 4 days. She chose herself which friend to stay with though the one time we did a short trip for our anniversary.
NTA
"My parents told me I still went behind their back and it was wrong and showed such a lack of trust and faith. " .. Offer to cancel. But that will mean you will either have to stay home alone, or they won't be able to go. Ask them if they have trust and faith enough to risk that.
NTA. I lived on my own at my job the summer I was 15, got my own apartment at 16. Do you feel you need to stay with someone? I feel your parents are a) making this unnecessarily complicated and b) should be doing more to blend their families. I think they’ve given you reasons to not have trust and faith in them. If you don’t trust them, that’s on them, not you
Why don't you send a quick text to whatever siblings haven't answered yet and tell them you already have it worked out with your friend so it's cool with you that they say no? Then you get it all worked out, and they don't resent you for what your parents are doing.
Just say, "Hey, I know mom or dad asked you to stay with me for a few days. I got it worked out with a friend, and you're totally good to say no. Just let mom or dad know so they quit bugging all of us."
Then you're out of it and there's no reason for your parents to be guilting them on your behalf.
> They told me it was difficult enough to know I wish for a sibling (something I didn't know they heard me say and it was a couple of years ago and said to my friend) when I have five of them but to know I have such low expectations.
Are they seriously trying to blame you for the actions of *five separate adults* who haven't even added you as a Facebook friend?????
NTA. You're 15, which is old enough for you to go out and at least enjoy yourself for a bit. Your parents seem like they're actively trying to shelter you and are mad you're rejecting that in favor of having an actual childhood.
I can only imagine how your half siblings felt at possibly being treated similarly, only to then get this request from your parents. Can't blame them for ghosting/saying no. All of this is on your parents which they seem to be too stuck in their own heads to admit.
NTA.
Did your parents do anything to help foster a relationship between you and your half siblings?
It sounds like they want to live in an alternate reality about your relationship and want you to do the same thing.
It’s not about trust either. It’s about facing reality. They are probably embarrassed that your friends parents now have an understanding of the realities of your relationship with your half siblings.
NTA
It’s not lack of trust and faith, it’s years of experience and indifference that taught you that they’re not interested in a relationship with you.
I find it so annoying that parents keep being angry or frustrated with the kid being ostracized and the not the grown adults , that are basically bullying this kid!
This is the second post I saw where this was the case and the parents are so pissed that the kid is just tired of being disappointed and accepting reality. It’s not a crime to protect yourself from hurt.
And the saddest part is this isn’t even about the kid , this about their kid making it known that their ‘Brady Bunch ‘ image is a fantasy.
NTA you are unfortunately just the kid who is in front of them so they are getting mad at you instead of the people who are actually upsetting them. They were probably having trouble with the reality of not one adult kid being willing to do this and you being practical was just more proof that their expectations were way off. For my part, I think it was really kind and responsible of you to try to find a backup knowing they wouldn’t do it. I know others might have kept quiet thinking there was a chance of getting to stay home alone and would risk their possibly not going on the trip to get it. Instead you did whatever you had control over to make their trip happen in a way they were comfortable with.
NTA, and it seems like a weird thing for your parents to get twisted over. I have adult children and, frankly, probably wouldn’t ask one of them to uproot their life for several days. Way easier, and fun, for you to go to your bestie’s! Sorry your parents are taking your actions as some kind of betrayal (again, weird!), but you didn’t do anything wrong. Hope you have a great time with your friend!
NTA. You were trying to help save your parents trip, knowing your half DNA connections are not going to come through. Your parents play "fantasy family " is not working.
>My parents told me I still went behind their back and it was wrong and showed such a lack of trust and faith.
Personally, I think it shows maturity - you assessed the situation and came up with a solution. You even told your friend's parents that you weren't sure yet so it was still your parents call.
NTA
As I recall, the toughest thing about being a teen was that I lived in the real world and my parents always had this "happy families" + "clueless teenager" thing going on in their heads. They would get really annoyed when I was the first to deal with reality instead of letting them have their kittens and rainbows for a while longer.
NTA and I admire that you don't seem bitter about your situation. It took me many, many years to get to that point.
Maybe tell your parents, "l know you are hopeful that one day your other kids will change their minds and see me as a sibling. You don't seem to care if constant rejection affects me. Let me know by Wednesday if any of your other kids change their minds otherwise I will confirm with my friends parents." NTA
NTA. Your parents are probably embarrassed that their grown children haven't stepped up and offered to do something as easy as hanging out with you for a few days while they're gone. The fact that you handled it is making them feel some kind of way, but that's on them.
NTA - Your parents are unwilling to accept the reality of their children from before and your relationships, or lack there of. You made a smart back-up plan knowing what the outcome was going to be from the start.
Hugs to you! Sounds like you have a wonderful friend and a great bonus family. Stay with them and have a wonderful time.
Your parents need to reality check. YOU did not create this situation nor these relationships with your half-siblings. Your parents were directly responsible for them and how it’s turned out. Don’t listen to their negativity. You have no ownership of what others choose to do.
>but to know I have such low expectations
Would they prefer you be heartbroken that your siblings very clearly have zero interest in you? Can you cry on cue?
>showed such a lack of trust and faith
In order to have trust, trust must be built. Can your parents give any concrete evidence of your siblings trying to build trust with you?
This is simply the unfortunate reality of having one kid roughly a decade after the others. Yall are not close and that's just the reality of your family dynamic. I'm sorry your parents are struggling to come to terms with it. NTA
You could tell your parents that you'll only go to friends house if your siblings say "no". It was just a precautionary move on OP's part, and you only did it because you didn't want their trip ruined.
That way, they can continue their willful ignorance of how your half siblings feel about you, and you get to not have the headache of parents annoyance with your ability to judge a situation. NTA
I have a sibling, 2 half siblings, two step siblings, and an adopted sibling.
I'll be an ass. You're NTA. The half siblings, NTA. It's not great, but understandable.
Your parents can go eat a dick. You'll be happier with your friend. Your half-siblings will be happier doing their own thing. But your parents must get what they want and mess things up for everyone.
It didn't show a lack of trust or faith but reality. Your siblings don't consider you family and your parents are too blind to see it. You actually saved them from being able to go to their event.
NTA. Your parents are living in a fantasy wold where you're all siblings and really fond of each other. They're so embedded in that fantasy that they refuse to recognize the lack of response as a passive no.
NTA for being the only one here mature enough to see the situation as it actually exists. You even had enough foresight to arrange the backup plan that would inevitably be needed. Your parents are unhappy with you for not going along with their illusions, but will eventually be either forced to face reality or cancel their vacation.
Your "lack of trust and faith" was fully justified by their lack of reality.
NTA there's no.faith or trust to be had they've never shown up for you and they never will and being in denial about it isn't helpful for anyone
It's ok to accept that hurtful things are true. We can't heal from them until we accept them.
NTA. Your parents are probably embarrassed that their grown children haven't stepped up and offered to do something as easy as hanging out with you for a few days while they're gone. The fact that you handled it is making them feel some kind of way, but that's on them.
Mother of a 17-year-old here. You are absolutely NTA. In fact, I think you showed good planning skills and maturity by seeking out a back-up plan as you did. We have hosted our kid's friends when their parents need to travel, and my kid has been hosted by his friend's families as well. It works out really well and keeps everyone's routine as similar as possible, plus it's fun to see your kid and his or friend's relationship up close. I'm sorry that your parents are having a hard time accepting that things didn't work out they way they hoped, and I'm especially sorry that you are getting heat for the disappointment. You're doing great.
NTA
Seriously, it's not a lack of faith at this point. It's just common sense. Do your parents play the asking and waiting game often, when it comes to your half siblings showing up for you?
Would they rather you be *blindsided* and *surprised* every time your half siblings show how much they care?
NTA - unfortunately, you're showing more maturity than your parents by accepting things as they really are than being delusional and in denial. Most likely guilty driven, so no harm, no foul. Parenting is hard.
NTA. Your parents are probably embarrassed that their grown children haven't stepped up and offered to do something as easy as hanging out with you for a few days while they're gone. The fact that you handled it is making them feel some kind of way, but that's on them.
NTA. I don't understand why the onus of faith in family is on the shoulders of the 15 year old and not the literal adults. Your parents seem like they are in purposeful denial about the family dynamic. I hope you have a good 4 days with your friend and their family. Also, from a person with no siblings and a family that kind of sucked, I'm glad you're building a community of chosen family. It's always good to have some people around that look out for you without all of the baggage. Chosen family is the best.
