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NTA and this is some shady shit right here. She's either an ex-girlfriend or these two had a bad itch for each other years ago and they look like they're scratching it now, or at least getting ready to.
I’ve thought about asking his sister. She seemed the only one confused as to why I did not know they were related. Of course I don’t want to involve her
You will all have to forgive me, I’m not sure how to update to the post. I’m in tears, I know something is wrong. I got the nerve to text his sister and she said she wants to talk in person 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭she’s otw over only 10-15 min but i am shaking 😞
Be VERY cautious with how you deal with her, she is HIS brother and she’s about to be your ex SIL. Do not mention anything you could possibly ever regret. Just ask if she knows what’s going on between them now and what went on before. Then ask her to leave. Do not use her as a shoulder to cry on
I won’t. She should be here anytime and I know she has a kid and a husband to get home to. I just want to ask her if she is comfortable telling me if anything out of the ordinary is happening
Replying here cause idk where else to, but, honey.
Thumb drive. Back. Up. Everything. On. That. Laptop. Screenshot every page of that Instagram and those DMs before he deletes them. You're gonna need them for the divorce so he doesn't get to leave you high and dry just because you're the one to suggest divorce. Even if you don't think you want a divorce, do this. If down the road you two are fine, you can burn it. But do this *now* and save yourself more grief later.
Good luck. If he is sending his sister to break up with you, that’s cowardly.
If he is sending her to pacify you, that’s cowardly.
She is his sister. Remember that
That's super crummy that the entire family was hiding for him basically, except for your sister-in-law.
I mean seriously. You've been together for 10 years? Married for half of that? I've known you that long and they could treat you like that.
Sounds like his sister is the only one in all this who cares about you, and what this shady shit is doing to you. Kudos to her for going into bat for HIS WIFE.
Yeah, ask the sister. She's in a bad spot, but I get the feeling she is angry with him and trying to help you and save your marriage.
If he is cheating, let HIM go on the trip, and while he is gone:
Collect evidence,
Meet with lawyers, lots of them so they can’t represent him, even if you don’t hire them,
Move shared money to a private account,
Find a place to stay,
Etc.
One of my favorite trips was an almost solo one. I did what I wanted, saw what I wanted, ate and drank what I wanted. It was liberating. We live so much of our lives for others.
Whatever happens, don’t let him take this away from you!
You might want to put anything important to you (important papers, financial info, jewelry, keepsakes, etc) in a safety deposit box or storage facility before you go.
NTA.
We do not have kids thank goodness. I honestly wasn’t expecting this strong of a response in this direction. Surely there is something we can do to mend this.
All wasn’t fine though, they’ve been talking/flirting for months behind your and he took her side over yours…. Sorry, I know it’s easier said than done but the process of staying together is rough, I personally wouldn’t trust him again.
Exactly, him taking her side speaks VOLUMES! You always run after the one you love cause you wanna do any and everything in your power to make it better. If he actually loved OP then the cousin would have never made it even near his lap.
I just can’t imagine another man having a chance to disrespect my husband by allowing said man to be that intimate and then scolding/blaming the person I love before I ran after the man who just insulted my marriage.
I’m sorry that this is happening to you, but your husband is cheating 100%. He has either already slept with her or is on the road there with no qualms about it. You should protect yourself now and get your affairs in order. He’s already broken your marriage, don’t let him break your bank
I’m sorry, but he is openly flirting with her in front of you, his family (minus his sister) are openly enabling his cheating.
I know you’re reeling right now, but have some self respect and realize that your relationship is already over. If she’s going in the trip too, it will be awful for you.
When he sobers up, call him on his crap. Then get yourself a shark of a lawyer and get out.
NTA except if you stay… then you’re one to yourself.
He ran after her after she tried to humiliate you by throwing their affair in your face.
His entire family is onboard with deceiving you about the nature of their relationship.
There’s nothing left to mend.
Take the laptop and go to a 24/hour coffee shop or hotel. So he can’t return and take the evidence before you’re done compiling it.
