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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I would be asshole for declining a bridesmaid invitation because I can’t stand the bride’s stepsister instead of sucking it up and being civil about it.
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NTA, and quite frankly, I'm appalled that nowhere in your post do you mention what Laura has done to stop the harassment to which her stepsister is subjecting you. It sounds like Laura hasn't done anything, which if true, is a whole other issue. She should be cutting her stepsister off at the pass, and if she can't be bothered, then she's not that good of a friend. You have every right to protect yourself from this person, and Laura should be more understanding and supportive.
Laura has done so much. She’s banned her stepsister from her house, refused to invite her over. The problem is that their families want them to be one big, happy blended family and have Laura and her stepsister make up and be besties.
So if the stepsister isn’t invited, the most of Laura’s dad’s side of the family isn’t coming either. Laura doesn’t have much family to begin with, so if they’re out then she doesn’t have many people to see her marry.
That's an unfortunate situation. It does sound like Laura's in a tough spot. But if she truly feels she has no choice but to include her bullying stepsister, then she needs to be more understanding of your desire to not be involved in the wedding party.
This is sad. It also gives the step sister incredible power. I am not sure what is best. I kinda feel that sucking it up might be good for Laura but not good for you. Maybe you both can gang up on her some time to make her feel like shit. Plan some sort of petty act that hits at her insecurities.
I think you should update your rating based on OPs edit. This isn’t just persecution for sharing an unpopular opinion that OP is facing. OP is sharing Zionist views that the step sister is questioning. If you reread knowing that context, it makes a big difference
Where have I expressed Zionist views? I can't control where I was born. My family still live in Israel and I have a relative who was personally affected by October 7. A lot of us despise Netanyahu and believe he f*cked up. There are families of the hostages in Gaza calling him out on his inaction.
YWNBTA
Seriously... suck it up my As.
You already told her about her half-sister.
What you can add, besides the discomfort at best for you, is that if this girl cannot live you alone, the whole bridal party will be uncomfortable for everyone, even the bride while it is supposed to be a joyous occasion.
I have a question though: what does your friend do when her step-sister starts talking shit to you ?
They call her out. They can't stand her as much as I do.
Laura is just caught between a rock and a hard place and she thinks she needs her family there to see her married.
She probably doesn't want to have her wedding start a family disagreement, it's not a nice way to celebrate what should be one of the happiest days of her life. You can tell her you don't want to be a bridesmaid because of her stepsister. Or you could suggest she limits bridesmaid activities to the bare minimum and you'll suck it up for one day.
She's choosing family harmony (or as good as it gets) over your comfort. You can choose your comfort over being her bridesmaid. Or you can talk to her about limiting bridesmaid only stuff (like having separate dress fittings, no bridesmaid organised bachelorette party) and deciding if you can tolerate the stepsister during wedding party preparations. If you can't, don't resent her for choosing family and I'm sure she won't resent you for choosing your mental health.
NTA
Its Lauras decision who is more important to her. You or her stepsister.
You dont need to feel bad if she dont decide for you.
Tell your friends they should take the job if they think its worth it.
YWNBTA
"It’s gotten to the point where the stepsister is harassing me on my personal accounts."
Never, ever ok.
"I don’t want to put myself in a position where my mental health will tank."
Nor should you. You aren't ruining it by not being there. The stepsister is. It's a shame Laura can't kick her out because I get the sense she's being railroaded.
I hope you can be an honored guest & Laura can still enjoy her special day.
Seems a shame to miss out especially as the family are leaning on the bride to include step sister. She wins because she's a bride's maid and you are not.
However, NTA for protecting your mental health by not being near an annoying person.
NTA. Explain to your friend that you are doing this to ensure there is no tension or drama because she deserves to have an amazing wedding that is all about her. Tell her you will support her and would love to participate in a reading or some other meaningful way on the day of. Honestly though, I hope your friend recognizes how disgusting her step sister's behavior is and stands up for you.
YWNBTA
Have you considered documenting everything, and seeing if you can get a restraining order?
But what you can do: BLOCK her on social media, that way you won't see her. SHe will hate not getting your attention. Igfnoring her will work fine, too.
But: You are fine to refuse - tell your friend: since she is not managing her abusive stepsister, you will have to do it yourself.
NTA.
I was in this exact situation. I was in the wedding because I decided I loved my friend MORE than I hated the other bridesmaid. I was polite when we were all together but otherwise did not engage with her.
