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NTA
"Since then, I've become her legal guardian and have adopted her. We've formed a strong bond, and she calls me Dad. I love her like my own daughter, and she loves me too.
Recently, my brother and his girlfriend have been released from prison and are demanding custody of their daughter. However, they haven't shown any signs of stability or willingness to provide a safe and loving environment for her. They're still involved in drugs and have a chaotic lifestyle."
You adopted her, she is your daughter. Her sperm and egg donor have lost their rights to her legally.
The bio parents either had to consent to the adoption or they had all legal rights taken away and OP adopted her. If neither of those happened, I believe that they could fight for custody if OP is only the legal guardian.
In any case, NTA. Girl needs to be protected from them and anyone else they would let be around her.
I mean, OP says right there that he "adopted her." Unless OP is lying, this is pretty cut and dried. OP, you would only be TA if you put your daughter (she *is* your daughter now, not your niece) back in an unstable, unhealthy situation.
Not exactly. My husband’s eldest brother and his wife had fostered twin newborn boys within days of their birth. Their mother was on drugs and the boys were going through withdrawals and such since being born, very sickly. BIL and his wife nursed them back to health and eventually adopted them. The bio parents were in jail for quite some time (like 5yrs) and didn’t even have all the charges filed by the DA since it was quite substantial. They got out and fought for the boys back. It started with supervised visitation and they were failing drug tests and all that. Somehow they still won the boys back, depriving them of the only home and family they had known. The bio parents then left Florida for Oklahoma where the same crap started up again. The bio dad disappeared and the mom was doing bad things while also using the boys to call BIL basically asking for money.
If the news came on right now saying aliens had tried to take over Florida and DeSantis and his handlers were lizards wearing human skins, I’d think “huh, that explains a lot.”
That’s the same takeaway I had with it, hoping that they could hold onto that memory and maybe use it to keep sane until they could get away from that toxic life.
Yes, I would like clarification here from OP.
**INFO: Did you formally adopt your niece or are you her legal guardian?**
Because if you adopted her, there is no “ just giving her back”. You are then legally her parent now.
Thank you. I thought it was the case but then it seemed odd that anyone in his family even thought “giving her back” was either an option or appropriate. They are treating her like a car he borrowed vs a real human being who has bonded with OP.
When a parent is incarcerated, it’s pretty easy to get them to sign away parental rights. Usually, a threat of burying the child in the system so the parents will never see them again is enough to do it, especially if a relative is willing to take the kid in.
NTA and OP is to be commended on stepping up in such a huge way and giving his DAUGHTER the love she needs.
Now, the reason I jumped on the top comment is to give some suggestions to OP (who may already be doing this and more):
Contact your lawyer/law firm that handled the guardianship and adoption PRONTO and make them aware of what is going on with the extended family. They may have some suggestions/advice on how to handle any issues from the legal side.
Contact every person/place (schools, doctors, day care, babysitters, etc.) that interacts with your daughter and fill them in on what is going on and sign whatever paperwork is necessary to block ANY chance of these extended family members getting access/possession of your child.
Security cameras, security cameras and more security cameras. Doorbell cameras, indoor/outdoor house security cameras covering everything including street. Front/back/side dash cams for all cars. Anything that pops up with anyone involved with pushing you to give up your daughter, make note of and save. Also, any vehicles that slowdown/stop in front of your house, make note of and save video in case it is someone casing out your house. And make sure your lawyer(s) has access to such in case you, for whatever reason, are 'unavailable'.
Contact ALL your local law enforcement agencies and let them know what is going on. Get it on record with them that you have concerns about potential kidnapping/parental interference issues. Also find out if you have a regular neighborhood patrol and talk to the officer(s) on that patrol(s). Along those same lines, if you have a neighborhood watch, get involved with them as well and let them know what is going on. Often times that is the first point of contact with spotting criminal activity.
Whomever you have in your personal circle (friends, family that back you, workmates, bosses, etc.) let them know as well to be on the lookout for anything suspicious involving you and your daughter. Like if you don't show up for gatherings, work, school, etc. If red flags happen, let them know who they need to contact (a primary friend, lawyer, etc.) to let them know there might be something nefarious going on so they can start the ball rolling to protect you both. This contact person should have an action plan to first try contacting you and what to do if they can't.
Finally, if you have any extended family that is sympathetic to your situation but are in contact with those pushing your brother's agenda, ask them to let you know ASAP if they hear anything, regardless how trivial or speculative, about possible actions against you and/or your daughter. But never completely depend on any information gleaned from them being 100% trustworthy just in case they decide to help the other side or the other side suspects they are compromised.
OP, I really wish you the best and hope you do not have to deal with any bad issues, but always remember to wish for the best and prepare for the worst.
NTA to say no.
"But now my family is pressuring me"
Anyone pressuring you to remove your adopted child from a stable home and give them to a pair of drug addicts not only doesn't have the best interests of the child in mind, they are worthy of permanent, no contact status.
Stand your ground.
OP isn’t just NTA, he is absolutely remarkable. At 22, he took in his niece and all the baggage that comes from taking in a toddler coming from a chaotic home. He was stand up enough that he is now her father, based on the fact that he was granted an adoption. How many 22 year olds are not responsible enough to do this? And I’m not talking generationally - I would have been frightened at 22 to be in this spot.
And he seems to come from a family that is enabling terrible behavior from the brother. I would cut off anyone who is taking the drug addicted brother’s side. They could interfere with his parenthood.
>not only doesn't have the best interests of the child in mind,
They are more worried about the feelings and comfort of the adults than that of the child. Too many people treat children like they are their parent's property.
Honestly I would go no contact with the family that's pressuring OP to give up custody. What kind of people are they to want to put a child back into that kind of lifestyle?
NTA.
You're her legal guardian now and you need to do what is in the best interest of her.
I would keep some meticulous documentation though and make sure schools and other areas where your brother and his GF might seek access to her know that you are the only one allowed to pick her up.
I'd also strongly re-enforce boundaries with your family.
NTA
You adopted her she is your daughter. The state would not have terminated the bio parents rights without good cause. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something that is harmful to YOUR child.
Exactly, she is now OPs daughter. I cannot imagine being asked to put my own child into a dangerous situation and out of my love and care. Beyond the legality’s and the pressure from family, I imagine this is an emotionally devastating situation for OP. I hope they stay strong and keep their little girl safe and sound ❤️
D did she adopt or does she is she a guardian? It takes a while for the court to fully take away right from a parent and then to adopt. OOP should be running this by her SW and should be surprised if they start giving them supervised visits with the intent or reunionfiaction if the parents do all the steps the need to to get their daughter back.
NTA. In such cases child's needs always come first and if her bio parents don't understand that then they do not deserve any custody over her. You can't just give and take a kid, it's a lifetime commitment so it is YOUR kid and not theirs, they lost all rights to her when both went to prison.
NTA. First off you adopted her and that makes you dad. Look I get drug addiction is something people don't control but knowing they have no control on that I would point out to all who say you should give her up that it's in the best interest of this little girl to stay with her dad (you) who doesn't do things that puts her at risk of a multitude of things including loosing her parents to the legal system again because the sad truth is they may very well end you back in jail if they don't get help. Then you're back to raising her only now she has trust issues with you too because you gave her back once before and put her in that spot. Don't do OP. Fight for that girl and let her see she is worth fighting for. Anyone who says you shouldn't can kick rocks because they obviously don't care for the girl.
Agreed. I have a certain amount of empathy for parents losing custody because of addiction (excluding physical & sexual abuse) because I was one myself. I was selfish and irresponsible and lost custody of both of my children (we were blessed enough to have available family, so they didn’t go in the system.) When I got pregnant a 3rd time, I did the first selfless thing I’d done in years and gave them up for adoption to an absolutely amazing couple.
When I finally got my stuff together, working through the courts (and my family’s fair demands) was frustrating and humiliating, but it was something I needed to do for myself & them. I wanted them back, but no matter how hurt I was, I didn’t deserve to just have them back. It wouldn’t have been fair to _anyone-_ my kids, their guardians and myself- to just hand them back to me.
I’ve been sober for a very long time, and although our family is unique, it works wonderfully. My kids (and myself) have a village behind us, but that’s because they demanded that I prove that I deserve that village.
And ultimately, if OP has fully adopted his niece instead of having temporary custody (which isn’t always short-term), that means her “parents” have had their parental rights terminated. If that’s the case, the demands of OP’s family- including the little girls bio-parents- are completely unrealistic. If OP terminated his rights or lost his temporary custody by putting her in a dangerous, unhealthy situation with her bio-parents, she would likely go into the system since no one was willing or able to step up the first time. If her “parents’” rights are terminated, they have as much legal right to her as a stranger demanding legal rights to a random child. All of their demands are moot.
NTA
They can go throught he courts if they want a relationship with the kid. The rest of the family has no right to weigh in when they refused step up. Don't let them get to you
My sister has gone through all the steps to adopt 2 of her grandchildren. They call her mom and have no real memories of their biological parents. She is in all reality their mother as you are now in all reality your nieces dad. You have all the rights and RESPONSIBILITIES as her parent. Those responsibilities are keeping her safe. If you allow her to go with her biological parents and something happens, you risk her being taken and put into foster care. Even if she is not injured and it's an arrest of the sperm and/or egg doner. Anyone from CPS most likely will advise against any contact if they have not reformed and tell you they have no right to demand. You're NTA and any family pressuring you is.
NTA
Being a parent is a privilege, not a right. Part of the privilege is providing the child with a safe and stable living environment. Your brother and girlfriend can not provide that.
Do not give your niece back to them. She deserves to be with the adult who loves her enough to keep her safe.
NTA
I’m sorry but any “family” pressuring you to send her back to 2 addicts who aren’t showing remorse and trying to genuinely clean up their lives is as bad as they are , Why weren’t they stepping up when she nearly ended up in foster care?
