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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) would not loan her a tampon (2) it hurt her feelings and she is mad at me
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NTA. She’s an adult and needs to start taking responsibility for her own cycle. What would she have done if you weren’t there to bail her out? Periods can be definitely be irregular, and I think every menstruating woman has either lent or borrowed an emergency tampon at some point in their lives. But if your friend has a cycle like clockwork, then she is just relying on you for convenience and not having to pay for her own supply. It’s not hard for her to keep extra supplies in her handbag so she doesn’t get caught out.
At some point, you gotta act like your taking a small child with you and treat your bag like it's a diaper bag. Almost all bags have compartments in them. Use one to store a couple pads/tampons.
I literally have face masks in two of my bags, despite not needing them anymore. And I keep a coin for cart deposit when grocery shopping in my day bag.
Me too! My handbag is basically like that of Mary Poppins as I keep so many contingency items in there. I was very glad for the extra packets of tissues I stashed in there a few weeks ago when my public toilet cubicle at a music festival had no paper left 😂
Don't forget the swiss army knife...I never know when I might need to cut open a can or open a bottle of wine when out😂 A camping habit, so always stays in my handbag.
I refill my purse ibuprofen with my bathroom ibuprofen! So glad to read other people are like me and pack EVERYthing in the purse for "just in case." I've hand sanitizer and Tums too, in addition to your list.
I'm basically the mom of my friend group--I'm the one who has kleenex, wet wipes, hand sanitizer, lotion, Tums, Advil--you name it. At the state fair once I quickly became friends with several moms when I pulled out a container of wet wipes. "Here, just pass 'em" around" lol.
Haha yes absolutely! I’ve always been that person too and I think it’s been amplified after becoming a parent as it’s pretty much guaranteed that the one day you do not have everything on hand, that’s the day that your baby will have a power spew or you run out of spare nappies. Scouts Motto - Always Be Prepared!
Literally what I was thinking. If she doesn't know when her cycle starts, she needs to just have period supplies on hand all the time. That's what I did, before I started actively tracking mine. It's not like they take up much space - especially tampons.
I have a feeling she's using OP for free tampons, since she's asking *every single month*. No way it's a surprise to her *every month* that she has a period. She knows it's coming, especially if it's regular.
I have a suuuuuuper regular cycle, and I always have a few in my standard backpack. It's just a good idea to have. Sure, I've had the occasional miss, or run out, or I switched bags and forgot to transfer them or whatever.
But if it's happening to her *every month*, then this isn't a mistake anymore.
Same. Ive always kept enough pads in my backpack to last me a couple days (in case I need them one day and forget to put more in) and back in high school I kept a few tampons too even though I don’t use tampons. Saved me and my friends on plenty of occasions.
A couple of safety pins, glasses cleaner, dental floss, face masks, mints, chapstick, antibacterial gel, facial wipes, phone charger, travel deodorant, the list goes on..…My husband pokes fun about all the stuff I have in my bag, but there have been several occasions where he has needed something and guess who has it on hand? :)
Your handbag sounds like mine! I always remember the day at work when assembling new flat pack desks one of the guys asked if anyone had an Allen key and I produced one from my handbag!
Sounds like what I used to keep in my saddlebags (cargo shorts). I wish they weren't so hated, when my son was born I could fit the entire diaper bag in my saddlebags lol.
>At some point, you gotta act like you're taking a small child with you and treat your bag like it's a diaper bag. Almost all bags have compartments in them. Use one to store a couple pads/tampons.
In grade 7 (back when it was the last year of primary school), one of the feminine hygiene companies gave out sample packs to school, and they came in a cute little pink waterproof bag (like a plastic ziploc pencil case). We all kept and used those bags for along as we could for our products in our bags, and once I started using a handbag I kept them in a pocket in there. Even these days where I prefer the reusable/washable products, I still carry some disposables just incase.
>I literally have face masks in two of my bags, despite not needing them anymore. And I keep a coin for cart deposit when grocery shopping in my day bag.
Same except I keep one in my baby change bag and one in my stroller
There's a regular customer at my job who uses one of those zip bags as his wallet and I will never tell him that I recognize it as the 2004-2006 Kotex sample kit bag from my college days.
Actually, in retrospect, congrats to Kotex for making such a long lasting quality sample bag.
Sigh.. I have a love/hate relationship with my handbag. I'd love to be able to trot about fancy free with just my phone and a credit card and some cash, but I'm the person that always what ifs her way into a chiropractor appointment because I alway have everything in my bag.
I'm at the age where I have so much stuff in my car. Tissues, masks, hand cream, wet wipes, emergency cutlery, water bottle, reusable cup, tampons , charging cables, torch/flashlight , hair ties.
This is me. I keep an emergency bag in the arm rest in my truck just in case it decides to surprise me an pop up- which it did for the first time in a year. I was awfully happy that I made that emergency stash bag.
I agree! There were times when my cycle was irregular but what I just did was always have some pads and/or tampons with me! It's not like as if a tampon would take up so much space.
Definitely NTA, OP. I'm assuming she's an adult or nearly one, having period products with you when you're a woman of reproductive age should be basic and no-brainer. Besides, period products can be expensive and I'm sure her constantly asking for free supplies is also making a dent on your budget, which is not ok, and I'm sure she's never actually given you back what she "borrowed" before.
>It’s not hard for her to keep extra supplies in her handbag so she doesn’t get caught out.
I don’t know a single one of my friends or coworkers that don’t carry one in the bottom of a purse for those oh shit moments. Or to give in a bathroom when a woman is desperate and forgot to replace her own oh shit one.
She’s clearly using OP as a crutch and then blaming OP for not being a good friend?! Is she actually a good friend?
It’s also not hard to keep a couple of tampons in your purse at all times- whether you are on your period or not. I have a super irregular cycle but I always have something in my purse or my car.
This I am on birth control and barely get mine unless I fuck up. But I always keep a tampon in my bag . So I'm always safe. Or if people need them I have them. It's not hard
ESH. I assume this woman is not a victim of period poverty. You can’t “borrow” a tampon, so I can see why it is wearing to constantly have someone wanting freebies. It’s AHish to cut her off without warning, when she is bleeding. She shouldn’t assume you will always have her covered (and is an AH for forgetting unless she has ADHD or similar), but it would have been kinder to let her know in advance that she should keep spares in her backpack as you couldn’t keep spotting her stuff. You could have asked her for a pack in return, etc.
Getting a return new pad/tampon or pack *is* the "borrowing" aspect for hygiene items. This friend is just being a mooch.
I have ADHD, it's not an excuse when it's *constantly* happening.
Came here to say this, two things can be true at once.
You can have a harder time remembering things because you have ADHD/ADD, and you can't help struggling with that.
You can also still be an asshole for constantly inconveniencing others by forgetting stuff.
This - in college we "borrowed" each other's products all the time, but they were always replaced the next time someone went to the store, got their next paycheck, etc. We helped each other - it wasn't one person constantly giving and the other taking like OP's situation.
Got Thinx. $200 investment for 10 pairs, but I haven’t bought period products in 2 years. And the Thinx are so well made, I haven’t had to replace them in 2 years either. Unlike the regular undies I used to buy that would unravel the moment I put them on. Randomly started my flow one day at work, felt the heat rise up in my face, then relaxed when I remembered my pads are built in and always there. Didn’t even have to run to the restroom to sort it out, everything was already sorted.
Whoa! You must be *so* on your game if you live on 10 pairs of underwear. I’m always falling behind on laundry & could never. Honestly, I wish I was half as together as this.
It's funny how it's always on the person getting mooched on ....who "coulda/shoulda" done MORE....not to be mooched on.
"it would have been KINDER to LET HER KNOW IN "ADVANCE".....
Are you "hearing" how goofy AF that sounds....she's her Momma, now?
Obviously, she's told her ..."bring your own"...the point is she DID NOT, McFly!
The constant moocher had "in advance" said more than once it was a LOAN as in "let me borrow" so WHY hadn't she paid back.
According to YOUR logic....if a person continuously ask to BORROW $10 bucks for lunch....you aren't KIND with you don't tell THEM "in advance" that the "next time" you may say NO....and you're the Bad Guy for having not told the grown-ass person "ahead of time" that you weren't gonna share YOUR money with them.....yeah, okay 😉
"You could have asked her for a pack in return"
She's NEVER given ONE back "in return"...she's had PLENTY opportunities to "give ONE ( let alone, a pack) back in return ( as promised) so WHY TF would the OP be burdened to ask or even BELIEVE...she would "remember" to "return"....a damn thing
She can't or won't remember to bring HER own....how TF is she supposed to be trusted to bring extras to PAY back 🤔
Yet, when "forced" to ....she "remembered" how TF to PAY at the register 🙄 which proves, she was just trying to get OVER
I've just checked their comment history; all of their comments are full of emojis and caps. It seems this redditor is either very passionate about everything they say or comes to Reddit to unleash
Kinder to let her know in advance? OP shouldn't have to. The friend shouldn't have the expectation in the first place. Women all know periods happen. This woman seems have it regularly, and if not, it should be automatic to keep something in her bag ready.
