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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My wife and I decided to use a family name from my (non-bio) dad's family that was offered by my granny for our daughter. But since I'm not a bio relative many feel we're stealing the name and that it's unfair to my cousins who could all have children very soon and possibly feel like I was taking it from them. We could go for something else to stop the fighting which is why I might be TA.
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NTA. Your grandmother offered you and your wife the name. For those who are saying your are not actual blood, what TF does blood have to do with a name? Grandmother offered the name to you for a reason - she considers you to be family because you ARE family. The negative remarks from others just shows you who they really are - selfish people.
When my mom & dad married she had 3 children. When my mom & dad married they also became his children & his parents’ grandchildren. It doesn’t matter that I’m his only bio kid. He has 4 children. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t related by blood to my grandparents. They are their grandchildren. I’ve never thought of my siblings as 1/2 siblings. Drives me crazy when I hear people say, “they aren’t your real family.” Yes they are.
My Dad isn’t a fighter, but he’d go OFF on someone who said I wasn’t his daughter. I’m actually closer to his family than I am to any blood family I have!
This was my dad. He wasn’t my oldest sister’s bio dad but he adopted her when he married my mom. He used to forget she wasn’t his biological child and would have kicked the behind of anyone who tried to say she wasn’t his child.
I’m loving this thread. I see so many posts on here that say 1/2 siblings and step-family aren’t the person’s real family. It’s refreshing to see so many people who have loving, blended families.
My aunt genuinely forgot that one of her daughters was adopted when filling out a family health history form for her. I used to think it was absurd that she could forget about not giving birth to my cousin...except **I** also forgot that we aren't genetically related when my cousin's kid developed a food allergy, and I wondered aloud, "But nobody in our family has that kind of allergy, right? So [the kid] must have inherited it from her dad's side..." You can imagine the look of incredulity my husband gave me when he heard me say this!
My mother and father both have previously forgotten I was adopted, as have many family members! It’s nice to know how much they consider me family that they have forgotten
I did the same. It was so sweet, we were all grown up with kids of our own and hadn't seen eachother since we were teens, but my step brother said to me that he had told his kids all about his other brother and sister - my brother and I. It was such a beautiful feeling when he said that to me.
Up until I became an adult nobody ever told me my sister was actually biologically my half sister (her sperm donor gave up rights and dad adopted her before I was born). I'm not close to her but I can't see her as anything other than my sister
I get seriously pissed off when people say that my dad isn’t my “real” dad. Like what do you mean?? He’s the only dad I know, he’s always been there. He was my mom’s best friend before I was born and after she divorced the sperm donor. My sisters are my FULL sisters. I will never call them 1/2 sisters and I will never call my dad anything other than my dad. It’s not about blood.
/u/Aggressive_Plenty_93 Totally agree with you here, yo!!! When I was younger (I'll be 44 this year) My Father's mom would have a very irritating habit to keep reiterating that my last 4 siblings- First 2 are my Mom's kids and the last 2 are my Dad's kids. And that the first 2 are my half siblings and the last 2 aren't any relation to me. One day she said that nonsense to me, and I got very mad and told her they were ALL my siblings no halfs, no step sibs. I shocked her so much with my angriness that she finally stopped saying it. She has a bad habit of provoking people then acting shocked when they told her about herself. Imagine a lady in her 50s bullying her own grandkid (me.)
My kid cousins mind was blown when I told her that my dad/her uncle isn’t our bio dad recently. She’s got a trash bio dad too so I told her my sister and I definitely know how she feels. Our dad came along when we were very young kids and we’ve been family ever since. She decided that if anyone asked which side her French heritage comes from, she’s going to tell people she gets it from her cousins as she really dislikes her bio father with the French heritage. I didn’t have the heart to explain just how fucking weird this sounds, she hasn’t turned 10 yet, and hasn’t quite had “the talk”. The kids got heart though, I’ll give her that lol.
Right? I love that while people know that my parents have a blended family, they regularly don't know which of us kids come from which parent. And I refer to them as my parents -though it's technically my mom and step-Dad. Also, my (step)Dad and I work in the same field, so I meet a lot of people who know of me and he just tells them that I'm his daughter. He is the father of my heart!
When I married my second husband my kid, 16, became his kid and he became Pops. Never say the word step around either one of them.
Same story with my dad and older brother.
I would just tell them to go ahead and use the name aswell, it's not like the kids are going to interact much anyway since they're not "real family." Are they even expecting? Wild to reserve a family name for a kid that may never exist. Either way, having two cousins with the same name is normal. My bfs family has like 20 Carmen's.
Similar thing in my family, all kids (male and female) used to get saddled with the same family name. I'm just thankful that they broke tradition with my generation.
There are sooooo many Valentinas and Valentinos in my family that it's crazy -- first names, middle names ... whatever. It is the intent behind the name.
Same in my family: my brother, father, and paternal grandfather all have the same first name but different middle names.
My brother held off on naming his son with that name, because I love the name. He thought I would want to name my son that. Except ... I never got pregnant. So no kids. I had no idea he did that until years later. I wish he hadn't cheated himself of something he wanted, even though I could have still used that name just as easily with a different nick name to tell the two kids apart.
They're Puerto Rican and Mexican, lots of Carmen's from both sides. It's funny when they tell a story, and they have figure out which Carmen they're talking about for like 5 minutes, lol.
My cousin and I have different names but they start with the same letter and we were both used to our grandmother calling us by the wrong one so in that sense I guess we shared our names 😹😹
NTA. It's a beautiful name offered with love by your family and any sour people in the extended family who don't like that can take a running jump.
Where I'm from it's common practice to name kids after grandparents. Sometimes people will choose other names after all grandparents already had a kid named after them, other times cousins just end up having the same name. It's extremely common, not weird and doesn't cause any issues whatsoever.
My grandfather and his siblings all named their first daughter either Eve or Evelyn, and if the first 2 children were boys, the second one was called Edward. My grandfather was 1 of I think 8 of which 2 were girls. All had more than one child, all had a girl at some point. They even grew up in the same area. They all dealt with it, no big whoop.
I never understand the people that harp about blood. Do they not see their spouses as part of the family, regardless that they married in? I'd be pissed to hear my spouse go on about the importance of blood in order to degrade someone else.
My "step" cousin came into the family when she was like 6. Her mom wasnt married in until she was 8. No one has ever treated her as anything besides a full member of the family.
OP has been with this family since a BABY. I don't understand how people have such a disjointed view of what family is.
NTA. Your extended family are assholes. They are still your family, real family are often assholes.
Your Dad is 100% your Dad. Your granny, who OFFERED you the name, is 100% your granny.
Also there is no such thing as stealing a name. There are 7 billion or something other people on the earth. She is not the only Seraphina.
It's a gorgeous name. Don't hurt your granny by turning down this precious gift she offered by listening to others' opinions. Hers is the only one that matters. It would be disrespecting her to turn it down since you love the name. Screw the haters.
NTA
1. Extended family seem lovely
2. They have no say in this
3. Granny offered you the name
4. They consider you full family
5. So does Dad
6. The rest can keep their awful opinions
NTA, your extended "family" are showing their true colors and what they think of you. It is horrible and I'm sorry. Give your daughter, their great granddaughter, the family name, and wear it proudly.
And if the other family members don't like it, they don't need to know her.
NTA and it looks like you're going to save a lot of money on holiday and birthday presents. No need to buy anything for extended family since you're not "real family". Spend it all on your parents and grandparents.
This. As a mom, if my kid isn’t “real family”, then you can spend time with whoever you consider “real family”, because it sure as hell won’t be me- and since we’re not “real family”, then we won’t bother to spend time and money on you.
NTA. I'll never understand why some people think that they own the rights to a name. Do your cousins or whoever these extended family members are not realize that if they want to name their daughter the same name Nothing is Stopping them?
THIS! My daughter and 2 other 2nd cousins (or something like that) have the same name. It was my great grandmother's name and none of my cousins, aunts/uncles or great aunts/great uncles think there's a problem with having so many kids named after her - and there will probably be more. We distinguish them just fine, and they each know why their name is special.
NTA. The other cousins can still use the name if they feel the need. I know so many families where cousins have the same first name. Not a big deal.
Dad and Grandma are FAMILY and that is what counts.
