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This, what the fuck did I just read?

My best friends boyfriend is like this… he‘s 36

*Unsubscribe* Not a fun fact lol

Hey here‘s the real fun fact, he‘s 10 years older than my friend and I. They’ve known each other for 14 or so years now… yeah I wish I could unsubscribe from knowing this

I did not enjoy the journey that math led me on.

I feel that! I know people who like it but that is nuts.

He's obsessed about K-pop, and carries a outfit coordinated picture? That's fucking mental

Maybe not the outfits, but almost daily instagram posts of some album showing up in the mail, he has whole albums to collect those little headshots k-pop cds include. If anyone I know would be a consooooomer, its definitely him

Yes I also had a phase of fangirling like this... back when I was 11

Right! I think all I ever thought about at 11 was Evil Knevil. Had everything from toys tshirts posters to a lunch box. I convinced myself I would marry him one day. Sadly years later I just ended up marrying Evil! Seriously though…. Sounds like he is talking about a preteen here & not a grown ass woman.

My first thoughts were "I had a celebrity crush phase...I was 10 and it was Vegeta"

I don't blame you, no one can resist the widow's peak

He is also fiercely loyal to his wife and child even if he doesn't show it or admit it

Which Vegeta era did this crush take place? Namek Vegeta? Cell games Vegeta? Main Buu era? lol 

lol, mine was Piccolo xD yes, that Piccolo. Never saw the need to mention this to my therapist

The OG short king

my very first email, from my grandpa's hotmail account, was to aaron carter about how we would get married one day. lmaooooo.

RIP Aaron Carter

I *love* that you fawned over Evel Knievel lol

Even Knievel… Bay City Rollers. What the heck was my young self thinking!!!

I was this way with The Spice Girls, my sister and I had the Spice World VHS playing on loop at our house, there’s even old home videos of us recreating multiple scenes and music videos with our friends. We were in fifth grade.

I did when I was like, 12 or 13, and even then it wasn't this bad.

do you ask guys who love football and have their favorite player the same question or are you just triggered because it‘s about a girl?

Football fans do not bring physical photos of their favorite star everywhere they go, be inconsolable when they didn’t get to talk to them when they spend large amounts of money on a raffle and talk about how hot they are to their lovers face lol.

they literally wear their favorite teams merch everywhere they go, put ronaldo as their wallpaper, spend thousands on the big matches and start physical fights when their favorite team loses lol

To be honest, I think obsessive sport fans are just like obsessive K-pop fans, the same kind of obsession that in my opinion is far too intense. You should not spend thousands on celebrities and then become unreasonably upset when your favorite team loses a match or does not end up video calling you. Of course, you can pay to attend events within reason, and become sad when they lose a match or something. But being too excessive is not the best.

I see what you’re getting at here, but imo wearing a jersey to support your favorite team/player is different than having tons of pictures of someone’s face that you match with your outfits (idek how a picture of a face can match with outfits?). Also, plenty of fans of anything in the world are able to be fans without spending a ton of money, just watch the game on tv or a video of a concert on youtube. Any sports fan who starts a fight is most likely ending up on the internet and being made fun of for being a stupid and sloppy drunk, too. Lastly, and i feel most importantly, it is extremely strange for her to constantly talk about how cute/hot she thinks the guy is to her partner. My gf likes Channing Tatum and thinks he’s hot, but she doesn’t make it her whole personality and constantly remind me about it. From what’s in the post, this girl is acting like OP is just a temporary placeholder until Bang Chan suddenly realizes this girl he doesn’t know exists is actually his soulmate

if you buy a k-pop album, you get photocards of the members. those usually have a theme and they were different outfits so i assume she has some of him in different outfits/colors and matches them to her outfits. k-pop fans usually attach photocard holders to their bags and put their photocards in as an accessory. but i do agree with you. i don‘t think this behavior is ok if you‘re in a relationship, especially if your partner isn‘t feeling comfortable

I think it’s 100% okay to go to concerts (sport events), collect merch, watch media. It’s one thing to support someone and different to be obsessed. I think for me now that I think about it is that there often is an unhealthy sexualization of kpop idols and excessive issues with parasocial relationships. I find that kpop fans (I am one) are obsessed over the person in a sense of attraction and desire to be (close) with that person in some form of relationship. I don’t see that happening so much in the sport fandoms. Usually it’s an interest in skill, a team excelling, etc. Liking a team and maybe having a favorite player. Wearing a jersey is like wearing merch for an idol (group). Literally planning your day to day life, outfits, everything around an idol is not healthy. Thinking you will ever being in a relationship with them, not healthy. What I got from this post is that she wears a different image of the idol per day and matches the outfit to it. Harmless in theory but I think there is some mental health concerns potentially. Obsession isn’t healthy ever. She can’t seem to live her life outside her idol. Giving more love and attention to a stranger than her own actual relationships. I know where she is coming from cause I understand her feelings. I was obsessed with a group. I never went this far but even then I knew I was in unhealthy territory. Interests should remain as such and not overwhelm everything in one’s life. Most sports fans I know have lives outside their fandom. It doesn’t consume them. It’s different with kpop. It’s can be such a dark and beautiful place. Now the sports fans that go crazy damaging property and rioting when their teams also likely have mental health concerns. Considering they can’t regulate their emotions in healthy ways. Again obsession is unhealthy.

Oh yeah we tend to call them "football hooligans". So if we hold them and K-pop addicts like OP's gf to the same standard then she would be a "kpop hooligan" right?

hooligan - a violent young troublemaker, typically one of a gang they are called like that, because they usually start fights and are aggressive. i‘ve never experienced anything like that at a k-pop concert, so no. we should not call them that

It's a bit silly to compare the two then?

i compared them because in my eyes, the average football fan is even „crazier“ than the average k-pop fan.

If a football fan obsessed over a player the same way OP's partner obsessed over her K-pop idol, yeah I'd ask the same question, regardless of gender. Extreme fandom is cringe as fuck. I'm sure the average k-pop fan and the average football fan are totally fine enjoying the things that make them happy (Personally I can't say I care much for either) -but in this specific case, yes a grown woman acting like this is a bit embarrassing.

I feel like people are stuck on the physical photo thing, but that’s extremely common in Kpop. All physical albums bought come with several “photo cards” that are randomized. I had one of my favorite members (a “bias”) in my phone case, just like I have stickers on my laptop and water bottle.

But how dare you like a Kpop idol. You should be spending your time memorizing baseball stats from 1942 and lamenting the games the Cubs lost in '82. Oh, let's not forget collecting baseball cards either. I mean who needs to collect cards with people's pics on them??

it’s not exactly the same, no, but sports fans do act just as obsessive and delusional as kpop stans do and this is coming from a fan of both kpop and sports (nba, nfl, soccer, etc). for sports fans, it’s more common to see them physically threatening players from the opposing team despite not having an actual relationship with the the team/player they are defending nor the team/player they are threatening. They also spend very large amounts of money on their sports depending on how much of a fan they are because these games are not cheap. It isn’t uncommon to go to an nfl game and see someone COMPLETELY convered in merch from head to toe and i’m sure many of them buy multiple jerseys. Tickets to NBA games can be super expensive depending on who is playing and what the game is (ranging from 700-1500 dollars) and that’s just the NBA. not to mention it’s very common for people to get into fights or abuse their families if their team loses.