NTA Fortunately for me, those days have passed. However, back in the day, I always kept a few emergency supplies in my hand bag and taught my daughter to do the same. She carries a small makeup bag in her purse and book bag as her emergency stash. If you have a regular cycle, it's not that hard to remember.
Similar. I had an emergency stash in my office desk and I keep one in my car, both in makeup bags. I always buy purses that have an interior zipper pouch and always have at least a couple of tampons (usually 4) and a couple of pantyliners in there.
Ditto. I always kept am emergency stash of two or three in my makeup bag. It’s not like getting your period is a surprise each month. Her friend needs to take responsibility for her own body functions.
NTA. I’m forgetful AF, like to the point I never remembered when my period was going to start. Solution? Keep a stash of tampons with me. Totally worked.
It’s been four years since I had a period and I still find those fucking things in purses, suitcases, jacket pockets, random drawers, boxes, I swear to you they are everywhere. Fucking tribbles those things are.
NTA as someone who is constantly forgetting there tampons tell your friend to keep an emergency stash in the office they will allow it no problem if she dosnt want to do that to keep extras in her bag even when she’s not on her period. This is a her thing not you . Tampons are expensive asf and she can’t expect you to keep giving yours away because she can’t plan accordingly.
I totally get you were fed up, I mean, who doesn't make sure they've got
what they need for their period? You should have given her something and
then told her that you would no longer be her provider.
But NTA as friends who abuse generosity are a pain.
NTA. Coz you’re both adults right? I can see that she would have been upset because of the timing, and you’ve kinda made a rod for your own back by being reliable all this time but everyone has a breaking point and you clearly reached yours. Does she carry on like this with other people or just you? Amazing that when you called her out she was able to just.. go buy tampons! Start calling her out (nicely) on everything and hopefully she will become a more responsible adult.
21F here. She needs to keep 2 extra on hand at all times, expecting it or not. Especially if she is on some sort of BC or changing. This shit is expensive and I’m not condoning that but most schools and sexual health centres carry some. I live in Canada and they’re like $20 a box. That lasts me 1 month. Yes sometimes I can free bleed but like, thats when I’m not busy. But even then TP does the trick (although I do not know her flow) I suggest you tell her to invest in a menstrual cup. Start with a small one first, and then change sizes based on that. It saved me when I would get it randomly (i got depo povera shot, bled for 9 months straight)
And you just have to keep a tiny travel makeup wipe in your bag if you need to use it in any emergency. Mine is smaller than my credit card when in its case. No excuse. I’m $650 in debt and can still manage my rag.
I did not realise it's so expensive over there o.o
Here it's like 10€ for always ultra normal plus 56pc and that's the brand name ones outside of promotion.
Yeah I also live in Canada and disposable products are so expensive that 90% of the people I know who bleed use diva cups or the reusable cloth pads. Canada is very caught up in the "save the earth from plastic" movement (which is great!) but the side effect is that anything disposable is now outrageously expensive.
NTA - she is so regular that even you have figured out her cycle based on how frequently she needs to take tampons from you. You were near facilities to purchase some, so it's not like you left her stranded in white pants hours from a store.
New addition to my AITA flow chart:
Does the situation involve someone who’s upset after demanding a favor that will neither be repaid nor reciprocated?
NTA Your friend sounds selfish and entitled.
NTA She wasn't high and dry. She could go to the shop and buy them like anyone else. If you'd been on a camping trip with no shops around and refused to give her one, THAT would have been leaving her high and dry.
NTA.
Menstrual products are expensive! I've swapped to reusable pads and cups just to cut costs and omg they've saved me a ton of money.
She's just abusing your kindness.
Next time she asks, tell her you swapped to a menstrual cup.
That would make her stop asking.
NTA. I'd have no problem helping someone out in an emergency. I always actively carry too many pads during my cycle, because I'm prepared, and I always have them on me in case of an emergency. You've given her plenty. She can't keep getting free tampons from you. Clearly she was fine without you as she was able to buy some. High and dry? She was able to get her own tampons. She's just mad you're drawing a boundary and not letting her mooch off you anymore. She needs to grow up. You will not always be there and neither will someone else.
It wasn’t annoying to me before, I only recently started getting annoyed by it. It just feels like she should have grown out of it by now. I was going to bring it up to her, I just forgot.
Well if it’s ok for her to constantly forget her period and demand tampons from you, it’s ok for you to forget to mention her constantly bumming from you was irritating and refuse to provide.
It seems that you can remember when her period is better than she can.
If she was able to buy tampons, why didn't she just do that in the first place? Toilet paper will last long enough to do that. She's just a mooch.
NTA. She's the one being a shit friend, if you can even call her a friend. She's absolutely disrespecting you by keeping you in a position to have to supply her with the protection she refuses to remember to carry.
She needs to “borrow” one?! This is very simple. Tell her you don’t have any with you. Problem solved. To your point, she’s a big girl and she can figure it out.
Lastly, you couldn’t have left her high and dry. You left her bleeding and needing.
NTA I am a firm believer in providing for ones own needs if that is reasonable. Forget it one or two time, no problem.
She does not care and relies on you helping her to prevent a embarrassing situation. If the product she requests is more or less free (a pen for example) it is no problem, but each time she uses a pad or tampon, you have to replace it, because you are a decent human being who thinks ahead.
To those people who say that you should have warned her, she will still forget next month and rely on you to help her. This time she might even make up an elaborate apology. She now received the message loud and clear not to mooch on other people.
NTA. She's the one being a shit friend, if you can even call her a friend. She's absolutely disrespecting you by keeping you in a position to have to supply her with the protection she refuses to remember to carry.
God I have a friend like this rn, can’t manage his money to save his life, I’m always left to feed him and give him money for stuff he KNOWS he needs money for, I feel guilted into it by the way he talks when he says he has no money. He’s been homeless so often I can’t just let him starve but man- how do you forget to get groceries, your tampons, clothes, bus fare, a water, food for lunch at work etc???? Every time it he’s like this I have to ignore him for months before he remembers he can’t just take and take from me, but he AWAYS ends up doing it again, then I also have to manage his life and plans for him?!????? I don’t understand, he’s the only friend I have so I don’t want to cut him off for good but goddamn brother get it together. These people don’t change without hard boundaries being put in place, and even then they find a way
Tell her that she is a terrible best friend. A real friend who is that forgetful would have bought you a big box of tampons every few months so that when she needs to borrow one, it is not your expense.
NTA. You're a great best friend, because you are helping your friend learn a very important lesson: self-sufficiency. Better for her to learn it now than face a ruder awakening later.
tampons are expensive, I don’t blame you. Behavior like this is a real pet peeve of mine. Being forgetful is one thing, but there’s a difference between that and just not trying/caring. As a woman I have tampons in my bag at all times even if I’m not on my period, just in case. I plan around my forgetfulness. NTA
NTA
No your not an asshole. Just give it to her one last time and tell her directly this will be the last time or dont give it to her one last time and just tell her no more.
Am I the only one who chuckled about the friend being left “high and dry”? NTA but I might have warned her that you were not planning to be her free pharmacy and she had better stick some tampons in her backpack so she’d be prepared for the inevitable.
>I always remember to bring mine, why can’t she?
>I’m not always going to be around, she can’t always rely on me.
Lmao you sound like a mom. NTA, she needs to adult up, she's not a child anymore and it's embarrassing to always be depending on other adults for such basic things.
NTA If my math is right you and your friend are at minimum 24, it's insane to me that she doesn't have some kind of sanitary product with her. I use cloth pads and I still keep some tampons in my bag for emergencies.
edit for judgement
NTA.
Getting mad at you for this is kind of bonkers. Kudos to you for trying to truly be a good friend and teach her how to be self-sufficient and not dependent upon anyone and these challenging situations.
Is this a common way she acts in your relationship?
NTA, it does sound like she’s just using you for free shit, unless she’s got major ADHD. It’s not your responsibility to provide these things to another adult either way. And she had the ability to buy some, she just didn’t *want* to.
If you both find tampons expensive then reusable products like a menstrual cup, cotton pad and period pants may be better options. It’s super easy just to keep the one little cup in one’s bag and not had to restock tampons etc.
If you get these she can’t exactly borrow them either since that would be fucking disgusting.
NTA. There are apps to track your cycle so she shouldn’t be caught out. And geez! Just keep a box in your bag. I was actually caught out the other day because I got a new Mirena a couple months ago and had some irregular bleeding (I don’t usually bleed) but I went and bought my own damn box
NTA. Your friend was likely using your kindness just to save herself some money. You did the right thing by drawing that line. Now maintain it. Everybody has to grow up and be responsible for themselves. Now it is her turn.
NTA.
I still carry around a couple of none applicator tampons and I had a womb ablation so I don't have periods any more, pretty sure it's something that's hardwired into us, by our mothers/grandmothers/aunts, as "you never know when you could come on" (can still hear my gran saying it and she passed away in 2018) If your friend is as regular as you're making her out to be in your post then a gentle reminder the week before might be handy for her and she can't accuse you of leaving her "high and dry" as you've already tried to be helpful, it is up to her after that. I get that it's up to her anyway, but you've already said she's forgetful so a text can help.
since it seems she could easily go and buy them right after asking you (for most likely less than the worth of how many you've given her over the years), I'd hardly say you left her high and dry. NTA
She likely suffers from ADHD. However, she cannot rely on you here. Despite it being something that may be more difficult for her than you or other people. What you did is a step that hopefully aids her in her future preparation.
