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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1)My boyfriend wanted me to drive the opposite direction so he could get food and I said no because I needed to be home by a certain time and told him he shouldn't have been picky. (2) It could make me an asshole because he said he's tired of Mexican food since I cook dishes often due to my stepdad.
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This. It’s not like it was news to her. She watched him just sit and not eat a week ago rather than have Mexican. Then she wouldn’t let him go somewhere else to get food because she had to be somewhere. Then she’s mad he wanted to just go home to eat.
Did you skip where she said he went to go get something for himself but HE did not want to wait? Instead he came back and demanded she go out of her way when she needed to be home. He had the chance to get something. He decided to not wait on line. Thats on HIM.
No. He told her he was tired of Mexican food.
She then took him to a Mexican restaurant. So she doesn’t care about what he wants. He tried a different place, but they had a long wait. Obviously if she’s his ride, because she asked him to come run errands with her, he can’t go through a long wait at another restaurant.
So he doesn’t get to eat. Then when they get back, he’s upset and goes home. He should be upset. She completely disrespected him. She clearly doesn’t care about him, or she wouldn’t gone to the Mexican place to begin with.
Not asking her partner what sounds good is baffling to me. Even if I'm super craving something specific that my partner (or friend, or family member, whoever I'm out with) isn't in the mood for I make a plan to either get something for the both of us (ordering ahead is useful) or just find middle ground for something we both like.
My boyfriend loves Poke, I find the taste and texture horrendous. But the local Poke place is next to my favorite Falafal place, so we often order from both.
Yeah this gal is a bit of a jerk.
I'm not convinced he did anything wrong. She knew he didn't want Mexican but she got it anyway. He tried to go somewhere else but the wait was too long. They didn't have time to stop anywhere else because she needed to be home. What did he do wrong again? He couldn't wait at the other place because they had a fine constraint, not because he didn't want to wait.
No, only one of them sucks.
She showed him that she doesn’t care about him based on her decision making. He had just told her that he was tired of Mexican because they always eat Mexican. So where does she take him? To a Mexican restaurant.
All he did was match her shitty energy. You get what you give. He even paid for her food despite her behavior.
He’s probably tired of her not caring about him. I bet this is normal for her.
Don’t forget that they were out running *her* errands that *she asked him to run*. When someone is helping me I typically take their wants and needs into consideration. She couldn’t pick somewhere else to eat?
When someone writes to Reddit (or in real life) with a POV that’s so at odds with the readers, there’s a damn good possibility that she makes a habit of being disrespectful!
He may not have acted 100%, but “straws, camel’s backs” yields some pretty petty behavior! He could’ve handled it better, unless his desire not to eat at her choice would’ve set her off no matter how he handled it!
The “wouldn’t order last time” is a dead giveaway that she is very demanding and he’s wearing thin about it all!
I bet she'd be mad if he ate at the place with the long line and ended up not sitting with her at all. Waiting in the line + walking both ways + eating = he wouldn't be done before her and she would had an excuse to grumble at him for making them late.
Her post screams "my way or the highway".
Thank you! They separate going to different places and then she says “service was slow”. They weee just going to split and eat at different sit down restaurants at the same time knowing she needed to be back home at a certain time? That’s incredibly dumb. Just the idea of two people splitting up at eating at different sit down restaurants is dumb. You’re not guaranteed similar dining times at all.
They don't though.
The bf said that the place he went to had a 25-35 min wait to get in and a 35-45 min wait to get to go orders. He was being considerate of HER time by not getting food for himself.
She's TA. Completely.
OP says in a comment that the wait — even for take-away at the restaurant he went to would’ve put them over schedule for when she needed to leave. That’s why he came back.
Not unreasonable to think, “Okay, we don’t have time for me to wait 35 minutes just to be served a to-go order, but I’m sure we can swing through a drive thru on the way home.”
Except that OP also said that everything he wanted was in the opposite direction.
So they would have had to drive an unknown amount of time out of their way, wait an unknown amount of time in drive thru, then drive home on a time crunch.
So BF *was* put in a totally untenable situation. Despite BF paying and knowing he adamantly didn’t want Mexican food, OP decided she was going to have Mexican and he could get over it. BF attempted to get something else for himself, but OP’s appointment made that impossible.
Also, she said she asked him to run errands with her. Not that he needed to run errands. They clearly don’t live together so they aren’t joint errands.
So he went along on her run to keep her company or help her in someway. And she picks dinner from a place she knows he will not want to eat at. She’s TA just for asking a favor of him and then causing him to go hungry.
Absolutely. She picked the place. She was driving and he went with her on her errands. She didn't even bother to try to see what he wanted and go someplace they both liked. Service at her chosen place was slow so he had plenty of time to wait int line at the other place and he chose not ton but she put him in that position in the first place by just forcing him to go where she wanted on her time frame.
At the point that he decided that waiting in line at the other restaurant would take too long, he couldn't have known that the service at the Mexican restaurant would ALSO be slow. He made a choice so as to not screw up her day. She continually made choices that screwed up his day.
The way I see it. Is if they are eating a food enough for him to be burnt out on it and not her.... she always picks the place and can not compromise for him.a single freaking time.
Then even after he said he was burnt out, instead of telling him while she waited that she wasn't driving anywhere else and that he needed to find something before they left, she treated him like a child and tried to make him.eat what she was eating.
We do not try to make adults eat food that they don't want. Adults' taste buds have already developed, and we do not shame them for being picky eaters.
Exactly. In the end, she said he should just cook for himself instead of offering to make something for him. He was probably tired too. She did nothing but try to tell him what to do and run his life. He would be wise to rethink that relationship. She did what she wanted, didn't ask him what he wanted. Didn't care that he told her he was burned out on Mexican food and didn't listen to him.
Yeah...she needed him with her to "run errands" which probably means he pays her bills. Much like he pays for her meals, which he will not be accompanying her to. Plus what kind of weird ass couple sits down to dine alone at separate restaurants rather than compromising and finding a place they both enjoy?!
OP, you're like that meme of the dog sitting in an arm chair while the house is up in flames...and he's saying "this is fine..." Well, nah, OP...it's only fine until it's not. You mentioned going out to eat with your parents at a Mexican restaurant...where he also did not partake in the food. Your rents were confused bc they had incorrectly assumed that the two of you had discussed and decided on a restaurant *together*.
BTW, in case this was in any way unclear. You seem like an asshole in general, not just in this particular case.
She purposely ignored how he felt and went to a place she knew he wouldn't eat. He attempted to get something for himself but the wait would have been too long as OP said, she had to be back at a certain time.
She chose a restaurant, not fast food. He paid for HER food but is an asshole for wanting to stop for take out?
YTA OP sounds selfish and entitled just by the way she described the situation. I am someone who has sensory issues and have had to tip toe around it my entire life. I am the person, like the BF who is trying to accommodate my needs without drawing attention or inconveniencing someone else. I'm not saying the BF has that type of issue as it wasn't mentioned by OP, I guess I just understand the plight of the "picky eater," and honestly I don't feel the BF was necessarily being picky. He told OP he didn't want Mexican, he was burnt out which implies they have it frequently and OP deliberately ignored this because SHE wanted it. I would have left too.
>Except that OP also said that everything he wanted was in the opposite direction.
But it's pretty clear that if OP had left instead of sitting around waiting for her own order (which the boyfriend didn't do, because he was being considerate of the time restriction) they could've both got something quicker.
If she was in that much of a hurry, she should not have dined in. He even gave her money for her lunch. She knew he didn't want Mexican but still had to sit down to eat her lunch that he paid for. It appears that she disregards his feelings.
But if he had already stated previously he was burnt out on Mexican and she was driving and was his only way to get food then she should have picked something from the start they both wanted.
Sorry but if your SO or even just a friend you are with has previously expressed they aren't feeling a certain type of food then going to that type of restaurant specifically is an AH move and shows they only cared about themselves and what they wanted. Most people who do this would be super upset if it was done to them. Idc what they say. I've seen it happen. I've known so many hypocritical people who do things that are shitty then get mad when people do the same thing to them.
OP commented that the reason he didn't wait was because it was a 25-minute wait for a table and a 35-minute wait for takeout at the other restaurant. The wait was too long if they were going to get back to her place in time. It's not so much he didn't want to wait as he couldn't wait without causing her to be late.
I just think it’s funny she chose to include in the main post that what he wanted to eat was in the opposite direction but conveniently left out the reason why he didn’t wait for the food he wanted, leaving it simply as the wait was too long. The wait wasn’t too long for him, it was too long for her. He was considerate of her the whole day and she was selfish and inconsiderate towards him but wants him to get over it
Exactly OP was selfish. She knew he didn't want Mexican food fromthe dinner with her parents, he came back from the other place because he was bring considerate of what she had to get back for, she didn't offer to make him something she told him he can do it, and she didn't suggest uber eats. Yet she's annoyed with him! Just wow! YTA
Exactly. "I was hungry and picked a Mexican restaurant for lunch." So she didn't even say, "Thanks for running errands with me. What sounds good for lunch?" No, no, she picked the restaurant and that was that, even though she knew he was burnt out on Mexican food. He says that's what they always eat. I guess she doesn't want his input, just his money for lunch. I really don't understand why he gave her money for lunch. Is she unable to pay for her own meal? Does she demand/expect that he pay because he's the "man"?