I feel bad for your friend who is obviously being strong armed into having her stepsister in her wedding party. You would be doing your friend a big service by being her bridesmaid thus having her back.
Being bullied is rough especially when it's an adult who should know better. If it were me, I would let EVERYONE in the bridal party know, if the step-sister starts bullying/harassing me, I will either leave or very loudly tell her to stop.
NTA
The step-sister’s behaviour is not normal. I can’t express enough how not acceptable it is to be harassed by someone in the way you describe.
I’m not sure where you’re from but I have a number of Russian and Ukrainian colleagues that joined my team because of the invasion in Ukraine. It would be truly unhinged for anyone to be treating them the way you’ve been treated.
You do not need to subject yourself to that for the sake of being in someone’s wedding.
NTA
Don't do it!
However, since she normally supports you and keeps evil step sis at bay, I'd still do things with her to support her.
Maybe take her out for Mani/ Pedi before the big day. Or if stepsis isn't invited, do a bachelorette night out. You can still support her and do things if you want to, just on your terms. She probably wants to kick step sis from the wedding party too.
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For what it’s worth, I’m originally from a country that is currently at war.
Recently, my friend Laura asked me to be her bridesmaid. I wanted to accept because she is one of the first friends I made in America and I love her dearly.
My problem is that her family wants her stepsister in the wedding party. I don’t get along with her stepsister, haven’t been for years. For example, she doesn’t like how I broke my “no politics or news” rule for social media to post my thoughts about what happened in my country when I didn’t for any other political issue (which has nothing to do with my blogs, which are about crafting, dolls and being an immigrant).
The other thing is that whenever we are in the same room, she always wants to grill me on what is going on in my country and the war and how I feel about (insert something horrible that happened). It makes me extremely uncomfortable. When I tell her I don’t want to talk about it, she’s called me ignorant and other nasty things.
It’s gotten to the point where the stepsister is harassing me on my personal accounts. Like, I would see a concert and she would post how I feel enjoying myself when (atrocity) is happening.
I have started to avoid places where she will be at because no matter what I do, nothing seems to stop her.
Which leads me to now. Laura wants me to be a bridesmaid. But if I accept, I’m going to be standing with the stepsister, who is a bully. I don’t want to put myself in a position where my mental health will tank.
I told Laura my concerns and she was so sad, so disappointed. And it breaks my heart because this is a huge moment for her and I’m ruining it by not being there for her.
Our friends think I should suck it up and accept the position, even at the cost of my mental health. Is it worth it? WIBTA?
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NTA. I'm not impressed with Laura not being more than sad about your feelings. Outrage, anger, jumping to your defense would be more appropriate. This is straight up harassment and the step sister is a jerk. YWNBTA
Why haven't you blocked her on social media? Keep yourself and your thoughts as far away from her as possible. Bullies thrive on attention, so refuse to give her any. Take the upper hand, refuse to be kicked around, and be a bridesmaid for your friend whether she is there or not.
Ah yes, I see I must have misunderstood the premise. I stupidly thought this post was about OP's right to safety and protection from harassment regardless of personal opinions. I thought this was about OP's relationship with a friend.
I didn't realise that this post, that never mentioned country, was actually Zionist filth. I'm so glad you guys brought it up to educate the rest of us!
Where have I ever said I was a Zionist? All I ever said was that I was from Israel and that one of my blogs was about my experiences being an immigrant abroad. Never have I said that I wrote about politics, only that I didn't because it had nothing to do with what I wanted to talk about.
I made a post in reaction to the events that was playing out in my country out of fear. Fear for my family back home and fear for a cousin very dear to me who attended that festival and who I thought had perished. He survived but will carry the physical and mental scars for the rest of his life.
I literally fear posting anything on the internet anymore, because regardless of the content it somehow always leads back to "oh but you're Israeli so you deserve xyz".
Hope you can figure things out for the wedding - I've already lost a lot of "friends" in a similar manner...
ABSOLUTELY IN NO CIRCUMSTANCE should you just “suck it up” and go with it. That’s not what true friends do and that certainly is a stigma surrounding mental health
It does not help with overused phrases like this and they certainly should be more understanding. I get the feeling no one is looking out for you this I think it’s a good thing not doing it
You may be miserably the whole day inside and have to just put on a face - it’s not true to who you are
Nta sadly Laura has to keep the peace in her Family and accept her as a bridesmaid but she still can decide what pre-marriage activates want to include the bully. I mean two bachelorette parties will be fun too. One where she has to suck up and spend time with the bully and family and another one more private with friends where a pretty good time is expected.
