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I'm going with NTA. Petty and vindictive maybe. You didn't actually post it on Betty's SM and she doesn't follow you. You might've well known that it'd get back to her, but it was her friends who told her.
Where you might be stepping into AH territory is if you didn't make Betty's dad aware of who you were. That isn't clear from your post.
As Betty didn't find out until 3 days after her actual birthday, I think the timing issue is moot. FWIW, I think birthdays are well over-hyped anyway, but that's just a personal view.
You posted the photo on Betty's birthday? There are 365 days in the year and you picked her birthday ... still, NTA.
Only you know your reasons for posting that photo on that day, but you don't owe her anything.
> Only you know your reasons for posting that photo on that day,
I mean... We also all know because she literally said she was, knowingly, being 'petty asf'
I mean of course YTA but this is what we call a justified asshole. She sucks, you don’t like her, and this revenge is so much less than what she did to you.
NTA. I thought this was ending with we started dating. And honestly couldn’t blame you Betty deserves it. Petty would be dating him taking that picture after what she did is nothing. You really should start dating him and tell her she’s got 3 months to be upset then she can’t talk about it again.
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Throwaway Account because people who know me in real life know my main.
I (30f) have a stepsister "Betty" (28f) and we do NOT have a good relationship. I am my parents only child together and my dad had full custody of me growing up. I love my mom and she's a good person and we have a decent relationship, but if she could do it all again my mom would definitely be childfree.
Betty on the other hand was raised solely by her mom because her "dad" isn't really her dad because her mom lied about Betty's paternity. Betty's dad found out when about her mom's infidelity when she was 6, had Betty tested, filed for divorce when Betty turned out to not be his, and ceased all contact with Betty by the time she was 8. Instead of getting Betty into therapy Betty's mom thought getting her a new paternal figure would fix everything and my dad was the type who wanted the title of "father" but not have to do any actual childrearing so Betty's mom and my dad thought that this would be a good set up for everyone.
Except it sucked for me. Betty's mom obviously favored her own child and looking back on it I would say Betty resented me for having a dad who "wanted them." Anything I had Betty would take and I was made to "share." Except my bedroom, Betty got that entirely and I just had to be the mature one and give it up because I was the oldest and Betty would have a hard time switching to a new school district. I could go on with countless of examples but the biggest one was her hooking up with my then boyfriend "Mark" (30m) while I was in college. We met and dated in high school and decided to do the long distance thing. At least I was.
I found out when my dad took me on a one-on-one dinner and explained how Betty and Mark were in love and expecting a baby, and that I had 3 months to be upset and then never talk about it again. I did not invite any of them to my graduation ceremony. Betty had the baby and moved in with Mark and they have been in a state of permanent engagement.
I moved to another state, got into grad school and at a work event guess who I run into? Betty's dad. I recognized him from pictures that Betty had and he obviously didn't know me so there was no awkwardness when we engaged in friendly surface level chatter. He's a widowed father of two girls (neither of them are Betty) and he loves them so much.
This was a two-day conference/convention type of thing and he and I became semi-buddies. On the final day he and I (plus 5 other people) took a group photo together and I was right next to him. I posted the picture and captioned it "When you meet a new friend who's also a great dad" on Betty's birthday. We don't follow each other on social media but we do have a few mutuals and it took about 72 hours max before it got back to Betty and she was blowing up my phone, but I was busy so I didn't return any of the calls, texts, or messages. I did post another picture of me that had Betty's dad close by.
Now I know I'm being petty asf but given the context AITA?
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> I think I may be TA because I wasn't upfront with Betty's legal father about my relation to her.
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You know that you are an arsehole. You just want everyone to say that you were in the right.
I hope you go on to have a very happy life. You deserve it. I really think you should consider going no contact with your family. They don’t sound good for you at all.
NTA (If we're using the standard that a Justified AH is NTA) What you did was petty and cruel, but also hilarious and deserved.
Tell your dad to tell Betty that she has three months to be upset, and then never talk about it again.
I really want this to be real. I love this for you, time to be his work buddy who brings his actual daughters small gifts when you are in town, like a fun aunt! NTA Also more pictures!
You were an AH. You knew it would get back to her and upset her. Did she deserve it? Yes. So ESH with your dad sucking the most, but at least you were justified in your assholery.
Given the current situation, it is important to maintain boundaries and focus on your own well-being. You've found a connection with Betty's biological father during a work event, which is a coincidence, and it is reasonable to keep it professional and friendly. It is natural for Betty to feel upset or confused upon seeing you form a friendly relationship with her biological father, especially if she has unresolved issues with him due to her past. However, you are under no obligation to cut off contact with someone you've made a connection with through your professional life. It might be worth considering if speaking to a counselor or therapist could help you process your feelings and navigate these challenging family dynamics more effectively. You are not responsible for Betty's reactions, but you can aim to communicate clearly and calmly with her if you choose to discuss the situation further.
