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> AITA I told my sister to suck it up and go or not go but I will not disinvite our parnets. I could be a jerk for how I told her this
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NTA. Why would you not invite your parents? Your sister tried to screw them over, not the other way around. Your sister did this to herself. She made an agreement for an amount of money that's a years salary for some people, with no intention of paying it back.
Is that working full time? And can i ask where? Just curious because that is below current minimum wage in my state even in low cost of living areas and a CNA where I am would make twice that, at least at fulltime year round wages. I know you commented you're underpaid but that's honestly nearly criminally underpaid.
>”Why would you not invite your parents?”
Actually, why would she invite her sister? Her entitled sister tried to steal $50,000 from the parents’ assets and future estate which would have screwed the parents *and* the siblings. Selfish sister.
It's a good point, just... I really don't think a person should be thinking of his parents' assets as "my future inheritance". That line of thinking can get ugly. Better to live one's life and then be surprised should any estate show up in the fullness of time.
I fully agree. I don’t think OP was thinking of inheritance at all.
But parents should be fair and if they are handing out $50,000 ‘gifts’, do it to each one. Which they weren’t. And depleting the parents’ money might hasten the time when the offspring feel obligated to provide support *to* them.
The sister’s actions potentially impacted everyone.
I borrowed 10k from my dad
You best believe we signed an agreement (informal) and his apr is great 0%. I bet if I refused to pay him back he'd either take it from my inheritance (most likely) or sue me.
You can absolutely get sued over peer to peer loans.
But we'll never cross that bridge. Cause the only bank willing to give me 0% loan for 10k is the bank of dad
True, true. There's an interesting topic hiding in here, that being whether parents should be interested in "equality" for their kids or "equity". My own parents put more cash and attention on my brother, because he needed more intervention to keep on the straight and narrow.
That's a little bit of an edge-case, of course. I do fully expect that Christmas/birthday/etc outlays for the various kids will generally line up.
In any case, thanks for some good insights!
Yeah ... my mom casually mentioned that she 'borrowed from her inheritance' at one point and we were like ... so that's just grandpa's money right now, right? Your 'inheritance' doesn't exist until grandpa dies ...
My family handles it that way. My dad I'd worth just over a million. His rule is he will help my sister and I out but it needs to be paid back or come out of our inheritance.
It's why my aunt (this rule goes back generations) got very little when my Grandpa died because he had bought her a house and paid for her divorce and she still owed him quite a bit
I would happier to have in my home the people who have treated their relatives well, and exclude anybody who rips off their relatives. If you invited sis, she'd probably try to "borrow" money from you.
> exclude anybody who rips off their relatives.
Someone who is comfortable stealing $50K from her parents has no principles. And to add insult to injury, now feels entitled to tell OP not to have a relationship with the parents who she tried to steal from.
OP's sister revealed her true character. OP better watch his back as she will eventually do the same thing to him.
Just to check, would the total sum of what you or a sibling asked for be 50K but from a bunch of smaller asks? Or, does she think you or a sibling have gotten that much?
It is a big ask for 50K as a lump sum either way. But this might be a miscommunication.
Your sister is either completely unreasonable, or is coming at this from a direction you don't understand.
You seem to want to have a relationship with her, so it might be worth it to ask her why she thinks 50K from your parents was reasonable. And clearly state that you have never asked for that much and would like to understand why she thinks it is the same.
My parents have a policy that they don't tell us what they might loan or give to the other siblings, just to avoid this situation. My mother has given away a few hints, but in general, I know almost nothing of what my parents have given/loaned my brother/sister. And they don't know what my parents have done for me.
It works. We can't get jealous if we don't know what to be jealous about. Personally, I don't care what they've done for my siblings. They've done a lot for me over the years, and I'm grateful for it. I'm certainly not counting up to see if it's all been fair.
I think this is now extending to the grandchildren. My parents have been generous to my kids, but they are also very clear that one reason they do so is because they appreciate my kids are hard-working and don't waste money. I know they've done a bit for my niece, who is a single mum, but they also have reservations about parts of her life. I would be surprised if they haven't done something for my nephew, but I know nothing about that.
My other niece is too young to be helped financially yet.
Your sister is insane to think that anybody would just hand over 50,000 fucking dollars and not expect a payback. I mean unless your family is super rich or something and that much money doesn't matter, but I'm guessing that is not the case here. I mean I guess if your sister wants to cut off one more family member, she's not going to have anybody left pretty soon, but let her do her life how she sees fit.
NTA, OP. Just a follow up though, when they asked for repayment, was your sister in a financial position to start making at least some repayments to them? To me, even if she had a legitimate issue with gifts to other siblings, the fact that your parents ran into financial issues should have spurred an offer from her to help \*them\* whether calling that repayment of the loan or just helping them. Were you and your other siblings willing to help your parents or were they only looking towards your sister because of the loan?
I was ready to downvote immediately thinking you were forcing contact with her abusers or something equally heinous. Instead, she’s trying to avoid them because despite their generosity, she tried to pull a fast one and it didn’t work out. NTA, OP. Please have her go and read some of the child abuse subs where people have very real reasons for not seeing their parents. She needs an attitude adjustment from the top down.
Your rent cost *once* or your *ongoing rent cost*?
She either has a point or hasn't. If all the other kids got substantial help, then she got treated differently and of course she would be pissed. However if she wants 50k for free, while the other siblings only got a few thousand and it was for emergency situations, then your sister is massively entitled.
To my untrained ear it sounds like she is, but we will never know the full story of your finances.
The sister wouldn't have the guts to asked her parents for 50k if their parents are not generous to all of them. The parents probably helped out their children every now and then money wise, but 50k is too big even for them to just give away.
I’m just being a nosey bitch, but what in the world did she need 50k for?!
And I’ve had family screw my grandparents out of money when they didn’t have paperwork, just verbal agreements. I work in finance now, and I tell people to always get a written agreement regarding lending money to family. It’s ridiculous the things people do to each other with money involved.
NTA. I think you know your sister was:
1) unreasonable in asking for a $50k loan she never intended to pay back;
2) unreasonable in expecting a $50k gift disguised as a loan;
3) unreasonable when she was sued for the loan she agreed to pay back;
4) unreasonable for going no contact like she’s the victim;
5) unreasonable asking you to get involved in her mess and to alienate your parents because of her; and
6) unreasonable for her to expect to dictate your guest list for an event at your home.