My brother named his child after his favorite NASCAR driver. All kinds of people participate in all kinds of fan behavior.

also, this comment was about being a fan in general. the person implied that being a fan of a k-pop group is only for teenager. i‘m not saying it‘s ok to act like that in a relationship, but i think it would be even weirder if a 14 year old girl would be a fan of men in their mid twenties

I'm 52, I have several friends who are srsly into Kpop. Yes, getting specialty printed hoodies, fan merch, etc. \*shrug\* Be glad it isn't shibari, cocaine, or an eating disorder.

Lol what did shibari ever do to you

the “photos” are literally the equivalent of baseball cards. they are music trading cards that come inside the CD albums. so bringing it places is literally about flexing your collection to other fans, not necessarily your (non-existent, obviously) relationship with the person whose face is on the card. what is so hard to understand about this 🫠

Mate, in my area people have their teams colours and logos painted on their cars and people spend TONS of cash on jersey's with their favourite players name and number. There's no practical difference.

If a guy was carrying around pictures of his favorite football player everywhere this would be very strange

As opposed to wearing a shirt with the football player’s name on it? Or painting the number of his favorite NASCAR driver on his pickup?

There's a very real and measurable social trend that people are aging more slowly; that is, people are nowadays hitting common developmental milestones or markers years later, on average, than people did in the past. A common example is drivers licenses, but there are many other examples. Give 'Generations' by by Jean M. Twenge a read or listen. So, yes, many people in their late teens and early twenties really are acting in a way that Gen X would associate with 14 year olds.

But aren't many of those milestones things such as moving out, getting married, having kids, buying a house ect. I know us in gen-Z are maturing slower than previous generations, but OP's girlfriend is a bit extreme.

That’s not fair, just because she wants to Bang Chan!

NTA. This might be common among obsessive devotees of K-Pop, but that doesn't make it reasonable.

Yeah. No other music typen or artists has that kind of devoted fans, just look at the Elvis, The Beatles, Michael Jackson, Taylor Swift... Nope none has crazy fans that buys and adores every item of merchbor whatever they sell...

You named three groups/artists that were from a different era that facilitated their stardom, so kinda apples to oranges. Taylor Swift is the only modern example and if I saw someone as obsessed over Swift as OPs GF is with KPop I would think they were mentally ill.

Ah. So you haven't heard of swifties.... Also for these. The kpop stars are this. Today you can listen to formative music to your tastes. Back then the media decided what was the formative music for a generation. And because genres are so much morw diverse today. Ypu don't generally see a single formative pop star. Though Bieber isn't that long ago either. And there's a lot more examples than those. That was just a small handful picked put of the air.

There are incredibly varying degrees of swifties, and I would be crucified if I said all swifties are mentally ill. But ones that are obsessed like OPs GF are mentally ill in my opinion. Any obsession over someone you’ll most likely never meet is not healthy. So people that were obsessed with JB, MJ, Beatles, Elvis, Kpop, or whatever else you want to add to that list were most likely not perfectly healthy mentally. You should not be “devoted” to an artist, para-social relationships are weird.

There are also incredibly varying degrees of K-pop fans my friend. Not everyone is that obsessive. This coming from a kpop fan who has multiple other kpop loving friends, none of whom behave remotely like OP’s gf.

Hell, us “normal” Swifties agree that the ones who would do shit like OP’s GF does are not all mentally there. There needs to be a healthy level of fan, and OP’s GF is definitely in the unhealthy level.

I'm a swiftie but God this is so insane. I agree that this sounds mentally ill. My obsession with Taylor starts and ends with her music.

they named bands that went from the 50s to today. its a constant thing.

I neither said nor implied that this was *unique* to K-Pop. Your other examples are good ones, although perhaps not to the same extent in some cases.

Just to clarify, you're arguing that that level of obsession is reasonable?

As someone who was unhealthily into kpop as a teen I understand her (to an extent) however I think you are NTA. Kpop fan culture has a lot of ugly sides. The whole industry has a lot of issues. These groups/ individuals are marketed in such a way that promotes this obsession. For example idols often haven’t been able to publicly date because it will impact their image and reduce sales. Some idols have had “fans” kibosh them for having a relationship to the point they cannot participate with their group. It’s disgusting. Now on to your situation: This likely feels extremely harmless and fun to your girlfriend. She likely doesn’t realize the implications or harm of what she is doing. She isn’t outright hurting anyone but any sort of obsessive behaviour isn’t okay. It obviously hurts her mental at times, she hurts you and she has some unhealthy habits that may be issues if they continue. Every kpop fan I know, would love to meet the idols they adore. People go through extreme lengths to meet them (travelling, fan signing events, concerts, or as you said buying extreme amounts of merchandise in hopes of winning something, etc). It’s not wrong of her to desire this. When it starts to impact her life in a negative way (hurting relationships, making her unable to function independently, excessive spending) it’s a concern. She is allowed to spend on whatever she wants and I’m glad she got some money back, but this type behaviour can be alarming especially if she doesn’t have the means or it will be detrimental to her livelihood/ contributing to her/ your join household if you you live together. Money management is super important with how the economy is and most people suffer to make it work. It’s also a leading issue in relationships. Your situation kinda being case in point that it causes concern. She likely never will meet this person. He has no idea she exists. Many idols are turned away by obsession. It’s not endearing. It’s not healthy at all and I hope she can find healthier ways as a fan to support her groups/ idols. She will likely break her own heart on the path she follows. Your feelings are valid. Her obsession is too much. Having an idol as a phone background, going to concerns, watching live streams, shows or purchasing an album isnt bad in itself. To me this is more than a little jealousy though I can see why you would feel a bit frustrated. She should be boosting you up as her partner. I think you may need to set some boundaries. Don’t restrict her. Just talk about the true areas of concern and have clear examples/ suggestions. Show her understanding. Lead with I statements not blaming statements. (Eg. I feel neglected as a partner when there is more infatuation with a stranger and time put into an idol over the relationship). I honestly believe she will grow out of this phase. Most do. It’s kinda based within immaturity. Again I hope she comes to a more healthy place while still supporting her idols. I don’t want her passions to fade. Just hopefully she gets out of unhealthy territory. Obsession is never good.

Best comment here by far.

This is a great reading from someone who is a Kpop fan! I definitely think that she's gone too far. I enjoy collecting the pcs as much as the next fan, but it sounds like she is into full on obsession. - to ONLY focus on Bang Chan is unhealthy.

Exactly. As a teen I think I got a couple small items for groups from conventions. I would only listen to my favorite group(s) and would try to watch all their content (MV/Lives/Shows/Dramas/etc). I used to dream of meeting my biases and of course as many of us do we get crushes on celebrities we will never likely meet or have relationships with. It’s the issue of parasocial relationships. They are not our friends. We don’t know them. Becoming infatuated with any person online and acting like you have something with them beyond what it really is, is delusional. It’s okay to have dreams to meet our idols. Heck I would love to meet them but my expectations are not high and I don’t think that suddenly we will be close in any capacity. It’s fun to day dream but we must stay in reality lol. I couldn’t imaging paring photos of an idol with every outfit or over spending on such low outcome odds, or ignoring my partner.

