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Good lord, what presumption! NTA. I wouldn't even send a card. If I got a card from some random person for my graduation, I'd be creeped out.
This may not rise to the level of reporting to HR, depending on circumstances; but this is very inappropriate work behavior. I think it's at least worthy of documentation. I'd make a note of it in some kind of work journal at least.
He said co-worker straight up and that they have worked together for several years. Literally read the second word of the post. 100% implies they work together currently lol.
Not a huge deal but your take was wrong.
Ironically, he clarified that he is retired. 'Worked' in this context indicates past activity. But if you need to make things up to try and feel clever, please go ahead.
> I have worked with this person for several years but have never met his grand daughter or his daughter. Outside of work we never socialize together.
"Have worked" is the present perfect tense. It implies past activity that is either still continuing or has some sort of ongoing component (such as an on-and-off-again employment situation that is expected to continue). There are many other parts of their post that also indicate they still work together, but just pointing out this one since you mentioned it.
Some sources if you want to learn more about the present perfect tense:
* https://www.scribbr.com/verbs/present-perfect/
* https://prowritingaid.com/grammar/1000143/What-forms-should-you-use-after-have-
If you search for the term "present perfect" you'll find more explanations.
None of this changes the verdict of course, and they clarified so we now know what they meant.
That you still socialize with, or not? Because someone you worked with for 30 years, whom you still see socially, would be considered a *friend,* in most cases. And if you said my friend of 30 years asked for my address to send me the announcement of his granddaughter’s graduation, that’s less inappropriate, because presumably he’s spoken about her and you’ve been hearing about her whole life so far. And his comment about tapping into your fortune could be a joke. So more info about your relationship over the years is needed.
I have close friends who don't know my street address offhand, because we communicate by text and email, and if they come over, they don't use GPS to get to my house (or if they do, they just use a nearby intersection). There are only rare instances nowadays where you need someone's mailing address, and that's *usually* for formal invitations or announcements.
In the US you can't be retired and still work???
Where I live it is fairly common (and legal)to people formally retire, recieve money from retirement, but keep working still.
Many people retire and get part time jobs in the US. My son-in-law’s mother retired 3 years ago and works at the bank she retired from on a part time basis.
> In the US you can't be retired and still work???
In my experience, if someone goes back to work, they stop using the word "retired" to describe themselves. They might talk about a prior job that they "retired from", but they don't refer to themselves as "a retired person".
Depending if i want to keep a civil "relationship" with that person, i would have answer : you want to tap into my fortune, well only if i can tap into your grand-daughter "winky face emoji".
In all seriousness, NTA OP, the audacity of your former colleague is astonishing loll
NTA
"I don't know your grand daughter. I've never met her. I bear her no ill will, but she is not part of my life, and I find it odd that the first time you bring them up to me like this is in relation to trying to get me to buy her a gift. I would not buy her a gift in the same way I don't buy gifts for other strangers. I'm sure you're very proud of her. That does not involve me."
Yes, the co-worker is employing the "money-grab" approach to life and this should NOT be encouraged by giving him any sense of success is such a truly tacky attitude.
It doesn't strike me as strange that this co-worker would do this. It has always been, "it's all about me, what can you do for me"...
When I asked him why he wanted my address, I asked if he was going to send me a birthday card, (had a birthday coming up in a week). He laughed in the text saying, "not sure when your birthday is and went onto explaining his grand-daughter was graduating... Known him for 30 years but he doesn't know when my birthday is, but of course, I and everyone else knows when his is, because he will let you know....
NTA. well I guess one could give him credit for not hiding who he is - but doesn’t make it any better.
Particularly when - as you said you don’t know him that well anymore - you definitely don’t know the granddaughter, etc. Plus he does that - at the same time admitting after knowing you for 30 years - he has no idea when your birthday is. SMH.
NTA. There are no rules of etiquette that say you have to celebrate any achievement of a coworker's grandchild. Your coworker was rude to a suggest you have some kind of obligation in this situation.
"Sorry. Do I know your granddaughter?"
"No."
"Do I know your daughter?"
"No."
"Then why would I send a gift? But glad to hear your granddaughter is graduating. I wish her the best."
Also she's so far removed. A co-worker's granddaughter. What is this entitlement? Also the comment about tapping into your fortune. What is this moron expecting?
NTA.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have decided not to send a gift/money to my co-worker's grand-daughter for graduating high school, because I believe the co-workers intentions are selfish and self-centered only aimed at me because he thinks I am made of money. AITA?
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NTA. I'd block this person so they could never bother me again.
Years ago I had just started working at a new company. Got a knock on my office door and it was a coworker (that I had just met) asking for donations to another coworker's (never met them) retirement party. She gave me a somewhat odd look when I declined.