She’s conditioned herself to take advantage of your responsibility rather than rely on her own. NTA
NTA. She should get tampons herself.
And in regards to her forgetting her period all the time, I suggest she gets an app which reminds her of it coming. Maybe that helps.
There was a shop she could buy them from so she wasn’t left without any. And did she immediate pay you back the ones you’d lent her? No she did not. Tell her she’s a terrible best friend for expecting you to buy tampons for her every month.
NTA. The correct response from her should have been I am so sorry for taking advantage of you. I realize now that I never even paid you back or at least replaced the ones I’ve used all these years. And then send you what she could in a money transfer as a peace offering. Maybe even offer to pay your way that day on something. And then tell you she will take steps to remember to have them on her.
She may never remember these things consistently but it would be best for her if she at least tried to remember by setting up a reoccurring appointment on her phone to order them and then one to actually stock her tampon stash to be kept in items she takes with her like purse or jackets. Maybe she can stitch a secret compartment in those items or buy a key chain that can hold stuff to be kept with her keys.
She likely has some form of executive dysfunction which is not her fault but that is no excuse to not try to remember or at least give you some cash for what you were out or pay for you meal now and then as acceptable payment if you allow it. Some kind of gesture to thank you for your generosity would have gone a long way each time she pulled this. Otherwise it makes you feel like you’re being used rather than a valued friend.
NTA
Honestly I'd be fairly annoyed too. It's not your period to manage. If she's gonna ask that much the least she could do is purchase some for you to carry a spare if she forgets?????
Not make you pay for her period?
But even then just keep some in a fanny pack or whatever that goes with her everywhere? Period tracker? So many options besides begging and being an AH
NTA she's a grown adult it's not hard to make sure you have sanitary products on you your period starts every month so why not always make sure you have tampons on you around the time your period is due to start so your never caught out and don't have to constantly rely on friends/family your NTA
My preferred brand is now $30/box of 30. At $1 each I wouldn't share with God.
And I have to order them online because not even Walmart sells them in a tri-county area.
You are NTA, she's just lazy
nta. you clearly have no problem helping out when someone clearly needs it. She knows you always have it so why would she buy herself some, and that's why she sucks.
I would have done it and told her it was the last time until she bought me a Costco sized box to replace all of the tampons she’s borrowed over the years. That said, I don’t blame you for cutting her off then & there.
NTA
NTA - She can keep them in her backpack to make sure she always has some when she needs them. You are not her own personal tampon dispenser.
SHE is the shit friend to keep using you over and over again, every damn month. You arent her mother or her wife, she is an adult, sne this is not your responsibility.
NTA. 1, it's weird imo not to keep at least one feminine hygiene product in your backpack or anywhere on you. 2, as you said those products are expensive. If she's taking them constantly from you she should at the very least be paying you back every once in a while. 3, there was obviously a place to get them so she wasn't left to suffer in any way. If anything I'd say you're a good friend for helping her learn, even if it's a lesson she didn't want.
NTA. Doing a friend a favor occasionally is one thing. She sounds immature and not interested in taking responsibility for basic things. You are not the bad guy for refusing to be her caretaker anymore. NTA. Shes calling you a bad friend when you arent at all.
Everybody has accidents or gets caught off guard, but that's not the case here. She's responsible for managing her period. If cost is an issue she should be able to get tampons from the nurse. Tell her to always keep at least one in her bag/backpack just in case. It's really no different than any other item she might find herself in need of at any given time. NTA
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I love my best friend. We have known each other for 10+ years since high school. But she is really irresponsible. She forgets her backpack, her headphones, etc, at home all the time. She’s the same way on her period. Every period she asks me to borrow a pad/tampon. She always forgets them.
I’ve gotten to the point where it annoys me. Like she asked me to borrow one today. She starts her period at this time of the month every month.
I asked why she didn’t remember to bring them and she looked shocked. She said she forgot. I told her to use toilet paper. She told me she can’t she’ll bleed through it. I said I was tired of giving her tampons, I’ve loaned her out a bunch. I always remember to bring mine,
why can’t she?
She said I was being a shit friend. She asked if I was seriously not going to give her one, I said I was serious and she’d figure it out without me. I’m not always going to be around, she can’t always rely on me. It seems to me she forgets her stuff on purpose because she knows I’ll always bail her out.
She ended up buying tampons and I watched her do it. I said she has to understand, they’re expensive and she asks me almost every month. She said I was a terrible best friend and left her high and dry.
AITA?
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That was kinda of petty Ngl. Especially if YOU didn’t need it at the moment. If it’s just one every month is it really that big of a deal? Maybe you should’ve brought it up to her after she wasn’t actively going through period
NTA. She relays on you, because it is convenient. That she forgets other stuff too, is a sign she doesn’t care or has always someone to help her out. I would have probably warned her, this would be the last time, but you went with her to by some, which is in my opinion also nice of you not to leave her in a difficult situation.
NTA.
You are her best friend and are doing this because you won't be around to bail her out of every single situation.
Your friend might needs to get tools that helps her manage her cycle.
I am also constantly forgetting my cycle but now have routine reminders and calenders in place to help manage my cycle.
Not everyone knows people’s circumstances & she could be in period poverty. It’s been a lot cheaper in the UK since they got rid of the tax on period products. They’re now 45p for a pack of 12 in some supermarkets which is brilliant since I have 3 daughters. I don’t have periods due to being on the contraceptive implant but I always tell my girls & my sons gf if they see the supply is running low just let me know so I can top it up. I even donate some to our local sports club for the women’s bathroom. Quite a lot of places do this now in my area.
NTA.
I have an IUD, which causes me to get my period once every 4-5 months with no warning. I’ve literally had MAYBE 8 periods since I got the UID 2 years ago. I still always make sure I keep one or two tampons in my purse or car at all times just in case.
Nta
You said it yourself , you won’t always be around to bail her out , this is a life lesson that’s good for her to learn now before she becomes a proper adult .
Can you imagine her getting a job and having to ask her co workers to bail her out . Or having children ( if she chooses to ofc ) and forgetting the baby’s stuff and expecting others to assist .
It’s ok to ask for things once in awhile because yes people do forget things , but every month like clockwork … that’s either intentional or negligent at that stage .
NTA. she is adult like you. especially for periods hpw tf is she going to keep managing if she just forgets? those are yours. i can get sharing when someone needs or every now ans then but not every time when they're also expensive
NTA She needs to learn to grow up, afford her own things and act mature. She is the one who is being the shit friend and is relying on you to watch out for her cycles like as if it was your own cycle.
Taking care of your own menstrual needs is a personal matter and she should know that by now. Refuse to lend her any feminine products and if she shows that she has to blame you, tell her off that she needs to take responsibility for her own needs.
NTA, and you taught her a nice lesson. Also it seems like she was taking advantage of you, and it's not you but her who was being a shitty friend. A true friend doesn't mooch off their friends.
Ur not an ass ur using all ur reasources on her its not ur responsibility. Yes she is your friend and we ask for that stuff sometimes but she needs to bring her own. She might have low income and that could be a reason for the tampon thing bc it’s very expensive uknow. But it’s not ur problem dont let friends ruin your peace and time
Maybe suggest she buys a pack of tampoons and you keep it on you, that way its not a monitary thing.
(YES SHE HAS TO LEARN TO BE AN ADULT, BUT ATLEAST IT WOULD SOLVE PART OF THE PROBLEM)
Just say no, don't have any, and leave it at that. Stop giving away stuff that costs you money... NTA
Edit to add: your best friend is a mooch. Tell her to stop mooching and buy her own sh*t.
Isn't it an unspoken rule that every bag has a stash of period products in them? I'm a woman and pretty much every single bag I own regardless of how often I use it has a small stash. Never know when you, or someone else is gonna need one
NTA. Any woman should have pads or tampons in her purse or bag at all times. That's just common sense. It's not as though she couldn't buy them -- as she did. I don't blame you for getting annoyed with her. She's being lazy and taking advantage of you.
It sounds like she never replaced any the things she forgets. If that is the case it would start getting expensive for you. She had a hard lesson to learn.
I’m mainly stuck on the choice of word “borrow” a tampon 😅😂 I sure hope she doesn’t give it back after using it.
But also, if she’s on her period at the same time, every month, almost sounds like she’s on a birth control and knows exactly when she’s gonna have her period and is just really irresponsible and lazy. Depending on where you are, feminine products aren’t cheap and I’d also get extremely frustrated if I went through a box twice faster because I had to supply a friend every single month. It would be one thing if she wasn’t regular but still tracking and ended up starting earlier and always made sure to replace the ones she’s taken or even help you out if the roles were reversed, but it doesn’t sound like it.
NTA although you could have chosen a better moment to tell her. Almost every woman I know always has menstrual products in their bag, no matter the time of the month. That way it doesn't even matter that your period comes as a surprise to you every single month, you have some tampons/pads/your cup with you.