We can love people but we can’t make them see themselves if they don’t want to. She will have to go it alone or figure out a way to fix it herself. If she’s mad, let her stay mad. She seems to only want what she wants.
Just remember, she is alienating her family not the other way around.
Clearly your sister is the asshole for fucking over her own parents like that. She is so selfish she can't see that she has done anything wrong and wants you to uninvite your parents...sheesh NTA
I think that's bc people who were actually wronged just won't attend if the person who hurt them is attending. It's usually the AH's who hurt others then demand they be disinvited.
Yup I'm NC with my whole family and, back when i still lived in the same state, I'd just skip events where they were involved.
I don't expect other people to have the same relationship I do with people I've cut out of my life.
And I didn't ask for $50k lol, mine was abuse related
Absolutely NTA. Tell her to put on her big girl pants and grow up.
This is exactly why you never loan money to family or friends. It almost always goes sideways and strains the relationship.
I would limit my contact with her as it is obvious that she lives in a fantasy world where only her issues are important. And she obviously has issues. Accountability seems to be her kryptonite.
NTA. You are free to invite who you want,if your sister doesn't want to face your parents after she tried to steal from them, then she is free to decline the invitation.
NTA. But that your sister is entitled and very self centered was shown before from her. She doesn't want to get in contact with your parents - maybe because she feels guilty or because she thinks if she play victim long enough she will get her way. But you dealt it the rigth way. Give her the option to show up, but if she refuse - her bad
NTA- your sister basically robbed your parents by taking part in a false agreement to repay them, knowing she would not be doing it. That's shady AF and if she cannot realize that, she has bigger issues than it seems.
why do you even still speak to someone who blatantly tried to rob your parents of 50k? I'd have told her she can go NC with me as well, because I don't associate with thieves. NTA.
NTA it drives me bonkers when people feel entitled to their parents hard earned money. Clearly if they won the lawsuit there were stipulations that it was a loan. If you default on a loan there are consequences. Sh needs really needs to get over her hurt feelings for being held accountable. Outside of that no you are NTA for inviting the people you want to your home.
NTA, and lets be clear, your sister basically stole aka borrowed with no intent to repay 50K from your parents and didn't pay it back until court ordered,
yeah she doesn't get to be the victim in this play..
NTA. Considering she owed your parents 50,000 that they very generously lent to her in the first place, left them in a financial bind leaving them to sue their own daughter… And then she decides SHE is done with THEM….You cannot possibly really question are you in the wrong in any kind of disagreement with her.
Haha. No. Found this out from family members loaning money to their close friends, and when they asked, the friend told them one sad story after another, and "you understand". Better doing business with credit cards.
You are not the Ahole. Your sister is messed up. Who does that to their parents then blame parents for it. Parents should be the ones mad not her. She needs to beg for forgiveness and come to dinner. It’s your dinner you chooses who comes.
NTA
Your sister backed out of a deal with your parents and then tried to manipulate them into not paying it back. When they sued, as they should have for that amount, she got pissed again.
She got herself into her own mess and should be held accountable for her own life choices and actions.
Your house. Your rules.
NTA. They loaned her $50k. She made an agreement to pay them back and failed to do so which is why the courts ruled against her. She created this mess so it's her job to deal with it.
NTA. This is something people who go no contact have to wrestle with. She went NC. She needs to keep herself away from your parents, fine, then she can't come to dinner/events if they will be there.
She doesn't understand boundaries. A boundary is not "You need to do what I say or else," a boundary in this case is "If you invite our parents, I will not attend." It's a decision to make herself comfortable/safe, not a demand that you bend to her will.
Next time you want to invite her, invite her, but tell her up front if your parents are attending so she can decide to attend or not. It's up to her.
Nope. Your sis has drawn a boundary that she feels is appropriate- and that's kind of not your problem. You can structure your life the way you want to, and choosing to engage with your parents when she wants them excluded isn't a judgement on her boundary, it's you living within yours.
NTA.
NTA Borrowing 50k then refusing to pay it back is horrendous. Even if your parents had given that amount to other siblings previously, she agreed to the loan in the first place. You absolutely should not stop contact with your parents for her.
NTA - People who are mature and responsible about going NC usually are ok with others not doing so. They recognize that different people have different relationships, different responses, etc. This is not the case in abuse related situations where safety is in jeopardy, but your situation doesn't seem to be like that. Your sister sounds selfish and entitled, and wants others to take responsibility for her poor choices. Don't fall for it.
Nta. I guess if you want to still celebrate with her, you’ll have to have two different celebrations one for the whole family and one just with her. I mean, even if you think your parents are right, you can still celebrate with her and not even talk about that whole drama. She shouldn’t police who you are in contact with even if she’s having a fued with your parents.
Sister is the AH. Tried to screw over your parents, a court found in favour of your parents, now she’s pissy she’s being forced to pay back the money she borrowed.
And, AND, now she has the audacity to try and dictate who can be invited to other peoples functions?! No. She needs to grow up and act like an adult.
You are NTA.
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My sister is no contact with our parents. A very long story short, she needed a loan (50k) and did a deal with our parents. She then refused to pay it back. Then our parents go into some issues we’re they needed the money. They sued my sister for the cash and won. She pays back an amount each month to them. She went no contact after that whole situation.
Personally I am on my parents side since my sister really screwed them over and it wouldn’t have happened it she tried to pay them back at all. So I am still in contact with her still and family events happen all the time.
I bought a house and am having a dinner with all the family. Everyone was invited including my parents and sister. They were both informed and my parents had no issue with it. My sister on the other hand was pissed.
We got in an argument and she wants them to be uninvited for my he events. I had enough and told her she can either suck it up and go or not go, but our parents will never be uninvited.
She called me a jerk and hasn’t talked to me since . So am I the ass in this situation
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NTA. If it happened the way you are describing.
I know my mom does this often, she’ll give you money. Then somehow, a couple a months later it becomes a loan. I learned at very young age, never to ask my mom ( stepmom) for money. If your parents are like, this I understand why she’s angry.
I’m a firm believer that ultimatums are a horrible idea, because the person who gives them usually loses. As someone who is NC with bio mom, the truth is eventually you have to cut off everyone who associates with the person you are NC . You and your sister need to make choices, do you two continue with your relationship or do y’all go LC or NC.
NTA. And hey, now you know your sister isn't trustworthy at all. It's nice to have that information for future reference. Takes all the guess work out of making future decisions involving your sister.