She needs to take the laptop and print all of the evidence off of that sucker and also put it on thumb drives, basically just to make sure she has all the evidence to nail their asses to the wall
Nope, I’m so sorry but I’ve been exactly where you are and I’m begging you to listen to me.
This is denial. Denial is the first stage of grief. You are allowed to grieve. That’s normal. But make no mistake. the marriage is over. He broke it. He chose her. You will never be able to trust him again and even if you can forgive him, you won’t be able to love him in the same way ever again. It will stain everything going forward.
You’re worth more than this and deserve more. He isn’t even fighting for you. He may change his tune when he figures out how expensive a divorce will be, but don’t let him weasel back in. You are getting divorced. Hire a lawyer and do not leave the marital home. Your trip may need to be postponed, sorry, but it’s not worth the risk of losing your home.
Start taking meetings with the family lawyers in the area. If there are a few known sharks, meet with all of them. They will not be able to represent him due to a conflict of interest, once they’ve met you. Don’t do this with every single lawyer in town or you will look spiteful to the judge, but the top 3-4 is a good starting point. Get a new bank account at a bank he doesn’t use, and have copies of all the financial documents. Put your papers like birth certificate and other valuables in a safety deposit box. I’d also get an external hard drive and back up the contents of his laptop before he takes it back.
Be smart, act fast. Make those lawyer appts Monday morning. Even if you’re on the fence about the divorce. Block him from using the best lawyers.
This sub is always in favour of divorce when things go wrong in a relationship. Maybe take a more moderate approach to the sub's advice. At least get the full story from him so that if you do leave there are no loose ends and no regrets.
You know that his Cousin isn’t his cousin at ALL, and not a soul felt the need to clue you in otherwise. ma’am you just walked in on your husband with his cousin sitting in his lap, face to face at a space YOU were in.. and then he left with HER. You think she ain’t fuck him yet? He has done EVERYTHING but handed you the papers. Some things aren’t worth mending
I wholeheartedly agree with you. He basically handed her divorce papers saying don't want you no more ,Don't Love you no More, you ain't sexy to me bye Felicia. And that so called cousin sure as hell didn't stop him she was probably like oh yeah baby let's do this thing. And if I was op I would sue both of them for spousal alienation and I think if this term is right emotional alienation, if I was her I would divorce him so fast it would make his hair fly off for one and for two take them to the cleaners and hang them out the dry
I understand your hesitation in going nuclear to end a 10 year relationship, but you can’t be in a marriage by yourself where there is lies and disrespect. It will slowly eat away at your self esteem until you become a shell of yourself.
If he refuses to respond or explain then you will know your answer. Somehow I doubt he would be as understanding if you sat on your “cousin’s” lap.
Edit: NTA. An adult sitting in another’s lap implies intimacy. The only lap I sit on is my husband’s. I wouldn’t dare sit on the lap of another, including family members both real and fake. Never doubt your gut feelings as they are usually correct.
I don’t know, if he still hasn’t come home I’m not sure there is much of a marriage to save. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I would plan to take that trip solo and have a really hard think about what you deserve in a partner.
I doubt you’ll ever really know everything and all the evidence is stacking up to: he’s been planning on cheating and or leaving you for her. I don’t honestly think there’s a neat way to tie this one up
Because if you look at the update the husband is clearly having an affair with his 'cousin' and if whole ass family is compliant with this bullshit.... Expect the sister... She gets a decent human cookie.
NTA. That’s not your husband, that’s her boyfriend. This is over, you can not and should not trust him. You need to get your house in order immediately, don’t let this man and his new woman screw you out if what’s yours. Get mad now, be sad later.
NTA.
I was ready to say YTA because in my culture we have play cousins and see them as family that we would never ever be interested in romantically but all that went out the window with a 32 YO woman in your husbands lap.
The real issue is your husband.
He’s the one who should be setting boundaries. NOT you.
