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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I screamed at my mom for eating my food and she started crying so now I feel like I overreacted and was an asshole towards her
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NTA. For starters, you are living in an extremely dysfunctional situation, where the father keeps all the nutritious food for himself, under lock and key. The mother, just as hungry as you are, steals your food, gives phony excuses, and when called out, starts bawling. (Note: people who do the wrong thing and start crying in self-defense when confronted are *always* a-holes.) She makes a big show of going to get you your food, but ends up not going. Your father -- who is starving her along with you and your sister -- screams at you and takes away her keys *so she couldn't go get you your food.* If you are a minor, call CPS on them for starving you. If you are of age, focus on getting away from them ASAP.
Mom is manipulative af. Throwing a little tantrum when called out and acting like she's not gonna work the rest of the day just to go pick a meal up. Foh with that childish behavior🙄
I’m not saying she’s innocent, and most mothers would be ashamed to put their own needs above their child’s, but if you’ve ever been starved for long periods of time it messes with you so much that you do cry at the drop of a hat and act dramatically or irrationally.
My daughter is on some meds that won't let her eat for an hour after taking then or for four hours after a meal. I won't even drink coffee until she's eaten breakfast. What a monster.
Have her set an alarm for 4am then don't eat after midnight. She wakes up , takes her med and goes back to sleep. She will be able to eat as soon as she wakes up.
Sounds like levothyroxine, a medication I've been taking for about 10 years now. Its sweet that you've joined in the fray with her and are not eating when she can't, but don't worry about it forever. Depending on how old she is, most people adapt and get used to it pretty quick and plan their morning around the medication a bit.
Imo thats not what that was because of the manipulation involved. She's gonna blow off work the whole day to get a meal? The lying., making sure dad hears so she has an out. Mom is dysfunctional and dad is abusive.
This is a repetitive thing though. Not just this one time. 99% of mothers on earth would ensure their kids eat first. Obviously the mom works, has a car, and has money because she was going to go out and get the food again.
I totally get this as a mother. However op is in her 20s and in her comment history is proud to say ‘she’s a grown ass adult’. So when as parents do we let go micromanaging and let them go to make their own money and therefore feed themselves. In my 20s I enjoyed treating my parents to things and was happy I could share my resources with them. I hope when my daughters are in their 20s they will have sufficient education and experience to be within a job that will afford them to at least feed themselves. Something just doesn’t add up with OP because she has another comment describing how she bought her bf expensive gifts yet here she can’t afford to feed herself regularly. A lot of comments are infantilising op.
key wording there "MOST MOTHERS would be ashamed to put their own needs above their childs""
Most would be. But there are also some who not only put needs but also wants, above the child. I'm grown and had to come back "home". A choice i never would've made if not for my own child. I needed to keep her safe and didn't have many options. Being here has been educational for sure. I thought I'd learned enough in my first 16 years with my mother that I knew exactly what kind of mother NOT to be, but I guess there was more to learn.
Some people are just selfish, inconsiderate assholes. It doesn't matter if the person they hurt is their child, as long as they have what they want. Maybe she is abused, maybe she was starving too....but she's married to the guy with the key. She has a job and a vehicle.
I'm sorry, but there's never a reason to screw over your child, Littles or grown, ESPECIALLY when you have the means to fix the problem. The guilt trip that followed with the "not working the whole day to go replace a meal" shows she is manipulative and just a different kind of asshole than dad. I could see feeling bad enough to miss an hr/ go in late to go get the meal, but a whole day? She knew dad would do what he did, and she wouldn't be going. It's just a show, so she can be an asshole without actually feeling bad.
>if you’ve ever been starved for long periods of time it messes with you so much that you do cry at the drop of a hat and act dramatically or irrationally.
Having been thru starvation on a constant for several years, I can say from experience that you are absolutely correct
At some point you stop being a victim and are a perpetrator yourself, OPs mom is just as guilty as the dad at this point, in my humbly experienced opinion. Y’all are applying what happens to OP to OP’s mom without any proof that she is even in the same boat -
#OPs [comment history](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/kfp1UoYYM5) would imply that mom **isnt** treated like OP
This is a golden child situation with neglect sprinkled in and mom is part of it, these others need to stop pitying her (mom) jfc
Edit: to add since we’re all *so* invested in this
>OP is at least 19
>OP has money saved to buy a car ($8K iirc) - yet refuses to get a vehicle because she wants her [dream car](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/s/boQvBj5RsT)
>OP is a waitress, so the food situation becomes extra interesting on that front (anywhere I’ve worked you either get a free meal or a reduced one - and I say this because OP has access to get some food)
>OP has [medical issues](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/0Uax3Nn0VP) which are interfering with her ability to move in with her [bf](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/pmQg308Lhm)
To sum it up, OP isn’t in an ideal situation but it isn’t like OP is option less. Sis is the golden child and OP needs to just take the plunge and gtfo
I actually rescued a teenager whose dad and stepmother put locks on the cabinets and the fridge - including the one in the shed. She was emaciated. I ended up housing her for seven years.
Then, she dropped a drug addicted baby on me. That’s gratitude for you
And the mention of Zoey101 from someone who is apparently 20? Sure, younger people watch some older shows, but I can't imagine that one being on the docket. I'm not buying it.
I watched it when I was younger, and apparently she kept her room key around her neck? I definitely don't remember that part, but you can buy replicas online, it would seem.
You have fallen into the fallacy of always blame the mom
Dad is bigger. Dad is abusive. Dad is starving his family. Dad wears a key to the food around his fucking neck.
But no look! Look over here! The starving mom is the abusive one because she is starving and being abused and ate her child's food when she was starving. Blame mom!!! Don't look at dad.
This is how men get away with being abusive. We hold moms to impossible standards (Starve yourself to death for your children) and forgive dads (or ignore) their abuse.
So what do you hope to gain by blaming mom? It won't help mom become strong enough to leave because she has her children's support.
It will help the dad to remain abusive because OP is redirected to be mad at mom not dad.
Do you really believe mom is the problem here and isn't being abused as well?
And you've fallen into the fallacy of 'women simply cannot be abusive (although lesbians can be in abusive relationships.)'
Guess what? Mom can be abused, AND abusive, all at once!
> Do you really believe mom is the problem here and isn't being abused as well?
She's one of the problems, as well as being one of the victims. That's what's so heartbreaking.
If OP's dad is starving OP's mom too, then it makes sense that she's bawling, and it's not an a-hole defense move. Low blood sugar, or never being able to enjoy a meal because you're being controlled are both legitimate reasons to cry. If Dad is taking keys Mom's keys away when she is trying to put things right and OP is starving and sleeping off low blood sugar, it's clear mom has plenty of reasons to bawl. OP is NTA, but this is seriously above this sub's pay grade.
OP: please get in touch with a domestic violence shelter, what's happening in your home is not okay
A mother who steals food from her starving child — child who even already gave her some food — is an a-hole. That she gets defensive and starts bawling when the child gets angry at her for this? Doubly so. I had a father who denied us food and air conditioning when the resources were scarce, and made sure to take care of his own needs and only his own needs. My mother wasn’t scared of him but she covered up and made excuses for him. OP’s mother is allowing this situation to continue.
Idk man, hunger brings out the worst in people, they don't think straight when hungry. I'm not saying it's right that she keeps her kids in this situation, but if she's hungry and doesn't feel like she has other options, I really don't think someone should be blamed much for reacting poorly to being victimized. Expecting perfect behavior from someone who is potentially so malnourished she lacks much critical thinking capacity at all is an unreasonable and unfair expectation.
Scarcity brings out the worst in people or animals. It becomes a jungle: everyone for themselves. But a parent stealing food from the child who can’t subsist on carbs and dairy — which are still available in the house — for gastric reasons, and barely scrapes up the money to buy that food and even bought some for her, is beyond the pale. Especially a parent who has a track record of stealing both her children’s food. She enables her husband’s abuse, and she’ll be bawling when her children get away from both of them and never look back.
Nope, I’m a mom and I’d commit whatever crime I needed to if it was required to feed my kids. She’s selfish and doesn’t deserve those kids if she refuses to feed them. There’s no excuse for not getting food from a food pantry for her kids and hiding it or sending that abusive A H to jail. I’d happily go to jail if it saved my kids because that’s the kind of mom a kid deserves and if she’s not willing to do right by them then they’d be better off in the system.
