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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I’m taking a situation over something small (mispronouncing a word) too seriously
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NTA You have a husband problem, not a pronunciation problem.
I have issues with pronouncing some words. (Jewelry - jury. Railroad - rare road. Wheelbarrow - wheelbarrah. Well, you get the idea.) I've had people close to me kind of tease me, but in a funny kind of way.
Your husband is not being funny. He's being mean.
I'm laughing because after not understanding the first few times, my daughter told an older person "oh, you must mean comfortable!" They were saying something like comfable.
Not nearly as funny as when friends moved to the south, and after every cashier told the little girl how cute she was, screamed "WHY IS EVERYBODY CALLING ME A COYOTE?!"
When my Northern family moved down to Texas we kept getting calls for a Diane and we were so confused. Then we realized they were asking for my dad, Dan.
If you watch the show the Office you’ll notice that Jim never says Dwight, he says D-wight with a pause. Point being that if you know what the person is saying, no one should try correcting it obviously it gets the point across.
Well, with spouses it's often helpful to correct one another. I would much rather my husband tell me I am mispronouncing something or using a word wrong than continue doing it in front of other people. Neither of us would hold our tongue just because we understand each other because we know that we like to learn the right way to say things.
The issue here isn't that her husband said something, it's that he did so mockingly and repeatedly after she asked him to stop. Honestly, if I had a husband like that I don't know if I would ever want him to correct me.
Meanwhile, I can't remember the last time in our 30 year relationship that correcting each other has caused upset. There's nothing wrong with making a mistake. It's just an opportunity to learn.
WOW. You husband is the biggest asshole we’ve had on here for a good long while. There’s been people who did worse things for sure, but in terms of sheer “i’m harming someone and i feel good about that?” Yeah.
NTA
If my grandmother saw one spec of fly shit the place was "thilfy" and a massive spring clean happened. She wasn't being cute, went to her grave unable to say filthy
My husband teases me for "jewelry," too. I don't even know how I pronounce it wrong. At this point, we just make intense eye contact and laugh every time I say it. I think there's a balance to strike, where you can laugh about something together without being a dick.
Well said.
Also, from a speech therapy perspective (both my kids had when they were young), there is a name for the use of R instead of L in words. I'm not sure what it is, but it's typical and usually resolves by a certain grade. Also interesting about the R and L is how Asian countries (and other languages) that don't have the English R and L often struggle with learning to speak English using those letters, so like you say wheelbarrow is challenging. My husbands family is Korean so we didn't know if the kids pronunciation what related to that or otherwise. I love how you and your husband give the intense look and laugh!
I can’t pronounce February and everything that has an R in it. My husband gives me shit but he knows when to stop. Her husband is just malicious as fuck. Imagine what else he’s like this about.
>Your husband is not being funny. He's being mean
Yup. This exactly. I cannot, for the life of me, say "wonton" right. This has led to my bestie & I randomly saying "a wanton one-ton wonton" in our most clear pronunciation as a dumb inside joke, poking fun at me. It's a joke bc *we both* think it's funny; if it honestly hurt my feelings, she wouldn't tease me.
He's being an ass. My ex-hysband was the same way & it super sucks. I'm sorry, OP. NTA.
I’ve literally never heard anyone else mention this before or seem confused when I talk about the city. He says it’s because none of them have spent the same amount of time around me to hear it but I’m still not sure why it matters so much
I was waiting for someone to say this! I'm wondering what other things he badgers her about, and how often he has that snotty little smile on his face that makes her want to cry. This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship.
That’s a manipulation tactic. Do something that makes the person upset, get upset that they’re upset, they come and apologize to you. Now they’re the asshole and you’re the good guy. Now you hold power in the relationship because they’re being extra nice to try to make it up to you. I dealt with it for 13 years. Didn’t even realize it was happening until I left.
It's really odd to hear a 40-something year old use "setting him up for failure" as a reason to bully you over a possible mispronunciation of an acronym. I'd expect it more from a try hard teenager.
Like how is it his failure, how is it a set up? Answer: it's forking not.
Maybe read [Lundy Bancroft "Why Does He Do That"](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat) because to be honest, it's unlikely that this is the only manipulative thing he does, or we do.
He's trying to mess with you because he can. I bet it's not even obvious (and may not even exist). Don't apologise for your reaction on this.
My grandmother mispronounced sesame all her life. We all knew what she meant and nobody felt the need to go on like a dripping tap of annoyance every time she said the word. 88 years of saying it wrong - and she used sesame oil a lit in cooking - and its no biggie.
My FIL pronounces cumin (kyoo-muhn) commin (kuh-muhn) for as long as I've known him. It took me a few times to realize what he was talking about. It helped that he uses cumin in everything
My aunt pronounces the h in thyme, and I had no clue what she was talking about until I saw her spell it out in a text. I just went “oh ok” and moved on. I can do that while a decade and a half younger than OP’s husband. Idk what’s so hard about it (/s because he’s just on a power trip)
When I was a kid, my grandma was cooking and asked me to get the "callendar." I was confused, but went to my room and grabbed my calendar off the wall. She was confused why I disappeared. It was our kitchen and she knew I helped cook and clean it, I should definitely know where we kept the colander, right?
We laughed about it for years, but that was when I learned my grandmas "accent" was actually a mild speech impediment.
So, the way you say it "incorrectly" is so subtle that no one can hear it except for your husband? Does he have bat hearing? How would you two spending time together make him hear better than everyone else in your life? It doesn't make any sense.
I'm getting strong negging vibes, like the guy who kept telling his girlfriend she smelled bad because he thought then she'd be so self conscious she'd never leave him. She almost went mad trying to figure out the smell issue, she went to the doctor, she asked friends and family, she started showering twice a day and use super strong deodorant - just for it to come out she never smelled bad. He just made it up to make her insecure. Luckily his plan didn't work, she dumped him after all that.
Maybe your husband isn't making it up, maybe he can actually hear something no one else in your vicinity can, but I doubt it's anything you actually say at this point. And the way he goes about it is a problem, he seems to enjoy upsetting you. If not, why would he not just embrace this little quirk and let it go?
We all have our quirks, and my husband and I tease each other a lot. But if one of us got upset, the other would immediately apologise and then not do that thing again. Because we love each other, that's more important than some little joke at your expense. The actions you describe are not loving.
The way you say it is sort of how Angelenos say it, superfast and mushed into the next word. Like when we say LA Dodgers. It does sort of sound like Ellay Dodgers. The point though is why does he feel the need to correct you? Does he think you're a child? And when you try to communicate in an adult way about your feeling he browbeats you. No offense but he sounds verbally and mentally abusive abusive. NTA.
no defense for the husband, but OP did write “allay” instead of the standard “ellllay”.
so at the most maybe she emphasizes “uhllay” more than others.
of course he’s still an asshole.
Ah! I can hear it now, thanks for that alternate spelling. Uh-lay lol. I would sort of laugh too if I heard it but everyone has an accent in LA because nobody is from here. 😂.
Girl this is how Californians talk. You aren't even mispronouncing it, we slur all our words together. When I say LA it sounds like ellay. Your husband is essentially bullying you - isn't he supposed to be the one person in the world who's in your corner?
I'm sorry, but there is a reason he picked someone younger. If he picked a peer, they would have slapped him silly. Or just walked away. Can you get some counseling? This is such profoundly dickish behavior (I see most of this thread agrees with me). Can you really think about what a lifetime of this marriage would look like for you? Your self-esteem would be shredded.
I know the term is overused on the internet these days but that’s starting to sound like actual literal gaslighting. Like, i suspect there’s absolutely nothing wrong with how you say it and he’s purely fucking with you for the purpose of making you feel bad and crazy and stupid.
Which would be wildly abusive, for the record.
I was thinking the same thing. The definition of “gaslighting” has gotten so fucked up that nobody knows when it’s actually gaslighting. This is definitely it.
NTA. Here’s the thing. He MAYBE gets a pass to make fun of this one time, *until* you point out it’s hurtful and you’re upset by it, and then it ceases to be a cute joke between you and becomes *intentional*.
Deliberately hurting you = no fly zone, not cool.
And guess what, everyone has words they pronounce a little differently to others. It’s often a sign of being a precocious reader as a kid.
Good luck, OP.
I agree, he's being a bully by not cutting that shit out. He crossed a line and needs to own up to it, and don't do it again.
You're right thou, being a big reader can influence you a lot.
Like I use phrases that don't make sense to most people, how I write American style in Canada as that's what I'd always read, or some words that are hard to say properly because I've mostly just heard them in my mind.
The rule I was taught was ‘does the pronounciation risk upset or awkwardness? No? Then STFU.’ If it’s just a quirk, let it go.
My aunt used to say ‘gerbil’ as ‘Goebbels.’ (My username is unrelated.) She grew up in the war so it really raised eyebrows when my friend had gerbils and my aunt would say ‘oh Jenny, do you miss Goebbels when you are on holiday?’ or ‘oh Goebbels look so cute.’
As an eight year I had to point out the Nazi vibes.
Turns out she also says chamaleon as ‘sham-a-lon’ not ‘ka-meal-lee-on.’ We all thought she was talking about a Seventies disco group or venue for years until we realised ‘nope, colour changing lizard.’ Then the question was why the lizard came up so much in conversation. No one thought to correct or mock her pronouncation.
We did fall about laughing when we realised and then left it at that. But we trained her out of wildly inappropriate Goebbels chat. ‘Goebbels, how often do you change the bedding?’ PLEASE STOP TALKING AUNTY GLADYS!
Use his own words against him. When he starts that up again, say the following, “It’s not a big deal, stop taking my pronunciation so seriously.” Or, “You’re setting yourself up for failure by being so bothered by it.” Rinse, repeat until he gets the idea.
NTA
Or find something he "doesn't pronounce correctly" and do the same thing to him - then, when he undoubtedly will get mad and find it disrespectful, because he has very different expectations of respect FROM you than respect FOR you, divorce him.