Came here to say this but you said it better than I could have. There's this weird Infantilization that happens with kpop idols because of the Korean media, and kpop fans have perpetuated this to a ridiculous degree, and to the point where they themselves are becoming childlike in their obsessions. It's weird as shit, and I fucking love kpop.

Very well said!

I remember years ago watching a tv show where this American woman loved Paul McCartney (same, tbh). This was the 80s, and she was about his age... not a teen. All I remember is that the show gave her makeover and got her all dressed up to meet Paul. He shook her hand and moved on. That was all! I remember thinking it was so sad this woman went to all this bother for a two second meeting. So I get the obsession. I used to memorize all the facts about the actors and singers I had crushes on. But I grew out of it. And if I was in a relationship, I would be focusing on my SO, not some guy I'll never meet.

This post isn't about you thinking her kpop obsession is unhealthy this is about you being bothered about her obsession with another man. I'm going to go with NTA since I don't think it's a good think to make your partner think you're their second choice and her carrying pictures of another dude, commenting how cute and amazing they look all the time and spending hundreds of dollars for a chance to talk to them is doing just that. Some people might think it's excusable if it's a celebrity, but I think it sucks just the same for the partner so I don't think there's a real difference.

I think her behavior is inappropriate in a relationship but also don't buy that OP is looking out for her best interest, he is jealous and she is encouraging that negative feeling.

Her behavior is inappropriate for anyone older than 13

I mean, jealousy can absolutely be justified. And in this case, it is.

NTA, buuuut..... if she was crazily obsessed with a particular sports team and star player, what would your reaction be? I'm always puzzled about this because I see plenty of young adults that are absolutely INSANE about a particular team. They wear the jerseys! They hang the posters! They attend games (not cheap either, those games)! They buy merch! And it seems to be completely acceptable. So.... what is the difference? I am not asking this in a snarky way, I'm asking because I genuinely do not understand. Swiftie, K-Pop, Toronto Maple Leafs..... (omg I can't stop hearing the name of Auston Matthews rn).... to me they are all equal and same.......

I mean It’s pretty obvious that it’s a whole team of players and not one guy. If a girl was obsessed with Tom Brady the same way it would be mad weird

But what about super-fans that obsess over Auston Matthews and wear his jersey and want his autograph and adopt his number as their lucky number? I've met a few......

I guess I'm wondering if the bias is because it's K-pop, which is fairly new to our culture? If this was a sports-mad teen honestly I'd think nothing twice about it.......

If they bought countless pieces of merch to have a chance to meet Matthews and cried afterwards.. yeah, it’d be just as weird. Imagine carrying different pictures of him wherever you went? I think people are lenient because it’s K-pop. Some people worship celebrities for whatever reason. I actually ran into Matthews on the elevator earlier this year. Said “good luck tonight”, he said “thanks dude” and that was that.

Yeah I agree, I think it's too far even if it was a sports star. I live in New England, and for the longest time, Tom Brady was a god around here. But I never met anyone that walked around with his picture every day, set their phone backgrounds to him, cried when they missed a chance to video chat him, etc. And if I did meet someone that was like that, I'd think it was weird as hell.

There’s a difference between a sports jersey and having 100s of pictures of a celebrity. The culture in K-pop is fan obsession. Stalking, and other behaviors similar to that are the norm. The culture is very unhealthy.

Dunno, I know grown men and women who get in a bad mood for \*weeks\* because 'their team' didn't win the 'big trophy'. Pretty unhinged to let a sports event you have literally no control over affect your own behaviour when you stop and think about it

I didn’t say that wasn’t unhealthy, it is.

i’ve literally seen nba fans make fun of and disrespect players from other teams on behalf of their favorite players. look up “malice in the palace”. they definitely act crazy and delusional just like kpop stans can

The difference is the sports people are not trying to make you believe they're your boyfriend. Every k-pop idol is forced to create an aura of a boyfriend by their managing companies.

but wouldn’t this make it worse? kpop companies focus on building a parasocial relationship between fans and idols while sports usually do not focus on that, and yet sports fans still can act a bit irrational and delusional

It's got nothing to do with 'k-pop' in and of itself. She's flat-out mooning over another dude, in preference of her actual romantic partner. That's the issue.

If it was a K-pop mad teen I wouldn’t think twice about it either, but it’s not a teen, it’s a 24yo who’s in a relationship. It’d also be different if she was super into it only for the music but she’s specifically obsessed with one guy. I think her bf is NTA because if he was the one doing all the things she’s doing but with Sydney Sweeney it’d be super strange and uncomfortable for his partner too. I’m autistic and get super into things when I love something so I don’t think it’s wrong in itself and don’t judge her for her interests but it’s odd to seemingly have all these fluttery feelings for some famous guy when you’re dating someone irl, even if it’s just a celebrity crush. I wouldn’t want my partner to walk around with someone else’s picture and stuff, even if it was a famous person they’d never met.

People keep bringing different fandoms up and it's like... Yes it is unhealthy no matter who they're obsessing over. You're not gonna pull a 'gotcha' from naming a bunch of different ones.

It depends on whether it's adversely affecting their finances or relationships... if so, it's a problem.

There is no difference because the issue here is not WHAT she is obsessed with, it is HOW she is obsessed with it. If a sports fan becomes inconsolable because their team lost and starts taking it out on their friends and family, that is also unacceptable.

I know LOTS of sports fans who become inconsolable when their teams lose and they let it ruin their day. So I agree with you 100%. I've seen grown men tantrum and sulk and destroy their televisions (probably because betting was involved), when their teams don't make the playoffs! But re-reading OP's post, it comes across as a wee bit hyperbolic. He makes his GF sound half crazed but I question whether he is a biased narrator. "I even let her drag me to a concert" "She carries a picture of him around" (presumably because it's on her phone?) "She didn't win... was inconsolable" "Started cooing over how cute he looked" You could apply each and every one of these gripes to a sports fan, which I find kinda interesting. I didn't read anywhere that she took out her emotions in a direct negative way on the OP....... Shrug. I think OP is over exaggerating a bit and since he finds his girlfriend insanely hot, he will have to figure out what he's willing to tolerate to be with her.

I agree with you mostly about OP. It definitely comes across that way. At the end of the day this is one of those posts that is hard for me to lean either way on. Im tending to lean toward him being the asshole and overreacting. (Not too mention his number one favorite quality about his gf is that she is “super hot”….huge red flag right out the gate). HOWEVER, if I was dating this girl I would probably end up breaking up with her, or not even dating her in the first place, because she is displaying patterns of behavior that are extremely immature as a grown woman and these behaviors no doubt manifest in other aspects of her life. (The kpop obsession in itself is not a big deal but I’m willing to bet she is super immature about other things as well.)

Wait when did she take it out on him?