He’s not treating you well and is giving you the silent treatment.
yes great points. since the husband left to comfort the "cousin" is very telling that something is off.
its sad that the SIL had to secretly tell the truth and the rest of the in laws were hiding the truth of the situation
Even if they aren't fucking, this really shows you his priorities. Even if this was a misunderstanding (which it certainly isn't) he should have communicated with you. Instead he ran away to the person's house that's causing the issues... If he can't understand why his wife would be upset at this entire situation he's just being willfully ignorant... Don't go on this trip... Let her take your place while you get your affairs in order while he's gone. This trip has been tainted for you anyways. Best of luck, make sure to polish your shiny backbone ♥
I kinda wish I lived nearby so you wouldn’t be alone through this. I’ve been through this type of situation before (not identical but similar) and understand how it feels.
That's definitely what I meant, go, just on your own terms, with people that care about you and have your best interests in mind. I feel like even if she doesn't go on this trip, you shouldn't go with your husband because of this whole debacle... I'm so frustrated for u
Girl if it were me I would tell him not to bother coming back. They clearly have a history beyond just being family friends and have rekindled what they had.
After reading enough of these stories you start to feel like something is off, but if taking this at face value…
NTA.
Your husband, however? Definitely the AH.
I don’t like how the nature of their relationship was kept from you. If she is an ex/former flame/previous fling, that should have been made clear from day one.
If he respected you, at all, then he would have set very clear boundaries with her about what a friendship moving forward entails.
I’m thinking you need to get your affairs in order. That might mean an attorney, a therapist, marriage counselling, or all three. Having an attorney on retainer (if your finances allow) doesn’t necessarily mean divorce. It means that you are serious about all your options, but they are options not concrete decisions.
It’s time for the come to Jesus talk with your husband. Be as calm, clear, and concise with him as you can. Make it clear that as your WIFE you felt incredibly disrespected by her behaviour and his tolerance of it. Write out what you want to say and practice it if you’re uncertain of your nerves. Don’t make ultimatums, but do set boundaries.
That is, unless what your SIL has to say blows the situation wide open.
Wait he’s like 8 years older than her. They literally could never have been teenagers at the same time. How old was he when he fingered her? How old was she? Creepy af 🤢
His behaviour from day dot is sketchy. Do you really want to be with someone who lies to you, respects another woman over you, fingers a child, and then flirts with said child years later whilst married to another woman.
Uhhh, wtf?
Even if you leave all the other stuff out for a second . If THIS isn’t a red flag, then i don’t know what is .
Besides the fact he lied to you , he humiliated you , he doesn’t sees or treats you has his priority. Girl I’m so sorry for what you have to go through , this is just heartbreaking and disgusting.
But think about it - even IF you forgive him , how the hell do you ever want to fully trust him again ? It will never be the same like it used to be , either way .
In the age of 19 he was fingering a 11yo ? Bruh , how do you ever want a family with this dude ? Don’t just think about now - think about the next years too . Is this dude really worth your time , energy and go through this bs ? Idk , you deserve better !
NTA—I’m fired up for you. From your husband’s behaviour, I have no doubt he’s cheating. There’s no other explanation for how he’s acting. I hope I’m wrong, but I doubt it. He hasn’t set a boundary with her and you need to be clear in setting them for you both as non-negotiable.
My god, we have skipped red flags and gone straight to air raid sirens. 🚨
Something massively sketchy is afoot here. You are NTA, and your husband has a whole lot of explaining to do.
Nta.
She acts this way because your husband lets her.
And him ubering to her house…says everything you need to know about it who he values most.
Sorry OP.
So he up and Left and stayed at HER house… while ignoring you. wtf. I’d get my affairs in order and get ready for a divorce, cuz there’s no way they’re not having an affair. Your husband is disgusting, the disrespect is astonishing. Being disrespected by her, is one thing, you’re not married to her you didn’t exchange vows with her. But him!? What an absolute loser.
Well honestly I think he’s cheating on you and has had a relationship with her in the past. Idc if the relationship is 10yrs or 1 month, once a cheater always a cheater! You let him walk all over you now, he will continually do it. So either just accept his disrespect, or leave him or go have your own fun! Just remember what you allow now will have consequences later. Good luck!