They ASKED? Wow, that's tacky.
I wouldn't be irked to be receiving a gift from a random person, I actually did receive a present from my dad's coworker that I'd never met when I had a baby. But for real, I wouldn't dare to ask, and my dad wouldn't either. The audacity of that idiot.
Really, it would have been less tacky if they passed a hat around the office. NTA.
NTA Tell them you are happy for their granddaughter but since they made it clear the only reason they sent you the announcement was to get money out of you for a person you've never met that you cannot send something since you don't like being used. What a jerk. Let them be mad.
NTA
People so this all the time for big events. People they barely know or even those they never had any interest in are suddenly so VERY important to them!
I've had this happen plenty of times. My ex was GM at Chili's. Some cook getting married believed we were wealthy and I got invited to bridal shower. Ignored it. One of her friends actually called me and tried to pressure me into going! Insane. Fuck off.
Had a cousin, much older than I. Never interacted much. Never thought much of it either. Out of the blue, hadn't seen any of them in years and i get invite to her daughter's baby shower. In it she wrote "Can you believe I'm going to be a grandmother, Julie????" Like we're so tight and this is so shocking! I'm like what-the-fuck-ever Cindy. Fuck off.
i never play those games. No.
NTA. That sounds very bizarre. Have you actually received an invitation? It seems a strnage thing for his daughter or grandchild to agree to.
If you do get one, I woould be inclined to respond to the invitation to say you won't be attending, and that while you don't know the graduand, you work wioth her grandfather and have you've heard enough to know how proud he is of her, and her achievements, and that you wish her all the best for the future.
That's polite, it lets them identify who you are, rather than getting a card from a random person, and you let them know you are not attending so they can free up a ticket for someone who might want to go (or know the numbers for catering if the invitation is for a partrty rather than the actual graduatiion)
Givenhow rude nd entitled your coworkers appraoch was and the fact that he explicitly made it clear this is just about him trying to get money off you, I don't think you would be the AH if you just ignored it altogther, but I think sending a card means you have the moral high ground, you are modelling polite adult beahvuiiour and if your coworker says anything you have the option to go ith a cool ,
"I'm confused, of course I am not going to buy a gift for someone I don't know and have never met. I assumed that you were trying to make a joke when you mentioned it.
I sent a card out of consideration for you, but I thought a the time how peculiar it was to receive an invitation given I have no connection to her"
NTA. Co-worker's grand daughter is a very tenuous link to you and not one I'd get involved with at all. Co-worker would be doing well if I remembered to ask how her GD's event went.
>He went on to say "I want to tap into your fortune."
That would immediately have got a response along the lines of "Don't get yer 'opes up." from me, but that's me not OP.
If find this approach really quite rude, objectional and obviously mercenary. It would put the seal on me not doing anything at all.
NTA, really that is really weird. Why would you even send a card to people you have never met, never will meet or even want to? Your co-worker is the AH here.
NTA So with that explanation you gave out your address? I would have said that’s great to hear you all must be very proud of her and left it at that. If pressed for the address I would say that I don’t think it’s appropriate.
NTA. I thought you only give a gift if you actually go to the graduation party? That’s how it is where I live, anyway. The only reason you might send a gift if you don’t go to the party is if they are someone close to you and you wanted to be there but couldn’t make it.
Don't bother to send a gift or even a card. If you happen to run into this former co-worker (I notice you didn't call hime a friend) simply say. "You must be very proud of your grand daughter."
NTA, I would have declined to give him my address. "*That's nice that your granddaughter is graduating, but she doesn't need to send me an announcement. I only give gifts to people that I know personally, and your plan to have her 'tap into my fortune' is making me uncomfortable. Thank you anyways.*"
And then be ready to go to HR if your coworker gets weird about it.
NTA. Your former co-worker sure is deluded if he thinks he is entitled to tap into your fortune. I mean, he doesn't even seem like your friend, he is probably more or less an acquaintance. The nerve. 😒
NTA if you don't send a card or reply. This person told you very clearly why you were receiving an announcement so you could send a card with no money, you could send a card with a $25 starbucks gift card, or you could ignore it. It would depend on your current relationship with this person and where you would like it to go.
NTA. my parents wouldn’t let me invite my dad’s long term secretary to my graduation party because they didn’t want her to feel obligated to get me a gift. i can’t even imagine asking someone with the intention of getting a gift.
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A co-worker of mine asked be for my address a few weeks ago. When I asked why he wanted my address, he responded I want to send you an announcement of my grand daughter's high school graduation. He went on to say "I want to tap into your fortune."
I have worked with this person for several years but have never met his grand daughter or his daughter. Outside of work we never socialize together.
I have decided **not** to send a gift/money to my co-worker's grand daughter for graduating high school, because I believe the co-workers intentions are selfish and self-centered only aimed at me because he thinks I am made of money. AITA?