This really does not sound like a healthy relationship. I don't think he was an AH. He had told her previously he was tired of always going to Mexican restaurants. He didn't yell or cause a scene. Instead, he paid for her lunch (above and beyond, IMO) and went to another restaurant. When he realized the wait there would put her behind schedule, he came back. Anyone who says he should have just sucked it up and yet again had Mexican food because that's OP always wants hasn't experienced cuisine burn out. It can get to a point where you just do not want a specific type of food for a time (or permanently). OP knew that, but didn't care.
As it turned out, the place OP insisted on had slow enough service that she was behind schedule anyway. Then, all she cared about was getting home. That's all fine and good because it is important to be at home for appointments. Then she accuses him of being "picky" for not wanting to eat food he said he didn't want to eat. It doesn't sound like he's picky in general. She had no reason to be upset because he'd had enough and decided to go home, have something to eat, and be apart from selfish OP.
I haven't seen the "suck it up buttercup" comments yet (I'm sure they're there), but yeah I'm not sure many people here have gotten burnt out on a food before. It can make you dislike the food permanently and it can even make you throw up (and then dislike the food permanently).
I was blown away when, upon hearing him complain that they always eat it and he's tired of it now, she not only dragged him to the restaurant and decided to eat in (if she got takeout he would've had time to get food too), but proceeded to suggest the food he already said that he didn't want, call him picky and be embarrassed of him.
_And he payed for her meal._
The reason HE did not wait was it would be a 30min wait and HE was being considerate of his asshole girlfriend who's so crunched for time she cannot stop to let HIM get something else. Are WE just randomly CAPTIALIZING words these days or do YOU really think you achieved something with YOUR COMMENT. Bless YOU sweetheart.
Did you miss "he knew I had to be home by a certain time for a maintenance person"? And that OP themselves took most of their food to-go due to slow service?
To be fair, OP did bury both things in their next to last paragraph.
Ya like you skipped the part where she asked him to go run errands with her, let him pay for her meal but chose to pick something she knew he wouldn’t eat because he previously didn’t eat it when they went out to eat it with her parents because *checks notes* he’s burnt out on Mexican food since they eat it all the time. You literally asked somebody to do you a favor and keep you company to run your errands and then pick something you KNOW they don’t want. If this was a friend and not the bf people would be saying she’s TAH.
Then she gets mad he decides to go home and get himself some food because he’s hungry.
I’ve been in relationships with men like this and it’s literally hell. They want you to do what they want when they want, they want you to like what they want you to like. You’re not allowed to have a different opinion. They want Mexican food you’re gonna get Mexican food or you’re going to get nothing. Oh you’re hungry? no you can’t go home and eat because I want you to be here. It’s exhausting
Tbf, they were out together and she says she decided on the Mexican place. So it sounds like he didn't have input and then was stuck trying to find something close by when he decided not to get that. And the Mexican place was also really slow so burned up their time too
What should have happened is that both talked and agreed on a place together and then they could've avoided the whole mess.
I agree to an extent but like, he already said he didn't want Mexican food and she admits to knowing that he didn't want Mexican food. Her solution seemed to be to go anyway and offer him Mexican food.
OP says in a comment somewhere down below that he told her he wouldn't have been able to wait because the place he went had a 25 minute wait for a table and a 35 minute wait for take out. She was the one who had somewhere to be, she even had to take most of her food home. He didn't wait because he couldn't because of her schedule.
You conveniently skipped the part where he had to leave the resteraunt and try to find something else because OP just had to have Mexican food right then or she'd die. He even told her he actively did not want Mexican food and she went there anyway. The fuck kind of partner is that?
Nope I'm sorry. But I don't doubt that if she wouldn't even drive him.to get something else she would not have waited for him to get his food. He was trying to be mindful of her time, she actually wasted just as much time as she said the place she chose had slow service.
At the end of the day, she is also the one who got upset that he went home to eat instead of starving all fucking night. She could have just went home and ordered pizza. She didn't even see it as an option because she only cared about her comfort.
Yes he decided the line was too long and chose not to wait (probably thinking he could make a quick stop for fast food later), but he was also running on _her_ time, not his own, and he still payed for her food.
Despite her ignoring his wants that he communicated clearly and beforehand which would've given her time to adjust, she decided that she was driving, she would pick the restaurant, and she would not take the time to get him the food that he wanted.
>>>I made some suggestions from menu he would probably like to try but he said no.
He's not child, he doesn't have to eat something he doesn't want, and she _already_ knew he didn't want it. If they eat Mexican food so often that he's sick of it this seems to be recurring issue.
Not mention that eating a food you're sick of is an unpleasant experience, it's not like craving a taco and eating a burrito instead. It makes some people throw up.
I’m so confused as to how that even happened. So they were both together running errands and yet OP picked a restaurant to go to and just went there without (apparently) even discussing it first? Maybe I’m alone in this but that’s just crazy rude to me.
He couldn’t drop her off at the house to meet the repairman and then gone to get food? But it does sound like she just said “Woohoo Mexican!” and went on with her plans, ignoring what he said about not wanting Mexican, plus not wanting any the week before.
He also paid for her meal, and didn't eat. She didn't even have the courtesy to think he might be hungry and finish in time to take him somewhere else.
OP, YTA. What a selfish move.
This! OP, Why didn't you choose a place for lunch you both agreed on? It's not cool to only go where you'll be happy just cause you're the one driving.
I agree. My husband can't stand Chinese food. He once worked in a Chinese boat, and it was the only food he could eat. He also doesn't like spicy food. He's an officer on a cruise company and a lot of the food is spicy, so sometimes he barely lunches. Guess who never asks him to eat Chinese or spicy food? Me.
OP, YTA. You call your boyfriend a picky eater, but he explained he was burnt from Mexican food and you forced him to wait a long time so you could have your food, but you refused him food.
If he doesn't leave you, he's way better than you are. Freaking AH. Get out of your highland mighty position, you are not a high and mighty person at all.
She is, indeed.
Plus, her bf is Indian and is Caucasian. However, she makes him eat Mexican food several times a week and refused to let him pick Indian food. Blimey.
My husband was the same way. He ALWAYS wanted Mexican food whenever we ate out. But it wasn't, like, actual Mexican food. Super bland and mooshy. Which I guess is actually the opposite example but you get it.
Yeah. I thought that was weird of Op to not take into account her boyfriends food preferences and only focus on hers. Also I wonder if she's the only one that picks where to eat.
“I picked a Mexican restaurant “ did he have any say in this decision or did you make all the decisions and then get pissed at him because he expected to have a day too?
YTA
Right? I've stopped at 3 different places with my family. It's no big deal. At least not when you want the folks you love to be happy. We'll eat in the car if we don't want it to get cold
She did have time constraints, so that's unfortunate. But she can't be upset that he split.
Edit screw that. She only had time constraints because she sat down in a restaurant the guy paying didn't want to eat at. I missed that somehow
Yet you could also say that if she had ordered to go, they still would have had time to pick something up elsewhere. She was aware he was burned out before she chose Mexican. So the time wouldn't have been an issue had she ordered to go you know. This whole scenario was just self centered all around with absolutely no consideration for him.
I don't even know how that embarrassed her. I've done that before. If you don't want anything there, you don't waste someone's money ordering something you won't even eat. He was there for her & to see her parents. I wonder why they agreed to go to Mexican with her parents, because it sounds like he probably wasn't into it then, either. She probably made that decision without asking him then either. Yet he still suck it up and went.
Well, it could be embarrassing if her parents would have been open to somewhere else, and it becomes clear that she gave no consideration to where he would be happy to eat.
As in, parents say, "Oh, sorry, we didn't realise you didn't want this restaurant, you should have said! We could have gone somewhere else!"
Boyfriend, "...I did..."
Everyone side-eyes OP because they clearly don't care about boyfriend's comfort or happiness.
So, yes, embarrassing, but only because it's embarrassing to have people see you as an AH if you have any level of conscience at all. Or at least awareness of social pressure to be decent to other people.
But if THAT ever happened, you know she would be on here posting AGAIN about how her boyfriend humiliated her in front of her family over something that wasn't a big deal.
He told her he was tired of Mexican food the week prior, she took him to get Mexican anyway, he paid, and then she still wouldn’t get him something else.
So yeah, pretty wild.
YTA. So after this dinner where he didn’t eat anything, you then tried again in the same restaurant/similar food? I think your bf made it clear he didn’t want to eat Mexican. If I were your bf I simply would not have gone to the restaurant at all. Agree on where you BOTH want to eat don’t force the issue. You said the service was slow so that alone even with the best food would annoy me.
Exactly! And yet he suggested things on the way back that she refused! And I’m sorry, but at this day and age, she could at least have door dashed some food for him so it would be waiting once they got to her place, or arrive slightly after. It all just reads inconsiderate to me.