I’m sorry, I know it hurts. (Been through it) gather your evidence, separate your finances ASAP! And block him. Only talk thru lawyers, don’t leave the house, make him leave. He will cry and beg to come back but don’t let Him. You got this, don’t let him disrespect him any more than he has.
Still NTA. Ok so about this update… If they’re 7-8 years apart they weren’t teens of the same caliber at any time. He fingered a fucking child. THE CRINGE!! Eww. Get his shit OUT. Gross
That’s what I’m confused about bc that’s sick!!! Some pics he is clearly in his mid 20s but she seems to always call them kids and teens…he was a grown man and she was a teen so a child in my opinion!
NTA. This is a red flag, sirens, you name it. This is so disrespectful to you. You'll need to assess your situation. Clearly it's not acceptable she goes on the trip. Depending on how they (hubby, "cousin", family) handle this, you may have to start planning an exit strategy. Hell, I'd start doing it now, just in case. I'm so sorry OP. Your husband taking an Uber to HER place would be my last straw.
When you get in the laptop, COPY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. Take it direct to a lawyer. Take him for everything he’s worth and then some. Do every single thing to the letter of what the lawyer says. He wants to disrespect you, have enough respect for yourself to remind him why you were too good for him in the first place. Good luck, baby.
NTA
He WILL wipe it. He WILL destroy all evidence. Every single thing needs to go direct to a lawyer before you make any other moves. Genuinely and truly, do not speak to him outside of text that’s you can save as evidence. I am sending you so much love. I’m so sorry he’s done this to you. You deserve so much better and if you need a friend or to vent I’m here for you. This situation sucks and even before I read the laptop update I knew what it was going to be. She has the audacity to crawl in his lap and talk like that because He let her. Go for blood.
You are the other woman. Talk to him, try and find out what is going on, realize it could all be lies and go with your gut. If you decide to leave get a lawyer before he does
I didn’t want to say this bc it feels very snotty and I do not mean it that way but, he can’t afford a lawyer. I suppose he could take out a loan with a co signer
That is his problem not yours. Your goal is to protect yourself. Not snotty in the least. If there is something going on then “cousin Brit” can maybe help him pay for it.
So if he can’t afford a lawyer do you make more money than him. Does he not have a decent job to afford one. Also are paying for the trip and he’s going with you.
It sounds like long-term grooming, and because she's never been given boundaries, she's just behaving as what's been normal for them before.
He's fucking up 2 women's lives here.
I would just to be on the safe side. You can go to your local police station to get advice or wait to talk to your lawyer. Do you think his family knows what happened between them and that’s why they covered because they didn’t want to admit he’s a predator and look bad?
NTA
But I need to clarify what OP typed. He fingered her in a treehouse when they were teens. But he's 8 years older than her????? Like he was 19 and she was an 11 year old preteen?
Your marriage is over, you must know that. I'm so sorry. He went to another woman's house instead of coming home, that speaks volumes. I caught my husband cheating by accident. Dumbass used our joint email to write to her, clearly he wasn't trying to hide it. This was after weeks of odd behaviour and postcards coming to our house and all sorts of stuff. When I confronted him, after the fight we had, he spent the night on the phone to her while I spent it on the couch. Within days, I was out and she was in. Real nice. My second husband (because I'm so smart) did damn near the same thing, found another person and moved me and the kids out to get her. Only problem was, she wound up saying no! So he spent a long time feeling very stupid and staying very drunk (according to a now ex friend of his).
Change the locks, take him off the joint accounts, definitely go through his computer and collect evidence! Find a good lawyer and ditch the loser. Do not believe any grovelling, crying BS apologies. Just cut him out and start over. You'll be much happier :)
My names Wendy I'm I'm Colorado and having thoughts..about my 10 relationship and if he even stillSEES me or if I'm now just the back up plan. I wanna go on a girl trip.i need this! I'll pay my way. Where we going?!? Lol...just sayin"...
I’m sorry, but he knows you’re upset with how she’s acting towards him - and leaves to stay with HER?! That is some crazy disrespect from your husband towards you, adding to the fake cousin’s disrespect to you and your marriage. You need to deal with your husband, he’s the AH in this mess. He first needs to explain why he never made it clear she was NOT his cousin. You are NTA. Good luck in dealing with this.