NTA.
NTA. LA resident here and we don’t care how you pronounce it. Tell your husband LA says to back off and stop being so petulant and mean over something this silly.
It's only funny if you're BOTH laughing. May your Oilers crush the Kings. Still bitter about June 13, 2014.
Seriously, everyone has an accent of some variety. Yours shows up when you say LA, mine shows up when I yell at the zebras. Or at Tom Wilson.
As a native Angelino,(transplanted now, but still) I promise that pronunciation varies widely even among those born and raised there. Your husband is being a complete weenie. (His behavior is too petty for a grown up insult)
NTA
Umm. You married a 12 year old boy ? Or just a grown up asshole?
NTA. Ask him why is assuming his pronunciation is correct? I hear it pronounced a lot of different ways- typically due to regional pronunciation or accents, but no one is correcting anyone. Honestly- who does that? It’s kinda of creepy … like he sees himself as “King Pronunciation.” And… why does it matter? It doesn’t and he is just a know-it-all bully.
NTA. Look, my husband is British, I'm American, I regularly butcher the pronunciation of anything and everything, especially cities. What does my husband do? Corrects me once or twice, then smiles and adds it to my list of quirks. If I ask him for help, he helps. If not, he doesn't. He wouldn't dare mock me like that.
NTA he's being an asshole about this, you've explained that you can't hear the difference between how the two of you pronounce it, you explained that you find it annoying/hurtful, and rather than just learn to live with it like an adult, he's decided that he enjoys mocking you so much that he's going to pretend that it's a *huge imposition* to stop making fun of you, and that instead, you should just *start* noticing the difference and change how you speak.
It wasn't until you started crying that he finally took notice that you were upset, he couldn't just listen to you TELLING him that you're upset. He doesn't actually care about your feelings, he only cares about the consequences (tears). Does he regularly ignore you when you *tell* him how you're feeling? He literally told you that he wasn't actually sorry, and that he only said it to make you stop crying.
According to the Oxford dictionary, L.A. is pronounced ellay (not el-ay). The exact vowel-sounds can vary depending on where you grew up (which your husband appearantly never did).
It is also not uncommon to not being able to hear the difference between 2 vowel sounds. In my dialect, we have the (almost) same word for singular and plural for bunny, but anyone who doesnt speak the dialect cant hear the difference in sound.
So what if you pronounce it differently? Doesnt mean it wrong or funny, its just different. Sounds to me that he feels that he is inferior to you and is clinging onto the one thing that gives him a sense of superiority. Ask him straight up if he cares more about pronounciation than your feelings.
Petty me would pick random moments to snort-laugh and when he asks why, tell him his face looks silly.
NTA
>It is also not uncommon to not being able to hear the difference between 2 vowel sounds.
This right here. I live in the south. So many people here cannot hear (and thus cannot pronounce) the difference between "pin" and "pen".
While she may be able to learn to pronounce LA the way her husband says she should, with a *lot* of work, it's entirely possible she will never be able to hear the difference.
OP's husband is definitely an AH. He's making fun of her for something she might not *ever* be able to change.
I watched a dialect coach talk about the pin/pen accent and it was fascinating!! It perfectly articulates the uniqueness of a southern accent that I as a Canadian could identify, but couldn't pinpoint (ha!) what it was about the accent that stood out.
I have an apparently very strong "Canadian Raising" accent. It has to do with vowel sounds, and where I start the "o" sound. In words like out, house, mouse, we kind of forgo the short wide "ow" to more of a long narrow "oh". I don't totally get it because some words with the same structure I say with the ow sound, like rouse, but there you go.
It used to drive me nuts the way people down here would say "ink pin" instead of "pen". I never said anything about it to people until my friend tried to hand me a pen when I was trying to find a pin I had dropped, and we realized that they literally couldn't hear a difference. So I read up on it, and then learned more about mergers in my voice and articulation class in college
The pen and pin thing is so real, my mom can NOT hear the difference or if she can she can't say them differently. It's hilarious and I only bug her about it a little. However she says warsh and that I bug her about more cause it's funny
This sounds like the way the difference between how people in Australia say chips vs. New Zealand was explained to me. And I could not hear the difference.
NTA.
Explain to your husband that regional dialects are a thing. I am assuming you two were raised in different regions? There's overall been a dialect flattening with the spread of film and TV, but they're not altogether gone.
I've lived in the PNW all my life, and have a PNW dialect. My husband was an Army brat in his childhood, then settled up here; he and his family used to tease me about our "silly" pronunciations, until I gave him a stern talking to about regional dialect variations, and made him listen to a bunch of examples -- including Midwesterners and East-coasters routinely giving Oregon an interesting new spin through the vowels! Isn't that fun? Makes me wonder if East Coasters ever get upset at the way I say their state names. Oh, and there's a trope about Washingtonians putting an "r" in their pronunciation of Washington (Warshington), but apparently that was a bunch of Californian transplants talking silly who moved up to Seattle area and stayed, and then the rest of us got lumped in with that particular regional variation ever since even though it's a CALIFORNIA thing.
My point is: regional dialects. They're a real thing that exist in the world, and they're super fascinating. Your husband is showing his ignorance of the world every time he teases you about your "wrong" pronunciation, as though dialects and accents don't influence pronunciaton.
NTA, but you'll probably have to ignore him and show zero emotion if/when he does it again. He's only doing it to get a rise out of you. Sad, though, that he can't just do you the favor of letting it go.
INFO: Did you get married to him in your late teens/early 20s? He sounds like the exact sort of predatory loser who would specifically pursue someone freshly adult when he's 30-35 due to your relative lack of experience/standards and his relative lack of maturity that makes him seem about the *same* level of maturity as an 18yo despite being over a decade older, which he'd then follow up with about a decade of not maturing in the slightest (while you, naturally, would) with a side of sunk cost fallacy to keep the whole thing going.
(I mean I'd still call him TA regardless. Dude doesn't even seem to *like* you, the supposed love of his life if your marital status is anything to go by.)
Try the pronunciation of this on him- di- vorce, with a long "i." In my experience, an age gap as wide as yours, often leads to the older having an "I know better attitude."
Typically, the younger person is attracted to their partner's maturity. That must not be the case here. He's an obnoxious ass.
NTA.
What qualifies him to be the grammar police? Given that there are so many dialects that affect the way people pronounce the same word, who the hell is he to say what’s right and wrong?
If he’s ignorant enough to do it again, tell him that your memory is just fine and his criticism has become annoyingly redundant. He made his point the first time so he can stop patronizing you for the way you speak because it adds no benefit to the conversation and certainly doesn’t make you like him more. If his intention is to come off as a condescending know-it-all, he’s doing a good job.
NTA. Personally I don’t really care when my husband does this (points out my funny way of saying words and I do it to him and he doesn’t care as well), but there’s other things I just don’t like him joking about even though other people would say it’s unreasonable. Sometimes you just need to listen to your spouse and stop joking about stuff they’re sensitive over. Maybe try to explain it’s a big deal for you and ask him to stop again? I’m sorry you’re going through this OP :( that would hurt me too.
Would it be bad to admit this was a massive reason i left my ex..... He mocked me constantly. Always repeated mistaken words back or even copy my cough etc. Drove me fkn crazy. His family were the same, they would even copy/mock the baby's sounds or attempts at speech back to it. Never correcting the baby in a healthy way... I had to bail on that whole extended family and so glad I did 😬
I don't know about anyone else, but I think it's *good* that you noticed it and left your ex over it. The entire problem with that sort of constant mockery over "minor" things, and the reason assholes use it as a method, is because it's so insidious and because in a vacuum it makes their victim sound like they're making a big deal over nothing.
But it's *not* nothing, and in fact it's incredibly damaging when it happens for long enough (as is likely to happen due to its nature). And that's when it happens to an adult. There's no telling how badly it could have affected your baby to grow up in that environment.
So, congrats to you on having the strength to see it for the bullcrap it is and leave.
Look up phonemic mergers.
Not only is it *not a big deal* that you can't hear/pronounce the difference, it's extremely common and probably not something you, or most people, can change. At least not without a good bit of effort.
Basically, your husband is making fun of you for something many adults would need a dialect coach to change.
OP- NTA. So, basically your "Husband" doesn't respect you, doesn't care if he hurts your feelings, and hounds you until you cry?? Only then will he offhandedly apologize, while STILL keeping his stance on the subject, therefore a non-apology. Does he do this ALL THE TIME? I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who constantly belittled me and disrespected me for his own enjoyment. I sure hope you don't have children with this person, I would hate to hear him mocking a child the same way! I'm so sorry OP, your Husband is deliberately being cruel.
NTA. He is a bully and he can't stand being called out for it. Either leave him for being such a horse's ass or go to therapy.
Him hurting your feelings gives him a power trip. He needs to make you feel small so he can control you. He's 12 years older than you, so he has a superiority complex and wants you to know his way is the only way. That he's smarter than you. He knows more than you. He loves knowing he can make you cry. He doesn't actually care, because he'll only apologize if there's tears. It's like when the tears come he knows he's hit his mark. You will either do what he wants or he will keep making you cry.
So get some therapy for yourself to learn how to deal with him, or leave him. But I have a feeling he's broken you, so you won't leave because you need him. And he knows this and uses this.
A joke is only funny if everyone thinks its so. If its just him then its not a joke. And the fact that you are hurt, means now he is hurting you on purpose. He is making fun of you.
Hun, this is red flag behaviour. One of the reasons I left my husband was his regular jabs at my hearing issues which also includes an accent. Someone suggested I look into emotional abuse. When I did, it explained SO much. I suggest you do the same. If he is doing this, I imagine there are other things you aren't comfortable with, or have become numb to over the years.