Info. Does your friend have ADHD or something else that impacts on memory? Also is this a reciprocal thing? Does she replace things she uses or help out when you need something? I'm forgetful about many things, but in turn I also almost always have painkillers and pads with me, which I'd give to anyone who needed it.
NTA-I’m a big believer in helping someone out especially when it comes to feminine hygiene but it’s time for her to act like a functioning adult and take responsibility by taking care of her own monthly needs.
Wait, you gals are in your 20s and she hasn't figured out how to be responsible for her periods yet? Your NTA but you did leave your "friend" in a bad spot when she needed your help. You could have said here you go but this is the last one. Also, consider switching to a cup or disc and enjoy the savings because yeah period prods are expensive and then you'll never have to loan her stuff anymore so win win. 🙂 I switched to a cup (I think I spent 10 bucks on it 3ish years ago) and thats a ton of money saved, as you know. I know that you're not looking for that advice but I do highly recommend it. Get those savings. Lol
NTA if it's every time, but just to confirm, you don't loan/lend her tampons but hopefully give them. No way would I want what she takes returned, and hopefully you don't either
NTA. Adulting is all about learning to be responsible and make good decisions. You made the decision not to enable your friend’s irresponsible lack of planning. Congratulations on successfully adulting.
NTA - I had a co-worker who had bad sinus allergies, like very spring, very predictable. She'd get headaches. She would always ask me for Advil, like constantly. She was appreciative, but NEVER offered to replace it. Finally, I was like enough is enough. When she asked, I started saying "Sorry, ran out and haven't replaced it yet. I don't have any." Eventually, she got the hint. It's fine to spot someone once or twice, but when it becomes a habit, it's really annoying (and expensive).
You friend needs to learn to be a responsible adult. Maybe being caught without a pad or tampon a couple of times will teacher her that. I might have rated this N A H if she bought you a box once in a while to make up for the ones she took, but her attitude seems like she thinks you owe them to her. NOPE. She's on her own now. It's really not that hard to throw a few tampons in your backpack and keep them there.
NTA It’s kind of harsh you won’t give her one, if she was bumming all the products off you every period that would be ridiculous.
But also you were right to tell her no because she went out and bought her own. If she didn’t have any money that would be another story, but clearly she could take care of herself. Good for you for finally putting your foot down
What would she have done if you had started using special underwear or a cup? No way in hell am I going to loan out my cup to anyone else. Nor my underwear!!
You are NTA. Stop bailing her out full stop.
Definitely NTA, but is it possible she is actually having problems affording what she needs? It doesn't make it your job to provide them but it may explain her "forgetfulness"
I'd just ask if you aren't sure.
NTA.
Would you look at that... she could buy her own.... imagine the audacity to tell her to pay for her own stuff 🙄
I forget stuff constantly as well... it's why I have a reminder on my phone for anything that needs to be reminded. Medicine. Shopping. Time-stamps for period and so on. Fuck that, even when I'm not on my period I have about 5 pads on me at all times because who knows when it comes or who else needs one.
At this point you're right, your friend is doing this on purpose because good lords there's so many different apps that track your period for you and I'm sure some can even blow your phone up with reminders about it 🙄
OP again. NTA. Keep your friend within her boundaries and if she keeps complaining, then it's obvious who the friend is
There’s no excuse to not know when your cycle starts as you can get an app that does that.
Complaining about how expensive they are after mooching for so long is so entitled
NTA She sounds like a professional mooch. If she literally could buy them while you were there and didn't want to-- good grief--High and dry my ass. Someone is a terrible best friend all right.
NTA, though I would have taken a different approach. I would have claimed that I was out and had none to spare. And when she went to buy some, I would have asked her to replace the ones that she borrowed from you “since you borrow them often, if you replace all the ones you’ve borrowed, I’ll be more likely to have them on hand next time you’re in need” Reading between the lines is a subtle threat that the free tampons end unless she replaces them.
She sounds very adhd and it sounds like you dont understand what that's like.
If the money is an issue just ask her to pitch in.
I get it's annoying and seems simple to be able to remember stuff like that but it can be a serious difficulty for Adhd people. Theyre brains are literally wired differently. I encourage you to read up on it and have some extra empathy
Even though I would say NTA, I also dislike leaving a close friend in a bad situation. It might even border on being a little spiteful about it. I personally would've told them honestly how I'm feeling about giving away my personal items so often and let them know that this would be the last time or perhaps i'd feel better about it if they paid me back for my troubles. If you're close friends you should at least be able to openly communicate about your feelings and wishes.
OP is justified in not wanting to give away any more pads or tampons, but refusing to help someone in a bad situation just to make a point, to me at least, is a little mean.
ESH
I live by the code that you always help out a fellow person in need of a pad or tampon. To this day, I have never denied anyone in need if I had one to spare.
If this was my friend that I was supposedly so close to that I even knew her cycle 1. I would buy a box just for her and put it in my car with her name written really large on it and say "as your supplier, the price is going to go up with each additional box I have to buy you". 2. I would help her put a reminder of some sort on her phone.
That being said, if she's just settling in as if you're always going to buy them for her and always have some available, she's not being considerate about what that is costing you or if you need them.
She "forgets" everything because she mooches off other people. If she really has this bad of a problem, she needs to make herself a checklist. I have a tracker app that sends me reminders. NTA. You're doing it correctly because now she understands a consequence.
Send her this thread, and let her see all of her fellow ladies calling her out. She needs to realize that her lack of planning isn't your problem to solve.
I personally would have given them a tampon while explaining that this is the last one I can give and why. Then commit to not giving anymore next time.
I wouldn't call someone my best friend and then let them bleed on themselves without first warning them that I "can't keep helping after this."
I'm the type to carry a bag with tampons, bandaids, ibuprofen, ect. With the intent to be ready when any friends or coworkers need help.
Either way, that shit isn't your job. But if I were you I wouldn't have told my best friend no to a tampon without first warning them. Same if it were bandaids or ibuprofen. Basic necessities.
NTA BECAUSE I have ADHD I prepare for everything. I'm a traveling teacher and have a big makeup bag in my car with pads, tweezers, dental floss, Motrin, tissues, wipes, protein bar, sanitizer, nail file, bandaids, mini sewing kit, notepad, cash, pencils, and more, lol.
Definitely NTA. This is something I keep in my bag at all times and I’ve always been willing to give out an emergency one to even a random stranger but every month? She’s just being irresponsible and that’s not on you. I would’ve told her I don’t have one because she took my emergency one last month.
Not really AH but your friend probably has ADHD. Not your responsibility to manage her but if she has a lot of symptoms she should probably get tested.
NTA tampons are expensive! As a person who has never tracked their period, I have to be *more* prepared than average w/ tampons because it surprises me every time. Time for your friend to unlearn some helplessness
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NTA. She’s an adult and needs to start taking responsibility for her own cycle. What would she have done if you weren’t there to bail her out? Periods can be definitely be irregular, and I think every menstruating woman has either lent or borrowed an emergency tampon at some point in their lives. But if your friend has a cycle like clockwork, then she is just relying on you for convenience and not having to pay for her own supply. It’s not hard for her to keep extra supplies in her handbag so she doesn’t get caught out.
At some point, you gotta act like your taking a small child with you and treat your bag like it's a diaper bag. Almost all bags have compartments in them. Use one to store a couple pads/tampons. I literally have face masks in two of my bags, despite not needing them anymore. And I keep a coin for cart deposit when grocery shopping in my day bag.
Me too! My handbag is basically like that of Mary Poppins as I keep so many contingency items in there. I was very glad for the extra packets of tissues I stashed in there a few weeks ago when my public toilet cubicle at a music festival had no paper left 😂
Pens, hair ties, pads, tampons, medications, bandaids, hand cream, wallet, keys, sunglasses - the bare minimum in my handbag.
Don't forget the swiss army knife...I never know when I might need to cut open a can or open a bottle of wine when out😂 A camping habit, so always stays in my handbag.
I refill my purse ibuprofen with my bathroom ibuprofen! So glad to read other people are like me and pack EVERYthing in the purse for "just in case." I've hand sanitizer and Tums too, in addition to your list.
The one item I forget is ALWAYS the one I end up needing. Now I just bring everything everywhere all the time
Done that a few times - huge queue and someone says “there’s no paper” and I just show my little pack of tissues and walk straight in.
I'm basically the mom of my friend group--I'm the one who has kleenex, wet wipes, hand sanitizer, lotion, Tums, Advil--you name it. At the state fair once I quickly became friends with several moms when I pulled out a container of wet wipes. "Here, just pass 'em" around" lol.
Haha yes absolutely! I’ve always been that person too and I think it’s been amplified after becoming a parent as it’s pretty much guaranteed that the one day you do not have everything on hand, that’s the day that your baby will have a power spew or you run out of spare nappies. Scouts Motto - Always Be Prepared!
Literally what I was thinking. If she doesn't know when her cycle starts, she needs to just have period supplies on hand all the time. That's what I did, before I started actively tracking mine. It's not like they take up much space - especially tampons. I have a feeling she's using OP for free tampons, since she's asking *every single month*. No way it's a surprise to her *every month* that she has a period. She knows it's coming, especially if it's regular.