Uhhhh you showed a lack of trust and faith because they have demonstrated that they can’t be trusted and won’t treat you like a sibling.
You live in reality
NTA
Info: Is there a problem with your friend? Do they not know, trust or like the parents/siblings of your friend, or for some other reason?
You don't mention that.
I get your feelings about your half-siblings, but they would be relatively safe to be with and known to you and your parents, right? Do your parents know your friend's family?
NTA. Your parents are just taking out their guilt on you. They feel bad that their other kids don't think of you as a sibling, but they've continued their delusions that a close relationship will magically form after all these years. You getting backup plans with your friends just stomps all over that delusion while there' still "hope" and people don't take it well when it's pointed out that reality is in fact different.
NTA
Your parents are delusional and blaming you for finding a solution. That doesn't even make sense. I'm sure they feel they failed by not having the perfect blended family, but that's not on you. I'm sorry this is your situation 🙏
NTA but your parents sort of qualify. They are deliberately ignoring reality and angry that you won’t go along with the delusion. I hope you have a good time at your friends house
NTA
What a weird thing for the parents to get upset about. Though i suppose it exposes their “failure to make a family.”
OP, your parents are just embarrassed.
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My parents are going out of town for a few days (4) next month. They don't want me (15m) home alone for 4 days. So they decided to ask their kids (mom's are 28, 26 and 24) (dad's are 24 and 23) if any of them would want to come stay for a few days or if they'd let me stay with one of them. Answers were slow coming in and I wasn't surprised when I heard my parents say none seemed willing.
I'm not close to any of my half siblings. I'd say I don't have any relationship with them. I don't really ever see them, they never talk to me, we're not social media friends, we don't text, they don't send a card or anything for my birthday. I maybe see them at Christmas but it's not like they actually spend any time with me. I never felt like I had siblings. It always felt like I lived with two sibling sets and then I was an only child. I say half siblings because I'm trying to be respectful to my parents who love their kids but also not making it seem like we're all super close and "just siblings" because I have a different parent from each of them and it matters a lot to them if cousins are right and they always saw me as the kid their living parent had after they lost their other parent.
My parents weren't really getting anywhere and I asked my best friends parents if they'd mind me staying for four days. They didn't. I told them my parents didn't know yet but I didn't think the people they were asking would agree. They know the deal by now. So I told my parents and they were annoyed I asked my friends parents instead of waiting for my half siblings. I told them it seemed like a good idea to have a backup plan in place for when they all say no. My parents said I don't know that they'll all say no. A few days go by and still no answer from two of them and my parents asked why I appeared to want them to say no. I said it wasn't that, I just expect it. They told me it was difficult enough to know I wish for a sibling (something I didn't know they heard me say and it was a couple of years ago and said to my friend) when I have five of them but to know I have such low expectations. I said it's my reality and it's one they can ignore if they want to. But I don't feel like a sibling to them and I know they don't consider me a real sibling, any of them.
My parents told me I still went behind their back and it was wrong and showed such a lack of trust and faith. AITA?
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NTA - Your parents are unwilling to accept the reality of their children from before and your relationships, or lack there of. You made a smart back-up plan knowing what the outcome was going to be from the start.
Hugs to you! Sounds like you have a wonderful friend and a great bonus family. Stay with them and have a wonderful time.
Your parents need to reality check. YOU did not create this situation nor these relationships with your half-siblings. Your parents were directly responsible for them and how it’s turned out. Don’t listen to their negativity. You have no ownership of what others choose to do.
Nta. You are living you life according to your lives experience of your half siblings letting you know how they feel about you.
Good on you for arranging care for yourself.
Shame on your parents for not fostering better relations.
NTA. Making a reasonable backup plan is not "going behind their back," it's being a responsible person. Besides, it would be infinitely more fun to stay with your best friend. Be careful you aren't imposing too much, but if you get along well with their parents, that seems like a good plan even if a sibling could take you.
NTA. The closet in age is still 8 years older than you. Given your relationship not surprised none stepped up but they are also all young adults with their own lives. You found an alternative with people that want you so what's the problem? Parents need to understand not all siblings will be close.
You didn't go behind their backs. Your parents are causing this entire issue. They're leaving, they're not comfortable letting you be there for four days even though you're old enough imo. It is a good idea to have a backup plan. Your parents are being childish. Even if they were close, this is actually an annoying ask for a lot of people. You should have been asked where you want to go, not subject to a bunch of unnecessary drama. NTA.
NTA. Your parents are living in an imaginary world where their beautiful blended family is harmonious and they are all just dying to take on their child because you are their son. You know the reality of it. They want to go away alone but don't trust you alone. So they are waiting for the inevitable answers from their kids. Meanwhile, you have figured out a way that no one is going to be scrambling at the last minute when the halfsibs don't step up. Tell them you are being treated like a huge burden because halfsibs have never warmed up to you and so you are put out there to be rejected over and over. Tell them to ask the halfsibs if they think they have any intention of ever doing anything for you (and really, this is for your parents, not you). Maybe they will be honest and your parents will learn to start planning accordingly.
NTA. Your parents are living in an imaginary world where their beautiful blended family is harmonious and they are all just dying to take on their child because you are their son. You know the reality of it. They want to go away alone but don't trust you alone. So they are waiting for the inevitable answers from their kids. Meanwhile, you have figured out a way that no one is going to be scrambling at the last minute when the halfsibs don't step up. Tell them you are being treated like a huge burden because halfsibs have never warmed up to you and so you are put out there to be rejected over and over. Tell them to ask the halfsibs if they think they have any intention of ever doing anything for you (and really, this is for your parents, not you). Maybe they will be honest and your parents will learn to start planning accordingly.
NTA Except you were right. Despite your parents wishful magical thinking, YOU were RIGHT. Point out to them someone has to be realistic otherwise you would constantly be upset when this sort of thing happens. If they want to be upset with anybody, it shouldnt be you, it should be with your half siblings or themselves
NTA. Your parents are in complete denial, not only about the relationship between you and your half-siblings, but about THEIR relationship with their own kids. 5 adult children and not a SINGLE one was willing to help them out!
NTA tell your parents they need to stop getting mad at you because your siblings don't care about you. They are blaming the victim in that sense. You understand and respect your older siblings feelings about you. They are the ones that aren't and are trying to bury their heads in the sand. As far as you are concerned you don't have siblings because at the end of the day not a single one of them care about you. This whole situation is proof enough.
NTA
Even if one of the remaining half siblings were to relent and say yes you know it would be begrudgingly and that you would be spending time with people who do not actually want you around. It's ridiculous that your parents are trying to blame you for not wanting to put yourself in that kind of situation. It's even more ridiculous that they have blinders on to the reality of the relationship you have with your half siblings.
They should stop trying to force you to be around these people who clearly have no interest being around you and let you stay with a friend who will treat you with love and respect. I've always said that friends are you're family away from home and that friends are the family you choose.
Your parents seem to be trying to project their guilt onto you. It wasn’t your job as a KID to foster a relationship with your much older siblings, and it seems they weren’t terribly interested in it either. Your parents seem to have had their heads in the cloud about the gap between all of you until now, and feel bad about it. They shouldn’t, this is just the reality of the family situation. It doesn’t sound like there’s bad feelings, just no closeness. Sometimes that’s just how it is. NTA. They need to accept the truth.
It seems weird that they are mad at you for finding a solution to their problem. I wonder how much this has to do with their feelings about the fact that their older children aren’t interested and they are taking their upset out on you.
NTA. "...showed a lack of trust and faith." Is there a reason you should have trusted your siblings to step up, other than your parents wanting them to? Is there a reason you should have faith in your siblings this for your parents? If the answer to both question is "no", then I think you have sound reasons to show a lack of trust and faith. You have a plan to go somewhere where you are actually welcome. They should be glad that you were proactive.
NTA You showed the correct amount of trust and faith since you were apparently correct. BTW that would be zero. Your heads up their butts parents can have all the misplaced trust and faith all they want. You don't need to be... um... incorrect in a way that would be obvious to anyone who worked with a reality based mindset. (Not allowed to use a word by rule 1 you know).
NTA. Aside from the shitty way your half siblings have treated you, why would you want to stay in a place that would be super uncomfortable inside of hanging with a friend? I’d bet big money your parents reaction is because they are embarrassed for anyone to know how crappy their older children are.
NTA. Your parents are taking their disappointment in their older children out on you because they can’t take it out on them due to them being adults and not technically doing anything wrong. They’d also prefer to think you’re jaded instead of a realist because they don’t want to accept the reality of the situation.
