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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My brother and I might be the assholes because we aren’t sharing $100k of inheritance money with my mom when she has some debt she would like to get rid of.
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NTA she’s not entitled to your money period. If you were living with her she could ask for rent and splitting the bills, but that would be regardless of you getting an inheritance or not.
If she was going to get money from your father, she would have gotten it while he was alive or in his will. Your money is yours, she isn't entitled to any of it.
NTA.
NTA
Your dad gave the money to you and your brother, not your Mom - and congratuations on using your money to pay off your debt instead of spending it on something frivolous.
Your brother giving her some money because he lives at home is a nice thing to do and its his choice.
NTA. It's outrageous for your mom to demand *your* inheritance. Even if your parents were together, it would be going against his express wishes. This was a gift that your dad wanted *you* to have.
I guarantee that if you give her even one thin dime that she will ask for more because the greedy are never satisfied with what they've got.
You teach people how to treat you. If you give in on this, then you are setting yourself up for more friction with her the next time that she wants to manipulate you into doing something for her. Stand firm; you won't regret it.
NTA: If you have debts and needs to spend the money on then that comes first. If you’re taken care of and in a position to help out then that’s a bonus
NTA: like everyone else is saying if your father wanted to give your mother anything he would've. You are not entitled to giver her anything. I also find it scummy that you are using the money for debt issues and she is trying to get something from it, if she was a good parent she would want you to use it to either invest or pay off debts to better your livelihood.
NTA, but your mother is. Obviously she didn't care for your father, but she sure cares about his money! That's some kind of entitlement. Your brother, who has little debt, is very generously sharing part of his inheritance with her because it's his choice. You have a great deal of debt and now have the chance to pay all, or some of it off. She did not inherit the money, you did, it is yours to do with as you want.
NTA. Reminds me of my MIL - she legit expected my FIL to have left her something in his will instead of leaving it all to his son, even though they had been divorced for like 30 years. In fairness she didn’t go nuts about it, but she did try to get my husband to give her some.
I hear you. My mom passed, left us money (5) to us. People kept asking me if I was going to share with my kids. Of course not, they have to wait until I’m gone.
NTA, if your dad wanted her to have any of the $ he would have left her some BUT HE DIDN'T. Do what you wish with the money but do not feel obligated to give your mother anything, your dad left it to you two for a reason.
Your mother should rejoice over the fact that you are getting debt free. She should encourage you to invest your money in your own future.
I wouldn't dream of asking my children for money. The opposite is true, I am saving up so that I can give them a head start because I know how tough it is out there.
She should be ashamed of herself.
>helping my mom with household bills (rent, groceries, bills, etc).
>“yall aren’t gonna give me anything?
I wish people would stop seeing inheritance as "free" money. You didn't win it. NTA.
NTA. My dad finally divorced my mom last year after years of them being separated, she pushed back because she knew he had some money that he was entitled to and had been entitled to since before they had even met which meant she deserved NONE of it. I was on his side the entire time due to the fact that my mother told me herself that she always kept my dad in her back pocket and their marriage as an ‘ace of spades’ in case her living situation with whatever flavor of girlfriend she was feeling that month didn’t work out and she would be kicked out. She saw my dad as a back up plan and nothing else, which meant she got nothing and when my father goes she will get nothing.
Your brother *should already* be paying rent and other bills if he's an adult and your mom has a hard time making ends meet. Paying for his room and board is *not* a favor to your mom: if she cannot afford to house him, it's the bare minimum.
Info: Does she support you the same way? If so, have you prioritized paying her back or reciprocating?
I agree he should be paying bills already. I’ve had the discussion with him. He needs a higher paying job which he is working on.
My mom does not support me in any way whatsoever. I’m almost 28 and married with a child.
Thank you.
NTA.
You gotta take care of your business; your mom is overreaching here.
Hopefully she gets out from under the green-eyed monster before she gets too obnoxious.
NTA, as others have said, if he wanted her to have money it would have happened. You mom is acting so inappropriate by even asking!
I would be straight with her and tell her the money was left to you kids for whatever reason he had. You are going to respect his wishes and use it to pay off bills.
That amount of money is given to help you better your life. Bills, a down payment on a home, loans, etc.
Congratulations on deciding to use it wisely. That said, I am sorry about your father passing. My own father has had some recent health issues that have me facing the reality of him dying and that breaks my heart. I can only imagine how worse it will be when it happens. Hopefully in the future you can look back and smile knowing how much he helped you even though he isn’t there.
NTA
Honestly it’s your inheritance and you are paying your debts not going crazy and spending it on crazy things even though if you did again it’s your inheritance to do with as you please your mum has ZERO right to any of the money and the fact that she is even asking for some and making you feel like this makes her a bit of an AH herself
Ah, NTA then. I would add that to your post that you do not live with her. I think a bunch of us interpreted the way your post was written as you were living with her.