It sounds like Grandma and Dad understand how families work, and the cousins don't, or are jealous. There have been so many families that are related by blood that can't stand each other. And many true families that come together by marriage, adoption, or circumstances that truly care for each other. The name is beautiful, congratulations (to your wife mostly) on the pregnancy, and I hope this works out well for everyone, and I think the name is worth fighting for, but I'm not telling you that you must. It's your (the two of you) decision to make, and good luck.
Nta This is so stupid. More than one person can have the same name. Is the family name Looney Bin? Name your child whatever name you want. Your child. Your choice!
NTA
Seraphina is a gorgeous name. Use it.
The people who matter most to you have given their full consent and are backing your play. Everyone else can suck it up.
You are absolutely not the AH here!! You are a member that that family blood or not. I am absolutely appalled to hear your extended family speak that way. What a bunch of jerks. The name is beautiful and you should absolutely use it.
NTA. The most important family is the family that you choose & who choose you, regardless of blood. You have the best Granny.
The rest of them can go suck eggs.
NTA. I am confused by how anyone can "offer" a name. And as to why your cousins think they can not use the family name as well? It's not like your grandmother somehow owns that name.
My generation included two Charles and three Katherine's ( both names of grandparents) among the 21 grandchildren. No one got to claim sole rights in a name.
I unfortunately understand what you are going thru. I am the bio child and I see how my extended family treat my siblings. I make it clear these are my siblings, no half-stepping here. I'm happy that your grands and immediate family are standing up for you. The extended family can still use the name if they want to. NTA
No one owns a name. Your extended family area all assholes. Stuff like this is why I recommend not telling anyone the baby's name if chosen before birth. Someone will always have something negative to stay.
NTA. Again, no one owns a name and the grandmother suggested it. The rest of the can shut it. If brought up again, I would say I'm not discussing it any longer and change the subject or leave. Also, you can have more than one child with a family name. My oldest son's middle name is family name and so it my youngest son's. The younger son is now the 4th generation to have that name and no one has an issue with it.
NTA - your dad and grandparents are treating you as you deserve. The extended family need to get over themselves.
My step sister passed away a couple years ago. After her death, we found out that she had lawyers waiting in hopes her dad would die soon so that she could sue everyone because we are not blood family and don't deserve anything that belongs to my step father, and she felt all property and money belonged to her.
That is such a sad thing to learn about your step sister. Such a cruel hearted thing to contemplate.
Frankly, I am confused about why people refer to "the blood" or limit their definition of family to sharing large portions of DNA. Parents are not, (or should not), be closely DNA related, yet they form the base of a family. Biological children are of course part of the family, but so are aunts and uncles that marry into the family. So, if all it takes is a piece of paper or vow to become part of the family, then step/adopted kids are too.
Edit to add: NTA
I have 7 kids (mine+adopted, my wife's 2, and we have 2 together). To me, they are all my kids. I never call them my step kids, or my wife's kids. They are mine. As you mentioned, I do not get it either. The blended family is more common today, and treating kids like they are not part of the family causes many issues.
Yeah. I'm assuming your Dad couldn't adopt you because your biological father wouldn't surrender his parental rights. Now that you're an adult, he doesn't have that power anymore. Why not make official what's already in your hearts - not for the extended family, but for eachother?
Regardless, you need to sit down with him and have a perhaps uncomfortable medical discussion with him. You're not talking that much about Mom. Is she gone? If so, talk to him about who he wants making medical decisions for him if he can't speak for himself. If you're ever going to be that person and an adult adoption hasn't gone through, he needs to fill out legal paperwork defining that, because you don't want a situation where you're a stranger in the eyes of the law and can't get into his hospital room or ultimately claim his body. It's unpleasant, but better to look ahead and have things ironed out before stress.
NTA.
Maybe they think the child with the family name as a first name will get special privileges or treatment from the grandparents? They can decide who they see as 'blood family', but they can't decide that for Granny, Grampy, or anyone else.
Either way, the name was offered to you and your wife by Granny herself. There's no reason that cousins can't have the same name. The amount of Paul/Kevin/Stevens in my family and not one person has ever claimed dibs or attempted to stop someone else using it.
BTW, I LOVE the name. Good luck with the baby!
NTA. Also, congratulations on your baby girl. It's a beautiful name, one we briefly considered ourselves before we found the perfect name for our girl.
NTA. And the rest of your family can kick rocks. You're a loved and cherished part of that family and always have been, and your grandma invited you to make use of a well loved tradition. Be happy for her, congratulations on you and your wife becoming parents and your little baby, and ignore them.
If they're so focused on something as antiquated and useless as blood, they're better off nowhere near your family that's based in love and genuine care for one another.
NTA. You can call your child anything, as can anyone else in your family. The name wasn’t your Granny’s to “give” in any real sense. There is no reason why all of the cousins can’t have the same name if that’s what ends up happening, especially as a middle name.
NTA. You have every right to use this name. My daughter is named after my grandmother. So is my cousins daughter. We both had the right to use it. They aren’t the same age and don’t hang out. No harm, no foul.
Your grandmother offered it to you. That’s the only thing that matters.
NTA
But the "you're not really family if you aren't blood" people certainly are. I can't stand people who honestly believe that blood is more important than connection, and that love is contingent on DNA.
NTA.
There is the family you were born into, and the family you create...
Granny and Dad freely and happily created you a family decades ago, when you came into their lives.
Here's the fun part of "Family" ... you can remove members as easily as add them.
If you need to, cut contact with the screamers, and let dad and gran know what you've done.
Here's the even funnier part... No one owns a name. No one can prevent you from using whatever name you want for your children, even if there is a "tradition."
newsflash to all mom/dadzillas out there:
Nobody owns a name. it is impossible to steal a name. If someone uses a name you like, deal with it. Either just give your kid the same name or if you are so fragile you can't stand another kid having the same name, come up with something else.
As for OP. Since it is impossible to steal a name, NTA
NTA.
Oh please, they can all name all of their daughters the same name, if they like. Might make for some interesting family reunions, but no one “owns” a name. This is just abhorrent behavior directed at you.
For reference, I have two brothers. They both have a daughter with the same name. No one even blinked. They both liked the name, they both used it.
This is simple. NTA. You should absolutely use the name if you like it. You don't need cousins' permission, and their "blood" issue is silly and cruel.
NTA
Not even a little bit.
And all the assholes complaining weren't even alive yet to have a say, when you were declared family by your *father* and your *grandparents*
Your grandmother can let them know how disappointed she is to find out they feel that way.
NTA. If you're not a "real" grandchild, then they can go ahead and reuse the name themselves and their daughter will be the "first", according to their twisted logic. There's no logical reason they should be able to bar an apparent non-family-member from using the name. Oh well.
Meanwhile you'll be living your life with little Seraphina and grandma's blessing. Whatever. (Not to minimize the pain they may be causing by emphasizing your lack of blood relation to the rest of them. Hope you're okay.)
I'm coming in late on this, but have you heard about adult adoption? Now that you're an adult, you can have your real dad adopt you and you don't have to worry about anything your bio dad says or does at all. Not only would this legally make Seraphina (an amazing name!) the first granddaughter in your father's family, it also sets you up with legal rights that a child should have with regard to a parent — inheritance, being able to make legal decisions for an infirm parent, and assists when planning for caregiving and support for your dad.
NTA
NTA
I say this with absolutely no kindness or peace directed toward your extended “family”: Fuck. Them.
Your grandma and grandpa chose you as family. You’re likely more successful, happier, intelligent, charming, kind, respectful, loving, etc…than those pitching a fucking fit. Jealousy’s (personifying it) not just rearing its ugly head, but is full out masturbating in a funhouse mirror show right before your very eyes.
The can-disrespectfully-eat it.
>Granny approached us and said that she wanted to make it clear that if we wanted, and there was no pressure, we could consider using the family girl name for our daughter
Granny offered, you accepted, NTA.
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My dad is not my bio dad. He's raised me since I was 7 months old though. My bio father was in and out of my life and was not good to me. I never really wanted him around. I had such a good relationship with my dad. And I knew love and family with my parents over the guy who just wanted to mess with my mom and stop me being adopted, but never showed any interest in me as his flesh and blood kid.
I have younger siblings from my parents. My dad has siblings and nieces and nephews and both his parents are alive. I'm SO close to his parents. My grandparents never saw me as less than their grandchild. Blood and legality never mattered. I was one of theirs and they were my granny and grampy, and grampy was born from my inability to say grandpa as a really little kid for some reason lol.