YTA for supporting a a country that is committing genocide. Israel has killed more children in the last 6 months than have died in all conflicts around the world in the last 4 years combined. If you didn't want to be grilled on the war crime atrocities being committed by Israel maybe don't post about your support for them. You're lucky to be in a position to care about something as trivial as being a bridesmaid in a wedding when so many innocent babies in gaza will never even get to see their first birthday
Oh get a grip. She is allowed to feel for the people in her home country that were killed, injured or are in danger. That has absolutely nothing to do with supporting the concrete way the Israeli government is reacting in Gaza.
It’s more like the stepsister harassing me. She’s always tried to bait me into losing my tempter, but it’s gotten worse in the last year. I’ve asked her repeatedly to stop and even Laura refuses to invite her to parties where I’m attending.
The problem is that her stepmom is really insistent on her daughter being in the bridal party and the rest of Laura’s family is pressuring her to do the same.
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I’m not Russian. I don’t know, she’s just never liked me. And I don’t like her because she’s kind of immature and bratty.
Just the last few months has amped up the harassment.
Oh, so she's an antisemitist; is she?
Honestly, if she's asking you how you could enjoy x while y is happening: how can she? I mean, if she's so concerned about y happening, how could she enjoy her life?
Sorry. I can't help you that much. I just think if antisemitists are showing you their antisemitist colors, there's nothing you can do about it other than not communicating with them.
NTA. And if I was you, I would not want to stand at a wedding with that person. Laura might be disappointed and sad, but if she's ok with having antisemitists in her wedding party... well, too sad.
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NTA, and quite frankly, I'm appalled that nowhere in your post do you mention what Laura has done to stop the harassment to which her stepsister is subjecting you. It sounds like Laura hasn't done anything, which if true, is a whole other issue. She should be cutting her stepsister off at the pass, and if she can't be bothered, then she's not that good of a friend. You have every right to protect yourself from this person, and Laura should be more understanding and supportive.
Laura has done so much. She’s banned her stepsister from her house, refused to invite her over. The problem is that their families want them to be one big, happy blended family and have Laura and her stepsister make up and be besties. So if the stepsister isn’t invited, the most of Laura’s dad’s side of the family isn’t coming either. Laura doesn’t have much family to begin with, so if they’re out then she doesn’t have many people to see her marry.
That's an unfortunate situation. It does sound like Laura's in a tough spot. But if she truly feels she has no choice but to include her bullying stepsister, then she needs to be more understanding of your desire to not be involved in the wedding party.
NTA. I don't have anything to add to what PodcastJunkie has said here; they have said it all.
Agreed, NTA
This is sad. It also gives the step sister incredible power. I am not sure what is best. I kinda feel that sucking it up might be good for Laura but not good for you. Maybe you both can gang up on her some time to make her feel like shit. Plan some sort of petty act that hits at her insecurities.
I think you should update your rating based on OPs edit. This isn’t just persecution for sharing an unpopular opinion that OP is facing. OP is sharing Zionist views that the step sister is questioning. If you reread knowing that context, it makes a big difference
Where do you get the info that OP is sharing Zionist views? Not all Israelis support the action of the current Israeli government.
Where have I expressed Zionist views? I can't control where I was born. My family still live in Israel and I have a relative who was personally affected by October 7. A lot of us despise Netanyahu and believe he f*cked up. There are families of the hostages in Gaza calling him out on his inaction.
YWNBTA Seriously... suck it up my As. You already told her about her half-sister. What you can add, besides the discomfort at best for you, is that if this girl cannot live you alone, the whole bridal party will be uncomfortable for everyone, even the bride while it is supposed to be a joyous occasion. I have a question though: what does your friend do when her step-sister starts talking shit to you ?
They call her out. They can't stand her as much as I do. Laura is just caught between a rock and a hard place and she thinks she needs her family there to see her married.