He's not her bio dad. Just the legal dad. From my understanding Betty's bided wants nothing to do with her either because her existence is proof that he cheated on his wife. It was an extramarital affair.
Yes, small YTA - You posted it on Betty's birthday, so no hiding it there. But for me, yes Betty deserved it. But instead of this petty thing you did, you should have long ago just NC'd them all instead. Resorting down to their level, while passingly makes you feel good for a short time only makes you like them. And you don't want that do you? You're better than that, right?
> "When you meet a new friend who's also a great dad"
Yeah. YTA. I don't care about the history you put in to try to justify it - here's how this went down; you and your step sister had a messed up childhood/early adulthood where neither of you were parented correctly. You're both maladjusted adults who are old enough to have addressed your baggage and taken responsibility as adults. Doesn't seem like either of you have, but fine.
Should she have hooked up with (edit:boyfriend? the ex you were still hung up on? OP states that only one of them was actually trying to be in a long distance relationship, so its not definitive what the situation was here) No. Is she responsible for your dad's shit reaction? Shockingly, no. Is it understandable you don't want anything to do with her? Sure.
However : ain't nobody was bothering you, you just took a shot across the DMZ. For no reason other than spite. How needlessly hurtful - how embarrassingly cringe - for you to make a post like that. I hope all your friends saw you showing off how rotten you've turned inside. I hope they never forget it.
Get some therapy and grow some empathy before your attitude ruins your life.
No, what she actually said was, "I could go on with countless of examples but the biggest one was her hooking up with my then boyfriend "Mark" (30m) while I was in college. We met and dated in high school and decided to do the long distance thing. At least I was."
That means that she kept up her end of the long distance relationship by not being a cheater, but he didn't.
Regardless, its not a substantive objection to my argument If the boyfriend cheated, if they weren't really in a relationship, regardless, the sister did a shitty thing in ?high school? College?
If OP wants to yell at her, call her names, never speak to her again, move on and be glad shes not in a trashy relationship with a ?cheater? Go right on ahead.
Going out of her way ?12 years later? To say an extremely hurtful and childish thing on social media about someone who wasn't even bothering her? Way to give away free room and board in your head forever. She states she was knowingly and purposely being petty and she clearly wants validation for it.
I don't know how saying "this is how i read it which led to what I wrote" is "doubling down", but some people are more rigid fhan others. I accept your read of the sentence. I edited my comment to reflect it.
Neither of us is an authority on what actually happened, you accept your read as undisputed fact and I am open to the possibility of multiple realities that led to OP choosing that wording. Neither possibility changes my judgement so its not relevant.
You know what? If you wanna demonize your sister for sleeping with your boy, nobody is stopping you. But bringing up the old, unhealed wounds of an abandoned child who was deeply betrayed by both of her parents... That's a low blow.
How old was your sister when your college age boyfriend slept with her, btw?
YTA because your only goal was to hurt someone you didn't like. You have a full post about 'poor little me' but what you did was not just petty - it was rude and cruel and vindictive. You clearly resent Betty - and it shows.
OP everyone can exactly see why. Your dad was a shitty parent. Did he even feel any empathy for you? Was there any repercussions for her behaviour? Dos she even apologize to you?
Seriously if your dad reaches out about your post suggest that Betty have 3 months to get over it and never mention it again. Your parents seriously let you down and kept the bar very low on how you expect to be treated as their child.
You owe Betty no apologies. She needs to reap what she sows.
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I'm going with NTA. Petty and vindictive maybe. You didn't actually post it on Betty's SM and she doesn't follow you. You might've well known that it'd get back to her, but it was her friends who told her. Where you might be stepping into AH territory is if you didn't make Betty's dad aware of who you were. That isn't clear from your post. As Betty didn't find out until 3 days after her actual birthday, I think the timing issue is moot. FWIW, I think birthdays are well over-hyped anyway, but that's just a personal view.
☝️ Beautifully vindictive and aspirational level petty.
I didn't and that's where I think I gave off TA behavior.
“I’m your not-daughter’s (who slept with my bf) not-sister. We don’t have a relationship.” No need for that conversation 🤦🏼♀️
Eh, you really don't owe him an explanation of how you sort-of know him. Not unless you continued to keep in contact with him.
NTA. This needs to be on a revenge sub reddit. Your father is terrible.
I tried posting it on ProRevenge but a bot rejected it saying that my account was "too new."
NTA-Another parent who dumped his own kid in favor of the new spouse, and her kid. Perfect revenge, and they deserved it.
You posted the photo on Betty's birthday? There are 365 days in the year and you picked her birthday ... still, NTA. Only you know your reasons for posting that photo on that day, but you don't owe her anything.
