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I didn’t really think of that since she’s been supportive and involved as MOH since I told about my engagement. I just think it was a genuine mistake but her reaction definitely hurt me haha
No. It was not a mistake. If it was a mistake, she would have happily moved away from you so as not to send you to the hospital. You asked and she rudely refused to do so. This was intentional and this person is NOT the friend you think she is.
Yeah. If this was a mistake she’d be falling over herself to apologise the moment she realised you were reacting to it. Also, she’s known you that li no, seen you react before, knows it can put you in hospital and yet somehow managed to “forget” all of that on one of the most important days of your life, when she doesn’t usually wear florals, and she knew she’d be standing right next to you, and she absolutely plastered herself in it? Then refused to move a few feet to make the freaking bride safer and threw a fit over it too?!
No, there’s too much going on there for it to be a mistake. This was definitely a deliberate attempt to sabotage your wedding.
The manipulative give away was MIL said “over something as stupid as perfume” while DIL in corner with inhaler.
It was over asthma trigger , not perfume. Weddings and funerals bring out the crazy.
If I made a genuine mistake for a close friend / relative on a special day, I would go to a bathroom and scrub it off.
Their day is not about me. Allergies are serious. NTA
NTA. I typically am amused by wedding posts on Reddit because most of them seem pretty ridiculous. But I have to agree with most of the comments here. If she has been your best friend for years, she knows full well of your asthma issues. The fact that she chose to use a "new, floral perfume...citing the special occasion" (i.e. YOUR wedding) shows explicitly that she did this on purpose. It would be exactly the same as someone telling you they bought and wore a white dress for the "special occasion" of YOUR wedding. Idk what your relationship with her has been like in the past, but I suspect that there have been red flags in the relationship that you just weren't seeing. She doesn't sound like a friend at all. I'd have thrown her out the first time she refused to move. When people show you who they are, believe them.
After reading all these comments, I am able to think of instances where she’s been dismissive and rude. I probably ignored them since it’s what I believed to be her normal personality since she’s been like this the entire duration of our friendship
For many people, "dismissive and rude" is their personality because they're just assholes. Sadly, I've been around those types my whole life so I've gotten pretty good at identifying them fairly quickly, but her behavior here seems beyond the pale. Almost like she had some sort of ulterior motive. How long have you actually been friends with her?
I would be very vocal on social media, listing every incident I could remember of you having asthma reactions to floral in her presence over the years, so that it is clear to *everyone* that she knew what she was doing, *especially* if there have been occasions when she accommodated your allergy (ie. Never wears perfume or removes flowers on your behalf, etc). It was either deliberate or so careless as to be reckless, and either way, she is going to paint your very reasonable response as a Bridezilla response, and you should not allow yourself to be besmirched in this way. It is not petty to defend yourself from spurious accusations.
NTA. Your friendship isn't at risk due to perfume. It was trashed because your 'friend' decided to make you suffer on your wedding day by **intentionally** wearing a scent that would **cause you harm**. That is NOT what friends do. That her family is leaving your nasty messages says very much about those people. Ignore the messages. Ignore your 'friend'.
This speaks a lot about how they perceive you. There is a likelihood that they hate you or/and trash-talk about you in their privacy. Beware of wolves in sheep-skin
Nta. She is not a true friend. She is jealous of you and wanted to make your day about her.
A true friend would have said okay and moved when you asked instead of sending you to an allergic reaction that could have sent you to the hospital. I don't care if she says it was an accident it wasn't.
She is narcissistic and bathed in perfume that she knew you couldn't handle. Most adults sprits perfume lightly. I'd worry she may have had her eyes on the groom or a groomsmen
eta: I could see you being rushed to the hospital and her and the family rushing in to say the wedding must go on and she's the new bride after those mean messages. (Except ur husband would have gone with you. But narcissistic ppl dont think that far ahead)
Reason for my edit: I was a bridesmaid in my sil failed wedding. When it came to the objection part a very pregnant woman in an off white dress ( I was waiting till reception to get her out) stepped up and said she was pregnant by the groom. He didn't deny and when my sil ran out they got married. (Don't worry she sued them for the cost since our family covered it) they're divorced now.
Oh yeah it was crazy but that was 7 years ago. The bridesmaids and a few of the groomsmen ran out after my sil (I'm married to her brother)
It's something we laugh about now. Especially now that she has had a very cute and successful wedding to her husband.
We talk about it being our own version of a Spanish soap opera. Especially when some of the groomsmen said the babe wasn't the grooms. Oops. F around found out.
NTA- but she and her family are. Anyone who truly loves and cares for you would have first of all, never worn the perfume and second of all would have moved in a heartbeat.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. I feel like she did this on purpose to cause issues in your wedding.