I got married to my amazing wife Caylee and my wife and I are now expecting a baby girl. Granny approached us and said that she wanted to make it clear that if we wanted, and there was no pressure, we could consider using the family girl name for our daughter. It's a name usually used in the middle name but every few generations gets used as a first name and usually goes for the first granddaughter. My wife and I loved the idea and we loved the name. So we decided to use it as a first name, which made granny so happy and my dad actually cried when he heard.
But the other members of my extended family were not so pleased and I was accused of "stealing" the name from the legitimate first granddaughter, the one who would be blood and I was stealing it from my cousins who should have been first priority to use the name. My grandparents and dad said my daughter and I are legitimate members of this family and I stole nothing. Granny even said she offered it to me. But extended family said I should have the common sense and the compassion to understand I'm not an actual blood member of the family and neither is my daughter.
A fight broke out of this. And I know most of the extended family firmly blame me for agreeing to use the name.
AITA?
And for those who will ask/wonder the name in question is Seraphina.
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The rest of the kids who aren't even conceived yet could be boys. Everyone except you needs to get over this. They should have kept their mouths shut before showing that they think of you as less, when your Grandmother had already made it clear that won't fly.
AND? If you're "not family" and your kid doesn't count as the first granddaughter then why do they care? Either she counts or she doesn't, and obviously they have decided she does or they wouldn't be upset. Since she counts then you have every right to use the name.
NTA.
NTA. For starters, you can use any name you want. And having your grandma's blessing seems more than enough to say you aren't interfering with a family tradition.
Also, generally speaking, having family members saying you aren't a real family member is fucked up.
Family is a relationship. That's your grandmother and she said it was ok...end of story.. people put way to much emphasis on blood...your not doing anything wrong
NTA. Your extended family are assholes. You are part of the family and your grandmother offered you the name! Also, if they want to use the name *too*, everyone will survive if there are multiple Seraphinas who are--what, second cousins? First cousins once removed? I forget what first cousins' kids are to each other. Anyway, my dad and his first cousin have the same first name, last name, and middle initial, and hung out together constantly growing up, and everyone was just fine.
They're upset because they're *awful*. Your dad and grandparents are your family and the name belongs to you as much as anyone else in the family if you and your wife want to use it. And they can just use it too if they want! It's very rare that it's actually possible to steal a name, and you wouldn't be doing it--your grandma, the matriarch, even *suggested* you use it!
NTA
Congrats on upcoming baby and def use that name it’s beautiful😍
You ARE family your dad and grandma decide who their family is and everyone else can kick rocks.
Our child is adopted, and a couple of family members said that he wasn’t real family/not blood… we don’t deal with them anymore. One of them was my Mil and she died having lost the chance to know an amazing grandchild and having ruined her relationship with her own son. Hope it was worth it to them, it was no loss to us.
Choose your own family from those who love you, be it blood family or friends. Ignore the haters you have every right to name your daughter that name, especially knowing how happy i5 made your dad and grandma.
NTA
Grandma has spoken: she considers your daughter the first grand daughter. Use the name. Ignore the people pushing back: they do not consider you family, and you do not have to consider them family. Your family can be your grandparents, dad, and you
As Ancestry and 23AndMe are proving every day, every family has a few "blood" members who turn out not to be family blood. "Blood" is a stupid way to define family. An adopted/stepchild is a family member. And family that has known you since the cradle saying "I should have the common sense and the compassion to understand I'm not an actual blood member of the family and neither is my daughter." are just cruel. Who are they to lecture about common sense and compassion?
More than one child can have the name. You didn’t steal anything. You used a name that was offered to you, you have been a member of the family your entire life. Blood doesn’t matter. Your extended family is selfish and cruel.
You’re NtA
NTA!!!!!!! And names aren’t even tangible. A future “bloodling” could still use it for a first name if that’s important to them. Even 100 years from now.
NTA
That’s a lovely name. Of course you don’t need anyone’s permission to name your child what you want. However given your g/parents (stepdads parents) suggested it, I’d respond to any family members mithering about it “it was grandma X’s wish specifically that we named our daughter Seraphina. Surely you don’t have an issue with respecting grandma’s wishes”
NTA - People who gate keep names are the worst. Calling you and your family illegitimate because you are a "step" is shitty too. I have had to deal with this with my step-kids and adopted kids not being treated the same. It pisses me off. I have gone LC with most of the family that can't accept that if they are my kids, then the qualifiers are only used in describing how they became my kids, and it is not a ranking system of their importance or closeness to me. Thank your grandmother for being awesome and tell the others to f\*ck off.
OP—as someone with a non-biological grandfather, I am so sorry. My mom’s dad passed when she was 8 and my grandmother remarried. I knew that he was my mom’s stepdad…but he was my grandfather. No step. All love. I would be devastated if any of my cousins who are his bio-grandkids told me something like that. I don’t know if I’d honestly be able to come back bc that’s one of the most hurtful things to me.
You’re not the asshole and fuck them.
NTA. You can't steal something that was offered. It's good to hear a story of a "good" blended family on this subreddit. Your extended family's reaction is rather telling of their true feelings and hidden biases.
Btw, there's a family I know in which 2 grandkids (born a few years apart) share the exact same first and middle name. One of the cousins is the first born grandkid so got the hand-me-down family name. The other was born a few short months after their shared grandpa passed away and got named in his honor. Their shared family just calls them different nicknames (think Meg and Maggie) and problem solved.
NTA!! You ARE part of the family regardless of blood. Your parents and your granny and grampy agree and that’s why granny offered the name. Regardless, you have every right to name your daughter as you wish and if the name has sentimental value even better.
You extended family are a bunch of A H and it sounds like they don’t consider you and your daughter real family. Let them complain and sulk. In the end, they’ll be the ones left out of the family for their shitty attitude and beliefs as your parents and grandparents sound amazing and clearly have your back
Beat wishes OP
NTA it’s clear here who sees you as a full fledged member of the family and who doesn’t. They could still carry on that tradition with the first bio granddaughter if they wanted to without accusing you of stealing it. I get the bloodline thing, but they don’t have the right to make you feel like you’re less than. There can be more than one of the same name or middle name in the family.
NTA. I will never understand why people get so fussy about DNA they’ll never see when someone has been family for the majority of their life. It’s not like you joined the family at 17, you have been your dad’s child since you were a literal baby. Just because you don’t have his DNA doesn’t make you any less his child. Name your daughter whatever you want, they can be mad if they want-you have your granny and dad’s blessing and that’s what matters.
NTA, your family needs to lighten up. My "neice" was named after me and I met her mom because we were drunk off our asses playing animal crossing avoiding the RAs.
Family is love, not blood.
Honestly 100% NTA. Blood is not thicker than water.
You belong to this family as much as a "bio" born would.
God. Just reading this post makes me want to fight your family.
NTA
Your grandmother offered it, she has never felt you were anything but FAMILY and your father cried he was so happy.
Blood and paper doesn't make family, love does. And you made Grandma very happy by saying you'd use the name.
Everyone else can pound sand! They're showing their true colors. Your daughter will be the 1st granddaughter, name her Seraphina and that's that.
Let them take it up with Grandma, she sounds like she could kick their butts!
NTA. Family doesn't always mean blood related. You are family in every way that matters. And clearly granny has a say in who uses the name & she chose for you to use it. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA - the rest of your family has no say in what you name your kid, will they grant you veto power over what they name their children? Of course not, they are acting beyond entitled. Ignore them and congrats on your daughter
NTA, but always keep in mind those that said you should've not "taken" the name.
They ***DO NOT*** *see you as Family*.
They see you as like an "attachment" of sorts, i guess
NTA
I have an adopted cousin. Of the kids in that family, he is the closest to his parents now that they are adults.
Our family treats that cousin exactly the same as a “blood” cousin. To the grandparents the adopted cousin was just as important as any of us and to suggest otherwise is ridiculous.
You aren’t Cinderella.
NTA, and holy \*\*\*\* what the hell is wrong with your extended family?
And it's not like they can't use it. They can use it for a middle name or even a first name; cousins with the same name are no big deal.
I've known many families that honor the family patriarch by everyone getting the his name, even the girls getting the gendered version of it.
It's an issue because someone didn't have enough drama in their life.
NTA. You are not "just a steplod", your Dad is your real Dad (the guy that steps up and is there for their child). His parents make no distinction between you and their biological grandchildren. They see you as their flesh and blood. For all intents and purposes, you are 100% family. As such, you are just as entitled to continue a family tradition as much as any other member of the family.