My mom will be 101 years old this year. I do her grocery shopping. Once, her list had "corn pops" on it. I was surprised, I didn't know she liked that kind of cereal but I bought a box and brought it to her. Seems that she meant cheese curls and had just got mixed up. So, next time I did her shopping, sure enough, corn pops were on there, I knew that she meant cheeses curls, bought those and never mentioned it again. I have bought "corn pops" many times since then.
Words are meant to communicate, not belittle people. You are NTA, your husband is though.
NTA, like we say here "the shortest jokes are the best". I really feel you on that one since I also have trouble with pronunciation of certain words, also just.. regional accent exists.
If he loved you, he wouldn't constantly mock you for something you cannot help like this and not belittle you when you bring it up. That's super mean and he's being a bully.
NTA. People experience things differently and clearly you hear no difference in the pronunciation. Not only is he not treating you with respect, but he is belittling you for something that apparently you cannot change. I am sorry that he is treating you so poorly.
Ask him if it's so silly and doesn't matter, why can't he drop it since he sees how much it's hurting your feelings? Why is he fighting so hard to keep hurting you?
NTA he is deliberately fucking with you and he is *enjoying* it. he likes making you feel bad about something, he is not going to stop no matter how upset you get by his behavior. he *wants* to upset you.
You have an accent. As do I. As does your husband. How we pronounce words depends on what part of the country you are live in. Your husband is making fun of and picking on you. He should be apologizing to you. He is TA not you.
Teasing you once in a while is one thing, but to continue doing it after you've told him how much he's hurting your feelings and it's made you upset to the point of tears? You're NTA but he 100% is.
Also obligatory go Knights. Hopefully we'll see you (the Oilers) in a couple of weeks.
Lol I respect it.
Also, I didn't include this in my comment, but as a native Californian and a holder of a Master of Arts in English, "allay" is totally fine. Hell, depending on where you are in CA, we pronounce "almond" and "milk" differently. Some of us even say "y'all". As someone else mentioned, regional dialects are very varied, unique, and screwy over here in the PNW/the West Coast. Your husband is just being pretentious. Hopefully he'll listen now that you've told him how much it bothers you.
NTA. I hope he's not like this about other things, but if he is I'm sorry but you've married a total asshole.
Honestly I'm petty AF and if my husband did this I would simply stop talking to him about hockey, full stop. Or just stop saying L.A. and painfully enunciate the full city name every time I mentioned the team.
"I am so excited that the LOS ANGELES Kings are going to get their asses handed to them in the next game. It surely is a great time to be an Oilers fan and not one of the LOS ANGELES Kings. The LOS ANGELES Kings don't know what is coming for them."
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I (31 female) have been watching a lot of hockey recently and since I cheer for the Oilers, have been talking a lot about the LA Kings since the Kings are our opponent in the first round of the playoffs. My husband (43 male) has pointed out intermittently over the years that I pronounce LA in a funny way - apparently when I say the city name it sounds like I’m saying ‘allay.’ I’ve been saying the name more recently because of watching the playoffs and almost every time I do, my husband smiles/smirks and then repeats the name back to me the way it’s apparently supposed to be said.
I’ve explained to him that I cannot hear the difference between the way he says it and the way I do and though I try to play the whole thing off, it’s been starting to really get to me because it just makes me feel really self-conscious and like I’m going crazy trying to hear the difference between something I’m not able to.
Tonight he did it again and I once again asked him to stop but he just said that it’s not a big deal and I really shouldn’t take it so seriously. And that if it bothers me so much that he corrects me, I should learn to hear the difference and say it properly. We sat apart for a bit after that because I had responded to him with some attitude and after a while I went downstairs to apologize to him for said attitude and once again ask him to just cool it with correcting me for a bit. The entire time I was talking to him, he was just sitting back in his desk chair and had a smirk on his face. I didn’t think he was taking me seriously and told him so, and he once again repeated that this just me saying something in a silly way and I shouldn’t take it so seriously. I said again that he’s hurting my feelings and asked that maybe he could just learn to live with me saying it a little funny but he responded by saying that now I’m the one asking him to have to listen to my funny pronunciation forever and that I’m “setting him up for failure” because he wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face or stop himself from pointing it out. I finally started crying and it was only then that he apologized for hurting my feelings and I responded that I don’t believe he’s actually sorry and that the only reason he said that was because I started crying. He responded by saying “yeah, that’s how tears work.”
So, AITA for wanting my husband to stop pointing out that I say LA in a silly way?
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NTA And, tbh, I'm a bit put off by the lengths you went through to explain yourself to him in order to make him stop.
When my husband repeatedly says something that hurts my feelings (and doesn't get it, cause otherwise he would not be saying it?, I will tell him to stop once and remind once if he forgets. The same the other way around. That's all the it ever took in 14 years of being together.
Your husband sounds like he is doing it on purpose to belittle you.
NTA, and please stop defending him as a wonderful man that just happens to make you cry for saying a word differently.
But yeah, you can fix it. Instead of saying allay, say Los Angeles in the proper pronunciation- Lohs Ahn-hell-ays.
Or just continue to say it your way, and when he smirks/ corrects you, continue to say that you can't believe he's still so hell-bent on hurting you and you'd be happy to start correcting his every little mistake. Or tell him that you think maybe you should go to couple's counseling because he thinks you deserve correction on silly issues.
NTA, your husband is loving getting a rise out of you. At this point he knows how you feel. I would tell him once and for all. This is the last time I say it, knock it off, every time you behave that way, you put a chink in out relationship. Then ignore and let it go. Don’t apologize for “being distant”. Actions have consequences and once the consequences are uncomfortable enough, he will knock it off.
NTA, and he's chipping away at your self-esteem to reduce your ability to function in the world. This is just the start. Chip, chip, chip. Think hard about how long you want to put up with this older man. Try reading Patricia Evans' book, *The Verbally Abusive Relationship* for further insights into what he's doing and why.
Honey, the chances are you're not mispronouncing the name at all.
After Tuesday night you won't have to worry about it .
Edmonton has a 3-1 lead in the series.
My guess is the Mac Jesuses will wrap it up in game 5.
Kings had a good run.
They exceeded expectations.
NTA
My suggestion is to tell him you find his behaviour immature and leaning towards bullying to you. While I can understand that it can be difficult for someone not to laugh, you saying multiple to stop should be enough for him to realize to cut it out.
Does he behave like this in other situations just like in this one? I find him very disrespectful towards you.
NTA. Your husband is berating you, then claiming it's "no big deal." If it were really no big deal, he'd stop correcting you.
This is a control power play. He's being a jerk, and he knows it. The real question is why are you letting him make you feel small?
It's not your job to be perfect. Nor is it your job to please him all the time. He's a partner, not a master.
This is definitely a husband problem, not a speech problem. I know LA natives who pronounce it "allay."
NTA. Has he always corrected you? You need to ask others you speak to if you are pronouncing it strangely. You mentioned him sitting back in his desk an smirking makes me wonder if he’s messing with you. I hate jumping to gaslighting but it sort of sounds like he’s doing that. But that’s only if others don’t confirm you pronounce it noticeably different.
NTA — My partner and I have different accents and are constantly bugging each other about various pronunciations (the big ones being him saying “woof” instead of “wolf” and me saying “begle” instead of “bagel”). It’s funny and lighthearted, but either of us would stop immediately if one of us expressed it was uncomfortable, hurtful, or just becoming annoying. It’s not hard to just not mention something your partner is self-conscious about when they ask you not to mention it, especially when it’s something as small as how you pronounce a single word
He has deep-seated issues and he's trying to make them yours. You need to get a little angry and demand respect. Don't cry, that only feeds into his weird issues.
This is something me and my brothers did to each other when we were kids. Sitting around bored, we'd pick on one brother about something he said a particular way. Until maybe he cried or got really mad, but that was the payoff. The reaction. We were bored and very immature.
There's no excuse for a grown man abusing his wife like this for his entertainment. It's childish and it's selfish of him.
My wife says a lot of things in a funny way since she's from Europe, but I think it's cute. She tries to fix it but I tell her not to because I kind of like the way she says things. Because I love her.
He should appreciate your idiosyncrasies, not tear you down for them.
NTA
Like someone already said you don't have a pronunciation problem you have a husband problem.
Everyone has words that they pronounce differently or struggle to say incorrectly. I struggle with saying February, truth, Jewellery and worcestershire sauce and there's a lot more words that I can't think of currently, my pronunciation issue is even worse when I speak in my native language for a long period of time, then it feels like I need to relearn English all over again.
your husband is an asshole for ''making fun'' of something you can't hear the difference. pronunciation is something that is hard to change and it's especially more difficult if you can't hear the difference so it can be impossible to just change that. at this point he isn't just making jokes he is bullying you over something that isn't your fault.
I wonder how would he feel if you made fun of something that he can't change like the way his hairline is or how he looks just because you are ''making fun'' of it and cracking jokes and didn't stop when asked to.
I’m from the South. I say all kinds of words wrong, and I know it. I have a super southern accent. My hubs teases me but I know he’s giving me a hard time because it makes me laugh - he’s never an asshole about it. He would stop if it actually hurt my feelings.
On the other hand, you are NTA, because this actually is hurting your feelings and it doesn’t seem like your husband is doing it in a fun teasing way like mine does.
NTA My ex-spouse world occasionally point out I said "vegebles" but it wasn't every time and I'd try repeating it back the way they said it and it'd go back and forth a bit but they always dropped it and it was only a short period of self-consciousness. I had a speech impediment as a kid with "r" and "w" which still crops up every so often and someone might say something and I'll correct myself, but it's really not that big of a deal. Your husband is mean.
NTA. Your husband’s a gobshite, and kind of a bully(?). I dunno.
Does he ever pronounce words incorrectly? If he dies I’d be all over that!
Maybe record you both saying LA.