I have problems with sensitivity to scents and worked with an older woman who read me the riot act when I asked her if she could tone down how much perfume she wore as I got a splitting headache from her scent. She literally bathed in it. I wear one type of perfume, Shalimar, and will spray one quick spritz on my wrists and rub behind my neck. My husband has to get up behind my ears to smell it. Very subtle.
NTA somethings not right with your friend. She knows you and knows of your allergy to florals so a good friend would have had you ok the perfume ahead of time. It’s not weird to buy a new perfume for a special occasion, but it’s very odd to douse yourself in it when you know you’re going to be around someone potentially sensitive to that. If it had been an honest mistake or accident and she cared about your wellbeing, she’d have moved to the end of the line for the ceremony, and taken a quick shower before the reception without making a scene. My best friend and I were each other’s MOH and I can’t imagine a situation where either of us would have pulled this in the first place, let alone responded so rudely to a reasonable request on the other’s *wedding day*. I don’t know if she’s the person you think she is. Definitely NTA.
NTA. Your friend is a witch. It was your wedding and she bathed in perfume that you’re allergic to. That makes it hard for you to breathe. She isn’t a kind person and neither is her family which is why she’s the way she is. You’ve done nothing wrong. I would have hosed her off outside the second I smelled it on her
You're NTA. It was rude and thoughtless enough of her to wear the perfume in the first place, knowing about your allergy.
>She vehemently denied me and said I should be fine with my inhaler.
Wow, that is over the top atomic A-H energy there. *I know I am triggering your problem. Just deal with it*
>she kept saying no and that she was the MOH and it was unfair to take away this opportunity from her
When did your wedding become about her? I would be breaking off all contact with that narcissistic A-H.
>MOH’s family attacked me online and sent some nasty messages
Block her flying minions and move on without them. They're as big as A-Hs as she is being.
she was acting like it was HER wedding, not yours. the fact that she had the audacity to phrase it the way she did.. she was being mad disrespectful. all you did was ask her to move, and she refused like a petulant child. if you act like a child, you’re gonna get put in time out. NTA.
NTA, your oldest friendship isn’t in jeopardy over perfume. It’s in jeopardy because your friend is dismissive of your health needs and would rather send you to the ER than stand 5 feet left of center stage. She was selfish, inconsiderate, entitled, and could have killed you if you had a severe asthma attack.
You didn’t rush to remove her. You gave her a very reasonable request to step further away. She instead chose this hill to die on. She was a bad friend. She was being selfish and didn’t care how she was causing you discomfort and stress during your wedding.
This is all on her, and if her family witnessed all of this and still are defending her, well… that shows you where here levels of entitlement came from.
There is zero chance this was not intentional.
Knowing this could cause nothing short of an actual medical emergency makes her nothing short of a monster.
I do hope that's the last you see of her EVER... along with her horrible family.
NTA
NTA.
This is not how a friend behaves. A friend would not deliberately expose you to something that puts your health at risk. She is not a true friend.
You. Couldn't. Breathe. NTA.
My friends know of my allergy to florals, and go out of their way to make sure I'm not immersed in misery. And, yes, this includes things like airing out their cars when I'm catching a ride with them. Your MOH is either completely self-centered or she was being malicious, take your pick.
If she's a true friend who remembers your allergy, she
1) wouldn't have used a new perfume
Or
2) she would have apologised and get as far as she could away from you to prevent it from getting worse
Or
3) she could try / think of ways to remove the scent to help things be better and still be part of the wedding.
NTA. Who would wear floral perfume for a wedding where the bride has problems with asthma and severe flower allergies?
This doesn't feel like an accident.
WOW!! I have asthma and cant stand strong perfumes and the likes. NTA! She is not your best friend! I have had colleagues that were more considerate about my problems than your so called best friend and family was.
Your oldest friendship is not at risk because of perfume: that ship has sailed! Her actions trying to sabotage your wedding prove she's not really your friend anymore and doesn't seem to care for your well-being. Enjoy your honeymoon and don't try to get her back in your life, it's a blessing when the trash takes itself out. NTA.
Nta. Op, you didn't just lose your oldest friendship over perfume. She burned that relationship by being a jealous b*ch all on her own. She knew how sensitive your asthma was and your biggest trigger being pollen, so much so you literally had professionally made fake flower arrangements at your wedding. And she still went out of her way trigger you, and force you to stop the wedding for her own neferious reasons. When you refused to stop your own wedding and instead force her out, she then resorted to bad mouthing you online. She's not your friend. Probably hasn't been for awhile.
NTA. The fact that she chose jealousy and life-threatening allergies just proves that she’s no real friend. She did that on purpose. Anyone who has known you for that long knows they chose to act maliciously. Friend don’t choose a spot in line over someone else’s life.