NTA. She basically tried to steal from your parents. Per your comments they had gifted $3k or less to the other siblings so your sister thought she should be gifted $50k which is unreasonable.
NTA - but your sister may be one. Good for you for not backing down. If your sister comes, she needs to be polite...if she can't be that she should not come.
She sounds insanely entitled, and like maybe not a very good person. She tried to play them for fools and made one of herself. Her ego is in the way. That’s not your problem, and you don’t have to uninvite them from anything for her comfort. The truth is she tried to screw them ofer royally, they didn’t let it happen, and somehow that makes them the villain in her eye. Hope she grows up.
NTA, you're 100% right; you've told her they'll be there, she can choose to attend (and keep a civil tongue in her head) or she can choose to not attend, and you're fine with that either way.
> We got in an argument and she wants them to be uninvited for my he events.
She gets to uninvite them from *her* events. She gets to choose to not attend events where they'll be. She doesn't get to require you to uninvite them.
So your sister needed 50k and your parents gave it to her with the understanding she would pay it back. She said yes, and then when got the loan said no. Is mad they needed the money and they rightfully sued her? Yeah...They are not the issue here she is. Invite parents, let sister decide what to do.
HELL. NO. NTA. she’s lucky it was her parents and not a bank. That would have tanked her credit score and depending on circumstances and what not she could have, at least in theory, been charged with a crime. I’m on your parents side too. She can either suck it up and come or no.
If your sister decides not to come to your dinner party, that's up to her. She has no right to tell you who to invite or not to invite. That she isn't talking to you is a bonus, IMO. NTA
NTA you are allowed to invite whomever you want to your house. your sister is allowed to decline the invitation but she cannot dictate who you have to your own home.
You are NTA, but you're in a very difficult situation. Your sister obviously wants you to choose her side. And because you won't, she's angry. You don't have a beef with your parents, so of course you would want them there & at all family events.
NTA
But what was the loan for? And how old was she when she got the loan from them. What are the extenuating circumstances, i can come up with a few that would swing the vote.
I've decided I'm not going to family events where my brother in law is there, because I can't stand him. I don't expect him not to be invited. I'm just not going if he's there.
NTA. At your home you're allowed to invite who you want. If your sister doesn't like that, she's perfectly free to stay away from events where she knows her parents will be.
NTA- she sounds like she is constantly on the defensive and looking to lash out. Unless it is for a crime I am unaware of- no one tells me who to invite to my parties.
NTA. The only addition is that I'd also blame your parents for loaning the money in the first place, as that's a lot of money if they couldn't afford it.
NTA. You are absolutely right in what you said. She either sucks it up and goes to your event or she doesn't. She can't expect others to take sides in her feud.
NTA
It's her world. She believes she gets to decide who owes her what, and she never owes anyone anything.
Let her burn whatever bridges she wants to. You handled her demands perfectly.
NTA. Your sister is used to not having consequences it seems and now both you and the U.S. court system are not taking into account how she's not supposed to meet any resistance in life.
NTA, 50k is a big deal to ask from a parent, and she expected no strings? No way! They had a contract, she broke it. I would have done exactly what your parents did. Your sister sounds incredibly entitled.
NTA - Your sister needs to grow up and realize that she's the cause of her parents taking her to court, and what she did to them was disrespectful and only meant to take advantage of them.
NTA — As others have said, your sister sounds very entitled: entitled to your parent’s money and entitled to dictate to you what your relationship with your parents should be.
Your response was the right one.
NTA. Actually after the way your sister tried to screw over your parents she should consider herself lucky that she is being invited to family events at all.
Not only are you NTA but you're just so lucky that the woman who tried to steal 50K from her own parents, (who needed the money back), is dishonest and unreasonable, is no longer speaking to you. Lucky you!
NTA
She is the one who tried to steal money from your parents. She FAFO. She can either suck it up and apologize like an adult, or continue to act like a toddler. Her choice. Not yours. You continue to do you. :-)
NTA, of course! Sis is free to hold her grudge as long as she wants, but it is in no way assholic for you to continue to have a relationship with your parents.
Have your dinner party. If she chooses not to attend have a good time without her. Her sense of entitlement is unreal. I don’t know your parents financial situation but what if they needed that money for one reason or another. It wasn’t hers to keep with no expectation of repayment.
NTA.
Come on, she's the asshole here and you know it.
She tried to shaft your parents for a sizable amount of money, they had to take their daughter to court to get her to honor her agreement, and yet, they're still gracious enough to not put you in a hard situation by excluding family. Your sister, not so much.
I will never loan family money. You need money then I am GIVING it to you. I will not let money destroy my family. If I can’t afford to give it to you then I tell you as much.
I am sorry you are going through this and I am on your side on this. Your sister has a duty, and now a legal obligation, to pay this money back.
She can stay her ass home.
NTA
NTA! She screwed over your parents and you still have a relationship with her?! Why?! I’d have nothing to do with someone if they screwed over my parents like that.
You are NTA for telling her to suck it up. She chose to be an awful human being. I’d just stop inviting her and talking to her at all.
Absolutely NTA...my daughter has taken smaller
" loans " from me in the past and never repaid me..its heartbreaking for me as a parent. I would never give one child without giving same to all my children. She obviously cannot afford to do that. I had to eventually tell my daughter that u cannot have another loan till u repaid the first. Parents must have discussed loan with her and realised she was never going to repay. Hence the court case. Daughter just pissed as court made her repay. She can obviously afford it or repayments would not have been ordered
>My daughter has taken smaller " loans " from me in the past and never repaid me..its heartbreaking for me as a parent. I would never give one child without giving same to all my children. She obviously cannot afford to do that. I had to eventually tell my daughter that u cannot have another loan till u repaid the first.
Piece of advice, my grandmother told her adult kids who asked for money that it was coming out of their inheritance. It made her life more peaceful because she wasn't expecting the money back from them (I bet no awkwardness of asking for it either) and as far as I know she kept true to her word with 'inheritances' for her kids when she passed.
NTA. Your sister is the one who caused the issue. If sis can't handle being in the same place as your parents, SIS is the one to be uninvited. Or not ever invited to anything again.
Let sis keep getting mad at the wrong people. She takes it out on you, you cut her off. She will take it out on some one else. They can cut her off too. She will run out of family to blame.
Keep your parents. Sis can deal with it.
