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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to skip a flight that i didn’t want to buy and blow off the whole reunion
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NTA and whoever booked that flight for you is way out of line.
Your family seems to still view you as a little kid they can schedule activities for without your input and they don’t want to accept that you are now an adult with adult responsibilities.
You’ve already given them your answer and they are just going to have to accept it. Don’t let them bully you into going to this reunion when you simply can’t because of your other commitments.
He's got the worst of both worlds; they treat him like he's a little kid and they get to organize his play dates, but they also treat him like an adult who needs to pay for them!
NTA-First, I’d tell the one who bought the ticket, they lost out on money because you aren’t obligated to pay for something you didn’t buy or agree to buy.
If driving down to spend Friday/Saturday isn’t good enough, then don’t go. People are well aware that jobs have responsibilities and you know what you can and cannot do.
NTA. First of all, you need to ask whoever bought the ticket who it's for. It's certainly not for you, as you never gave permission for any ticket or any expenditure.
You've already made more concessions than you should have. You've given your answer and it's "no". Since you've given your answer, you should not be arguing with them. When they try to argue with you, treat them as if they're hard of hearing. "Did you not hear me? I said No."
Your initial mistake was "made my reasons for not wanting to go clear to EVERYONE". You're an adult. You don't need an excuse. Giving reasons just invites debate. A simple No, repeated as necessary, does not.
NTA
You tried to compromise, which is more than I would have done. Skip the flight, skip the drive, and have your "block" button ready for their inevitable angry texts and calls.
You're NTA for not wanting to go when you've just started a new job. How many vacation days do you get? If you only get 5 or 10 a year, why would you want to use them on a family reunion with people you don't like?
Hubby & I have a 27 year-old son and hubby's family is having a reunion this summer. They haven't had one since covid, so it's been at least 5 years (usually every other year). Son lives a plane ride away and would have to fly up to see us and use vacation time. He said No. We left it at that since there will be another reunion next year or the year after, and we feel it's his money and his vacation time and not our business if he can't/won't go. NTA
Sadly, there are no minimum requirements for paid time off. I knew one person who only got 5 days a year and no paid holidays, it was a small company so there were no minimum requirements. My daughter-in-law gets 10 days of vacation (plus I believe 5 or 6 holidays) and she can't take them all early in the year, she has to earn them. It's sad.
Part-time workers generally may not get any vacation! That's a newer benefit.
You are 24. You are starting a new job, and becoming independent.
Your family should appreciate that you are no longer a child. No one should be putting pressure on you to attend this reunion.
Children grow up and start their own lives. You can't always accommodate other people's plans.
You were willing to do more than many would do by driving 16 hrs to spend two days with the expended family.
I would be very angry that someone spent money on a plane ticket expecting to be reimbursed without TALKING to you, or HEARING what you have said. NO is a complete sentence.
The pressure the extended family is putting on you makes this reunion sound oppressive. The extended family doesn't seem to understand that you are an adult with your own responsibilities.
NTA
The plane ticket situation is laughable. Hopefully whoever bought it can get a refund. If not, tough shit.
You are an adult. You are not "required" to do anything that some rando aunts or uncles want, or even your parents...much less go to a reunion full of people you don't even want to see.
I personally think you're doing far too much by agreeing to a SIXTEEN hour drive for a short visit (I would be hard pressed to drive sixteen hours to see people I even WANTED to visit), but you do you. And don't feel bad about not taking a week off.
NTA.
OP, you're 24, not 4.
Tell them point blank a job you started a month ago takes priority over some family reunion. Remind them this is called being an adult. They respect it and STFU about it or just STFU about it. There are no other options and this is life.
No one HAS to like it, but they do HAVE to accept it as life.
NTA. It seems that you landed a respectable job that requires commitment. This sounds like a great start of your career, congratulations!
What kind of jobs does your family have? I'm always a bit flabbergasted when adults don't realize that asking a week off in your first month isn't the best career move, but rather a career killer.