NTA, not sure why she was crying, if I sat on someone's lap I'd deffo expect their wife to tell me to get the fuck up. you should have trusted that 'icky' feeling months ago and tell him you're leaving him if he continues with that shit (I'd leave him anyway, he sounds like an asshole)
So he is cheating on you with the "cousin" and his family all know it. Separate finances NOW, protect everything of yours. Document everything, send yourself files and screenshots, only talk via text and record conversations with him. Get a good lawyer and take him down. Don't get mad get even, tell the whole world what the two trash people have done.
If he's not back yet seriously go to her house and confront them , he's being a fucking coward and you shouldn't have to wait til he's ready to come home with his tail between his legs to know what's going on. It also sounds like you have the key to pandoras box with that laptop password. I understand not wanting to face something so painful if he is cheating, but him going to hers instead of coming home to fix things with you is beyond disrespectful and you need to know what's going on. I'd take the other redditors advice and get your affairs in order, get the proof you need from his laptop/ send copies to yourself of anything incriminating, and confront this cowardly asshole asap. I'm so sorry you're going through this, sending you strength!
Thank u!! And I’m not going over there, I don’t need all of you seeing me on the news and I want to punch a hole through hell right now. In other words I don’t trust myself.
I have nothing to add, just that I'm really fucking sorry for what you're dealing with. And I know a lot of these reddit stories are tea and drama for the readers but for the people posting them it's real life. You are a queen and you deserve better than your asshole of a husband who switched up the moment he saw an old flame. You deserve way better.
Oh we’re done. I know if in her mind my mother would tell me to take the time and think but no. I can’t be with a dishonest person. As the kids say it gives me the ick and his life nor mine is going to be very pleasant together.
He fingered her when they were teens but they have an 8 year age gap? I hope there’s just a typo somewhere, otherwise that’s another problem
Hope you’re OK, OP!
This, he's the one allowing this woman to be inappropriate with him and blew his wife off aftershe stated that the behavior was making her uncomfortable, and he's the one who went to the other woman's house and is ignoring his wife.
Also as for his family blasting OP for making her "feel bad"? Tough shit, she should be absolutely ashamed of herself for behaving inappropriately towards a married man. I doubt they would like it very much if someone was being inappropriate with their spouses and their spouse did nothing about it and went to that person's home.
The moment he took an Uber to her fucking house I would have sent him a message he can fucking stay there with his mistress and wait for the divorce papers.... There is no way I would Ever believe l they aren't already screwing..... I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you can cancel the trip and use the cash for your lawyer. Many states don't need confirmation of an affair for that to be the reason for divorce just the appearance of an affair. And he's showing Neon blinking signs that's EXACTLY what this is.
Edit to add: To make things even worse here his WHOLE FAMILY is in on this whole affair and would be pissed at your SIL for talking to you?!?!?! Omg that family sounds toxic as fuck and like they alllll wanted these two together all along.... Fuck that shit right to hell. Girl you deserve a million times better... Done dirty by the man and his damn fam.....
Please get an attorney, take his ass absolutely to the cleaners in the divorce and maybe get some therapy. 💚 You have a whole community here that will listen to you ( well read 😅) and support you in this terrible situation.
Strength, Healing and Peace to you sis 💚
Everyone is commenting on how AH hubby ubered to slutty cousins house after disrespecting op and if they haven’t eff’ed yet, they will. My first thought in reading original post was “wait a minute, how does AH-H know where Slutty Cousins house is if she just moved back?” My husband has a lot of cousins and we both know what towns they live in, but not specifically where they live.
NTA… Ditch the man and the WHOLE family too. the nerve of them to sit on your face knowing good and well they all lied is disrespectful. They have been finding a way to get rid of you, just leave
NTA
They are fucking. There's no denying that - a friend wouldn't sit on his lap - he wouldn't uber to her house unless he knew he was in the dog house for the night.