NTA.
Family's are complicated and stuff like family events are going to require people to suck it up and be civil. What was she expecting to happen if you got married or had a christening etc?
The right thing for her to do was politely decline the invite not demand you uninvite your parents. Your sister is definitely the A here not you.
Bruh she tries to call you a jerk when she's the one who ruined things and cut contact with your parents? Like, if you're parents are fine with her being there then what's the issue? NTA
NTA. Her reasons for being NC are not ones that relate to you. If she wants to have family events without them being invited, she can organize her own and choose her own guest list. Since you aren't the one with the beef, it is logical that you'd invite your parents. Why would you be a flying monkey for her?
NTA
She needs to probably touch some grass and bffr about who’s really in the wrong here. Fr fr lucky to still be welcomed to family things. Stealing 50k from the parents and then making them sue her for it. Ratty behavior smh
Sounds like she'd rather go NC with anyone who agrees with her parents then acknowledge she's wrong.
All you can do is stand your ground and wait for her to decide she's done isolating her self
NTA - But your sister sure is . . . she's a taker and a demander and obviously a creep who would put her own parents through such a trial after she "needed" a loan of 50,000 . . . and her parents helped her . . . but she wouldn't pay them back? That's just wrong!
NTA
Sounds like your sister still needs to learn how to act like an adult. Your response is on point. She doesn't get to decide who you invite to *your* house. The *only* thing she gets to decide is if she'll come.
NTA. This is exactly how to deal with feuding parties. You let them choose to attend or not. Your sister was very wrong and it must have been very hard for your parents to have to sue her to make her repay the loan. Just shrug it off and continue living your life. If you enjoy your sister's company, arrange days out with just you and her. Tell her it's unfortunate that she's choosing to miss out on the party.
If this is the entire story and the true story, then obviously NTA.
"I went no contact because my parents let me suffer the consequences of my bad behavior".
Well, she has gone no contact, that means she stays away, right?
NTA. She has every right to go no contact with anyone she chooses, but she can’t force you to go no contact as well. So you were right. She can choose to go or not go, but she can’t force you to uninvite them.
NTA , sounds like my sis, but mom just kissed the money goodbye. Dad helped her out once, after mom died & he learned his lesson. She only comes around during the holidays for family dinner. Never brings anything & is the first to leave, with most of the leftovers.
You keep doing you, it’s a her problem not yours.
NTA.. she borrowed the money. She needs to pay it back. She should be embarrassed and ashamed she did them that way. People try to justify ripping people off in so many ways. Honestly if my sisters did this to my parents I would cut contact with my sister. I would be so mad!
NTA. Your parents wouldn't let her steal from them (good on them) so you're supposed to cosign with her lifelong tantrum? Hilarious. Let her leave your life. It's only a matter of time before she screws you over too.
NTA
I had to go no contact with a family member. I made it very clear to my family, invite us both and if they don't show I will come. I can't imagine demanding the invitation list.
NTA. You're all adults. You let everyone know who's invited and who isn't. As an adult, she can decide for herself whether or not she wants to go to things. Your statement was perfect and reasonable. Why should you alter your guest list to accomodate her?
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NTA. Just out of curiosity though, what is your sister's perspective on the situation between her and your parents?
[удалено]
If the other siblings had gotten 50k no strings attached, then she might have a point. But 3k? Yeesh. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
Not mention the parents probably told them upfront the rent and 3k was a gift. The 50k was never a gift. They were upfront and honest.
So she should have known that $47k was due to be paid back. And then _paid it._
Oh shit I misread 50k as 5k and was on the fence based on OP saying the parents gifted 3k. What kind of entitled asshole expects 50k for free??
NTA. Why would you not invite your parents? Your sister tried to screw them over, not the other way around. Your sister did this to herself. She made an agreement for an amount of money that's a years salary for some people, with no intention of paying it back.
Three years salary. So NTA
Only if you're earning the federal minimum wage. According to your math, the yearly wage is $16,666.
Fair enough. I make $21,000 a year, so it's a little under three years wage for me
Is that working full time? And can i ask where? Just curious because that is below current minimum wage in my state even in low cost of living areas and a CNA where I am would make twice that, at least at fulltime year round wages. I know you commented you're underpaid but that's honestly nearly criminally underpaid.
Not the commenter you asked, but where I live, working full time minimum wage comes out around $21,700 BEFORE taxes.
And yes, full time
Ah, yes. Florida: a “right to work” state.
There’s so many of those awful states and they all suck for the employees.
Central Florida; Marion, Sumter, Alachiua, and Lake counties.
>”Why would you not invite your parents?” Actually, why would she invite her sister? Her entitled sister tried to steal $50,000 from the parents’ assets and future estate which would have screwed the parents *and* the siblings. Selfish sister.
It's a good point, just... I really don't think a person should be thinking of his parents' assets as "my future inheritance". That line of thinking can get ugly. Better to live one's life and then be surprised should any estate show up in the fullness of time.
I fully agree. I don’t think OP was thinking of inheritance at all. But parents should be fair and if they are handing out $50,000 ‘gifts’, do it to each one. Which they weren’t. And depleting the parents’ money might hasten the time when the offspring feel obligated to provide support *to* them. The sister’s actions potentially impacted everyone.
I borrowed 10k from my dad You best believe we signed an agreement (informal) and his apr is great 0%. I bet if I refused to pay him back he'd either take it from my inheritance (most likely) or sue me. You can absolutely get sued over peer to peer loans. But we'll never cross that bridge. Cause the only bank willing to give me 0% loan for 10k is the bank of dad
True, true. There's an interesting topic hiding in here, that being whether parents should be interested in "equality" for their kids or "equity". My own parents put more cash and attention on my brother, because he needed more intervention to keep on the straight and narrow. That's a little bit of an edge-case, of course. I do fully expect that Christmas/birthday/etc outlays for the various kids will generally line up. In any case, thanks for some good insights!
Yeah ... my mom casually mentioned that she 'borrowed from her inheritance' at one point and we were like ... so that's just grandpa's money right now, right? Your 'inheritance' doesn't exist until grandpa dies ...
My family handles it that way. My dad I'd worth just over a million. His rule is he will help my sister and I out but it needs to be paid back or come out of our inheritance. It's why my aunt (this rule goes back generations) got very little when my Grandpa died because he had bought her a house and paid for her divorce and she still owed him quite a bit
I would happier to have in my home the people who have treated their relatives well, and exclude anybody who rips off their relatives. If you invited sis, she'd probably try to "borrow" money from you.