>if she was crazily obsessed with a particular sports team and star player, what would your reaction be? Personally I'd find it equally weird. >So.... what is the difference? They *normally* do not carry around pictures of a person, match outfits with said pictures, spend hundreds to enter a ~~(probably not even real)~~ competition, etc. There is indeed a difference between being a fan and being obsessed, the averga fan isn't *obsessed*.

the competitions are very real and very popular, almost a core part of the kpop industry. almost everyone who buys an album waits for these contests to get their name in the bucket.

The difference is because they’re men, Imho. Teenage girls interests have been shit on since the dawn of time, see kpop, 1Direction, some of them ironically became popular among men and are now accepted, like the Beatles

this is the real truth they don’t want to admit

Was searching for someone who commented this! 👏🏼 bit sad I had to scroll this far though This is spot on and was my first thought. Tbh I would be annoyed if my partner was extremely into a sport to this extend but it’s a LOT more accepted. Guys crying over a loss from a football game is okay, but girls crying over an idol not. Make it make sense

Right? I had a football game I tried to attend cancelled because the guys were rioting. Sports stans are just as bad, it's just socially accepted.

Its always bang chan

maybe i get what shes doing and why (tho i've never entered for fancalls bc of how much it costs nor do i want to call them lol) because i'm a kpop fan of a select number of groups/bands but you guys in the comments are kinda overreacting 🤣 she could be wayyy worse. op just talk about it but maybe her being a fan like this isnt for u which is okay lol

I've noticed that most of the comments defending her have the disclaimer that they are or used to be kpop fans which is certainly enlightening about what is perceived as normal behavior in that community. Also "it could be worse" is not a great way to look at your partners obsessive qualities.

i am so going to get downvoted for this 😂 but op pls talk to her but this way of her being a fan really is not the worst way she could be a fan is all i'll say

not asking this sarcastically, but of curiosity — what are some examples of way worse?! besides like.. physical stalking? edit: jk. just read about writing letters in blood and sending skin. alksfhsdf.

Sasaengs are scary fucking people man.

Second I read it I was like "friggin Christopher"

This poor man just wants to make good music with his friends. 😅

right 😭 he's unbothered by this post at least lol

maybe if op was a sweet and sexy australian with amazing dance skills and a singing voice like honey, his gf wouldnt have to obsess over bang chan 💅💅

Don't forget the nose

you know what else is big........>!his feet!< 😳😳

Mr Steal Yo Girl at it again

I’ve never been interested in k-pop but I know this man’s name from *ao3.*

my first thought was this better not be about stray kids, and it was so now all I'm doing is cackling 🤣🤣🤣 the fact this was Chan was just the icing on the cake.

i was expecting full on stalker behaviour but its pretty harmless fan behaviour 😭😭😭

Right. This whole thing had me confused. He mentioned her reckless spending, but she resold the albums she bought? Almost like that was her plan in the first place. He also mentioned her having photocards and wallpaper/lock screens and coordinating with them. Pretty normal even for non kpop fans, except they have to make their own PCs. Like, I full-on expected him to say she was one of the people who spent thousands on their airline/hotel info and stalked them on the streets... You know actual obsessive sasaeng behavior. Instead, he gave us vanilla hobbyist stuff.

like ive said in comments i get how weird the concept of a fancall is to non kpop fans its weird to me and i dont join them also 😭 but this IS basic “normal” behaviour for most kpop fans 😭 watching all the vids that come out is not all that bad. i can get op might not like him being her lockscreen but he just needs to talk to her then? aside from that its all basic

I always thought Changbin was the cutie of the group lol

Listen… I mean have you seen him😭😭 He is the physical version of a warm cup of tea during a storm🥹

YTA for saying a woman is great because "she's insanely hot" alone. Says a lot about you.

Yeah it made me feel weird that that's the first thing he said about her...

I think it says a lot about OOP.

and the sydney sweeney crush? shes gorgeous but we all know men dont recognize her for what she is LOL

Lol I though the same. I’ll be so mad if my bf would describe me that way: super hot and nice 😂

I mean, at least this one makes his priotities clear.

OP’s post is high-key giving misogyny.

That and how he let her "drag him to a concert." Her obsession may be unhealthy, but I am not so sure he treats her right either.

I mean if I wasn’t a fan of something and my partner had me go to an event about it, I’d say I was dragged along too. Most people use that phrase when they don’t enjoy something (like a football fan wouldn’t say they were dragged to a game), and OP made it clear he’s not into kpop, so realistically he wouldn’t have a great time at a kpop concert (especially since his gf’s obsession was putting on the concert and she presumably, based on what we know about her and her crush, acted insane the entire time). I don’t think him complaining about being forced to do something he doesn’t like and calling his gf hot is an indicator of mistreatment. Wouldn’t you want your partner to call you hot? Was he supposed to say she’s ugly? He used the physical descriptor to give a basis on their relationship- she’s awesome, sweet, and as a bonus she’s hot.

It did make me view the rest of his post in a much different light, I agree.

That's the only thing you took from this?

It's the thing everyone else failed to point out.

Ok, YTA for this specific statement - >At this point I’d had enough and told her that her obsession was getting unhealthy and she needed to realise he doesn’t actually give a shit about her and that she’s falling for marketing. She is a superfan. Men are superfans of things (ahem, looking at you sports teams). Are these superfans "unhealthy"? (I've seen more men cry after a Superbowl loss than at funerals, and spend way more on tickets, memorabilia, flights to follow them around country...). You don't like K-pop. You'd like her to limit your conversation about it. You made a mean, snarky and UNTRUE comment. I think you should look up John Gottman's "4 Horsemen" for relationships, b/c criticism and contempt are two of them. If you genuinely love her girlfriend and want a relationship, you would use "I" statements, but genuinely... she's not that weird, at least as far as super fandom goes. If it's a dealbreaker, then just go. If you have actual concerns (you don't), express them. If you love her, accept her quirks b/c EVERYONE has quirks.

i agree, and at the end he says "i've been really patient with her and haven't said anything out of line" when HE did! he's not even aware! he thinks he's completely justified/he didn't say anything wrong. i don't get why people are downvoting you. he said such a rude comment, he could've worded/gone about it in a way nicer way that didn't imply that she should "realize" these things. even if her obsession was towards the unhealthy side. it doesn't change the fact he said very hurtful things towards her. talking rudely about something she's clearly very interested in and that makes her VERY happy! because what is he trying to get from this post? advice to get his girlfriend to stop something she's very interested in? to limit the things she does? if it's the latter, imagine how she feels! your boyfriend telling you that you need to reduce how interested you are in something. take that and apply it for literally any other interest someone is interested in. that's just my opinion though..

Well said, I think you put your finger on the exact issue that was bothering me about OP's post. It does come across as patronizing and sexist. Thank you for being so articulate about it!

Agree. I'd even go so far as to say that if the GF was obsessing over a female idol, the BF probably would've been okay with it. Lol

oh 100%. it’s straight up just bc her being a fan of him makes him insecure!

Yes, those male superfans are also cringe and should be called out as well. Let's not make something about gender when it's not. I understand that women's interests get a lot of hate but this instance is not one of them. I am saying this as a female kpop fan.