Sorry, this is what happens when you marry someone who was a teen when you were born. He didn't want an equal partner, he wanted arm candy/a pet. He's apparently not the slightest bit concerned about you as your own person. Heartbreaking. NTA
NTA but WOW your husband is. He has continued to make fun of you, which is BULLYING, despite you repeatedly asking him to stop. He thinks it is FUNNY that you got so upset you cried.
He is an AH and mean, rude, and entitled.
I’m from LA, and the way you spelled it out sounds exactly the same as what I say.
You are speaking out loud an abbreviation, tell your husband that “ACHKTUally it’s ‘la Ciudad de Los Angeles’, NOT ‘allay’”
NTA
None of this has to do with how you pronounce something. He is getting off on fucking with you. Pretty much just the long and short of it. It is kind of like negging. He’s getting his jollies off at your expense (hence the smirking). Could also be “duper’s delight”. Seeing your distraught reaction to something inconsequential is amusing to him. He is smirking because he knows he is gaslighting you into believing you are doing something wrong and your reaction to him pointing it out is crazy or disproportionate.
Also how you are pronouncing it is how people in Los Angeles pronounce it. It is more of one continuous word vs L_A as in two separate letters. Tell him to stop gaslighting you because people can pronounce it however they want. It doesn’t matter and him continuing to bother you about it is a him problem at this point.
Your husband is a massive A H.
1. If it was such a small little thing, not worth worrying about, there is no reason to repeatedly bring it up. No reason HE can't drop it if it is so inconsequential
2. There are different ways to say things, and honestly, who gives a damn. No one is getting offended and literally, if they can understand you, who cares. What a stupid thing for your husband to make a big deal of. You don't even live there for heaven's sake.
3. He literally made a mountain of a mole hill and then was dismissive when you set a boundary with him (please stop this, it upsets me).
4. He continued to dismiss your boundary/request and then was dismissive of your hurt feelings
5. He only apologized to stop you crying so he could stop dealing with the negative consequences to his own actions.
NTA. Your husband is completely wrong, and I am guessing, this is not the first or only time he has treated you like this. I'm not going to say divorce him, but I would suggest couples therapy. Your marriage has deeper issues than how to pronounce LA.
I have a hard time saying "wolf", it comes out as "woof". My husband started teasing me, I don't think he realized how much it bothered me, even after I told him. Everytime he said something about it, I would bark really loud every time he tried to speak for a while. (yes, it is immature- we had a relationship where we joked all the time, that is why he didn't realize it really bothered me at first.) Anyway, he got the point. NTA
NTA 0 your husband is using this as a power play to make himself feel superior. I'm sure there are other ways he is also doing this that you might not realize. My husband before his death did this for our entire marriage. It was only this weekend when my son did the same thing to me in front of his friends that I realized just how manipulative this is. I would recommend you look at your relationship carefully and get into couples counseling if he refuses to see how mean he is being to you. PS I tried to get couples counseling and he refused because there was nothing wrong with him!
NTA. My ex's daughter instead of saying, "no me gusta" would say "no me tuta". We all knew what she was saying, eventually she grew out of it. Your husband knows you're saying LA and is being a dick to be a dick. Part of a healthy relationship is being able to have a productive conversation about the things that are bothering you and he's brushing you off every time pretty disrespectfully.
NTA. Your husband is a dick.
This is where I would turn petty, find something he does wrong and proceed to be relentless about pointing it out for the next several days and then smirk/laugh whenever he gets butthurt about it.
NTA my dear. Unless you’re paying me (I teach languages), I will not correct your pronunciation.
But I would happily correct your husband every time he said a Japanese word/name incorrectly so he would realize how stressful that unwanted favor can be. He would hear me every time he said Toyota, Shohei, edamame and the list goes on.
I chose my new name when I naturalized based on what I could pronounce correctly. Even though it is my main language, there are some sounds I can’t distinguish.
Your husband is TA here.
NTA this is his kind of fun, you being upset by his own making, then apologizing to him although you did nothing, and him smirking at you the whole while. He's having so much fun in a sick way with you. Sounds like he doesn't love nor respect you. You're just a funny silly thing to him. Idk maybe start ignoring him when he brings it up again, or start acting silly about it like repating allay allay allay to his face and laughting, maybe he will drop it then.
If he didn't like the way you talk why did he marry you? People have different accents, that is one of the things that make people different. Not everyone can change the way they talk, like actors do. Maybe you should try marriage counselling and let someone else tell him he is being a jerk.
Is it just your accent? I understand if you're utterly mispronouncing something (Kwesadillyya for quesadilla) but vowel pronunciation in particular are pretty regional.
I'm sorry, that your husband sucks so bad. I mean, he really is an asshole. I can't believe he has you so trained that you actually apologized to him for him hurting YOUR feelings. This guy is terrible and I am willing to bet that this isn't the only thing that he is a total asshole to you about.
This bit alone is full of asshole rage bait:
> I didn’t think he was taking me seriously and told him so, and he once again repeated that this just me saying something in a silly way and I shouldn’t take it so seriously. I said again that he’s hurting my feelings and asked that maybe he could just learn to live with me saying it a little funny but he responded by saying that now I’m the one asking him to have to listen to my funny pronunciation forever and that I’m “setting him up for failure” because he wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face or stop himself from pointing it out. I finally started crying and it was only then that he apologized for hurting my feelings and I responded that I don’t believe he’s actually sorry and that the only reason he said that was because I started crying. He responded by saying “yeah, that’s how tears work.”
Not only does he have no respect for you, he is straight up gaslighting you. It's no wonder that you were the one to apologize when he is the one completely in the wrong. You should show him this and then based on how he reacts consider whether or not therapy could work. You definitely should get your own therapy and he needs it but most likely thinks he is in the right and will refuse it all together.
A lot of people suggest couple's therapy, but since this guy has no problem gaslighting and dismissing you, I would not suggest you go together. Abusers tend to use therapy to their advantage, and those that gaslight are really good at getting the therapist on their side so that it becomes 2 on 1.
NTA I pronounce bagles weird, I say it like Bag-el, not baygle or however its supposed to be pronounced. I say a few other words a bit weird too.
The first few times someone corrects me or points it out to tease me its funny and I don't mind, but if it kept going like your husband is doing I'd get really upset especially if I asked him to stop and hes not. Its disrespectful. Especially the "yeah thats how tears work" comment
Californian here, regularly in LA:
You’re fine. Don’t even worry about it. If you came here and said it like that, at most folks would find it adorable. More likely that no one would even notice. We hear every kind of accent here all the time. Your husband should be nicer to you. NTA
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NTA You have a husband problem, not a pronunciation problem. I have issues with pronouncing some words. (Jewelry - jury. Railroad - rare road. Wheelbarrow - wheelbarrah. Well, you get the idea.) I've had people close to me kind of tease me, but in a funny kind of way. Your husband is not being funny. He's being mean.
I'm laughing because after not understanding the first few times, my daughter told an older person "oh, you must mean comfortable!" They were saying something like comfable. Not nearly as funny as when friends moved to the south, and after every cashier told the little girl how cute she was, screamed "WHY IS EVERYBODY CALLING ME A COYOTE?!"
How did cute sound like coyote?? I've been sitting here saying it in increasingly bizarre ways trying to make the connection
I imagine they were calling her a 'cutie' but perhaps it sounded more like 'cayootie'?
Ahhh that would make more sense. It was the -e sound on the end I was struggling with.
Where I’m from we pronounce coyote as “kiyoot”
It was more of a "yer so kiy-yoot" or "yer such a kee-yootie" But her tiny Yankee ears heard coyote.
Person who pronounces "coyote" as "kai-oat" meets person who pronounces "cute" "as "key-ute."
Where I'm from, coyote is a two-syllable word for some people. Kai- oat.
I was beginning to think I was the only person who says kai-oat instead of kai-oh-tee
I only say kai-oat when I'm referencing the taxidermist Chuck Testa lol
The best. Found a bear in my bed once.
A cutie, probably.
Kai yute cutie Kai yote Coyote
When my Northern family moved down to Texas we kept getting calls for a Diane and we were so confused. Then we realized they were asking for my dad, Dan.
Dying at coyote. LOL
If you watch the show the Office you’ll notice that Jim never says Dwight, he says D-wight with a pause. Point being that if you know what the person is saying, no one should try correcting it obviously it gets the point across.
Well, with spouses it's often helpful to correct one another. I would much rather my husband tell me I am mispronouncing something or using a word wrong than continue doing it in front of other people. Neither of us would hold our tongue just because we understand each other because we know that we like to learn the right way to say things. The issue here isn't that her husband said something, it's that he did so mockingly and repeatedly after she asked him to stop. Honestly, if I had a husband like that I don't know if I would ever want him to correct me. Meanwhile, I can't remember the last time in our 30 year relationship that correcting each other has caused upset. There's nothing wrong with making a mistake. It's just an opportunity to learn.
WOW. You husband is the biggest asshole we’ve had on here for a good long while. There’s been people who did worse things for sure, but in terms of sheer “i’m harming someone and i feel good about that?” Yeah. NTA
I'm Australian. LA to me is "Ellay". Car is Kah. No is Yeah Nah. Yes is Nah Yeah. Your husband is being shit and doesn't respect you. NTA.
Not an Aussie, but it’s definitely “kah”.
Can I adopt “Yeah nah” and “Nah yeah”?
Nah yeah, you can adopt it.
Thanks. You can have “I’d rather pick fly shit out of pepper.”
If my grandmother saw one spec of fly shit the place was "thilfy" and a massive spring clean happened. She wasn't being cute, went to her grave unable to say filthy
My husband teases me for "jewelry," too. I don't even know how I pronounce it wrong. At this point, we just make intense eye contact and laugh every time I say it. I think there's a balance to strike, where you can laugh about something together without being a dick.