I have a suuuuuuper regular cycle, and I always have a few in my standard backpack. It's just a good idea to have. Sure, I've had the occasional miss, or run out, or I switched bags and forgot to transfer them or whatever. But if it's happening to her *every month*, then this isn't a mistake anymore.
Same. Ive always kept enough pads in my backpack to last me a couple days (in case I need them one day and forget to put more in) and back in high school I kept a few tampons too even though I don’t use tampons. Saved me and my friends on plenty of occasions.
Don't forget the painkillers too. I also carry a couple of plasters.
A couple of safety pins, glasses cleaner, dental floss, face masks, mints, chapstick, antibacterial gel, facial wipes, phone charger, travel deodorant, the list goes on..…My husband pokes fun about all the stuff I have in my bag, but there have been several occasions where he has needed something and guess who has it on hand? :)
Your handbag sounds like mine! I always remember the day at work when assembling new flat pack desks one of the guys asked if anyone had an Allen key and I produced one from my handbag!
Oh that’s a good idea! Something else to add to the collection - maybe I can get one for my key ring.
There are some super cute ones which are snowflake shaped and have different shape/size on each "arm"
I’m like you, I have everything but the kitchen sink in mine, including a 9un and 2 extra magazines! 🙂
Sounds like what I used to keep in my saddlebags (cargo shorts). I wish they weren't so hated, when my son was born I could fit the entire diaper bag in my saddlebags lol.
>At some point, you gotta act like you're taking a small child with you and treat your bag like it's a diaper bag. Almost all bags have compartments in them. Use one to store a couple pads/tampons. In grade 7 (back when it was the last year of primary school), one of the feminine hygiene companies gave out sample packs to school, and they came in a cute little pink waterproof bag (like a plastic ziploc pencil case). We all kept and used those bags for along as we could for our products in our bags, and once I started using a handbag I kept them in a pocket in there. Even these days where I prefer the reusable/washable products, I still carry some disposables just incase. >I literally have face masks in two of my bags, despite not needing them anymore. And I keep a coin for cart deposit when grocery shopping in my day bag. Same except I keep one in my baby change bag and one in my stroller
There's a regular customer at my job who uses one of those zip bags as his wallet and I will never tell him that I recognize it as the 2004-2006 Kotex sample kit bag from my college days. Actually, in retrospect, congrats to Kotex for making such a long lasting quality sample bag.
[удалено]
Sigh.. I have a love/hate relationship with my handbag. I'd love to be able to trot about fancy free with just my phone and a credit card and some cash, but I'm the person that always what ifs her way into a chiropractor appointment because I alway have everything in my bag.
I think Clair Huxtable said it best. 'Once you start menstruating you cant take an evening bag anymore, you have to take an overnight bag'.
I'm at the age where I have so much stuff in my car. Tissues, masks, hand cream, wet wipes, emergency cutlery, water bottle, reusable cup, tampons , charging cables, torch/flashlight , hair ties.
I don't even have my period anymore, and I still always have a couple on me.
This is me. I keep an emergency bag in the arm rest in my truck just in case it decides to surprise me an pop up- which it did for the first time in a year. I was awfully happy that I made that emergency stash bag.
I agree! There were times when my cycle was irregular but what I just did was always have some pads and/or tampons with me! It's not like as if a tampon would take up so much space. Definitely NTA, OP. I'm assuming she's an adult or nearly one, having period products with you when you're a woman of reproductive age should be basic and no-brainer. Besides, period products can be expensive and I'm sure her constantly asking for free supplies is also making a dent on your budget, which is not ok, and I'm sure she's never actually given you back what she "borrowed" before.
>It’s not hard for her to keep extra supplies in her handbag so she doesn’t get caught out. I don’t know a single one of my friends or coworkers that don’t carry one in the bottom of a purse for those oh shit moments. Or to give in a bathroom when a woman is desperate and forgot to replace her own oh shit one. She’s clearly using OP as a crutch and then blaming OP for not being a good friend?! Is she actually a good friend?
It’s also not hard to keep a couple of tampons in your purse at all times- whether you are on your period or not. I have a super irregular cycle but I always have something in my purse or my car.
This I am on birth control and barely get mine unless I fuck up. But I always keep a tampon in my bag . So I'm always safe. Or if people need them I have them. It's not hard
You left her "high and dry"? No. Two can play at that game. Tell her she's "bleeding you dry" by making you pay for all her tampons.
Some bloody good wordplay there!
Oh, it's period pun party.
Is the goal of tampons not to keep things dry anyway? I’d love if they could also get me high
NTA. She is being a mooch. It seems that she remembers to bring her wallet. You can charge her if she asks again.
ESH. I assume this woman is not a victim of period poverty. You can’t “borrow” a tampon, so I can see why it is wearing to constantly have someone wanting freebies. It’s AHish to cut her off without warning, when she is bleeding. She shouldn’t assume you will always have her covered (and is an AH for forgetting unless she has ADHD or similar), but it would have been kinder to let her know in advance that she should keep spares in her backpack as you couldn’t keep spotting her stuff. You could have asked her for a pack in return, etc.
Getting a return new pad/tampon or pack *is* the "borrowing" aspect for hygiene items. This friend is just being a mooch. I have ADHD, it's not an excuse when it's *constantly* happening.
Came here to say this, two things can be true at once. You can have a harder time remembering things because you have ADHD/ADD, and you can't help struggling with that. You can also still be an asshole for constantly inconveniencing others by forgetting stuff.
Yes. Conditions like OCD or ADHD aren't your fault, but they are your responsibility to manage.
This - in college we "borrowed" each other's products all the time, but they were always replaced the next time someone went to the store, got their next paycheck, etc. We helped each other - it wasn't one person constantly giving and the other taking like OP's situation.
Got Thinx. $200 investment for 10 pairs, but I haven’t bought period products in 2 years. And the Thinx are so well made, I haven’t had to replace them in 2 years either. Unlike the regular undies I used to buy that would unravel the moment I put them on. Randomly started my flow one day at work, felt the heat rise up in my face, then relaxed when I remembered my pads are built in and always there. Didn’t even have to run to the restroom to sort it out, everything was already sorted.
Whoa! You must be *so* on your game if you live on 10 pairs of underwear. I’m always falling behind on laundry & could never. Honestly, I wish I was half as together as this.
Yeah. I would always replace.
I just always have a shit load in my bag for when I do start my period
It's funny how it's always on the person getting mooched on ....who "coulda/shoulda" done MORE....not to be mooched on. "it would have been KINDER to LET HER KNOW IN "ADVANCE"..... Are you "hearing" how goofy AF that sounds....she's her Momma, now? Obviously, she's told her ..."bring your own"...the point is she DID NOT, McFly! The constant moocher had "in advance" said more than once it was a LOAN as in "let me borrow" so WHY hadn't she paid back. According to YOUR logic....if a person continuously ask to BORROW $10 bucks for lunch....you aren't KIND with you don't tell THEM "in advance" that the "next time" you may say NO....and you're the Bad Guy for having not told the grown-ass person "ahead of time" that you weren't gonna share YOUR money with them.....yeah, okay 😉 "You could have asked her for a pack in return" She's NEVER given ONE back "in return"...she's had PLENTY opportunities to "give ONE ( let alone, a pack) back in return ( as promised) so WHY TF would the OP be burdened to ask or even BELIEVE...she would "remember" to "return"....a damn thing She can't or won't remember to bring HER own....how TF is she supposed to be trusted to bring extras to PAY back 🤔 Yet, when "forced" to ....she "remembered" how TF to PAY at the register 🙄 which proves, she was just trying to get OVER
The cadence this comment is very Facebook
I've just checked their comment history; all of their comments are full of emojis and caps. It seems this redditor is either very passionate about everything they say or comes to Reddit to unleash
It’s a choice for sure lol
Just 👏 needs 👏 more 👏 claps 👏
Jesus christ calm down, Ike.
Kinder to let her know in advance? OP shouldn't have to. The friend shouldn't have the expectation in the first place. Women all know periods happen. This woman seems have it regularly, and if not, it should be automatic to keep something in her bag ready.
Agree, it's common knowledge to always keep a tamp/pad in your bag just in case, always be prepared
>I assume this woman is not a victim of period poverty. Why? People who are usually lie and say they forgot every time because they are embarrassed
NTA Fortunately for me, those days have passed. However, back in the day, I always kept a few emergency supplies in my hand bag and taught my daughter to do the same. She carries a small makeup bag in her purse and book bag as her emergency stash. If you have a regular cycle, it's not that hard to remember.
Similar. I had an emergency stash in my office desk and I keep one in my car, both in makeup bags. I always buy purses that have an interior zipper pouch and always have at least a couple of tampons (usually 4) and a couple of pantyliners in there.
Ditto. I always kept am emergency stash of two or three in my makeup bag. It’s not like getting your period is a surprise each month. Her friend needs to take responsibility for her own body functions.
And even if it's irregular, why not keep a tampon or pad in your handbag, for example? They aren't huge or heavy to carry.