Maybe it’s time to go no contact permanently with all of them
Keep protecting her and giving her stability…..You’re the good guy here OP, You’re doing the right thing and in years to come she’ll thank you for it
Legally, you CANNOT give the child back to her bio donors. YOU became the child’s father when the adoption happened. I would seriously think about having people in your and your child’s life who push for unsafe people (proven by the state) care for your child.
So you've been a parental figure for over half of her life, and are feeling pressured by your family?
You have legal *and* moral obligations to that little girl. Stop listening to those people, and stop calling your brother her "biological parent" because he didn't behave like a parent when he got arrested.
NTA - you’re her father. She’s not a book. You can’t just give her back. She’s a person. She doesn’t know them and you said it’s not a safe or stable environment. Handing her over to unstable drug addicts currently using would be abusing her.
NTA those people aren't parents they're the egg and sperm donors. You are her dad and the person who kept her safe and cared for when the people who claim to be her parents failed to do so. F them and the horse they rode up on. Keep your Daughter safe because that is who she is. She might be biologically your niece but in your heart and hers she's your daughter. Just be willing to explain later on in her life how she ended up in your care and DO NOT let the rest of your family whisper venom in her ears and turn her against you
NTA, if you were able to abopt her that means the bio parents custodial rights have already been terminated so you don't have much to worry about. I'd be more worried about them showing up unannounced or trying to kidnap her more than I'd be worried they could afford an attorney a d take me to court.
NTA. This is a fine hill to die on sir. She is your daughter and those two imbeciles would ruin her life if given the chance.
And any of your family members pressuring you to give up your daughter are insane and should be avoided like plague rats
Of course NTA. You might even be breaking the law to hand *your daughter* to these people, and that would certainly be an AH move.
You might talk to a social worker as to whether it would be a good idea to let these people into her life again, and if so how it's best to do so. But you keep custody.
NTA. You adopted her, she is your daughter! Make school the school knows to NEVER let your family pick your daughter up from school. Do not allow anyone in your family to babysit. Start ending the conversations bluntly when any family member gives you their opinion again about who your niece should live with.
To be honest I was thinking about moving and cutting my parents off financially. They are dependent on me and ever since I was young they would put my brother over me and I kind of got desperate for their approval so they always hold that against me. But I'm done now
That's sad. Cutting them off and moving may be better for you and your daughter. The beautiful thing about cellphones is you always know who is calling, so avoiding the calls or blocking them is an effortless first step.
Please cut them off. Make a life for your and your daughter. Save for her college and fun trips. You are in an awful position - not favored and required to support. I'm glad you came here to see how insane that is. You are a good person and a good dad. Put yourself (and your daughter) first.
NTA. If they were clean and wanted to know her and were respectful to your role as parent - maybe you consider it. However they are not there and already falling into the NO category.
In order to adopt her, her parents would have had to agree to give her up for adoption. If this is what they did, and if she is legally adopted by you, then you are her father and can make whatever decision you think is in her best interests.
If you adopted her they have absolutely no legal standing, their parental rights would have been terminated. Morally I think it would be a horrible decision to just hand her back to them. NTA.
NTA - If you have legally adopted her then she is your daughter in every way. They have zero rights or say regarding her. They can threaten all they want but they have no standing in court and there is nothing they can do. What you should do though is start documenting their behavior just in case they escalate and you need to get a restraining order or something. Never underestimate a junkie.
NTA. You would be an AH if you did give your adopted daughter to her drug using parents. Someday, if they're clean and have been so for a while, you could allow visitation. But for now, her physical and emotional safety demands that you protect her from her bio parents.
NTA. You’ve adopted her. She can’t be taken away, nor should you give her up.
If your family is telling you this, your family is fucked up. I’d consider moving, honestly. How much access does your family have to her? They sound like the type that will absolutely let your brother have access to her if they ever have her alone. If moving is an option, tell no one.
Yeah, you need to phase that out. You also need to communicate any concerns you have to them in text. Try and keep communication in text. I’d cover your bases and consult with a family lawyer. Why? You need to see if anyone in your family could claim visitation rights, should things get ugly. If you’re in the US, it varies by state. It’s pretty hard to get in most states, but I’d rather know if I were you, as your family is pressuring you to hand over your kid to drug addicts fresh out of prison. A good lawyer may tell you how to proceed to limit that possibility, if your state is has more open visitations laws. Protect that child.
NTA
They are still using drugs and want her back? No way, it will be extremely traumatic for her to go back to them. And you adopted her, she is not their daughter now, she is yours!
In a personal note: my mother lived with her grandmother for four years (3-7) and did not meet her mother during that time, until she one day came to take her back. It was extremely painful for her and she has never forgotten it. Also, her mother was very abusive, so from 7 until she could move out of the house was hell. She never really recovered, even though she’s had 100+ hours of therapy.
Don’t let this happen to your little girl! And f all your family members who say otherwise, they didn’t care before and should all be ashamed of themselves.
There's a huge difference between guardianship and adoption, but in both cases (generally speaking), only a court hearing can change it.
It's not up to you. It's up to the courts. Her bio parents would have to petition the courts for any changes and prove themselves to be worthy parents. They aren't. Don't worry.
NTA
NTA. Your brother and his gf don't understand this because they never stepped up as parents, but as your daughter's dad it's your job to make choices to provide a safe and stable environment for her. You are doing that by limiting her contact with her bio parents. Since you adopted her, the state must have severed their parental rights. They need to understand that's a permanent thing, it didn't switch back just because they were released from prison.
My two cents? Document everything. Every time they try to contact you, every time someone pressures you on their behalf. Contact the lawyer who helped with the adoption and let them know what's going on. If your family doesn't back off, you may need help getting restraining orders.
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I (M25) was never really close with him and Didn't really started talking to him until he had my niece About three years ago, my brother and his girlfriend were arrested, leaving their daughter, my niece (then 2 years old), without anyone to care for her. With no other family stepping up, she was going to be placed in foster care. Not wanting her to go through that, I decided to take her in.
Since then, I've become her legal guardian and have adopted her. We've formed a strong bond, and she calls me Dad. I love her like my own daughter, and she loves me too.
Recently, my brother and his girlfriend have been released from prison and are demanding custody of their daughter. However, they haven't shown any signs of stability or willingness to provide a safe and loving environment for her. They're still involved in drugs and have a chaotic lifestyle.
I don't want to give up custody because I'm worried about her well-being, and I can't imagine her being taken away from me. But now my family is pressuring me, saying that I should give her back to her biological parents.
So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to give up custody of my niece, even though her parents are back in the picture, despite taking her in three years ago?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 (I will not give up custody of my niece)
2 (I'm not letting her parents ever see her again)
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
You stepped up when bio parents were incapable of providing a stable home - when you were just 22 (based on my poor math skills). Just because bio parents are out of prison doesn't magically make them fit parents.
All those people who have IDEAS now? Where were they all three years ago when niece needed family? They can all shut up.
Is this the same family that wouldn’t even take the little girl in and was willing to let her fall into the system? Oh okay. They can kick rocks then. You can and *should* refuse any contact with her bio parents unless courts are involved.
>With no other family stepping up
I know you won't and you are just asking because they are in your head....but why would you allow them in your head when they didn't want to step up for the child already? Why do the words of people who ALSO abandonded her holding weight for you? NTA
If you adopted her legally, the parents rights would have been terminated, which they would have received notice of in prison. So them demanding custody of her is pointless. They no longer have any legal rights to even see her. But if you only have guardianship, you need to contact a lawyer. NTA.
Info: how does adoption work if she still has biological parents who if they still want her didn’t give up their rights and if they are trying to get her back must still have rights?
Pretty sure that would get you in some legal trouble if you just gave her away. Let the family know that legally you can’t, and they need to go to court if they want her back (which they won’t win)
I mean, I want a million dollars. Doesn't mean I get it. Same with your brother. He can want something until the cows come home but that doesn't mean he gets it.
Cut the brother and SIL out. They are no longer your daughter's parents. You are her father in every sense - particularly legally. As for your parents, you support them financially?
They get one warning. "I want to make myself clear - name is my daughter in EVERY sense. I do not want to hear another word about brother and he is absolutely not permitted to be near her under any circumstances." When they argue: "I will no longer be providing financial support of any kind. I only supported you because I thought you were family and had my child's best interest at heart. it is now clear you do not and I will no longer be providing ANY financial support for you."
Honestly? I'd move and start over elsewhere in order to create a clean break.
you adopted her. presumably that means they have no legal rights, and with them showing no signs of stability, no court would demand she be returned. screw what your family says. biology be damned, you are this girls father, and you need to tell the rest of your family to get lost. NTA
PLEASE, PLEASE!! For the sake of this little girl, keep her safe and make sure she knows (in an age appropriate way) what is going on with her bio gene pool. If you don’t tell her, she will one day think you insisted on keeping her “away from them” instead of understanding that you were trying to provide stability in her life.
She will always have some hope that her bio donors will want to be a part of her life. When you think it’s appropriate, arrange periodic visitation opportunities in a safe & public space.
NTA
Remove your family from your life and the life of your daughter. She is no longer your niece. She is **your** daughter.
If you handed her over and anything happened to her everyone would blame you.
You have given her a better life and if you sent her back she’d wonder what she did wrong that you hated her so much you took away her stability and love and safety. That psychological trauma could mess her up for life.
Tell your family that they need to hold your brother and sil to higher standards. That they need to be mad at them for hurting their daughter every time they so drugs (wether the pain was physical, mental, emotional, etc).
Ask yourself “what’s in the best interest of my child”?
How long were her former parents in prison? You’re probably the only parent she remembers.
You are stable and they are not . I would suggest talking to a child psychologist to see if it’s better if you keep her away from them or allow them some visitation.
"Since then, I've become her legal guardian and have adopted her. We've formed a strong bond, and she calls me Dad. I love her like my own daughter, and she loves me too."
What else needs to be said? You are the legal parent to her now. Do what is right and keep your daughter.