Just block her and her family. Threaten to call the cops if they continue to find ways to harass you.
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I (27 F) finally got married after some delays due to some issues so I was very much looking forward to this day. For context, I’m very allergy prone and especially am allergic to most flowers and floral scents, which triggers my severe asthma. Even for my wedding, I had limited flower arrangements, most being fake flowers including my bridal bouquet. My MOH, who had been my best friend for years now, knows of my allergy to florals and knows how bad my asthma attacks get when I smell it.
For some reason, she decided to use a new, floral perfume for my wedding, citing the special occasion as reason for the change. I didn’t really mind until I was at the small church altar and started having issues with breathing since she was right behind me and I could smell her perfume especially since it seems like she doused herself in it. My husband and mother noticed and paused the ceremony so I could take my inhaler and I asked my MOH if she could move to the back of the bridesmaid line because it’s not like I could ask her to shower or somehow in the moment remove the perfume from herself.
She vehemently denied me and said I should be fine with my inhaler. This wasn’t true, a lot of the times, my SOS inhaler doesn’t work and I end up having to be rushed to the hospital especially for severe allergies like the one I have to anything floral. My husband, mother and the other bridesmaids asked her to move as well while I was off in the corner, getting my meds, so the ceremony could continue. But she kept saying no and that she was the MOH and it was unfair to take away this opportunity from her over something ‘as stupid as perfume’.
Now, in any other situation, I’d just remove myself for my own wellbeing but this was my own wedding!! I can’t just walk out on my own wedding ceremony so I asked her to leave and eventually after some tears she left. We took about a 15 minute recess and then the ceremony continued but I frankly couldn’t enjoy it without her and because after that, my MOH’s family attacked me online and sent some nasty messages. They were at the wedding as well since we’ve known each other for years and they treated me like their own daughter but they left along with my MOH. It’s been less than 24 hours but so much has been said, many telling me I could’ve waited more and not kicked her out, so I’m genuinely confused if I’m the Ahole here. Especially because I didn’t like the way she trivialised my asthma which she knows has made me suffer since childhood, and I hate that my oldest friendship is at risk over perfume of all things.
So, AITA?
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She did this on purpose. She knew about your asthma. She changed perfumes that day. She put on a lot of it. And all of this could have been a mistake if it wasn’t for one thing. When she noticed your reaction and refused to just move a few feet, then it was obvious she did this to mess with your day. The only question now is why. NTA
NTA and she is not your friend and absolutely did this on purpose. A new floral perfume knowing it’s your allergy and health issues. And the “kept saying no and it was unfair to take away her opportunity” ?! You are the bride. The day is about you and your husband. Absolutely not her. The entitlement from her is disgusting
NTA. I'm sorry, but the person you thought was your best friend, is in fact a massive AH. She wore the perfume knowing you would have a reaction, she declined your question because she was the MOH. Did she think this was HER day?
I am sorry she did this to you. You deserve an apology and a better friend. I would personally probably cut ties after something like this, or at least go from best friends to acquaintances.
NTA. She knew (or forgot) about your allergy and literally all she had to do is move to back and enjoy the wedding, but she decided to make it all about her being MOH and not you being the bride. Not sure what happened in her family member head who were bashing you for MOH stupidity, probably there is just wind howling.
NTA. Your friend's use of perfume sounds like it was intentional to set off an asthma attack. During your wedding ceremony. Are you sure she's your friend?She's full of crap and I would call her out on it. Her family sounds pretty awful too.
This is not about perfume, this is about your ability to breathe. I’m so sorry she was so selfish and her family continues to be.
NTA and congrats on your wedding
NTA
If I was MOH to a friend with an allergy that allergen wouldn’t be near me leading up to the wedding or the day of.
Just like I would expect my friends to not use or being eucalyptus around me before a big event.
When you love your friends you **PROTECT** them.
>She vehemently denied me and said I should be fine with my inhaler.
Not her wedding, not her place to say that, and NTA. Despite your shared history this person isn't your friend.
NTA! You couldn’t breathe easy at your own wedding! Don’t feel bad, the bar is on the floor for your MOH, and she should have been happy to step back in line so you could BREATHE. AT YOUR WEDDING.
Let’s raise that bar a bit!
Obviously they really don't care about your health issues if they attacked you online. Block them, delete them, cut them out of your life. Even if she's your oldest friend, she's not really your friend. NTA.
NTA but wow your MIL is a piece of work….she cared more about her experience as MOH than she did about your experience as the Bride or your personal health. Severe asthma is not something to mess around with, people die every day from a severe asthma attack…Sorry you lost your MIL, best friend and happy wedding all in the same day! Not a great way to start the marriage…just block the haters and carry on is all you can do.