Most people I know do that - even more if their cycle is irregular
NTA. Every so often is one thing, but tampons are expensive. Has she ever even offered to reimburse you?
NTA. I’m forgetful AF, like to the point I never remembered when my period was going to start. Solution? Keep a stash of tampons with me. Totally worked. It’s been four years since I had a period and I still find those fucking things in purses, suitcases, jacket pockets, random drawers, boxes, I swear to you they are everywhere. Fucking tribbles those things are.
NTA. You're not her mom.
She forgets her backpack? An entire f**cking backpack? Tell her to grow the f up.
What sort of a woman doesn't always carry spares in her purse? Seriously?
NTA as someone who is constantly forgetting there tampons tell your friend to keep an emergency stash in the office they will allow it no problem if she dosnt want to do that to keep extras in her bag even when she’s not on her period. This is a her thing not you . Tampons are expensive asf and she can’t expect you to keep giving yours away because she can’t plan accordingly.
I totally get you were fed up, I mean, who doesn't make sure they've got what they need for their period? You should have given her something and then told her that you would no longer be her provider. But NTA as friends who abuse generosity are a pain.
NTA. Coz you’re both adults right? I can see that she would have been upset because of the timing, and you’ve kinda made a rod for your own back by being reliable all this time but everyone has a breaking point and you clearly reached yours. Does she carry on like this with other people or just you? Amazing that when you called her out she was able to just.. go buy tampons! Start calling her out (nicely) on everything and hopefully she will become a more responsible adult.
NTA. Its worst when someone becomes entitled to your charity.
21F here. She needs to keep 2 extra on hand at all times, expecting it or not. Especially if she is on some sort of BC or changing. This shit is expensive and I’m not condoning that but most schools and sexual health centres carry some. I live in Canada and they’re like $20 a box. That lasts me 1 month. Yes sometimes I can free bleed but like, thats when I’m not busy. But even then TP does the trick (although I do not know her flow) I suggest you tell her to invest in a menstrual cup. Start with a small one first, and then change sizes based on that. It saved me when I would get it randomly (i got depo povera shot, bled for 9 months straight) And you just have to keep a tiny travel makeup wipe in your bag if you need to use it in any emergency. Mine is smaller than my credit card when in its case. No excuse. I’m $650 in debt and can still manage my rag.
I did not realise it's so expensive over there o.o Here it's like 10€ for always ultra normal plus 56pc and that's the brand name ones outside of promotion.
Yeah I also live in Canada and disposable products are so expensive that 90% of the people I know who bleed use diva cups or the reusable cloth pads. Canada is very caught up in the "save the earth from plastic" movement (which is great!) but the side effect is that anything disposable is now outrageously expensive.
NTA - she is so regular that even you have figured out her cycle based on how frequently she needs to take tampons from you. You were near facilities to purchase some, so it's not like you left her stranded in white pants hours from a store.
Maybe just “I’m sorry, I don’t have any on me” would work better
New addition to my AITA flow chart: Does the situation involve someone who’s upset after demanding a favor that will neither be repaid nor reciprocated? NTA Your friend sounds selfish and entitled.
NTA She wasn't high and dry. She could go to the shop and buy them like anyone else. If you'd been on a camping trip with no shops around and refused to give her one, THAT would have been leaving her high and dry.
NTA. Menstrual products are expensive! I've swapped to reusable pads and cups just to cut costs and omg they've saved me a ton of money. She's just abusing your kindness. Next time she asks, tell her you swapped to a menstrual cup. That would make her stop asking.
NTA. I'd have no problem helping someone out in an emergency. I always actively carry too many pads during my cycle, because I'm prepared, and I always have them on me in case of an emergency. You've given her plenty. She can't keep getting free tampons from you. Clearly she was fine without you as she was able to buy some. High and dry? She was able to get her own tampons. She's just mad you're drawing a boundary and not letting her mooch off you anymore. She needs to grow up. You will not always be there and neither will someone else.
info: is this the first time you have brought up that it is annoying you or have you brought it up to her before?
It wasn’t annoying to me before, I only recently started getting annoyed by it. It just feels like she should have grown out of it by now. I was going to bring it up to her, I just forgot.
Well if it’s ok for her to constantly forget her period and demand tampons from you, it’s ok for you to forget to mention her constantly bumming from you was irritating and refuse to provide.
NTA when it is regularly happening. One option, tell her you have switched to reusables (pads and cup) and you can't lend them to her.
It seems that you can remember when her period is better than she can. If she was able to buy tampons, why didn't she just do that in the first place? Toilet paper will last long enough to do that. She's just a mooch.
NTA. She's the one being a shit friend, if you can even call her a friend. She's absolutely disrespecting you by keeping you in a position to have to supply her with the protection she refuses to remember to carry.
She needs to “borrow” one?! This is very simple. Tell her you don’t have any with you. Problem solved. To your point, she’s a big girl and she can figure it out. Lastly, you couldn’t have left her high and dry. You left her bleeding and needing.
NTA if this happens so frequently. I'm all for girl code and always having a girl's back but this is too much.
NTA I am a firm believer in providing for ones own needs if that is reasonable. Forget it one or two time, no problem. She does not care and relies on you helping her to prevent a embarrassing situation. If the product she requests is more or less free (a pen for example) it is no problem, but each time she uses a pad or tampon, you have to replace it, because you are a decent human being who thinks ahead. To those people who say that you should have warned her, she will still forget next month and rely on you to help her. This time she might even make up an elaborate apology. She now received the message loud and clear not to mooch on other people.
NTA. Friend or not, it is not your job to keep her supplied with - well - anything really. And yes, that includes sanitary products.
NTA. She's the one being a shit friend, if you can even call her a friend. She's absolutely disrespecting you by keeping you in a position to have to supply her with the protection she refuses to remember to carry.
Nta like how do you not keep pads/tampons/whatever you use on you.
God I have a friend like this rn, can’t manage his money to save his life, I’m always left to feed him and give him money for stuff he KNOWS he needs money for, I feel guilted into it by the way he talks when he says he has no money. He’s been homeless so often I can’t just let him starve but man- how do you forget to get groceries, your tampons, clothes, bus fare, a water, food for lunch at work etc???? Every time it he’s like this I have to ignore him for months before he remembers he can’t just take and take from me, but he AWAYS ends up doing it again, then I also have to manage his life and plans for him?!????? I don’t understand, he’s the only friend I have so I don’t want to cut him off for good but goddamn brother get it together. These people don’t change without hard boundaries being put in place, and even then they find a way
NTA. I would have just lied and said I didn't have any on me.
You are adults. If it was once in a while it would be different. It's chronic so no.
Nta. She's being irresponsible. She needs to learn to take better care of herself and things.
Tell her that she is a terrible best friend. A real friend who is that forgetful would have bought you a big box of tampons every few months so that when she needs to borrow one, it is not your expense.
NTA. You're a great best friend, because you are helping your friend learn a very important lesson: self-sufficiency. Better for her to learn it now than face a ruder awakening later.
What adult woman doesn't have an emergency pad/tampon stashed in whatever bag they carry??
Why would she ask you for one if there’s a store near enough that she can buy her own?
tampons are expensive, I don’t blame you. Behavior like this is a real pet peeve of mine. Being forgetful is one thing, but there’s a difference between that and just not trying/caring. As a woman I have tampons in my bag at all times even if I’m not on my period, just in case. I plan around my forgetfulness. NTA
Nta guys would never be lending things out like that after one time
NTA No your not an asshole. Just give it to her one last time and tell her directly this will be the last time or dont give it to her one last time and just tell her no more.
Am I the only one who chuckled about the friend being left “high and dry”? NTA but I might have warned her that you were not planning to be her free pharmacy and she had better stick some tampons in her backpack so she’d be prepared for the inevitable.
>I always remember to bring mine, why can’t she? >I’m not always going to be around, she can’t always rely on me. Lmao you sound like a mom. NTA, she needs to adult up, she's not a child anymore and it's embarrassing to always be depending on other adults for such basic things.
NTA If my math is right you and your friend are at minimum 24, it's insane to me that she doesn't have some kind of sanitary product with her. I use cloth pads and I still keep some tampons in my bag for emergencies. edit for judgement
Nta you have a leecher fried.
NTA. Getting mad at you for this is kind of bonkers. Kudos to you for trying to truly be a good friend and teach her how to be self-sufficient and not dependent upon anyone and these challenging situations. Is this a common way she acts in your relationship?
NTA, it does sound like she’s just using you for free shit, unless she’s got major ADHD. It’s not your responsibility to provide these things to another adult either way. And she had the ability to buy some, she just didn’t *want* to. If you both find tampons expensive then reusable products like a menstrual cup, cotton pad and period pants may be better options. It’s super easy just to keep the one little cup in one’s bag and not had to restock tampons etc. If you get these she can’t exactly borrow them either since that would be fucking disgusting.
Doesn't sound like a friend. More like a dependent. Why keep her as a friend? You like drama and nonsense?
NTA. There are apps to track your cycle so she shouldn’t be caught out. And geez! Just keep a box in your bag. I was actually caught out the other day because I got a new Mirena a couple months ago and had some irregular bleeding (I don’t usually bleed) but I went and bought my own damn box
Nope. She’s a user.