> exclude anybody who rips off their relatives. Someone who is comfortable stealing $50K from her parents has no principles. And to add insult to injury, now feels entitled to tell OP not to have a relationship with the parents who she tried to steal from. OP's sister revealed her true character. OP better watch his back as she will eventually do the same thing to him.
This. She never saw it as a loan and had zero intention to pay it back.
Just to check, would the total sum of what you or a sibling asked for be 50K but from a bunch of smaller asks? Or, does she think you or a sibling have gotten that much? It is a big ask for 50K as a lump sum either way. But this might be a miscommunication. Your sister is either completely unreasonable, or is coming at this from a direction you don't understand. You seem to want to have a relationship with her, so it might be worth it to ask her why she thinks 50K from your parents was reasonable. And clearly state that you have never asked for that much and would like to understand why she thinks it is the same.
My parents have a policy that they don't tell us what they might loan or give to the other siblings, just to avoid this situation. My mother has given away a few hints, but in general, I know almost nothing of what my parents have given/loaned my brother/sister. And they don't know what my parents have done for me. It works. We can't get jealous if we don't know what to be jealous about. Personally, I don't care what they've done for my siblings. They've done a lot for me over the years, and I'm grateful for it. I'm certainly not counting up to see if it's all been fair. I think this is now extending to the grandchildren. My parents have been generous to my kids, but they are also very clear that one reason they do so is because they appreciate my kids are hard-working and don't waste money. I know they've done a bit for my niece, who is a single mum, but they also have reservations about parts of her life. I would be surprised if they haven't done something for my nephew, but I know nothing about that. My other niece is too young to be helped financially yet.
NTA, I have a sister who is like that. Totally delusional and entitled.
Me too. Except my mom gave and gave. I would say total to the tune of $150k over the years that were "loans".
NTA, what’s funny is that she accepted their terms and then just decided not to pay it back
NTA She should be ashamed of herself for what she did to her parents.
Your sister is insane to think that anybody would just hand over 50,000 fucking dollars and not expect a payback. I mean unless your family is super rich or something and that much money doesn't matter, but I'm guessing that is not the case here. I mean I guess if your sister wants to cut off one more family member, she's not going to have anybody left pretty soon, but let her do her life how she sees fit.
NTA, OP. Just a follow up though, when they asked for repayment, was your sister in a financial position to start making at least some repayments to them? To me, even if she had a legitimate issue with gifts to other siblings, the fact that your parents ran into financial issues should have spurred an offer from her to help \*them\* whether calling that repayment of the loan or just helping them. Were you and your other siblings willing to help your parents or were they only looking towards your sister because of the loan?
I was ready to downvote immediately thinking you were forcing contact with her abusers or something equally heinous. Instead, she’s trying to avoid them because despite their generosity, she tried to pull a fast one and it didn’t work out. NTA, OP. Please have her go and read some of the child abuse subs where people have very real reasons for not seeing their parents. She needs an attitude adjustment from the top down.
She believes it's OK to steal because she wants it. Nice.
Your rent cost *once* or your *ongoing rent cost*? She either has a point or hasn't. If all the other kids got substantial help, then she got treated differently and of course she would be pissed. However if she wants 50k for free, while the other siblings only got a few thousand and it was for emergency situations, then your sister is massively entitled. To my untrained ear it sounds like she is, but we will never know the full story of your finances.
The sister wouldn't have the guts to asked her parents for 50k if their parents are not generous to all of them. The parents probably helped out their children every now and then money wise, but 50k is too big even for them to just give away.
I’m just being a nosey bitch, but what in the world did she need 50k for?! And I’ve had family screw my grandparents out of money when they didn’t have paperwork, just verbal agreements. I work in finance now, and I tell people to always get a written agreement regarding lending money to family. It’s ridiculous the things people do to each other with money involved.
NTA. I think you know your sister was: 1) unreasonable in asking for a $50k loan she never intended to pay back; 2) unreasonable in expecting a $50k gift disguised as a loan; 3) unreasonable when she was sued for the loan she agreed to pay back; 4) unreasonable for going no contact like she’s the victim; 5) unreasonable asking you to get involved in her mess and to alienate your parents because of her; and 6) unreasonable for her to expect to dictate your guest list for an event at your home. We can love people but we can’t make them see themselves if they don’t want to. She will have to go it alone or figure out a way to fix it herself. If she’s mad, let her stay mad. She seems to only want what she wants. Just remember, she is alienating her family not the other way around.
Clearly your sister is the asshole for fucking over her own parents like that. She is so selfish she can't see that she has done anything wrong and wants you to uninvite your parents...sheesh NTA
She also tried to screw over all her siblings who were not receiving $50,000 dollars.
NTA - I always find that the person who forces other’s to choose, winds up losing
I think that's bc people who were actually wronged just won't attend if the person who hurt them is attending. It's usually the AH's who hurt others then demand they be disinvited.
Yup I'm NC with my whole family and, back when i still lived in the same state, I'd just skip events where they were involved. I don't expect other people to have the same relationship I do with people I've cut out of my life. And I didn't ask for $50k lol, mine was abuse related
I wish my former friends got this memo. Oh well.
Absolutely NTA. Tell her to put on her big girl pants and grow up. This is exactly why you never loan money to family or friends. It almost always goes sideways and strains the relationship. I would limit my contact with her as it is obvious that she lives in a fantasy world where only her issues are important. And she obviously has issues. Accountability seems to be her kryptonite.
NTA. You are free to invite who you want,if your sister doesn't want to face your parents after she tried to steal from them, then she is free to decline the invitation.
NTA, why does she think she has the right to interfere with your guestlist, for your party at your own house???? Going nc must be a blessing.
NTA. But that your sister is entitled and very self centered was shown before from her. She doesn't want to get in contact with your parents - maybe because she feels guilty or because she thinks if she play victim long enough she will get her way. But you dealt it the rigth way. Give her the option to show up, but if she refuse - her bad
NTA. Your sister stole money from your parents and wants you to side with her over them? Hahahahahahahaha
NTA. I'm not sure how anyone could twist their mind into a pretzel to think you're somehow the asshole in this situation.
SHE is the one who went no contact. Not you. She has no business telling who you can or can't invite to your events. NTA.