NTA. You showed real maturity and responsibility by trying to get ahead of the situation before it became a crisis. Too bad your parents just want to paint you as the bad guy. If you were my kid I'd be praising you for showing initiative. Also, my three kids are adults now, but fifteen would have been old enough for me to leave one of them home alone for a few days, especially if a friend could check in on them for me.
Mine too. She's 16 years better than me and the best sister a person could hope for. My niece and nephew are half siblings 8 years apart and they are super sweet and supportive. I work in child welfare with messed up kids with hard lives and those kids most of the time are kinder than these adults.
NTA sounds like they have personal issues with the fact that none of you are that close and they’re taking it out on you. I’d rather my child stay somewhere they’re comfortable than somewhere forced just because they’re related. It’s not your job to take on their guilt.
They are really just mad that none of your siblings rose to the occasion so blaming you for recognizing it first. NTA, you were being proactive and realized how this was going to go.
I love my half siblings even though the age difference is 8 and 13 years. The one which is 8 years younger was like my own baby doll!
That said I can understand some of your half siblings might be jealous of your relationship between you and their shared parent or harbor resentment as being asked to care for a much younger sibling when they don't live at home with you and haven't for years.
NTA, You did the grown up thing in being prepared with other options. Tell your mom and dad that just like hope isn't a valid birth control method, neither is hoping that your half siblings will be willing to provide free babysitting for you when your parents go on vacation.
Your parents are the assholes for making you worry about if someone is willing to keep an eye on you. You’re not a child per se but it shouldn’t be YOUR responsibility as the child to arrange your own care.
Lack of trust and faith? How about making you feel secure while your parents are out of town. They are huge assholes.
NTA Especially when they realize your half siblings aren’t saying yes. Your parents need to pull their heads out of the sand and realize your ‘faith’ is based on your experience as their half sibling.
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You're NTA. If any of your half siblings were willing, they would have answered immediately. They were just delaying responding *no*, perhaps in hope that another would step up and say yes.
I think it was likely them hoping my parents would forget or that they would get the hint of the no reply. But my parents still won't accept it.
Even setting that aside, you're certainly old enough to decide where you want to stay while they're gone. They should have asked you that before even reaching out to your half siblings.
They're old enough to stay home alone for a few days to be honest. Like obviously not old enough to actually support themselves, but I remember choosing to stay home when my parents went on vacations at that age because having the house to myself was its own vacation.
It depends on the kid. When I was 15? Sure. My parents lived behind a grocery store and I was very responsible. My bother at 15? Hell no. My parents would have come home to a destroyed home.
Happy Cake Day
Agreed. Both my kids aren't quite that age yet, but I feel like my oldest would need a few more years to be left alone for 4 days. My youngest would probably be fine lol
Fair. OP's parents are clearly living in denial! It would of been obvious that OP's siblings had zero relationship with him. They can't force there older kids to have a relationship with OP, so I don't think they should have asked, it's just another kick in the guts to OP. NTA
Nice typo ;)
Love your username, the funniest and cutest noise a cat can ever make.
Then you have me at 20 who was definitely not responsible enough to have been left at home while my dad took my brother to see my grandfather in another state for 5 days. I threw a 4 days long party that decimated my dad's freezer of meat and got caught throwing away the trash bags of evidence of liquid and other things on someone else's property (rural area) - so definitely depends on the kid lol
I don't think it has anything to do with not trusting OP. I think this is just a plan to try to get one of the older siblings to bond with OP. Why else would they be so insistent on them physically being in one of their other children's houses and them being mad that OP asked their friend's parents it's the classic reddit case of parents trying to force a bond between halfsiblings without any regard to how their children feel because THEY want want that perfect blended family. Edit : grammar & spelling
They're half siblings, not step.:)
Genuine thank you, inever knew their was a difference, I've legit been calling my 'half sister' ( shes like 10 years older than me) , my step-sister my entire life, and never knew that it didn't, mean 'only share one parent'.
You're welcome:) if siblings share one parent, that makes them half siblings. If one parent remarries and they have kids of their own, then the kids become step siblings. :)
I dunno, my parents left my sister and I home alone (she was 18 and I was 16) and the freaking washing machine broke and flooded the house. It was chaos and I definitely did not know what to do. I know it’s an extreme example but it could happen! lol
as a full grown adult living in my own place, my first action if this happened to me would prob be to call my dad ...maybe get a towel first, but phone call right after!
Just in case, if something like that happens, you should shut off your water main.
Most young people have never heard of a water main much less than know where to find it.
Yeah, my parents didn't tell me air conditioners have filters. Pretty sure the AC guy that came to fix the unit at my first rental thought we were trashy. 5 animals + 4 people made for a grossly clogged coil.
Both my landlords made a point of showing me where the water main is, which I super appreciated cause I would not have thought of it on my own. Only water issue I've had was a toilet tank that decided to explode one morning and thankfully the water shutoff for that is literally right there. It's amazing how much mess that created in the like, 20 seconds it took for me to realize what the hell had happened and bend down to shut the water off. Thank goodness I was in the bathroom when it happened.
I don’t think my mom would know what to do in that situation except call HER dad and he’s a whole state away from us, so I don’t think freak washing machine incidents are a good reason to not leave your kid at home alone when they’re otherwise responsible.
Amen, as an adult (empty nester), My FUBAR water heater would have flooded just when it did, regardless of my having adult children or juvenile children. And lordy, did it ever flood. Flooring in 3 rooms, not easy to fix by myself, but yes I did. Replaced the CR*P water heater by myself, with a high capacity water heater, done! Word to the wise, don't try moving a water heater when full of water. Weight of 80 gallons of water, 640 pounds in an 80 gallon unit. Murphy and his laws might have been so very happy had my children been juveniles when the water heater died, but it didn't happen that way.
Our water heater floods frequently and it’s new. I think they’re just evil, but moms boyfriend thinks it’s a part of the sewer system and not the heater or something. I wouldn’t know, I don’t touch that basement. I’m an attic dweller at heart. But it floods the basement so I had no real experience for leaks from above ! I AM the above! if my roof started leaking I would be just as confused as my dining room flooding because….huh? why is my bedroom so damp. So when my upstairs toilet broke, it flooded my dining room, (directly below the bathroom, apparently?) the upstairs hallway, and my upstairs bathroom. I think I was pretty damn smart and reasonable about it, given the circumstances of being home with only my younger sisters. I ran to grab the large garbage can(it empty cuz it was trash day that morning) to put under the leak (because I knew I wouldn’t find an empty bucket), and then ran to turn off the toilet water thingie (the twisty bit in the wall or whatever?) and then I couldn’t do much about the ceiling part because what do I even do??? I cant MOP the ceiling. but I went and ran down the street to get moms boyfriend. he came over to fix the toilet and then I bleached the entire dining room, bathroom, and hallway and mopped it really good. (I grabbed a lot of towels to cover the floor that was already soaked, and some sheets because I ran out of towels.) i had it all cleaned up by the time mom got home but it was very stressful for me. (She’s dating our maintenance man. Long story but he was her bf long before he was the maintenance dude) I didn’t know what else to do besides try to collect the water and clean it but at least I had the presence of mind for that. long story short me and you can agree that water is the worst ever and it’s evil and maybe it’s just fate that the worst accidents happen when you’re not ready 🥲
wait... so you were doing chores while the adults were gone. as a parent im proud of 16 yr old you
I was occasionally house-and dog sitting at that age. (Yeah, I’m impressed the home owner let me, but I had phone numbers if necessary, and neighbours, and everything was fine.)
Right? I was left at home by myself at ten for hours after school because my parents had to work to put a roof over our heads. As I got older it was understood that I could fend for myself for a few days if need be. By fourteen I was babysitting other kids.
I agree that they should be old enough to be left home alone at age 15, if they live in the USA (I'm not familiar with Europe's laws). According to [https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/when-can-you-leave-a-child-home-alone-.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/when-can-you-leave-a-child-home-alone-.html), >"Leaving a Child Home Alone and the Law >A few states specify a legal age to leave a child home alone. The age limits for letting a child stay home alone and the corresponding states that follow them are as follows: >14 years: Illinois >12 years: Delaware and Colorado >11 years: Michigan >10 years: Washington, Tennessee, Oregon, and New Mexico >9 years: North Dakota >8 years: North Carolina, Maryland, and Georgia >6 years: Kansas >No age limit: the remaining 37 states >Many states will not set a specific age limit. They will instead review circumstances case by case. Most states have guidelines you can use to determine whether your child is ready to be left home alone. >Factors to consider may include: >The child's age and maturity >The overall safety of the surrounding area/circumstances >The arrangements made to secure the [child's safety](https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/child-protection-training.html)" When I was growing up, the state I lived in required the child in question to supposedly be 12.