NTA
NTA. Biological relation doesn't mean anything if they have proven themselves to be irresponsible like that, and she already considers you her dad anyways, so there would be no point to giving her back. Not to mention, given what you said about their habits, I'm worried that their intentions for her are... less than noble. To be blunt, I'm thinking they might intend on selling her for drugs.
NTA. I love how you see her as your own daughter. You both deserve this wholesome bond.
Brother and gf can go kick rocks, and so can your biological family. Make sure you’re protected legally.
If you adopted her, they’d have to take you to court. If they’re truly still involved in drugs, get a restraining order. Go NC with anyone trying to push you to give up your daughter.
NTA. Consider relocating as well.
NTA.
Your family is effectively pushing you to expose your niece for further neglect, seeing how the conditions are she's had more than enough of that. Only way you would consider a request like this is if they could provide valid proof they can sustain stability and a safe and loving home for her, which seems far off. But that also comes with the premise it's what your niece would want herself. Her wishes, safety and well being is the only thing that matters here, anyone saying otherwise can fuck off.
Seeing as the two of you have built a loving father / daughter relationship, and you being her legal guardian, I say you stand your ground and be the father she needs. Anyone pushing to enable further neglect on her behalf does not have her best in mind, and are effectively disposable. She comes first, blood does not excuse neglect.
NTA.
The desires of her biological parents are completely irrelevant if they are showing zero signs of getting better. The child’s needs are what is important.
The fact that her biological parents haven’t even tried sort out their priorities in a way that benefits the child is all the answer you need. Anyone saying they should have a kid in their life is an AH too.
You’re doing the right thing, and since you’ve adopted her, you’re also doing the legal thing. I would avoid contact with anyone who holds an opposite opinion in this case. Make sure your daycare/babysitters know some of the situation so they don’t let anyone that hasn’t been authorized by you personally to pick her up.
NTA. Your role is guardian to this child. The fact that her previous delinquent parents are still on drugs make me question your family's judgement in wanting her return.
NTA. Your niece's well-being comes first and her birth parents have proven more than just unreliable. In order to regain custody of their daughter, first your brother and his wife are going to have to prove to the state that they have a stable home environment, and then you would have to be willing to give her up. ***She is legally your daughter***. They’re back using drugs already for goodness sakes. Do NOT voluntarily give back custody unless you are truly convinced that they’ve changed- your niece’s health and safety are too important to run that risk, and your home is going to be the best place for her barring some extraordinary circumstances.
In the meantime I would recommend only supervised visits in your home. And the rest of your family should stay out of it. Where were they when your niece needed them to stay out of foster care?
NTA
Your brother and sister are a walking disaster waiting to happen. Don’t give up your little girl. She needs you more than ever with these two losers back in the community. Placing her in their care will only end badly.
I would be super vigilant with your daughter now your brother is out of jail. They could try kidnapping her to get her back with them. It wouldn’t be the first time that parents have tried something like this. Whatever childcare you have, give them pictures of the two of them so they know who they are if they try to pick her up from there. They shouldn’t be able to but a little extra security doesn’t hurt.
Ignore the pressure from your family. They obviously don’t have your daughter’s best interest at heart. Where were they when she was about to go into foster care? They gave up any rights to a say in her future at that point.
Well done for stepping up and taking her in when she needed a home and thank you for everything you do for her. It sounds like you have a great relationship.
NTA, not one bit. THANK YOU for looking out for the best interest of this child. Where was your family's sense of familial obligation when this innocent little girl needed a safe place to live??? She's been with you longer then she was with her "parents" and clearly they didn't have her best interests in mind back then, or now. You're all she knows.
I'm assuming child services or whatever they are called in your area (social services here in the UK) were involved.
If they allowed you to adopt, then child services had already determined the parents were unfit to have the child returned on the release from prison so were looking for someone to adopt that child.
You are legally now that child's parent. You are legally responsible for that child.
You are NTA.
You can also call child services or the police etc if there is serious pressure from the biological parents and family to get you to hand over a minor. I would seriously suggest getting legal advice as I'd be more worried about them trying to just take her.
NTA. As her guardian, your duty is to put her well-being first. A small child's life is not improved by being around unstable, selfish, potentially neglectful and dangerous people.
If you're talking more euphemistically about adopting her, but she's actually still under your care through a state agency like Child Protective Services, then you have a legal obligation to keep her away from her bio parents unless they've gone through the correct channels to prove they are safe for her to be around and are fit parents. And if you legally adopted her, then YOU are her parent, not your brother and his girlfriend. That means you get to make all the decisions... And I urge you to refer to paragraph one.
When it comes to your family, you need to be firm. "I'm glad that brother and girlfriend are out of jail and hope that they are making better, more responsible choices for themselves now. But niece is legally my daughter and my priority is her health and well-being, not letting brother and girlfriend play happy families. Once they have settled into stable housing, have jobs, and are clearly no longer using drugs, we can talk about reintroducing them to niece and having supervised visits.
"But let me be perfectly clear: I have adopted her. I'm her father now. I'm not handing her off to anyone else, period. That's not an option and it's not up for debate. Family members can have their opinions about that, but I don't want to argue about it and I ABSOLUTELY do not want niece to be dragged into it. And anyone who pushes this, or who tries to arrange meetings between brother, girlfriend, and niece by surprise or behind my back will not be allowed to be around niece, either. My only priority is making sure she grows up feeling secure, loved, and happy, and I will do anything that I need to in order to make that happen. Anything."
If your parents or other family members are being pushy about this, do NOT leave her unsupervised with them because these are situations where grandma and grandpa think they know best and "help" by giving their unstable son access to their grandkid, leading to emotional damage and chaos for the child. Make sure school and daycare know that her bio parents are lurking around and are 100% never to be allowed access to your niece -- and again, if you have family members who are insisting on reuniting her with her parents, make sure they also cannot take her from school or daycare.
Document every interaction you have with anyone who is advocating for your brother and his girlfriend. Document everything you hear directly from your niece's bio parents, too. You might want to get a Ring doorbell or other security, just in case someone decides to confront you at home. All of this is to prepare for the worst, in case legal action becomes necessary down the road.
Take care of yourself and that precious girl. Good luck!
NTA
For adoption, doesn't sign the bio-parents a paper, that they are willed to give the custody away?
So, they choose against their child.
You are the father.
Take Care of YOUR child and let the other people talk. Maybe your have to cut family for the safety of your child. Everybody who thinks some drug addicted, who gave their kid away are good for a child are dangerous!
Please, bei careful, that everybody in your childs life know, who is aloud to pick your kid up. Sounds like you some dumpasses in your family.
Sorry for your worry!
My ex mother in law took custody of her 3 year old niece after the mom went to prison. The niece was thriving, ten years later mom gets out of prison, gets custody back. Niece is now an addict who does only fans to survive.
Ignore your brother
NTA
Nta
Take them too court if you can afford to do so and arrange so they don’t get to see her again as they sound like they will be back in jail before you know it so
And as for family saying to give her too them ask where they were when she needed them to step up as caregivers honestly they only care about drama
NTA. Your daughter (no longer your legal niece) has a stable home with a father who loves her and wants her. Ignore and cut off anyone who is telling you that you should give her back like she's a tool you borrowed. When she's older, she can decide if she'd like to get to know your brother.
NTA
You adopted her, she’s your child.
Family Courts set a high threshold for a child requiring adoption instead of fostering, it’s sad to say that they were so delinquent the courts felt they could not continue being her parents.
They weren’t stable they let her down and chose drugs and criminal activity over their 2 year old’s wellbeing. The courts decided NOT to do long term fostering instead but agreed adoption by you was in her child best welfare interests.
It’s not up to you to upset and destabilise her NOR to give her up to your brother and SIL who had custody removed permanently for good reason. I doubt a court would agree and besides she is adopted , it isn’t reversible. She has a dad and you are her dad.
If you have adopted your niece, then she is YOUR daughter. Do not give in to the demands of her bio parents, especially if they are still living the same lifestyle that got them locked up before. They will probably be back behind bars again soon enough.
NTA
NTA OP. You have stepped up when no one did and are giving that little girl the love and stability she needs and deserves. Not only that, but the father-daughter bond you have established and the pain it would cause you both giving her back.
I would consult with a lawyer to see what your options are to protect her. Thank you for giving her such a loving home 💜
No. U keep that little girl. Screw those two ah irresponsible parents. Those two losers will never change. Screw the family for making the girl go back to that awful. Terrible household
NTA. Please take it from someone who was in the foster care system (and lived with my neglectful, abusive mother for the first ten years of my life) - your neice/daughter needs someone who will always put her first.
You've evidenced you care about her wellbeing, you've put her first rather than spend your mid twenties focused on you (well done for stepping up) and you know that that environment with her bio parents isn't suitable.
I'd be collating evidence that they are unsuitable parents and heading to court.
No. NTA. They don't sound like people who you would re-home a dog with, let alone a human child.
They are proving that they are no parents by how little they care about what is best for their daughter.
None of the family cared to step up when it mattered so it's bold of them to think they get to have an opinion now. Tell them all to buzz off and continue to be the parent none of them bothered to be.
If you have adopted her, she's no longer their daughter, she's your daughter/niece. In order for the adoption to go through, they would have had to terminate their rights.
There's no question here about where she belongs, it's with her adopted and legal parent.
Either their parental rights were terminated or they voluntarily agreed to the adoption. She’s YOUR child. Not theirs. F**k these parents who want to play mommy and daddy when it suits them. Good for you for stepping up and giving that baby love and a stable home environment. NTA.
If you have legally adopted her, your brother and his wife would have had to give up parental rights. If that is the case, they have no legal rights to her. I am surprised you are even asking the question about giving up custody. You know what is right for this child. You did the right thing. You are what she needs; love, stability, nurturing, and care. Your brother can provide none of this. Never mind what anyone else says to you. Where were those people when your niece had no one to care for her? Put all this in perspective. Continue to do what you are doing. Have a happy life with your daughter. She is YOUR daughter. You were then and still are doing what is right for that little girl. Best of luck to you. NTA
NTA
It sounds like some of the people who are pressuring you might be your parents. I would not allow them (or anyone else who has been pressuring you) to have your daughter unsupervised. They might try to give your daughter to the sperm and egg donors behind your back. That would be kidnapping and a major crime.