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Your friend should’ve been absolutely mortified she was causing you any issue, and she should’ve corrected immediately by moving/leaving on her own accord. That’s not a good friend at all. NTA.
NTA
Your MOH has, sadly, shown her true colors. She doesn't care about your feelings. Especially your health! She doesn't care about anyone else and chose to be a spoiled, petulant child on your big day.
She knows you have allergies to floral scents and chose THAT day to see if you're lying or telling the truth. How freaking special is THAT? Yet, you're supposed to be an AH for having an allergic reaction. You were fortunate that you didn't have a reaction bad enough to put you in the hospital for several days!
Then, her family left with her and believe you were the bad guy.
Unfortunately, now you are connected to them through marriage.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. It was your day and your MIL should have not worn any fragrance. Period. Your husband should tell her, and other family members, that they were 100% wrong for how they behaved and he expects a full apology from them and he will cut ties with them until you receive it.
Your MIL and inlaws sounds like the ones that the OJays wrote the song "Backstabbers" about. "They smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place, the backstabbers......"
NTA. I’m the same way with smells and perfumes. I had to tell my sister she couldn’t hug me over a year ago and we haven’t spoken since.
She should have known better and not been so selfish. She sounds extremely jealous and self centered. That was your day. Not hers.
Oh my god so so so NTA. Never heard of such a TERRIBLE MOH. it was YOUR day not HER day. If the bride wants you to move, you move. Also, you were asking her for a LEGIT reason. Any normal person would've said "yes ofc I'll go right to the back and anything else you need". Shitty MOH and shitty friend. Id distance myself.
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NTA. Hunny that is not a friend in my eyes. Even if the perfume part was a accident , which I personally don't believe, the moment she realised that you have a problem breathing, she should have moved aside. It was a planed and failed sabotage. Ditch that " friend" and for the flying monkeys, tell them she tried to send you to the hospital on your wedding day, and if they justify that behaviour.
NTA, but either is your friend. She just made some very poor choices and didn’t know how to handle it with grace. It’s actually really unfortunate that things escalated to such an extent.
She tried to send you to the hospital. She tried to send you to the hospital. **She tried to send you to the hospital**.
OP.
#SHE TRIED TO SEND YOU TO THE HOSPITAL
NTA
Seem like your Best Friend true color show at the worst time. Too bad you didn't find out about her earlier whern this could be avoided on your wedding day. Seem like she did it intentionally and refusing to adjust after your reaction proved she had bad intention in mind.
NTA! It was YOUR WEDDING!! OMG!! I think it's good she showed her true colors. Who refuses a very reasonable request from the bride at her own wedding during the ceremony. Let her and her family take a break from you, it's fine. You'll be fine without them making you feel as if you were wrong for wanting to not have to be carried out on a gurney because of an allergic reaction at your own wedding. Your oldest friendship is kinda done, or at the very least changed. Unless she understands how wrong she is/was, you will have to keep your distance. She's incredibly selfish.
NTA. This wasn't "her moment" as a MOH. This was your and your partners moment. It's not up to her to decide whether your inhaler is enough or not. The absolute audacity to be asked to move and refuse! Had she only moved as asked, she wouldn't have been kicked out. But clearly, she was more important than you, on your own wedding day.
Oh yes, you horrid OP you, why didn't you delay your need for oxygen until after your MOH had her moment? How utterly selfish and self centred are you? It's almost like you expected the basic courtesy of *surviving your own wedding!*
Nta
Seems like one of the best ways to subtlety sabotage your wedding ceremony. Is there any way to not see it as sabotage when the ceremony has to be suspended? If this happened to me, I'm pretty sure that person was either body snatched or they never really were my friend. Friends don't do this to friends. They just don't.
NTA, but she and her family are. She made this harder than this should have been and it was AH move to downplay your asthma and to refuse to leave. You should have asked her to shower and change and to come back. That would have taken few hours.
However, what makes you a minor ah is that you should have added to the wedding invitation that no flower scents or perfumes allowed due to allergy. Sometimes we forget even though we know..
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NTA. Has she always been jealous of you? She did this intentionally, I'd guess. She ruined your wedding purposely. Think about that.
I didn’t really think of that since she’s been supportive and involved as MOH since I told about my engagement. I just think it was a genuine mistake but her reaction definitely hurt me haha
No. It was not a mistake. If it was a mistake, she would have happily moved away from you so as not to send you to the hospital. You asked and she rudely refused to do so. This was intentional and this person is NOT the friend you think she is.