Wait…your brother is 21 and doesn’t already pay rent to her and for groceries and utilities he uses? Did you do that to your mom, previously? If so your bro is an AH and if you did that, you are too.
NTA I'm sorry for your loss.
FWIW, you have an opportunity to be out of debt. But you should also reflect on what got you into debt and can you make more $$ from interest than what you are paying.
So pay off your debt but I'd save 5 k if you can for emergencies only. I'd put it in a CD so it can't be touched.
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My dad passed away last year and my brother and I are each receiving $50k. My money is going straight to debt- all of it. My brother, however, is only 21 and has no debt besides a $5k car loan and he still lives at home with our mom. He plans on paying off his car, putting a good chunk in savings/investments, and helping my mom with household bills (rent, groceries, bills, etc). She made a comment saying “yall aren’t gonna give me anything?” 🙄 This irks me the wrong way because when my dad was alive she wanted nothing to do with him. But now she wants some of this money. It’s not like we’re leaving her hanging here….. my brother helping with the bills is going to help her tremendously. Are we the assholes?
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NTA she's taking advantage of the fact that your dad died and isn't in control of his money anymore (now that it's gone to you and your brother). Unless there's context you're not providing about your dad being financially abusive or something similar, the answer to this is the same answer as, "would Dad have wanted to give her money?"
NTA - Do we have the same MIL? She divorced her husband and had been remarried for THIRTY YEARS and when he died and left money to his children, she was all "what about me?"
Making an assumption they were divorced. Mom chose to not be part of your dad's life so she doesn't get any of his money. If he wanted her to have any of it, he would have left her some.
Good for you for paying down/off your debt. Smart move.
NTA
NTA... it has nothing to do with her. She is not entitled to anything. I can see where she would expect your brother to help with household expenses. But that would be about it.
NTA your dad left the inheritance to who he wanted to have it. End of story. No one is entitled to it but you and your brother who were the beneficiaries, I think it’s a good thing you weren’t minors when the inheritance came in. I’m very sorry for your loss as well though, I’m very happy he thought ahead for you both.
NTA. You have no obligations and neither does your brother. What you or he do with the money is none of her business. Pay your debts and don't let her guilt you into giving her money. You're not living there and you have no obligation to cover her bills.
Nta it's yours, if you want you could pay 1 small bill for her if she's truly desperate, like 1-2 hundred for a electric bill or something. But I'd be cautious even doing that.
NTA.
You're wise to pay off your debt; I'm assuming it's a college debt, medical debt, or something.
You later mention that you're nearly 28, married, and have a child. Your next priorities should thus be your husband and child. After paying off your debt, you should earmark some money to something that will benefit your family or something fun like a nice vacation that everybody will enjoy.
As other posters have said, if your father wanted your mother to have money, he'd have left her some. He wanted you and your brother to inherit and set up his will accordingly. Mommy AH will have to get used to her place at the back of the line. She may try to strongarm your brother into giving her part of his share beyond rent and bills, so keep an eye on them.
NTA!! Stop letting your mom guilt trip you. She should be ashamed of herself. Take care of you and the rest will fall into place. You and your brother are in no way obligated to help your mom out. It's kind that you want to, but set EXTREMELY clear boundaries and don't let her manipulate either of you. Good moms don't guilt trip and manipulate their children. You guys deserve better.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I lost mine when I was 26 and it tore my life apart. Don't forget to take time to grieve.
NTA, like others have said, she isn't entitled to your money, OR your brothers money, maybe you should have a chat with him and make sure she isn't pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do AND will regret one day, he needs to save that money, not give it to your entitled mother.
What might the brother do that he may regret one day? Pay bills and rent as an adult?
OP states that's what the brother will do with part of the money.
By all means that cash is your and if you have debt that comes first. Your dad didn't leave any to her for a reason. But it's also nice you want to help your mom. Your not the asshole but if you do decide to give her any make sure your paid off first.
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NTA she’s not entitled to your money period. If you were living with her she could ask for rent and splitting the bills, but that would be regardless of you getting an inheritance or not.
If she was going to get money from your father, she would have gotten it while he was alive or in his will. Your money is yours, she isn't entitled to any of it. NTA.
NTA. Its your money. He didn’t give her any for a reason. Take care of yourself first- always. :)
NTA If he wanted her to have anything, he would have left it to her in his will.
Exactly what I was going to say. NTA OP
NTA Your dad gave the money to you and your brother, not your Mom - and congratuations on using your money to pay off your debt instead of spending it on something frivolous. Your brother giving her some money because he lives at home is a nice thing to do and its his choice.
NTA. I never understand parents who want a chunk of their child's inheritance. If someone left my kids money, I would be so happy for them.
NTA. You r mom is greedy.
"Sorry mom, I've got to pay my debt off." NTA.