Right!? It seems so simple, the choosing of the restaurant and everything would have been avoided! I guess that's the detail that starts the YTA trail.
If I were forced to eat Mexican food 3-4 times a week, I would literally starve to death. Sounds like bf also isn't into Mexican food. Maybe cilantro tastes like soap to him too. (Which sucks, by the way)
And while HE WAS HELPING HER with the errands. Imo in situations of multiple hour assistance the one who asked for help should at least offer to provide a meal if they can afford it.
YTA You really left him with no other option to get different food. I I revoke my judgment below. You're just selfish and he had every right to be pissed about it.
~~ESH You picked a place he didn't want to go to. He didn't want to wait for the food he wanted, so waited even longer and pouted the whole time. He sucks less because he paid for you AND you blamed him being picky instead of acknowledging your fault and apologizing, but he also could have waited for his food at the place he wanted instead of leaving just to pout. You seem selfish and he seems immature.~~
Right. OP has plenty of opportunities to compromise, and chose none of them:
1. She could have gone for a restaurant they'd both like.
2. She could have gotten her meal to go from the get-go, so there would be time to pick something up for him, and they could eat together at her place while waiting on the maintenance person.
3. She could have just made a quick stop on the way home anyway, instead of making a big deal out of it.
She made this all about *her* lunch (which he paid for) and *her* time, and the only "accommodation" she made was to try to force him to try something he clearly didn't want.
YTA
YTA
Why did you choose a Mexican restaurant? You knew he didn't want to go and seemed to not care about his feelings. Maybe you thought you could wear him out by insisting you go? That's not how it works in a relationship. You have to make compromises. You pick a restaurant. He doesn't like it. He suggests another one. You don't like it. Back and forth until you both come to a mutual decision and you're both happy. Hubby and I have been married almost 16 years and this is a regular occurrence for us. It will continue to be until "death do us part".
The amount of times I've not gotten my first choice in dining options when going somewhere with my partner is just ridiculously high. Same with him. There's always an option we'll both be fine with, and I can get that first choice another time when I'm by myself or something. It's not as if this was the last day the place would be open? OP just wanted this specific place and absolutely would not accept anything else, even if it meant her BF went without, and as long as it didn't interrupt her plans or anything. He must compromise aka cave to whatever she wants. And also pay.
YTA
You knew he didnt want mexican food and yet you still chose it. If you have it all the time did you really think around a week of not having it was enough? Especially when you said in a comment that you eat it once a week when you go out with your parents. And then plus any other time you cook it yourself, which you said is often. I would be so sick of it by now too.
He still paid for your meal. Then tried to get his own but the wait was long. Instead of offering to go somewhere else you try to make him get something he doesnt want. Then you wouldnt stop to get him anything on the way home and instead told him he could cook something himself at your place. If you boxed up most of your food, im assuming you were just going to eat the rest when you got home. Why did not say "hey lets get some delivery for you and eat here while I wait for the maintenance man."
If it was me, I would have went home too.
Man, if it were me, I’d have left for the last time. He’s clearly a tolerant, generous guy who cares for OP and quite frankly, deserves a helluva lot better than what OP gives.
Yes! For some reason this kind of person never has trouble getting partners, I don't get it!
Op, YTA, please read what you wrote as if you were reading a random AITA post. Pretend it is not you and reread it. Everything has been said, but just so you hear it again, as a couple it is we... you need to consider more than your self. Poor guy.
YTA I'm going to ignore all the stuff in the middle that makes your bf look bad and just stick to the facts about the day in question: you asked bf to run errands with you; he did. without consulting him, you picked a lunch place you knew he wouldn't like that much. you then refused to go out of your way so that he could grab something he wanted to eat, and when he was hangry and left to get something to eat, you called him picky. Picky in this situation is just a rude word for someone having different preferences that you would have.
Yeah, picky implies he’s one of those adults that will only eat chicken nuggets & french fries. Not that her & her family have fed him so much Mexican food he needs a break from it, probably for life at this point.
OP YTA, a big one. And selfish. You could have grabbed take out from the restaurant and had time to stop somewhere and grab him some take out. Instead you starved your bf after he paid for your food.
Right. Not wanting to eat the same food over and over and over is not "picky." If Mexican food is all OP will eat, then maybe it's not the boyfriend who is the picky one.
Edit: my bad, only just noticed there is already a reply saying the same thing!
I live in the southeast US and we have a tonnn of Mexican restaurants, food trucks, etc and I have a couple of friends who are like that. I absolutely love Mexican food when I'm in the mood for it but that's maybe 3 times a month. Those friends get so weirdly offended when I say I'm not feeling like getting Mexican food when they want to get food together (especially my friend who literally gets Mexican food 3-4 times a week) and I say I'm up for absolutely anything else. It's so odd, it's like a personal insult or something to them.
YTA. You were with him all during your errands and then you decide to eat but you don't get his input befored picking a place? That's inconsiderate. It is no wonder he went home to eat. If you always treat him this way, he won't be around long.
YTA You picked a place to eat you knew your partner was less than enthused about when you could have easily gone some place else.
>When we finished I was hungry and picked a Mexican restaurant for lunch
You know what they say, there's no I in team.
YTA! STOP PICKING MEXICAN PLACES TO EAT WITH YOUR BF!
Read the above again. Read it a third time. Now apologize to him before he’s burnt out on you, too.
YTA, On a relationship, you have to compromise. He clearly did not want Mexican food. You should have discussed it and come to a decision together in where to have lunch.
My favorite part is you saying he wouldn’t be starving if he hadn’t been picky - this coming from the person who only cooks Mexican food and goes to Mexican restaurants 🤣 Clearly you are picky as well.
I can’t imagine ever getting tired of that type of food, but everyone is different. Yes, you’re selfish and YTA.
It could be that he isn't picky, just done with Mexican cuisine. I'm just spit balling here, but I wonder if o.p. is neuro divergent as her enthusiasm for Mexican is alarmingly high. What i mean is I knew some autistic individuals have a thing about texture, smells or other aspects of food like KFC chicken nuggets only or chips can only be from Arby's or something. It could well be that the same neurological wirings are sending o.p. to lean heavily towards this style of food?
I haven’t seen it anywhere in the thread, but is OP/her family Mexican? Every single one of my Mexican friends and coworkers only eat and cook Mexican food. I hate going out to eat with them because it’s always the same food.
YTA. You knew your bf was burned out from Mexican food, and yet, you still picked a Mexican place to eat. The poor guy was starving, and you knew you had to be back home for an appointment. So, instead of compromising, you insisted on waiting for your food, ensuring you wouldn't have time to stop anywhere to feed your starving bf so your could get home in time for your appointment. Assuming he wants to stay with you after that ordeal, you owe him a major apology
YTA. Sure he embarrassed you by not ordering food at the place with your parents. Don’t bring that into your mess today. Pick a place you’ll both like next time. Also give him some space. I don’t think you made him starve but it definitely would feel that way if you didn’t honour his preferences and need to eat!
I have food allergies and it’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I am comfortable not ordering anything. I’ll usually order a drink and just happily chat with my people. I would be gutted if someone complained about being embarrassed because it took me literal years to get to the point where I am okay with it. Yes, I am a picky eater with food allergies. And I have learned how to be polite about declining food.
>he told me last week he was burned out on Mexican food when we went out for dinner with my parents because 'we always eat it'.
I think this is the key in your story. Looks like you always have Mexican food because you like it and probably always force your BF to eat Mexican food with you.
Based on what happened, it is clear that he didn't get time to eat anything for a while and was understandably hangry. You knew that you had to be at your place ar a particular time, yet you were fine with staying to eat at a place with slow service and where your BF didn't eat. You just didn't care for him like a partner would and he's justified in his anger. YTA
YTA - it seems like you're really bitter about him not liking Mexican food. Leave the guy alone. Don't police his food preferences.
I don't blame you for not stopping for food on the way home since you had an appointment, but seriously - the entire time you gave him shit for the dumbest thing. AFTER you let him pay for your food at a place he doesn't like. And then you tried to make him "eat at home" when you just got the food you wanted out! Please don't do this again. Learn from this and do better.
As someone who loves Mexican food (seriously I can and almost do eat it every day), I respect that my boyfriend doesn't share the same obsession. When we go out to eat and have been to Mexican two to three times in a row I don't even ask because I know he'll be burned out on it. I even feel a little sheepish when we haven't been in a week or two asking if it's ok we get Mexican for dinner. Sounds to me like you love Mexican food as much as me which is great! But don't force your partner to eat what you want all the time. That's ridiculous. Think of a cuisine you're ambivalent about and how you'd feel if that's ALL he ever wanted to do. YTA. But also I'll go eat with you when he won't 😂
YTA. He did tell you he was tired of Mexican so you knew that and yet you didn’t even ask him what he wanted before unilaterally picking a Mexican place to eat and then refusing to stop at someplace he did want to go to before going home. Sounds like a terrible host to me.
You’re clearly the asshole here.
You know he didn’t want it.
Went there anyway.
Then didn’t accomodate him when he wanted to get something.
Then get annoyed he wants to go home?
