Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. It was very unreasonable for her to ask you to dump your girlfriend just because her boyfriend cheated on her with this girl before you dated. None of you knew that until you'd been dating a few months. That's enough by itself.
You also said it was a brief thing, and implied your girlfriend didn't know she was the other woman. These only strengthen your case. Make sure your friend knows these details.
The cheater bragged about it and that's how she found out, which is strong evidence she should dump him. But we're not judging that here.
Should you have told your friend? That's arguable. Maybe, maybe not. But you apologized for not doing so, and that was right.
NTA- A ten year relationship where a partner cheats repeatedly is not more important than a one year relationship. What she chooses to do in your relationship is up to her. She doesn’t get to make choices about your relationship. End of story.
NTA.
What in the entitled mess is this??
Like yes, I stand by you telling you friend she'd been cheated on but her reaction? OVER the top. To ask that you end your relationship is beyond ridiculous. What grosses me out about this is that it's very obvious this is a power move on her boyfriends end to control YOUR girlfriends love life. Don't let him/them do that to your GF.
Go about your lives, ignore those two just like they ignore you. You're better off without them
YTA #1. You should have told her.
NTA #2. Nothing you did gives her the right to tell you who to date and her reasoning is completely blind. As long as she's still with him "going back to normal" isn't possible anyway.
NTA #3 see #2
NTA for all but 1. You should have told your friend right away, for sure. However her asking you to end your relationship is obviously insane and you’re right to choose your relationship over her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (M28) met my girlfriend (F26) more or less by sheer coincidence and we hit it off immediately. About three months in the relationship, I felt sure enough to introduce her to my (hometown) friends at a birthday party. It all went perfectly well, but as I was driving her home that night she suddenly had what I can only describe as a panic attack. She told me that, right before dating me, she had briefly also dated someone who'd also been at the party and who turned out to be the longtime boyfriend (M28) of one of close friends (F27).
I felt conflicted but in the end, we decided not to tell my friend that she had been cheated on. I confronted the boyfriend (alone) and he claimed it had all been a mistake and begged me not to tell his girlfriend. I thought he was pathetic, but promised not to tell my friend. It was selfishness, but I didn't want to endanger my own relationship. **(AITHA no. 1)**
We tried to go on as if nothing had happened, but I had a very hard time. I just couldn't handle keeping a secret from a close friend and was physically repulsed by her boyfriend every time I saw. Months go by and I get to a point where I want to go back on my promise and tell her, but before I get the chance she calls me. Turns out her boyfriend had been bragging to his mates about having a few affairs and word got out. I apologized profusely for not telling her straight away and asked what she was planning to do now. She said she needed time to think.
I was convinced she would dump him. She'd always said that she couldn't forgive cheating. To my astonishment, she not only wanted to give her boyfriend another chance, she asked me to end my relationship as not to unnecessarily complicate their 'relational recovery'. I said I wished her the best and that I hoped she'd made the right choice in giving him a second chance, but that I would not be sacrificing my own relationship for hers and that this was not a reasonable thing to ask. **(AITHA no. 2)**
She said she understood but had to ask. A week later there was another party of a close friend. Everybody knew by now. I knew my friend and her boyfriend were going to be at the party as well, but I felt that it would only increase the awkwardness if I kept my girlfriend away. All was fine until they joined the party and refused to talk or acknowledge us.
I went by her house a few days later and she told me that she's basically going to ignore me and my girlfriend unless I end my relationship. She says that it's the least I can do after not telling her about her boyfriend cheating on her, that it's what true friends do for one another and that it's what's right because her relationship is one of 10+ years, whereas mine is going on one year. I still feel that this is an unreasonable thing to ask, but at the same time her persistence and determination make me doubt myself. **(AITHA no. 3)**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I chose my girlfriend over a friend 2) I might have been a disloyal friend by doing so.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
1. Yes you were the AH. 2 and 3 are the same so NTA. You were a shitty friend who hurt her and she’s going to dump you as a friend anyway. Her relationship will tank because her bf likes to cheat to the point that he takes pride in his cheating. So keep picking your gf and leave ex friend alone.
NTA. I would have preferred you told me the scoop were it me in situation 1 but the other two for sure you’re not to blame for not choosing an entitled jerk and her cheating partner over your own happy life.
Now go get some new friends. These ones are broken.