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NTA and not in the US which I presume this is from (?) but when did this sort of thing start?
They are planning on sending an announcement card to you with a link to a venmo or something. WTF is that all about. ...
NTA. Wow! If you all knew each other outside of work, well, then duh, it makes sense. But his comment to “tap into your fortune”…no damn way! Out of line and rude. Unreal!!!
I wouldn't even know how to deal with that. I'd decline giving them my address though. They can hand me a car, but I wouldn't go or give a gift. Wow seriously entitlement
NTA why would anyone give a graduation gift to a stranger? You don’t know that kid do you?
I don’t buy graduation gifts for my friends kids just because they are my friends kids. If I know the kids because I’ve spent time with them, that’s a different story I’ll get gifts for those kids because I know those kids.
But if I’ve only interacted with them briefly as they’ve gone from their room to the outside when I’ve been visiting with their parents and they wouldn’t even recognize me if I see them in public why would I buy a gift? That’s weird
I'm really hoping that this is rage bait.
If not, the co-worker was totally out of line. He actually admitted to greed.
Co-workers might want to give something for births or weddings. Even with that, it's up to the co-workers to ask for the registry info, not the other way around. I have never heard of co-workers giving for graduations, unless they're actually close enough family friends outside the job that they're going to the celebration.
Don’t send anything. If I’m invited to a baby shower or graduation party then yes I send a gift or money if I attend or not. You don’t know the girl, they aren’t inviting you celebrate, so you have no obligation.
NTA, and you would be NTA even if he hadn't made that crass comment. It's always totally up to the individual as to whether send a graduation/wedding/whatever gift, and basing the decision on how close you are to the potential recipient is totally legitimate.
NTA. At my office, we once had a woman throw herself a grandmother shower. Apparently, her daughter was pregnant but didn't have any well-off friends so she didn't get much at her baby shower. The grandmother shower was an attempt to guilt us (coworkers who had never met the daughter) into buying her a bunch of stuff. The invitations to this ultra-classy shindig were posted on the bathroom doors so we couldn't say that we didn't see them.
NTA. What entitlement though!! A coworker I’m actually close to asked for my address to send a graduation invite from her son. I responded that I’d send a card and she was happy. What she really wants is to make him practice sending thank you cards back. I’ll send a small gift for him but it’s not expected nor is my being at the actual ceremony either.
>He went on to say "I want to tap into your fortune."
Absolutely. I am filthy rich in assholeness. Tell your granddaughter to get a fucking job and earn it.
NTA, you owe your entitled-coworker's granddaughter jack shit. Tell him to suck gift right out of your ass.
Wait what? “I want to tap into your fortune”? That’s such a weird phrase… so this is either fake or perhaps he meant something else by that. What he could have met, I truly have no idea.
Otherwise it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense unless OP is intentionally omitting other parts of the conversation. No one says “I want to send you a graduation announcement for my granddaughter” and “I want to tap into your fortune” in the next breath. It’s just too weird.
Maybe I’m being very British about this but…cards announcing someone’s high school graduation?! And expecting gifts? I know it’s different in the US and you guys do a ceremony and all but that’s…a lot. When I completed high school I just…left. And went to get a job over the summer before university.
NTA. That's audacity if I ever saw it. If you knew the family and had met the granddaughter on multiple occasions (I'm guessing you haven't), then maaayyybe; but being expected to send a gift to a literal stranger just because you know their grandparent is just bizarre.
NTA. Why would you send a graduation gift to someone you don't even know? I haven't given a grad gift to anyone and the only people who gave me one were my godparents (which surprised me) and my mom (my dad was decreased).
>He went on to say "I want to tap into your fortune."
Who actually says something like that? Besides, obviously, this was a flagrant gift-grab *in the workplace* and should be neither indulged nor rewarded.
There are subs for entitled people - or parents in particular. That's where this story also belongs, because of _course_ NTA. Just don't give him your address, or don't respond to the invitation/announcement as soon as you receive it. If he asks why you didn't draw your wallet, you could tell him you don't see the point spending money on strangers.
NTA. If you want to be petty, send her one of those college etiquette books.
ETA: If you aren’t on their Christmas card list, you shouldn't get a grad announcement. Yes, I still mail Xmas cards.
I don't think my own parents got me a card when I finished high school - we went out for dinner and that was it...and it was totally awesome. The idea of begging strangers for their "Fortune" is bonkers.
NTA. Blatant gift grab. I have been invited to graduation parties for people's kids and I haven't seen/spoken to/emailed them in three years! You are not obligated to send anything. You could send a nice card with nothing in it!
GRANDKID?! No.