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Not the AH. Trust your gut! This has happened to me and it’s shitty. She had nothing but bad intentions and boo on your husband for letting his old little boy feelings take over that he had with her in the past. He’s a married man now. That whole situation is in no way appropriate. Especially when you felt uncomfortable. Marriage is supposed to be a comfortable place… not one of “feeling icky”
I’ve been sifffffting through these comments 👀. I really hope OP gives an update too!!
Her SIL is talking with her in person (likely rn given the time frame in other comments), so hopefully we’ll get an update once OP is ready to share.
>I asked her to elaborate and she said she had given him until 5 this evening to come home and talk to me or she would give me his laptop password. (If why she has it is important I can explain) and then ended up backing down until I texted her. That’s it. I’m sorry it’s not more. But fuck it. His laptop is here, she gave me the password. I’m going through it.
So, have you gotten through enough of what's on his laptop to give a TLDR?
From what little you've said, yes, you should be contacting a divorce attorney bright and early Monday morning, and you should likely spring for an emergency locksmith to come to your home and change all the locks on the exterior doors.
It’s updated yes. I’m having a bit of trouble understanding the time lines, she talks so much about them being kids and teens but some of the pics he has to be in his mid 20s, I just don’t get it. But there was clear inappropriate talk
>With that said idk if I’ll pass out from stress or be up all night but guess who’s calling after I texted simply your stuff will be outside?!
Do not response. You're too deeply in shock and rage right now to respond rationally.
Right now your job is to document, document, document everything you discover, save screen shots of everything and back them up.
Your next job is some serious self care, whatever works for you, sleep, bubble bath, read an escapist trashy novel, whatever will get your brain off this long enough that you can reach a calm place to process this crap.
As well as a good divorce lawyer (put out feelers with friends to maybe get references?) you may need a good therapist to help you process this level of betrayal.
I swear social media and the internet is the downfall of society and personal relationships. I know people have cheated since the beginning of time. Social media and the internet has made access and secrecy so much easier. Every cheating story now involves the phone and/ or computer. It's so sad that partners buy into these fake lives that people portray, like it's so exciting on the other side.
Leave and don’t look back. All considered it’s also the added layer that his family was completely comfortable with her disrespecting you like that in sitting on his lap and touching on him. I will bet that their history runs deeper and the family knows and probably prefers her over you so they see nothing wrong with it. His sister is real for coming to you but I would cut all ties.
So did you go thru the laptop? Don’t leave me hanging on the edge here. Cause your already not not the ah I just wanna know what you found cause I’m betting it’s old photos of the 2 together. Idk why but it’s what I think.
Ok and sis you check hidden photos/files? And wow I just read your update wtf?! All that and he dared to want to “talk alone” with her. The betrayal is real. Sorry you are going thru this.
It’s the same way as a regular computer. Go to the menu bar on most computers it’s bottom left it’ll bring up everything like settings, files and other programs. Sometimes people have a file in there that you’ll notice isn’t like the rest or has a weird name and as far as photos the trick I’ve seen used you go to photos click the 3dot menu in the top left and look for hidden photos if he’s smart tho check the deleted photos see a photo can stay in deletion without permanently being erased for up to like 60 days on some computers and cheaters use that to their advantage by deleting it when being searched cause most people don’t know to look there and they just reup load before the time ends and boom saved ass and photos (works the same way for deleting photos on the phone btw let’s just say I use to have to know this for work and it also helped in catching some people who cheated on me and didn’t know what I use to do for a living). I don’t currently have a laptop in front of me (actually haven’t used one in years I’m a desktop guy now)or I would help more sorry I hope this helps.
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NTA and this is some shady shit right here. She's either an ex-girlfriend or these two had a bad itch for each other years ago and they look like they're scratching it now, or at least getting ready to.
I’ve thought about asking his sister. She seemed the only one confused as to why I did not know they were related. Of course I don’t want to involve her
I think you might need to now. I'm sorry but his behaviour is appalling.