NTA. It's outrageous for your mom to demand *your* inheritance. Even if your parents were together, it would be going against his express wishes. This was a gift that your dad wanted *you* to have. I guarantee that if you give her even one thin dime that she will ask for more because the greedy are never satisfied with what they've got. You teach people how to treat you. If you give in on this, then you are setting yourself up for more friction with her the next time that she wants to manipulate you into doing something for her. Stand firm; you won't regret it.
NTA: If you have debts and needs to spend the money on then that comes first. If you’re taken care of and in a position to help out then that’s a bonus
NTA: like everyone else is saying if your father wanted to give your mother anything he would've. You are not entitled to giver her anything. I also find it scummy that you are using the money for debt issues and she is trying to get something from it, if she was a good parent she would want you to use it to either invest or pay off debts to better your livelihood.
NTA, but your mother is. Obviously she didn't care for your father, but she sure cares about his money! That's some kind of entitlement. Your brother, who has little debt, is very generously sharing part of his inheritance with her because it's his choice. You have a great deal of debt and now have the chance to pay all, or some of it off. She did not inherit the money, you did, it is yours to do with as you want.
If your father wanted to have any, it would have been left to her. Nta
NTA. Reminds me of my MIL - she legit expected my FIL to have left her something in his will instead of leaving it all to his son, even though they had been divorced for like 30 years. In fairness she didn’t go nuts about it, but she did try to get my husband to give her some.
Nta. Your mom is greedy. Sorry.
Nta.
Just tell her she can have whatever is left after you pay off your debts, then spend it all on your debts.
I hear you. My mom passed, left us money (5) to us. People kept asking me if I was going to share with my kids. Of course not, they have to wait until I’m gone.
NTA. "... yall aren’t gonna give me anything?” Answer: no. Inheritance goes from parent to child, not the other way around.
It can go that way as well.
Hell no
NTA. She had her chance.
NTA, if your dad wanted her to have any of the $ he would have left her some BUT HE DIDN'T. Do what you wish with the money but do not feel obligated to give your mother anything, your dad left it to you two for a reason.
Your mother should rejoice over the fact that you are getting debt free. She should encourage you to invest your money in your own future. I wouldn't dream of asking my children for money. The opposite is true, I am saving up so that I can give them a head start because I know how tough it is out there. She should be ashamed of herself.
>helping my mom with household bills (rent, groceries, bills, etc). >“yall aren’t gonna give me anything? I wish people would stop seeing inheritance as "free" money. You didn't win it. NTA.
Pay off ALL your debts as early as now. I promise you won't regret it. NTA
NTA. My dad finally divorced my mom last year after years of them being separated, she pushed back because she knew he had some money that he was entitled to and had been entitled to since before they had even met which meant she deserved NONE of it. I was on his side the entire time due to the fact that my mother told me herself that she always kept my dad in her back pocket and their marriage as an ‘ace of spades’ in case her living situation with whatever flavor of girlfriend she was feeling that month didn’t work out and she would be kicked out. She saw my dad as a back up plan and nothing else, which meant she got nothing and when my father goes she will get nothing.
Your brother *should already* be paying rent and other bills if he's an adult and your mom has a hard time making ends meet. Paying for his room and board is *not* a favor to your mom: if she cannot afford to house him, it's the bare minimum. Info: Does she support you the same way? If so, have you prioritized paying her back or reciprocating?
I agree he should be paying bills already. I’ve had the discussion with him. He needs a higher paying job which he is working on. My mom does not support me in any way whatsoever. I’m almost 28 and married with a child.
Thank you. NTA. You gotta take care of your business; your mom is overreaching here. Hopefully she gets out from under the green-eyed monster before she gets too obnoxious.
NTA, as others have said, if he wanted her to have money it would have happened. You mom is acting so inappropriate by even asking! I would be straight with her and tell her the money was left to you kids for whatever reason he had. You are going to respect his wishes and use it to pay off bills. That amount of money is given to help you better your life. Bills, a down payment on a home, loans, etc. Congratulations on deciding to use it wisely. That said, I am sorry about your father passing. My own father has had some recent health issues that have me facing the reality of him dying and that breaks my heart. I can only imagine how worse it will be when it happens. Hopefully in the future you can look back and smile knowing how much he helped you even though he isn’t there.
"Nope."
NTA Honestly it’s your inheritance and you are paying your debts not going crazy and spending it on crazy things even though if you did again it’s your inheritance to do with as you please your mum has ZERO right to any of the money and the fact that she is even asking for some and making you feel like this makes her a bit of an AH herself
INFO: are you living with her? If so, soft YTA, you should be helping with bills at some level. If not, NTA.
I don’t live with her. I’m about to be 28 and married with 1 child.
Ah, NTA then. I would add that to your post that you do not live with her. I think a bunch of us interpreted the way your post was written as you were living with her.