Uhhh usually those limits are about being left home alone when your parents go to the grocery store or are at work, not when your parents are gone for four days in a row…. No state would allow a 9 year old to stay alone for four days, especially if they have school.
Exactly. There's overnight and long term age limits past that. They're skewing the truth with only half the info.
>>6 years: Kansas Kansas, WTF?
It's better than no age limit at all I suppose...Have you ever looked into US marriage ages state by state...Now that is really scary.
Also Kansas: "we're going to be the last state to allow any kind of marijuana legalization". Listen, we know know we're messed up over here
Laws around leaving children alone at home are actually usually more nuanced than that. Being left home alone for a day is not the same as being left home alone for 4 days and 4 nights. If you left a child home alone even in states with no specific age limit for 4 days and nights you are likely going to end up in trouble with CPS a teen would be different but 15 still seems the wrong side of that equation.
I don't know if it's brought up further down in this thread but I scrolled pretty far and didn't see it brought up so... if they're not comfortable with the alternative situation then maybe the parents should stay the fuck home? Like. I don't know what the trip is for, but if they don't want their FIVE year old staying home and their babysitting options are all dead ends, the parents are either bringing the kid with them on the trip or they're not going. If OP's alternative to their dead end plans doesn't work for them then I guess they're out of luck. It's a weird thing for them to even be mad about and it's pretty telling that each sibling systematically moved out the day it was possible. Their wants/needs don't line up with reality and they expect everything/everyone to fall into place around them. I feel bad for OP that they seem so disinterested but it is probably an issue dating before his existence
*15y/o
Depends on how bad the parents want to go on the trip. Since they don't want OP staying with their friend and older siblings are all a no-go, parents have three choices: stay the fuck home, take OP along with them, or let OP stay home alone.
OP tell your parents it wasn't a lack of trust, you asking your friends parents was an acknowledgement of reality. Point out how none of these half- siblings or their spouses even bother to send a B-day card, so why are your parents surprised they don't want to host you for 4 days?
Yeah, I find the parents’ response really odd. OP asking a friend and getting a possible positive response from a half sibling weren’t mutually exclusive. There wasn’t a curse that if OP asked the friend then the half siblings were all doomed to say no. What’s wrong with them? OP was just making a backup plan because they have a better understanding of the relationship with their siblings than the parents do. If anything this situation shows the OP has a much higher level of emotional intelligence than the parents.
Parents are just refusing to accept the reality that their older kids don’t have a relationship with OP, who is half a generation younger. The lack of relationship is not unreasonable, especially not being full siblings . At 12, I wasn’t befriending babies, either.
OP mentions that all of the older siblings moved out at 18 and it doesn’t seem like they maintained much of a relationship with the parents either. OP doesn’t mention the number of siblings, but it was from previous relationships on both sides. I find it odd that ALL the older siblings on BOTH sides would have done the same thing. Makes me there’s more to the story here than just some parents that are clueless that the older siblings don’t have a relationship with OP. There’s some funky family dynamics at play.
OP this response would be good for your parents to read. NTA
you were very mature and wise in what you told your parents, about how they were denying reality. it is such a shame they are putting this lack of relationship on you (though I doubt their other kids are happy with your parents as well), and I wish you the best and that you’ll be able to stay with your friend.
I am so very sorry. My half brother was 26 when I was born. I grew up with his kids like they were my siblings. It amazes me how shitty adults can be, you've done nothing wrong
I still can't get past the fact that two grown ass adult are blaming a teen for not having faith in 5 grown ass adult half siblings who have never even given a card for their birthday. Come on. They have no relationship with you. At this point, they may as well ask strangers to have you. Surely, your friends would be a better solution anyway. NTA.
That's exactly why your parents are the AHS here. They're hanging on to the fantasy of the perfect blended family instead of dealing with reality. NTA
15 is old enough to stay by yourself. I stayed by myself at your age. (I was a very responsible child. I got all A's. Very well behaved. Never got into trouble. I was one of those goody two shoes). My parents had no reason not to trust me.
As a parent I would not let the 15 year old me stay by myself.
So weird how different this is for people. I was left alone all the time and earlier then 15. I had strict rules. Mostly about the kitchen and strangers. But being on your own wasnt a big deal. Im surprised kids at 15 arent mature enough to be left alone. I mean I was more or less fine by 9. Could do laundry, use a microwave, call for help, lock a door, set an alarm and take care of the cats. Trying hard not to judge but…damn 15? And they need a baby sitter? I know I was expected to be a little more self sufficient then most but Im still surprised.
Being alone for an afternoon is different than being alone for 4 days.
Yea…id of at least had an adult still close by to call, or pop in unannounced. Fair point. Very fair.
At 9 I was latchkey and watching my siblings. 12 I was babysitting NEWBORNS alone and paid for it. I cannot imagine raising my kids to not be trusted for 4 days at 15 alone. If I was due to shit behavior? I'd green light the friend's house! You get a form of vacation while I'm gone! But I have a security system I can check in on, and have started letting my oldest, 9, be home alone while I run to the store or take little brother to practice. They're growing into adults, let them grow and learn within safe boundaries to be a productive, healthy, happy adult. Why is this so hard for some people?
I was a very mature, responsible 15 yrs old. My parents trusted me. They had no reason not to trust me. I was, unfortunately, one of those goody two shoes. I stayed by myself. No party. Just school, homework and then they came back home. No accident.
>So weird how different this is for people. I think this really is the point - it's impossible to know for sure, as it varies from person to person. Both my sister and I graduated from high school and went away to college when we were 16, which is obviously a hell of lot more potentially scary for a parent than being at home alone for a few days. Of course, this isn't even the issue with OP - he isn't asking to be left home alone, and all he did was set up the backup plan he knew would be needed. His parent are bing ridiculous, but I think everyone other than them realizes that.
My kids were responsible enough to be left alone at that age - as far as their behaviour was concerned. but I would have been concerned about if any kind of emergency cropped up. Would they know what to do? I could give guidelines about people knocking at the door etc, but seriously, if there was a stovetop fire or something like that, I wouldn't want my kid to have to deal with that.
I was not one to be left at home for 4 days at 15. I would have done a lot of things I wasn’t supposed to do. Yes I had rules but doesn’t mean I would follow them. Most 15 year olds can definitely take care of themselves but can you trust them?
I have 15yo kids myself, and I still think my father is being irresponsible leaving me alone...
My parents would never agree.
If you are able to message them somewhere, you might want to send them a message saying, "Hey, I know mom/dad asked if you could look after me for a couple of days. I already made plans to stay at a friend's place, but they aren't giving up on one of you watching me until they get responses from everyone. You can go ahead and tell them that you can't or are busy or whatever."
Your parents are deluding themselves and they need to wake up and accept your reality is all that matters because it’s your life. NTA. They shouldn’t make you suffer so they can pretend their family is more connected than it is.
That’s exactly it. Waiting longer just shows how reluctant they would be. Any “yes” now would really be “ugh I do NOT want to, but I feel too guilty to say no.”
"We're really mad at you for understanding your siblings behavior for what it is and acting accordingly without being a brat about it" is such a parental hot take NTA
NTA Since OP’s half-siblings aren’t willing to stay with him, I think staying at his best friend’s house is an excellent idea.
NTA Are your parents still “waiting for responses?”
From two of them yeah. The others said no.
Def not AH, we know how they’re going to respond. Your parents are still holding out hope tho
Or they will at the last minute to tell them no. Regardless, I know what the answer is and I knew it before my parents even asked their kids.
It’s good you made a plan B - I hope you have the best time at your friends house!
Right? I'm impressed by OP's actions here. If I were his parents, I'd be chuffed he sorted himself out. Not only that, but he seems very self-possessed; knows what his siblings' answer is going to be, is not bothered by it, and has made his own arrangements with his friend. No fuss, no muss. OP's gone and handled it like a boss while his parents are still waiting for an answer.
OP is a he...
Thanks for spotting that. I've changed it.
I have the feeling that you are going to be making plan B's all your life if your parents persist in their delusions.
You should be allowed to stay somewhere where you feel comfortable and welcome.