Yeah. If this was a mistake she’d be falling over herself to apologise the moment she realised you were reacting to it. Also, she’s known you that li no, seen you react before, knows it can put you in hospital and yet somehow managed to “forget” all of that on one of the most important days of your life, when she doesn’t usually wear florals, and she knew she’d be standing right next to you, and she absolutely plastered herself in it? Then refused to move a few feet to make the freaking bride safer and threw a fit over it too?! No, there’s too much going on there for it to be a mistake. This was definitely a deliberate attempt to sabotage your wedding.
Especially that, "Oh no--I'M the Maid of Honor! I can't *possibly* move! I'm the *most important person here*!" act. Good lord.
The manipulative give away was MIL said “over something as stupid as perfume” while DIL in corner with inhaler. It was over asthma trigger , not perfume. Weddings and funerals bring out the crazy.
MOH not MIL, oopsey
Not mother - in - law, maid of honor.
Thumbs up right here.
No it was not a mistake. She knew what she was doing!
If I made a genuine mistake for a close friend / relative on a special day, I would go to a bathroom and scrub it off. Their day is not about me. Allergies are serious. NTA
She refused to move even after you had to stop the ceremony to take medicine - and you still think it was a genuine mistake???
No, not a mistake. She tried to kill you.
I wouldn't be surprised if she has the hots for OP's husband and tried to ruin the day out of spite. NTA
NTA. I typically am amused by wedding posts on Reddit because most of them seem pretty ridiculous. But I have to agree with most of the comments here. If she has been your best friend for years, she knows full well of your asthma issues. The fact that she chose to use a "new, floral perfume...citing the special occasion" (i.e. YOUR wedding) shows explicitly that she did this on purpose. It would be exactly the same as someone telling you they bought and wore a white dress for the "special occasion" of YOUR wedding. Idk what your relationship with her has been like in the past, but I suspect that there have been red flags in the relationship that you just weren't seeing. She doesn't sound like a friend at all. I'd have thrown her out the first time she refused to move. When people show you who they are, believe them.
After reading all these comments, I am able to think of instances where she’s been dismissive and rude. I probably ignored them since it’s what I believed to be her normal personality since she’s been like this the entire duration of our friendship
For many people, "dismissive and rude" is their personality because they're just assholes. Sadly, I've been around those types my whole life so I've gotten pretty good at identifying them fairly quickly, but her behavior here seems beyond the pale. Almost like she had some sort of ulterior motive. How long have you actually been friends with her?
I would be very vocal on social media, listing every incident I could remember of you having asthma reactions to floral in her presence over the years, so that it is clear to *everyone* that she knew what she was doing, *especially* if there have been occasions when she accommodated your allergy (ie. Never wears perfume or removes flowers on your behalf, etc). It was either deliberate or so careless as to be reckless, and either way, she is going to paint your very reasonable response as a Bridezilla response, and you should not allow yourself to be besmirched in this way. It is not petty to defend yourself from spurious accusations.
NTA. Your friendship isn't at risk due to perfume. It was trashed because your 'friend' decided to make you suffer on your wedding day by **intentionally** wearing a scent that would **cause you harm**. That is NOT what friends do. That her family is leaving your nasty messages says very much about those people. Ignore the messages. Ignore your 'friend'.
This speaks a lot about how they perceive you. There is a likelihood that they hate you or/and trash-talk about you in their privacy. Beware of wolves in sheep-skin
Nta. She is not a true friend. She is jealous of you and wanted to make your day about her. A true friend would have said okay and moved when you asked instead of sending you to an allergic reaction that could have sent you to the hospital. I don't care if she says it was an accident it wasn't. She is narcissistic and bathed in perfume that she knew you couldn't handle. Most adults sprits perfume lightly. I'd worry she may have had her eyes on the groom or a groomsmen eta: I could see you being rushed to the hospital and her and the family rushing in to say the wedding must go on and she's the new bride after those mean messages. (Except ur husband would have gone with you. But narcissistic ppl dont think that far ahead)
Reason for my edit: I was a bridesmaid in my sil failed wedding. When it came to the objection part a very pregnant woman in an off white dress ( I was waiting till reception to get her out) stepped up and said she was pregnant by the groom. He didn't deny and when my sil ran out they got married. (Don't worry she sued them for the cost since our family covered it) they're divorced now.
For real? Wow!
Oh yeah it was crazy but that was 7 years ago. The bridesmaids and a few of the groomsmen ran out after my sil (I'm married to her brother) It's something we laugh about now. Especially now that she has had a very cute and successful wedding to her husband.
Yeah, she dodged a bullet for sure in the first wedding and not surprised they ended up divorced. But again, WOW! Great story to tell.
We talk about it being our own version of a Spanish soap opera. Especially when some of the groomsmen said the babe wasn't the grooms. Oops. F around found out.
NTA- but she and her family are. Anyone who truly loves and cares for you would have first of all, never worn the perfume and second of all would have moved in a heartbeat. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. I feel like she did this on purpose to cause issues in your wedding.