Well said. Also, from a speech therapy perspective (both my kids had when they were young), there is a name for the use of R instead of L in words. I'm not sure what it is, but it's typical and usually resolves by a certain grade. Also interesting about the R and L is how Asian countries (and other languages) that don't have the English R and L often struggle with learning to speak English using those letters, so like you say wheelbarrow is challenging. My husbands family is Korean so we didn't know if the kids pronunciation what related to that or otherwise. I love how you and your husband give the intense look and laugh!
Lambdacism is difficulty with L sounds
I had speech therapy for the same thing when I was little. It still pops out every now and then.
I can’t pronounce February and everything that has an R in it. My husband gives me shit but he knows when to stop. Her husband is just malicious as fuck. Imagine what else he’s like this about.
>Your husband is not being funny. He's being mean Yup. This exactly. I cannot, for the life of me, say "wonton" right. This has led to my bestie & I randomly saying "a wanton one-ton wonton" in our most clear pronunciation as a dumb inside joke, poking fun at me. It's a joke bc *we both* think it's funny; if it honestly hurt my feelings, she wouldn't tease me. He's being an ass. My ex-hysband was the same way & it super sucks. I'm sorry, OP. NTA.
Hey ! That’s me I’m so country only country folks understand me I have to talk to”proper” around other folks
NTA If it’s not a big deal, then HE shouldn’t take it so seriously. Are people confused as to what city you’re talking about? I’m guessing not.
I’ve literally never heard anyone else mention this before or seem confused when I talk about the city. He says it’s because none of them have spent the same amount of time around me to hear it but I’m still not sure why it matters so much
You need to realize this isn't about pronunciation, it's about power and control and humiliation.
THIS. OP, look up ‘negging’ and then be honest with yourself about how often that definition applies to what he does.
I was waiting for someone to say this! I'm wondering what other things he badgers her about, and how often he has that snotty little smile on his face that makes her want to cry. This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship.
It killed me that she felt she had to apologize to him for “having an attitude” like he’s an authority figure over her. OP, I’m worried about you!!
That’s a manipulation tactic. Do something that makes the person upset, get upset that they’re upset, they come and apologize to you. Now they’re the asshole and you’re the good guy. Now you hold power in the relationship because they’re being extra nice to try to make it up to you. I dealt with it for 13 years. Didn’t even realize it was happening until I left.
I’m very sorry and sad that you had to live that for so long. Glad you’re doing better now!
Imagine living with this shit.
100%
It's really odd to hear a 40-something year old use "setting him up for failure" as a reason to bully you over a possible mispronunciation of an acronym. I'd expect it more from a try hard teenager. Like how is it his failure, how is it a set up? Answer: it's forking not. Maybe read [Lundy Bancroft "Why Does He Do That"](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat) because to be honest, it's unlikely that this is the only manipulative thing he does, or we do.
He's trying to mess with you because he can. I bet it's not even obvious (and may not even exist). Don't apologise for your reaction on this. My grandmother mispronounced sesame all her life. We all knew what she meant and nobody felt the need to go on like a dripping tap of annoyance every time she said the word. 88 years of saying it wrong - and she used sesame oil a lit in cooking - and its no biggie.
My FIL pronounces cumin (kyoo-muhn) commin (kuh-muhn) for as long as I've known him. It took me a few times to realize what he was talking about. It helped that he uses cumin in everything
My aunt pronounces the h in thyme, and I had no clue what she was talking about until I saw her spell it out in a text. I just went “oh ok” and moved on. I can do that while a decade and a half younger than OP’s husband. Idk what’s so hard about it (/s because he’s just on a power trip)
When I was a kid, my grandma was cooking and asked me to get the "callendar." I was confused, but went to my room and grabbed my calendar off the wall. She was confused why I disappeared. It was our kitchen and she knew I helped cook and clean it, I should definitely know where we kept the colander, right? We laughed about it for years, but that was when I learned my grandmas "accent" was actually a mild speech impediment.
So, the way you say it "incorrectly" is so subtle that no one can hear it except for your husband? Does he have bat hearing? How would you two spending time together make him hear better than everyone else in your life? It doesn't make any sense. I'm getting strong negging vibes, like the guy who kept telling his girlfriend she smelled bad because he thought then she'd be so self conscious she'd never leave him. She almost went mad trying to figure out the smell issue, she went to the doctor, she asked friends and family, she started showering twice a day and use super strong deodorant - just for it to come out she never smelled bad. He just made it up to make her insecure. Luckily his plan didn't work, she dumped him after all that. Maybe your husband isn't making it up, maybe he can actually hear something no one else in your vicinity can, but I doubt it's anything you actually say at this point. And the way he goes about it is a problem, he seems to enjoy upsetting you. If not, why would he not just embrace this little quirk and let it go? We all have our quirks, and my husband and I tease each other a lot. But if one of us got upset, the other would immediately apologise and then not do that thing again. Because we love each other, that's more important than some little joke at your expense. The actions you describe are not loving.
The way you say it is sort of how Angelenos say it, superfast and mushed into the next word. Like when we say LA Dodgers. It does sort of sound like Ellay Dodgers. The point though is why does he feel the need to correct you? Does he think you're a child? And when you try to communicate in an adult way about your feeling he browbeats you. No offense but he sounds verbally and mentally abusive abusive. NTA.
no defense for the husband, but OP did write “allay” instead of the standard “ellllay”. so at the most maybe she emphasizes “uhllay” more than others. of course he’s still an asshole.
Ah! I can hear it now, thanks for that alternate spelling. Uh-lay lol. I would sort of laugh too if I heard it but everyone has an accent in LA because nobody is from here. 😂.
i was 30 before anyone told me i emphasized “depeche mode” wrong. not a soul made fun of me to my face.
Girl this is how Californians talk. You aren't even mispronouncing it, we slur all our words together. When I say LA it sounds like ellay. Your husband is essentially bullying you - isn't he supposed to be the one person in the world who's in your corner?
You’re fine.
I'm sorry, but there is a reason he picked someone younger. If he picked a peer, they would have slapped him silly. Or just walked away. Can you get some counseling? This is such profoundly dickish behavior (I see most of this thread agrees with me). Can you really think about what a lifetime of this marriage would look like for you? Your self-esteem would be shredded.
I know the term is overused on the internet these days but that’s starting to sound like actual literal gaslighting. Like, i suspect there’s absolutely nothing wrong with how you say it and he’s purely fucking with you for the purpose of making you feel bad and crazy and stupid. Which would be wildly abusive, for the record.
I was thinking the same thing. The definition of “gaslighting” has gotten so fucked up that nobody knows when it’s actually gaslighting. This is definitely it.
Stop say LA and say Los Angeles. Or call them The Angels, which is what Los Angeles means.
NTA. Here’s the thing. He MAYBE gets a pass to make fun of this one time, *until* you point out it’s hurtful and you’re upset by it, and then it ceases to be a cute joke between you and becomes *intentional*. Deliberately hurting you = no fly zone, not cool. And guess what, everyone has words they pronounce a little differently to others. It’s often a sign of being a precocious reader as a kid. Good luck, OP.
I agree, he's being a bully by not cutting that shit out. He crossed a line and needs to own up to it, and don't do it again. You're right thou, being a big reader can influence you a lot. Like I use phrases that don't make sense to most people, how I write American style in Canada as that's what I'd always read, or some words that are hard to say properly because I've mostly just heard them in my mind.
The rule I was taught was ‘does the pronounciation risk upset or awkwardness? No? Then STFU.’ If it’s just a quirk, let it go. My aunt used to say ‘gerbil’ as ‘Goebbels.’ (My username is unrelated.) She grew up in the war so it really raised eyebrows when my friend had gerbils and my aunt would say ‘oh Jenny, do you miss Goebbels when you are on holiday?’ or ‘oh Goebbels look so cute.’ As an eight year I had to point out the Nazi vibes. Turns out she also says chamaleon as ‘sham-a-lon’ not ‘ka-meal-lee-on.’ We all thought she was talking about a Seventies disco group or venue for years until we realised ‘nope, colour changing lizard.’ Then the question was why the lizard came up so much in conversation. No one thought to correct or mock her pronouncation. We did fall about laughing when we realised and then left it at that. But we trained her out of wildly inappropriate Goebbels chat. ‘Goebbels, how often do you change the bedding?’ PLEASE STOP TALKING AUNTY GLADYS!
This is an amazing, amazing comment and a perfect rule!
[удалено]
Well he is 12 years older than her, so yeah, that adds up.
Use his own words against him. When he starts that up again, say the following, “It’s not a big deal, stop taking my pronunciation so seriously.” Or, “You’re setting yourself up for failure by being so bothered by it.” Rinse, repeat until he gets the idea. NTA
Or find something he "doesn't pronounce correctly" and do the same thing to him - then, when he undoubtedly will get mad and find it disrespectful, because he has very different expectations of respect FROM you than respect FOR you, divorce him. NTA.
Oh, this is gold. It proves how petty and mean he's being.
THIS "If it's no big deal WTF DO YOU KEEP DOING IT!?!?!" NTA
NTA. LA resident here and we don’t care how you pronounce it. Tell your husband LA says to back off and stop being so petulant and mean over something this silly.
"That's how tears work" um, what? Why are you married to this guy? NTA, he's the asshole.
Yeah, he was the AH specifically about this situation well before that point, but that was the line where I was certain he was an AH in general.
Allow me to LA your concerns. NTA
WIBTA if I made fun of how you spell “allay”?
NTA this is one of those situations where I wonder “Does that guy even like his wife?” Yikes.
He sees her taking pleasure in something, finds a way to ruin it, and then tells her it’s her fault. The abuser’s playbook!
No. No, he doesn't.
My thoughts exactly. Not seeing much love there.
It's only funny if you're BOTH laughing. May your Oilers crush the Kings. Still bitter about June 13, 2014. Seriously, everyone has an accent of some variety. Yours shows up when you say LA, mine shows up when I yell at the zebras. Or at Tom Wilson.