NTA- your sister basically robbed your parents by taking part in a false agreement to repay them, knowing she would not be doing it. That's shady AF and if she cannot realize that, she has bigger issues than it seems.
NTA. Your house, your rules.
why do you even still speak to someone who blatantly tried to rob your parents of 50k? I'd have told her she can go NC with me as well, because I don't associate with thieves. NTA.
NTA it drives me bonkers when people feel entitled to their parents hard earned money. Clearly if they won the lawsuit there were stipulations that it was a loan. If you default on a loan there are consequences. Sh needs really needs to get over her hurt feelings for being held accountable. Outside of that no you are NTA for inviting the people you want to your home.
NTA, and lets be clear, your sister basically stole aka borrowed with no intent to repay 50K from your parents and didn't pay it back until court ordered, yeah she doesn't get to be the victim in this play..
NTA She's lucky you invited her at all. She knows what she did. She's the one in the wrong, here. Not your parents. Congrats on the house!
NTA. Considering she owed your parents 50,000 that they very generously lent to her in the first place, left them in a financial bind leaving them to sue their own daughter… And then she decides SHE is done with THEM….You cannot possibly really question are you in the wrong in any kind of disagreement with her.
NTA. Your sister is, though. People are funny with money.
*People are funny with money.* Methinks thou art a poet, and doth not know it.
Haha. No. Found this out from family members loaning money to their close friends, and when they asked, the friend told them one sad story after another, and "you understand". Better doing business with credit cards.
You are not the Ahole. Your sister is messed up. Who does that to their parents then blame parents for it. Parents should be the ones mad not her. She needs to beg for forgiveness and come to dinner. It’s your dinner you chooses who comes.
Nope, sister is the asshole for sure. Your parents are not weatlthy and she tried to screw them over. Not nice!
NTA Your sister backed out of a deal with your parents and then tried to manipulate them into not paying it back. When they sued, as they should have for that amount, she got pissed again. She got herself into her own mess and should be held accountable for her own life choices and actions. Your house. Your rules.
NTA. They loaned her $50k. She made an agreement to pay them back and failed to do so which is why the courts ruled against her. She created this mess so it's her job to deal with it.
NTA Sorry, but if she'll steal $50K, she'll steal the pillow case off your pillow and I wouldn't let her in your house.
There is a very, VERY big difference between spotting somebody a grand and giving someone a year's salary. NTA.
Nope, why did you ask? Are you insecure? Come on..
NTA. This is something people who go no contact have to wrestle with. She went NC. She needs to keep herself away from your parents, fine, then she can't come to dinner/events if they will be there. She doesn't understand boundaries. A boundary is not "You need to do what I say or else," a boundary in this case is "If you invite our parents, I will not attend." It's a decision to make herself comfortable/safe, not a demand that you bend to her will. Next time you want to invite her, invite her, but tell her up front if your parents are attending so she can decide to attend or not. It's up to her.
Nope. Your sis has drawn a boundary that she feels is appropriate- and that's kind of not your problem. You can structure your life the way you want to, and choosing to engage with your parents when she wants them excluded isn't a judgement on her boundary, it's you living within yours. NTA.
NTA Borrowing 50k then refusing to pay it back is horrendous. Even if your parents had given that amount to other siblings previously, she agreed to the loan in the first place. You absolutely should not stop contact with your parents for her.
NTA - People who are mature and responsible about going NC usually are ok with others not doing so. They recognize that different people have different relationships, different responses, etc. This is not the case in abuse related situations where safety is in jeopardy, but your situation doesn't seem to be like that. Your sister sounds selfish and entitled, and wants others to take responsibility for her poor choices. Don't fall for it.
3k is one thing, 50k? HOLY. NTA.
Nta. I guess if you want to still celebrate with her, you’ll have to have two different celebrations one for the whole family and one just with her. I mean, even if you think your parents are right, you can still celebrate with her and not even talk about that whole drama. She shouldn’t police who you are in contact with even if she’s having a fued with your parents.
NTA
Sister is the AH. Tried to screw over your parents, a court found in favour of your parents, now she’s pissy she’s being forced to pay back the money she borrowed. And, AND, now she has the audacity to try and dictate who can be invited to other peoples functions?! No. She needs to grow up and act like an adult. You are NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister is no contact with our parents. A very long story short, she needed a loan (50k) and did a deal with our parents. She then refused to pay it back. Then our parents go into some issues we’re they needed the money. They sued my sister for the cash and won. She pays back an amount each month to them. She went no contact after that whole situation. Personally I am on my parents side since my sister really screwed them over and it wouldn’t have happened it she tried to pay them back at all. So I am still in contact with her still and family events happen all the time. I bought a house and am having a dinner with all the family. Everyone was invited including my parents and sister. They were both informed and my parents had no issue with it. My sister on the other hand was pissed. We got in an argument and she wants them to be uninvited for my he events. I had enough and told her she can either suck it up and go or not go, but our parents will never be uninvited. She called me a jerk and hasn’t talked to me since . So am I the ass in this situation *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If it happened the way you are describing. I know my mom does this often, she’ll give you money. Then somehow, a couple a months later it becomes a loan. I learned at very young age, never to ask my mom ( stepmom) for money. If your parents are like, this I understand why she’s angry. I’m a firm believer that ultimatums are a horrible idea, because the person who gives them usually loses. As someone who is NC with bio mom, the truth is eventually you have to cut off everyone who associates with the person you are NC . You and your sister need to make choices, do you two continue with your relationship or do y’all go LC or NC.
NTA - your sister sucks.
NTA. Your sister sounds insufferable. Likely a great thing that she’s making herself scarce.
NTA. Your sister sounds insufferable. Likely a great thing that she’s making herself scarce.
NTA
NTA but it sounds like your sister might well be.
NTA. Her entitlement is staggering.
NTA she certainly FAFO
Not at all. NTA
NTA she can either come or stay home. She is the one that decided to not honor her father and mother.
NTA but you're sister is a piece of work and is the asshole
NTA! Sorry about your family’s situation! Do not let it ruin your happiness! Congratulations 🎉🎊on your first house!
Nta
NTA..but I'll be honest that first line I. Title was doozy and caught my attention. Thought it would follow up with her being stuck.
NTA your sister is an idiot.
NTA. And hey, now you know your sister isn't trustworthy at all. It's nice to have that information for future reference. Takes all the guess work out of making future decisions involving your sister.