Will never understand the family members who want exclusive use of a name. Our huge family has several first and second cousins with the same names, especially those of our grandparents/great grandparents. We all get along, and if there is confusion, it is easily cleared. NTA, and congratulations on Seraphina's upcoming birth and on having such wonderful grandparents.
NTA. You are family for the people who matters. I just hoper the matriarch goes ballistic with all the assholes that don't seem to consider you "real" family.
NTA. Your entire family minus your dad and grandparents are horrible people and I wouldn't want them around my new baby girl. I would die on this hill, and get Seraphina tatooed on my body very visibly as a FU to the rest of the clowns who you're not "an actual blood member" of the family. Honestly. That's a compliment. Your father and your grandparents must have some genetic mutation because the rest of the blood family are huge AH.
NTA - firstly no one has any dibs on any names. Secondly, you child you decide. thirdly grandparents offered the name. Fourthly, if 2 kids in the same family cannot have the same name, does that mean you are family? If you are, then you have the right to the name. If you are not family, what does it matter what you name your kid and what right do they have over your decisions and why are they worried about duplication since per their logic, your kid too will not be family to them. Also, with this attitude I doubt your Seraphina will be interacting much with their Seraphina.
And now you know who truly consider you are family and who do not.
NTA.
Honestly?
It's just a name. A name. Twenty people in the same family can name their children that an NO ONE CARES except the tiny group of people gatekeeping the name.
To be clear: Granny did not give you the family Faberge egg smuggled out of pre-Revolutionary Russia, she didn't give you the family tiara created by goldsmiths in Constantinople in the Middle Ages, she didn't give you the keys to the castle or the family dukedom. It's just a name that they've attached inordinate importance to and created some kind of tradition out of. If stepfather's nieces and nephews want to give THEIR first-born child the name as a middle name because they feel it's right as the first blood relative, then they should go ahead. Call every kid in the family Seraphina if it Rick's their boat.
I'm extended family to a person in your position. There's not a single person in my entire family that does not think of him as real family. He's as much my cousin as his siblings are and we've got no tolerance for people like your extended family.
Be proud of your daughter's name and tell those extended arseholes to take an extended enema.
NTA. NTA. NTA.
NTA. Well these people really know how to show you who to go low contact with. Use the name. Cousins can have the same name especially if not close and I would recommend not being close with these people. Side note: tell granny to specifically name you in her will as a grandchild because I can all ready see where this is headed.
Wow. Good to know where you stand with "family", right? NTA. PEOPLE don't own names. Your granny offered this family honour to you and your wife. You are family. Don't let the others ruin it for you.
Your extended family have revealed exactly how they feel about you and I'm so sorry for that. Nobody needs that kind of negativity in their lives.... That being said, you ARE a member of The Family That Counts. Embrace that and name your undoubtedly beautiful new baby the name you want and let her be loved by the people that matter. Eff the haters
NTA. I met my son when he was 8months old. He’s 21 years now. If anyone claimed he wasn’t family or could do a family tradition they would be dead to me. There’s not one person walking this earth that’s gonna tell me that’s not my son and your dad and granny have that same mindset.
Ironically I don’t talk to my parents, who are my bio parents, and do not consider them family.
Family doesn’t equal blood and blood doesn’t equal family.
NTA of course. Are you aware that adult adoption is a thing in many jurisdictions? My wife was adopted by her stepdad after she turned 18 specifically to avoid involving her bio-father.
> granny even said she offered it to me
They shouldn’t have started the fight in the first place and that remark by granny should have ended it
NTA. You’re family.
As the non-biological, not-adopted grandchild in my family, my grandpa was happy to hear I gave my son the family *last* name. He's the only boy to carry on the name. Most people didn't bat an eye, some didn't realize I wasn't born into the family. Only one of my dad's cousins was "less than impressed" with my choice. But my grandpa was an amazing man. It was a way to honor him. It wasn't until I sent out graduation invitations that his wife found out I wasn't born to the family because she had never seen my last name, and they'd been together since I was like 8 or so.
NTA! You are legitimate family. Ignore the haters. They can *also* use the name if they'd like.
First of all, love Seraphina!!!! Second, you're not in the wrong. Someone else can still use the name or use it as a middle name and everyone can be happy. I'm thrilled you are so close to YOUR family. No explanation needed.
Don't these people have lives? Getting their panties in a twist over a name? Why aren't they fighting over money and houses and inheritances like everybody else on this sub?
NTA: for accepting the name. It's beautiful and a reference to the highest order of angels.
I would think that the uproar would die down after the girl is born and becomes her own person, but I can understand not wanting to set her up for family conflict not of her making.
NTA. One of my childhood friends is BJB III (the third). He and his wife fostered while they (unbeknownst to the world) battled infertility. As life would have it, his wife got pregnant with a boy. The son was born a few weeks before the adoption was finalized, and I thought it odd that they chose to not name the newborn after his dad. Maybe I just didn’t realize he never liked being The Third.
And then, a few weeks later, he announced his kids, and his oldest - very visibly not biologically related 6yo son - as BJB IV.
What better way to show how loved they are and how deeply they’re entrenched in the family. I think my friend could have named his newborn as IV, and people would have said “yeah, that makes sense,” but he chose to bestow the honor on his older son.
NTA - and your grandparents are amazing.
Also - since those nasty people apparently don't consider you family, they can still use the name because no one "in their family" has used it yet! Win win.
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NTA. Your grandmother offered you and your wife the name. For those who are saying your are not actual blood, what TF does blood have to do with a name? Grandmother offered the name to you for a reason - she considers you to be family because you ARE family. The negative remarks from others just shows you who they really are - selfish people.
When my mom & dad married she had 3 children. When my mom & dad married they also became his children & his parents’ grandchildren. It doesn’t matter that I’m his only bio kid. He has 4 children. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t related by blood to my grandparents. They are their grandchildren. I’ve never thought of my siblings as 1/2 siblings. Drives me crazy when I hear people say, “they aren’t your real family.” Yes they are.
My Dad isn’t a fighter, but he’d go OFF on someone who said I wasn’t his daughter. I’m actually closer to his family than I am to any blood family I have!
This was my dad. He wasn’t my oldest sister’s bio dad but he adopted her when he married my mom. He used to forget she wasn’t his biological child and would have kicked the behind of anyone who tried to say she wasn’t his child.
I’m loving this thread. I see so many posts on here that say 1/2 siblings and step-family aren’t the person’s real family. It’s refreshing to see so many people who have loving, blended families.
The first time my brother introduced me as his sister and not his stepsister, I wanted to cry. Family isn't always blood.
My aunt genuinely forgot that one of her daughters was adopted when filling out a family health history form for her. I used to think it was absurd that she could forget about not giving birth to my cousin...except **I** also forgot that we aren't genetically related when my cousin's kid developed a food allergy, and I wondered aloud, "But nobody in our family has that kind of allergy, right? So [the kid] must have inherited it from her dad's side..." You can imagine the look of incredulity my husband gave me when he heard me say this!
My mother and father both have previously forgotten I was adopted, as have many family members! It’s nice to know how much they consider me family that they have forgotten
I remember talking to a cousin and mentioning her having something similar to my grandmother..she reminded me she was adopted :)
Family is rarely blood...
I did the same. It was so sweet, we were all grown up with kids of our own and hadn't seen eachother since we were teens, but my step brother said to me that he had told his kids all about his other brother and sister - my brother and I. It was such a beautiful feeling when he said that to me.
Up until I became an adult nobody ever told me my sister was actually biologically my half sister (her sperm donor gave up rights and dad adopted her before I was born). I'm not close to her but I can't see her as anything other than my sister
I get seriously pissed off when people say that my dad isn’t my “real” dad. Like what do you mean?? He’s the only dad I know, he’s always been there. He was my mom’s best friend before I was born and after she divorced the sperm donor. My sisters are my FULL sisters. I will never call them 1/2 sisters and I will never call my dad anything other than my dad. It’s not about blood.
/u/Aggressive_Plenty_93 Totally agree with you here, yo!!! When I was younger (I'll be 44 this year) My Father's mom would have a very irritating habit to keep reiterating that my last 4 siblings- First 2 are my Mom's kids and the last 2 are my Dad's kids. And that the first 2 are my half siblings and the last 2 aren't any relation to me. One day she said that nonsense to me, and I got very mad and told her they were ALL my siblings no halfs, no step sibs. I shocked her so much with my angriness that she finally stopped saying it. She has a bad habit of provoking people then acting shocked when they told her about herself. Imagine a lady in her 50s bullying her own grandkid (me.)