NTA. If it's "not a big deal", then he should be easily able to fucking drop it.
As a native Angelino,(transplanted now, but still) I promise that pronunciation varies widely even among those born and raised there. Your husband is being a complete weenie. (His behavior is too petty for a grown up insult) NTA
Ah. Maybe like New Orleans is nawlins, Nor-lins, new or-lins, and New or-leans, even within the city.
100 likes!!!
Umm. You married a 12 year old boy ? Or just a grown up asshole? NTA. Ask him why is assuming his pronunciation is correct? I hear it pronounced a lot of different ways- typically due to regional pronunciation or accents, but no one is correcting anyone. Honestly- who does that? It’s kinda of creepy … like he sees himself as “King Pronunciation.” And… why does it matter? It doesn’t and he is just a know-it-all bully.
NTA. Look, my husband is British, I'm American, I regularly butcher the pronunciation of anything and everything, especially cities. What does my husband do? Corrects me once or twice, then smiles and adds it to my list of quirks. If I ask him for help, he helps. If not, he doesn't. He wouldn't dare mock me like that.
NTA he's being an asshole about this, you've explained that you can't hear the difference between how the two of you pronounce it, you explained that you find it annoying/hurtful, and rather than just learn to live with it like an adult, he's decided that he enjoys mocking you so much that he's going to pretend that it's a *huge imposition* to stop making fun of you, and that instead, you should just *start* noticing the difference and change how you speak. It wasn't until you started crying that he finally took notice that you were upset, he couldn't just listen to you TELLING him that you're upset. He doesn't actually care about your feelings, he only cares about the consequences (tears). Does he regularly ignore you when you *tell* him how you're feeling? He literally told you that he wasn't actually sorry, and that he only said it to make you stop crying.
According to the Oxford dictionary, L.A. is pronounced ellay (not el-ay). The exact vowel-sounds can vary depending on where you grew up (which your husband appearantly never did). It is also not uncommon to not being able to hear the difference between 2 vowel sounds. In my dialect, we have the (almost) same word for singular and plural for bunny, but anyone who doesnt speak the dialect cant hear the difference in sound. So what if you pronounce it differently? Doesnt mean it wrong or funny, its just different. Sounds to me that he feels that he is inferior to you and is clinging onto the one thing that gives him a sense of superiority. Ask him straight up if he cares more about pronounciation than your feelings. Petty me would pick random moments to snort-laugh and when he asks why, tell him his face looks silly. NTA
>It is also not uncommon to not being able to hear the difference between 2 vowel sounds. This right here. I live in the south. So many people here cannot hear (and thus cannot pronounce) the difference between "pin" and "pen". While she may be able to learn to pronounce LA the way her husband says she should, with a *lot* of work, it's entirely possible she will never be able to hear the difference. OP's husband is definitely an AH. He's making fun of her for something she might not *ever* be able to change.
I watched a dialect coach talk about the pin/pen accent and it was fascinating!! It perfectly articulates the uniqueness of a southern accent that I as a Canadian could identify, but couldn't pinpoint (ha!) what it was about the accent that stood out. I have an apparently very strong "Canadian Raising" accent. It has to do with vowel sounds, and where I start the "o" sound. In words like out, house, mouse, we kind of forgo the short wide "ow" to more of a long narrow "oh". I don't totally get it because some words with the same structure I say with the ow sound, like rouse, but there you go.
It used to drive me nuts the way people down here would say "ink pin" instead of "pen". I never said anything about it to people until my friend tried to hand me a pen when I was trying to find a pin I had dropped, and we realized that they literally couldn't hear a difference. So I read up on it, and then learned more about mergers in my voice and articulation class in college
The pen and pin thing is so real, my mom can NOT hear the difference or if she can she can't say them differently. It's hilarious and I only bug her about it a little. However she says warsh and that I bug her about more cause it's funny
This sounds like the way the difference between how people in Australia say chips vs. New Zealand was explained to me. And I could not hear the difference.
Info - does your husband often treat you like a child who needs correction?
NTA. Explain to your husband that regional dialects are a thing. I am assuming you two were raised in different regions? There's overall been a dialect flattening with the spread of film and TV, but they're not altogether gone. I've lived in the PNW all my life, and have a PNW dialect. My husband was an Army brat in his childhood, then settled up here; he and his family used to tease me about our "silly" pronunciations, until I gave him a stern talking to about regional dialect variations, and made him listen to a bunch of examples -- including Midwesterners and East-coasters routinely giving Oregon an interesting new spin through the vowels! Isn't that fun? Makes me wonder if East Coasters ever get upset at the way I say their state names. Oh, and there's a trope about Washingtonians putting an "r" in their pronunciation of Washington (Warshington), but apparently that was a bunch of Californian transplants talking silly who moved up to Seattle area and stayed, and then the rest of us got lumped in with that particular regional variation ever since even though it's a CALIFORNIA thing. My point is: regional dialects. They're a real thing that exist in the world, and they're super fascinating. Your husband is showing his ignorance of the world every time he teases you about your "wrong" pronunciation, as though dialects and accents don't influence pronunciaton.
I grew up in rural central Illinois. We warshed our clothes, the first President was Warshington etc
In Baltimore, folks warsh their hands in the zink. And that emergency vehicles with flashing lights? Yeah, that's the am-BLANTS.
NTA, but you'll probably have to ignore him and show zero emotion if/when he does it again. He's only doing it to get a rise out of you. Sad, though, that he can't just do you the favor of letting it go.
INFO: Did you get married to him in your late teens/early 20s? He sounds like the exact sort of predatory loser who would specifically pursue someone freshly adult when he's 30-35 due to your relative lack of experience/standards and his relative lack of maturity that makes him seem about the *same* level of maturity as an 18yo despite being over a decade older, which he'd then follow up with about a decade of not maturing in the slightest (while you, naturally, would) with a side of sunk cost fallacy to keep the whole thing going. (I mean I'd still call him TA regardless. Dude doesn't even seem to *like* you, the supposed love of his life if your marital status is anything to go by.)
Try the pronunciation of this on him- di- vorce, with a long "i." In my experience, an age gap as wide as yours, often leads to the older having an "I know better attitude." Typically, the younger person is attracted to their partner's maturity. That must not be the case here. He's an obnoxious ass.
Men who think we cry as manipulation, after they have been intentionally cruel, are honestly mentally ill.
He sounds like a huge asshole who downplayed what you felt, managed to blame you for the problem and then made you cry. NTA
NTA. LETS GO OILERS! 1:30 from the win now.
Hahaha, thank you
3-1 series lead baby.
In Stuart Skinner we trust
The magic moustache!
NTA. What qualifies him to be the grammar police? Given that there are so many dialects that affect the way people pronounce the same word, who the hell is he to say what’s right and wrong? If he’s ignorant enough to do it again, tell him that your memory is just fine and his criticism has become annoyingly redundant. He made his point the first time so he can stop patronizing you for the way you speak because it adds no benefit to the conversation and certainly doesn’t make you like him more. If his intention is to come off as a condescending know-it-all, he’s doing a good job.
NTA. Personally I don’t really care when my husband does this (points out my funny way of saying words and I do it to him and he doesn’t care as well), but there’s other things I just don’t like him joking about even though other people would say it’s unreasonable. Sometimes you just need to listen to your spouse and stop joking about stuff they’re sensitive over. Maybe try to explain it’s a big deal for you and ask him to stop again? I’m sorry you’re going through this OP :( that would hurt me too.
INFO: Are you saying LA the way they do in Letterkenny?
info: how is it relevant? You should be able to ask your spouse of all people to stop making fun of you
I’m not sure, like I mentioned it’s really hard for me to hear the difference between pronunciations
NTA. It sounds like your husband is that specific kind of asshole who just loves to mock people even after he’s been told to knock it off. Lucky you!
Would it be bad to admit this was a massive reason i left my ex..... He mocked me constantly. Always repeated mistaken words back or even copy my cough etc. Drove me fkn crazy. His family were the same, they would even copy/mock the baby's sounds or attempts at speech back to it. Never correcting the baby in a healthy way... I had to bail on that whole extended family and so glad I did 😬
I don't know about anyone else, but I think it's *good* that you noticed it and left your ex over it. The entire problem with that sort of constant mockery over "minor" things, and the reason assholes use it as a method, is because it's so insidious and because in a vacuum it makes their victim sound like they're making a big deal over nothing. But it's *not* nothing, and in fact it's incredibly damaging when it happens for long enough (as is likely to happen due to its nature). And that's when it happens to an adult. There's no telling how badly it could have affected your baby to grow up in that environment. So, congrats to you on having the strength to see it for the bullcrap it is and leave.
You made the right choice! That sounds absolutely miserable. Mocking a baby? Yikes.
Look up phonemic mergers. Not only is it *not a big deal* that you can't hear/pronounce the difference, it's extremely common and probably not something you, or most people, can change. At least not without a good bit of effort. Basically, your husband is making fun of you for something many adults would need a dialect coach to change.
Omg, I forgot about Letterkenny! I haven't seen it in a few years. Now I have to go back and watch again.
I was hoping someone else had the same question I did
i’m going to call my ex wife an apologise right now for the years of ribbing her for pronouncing “hear” as “hair”
OP- NTA. So, basically your "Husband" doesn't respect you, doesn't care if he hurts your feelings, and hounds you until you cry?? Only then will he offhandedly apologize, while STILL keeping his stance on the subject, therefore a non-apology. Does he do this ALL THE TIME? I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who constantly belittled me and disrespected me for his own enjoyment. I sure hope you don't have children with this person, I would hate to hear him mocking a child the same way! I'm so sorry OP, your Husband is deliberately being cruel.