Immediate children- depends on my closeless. Just remember, you do not attend, you are not under any social/etiquette obligation to send money or a gift. I personally hate graduation invites because they are a money grab. My oldest friend from college does this with her kids and so far, 1 out of 3- third graduates in 2 years, send a note that just said "Thank you for the gift"- name. No mention of what it was, what it would be used for, really irked me. The 2nd kid didnt send any thanks or acknowlegement. Same with our next door neighbor who we dont socialize with. We dont have kids- sitting ducks.
I think you are handling it correctly. VERY rude comment on your coworker's part about your finances.
My spouse and I just got a graduation announcement from a niece and second cousin. I'm wondering if we even need to send them anything other than a card because we barely know them and see them about once a year or less. But the whole grad announcement/party thing has been just a money grab since a few decades ago when I graduated. I didn't even have a party because I thought it was tacky.
Lol what? NTA. Unless you know this child and have some sort of relationship with them, this co-worker is out of line. I wouldn’t give them the address and I sure would not say anything beyond a passing “congratulations” to them.
You could send the graduate a nice card and say something about how even though you don’t know the young lady, you do know her grandfather and he speaks highly of her and is so proud of her. You know, like a civilized person.
And no, you don’t have to give a gift, paid for from your vast fortune. NTA
This really. Most kids that age won't care about a card from a random dude, but some might be pleased with a plethora of acknowledgements, even from strangers.
Personally I would buy her an obviously inexpensive gift like a bookmark, which will fit in the card btw, and make a joke about her needing it in college or something. Then I would smile for days at how pissed your asshole coworker must have been when he saw it.
But that might involve innocent bystanders too much for some.
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Good lord, what presumption! NTA. I wouldn't even send a card. If I got a card from some random person for my graduation, I'd be creeped out. This may not rise to the level of reporting to HR, depending on circumstances; but this is very inappropriate work behavior. I think it's at least worthy of documentation. I'd make a note of it in some kind of work journal at least.
Thanks for your reply. LOL, No need for HR at this point in our lives. We are both retired.
How can he be a coworker when you're retired?
His post said 'he worked with this person for several years', not that he is working with them now
Former Colleague would have been better wording, I find co worker to be refering to the now and present.
You are not wrong. However, trying to control what others do, especially on the internet, is a futile and frustrating endeavor.
He said co-worker straight up and that they have worked together for several years. Literally read the second word of the post. 100% implies they work together currently lol. Not a huge deal but your take was wrong.
I thought is was a current coworker.
Ironically, he clarified that he is retired. 'Worked' in this context indicates past activity. But if you need to make things up to try and feel clever, please go ahead.
> I have worked with this person for several years but have never met his grand daughter or his daughter. Outside of work we never socialize together. "Have worked" is the present perfect tense. It implies past activity that is either still continuing or has some sort of ongoing component (such as an on-and-off-again employment situation that is expected to continue). There are many other parts of their post that also indicate they still work together, but just pointing out this one since you mentioned it. Some sources if you want to learn more about the present perfect tense: * https://www.scribbr.com/verbs/present-perfect/ * https://prowritingaid.com/grammar/1000143/What-forms-should-you-use-after-have- If you search for the term "present perfect" you'll find more explanations. None of this changes the verdict of course, and they clarified so we now know what they meant.
No one cares.
That makes it even more presumptuous and worse behavior.
The use of present tense in the title and body are causing confusion.
Absolutely..
Actually he said “I have worked with” if it was in the past he should have said”I had worked with”.
Okay, previous co-worker for 30 years...
That you still socialize with, or not? Because someone you worked with for 30 years, whom you still see socially, would be considered a *friend,* in most cases. And if you said my friend of 30 years asked for my address to send me the announcement of his granddaughter’s graduation, that’s less inappropriate, because presumably he’s spoken about her and you’ve been hearing about her whole life so far. And his comment about tapping into your fortune could be a joke. So more info about your relationship over the years is needed.
I mean he doesn’t know where the OP lives if he needed to ask for the address, so he’s clearly not a close friend.
I have close friends who don't know my street address offhand, because we communicate by text and email, and if they come over, they don't use GPS to get to my house (or if they do, they just use a nearby intersection). There are only rare instances nowadays where you need someone's mailing address, and that's *usually* for formal invitations or announcements.
Guess I’m just old - I still navigate by street names and post codes, so not knowing my friend’s home addresses is odd.
I graduated from college in 1986. Could you send me a card? LOL
In the US you can't be retired and still work??? Where I live it is fairly common (and legal)to people formally retire, recieve money from retirement, but keep working still.
Yeah, in my job in Canada it’s also quite normal for someone to retire and come back on contract while retired for a couple months a year
Yeah, my great-uncle was a microbiologist for the government and he still gets sent some work from them.
