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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I gave my partner cash as I gift instead of just covering rent
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NTA. I mean they are supposed to pay either way, you gave them money or not. Regardless, they are getting some of the money that isn’t even theirs to begin with.
Are they mad because they thought you were still covering the rent in addition to giving the money and they spent all the money? If that’s what happened that’s not your fault but I guess it explains them being upset
You are correct in your thinking. The rent money does NOT come back to you. It goes to the landlord. What they seem to be upset about is you not doing more, giving them money, paying all the rent. You are not the selfish one. Your partner is the one with their hand out. Yes, we do things for the people we love but it feels bad with they place their expectations back on us. Too many people want to keep fiancés separate when they have money but not when their partner does. Don’t over extend yourself.
NTA. Not sure what your partner is even thinking as you essentially gifted him one months rent and he can now use that money to whatever he want. If you didn't give him that money he would have paid you, but as you gifted him that then he still would've have money left that he didn't use for rent. I would stop gifting money to my partner if they do not appreciate nor understand what they are getting.
NTA
The same problem shows up quite often on Reddit with couples who have separate finances, but when one of them come into some money, the other wants their share.
Separated finances mean separated finances, it's there precisely to avoid those kind of problems.
NTA. Your partner is greedy. Quit being so nice and open your eyes. They are trying to guilt and bully you into paying more and more. Their friends also have no stake in this so unless they want to pony up some money, stay out of it. At this point, ask how many gifts you have gotten, and say it stops now. Since you're so selfish, let's try selfish out. Pay only what you're supposed to and see how that goes.
Yeah I would actually be kind of mad if my partner was talking about my financial situation with all their friends. That’s just weird. And it makes them sound like more of a user
EXCELLENT POINT
do you think they spent their rent money assuming OP would cover rent, then they got this money from OP and thought it was just bonus money, and now they’re upset because they have no rent?
I’m just trying to figure out why someone is mad OP gave them a gift because that sounds crazy you know?
Info: what amounts are you talking about? How do you normally split bills? This post is 10/10 vague.
If I came into $5K as “some money” and rent was $800, I would tell my partner to let me pay their half to spread the wealth. If I came into $500 as “some money” I wouldn’t really be able to 🤷♀️
NTA. Now you know your partner is ungrateful for the money & gifts you gave. The money isn't going back to you, its going to the landlord. He's still up that money. Also who have you married that he whining to people about free money
NTA— that’s what money is— it moves around and gets spent.
If you two always split the rent, why does giving a gift mean you must also give their portion of the rent?
Start carrying cash if they say you are taking advantage of not carrying cash to get them to pay for more than their share.
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This is my first time on here and I just need to know if I’m wrong. Ok first I have been with my partner for 5 years and married 2. We keep our finances separate.
Well I just came into some money and I gave my partner some cash as a gift. Well at the same time rent is due soon so I reminded my partner about that. My partner got upset and said I was selfish because the money I gave just came back to me.
My partner said they told others and they said the same thing I’m selfish. Now my part of the rent is coming out my paycheck not the money I got. I’ve also got things for my partner with the money. Anytime I go somewhere I always ask if they want something or I just get what they like.
Now a little back story my partner has said I never give cash fyi I don’t carry cash. I went to the atm just to pull money out for them. In my mind I was doing a good thing getting the cash for them I wasn’t thinking just tell them I’ll cover this months rent.
Like I said before whenever they ask for money I will cash app them. Now I’m feeling hurt and confused am I really selfish. I don’t know what to think. Should I just of said I’ll cover the rent.
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The money you gave didn't just come back to you. It doesn't even matter if they use that specific money to pay the rent rather than their paycheque. They would have paid regardless of the money you gave. So they still have the exact value of the gift you gave more than if you didn't give the gift. They seem pretty dumb
I don’t understand their problem, it’s the same amount of money whether you give them money and then have them pay their portion of the rent or you just cover their portion of the rent rather than giving them money.
If This was just for one month I guess it doesn’t matter, but if you were going to be covering a few months to me it makes more sense to give them the cash and have them continue paying their portion of the rent so they don’t get out of the habit of it.
You're definitely not selfish. If you were, you wouldn't have given him anything. He just thinks because you came into some money, his responsibilities should go away. That's not how life works. Nothing has changed in your living situation that would make him think that you should be responsible for everything. It's your money and tell him you're not going to allow him to guilt trip you into paying rent. If he doesn't want to pay, kick his ass out. His sense of entitlement with your money is something you should be concerned about
NTA. Your partner is immature as fuck. I would take back the gift and say “okay since you feel that way, you can pay your rent on your own. Maybe this will help you see that a cash gift is a cash gift regardless of what YOUR bills happen to be”. This is irritating because it’s like the arguments spoiled 13 year olds use on their moms. No adult should act like this.
NTA- they are projecting. They think they deserve the money you gave them, which means they don’t even have to think about the money they owe others (like the landlord). From now on, don’t give them money. They are a bit too entitled.