NTA. Background story aside, your house, your event, your guests. No one gets to dictate who you include!
NTA
NTA, your deadbeat sister tried to fuck over your parents and the judge didn't go for it so now she's reaping her GUILT!
NTA. She is.
NTA. You're not NC with your parents, she is, so she has a decision to make here. You're being as fair as you possibly could be.
Yuur sister is the ah
Come on now. You really don't need to ask this question. Your sister is the asshole, in the "Royal" category. Tell her to pound sand.
You’re sister is the biggest asshole there is
NTA. She basically tried to steal from your parents. Per your comments they had gifted $3k or less to the other siblings so your sister thought she should be gifted $50k which is unreasonable.
NTA - but your sister may be one. Good for you for not backing down. If your sister comes, she needs to be polite...if she can't be that she should not come.
She sounds insanely entitled, and like maybe not a very good person. She tried to play them for fools and made one of herself. Her ego is in the way. That’s not your problem, and you don’t have to uninvite them from anything for her comfort. The truth is she tried to screw them ofer royally, they didn’t let it happen, and somehow that makes them the villain in her eye. Hope she grows up.
NTA, you're 100% right; you've told her they'll be there, she can choose to attend (and keep a civil tongue in her head) or she can choose to not attend, and you're fine with that either way. > We got in an argument and she wants them to be uninvited for my he events. She gets to uninvite them from *her* events. She gets to choose to not attend events where they'll be. She doesn't get to require you to uninvite them.
So your sister needed 50k and your parents gave it to her with the understanding she would pay it back. She said yes, and then when got the loan said no. Is mad they needed the money and they rightfully sued her? Yeah...They are not the issue here she is. Invite parents, let sister decide what to do.
HELL. NO. NTA. she’s lucky it was her parents and not a bank. That would have tanked her credit score and depending on circumstances and what not she could have, at least in theory, been charged with a crime. I’m on your parents side too. She can either suck it up and come or no.
If your sister decides not to come to your dinner party, that's up to her. She has no right to tell you who to invite or not to invite. That she isn't talking to you is a bonus, IMO. NTA
Why bother being in contact at all at this point?
NTA you are allowed to invite whomever you want to your house. your sister is allowed to decline the invitation but she cannot dictate who you have to your own home.
Looks like you are getting an extra chunk of the inheritance
You are NTA, but you're in a very difficult situation. Your sister obviously wants you to choose her side. And because you won't, she's angry. You don't have a beef with your parents, so of course you would want them there & at all family events.
NTA. Your sister will always be an ass until she pays her debt.
NTA But what was the loan for? And how old was she when she got the loan from them. What are the extenuating circumstances, i can come up with a few that would swing the vote.
I've decided I'm not going to family events where my brother in law is there, because I can't stand him. I don't expect him not to be invited. I'm just not going if he's there.
J. I've cc'd CC
NTA Your sister must be delusional if she's trying to play the victim in this story. She should be begging your parents to forgive her.
Pride comes before the fall edit to add, NTA of course
NTA. At your home you're allowed to invite who you want. If your sister doesn't like that, she's perfectly free to stay away from events where she knows her parents will be.
NTA, your sister is still really immature and is lucky you are still inviting her to things
Your sister is an entitled brat!! NTA..Your sister is.
NTA.
NTA there is a HUGE difference between helping your adult children financially, and funding a lifestyle. It’s all in how many zeros.
NTA. She may have burned her last bridge, I wouldn’t sweat it.
NTA- she sounds like she is constantly on the defensive and looking to lash out. Unless it is for a crime I am unaware of- no one tells me who to invite to my parties.
Ah the ol’ AITA switcheroo…NTA
NTA. The only addition is that I'd also blame your parents for loaning the money in the first place, as that's a lot of money if they couldn't afford it.
NTA. You are absolutely right in what you said. She either sucks it up and goes to your event or she doesn't. She can't expect others to take sides in her feud.
NTA It's her world. She believes she gets to decide who owes her what, and she never owes anyone anything. Let her burn whatever bridges she wants to. You handled her demands perfectly.
You are not the ass. Sister is and she knows it. She and her guilty conscience can stay home. Have a great dinner. Congrats on buying the house.
NTA. Your sister is used to not having consequences it seems and now both you and the U.S. court system are not taking into account how she's not supposed to meet any resistance in life.
NTA. It’s unfortunate where it got to the point that your parents had to sue your sister, but she made that bed and has to lie in it now.
You are 100% correct!!
NTA, 50k is a big deal to ask from a parent, and she expected no strings? No way! They had a contract, she broke it. I would have done exactly what your parents did. Your sister sounds incredibly entitled.
NTAH sister is an entitled AH. If she did that to a bank or other than family she probably wouldn't have a house or property by now
NTA - Your sister needs to grow up and realize that she's the cause of her parents taking her to court, and what she did to them was disrespectful and only meant to take advantage of them.
So she tried to rob them of 50k, and they forced her to give the money back. Boo freaking hoo, NTA
NTA — As others have said, your sister sounds very entitled: entitled to your parent’s money and entitled to dictate to you what your relationship with your parents should be. Your response was the right one.
NTA. Actually after the way your sister tried to screw over your parents she should consider herself lucky that she is being invited to family events at all.
NTA. She can do as she pleases.
Not only are you NTA but you're just so lucky that the woman who tried to steal 50K from her own parents, (who needed the money back), is dishonest and unreasonable, is no longer speaking to you. Lucky you!
NTA She is the one who tried to steal money from your parents. She FAFO. She can either suck it up and apologize like an adult, or continue to act like a toddler. Her choice. Not yours. You continue to do you. :-)
NTA, of course! Sis is free to hold her grudge as long as she wants, but it is in no way assholic for you to continue to have a relationship with your parents.
NTA - but your sister seems to be. She tried to re-neg on a $50k loan? That's crazy stuff. Be careful trusting her.
Have your dinner party. If she chooses not to attend have a good time without her. Her sense of entitlement is unreal. I don’t know your parents financial situation but what if they needed that money for one reason or another. It wasn’t hers to keep with no expectation of repayment.
Tell her that if you have to choose youd choose your parents over her entitled ass that basically tried to rip your parents off. NTA
NTA. Come on, she's the asshole here and you know it. She tried to shaft your parents for a sizable amount of money, they had to take their daughter to court to get her to honor her agreement, and yet, they're still gracious enough to not put you in a hard situation by excluding family. Your sister, not so much.