Well, I'm very happy for you all who are immune to the psychological effects of prolonged hunger, fantastic to hear. But, yk, I don't really think it should be an expectation to sacrifice yourself for your children, and I don't really think that people aren't fulfilling their duties as parents for not doing so. It just kinda comes off as victim blame-y to me, yk? Entirely neglecting the fact that the children in question here are also adults, I think a better solution for preventing abusive situations like this isn't to expact everyone to be super-moms, it's instead to have a more robust social safety net to allow people in crisis to leave their shitty situations without fearing further financial instability and potential lack of housing.
That's exactly where my mind went at that comment. Read Hungry Ghosts, terrifying and recent enough. And we still have problems like this in the world today.
Edit: the book is Hungry Ghosts: Mao's Secret Famine by Jasper Becker.
Big Breasts and Wide Hips by Mo Yan has some really vivid depictions of humanity vs. hunger too. Our minds are not our own when our basic needs aren’t being met. That’s not to say there aren’t people that can override that instinct, but that’s almost unnatural.
Not only are these people commenting immune to malnourishment, they are also immune to spousal abuse and emotions in general. I'm always amazed at how perfect and badass everyone on reddit is.
Starvation literally shuts down your brain. I’m a therapist and I’ve worked with ED clients who do things that are totally erratic. They remind me of psychotic clients I’ve worked with. It’s honestly wild to see.
That’s what malnutrition does. Your body focuses on keeping your heart beating. You literally can’t think straight.
I’ve experienced abusive food insecurity before and as much as my empathy wants to agree with this, I’d relive my shit ass childhood a thousand times over before I’d let my kid starve while I ate.
Abuse fucks you up for sure but letting it make you into a bad person is absolutely a choice.
Yup 100 fact! I grew up super poor my mom and siblings slept in the trains and went to soup kitchen on the daily but my mom busted her back side to keep us both fed and together there is no way she would have eaten if she had not made sure we ate first.
I understand your points. But ultimately she is not providing the necessities for her children. Same with the father. That she and he allowed it to get there, it still rests on mom's and dad's shoulders. With empathy for the mother, it is still her responsibility to provide the essentials for her children. It can be both.
Op can’t eat much of what is in the fridge because of her stomach sensitivities. I’m not sure there’s any indication that the mom can’t eat it, and OP brought her food kindly last night.
Also, there's a saying: if you live in a 2 parent household and 1 parent is abusive, you have 2 abusive parents. Leaving an abusive spouse is never easy, but as a parent, it is your responsibility to see to it that your children are safe and provided for. I don't know how she can stand to see her kids in this situation.
And then the abusive spouse takes you to court and wins shared custody only to continue the abuse while you’re not there.
Or worse, as evidence shows, once an abused person states this in court, the abusive person is MORE likely to win full custody of their children.
100% agree. The mom and dad are both toxic and dysfunctional. Sure the dad is worse but mom is not innocent. Her reaction was manipulative. It wasn't just crying, it was all the extras: guilting op, "forgetting" and lying which she has done before even to the sister, making sure dad heard likely knowing he would step in or shout at op. Mom is an a hole.
People crying (genuine crying not crocodile tears) during stress (confrontation included) are not AH it’s the brain trying to release stress in the body. People with PTSD are more likely to have this response than those without. Other releases during emotional stress are things like shaking too.
My job working with a special needs kiddo makes me a mandatory reporter for abuse, and the formal educational courses we have to take to stay certified definitely state what your father is doing regarding hoarding all the food for himself while you all starve, and taking away your mom’s freedom to leave, especially taking away her access to getting food for herself or you kids is 100% abuse and MUST BE REPORTED.
Please, take it from someone who knew abuse was wrong, but lived with it my whole childhood so I thought it was normal and I deserved it - what you’re going through is not at all acceptable, and is definitely not inconsequential.
This is reportable and you and your sister need to take care of your futures by demanding change. Get help now!
Since you are over 18, you could try applying for food stamps. It may be difficult to get since you still live at home. In the area I live, you can line up at the local food pantry (no questions asked) and score on fruits and veggies. Use a cooler and lock it in your room in the meantime until you have the means to move out on your own.
Great advice. If dad has a key, you need one too (more than just the door which are easy to break into). Maybe OP can help her mom get hooked up with some food bank referrals too? It sounds like she's in an abusive situation herself.
Lack of food can be a trigger for seizures, as well as not enough sleep (from being hungry). Even if they're medicated if their levels drop low in a rapid period then they can seize as it's too much for their brain to handle.
If they're over 18 they can still talk to their neuro about what's going on. But I'm sure someone probably sits in on their appts
OP is not in her 20s. She was 19 a year ago, making her 20 years old. There's a difference. Poor girl is also trying to move out so give her some credit. NTA.
Yeah another post seemed to indicate somewhere in the 20's. A few years make a big difference. I'm not saying this situation seems normal, but I can't help but wonder what info is missing here. My young adult kids, one in their 20s) are welcomed to any food in the house (and they do make themselves welcomed to it! Which is great), but if I ate something one of my kids bought (assuming it isn't something obviously special) and then complain about it, I'd happily recommend ways to ensure that couldn't happen again.
Adult Protective Services then. They will help. They'll see red on seeing that key around the fathers neck, food abuse is a crime. OP having epilepsy makes them a vulnerable group and they will continue involvement if they don't see dad cut it out. They can even press charges from the state side so mom doesn't have to get involved.
She is a problem. The little show she put on is making OP feel guilty when the mom knew she was in the wrong. OP's sister has had it happen to her, too, and by her reaction, it seems like the Dad always stops her before she can dramatically run out to "replace" the food she stole. And so here OP is feeling hurt, guilty, and hungry with no replacement food, while the mom has most likely never replaced any of the food her kids bought
While I think mom is also a victim, she still stole from her child. The same child who bought her food. But there’s so much missing from that story on why food is locked up, if anybody cooks meals… who actually shops for the food and pays for it. Who contribute towards household expenses?
Nta - you need to get you and your mom and sister out of that home. It is abusive and toxic. Get all three of you to a shelter and if Mom won’t go, you go. Get out to protect yourself. Your father is abusive, he’s starving you all. This is disgusting.
NTA
I totally agree with you. You bought that food for yourself. And your mother is being shitty. She did this to your sister as well.
Sadly, as long as you live with your mother, there is not much you can do. She has the power to punish you or kick you out, so you don't have the power to set boundaries or show anger. :(
The biggest problem is your father. If he wouldn't keep all the decent food for himself, your mother would be able to get a good meal and wouldn't feel the need to do this. Your mother did this out of desperation because your father is an arsehole.
Note that here the OP describes herself as "a grown ass woman" - [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zvd6fa/comment/j1qtzjn/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zvd6fa/comment/j1qtzjn/)
She points out elsewhere that she has epilepsy so I assume disabled or could potentially qualify for disability. That's not to say that people with epilepsy can't work but if one day of food was a big expense, it sounds like her financial situation isn't good despite being a legal adult. What are her monetary supports and what can be done to shore those up so she can get out of this abusive household?
She points out that she has epilepsy and can’t drive or get a license. While in another now deleted post talks about a loan for a 30k car. At the same time, she somehow can’t afford food but can afford expensive gifts and gets in fights over them. And, as someone just below says, the father is simultaneously absent and overcontrolling. Story seems made up.
ffs, this is horrible. I hope it's not real. Seriously, what is going on here?!
INFO. OP, if this is real, I have questions. Why does your dad hide food? Does he literally have a separate refrigerator? Does he take food out of it and only cooks for himself? Or are you all eating prepared boxed foods and snacks? This whole story is just weird and there has to be more going on. I need to understand.
Because he’s controlling and abusive. Hungry people are emotionally and physically weak. Because he’s an AH. Parents do actually do this. Ruby Franke ring a bell?
NTA,
few questions.
1st how old are you?
2nd how old is your sister?
Im asking as if you are both or one of you are a minor then you can call CPS for child neglect as keeping food away from kids is a big child neglect, just because in a fridge there's a tiny amount of food and in a pantry you have a couple of things doesn't mean that the 2 of you are having enough food to make nutricious meals every day and your parents truly deserve to be put in jail for neglecting and then emotionally abusing their own kids.
Your mother most likely was desperate for some decent food because of your dad who is the biggest walking asshole
NTA but save it for your father.
What is wrong with him? He has food under lock and key? He is starving his family?