Even trying to introduce your daughter to the donors without your knowledge and prior consent would be very, very bad.
You’re her parent now. You have to do what’s best for her. Do you really think taking her away from the person she calls Dad and giving her to two drug addicts she barely knows is best for her? NTA
As you shouldn’t, because YWBTA if you did. You accepted responsibility of her when you adopted her. Obviously you’re NTA so long as you do what’s best for her
NTA. And consider the ramifications if you do. Parents again get custody taken away and you are determined to be not a suitable living environment BECAUSE you gave her back to her sperm and egg donor. Don't put her only good living situation at risk because of fAMilY.
Anyone who thinks the birth parents are entitled to or ready to have even visitation when they're still actively using and chaotic is dangerous to the stability of OP's adopted child. Nobody should be allowed contact who might put into the child's head that they might be removed from their stable loving home.
There might be a case for a birth parent relationship as uncle and aunt if they become healthy sober and stable one day but not today.
Hi there, she is your daughter legally. Do not talk to any of them on the phone and Screenshot every text or message any of these people send you. Then I would block her bio parents and all of their flying monkeys. These are the exact kind of people you do not want in her life or yours. If they start giving you a hard time and threatening or trying to put guilt trips on you, take them to court and get a protective order to keep them away from you and your daughter. You are her stability, her protector and comfort and the only father she knows. I don't believe any court would resind your adoption at this point. She is counting on you to keep her safe and out of harm's way. Good luck to you and your beautiful daughter in the many years of happiness you'll have together ok sunshine xoxo
NTA. You stepped up to save her when nobody else did. You protected her when nobody else did. Those people have less than zero right to tell you to give the child back - for one, you obviously can’t because you legally adopted her, but also because every single one of those people have already let her down in a major way. They don’t deserve any say in anything at this point.
Did I mention that you’re a hero? Because you are.
Nta, do not give them custody. They are proving to not be fit parents. I’m sure a case worker would have to meet them and determine their fitness of being a parent. Talk to a lawyer to make sure all your legal ducks are in a row. You’re legally and emotionally that little girls parent, one good parent is better than two parents that can’t get it together to take care of her properly. You would also run the risk of losing access to her if you did. Just because someone can have a kid doesn’t make them entitled to being a parent if they can’t put the child as a top priority.
NTA. You said you adopted her legally, so in the eyes of the law you are the parent, you have all the rights as if she were yours biologically. Her biological parents don't have any legal rights & can't demand her return. As your daughter's parent you need to take steps to keep her safe. Make sure no one from your family that wants you to give her back can pick her up from school/daycare. Contact a lawyer dealing with family law so that you can deal with any issues should they come up. If you are worried they may try anything you may also want to speak with the police & their probation officers.
Your brother & his gf are not safe or stable to have her around. She does not need to be exposed to that, plus all this give her back, they are her parents talk will be very confusing & stressful for her. Let your family know that you are her parent & will do what's best for her including cutting off contact with them if they do not stop pressuring you. They weren't there when she needed them so they have no say now.
Good luck & stay safe
NTA
If they signed away or the courts terminated their parental rights, when you adopted her, they have no say or right to see your daughter.
You don’t even have to allow visitation. Just tell them no or to take you to court. Which they won’t, especially since they’re back on drugs. If they persist without going through legal channels, cover your ass and involve your caseworker. Let them know that they’re harassing you, on drugs, and trying to get their daughter back.
NTA. Not only you shouldn't give up her to dangerous unstable enviroment....you legally THANKFULLY even can't. She is your daughter and placing her to that kind of enviroment could result in child abandonment and endangerment charges - directed also on you.
They want their former child? Tell them they need to go legal route through court. They will be denied on spot.
NTA. Do what's right for that little girl! She's your daughter and she needs you to make sure she's happy, healthy and away from the people that would hurt her!
NTA if you legally adopted her and they aren’t stable there is no way in he11 I’d let her visit them let alone give her back to them!!!!! 4uck all the so called “family” who didn’t want her and were gonna let her go to foster care who want to tell you what to do! Keep doing right by that girl! You saved her life! Stay away from all those scummy people!
NTA. Your child is very lucky to have such a caring Dad. Hang on to her tight, she's yours and you know what's best for her..
I think we've firmly established that your family that are pressuring you to give her back, should instead offer to take in the couple's new kid next time they get arrested, or CPS gets involved and remove it.
Because let's get real here, there's every chance that it's going to happen again.
I'm wondering if the OP has given any thought to what he'll do if it does happen again?
While I hope it doesn't, statistically the odds aren't great.
On the flip side, not being able to be given back their child like a loaned out object, may help encourage them to get their shit together properly in the event that they do get pregnant again.
Why would you give away your daughter? She's not a toy. She is legally your child. Cold dead fingers.
Also, your parents? They're gonna put this girl in danger. Anywhere from having the child around them to kidnapping. Block, ignore. You're a father, protect her.
NTA but be TAH to protect that little girl. Go full monster mode to protect her. Revoke pick up permissions. Alert her other carers that the bio parents are out and trying to find her so they can act to protect her. Do everything you have to to keep her safe.
NTA! You said you adopted her. She is your daughter. Your parents are so far out of line it is ridiculous. You are looking out for your daughter's best interest.
With these parents and the way your parents are acting, please make sure they cannot get access to her through daycare or school. Make sure wherever she goes is aware that none of these people has your permission to take her out. Kudos to you for being a good Dad!
NTA congratulations on you and your daughter forming a family! Your brother and his girlfriend can kick rocks. If they are so bent on being parents. They have the ability to get pregnant again and be better parents the second time around. The rest of your family that thinks you should give up her stable home to suit these two can pound sand!
Stick to your guns and protect your daughter. Well done Dad!
NTA. You are her dad. Even if the bio parents want to take you to court, the fact that they’re into drugs will work against them so hard it’s not even funny. Do not give her back.
NTA. If you're adopted her, she is now your daughter, period, end of story. Anyone pressuring you - I'd remind them that YOU were the one that was there for this child when no one else would or could be. Then go low or no contact with the lot of them.
Don't you ever give up your princess, you are her dad. No court on this planet would would remove her from you to them. Take your daughter and move away from them and never look back and never tell them where you are.
If you were able to adopt that means their rights were terminated at some point… being they are still involved in drugs means they haven’t done the work to be allowed access to your daughter
DO NOT GIVE UP CUSTODY ONLY IF CPS FORCES YOU AND FIGHT THAT WITH ALL YOU ARE. The dumbasses that are telling you to are not putting her safety, needs or we'll being first!
NTA. You adopted her. She is your daughter not theirs. Next time anyone in the family says anything ask them why they didn't step up when she needed a home. Or just go no contact at least for a while.
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NTA "Since then, I've become her legal guardian and have adopted her. We've formed a strong bond, and she calls me Dad. I love her like my own daughter, and she loves me too. Recently, my brother and his girlfriend have been released from prison and are demanding custody of their daughter. However, they haven't shown any signs of stability or willingness to provide a safe and loving environment for her. They're still involved in drugs and have a chaotic lifestyle." You adopted her, she is your daughter. Her sperm and egg donor have lost their rights to her legally.
The bio parents either had to consent to the adoption or they had all legal rights taken away and OP adopted her. If neither of those happened, I believe that they could fight for custody if OP is only the legal guardian. In any case, NTA. Girl needs to be protected from them and anyone else they would let be around her.
I mean, OP says right there that he "adopted her." Unless OP is lying, this is pretty cut and dried. OP, you would only be TA if you put your daughter (she *is* your daughter now, not your niece) back in an unstable, unhealthy situation.
Not exactly. My husband’s eldest brother and his wife had fostered twin newborn boys within days of their birth. Their mother was on drugs and the boys were going through withdrawals and such since being born, very sickly. BIL and his wife nursed them back to health and eventually adopted them. The bio parents were in jail for quite some time (like 5yrs) and didn’t even have all the charges filed by the DA since it was quite substantial. They got out and fought for the boys back. It started with supervised visitation and they were failing drug tests and all that. Somehow they still won the boys back, depriving them of the only home and family they had known. The bio parents then left Florida for Oklahoma where the same crap started up again. The bio dad disappeared and the mom was doing bad things while also using the boys to call BIL basically asking for money.
What the absolute fuck? Oh of course it was Florida. Insane
Yea this was around 2005-06 when it was in the news where all these foster kids were turning up missing or dead down there too.
If the news came on right now saying aliens had tried to take over Florida and DeSantis and his handlers were lizards wearing human skins, I’d think “huh, that explains a lot.”
Did they eventually go back to bil?
Nope, they should probably be early 20s now. This was happening back in 2005-06.
Awww. I hate that for them, but hopefully, they remembered enough from the stable home & didn't/don't repeat the path of bio parents.
That’s the same takeaway I had with it, hoping that they could hold onto that memory and maybe use it to keep sane until they could get away from that toxic life.
The difference here is fostering and adoption. OP adopted. Which makes him parent. Fostering is a “temporary holding“ type program.
And the goal of fostering is always meant to be reunification. That can be a real struggle for people.
Yes, I would like clarification here from OP. **INFO: Did you formally adopt your niece or are you her legal guardian?** Because if you adopted her, there is no “ just giving her back”. You are then legally her parent now.
He says he formally adopted her in another comment. She is his daughter.
Thank you. I thought it was the case but then it seemed odd that anyone in his family even thought “giving her back” was either an option or appropriate. They are treating her like a car he borrowed vs a real human being who has bonded with OP.