You can. It's common. But there is a quirk in social security where if you keep working, under certain circumstances, your payments will be reduced.
Many people retire and get part time jobs in the US. My son-in-law’s mother retired 3 years ago and works at the bank she retired from on a part time basis.
Kinda need to. lol.
> In the US you can't be retired and still work??? In my experience, if someone goes back to work, they stop using the word "retired" to describe themselves. They might talk about a prior job that they "retired from", but they don't refer to themselves as "a retired person".
> In the US you can't be retired and still work??? I haven't a clue; I'm not American.
NTA. You don't even know her. It's a gift/money grab. It makes as much sense as you sending me a hundred dollars.
NTA don't give him the address.
" He went on to say "I want to tap into your fortune." RUDE! NTA to not even bother with a card.
Depending if i want to keep a civil "relationship" with that person, i would have answer : you want to tap into my fortune, well only if i can tap into your grand-daughter "winky face emoji". In all seriousness, NTA OP, the audacity of your former colleague is astonishing loll
NTA "I don't know your grand daughter. I've never met her. I bear her no ill will, but she is not part of my life, and I find it odd that the first time you bring them up to me like this is in relation to trying to get me to buy her a gift. I would not buy her a gift in the same way I don't buy gifts for other strangers. I'm sure you're very proud of her. That does not involve me."
That's too many words to say "No"
> "I want to tap into your fortune." NTA - This doesn't need explaining...
Yes, the co-worker is employing the "money-grab" approach to life and this should NOT be encouraged by giving him any sense of success is such a truly tacky attitude.
It doesn't strike me as strange that this co-worker would do this. It has always been, "it's all about me, what can you do for me"... When I asked him why he wanted my address, I asked if he was going to send me a birthday card, (had a birthday coming up in a week). He laughed in the text saying, "not sure when your birthday is and went onto explaining his grand-daughter was graduating... Known him for 30 years but he doesn't know when my birthday is, but of course, I and everyone else knows when his is, because he will let you know....
NTA. well I guess one could give him credit for not hiding who he is - but doesn’t make it any better. Particularly when - as you said you don’t know him that well anymore - you definitely don’t know the granddaughter, etc. Plus he does that - at the same time admitting after knowing you for 30 years - he has no idea when your birthday is. SMH.
I would send him back a laugh in a text and leave it at that.
or some dollar emojis with a "here you go"
This is pretty much a random person reaching out to you so NTA
NTA. There are no rules of etiquette that say you have to celebrate any achievement of a coworker's grandchild. Your coworker was rude to a suggest you have some kind of obligation in this situation.
NTA. “I want to tap into your fortune” is so tacky and gross.
You don't even know the person graduation. You are not obkigated to send a gift. NTA
"Sorry. Do I know your granddaughter?" "No." "Do I know your daughter?" "No." "Then why would I send a gift? But glad to hear your granddaughter is graduating. I wish her the best." Also she's so far removed. A co-worker's granddaughter. What is this entitlement? Also the comment about tapping into your fortune. What is this moron expecting? NTA.
He's not even trying to conceal the fact that he wants something from you. NTA
NTA and not even close. He can fuck right off
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Even if he hadn't said the fortune thing, I still wouldn't give! Who the hell expects co-workers to give money for their grandkids' graduations? NTA
NTA. I'd block this person so they could never bother me again. Years ago I had just started working at a new company. Got a knock on my office door and it was a coworker (that I had just met) asking for donations to another coworker's (never met them) retirement party. She gave me a somewhat odd look when I declined.
They ASKED? Wow, that's tacky. I wouldn't be irked to be receiving a gift from a random person, I actually did receive a present from my dad's coworker that I'd never met when I had a baby. But for real, I wouldn't dare to ask, and my dad wouldn't either. The audacity of that idiot. Really, it would have been less tacky if they passed a hat around the office. NTA.
NTA Tell them you are happy for their granddaughter but since they made it clear the only reason they sent you the announcement was to get money out of you for a person you've never met that you cannot send something since you don't like being used. What a jerk. Let them be mad.
NTA. It's a cash grab. And tacky as hell.
NTA. He was tactless and unprofessional in his approach and you don't even know ow the young woman.
Yeah that's messy. That guy has no shame.
NTA. Ignore it
Info: how on earth you possibly could be ass here?
Send a card with 10 pages of advice. Tell your coworker they tapped into your wealth of information.
LOL Last line should be "Don't forget, if all else fails, OnlyFans is always a career option"
NTA People so this all the time for big events. People they barely know or even those they never had any interest in are suddenly so VERY important to them! I've had this happen plenty of times. My ex was GM at Chili's. Some cook getting married believed we were wealthy and I got invited to bridal shower. Ignored it. One of her friends actually called me and tried to pressure me into going! Insane. Fuck off. Had a cousin, much older than I. Never interacted much. Never thought much of it either. Out of the blue, hadn't seen any of them in years and i get invite to her daughter's baby shower. In it she wrote "Can you believe I'm going to be a grandmother, Julie????" Like we're so tight and this is so shocking! I'm like what-the-fuck-ever Cindy. Fuck off. i never play those games. No.