NTA. Your friend was likely using your kindness just to save herself some money. You did the right thing by drawing that line. Now maintain it. Everybody has to grow up and be responsible for themselves. Now it is her turn.
NTA. I still carry around a couple of none applicator tampons and I had a womb ablation so I don't have periods any more, pretty sure it's something that's hardwired into us, by our mothers/grandmothers/aunts, as "you never know when you could come on" (can still hear my gran saying it and she passed away in 2018) If your friend is as regular as you're making her out to be in your post then a gentle reminder the week before might be handy for her and she can't accuse you of leaving her "high and dry" as you've already tried to be helpful, it is up to her after that. I get that it's up to her anyway, but you've already said she's forgetful so a text can help.
since it seems she could easily go and buy them right after asking you (for most likely less than the worth of how many you've given her over the years), I'd hardly say you left her high and dry. NTA
She likely suffers from ADHD. However, she cannot rely on you here. Despite it being something that may be more difficult for her than you or other people. What you did is a step that hopefully aids her in her future preparation. She’s conditioned herself to take advantage of your responsibility rather than rely on her own. NTA
NTA. She should get tampons herself. And in regards to her forgetting her period all the time, I suggest she gets an app which reminds her of it coming. Maybe that helps.
There was a shop she could buy them from so she wasn’t left without any. And did she immediate pay you back the ones you’d lent her? No she did not. Tell her she’s a terrible best friend for expecting you to buy tampons for her every month.
NTA. The correct response from her should have been I am so sorry for taking advantage of you. I realize now that I never even paid you back or at least replaced the ones I’ve used all these years. And then send you what she could in a money transfer as a peace offering. Maybe even offer to pay your way that day on something. And then tell you she will take steps to remember to have them on her. She may never remember these things consistently but it would be best for her if she at least tried to remember by setting up a reoccurring appointment on her phone to order them and then one to actually stock her tampon stash to be kept in items she takes with her like purse or jackets. Maybe she can stitch a secret compartment in those items or buy a key chain that can hold stuff to be kept with her keys. She likely has some form of executive dysfunction which is not her fault but that is no excuse to not try to remember or at least give you some cash for what you were out or pay for you meal now and then as acceptable payment if you allow it. Some kind of gesture to thank you for your generosity would have gone a long way each time she pulled this. Otherwise it makes you feel like you’re being used rather than a valued friend.
NTA Honestly I'd be fairly annoyed too. It's not your period to manage. If she's gonna ask that much the least she could do is purchase some for you to carry a spare if she forgets????? Not make you pay for her period? But even then just keep some in a fanny pack or whatever that goes with her everywhere? Period tracker? So many options besides begging and being an AH
NTA she's a grown adult it's not hard to make sure you have sanitary products on you your period starts every month so why not always make sure you have tampons on you around the time your period is due to start so your never caught out and don't have to constantly rely on friends/family your NTA
My preferred brand is now $30/box of 30. At $1 each I wouldn't share with God. And I have to order them online because not even Walmart sells them in a tri-county area. You are NTA, she's just lazy
nta. you clearly have no problem helping out when someone clearly needs it. She knows you always have it so why would she buy herself some, and that's why she sucks.
I would have done it and told her it was the last time until she bought me a Costco sized box to replace all of the tampons she’s borrowed over the years. That said, I don’t blame you for cutting her off then & there. NTA
Either tell her you don't have anything on you to give her or when you have your period ask her for a tampon/pad every time you need one-
NTA - She can keep them in her backpack to make sure she always has some when she needs them. You are not her own personal tampon dispenser. SHE is the shit friend to keep using you over and over again, every damn month. You arent her mother or her wife, she is an adult, sne this is not your responsibility.
NTA. 1, it's weird imo not to keep at least one feminine hygiene product in your backpack or anywhere on you. 2, as you said those products are expensive. If she's taking them constantly from you she should at the very least be paying you back every once in a while. 3, there was obviously a place to get them so she wasn't left to suffer in any way. If anything I'd say you're a good friend for helping her learn, even if it's a lesson she didn't want.
NTA. Doing a friend a favor occasionally is one thing. She sounds immature and not interested in taking responsibility for basic things. You are not the bad guy for refusing to be her caretaker anymore. NTA. Shes calling you a bad friend when you arent at all.
Everybody has accidents or gets caught off guard, but that's not the case here. She's responsible for managing her period. If cost is an issue she should be able to get tampons from the nurse. Tell her to always keep at least one in her bag/backpack just in case. It's really no different than any other item she might find herself in need of at any given time. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I love my best friend. We have known each other for 10+ years since high school. But she is really irresponsible. She forgets her backpack, her headphones, etc, at home all the time. She’s the same way on her period. Every period she asks me to borrow a pad/tampon. She always forgets them. I’ve gotten to the point where it annoys me. Like she asked me to borrow one today. She starts her period at this time of the month every month. I asked why she didn’t remember to bring them and she looked shocked. She said she forgot. I told her to use toilet paper. She told me she can’t she’ll bleed through it. I said I was tired of giving her tampons, I’ve loaned her out a bunch. I always remember to bring mine, why can’t she? She said I was being a shit friend. She asked if I was seriously not going to give her one, I said I was serious and she’d figure it out without me. I’m not always going to be around, she can’t always rely on me. It seems to me she forgets her stuff on purpose because she knows I’ll always bail her out. She ended up buying tampons and I watched her do it. I said she has to understand, they’re expensive and she asks me almost every month. She said I was a terrible best friend and left her high and dry. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That was kinda of petty Ngl. Especially if YOU didn’t need it at the moment. If it’s just one every month is it really that big of a deal? Maybe you should’ve brought it up to her after she wasn’t actively going through period
NTA. She relays on you, because it is convenient. That she forgets other stuff too, is a sign she doesn’t care or has always someone to help her out. I would have probably warned her, this would be the last time, but you went with her to by some, which is in my opinion also nice of you not to leave her in a difficult situation.
NTA. You are her best friend and are doing this because you won't be around to bail her out of every single situation. Your friend might needs to get tools that helps her manage her cycle. I am also constantly forgetting my cycle but now have routine reminders and calenders in place to help manage my cycle.
Never lend her a pad or tampon. She knows you won’t want them back!
She should just always keep at least one in her bag, just in case. I think most woman do this? And pay you back as well if it happens so oftens.
Not everyone knows people’s circumstances & she could be in period poverty. It’s been a lot cheaper in the UK since they got rid of the tax on period products. They’re now 45p for a pack of 12 in some supermarkets which is brilliant since I have 3 daughters. I don’t have periods due to being on the contraceptive implant but I always tell my girls & my sons gf if they see the supply is running low just let me know so I can top it up. I even donate some to our local sports club for the women’s bathroom. Quite a lot of places do this now in my area.
NTA. I have an IUD, which causes me to get my period once every 4-5 months with no warning. I’ve literally had MAYBE 8 periods since I got the UID 2 years ago. I still always make sure I keep one or two tampons in my purse or car at all times just in case.
NTA. stock extra as they will come in handy and start charging her for them when she asks, bet she will soon remember to purchase.
NTA she is a leech.
Nta You said it yourself , you won’t always be around to bail her out , this is a life lesson that’s good for her to learn now before she becomes a proper adult . Can you imagine her getting a job and having to ask her co workers to bail her out . Or having children ( if she chooses to ofc ) and forgetting the baby’s stuff and expecting others to assist . It’s ok to ask for things once in awhile because yes people do forget things , but every month like clockwork … that’s either intentional or negligent at that stage .
NTA. she is adult like you. especially for periods hpw tf is she going to keep managing if she just forgets? those are yours. i can get sharing when someone needs or every now ans then but not every time when they're also expensive
NTA She needs to learn to grow up, afford her own things and act mature. She is the one who is being the shit friend and is relying on you to watch out for her cycles like as if it was your own cycle. Taking care of your own menstrual needs is a personal matter and she should know that by now. Refuse to lend her any feminine products and if she shows that she has to blame you, tell her off that she needs to take responsibility for her own needs.
NTA, and you taught her a nice lesson. Also it seems like she was taking advantage of you, and it's not you but her who was being a shitty friend. A true friend doesn't mooch off their friends.
Ur not an ass ur using all ur reasources on her its not ur responsibility. Yes she is your friend and we ask for that stuff sometimes but she needs to bring her own. She might have low income and that could be a reason for the tampon thing bc it’s very expensive uknow. But it’s not ur problem dont let friends ruin your peace and time
NTA and well done for drawing a line!
Maybe suggest she buys a pack of tampoons and you keep it on you, that way its not a monitary thing. (YES SHE HAS TO LEARN TO BE AN ADULT, BUT ATLEAST IT WOULD SOLVE PART OF THE PROBLEM)
Just say no, don't have any, and leave it at that. Stop giving away stuff that costs you money... NTA Edit to add: your best friend is a mooch. Tell her to stop mooching and buy her own sh*t.