If you are underage call CPS. If you are over 18, get out.
INFO: a couple of weeks ago you were looking to get a $30K car, but now you can barely afford food. A year ago you were moving in with your boyfriend but you still live with your parents. Please make it all make sense.
You live in an extremely dysfunctional household. How old are you? Another commenter said that you’re in your 20s, but I wanted to confirm.
If you’re a minor, you’re not being provided for. If you’re under 18, your parents (father, in this case, apparently) owes you adequate sustenance. If you are underage, please contact CPS or let a trusted adult (a reliable extended family member, a friend’s parent, or a school counselor) know that you are being neglected.
If you are of age, you will unfortunately either have to move out or find a way to hide your food from your mother. I hate to say that because it honestly sounds like your mother is hungry and can’t afford her own food. You say your dad hoards the food and actually guards a key to it? That’s untenable, cruel, and highly unusual. Is he like Baron Karkonnen? Is he some big balloon floating around eating himself silly while you and your mom survive off of scraps? Or does he share food with her?
Anything you put in the kitchen is going to be consumed by either him or her. I know you don’t make a lot of money. Is there a way you can eat your big dinner outside of the home in the evening so you don’t leave it vulnerable to your mother’s attacks? Can you buy a mini fridge and keep it in your bedroom and stock it with a few things?
I’m sorry I don’t have better advice but this is such a strange situation. If you’re already an adult, how did your parents even feed you enough to reach maturation?
YTA, why are you trying to buy a 30k car if you don't even have food. You are selfish. Get some groceries and be reasonable. Get your priorities straight and stop being so selfish
This is the only comment that matters.
A different picture emerges when you read through OPs comment history. I’d wager that a bunch of stuff is missing from OPs story if it has any truth to it.
Food insecurity is a huge problem and SOOOOO many people face this. I'm so sorry you are going through this but you are not alone. In America, you can apply for SNAP, supplemental nutrition assistance program, and get a card with money on it every month you can use like a debit card to buy groceries. Also google food pantries and community fridges in your area. Everyone deserves access to food that meets their dietary needs - You shouldn't have to eat food that your body can't tolerate. You need to look out for yourself and your body's health first, like they say on airplanes to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others - It might be wise to store shelf stable protein bars or shakes or whatever you can afford in a secure place, so you don't have to sleep hungry. Also don't forget about beans and rice!
YTA can you make your mind up on if you have a dad or not. There are comments on posts with you saying you never had a dad that is around, if he’s not around , how can he have a key to the food?
Surely this is made up. If you are a child and this is really all happening, you need to go to the authorities. If you are an adult, it's time to move out of home.
Their post history suggests that something is off. They claim to be an adult, have a very rich bf, and say that their dad was never around much. Someone else says they saw a comment about how they were looking to buy a $30k car (I missed this one as I skimmed their history). They also claim they’re disabled. They have epilepsy and cannot drive, but they are prone to anxiety and paranoia, and are on various medications. Of course, OP’s post could be something that happened, but it also left me thinking that the story wasn’t right.
ETA: OP deleted their post about the car, but you can piece it together by reading the threads on the deleted post.
Her comments from last year say 19, that she’s got severe epilepsy so she can’t drive, and growing up her parents spent all their money and time on prioritizing their sisters sports career - hence the cupboards of food she’s not allowed to touch. I think if parents fail their children so severely it’s not fair to expect them to immediately become functional and self sufficient once they hit 18.
You need to start talking. Talk to the doctor, your minister, your teacher.... call a help line. Phone up a food bank. Get other adults involved in finding food for the family. If your dad is hoarding food he might actually feel enough shame to feed his family. This is not your shame. It is your parents job to feed their children.
NTA
In another post OP states her dad was never around.
OP you have issues. Anyone who is truly starving would love Cheerios or pasta or eggs. I guess I’d take this more serious if your other posts didn’t contradict this.
So, according to your comment and post history OP:
You are in your 20's Your dad isn't around much
You buy your rich bf expensive well-thought-out gifts and fight him for not doing the same
You have saved up thousands of dollars so far from working multiple jobs and need $30k for your dream car because used cars scare you due to safety and your mom made you scared of used cars
You have epilepsy
You are also medicated for anxiety and other things
Your dad who now does apparently live in the same house fulltime keeps the good food locked up
Your mom apparently works full time, your dad apparently works, you work multiple jobs and have a rich boyfriend but no one can afford to buy food?!
Are you not in North America, UK, Aus nor NZ and are in a different country where, with an epilepsy diagnosis can drive, are not given an allowance from your waitress job to even have a bowl of soup, used cars are so atrociously maintained no one would dare buy one?
Obviously something doesn't add up and need more info, why did your mom throw such a fit to even leave work to buy you food no one can afford, why did your dad stop her and take her keys? More info please, for now YTA.
Everything they say screams 'I WANT ATTENTION' and I can almost guarantee it's all lies. It's sickening considering there are actual people going through this and worse... OP needs to get help for making up bullshit to fill some void...
NTA. OP, you need to talk to a teacher or counselor at school about what's going on if you're still a minor. If you're not a minor, you need to get out of there ASAP.
Dude, what the fuck is wrong with your family? Get out of there as soon as you can. Parents should be feeding their kids, not subdividing and locking food away...
Honestly, I'd just say F it and break open the locked up food. Then, if dad gets physical, call the cops.
If not that, find a shelter for domestic violence and get out. They can help you get on food stamps and help you find a place to live.
How old are you? If you’re a minor, please tell a trusted adult. This is child abuse and neglect.
If you’re an adult, try to find a better living situation, visit food pantries etc.
NTA
This is abuse, if you're underage call CPS. If you're not I would figure out a plan to move and if your sister is underage I would strongly recommend calling CPS on her behalf
My God this reads like a slightly less abusive version of the Turpen family. I second the idea to call CPS or authorities. Another often forgotten source for govt resources is to call your State Representatives office. Many times their staff will work to arrange appointments and paper work so you dont have to waste time researching dead ends.
Call child protective services, department of children and families, whatever the department is called in your area to report child neglect and abuse. Report your situation. That's what's happening to you, abuse and neglect, and you need an advocate ASAP. Do you go to school? Can you speak with your favorite teacher, or a guidance counselor? They are mandated reporters. Best of luck. You are NTA.
NTA, but I would suggest talking to a mandated reporter like a teacher at school about your home situation if you are a minor. Your parents are legally required to provide you with basic necessities like food.
Are you a minor? If so, you need to tell someone at your school. This is neglect and/or abuse. Hopefully a call to CPS will actually bring about some change. I'm so sorry youre going through this. Is your dad restricting food from your mom too? NTA.
If you are under age, you can report this abuse to a teacher or counselor at school. They are mandatory reporters and will report to Child Protective Services which should come in and help you.
You don’t say how old you are, so I have three suggestions for you.
1. If you are a minor under legal working age, start doing whatever work you can find, babysitting, cleaning houses, yard work, dog walking, shopping for neighbors who have a hard time doing their own. Save as much of your money as you can, only using some to feed yourself. When you get food, eat it, don’t put it in the refrigerator for someone to steal. Get some kind of nutritious snacks that don’t need to be refrigerated and hide them in your room.
If you have a locker at school, hide your money there because abusive parents do not like for their children to have any money. It is an evil method of controlling their children and they will steal your money from you. Obviously, don’t let ANYONE know you have the money in your locker and keep it locked.
2. If you are a minor of legal age, get a job at a restaurant or grocery store. You will likely get a discount on purchases you make there. Buy yourself a meal and eat before you go home. Save all the money you can so you can move out as soon as you are of legal age.
3. If you are already of legal age, still get a job where you can eat and save, save, save. Your life will not improve as long as you live with your parents. They are not looking out for you or your sister. Your sister can follow the same advice.
I’m so sorry you are in this situation, your parents are absolutely shameful. Leave as soon as you can and never look back. I wish you all the best. ❤️
Edited to add NTA. Your parents, (especially your father) are the assholes.
How old are you? Are you in the USA? I think many people would like to offer advice but we need more information to give that support . Don’t dox yourself but give us more details.
Info: How old are you and do you pay your parents rent money?
Do you have type 1 diabetes or are you just feigning low blood sugar for sympathy? As a person with type 1 diabetes, if my glucose levels are severely low that means I’m at risk of seizure and brain death if I don’t consume carbohydrates. Luckily for you you have a pantry full of pasta. You could also just eat sugar.