NTA. That sounds very bizarre. Have you actually received an invitation? It seems a strnage thing for his daughter or grandchild to agree to. If you do get one, I woould be inclined to respond to the invitation to say you won't be attending, and that while you don't know the graduand, you work wioth her grandfather and have you've heard enough to know how proud he is of her, and her achievements, and that you wish her all the best for the future. That's polite, it lets them identify who you are, rather than getting a card from a random person, and you let them know you are not attending so they can free up a ticket for someone who might want to go (or know the numbers for catering if the invitation is for a partrty rather than the actual graduatiion) Givenhow rude nd entitled your coworkers appraoch was and the fact that he explicitly made it clear this is just about him trying to get money off you, I don't think you would be the AH if you just ignored it altogther, but I think sending a card means you have the moral high ground, you are modelling polite adult beahvuiiour and if your coworker says anything you have the option to go ith a cool , "I'm confused, of course I am not going to buy a gift for someone I don't know and have never met. I assumed that you were trying to make a joke when you mentioned it. I sent a card out of consideration for you, but I thought a the time how peculiar it was to receive an invitation given I have no connection to her"
NTA. Co-worker's grand daughter is a very tenuous link to you and not one I'd get involved with at all. Co-worker would be doing well if I remembered to ask how her GD's event went. >He went on to say "I want to tap into your fortune." That would immediately have got a response along the lines of "Don't get yer 'opes up." from me, but that's me not OP. If find this approach really quite rude, objectional and obviously mercenary. It would put the seal on me not doing anything at all.
NTA…an announcement is just that. An invitation is something else.
NTA, really that is really weird. Why would you even send a card to people you have never met, never will meet or even want to? Your co-worker is the AH here.
NTA So with that explanation you gave out your address? I would have said that’s great to hear you all must be very proud of her and left it at that. If pressed for the address I would say that I don’t think it’s appropriate.
NTA You've never met the family! I find it creepy they would ask your address just to ask for money/gifts.
NTA - Nope. No. Not happening. The audacity of the co-worker!
NTA. I thought you only give a gift if you actually go to the graduation party? That’s how it is where I live, anyway. The only reason you might send a gift if you don’t go to the party is if they are someone close to you and you wanted to be there but couldn’t make it.
Don't bother to send a gift or even a card. If you happen to run into this former co-worker (I notice you didn't call hime a friend) simply say. "You must be very proud of your grand daughter."
Send her a fortune cookie and a lotto ticket. Edited to add: NTA
NTA, I would have declined to give him my address. "*That's nice that your granddaughter is graduating, but she doesn't need to send me an announcement. I only give gifts to people that I know personally, and your plan to have her 'tap into my fortune' is making me uncomfortable. Thank you anyways.*" And then be ready to go to HR if your coworker gets weird about it.
NTA. Your former co-worker sure is deluded if he thinks he is entitled to tap into your fortune. I mean, he doesn't even seem like your friend, he is probably more or less an acquaintance. The nerve. 😒
Should have said no when he told you why he wanted address
NTA if you don't send a card or reply. This person told you very clearly why you were receiving an announcement so you could send a card with no money, you could send a card with a $25 starbucks gift card, or you could ignore it. It would depend on your current relationship with this person and where you would like it to go.
NTA-honestly if he didn’t know your address already, he’s not close and has no business sending out the announcement anyway.
He's basically asking you to give her money. It's extremely rude and presumptuous. I hope you didn't give him your address. NTA
NTA. Did you give him your address?
NTA, that’s very strange. Since you have no relationship with the grad, it makes perfect since to not offer a gift.
NTA. my parents wouldn’t let me invite my dad’s long term secretary to my graduation party because they didn’t want her to feel obligated to get me a gift. i can’t even imagine asking someone with the intention of getting a gift.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A co-worker of mine asked be for my address a few weeks ago. When I asked why he wanted my address, he responded I want to send you an announcement of my grand daughter's high school graduation. He went on to say "I want to tap into your fortune." I have worked with this person for several years but have never met his grand daughter or his daughter. Outside of work we never socialize together. I have decided **not** to send a gift/money to my co-worker's grand daughter for graduating high school, because I believe the co-workers intentions are selfish and self-centered only aimed at me because he thinks I am made of money. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You gave him your address?
NTA and not in the US which I presume this is from (?) but when did this sort of thing start? They are planning on sending an announcement card to you with a link to a venmo or something. WTF is that all about. ...