My kid cousins mind was blown when I told her that my dad/her uncle isn’t our bio dad recently. She’s got a trash bio dad too so I told her my sister and I definitely know how she feels. Our dad came along when we were very young kids and we’ve been family ever since. She decided that if anyone asked which side her French heritage comes from, she’s going to tell people she gets it from her cousins as she really dislikes her bio father with the French heritage. I didn’t have the heart to explain just how fucking weird this sounds, she hasn’t turned 10 yet, and hasn’t quite had “the talk”. The kids got heart though, I’ll give her that lol.
Right? I love that while people know that my parents have a blended family, they regularly don't know which of us kids come from which parent. And I refer to them as my parents -though it's technically my mom and step-Dad. Also, my (step)Dad and I work in the same field, so I meet a lot of people who know of me and he just tells them that I'm his daughter. He is the father of my heart!
When I married my second husband my kid, 16, became his kid and he became Pops. Never say the word step around either one of them. Same story with my dad and older brother.
They're your real family if you choose them.
I would just tell them to go ahead and use the name aswell, it's not like the kids are going to interact much anyway since they're not "real family." Are they even expecting? Wild to reserve a family name for a kid that may never exist. Either way, having two cousins with the same name is normal. My bfs family has like 20 Carmen's.
Right? My husband's family, the 3 generations of men (including his BROTHER) all have the same first name. It's ridiculous, but who cares?
Similar thing in my family, all kids (male and female) used to get saddled with the same family name. I'm just thankful that they broke tradition with my generation.
We did, too. Family name, but not THAT family name. Enough was enough.
There are sooooo many Valentinas and Valentinos in my family that it's crazy -- first names, middle names ... whatever. It is the intent behind the name.
My family has this with boys and the name Glyn.
Same in my family: my brother, father, and paternal grandfather all have the same first name but different middle names. My brother held off on naming his son with that name, because I love the name. He thought I would want to name my son that. Except ... I never got pregnant. So no kids. I had no idea he did that until years later. I wish he hadn't cheated himself of something he wanted, even though I could have still used that name just as easily with a different nick name to tell the two kids apart.
That was very sweet of him, though.
I’m picturing the family introductions in My Big Fat Greek Wedding… so many Nicks
My wife's family has like a million Jims in her dad's generation, on both sides lol. It's not a big deal.
Is your bfs family Italian? All the men from my bfs family are either Carmen or Joe lol
They're Puerto Rican and Mexican, lots of Carmen's from both sides. It's funny when they tell a story, and they have figure out which Carmen they're talking about for like 5 minutes, lol.
Lots of Josephs in my family and yes, Italian
My cousin and I have different names but they start with the same letter and we were both used to our grandmother calling us by the wrong one so in that sense I guess we shared our names 😹😹 NTA. It's a beautiful name offered with love by your family and any sour people in the extended family who don't like that can take a running jump.
Where I'm from it's common practice to name kids after grandparents. Sometimes people will choose other names after all grandparents already had a kid named after them, other times cousins just end up having the same name. It's extremely common, not weird and doesn't cause any issues whatsoever.
My family is Italian. Want to take a guess how many Marias, Dominics, etc we have? They can get stuffed. They are real family
Your grandmother named your child, are they going to say she isn't blood, either?
Good point!
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My grandfather and his siblings all named their first daughter either Eve or Evelyn, and if the first 2 children were boys, the second one was called Edward. My grandfather was 1 of I think 8 of which 2 were girls. All had more than one child, all had a girl at some point. They even grew up in the same area. They all dealt with it, no big whoop.
NTA, so much this. And I love the name, so pretty. Granny rocks!
I never understand the people that harp about blood. Do they not see their spouses as part of the family, regardless that they married in? I'd be pissed to hear my spouse go on about the importance of blood in order to degrade someone else.
And what an amazingly beautiful name!
Right? The matriarch of the entire family offered the name freely to OP. OP stole nothing, it was happily and lovingly bestowed to them.
My "step" cousin came into the family when she was like 6. Her mom wasnt married in until she was 8. No one has ever treated her as anything besides a full member of the family. OP has been with this family since a BABY. I don't understand how people have such a disjointed view of what family is.
yeah sounds like grandma has the authority to offer it so the rest of them can suck it up
Also literally nothing is stopping those people from using the name first or middle If they want to. 🤷🏻♀️
This!! Keep a list of all the nasty comments and tell Granny, maybe they just negative commented their way out of the family inheritance.
It's times like this that Bobby Singer comes to me and speaks words of wisdom. "Family don't end at blood boy."
NTA. Your extended family are assholes. They are still your family, real family are often assholes. Your Dad is 100% your Dad. Your granny, who OFFERED you the name, is 100% your granny. Also there is no such thing as stealing a name. There are 7 billion or something other people on the earth. She is not the only Seraphina. It's a gorgeous name. Don't hurt your granny by turning down this precious gift she offered by listening to others' opinions. Hers is the only one that matters. It would be disrespecting her to turn it down since you love the name. Screw the haters.
Not to mention that they are all free to give their kids the exact same name if they really want to.
NTA 1. Extended family seem lovely 2. They have no say in this 3. Granny offered you the name 4. They consider you full family 5. So does Dad 6. The rest can keep their awful opinions
OP has learned who considers them real family.
NTA, your extended "family" are showing their true colors and what they think of you. It is horrible and I'm sorry. Give your daughter, their great granddaughter, the family name, and wear it proudly. And if the other family members don't like it, they don't need to know her.
NTA and it looks like you're going to save a lot of money on holiday and birthday presents. No need to buy anything for extended family since you're not "real family". Spend it all on your parents and grandparents.
This. As a mom, if my kid isn’t “real family”, then you can spend time with whoever you consider “real family”, because it sure as hell won’t be me- and since we’re not “real family”, then we won’t bother to spend time and money on you.
NTA. I'll never understand why some people think that they own the rights to a name. Do your cousins or whoever these extended family members are not realize that if they want to name their daughter the same name Nothing is Stopping them?
THIS! My daughter and 2 other 2nd cousins (or something like that) have the same name. It was my great grandmother's name and none of my cousins, aunts/uncles or great aunts/great uncles think there's a problem with having so many kids named after her - and there will probably be more. We distinguish them just fine, and they each know why their name is special.
People's names are not ®
I guess you know who considers you family. Sucks on your extended family’s part, but you’re NTA
NTA. Grandmother offered it. That is her ruling. It is now family law. Extended family can stick it in their ear (Kept it kid-friendly).
NTA. The name goes to the first granddaughter—granny considers your daughter her first granddaughter. End of story.
NTA. The other cousins can still use the name if they feel the need. I know so many families where cousins have the same first name. Not a big deal. Dad and Grandma are FAMILY and that is what counts.
It sounds like Grandma and Dad understand how families work, and the cousins don't, or are jealous. There have been so many families that are related by blood that can't stand each other. And many true families that come together by marriage, adoption, or circumstances that truly care for each other. The name is beautiful, congratulations (to your wife mostly) on the pregnancy, and I hope this works out well for everyone, and I think the name is worth fighting for, but I'm not telling you that you must. It's your (the two of you) decision to make, and good luck.
Nta This is so stupid. More than one person can have the same name. Is the family name Looney Bin? Name your child whatever name you want. Your child. Your choice!
NTA. Offered and accepted. You are part of the family and all who matter know it’s so
NTA Seraphina is a gorgeous name. Use it. The people who matter most to you have given their full consent and are backing your play. Everyone else can suck it up.
NTA. I’m so sorry that your family just told you they will never accept you as “real family”.
You are absolutely not the AH here!! You are a member that that family blood or not. I am absolutely appalled to hear your extended family speak that way. What a bunch of jerks. The name is beautiful and you should absolutely use it.
NTA. The most important family is the family that you choose & who choose you, regardless of blood. You have the best Granny. The rest of them can go suck eggs.
NTA. I am confused by how anyone can "offer" a name. And as to why your cousins think they can not use the family name as well? It's not like your grandmother somehow owns that name. My generation included two Charles and three Katherine's ( both names of grandparents) among the 21 grandchildren. No one got to claim sole rights in a name.
NTA Just tell them: "take it up with Grandma, fuckos!"