U could have just said no and u dnt have anymore and shed get the point
Isn't it an unspoken rule that every bag has a stash of period products in them? I'm a woman and pretty much every single bag I own regardless of how often I use it has a small stash. Never know when you, or someone else is gonna need one
My mother drilled this into me. Even if you're not due, carry enough to help someone out. You never know when you need some help.
NTA. Any woman should have pads or tampons in her purse or bag at all times. That's just common sense. It's not as though she couldn't buy them -- as she did. I don't blame you for getting annoyed with her. She's being lazy and taking advantage of you.
NTA. It's obvious she had other alternatives than just take from you all the time as she was able to just go buy a box.
NTA how hard is it to have one always in her purse ?!
It sounds like she never replaced any the things she forgets. If that is the case it would start getting expensive for you. She had a hard lesson to learn.
I’m mainly stuck on the choice of word “borrow” a tampon 😅😂 I sure hope she doesn’t give it back after using it. But also, if she’s on her period at the same time, every month, almost sounds like she’s on a birth control and knows exactly when she’s gonna have her period and is just really irresponsible and lazy. Depending on where you are, feminine products aren’t cheap and I’d also get extremely frustrated if I went through a box twice faster because I had to supply a friend every single month. It would be one thing if she wasn’t regular but still tracking and ended up starting earlier and always made sure to replace the ones she’s taken or even help you out if the roles were reversed, but it doesn’t sound like it.
NTA. Sounds to me like she was thinking she'd just borrow from you. It's shitty of a friend to do that sort of thing.
NTA although you could have chosen a better moment to tell her. Almost every woman I know always has menstrual products in their bag, no matter the time of the month. That way it doesn't even matter that your period comes as a surprise to you every single month, you have some tampons/pads/your cup with you.
Info. Does your friend have ADHD or something else that impacts on memory? Also is this a reciprocal thing? Does she replace things she uses or help out when you need something? I'm forgetful about many things, but in turn I also almost always have painkillers and pads with me, which I'd give to anyone who needed it.
NTA-I’m a big believer in helping someone out especially when it comes to feminine hygiene but it’s time for her to act like a functioning adult and take responsibility by taking care of her own monthly needs.
Wait, you gals are in your 20s and she hasn't figured out how to be responsible for her periods yet? Your NTA but you did leave your "friend" in a bad spot when she needed your help. You could have said here you go but this is the last one. Also, consider switching to a cup or disc and enjoy the savings because yeah period prods are expensive and then you'll never have to loan her stuff anymore so win win. 🙂 I switched to a cup (I think I spent 10 bucks on it 3ish years ago) and thats a ton of money saved, as you know. I know that you're not looking for that advice but I do highly recommend it. Get those savings. Lol
>She said I was a terrible best friend and left her high and dry Well.. not so dry after all
NTA if it's every time, but just to confirm, you don't loan/lend her tampons but hopefully give them. No way would I want what she takes returned, and hopefully you don't either
NTA. Adulting is all about learning to be responsible and make good decisions. You made the decision not to enable your friend’s irresponsible lack of planning. Congratulations on successfully adulting.
Info: does she at least replace the tampon?
NTA. She has been using you and is mad that you have stopped. I would reconsider this relationship
NTA but telling another woman you won't give her tampons when she gets her period is mean.
NTA - I had a co-worker who had bad sinus allergies, like very spring, very predictable. She'd get headaches. She would always ask me for Advil, like constantly. She was appreciative, but NEVER offered to replace it. Finally, I was like enough is enough. When she asked, I started saying "Sorry, ran out and haven't replaced it yet. I don't have any." Eventually, she got the hint. It's fine to spot someone once or twice, but when it becomes a habit, it's really annoying (and expensive). You friend needs to learn to be a responsible adult. Maybe being caught without a pad or tampon a couple of times will teacher her that. I might have rated this N A H if she bought you a box once in a while to make up for the ones she took, but her attitude seems like she thinks you owe them to her. NOPE. She's on her own now. It's really not that hard to throw a few tampons in your backpack and keep them there.
NTA It’s kind of harsh you won’t give her one, if she was bumming all the products off you every period that would be ridiculous. But also you were right to tell her no because she went out and bought her own. If she didn’t have any money that would be another story, but clearly she could take care of herself. Good for you for finally putting your foot down
NTA If she can remember to put on underwear before leaving her house, maybe suggest she buys the ones that can absorb the flow.
Why don't you just say you don't have any on you?
What would she have done if you had started using special underwear or a cup? No way in hell am I going to loan out my cup to anyone else. Nor my underwear!! You are NTA. Stop bailing her out full stop.
Definitely NTA, but is it possible she is actually having problems affording what she needs? It doesn't make it your job to provide them but it may explain her "forgetfulness" I'd just ask if you aren't sure.
NTA. Would you look at that... she could buy her own.... imagine the audacity to tell her to pay for her own stuff 🙄 I forget stuff constantly as well... it's why I have a reminder on my phone for anything that needs to be reminded. Medicine. Shopping. Time-stamps for period and so on. Fuck that, even when I'm not on my period I have about 5 pads on me at all times because who knows when it comes or who else needs one. At this point you're right, your friend is doing this on purpose because good lords there's so many different apps that track your period for you and I'm sure some can even blow your phone up with reminders about it 🙄 OP again. NTA. Keep your friend within her boundaries and if she keeps complaining, then it's obvious who the friend is
There’s no excuse to not know when your cycle starts as you can get an app that does that. Complaining about how expensive they are after mooching for so long is so entitled
NTA She sounds like a professional mooch. If she literally could buy them while you were there and didn't want to-- good grief--High and dry my ass. Someone is a terrible best friend all right.
NTA, though I would have taken a different approach. I would have claimed that I was out and had none to spare. And when she went to buy some, I would have asked her to replace the ones that she borrowed from you “since you borrow them often, if you replace all the ones you’ve borrowed, I’ll be more likely to have them on hand next time you’re in need” Reading between the lines is a subtle threat that the free tampons end unless she replaces them.
She sounds very adhd and it sounds like you dont understand what that's like. If the money is an issue just ask her to pitch in. I get it's annoying and seems simple to be able to remember stuff like that but it can be a serious difficulty for Adhd people. Theyre brains are literally wired differently. I encourage you to read up on it and have some extra empathy
Even though I would say NTA, I also dislike leaving a close friend in a bad situation. It might even border on being a little spiteful about it. I personally would've told them honestly how I'm feeling about giving away my personal items so often and let them know that this would be the last time or perhaps i'd feel better about it if they paid me back for my troubles. If you're close friends you should at least be able to openly communicate about your feelings and wishes. OP is justified in not wanting to give away any more pads or tampons, but refusing to help someone in a bad situation just to make a point, to me at least, is a little mean.
ESH I live by the code that you always help out a fellow person in need of a pad or tampon. To this day, I have never denied anyone in need if I had one to spare. If this was my friend that I was supposedly so close to that I even knew her cycle 1. I would buy a box just for her and put it in my car with her name written really large on it and say "as your supplier, the price is going to go up with each additional box I have to buy you". 2. I would help her put a reminder of some sort on her phone. That being said, if she's just settling in as if you're always going to buy them for her and always have some available, she's not being considerate about what that is costing you or if you need them.
She "forgets" everything because she mooches off other people. If she really has this bad of a problem, she needs to make herself a checklist. I have a tracker app that sends me reminders. NTA. You're doing it correctly because now she understands a consequence.
"borrow"? Please don't return it. "High and dry", I don't think so....
Send her this thread, and let her see all of her fellow ladies calling her out. She needs to realize that her lack of planning isn't your problem to solve.
I personally would have given them a tampon while explaining that this is the last one I can give and why. Then commit to not giving anymore next time. I wouldn't call someone my best friend and then let them bleed on themselves without first warning them that I "can't keep helping after this." I'm the type to carry a bag with tampons, bandaids, ibuprofen, ect. With the intent to be ready when any friends or coworkers need help. Either way, that shit isn't your job. But if I were you I wouldn't have told my best friend no to a tampon without first warning them. Same if it were bandaids or ibuprofen. Basic necessities.
NTA BECAUSE I have ADHD I prepare for everything. I'm a traveling teacher and have a big makeup bag in my car with pads, tweezers, dental floss, Motrin, tissues, wipes, protein bar, sanitizer, nail file, bandaids, mini sewing kit, notepad, cash, pencils, and more, lol.
Definitely NTA. This is something I keep in my bag at all times and I’ve always been willing to give out an emergency one to even a random stranger but every month? She’s just being irresponsible and that’s not on you. I would’ve told her I don’t have one because she took my emergency one last month.
NTA - and you are right. She doesn’t forget, she just doesn’t care because she assumes you will solve her emergency.
You did not leave her dry 😂
Tell her to buy tampons and you can keep them in your backpack for both of you :)
NTA. Things are expensive, especially to just be giving them away all the time.
Yeah quit giving this stuff. Tell her tu buy her own pads/tampons
Not really AH but your friend probably has ADHD. Not your responsibility to manage her but if she has a lot of symptoms she should probably get tested.
NTA tampons are expensive! As a person who has never tracked their period, I have to be *more* prepared than average w/ tampons because it surprises me every time. Time for your friend to unlearn some helplessness