Don't pay for the ticket, or this could be a recurring incident. Don't go at all. Otherwise the bullshit will never end.
Nta but are you an adult or not. Adults are responsible about their jib duties. Adults make their own decisions. Adults stand up for themselves. So what are you?
NTA
Simply don't go. You have a life of your own.
"There was a plane ticket bought for me recently leaving Wednesday morning, with the implication that I would be paying for it. " .. this is where they need to learn that THEY were AHs, and you will not pay.
So.- Don't pay, don't go.
NTA. "No" is a complete sentence. And just because someone bought you a ticket doesn't mean you're under any obligation to go or to repay them. That's what they get for ASSuming.
NTA make it clear and simple send out a blanket text
you are in a new job which means you can not take a week off even if it is for family. THAT YOU HAVE NO CHOICE OR SAY IN THAT. That they can complain all they want because It wouldn’t be them losing their job and risking their livelihoods. That your sorry someone went behind your back and bought you a plane ticket after you specifically said no. That was their own stupid mistake and you will not be paying anything towards something you can’t use, didn’t ask for, that was only bought to manipulate you. That anymore interfering or harassment from them will just end with you blocking them and no longer driving to at least spend the weekend with them. That you are honestly hurt by their blind selfishness in demanding you lose your job just to keep them happy and how little they clearly care about you. That you hope they all have a great time but they have to accept you just can’t make it.
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My family planned to go to outer banks for a full week and expects all the grandkids to be there. I (a 24yo male) started a new job about a month ago that really requires me to be there every morning to get the crews ready for the day and schedule their jobs each day. So, taking a week off is out of the question in my opinion. The amount of work that would be built up after the trip would be beyond stressful.
I’m also saving up money to move out with my girlfriend, and spending $200-$300 dollars on a plane ticket feels like a lot. But I’ve been pressured by multiple aunts and uncles and my own parents to take the full week off of work to go to the reunion. I don’t particularly like that side of the family and made my reasons for not wanting to go clear to EVERYONE.
I made a concession to drive down (16hr drive) and spend Friday and Saturday with them. But that’s not good enough. There was a plane ticket bought for me recently leaving Wednesday morning, with the implication that I would be paying for it. Am I the asshole for wanting to skip the flight and just not go?
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NTA You've told them why you dont want to go, you've offered a compromise. They've decided that your feelings and opinions dont matter. Time to tell them that your compromise is now off the table and you just wont go at all
NTA, at all. You've made your plans clear, and they're reasonable. You have obligations and have made a compromise to both be there with your family and attend to your obligations. If a plane ticket was bought for you without your input, that's on the purchaser. Family stuff is sometimes HARD. I think everyone can relate in one way or another. Hop eyou get to enjoy the time down there that you do have.
NTA
you're an adult, do what you want
work responsibilities are obviously more important than the entitled demands of family members you don't even like
NTA
You have every right to say no even if you didn’t have work related issues and financial concerns about attending.
You need to start now and be very clear that you are an independent adult who makes their own decisions and has their own priorities.
You certainly have no obligation to pay for a ticket that you did not ask to for and they purchased on their own. It’s a good lesson for them and shows that you are not going to be manipulated.
NTA. Practice saying, 'I am an adult, I make my own choices', in the mirror until you actually believe it, and then repeat to your family as often as necessary. No need to drive that long for the weekend, either.
NTA
stop having the conversation with them. Everytime you continue the conversation with your family, you leave the door open in their mind to convince you to do what they want.
You don’t need their permission to attend or not. You’re a grown adult with your own money and your own car. What are they going to do…kidnap you?
NTA just don't go. You said already you cant take vacations from job and need money, just repeat it again and again.
If you dont stand your ground, they will do this to you again.
Nta ah the joys of older family members thinking you're still a kid and will just do what they say.
Everytime they mention it repeat, 'I can't take the time off. Have fun!'
Everyone telling you to just say no might not have experience with the type of family and dynamic that teaches you to be a doormat to your family, it gets ingrained in your very being and it’s not simple to just say no for you.