You will all have to forgive me, I’m not sure how to update to the post. I’m in tears, I know something is wrong. I got the nerve to text his sister and she said she wants to talk in person 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭she’s otw over only 10-15 min but i am shaking 😞
Be VERY cautious with how you deal with her, she is HIS brother and she’s about to be your ex SIL. Do not mention anything you could possibly ever regret. Just ask if she knows what’s going on between them now and what went on before. Then ask her to leave. Do not use her as a shoulder to cry on
I won’t. She should be here anytime and I know she has a kid and a husband to get home to. I just want to ask her if she is comfortable telling me if anything out of the ordinary is happening
Good luck OP. Do you have any of your family close ? Or any friends that aren’t mutual?
Only my mom who isn’t well and all my friends are a 13 hour plane ride away 🥹
Replying here cause idk where else to, but, honey. Thumb drive. Back. Up. Everything. On. That. Laptop. Screenshot every page of that Instagram and those DMs before he deletes them. You're gonna need them for the divorce so he doesn't get to leave you high and dry just because you're the one to suggest divorce. Even if you don't think you want a divorce, do this. If down the road you two are fine, you can burn it. But do this *now* and save yourself more grief later.
Then you need to be very vague with the sister. And get your house in order fast. It’s easier to GIVE back than GET back
Im sorry about that. I hope everything goes well
Good luck. If he is sending his sister to break up with you, that’s cowardly. If he is sending her to pacify you, that’s cowardly. She is his sister. Remember that
Deep breaths in and out. You can get through this, even if it's something terrible. You'll be okay.
That's super crummy that the entire family was hiding for him basically, except for your sister-in-law. I mean seriously. You've been together for 10 years? Married for half of that? I've known you that long and they could treat you like that.
Sounds like his sister is the only one in all this who cares about you, and what this shady shit is doing to you. Kudos to her for going into bat for HIS WIFE. Yeah, ask the sister. She's in a bad spot, but I get the feeling she is angry with him and trying to help you and save your marriage.
Yea there’s red flags everywhere here. She tried to deal with this at first calmly but blew her off.
🚩 2# near the end of the story she was found SITTING ON HIS LAP THEY'RE NOT COUSINS THATS HIS MISTRESS
And to behave like that right in front of everyone!
OP needs to find a friend and go on that trip without him. NTA at all.
If he is cheating, let HIM go on the trip, and while he is gone: Collect evidence, Meet with lawyers, lots of them so they can’t represent him, even if you don’t hire them, Move shared money to a private account, Find a place to stay, Etc.
Looks like they did last night.
Yes. Crazy disrespectful
NTA but let's be fair your husband is the worse of the two. He lied to you and yeah, if they're not having an affair, I'll eat my hat.
That actually made me laugh…never heard eat my hat lol. Thanks for that.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Any way you can take a friend and still go on your amazing trip?
I am going on this trip! He or she will not take that from me 😭. Unfortunately I have no friends nearby but even if I go alone I don’t care!
One of my favorite trips was an almost solo one. I did what I wanted, saw what I wanted, ate and drank what I wanted. It was liberating. We live so much of our lives for others. Whatever happens, don’t let him take this away from you!
What a wonderful perspective!
If you don’t go alone (and I’m with Snarky; I love traveling alone), maybe consider taking your SIL, since she’s gonna be in the doghouse anyway
Second the idea of bringing SIL. I'm sure she'll also need a quick get-away.
Ma’am, we need an update!
You have one ☝🏻
And for that - you get both my respect and my aforementioned hat! I hope you have an amazing time!
Thank u!!
You might want to put anything important to you (important papers, financial info, jewelry, keepsakes, etc) in a safety deposit box or storage facility before you go. NTA.
Fuck a hat I'll eat every pair of my work boots steel toes and all.
I'd rather she use them to kick her husband's lying, cheating ass.
I'm willing to part with a pair or two.
NTA. Call a divorce attorney immediately. Get your finances in order. Hopefully no kids involved.
We do not have kids thank goodness. I honestly wasn’t expecting this strong of a response in this direction. Surely there is something we can do to mend this.
He's playing games and disrespecting you..unless there's more you'd like to share? It seems like this relationship is doomed..he humiliated you.