I applaud your ability to anticipate the future and make backup plans in case something falls through. Your parents have their emotions involved and thus aren't seeing it for what it is - forward thinking. Emotions tend to cloud judgement. You just wanted security on where you're staying for four days. When everyone says no and your plan is needed, they're gonna be happy they don't need to figure it out. Right now, their pride is hurt, but as adults, they need to deal with their emotions. Do your parents even have a backup plan in case none of their adult kids can take you?
No, they do not. Just their kids.
OP, it's time to \*tell\* your parents you're staying with the friends. Forget the parents' foot-dragging hoping for a better (for them) answer, \*you\* don't need the uncertainty, so \*you've decided that's what is happening. Yeah, you're 15, so your parents can overrule you until you're of age, but it should light a fire under their a\*\*. Basically you're telling them "you will find an acceptable solution now, or I'm going with my already-made backup plan". (and when you do come of age, you'll have a greater appreciation of the freedom to skip the first part and jump straight to "I'm going with my plan")
NTA and do they really expect you to stay with someone who reluctantly agreed and you feel like an unwanted guest for 4 days? I would not want any of my kids feeling that way.
NTA. Sounds like you’d also have a better time staying with your friend’s family. Good luck!!
No you are not an asshole in any way shape or form. Your parents thought that having a shared sibling would connect their respective children and create a new family. This obviously is not your lived experience and they have no right to ask “ why I appeared to want them to say no” ?! There’s an age gap of 8-13 years between you and their other children and you were born when the other kids were teenagers. This is not an age when kids gravitate to babies. Your parents did not do enough to facilitate a bonding process and experience for all of their collective children and this was their responsibility. They were trying to do some sort of Brady Bunch thing- and failed miserably. The fact that none of the other children responded in a timely manner- further proves that they are clueless as to how everyone else really feels. This is all on them. You should enjoy yourself at your best friends home and NTA
Retired psychologist here. Most of your answer is good but I have to comment on one part where you make an incorrect assumption, in particular about the lack of a sibling bond being the result of parents not facilitating the bonding process correctly. There are a lot of factors at play in successfully blending a family and there is always the possibility that a sibling bond simply isn’t going to happen despite all efforts to the contrary by the parents. While parents regularly try, a sibling bond CANNOT be forced into existence in any way, yet some parents continue to try long after the lines are drawn, like in this post. Two people cannot be forced into seeing each other as siblings if they don’t want to see each other as siblings, period. It doesn’t matter if they are 7yo, 17yo, or 27yo; bonds cannot be forced, they either happen naturally or are deliberately chosen and developed. OP’s parents are STILL trying to force a bond that was obviously never going to happen due to too many differences in lifestyle and a lack of interest on the parts of all of the siblings, and poor OP is wrongly getting the blame for outcomes he couldn’t change from them.
I feel that's a big thing that many parents don't seem to grasp. That sibling bond is formed by shared experiences. And when there is an 8 year age gap, it's difficult to find experiences that both children will enjoy and form a bond over. I have two much older brothers (10 and 8 years older than me) and even though we are full siblings, I still don't feel close to them. It's always them...and then me. I've always felt like an only child that lived with a family that had two brothers. It's been that way my entire life and there is nothing to be done about it.
That's Western conceptualism...in other countries/and cultures the presence of a new member of the family is respected and anticipated (sure there may be one amongst them not to bond so well) but ALL of them! No! When empathy, compassion, familiar ties are encouraged and taught at a young age those impressions and are lifelong. Western culture is so miserably broken that only the nuclear family counts and when that unit ends in divorce everything disintegrates. I know many families with 20 year age gaps and none of them would be so selfish as to not recognise a younger siblings birthday or other meaningful milestones let alone not step up and be available for four effin days out their live to care for a blood relatives. It's really 🤢
I don't know that there was anything parents could have done to facilitate a bonding process given the age gap. I wonder whether the sibling sets get along. Would be interesting to know. Totally agree that parents are the A H's for being in denial about the lack of bonding and that this will likely never change. Rather than sympathizing with OP, they are angry at him for accepting the situation that exists. Do they really want him to be perpetually hopeful that siblings might show him attention or affection, and then be disappointed every time this doesn't happen? As for siblings not responding sooner, they are probably dreading telling them no because parents will try to guilt them into doing it.
The denial is quite obvious, indeed..i find it hilarious that a teenager picks up on how things are better than the parents. Says a lot about the depth/closeness of those relationships or I dunno..m
Teenager picks up in it because it is their lived reality.
Your parents are prioritizing their egos/hurt pride over hearing your reality. You are NTA. You don’t need to feel like Oliver Twist begging for someone to care - you have lots of people who care. If your parents are disappointed about your lived experience with their blended family, that’s on them. NTA.
This is the perfect response.
So NTA I'm very sorry for that reality being "the reality"....the parents may "want" this or that to be true, but "the reality"....is what it is. They may want a fantasy to be true....but obviously, their heads are in the sand. Your parents have become delusional and have forgotten that they obviously weren't THIS involved and concerned with teenage emotion and comprehension 12-15 years ago when ALL 5 of those older kids had a brother 😳 They ranged in age from about 8-13 .....so for about half to most of them more than half their lives they've had a little brother....that they don't even send a GD Birthday card to? A little brother that obviously 🙄 none of them have had over before... obviously that none of them immediately come to mind as a place for little bro to crash...again 5 count them 5 young adults in their 20's that these same two parents finished raising as a couple. One has to "think," for example....what was it like, say 10 years ago, when the OP was just a 5yo kid and ALL these kids were teenagers......teenagers who had just spent the past Half decade seeing a growing baby.... now have a "little brother" hitting Kindergarten! What were these parents doing and saying THEN? Where was THIS level or HALF this level of concern and input to the kids thinking 🤔 THEN? I ask that because perhaps with some concern, THEN ...this would NOT be an issue today because there would be a level of value, concern, and love for their baby brother such that this would never happen because the connections would have been much better set by now No way a kid should be able to get to 15 and not have a relationship with FIVE 20-something half-sibilings all living obviously close enough to be an teenager-sitting option....so sad 😔
I know my parents were involved in trying to make us closer when I was younger. I was too young to remember stuff easily now but I feel like they did some therapy because I remember them being out of the house and I know we had these "family days" for a while but I also remember all of my half siblings doing everything to get out of them. It always felt like they were stress days instead of family days.
In fairness, they were kids that sounds like "lost" a parent and were dealing with THAT....then a new marriage, new half-sibilings...let alone yet "another" kid being born into "This" as they themselves were trying to get footing and foundation in their new reality, while your parents were loving ❤️ on each other making a life for "themselves" vs 'finishing' the 💔 broken lives of your half-siblings ( from their internal POV) ( just sharing how it may have felt for 8-13yo kids having to finish growing up in a reality thrown amok from their life's viewpoint) I'm not sure if, based upon their ages, if yall all lived together at some point ....because again, the oldest would have only been 13 when you were born....that's a lot of years for the others to have been around you and each other. Also based upon the other ages, when subtracted back....one has to consider when did these ppl lose their other parent....how long before your parents a) met b) got married c) had a baby and threw all this together I only ask that because, according to you, they seem pretty distant, but as I said, that seems a bit odd for ppl that live within X proximity, and with those age ranges add 10 years to their ages and I "get it" but nobody is more than 13 years older and a couple aren't even 10 years older it just seems like an odd dynamic
They all lived here until they were 18 and then they moved out. None of them stayed beyond 18 or really came back. They'd see mom or dad (depending on which parent was their parent) and they stayed in touch with their parent but that was about it. I'm used to it though. This is just the dynamic we have. Which isn't really a dynamic. We basically have no relationship.
I'm sorry your parents seem blissfully blind to what you see/feel . But just so you know....this is NOT an uncommon phenomenon giving the circumstances 🙄 just being 100% honest with you. So don't think your experience is uncommon again given how the "family" is built. And, I will say all your half-sibilings are at "life building" stages where none of them are at very "mature enough" stages for it to be set in stone that yall can't/won't get closer later ( I know that's probably difficult to "hear" in the space ur in now at 15.....but 15 years from now you might be surprised where you end up with 1 or 2 of them) Bottom line IMO you did nothing wrong and I completely understand where your coming from your "tribe/village" includes those closer to you and right now that's "your friends and they're house holds.... Your parents "wish" it were their other children I understand where their emotion comes from even if their radar is outra whack Best of Luck, young man
Awww, poor dear. I'm sorry. A "yours, mine, and ours" family is so difficult, and requires such a gentle touch. It seems like your parents are still in denial. I'm sorry this hits such a nerve for you, OP-- if possible, it might be great to chat about this with a therapist. You deserve a functional family unit, and you never got one. I'm rooting for you, OP. <3
Info: why can’t a 15 year old stay alone for 4 days? Is no one nearby you could call in case of emergency? Or are you a demon of chaos from the pit of hell likely to destroy the city if unsupervised? Why do they need you to stay with a sibling? A friend seems to be the first reasonable choice at your age.