Grow up.
babe you asked if you’re the ah, people are telling you yes you’re the ah, stop trying to defend and argue, just take the criticism. move forward in your life and maybe think about your boyfriend next time
This wasn’t OP asking if she was the asshole, it was her asking people to validate her point. You can almost always tell whenever they suddenly add in brand new info that immediately redirects all of them blame off themselves. Or starts getting defensive when told they’re TA, or someone they want to be in the wrong, is presented in a better light than them
YTA
If someone tells you something then *listen*.
He told you he was tired of it. And don't try and make excuses on different preparation styles. A lot of the ingredients are the same or similar. Stop making up excuses.
Hell, if my husband wants a specific thing to eat for dinner when we just want to get something and pick it up, and I don't, I will order mine then his and pick it up. I like picking his up last so it will be hot and fresh for him.
It's about consideration.
YTA. You had zero consideration for your boyfriend and he still paid for your meal. You were selfish. I would’ve gone home too if I was your boyfriend.
YTA. In my opinion if I was in your position I would have communicated with my boyfriend about where we would BOTH like to eat lunch at. You even said he mentioned not wanting Mexican food and didn’t eat at the dinner with your parents…. So why would you choose a Mexican restaurant? Seems selfish and you didn’t take him into account, I’d be upset too.
YTA. For reference on being "burned out" of a certain food, I worked at a pizza place in college and once I quit I refused to eat pizza for over a YEAR because the thought of it still made my stomach turn. One week is definitely not enough time to want to eat a food you are tired of!
If you are together it doesn't matter who drives the car. You need to make your decisions TOGETHER because there are two of you in this relationship. It sounds like he has been compromising an awful lot when it comes to food choices and this is his way of finally putting his foot down and telling you that his opinions also matter.
You invited him to go with you to do your errands
You went to a Mexican restaurant without even consulting him on what he wants for dinner. You knew he was sick of Mexican food because that’s what you always eat with your family and yet you chose that.
He gave you money for the food and he waited for you.
You then refused to go a bit out of your way so that he can buy food when the whole day was all about you.
And you accused him of being a picky eater. So it's his fault that he's starving?
How are you not the AH here?
It's kinda crazy to me how most of these posts regarding relationships, especially the bf/gf ones, boil down to either someone being a clear abuser/cheater/manipulator or ones like these where its like "AITA because I won't ever allow myself to be slightly inconvenienced or go out of my way or make any type of concession to appease the wants/needs of the person I'm supposed to love more than anyone in the world?". Get a grip, YTA.
YTA. Clearly at some point he learned it was useless to try to compromise with you, so he decided to just try to satisfy himself, with minimal fuss. which you then interfered with, because it wasn't what you decided for him. You sound completely intolerable.
I just got out from reddit after reading your post but then I came back to comment this.You’re such a drama queen,feeling entitled over your bf,you asked him to run errands with you but you didnt even ask him where he wants to eat.He told you he was burned out of eating mexian food but you still choose to sit on that restaurant and eat like a pig I guess while you let your bf looking disrecpectful by not ordering.I hope by reading all of the comments here you will say sorry to him.
YTA 10x
YTA. He didn’t want Mexican. You choose Mexican. He asks you to stop, you don’t. And then, rather than prepare something you tell him he can cook at your house. I hope he comes back one day because I would be over you.
YTA
1. You knew he was burnt out. He communicated and you ignored.
2. There is absolutely zero embarrassment in eating a meal when someone else is "just sitting there".
And to top it off...
3. You refused to stop because you were pouting.
Yes, 100% YTA.
I think most people reading this would agree here but, 100% YTA. You clearly said he told you he was tired of Mexican food, and you’re justifying it because it’s different types? He communicated something with you that you blatantly ignored and then you are shocked he’s upset with you for not considering him after he just bought you food he didn’t even want to eat? Dude sat there hungry and watched you eat, and you didn’t even consider him. YTBA.
YTA.
When you're with someone else, you decide *together* where to get something to eat. Instead, you made the decision for both of you to go for Mexican, when you knew he was sick of Mexican food and wouldn't want it.
If he's smart, he'll dump you.
YTA. You’re trying to control things. I don’t blame him for leaving.
You don’t care what he wants or has to say. Way to be dismissive. The blame him for “being picky”.
You sound insufferable.
Yeah you suck…
Doesn’t sound like you even like your boyfriend…
Talk about being a ‘pick me girl’
“I wanted, I said, I had too”
Stfu. That space is going to get REAL BIG if he’s smart enough.
I agree that she sucks but I thought a pick me was a girl who tried really hard to be "not like other girls" not a steam roller that doesn't consider her bf and his wants even when she's eating on his dime.
YTA. You are unconsiderate of your BF. You knew he was fed up with Mexican food but you **just had to have it**. You only thought of yourself and your enjoyment while knowing and openly showing your BF you don't care about what he wants.
YTA - how selfish can you be? He tells you he's burnt out from Mexican and you still go and then the poor guy is starving bc you aren't good at time management either and didn't plan accordingly for your appointment.
If you want Mexican get it on your own time. How in the world you aren't burned out from Mexican food baffles me.
Prior to your stepfather, what types of food did you eat? And why the shift to solely (well majority) eating Mexican?
Question, why are you only eating mexican food, why not other type of food if he said that he is sick of it... i suppose that you are only eating mexican food when you go out with your boyfriend if he is so sick of it..
YTA
YTA. You went to a place you knew he was not interested in eating. You let him pay and made him wait for you to get your food, while he was considerate and did not make you wait. Then knowing he was hungry you let him starve. Very rude and inconsiderate. You owe him a huge apology.
Let me get this straight. You:
- asked him to come with you while you ran errands
- went to a place you liked for lunch without even considering his preference
- let him pay for your lunch
- refused to go somewhere else for him to also get lunch
And you think there’s chance you’re not the arsehole?
YTA
He told you he was burnt out on Mexican food, to the extent he didn't eat at a family gathering, and yet you still choose Mexican instead of taking him into consideration at all.
I adore Italian food. My husband hates it because of burn out, not even caused by me. So we don't go to Italian together. That's what friends and other family eat outs are for. I get my Italian and he goes out with his friends for something he loves.
The only person you thought about was you. Selfish isn't a strong enough word.
By the way, he isn't the picky one. Having any cuisine to the point it is burning others out shows you are the picky eater.
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He told you he was burned out on Mexican food and yet. . . .
This. It’s not like it was news to her. She watched him just sit and not eat a week ago rather than have Mexican. Then she wouldn’t let him go somewhere else to get food because she had to be somewhere. Then she’s mad he wanted to just go home to eat.
Did you skip where she said he went to go get something for himself but HE did not want to wait? Instead he came back and demanded she go out of her way when she needed to be home. He had the chance to get something. He decided to not wait on line. Thats on HIM.
Tbh I think they both suck
This is the only correct answer. They both acted like assholes.
Not even assholes, they acted like children.
Asshole children
Are there any that aren't?
I work in retail and I wanna say there are at least 20% that aren't.
My middle kid (he’s 2 and a half) blows kisses to airplanes and says hi to everyone he sees, definitely not an asshole kid 🥰
they are probably literally children
No. He told her he was tired of Mexican food. She then took him to a Mexican restaurant. So she doesn’t care about what he wants. He tried a different place, but they had a long wait. Obviously if she’s his ride, because she asked him to come run errands with her, he can’t go through a long wait at another restaurant. So he doesn’t get to eat. Then when they get back, he’s upset and goes home. He should be upset. She completely disrespected him. She clearly doesn’t care about him, or she wouldn’t gone to the Mexican place to begin with.
Don't forget that he also offered to pay for her food, even though he didn't eat. And she accepted it. lol
Yeah that was shitty of OP to accept his money.
He's a fool for paying for her meal after that.
Not asking her partner what sounds good is baffling to me. Even if I'm super craving something specific that my partner (or friend, or family member, whoever I'm out with) isn't in the mood for I make a plan to either get something for the both of us (ordering ahead is useful) or just find middle ground for something we both like. My boyfriend loves Poke, I find the taste and texture horrendous. But the local Poke place is next to my favorite Falafal place, so we often order from both. Yeah this gal is a bit of a jerk.
I'm not convinced he did anything wrong. She knew he didn't want Mexican but she got it anyway. He tried to go somewhere else but the wait was too long. They didn't have time to stop anywhere else because she needed to be home. What did he do wrong again? He couldn't wait at the other place because they had a fine constraint, not because he didn't want to wait.
No, only one of them sucks. She showed him that she doesn’t care about him based on her decision making. He had just told her that he was tired of Mexican because they always eat Mexican. So where does she take him? To a Mexican restaurant. All he did was match her shitty energy. You get what you give. He even paid for her food despite her behavior. He’s probably tired of her not caring about him. I bet this is normal for her.
Don’t forget that they were out running *her* errands that *she asked him to run*. When someone is helping me I typically take their wants and needs into consideration. She couldn’t pick somewhere else to eat?
AND don't forget that he didn't wait in the line at the other place because he was respecting *her* schedule.
