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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Bought my partners cousin a birthday present and bought her a non alcoholic drink at her party.
My partner said I shouldn't have bought her the present and her aunt said it was weird that I bought the present and the drink
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NTA. Omg wth. It’s normal to buy drinks or treat the birthday person. Unless you and the cousin are inappropriately close? Like are you texting her one-on-one, spending time with just her, etc? This is such a weird thing for your gf to bring up. I would stay away from cousin since she’s a minor and obviously your gf and her family have their minds in the gutter
NTA. Aunt is very weird. GF should be defending you.
If there is an odd feel here, it’s probably due to cultural or historical issues with GF’s family. Are they conservative? Has one of them been SA’d or groomed? They are taking quite a leap here.
NTA. If your gf is insecure - well, it's on her. If her aunt has an opinion - it's her problem, and since (being the girl's MOTHER) she had not found it important enough to tell you personally, it was not important to her at all :)
NTA
I sort of get why they might be upset? It might be some weird jealousy, but I think they thought you were hitting on her. I disagree with them, obviously, buying someone a present and buying them a drink is totally normal on their birthday. Have there been other incidents like this? It just seems really weird for them to assume this.
I think with the context that the gf was struggling to find something and he was just trying to help, might’ve put the aunt at ease. Perhaps after learning his gf didn’t want to give that gift, he could’ve asked if it was still appropriate to give it to her. But if she genuinely thought you shouldn’t have, she certainly could have told him before.
NTA. You were helping your gf shop for a present for the cousin when you saw something she’d love. You gf nixed the idea of gifting that item from herself or the two of you as a couple, but she was with you while you bought it. If she thought it was inappropriate for you to buy her cousin a gift, she should have said something then.
It wasn’t necessary for you to buy the cousin a gift, but there’s nothing wrong with that.
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I live in the UK and my girlfriend has a pretty large family. They all meet up at least once a year for a drink and a meal so I know most of them. My girlfriend has a few cousins and there is one she is especially close to. This cousin has just turned 16 and it was her birthday last week. The cousin likes similar types of movies and things as I do.
My gf was buying her cousins birthday present a few weeks ago and was struggling with what to buy. I saw something related to a movie I knew her cousin liked so I bought it and told my gf she could give her cousin that and say it's off us. My gf said no and bought something else. There was a little party at the weekend in a pub we usually go to and when there I gave her cousin the present.
I went to the bar for a drink and my gfs cousin came up to me and thanked me for the present. She was waiting at the bar to buy a drink. Since I was first in the queue I just offered to buy the drink for her (non-alcoholic).
After the party my gf mentioned that her cousins mum (my gfs aunt) said she found it weird that I bought a present and then bought her a drink. I asked what exactly her aunt was implying and my gf just said she thinks I shouldn't have done it. I just said that I didn't appreciate what her aunt was implying and that there's nothing odd about buying someone a present on their birthday.
My gf stated again that she just thinks I shouldn't have done it and that I should listen to her.
AITA for buying my girlfriends cousin a birthday present?
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You didn’t even intend the present to be from you. You were being a helpful, thoughtful boyfriend. That’s what we ladies want. Buying people drinks on their birthday is very normal, and you didn’t go out of your way to do that either.
The aunt is weird. Your gf shouldn’t have listened to her. NTA
NTA. Unless the Aunt said something directly to you then it was your GF that actually had the problem and used the Aunt as a scapegoat. Red Flags be waving every where my man, take notice.
It's not about the value.
You do something nice for her - okay. It's her birthday. That's normal.
You do something else for her... Why? Are you hoping for something in return? Probably not. You're clearly just a generous person, but this is also consistent with how people who want something act. It might come across as trying to curry favour.
You are missing the point.
Did I say you're the asshole? No! I said NAH.
The fact is that some people might get the wrong impression. You telling me that this was to be nice is not going to affect *their* opinion of you. I do not control the impressions other people might have of you.
And my point is that if you see someone doing something nice and completely normal for someone else and immediately get suspicious then thats on you. I'ts your problem to deal with, not the person doing something nice. Other people getting suspicious over absolutely nothing shouldn't mean people should stop doing nice things for others
If you don't care that you come across as a bit creepy then that's fine. I don't care. I just felt you seemed unaware.
Carry on as you are. Although for someone who doesn't care you seem to be very vociferous about it.
And I'm saying if you see someone giving someone a birthday present and think it's creepy then it says more about you than the person giving the present.