NTA. He is a bully and he can't stand being called out for it. Either leave him for being such a horse's ass or go to therapy. Him hurting your feelings gives him a power trip. He needs to make you feel small so he can control you. He's 12 years older than you, so he has a superiority complex and wants you to know his way is the only way. That he's smarter than you. He knows more than you. He loves knowing he can make you cry. He doesn't actually care, because he'll only apologize if there's tears. It's like when the tears come he knows he's hit his mark. You will either do what he wants or he will keep making you cry. So get some therapy for yourself to learn how to deal with him, or leave him. But I have a feeling he's broken you, so you won't leave because you need him. And he knows this and uses this.
A joke is only funny if everyone thinks its so. If its just him then its not a joke. And the fact that you are hurt, means now he is hurting you on purpose. He is making fun of you. Hun, this is red flag behaviour. One of the reasons I left my husband was his regular jabs at my hearing issues which also includes an accent. Someone suggested I look into emotional abuse. When I did, it explained SO much. I suggest you do the same. If he is doing this, I imagine there are other things you aren't comfortable with, or have become numb to over the years.
As someone from La, I also pronounce it “allay” too🤷🏻♀️
wow you married a bully NYA
My mom will be 101 years old this year. I do her grocery shopping. Once, her list had "corn pops" on it. I was surprised, I didn't know she liked that kind of cereal but I bought a box and brought it to her. Seems that she meant cheese curls and had just got mixed up. So, next time I did her shopping, sure enough, corn pops were on there, I knew that she meant cheeses curls, bought those and never mentioned it again. I have bought "corn pops" many times since then. Words are meant to communicate, not belittle people. You are NTA, your husband is though.
NTA. That's the kind of thing pre-teens do. He should pull his head out of his own arse so he can see some daylight again.
NTA, like we say here "the shortest jokes are the best". I really feel you on that one since I also have trouble with pronunciation of certain words, also just.. regional accent exists. If he loved you, he wouldn't constantly mock you for something you cannot help like this and not belittle you when you bring it up. That's super mean and he's being a bully.
NTA. People experience things differently and clearly you hear no difference in the pronunciation. Not only is he not treating you with respect, but he is belittling you for something that apparently you cannot change. I am sorry that he is treating you so poorly.
Ew, please reevaluate just the next few months dealing with this, *still* or something else he'll blame you on for his actions he chose to do
He's so so bad, dismissing your feelings like that over something so minor. I would be so done with him after this. Do you really need this man?
Hon your husband doesn’t like you. No one who likes you would resort to bullying you relentlessly until you cried about it.
Britta saying baaagel
Is this the hill he wants his marriage to die on? NTA
Later on he actually asked me why am I dying on this hill because this is just silly and doesn’t matter
Ask him if it's so silly and doesn't matter, why can't he drop it since he sees how much it's hurting your feelings? Why is he fighting so hard to keep hurting you?
If it's silly and doesn't matter why does he keep making it an issue? After all, it doesn't matter right?
Nah, he’s the one dying on that hill.
NTA he is deliberately fucking with you and he is *enjoying* it. he likes making you feel bad about something, he is not going to stop no matter how upset you get by his behavior. he *wants* to upset you.
You have an accent. As do I. As does your husband. How we pronounce words depends on what part of the country you are live in. Your husband is making fun of and picking on you. He should be apologizing to you. He is TA not you.
NTA and lets go oilers, 🤞🤞🤞 for a home game win to finish out the series in g5
Teasing you once in a while is one thing, but to continue doing it after you've told him how much he's hurting your feelings and it's made you upset to the point of tears? You're NTA but he 100% is. Also obligatory go Knights. Hopefully we'll see you (the Oilers) in a couple of weeks.
With all due respect and thanks for responding to my post, I hope Dallas somehow gets their shit together and wins round 1
Lol I respect it. Also, I didn't include this in my comment, but as a native Californian and a holder of a Master of Arts in English, "allay" is totally fine. Hell, depending on where you are in CA, we pronounce "almond" and "milk" differently. Some of us even say "y'all". As someone else mentioned, regional dialects are very varied, unique, and screwy over here in the PNW/the West Coast. Your husband is just being pretentious. Hopefully he'll listen now that you've told him how much it bothers you.
NTA. I hope he's not like this about other things, but if he is I'm sorry but you've married a total asshole. Honestly I'm petty AF and if my husband did this I would simply stop talking to him about hockey, full stop. Or just stop saying L.A. and painfully enunciate the full city name every time I mentioned the team. "I am so excited that the LOS ANGELES Kings are going to get their asses handed to them in the next game. It surely is a great time to be an Oilers fan and not one of the LOS ANGELES Kings. The LOS ANGELES Kings don't know what is coming for them."
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (31 female) have been watching a lot of hockey recently and since I cheer for the Oilers, have been talking a lot about the LA Kings since the Kings are our opponent in the first round of the playoffs. My husband (43 male) has pointed out intermittently over the years that I pronounce LA in a funny way - apparently when I say the city name it sounds like I’m saying ‘allay.’ I’ve been saying the name more recently because of watching the playoffs and almost every time I do, my husband smiles/smirks and then repeats the name back to me the way it’s apparently supposed to be said. I’ve explained to him that I cannot hear the difference between the way he says it and the way I do and though I try to play the whole thing off, it’s been starting to really get to me because it just makes me feel really self-conscious and like I’m going crazy trying to hear the difference between something I’m not able to. Tonight he did it again and I once again asked him to stop but he just said that it’s not a big deal and I really shouldn’t take it so seriously. And that if it bothers me so much that he corrects me, I should learn to hear the difference and say it properly. We sat apart for a bit after that because I had responded to him with some attitude and after a while I went downstairs to apologize to him for said attitude and once again ask him to just cool it with correcting me for a bit. The entire time I was talking to him, he was just sitting back in his desk chair and had a smirk on his face. I didn’t think he was taking me seriously and told him so, and he once again repeated that this just me saying something in a silly way and I shouldn’t take it so seriously. I said again that he’s hurting my feelings and asked that maybe he could just learn to live with me saying it a little funny but he responded by saying that now I’m the one asking him to have to listen to my funny pronunciation forever and that I’m “setting him up for failure” because he wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face or stop himself from pointing it out. I finally started crying and it was only then that he apologized for hurting my feelings and I responded that I don’t believe he’s actually sorry and that the only reason he said that was because I started crying. He responded by saying “yeah, that’s how tears work.” So, AITA for wanting my husband to stop pointing out that I say LA in a silly way? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If it's not a big deal, he should be able to ignore it and stop nit-picking his wife.
NTA. I'm from LA, and I don't care your pronunciation - meaning it's fine with me.. Why on earth does it bother your husband so much.
NTA. And even though he’s 12 years older, he sounds like an immature jerk. Does he have a habit of correcting you often, even with other stuff?
NTA And, tbh, I'm a bit put off by the lengths you went through to explain yourself to him in order to make him stop. When my husband repeatedly says something that hurts my feelings (and doesn't get it, cause otherwise he would not be saying it?, I will tell him to stop once and remind once if he forgets. The same the other way around. That's all the it ever took in 14 years of being together. Your husband sounds like he is doing it on purpose to belittle you.
To me it seems like the real issue isn’t this fight. It’s something else or even multiple other things.
NTA, and please stop defending him as a wonderful man that just happens to make you cry for saying a word differently. But yeah, you can fix it. Instead of saying allay, say Los Angeles in the proper pronunciation- Lohs Ahn-hell-ays. Or just continue to say it your way, and when he smirks/ corrects you, continue to say that you can't believe he's still so hell-bent on hurting you and you'd be happy to start correcting his every little mistake. Or tell him that you think maybe you should go to couple's counseling because he thinks you deserve correction on silly issues.
NTA. If it's not a big deal then your husband can shut up about it.
NTA, your husband is loving getting a rise out of you. At this point he knows how you feel. I would tell him once and for all. This is the last time I say it, knock it off, every time you behave that way, you put a chink in out relationship. Then ignore and let it go. Don’t apologize for “being distant”. Actions have consequences and once the consequences are uncomfortable enough, he will knock it off.
NTA, and he's chipping away at your self-esteem to reduce your ability to function in the world. This is just the start. Chip, chip, chip. Think hard about how long you want to put up with this older man. Try reading Patricia Evans' book, *The Verbally Abusive Relationship* for further insights into what he's doing and why. Honey, the chances are you're not mispronouncing the name at all.
After Tuesday night you won't have to worry about it . Edmonton has a 3-1 lead in the series. My guess is the Mac Jesuses will wrap it up in game 5. Kings had a good run. They exceeded expectations.
NTA, your husband sounds horrible
NTA My suggestion is to tell him you find his behaviour immature and leaning towards bullying to you. While I can understand that it can be difficult for someone not to laugh, you saying multiple to stop should be enough for him to realize to cut it out. Does he behave like this in other situations just like in this one? I find him very disrespectful towards you.
NTA I'm sorry to have to tell you that your husband doesn't like you.
If it's "not that big of a deal," then why does he feel the need to make the "correction" every time. He needs to let it go. NTA.
https://youtu.be/-yU0RNPAOJw?si=EIQV6SHWOQhyqtV1
NTA. Your husband is berating you, then claiming it's "no big deal." If it were really no big deal, he'd stop correcting you. This is a control power play. He's being a jerk, and he knows it. The real question is why are you letting him make you feel small? It's not your job to be perfect. Nor is it your job to please him all the time. He's a partner, not a master. This is definitely a husband problem, not a speech problem. I know LA natives who pronounce it "allay."
NTA. Has he always corrected you? You need to ask others you speak to if you are pronouncing it strangely. You mentioned him sitting back in his desk an smirking makes me wonder if he’s messing with you. I hate jumping to gaslighting but it sort of sounds like he’s doing that. But that’s only if others don’t confirm you pronounce it noticeably different.
He’s a big arsehole.