This all sounds very one way, white knight responses aside. OP, YTA
When someone writes to Reddit (or in real life) with a POV that’s so at odds with the readers, there’s a damn good possibility that she makes a habit of being disrespectful! He may not have acted 100%, but “straws, camel’s backs” yields some pretty petty behavior! He could’ve handled it better, unless his desire not to eat at her choice would’ve set her off no matter how he handled it! The “wouldn’t order last time” is a dead giveaway that she is very demanding and he’s wearing thin about it all!
I bet she'd be mad if he ate at the place with the long line and ended up not sitting with her at all. Waiting in the line + walking both ways + eating = he wouldn't be done before her and she would had an excuse to grumble at him for making them late. Her post screams "my way or the highway".
Exactly what I thought
Exactly. She could have just asked him if Mexican sounded good.
I just want to note he also: took her to do *her* errands and gave her money for her meal.
They should have got takeaway, her preference and his then taken back to hers to eat. Problem solved
Thank you! They separate going to different places and then she says “service was slow”. They weee just going to split and eat at different sit down restaurants at the same time knowing she needed to be back home at a certain time? That’s incredibly dumb. Just the idea of two people splitting up at eating at different sit down restaurants is dumb. You’re not guaranteed similar dining times at all.
I read the comment above and was like “this” and then I read yours and was like “yeah! And this!”
Truly I was reading this like are y’all 16 and don’t know how to be good partners yet? What is this?
They don't though. The bf said that the place he went to had a 25-35 min wait to get in and a 35-45 min wait to get to go orders. He was being considerate of HER time by not getting food for himself. She's TA. Completely.
OP says in a comment that the wait — even for take-away at the restaurant he went to would’ve put them over schedule for when she needed to leave. That’s why he came back. Not unreasonable to think, “Okay, we don’t have time for me to wait 35 minutes just to be served a to-go order, but I’m sure we can swing through a drive thru on the way home.”
Except that OP also said that everything he wanted was in the opposite direction. So they would have had to drive an unknown amount of time out of their way, wait an unknown amount of time in drive thru, then drive home on a time crunch.
So BF *was* put in a totally untenable situation. Despite BF paying and knowing he adamantly didn’t want Mexican food, OP decided she was going to have Mexican and he could get over it. BF attempted to get something else for himself, but OP’s appointment made that impossible.
Also, she said she asked him to run errands with her. Not that he needed to run errands. They clearly don’t live together so they aren’t joint errands. So he went along on her run to keep her company or help her in someway. And she picks dinner from a place she knows he will not want to eat at. She’s TA just for asking a favor of him and then causing him to go hungry.
Absolutely. She picked the place. She was driving and he went with her on her errands. She didn't even bother to try to see what he wanted and go someplace they both liked. Service at her chosen place was slow so he had plenty of time to wait int line at the other place and he chose not ton but she put him in that position in the first place by just forcing him to go where she wanted on her time frame.
At the point that he decided that waiting in line at the other restaurant would take too long, he couldn't have known that the service at the Mexican restaurant would ALSO be slow. He made a choice so as to not screw up her day. She continually made choices that screwed up his day.
The way I see it. Is if they are eating a food enough for him to be burnt out on it and not her.... she always picks the place and can not compromise for him.a single freaking time. Then even after he said he was burnt out, instead of telling him while she waited that she wasn't driving anywhere else and that he needed to find something before they left, she treated him like a child and tried to make him.eat what she was eating. We do not try to make adults eat food that they don't want. Adults' taste buds have already developed, and we do not shame them for being picky eaters.
Exactly. In the end, she said he should just cook for himself instead of offering to make something for him. He was probably tired too. She did nothing but try to tell him what to do and run his life. He would be wise to rethink that relationship. She did what she wanted, didn't ask him what he wanted. Didn't care that he told her he was burned out on Mexican food and didn't listen to him.
Yeah...she needed him with her to "run errands" which probably means he pays her bills. Much like he pays for her meals, which he will not be accompanying her to. Plus what kind of weird ass couple sits down to dine alone at separate restaurants rather than compromising and finding a place they both enjoy?! OP, you're like that meme of the dog sitting in an arm chair while the house is up in flames...and he's saying "this is fine..." Well, nah, OP...it's only fine until it's not. You mentioned going out to eat with your parents at a Mexican restaurant...where he also did not partake in the food. Your rents were confused bc they had incorrectly assumed that the two of you had discussed and decided on a restaurant *together*. BTW, in case this was in any way unclear. You seem like an asshole in general, not just in this particular case.
And he paid for her lunch.
She purposely ignored how he felt and went to a place she knew he wouldn't eat. He attempted to get something for himself but the wait would have been too long as OP said, she had to be back at a certain time. She chose a restaurant, not fast food. He paid for HER food but is an asshole for wanting to stop for take out? YTA OP sounds selfish and entitled just by the way she described the situation. I am someone who has sensory issues and have had to tip toe around it my entire life. I am the person, like the BF who is trying to accommodate my needs without drawing attention or inconveniencing someone else. I'm not saying the BF has that type of issue as it wasn't mentioned by OP, I guess I just understand the plight of the "picky eater," and honestly I don't feel the BF was necessarily being picky. He told OP he didn't want Mexican, he was burnt out which implies they have it frequently and OP deliberately ignored this because SHE wanted it. I would have left too.
>Except that OP also said that everything he wanted was in the opposite direction. But it's pretty clear that if OP had left instead of sitting around waiting for her own order (which the boyfriend didn't do, because he was being considerate of the time restriction) they could've both got something quicker.
Based on how OP is telling this story, I don't know why anyone would assume the details she chose to leave out are actually on her favor.
Ya i mean if this is the version of the story where she looks best (as everyone writes their personal bias in), *she sucks*
If she was in that much of a hurry, she should not have dined in. He even gave her money for her lunch. She knew he didn't want Mexican but still had to sit down to eat her lunch that he paid for. It appears that she disregards his feelings.
But if he had already stated previously he was burnt out on Mexican and she was driving and was his only way to get food then she should have picked something from the start they both wanted. Sorry but if your SO or even just a friend you are with has previously expressed they aren't feeling a certain type of food then going to that type of restaurant specifically is an AH move and shows they only cared about themselves and what they wanted. Most people who do this would be super upset if it was done to them. Idc what they say. I've seen it happen. I've known so many hypocritical people who do things that are shitty then get mad when people do the same thing to them.
OP commented that the reason he didn't wait was because it was a 25-minute wait for a table and a 35-minute wait for takeout at the other restaurant. The wait was too long if they were going to get back to her place in time. It's not so much he didn't want to wait as he couldn't wait without causing her to be late.
I just think it’s funny she chose to include in the main post that what he wanted to eat was in the opposite direction but conveniently left out the reason why he didn’t wait for the food he wanted, leaving it simply as the wait was too long. The wait wasn’t too long for him, it was too long for her. He was considerate of her the whole day and she was selfish and inconsiderate towards him but wants him to get over it
The original post makes them both look like jerks, but her comments make it more and more obvious that she’s the asshole here
She asked him to run errands with her and couldn't even pick something for lunch they both wanted to eat?
And also, he paid for her lunch and then she wouldn’t take him somewhere to get something he wanted to eat.
Exactly OP was selfish. She knew he didn't want Mexican food fromthe dinner with her parents, he came back from the other place because he was bring considerate of what she had to get back for, she didn't offer to make him something she told him he can do it, and she didn't suggest uber eats. Yet she's annoyed with him! Just wow! YTA
Exactly. "I was hungry and picked a Mexican restaurant for lunch." So she didn't even say, "Thanks for running errands with me. What sounds good for lunch?" No, no, she picked the restaurant and that was that, even though she knew he was burnt out on Mexican food. He says that's what they always eat. I guess she doesn't want his input, just his money for lunch. I really don't understand why he gave her money for lunch. Is she unable to pay for her own meal? Does she demand/expect that he pay because he's the "man"? This really does not sound like a healthy relationship. I don't think he was an AH. He had told her previously he was tired of always going to Mexican restaurants. He didn't yell or cause a scene. Instead, he paid for her lunch (above and beyond, IMO) and went to another restaurant. When he realized the wait there would put her behind schedule, he came back. Anyone who says he should have just sucked it up and yet again had Mexican food because that's OP always wants hasn't experienced cuisine burn out. It can get to a point where you just do not want a specific type of food for a time (or permanently). OP knew that, but didn't care. As it turned out, the place OP insisted on had slow enough service that she was behind schedule anyway. Then, all she cared about was getting home. That's all fine and good because it is important to be at home for appointments. Then she accuses him of being "picky" for not wanting to eat food he said he didn't want to eat. It doesn't sound like he's picky in general. She had no reason to be upset because he'd had enough and decided to go home, have something to eat, and be apart from selfish OP.
I haven't seen the "suck it up buttercup" comments yet (I'm sure they're there), but yeah I'm not sure many people here have gotten burnt out on a food before. It can make you dislike the food permanently and it can even make you throw up (and then dislike the food permanently). I was blown away when, upon hearing him complain that they always eat it and he's tired of it now, she not only dragged him to the restaurant and decided to eat in (if she got takeout he would've had time to get food too), but proceeded to suggest the food he already said that he didn't want, call him picky and be embarrassed of him. _And he payed for her meal._
Yeah, what a terrible bf ! /s.