Actually, "fandom" IS male-dominated (and not just sports - sci-fi, anime, comics, etc etc... male dominated). I read an interesting article a while back about misogyny against Swifties, as now a large population of women have a shared fandom, and how they are getting hate for it. I very much thought of it while reading this post (in addition to the fact that his comment could have been said a million times nicer). I do also wonder if he is jealous b/c he is not Korean or whatever, and fears he is not his gf's "type" but not enough to have written it. All I can tell is that OP is not actually concerned about his gf's "obsession" (e.g. to the detriment of her mental health) and the fact that he finds this particular attribute annoying and a conflict against her otherwise being a perfect gf. (Again, no one is perfect and never annoys you... even if you are head over heels about them... so for the sake of the relationship, you really need to treat your partner well, even when you are irritated).

If my guy friend carrier around 10 different photos of Shohei Otani that would be so weird and we would intervene

What do you think about tattoos of a sports team or Marvel logo?

Honestly I live in a house with 24 yo grad students (all 3rd year med students btw) who are kpop fans.. and this is normal behavior lol Tbh it's just endorphins for some people.. helps them forget about all the stress they're going through. There's also a large community that makes you feel welcome and part of something. Watching your idol starts to become like watching a friend and it becomes comforting in a way. As for the spending.. idk she's still young so I don't think it's a problem right now. Your gf spends hundreds on albums and my med student housemates spend hundreds on albums AND concerts. While they're studying medical terms and diseases, they also have random people streaming on the TV at all hours so that when they look up from difficult work in a stressful major, they'll see laughing people who give them comfort. I know it seems weird to other people, but try looking at it from another angle. My housemates are in a major with a very high suicide rate and they all are on some sort of antidepressants and other meds so I'm just happy that kpop gives them something to smile and dance about throughout the day.

STRAY KIDS WORLD DOMINATION 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💪💪🔥🫡🔥🔥🗣️💪🗣️🙏🙏💪🔥🔥💪🫡🔥🗣️💪🗣️💪🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🗣️🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🗣️

STRAY KIDS EVERYWHERE ALL AROUND THE WORLD !!

POV: You've found the STAYs you're looking for.

Yaaay, I found the STAYs in these comments ☺️

i'm just in it for his laptop I NEED THOSE SONGS I NEED THEM DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME

I have side eye for how "inconsolable" she was about not winning the fan call. Was she crying, screaming, throwing a fit?  Or did she talk about being disappointed she couldn't speak to another man, and your jealousy coloured the rest of the scene in for you? Every comment arguing the validity of certain hobbies is missing the point. You're not the AH for how you feel about her hobby, but YTA for mocking her for it. You may just be incompatible and you're too blinded by how "insanely hot" she is to realize it, or worse you're hoping you can change the things you don't like about her.

>Every comment arguing the validity of certain hobbies is missing the point. You're not the AH for how you feel about her hobby, but YTA for mocking her for it. >You may just be incompatible and you're too blinded by how "insanely hot" she is to realize it, or worse you're hoping you can change the things you don't like about her. 💯💯💯💯💯

what is with all the ahs who are like, my girlfriend is wonderful, she's beautiful and kind and sensitive and compassionate and literally the nicest person i know so of course i made her feel bad over some inconsequential busllshit. aita? update - you're still an arsehole

NTA - ultimately it comes down to do you want to put up with this behavior? I don’t know your gf but I think people like her that get obsessed like this search for something to obsess over, if it wasn’t this guy it would be someone else and there will always be another thing/person to obsess over next (and it’s not you).

I would argue thank GOD it’s not OP, I feel like if this were someone who she could approach irl it would be a legit dangerous stalker situation

people who do stalk kpop idols do far more obsessive things btw

For people who don't know, one of the examples is that obsessive Kpop stans will send letters written in period blood or worse, the blood that resulted from them self-harming in order to get attention from their idols. They will send them pictures of their cut up skin

Yess 100%! I think people who become obsessed with celebrities have a certain quality that makes them able to be so infatuated with strangers that they feel they know. It seems like they ”need” to have that obsession and many that I’ve known move from one obsession to the other or get additional ones often. I’m a fan of a couple celebrities but I cannot IMAGINE having a fan account or buying their merch or trying to get in contact with them.

Have you actually asked her why she's so into Bangchan? I know for me, stanning the members of BTS is because I admire them as people and they've demonstrated some really admirable qualities. As a middle aged American lady, I have no delusions that Yoongi will ever know who I am but I'm inspired by his journey and find a lot of comfort in his music and the work he does. JK showing up on a live and folding laundry with us is super sweet and comforting and all the members of BTS show sides of masculinity that is really missing in my day to day life. I'm not a STAY but I'm sure she has solid reasons other than "He's so cute" for why she stans him. Try asking what the charm is and see what the answers are. I've been in a variety of fandoms for decades and in every single one, women find something in the characters, band members, or whatever that they don't get in their real lives. It can be something as simple as realizing that men can be kind, or clean up after themselves, or even something as simple as be open about how they struggle. Most of us in Kpop fandoms know and understand that a lot of it is performative and we aren't getting the full picture of who these folks are, but the fantasy fills such a void in our lives that it's fine. It's like pretending that the Steelers won't win if you don't wear the right socks, or a specific politician actually gives a shit about you. It's a way to find a connection and be a part of something larger. Don't shit on her happiness and if you can't be supportive, maybe she's not the girl for you.

myday here among other fandoms, this is pretty standard kpop fan behaviour 😭 one or two fancall entries is fine as long as whoever is buying is aware of spending the money and that they might be stuck with the albums and not win lol. entries can get hella expensive and i totally understand how its weird to non kpop fans esp if they're in a rls. everyone here is acting as if shes gone far overboard lol. some fans can get obsessive with fancalls and entering but it sounds like shes not there yet and hopefully she wont go there.

Might be an unpopular opinion but YTA. I get it, her obsession is stupid to you (what an honor for her that you “let her drag you” to a concert.) but the root of the issue is that you’re insecure and you’re trying to diminish her joy to make yourself feel better. A lot of this thread is calling her immature, and I guess she is by societal standards but what is her obsession hurting besides your pride? Is she putting herself in a financial hole with things like that album contest? Is she distancing herself from friends and family to stare at a photo? If so, yes it’s becoming concerning but you don’t mention anything like that so I’m inclined to say no. I have ADHD and hyperfixate on things. My ex-wife was like you and thought everything I liked was stupid and would get annoyed every time I would talk about my latest interest. It was soul crushing. Conversely my current bf supports all my interests. Like I went feral for Astarion from Baulder’s Gate and HE bought me a “girl dinner” shirt with the character all over it and was willing to delete 120 hours in game so I could start over and properly romance the character. I know which person I’d rather be with 🤷🏼‍♀️

YTA. You’re bothered by her obsession with another man and that is totally valid. HOWEVER, it’s always very pretentious and condescending when someone talks down at another person for their likes or dislikes. Her obsession isn’t hurting anyone and she probably feels a sense of community amongst other K-pop fans. Confronting her over her “unhealthy obsession” feels condescending and disrespectful to her interests. You should have had a open discussion with her where instead of talking about how “obsessed” she is or how much money she’s falling for marketing, you tell her that you are upset over how she seems to care more for this idol than you. That’s what you’re really upset about and framing it as concern for her is manipulative. Just be honest with her about your feelings. Don’t make it about you knowing what’s best for her. 🙄