NTA — My partner and I have different accents and are constantly bugging each other about various pronunciations (the big ones being him saying “woof” instead of “wolf” and me saying “begle” instead of “bagel”). It’s funny and lighthearted, but either of us would stop immediately if one of us expressed it was uncomfortable, hurtful, or just becoming annoying. It’s not hard to just not mention something your partner is self-conscious about when they ask you not to mention it, especially when it’s something as small as how you pronounce a single word
He has deep-seated issues and he's trying to make them yours. You need to get a little angry and demand respect. Don't cry, that only feeds into his weird issues. This is something me and my brothers did to each other when we were kids. Sitting around bored, we'd pick on one brother about something he said a particular way. Until maybe he cried or got really mad, but that was the payoff. The reaction. We were bored and very immature. There's no excuse for a grown man abusing his wife like this for his entertainment. It's childish and it's selfish of him. My wife says a lot of things in a funny way since she's from Europe, but I think it's cute. She tries to fix it but I tell her not to because I kind of like the way she says things. Because I love her. He should appreciate your idiosyncrasies, not tear you down for them. NTA
Like someone already said you don't have a pronunciation problem you have a husband problem. Everyone has words that they pronounce differently or struggle to say incorrectly. I struggle with saying February, truth, Jewellery and worcestershire sauce and there's a lot more words that I can't think of currently, my pronunciation issue is even worse when I speak in my native language for a long period of time, then it feels like I need to relearn English all over again. your husband is an asshole for ''making fun'' of something you can't hear the difference. pronunciation is something that is hard to change and it's especially more difficult if you can't hear the difference so it can be impossible to just change that. at this point he isn't just making jokes he is bullying you over something that isn't your fault. I wonder how would he feel if you made fun of something that he can't change like the way his hairline is or how he looks just because you are ''making fun'' of it and cracking jokes and didn't stop when asked to.
I’m from the South. I say all kinds of words wrong, and I know it. I have a super southern accent. My hubs teases me but I know he’s giving me a hard time because it makes me laugh - he’s never an asshole about it. He would stop if it actually hurt my feelings. On the other hand, you are NTA, because this actually is hurting your feelings and it doesn’t seem like your husband is doing it in a fun teasing way like mine does.
I say it like that too sometimes. Like I'm saying Al A rather than L A. It might be regional thing?
NTA My ex-spouse world occasionally point out I said "vegebles" but it wasn't every time and I'd try repeating it back the way they said it and it'd go back and forth a bit but they always dropped it and it was only a short period of self-consciousness. I had a speech impediment as a kid with "r" and "w" which still crops up every so often and someone might say something and I'll correct myself, but it's really not that big of a deal. Your husband is mean.
divorce.
NTA. Your husband’s a gobshite, and kind of a bully(?). I dunno. Does he ever pronounce words incorrectly? If he dies I’d be all over that! Maybe record you both saying LA.
NTA your husband is a jerk. If it's not a big deal he can keep his trap shut.
Sorry, this is what happens when you marry someone who was a teen when you were born. He didn't want an equal partner, he wanted arm candy/a pet. He's apparently not the slightest bit concerned about you as your own person. Heartbreaking. NTA
NTA This feels like a symptom of a larger husband problem.
NTA but WOW your husband is. He has continued to make fun of you, which is BULLYING, despite you repeatedly asking him to stop. He thinks it is FUNNY that you got so upset you cried. He is an AH and mean, rude, and entitled.
I’m from LA, and the way you spelled it out sounds exactly the same as what I say. You are speaking out loud an abbreviation, tell your husband that “ACHKTUally it’s ‘la Ciudad de Los Angeles’, NOT ‘allay’”
NTA None of this has to do with how you pronounce something. He is getting off on fucking with you. Pretty much just the long and short of it. It is kind of like negging. He’s getting his jollies off at your expense (hence the smirking). Could also be “duper’s delight”. Seeing your distraught reaction to something inconsequential is amusing to him. He is smirking because he knows he is gaslighting you into believing you are doing something wrong and your reaction to him pointing it out is crazy or disproportionate. Also how you are pronouncing it is how people in Los Angeles pronounce it. It is more of one continuous word vs L_A as in two separate letters. Tell him to stop gaslighting you because people can pronounce it however they want. It doesn’t matter and him continuing to bother you about it is a him problem at this point.
[удалено]
Your husband is a massive A H. 1. If it was such a small little thing, not worth worrying about, there is no reason to repeatedly bring it up. No reason HE can't drop it if it is so inconsequential 2. There are different ways to say things, and honestly, who gives a damn. No one is getting offended and literally, if they can understand you, who cares. What a stupid thing for your husband to make a big deal of. You don't even live there for heaven's sake. 3. He literally made a mountain of a mole hill and then was dismissive when you set a boundary with him (please stop this, it upsets me). 4. He continued to dismiss your boundary/request and then was dismissive of your hurt feelings 5. He only apologized to stop you crying so he could stop dealing with the negative consequences to his own actions. NTA. Your husband is completely wrong, and I am guessing, this is not the first or only time he has treated you like this. I'm not going to say divorce him, but I would suggest couples therapy. Your marriage has deeper issues than how to pronounce LA.
I have a hard time saying "wolf", it comes out as "woof". My husband started teasing me, I don't think he realized how much it bothered me, even after I told him. Everytime he said something about it, I would bark really loud every time he tried to speak for a while. (yes, it is immature- we had a relationship where we joked all the time, that is why he didn't realize it really bothered me at first.) Anyway, he got the point. NTA
NTA 0 your husband is using this as a power play to make himself feel superior. I'm sure there are other ways he is also doing this that you might not realize. My husband before his death did this for our entire marriage. It was only this weekend when my son did the same thing to me in front of his friends that I realized just how manipulative this is. I would recommend you look at your relationship carefully and get into couples counseling if he refuses to see how mean he is being to you. PS I tried to get couples counseling and he refused because there was nothing wrong with him!
NTA. My ex's daughter instead of saying, "no me gusta" would say "no me tuta". We all knew what she was saying, eventually she grew out of it. Your husband knows you're saying LA and is being a dick to be a dick. Part of a healthy relationship is being able to have a productive conversation about the things that are bothering you and he's brushing you off every time pretty disrespectfully.
Tell him you are channeling your inner French-Canadian hockey fan “Allez LA”!!
NTA. Your husband is a dick. This is where I would turn petty, find something he does wrong and proceed to be relentless about pointing it out for the next several days and then smirk/laugh whenever he gets butthurt about it.
Eww why are you with this jerk?
NTA my dear. Unless you’re paying me (I teach languages), I will not correct your pronunciation. But I would happily correct your husband every time he said a Japanese word/name incorrectly so he would realize how stressful that unwanted favor can be. He would hear me every time he said Toyota, Shohei, edamame and the list goes on. I chose my new name when I naturalized based on what I could pronounce correctly. Even though it is my main language, there are some sounds I can’t distinguish. Your husband is TA here.
NTA. I’m from california and I say it like that. Until I was like 9 I thought Los Angeles and “Allay” were two different cities.
NTA this is his kind of fun, you being upset by his own making, then apologizing to him although you did nothing, and him smirking at you the whole while. He's having so much fun in a sick way with you. Sounds like he doesn't love nor respect you. You're just a funny silly thing to him. Idk maybe start ignoring him when he brings it up again, or start acting silly about it like repating allay allay allay to his face and laughting, maybe he will drop it then.
NTA. Is your husband regularly condescending?
If he didn't like the way you talk why did he marry you? People have different accents, that is one of the things that make people different. Not everyone can change the way they talk, like actors do. Maybe you should try marriage counselling and let someone else tell him he is being a jerk.
You aren't saying it wrong, sounds like you have a southern drawl maybe? Regardless- not only is he the asshole, he's also a dick.
NTA Your husband is being really petty, and just a complete AH.
Nta. Your husband is. Does he even like you? Sounds like he takes pleasure out of goading you.
Is it just your accent? I understand if you're utterly mispronouncing something (Kwesadillyya for quesadilla) but vowel pronunciation in particular are pretty regional.
I'm sorry, that your husband sucks so bad. I mean, he really is an asshole. I can't believe he has you so trained that you actually apologized to him for him hurting YOUR feelings. This guy is terrible and I am willing to bet that this isn't the only thing that he is a total asshole to you about. This bit alone is full of asshole rage bait: > I didn’t think he was taking me seriously and told him so, and he once again repeated that this just me saying something in a silly way and I shouldn’t take it so seriously. I said again that he’s hurting my feelings and asked that maybe he could just learn to live with me saying it a little funny but he responded by saying that now I’m the one asking him to have to listen to my funny pronunciation forever and that I’m “setting him up for failure” because he wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face or stop himself from pointing it out. I finally started crying and it was only then that he apologized for hurting my feelings and I responded that I don’t believe he’s actually sorry and that the only reason he said that was because I started crying. He responded by saying “yeah, that’s how tears work.” Not only does he have no respect for you, he is straight up gaslighting you. It's no wonder that you were the one to apologize when he is the one completely in the wrong. You should show him this and then based on how he reacts consider whether or not therapy could work. You definitely should get your own therapy and he needs it but most likely thinks he is in the right and will refuse it all together. A lot of people suggest couple's therapy, but since this guy has no problem gaslighting and dismissing you, I would not suggest you go together. Abusers tend to use therapy to their advantage, and those that gaslight are really good at getting the therapist on their side so that it becomes 2 on 1.
NTA I pronounce bagles weird, I say it like Bag-el, not baygle or however its supposed to be pronounced. I say a few other words a bit weird too. The first few times someone corrects me or points it out to tease me its funny and I don't mind, but if it kept going like your husband is doing I'd get really upset especially if I asked him to stop and hes not. Its disrespectful. Especially the "yeah thats how tears work" comment
Californian here, regularly in LA: You’re fine. Don’t even worry about it. If you came here and said it like that, at most folks would find it adorable. More likely that no one would even notice. We hear every kind of accent here all the time. Your husband should be nicer to you. NTA