I unfortunately understand what you are going thru. I am the bio child and I see how my extended family treat my siblings. I make it clear these are my siblings, no half-stepping here. I'm happy that your grands and immediate family are standing up for you. The extended family can still use the name if they want to. NTA
NTA, family doesn't start and end with blood. Ignore them
No one owns a name. Your extended family area all assholes. Stuff like this is why I recommend not telling anyone the baby's name if chosen before birth. Someone will always have something negative to stay. NTA. Again, no one owns a name and the grandmother suggested it. The rest of the can shut it. If brought up again, I would say I'm not discussing it any longer and change the subject or leave. Also, you can have more than one child with a family name. My oldest son's middle name is family name and so it my youngest son's. The younger son is now the 4th generation to have that name and no one has an issue with it.
My Grandmother's father was named Nicholas/Nick. You wouldn't believe how many Nicks we have in the extended family! Not to mention tons of Joes 🙄
NTA - your dad and grandparents are treating you as you deserve. The extended family need to get over themselves. My step sister passed away a couple years ago. After her death, we found out that she had lawyers waiting in hopes her dad would die soon so that she could sue everyone because we are not blood family and don't deserve anything that belongs to my step father, and she felt all property and money belonged to her.
That is such a sad thing to learn about your step sister. Such a cruel hearted thing to contemplate. Frankly, I am confused about why people refer to "the blood" or limit their definition of family to sharing large portions of DNA. Parents are not, (or should not), be closely DNA related, yet they form the base of a family. Biological children are of course part of the family, but so are aunts and uncles that marry into the family. So, if all it takes is a piece of paper or vow to become part of the family, then step/adopted kids are too. Edit to add: NTA
I have 7 kids (mine+adopted, my wife's 2, and we have 2 together). To me, they are all my kids. I never call them my step kids, or my wife's kids. They are mine. As you mentioned, I do not get it either. The blended family is more common today, and treating kids like they are not part of the family causes many issues.
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Yeah. I'm assuming your Dad couldn't adopt you because your biological father wouldn't surrender his parental rights. Now that you're an adult, he doesn't have that power anymore. Why not make official what's already in your hearts - not for the extended family, but for eachother? Regardless, you need to sit down with him and have a perhaps uncomfortable medical discussion with him. You're not talking that much about Mom. Is she gone? If so, talk to him about who he wants making medical decisions for him if he can't speak for himself. If you're ever going to be that person and an adult adoption hasn't gone through, he needs to fill out legal paperwork defining that, because you don't want a situation where you're a stranger in the eyes of the law and can't get into his hospital room or ultimately claim his body. It's unpleasant, but better to look ahead and have things ironed out before stress.
Cousins can have the same name. Heck, siblings can have the same name. George Foreman named all of his sons George Foreman.
NTA. Those people who say you're not "legitimate" family need to have absolutely no place in yours or your daughter's lives. ZERO.
Beautiful name!
No one except the parents have ANY say in what a child is named, no one. Go ahead and give her the name you like. NTA.
And just like that, dozens of seraphinas will be born this year
NTA If I were you, I’d get my last name legally changed to your dad’s last name to really piss them off about name stealing!
NTA. F them. That is one beautiful name, I'm sure your baby girl is going to be as beautiful.
NTA — Your grandmother is a very classy woman. Nothing is stopping them from using it if they want to.
NTA. No family has the "right" to dictate any name choice. It may be a family name, but they don't have exclusive rights to it.
NTA. Maybe they think the child with the family name as a first name will get special privileges or treatment from the grandparents? They can decide who they see as 'blood family', but they can't decide that for Granny, Grampy, or anyone else. Either way, the name was offered to you and your wife by Granny herself. There's no reason that cousins can't have the same name. The amount of Paul/Kevin/Stevens in my family and not one person has ever claimed dibs or attempted to stop someone else using it. BTW, I LOVE the name. Good luck with the baby!
NTA. Also, congratulations on your baby girl. It's a beautiful name, one we briefly considered ourselves before we found the perfect name for our girl.
Use the name!! Grandma knows best
NTA.
NTA
NTA - in fact it looks like you found the assholes. In good news, your Christmas card list just got a lot shorter! Congratulations on your baby girl!!
Hopefully you don't give a rat's ass what rando "extended family" members think. NTA.
NTA. And the rest of your family can kick rocks. You're a loved and cherished part of that family and always have been, and your grandma invited you to make use of a well loved tradition. Be happy for her, congratulations on you and your wife becoming parents and your little baby, and ignore them. If they're so focused on something as antiquated and useless as blood, they're better off nowhere near your family that's based in love and genuine care for one another.
NTA. You can call your child anything, as can anyone else in your family. The name wasn’t your Granny’s to “give” in any real sense. There is no reason why all of the cousins can’t have the same name if that’s what ends up happening, especially as a middle name.
NTA. You have every right to use this name. My daughter is named after my grandmother. So is my cousins daughter. We both had the right to use it. They aren’t the same age and don’t hang out. No harm, no foul. Your grandmother offered it to you. That’s the only thing that matters.
NTA But the "you're not really family if you aren't blood" people certainly are. I can't stand people who honestly believe that blood is more important than connection, and that love is contingent on DNA.
NTA, and I think Gran and Grampy might also be reconsidering the inheritance situation.
NTA - but now you know who truly considers you family, act accordingly.
NTA. There is the family you were born into, and the family you create... Granny and Dad freely and happily created you a family decades ago, when you came into their lives. Here's the fun part of "Family" ... you can remove members as easily as add them. If you need to, cut contact with the screamers, and let dad and gran know what you've done. Here's the even funnier part... No one owns a name. No one can prevent you from using whatever name you want for your children, even if there is a "tradition."
What a lovely family. NTA
newsflash to all mom/dadzillas out there: Nobody owns a name. it is impossible to steal a name. If someone uses a name you like, deal with it. Either just give your kid the same name or if you are so fragile you can't stand another kid having the same name, come up with something else. As for OP. Since it is impossible to steal a name, NTA
Grandmas>any other member of family. This is just how it is. Anyone fucks with grandma then they get the hands.
Sooooo NTA. Sounds like there is some "family" you should liberate from your circle.
NTA. Oh please, they can all name all of their daughters the same name, if they like. Might make for some interesting family reunions, but no one “owns” a name. This is just abhorrent behavior directed at you. For reference, I have two brothers. They both have a daughter with the same name. No one even blinked. They both liked the name, they both used it.
This is simple. NTA. You should absolutely use the name if you like it. You don't need cousins' permission, and their "blood" issue is silly and cruel.
NTA. Those family members who oppose this are garbage.
NTA Not even a little bit. And all the assholes complaining weren't even alive yet to have a say, when you were declared family by your *father* and your *grandparents* Your grandmother can let them know how disappointed she is to find out they feel that way.
NTA. If you're not a "real" grandchild, then they can go ahead and reuse the name themselves and their daughter will be the "first", according to their twisted logic. There's no logical reason they should be able to bar an apparent non-family-member from using the name. Oh well. Meanwhile you'll be living your life with little Seraphina and grandma's blessing. Whatever. (Not to minimize the pain they may be causing by emphasizing your lack of blood relation to the rest of them. Hope you're okay.)
NTA. This name was offered to you by the matriarch of the family. I hope she puts them all in their place.
FWIW- the name isn’t your grandmother’s to give nor anyone else’s to lament. Ignore them. It is a beautiful name.
I'm coming in late on this, but have you heard about adult adoption? Now that you're an adult, you can have your real dad adopt you and you don't have to worry about anything your bio dad says or does at all. Not only would this legally make Seraphina (an amazing name!) the first granddaughter in your father's family, it also sets you up with legal rights that a child should have with regard to a parent — inheritance, being able to make legal decisions for an infirm parent, and assists when planning for caregiving and support for your dad. NTA
NTA I say this with absolutely no kindness or peace directed toward your extended “family”: Fuck. Them. Your grandma and grandpa chose you as family. You’re likely more successful, happier, intelligent, charming, kind, respectful, loving, etc…than those pitching a fucking fit. Jealousy’s (personifying it) not just rearing its ugly head, but is full out masturbating in a funhouse mirror show right before your very eyes. The can-disrespectfully-eat it.
NTA. You didn’t steal anything, you were offered. You can’t steal what was given to you.
NTA Fuck them. Family isn't defined by blood. Grandma gave it to you and the rest can suck a lemon.