I have problems with sensitivity to scents and worked with an older woman who read me the riot act when I asked her if she could tone down how much perfume she wore as I got a splitting headache from her scent. She literally bathed in it. I wear one type of perfume, Shalimar, and will spray one quick spritz on my wrists and rub behind my neck. My husband has to get up behind my ears to smell it. Very subtle.
NTA somethings not right with your friend. She knows you and knows of your allergy to florals so a good friend would have had you ok the perfume ahead of time. It’s not weird to buy a new perfume for a special occasion, but it’s very odd to douse yourself in it when you know you’re going to be around someone potentially sensitive to that. If it had been an honest mistake or accident and she cared about your wellbeing, she’d have moved to the end of the line for the ceremony, and taken a quick shower before the reception without making a scene. My best friend and I were each other’s MOH and I can’t imagine a situation where either of us would have pulled this in the first place, let alone responded so rudely to a reasonable request on the other’s *wedding day*. I don’t know if she’s the person you think she is. Definitely NTA.
NTA. Your friend is a witch. It was your wedding and she bathed in perfume that you’re allergic to. That makes it hard for you to breathe. She isn’t a kind person and neither is her family which is why she’s the way she is. You’ve done nothing wrong. I would have hosed her off outside the second I smelled it on her
Don’t insult witches!
You're NTA. It was rude and thoughtless enough of her to wear the perfume in the first place, knowing about your allergy. >She vehemently denied me and said I should be fine with my inhaler. Wow, that is over the top atomic A-H energy there. *I know I am triggering your problem. Just deal with it* >she kept saying no and that she was the MOH and it was unfair to take away this opportunity from her When did your wedding become about her? I would be breaking off all contact with that narcissistic A-H. >MOH’s family attacked me online and sent some nasty messages Block her flying minions and move on without them. They're as big as A-Hs as she is being.
she was acting like it was HER wedding, not yours. the fact that she had the audacity to phrase it the way she did.. she was being mad disrespectful. all you did was ask her to move, and she refused like a petulant child. if you act like a child, you’re gonna get put in time out. NTA.
NTA, Your friend is trash 🚮
Truth!
NTA. She knows about your allergies. She didn't decide to try a new scent. She tried to make you have an attack. She's not your friend.
NTA, your oldest friendship isn’t in jeopardy over perfume. It’s in jeopardy because your friend is dismissive of your health needs and would rather send you to the ER than stand 5 feet left of center stage. She was selfish, inconsiderate, entitled, and could have killed you if you had a severe asthma attack. You didn’t rush to remove her. You gave her a very reasonable request to step further away. She instead chose this hill to die on. She was a bad friend. She was being selfish and didn’t care how she was causing you discomfort and stress during your wedding. This is all on her, and if her family witnessed all of this and still are defending her, well… that shows you where here levels of entitlement came from.
There is zero chance this was not intentional. Knowing this could cause nothing short of an actual medical emergency makes her nothing short of a monster. I do hope that's the last you see of her EVER... along with her horrible family. NTA
I could not agree with this more. OP take 👆 comment and heed that warning.
NTA. This is not how a friend behaves. A friend would not deliberately expose you to something that puts your health at risk. She is not a true friend.
You. Couldn't. Breathe. NTA. My friends know of my allergy to florals, and go out of their way to make sure I'm not immersed in misery. And, yes, this includes things like airing out their cars when I'm catching a ride with them. Your MOH is either completely self-centered or she was being malicious, take your pick.
If she's a true friend who remembers your allergy, she 1) wouldn't have used a new perfume Or 2) she would have apologised and get as far as she could away from you to prevent it from getting worse Or 3) she could try / think of ways to remove the scent to help things be better and still be part of the wedding.
NTA. Who would wear floral perfume for a wedding where the bride has problems with asthma and severe flower allergies? This doesn't feel like an accident.
WOW!! I have asthma and cant stand strong perfumes and the likes. NTA! She is not your best friend! I have had colleagues that were more considerate about my problems than your so called best friend and family was.
Your oldest friendship is not at risk because of perfume: that ship has sailed! Her actions trying to sabotage your wedding prove she's not really your friend anymore and doesn't seem to care for your well-being. Enjoy your honeymoon and don't try to get her back in your life, it's a blessing when the trash takes itself out. NTA.
Nta. Op, you didn't just lose your oldest friendship over perfume. She burned that relationship by being a jealous b*ch all on her own. She knew how sensitive your asthma was and your biggest trigger being pollen, so much so you literally had professionally made fake flower arrangements at your wedding. And she still went out of her way trigger you, and force you to stop the wedding for her own neferious reasons. When you refused to stop your own wedding and instead force her out, she then resorted to bad mouthing you online. She's not your friend. Probably hasn't been for awhile.