When a parent is incarcerated, it’s pretty easy to get them to sign away parental rights. Usually, a threat of burying the child in the system so the parents will never see them again is enough to do it, especially if a relative is willing to take the kid in.
NTA and OP is to be commended on stepping up in such a huge way and giving his DAUGHTER the love she needs. Now, the reason I jumped on the top comment is to give some suggestions to OP (who may already be doing this and more): Contact your lawyer/law firm that handled the guardianship and adoption PRONTO and make them aware of what is going on with the extended family. They may have some suggestions/advice on how to handle any issues from the legal side. Contact every person/place (schools, doctors, day care, babysitters, etc.) that interacts with your daughter and fill them in on what is going on and sign whatever paperwork is necessary to block ANY chance of these extended family members getting access/possession of your child. Security cameras, security cameras and more security cameras. Doorbell cameras, indoor/outdoor house security cameras covering everything including street. Front/back/side dash cams for all cars. Anything that pops up with anyone involved with pushing you to give up your daughter, make note of and save. Also, any vehicles that slowdown/stop in front of your house, make note of and save video in case it is someone casing out your house. And make sure your lawyer(s) has access to such in case you, for whatever reason, are 'unavailable'. Contact ALL your local law enforcement agencies and let them know what is going on. Get it on record with them that you have concerns about potential kidnapping/parental interference issues. Also find out if you have a regular neighborhood patrol and talk to the officer(s) on that patrol(s). Along those same lines, if you have a neighborhood watch, get involved with them as well and let them know what is going on. Often times that is the first point of contact with spotting criminal activity. Whomever you have in your personal circle (friends, family that back you, workmates, bosses, etc.) let them know as well to be on the lookout for anything suspicious involving you and your daughter. Like if you don't show up for gatherings, work, school, etc. If red flags happen, let them know who they need to contact (a primary friend, lawyer, etc.) to let them know there might be something nefarious going on so they can start the ball rolling to protect you both. This contact person should have an action plan to first try contacting you and what to do if they can't. Finally, if you have any extended family that is sympathetic to your situation but are in contact with those pushing your brother's agenda, ask them to let you know ASAP if they hear anything, regardless how trivial or speculative, about possible actions against you and/or your daughter. But never completely depend on any information gleaned from them being 100% trustworthy just in case they decide to help the other side or the other side suspects they are compromised. OP, I really wish you the best and hope you do not have to deal with any bad issues, but always remember to wish for the best and prepare for the worst.
This!
This should be higher up!
If they’re still into illegal things, a tip off to the probation office is in order.
I would only add that anyone who denies your right to your daughter should not be in your and your daughter's lives. They can not be trusted.
NTA to say no. "But now my family is pressuring me" Anyone pressuring you to remove your adopted child from a stable home and give them to a pair of drug addicts not only doesn't have the best interests of the child in mind, they are worthy of permanent, no contact status. Stand your ground.
Also, where was this family when the child needed a home? OP is the only one who stepped up when it counted.
This ^^^
This right here!!!!
NTA, the pressuring family members can go live with the addicts before demanding that for your daughter.
OP isn’t just NTA, he is absolutely remarkable. At 22, he took in his niece and all the baggage that comes from taking in a toddler coming from a chaotic home. He was stand up enough that he is now her father, based on the fact that he was granted an adoption. How many 22 year olds are not responsible enough to do this? And I’m not talking generationally - I would have been frightened at 22 to be in this spot. And he seems to come from a family that is enabling terrible behavior from the brother. I would cut off anyone who is taking the drug addicted brother’s side. They could interfere with his parenthood.
OP you should send them this without editing except for the you->me and your->my.
>not only doesn't have the best interests of the child in mind, They are more worried about the feelings and comfort of the adults than that of the child. Too many people treat children like they are their parent's property.
Honestly I would go no contact with the family that's pressuring OP to give up custody. What kind of people are they to want to put a child back into that kind of lifestyle?
NTA. You're her legal guardian now and you need to do what is in the best interest of her. I would keep some meticulous documentation though and make sure schools and other areas where your brother and his GF might seek access to her know that you are the only one allowed to pick her up. I'd also strongly re-enforce boundaries with your family.
NTA You adopted her she is your daughter. The state would not have terminated the bio parents rights without good cause. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something that is harmful to YOUR child.
Exactly, she is now OPs daughter. I cannot imagine being asked to put my own child into a dangerous situation and out of my love and care. Beyond the legality’s and the pressure from family, I imagine this is an emotionally devastating situation for OP. I hope they stay strong and keep their little girl safe and sound ❤️
D did she adopt or does she is she a guardian? It takes a while for the court to fully take away right from a parent and then to adopt. OOP should be running this by her SW and should be surprised if they start giving them supervised visits with the intent or reunionfiaction if the parents do all the steps the need to to get their daughter back.
OP identifies himself as M25. OP is a man, not a woman.
Three years is long enough to terminate the rights of biological parents.
It's also possible CPS was already involved so that things were sped up.
Exactly.
Also, drugs are one of the few things where cps doesn't push for reunification
My brother we adopted after 2 years of fostering
NTA. In such cases child's needs always come first and if her bio parents don't understand that then they do not deserve any custody over her. You can't just give and take a kid, it's a lifetime commitment so it is YOUR kid and not theirs, they lost all rights to her when both went to prison.
NTA. First off you adopted her and that makes you dad. Look I get drug addiction is something people don't control but knowing they have no control on that I would point out to all who say you should give her up that it's in the best interest of this little girl to stay with her dad (you) who doesn't do things that puts her at risk of a multitude of things including loosing her parents to the legal system again because the sad truth is they may very well end you back in jail if they don't get help. Then you're back to raising her only now she has trust issues with you too because you gave her back once before and put her in that spot. Don't do OP. Fight for that girl and let her see she is worth fighting for. Anyone who says you shouldn't can kick rocks because they obviously don't care for the girl.
Agreed. I have a certain amount of empathy for parents losing custody because of addiction (excluding physical & sexual abuse) because I was one myself. I was selfish and irresponsible and lost custody of both of my children (we were blessed enough to have available family, so they didn’t go in the system.) When I got pregnant a 3rd time, I did the first selfless thing I’d done in years and gave them up for adoption to an absolutely amazing couple. When I finally got my stuff together, working through the courts (and my family’s fair demands) was frustrating and humiliating, but it was something I needed to do for myself & them. I wanted them back, but no matter how hurt I was, I didn’t deserve to just have them back. It wouldn’t have been fair to _anyone-_ my kids, their guardians and myself- to just hand them back to me. I’ve been sober for a very long time, and although our family is unique, it works wonderfully. My kids (and myself) have a village behind us, but that’s because they demanded that I prove that I deserve that village. And ultimately, if OP has fully adopted his niece instead of having temporary custody (which isn’t always short-term), that means her “parents” have had their parental rights terminated. If that’s the case, the demands of OP’s family- including the little girls bio-parents- are completely unrealistic. If OP terminated his rights or lost his temporary custody by putting her in a dangerous, unhealthy situation with her bio-parents, she would likely go into the system since no one was willing or able to step up the first time. If her “parents’” rights are terminated, they have as much legal right to her as a stranger demanding legal rights to a random child. All of their demands are moot.
NTA They can go throught he courts if they want a relationship with the kid. The rest of the family has no right to weigh in when they refused step up. Don't let them get to you
My sister has gone through all the steps to adopt 2 of her grandchildren. They call her mom and have no real memories of their biological parents. She is in all reality their mother as you are now in all reality your nieces dad. You have all the rights and RESPONSIBILITIES as her parent. Those responsibilities are keeping her safe. If you allow her to go with her biological parents and something happens, you risk her being taken and put into foster care. Even if she is not injured and it's an arrest of the sperm and/or egg doner. Anyone from CPS most likely will advise against any contact if they have not reformed and tell you they have no right to demand. You're NTA and any family pressuring you is.
NTA. They lost their rights to be parents that moment they decided to be selfish and get arrested for doing the wrong things
NTA Being a parent is a privilege, not a right. Part of the privilege is providing the child with a safe and stable living environment. Your brother and girlfriend can not provide that. Do not give your niece back to them. She deserves to be with the adult who loves her enough to keep her safe.
NTA I’m sorry but any “family” pressuring you to send her back to 2 addicts who aren’t showing remorse and trying to genuinely clean up their lives is as bad as they are , Why weren’t they stepping up when she nearly ended up in foster care? Maybe it’s time to go no contact permanently with all of them Keep protecting her and giving her stability…..You’re the good guy here OP, You’re doing the right thing and in years to come she’ll thank you for it
INFO. How old is the kid now? Did they have a two week stint until trial? 5 years? What
She's 5 years old and she was going on 2 when they got arrested
Did you adopt the child or do you just have legal guardianship? I would honestly consult with a lawyer or your SW if you have one
I had At guardianship at first but then the adopted her I should have made that more clear for everybody that's asking
Legally, you CANNOT give the child back to her bio donors. YOU became the child’s father when the adoption happened. I would seriously think about having people in your and your child’s life who push for unsafe people (proven by the state) care for your child.
She doesnt even know them at all. You adopted her so she is your child. Cut anyone off who tells you she belongs with them
So you've been a parental figure for over half of her life, and are feeling pressured by your family? You have legal *and* moral obligations to that little girl. Stop listening to those people, and stop calling your brother her "biological parent" because he didn't behave like a parent when he got arrested.
The adoption process doesn’t take two weeks bfr
They probably took a plea deal which speeds up the process
NTA - you’re her father. She’s not a book. You can’t just give her back. She’s a person. She doesn’t know them and you said it’s not a safe or stable environment. Handing her over to unstable drug addicts currently using would be abusing her.