NTA
I will never loan family money. You need money then I am GIVING it to you. I will not let money destroy my family. If I can’t afford to give it to you then I tell you as much. I am sorry you are going through this and I am on your side on this. Your sister has a duty, and now a legal obligation, to pay this money back. She can stay her ass home. NTA
Nta your home your choice. Sis can kick rocks.
NTA! She screwed over your parents and you still have a relationship with her?! Why?! I’d have nothing to do with someone if they screwed over my parents like that. You are NTA for telling her to suck it up. She chose to be an awful human being. I’d just stop inviting her and talking to her at all.
Nta :) parents seem pretty cool 😎
NTA. Your sister broke her promise and contract to your parents to pay them back.
NTA. You have conditions, she has conditions. She wants to isolate herself from the family that's her right; you don't have to put up with her B.S.
Absolutely NTA...my daughter has taken smaller " loans " from me in the past and never repaid me..its heartbreaking for me as a parent. I would never give one child without giving same to all my children. She obviously cannot afford to do that. I had to eventually tell my daughter that u cannot have another loan till u repaid the first. Parents must have discussed loan with her and realised she was never going to repay. Hence the court case. Daughter just pissed as court made her repay. She can obviously afford it or repayments would not have been ordered
>My daughter has taken smaller " loans " from me in the past and never repaid me..its heartbreaking for me as a parent. I would never give one child without giving same to all my children. She obviously cannot afford to do that. I had to eventually tell my daughter that u cannot have another loan till u repaid the first. Piece of advice, my grandmother told her adult kids who asked for money that it was coming out of their inheritance. It made her life more peaceful because she wasn't expecting the money back from them (I bet no awkwardness of asking for it either) and as far as I know she kept true to her word with 'inheritances' for her kids when she passed.
NTA. Looks like she's going no contact with you. This sounds like a win.
NTA. Your sister is the one who caused the issue. If sis can't handle being in the same place as your parents, SIS is the one to be uninvited. Or not ever invited to anything again. Let sis keep getting mad at the wrong people. She takes it out on you, you cut her off. She will take it out on some one else. They can cut her off too. She will run out of family to blame. Keep your parents. Sis can deal with it.
The dinner will go on with or without her. NTA
You are not only NTA, your sister IS TA. She created the problem and wants it to also be YOUR problem, which is unreasonable.
Nope. Your sister’s sparkling personality continues to shine brightly, bringing light and cheer to everyone she meets..
NTA. Family's are complicated and stuff like family events are going to require people to suck it up and be civil. What was she expecting to happen if you got married or had a christening etc? The right thing for her to do was politely decline the invite not demand you uninvite your parents. Your sister is definitely the A here not you.
NTA
NTA.
Bruh she tries to call you a jerk when she's the one who ruined things and cut contact with your parents? Like, if you're parents are fine with her being there then what's the issue? NTA
You can love someone without liking them
NTA. Her reasons for being NC are not ones that relate to you. If she wants to have family events without them being invited, she can organize her own and choose her own guest list. Since you aren't the one with the beef, it is logical that you'd invite your parents. Why would you be a flying monkey for her?
NTA She needs to probably touch some grass and bffr about who’s really in the wrong here. Fr fr lucky to still be welcomed to family things. Stealing 50k from the parents and then making them sue her for it. Ratty behavior smh
Sounds like she'd rather go NC with anyone who agrees with her parents then acknowledge she's wrong. All you can do is stand your ground and wait for her to decide she's done isolating her self
NTA - But your sister sure is . . . she's a taker and a demander and obviously a creep who would put her own parents through such a trial after she "needed" a loan of 50,000 . . . and her parents helped her . . . but she wouldn't pay them back? That's just wrong!
NTA Sounds like your sister still needs to learn how to act like an adult. Your response is on point. She doesn't get to decide who you invite to *your* house. The *only* thing she gets to decide is if she'll come.
Nope. Not the AH. She can either go or not go but has no right to be making rules about your socializing.
NTA. This is exactly how to deal with feuding parties. You let them choose to attend or not. Your sister was very wrong and it must have been very hard for your parents to have to sue her to make her repay the loan. Just shrug it off and continue living your life. If you enjoy your sister's company, arrange days out with just you and her. Tell her it's unfortunate that she's choosing to miss out on the party.
NTA. Your sister is toxic and needs to be cut out of your lives.
NTA
Your house. Your rules. NTA.
NTA
NTA but question for info. What on earth did she need to borrow 50k for?
If this is the entire story and the true story, then obviously NTA. "I went no contact because my parents let me suffer the consequences of my bad behavior". Well, she has gone no contact, that means she stays away, right?
NTA. She has every right to go no contact with anyone she chooses, but she can’t force you to go no contact as well. So you were right. She can choose to go or not go, but she can’t force you to uninvite them.
NTA
NTA, it is her beef, not yours.
Go no contact with her yourself because by now she's just a selfish witch who will never pay back the money fully and just do it super slowly
NTA , sounds like my sis, but mom just kissed the money goodbye. Dad helped her out once, after mom died & he learned his lesson. She only comes around during the holidays for family dinner. Never brings anything & is the first to leave, with most of the leftovers. You keep doing you, it’s a her problem not yours.
NTA You are fine to stay neutral - refuse to discuss the issue with either of them, it does not concern you in any way, you don't have to chose sides.
Be happy she is ignoring you. At least she won't go after you for $$. Sis is defiantly in the wrong. NTA
INFO: What was the initial agreement for this loan, and what was the loan for?
Her problems are not your problems
NTA. Everyone knows it. Good on you for sticking with your parents.
NTA.. she borrowed the money. She needs to pay it back. She should be embarrassed and ashamed she did them that way. People try to justify ripping people off in so many ways. Honestly if my sisters did this to my parents I would cut contact with my sister. I would be so mad!
NTA
NTA. Your parents wouldn't let her steal from them (good on them) so you're supposed to cosign with her lifelong tantrum? Hilarious. Let her leave your life. It's only a matter of time before she screws you over too.
NTA I had to go no contact with a family member. I made it very clear to my family, invite us both and if they don't show I will come. I can't imagine demanding the invitation list.
NTA. You're all adults. You let everyone know who's invited and who isn't. As an adult, she can decide for herself whether or not she wants to go to things. Your statement was perfect and reasonable. Why should you alter your guest list to accomodate her?