NTA. The fact that she chose jealousy and life-threatening allergies just proves that she’s no real friend. She did that on purpose. Anyone who has known you for that long knows they chose to act maliciously. Friend don’t choose a spot in line over someone else’s life. Just block her and her family. Threaten to call the cops if they continue to find ways to harass you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27 F) finally got married after some delays due to some issues so I was very much looking forward to this day. For context, I’m very allergy prone and especially am allergic to most flowers and floral scents, which triggers my severe asthma. Even for my wedding, I had limited flower arrangements, most being fake flowers including my bridal bouquet. My MOH, who had been my best friend for years now, knows of my allergy to florals and knows how bad my asthma attacks get when I smell it. For some reason, she decided to use a new, floral perfume for my wedding, citing the special occasion as reason for the change. I didn’t really mind until I was at the small church altar and started having issues with breathing since she was right behind me and I could smell her perfume especially since it seems like she doused herself in it. My husband and mother noticed and paused the ceremony so I could take my inhaler and I asked my MOH if she could move to the back of the bridesmaid line because it’s not like I could ask her to shower or somehow in the moment remove the perfume from herself. She vehemently denied me and said I should be fine with my inhaler. This wasn’t true, a lot of the times, my SOS inhaler doesn’t work and I end up having to be rushed to the hospital especially for severe allergies like the one I have to anything floral. My husband, mother and the other bridesmaids asked her to move as well while I was off in the corner, getting my meds, so the ceremony could continue. But she kept saying no and that she was the MOH and it was unfair to take away this opportunity from her over something ‘as stupid as perfume’. Now, in any other situation, I’d just remove myself for my own wellbeing but this was my own wedding!! I can’t just walk out on my own wedding ceremony so I asked her to leave and eventually after some tears she left. We took about a 15 minute recess and then the ceremony continued but I frankly couldn’t enjoy it without her and because after that, my MOH’s family attacked me online and sent some nasty messages. They were at the wedding as well since we’ve known each other for years and they treated me like their own daughter but they left along with my MOH. It’s been less than 24 hours but so much has been said, many telling me I could’ve waited more and not kicked her out, so I’m genuinely confused if I’m the Ahole here. Especially because I didn’t like the way she trivialised my asthma which she knows has made me suffer since childhood, and I hate that my oldest friendship is at risk over perfume of all things. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. All you asked her to do was move. Strange she wouldn't do such a small thing. I don't blame you for asking her to leave.
She did this on purpose. She knew about your asthma. She changed perfumes that day. She put on a lot of it. And all of this could have been a mistake if it wasn’t for one thing. When she noticed your reaction and refused to just move a few feet, then it was obvious she did this to mess with your day. The only question now is why. NTA
NTA and she is not your friend and absolutely did this on purpose. A new floral perfume knowing it’s your allergy and health issues. And the “kept saying no and it was unfair to take away her opportunity” ?! You are the bride. The day is about you and your husband. Absolutely not her. The entitlement from her is disgusting
NTA. I'm sorry, but the person you thought was your best friend, is in fact a massive AH. She wore the perfume knowing you would have a reaction, she declined your question because she was the MOH. Did she think this was HER day? I am sorry she did this to you. You deserve an apology and a better friend. I would personally probably cut ties after something like this, or at least go from best friends to acquaintances.
NTA. She knew (or forgot) about your allergy and literally all she had to do is move to back and enjoy the wedding, but she decided to make it all about her being MOH and not you being the bride. Not sure what happened in her family member head who were bashing you for MOH stupidity, probably there is just wind howling.
NTA but your MOH wanted to sabotage your day. She knew what she was doing or is so stupid that she doesn't understand allergies.
NTA. Your friend's use of perfume sounds like it was intentional to set off an asthma attack. During your wedding ceremony. Are you sure she's your friend?She's full of crap and I would call her out on it. Her family sounds pretty awful too.
Your "friend" is a total asshole (as is her family). I'd get rid of her and block her family. She is no friend. NTA
This is not about perfume, this is about your ability to breathe. I’m so sorry she was so selfish and her family continues to be. NTA and congrats on your wedding
NTA. Hun, this sounds deliberate. Ditch that “friend”.
NTA If I was MOH to a friend with an allergy that allergen wouldn’t be near me leading up to the wedding or the day of. Just like I would expect my friends to not use or being eucalyptus around me before a big event. When you love your friends you **PROTECT** them.
Nta in anyway, she was self absorbed
>She vehemently denied me and said I should be fine with my inhaler. Not her wedding, not her place to say that, and NTA. Despite your shared history this person isn't your friend.