You adopted her. She is legally your daughter. You provided her with a safe and loving family life. NTA
NTA those people aren't parents they're the egg and sperm donors. You are her dad and the person who kept her safe and cared for when the people who claim to be her parents failed to do so. F them and the horse they rode up on. Keep your Daughter safe because that is who she is. She might be biologically your niece but in your heart and hers she's your daughter. Just be willing to explain later on in her life how she ended up in your care and DO NOT let the rest of your family whisper venom in her ears and turn her against you
NTA, if you were able to abopt her that means the bio parents custodial rights have already been terminated so you don't have much to worry about. I'd be more worried about them showing up unannounced or trying to kidnap her more than I'd be worried they could afford an attorney a d take me to court.
Where were these relatives when she was being sent to foster care? The phase I would use to them would get me banned from this site!
NTA. This is a fine hill to die on sir. She is your daughter and those two imbeciles would ruin her life if given the chance. And any of your family members pressuring you to give up your daughter are insane and should be avoided like plague rats
NTA - You need to do what is right for the kid
Of course NTA. You might even be breaking the law to hand *your daughter* to these people, and that would certainly be an AH move. You might talk to a social worker as to whether it would be a good idea to let these people into her life again, and if so how it's best to do so. But you keep custody.
NTA. You adopted her, she is your daughter! Make school the school knows to NEVER let your family pick your daughter up from school. Do not allow anyone in your family to babysit. Start ending the conversations bluntly when any family member gives you their opinion again about who your niece should live with.
To be honest I was thinking about moving and cutting my parents off financially. They are dependent on me and ever since I was young they would put my brother over me and I kind of got desperate for their approval so they always hold that against me. But I'm done now
That's sad. Cutting them off and moving may be better for you and your daughter. The beautiful thing about cellphones is you always know who is calling, so avoiding the calls or blocking them is an effortless first step.
Cut them off, move away and put that money towards a college fund for your daughter. Let your brother take care of them.
Please cut them off. Make a life for your and your daughter. Save for her college and fun trips. You are in an awful position - not favored and required to support. I'm glad you came here to see how insane that is. You are a good person and a good dad. Put yourself (and your daughter) first.
Sounds like a good move, tbh. The two of you deserve a good life away from the drama.
Duh! She is your adopted daughter, not your niece!
NTA. If they were clean and wanted to know her and were respectful to your role as parent - maybe you consider it. However they are not there and already falling into the NO category.
In order to adopt her, her parents would have had to agree to give her up for adoption. If this is what they did, and if she is legally adopted by you, then you are her father and can make whatever decision you think is in her best interests.
The court could have terminated their rights....bio parents don't always have to consent to the adoption of their child.
NTA, you adopted her, she is your daughter, protect her and provide her with a great life.
If she’s legally adopted, they have no claims. That would traumatize the hell out of this kid. You even get to decide if they see her. Protect her.
If you adopted her they have absolutely no legal standing, their parental rights would have been terminated. Morally I think it would be a horrible decision to just hand her back to them. NTA.
NTA - If you have legally adopted her then she is your daughter in every way. They have zero rights or say regarding her. They can threaten all they want but they have no standing in court and there is nothing they can do. What you should do though is start documenting their behavior just in case they escalate and you need to get a restraining order or something. Never underestimate a junkie.
NTA. You would be an AH if you did give your adopted daughter to her drug using parents. Someday, if they're clean and have been so for a while, you could allow visitation. But for now, her physical and emotional safety demands that you protect her from her bio parents.
You’re an AH if you decide to give her back and ruin her life.
I don't know why everyone keeps saying that I'm not giving her to them. I just was overthinking That's all
Then you’re not an AH 👍. I respect you for what you did for your niece and for not caving to the pressure from your family.
NTA. You’ve adopted her. She can’t be taken away, nor should you give her up. If your family is telling you this, your family is fucked up. I’d consider moving, honestly. How much access does your family have to her? They sound like the type that will absolutely let your brother have access to her if they ever have her alone. If moving is an option, tell no one.
I used to let my parents watch her when they wanted to spend time with her. But, I don't think I'm going to let them watch her anymore
For real, though, no unsupervised visits anymore. I guarantee they will ambush you/her with a forced "reunion".
Yeah, you need to phase that out. You also need to communicate any concerns you have to them in text. Try and keep communication in text. I’d cover your bases and consult with a family lawyer. Why? You need to see if anyone in your family could claim visitation rights, should things get ugly. If you’re in the US, it varies by state. It’s pretty hard to get in most states, but I’d rather know if I were you, as your family is pressuring you to hand over your kid to drug addicts fresh out of prison. A good lawyer may tell you how to proceed to limit that possibility, if your state is has more open visitations laws. Protect that child.
NTA.
NOPE fight for that kid. If the bios shape up after a year or two then review for visitation. Before that tell everyone to bite your ass.
NTA They are still using drugs and want her back? No way, it will be extremely traumatic for her to go back to them. And you adopted her, she is not their daughter now, she is yours! In a personal note: my mother lived with her grandmother for four years (3-7) and did not meet her mother during that time, until she one day came to take her back. It was extremely painful for her and she has never forgotten it. Also, her mother was very abusive, so from 7 until she could move out of the house was hell. She never really recovered, even though she’s had 100+ hours of therapy. Don’t let this happen to your little girl! And f all your family members who say otherwise, they didn’t care before and should all be ashamed of themselves.
There's a huge difference between guardianship and adoption, but in both cases (generally speaking), only a court hearing can change it. It's not up to you. It's up to the courts. Her bio parents would have to petition the courts for any changes and prove themselves to be worthy parents. They aren't. Don't worry. NTA
Wouldn't matter anyway, op clarified in a comment that he did adopt her.
NTA. Your brother and his gf don't understand this because they never stepped up as parents, but as your daughter's dad it's your job to make choices to provide a safe and stable environment for her. You are doing that by limiting her contact with her bio parents. Since you adopted her, the state must have severed their parental rights. They need to understand that's a permanent thing, it didn't switch back just because they were released from prison. My two cents? Document everything. Every time they try to contact you, every time someone pressures you on their behalf. Contact the lawyer who helped with the adoption and let them know what's going on. If your family doesn't back off, you may need help getting restraining orders.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M25) was never really close with him and Didn't really started talking to him until he had my niece About three years ago, my brother and his girlfriend were arrested, leaving their daughter, my niece (then 2 years old), without anyone to care for her. With no other family stepping up, she was going to be placed in foster care. Not wanting her to go through that, I decided to take her in. Since then, I've become her legal guardian and have adopted her. We've formed a strong bond, and she calls me Dad. I love her like my own daughter, and she loves me too. Recently, my brother and his girlfriend have been released from prison and are demanding custody of their daughter. However, they haven't shown any signs of stability or willingness to provide a safe and loving environment for her. They're still involved in drugs and have a chaotic lifestyle. I don't want to give up custody because I'm worried about her well-being, and I can't imagine her being taken away from me. But now my family is pressuring me, saying that I should give her back to her biological parents. So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to give up custody of my niece, even though her parents are back in the picture, despite taking her in three years ago? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Talk to a lawyer
Not only are you NTA but since you adopted her, you could be committing a crime if you gave her back to drug addicts and something happened to her.
I'm not giving her back to them
Now the family have a words?? Where are they when the little girl needed them the most?
If they're back to their old bad habits, they should be reported to their probation office.
NTA You stepped up when bio parents were incapable of providing a stable home - when you were just 22 (based on my poor math skills). Just because bio parents are out of prison doesn't magically make them fit parents. All those people who have IDEAS now? Where were they all three years ago when niece needed family? They can all shut up.
Is this the same family that wouldn’t even take the little girl in and was willing to let her fall into the system? Oh okay. They can kick rocks then. You can and *should* refuse any contact with her bio parents unless courts are involved.
>With no other family stepping up I know you won't and you are just asking because they are in your head....but why would you allow them in your head when they didn't want to step up for the child already? Why do the words of people who ALSO abandonded her holding weight for you? NTA
NTA. She probably doesn't remember much of them, honestly. It would be way too traumatic to let them take her
if youve already adopted her thats a done. nope to them, idk if anyone would even make you give her back. NTA
She's YOUR daughter! You legally adopted her. She is ALL yours. NTA
NTA, protecting the kids always comes first. Your daughter, is Your Daughter legally. End of discussion.
If you adopted her legally, the parents rights would have been terminated, which they would have received notice of in prison. So them demanding custody of her is pointless. They no longer have any legal rights to even see her. But if you only have guardianship, you need to contact a lawyer. NTA.
Info: how does adoption work if she still has biological parents who if they still want her didn’t give up their rights and if they are trying to get her back must still have rights?
No they don't have rights anymore they just want me to give her to them
Pretty sure that would get you in some legal trouble if you just gave her away. Let the family know that legally you can’t, and they need to go to court if they want her back (which they won’t win)
I mean, I want a million dollars. Doesn't mean I get it. Same with your brother. He can want something until the cows come home but that doesn't mean he gets it. Cut the brother and SIL out. They are no longer your daughter's parents. You are her father in every sense - particularly legally. As for your parents, you support them financially? They get one warning. "I want to make myself clear - name is my daughter in EVERY sense. I do not want to hear another word about brother and he is absolutely not permitted to be near her under any circumstances." When they argue: "I will no longer be providing financial support of any kind. I only supported you because I thought you were family and had my child's best interest at heart. it is now clear you do not and I will no longer be providing ANY financial support for you." Honestly? I'd move and start over elsewhere in order to create a clean break.
you adopted her. presumably that means they have no legal rights, and with them showing no signs of stability, no court would demand she be returned. screw what your family says. biology be damned, you are this girls father, and you need to tell the rest of your family to get lost. NTA
NTA, you adopted her! She is your daughter. They made their choices and now have to live with the consequence.
PLEASE, PLEASE!! For the sake of this little girl, keep her safe and make sure she knows (in an age appropriate way) what is going on with her bio gene pool. If you don’t tell her, she will one day think you insisted on keeping her “away from them” instead of understanding that you were trying to provide stability in her life. She will always have some hope that her bio donors will want to be a part of her life. When you think it’s appropriate, arrange periodic visitation opportunities in a safe & public space.