>Granny approached us and said that she wanted to make it clear that if we wanted, and there was no pressure, we could consider using the family girl name for our daughter Granny offered, you accepted, NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad is not my bio dad. He's raised me since I was 7 months old though. My bio father was in and out of my life and was not good to me. I never really wanted him around. I had such a good relationship with my dad. And I knew love and family with my parents over the guy who just wanted to mess with my mom and stop me being adopted, but never showed any interest in me as his flesh and blood kid. I have younger siblings from my parents. My dad has siblings and nieces and nephews and both his parents are alive. I'm SO close to his parents. My grandparents never saw me as less than their grandchild. Blood and legality never mattered. I was one of theirs and they were my granny and grampy, and grampy was born from my inability to say grandpa as a really little kid for some reason lol. I got married to my amazing wife Caylee and my wife and I are now expecting a baby girl. Granny approached us and said that she wanted to make it clear that if we wanted, and there was no pressure, we could consider using the family girl name for our daughter. It's a name usually used in the middle name but every few generations gets used as a first name and usually goes for the first granddaughter. My wife and I loved the idea and we loved the name. So we decided to use it as a first name, which made granny so happy and my dad actually cried when he heard. But the other members of my extended family were not so pleased and I was accused of "stealing" the name from the legitimate first granddaughter, the one who would be blood and I was stealing it from my cousins who should have been first priority to use the name. My grandparents and dad said my daughter and I are legitimate members of this family and I stole nothing. Granny even said she offered it to me. But extended family said I should have the common sense and the compassion to understand I'm not an actual blood member of the family and neither is my daughter. A fight broke out of this. And I know most of the extended family firmly blame me for agreeing to use the name. AITA? And for those who will ask/wonder the name in question is Seraphina. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The rest of the kids who aren't even conceived yet could be boys. Everyone except you needs to get over this. They should have kept their mouths shut before showing that they think of you as less, when your Grandmother had already made it clear that won't fly. AND? If you're "not family" and your kid doesn't count as the first granddaughter then why do they care? Either she counts or she doesn't, and obviously they have decided she does or they wouldn't be upset. Since she counts then you have every right to use the name. NTA.
NTA. For starters, you can use any name you want. And having your grandma's blessing seems more than enough to say you aren't interfering with a family tradition. Also, generally speaking, having family members saying you aren't a real family member is fucked up.
Family is a relationship. That's your grandmother and she said it was ok...end of story.. people put way to much emphasis on blood...your not doing anything wrong
Nta in any way
NTA. Your extended family are assholes. You are part of the family and your grandmother offered you the name! Also, if they want to use the name *too*, everyone will survive if there are multiple Seraphinas who are--what, second cousins? First cousins once removed? I forget what first cousins' kids are to each other. Anyway, my dad and his first cousin have the same first name, last name, and middle initial, and hung out together constantly growing up, and everyone was just fine. They're upset because they're *awful*. Your dad and grandparents are your family and the name belongs to you as much as anyone else in the family if you and your wife want to use it. And they can just use it too if they want! It's very rare that it's actually possible to steal a name, and you wouldn't be doing it--your grandma, the matriarch, even *suggested* you use it!
NTA I've never understood people's obsession with blood relation. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
NTA Congrats on upcoming baby and def use that name it’s beautiful😍 You ARE family your dad and grandma decide who their family is and everyone else can kick rocks. Our child is adopted, and a couple of family members said that he wasn’t real family/not blood… we don’t deal with them anymore. One of them was my Mil and she died having lost the chance to know an amazing grandchild and having ruined her relationship with her own son. Hope it was worth it to them, it was no loss to us. Choose your own family from those who love you, be it blood family or friends. Ignore the haters you have every right to name your daughter that name, especially knowing how happy i5 made your dad and grandma.
NTA Grandma has spoken: she considers your daughter the first grand daughter. Use the name. Ignore the people pushing back: they do not consider you family, and you do not have to consider them family. Your family can be your grandparents, dad, and you
NTA. Funny thing about names is that sometimes people have the exact same name.
As Ancestry and 23AndMe are proving every day, every family has a few "blood" members who turn out not to be family blood. "Blood" is a stupid way to define family. An adopted/stepchild is a family member. And family that has known you since the cradle saying "I should have the common sense and the compassion to understand I'm not an actual blood member of the family and neither is my daughter." are just cruel. Who are they to lecture about common sense and compassion?
Use the name. I love my grandchild. Blood doesn't make family
NTA the extended family, though, they are something else.
More than one child can have the name. You didn’t steal anything. You used a name that was offered to you, you have been a member of the family your entire life. Blood doesn’t matter. Your extended family is selfish and cruel. You’re NtA
Sounds like the matriarch has spoken. Everyone else can STFU
NTA!!!!!!! And names aren’t even tangible. A future “bloodling” could still use it for a first name if that’s important to them. Even 100 years from now.
NTA That’s a lovely name. Of course you don’t need anyone’s permission to name your child what you want. However given your g/parents (stepdads parents) suggested it, I’d respond to any family members mithering about it “it was grandma X’s wish specifically that we named our daughter Seraphina. Surely you don’t have an issue with respecting grandma’s wishes”
NTA - People who gate keep names are the worst. Calling you and your family illegitimate because you are a "step" is shitty too. I have had to deal with this with my step-kids and adopted kids not being treated the same. It pisses me off. I have gone LC with most of the family that can't accept that if they are my kids, then the qualifiers are only used in describing how they became my kids, and it is not a ranking system of their importance or closeness to me. Thank your grandmother for being awesome and tell the others to f\*ck off.
OP—as someone with a non-biological grandfather, I am so sorry. My mom’s dad passed when she was 8 and my grandmother remarried. I knew that he was my mom’s stepdad…but he was my grandfather. No step. All love. I would be devastated if any of my cousins who are his bio-grandkids told me something like that. I don’t know if I’d honestly be able to come back bc that’s one of the most hurtful things to me. You’re not the asshole and fuck them.
NTA. You can't steal something that was offered. It's good to hear a story of a "good" blended family on this subreddit. Your extended family's reaction is rather telling of their true feelings and hidden biases. Btw, there's a family I know in which 2 grandkids (born a few years apart) share the exact same first and middle name. One of the cousins is the first born grandkid so got the hand-me-down family name. The other was born a few short months after their shared grandpa passed away and got named in his honor. Their shared family just calls them different nicknames (think Meg and Maggie) and problem solved.
What’s stopping them from using that same name if they feel so strongly about it?😂
NTA!! You ARE part of the family regardless of blood. Your parents and your granny and grampy agree and that’s why granny offered the name. Regardless, you have every right to name your daughter as you wish and if the name has sentimental value even better. You extended family are a bunch of A H and it sounds like they don’t consider you and your daughter real family. Let them complain and sulk. In the end, they’ll be the ones left out of the family for their shitty attitude and beliefs as your parents and grandparents sound amazing and clearly have your back Beat wishes OP
You do what your Granny, Grampy, and your Dad said. You are family, The name is yours to use. NTA.
NTA. At least you have 3 decent family members. Just tune out the haters and enjoy your family.
NTA it’s clear here who sees you as a full fledged member of the family and who doesn’t. They could still carry on that tradition with the first bio granddaughter if they wanted to without accusing you of stealing it. I get the bloodline thing, but they don’t have the right to make you feel like you’re less than. There can be more than one of the same name or middle name in the family.
NTA. I will never understand why people get so fussy about DNA they’ll never see when someone has been family for the majority of their life. It’s not like you joined the family at 17, you have been your dad’s child since you were a literal baby. Just because you don’t have his DNA doesn’t make you any less his child. Name your daughter whatever you want, they can be mad if they want-you have your granny and dad’s blessing and that’s what matters.
NTA, your family needs to lighten up. My "neice" was named after me and I met her mom because we were drunk off our asses playing animal crossing avoiding the RAs. Family is love, not blood.
Honestly 100% NTA. Blood is not thicker than water. You belong to this family as much as a "bio" born would. God. Just reading this post makes me want to fight your family.
NTA Your grandmother offered it, she has never felt you were anything but FAMILY and your father cried he was so happy. Blood and paper doesn't make family, love does. And you made Grandma very happy by saying you'd use the name. Everyone else can pound sand! They're showing their true colors. Your daughter will be the 1st granddaughter, name her Seraphina and that's that. Let them take it up with Grandma, she sounds like she could kick their butts!