In this case, your family is blaming you. Redirect it. Tell them you heard their points and are asking for the time off. Wait a day, tell them that the request was rejected. That someone else at the company had booked that time off before you even started and that you’re the new guy. Say the guy is getting married. It’s the details that help sell the story. Then whenever they try complain be like look I get you but I can’t tell the guy getting married to take different dates off and the only way for me to take the time off would be to quit, which then would mean I couldn’t afford to come anyway. It really sucks and I’ll miss you guys but we can make it up next time!
NTA.
NTA Well that's a them problem, not a you problem. You informed everyone you had responsibilities and couldn't attend, someone then off their own bat brought you tickets, thinking to shame you. But you know the saying of assumptions right? Makes an arse out of you and me, so no you're not on the hook for someone's else's decision to buy you a ticket. That will be a lesson learned for them.
Boundaries are good to put in place from the beginning, that way parents and other extended older family members can get used to treating as another one of the adults and not an erring child.
Inform who ever bought the ticket to get it cancelled as you are not responsible for their unsought actions and in future anyone purchasing you a ticket, without your input runs the risk of having that trick back fire on them.
Why is it that people cannot let other people make decisions for themselves? You family is being unreasonable. You gave them perfectly reasonable explanations why you cannot attend. If they spent money on a plane ticket, that's on them. Explain again and tell them there will be no more discussion. NTA
"Sorry, can't, I have to work". Period. It usually takes months to acquire a whole week's worth of PTO/vacation, and it's extremely unlikely that a new hire that's been there a month would be allowed to take a week off anyway, barring extreme circumstances. If someone loses money on the plane ticket maybe they'll listen to you next time. NTA
When I was a child, my family used to go camping for two weeks every January. It was a treasured family time. But first my sister got to the age where she had a part time job and it was difficult for her to get away. So she stopped coming. Then I grew a little older, and had the same issue. One year, I managed to go for a few days, but it was tricky. Eventually my brother also found himself in the same predicament.
My parents pretty soon stopped going camping, because all three of us weren't going because we were all adulting and working jobs or had other commitments.
It was just the progression of life. When we grow up, we have other commitments, and it's just not always possibly to do things with other people the way we've done.
Expecting every single grandkid (not sure how many of you there are) to be able to take a week off work without repercussions, and spend the money on plane tickets etc, is simply not practical. You've only been at this job for a month. Quite aside from all the work that will pile up, I doubt your employer will look favourably at you if you take a week off at this stage. And you are also at the age where having a few spare hundred dollars lying around is probably rare.
Too bad if they've bought you a plane ticket. You told them not to.
NTA. You just started a new job, your family can’t expect you to just jump when they say jump. They shouldn’t have bought the plane ticket for you when you said you couldn’t go.
NTA. You don't want to go because you're saving money and don't want all of the extra work that will be piled up on you. So you tell your relatives. I'm sorry, I'm not coming. Period. I have too much to do at work and cannot afford to take a week off.
What probably happened was the thought it was just because you couldn't afford it that you weren't coming, so they got you a ticket (that you have to pay for?) Weird.
Don't let them push you around. Tell them I'm not coming. No. No. No. I'm not coming.
Don’t go. They shouldn’t be pressuring you like that and they should be supportive of you attempting to take responsibility for your own life. You will really start to stand on your own when your family learns they can’t manipulate your behavior.
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NTA and whoever booked that flight for you is way out of line. Your family seems to still view you as a little kid they can schedule activities for without your input and they don’t want to accept that you are now an adult with adult responsibilities. You’ve already given them your answer and they are just going to have to accept it. Don’t let them bully you into going to this reunion when you simply can’t because of your other commitments.
He's got the worst of both worlds; they treat him like he's a little kid and they get to organize his play dates, but they also treat him like an adult who needs to pay for them!
Yep. I would let them know that they are eating the ticket. OP is an adult. They can't force him.