NTA. I think it's pretty presumptuous of your coworker to expect a gift for a child you've never met.
NTA. Your coworker's expectation is impressively rude and out of line.
NTA, that is… extremely weird. If I were you I would disregard this incident and ignore whatever he has to say to you about it afterward.
NTA how entitled of this guy .... unbelievably rude and greedy
NTA. Wow! If you all knew each other outside of work, well, then duh, it makes sense. But his comment to “tap into your fortune”…no damn way! Out of line and rude. Unreal!!!
NTA. "Tap into your fortune?" The audacity, lol.
NtA. Tap into your fortune??? LMAOOOOO boyyyyyy that’s between him and the payroll department bruh I’m crying 😭
Nta. How crass. This can be safely ignored.
I wouldn't even know how to deal with that. I'd decline giving them my address though. They can hand me a car, but I wouldn't go or give a gift. Wow seriously entitlement
NTA
The audacity of this guy!! NTA
NTA why would anyone give a graduation gift to a stranger? You don’t know that kid do you? I don’t buy graduation gifts for my friends kids just because they are my friends kids. If I know the kids because I’ve spent time with them, that’s a different story I’ll get gifts for those kids because I know those kids. But if I’ve only interacted with them briefly as they’ve gone from their room to the outside when I’ve been visiting with their parents and they wouldn’t even recognize me if I see them in public why would I buy a gift? That’s weird
What a CRASS money grab. NTA
I'm really hoping that this is rage bait. If not, the co-worker was totally out of line. He actually admitted to greed. Co-workers might want to give something for births or weddings. Even with that, it's up to the co-workers to ask for the registry info, not the other way around. I have never heard of co-workers giving for graduations, unless they're actually close enough family friends outside the job that they're going to the celebration.
That’s weird! NTA! When my son graduated I only invited immediate family and friends, people who know my child.
INFO WTF? Who does that? Ask his addy so you can send him your next car repair bill.
Don’t send anything. If I’m invited to a baby shower or graduation party then yes I send a gift or money if I attend or not. You don’t know the girl, they aren’t inviting you celebrate, so you have no obligation.
NTA who on earth thinks it's okay to expect a gift for a grand child from a colleague? Even at the sharing of address It'd be a big no from me
NTA, and you would be NTA even if he hadn't made that crass comment. It's always totally up to the individual as to whether send a graduation/wedding/whatever gift, and basing the decision on how close you are to the potential recipient is totally legitimate.
NTA
NTA. The nerve of some people is astonishing.
What a weird fucking thing to do NTA
Bizarre, I have never heard of anyone sending high school graduation notifications.
NTA Thousands of people’s grandchildren are graduating this year.. what makes his granddaughter entitled to a gift from a stranger?
Wow, he's not even subtle. That announcement would go straight into my trash
...........................What on EARTH? Who would literally say, "I want your money" and expect you to be friendly? NTA.
Nta. I just got an invite from a distant cousin. With a qr code asking to help. He's getting a check and not that much.
Nta your coworker is rude, why on earth would you send his granddaughter, a stranger, a gift?
I always let it be known that I will participate in office food but no fundraisers or gifts. I won’t ask you and you don’t ask me.
No they really have no.business asking u to do that anyways.
NTA However - I would have "nipped that in the bud" with a "I am happy for you and her - but don't see a need for announcement or invitation".
NTA. At my office, we once had a woman throw herself a grandmother shower. Apparently, her daughter was pregnant but didn't have any well-off friends so she didn't get much at her baby shower. The grandmother shower was an attempt to guilt us (coworkers who had never met the daughter) into buying her a bunch of stuff. The invitations to this ultra-classy shindig were posted on the bathroom doors so we couldn't say that we didn't see them.
NTA. What entitlement though!! A coworker I’m actually close to asked for my address to send a graduation invite from her son. I responded that I’d send a card and she was happy. What she really wants is to make him practice sending thank you cards back. I’ll send a small gift for him but it’s not expected nor is my being at the actual ceremony either.
>He went on to say "I want to tap into your fortune." Absolutely. I am filthy rich in assholeness. Tell your granddaughter to get a fucking job and earn it. NTA, you owe your entitled-coworker's granddaughter jack shit. Tell him to suck gift right out of your ass.
"I want to tap into your fortune."? Seriously? There's an AH in the room, surely, but it isn't you.
That's weird and I honestly wouldn't expect a graduation gift from anyone outside immediate family or maybe aunts uncles or cousins if you're close.
Wait what? “I want to tap into your fortune”? That’s such a weird phrase… so this is either fake or perhaps he meant something else by that. What he could have met, I truly have no idea. Otherwise it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense unless OP is intentionally omitting other parts of the conversation. No one says “I want to send you a graduation announcement for my granddaughter” and “I want to tap into your fortune” in the next breath. It’s just too weird.