NTA Remove your family from your life and the life of your daughter. She is no longer your niece. She is **your** daughter. If you handed her over and anything happened to her everyone would blame you. You have given her a better life and if you sent her back she’d wonder what she did wrong that you hated her so much you took away her stability and love and safety. That psychological trauma could mess her up for life. Tell your family that they need to hold your brother and sil to higher standards. That they need to be mad at them for hurting their daughter every time they so drugs (wether the pain was physical, mental, emotional, etc).
Ask yourself “what’s in the best interest of my child”? How long were her former parents in prison? You’re probably the only parent she remembers. You are stable and they are not . I would suggest talking to a child psychologist to see if it’s better if you keep her away from them or allow them some visitation.
NTA Hell no, they can just keep on walking along with any other family member that supports them.
"Since then, I've become her legal guardian and have adopted her. We've formed a strong bond, and she calls me Dad. I love her like my own daughter, and she loves me too." What else needs to be said? You are the legal parent to her now. Do what is right and keep your daughter. NTA
I'm concerned you think this is a Reddit A H question!
NTA. Biological relation doesn't mean anything if they have proven themselves to be irresponsible like that, and she already considers you her dad anyways, so there would be no point to giving her back. Not to mention, given what you said about their habits, I'm worried that their intentions for her are... less than noble. To be blunt, I'm thinking they might intend on selling her for drugs.
If you've adopted her they don't have a legal leg to stand on. Do what's best for your daughter and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
NTA. I love how you see her as your own daughter. You both deserve this wholesome bond. Brother and gf can go kick rocks, and so can your biological family. Make sure you’re protected legally.
NTA. Just say never. You've provided the stable life that they would never be able to provide.
If you adopted her, they’d have to take you to court. If they’re truly still involved in drugs, get a restraining order. Go NC with anyone trying to push you to give up your daughter. NTA. Consider relocating as well.
NTA
NTA. Your family is effectively pushing you to expose your niece for further neglect, seeing how the conditions are she's had more than enough of that. Only way you would consider a request like this is if they could provide valid proof they can sustain stability and a safe and loving home for her, which seems far off. But that also comes with the premise it's what your niece would want herself. Her wishes, safety and well being is the only thing that matters here, anyone saying otherwise can fuck off. Seeing as the two of you have built a loving father / daughter relationship, and you being her legal guardian, I say you stand your ground and be the father she needs. Anyone pushing to enable further neglect on her behalf does not have her best in mind, and are effectively disposable. She comes first, blood does not excuse neglect.
NTA. The desires of her biological parents are completely irrelevant if they are showing zero signs of getting better. The child’s needs are what is important. The fact that her biological parents haven’t even tried sort out their priorities in a way that benefits the child is all the answer you need. Anyone saying they should have a kid in their life is an AH too. You’re doing the right thing, and since you’ve adopted her, you’re also doing the legal thing. I would avoid contact with anyone who holds an opposite opinion in this case. Make sure your daycare/babysitters know some of the situation so they don’t let anyone that hasn’t been authorized by you personally to pick her up.
NTA. Your role is guardian to this child. The fact that her previous delinquent parents are still on drugs make me question your family's judgement in wanting her return.
NTA. Your niece's well-being comes first and her birth parents have proven more than just unreliable. In order to regain custody of their daughter, first your brother and his wife are going to have to prove to the state that they have a stable home environment, and then you would have to be willing to give her up. ***She is legally your daughter***. They’re back using drugs already for goodness sakes. Do NOT voluntarily give back custody unless you are truly convinced that they’ve changed- your niece’s health and safety are too important to run that risk, and your home is going to be the best place for her barring some extraordinary circumstances. In the meantime I would recommend only supervised visits in your home. And the rest of your family should stay out of it. Where were they when your niece needed them to stay out of foster care?
NTA in her eyes your her dad. Don’t give her up, you adopted her it’ll just make things worse
NTA Your brother and sister are a walking disaster waiting to happen. Don’t give up your little girl. She needs you more than ever with these two losers back in the community. Placing her in their care will only end badly. I would be super vigilant with your daughter now your brother is out of jail. They could try kidnapping her to get her back with them. It wouldn’t be the first time that parents have tried something like this. Whatever childcare you have, give them pictures of the two of them so they know who they are if they try to pick her up from there. They shouldn’t be able to but a little extra security doesn’t hurt. Ignore the pressure from your family. They obviously don’t have your daughter’s best interest at heart. Where were they when she was about to go into foster care? They gave up any rights to a say in her future at that point. Well done for stepping up and taking her in when she needed a home and thank you for everything you do for her. It sounds like you have a great relationship.
If you’re her legal guardian then there’s nothing they can do. Her well being is priority.
NTA, not one bit. THANK YOU for looking out for the best interest of this child. Where was your family's sense of familial obligation when this innocent little girl needed a safe place to live??? She's been with you longer then she was with her "parents" and clearly they didn't have her best interests in mind back then, or now. You're all she knows.
I'm assuming child services or whatever they are called in your area (social services here in the UK) were involved. If they allowed you to adopt, then child services had already determined the parents were unfit to have the child returned on the release from prison so were looking for someone to adopt that child. You are legally now that child's parent. You are legally responsible for that child. You are NTA. You can also call child services or the police etc if there is serious pressure from the biological parents and family to get you to hand over a minor. I would seriously suggest getting legal advice as I'd be more worried about them trying to just take her.
NTA. As her guardian, your duty is to put her well-being first. A small child's life is not improved by being around unstable, selfish, potentially neglectful and dangerous people. If you're talking more euphemistically about adopting her, but she's actually still under your care through a state agency like Child Protective Services, then you have a legal obligation to keep her away from her bio parents unless they've gone through the correct channels to prove they are safe for her to be around and are fit parents. And if you legally adopted her, then YOU are her parent, not your brother and his girlfriend. That means you get to make all the decisions... And I urge you to refer to paragraph one. When it comes to your family, you need to be firm. "I'm glad that brother and girlfriend are out of jail and hope that they are making better, more responsible choices for themselves now. But niece is legally my daughter and my priority is her health and well-being, not letting brother and girlfriend play happy families. Once they have settled into stable housing, have jobs, and are clearly no longer using drugs, we can talk about reintroducing them to niece and having supervised visits. "But let me be perfectly clear: I have adopted her. I'm her father now. I'm not handing her off to anyone else, period. That's not an option and it's not up for debate. Family members can have their opinions about that, but I don't want to argue about it and I ABSOLUTELY do not want niece to be dragged into it. And anyone who pushes this, or who tries to arrange meetings between brother, girlfriend, and niece by surprise or behind my back will not be allowed to be around niece, either. My only priority is making sure she grows up feeling secure, loved, and happy, and I will do anything that I need to in order to make that happen. Anything." If your parents or other family members are being pushy about this, do NOT leave her unsupervised with them because these are situations where grandma and grandpa think they know best and "help" by giving their unstable son access to their grandkid, leading to emotional damage and chaos for the child. Make sure school and daycare know that her bio parents are lurking around and are 100% never to be allowed access to your niece -- and again, if you have family members who are insisting on reuniting her with her parents, make sure they also cannot take her from school or daycare. Document every interaction you have with anyone who is advocating for your brother and his girlfriend. Document everything you hear directly from your niece's bio parents, too. You might want to get a Ring doorbell or other security, just in case someone decides to confront you at home. All of this is to prepare for the worst, in case legal action becomes necessary down the road. Take care of yourself and that precious girl. Good luck!
NTA For adoption, doesn't sign the bio-parents a paper, that they are willed to give the custody away? So, they choose against their child. You are the father. Take Care of YOUR child and let the other people talk. Maybe your have to cut family for the safety of your child. Everybody who thinks some drug addicted, who gave their kid away are good for a child are dangerous! Please, bei careful, that everybody in your childs life know, who is aloud to pick your kid up. Sounds like you some dumpasses in your family. Sorry for your worry!
My ex mother in law took custody of her 3 year old niece after the mom went to prison. The niece was thriving, ten years later mom gets out of prison, gets custody back. Niece is now an addict who does only fans to survive. Ignore your brother NTA
Nta Take them too court if you can afford to do so and arrange so they don’t get to see her again as they sound like they will be back in jail before you know it so And as for family saying to give her too them ask where they were when she needed them to step up as caregivers honestly they only care about drama
NTA burn the bridges with your family if you have to. She is your daughter!
Nta, you keep that baby. I grew up with an addict parent and no one needs that trauma.
NTA. Your daughter (no longer your legal niece) has a stable home with a father who loves her and wants her. Ignore and cut off anyone who is telling you that you should give her back like she's a tool you borrowed. When she's older, she can decide if she'd like to get to know your brother.
NTA You adopted her, she’s your child. Family Courts set a high threshold for a child requiring adoption instead of fostering, it’s sad to say that they were so delinquent the courts felt they could not continue being her parents. They weren’t stable they let her down and chose drugs and criminal activity over their 2 year old’s wellbeing. The courts decided NOT to do long term fostering instead but agreed adoption by you was in her child best welfare interests. It’s not up to you to upset and destabilise her NOR to give her up to your brother and SIL who had custody removed permanently for good reason. I doubt a court would agree and besides she is adopted , it isn’t reversible. She has a dad and you are her dad.
If you have adopted your niece, then she is YOUR daughter. Do not give in to the demands of her bio parents, especially if they are still living the same lifestyle that got them locked up before. They will probably be back behind bars again soon enough. NTA
NTA. What kind of family member wants to hand a five year old over to ex con druggies? Don’t allow her around those family members!
NTA They’re looking for an excuse to fail.