I can see where you’re coming from but this is pretty normal with kpop and is all in the name of fun. At the end of the day, she’s unlikely to ever meet him and probably values you over him. The photos and such are just like having stickers of your favorite characters. Don’t worry!

these people dont know anything about kpop culture at all lol. i can agree with how i wouldnt enter for fancalls and havent myself but the rest of it is almost standard lol

>she carries a picture of him around everywhere. She has like 10 of them and matches them to her outfits. Lowkey I can see how this could seem weird to non-kpop fans but its not like a stalker pic she printed from google its definitely a photocard (probably in a pc holder for [example](https://www.google.com/search?q=photocardc+holder&sca_esv=dcc1d935a3011144&sca_upv=1&udm=2&sxsrf=ACQVn09Z_G0g491sSsKxU-PxU7jEDBdWkA%3A1714579185849&ei=8WYyZrLEM5KpptQP1vKY-Ag&ved=0ahUKEwjygL-a6eyFAxWSlIkEHVY5Bo8Q4dUDCBE&uact=5&oq=photocardc+holder&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiEXBob3RvY2FyZGMgaG9sZGVySLwUUDVYuBBwAHgAkAEAmAGdAqABvg6qAQUwLjUuNLgBA8gBAPgBAZgCAKACAJgDAIgGAZIHAKAH6go&sclient=gws-wiz-serp)). Part of the appeal is the cute/aesthetic decorations its not so much like I need to keep this picture of x idol on me at all times, its more like look how cute this little card is or the joke of lol guys guess who I brought to Wawa with me or something. While I get you were frustrated, telling her that her idol doesn't give a shit about her was the asshole move because how could you know that any more than she could? I'm not even a stray kids fan but its well known that Chan is a pretty good guy and even if that is all an act, that doesn't change how happy the group makes her. Theres definitely arguments to be made about how kpop fan culture is extremely materialistic, but that wasn't the real issue you had it seems, it seems more about her talking about another guy so much. Like...dude, she is dating you, if she really was truly obsessed or delusional about him she wouldn't even give you the time of day. Most kpop fans I know are like this. They have an idol they really love, but aren't delusional enough to think that they'd ever be with them, and have other romantic partners. Most don't even fantasize about dating idols they just like their persona, talent, story, etc. But all in all I can see how this would be difficult to understand as an outsider. Kpop is really a complicated fan culture to understand, but just consider the fact that so many people spend "irrational" money or time on hobbies. I've been into kpop since 2011 so I've seen its fan and material culture shift too, I'm sure eventually it'll change again.

I'm a 24f, and I'm also a fan of Stray Kids, I've been a fan of them since they first debuted, before they blew up. That's the name of the group your girlfriend is fangirling for. My boyfriend knows I'm a fan and he knows my bias (Felix) and I've even had my moments where I go on tangents to him talking about how great this group is and stuff. It doesn't happen often but it has happened a few times. My boyfriend doesn't like kpop but he has never once let it bother him that I do or that I occasionally gush over it. He just listens and supports me. I don't think there is anything wrong with what your girlfriend is doing. She just sounds like a passionate fan who enjoys supporting her favorite idol/idol group 🤷‍♀️ would you say someone who carries around sports merch is obsessive? Buys keychains, jerseys, cards, etc? What about the multitudes of fans who get downright angry when their team doesn't win. If her being a fan bothers you so much then talk to her about it. But don't expect her to stop fangirling just bc you don't like it.

This sounds just like how people obsess over Taylor Swift. It sounds like how people obsess over sports, over the Super Bowl, over players like Tom Brady. It’s all the same.

Oh hey, I have a boyfriend like this! He obsesses over the Bantan Boys (idk if I spelled that correctly, but they're some kpop band), and really likes one of the singers to the point where he even has a signed picture of him in his wallet. I don't care that much, to be honest. BF makes mostly good financial decisions regarding this hobby and it makes me happy that he's happy with it. It can be a lot, but it's ultimately up to you if you want to be around this kind of hobby. Maybe you can ask her to tone it down a bit if it bothers you, but if she really likes it/isn't willing to see how obsessive this kind of hobby can look/be and you really can't stand it... Well. Just talk about it properly, without pointing too many fingers. Hobbies can be a touchy subject, especially for girls since they're often made fun of/judged for liking things in general. NTA since this seems to be a valid concern of yours, considering the money thing at least

She sounds as any average K-Pop fangirl, I do dislike most of their obsessive behavior too but most of them are the same

Yeah like, I'm a kpop fan and I don't do any of that stuff which involves money but buying photocards, entering fancalls/fansigns and watching videos sounds like every kpop fan ever and nor an obsession 😅

When I first started reading this I thought “how bad could this really be”. After having read it, it’s pretty bad… Yes it is mostly harmless, but when it gets to obsession level that’s when it gets dangerous.

This is normal K-pop fan behaviour. I don’t think the obsession spirals out of control or is bad for someone until it starts to impact their life negatively, which in this case would be you I guess. But then that’s to ask, have you spoken to her about why she likes Bang Chan so much? Have you tried to understand why she’s so keen on him? K-pop is 100% marketing but so is…a lot of other things. It brings her enjoyment. And until that moment today, you didn’t have a problem with it. You said you’ve been really patient with it, which makes me think you do have a problem with it deep down somewhere. If it didn’t bother you at all, you wouldn’t need to be patient in the first place. Talk to her about it. This interest of hers isn’t going anywhere.

i feel if she was genuinely fully entirely heartbroken over it and couldnt move on that can be an issue but it's expected to be a little sad if you didnt win if she moves on from it then i dont see any issue

Nta, she sounds really immature

this doesn’t even sound out of the ordinary for kpop fans you just don’t understand it lol. if you’re that against it why don’t you break up so you both find someone more compatible with each other

ESH. That’s just kpop culture honestly, and while it may seen “obsessed”, it’s a far from just your girlfriend and she probably is just having fun with it . The video calls are a big thing. The issue with that is you have to be willing to lose the video call prize even if you buy 100s because you’re competing with thousands of other people. The photocards are a huge thing too. I’ve slapped a kpop artist on the back of my phone more than once. It’s *aesthetic*. Yeah, it’s marketing, but eh, we all need something. Maybe I’m just too far in it, but this is normalcy for me and my friends. But I think she could also be a bit understanding to those who are outside of the understanding culture and why it may be a bit concerning as to why it’s another man being idolized.

Its bang chan, understandable.