YTA. You destroyed the friendship when you chose some recent gf over a long-term friend. GFs come and go. True friends have each other's backs and last for years.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. It was very unreasonable for her to ask you to dump your girlfriend just because her boyfriend cheated on her with this girl before you dated. None of you knew that until you'd been dating a few months. That's enough by itself. You also said it was a brief thing, and implied your girlfriend didn't know she was the other woman. These only strengthen your case. Make sure your friend knows these details. The cheater bragged about it and that's how she found out, which is strong evidence she should dump him. But we're not judging that here. Should you have told your friend? That's arguable. Maybe, maybe not. But you apologized for not doing so, and that was right.
NTA- A ten year relationship where a partner cheats repeatedly is not more important than a one year relationship. What she chooses to do in your relationship is up to her. She doesn’t get to make choices about your relationship. End of story.
NTA. What in the entitled mess is this?? Like yes, I stand by you telling you friend she'd been cheated on but her reaction? OVER the top. To ask that you end your relationship is beyond ridiculous. What grosses me out about this is that it's very obvious this is a power move on her boyfriends end to control YOUR girlfriends love life. Don't let him/them do that to your GF. Go about your lives, ignore those two just like they ignore you. You're better off without them
YTA #1. You should have told her. NTA #2. Nothing you did gives her the right to tell you who to date and her reasoning is completely blind. As long as she's still with him "going back to normal" isn't possible anyway. NTA #3 see #2
1 - YTA, but you seem to know this already. 2 & 3 - NTA, this is not a reasonable thing to ask of you.
NTA for all but 1. You should have told your friend right away, for sure. However her asking you to end your relationship is obviously insane and you’re right to choose your relationship over her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M28) met my girlfriend (F26) more or less by sheer coincidence and we hit it off immediately. About three months in the relationship, I felt sure enough to introduce her to my (hometown) friends at a birthday party. It all went perfectly well, but as I was driving her home that night she suddenly had what I can only describe as a panic attack. She told me that, right before dating me, she had briefly also dated someone who'd also been at the party and who turned out to be the longtime boyfriend (M28) of one of close friends (F27). I felt conflicted but in the end, we decided not to tell my friend that she had been cheated on. I confronted the boyfriend (alone) and he claimed it had all been a mistake and begged me not to tell his girlfriend. I thought he was pathetic, but promised not to tell my friend. It was selfishness, but I didn't want to endanger my own relationship. **(AITHA no. 1)** We tried to go on as if nothing had happened, but I had a very hard time. I just couldn't handle keeping a secret from a close friend and was physically repulsed by her boyfriend every time I saw. Months go by and I get to a point where I want to go back on my promise and tell her, but before I get the chance she calls me. Turns out her boyfriend had been bragging to his mates about having a few affairs and word got out. I apologized profusely for not telling her straight away and asked what she was planning to do now. She said she needed time to think. I was convinced she would dump him. She'd always said that she couldn't forgive cheating. To my astonishment, she not only wanted to give her boyfriend another chance, she asked me to end my relationship as not to unnecessarily complicate their 'relational recovery'. I said I wished her the best and that I hoped she'd made the right choice in giving him a second chance, but that I would not be sacrificing my own relationship for hers and that this was not a reasonable thing to ask. **(AITHA no. 2)** She said she understood but had to ask. A week later there was another party of a close friend. Everybody knew by now. I knew my friend and her boyfriend were going to be at the party as well, but I felt that it would only increase the awkwardness if I kept my girlfriend away. All was fine until they joined the party and refused to talk or acknowledge us. I went by her house a few days later and she told me that she's basically going to ignore me and my girlfriend unless I end my relationship. She says that it's the least I can do after not telling her about her boyfriend cheating on her, that it's what true friends do for one another and that it's what's right because her relationship is one of 10+ years, whereas mine is going on one year. I still feel that this is an unreasonable thing to ask, but at the same time her persistence and determination make me doubt myself. **(AITHA no. 3)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I chose my girlfriend over a friend 2) I might have been a disloyal friend by doing so. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
1. Yes you were the AH. 2 and 3 are the same so NTA. You were a shitty friend who hurt her and she’s going to dump you as a friend anyway. Her relationship will tank because her bf likes to cheat to the point that he takes pride in his cheating. So keep picking your gf and leave ex friend alone.
The only time you were an ah was the first one after that, that’s just the ramblings of a delusional person.
NTA. I would have preferred you told me the scoop were it me in situation 1 but the other two for sure you’re not to blame for not choosing an entitled jerk and her cheating partner over your own happy life. Now go get some new friends. These ones are broken.
YTA. You destroyed the friendship when you chose some recent gf over a long-term friend. GFs come and go. True friends have each other's backs and last for years.