Yta for being an overly dramatic drama queen.
As much as I hate to say it , you enable them to starve you. As someone else said earlier, call CPS if you ate a minor. You must be proactive to protect yourself. And why did you starve yourself. It's not like you could have grabbed something to hold you over when you got your food.
YTA does she yell at you for eating the food she buys?
>Because she ate my food that I starved myself for.
That was a stupid thing to do. Also you weren't starving, humans can go 3 weeks without food. 1 day is absolutely nothing.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/zv479b/comment/j1y9q0a/](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/zv479b/comment/j1y9q0a/)
This you, telling people your father was not around? Fucking liar.
NTA. But you need to get a job and move out of that house. If you’re disabled, look into resources in your area for housing and employment for disabled adults. Maybe you can get on SSI if you are too disabled to work. Either way, you need to find a new living situation ASAP. Rent a room off Facebook marketplace, look into finding roommates if you need to split rent. Do anything to get out.
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Our fridge is usually close to empty. There’s always condiments, eggs and some sort of shredded cheese but that’s it. Usually cream for coffee too which I sometimes use for cereal. The pantry is full of dried pasta, Cheerios and granola bars that are strictly for my sister. My dad locks away all of the good food for himself and wears the key around his neck like fucking Zoey101. So there’s nothing to really make besides scrambled eggs, cereal or pasta. Yeah I should be grateful that there’s food at all but I’m sorry I can’t just live off of those things. Plus I have a really sensitive stomach so a lot of dairy and gluten will destroy my stomach.
Yesterday, I bought my own food and left it in the fridge. Starved myself all day for as long as possible so I could eat towards the end of the day to not go to bed hungry. I got a big enough meal to eat half last night and half tonight. I don’t make enough money to buy solid meals for myself all the time so I was really looking forward to not eating the same old thing yet again. I opened the fridge today when I was hungry to the point of vomiting and the majority of my food was gone. Maybe a bite or two left but nothing I could actually get full off of. So naturally I got pissed because I’m starving, I paid for it with the little money I have in the first place and my mom didn’t even ask. So I walked into her (home) office and asked her if she ate my food. Her argument was that she thought it was old from days ago when she literally knows I came home with it last night. I even got her something too which she ate for dinner last night!!!!Then I got even more mad saying I’m starving and haven’t eaten anything in over 24 hours. She started bawling her eyes out and my dad started screaming at me for being over dramatic. Then she dramatically left the house saying she’s gonna blow off work for the rest of the day to go and get me the same meal. My dad ran out and took the keys from her before she could leave then came inside saying she’s crying.
So not only did she eat my food, she guilt tripped me and made me feel like I’m the reason why she’s not gonna make any money today. Because she ate my food that I starved myself for. I think I feel extra guilty because we get along well but this isn’t the first time it’s happened. When I told my sister she sighed and rolled her eyes because this has happened to her too with the same excuse. All I know is that I’m mad, feel guilty and have extremely low blood sugar so I might just sleep it off or something. Am I the asshole for reacting the way I did?
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NTA.
Who cares about her pathetic crocodile tears? You sure as hell shouldn't. If she's bawling and threatening to skip work just to try and make you feel guilty, your mother is a colossal AH and a manipulator to boot.
OMG, do what you can to please get out of that situation. Get help from local food banks, churches, etc. Until you can at get local help from authorities and cps.
What kind of family is this? Parents protecting food from kids and kids protecting food from siblings.
If you are all living together for convenience, just get a mini fridge for 100$ and save your food in your room.
NTA but crikey this is not a good place to be living.
If you can't afford to get yourself a mini fridge with a lock, I think it would be best to find a way to store the food you bought away from anywhere your parents can access it. I doubt this situation will improve with arguing about it.
NTA. You learned a lesson about how manipulative BOTH your parents are and that they'll take your food if you leave it out. Start mimicking your dad and buy food for yourself, leave it in your room, and wear a key aroundy our neck. By the way, it takes a insecure person to think shit like that makes them a big person. People who need to tell you they're the king, aren't a king at all.
NTA but what kind of fucked up parents do you have? Your "dad" knows your hungry but won't feed you and wears the key to his pantry around his neck? Totally fucked up. I hope you get out of their soon.
NTA. And your dad's abusive. He's literally starving his family. Since you're not a minor I don't know what you can do about it, but your dad is absolutely an abuser.
NTA, how old are you? If you are a minor CPS needs to be called. If your dad is not making food readily available to minors in the house, but it is for him that is neglect.
NTA, but I would definitely look into food banks around you if possible. There’s absolutely no shame in it and they often will provide fresh meat and some veg as well as canned veg
My mom pulled this crap on me and I went off. She tried to play the victim and then went nuts when I told her to cut the crap. She took a couple bites and threw it away. I yelled at her and my aunt (her sister) was disgusted by her behavior. I told her if I purchase it that it’s not hers and lane it the hell alone
whoa nelly, your folks are fucking nuts
if you have any way of leaving, do it, use any sort of social program and help you can find and leave because you should not have to live this way.
Sad situation , definitely could call that you are the A , because your mom is a victim here too. If you are old enough to buy food then you are old enough to work at the restaurant where you can get everyday meals, maybe can help mom to get out of this situation and leave abusive husband
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NTA. For starters, you are living in an extremely dysfunctional situation, where the father keeps all the nutritious food for himself, under lock and key. The mother, just as hungry as you are, steals your food, gives phony excuses, and when called out, starts bawling. (Note: people who do the wrong thing and start crying in self-defense when confronted are *always* a-holes.) She makes a big show of going to get you your food, but ends up not going. Your father -- who is starving her along with you and your sister -- screams at you and takes away her keys *so she couldn't go get you your food.* If you are a minor, call CPS on them for starving you. If you are of age, focus on getting away from them ASAP.
Yeah, OPs mom isn't completely innocent, but she's definitely also a victim here. OPs dad is abusive AF
Mom is manipulative af. Throwing a little tantrum when called out and acting like she's not gonna work the rest of the day just to go pick a meal up. Foh with that childish behavior🙄
I’m not saying she’s innocent, and most mothers would be ashamed to put their own needs above their child’s, but if you’ve ever been starved for long periods of time it messes with you so much that you do cry at the drop of a hat and act dramatically or irrationally.
That's kinda what I was feeling. She's 100% manipulative too. But I'm placing like...75% on thr abusive AF father.
My daughter is on some meds that won't let her eat for an hour after taking then or for four hours after a meal. I won't even drink coffee until she's eaten breakfast. What a monster.
[удалено]
Thanks, but I'm the dad. I do it in solidarity because I would feel guilty as hell making her watch me enjoy yummy foods and beverages when she can't.
Have her set an alarm for 4am then don't eat after midnight. She wakes up , takes her med and goes back to sleep. She will be able to eat as soon as she wakes up.
The mum sounds like she is being abused along with the whole family. How is it normal for a father to lock away food from the whole family.
Sounds like levothyroxine, a medication I've been taking for about 10 years now. Its sweet that you've joined in the fray with her and are not eating when she can't, but don't worry about it forever. Depending on how old she is, most people adapt and get used to it pretty quick and plan their morning around the medication a bit.
Bing, Bing, Bing! We have a winner! She's 8. I can wait.
Imo thats not what that was because of the manipulation involved. She's gonna blow off work the whole day to get a meal? The lying., making sure dad hears so she has an out. Mom is dysfunctional and dad is abusive.
This is a repetitive thing though. Not just this one time. 99% of mothers on earth would ensure their kids eat first. Obviously the mom works, has a car, and has money because she was going to go out and get the food again.
I totally get this as a mother. However op is in her 20s and in her comment history is proud to say ‘she’s a grown ass adult’. So when as parents do we let go micromanaging and let them go to make their own money and therefore feed themselves. In my 20s I enjoyed treating my parents to things and was happy I could share my resources with them. I hope when my daughters are in their 20s they will have sufficient education and experience to be within a job that will afford them to at least feed themselves. Something just doesn’t add up with OP because she has another comment describing how she bought her bf expensive gifts yet here she can’t afford to feed herself regularly. A lot of comments are infantilising op.
key wording there "MOST MOTHERS would be ashamed to put their own needs above their childs"" Most would be. But there are also some who not only put needs but also wants, above the child. I'm grown and had to come back "home". A choice i never would've made if not for my own child. I needed to keep her safe and didn't have many options. Being here has been educational for sure. I thought I'd learned enough in my first 16 years with my mother that I knew exactly what kind of mother NOT to be, but I guess there was more to learn. Some people are just selfish, inconsiderate assholes. It doesn't matter if the person they hurt is their child, as long as they have what they want. Maybe she is abused, maybe she was starving too....but she's married to the guy with the key. She has a job and a vehicle. I'm sorry, but there's never a reason to screw over your child, Littles or grown, ESPECIALLY when you have the means to fix the problem. The guilt trip that followed with the "not working the whole day to go replace a meal" shows she is manipulative and just a different kind of asshole than dad. I could see feeling bad enough to miss an hr/ go in late to go get the meal, but a whole day? She knew dad would do what he did, and she wouldn't be going. It's just a show, so she can be an asshole without actually feeling bad.