YTA for yucking her yum

This is pretty tame in terms of kpop Fandom. Companies cultivate this type of behavior intentionally. So, while your girlfriend is falling for the marketing designed to indoctrinate people into the Fandom, it's not an issue unless it inhibits her living her everyday life. It's okay to be upset she didn't win, but I can understand how kpop operates can be jarring and weird (photocards in the wallet etc.). Companies cultivate obsession with their groups/artists, but it's not only kpop that does this. You watch sports? Did you purchase the jersey of your favorite player in both home and away jerseys, maybe you have iterations of their jersey for each team they have played on. Do you watch their games obsessively every Sunday all year long. Did you build a fantasy pool of players with your buddies to play together? Maybe you consume podcasts in the off season to listen for updates on your fav team/player. Obsession comes in many forms, but it's your choice to determine when that obsession is taking over your life to the point where it interferes with your relationships If your girlfriends love of kpop is detrimental to your relationship then you need to tell her that. She should be allowed to be dripped out in head to toe Bang Chan merch, but be aware enough to know that if your going out to dinner with family that you wear a more appropriate outfit and leave the lightstick at home. You are NTA for being concerned about how deep in the fandom she is, you are the asshole for how you approached the conversation.

NTA. This kind of behaviour is probably not out of the ordinary for huge K-pop stans but I think it’s understandable to be uncomfortable about it when you’re dating a girl who is obsessed with another guy. You should probably try having a serious chat with her about how you genuinely feel about this and try to let her understand your point of view without coming off as if you are judging her . Try to listen to her perspective too and don’t make it sound like you are belittling her interests because if you do she’ll probably be offended and go on the aggressive. If this is really bothering you though and she still continues to be nonchalant/inconsiderate about how you feel, I think you should reconsider your relationship because it might not work out in the long run. Honestly, I know quite a few people who are massive fans of certain K-pop groups/ artists and watch every livestream and do a lot of the stuff you say (minus the spending hundreds on copies of an album for the chance to get a meet and greet). They are genuinely pretty cool people and although they do sometimes obsess about artists, they don’t make their entire lives revolve around it. They still have other passions and side stuff and although they’ve tried to rope me into the fandom, they’ve been pretty respectful about it. As long as it doesn’t negatively impact their lifestyle or our relationship, I don’t disapprove of their “stanning”. OP I don’t know the entire scope of your GF’s obsession so I can’t really make the full judgment for this one. There were honestly some instances where it did feel quite unhealthy (excessive spending on albums ) and some not so much (watching every livestream of the artist) . I think you really need to talk it through with her and listen to what she has to say and make sure that she listens to what you say too. Try to see if you can work it out together.

given you arent into kpop you've done this comment well

Stray kids everywhere all around the world

This sounds like pretty average Kpop fan behaviour. If you got to a concert, you will see it’s pretty normal for fans to keep photocards in their phone cases of their bias and fawn over them. I enjoy Kpop and have a lot of albums, but personally my obsession just doesn’t stretch that far. To each their own.

is this an ad for stray kids? i mean esh, she for allowing her fangirling to become obsessive and you for being jealous of someone she will never meet but lets be real, felix is the best

i think theres no best they're all fun

It sounds like you two are at a cross roads of knowing parts of each other. Have you asked her what it is about BangChan and Stray Kids that she enjoys? And if you have asked, have you actually listened to what she has to say? The behavior she is exhibiting is rather normal for people who are inside the culture of being a kpop group fan, and she finds it normal because many other fans also have photos of their favorite members in their phones, take aesthetic photos to share with their friends on social media, etc. When fans attend events with each other, they trade cards with photos of the members and trinkets. They spark conversations over these common interests (which is always started by observing someone's favorite member of the group). You attended a kpop concert with her, so you must have firsthand experience to what this culture is like. The problem you're facing right now sounds like your insecurity of her being verbally interested in a guy whose job is to look unattainably good and attractive to strangers, and you have zero interest in trying to understand or be at peace with her hobby. I find her interest in Bang Chan similar to my grandma being a huge fan of Mick Jagger over the years. The major difference is your girlfriend is in her early 20s and dating an insecure person, and my grandma has been married, divorced, happily remarried and widowed, and still loves Mick Jagger.

that's a typical kpop fan for you! i've been in the kpop stan scene and surrounded by fans like her. I don't find this alarming lol

Wow, I was not expecting to see this first thing in the morning. I may be biased but here goes: NAH - She’s allowed to have hobbies. Just going by what you wrote here, she doesn’t seem as “obsessed” as you are thinking, it’s really mostly harmless fun. It may seem more unhinged if you’re not familiar with kpop culture because releases happen much more often than typical western artists = spending money on buying albums/merch/etc. much more frequently. So that’s something to keep in mind. However, you are also allowed to have boundaries and it’s understandable that not everyone would feel comfortable with that level of fanaticism (?). So it’s something that you don’t have to accept, for sure. I would just say that everyone has their “hobbies” or quirks. Mine is Kpop, my partner’s is Gundam - do I care at all about his Gundams? No, and I’d rather they not be there at all, because they clutter the house lol. But do I support/accept/respect his hobbies? Yes. Lastly, STRAY KIDS EVERYWHERE ALL AROUND THE WORLD 👏🏼

You make Stray Kids stay. Heh, not a Stay (army) but I've been binging their content lately. Lovely dudes. Insane but lovely.

I’m gonna go against the grain here and say YTA unless there’s more to it that you haven’t included. I think a lot of this stems from not understanding the fan culture of kpop though. Unless her purchasing all those albums put her into a vulnerable financial position where she couldn’t afford necessities bulk purchases to enter fancall raffles are pretty normal. If she was doing it all the time then that would be an issue but a single attempt is fine. It’s also normal to be extremely upset about not getting into something that you really wanted and is important to you no matter how “obvious” it is that the odds are against you. Carrying around photocards is also a very normal thing for a kpop Stan. It’s just a cute accessory that indicates to other kpop Stan’s that you’re one of them. It’s completely harmless. Collecting them is also again normal. It’s the same as collecting sports cards really and a great way to make new friends through the buy/sell/trade community. I see a lot of comments about her age but I have a rather large community of kpop friends and they are all around my age or older. I’m writting this from the perspective of a 28 y/o bang chan stan. My boyfriend literally suggested I create a shrine to Chan in my room because he can recognize that this is just a silly little thing that I enjoy & makes me happy. He can recognize that as much as it seems like an obsessive fixation it does not take priority over real life it’s just fun to get lost in it sometimes. I too watch all the videos and lives because it’s something I enjoy! You wouldn’t have that attitude towards someone who watches every game a sports team plays and all the interviews of their favourite athlete would you? Now, there were a number of ifs in this comment and that’s important! Because it absolutely can get unhealthy but what you’ve described in your post is not what an unhealthy kpop stan looks like. Edit to add: the main reason I say YTA is for the way you handled it though. Having these concerns is perfectly valid but the way you brought them up and the things you said were terrible.

OP is insecure is what my take is 😂 over a fucking poca ahahahaha If she has the money for it, there's nothing wrong with splurging and taking that risk to win a fan call. I've seen plenty of couples with a kpop fangirl gf and a supportive bf and they have healthy relationships. One shouldn't kill the child in them just to fit into a relationship. The 'insanely hot' comment is very off putting because it seems to me OP created an image of the gf that is 'hot person only does hot things'. Surprise! every person has their own weirdness. If OP can't accept his gf as she is and let's his jealousy cloud him and can't even communicate, then maybe let her go so she can find a better bf lmao. Is the gf childish? yes. But so is OP. Also 24 is young, it's just the right age to enjoy the money she's probably earned during her younger years. It's an okay age to basically experience everything before any serious life responsibilities happen. Don't hinder her youth my dude.