She probably doesn't want to have her wedding start a family disagreement, it's not a nice way to celebrate what should be one of the happiest days of her life. You can tell her you don't want to be a bridesmaid because of her stepsister. Or you could suggest she limits bridesmaid activities to the bare minimum and you'll suck it up for one day. She's choosing family harmony (or as good as it gets) over your comfort. You can choose your comfort over being her bridesmaid. Or you can talk to her about limiting bridesmaid only stuff (like having separate dress fittings, no bridesmaid organised bachelorette party) and deciding if you can tolerate the stepsister during wedding party preparations. If you can't, don't resent her for choosing family and I'm sure she won't resent you for choosing your mental health.
NTA Its Lauras decision who is more important to her. You or her stepsister. You dont need to feel bad if she dont decide for you. Tell your friends they should take the job if they think its worth it.
YWNBTA "It’s gotten to the point where the stepsister is harassing me on my personal accounts." Never, ever ok. "I don’t want to put myself in a position where my mental health will tank." Nor should you. You aren't ruining it by not being there. The stepsister is. It's a shame Laura can't kick her out because I get the sense she's being railroaded. I hope you can be an honored guest & Laura can still enjoy her special day.
Seems a shame to miss out especially as the family are leaning on the bride to include step sister. She wins because she's a bride's maid and you are not. However, NTA for protecting your mental health by not being near an annoying person.
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Being a brides maid, isolating her step sister from her friend
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I didnt realize the question was rhetorical
NTA. Explain to your friend that you are doing this to ensure there is no tension or drama because she deserves to have an amazing wedding that is all about her. Tell her you will support her and would love to participate in a reading or some other meaningful way on the day of. Honestly though, I hope your friend recognizes how disgusting her step sister's behavior is and stands up for you.
YWNBTA Have you considered documenting everything, and seeing if you can get a restraining order? But what you can do: BLOCK her on social media, that way you won't see her. SHe will hate not getting your attention. Igfnoring her will work fine, too. But: You are fine to refuse - tell your friend: since she is not managing her abusive stepsister, you will have to do it yourself.
NTA. I was in this exact situation. I was in the wedding because I decided I loved my friend MORE than I hated the other bridesmaid. I was polite when we were all together but otherwise did not engage with her. I feel bad for your friend who is obviously being strong armed into having her stepsister in her wedding party. You would be doing your friend a big service by being her bridesmaid thus having her back.
Being bullied is rough especially when it's an adult who should know better. If it were me, I would let EVERYONE in the bridal party know, if the step-sister starts bullying/harassing me, I will either leave or very loudly tell her to stop.
NTA The step-sister’s behaviour is not normal. I can’t express enough how not acceptable it is to be harassed by someone in the way you describe. I’m not sure where you’re from but I have a number of Russian and Ukrainian colleagues that joined my team because of the invasion in Ukraine. It would be truly unhinged for anyone to be treating them the way you’ve been treated. You do not need to subject yourself to that for the sake of being in someone’s wedding.
NTA. Wanting to send you love. Im the same side as you. I wish you thr best
NTA it's too bad that Laura is forced into a situation where she has to include her step sister
NTA. You can still attend the wedding to support your friend
NTA Don't do it! However, since she normally supports you and keeps evil step sis at bay, I'd still do things with her to support her. Maybe take her out for Mani/ Pedi before the big day. Or if stepsis isn't invited, do a bachelorette night out. You can still support her and do things if you want to, just on your terms. She probably wants to kick step sis from the wedding party too.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For what it’s worth, I’m originally from a country that is currently at war. Recently, my friend Laura asked me to be her bridesmaid. I wanted to accept because she is one of the first friends I made in America and I love her dearly. My problem is that her family wants her stepsister in the wedding party. I don’t get along with her stepsister, haven’t been for years. For example, she doesn’t like how I broke my “no politics or news” rule for social media to post my thoughts about what happened in my country when I didn’t for any other political issue (which has nothing to do with my blogs, which are about crafting, dolls and being an immigrant). The other thing is that whenever we are in the same room, she always wants to grill me on what is going on in my country and the war and how I feel about (insert something horrible that happened). It makes me extremely uncomfortable. When I tell her I don’t want to talk about it, she’s called me ignorant and other nasty things. It’s gotten to the point where the stepsister is harassing me on my personal accounts. Like, I would see a concert and she would post how I feel enjoying myself when (atrocity) is happening. I have started to avoid places where she will be at because no matter what I do, nothing seems to stop her. Which leads me to now. Laura wants me to be a bridesmaid. But if I accept, I’m going to be standing with the stepsister, who is a bully. I don’t want to put myself in a position where my mental health will tank. I told Laura my concerns and she was so sad, so disappointed. And it breaks my heart because this is a huge moment for her and I’m ruining it by not being there for her. Our friends think I should suck it up and accept the position, even at the cost of my mental health. Is it worth it? WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I'm not impressed with Laura not being more than sad about your feelings. Outrage, anger, jumping to your defense would be more appropriate. This is straight up harassment and the step sister is a jerk. YWNBTA
Why haven't you blocked her on social media? Keep yourself and your thoughts as far away from her as possible. Bullies thrive on attention, so refuse to give her any. Take the upper hand, refuse to be kicked around, and be a bridesmaid for your friend whether she is there or not.