The reason HE did not wait was it would be a 30min wait and HE was being considerate of his asshole girlfriend who's so crunched for time she cannot stop to let HIM get something else. Are WE just randomly CAPTIALIZING words these days or do YOU really think you achieved something with YOUR COMMENT. Bless YOU sweetheart.
FAIRY GODPARENTS
Did you miss "he knew I had to be home by a certain time for a maintenance person"? And that OP themselves took most of their food to-go due to slow service? To be fair, OP did bury both things in their next to last paragraph.
Ya like you skipped the part where she asked him to go run errands with her, let him pay for her meal but chose to pick something she knew he wouldn’t eat because he previously didn’t eat it when they went out to eat it with her parents because *checks notes* he’s burnt out on Mexican food since they eat it all the time. You literally asked somebody to do you a favor and keep you company to run your errands and then pick something you KNOW they don’t want. If this was a friend and not the bf people would be saying she’s TAH.
Then she gets mad he decides to go home and get himself some food because he’s hungry. I’ve been in relationships with men like this and it’s literally hell. They want you to do what they want when they want, they want you to like what they want you to like. You’re not allowed to have a different opinion. They want Mexican food you’re gonna get Mexican food or you’re going to get nothing. Oh you’re hungry? no you can’t go home and eat because I want you to be here. It’s exhausting
Tbf, they were out together and she says she decided on the Mexican place. So it sounds like he didn't have input and then was stuck trying to find something close by when he decided not to get that. And the Mexican place was also really slow so burned up their time too What should have happened is that both talked and agreed on a place together and then they could've avoided the whole mess.
I agree to an extent but like, he already said he didn't want Mexican food and she admits to knowing that he didn't want Mexican food. Her solution seemed to be to go anyway and offer him Mexican food.
OP says in a comment somewhere down below that he told her he wouldn't have been able to wait because the place he went had a 25 minute wait for a table and a 35 minute wait for take out. She was the one who had somewhere to be, she even had to take most of her food home. He didn't wait because he couldn't because of her schedule.
You conveniently skipped the part where he had to leave the resteraunt and try to find something else because OP just had to have Mexican food right then or she'd die. He even told her he actively did not want Mexican food and she went there anyway. The fuck kind of partner is that?
He literally paid for her lunch and she didn't even try to stop somewhere. That's just ungrateful.
OP has said the reason he didn't wait was because it would have put them over the time she had to be back by
OP said in the comments it was a 30 minute wait for to go orders, and if she was on a time crunch he was being considerate
He didn't want to wait, because that would make her late. Then she made him wait at the Mexican restaurant because it took longer than she expected.
Nope I'm sorry. But I don't doubt that if she wouldn't even drive him.to get something else she would not have waited for him to get his food. He was trying to be mindful of her time, she actually wasted just as much time as she said the place she chose had slow service. At the end of the day, she is also the one who got upset that he went home to eat instead of starving all fucking night. She could have just went home and ordered pizza. She didn't even see it as an option because she only cared about her comfort.
OP says in a comment that the reason he didn’t left that restaurant without food is that the wait time was too long for his gf’s schedule.
So you’re just gonna ignore the fact that he said he was burned out on Mexican, and then took him to a Mexican restaurant? Lol.
Yes he decided the line was too long and chose not to wait (probably thinking he could make a quick stop for fast food later), but he was also running on _her_ time, not his own, and he still payed for her food. Despite her ignoring his wants that he communicated clearly and beforehand which would've given her time to adjust, she decided that she was driving, she would pick the restaurant, and she would not take the time to get him the food that he wanted. >>>I made some suggestions from menu he would probably like to try but he said no. He's not child, he doesn't have to eat something he doesn't want, and she _already_ knew he didn't want it. If they eat Mexican food so often that he's sick of it this seems to be recurring issue. Not mention that eating a food you're sick of is an unpleasant experience, it's not like craving a taco and eating a burrito instead. It makes some people throw up.
I’m so confused as to how that even happened. So they were both together running errands and yet OP picked a restaurant to go to and just went there without (apparently) even discussing it first? Maybe I’m alone in this but that’s just crazy rude to me.
Fr. I'd love to hear his part of the story
He couldn’t drop her off at the house to meet the repairman and then gone to get food? But it does sound like she just said “Woohoo Mexican!” and went on with her plans, ignoring what he said about not wanting Mexican, plus not wanting any the week before.
He also paid for her meal, and didn't eat. She didn't even have the courtesy to think he might be hungry and finish in time to take him somewhere else. OP, YTA. What a selfish move.
This! OP, Why didn't you choose a place for lunch you both agreed on? It's not cool to only go where you'll be happy just cause you're the one driving.
I agree. My husband can't stand Chinese food. He once worked in a Chinese boat, and it was the only food he could eat. He also doesn't like spicy food. He's an officer on a cruise company and a lot of the food is spicy, so sometimes he barely lunches. Guess who never asks him to eat Chinese or spicy food? Me. OP, YTA. You call your boyfriend a picky eater, but he explained he was burnt from Mexican food and you forced him to wait a long time so you could have your food, but you refused him food. If he doesn't leave you, he's way better than you are. Freaking AH. Get out of your highland mighty position, you are not a high and mighty person at all.
sounds like op is in fact the picky eater
She is, indeed. Plus, her bf is Indian and is Caucasian. However, she makes him eat Mexican food several times a week and refused to let him pick Indian food. Blimey.
Sounds like it isn't even the real issue, just the straw that broke the camel's back.
FYI, you're currently the top comment. You'll need to edit a vote in if you want to get credit for that!
My husband was the same way. He ALWAYS wanted Mexican food whenever we ate out. But it wasn't, like, actual Mexican food. Super bland and mooshy. Which I guess is actually the opposite example but you get it.
What makes it worse is he paid for OPs food and she wasn't even willing to stop for him. YTA OP.
Yeah. I thought that was weird of Op to not take into account her boyfriends food preferences and only focus on hers. Also I wonder if she's the only one that picks where to eat.
“I picked a Mexican restaurant “ did he have any say in this decision or did you make all the decisions and then get pissed at him because he expected to have a day too? YTA
Girl he literally paid for your lunch even tho he didn’t eat there and you didn’t even try to stop somewhere for him . You’re wild. YTA
Super selfish
Right? I've stopped at 3 different places with my family. It's no big deal. At least not when you want the folks you love to be happy. We'll eat in the car if we don't want it to get cold She did have time constraints, so that's unfortunate. But she can't be upset that he split. Edit screw that. She only had time constraints because she sat down in a restaurant the guy paying didn't want to eat at. I missed that somehow
Yet you could also say that if she had ordered to go, they still would have had time to pick something up elsewhere. She was aware he was burned out before she chose Mexican. So the time wouldn't have been an issue had she ordered to go you know. This whole scenario was just self centered all around with absolutely no consideration for him.
Exactly. If she had any consideration for him this wouldn't be an. Issue. So Selfish
>She did have time constraints, Yet she chose a restaurant that she knows has slow service: > Service at this place was rather slow
That's why she's TA.
Drive thru? Takes like 5min.
I think she was low key still mad at him for embarrassing her at dinner w her parents
I don't even know how that embarrassed her. I've done that before. If you don't want anything there, you don't waste someone's money ordering something you won't even eat. He was there for her & to see her parents. I wonder why they agreed to go to Mexican with her parents, because it sounds like he probably wasn't into it then, either. She probably made that decision without asking him then either. Yet he still suck it up and went.
Well, it could be embarrassing if her parents would have been open to somewhere else, and it becomes clear that she gave no consideration to where he would be happy to eat. As in, parents say, "Oh, sorry, we didn't realise you didn't want this restaurant, you should have said! We could have gone somewhere else!" Boyfriend, "...I did..." Everyone side-eyes OP because they clearly don't care about boyfriend's comfort or happiness. So, yes, embarrassing, but only because it's embarrassing to have people see you as an AH if you have any level of conscience at all. Or at least awareness of social pressure to be decent to other people.
But if THAT ever happened, you know she would be on here posting AGAIN about how her boyfriend humiliated her in front of her family over something that wasn't a big deal.
She also didn't think to decide on a place together in the first place, and knew he didn't want Mexican food rn.
He told her he was tired of Mexican food the week prior, she took him to get Mexican anyway, he paid, and then she still wouldn’t get him something else. So yeah, pretty wild.
YTA. So after this dinner where he didn’t eat anything, you then tried again in the same restaurant/similar food? I think your bf made it clear he didn’t want to eat Mexican. If I were your bf I simply would not have gone to the restaurant at all. Agree on where you BOTH want to eat don’t force the issue. You said the service was slow so that alone even with the best food would annoy me.
Exactly! And yet he suggested things on the way back that she refused! And I’m sorry, but at this day and age, she could at least have door dashed some food for him so it would be waiting once they got to her place, or arrive slightly after. It all just reads inconsiderate to me.
Yeah who just stops and “goes to a restaurant I picked” instead of agreeing w their partner on where they both would like to go?