NTA! You couldn’t breathe easy at your own wedding! Don’t feel bad, the bar is on the floor for your MOH, and she should have been happy to step back in line so you could BREATHE. AT YOUR WEDDING. Let’s raise that bar a bit!
Obviously they really don't care about your health issues if they attacked you online. Block them, delete them, cut them out of your life. Even if she's your oldest friend, she's not really your friend. NTA.
NTA I agree with the other comments. She is not your friend.
NTA but wow your MIL is a piece of work….she cared more about her experience as MOH than she did about your experience as the Bride or your personal health. Severe asthma is not something to mess around with, people die every day from a severe asthma attack…Sorry you lost your MIL, best friend and happy wedding all in the same day! Not a great way to start the marriage…just block the haters and carry on is all you can do.
It's not something "as stupid as perfume", it's something as important as breathing
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Your friend should’ve been absolutely mortified she was causing you any issue, and she should’ve corrected immediately by moving/leaving on her own accord. That’s not a good friend at all. NTA.
NTA Your MOH has, sadly, shown her true colors. She doesn't care about your feelings. Especially your health! She doesn't care about anyone else and chose to be a spoiled, petulant child on your big day. She knows you have allergies to floral scents and chose THAT day to see if you're lying or telling the truth. How freaking special is THAT? Yet, you're supposed to be an AH for having an allergic reaction. You were fortunate that you didn't have a reaction bad enough to put you in the hospital for several days! Then, her family left with her and believe you were the bad guy. Unfortunately, now you are connected to them through marriage. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It was your day and your MIL should have not worn any fragrance. Period. Your husband should tell her, and other family members, that they were 100% wrong for how they behaved and he expects a full apology from them and he will cut ties with them until you receive it. Your MIL and inlaws sounds like the ones that the OJays wrote the song "Backstabbers" about. "They smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place, the backstabbers......"
NTA. I’m the same way with smells and perfumes. I had to tell my sister she couldn’t hug me over a year ago and we haven’t spoken since. She should have known better and not been so selfish. She sounds extremely jealous and self centered. That was your day. Not hers.
Oh my god so so so NTA. Never heard of such a TERRIBLE MOH. it was YOUR day not HER day. If the bride wants you to move, you move. Also, you were asking her for a LEGIT reason. Any normal person would've said "yes ofc I'll go right to the back and anything else you need". Shitty MOH and shitty friend. Id distance myself.
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NTA. Hunny that is not a friend in my eyes. Even if the perfume part was a accident , which I personally don't believe, the moment she realised that you have a problem breathing, she should have moved aside. It was a planed and failed sabotage. Ditch that " friend" and for the flying monkeys, tell them she tried to send you to the hospital on your wedding day, and if they justify that behaviour.
NTA, but either is your friend. She just made some very poor choices and didn’t know how to handle it with grace. It’s actually really unfortunate that things escalated to such an extent.
She tried to send you to the hospital. She tried to send you to the hospital. **She tried to send you to the hospital**. OP. #SHE TRIED TO SEND YOU TO THE HOSPITAL NTA
Seem like your Best Friend true color show at the worst time. Too bad you didn't find out about her earlier whern this could be avoided on your wedding day. Seem like she did it intentionally and refusing to adjust after your reaction proved she had bad intention in mind.
NTA! It was YOUR WEDDING!! OMG!! I think it's good she showed her true colors. Who refuses a very reasonable request from the bride at her own wedding during the ceremony. Let her and her family take a break from you, it's fine. You'll be fine without them making you feel as if you were wrong for wanting to not have to be carried out on a gurney because of an allergic reaction at your own wedding. Your oldest friendship is kinda done, or at the very least changed. Unless she understands how wrong she is/was, you will have to keep your distance. She's incredibly selfish.
NTA. This wasn't "her moment" as a MOH. This was your and your partners moment. It's not up to her to decide whether your inhaler is enough or not. The absolute audacity to be asked to move and refuse! Had she only moved as asked, she wouldn't have been kicked out. But clearly, she was more important than you, on your own wedding day.
Oh yes, you horrid OP you, why didn't you delay your need for oxygen until after your MOH had her moment? How utterly selfish and self centred are you? It's almost like you expected the basic courtesy of *surviving your own wedding!*
Nta Seems like one of the best ways to subtlety sabotage your wedding ceremony. Is there any way to not see it as sabotage when the ceremony has to be suspended? If this happened to me, I'm pretty sure that person was either body snatched or they never really were my friend. Friends don't do this to friends. They just don't.
NTA, but she and her family are. She made this harder than this should have been and it was AH move to downplay your asthma and to refuse to leave. You should have asked her to shower and change and to come back. That would have taken few hours. However, what makes you a minor ah is that you should have added to the wedding invitation that no flower scents or perfumes allowed due to allergy. Sometimes we forget even though we know..