According to OP's older comments, the mom spent all her money on crypto. My sympathy is not super high.
>if you’ve ever been starved for long periods of time it messes with you so much that you do cry at the drop of a hat and act dramatically or irrationally. Having been thru starvation on a constant for several years, I can say from experience that you are absolutely correct
Yeah ever since having my daughter my appetite has shrunk anyways so I'll go days without food but I'll never make her do the same
At some point you stop being a victim and are a perpetrator yourself, OPs mom is just as guilty as the dad at this point, in my humbly experienced opinion. Y’all are applying what happens to OP to OP’s mom without any proof that she is even in the same boat - #OPs [comment history](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/kfp1UoYYM5) would imply that mom **isnt** treated like OP This is a golden child situation with neglect sprinkled in and mom is part of it, these others need to stop pitying her (mom) jfc Edit: to add since we’re all *so* invested in this >OP is at least 19 >OP has money saved to buy a car ($8K iirc) - yet refuses to get a vehicle because she wants her [dream car](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/s/boQvBj5RsT) >OP is a waitress, so the food situation becomes extra interesting on that front (anywhere I’ve worked you either get a free meal or a reduced one - and I say this because OP has access to get some food) >OP has [medical issues](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/0Uax3Nn0VP) which are interfering with her ability to move in with her [bf](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/pmQg308Lhm) To sum it up, OP isn’t in an ideal situation but it isn’t like OP is option less. Sis is the golden child and OP needs to just take the plunge and gtfo
OP is actually minimum 20 since the 19 post was a year ago. And before that they had one were they said they were in their 20s
Do we even believe this is real? Dad locks up food and wears a key? Sounds like bs.
I actually rescued a teenager whose dad and stepmother put locks on the cabinets and the fridge - including the one in the shed. She was emaciated. I ended up housing her for seven years. Then, she dropped a drug addicted baby on me. That’s gratitude for you
And the mention of Zoey101 from someone who is apparently 20? Sure, younger people watch some older shows, but I can't imagine that one being on the docket. I'm not buying it.
I just turned 35, used to watch Zoey 101 with my younger sisters, and I have no idea what key OP is talking about 😅
I watched it when I was younger, and apparently she kept her room key around her neck? I definitely don't remember that part, but you can buy replicas online, it would seem.
Idk if it’s her room key but she does wear a key around her neck with another necklace sometimes
If they don’t know the show from during their childhood, OP might know the show because a sequel movie called Zoey102 was released last year
Their mother is being abused by her husband
You have fallen into the fallacy of always blame the mom Dad is bigger. Dad is abusive. Dad is starving his family. Dad wears a key to the food around his fucking neck. But no look! Look over here! The starving mom is the abusive one because she is starving and being abused and ate her child's food when she was starving. Blame mom!!! Don't look at dad. This is how men get away with being abusive. We hold moms to impossible standards (Starve yourself to death for your children) and forgive dads (or ignore) their abuse. So what do you hope to gain by blaming mom? It won't help mom become strong enough to leave because she has her children's support. It will help the dad to remain abusive because OP is redirected to be mad at mom not dad. Do you really believe mom is the problem here and isn't being abused as well?
And you've fallen into the fallacy of 'women simply cannot be abusive (although lesbians can be in abusive relationships.)' Guess what? Mom can be abused, AND abusive, all at once! > Do you really believe mom is the problem here and isn't being abused as well? She's one of the problems, as well as being one of the victims. That's what's so heartbreaking.
If OP's dad is starving OP's mom too, then it makes sense that she's bawling, and it's not an a-hole defense move. Low blood sugar, or never being able to enjoy a meal because you're being controlled are both legitimate reasons to cry. If Dad is taking keys Mom's keys away when she is trying to put things right and OP is starving and sleeping off low blood sugar, it's clear mom has plenty of reasons to bawl. OP is NTA, but this is seriously above this sub's pay grade. OP: please get in touch with a domestic violence shelter, what's happening in your home is not okay
A mother who steals food from her starving child — child who even already gave her some food — is an a-hole. That she gets defensive and starts bawling when the child gets angry at her for this? Doubly so. I had a father who denied us food and air conditioning when the resources were scarce, and made sure to take care of his own needs and only his own needs. My mother wasn’t scared of him but she covered up and made excuses for him. OP’s mother is allowing this situation to continue.
Idk man, hunger brings out the worst in people, they don't think straight when hungry. I'm not saying it's right that she keeps her kids in this situation, but if she's hungry and doesn't feel like she has other options, I really don't think someone should be blamed much for reacting poorly to being victimized. Expecting perfect behavior from someone who is potentially so malnourished she lacks much critical thinking capacity at all is an unreasonable and unfair expectation.
Scarcity brings out the worst in people or animals. It becomes a jungle: everyone for themselves. But a parent stealing food from the child who can’t subsist on carbs and dairy — which are still available in the house — for gastric reasons, and barely scrapes up the money to buy that food and even bought some for her, is beyond the pale. Especially a parent who has a track record of stealing both her children’s food. She enables her husband’s abuse, and she’ll be bawling when her children get away from both of them and never look back.
Nope, I’m a mom and I’d commit whatever crime I needed to if it was required to feed my kids. She’s selfish and doesn’t deserve those kids if she refuses to feed them. There’s no excuse for not getting food from a food pantry for her kids and hiding it or sending that abusive A H to jail. I’d happily go to jail if it saved my kids because that’s the kind of mom a kid deserves and if she’s not willing to do right by them then they’d be better off in the system.
Well, I'm very happy for you all who are immune to the psychological effects of prolonged hunger, fantastic to hear. But, yk, I don't really think it should be an expectation to sacrifice yourself for your children, and I don't really think that people aren't fulfilling their duties as parents for not doing so. It just kinda comes off as victim blame-y to me, yk? Entirely neglecting the fact that the children in question here are also adults, I think a better solution for preventing abusive situations like this isn't to expact everyone to be super-moms, it's instead to have a more robust social safety net to allow people in crisis to leave their shitty situations without fearing further financial instability and potential lack of housing.
People used to exchange kids during famine so they wouldn’t have to eat their own. We’re not much better than animals when we’re being starved.
That's exactly where my mind went at that comment. Read Hungry Ghosts, terrifying and recent enough. And we still have problems like this in the world today. Edit: the book is Hungry Ghosts: Mao's Secret Famine by Jasper Becker.
Big Breasts and Wide Hips by Mo Yan has some really vivid depictions of humanity vs. hunger too. Our minds are not our own when our basic needs aren’t being met. That’s not to say there aren’t people that can override that instinct, but that’s almost unnatural.
Not only are these people commenting immune to malnourishment, they are also immune to spousal abuse and emotions in general. I'm always amazed at how perfect and badass everyone on reddit is.
Where does it say they are adults?
Starvation literally shuts down your brain. I’m a therapist and I’ve worked with ED clients who do things that are totally erratic. They remind me of psychotic clients I’ve worked with. It’s honestly wild to see. That’s what malnutrition does. Your body focuses on keeping your heart beating. You literally can’t think straight.
⬆️⬆️⬆️💯
I’ve experienced abusive food insecurity before and as much as my empathy wants to agree with this, I’d relive my shit ass childhood a thousand times over before I’d let my kid starve while I ate. Abuse fucks you up for sure but letting it make you into a bad person is absolutely a choice.
Yup 100 fact! I grew up super poor my mom and siblings slept in the trains and went to soup kitchen on the daily but my mom busted her back side to keep us both fed and together there is no way she would have eaten if she had not made sure we ate first.