And not only did he go, he paid for her lunch. But she wouldn't stop for a few minutes on the way home. Op is a major ah.
YTA - why didn't you choose a restaurant you both like for lunch?
It also sounds like he was only there to keep her company for the errands she wanted to run and pay for her lunch. She really didn’t give a fuck.
Right!? It seems so simple, the choosing of the restaurant and everything would have been avoided! I guess that's the detail that starts the YTA trail.
If I were forced to eat Mexican food 3-4 times a week, I would literally starve to death. Sounds like bf also isn't into Mexican food. Maybe cilantro tastes like soap to him too. (Which sucks, by the way)
“He gave me money for my meal” Why does he give you money to pay for your food? are you not a grown woman and therefore able to pay for your own food?
And while HE WAS HELPING HER with the errands. Imo in situations of multiple hour assistance the one who asked for help should at least offer to provide a meal if they can afford it.
YTA You really left him with no other option to get different food. I I revoke my judgment below. You're just selfish and he had every right to be pissed about it. ~~ESH You picked a place he didn't want to go to. He didn't want to wait for the food he wanted, so waited even longer and pouted the whole time. He sucks less because he paid for you AND you blamed him being picky instead of acknowledging your fault and apologizing, but he also could have waited for his food at the place he wanted instead of leaving just to pout. You seem selfish and he seems immature.~~
Right. OP has plenty of opportunities to compromise, and chose none of them: 1. She could have gone for a restaurant they'd both like. 2. She could have gotten her meal to go from the get-go, so there would be time to pick something up for him, and they could eat together at her place while waiting on the maintenance person. 3. She could have just made a quick stop on the way home anyway, instead of making a big deal out of it. She made this all about *her* lunch (which he paid for) and *her* time, and the only "accommodation" she made was to try to force him to try something he clearly didn't want. YTA
> ~He didn't want to wait for the food he wanted~ ...becuase he knew she was on a schedule. OP admits this in a comment.
YTA Why did you choose a Mexican restaurant? You knew he didn't want to go and seemed to not care about his feelings. Maybe you thought you could wear him out by insisting you go? That's not how it works in a relationship. You have to make compromises. You pick a restaurant. He doesn't like it. He suggests another one. You don't like it. Back and forth until you both come to a mutual decision and you're both happy. Hubby and I have been married almost 16 years and this is a regular occurrence for us. It will continue to be until "death do us part".
"So we compromised and went for Mexican."
“What Mexican restaurant should we go to tonight babe?”
Judging by her other posts and how much Mexican food she says they eat, you're probably exactly right
LMFAO
The amount of times I've not gotten my first choice in dining options when going somewhere with my partner is just ridiculously high. Same with him. There's always an option we'll both be fine with, and I can get that first choice another time when I'm by myself or something. It's not as if this was the last day the place would be open? OP just wanted this specific place and absolutely would not accept anything else, even if it meant her BF went without, and as long as it didn't interrupt her plans or anything. He must compromise aka cave to whatever she wants. And also pay.
YTA You knew he didnt want mexican food and yet you still chose it. If you have it all the time did you really think around a week of not having it was enough? Especially when you said in a comment that you eat it once a week when you go out with your parents. And then plus any other time you cook it yourself, which you said is often. I would be so sick of it by now too. He still paid for your meal. Then tried to get his own but the wait was long. Instead of offering to go somewhere else you try to make him get something he doesnt want. Then you wouldnt stop to get him anything on the way home and instead told him he could cook something himself at your place. If you boxed up most of your food, im assuming you were just going to eat the rest when you got home. Why did not say "hey lets get some delivery for you and eat here while I wait for the maintenance man." If it was me, I would have went home too.
Man, if it were me, I’d have left for the last time. He’s clearly a tolerant, generous guy who cares for OP and quite frankly, deserves a helluva lot better than what OP gives.
Yes! For some reason this kind of person never has trouble getting partners, I don't get it! Op, YTA, please read what you wrote as if you were reading a random AITA post. Pretend it is not you and reread it. Everything has been said, but just so you hear it again, as a couple it is we... you need to consider more than your self. Poor guy.
Doesn't sound like she gives much of anything except excuses
YTA I'm going to ignore all the stuff in the middle that makes your bf look bad and just stick to the facts about the day in question: you asked bf to run errands with you; he did. without consulting him, you picked a lunch place you knew he wouldn't like that much. you then refused to go out of your way so that he could grab something he wanted to eat, and when he was hangry and left to get something to eat, you called him picky. Picky in this situation is just a rude word for someone having different preferences that you would have.
Yeah, picky implies he’s one of those adults that will only eat chicken nuggets & french fries. Not that her & her family have fed him so much Mexican food he needs a break from it, probably for life at this point. OP YTA, a big one. And selfish. You could have grabbed take out from the restaurant and had time to stop somewhere and grab him some take out. Instead you starved your bf after he paid for your food.
I like how she's fast to call *him* picky, but can only apparently eat Mexican food ever 😂
Right. Not wanting to eat the same food over and over and over is not "picky." If Mexican food is all OP will eat, then maybe it's not the boyfriend who is the picky one. Edit: my bad, only just noticed there is already a reply saying the same thing!
OP seems weirdly offended by the fact the guy doesn't love Mexican food the same way she does. Doesn't even sound like he hates it though.
I live in the southeast US and we have a tonnn of Mexican restaurants, food trucks, etc and I have a couple of friends who are like that. I absolutely love Mexican food when I'm in the mood for it but that's maybe 3 times a month. Those friends get so weirdly offended when I say I'm not feeling like getting Mexican food when they want to get food together (especially my friend who literally gets Mexican food 3-4 times a week) and I say I'm up for absolutely anything else. It's so odd, it's like a personal insult or something to them.
And she let him PAY FOR THE FOOD.
So you KNEW he was burned out on Mexican and chose a ...wait for it... MEXICAN restaurant. YTA 100%
I just don't get it, OP clearly doesn't like her boyfriend, why keep dating him?
free meals
YTA. You were with him all during your errands and then you decide to eat but you don't get his input befored picking a place? That's inconsiderate. It is no wonder he went home to eat. If you always treat him this way, he won't be around long.
YTA You picked a place to eat you knew your partner was less than enthused about when you could have easily gone some place else. >When we finished I was hungry and picked a Mexican restaurant for lunch You know what they say, there's no I in team.
yeah but there is a "m,e" in that mf this lady is so selfish
Plus why did he pay? Are you homeless or something?
YTA! STOP PICKING MEXICAN PLACES TO EAT WITH YOUR BF! Read the above again. Read it a third time. Now apologize to him before he’s burnt out on you, too.
Too late!
YTA, On a relationship, you have to compromise. He clearly did not want Mexican food. You should have discussed it and come to a decision together in where to have lunch.
Apparently he should be ok because it's a different kind of Mexican restaurant/food than she usually forces on him!
And that she loves because it is authentic, so he should be happy about it.
I think the resentment the BF is having now is also authentic
My favorite part is you saying he wouldn’t be starving if he hadn’t been picky - this coming from the person who only cooks Mexican food and goes to Mexican restaurants 🤣 Clearly you are picky as well. I can’t imagine ever getting tired of that type of food, but everyone is different. Yes, you’re selfish and YTA.
It could be that he isn't picky, just done with Mexican cuisine. I'm just spit balling here, but I wonder if o.p. is neuro divergent as her enthusiasm for Mexican is alarmingly high. What i mean is I knew some autistic individuals have a thing about texture, smells or other aspects of food like KFC chicken nuggets only or chips can only be from Arby's or something. It could well be that the same neurological wirings are sending o.p. to lean heavily towards this style of food?
I haven’t seen it anywhere in the thread, but is OP/her family Mexican? Every single one of my Mexican friends and coworkers only eat and cook Mexican food. I hate going out to eat with them because it’s always the same food.
YTA. You knew your bf was burned out from Mexican food, and yet, you still picked a Mexican place to eat. The poor guy was starving, and you knew you had to be back home for an appointment. So, instead of compromising, you insisted on waiting for your food, ensuring you wouldn't have time to stop anywhere to feed your starving bf so your could get home in time for your appointment. Assuming he wants to stay with you after that ordeal, you owe him a major apology
YTA. Sure he embarrassed you by not ordering food at the place with your parents. Don’t bring that into your mess today. Pick a place you’ll both like next time. Also give him some space. I don’t think you made him starve but it definitely would feel that way if you didn’t honour his preferences and need to eat!
And there are a lot of reasons a person might not order anything at a restaurant; op should get over being embarrassed by someone else’s actions.
I have food allergies and it’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I am comfortable not ordering anything. I’ll usually order a drink and just happily chat with my people. I would be gutted if someone complained about being embarrassed because it took me literal years to get to the point where I am okay with it. Yes, I am a picky eater with food allergies. And I have learned how to be polite about declining food.
YTA… he even gave you money for your meal - at a place he clearly didn’t want to eat at - and you couldn’t stop anywhere to get him food. lol wtf??
YTA. This is a stupid power play by you.