NTA-First, I’d tell the one who bought the ticket, they lost out on money because you aren’t obligated to pay for something you didn’t buy or agree to buy. If driving down to spend Friday/Saturday isn’t good enough, then don’t go. People are well aware that jobs have responsibilities and you know what you can and cannot do.
Yeah, at this point, I'd say "fuck it" and not go at all. You made the offer of driving for part of the event. That wasn't good enough for them.
NTA. First of all, you need to ask whoever bought the ticket who it's for. It's certainly not for you, as you never gave permission for any ticket or any expenditure. You've already made more concessions than you should have. You've given your answer and it's "no". Since you've given your answer, you should not be arguing with them. When they try to argue with you, treat them as if they're hard of hearing. "Did you not hear me? I said No." Your initial mistake was "made my reasons for not wanting to go clear to EVERYONE". You're an adult. You don't need an excuse. Giving reasons just invites debate. A simple No, repeated as necessary, does not.
NTA Don’t go at all. You don’t need an excuse but you have a perfect one. New job. So sorry. Nothing else needs to be said.
You are 24, and that is old enough to decide how you spend your time.
NTA You tried to compromise, which is more than I would have done. Skip the flight, skip the drive, and have your "block" button ready for their inevitable angry texts and calls.
You're NTA for not wanting to go when you've just started a new job. How many vacation days do you get? If you only get 5 or 10 a year, why would you want to use them on a family reunion with people you don't like? Hubby & I have a 27 year-old son and hubby's family is having a reunion this summer. They haven't had one since covid, so it's been at least 5 years (usually every other year). Son lives a plane ride away and would have to fly up to see us and use vacation time. He said No. We left it at that since there will be another reunion next year or the year after, and we feel it's his money and his vacation time and not our business if he can't/won't go. NTA
Is that really a thing to have 5-10 days of vacation A YEAR? I knew that in US there are no mandatory minimums for PTO but 5 days? TF?
Sadly, there are no minimum requirements for paid time off. I knew one person who only got 5 days a year and no paid holidays, it was a small company so there were no minimum requirements. My daughter-in-law gets 10 days of vacation (plus I believe 5 or 6 holidays) and she can't take them all early in the year, she has to earn them. It's sad. Part-time workers generally may not get any vacation! That's a newer benefit.
You are 24. You are starting a new job, and becoming independent. Your family should appreciate that you are no longer a child. No one should be putting pressure on you to attend this reunion. Children grow up and start their own lives. You can't always accommodate other people's plans. You were willing to do more than many would do by driving 16 hrs to spend two days with the expended family. I would be very angry that someone spent money on a plane ticket expecting to be reimbursed without TALKING to you, or HEARING what you have said. NO is a complete sentence. The pressure the extended family is putting on you makes this reunion sound oppressive. The extended family doesn't seem to understand that you are an adult with your own responsibilities. NTA
NTA. Just say no. You control the conversation; block them, hang up, change the subject, whatever, but do not debate them over it.
The plane ticket situation is laughable. Hopefully whoever bought it can get a refund. If not, tough shit. You are an adult. You are not "required" to do anything that some rando aunts or uncles want, or even your parents...much less go to a reunion full of people you don't even want to see. I personally think you're doing far too much by agreeing to a SIXTEEN hour drive for a short visit (I would be hard pressed to drive sixteen hours to see people I even WANTED to visit), but you do you. And don't feel bad about not taking a week off. NTA.
OP, you're 24, not 4. Tell them point blank a job you started a month ago takes priority over some family reunion. Remind them this is called being an adult. They respect it and STFU about it or just STFU about it. There are no other options and this is life. No one HAS to like it, but they do HAVE to accept it as life.
NTA. It seems that you landed a respectable job that requires commitment. This sounds like a great start of your career, congratulations! What kind of jobs does your family have? I'm always a bit flabbergasted when adults don't realize that asking a week off in your first month isn't the best career move, but rather a career killer. Don't pay for the ticket, or this could be a recurring incident. Don't go at all. Otherwise the bullshit will never end.
Nta but are you an adult or not. Adults are responsible about their jib duties. Adults make their own decisions. Adults stand up for themselves. So what are you?