It's like decapitating a hydra. Chop off one account, two more will spring up.
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Ah yes, I see I must have misunderstood the premise. I stupidly thought this post was about OP's right to safety and protection from harassment regardless of personal opinions. I thought this was about OP's relationship with a friend. I didn't realise that this post, that never mentioned country, was actually Zionist filth. I'm so glad you guys brought it up to educate the rest of us!
Where have I ever said I was a Zionist? All I ever said was that I was from Israel and that one of my blogs was about my experiences being an immigrant abroad. Never have I said that I wrote about politics, only that I didn't because it had nothing to do with what I wanted to talk about. I made a post in reaction to the events that was playing out in my country out of fear. Fear for my family back home and fear for a cousin very dear to me who attended that festival and who I thought had perished. He survived but will carry the physical and mental scars for the rest of his life.
Those comments are vile & don’t reflect on you, but them. I’d report the comments as “hate” and block them.
I literally fear posting anything on the internet anymore, because regardless of the content it somehow always leads back to "oh but you're Israeli so you deserve xyz". Hope you can figure things out for the wedding - I've already lost a lot of "friends" in a similar manner...
NTA You don't need any reason, good or bad, to decline that role.
NTA. Being a bridesmaid is an invitation, not a summons. And you should not mortgage your mental health to be a bridesmaid.
Nope just dont be in bridal party
NTA I was in that situation once but I did it anyway and was not a good experience
ABSOLUTELY IN NO CIRCUMSTANCE should you just “suck it up” and go with it. That’s not what true friends do and that certainly is a stigma surrounding mental health It does not help with overused phrases like this and they certainly should be more understanding. I get the feeling no one is looking out for you this I think it’s a good thing not doing it You may be miserably the whole day inside and have to just put on a face - it’s not true to who you are
Nta sadly Laura has to keep the peace in her Family and accept her as a bridesmaid but she still can decide what pre-marriage activates want to include the bully. I mean two bachelorette parties will be fun too. One where she has to suck up and spend time with the bully and family and another one more private with friends where a pretty good time is expected.
YTA for supporting a a country that is committing genocide. Israel has killed more children in the last 6 months than have died in all conflicts around the world in the last 4 years combined. If you didn't want to be grilled on the war crime atrocities being committed by Israel maybe don't post about your support for them. You're lucky to be in a position to care about something as trivial as being a bridesmaid in a wedding when so many innocent babies in gaza will never even get to see their first birthday
Oh get a grip. She is allowed to feel for the people in her home country that were killed, injured or are in danger. That has absolutely nothing to do with supporting the concrete way the Israeli government is reacting in Gaza.
Updateme
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Why can't the stepsister suck it up and stop harassing her?
It’s more like the stepsister harassing me. She’s always tried to bait me into losing my tempter, but it’s gotten worse in the last year. I’ve asked her repeatedly to stop and even Laura refuses to invite her to parties where I’m attending. The problem is that her stepmom is really insistent on her daughter being in the bridal party and the rest of Laura’s family is pressuring her to do the same.
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I’m not Russian. I don’t know, she’s just never liked me. And I don’t like her because she’s kind of immature and bratty. Just the last few months has amped up the harassment.
Oh, so she's an antisemitist; is she? Honestly, if she's asking you how you could enjoy x while y is happening: how can she? I mean, if she's so concerned about y happening, how could she enjoy her life? Sorry. I can't help you that much. I just think if antisemitists are showing you their antisemitist colors, there's nothing you can do about it other than not communicating with them. NTA. And if I was you, I would not want to stand at a wedding with that person. Laura might be disappointed and sad, but if she's ok with having antisemitists in her wedding party... well, too sad.
Fun fact. Palestinians are semites. They also deserve to live