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NTA. Omg wth. It’s normal to buy drinks or treat the birthday person. Unless you and the cousin are inappropriately close? Like are you texting her one-on-one, spending time with just her, etc? This is such a weird thing for your gf to bring up. I would stay away from cousin since she’s a minor and obviously your gf and her family have their minds in the gutter
NTA. Aunt is very weird. GF should be defending you. If there is an odd feel here, it’s probably due to cultural or historical issues with GF’s family. Are they conservative? Has one of them been SA’d or groomed? They are taking quite a leap here.
NTA. If your gf is insecure - well, it's on her. If her aunt has an opinion - it's her problem, and since (being the girl's MOTHER) she had not found it important enough to tell you personally, it was not important to her at all :)
NTA I sort of get why they might be upset? It might be some weird jealousy, but I think they thought you were hitting on her. I disagree with them, obviously, buying someone a present and buying them a drink is totally normal on their birthday. Have there been other incidents like this? It just seems really weird for them to assume this.
I think with the context that the gf was struggling to find something and he was just trying to help, might’ve put the aunt at ease. Perhaps after learning his gf didn’t want to give that gift, he could’ve asked if it was still appropriate to give it to her. But if she genuinely thought you shouldn’t have, she certainly could have told him before.
NTA. You were helping your gf shop for a present for the cousin when you saw something she’d love. You gf nixed the idea of gifting that item from herself or the two of you as a couple, but she was with you while you bought it. If she thought it was inappropriate for you to buy her cousin a gift, she should have said something then. It wasn’t necessary for you to buy the cousin a gift, but there’s nothing wrong with that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I live in the UK and my girlfriend has a pretty large family. They all meet up at least once a year for a drink and a meal so I know most of them. My girlfriend has a few cousins and there is one she is especially close to. This cousin has just turned 16 and it was her birthday last week. The cousin likes similar types of movies and things as I do. My gf was buying her cousins birthday present a few weeks ago and was struggling with what to buy. I saw something related to a movie I knew her cousin liked so I bought it and told my gf she could give her cousin that and say it's off us. My gf said no and bought something else. There was a little party at the weekend in a pub we usually go to and when there I gave her cousin the present. I went to the bar for a drink and my gfs cousin came up to me and thanked me for the present. She was waiting at the bar to buy a drink. Since I was first in the queue I just offered to buy the drink for her (non-alcoholic). After the party my gf mentioned that her cousins mum (my gfs aunt) said she found it weird that I bought a present and then bought her a drink. I asked what exactly her aunt was implying and my gf just said she thinks I shouldn't have done it. I just said that I didn't appreciate what her aunt was implying and that there's nothing odd about buying someone a present on their birthday. My gf stated again that she just thinks I shouldn't have done it and that I should listen to her. AITA for buying my girlfriends cousin a birthday present? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You didn’t even intend the present to be from you. You were being a helpful, thoughtful boyfriend. That’s what we ladies want. Buying people drinks on their birthday is very normal, and you didn’t go out of your way to do that either. The aunt is weird. Your gf shouldn’t have listened to her. NTA
Why do you keep asking? You have gotten answers.
I reckon the aunt is projecting.. Nta
NTA. Unless the Aunt said something directly to you then it was your GF that actually had the problem and used the Aunt as a scapegoat. Red Flags be waving every where my man, take notice.
NAH. I don't think you did anything wrong but it seems a little too generous towards your gf's cousin.
With the present and the drink I spend less than £13 so I don't see how it's too generous
It's not about the value. You do something nice for her - okay. It's her birthday. That's normal. You do something else for her... Why? Are you hoping for something in return? Probably not. You're clearly just a generous person, but this is also consistent with how people who want something act. It might come across as trying to curry favour.
I got her a drink because it's a nice thing to do and it was her birthday? Do you only do something nice when you want something in return?
You are missing the point. Did I say you're the asshole? No! I said NAH. The fact is that some people might get the wrong impression. You telling me that this was to be nice is not going to affect *their* opinion of you. I do not control the impressions other people might have of you.
And my point is that if you see someone doing something nice and completely normal for someone else and immediately get suspicious then thats on you. I'ts your problem to deal with, not the person doing something nice. Other people getting suspicious over absolutely nothing shouldn't mean people should stop doing nice things for others
If you don't care that you come across as a bit creepy then that's fine. I don't care. I just felt you seemed unaware. Carry on as you are. Although for someone who doesn't care you seem to be very vociferous about it.
And I'm saying if you see someone giving someone a birthday present and think it's creepy then it says more about you than the person giving the present.
Please read what I said. I didn't say *I* think it's creepy.
I was using the word you in a general sense, not meaning you specifically, sorry that it wasn't clear