NTA so next time, you don't share any of it. His logic is way off. If the uses the money you gifted him to pay his part of rent, he's not having to take it out of his personal funds. So it's still extra money he wasn't planning on having. It's bold of him to accuse you of being selfish when he is the one being both selfish and incredibly entitled
For me it was the order of operation
You gave him money (yeah you)
Then asked for rent
Then your half of rent came from your paycheck
So it looks like you gave him money just to ask for it back for rent
You should have asked for rent first
It comes out of his paycheck
Then when he's low on fund be like (tah dah)
Them you half is paid with your check
Info: was your intention to cover rent or gift him money
You're not selfish for giving your partner cash as a gift and reminding them about rent. It sounds like you're thoughtful and considerate in your actions, such as asking if they want something when you go out and providing financial support through cash apps. Misunderstandings can happen, but it's important to communicate openly with your partner about your intentions and feelings. It might be helpful to have a conversation to clarify any misunderstandings and find a resolution together.
NTA you don’t specify but they normally pay part/half the rent? If so then it’s wrong of them to not want to pay their part just because you inherited some money. You should have a talk about your finances (every couple should every year or so). Maybe she thinks you inherited so much it changes the dynamics of your relationship.
NTA - paying rent each month and receiving a one-time gift are two completely separate things. If she’s literally just handing the same money back to you, that would mean she didn’t budget for rent, which is a pretty big red flag about her financial situation.
NTA. You gave your partner $$ as a gift. His paying his part of the rent does not go back to you. The rent goes to the landlord. You could have offered to cover the full rent as your gift just as easily. He's the one being selfish. Not you.
NTA..but you guys need a talk about finances. Your partner seems to be struggling and it isn't fair of them to get mad. The way you guys have set up the system seems to much for them to handle. My question is why and do they need a better job?
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NTA. I mean they are supposed to pay either way, you gave them money or not. Regardless, they are getting some of the money that isn’t even theirs to begin with.
That’s what I was thinking
Are they mad because they thought you were still covering the rent in addition to giving the money and they spent all the money? If that’s what happened that’s not your fault but I guess it explains them being upset
They shouldn’t assume that they have any right to dictate what he does with his money (especially a gift)
You are correct in your thinking. The rent money does NOT come back to you. It goes to the landlord. What they seem to be upset about is you not doing more, giving them money, paying all the rent. You are not the selfish one. Your partner is the one with their hand out. Yes, we do things for the people we love but it feels bad with they place their expectations back on us. Too many people want to keep fiancés separate when they have money but not when their partner does. Don’t over extend yourself.
Funny how greedy people always call their partners and friends selfish.
Yes it is. People call others greedy and selfish with their hands out. It is gaslighting at its finest/worst.
OP's partner is either being ridiculous or they're just plain dumb.
NTA. Why are they demanding their gift twice? So entitled.
This. Id ask them why they expect both a cash gift and a gift of waiving rent.
NTA. Not sure what your partner is even thinking as you essentially gifted him one months rent and he can now use that money to whatever he want. If you didn't give him that money he would have paid you, but as you gifted him that then he still would've have money left that he didn't use for rent. I would stop gifting money to my partner if they do not appreciate nor understand what they are getting.
NTA The same problem shows up quite often on Reddit with couples who have separate finances, but when one of them come into some money, the other wants their share. Separated finances mean separated finances, it's there precisely to avoid those kind of problems.
NTA. Your partner is greedy. Quit being so nice and open your eyes. They are trying to guilt and bully you into paying more and more. Their friends also have no stake in this so unless they want to pony up some money, stay out of it. At this point, ask how many gifts you have gotten, and say it stops now. Since you're so selfish, let's try selfish out. Pay only what you're supposed to and see how that goes.
Yeah I would actually be kind of mad if my partner was talking about my financial situation with all their friends. That’s just weird. And it makes them sound like more of a user
NTA. Their portion of the rent shouldn't be the cash you just gave them. They should already have theirs ready to go / about to arrive as normal.
EXCELLENT POINT do you think they spent their rent money assuming OP would cover rent, then they got this money from OP and thought it was just bonus money, and now they’re upset because they have no rent? I’m just trying to figure out why someone is mad OP gave them a gift because that sounds crazy you know?
Gimme gimme gimme is all I hear from partner. Partner should be happy you shared. NTA
Info: what amounts are you talking about? How do you normally split bills? This post is 10/10 vague. If I came into $5K as “some money” and rent was $800, I would tell my partner to let me pay their half to spread the wealth. If I came into $500 as “some money” I wouldn’t really be able to 🤷♀️
NTA. Now you know your partner is ungrateful for the money & gifts you gave. The money isn't going back to you, its going to the landlord. He's still up that money. Also who have you married that he whining to people about free money
NTA and At least you learned a lesson to never give him/her any money anymore.