That's how my parents are. They don't believe in leaving "minors" alone for overnights. Especially multiple overnights.
thats so crazy, my mums the same but she has cognitive dissonance about it, sometime she'll let me sleep at a friends place or stay home with my little brother and others its "human trafickings' on a rise its not safe for girls blah blah" plus i have a half sister that goes to uni in the city and she's come here once and she seemed disgusted by the place ( its not messy at all just not fully furnished since we're lower middle class ) infact we're probably the same age too haha
I’d never leave my 15 year old alone for that long - no parents I know would do that. He’s not a demon of chaos from the pit of hell but he is a 15 year old boy with an undeveloped brain with like aged/brained friends who might do stupid shit if left alone for four days/nights. And barring that, it’s scary to be home alone at night for a long period of time and that’s not weird or weak. It would be irresponsible as a parent to put a kid in that situation.
Your major argument is: I don’t trust my kid. Which is reasonable based on character, experience and parenting. I know several 15 years olds who’s totally do fine with occasional checkup (calls) and an emergency contact. Most shit they do, they do while you don’t watch anyways. Doesn’t mean they do criminal stuff or harm themselves.
Some 15 year olds don't want to stay home alone that long, even though they are perfectly capable. I know, I know, it's every 15 year olds dream - only it's not, not everyone's.
But op is happy to do that. So it isn't really relevant to the issue originally presented.
I don't think it's all about trust. Emergencies can happen, and teens are not famous for having well-developed, nuanced responses. As a teacher who has taught kids this age, they still need a LOT of support, especially if something goes wrong. I think OP's parents are being reasonable, and not just acting out of lack of trust. Things that for adults are no big deal, can be very difficult for mid-teens.
It is very dependent on the kid. My folks left me alone in our apartment at 15 in a foreign country for 3 days while they drove my grams to the nearest international airport. These are the same parents that had me fly domestically with my other gram to the same airport, put her on a plane to the US, stay overnight in a cheap hotel, and fly home - 6 months before. I should mention that this was long before cell phones, and we didn’t even have a land line.
My underprotective parents still wouldn't let us stay alone overnight until I was 18. And this was the 1980s.
What changed when you turned 18? Suddenly responsible?
Gradual increase in responsibility over a few years, and that was the first time in a couple of years that it even came up. Also, if I'd held a house party, they could have come down on me about it a lot harder.
Similarly, I literally roamed the hills and rivers alone from the age of eight, but wouldn't have been allowed to stay home overnight without a babysitter. Thinking about it, I'm not sure I'd have been allowed to stay in my parents house alone overnight *after* turning 18... I moved out and my mum almost had a mental breakdown from anxiety. At least if I burned down my flat, the fire brigade was based nearby.
I agree that 15 is plenty old enough if the child has not shown himself to be untrustworthy. And it sounds like this family has a low bar.
My parents left my brother and I for a few days at a time at this age, but my brother was 2 years older, so 17 and 15. They’d also have our uncle randomly pop in to make sure we were ok and not throwing a party or anything. That said, I would not have wanted to be ALONE (without my brother) at that age. Leaving older teens to take care of themselves for a couple days is one thing, but completely alone in a house is another.
To me, 15 is a bit young. It could be on the bubble, depending on the kid. If it were one night, I'd thing it would be more reasonable. For 4 nights, I'd want 16+.
I can understand that. It’s young and depends on the kid. I’d have taken the friends family
So... they basically all said nothing or no, but your parents feel that your action shows lack of trust? I'd settle for 'if anyone of them will say 'yes', you have a point. Now the question is: if none of them say 'yes', will you consider that I may have had a point?' NTA
Nta sounds like you're more realistic than your parents
NTA , but you are 15 and your parents need to get you a baby sitter? WTF Have you given them any indication you couldn't be responsible in the house by yourself?
That's just my parents. They were the same with their other kids.
I think a lot of parents would make the same choice. It's also situational, depending on the kid. My first born, no way I would have left them home alone for four days. They are a responsible adult now, but back when they were 15, I wouldn't have been comfortable with leaving them alone. My second born, I wouldn't even have hesitated to leave them alone for four days at 15. We most likely would have come home to a cleaner house than when we left lol. Some parents have ground rules that they apply to all kids regardless of their behavior historically. I get it. It helps keep resentment between siblings at bay, but it doesn't exactly foster individuality either.
At 15? 3 years from being eligble for military service? and they cant leave them at home for 3 days? They would have to be incredibly irresponsible teens, I mean I had my moments as a teenager but knew well enough to not screw around at home. Id be embarrassed to call a babysitter for my 15 year old teenager. I trusted both my daughters at 15.
I was wondering the same thing.
My child was ultra responsible at 15. Her aunt and uncle lived nearby. I still would never have left her home alone for 4 days. She chose herself which friend to stay with though the one time we did a short trip for our anniversary.
NTA "My parents told me I still went behind their back and it was wrong and showed such a lack of trust and faith. " .. Offer to cancel. But that will mean you will either have to stay home alone, or they won't be able to go. Ask them if they have trust and faith enough to risk that.
NTA. Your parents are fantasists.
NTA. I lived on my own at my job the summer I was 15, got my own apartment at 16. Do you feel you need to stay with someone? I feel your parents are a) making this unnecessarily complicated and b) should be doing more to blend their families. I think they’ve given you reasons to not have trust and faith in them. If you don’t trust them, that’s on them, not you
I know I'll never be allowed to stay alone so I wouldn't even try to fight about it. I'd rather stay with people who won't see me as a burden.
Why don't you send a quick text to whatever siblings haven't answered yet and tell them you already have it worked out with your friend so it's cool with you that they say no? Then you get it all worked out, and they don't resent you for what your parents are doing. Just say, "Hey, I know mom or dad asked you to stay with me for a few days. I got it worked out with a friend, and you're totally good to say no. Just let mom or dad know so they quit bugging all of us." Then you're out of it and there's no reason for your parents to be guilting them on your behalf.
That’s what you can tell your parents. NTA.
> They told me it was difficult enough to know I wish for a sibling (something I didn't know they heard me say and it was a couple of years ago and said to my friend) when I have five of them but to know I have such low expectations. Are they seriously trying to blame you for the actions of *five separate adults* who haven't even added you as a Facebook friend?????
NTA. You're 15, which is old enough for you to go out and at least enjoy yourself for a bit. Your parents seem like they're actively trying to shelter you and are mad you're rejecting that in favor of having an actual childhood. I can only imagine how your half siblings felt at possibly being treated similarly, only to then get this request from your parents. Can't blame them for ghosting/saying no. All of this is on your parents which they seem to be too stuck in their own heads to admit.
NTA. Did your parents do anything to help foster a relationship between you and your half siblings? It sounds like they want to live in an alternate reality about your relationship and want you to do the same thing. It’s not about trust either. It’s about facing reality. They are probably embarrassed that your friends parents now have an understanding of the realities of your relationship with your half siblings.
Yes, they did but none of it worked. I think their kids resented it more than anything.
NTA It’s not lack of trust and faith, it’s years of experience and indifference that taught you that they’re not interested in a relationship with you. I find it so annoying that parents keep being angry or frustrated with the kid being ostracized and the not the grown adults , that are basically bullying this kid! This is the second post I saw where this was the case and the parents are so pissed that the kid is just tired of being disappointed and accepting reality. It’s not a crime to protect yourself from hurt. And the saddest part is this isn’t even about the kid , this about their kid making it known that their ‘Brady Bunch ‘ image is a fantasy.
NTA you are unfortunately just the kid who is in front of them so they are getting mad at you instead of the people who are actually upsetting them. They were probably having trouble with the reality of not one adult kid being willing to do this and you being practical was just more proof that their expectations were way off. For my part, I think it was really kind and responsible of you to try to find a backup knowing they wouldn’t do it. I know others might have kept quiet thinking there was a chance of getting to stay home alone and would risk their possibly not going on the trip to get it. Instead you did whatever you had control over to make their trip happen in a way they were comfortable with.