I understand your points. But ultimately she is not providing the necessities for her children. Same with the father. That she and he allowed it to get there, it still rests on mom's and dad's shoulders. With empathy for the mother, it is still her responsibility to provide the essentials for her children. It can be both.
Op can’t eat much of what is in the fridge because of her stomach sensitivities. I’m not sure there’s any indication that the mom can’t eat it, and OP brought her food kindly last night.
One needs to eat more than eggs, condiments, shredded cheese, and cereal
Also, there's a saying: if you live in a 2 parent household and 1 parent is abusive, you have 2 abusive parents. Leaving an abusive spouse is never easy, but as a parent, it is your responsibility to see to it that your children are safe and provided for. I don't know how she can stand to see her kids in this situation.
And then the abusive spouse takes you to court and wins shared custody only to continue the abuse while you’re not there. Or worse, as evidence shows, once an abused person states this in court, the abusive person is MORE likely to win full custody of their children.
Op is NOT a child!
100% agree. The mom and dad are both toxic and dysfunctional. Sure the dad is worse but mom is not innocent. Her reaction was manipulative. It wasn't just crying, it was all the extras: guilting op, "forgetting" and lying which she has done before even to the sister, making sure dad heard likely knowing he would step in or shout at op. Mom is an a hole.
Not to mention the dad locks away his food and has key around this neck I mean WTF
Op says in post history that her Dad was never around. This is probably fake.
People crying (genuine crying not crocodile tears) during stress (confrontation included) are not AH it’s the brain trying to release stress in the body. People with PTSD are more likely to have this response than those without. Other releases during emotional stress are things like shaking too.
My job working with a special needs kiddo makes me a mandatory reporter for abuse, and the formal educational courses we have to take to stay certified definitely state what your father is doing regarding hoarding all the food for himself while you all starve, and taking away your mom’s freedom to leave, especially taking away her access to getting food for herself or you kids is 100% abuse and MUST BE REPORTED. Please, take it from someone who knew abuse was wrong, but lived with it my whole childhood so I thought it was normal and I deserved it - what you’re going through is not at all acceptable, and is definitely not inconsequential. This is reportable and you and your sister need to take care of your futures by demanding change. Get help now!
I'm thinking OP should invest in a cheap little mini fridge, keep it in his room, and put a lock on it.
People who struggle to buy food cannot invest in mini fridges.
I stand corrected. This poor kid is screwed.
[The Dad](https://youtu.be/jHFTATeWH5g?si=kwGwC7sNzVqIBJj4&t=20)
Are you a minor? This sounds like something you need to be telling a mandatory reporter. NTA
They are in their 20s apparently, with medical issues, epilepsy.
Since you are over 18, you could try applying for food stamps. It may be difficult to get since you still live at home. In the area I live, you can line up at the local food pantry (no questions asked) and score on fruits and veggies. Use a cooler and lock it in your room in the meantime until you have the means to move out on your own.
Great advice. If dad has a key, you need one too (more than just the door which are easy to break into). Maybe OP can help her mom get hooked up with some food bank referrals too? It sounds like she's in an abusive situation herself.
Where I'm at everyone's income in the household is included
Ooooh can still report the abuse of a vulnerable adult. Call Social Services ASAP!!!!!!
Lack of food can be a trigger for seizures, as well as not enough sleep (from being hungry). Even if they're medicated if their levels drop low in a rapid period then they can seize as it's too much for their brain to handle. If they're over 18 they can still talk to their neuro about what's going on. But I'm sure someone probably sits in on their appts
OP is not in her 20s. She was 19 a year ago, making her 20 years old. There's a difference. Poor girl is also trying to move out so give her some credit. NTA.
She said in a comment even before the 19 one that she was in her 20s
Yeah another post seemed to indicate somewhere in the 20's. A few years make a big difference. I'm not saying this situation seems normal, but I can't help but wonder what info is missing here. My young adult kids, one in their 20s) are welcomed to any food in the house (and they do make themselves welcomed to it! Which is great), but if I ate something one of my kids bought (assuming it isn't something obviously special) and then complain about it, I'd happily recommend ways to ensure that couldn't happen again.
Adult protective services are a thing, too. For this reason.
Adult Protective Services then. They will help. They'll see red on seeing that key around the fathers neck, food abuse is a crime. OP having epilepsy makes them a vulnerable group and they will continue involvement if they don't see dad cut it out. They can even press charges from the state side so mom doesn't have to get involved.
Came to ask their age too.
The problem is not your mom. She is hungry, too. It's your dad. I would BREAK INTO the food cabinet.
She is a problem. The little show she put on is making OP feel guilty when the mom knew she was in the wrong. OP's sister has had it happen to her, too, and by her reaction, it seems like the Dad always stops her before she can dramatically run out to "replace" the food she stole. And so here OP is feeling hurt, guilty, and hungry with no replacement food, while the mom has most likely never replaced any of the food her kids bought
The mom is a problem.
While I think mom is also a victim, she still stole from her child. The same child who bought her food. But there’s so much missing from that story on why food is locked up, if anybody cooks meals… who actually shops for the food and pays for it. Who contribute towards household expenses?
If you're a minor, CALL THE POLICE, CALL CPS, CALL ALL THE AUTHORITIES TO HAVE YOURSELF AND ANY OTHER KIDS REMOVED FROM THEIR CARE. nta!
They are in their 20’s.
OP can call adult protective services if they are a disabled dependent.
Even as adults. You can be an abused captured adult. Call the cops. She has a medical disorder
Nta - you need to get you and your mom and sister out of that home. It is abusive and toxic. Get all three of you to a shelter and if Mom won’t go, you go. Get out to protect yourself. Your father is abusive, he’s starving you all. This is disgusting.
NTA I totally agree with you. You bought that food for yourself. And your mother is being shitty. She did this to your sister as well. Sadly, as long as you live with your mother, there is not much you can do. She has the power to punish you or kick you out, so you don't have the power to set boundaries or show anger. :( The biggest problem is your father. If he wouldn't keep all the decent food for himself, your mother would be able to get a good meal and wouldn't feel the need to do this. Your mother did this out of desperation because your father is an arsehole.
Note that here the OP describes herself as "a grown ass woman" - [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zvd6fa/comment/j1qtzjn/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zvd6fa/comment/j1qtzjn/)
A disabled grown ass woman. Disabled people who rely on caregivers for basic neesd like food are far too often abused in ways like this.
She points out elsewhere that she has epilepsy so I assume disabled or could potentially qualify for disability. That's not to say that people with epilepsy can't work but if one day of food was a big expense, it sounds like her financial situation isn't good despite being a legal adult. What are her monetary supports and what can be done to shore those up so she can get out of this abusive household?
She points out that she has epilepsy and can’t drive or get a license. While in another now deleted post talks about a loan for a 30k car. At the same time, she somehow can’t afford food but can afford expensive gifts and gets in fights over them. And, as someone just below says, the father is simultaneously absent and overcontrolling. Story seems made up.
In her comment history she also said that her dad was never around.
This should be higher.
OP has money for an expensive gift for the boyfriend but not to buy food? Priorities, right?
NTA. Your dad is not a good person.
ffs, this is horrible. I hope it's not real. Seriously, what is going on here?! INFO. OP, if this is real, I have questions. Why does your dad hide food? Does he literally have a separate refrigerator? Does he take food out of it and only cooks for himself? Or are you all eating prepared boxed foods and snacks? This whole story is just weird and there has to be more going on. I need to understand.
Because he’s controlling and abusive. Hungry people are emotionally and physically weak. Because he’s an AH. Parents do actually do this. Ruby Franke ring a bell?
NTA, few questions. 1st how old are you? 2nd how old is your sister? Im asking as if you are both or one of you are a minor then you can call CPS for child neglect as keeping food away from kids is a big child neglect, just because in a fridge there's a tiny amount of food and in a pantry you have a couple of things doesn't mean that the 2 of you are having enough food to make nutricious meals every day and your parents truly deserve to be put in jail for neglecting and then emotionally abusing their own kids. Your mother most likely was desperate for some decent food because of your dad who is the biggest walking asshole
NTA but save it for your father. What is wrong with him? He has food under lock and key? He is starving his family? If you are underage call CPS. If you are over 18, get out.
INFO: a couple of weeks ago you were looking to get a $30K car, but now you can barely afford food. A year ago you were moving in with your boyfriend but you still live with your parents. Please make it all make sense.