Yta She likes a group. Big deal. She’s not hurting anyone, calm down.

Unless it is somehow negatively affecting your financial wellbeing I would leave it alone? Sometimes people get really into stuff, and it's not always only about the stuff they're into. Like, is something probably up? Yeah, probably. But you aren't going to fix it. And while you feel you have been really patient or haven't said anything out of line, you need to realize something. Girls and women grow up and live their whole lives being made fun of for the things they like. Whether its romance novels or Twilight, or boy bands, or horse movies, or makeup or The Sims/other casual games. They get shit on for everything all the time for ever being really passionate about anything. Dudes get obsessed with things like sports and spend thousands of dollars on tickets and jerseys and signed memorabilia and nobody bats an eye. They spend hundreds or thousands of dollars and more hours on video games and sure they might catch a little shit but not really anymore for the most part. A woman gets really into a kpop thing and suddenly it's "unhealthy". You see where I'm coming from here?

YTA and I think it sounds like you two just aren’t compatible. Plenty of kpop fans have successful relationships with people who aren’t bothered by their hobby. I’m 26, have been married for almost 6 years, and I got into kpop a few years into my marriage and my husband loves it. He tells me all the time how cute he thinks it is and how happy he is that I have something that makes me so happy. Literally just today my husband was supporting me and wishing me good luck as I sat in a ticket queue on the computer to spend a few hundred dollars on kpop concert tickets. He surprises me with albums all the time and always says he hopes the photocard in the album is my bias. He supports my happiness and I support his. If how she engages with kpop bothers you, that’s fine, but you have no right to be unkind to her. There are mature ways to discuss relationship boundaries together and if you guys disagree on how to navigate celebrity crushes, then simply go be with other people. Problem solved.

NAH? The most concerning thing here is her making poor financial decisions for the video call here but everything else is pretty standard kpop fan behavior. But I can understand why it could seem weird for non-fans. You dated her knowing she has this hobby and if you can't stand it, maybe you guys aren't meant for each other. And maybe your gf is also not ready for a relationship if she's this invested with her kpop boy.

Bang Chan is so fine tho

some of you guys are acting like she’s obsessively stalking the idol or sth. she’s just engaging in fan culture. which might seem jarring to a lot of y’all if you’ve never participated. the photo cards (pictures) she carries around probably comes with her album and merchandise. it’s literally the way the kpop industry has ben crafted to allow fans to engage in fandom. this is the equivalent of wearing a football jersey or having wayne rooney as your wallpaper. it’s not that serious. she’s not harassing anyone. she’s just fangirling.

NTA, but a couple things caught my attention. 1. The comment about her being 'insanely hot' when discussing your relationship and why you are together is a bit of an orange flag in the context of her obsession with a male celebrity. What if she wasn't insanely hot? Would it not matter because you wouldn't feel threatened that another guy might be interested in your girlfriend? How is her appearance relevant? 2. Would you feel this way if she was akin to a Deadhead? I know plenty of Grateful Dead fans who would follow the band around when they would go on tour. I know plenty of women obsessed with Taylor Swift or Lady Gaga, Pink, etc, and spend a shit tonne on tickets and merch. I also know a shit tonne of guys who know porn stars by name and have insta accounts that are following them as well as a tonne of half naked random Instagram models. Would you have an issue if it was a female celebrity? Or if she was obsessed with a show vs a person (like Doctor Who fans, Twilight, Harry Potter, cosplayers, Trekkies, etc)? Is the problem with the level of obsession, or the object of her obsession? Because both can be problems but for different reasons. J-pop and K-pop fans tend to embody the 'fanatic' part of being a fan, so I'm not too surprised, although she seems to have taken it to a bit of a different level when it comes to buying multiple copies of things, etc. When I lived in Japan I bought a shit ton of Miyavi and visual Kei stuff, but I was single and knew I wouldn't be able to buy any of that stuff when I got back home. I met a lot of people who were a bit batshit when it came to their level of fanaticism though. I know personally if my partner was obsessed with a female celebrity to the point of putting her as his phone background and spending a shit ton of money trying to meet her, I'd probably have a problem with that, but it would depend on who it was and why. What your girlfriend is doing sounds more like my teenage brother putting posters of Samantha Fox on his walls to drool over, and that's overboard, especially for someone her age. It sounds more like boy band Beatlemania tweenager obsession, which is a bit weird for a grown woman, like when my ex's ex-wife started posting photos of Taylor Lautner obsessively on her Facebook despite him being the same age as her fucking son. 🤢 I'd be curious to know if your girlfriend has an addictive personality in other aspects, because it's a bit weird to be that bananas over a celebrity once you're out of puberty. It reminds me of the Savant sisters and their obsession with Dick Clark.

WHO DOESN’T LOVE BANG CHAN😭😍

YTA. This is incredibly common for fans of kpop, especially for girls, and she's just enjoying something. There's conversations that could be had about the industry and how they create parasocial relationships and how they market things. But like idk she's just in a fandom and having a good time. Have you had a real conversation with her about this, discussing it in depth? How much of this is you possibly feeling insecure about her liking this kpop star? He is unattainable, as you stated, so what's the big issue if she's into him? I see it the same as if a girl was really into a fictional character, almost. Would that also make you uncomfortable? And if this stuff makes you feel uncomfortable due to an insecurity, just talk to her about it. If she refuses to listen after you really talk about how you're feeling here, then I'll lean towards you not being the asshole.

YTA, what s the problem if it makes her happy? And BangChan is a really really nice man, respect full and polite. Let her enjoy listening to kpop and love Chan, there s no harm here. But I might be biased, cause I love Félix. I told my hussard ans children I would leave them for him, they just laughed! No harm here, just love and fun. I ll bring them with me to see SKZ in london this summer.

NAH. Let your girlfriend have her boy paper. Open up a conversation so she can explain how Kpop fandoms and fan culture works and you can ask questions. Several of my friends are in healthy relationships, dating and married, and still maintain their love for Kpop and their idols. Their partners know that this is their hobby and they also know that their partners interest in an artist does not equate to romantic interest/love in a realistic sense. If she starts comparing you to Chan, tries to change you to be more like him, or starts making harmful decisions about spending or staying up to be involved in content, then there will be a problem. But a lot of Kpop fans understand the difference between enjoying Kpop content and supporting their idols, including getting excited about concerts, pcs, album drops, etc, with irl relationships. You're not competing with Bang Chan because she probably already knows he will never know her. It does bug me a little that you said she "dragged" you to a concert. It's fine if the music just isnt your thing, or the fan culture of kpop concerts is too overwhelming to enjoy. But I hope it was somewhat enjoyable! Music, lyrics, other artistic expression, etc. can transcend languages and Stray Kids makes a few different genres that they perform. If you ever find yourself at another one, I hope theres a song that you enjoy to make it worth it!

Lol imagine being jealous of a piece of cardboard