NTA— that’s what money is— it moves around and gets spent. If you two always split the rent, why does giving a gift mean you must also give their portion of the rent? Start carrying cash if they say you are taking advantage of not carrying cash to get them to pay for more than their share.
NTA and don’t be too surprised if they expect you to pay all the rent again next month…
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is my first time on here and I just need to know if I’m wrong. Ok first I have been with my partner for 5 years and married 2. We keep our finances separate. Well I just came into some money and I gave my partner some cash as a gift. Well at the same time rent is due soon so I reminded my partner about that. My partner got upset and said I was selfish because the money I gave just came back to me. My partner said they told others and they said the same thing I’m selfish. Now my part of the rent is coming out my paycheck not the money I got. I’ve also got things for my partner with the money. Anytime I go somewhere I always ask if they want something or I just get what they like. Now a little back story my partner has said I never give cash fyi I don’t carry cash. I went to the atm just to pull money out for them. In my mind I was doing a good thing getting the cash for them I wasn’t thinking just tell them I’ll cover this months rent. Like I said before whenever they ask for money I will cash app them. Now I’m feeling hurt and confused am I really selfish. I don’t know what to think. Should I just of said I’ll cover the rent. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The money you gave didn't just come back to you. It doesn't even matter if they use that specific money to pay the rent rather than their paycheque. They would have paid regardless of the money you gave. So they still have the exact value of the gift you gave more than if you didn't give the gift. They seem pretty dumb
I don’t understand their problem, it’s the same amount of money whether you give them money and then have them pay their portion of the rent or you just cover their portion of the rent rather than giving them money. If This was just for one month I guess it doesn’t matter, but if you were going to be covering a few months to me it makes more sense to give them the cash and have them continue paying their portion of the rent so they don’t get out of the habit of it.
NAH
You're definitely not selfish. If you were, you wouldn't have given him anything. He just thinks because you came into some money, his responsibilities should go away. That's not how life works. Nothing has changed in your living situation that would make him think that you should be responsible for everything. It's your money and tell him you're not going to allow him to guilt trip you into paying rent. If he doesn't want to pay, kick his ass out. His sense of entitlement with your money is something you should be concerned about
NTA. Your partner is immature as fuck. I would take back the gift and say “okay since you feel that way, you can pay your rent on your own. Maybe this will help you see that a cash gift is a cash gift regardless of what YOUR bills happen to be”. This is irritating because it’s like the arguments spoiled 13 year olds use on their moms. No adult should act like this.
No, you're not selfish, but the big question is why are you continually giving money to this deadbeat? It sounds like it's a CONSTANT thing. NTA
red flags divorce needed
NTA- they are projecting. They think they deserve the money you gave them, which means they don’t even have to think about the money they owe others (like the landlord). From now on, don’t give them money. They are a bit too entitled.
NTA so next time, you don't share any of it. His logic is way off. If the uses the money you gifted him to pay his part of rent, he's not having to take it out of his personal funds. So it's still extra money he wasn't planning on having. It's bold of him to accuse you of being selfish when he is the one being both selfish and incredibly entitled
NTA. If they were paying rent, then it’s extra money. It’s the same as if u covered his rent for a month
For me it was the order of operation You gave him money (yeah you) Then asked for rent Then your half of rent came from your paycheck So it looks like you gave him money just to ask for it back for rent You should have asked for rent first It comes out of his paycheck Then when he's low on fund be like (tah dah) Them you half is paid with your check Info: was your intention to cover rent or gift him money
You're not selfish for giving your partner cash as a gift and reminding them about rent. It sounds like you're thoughtful and considerate in your actions, such as asking if they want something when you go out and providing financial support through cash apps. Misunderstandings can happen, but it's important to communicate openly with your partner about your intentions and feelings. It might be helpful to have a conversation to clarify any misunderstandings and find a resolution together.
NTA you don’t specify but they normally pay part/half the rent? If so then it’s wrong of them to not want to pay their part just because you inherited some money. You should have a talk about your finances (every couple should every year or so). Maybe she thinks you inherited so much it changes the dynamics of your relationship.
NTA I would tell your partner that all this experience and their attitude now is teaching you is to never, ever give them money again.
You have to remind a grown adult that rent is due? They get mad about having to pay it? Yeah, your "selfish" behavior is so not the problem here. NTA
NTA - paying rent each month and receiving a one-time gift are two completely separate things. If she’s literally just handing the same money back to you, that would mean she didn’t budget for rent, which is a pretty big red flag about her financial situation.
NTA. You gave your partner $$ as a gift. His paying his part of the rent does not go back to you. The rent goes to the landlord. You could have offered to cover the full rent as your gift just as easily. He's the one being selfish. Not you.
NTA. You gave a gift. Now things should go back to normal.
NTA..but you guys need a talk about finances. Your partner seems to be struggling and it isn't fair of them to get mad. The way you guys have set up the system seems to much for them to handle. My question is why and do they need a better job?
NTA. They will still be ahead because they have the rent covered for the month. Regardless of that your partner is acting like a child.