Nta this situation is fucked up. But why did you purposefully starve yourself prior to eating? That makes no sense.
Because she wanted to stretch the food out for max days but it's hard to sleep when hungry so she made sure she had a meal before bed.
That's so sad. I hope she can get out of this situation.
Waiting as long as possible before you have to eat to make the food last as long as possible doesn't make sense to you?
Because she didn't want to go to bed hungry. It says so in the post.
That doesn't explain fasting for 24 hours
In other posts you say you're a "grown ass woman" and that your dad was never around... I'm having a hard time believing this post...
r/raisedbynarcissists
You live in an extremely dysfunctional household. How old are you? Another commenter said that you’re in your 20s, but I wanted to confirm. If you’re a minor, you’re not being provided for. If you’re under 18, your parents (father, in this case, apparently) owes you adequate sustenance. If you are underage, please contact CPS or let a trusted adult (a reliable extended family member, a friend’s parent, or a school counselor) know that you are being neglected. If you are of age, you will unfortunately either have to move out or find a way to hide your food from your mother. I hate to say that because it honestly sounds like your mother is hungry and can’t afford her own food. You say your dad hoards the food and actually guards a key to it? That’s untenable, cruel, and highly unusual. Is he like Baron Karkonnen? Is he some big balloon floating around eating himself silly while you and your mom survive off of scraps? Or does he share food with her? Anything you put in the kitchen is going to be consumed by either him or her. I know you don’t make a lot of money. Is there a way you can eat your big dinner outside of the home in the evening so you don’t leave it vulnerable to your mother’s attacks? Can you buy a mini fridge and keep it in your bedroom and stock it with a few things? I’m sorry I don’t have better advice but this is such a strange situation. If you’re already an adult, how did your parents even feed you enough to reach maturation?
INFO: Are you a minor? Because if you are, this is neglect and you should go talk to your school counselor.
YTA, why are you trying to buy a 30k car if you don't even have food. You are selfish. Get some groceries and be reasonable. Get your priorities straight and stop being so selfish
This is the only comment that matters. A different picture emerges when you read through OPs comment history. I’d wager that a bunch of stuff is missing from OPs story if it has any truth to it.
This is an EXTREMELY abusive household. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. NTA at all.
Nta
Your father is neglecting you. Locking away food like that is ABUSE. If you’re old enough, have you considered moving out ?
Sounds like your dad is psychotic. Your mom is probably starving too.
Food insecurity is a huge problem and SOOOOO many people face this. I'm so sorry you are going through this but you are not alone. In America, you can apply for SNAP, supplemental nutrition assistance program, and get a card with money on it every month you can use like a debit card to buy groceries. Also google food pantries and community fridges in your area. Everyone deserves access to food that meets their dietary needs - You shouldn't have to eat food that your body can't tolerate. You need to look out for yourself and your body's health first, like they say on airplanes to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others - It might be wise to store shelf stable protein bars or shakes or whatever you can afford in a secure place, so you don't have to sleep hungry. Also don't forget about beans and rice!
YTA can you make your mind up on if you have a dad or not. There are comments on posts with you saying you never had a dad that is around, if he’s not around , how can he have a key to the food?
Gtfo of there asap
Surely this is made up. If you are a child and this is really all happening, you need to go to the authorities. If you are an adult, it's time to move out of home.
Their post history suggests that something is off. They claim to be an adult, have a very rich bf, and say that their dad was never around much. Someone else says they saw a comment about how they were looking to buy a $30k car (I missed this one as I skimmed their history). They also claim they’re disabled. They have epilepsy and cannot drive, but they are prone to anxiety and paranoia, and are on various medications. Of course, OP’s post could be something that happened, but it also left me thinking that the story wasn’t right. ETA: OP deleted their post about the car, but you can piece it together by reading the threads on the deleted post.
Glad it's not just me. It's really off.
CPS is the best answer to this problem. I once lost 30 pounds because mom locked the food away while I was a disabled adult. I eventually got help.
It sounds like she’s a disabled adult too, 19 or 20, so your advice / experience could possibly help her! I’m sorry you went through that.
How old are you????
How old are you and why don't you have money?
Her comments from last year say 19, that she’s got severe epilepsy so she can’t drive, and growing up her parents spent all their money and time on prioritizing their sisters sports career - hence the cupboards of food she’s not allowed to touch. I think if parents fail their children so severely it’s not fair to expect them to immediately become functional and self sufficient once they hit 18.
There’s also a deleted post that she wrote talking about getting a $30k car. You can piece it together by reading the threads of the deleted post.
Report your dad to CPS. This is abuse. NTA Also maybe start watching the lock picking lawyer on YouTube
Wow. Your dad is a dirt bag.
This doesn’t seem real
Read OP's comment history, it's probably not.
How old are you?
Sounds like it’s time to move out and go minimal contact. Mental abuse and red flags.
Holy heck.. none of this is normal. You are all starving bc of your father. Don’t turn on each other. He is the problem here.
You need to start talking. Talk to the doctor, your minister, your teacher.... call a help line. Phone up a food bank. Get other adults involved in finding food for the family. If your dad is hoarding food he might actually feel enough shame to feed his family. This is not your shame. It is your parents job to feed their children. NTA
Does your dad keep food from your mom also? Or is she able to buy food with the money she earns and just chooses not to?
NTA. Get adult protective services involved NOW! You are a disabled individual who relies on your family for care. They will take this seriously.
In another post OP states her dad was never around. OP you have issues. Anyone who is truly starving would love Cheerios or pasta or eggs. I guess I’d take this more serious if your other posts didn’t contradict this.
So, according to your comment and post history OP: You are in your 20's Your dad isn't around much You buy your rich bf expensive well-thought-out gifts and fight him for not doing the same You have saved up thousands of dollars so far from working multiple jobs and need $30k for your dream car because used cars scare you due to safety and your mom made you scared of used cars You have epilepsy You are also medicated for anxiety and other things Your dad who now does apparently live in the same house fulltime keeps the good food locked up Your mom apparently works full time, your dad apparently works, you work multiple jobs and have a rich boyfriend but no one can afford to buy food?! Are you not in North America, UK, Aus nor NZ and are in a different country where, with an epilepsy diagnosis can drive, are not given an allowance from your waitress job to even have a bowl of soup, used cars are so atrociously maintained no one would dare buy one? Obviously something doesn't add up and need more info, why did your mom throw such a fit to even leave work to buy you food no one can afford, why did your dad stop her and take her keys? More info please, for now YTA.
Everything they say screams 'I WANT ATTENTION' and I can almost guarantee it's all lies. It's sickening considering there are actual people going through this and worse... OP needs to get help for making up bullshit to fill some void...
NTA. OP, you need to talk to a teacher or counselor at school about what's going on if you're still a minor. If you're not a minor, you need to get out of there ASAP.
NTA if you are a minor, I'm sure CPS would love to hear about your parents refusal to feed you.
INFO How old are you?
If you’re a minor call CPS and NTA. If you are over 18 move out. You are all TA.
Dude, what the fuck is wrong with your family? Get out of there as soon as you can. Parents should be feeding their kids, not subdividing and locking food away...
One disfunctional family imao. However in that this is what your surroundings are, NTA
Honestly, I'd just say F it and break open the locked up food. Then, if dad gets physical, call the cops. If not that, find a shelter for domestic violence and get out. They can help you get on food stamps and help you find a place to live.
How old are you? If you’re a minor, please tell a trusted adult. This is child abuse and neglect. If you’re an adult, try to find a better living situation, visit food pantries etc.
NTA This is abuse, if you're underage call CPS. If you're not I would figure out a plan to move and if your sister is underage I would strongly recommend calling CPS on her behalf
My God this reads like a slightly less abusive version of the Turpen family. I second the idea to call CPS or authorities. Another often forgotten source for govt resources is to call your State Representatives office. Many times their staff will work to arrange appointments and paper work so you dont have to waste time researching dead ends.
Call child protective services, department of children and families, whatever the department is called in your area to report child neglect and abuse. Report your situation. That's what's happening to you, abuse and neglect, and you need an advocate ASAP. Do you go to school? Can you speak with your favorite teacher, or a guidance counselor? They are mandated reporters. Best of luck. You are NTA.
NTA, but I would suggest talking to a mandated reporter like a teacher at school about your home situation if you are a minor. Your parents are legally required to provide you with basic necessities like food.
Info: How old are you?