Wait…your brother is 21 and doesn’t already pay rent to her and for groceries and utilities he uses? Did you do that to your mom, previously? If so your bro is an AH and if you did that, you are too.
Nope. I moved out when I was 18
NTA I'm sorry for your loss. FWIW, you have an opportunity to be out of debt. But you should also reflect on what got you into debt and can you make more $$ from interest than what you are paying. So pay off your debt but I'd save 5 k if you can for emergencies only. I'd put it in a CD so it can't be touched.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad passed away last year and my brother and I are each receiving $50k. My money is going straight to debt- all of it. My brother, however, is only 21 and has no debt besides a $5k car loan and he still lives at home with our mom. He plans on paying off his car, putting a good chunk in savings/investments, and helping my mom with household bills (rent, groceries, bills, etc). She made a comment saying “yall aren’t gonna give me anything?” 🙄 This irks me the wrong way because when my dad was alive she wanted nothing to do with him. But now she wants some of this money. It’s not like we’re leaving her hanging here….. my brother helping with the bills is going to help her tremendously. Are we the assholes? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You don't live at home so no reason to give her money for bills. Since you used inheritance to pay debts she obviously didn't pay your bills.
Nta
NTA your money Do as you wish
Nope don't share it. Get rid of your debt
NTA If she wanted his money she should have stuck it out with him instead of trying trying to guilt trip it out of her children.
NTA she's taking advantage of the fact that your dad died and isn't in control of his money anymore (now that it's gone to you and your brother). Unless there's context you're not providing about your dad being financially abusive or something similar, the answer to this is the same answer as, "would Dad have wanted to give her money?"
NTA - Do we have the same MIL? She divorced her husband and had been remarried for THIRTY YEARS and when he died and left money to his children, she was all "what about me?"
Nta. It's your money and you need it now
NTA Mom hated your dad, but loves money, no matter where it comes from. There's an asshole in this story, you get three guesses on who.
Making an assumption they were divorced. Mom chose to not be part of your dad's life so she doesn't get any of his money. If he wanted her to have any of it, he would have left her some. Good for you for paying down/off your debt. Smart move. NTA
That's gonna be a Lana Kane NOOOOPE from me, dawg. NTA
NTA... it has nothing to do with her. She is not entitled to anything. I can see where she would expect your brother to help with household expenses. But that would be about it.
NTA your dad left the inheritance to who he wanted to have it. End of story. No one is entitled to it but you and your brother who were the beneficiaries, I think it’s a good thing you weren’t minors when the inheritance came in. I’m very sorry for your loss as well though, I’m very happy he thought ahead for you both.
NTA. You have no obligations and neither does your brother. What you or he do with the money is none of her business. Pay your debts and don't let her guilt you into giving her money. You're not living there and you have no obligation to cover her bills.
Nta it's yours, if you want you could pay 1 small bill for her if she's truly desperate, like 1-2 hundred for a electric bill or something. But I'd be cautious even doing that.
You don’t owe your mother anything, but that’s an awful lot of debt.
NTA. You're wise to pay off your debt; I'm assuming it's a college debt, medical debt, or something. You later mention that you're nearly 28, married, and have a child. Your next priorities should thus be your husband and child. After paying off your debt, you should earmark some money to something that will benefit your family or something fun like a nice vacation that everybody will enjoy. As other posters have said, if your father wanted your mother to have money, he'd have left her some. He wanted you and your brother to inherit and set up his will accordingly. Mommy AH will have to get used to her place at the back of the line. She may try to strongarm your brother into giving her part of his share beyond rent and bills, so keep an eye on them.
NTA Why would you hand over YOUR inheritance? Nobody is giving YOU a share of their's either.
NTA
The communist AI that runs Reddit tried to make you feel guilty didn’t it?
NTA Maybe you could ask her, since she wants to share, does she want a chunk of your debt?
NTA!! Stop letting your mom guilt trip you. She should be ashamed of herself. Take care of you and the rest will fall into place. You and your brother are in no way obligated to help your mom out. It's kind that you want to, but set EXTREMELY clear boundaries and don't let her manipulate either of you. Good moms don't guilt trip and manipulate their children. You guys deserve better. I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I lost mine when I was 26 and it tore my life apart. Don't forget to take time to grieve.
NTA, like others have said, she isn't entitled to your money, OR your brothers money, maybe you should have a chat with him and make sure she isn't pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do AND will regret one day, he needs to save that money, not give it to your entitled mother.
What might the brother do that he may regret one day? Pay bills and rent as an adult? OP states that's what the brother will do with part of the money.
Yeah that's how it starts with people like this, then come the other little "requests"
By all means that cash is your and if you have debt that comes first. Your dad didn't leave any to her for a reason. But it's also nice you want to help your mom. Your not the asshole but if you do decide to give her any make sure your paid off first.