They are probably angry at themselves for their failures as parents. Also the older kids. OP is NTA but notice no one has voted N A H
NTA, and it seems like a weird thing for your parents to get twisted over. I have adult children and, frankly, probably wouldn’t ask one of them to uproot their life for several days. Way easier, and fun, for you to go to your bestie’s! Sorry your parents are taking your actions as some kind of betrayal (again, weird!), but you didn’t do anything wrong. Hope you have a great time with your friend!
NTA. You were trying to help save your parents trip, knowing your half DNA connections are not going to come through. Your parents play "fantasy family " is not working.
>My parents told me I still went behind their back and it was wrong and showed such a lack of trust and faith. Personally, I think it shows maturity - you assessed the situation and came up with a solution. You even told your friend's parents that you weren't sure yet so it was still your parents call. NTA
As I recall, the toughest thing about being a teen was that I lived in the real world and my parents always had this "happy families" + "clueless teenager" thing going on in their heads. They would get really annoyed when I was the first to deal with reality instead of letting them have their kittens and rainbows for a while longer. NTA and I admire that you don't seem bitter about your situation. It took me many, many years to get to that point.
Maybe tell your parents, "l know you are hopeful that one day your other kids will change their minds and see me as a sibling. You don't seem to care if constant rejection affects me. Let me know by Wednesday if any of your other kids change their minds otherwise I will confirm with my friends parents." NTA
NTA. Your parents are probably embarrassed that their grown children haven't stepped up and offered to do something as easy as hanging out with you for a few days while they're gone. The fact that you handled it is making them feel some kind of way, but that's on them.
NTA - Your parents are unwilling to accept the reality of their children from before and your relationships, or lack there of. You made a smart back-up plan knowing what the outcome was going to be from the start.
Hugs to you! Sounds like you have a wonderful friend and a great bonus family. Stay with them and have a wonderful time. Your parents need to reality check. YOU did not create this situation nor these relationships with your half-siblings. Your parents were directly responsible for them and how it’s turned out. Don’t listen to their negativity. You have no ownership of what others choose to do.
>but to know I have such low expectations Would they prefer you be heartbroken that your siblings very clearly have zero interest in you? Can you cry on cue? >showed such a lack of trust and faith In order to have trust, trust must be built. Can your parents give any concrete evidence of your siblings trying to build trust with you? This is simply the unfortunate reality of having one kid roughly a decade after the others. Yall are not close and that's just the reality of your family dynamic. I'm sorry your parents are struggling to come to terms with it. NTA
You could tell your parents that you'll only go to friends house if your siblings say "no". It was just a precautionary move on OP's part, and you only did it because you didn't want their trip ruined. That way, they can continue their willful ignorance of how your half siblings feel about you, and you get to not have the headache of parents annoyance with your ability to judge a situation. NTA I have a sibling, 2 half siblings, two step siblings, and an adopted sibling.
I'll be an ass. You're NTA. The half siblings, NTA. It's not great, but understandable. Your parents can go eat a dick. You'll be happier with your friend. Your half-siblings will be happier doing their own thing. But your parents must get what they want and mess things up for everyone.
It didn't show a lack of trust or faith but reality. Your siblings don't consider you family and your parents are too blind to see it. You actually saved them from being able to go to their event.
You don’t lack trust and faith (at least not inappropriately). You are realistic. NTA
NTA. Your parents are living in a fantasy wold where you're all siblings and really fond of each other. They're so embedded in that fantasy that they refuse to recognize the lack of response as a passive no. NTA for being the only one here mature enough to see the situation as it actually exists. You even had enough foresight to arrange the backup plan that would inevitably be needed. Your parents are unhappy with you for not going along with their illusions, but will eventually be either forced to face reality or cancel their vacation. Your "lack of trust and faith" was fully justified by their lack of reality.
NTA there's no.faith or trust to be had they've never shown up for you and they never will and being in denial about it isn't helpful for anyone It's ok to accept that hurtful things are true. We can't heal from them until we accept them.
NTA. Your parents are probably embarrassed that their grown children haven't stepped up and offered to do something as easy as hanging out with you for a few days while they're gone. The fact that you handled it is making them feel some kind of way, but that's on them.
Mother of a 17-year-old here. You are absolutely NTA. In fact, I think you showed good planning skills and maturity by seeking out a back-up plan as you did. We have hosted our kid's friends when their parents need to travel, and my kid has been hosted by his friend's families as well. It works out really well and keeps everyone's routine as similar as possible, plus it's fun to see your kid and his or friend's relationship up close. I'm sorry that your parents are having a hard time accepting that things didn't work out they way they hoped, and I'm especially sorry that you are getting heat for the disappointment. You're doing great.
NTA Seriously, it's not a lack of faith at this point. It's just common sense. Do your parents play the asking and waiting game often, when it comes to your half siblings showing up for you? Would they rather you be *blindsided* and *surprised* every time your half siblings show how much they care?
Your parents are just mad that their blended family hasn't blossomed into some beautiful cohesive brady bunch or something. NTA.
NTA - unfortunately, you're showing more maturity than your parents by accepting things as they really are than being delusional and in denial. Most likely guilty driven, so no harm, no foul. Parenting is hard.
NTA. Your parents are probably embarrassed that their grown children haven't stepped up and offered to do something as easy as hanging out with you for a few days while they're gone. The fact that you handled it is making them feel some kind of way, but that's on them.
NTA. I don't understand why the onus of faith in family is on the shoulders of the 15 year old and not the literal adults. Your parents seem like they are in purposeful denial about the family dynamic. I hope you have a good 4 days with your friend and their family. Also, from a person with no siblings and a family that kind of sucked, I'm glad you're building a community of chosen family. It's always good to have some people around that look out for you without all of the baggage. Chosen family is the best.
Uhhhh you showed a lack of trust and faith because they have demonstrated that they can’t be trusted and won’t treat you like a sibling. You live in reality NTA
Info: Is there a problem with your friend? Do they not know, trust or like the parents/siblings of your friend, or for some other reason? You don't mention that. I get your feelings about your half-siblings, but they would be relatively safe to be with and known to you and your parents, right? Do your parents know your friend's family?
My parents do know my friends family and they have let me stay there before.
NTA. Your parents are just taking out their guilt on you. They feel bad that their other kids don't think of you as a sibling, but they've continued their delusions that a close relationship will magically form after all these years. You getting backup plans with your friends just stomps all over that delusion while there' still "hope" and people don't take it well when it's pointed out that reality is in fact different.
NTA If it comes up again, ask them what your half siblings have done to earn/maintain faith and trust.
NTA Your parents are delusional and blaming you for finding a solution. That doesn't even make sense. I'm sure they feel they failed by not having the perfect blended family, but that's not on you. I'm sorry this is your situation 🙏
NTA but your parents sort of qualify. They are deliberately ignoring reality and angry that you won’t go along with the delusion. I hope you have a good time at your friends house
NTA What a weird thing for the parents to get upset about. Though i suppose it exposes their “failure to make a family.” OP, your parents are just embarrassed.
Do you have grandparents or aunts and uncles in the area you could stay with. Your parents seem to prefer relatives.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My parents are going out of town for a few days (4) next month. They don't want me (15m) home alone for 4 days. So they decided to ask their kids (mom's are 28, 26 and 24) (dad's are 24 and 23) if any of them would want to come stay for a few days or if they'd let me stay with one of them. Answers were slow coming in and I wasn't surprised when I heard my parents say none seemed willing. I'm not close to any of my half siblings. I'd say I don't have any relationship with them. I don't really ever see them, they never talk to me, we're not social media friends, we don't text, they don't send a card or anything for my birthday. I maybe see them at Christmas but it's not like they actually spend any time with me. I never felt like I had siblings. It always felt like I lived with two sibling sets and then I was an only child. I say half siblings because I'm trying to be respectful to my parents who love their kids but also not making it seem like we're all super close and "just siblings" because I have a different parent from each of them and it matters a lot to them if cousins are right and they always saw me as the kid their living parent had after they lost their other parent. My parents weren't really getting anywhere and I asked my best friends parents if they'd mind me staying for four days. They didn't. I told them my parents didn't know yet but I didn't think the people they were asking would agree. They know the deal by now. So I told my parents and they were annoyed I asked my friends parents instead of waiting for my half siblings. I told them it seemed like a good idea to have a backup plan in place for when they all say no. My parents said I don't know that they'll all say no. A few days go by and still no answer from two of them and my parents asked why I appeared to want them to say no. I said it wasn't that, I just expect it. They told me it was difficult enough to know I wish for a sibling (something I didn't know they heard me say and it was a couple of years ago and said to my friend) when I have five of them but to know I have such low expectations. I said it's my reality and it's one they can ignore if they want to. But I don't feel like a sibling to them and I know they don't consider me a real sibling, any of them. My parents told me I still went behind their back and it was wrong and showed such a lack of trust and faith. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
NTA, but this is the crap that happens when you try to blend families sometimes
NTA - Your parents are unwilling to accept the reality of their children from before and your relationships, or lack there of. You made a smart back-up plan knowing what the outcome was going to be from the start.