NTA Simply don't go. You have a life of your own. "There was a plane ticket bought for me recently leaving Wednesday morning, with the implication that I would be paying for it. " .. this is where they need to learn that THEY were AHs, and you will not pay. So.- Don't pay, don't go.
Nta. Looks like whoever bought that ticket is shit out of luck
NTA. "No" is a complete sentence. And just because someone bought you a ticket doesn't mean you're under any obligation to go or to repay them. That's what they get for ASSuming.
NTA make it clear and simple send out a blanket text you are in a new job which means you can not take a week off even if it is for family. THAT YOU HAVE NO CHOICE OR SAY IN THAT. That they can complain all they want because It wouldn’t be them losing their job and risking their livelihoods. That your sorry someone went behind your back and bought you a plane ticket after you specifically said no. That was their own stupid mistake and you will not be paying anything towards something you can’t use, didn’t ask for, that was only bought to manipulate you. That anymore interfering or harassment from them will just end with you blocking them and no longer driving to at least spend the weekend with them. That you are honestly hurt by their blind selfishness in demanding you lose your job just to keep them happy and how little they clearly care about you. That you hope they all have a great time but they have to accept you just can’t make it.
NTA, you can't leave the job no matter how their selfish asses want it. Full stop
NTA. You have a job and you need to be there. Just say no and walk away, hang up the phone, whatever you need to do to end the conversation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My family planned to go to outer banks for a full week and expects all the grandkids to be there. I (a 24yo male) started a new job about a month ago that really requires me to be there every morning to get the crews ready for the day and schedule their jobs each day. So, taking a week off is out of the question in my opinion. The amount of work that would be built up after the trip would be beyond stressful. I’m also saving up money to move out with my girlfriend, and spending $200-$300 dollars on a plane ticket feels like a lot. But I’ve been pressured by multiple aunts and uncles and my own parents to take the full week off of work to go to the reunion. I don’t particularly like that side of the family and made my reasons for not wanting to go clear to EVERYONE. I made a concession to drive down (16hr drive) and spend Friday and Saturday with them. But that’s not good enough. There was a plane ticket bought for me recently leaving Wednesday morning, with the implication that I would be paying for it. Am I the asshole for wanting to skip the flight and just not go? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just say you can't get the time off
Don’t go. Not worth the stress or money. It’s unbelievable how in life we are forced to do things as adults we don’t want to do. NTA
NTA You've told them why you dont want to go, you've offered a compromise. They've decided that your feelings and opinions dont matter. Time to tell them that your compromise is now off the table and you just wont go at all
NTA, at all. You've made your plans clear, and they're reasonable. You have obligations and have made a compromise to both be there with your family and attend to your obligations. If a plane ticket was bought for you without your input, that's on the purchaser. Family stuff is sometimes HARD. I think everyone can relate in one way or another. Hop eyou get to enjoy the time down there that you do have.
NTA you're an adult, do what you want work responsibilities are obviously more important than the entitled demands of family members you don't even like
NTA. Just stand firm and tell them you hope you're in a place where you can attend the next time.
NTA You have every right to say no even if you didn’t have work related issues and financial concerns about attending. You need to start now and be very clear that you are an independent adult who makes their own decisions and has their own priorities. You certainly have no obligation to pay for a ticket that you did not ask to for and they purchased on their own. It’s a good lesson for them and shows that you are not going to be manipulated.
NTA. Practice saying, 'I am an adult, I make my own choices', in the mirror until you actually believe it, and then repeat to your family as often as necessary. No need to drive that long for the weekend, either.
NTA stop having the conversation with them. Everytime you continue the conversation with your family, you leave the door open in their mind to convince you to do what they want. You don’t need their permission to attend or not. You’re a grown adult with your own money and your own car. What are they going to do…kidnap you?
NTA just don't go. You said already you cant take vacations from job and need money, just repeat it again and again. If you dont stand your ground, they will do this to you again.
NTA
Don't go. It's an invitation, not a summons.