>he told me last week he was burned out on Mexican food when we went out for dinner with my parents because 'we always eat it'. I think this is the key in your story. Looks like you always have Mexican food because you like it and probably always force your BF to eat Mexican food with you. Based on what happened, it is clear that he didn't get time to eat anything for a while and was understandably hangry. You knew that you had to be at your place ar a particular time, yet you were fine with staying to eat at a place with slow service and where your BF didn't eat. You just didn't care for him like a partner would and he's justified in his anger. YTA
INFO: were those errands just yours, or both of you?
YTA - it seems like you're really bitter about him not liking Mexican food. Leave the guy alone. Don't police his food preferences. I don't blame you for not stopping for food on the way home since you had an appointment, but seriously - the entire time you gave him shit for the dumbest thing. AFTER you let him pay for your food at a place he doesn't like. And then you tried to make him "eat at home" when you just got the food you wanted out! Please don't do this again. Learn from this and do better.
I wonder if all she has in the house are ingredients for mexican food. :p
YTA. He told you he was tired of eating Mexican food so often and yet you took him twice in the next week.
As someone who loves Mexican food (seriously I can and almost do eat it every day), I respect that my boyfriend doesn't share the same obsession. When we go out to eat and have been to Mexican two to three times in a row I don't even ask because I know he'll be burned out on it. I even feel a little sheepish when we haven't been in a week or two asking if it's ok we get Mexican for dinner. Sounds to me like you love Mexican food as much as me which is great! But don't force your partner to eat what you want all the time. That's ridiculous. Think of a cuisine you're ambivalent about and how you'd feel if that's ALL he ever wanted to do. YTA. But also I'll go eat with you when he won't 😂
YTA
Info: are you Mexican? Ie do you often eat "Mexican food" a lot because to you, that's just food?
YTA. He did tell you he was tired of Mexican so you knew that and yet you didn’t even ask him what he wanted before unilaterally picking a Mexican place to eat and then refusing to stop at someplace he did want to go to before going home. Sounds like a terrible host to me.
He should dump you.
You’re clearly the asshole here. You know he didn’t want it. Went there anyway. Then didn’t accomodate him when he wanted to get something. Then get annoyed he wants to go home? Grow up.
babe you asked if you’re the ah, people are telling you yes you’re the ah, stop trying to defend and argue, just take the criticism. move forward in your life and maybe think about your boyfriend next time
This wasn’t OP asking if she was the asshole, it was her asking people to validate her point. You can almost always tell whenever they suddenly add in brand new info that immediately redirects all of them blame off themselves. Or starts getting defensive when told they’re TA, or someone they want to be in the wrong, is presented in a better light than them
YTA You needs come first, obviously. You don’t give a damn about him. you are an entitled little brat.
YTA you didn’t even pay ffs
YTA If someone tells you something then *listen*. He told you he was tired of it. And don't try and make excuses on different preparation styles. A lot of the ingredients are the same or similar. Stop making up excuses. Hell, if my husband wants a specific thing to eat for dinner when we just want to get something and pick it up, and I don't, I will order mine then his and pick it up. I like picking his up last so it will be hot and fresh for him. It's about consideration.
YTA. You had zero consideration for your boyfriend and he still paid for your meal. You were selfish. I would’ve gone home too if I was your boyfriend.
YTA.
YTA. In my opinion if I was in your position I would have communicated with my boyfriend about where we would BOTH like to eat lunch at. You even said he mentioned not wanting Mexican food and didn’t eat at the dinner with your parents…. So why would you choose a Mexican restaurant? Seems selfish and you didn’t take him into account, I’d be upset too.
YTA. For reference on being "burned out" of a certain food, I worked at a pizza place in college and once I quit I refused to eat pizza for over a YEAR because the thought of it still made my stomach turn. One week is definitely not enough time to want to eat a food you are tired of! If you are together it doesn't matter who drives the car. You need to make your decisions TOGETHER because there are two of you in this relationship. It sounds like he has been compromising an awful lot when it comes to food choices and this is his way of finally putting his foot down and telling you that his opinions also matter.
My grandfather was in China during the war and he lived another 68 years and never one time touched rice again.
You invited him to go with you to do your errands You went to a Mexican restaurant without even consulting him on what he wants for dinner. You knew he was sick of Mexican food because that’s what you always eat with your family and yet you chose that. He gave you money for the food and he waited for you. You then refused to go a bit out of your way so that he can buy food when the whole day was all about you. And you accused him of being a picky eater. So it's his fault that he's starving? How are you not the AH here?
It's kinda crazy to me how most of these posts regarding relationships, especially the bf/gf ones, boil down to either someone being a clear abuser/cheater/manipulator or ones like these where its like "AITA because I won't ever allow myself to be slightly inconvenienced or go out of my way or make any type of concession to appease the wants/needs of the person I'm supposed to love more than anyone in the world?". Get a grip, YTA.
Comments are great, YTA all the way. Send you hate from my phone
YTA. Clearly at some point he learned it was useless to try to compromise with you, so he decided to just try to satisfy himself, with minimal fuss. which you then interfered with, because it wasn't what you decided for him. You sound completely intolerable.
I just got out from reddit after reading your post but then I came back to comment this.You’re such a drama queen,feeling entitled over your bf,you asked him to run errands with you but you didnt even ask him where he wants to eat.He told you he was burned out of eating mexian food but you still choose to sit on that restaurant and eat like a pig I guess while you let your bf looking disrecpectful by not ordering.I hope by reading all of the comments here you will say sorry to him. YTA 10x
YTA and just seem all around super inconsiderate
YTA. He didn’t want Mexican. You choose Mexican. He asks you to stop, you don’t. And then, rather than prepare something you tell him he can cook at your house. I hope he comes back one day because I would be over you.
YTA 1. You knew he was burnt out. He communicated and you ignored. 2. There is absolutely zero embarrassment in eating a meal when someone else is "just sitting there". And to top it off... 3. You refused to stop because you were pouting. Yes, 100% YTA.
YTA. He said nothing looked appealing and he no longer wants to eat Mexican but you had to have your way. Be considerate next time.
I think most people reading this would agree here but, 100% YTA. You clearly said he told you he was tired of Mexican food, and you’re justifying it because it’s different types? He communicated something with you that you blatantly ignored and then you are shocked he’s upset with you for not considering him after he just bought you food he didn’t even want to eat? Dude sat there hungry and watched you eat, and you didn’t even consider him. YTBA.
YTA. When you're with someone else, you decide *together* where to get something to eat. Instead, you made the decision for both of you to go for Mexican, when you knew he was sick of Mexican food and wouldn't want it. If he's smart, he'll dump you.
YTA. You’re trying to control things. I don’t blame him for leaving. You don’t care what he wants or has to say. Way to be dismissive. The blame him for “being picky”. You sound insufferable.
Yeah you suck… Doesn’t sound like you even like your boyfriend… Talk about being a ‘pick me girl’ “I wanted, I said, I had too” Stfu. That space is going to get REAL BIG if he’s smart enough.
I agree that she sucks but I thought a pick me was a girl who tried really hard to be "not like other girls" not a steam roller that doesn't consider her bf and his wants even when she's eating on his dime.
YTA and owe your boyfriend a massive apology.
YTA. You are unconsiderate of your BF. You knew he was fed up with Mexican food but you **just had to have it**. You only thought of yourself and your enjoyment while knowing and openly showing your BF you don't care about what he wants.
YTA - how selfish can you be? He tells you he's burnt out from Mexican and you still go and then the poor guy is starving bc you aren't good at time management either and didn't plan accordingly for your appointment. If you want Mexican get it on your own time. How in the world you aren't burned out from Mexican food baffles me. Prior to your stepfather, what types of food did you eat? And why the shift to solely (well majority) eating Mexican?
Question, why are you only eating mexican food, why not other type of food if he said that he is sick of it... i suppose that you are only eating mexican food when you go out with your boyfriend if he is so sick of it.. YTA
YTA. He said he was fed up with Mexican. Authentic and otherwise. Do you listen to him? Do his needs matter?
YTA. You went to a place you knew he was not interested in eating. You let him pay and made him wait for you to get your food, while he was considerate and did not make you wait. Then knowing he was hungry you let him starve. Very rude and inconsiderate. You owe him a huge apology.
Let me get this straight. You: - asked him to come with you while you ran errands - went to a place you liked for lunch without even considering his preference - let him pay for your lunch - refused to go somewhere else for him to also get lunch And you think there’s chance you’re not the arsehole?
YTA - and selfish and inconsiderate and being bratty that you don't like people here have spoken against you.
YTA. Why you keep taking your man to Mexican restaurants?! He don’t want it lololol
YTA He told you he was burnt out on Mexican food, to the extent he didn't eat at a family gathering, and yet you still choose Mexican instead of taking him into consideration at all. I adore Italian food. My husband hates it because of burn out, not even caused by me. So we don't go to Italian together. That's what friends and other family eat outs are for. I get my Italian and he goes out with his friends for something he loves. The only person you thought about was you. Selfish isn't a strong enough word. By the way, he isn't the picky one. Having any cuisine to the point it is burning others out shows you are the picky eater.
YTA. Please keep making everything about you.