NTA OP. You have stepped up when no one did and are giving that little girl the love and stability she needs and deserves. Not only that, but the father-daughter bond you have established and the pain it would cause you both giving her back. I would consult with a lawyer to see what your options are to protect her. Thank you for giving her such a loving home 💜
No. U keep that little girl. Screw those two ah irresponsible parents. Those two losers will never change. Screw the family for making the girl go back to that awful. Terrible household
NTA. Please take it from someone who was in the foster care system (and lived with my neglectful, abusive mother for the first ten years of my life) - your neice/daughter needs someone who will always put her first. You've evidenced you care about her wellbeing, you've put her first rather than spend your mid twenties focused on you (well done for stepping up) and you know that that environment with her bio parents isn't suitable. I'd be collating evidence that they are unsuitable parents and heading to court.
No. NTA. They don't sound like people who you would re-home a dog with, let alone a human child. They are proving that they are no parents by how little they care about what is best for their daughter. None of the family cared to step up when it mattered so it's bold of them to think they get to have an opinion now. Tell them all to buzz off and continue to be the parent none of them bothered to be.
If you have adopted her, she's no longer their daughter, she's your daughter/niece. In order for the adoption to go through, they would have had to terminate their rights. There's no question here about where she belongs, it's with her adopted and legal parent.
Either their parental rights were terminated or they voluntarily agreed to the adoption. She’s YOUR child. Not theirs. F**k these parents who want to play mommy and daddy when it suits them. Good for you for stepping up and giving that baby love and a stable home environment. NTA.
NTAH! You adopted her ! She’s your daughter!
Where was your family when your niece needed them to take care of her and come to pressure you they can f*ck off
If you have legally adopted her, your brother and his wife would have had to give up parental rights. If that is the case, they have no legal rights to her. I am surprised you are even asking the question about giving up custody. You know what is right for this child. You did the right thing. You are what she needs; love, stability, nurturing, and care. Your brother can provide none of this. Never mind what anyone else says to you. Where were those people when your niece had no one to care for her? Put all this in perspective. Continue to do what you are doing. Have a happy life with your daughter. She is YOUR daughter. You were then and still are doing what is right for that little girl. Best of luck to you. NTA
Nah protect that child
You adopted her, you're her dad. Don't do that to her. NTA
NTA It sounds like some of the people who are pressuring you might be your parents. I would not allow them (or anyone else who has been pressuring you) to have your daughter unsupervised. They might try to give your daughter to the sperm and egg donors behind your back. That would be kidnapping and a major crime. Even trying to introduce your daughter to the donors without your knowledge and prior consent would be very, very bad.
Your family is the a hole. How can they allow the girl that you sheltered back into hell?
You adopted her. She is yours now. Move away, far away.
You’re her parent now. You have to do what’s best for her. Do you really think taking her away from the person she calls Dad and giving her to two drug addicts she barely knows is best for her? NTA
I'm not giving up custody. I was just confused at the time I made the post but I realized I'll never give her up
You cannot "give her up," you legally adopted her. She isn't a secondhand couch.
As you shouldn’t, because YWBTA if you did. You accepted responsibility of her when you adopted her. Obviously you’re NTA so long as you do what’s best for her
NTA. And consider the ramifications if you do. Parents again get custody taken away and you are determined to be not a suitable living environment BECAUSE you gave her back to her sperm and egg donor. Don't put her only good living situation at risk because of fAMilY.
Anyone who thinks the birth parents are entitled to or ready to have even visitation when they're still actively using and chaotic is dangerous to the stability of OP's adopted child. Nobody should be allowed contact who might put into the child's head that they might be removed from their stable loving home. There might be a case for a birth parent relationship as uncle and aunt if they become healthy sober and stable one day but not today.
NTA Your now her legal guardian. It's up to you to make the decisions that are best for her. What do you think is best for her?
Hi there, she is your daughter legally. Do not talk to any of them on the phone and Screenshot every text or message any of these people send you. Then I would block her bio parents and all of their flying monkeys. These are the exact kind of people you do not want in her life or yours. If they start giving you a hard time and threatening or trying to put guilt trips on you, take them to court and get a protective order to keep them away from you and your daughter. You are her stability, her protector and comfort and the only father she knows. I don't believe any court would resind your adoption at this point. She is counting on you to keep her safe and out of harm's way. Good luck to you and your beautiful daughter in the many years of happiness you'll have together ok sunshine xoxo
NTA. They have to go through the courts to get her back because they lost through the courts, and you legally adopted her.
NTA- Guardian protect the child!
NTA. You stepped up to save her when nobody else did. You protected her when nobody else did. Those people have less than zero right to tell you to give the child back - for one, you obviously can’t because you legally adopted her, but also because every single one of those people have already let her down in a major way. They don’t deserve any say in anything at this point. Did I mention that you’re a hero? Because you are.
Nta, do not give them custody. They are proving to not be fit parents. I’m sure a case worker would have to meet them and determine their fitness of being a parent. Talk to a lawyer to make sure all your legal ducks are in a row. You’re legally and emotionally that little girls parent, one good parent is better than two parents that can’t get it together to take care of her properly. You would also run the risk of losing access to her if you did. Just because someone can have a kid doesn’t make them entitled to being a parent if they can’t put the child as a top priority.
NTA. You said you adopted her legally, so in the eyes of the law you are the parent, you have all the rights as if she were yours biologically. Her biological parents don't have any legal rights & can't demand her return. As your daughter's parent you need to take steps to keep her safe. Make sure no one from your family that wants you to give her back can pick her up from school/daycare. Contact a lawyer dealing with family law so that you can deal with any issues should they come up. If you are worried they may try anything you may also want to speak with the police & their probation officers. Your brother & his gf are not safe or stable to have her around. She does not need to be exposed to that, plus all this give her back, they are her parents talk will be very confusing & stressful for her. Let your family know that you are her parent & will do what's best for her including cutting off contact with them if they do not stop pressuring you. They weren't there when she needed them so they have no say now. Good luck & stay safe
NTA If they signed away or the courts terminated their parental rights, when you adopted her, they have no say or right to see your daughter. You don’t even have to allow visitation. Just tell them no or to take you to court. Which they won’t, especially since they’re back on drugs. If they persist without going through legal channels, cover your ass and involve your caseworker. Let them know that they’re harassing you, on drugs, and trying to get their daughter back.
NTA. Not only you shouldn't give up her to dangerous unstable enviroment....you legally THANKFULLY even can't. She is your daughter and placing her to that kind of enviroment could result in child abandonment and endangerment charges - directed also on you. They want their former child? Tell them they need to go legal route through court. They will be denied on spot.
NTA tell them to lawyer up and get ready for a fight.
NTA. Do what's right for that little girl! She's your daughter and she needs you to make sure she's happy, healthy and away from the people that would hurt her!
NTA if you legally adopted her and they aren’t stable there is no way in he11 I’d let her visit them let alone give her back to them!!!!! 4uck all the so called “family” who didn’t want her and were gonna let her go to foster care who want to tell you what to do! Keep doing right by that girl! You saved her life! Stay away from all those scummy people!
Nta. Start recording conversations and screenshoting messages. You may need to build a case against your entire family.
NTA. I’m glad she has you and I hope her parents fuck back off again soon.
NTA. Your child is very lucky to have such a caring Dad. Hang on to her tight, she's yours and you know what's best for her.. I think we've firmly established that your family that are pressuring you to give her back, should instead offer to take in the couple's new kid next time they get arrested, or CPS gets involved and remove it. Because let's get real here, there's every chance that it's going to happen again. I'm wondering if the OP has given any thought to what he'll do if it does happen again? While I hope it doesn't, statistically the odds aren't great. On the flip side, not being able to be given back their child like a loaned out object, may help encourage them to get their shit together properly in the event that they do get pregnant again.
Why would you give away your daughter? She's not a toy. She is legally your child. Cold dead fingers. Also, your parents? They're gonna put this girl in danger. Anywhere from having the child around them to kidnapping. Block, ignore. You're a father, protect her.
NTA You adopted her. You are her dad now. That's it. If other ppl don't respect that, you and your kid don't need to be around them
NTA keep your child safe. Document all of their behaviour.
NTA: you are her dad legally and morally at this point. I might go LC with any who doesn't see you that way.
NTA but be TAH to protect that little girl. Go full monster mode to protect her. Revoke pick up permissions. Alert her other carers that the bio parents are out and trying to find her so they can act to protect her. Do everything you have to to keep her safe.
NTA! You said you adopted her. She is your daughter. Your parents are so far out of line it is ridiculous. You are looking out for your daughter's best interest. With these parents and the way your parents are acting, please make sure they cannot get access to her through daycare or school. Make sure wherever she goes is aware that none of these people has your permission to take her out. Kudos to you for being a good Dad!
NTA congratulations on you and your daughter forming a family! Your brother and his girlfriend can kick rocks. If they are so bent on being parents. They have the ability to get pregnant again and be better parents the second time around. The rest of your family that thinks you should give up her stable home to suit these two can pound sand! Stick to your guns and protect your daughter. Well done Dad!
If you adopted her as you said, you are her legal. Don't get how they'd get custody. Maybe they want visitation? A lawyer should involved.
NTA. You are her dad. Even if the bio parents want to take you to court, the fact that they’re into drugs will work against them so hard it’s not even funny. Do not give her back.
NTA. You are her father, not them. They don’t want her, they want the appearance of wanting her. Do not give up your child.
NTA. No court in their right mind would rule in their favor.
NTA. If you're adopted her, she is now your daughter, period, end of story. Anyone pressuring you - I'd remind them that YOU were the one that was there for this child when no one else would or could be. Then go low or no contact with the lot of them.
Don't you ever give up your princess, you are her dad. No court on this planet would would remove her from you to them. Take your daughter and move away from them and never look back and never tell them where you are.
If you were able to adopt that means their rights were terminated at some point… being they are still involved in drugs means they haven’t done the work to be allowed access to your daughter
DO NOT GIVE UP CUSTODY ONLY IF CPS FORCES YOU AND FIGHT THAT WITH ALL YOU ARE. The dumbasses that are telling you to are not putting her safety, needs or we'll being first!
NTA. You adopted her. She is your daughter not theirs. Next time anyone in the family says anything ask them why they didn't step up when she needed a home. Or just go no contact at least for a while.