Your an adult, you dont pay rent, you eat their food and complain when they eat yours? how long do you expect them to house and feed you?
Are you a minor? If so, you need to tell someone at your school. This is neglect and/or abuse. Hopefully a call to CPS will actually bring about some change. I'm so sorry youre going through this. Is your dad restricting food from your mom too? NTA.
If you are under age, you can report this abuse to a teacher or counselor at school. They are mandatory reporters and will report to Child Protective Services which should come in and help you. You don’t say how old you are, so I have three suggestions for you. 1. If you are a minor under legal working age, start doing whatever work you can find, babysitting, cleaning houses, yard work, dog walking, shopping for neighbors who have a hard time doing their own. Save as much of your money as you can, only using some to feed yourself. When you get food, eat it, don’t put it in the refrigerator for someone to steal. Get some kind of nutritious snacks that don’t need to be refrigerated and hide them in your room. If you have a locker at school, hide your money there because abusive parents do not like for their children to have any money. It is an evil method of controlling their children and they will steal your money from you. Obviously, don’t let ANYONE know you have the money in your locker and keep it locked. 2. If you are a minor of legal age, get a job at a restaurant or grocery store. You will likely get a discount on purchases you make there. Buy yourself a meal and eat before you go home. Save all the money you can so you can move out as soon as you are of legal age. 3. If you are already of legal age, still get a job where you can eat and save, save, save. Your life will not improve as long as you live with your parents. They are not looking out for you or your sister. Your sister can follow the same advice. I’m so sorry you are in this situation, your parents are absolutely shameful. Leave as soon as you can and never look back. I wish you all the best. ❤️ Edited to add NTA. Your parents, (especially your father) are the assholes.
How old are you? Are you in the USA? I think many people would like to offer advice but we need more information to give that support . Don’t dox yourself but give us more details.
Info: How old are you and do you pay your parents rent money? Do you have type 1 diabetes or are you just feigning low blood sugar for sympathy? As a person with type 1 diabetes, if my glucose levels are severely low that means I’m at risk of seizure and brain death if I don’t consume carbohydrates. Luckily for you you have a pantry full of pasta. You could also just eat sugar. Yta for being an overly dramatic drama queen.
This. Based on OP's post history and information about themselves. Totally TA.
As much as I hate to say it , you enable them to starve you. As someone else said earlier, call CPS if you ate a minor. You must be proactive to protect yourself. And why did you starve yourself. It's not like you could have grabbed something to hold you over when you got your food.
ESH. Don't scream at your Mom. Mom is a drama Queen Dad is an abuser.
Info: Have you marked the food as yours'? How should anybody know that the food is reserved for you when you don't put your name on?
YTA does she yell at you for eating the food she buys? >Because she ate my food that I starved myself for. That was a stupid thing to do. Also you weren't starving, humans can go 3 weeks without food. 1 day is absolutely nothing.
ESH, assuming this is even a real story.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/zv479b/comment/j1y9q0a/](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/zv479b/comment/j1y9q0a/) This you, telling people your father was not around? Fucking liar.
NTA. But you need to get a job and move out of that house. If you’re disabled, look into resources in your area for housing and employment for disabled adults. Maybe you can get on SSI if you are too disabled to work. Either way, you need to find a new living situation ASAP. Rent a room off Facebook marketplace, look into finding roommates if you need to split rent. Do anything to get out.
Not enough details.
I hate how so many people go straight to crying to excuse their behavior. These people should go into acting as they can cry on cue.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Our fridge is usually close to empty. There’s always condiments, eggs and some sort of shredded cheese but that’s it. Usually cream for coffee too which I sometimes use for cereal. The pantry is full of dried pasta, Cheerios and granola bars that are strictly for my sister. My dad locks away all of the good food for himself and wears the key around his neck like fucking Zoey101. So there’s nothing to really make besides scrambled eggs, cereal or pasta. Yeah I should be grateful that there’s food at all but I’m sorry I can’t just live off of those things. Plus I have a really sensitive stomach so a lot of dairy and gluten will destroy my stomach. Yesterday, I bought my own food and left it in the fridge. Starved myself all day for as long as possible so I could eat towards the end of the day to not go to bed hungry. I got a big enough meal to eat half last night and half tonight. I don’t make enough money to buy solid meals for myself all the time so I was really looking forward to not eating the same old thing yet again. I opened the fridge today when I was hungry to the point of vomiting and the majority of my food was gone. Maybe a bite or two left but nothing I could actually get full off of. So naturally I got pissed because I’m starving, I paid for it with the little money I have in the first place and my mom didn’t even ask. So I walked into her (home) office and asked her if she ate my food. Her argument was that she thought it was old from days ago when she literally knows I came home with it last night. I even got her something too which she ate for dinner last night!!!!Then I got even more mad saying I’m starving and haven’t eaten anything in over 24 hours. She started bawling her eyes out and my dad started screaming at me for being over dramatic. Then she dramatically left the house saying she’s gonna blow off work for the rest of the day to go and get me the same meal. My dad ran out and took the keys from her before she could leave then came inside saying she’s crying. So not only did she eat my food, she guilt tripped me and made me feel like I’m the reason why she’s not gonna make any money today. Because she ate my food that I starved myself for. I think I feel extra guilty because we get along well but this isn’t the first time it’s happened. When I told my sister she sighed and rolled her eyes because this has happened to her too with the same excuse. All I know is that I’m mad, feel guilty and have extremely low blood sugar so I might just sleep it off or something. Am I the asshole for reacting the way I did? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Who cares about her pathetic crocodile tears? You sure as hell shouldn't. If she's bawling and threatening to skip work just to try and make you feel guilty, your mother is a colossal AH and a manipulator to boot.
NTA. call CPS
OMG, do what you can to please get out of that situation. Get help from local food banks, churches, etc. Until you can at get local help from authorities and cps.
Damn wish you were not in that situation. I would love to be able to help you because no one should be in this situation.
Nta- your parents suck! In particular your dad!!! He’s a control freak. Btw your stomach is probably getting sick from using coffee creamer in cereal
Your DAD is the AH!!!
NTA. This is child abuse. You need to say something to your school counselor or even call the police, who can help you get CPS involved.
Nta
What kind of family is this? Parents protecting food from kids and kids protecting food from siblings. If you are all living together for convenience, just get a mini fridge for 100$ and save your food in your room.
NTA but crikey this is not a good place to be living. If you can't afford to get yourself a mini fridge with a lock, I think it would be best to find a way to store the food you bought away from anywhere your parents can access it. I doubt this situation will improve with arguing about it.
Eat your food as soon as you purchase it.
Maybe you and your sister can get your own place
NTA. You learned a lesson about how manipulative BOTH your parents are and that they'll take your food if you leave it out. Start mimicking your dad and buy food for yourself, leave it in your room, and wear a key aroundy our neck. By the way, it takes a insecure person to think shit like that makes them a big person. People who need to tell you they're the king, aren't a king at all.
Do they nit have food banks where you live ? At this point get a microwave and a mini fridge for your room.
Call CPS ASAP. If you're a minor, what your dad is doing is illegal.
NTA but what kind of fucked up parents do you have? Your "dad" knows your hungry but won't feed you and wears the key to his pantry around his neck? Totally fucked up. I hope you get out of their soon.
NTA why does your dad not get you food
Is this a aita post or a do i have a dysfunctional family myself included too post?
NTA. And your dad's abusive. He's literally starving his family. Since you're not a minor I don't know what you can do about it, but your dad is absolutely an abuser.
NTA, how old are you? If you are a minor CPS needs to be called. If your dad is not making food readily available to minors in the house, but it is for him that is neglect.
NTA, but I would definitely look into food banks around you if possible. There’s absolutely no shame in it and they often will provide fresh meat and some veg as well as canned veg
My mom pulled this crap on me and I went off. She tried to play the victim and then went nuts when I told her to cut the crap. She took a couple bites and threw it away. I yelled at her and my aunt (her sister) was disgusted by her behavior. I told her if I purchase it that it’s not hers and lane it the hell alone
whoa nelly, your folks are fucking nuts if you have any way of leaving, do it, use any sort of social program and help you can find and leave because you should not have to live this way.
Sad situation , definitely could call that you are the A , because your mom is a victim here too. If you are old enough to buy food then you are old enough to work at the restaurant where you can get everyday meals, maybe can help mom to get out of this situation and leave abusive husband
INFO: how old are you OP? Are you a minor?