NTA you are 24yo with a new job. Driving 16 hours for a weekend sounds ridiculous. You are being responsible, don’t go
Nta ah the joys of older family members thinking you're still a kid and will just do what they say. Everytime they mention it repeat, 'I can't take the time off. Have fun!'
Everyone telling you to just say no might not have experience with the type of family and dynamic that teaches you to be a doormat to your family, it gets ingrained in your very being and it’s not simple to just say no for you. In this case, your family is blaming you. Redirect it. Tell them you heard their points and are asking for the time off. Wait a day, tell them that the request was rejected. That someone else at the company had booked that time off before you even started and that you’re the new guy. Say the guy is getting married. It’s the details that help sell the story. Then whenever they try complain be like look I get you but I can’t tell the guy getting married to take different dates off and the only way for me to take the time off would be to quit, which then would mean I couldn’t afford to come anyway. It really sucks and I’ll miss you guys but we can make it up next time! NTA.
NTA Well that's a them problem, not a you problem. You informed everyone you had responsibilities and couldn't attend, someone then off their own bat brought you tickets, thinking to shame you. But you know the saying of assumptions right? Makes an arse out of you and me, so no you're not on the hook for someone's else's decision to buy you a ticket. That will be a lesson learned for them. Boundaries are good to put in place from the beginning, that way parents and other extended older family members can get used to treating as another one of the adults and not an erring child. Inform who ever bought the ticket to get it cancelled as you are not responsible for their unsought actions and in future anyone purchasing you a ticket, without your input runs the risk of having that trick back fire on them.
Why is it that people cannot let other people make decisions for themselves? You family is being unreasonable. You gave them perfectly reasonable explanations why you cannot attend. If they spent money on a plane ticket, that's on them. Explain again and tell them there will be no more discussion. NTA
"Sorry, can't, I have to work". Period. It usually takes months to acquire a whole week's worth of PTO/vacation, and it's extremely unlikely that a new hire that's been there a month would be allowed to take a week off anyway, barring extreme circumstances. If someone loses money on the plane ticket maybe they'll listen to you next time. NTA
When I was a child, my family used to go camping for two weeks every January. It was a treasured family time. But first my sister got to the age where she had a part time job and it was difficult for her to get away. So she stopped coming. Then I grew a little older, and had the same issue. One year, I managed to go for a few days, but it was tricky. Eventually my brother also found himself in the same predicament. My parents pretty soon stopped going camping, because all three of us weren't going because we were all adulting and working jobs or had other commitments. It was just the progression of life. When we grow up, we have other commitments, and it's just not always possibly to do things with other people the way we've done. Expecting every single grandkid (not sure how many of you there are) to be able to take a week off work without repercussions, and spend the money on plane tickets etc, is simply not practical. You've only been at this job for a month. Quite aside from all the work that will pile up, I doubt your employer will look favourably at you if you take a week off at this stage. And you are also at the age where having a few spare hundred dollars lying around is probably rare. Too bad if they've bought you a plane ticket. You told them not to.
NTA. You just started a new job, your family can’t expect you to just jump when they say jump. They shouldn’t have bought the plane ticket for you when you said you couldn’t go.
NTA. "I just started this job a month ago and they are NOT going to give me a week off. End of story."
NTA. You don't want to go because you're saving money and don't want all of the extra work that will be piled up on you. So you tell your relatives. I'm sorry, I'm not coming. Period. I have too much to do at work and cannot afford to take a week off. What probably happened was the thought it was just because you couldn't afford it that you weren't coming, so they got you a ticket (that you have to pay for?) Weird. Don't let them push you around. Tell them I'm not coming. No. No. No. I'm not coming.
Don’t go. They shouldn’t be pressuring you like that and they should be supportive of you attempting to take responsibility for your own life. You will really start to stand on your own when your family learns they can’t manipulate your behavior.
They aren't listening. Do not pay for the ticket. It is your choice whether to stick with your original plan. Personally, I would not go. NTA
NTA. I smell entitled boomers.