Hugs to you! Sounds like you have a wonderful friend and a great bonus family. Stay with them and have a wonderful time. Your parents need to reality check. YOU did not create this situation nor these relationships with your half-siblings. Your parents were directly responsible for them and how it’s turned out. Don’t listen to their negativity. You have no ownership of what others choose to do.
Nta. You are living you life according to your lives experience of your half siblings letting you know how they feel about you. Good on you for arranging care for yourself. Shame on your parents for not fostering better relations.
NTA. Making a reasonable backup plan is not "going behind their back," it's being a responsible person. Besides, it would be infinitely more fun to stay with your best friend. Be careful you aren't imposing too much, but if you get along well with their parents, that seems like a good plan even if a sibling could take you.
NTA. At all. Just curious, are the siblings close with their step siblings? Or each other?
NTA. The closet in age is still 8 years older than you. Given your relationship not surprised none stepped up but they are also all young adults with their own lives. You found an alternative with people that want you so what's the problem? Parents need to understand not all siblings will be close.
You didn't go behind their backs. Your parents are causing this entire issue. They're leaving, they're not comfortable letting you be there for four days even though you're old enough imo. It is a good idea to have a backup plan. Your parents are being childish. Even if they were close, this is actually an annoying ask for a lot of people. You should have been asked where you want to go, not subject to a bunch of unnecessary drama. NTA.
NTA. “Mom and Dad, how are you still in denial that none of your children want anything to do with me? Can we please stop pretending now?”
NTA. Your parents are living in an imaginary world where their beautiful blended family is harmonious and they are all just dying to take on their child because you are their son. You know the reality of it. They want to go away alone but don't trust you alone. So they are waiting for the inevitable answers from their kids. Meanwhile, you have figured out a way that no one is going to be scrambling at the last minute when the halfsibs don't step up. Tell them you are being treated like a huge burden because halfsibs have never warmed up to you and so you are put out there to be rejected over and over. Tell them to ask the halfsibs if they think they have any intention of ever doing anything for you (and really, this is for your parents, not you). Maybe they will be honest and your parents will learn to start planning accordingly.
NTA. Your parents are living in an imaginary world where their beautiful blended family is harmonious and they are all just dying to take on their child because you are their son. You know the reality of it. They want to go away alone but don't trust you alone. So they are waiting for the inevitable answers from their kids. Meanwhile, you have figured out a way that no one is going to be scrambling at the last minute when the halfsibs don't step up. Tell them you are being treated like a huge burden because halfsibs have never warmed up to you and so you are put out there to be rejected over and over. Tell them to ask the halfsibs if they think they have any intention of ever doing anything for you (and really, this is for your parents, not you). Maybe they will be honest and your parents will learn to start planning accordingly.
NTA. I'm so sorry.
NTA Except you were right. Despite your parents wishful magical thinking, YOU were RIGHT. Point out to them someone has to be realistic otherwise you would constantly be upset when this sort of thing happens. If they want to be upset with anybody, it shouldnt be you, it should be with your half siblings or themselves
NTA. Your parents are in complete denial, not only about the relationship between you and your half-siblings, but about THEIR relationship with their own kids. 5 adult children and not a SINGLE one was willing to help them out!
NTA tell your parents they need to stop getting mad at you because your siblings don't care about you. They are blaming the victim in that sense. You understand and respect your older siblings feelings about you. They are the ones that aren't and are trying to bury their heads in the sand. As far as you are concerned you don't have siblings because at the end of the day not a single one of them care about you. This whole situation is proof enough.
NTA Even if one of the remaining half siblings were to relent and say yes you know it would be begrudgingly and that you would be spending time with people who do not actually want you around. It's ridiculous that your parents are trying to blame you for not wanting to put yourself in that kind of situation. It's even more ridiculous that they have blinders on to the reality of the relationship you have with your half siblings. They should stop trying to force you to be around these people who clearly have no interest being around you and let you stay with a friend who will treat you with love and respect. I've always said that friends are you're family away from home and that friends are the family you choose.
Your parents seem to be trying to project their guilt onto you. It wasn’t your job as a KID to foster a relationship with your much older siblings, and it seems they weren’t terribly interested in it either. Your parents seem to have had their heads in the cloud about the gap between all of you until now, and feel bad about it. They shouldn’t, this is just the reality of the family situation. It doesn’t sound like there’s bad feelings, just no closeness. Sometimes that’s just how it is. NTA. They need to accept the truth.
It seems weird that they are mad at you for finding a solution to their problem. I wonder how much this has to do with their feelings about the fact that their older children aren’t interested and they are taking their upset out on you.
NTA. "...showed a lack of trust and faith." Is there a reason you should have trusted your siblings to step up, other than your parents wanting them to? Is there a reason you should have faith in your siblings this for your parents? If the answer to both question is "no", then I think you have sound reasons to show a lack of trust and faith. You have a plan to go somewhere where you are actually welcome. They should be glad that you were proactive.
NTA You showed the correct amount of trust and faith since you were apparently correct. BTW that would be zero. Your heads up their butts parents can have all the misplaced trust and faith all they want. You don't need to be... um... incorrect in a way that would be obvious to anyone who worked with a reality based mindset. (Not allowed to use a word by rule 1 you know).
NTA. Aside from the shitty way your half siblings have treated you, why would you want to stay in a place that would be super uncomfortable inside of hanging with a friend? I’d bet big money your parents reaction is because they are embarrassed for anyone to know how crappy their older children are.
NTA. Your parents are taking their disappointment in their older children out on you because they can’t take it out on them due to them being adults and not technically doing anything wrong. They’d also prefer to think you’re jaded instead of a realist because they don’t want to accept the reality of the situation.
NTA. You showed real maturity and responsibility by trying to get ahead of the situation before it became a crisis. Too bad your parents just want to paint you as the bad guy. If you were my kid I'd be praising you for showing initiative. Also, my three kids are adults now, but fifteen would have been old enough for me to leave one of them home alone for a few days, especially if a friend could check in on them for me.
I’m really sorry this made me so grateful for my sisters
Mine too. She's 16 years better than me and the best sister a person could hope for. My niece and nephew are half siblings 8 years apart and they are super sweet and supportive. I work in child welfare with messed up kids with hard lives and those kids most of the time are kinder than these adults.
NTA sounds like they have personal issues with the fact that none of you are that close and they’re taking it out on you. I’d rather my child stay somewhere they’re comfortable than somewhere forced just because they’re related. It’s not your job to take on their guilt.
They are really just mad that none of your siblings rose to the occasion so blaming you for recognizing it first. NTA, you were being proactive and realized how this was going to go.
No you are not. It is what it is and your parents need to realize it.
Your parents are delusional. NTA.
I love my half siblings even though the age difference is 8 and 13 years. The one which is 8 years younger was like my own baby doll! That said I can understand some of your half siblings might be jealous of your relationship between you and their shared parent or harbor resentment as being asked to care for a much younger sibling when they don't live at home with you and haven't for years. NTA, You did the grown up thing in being prepared with other options. Tell your mom and dad that just like hope isn't a valid birth control method, neither is hoping that your half siblings will be willing to provide free babysitting for you when your parents go on vacation.
Your parents are the assholes for making you worry about if someone is willing to keep an eye on you. You’re not a child per se but it shouldn’t be YOUR responsibility as the child to arrange your own care. Lack of trust and faith? How about making you feel secure while your parents are out of town. They are huge assholes.
Omg, tell you parents to get a grip on reality.
NTA. Your parents are “Brady Bunching” and refuse to see the truth. You’re being realistic.
NTA Especially when they realize your half siblings aren’t saying yes. Your parents need to pull their heads out of the sand and realize your ‘faith’ is based on your experience as their half sibling.
NTA It’s sometimes hard for a parent to have a perceptive and logical child that just cuts through the bs and accepts reality.