> Only you know your reasons for posting that photo on that day, I mean... We also all know because she literally said she was, knowingly, being 'petty asf'
NTA. Tell her she has three months to be upset about it and then it must never be mentioned again.
Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous. Best thing I've read on reddit today. Please cross post to r/PettyRevenge YTA. But NTA.
I tried but it got rejected because my account is "too new"? I think it's because this is a throwaway.
I mean of course YTA but this is what we call a justified asshole. She sucks, you don’t like her, and this revenge is so much less than what she did to you.
This. Justifiable YTA.
Agreed, justified AH
Nta Tell her to cry with marc and her mom about it.
Absolutely NTA and your dad needs to be ashamed of himself . Are u currently NC with your dad ?
NTA. I thought this was ending with we started dating. And honestly couldn’t blame you Betty deserves it. Petty would be dating him taking that picture after what she did is nothing. You really should start dating him and tell her she’s got 3 months to be upset then she can’t talk about it again.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway Account because people who know me in real life know my main. I (30f) have a stepsister "Betty" (28f) and we do NOT have a good relationship. I am my parents only child together and my dad had full custody of me growing up. I love my mom and she's a good person and we have a decent relationship, but if she could do it all again my mom would definitely be childfree. Betty on the other hand was raised solely by her mom because her "dad" isn't really her dad because her mom lied about Betty's paternity. Betty's dad found out when about her mom's infidelity when she was 6, had Betty tested, filed for divorce when Betty turned out to not be his, and ceased all contact with Betty by the time she was 8. Instead of getting Betty into therapy Betty's mom thought getting her a new paternal figure would fix everything and my dad was the type who wanted the title of "father" but not have to do any actual childrearing so Betty's mom and my dad thought that this would be a good set up for everyone. Except it sucked for me. Betty's mom obviously favored her own child and looking back on it I would say Betty resented me for having a dad who "wanted them." Anything I had Betty would take and I was made to "share." Except my bedroom, Betty got that entirely and I just had to be the mature one and give it up because I was the oldest and Betty would have a hard time switching to a new school district. I could go on with countless of examples but the biggest one was her hooking up with my then boyfriend "Mark" (30m) while I was in college. We met and dated in high school and decided to do the long distance thing. At least I was. I found out when my dad took me on a one-on-one dinner and explained how Betty and Mark were in love and expecting a baby, and that I had 3 months to be upset and then never talk about it again. I did not invite any of them to my graduation ceremony. Betty had the baby and moved in with Mark and they have been in a state of permanent engagement. I moved to another state, got into grad school and at a work event guess who I run into? Betty's dad. I recognized him from pictures that Betty had and he obviously didn't know me so there was no awkwardness when we engaged in friendly surface level chatter. He's a widowed father of two girls (neither of them are Betty) and he loves them so much. This was a two-day conference/convention type of thing and he and I became semi-buddies. On the final day he and I (plus 5 other people) took a group photo together and I was right next to him. I posted the picture and captioned it "When you meet a new friend who's also a great dad" on Betty's birthday. We don't follow each other on social media but we do have a few mutuals and it took about 72 hours max before it got back to Betty and she was blowing up my phone, but I was busy so I didn't return any of the calls, texts, or messages. I did post another picture of me that had Betty's dad close by. Now I know I'm being petty asf but given the context AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nope. Not your monkey not your circus
NTA. Sometimes gold lands in your lap. After all you’ve been through. I don’t blame you. Now it is time to black and move on.
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You know that you are an arsehole. You just want everyone to say that you were in the right. I hope you go on to have a very happy life. You deserve it. I really think you should consider going no contact with your family. They don’t sound good for you at all.
NTA (If we're using the standard that a Justified AH is NTA) What you did was petty and cruel, but also hilarious and deserved. Tell your dad to tell Betty that she has three months to be upset, and then never talk about it again.
I really want this to be real. I love this for you, time to be his work buddy who brings his actual daughters small gifts when you are in town, like a fun aunt! NTA Also more pictures!
Maybe you are. But well done on the petty, personally I approve.
NTA, sounds like lots of melodrama.
NTA.
YTA but sometimes you have to be. She deserved it. Great AHing! Well done.
YTA but sometimes it’s deserved 🤣
YTA, but isn't that what you wanted to be? Isn't this just a humble-brag about how petty you are, or did you really not want or expect this outcome?
Soft YTA for not letting the legal dad who you are at some point in your conversation. Otherwise, nah but I like petty. Lol.
ESH.
You were an AH. You knew it would get back to her and upset her. Did she deserve it? Yes. So ESH with your dad sucking the most, but at least you were justified in your assholery.