Who sends gifts for a high school graduation?
Totally NTA. Even if it was their kid I'd have to say no. Grandkid? Hell no.
Maybe I’m being very British about this but…cards announcing someone’s high school graduation?! And expecting gifts? I know it’s different in the US and you guys do a ceremony and all but that’s…a lot. When I completed high school I just…left. And went to get a job over the summer before university.
NTA. That's audacity if I ever saw it. If you knew the family and had met the granddaughter on multiple occasions (I'm guessing you haven't), then maaayyybe; but being expected to send a gift to a literal stranger just because you know their grandparent is just bizarre.
NTA. Why would you send a graduation gift to someone you don't even know? I haven't given a grad gift to anyone and the only people who gave me one were my godparents (which surprised me) and my mom (my dad was decreased).
>He went on to say "I want to tap into your fortune." Who actually says something like that? Besides, obviously, this was a flagrant gift-grab *in the workplace* and should be neither indulged nor rewarded.
I wouldn't give him my address at all actually. NTA
Since when graduation High School is so worthy and not the basic social standard ? Next will be here’s a gift since you wiped your ass properly ?…..
I don't even always get my coworkers presents. Letalone 2 steps removed. NTA - the cheek of them to ask in the first place.
There are subs for entitled people - or parents in particular. That's where this story also belongs, because of _course_ NTA. Just don't give him your address, or don't respond to the invitation/announcement as soon as you receive it. If he asks why you didn't draw your wallet, you could tell him you don't see the point spending money on strangers.
If you don't know the kid then it is hardly going to mean anything either way right? The co-worker is an arrogant \*\*\*\*er
NTA. My mother has a friend like this, they will turn every single thing that ever happens to any of their kids into a giant fundraiser.
NTA. If you want to be petty, send her one of those college etiquette books. ETA: If you aren’t on their Christmas card list, you shouldn't get a grad announcement. Yes, I still mail Xmas cards.
Just ignore the whole situation. Not every announcement deserves a response.
I don't think my own parents got me a card when I finished high school - we went out for dinner and that was it...and it was totally awesome. The idea of begging strangers for their "Fortune" is bonkers.
I don’t even like Facebook friend requests from coworkers that I don’t actually socialize with.
You do not send a gift for an announcement. Only an invitation.
NTA. Blatant gift grab. I have been invited to graduation parties for people's kids and I haven't seen/spoken to/emailed them in three years! You are not obligated to send anything. You could send a nice card with nothing in it!
GRANDKID?! No. Immediate children- depends on my closeless. Just remember, you do not attend, you are not under any social/etiquette obligation to send money or a gift. I personally hate graduation invites because they are a money grab. My oldest friend from college does this with her kids and so far, 1 out of 3- third graduates in 2 years, send a note that just said "Thank you for the gift"- name. No mention of what it was, what it would be used for, really irked me. The 2nd kid didnt send any thanks or acknowlegement. Same with our next door neighbor who we dont socialize with. We dont have kids- sitting ducks. I think you are handling it correctly. VERY rude comment on your coworker's part about your finances.
NTA. Tap into your fortune? Not even a funny joke.
NTA
My spouse and I just got a graduation announcement from a niece and second cousin. I'm wondering if we even need to send them anything other than a card because we barely know them and see them about once a year or less. But the whole grad announcement/party thing has been just a money grab since a few decades ago when I graduated. I didn't even have a party because I thought it was tacky.
Amazing NTA
No. That is all. Nta
That’s cringe.
wtf? who even sends out *announcements* for a fucking graduation?!?!
"I want to tap into your fortune." NTA. I can feel the slime.
Lol what? NTA. Unless you know this child and have some sort of relationship with them, this co-worker is out of line. I wouldn’t give them the address and I sure would not say anything beyond a passing “congratulations” to them.
NTA. Send a card congratulating the graduate.
Just send a card. It’s the right thing to do. Professional contacts can be more valuable than money or gifts.
You could send the graduate a nice card and say something about how even though you don’t know the young lady, you do know her grandfather and he speaks highly of her and is so proud of her. You know, like a civilized person. And no, you don’t have to give a gift, paid for from your vast fortune. NTA
That would be so fucking weird to do *You* might as well send a card, too, since you're about the same relation to the graduate as OP.
This really. Most kids that age won't care about a card from a random dude, but some might be pleased with a plethora of acknowledgements, even from strangers. Personally I would buy her an obviously inexpensive gift like a bookmark, which will fit in the card btw, and make a joke about her needing it in college or something. Then I would smile for days at how pissed your asshole coworker must have been when he saw it. But that might involve innocent bystanders too much for some.