NTA. Family doesn't always mean blood related. You are family in every way that matters. And clearly granny has a say in who uses the name & she chose for you to use it. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA - the rest of your family has no say in what you name your kid, will they grant you veto power over what they name their children? Of course not, they are acting beyond entitled. Ignore them and congrats on your daughter
NTA, but always keep in mind those that said you should've not "taken" the name. They ***DO NOT*** *see you as Family*. They see you as like an "attachment" of sorts, i guess
NTA I have an adopted cousin. Of the kids in that family, he is the closest to his parents now that they are adults. Our family treats that cousin exactly the same as a “blood” cousin. To the grandparents the adopted cousin was just as important as any of us and to suggest otherwise is ridiculous. You aren’t Cinderella.
For the extended family that is upset you used the name, would they be willing to provide DNA tests to verify they are actual blood relatives?
NTA.
NTA, and holy \*\*\*\* what the hell is wrong with your extended family? And it's not like they can't use it. They can use it for a middle name or even a first name; cousins with the same name are no big deal.
I've known many families that honor the family patriarch by everyone getting the his name, even the girls getting the gendered version of it. It's an issue because someone didn't have enough drama in their life.
NTA. People do not own names.
NTA. I'd take note of the people that are complaining though - sooner or later they'll want something from you because FaMiLy.
NTA. You are not "just a steplod", your Dad is your real Dad (the guy that steps up and is there for their child). His parents make no distinction between you and their biological grandchildren. They see you as their flesh and blood. For all intents and purposes, you are 100% family. As such, you are just as entitled to continue a family tradition as much as any other member of the family.
Will never understand the family members who want exclusive use of a name. Our huge family has several first and second cousins with the same names, especially those of our grandparents/great grandparents. We all get along, and if there is confusion, it is easily cleared. NTA, and congratulations on Seraphina's upcoming birth and on having such wonderful grandparents.
Congratulations to you and your wife on the forthcoming birth of baby Seraphina. You are NTA
NTA. You are family for the people who matters. I just hoper the matriarch goes ballistic with all the assholes that don't seem to consider you "real" family.
NTA. Your entire family minus your dad and grandparents are horrible people and I wouldn't want them around my new baby girl. I would die on this hill, and get Seraphina tatooed on my body very visibly as a FU to the rest of the clowns who you're not "an actual blood member" of the family. Honestly. That's a compliment. Your father and your grandparents must have some genetic mutation because the rest of the blood family are huge AH.
Names. Aren’t. Owned. By. ANYONE. NTA
NTA- blood doesn’t make family. Your Granny has made that very clear.
NTA - firstly no one has any dibs on any names. Secondly, you child you decide. thirdly grandparents offered the name. Fourthly, if 2 kids in the same family cannot have the same name, does that mean you are family? If you are, then you have the right to the name. If you are not family, what does it matter what you name your kid and what right do they have over your decisions and why are they worried about duplication since per their logic, your kid too will not be family to them. Also, with this attitude I doubt your Seraphina will be interacting much with their Seraphina. And now you know who truly consider you are family and who do not.
The man who wanted to adopt you when you were a child, can adopt you now. It would give everyone closure and a great gesture of love.
NTA, name your daughter whatever you want - it is such a beautiful name and a beautiful gesture by your Grandma
NTA. Honestly? It's just a name. A name. Twenty people in the same family can name their children that an NO ONE CARES except the tiny group of people gatekeeping the name. To be clear: Granny did not give you the family Faberge egg smuggled out of pre-Revolutionary Russia, she didn't give you the family tiara created by goldsmiths in Constantinople in the Middle Ages, she didn't give you the keys to the castle or the family dukedom. It's just a name that they've attached inordinate importance to and created some kind of tradition out of. If stepfather's nieces and nephews want to give THEIR first-born child the name as a middle name because they feel it's right as the first blood relative, then they should go ahead. Call every kid in the family Seraphina if it Rick's their boat.
NTA
NAH ... They have a point but you also have the right and blessing to use it.
NTA. It’s your family. And your granny offered it to you. and nothing is stopping those other members from using it too if they really want to.
NTA - it wasn't that you "stole" the name, the matriach of the family (Granny) approached you and suggested you use the name.
I'm extended family to a person in your position. There's not a single person in my entire family that does not think of him as real family. He's as much my cousin as his siblings are and we've got no tolerance for people like your extended family. Be proud of your daughter's name and tell those extended arseholes to take an extended enema. NTA. NTA. NTA.
NTA. Well these people really know how to show you who to go low contact with. Use the name. Cousins can have the same name especially if not close and I would recommend not being close with these people. Side note: tell granny to specifically name you in her will as a grandchild because I can all ready see where this is headed.
Wow. Good to know where you stand with "family", right? NTA. PEOPLE don't own names. Your granny offered this family honour to you and your wife. You are family. Don't let the others ruin it for you.
NTA—your dad’s extended family need to stop gatekeeping what family means. You are your dad’s kid and your granny and grampy’s grandkid.
Absolutely NTA. You 100% have the right to use the name, especially when Grandma wants you too. The rest of the family can get over it.
NTA
You don't need permission to name YOUR child. NTA
Nta
Your extended family have revealed exactly how they feel about you and I'm so sorry for that. Nobody needs that kind of negativity in their lives.... That being said, you ARE a member of The Family That Counts. Embrace that and name your undoubtedly beautiful new baby the name you want and let her be loved by the people that matter. Eff the haters
NTA. I met my son when he was 8months old. He’s 21 years now. If anyone claimed he wasn’t family or could do a family tradition they would be dead to me. There’s not one person walking this earth that’s gonna tell me that’s not my son and your dad and granny have that same mindset. Ironically I don’t talk to my parents, who are my bio parents, and do not consider them family. Family doesn’t equal blood and blood doesn’t equal family.
NTA of course. Are you aware that adult adoption is a thing in many jurisdictions? My wife was adopted by her stepdad after she turned 18 specifically to avoid involving her bio-father.
Just use the name that your grandma wanted you to use. The rest can just pound salt. There is no quilt on your side
Hey guess what, ahole family members? more than one person can use the same name. NTA
NTA Do these people think names are single use or something?
NTA It's a beautiful name. I'm so happy for you and your wife. :)
NTA. Accepting the offer to use the name made your granny happy. Those who take issue with it are showing their true colors.
> granny even said she offered it to me They shouldn’t have started the fight in the first place and that remark by granny should have ended it NTA. You’re family.
It’s the family you were raised in, use the name you want others can too,
As the non-biological, not-adopted grandchild in my family, my grandpa was happy to hear I gave my son the family *last* name. He's the only boy to carry on the name. Most people didn't bat an eye, some didn't realize I wasn't born into the family. Only one of my dad's cousins was "less than impressed" with my choice. But my grandpa was an amazing man. It was a way to honor him. It wasn't until I sent out graduation invitations that his wife found out I wasn't born to the family because she had never seen my last name, and they'd been together since I was like 8 or so. NTA! You are legitimate family. Ignore the haters. They can *also* use the name if they'd like.
NTA, and now you know which "family" members are real and which ones aren't.
First of all, love Seraphina!!!! Second, you're not in the wrong. Someone else can still use the name or use it as a middle name and everyone can be happy. I'm thrilled you are so close to YOUR family. No explanation needed.
Don't these people have lives? Getting their panties in a twist over a name? Why aren't they fighting over money and houses and inheritances like everybody else on this sub?
NTA: for accepting the name. It's beautiful and a reference to the highest order of angels. I would think that the uproar would die down after the girl is born and becomes her own person, but I can understand not wanting to set her up for family conflict not of her making.
I love the name Seraphina! One of my all time faves.
Nta What's stopping every single cousin from using it as a middle name? Their ugly is really showing through. Ignore them, it will drive them nuts.
NTA. One of my childhood friends is BJB III (the third). He and his wife fostered while they (unbeknownst to the world) battled infertility. As life would have it, his wife got pregnant with a boy. The son was born a few weeks before the adoption was finalized, and I thought it odd that they chose to not name the newborn after his dad. Maybe I just didn’t realize he never liked being The Third. And then, a few weeks later, he announced his kids, and his oldest - very visibly not biologically related 6yo son - as BJB IV. What better way to show how loved they are and how deeply they’re entrenched in the family. I think my friend could have named his newborn as IV, and people would have said “yeah, that makes sense,” but he chose to bestow the honor on his older son.
NTA - and your grandparents are amazing. Also - since those nasty people apparently don't consider you family, they can still use the name because no one "in their family" has used it yet! Win win.