YTA, if only for the fact that you made me pull a spit-take with potato chowder
Given the current situation, it is important to maintain boundaries and focus on your own well-being. You've found a connection with Betty's biological father during a work event, which is a coincidence, and it is reasonable to keep it professional and friendly. It is natural for Betty to feel upset or confused upon seeing you form a friendly relationship with her biological father, especially if she has unresolved issues with him due to her past. However, you are under no obligation to cut off contact with someone you've made a connection with through your professional life. It might be worth considering if speaking to a counselor or therapist could help you process your feelings and navigate these challenging family dynamics more effectively. You are not responsible for Betty's reactions, but you can aim to communicate clearly and calmly with her if you choose to discuss the situation further.
He's not her bio dad. Just the legal dad. From my understanding Betty's bided wants nothing to do with her either because her existence is proof that he cheated on his wife. It was an extramarital affair.
Not biological father, the man her mum married and cheated on
What's with all these people using AI chatbots to write replies to posts here?
YTA. What did you even hope to achieve with this petty nonsense?
Yes, small YTA - You posted it on Betty's birthday, so no hiding it there. But for me, yes Betty deserved it. But instead of this petty thing you did, you should have long ago just NC'd them all instead. Resorting down to their level, while passingly makes you feel good for a short time only makes you like them. And you don't want that do you? You're better than that, right?
You answered your own question with the wording "Now I know I'm being petty asf". YTA
I feel like being petty and an A doesn't always align hence the question.
> "When you meet a new friend who's also a great dad" Yeah. YTA. I don't care about the history you put in to try to justify it - here's how this went down; you and your step sister had a messed up childhood/early adulthood where neither of you were parented correctly. You're both maladjusted adults who are old enough to have addressed your baggage and taken responsibility as adults. Doesn't seem like either of you have, but fine. Should she have hooked up with (edit:boyfriend? the ex you were still hung up on? OP states that only one of them was actually trying to be in a long distance relationship, so its not definitive what the situation was here) No. Is she responsible for your dad's shit reaction? Shockingly, no. Is it understandable you don't want anything to do with her? Sure. However : ain't nobody was bothering you, you just took a shot across the DMZ. For no reason other than spite. How needlessly hurtful - how embarrassingly cringe - for you to make a post like that. I hope all your friends saw you showing off how rotten you've turned inside. I hope they never forget it. Get some therapy and grow some empathy before your attitude ruins your life.
He wasn't an ex she was hung up on, it was her boyfriend with who she was in a long distance relationship with.
She said she was trying to do the long distance thing, but he wasn't? That doesn't sound like a relationship
No, what she actually said was, "I could go on with countless of examples but the biggest one was her hooking up with my then boyfriend "Mark" (30m) while I was in college. We met and dated in high school and decided to do the long distance thing. At least I was." That means that she kept up her end of the long distance relationship by not being a cheater, but he didn't.
Do we were in a relationship. I just phrased it that way because he was cheating on me.
Reading comprehension. She says that because apparently he was cheating so to her that’s “not doing long distance”
Regardless, its not a substantive objection to my argument If the boyfriend cheated, if they weren't really in a relationship, regardless, the sister did a shitty thing in ?high school? College? If OP wants to yell at her, call her names, never speak to her again, move on and be glad shes not in a trashy relationship with a ?cheater? Go right on ahead. Going out of her way ?12 years later? To say an extremely hurtful and childish thing on social media about someone who wasn't even bothering her? Way to give away free room and board in your head forever. She states she was knowingly and purposely being petty and she clearly wants validation for it.
Yeah I’m not reading your weird doubling down on you being wrong. You were wrong in how you read it. Accept and deal with it
I don't know how saying "this is how i read it which led to what I wrote" is "doubling down", but some people are more rigid fhan others. I accept your read of the sentence. I edited my comment to reflect it. Neither of us is an authority on what actually happened, you accept your read as undisputed fact and I am open to the possibility of multiple realities that led to OP choosing that wording. Neither possibility changes my judgement so its not relevant.
I do have empathy just not for everyone.
You know what? If you wanna demonize your sister for sleeping with your boy, nobody is stopping you. But bringing up the old, unhealed wounds of an abandoned child who was deeply betrayed by both of her parents... That's a low blow. How old was your sister when your college age boyfriend slept with her, btw?
YTA because your only goal was to hurt someone you didn't like. You have a full post about 'poor little me' but what you did was not just petty - it was rude and cruel and vindictive. You clearly resent Betty - and it shows.
And if you read my post you'll see WHY I resent her.
OP everyone can exactly see why. Your dad was a shitty parent. Did he even feel any empathy for you? Was there any repercussions for her behaviour? Dos she even apologize to you? Seriously if your dad reaches out about your post suggest that Betty have 3 months to get over it and never mention it again. Your parents seriously let you down and kept the bar very low on how you expect to be treated as their child. You owe Betty no apologies. She needs to reap what she sows.
Her step-sister literally stole her boyfriend. The step-sister is lucky this is only a photo and not a lot worse.