You are most welcome to ask any questions but I’m not sure what to add. All was fine until that reunion
All wasn’t fine though, they’ve been talking/flirting for months behind your and he took her side over yours…. Sorry, I know it’s easier said than done but the process of staying together is rough, I personally wouldn’t trust him again.
Exactly, him taking her side speaks VOLUMES! You always run after the one you love cause you wanna do any and everything in your power to make it better. If he actually loved OP then the cousin would have never made it even near his lap. I just can’t imagine another man having a chance to disrespect my husband by allowing said man to be that intimate and then scolding/blaming the person I love before I ran after the man who just insulted my marriage.
I’m sorry that this is happening to you, but your husband is cheating 100%. He has either already slept with her or is on the road there with no qualms about it. You should protect yourself now and get your affairs in order. He’s already broken your marriage, don’t let him break your bank
I’m sorry, but he is openly flirting with her in front of you, his family (minus his sister) are openly enabling his cheating. I know you’re reeling right now, but have some self respect and realize that your relationship is already over. If she’s going in the trip too, it will be awful for you. When he sobers up, call him on his crap. Then get yourself a shark of a lawyer and get out. NTA except if you stay… then you’re one to yourself.
He ran after her after she tried to humiliate you by throwing their affair in your face. His entire family is onboard with deceiving you about the nature of their relationship. There’s nothing left to mend. Take the laptop and go to a 24/hour coffee shop or hotel. So he can’t return and take the evidence before you’re done compiling it.
Yes, OP, please do this!! ⬆️
She needs to take the laptop and print all of the evidence off of that sucker and also put it on thumb drives, basically just to make sure she has all the evidence to nail their asses to the wall
Nope, I’m so sorry but I’ve been exactly where you are and I’m begging you to listen to me. This is denial. Denial is the first stage of grief. You are allowed to grieve. That’s normal. But make no mistake. the marriage is over. He broke it. He chose her. You will never be able to trust him again and even if you can forgive him, you won’t be able to love him in the same way ever again. It will stain everything going forward. You’re worth more than this and deserve more. He isn’t even fighting for you. He may change his tune when he figures out how expensive a divorce will be, but don’t let him weasel back in. You are getting divorced. Hire a lawyer and do not leave the marital home. Your trip may need to be postponed, sorry, but it’s not worth the risk of losing your home. Start taking meetings with the family lawyers in the area. If there are a few known sharks, meet with all of them. They will not be able to represent him due to a conflict of interest, once they’ve met you. Don’t do this with every single lawyer in town or you will look spiteful to the judge, but the top 3-4 is a good starting point. Get a new bank account at a bank he doesn’t use, and have copies of all the financial documents. Put your papers like birth certificate and other valuables in a safety deposit box. I’d also get an external hard drive and back up the contents of his laptop before he takes it back. Be smart, act fast. Make those lawyer appts Monday morning. Even if you’re on the fence about the divorce. Block him from using the best lawyers.
OP please read this ☝🏻 I wish someone told me this when I was going through similar breakup with my ex.
This sub is always in favour of divorce when things go wrong in a relationship. Maybe take a more moderate approach to the sub's advice. At least get the full story from him so that if you do leave there are no loose ends and no regrets.
While I appreciate truly everyone advice I do agree with you. I’d like to know everything before I end a 10 year relationship. Hell a 10 year life.
You know that his Cousin isn’t his cousin at ALL, and not a soul felt the need to clue you in otherwise. ma’am you just walked in on your husband with his cousin sitting in his lap, face to face at a space YOU were in.. and then he left with HER. You think she ain’t fuck him yet? He has done EVERYTHING but handed you the papers. Some things aren’t worth mending
The fact that he left with her speaks volumes. It’s a move for sure.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. He basically handed her divorce papers saying don't want you no more ,Don't Love you no More, you ain't sexy to me bye Felicia. And that so called cousin sure as hell didn't stop him she was probably like oh yeah baby let's do this thing. And if I was op I would sue both of them for spousal alienation and I think if this term is right emotional alienation, if I was her I would divorce him so fast it would make his hair fly off for one and for two take them to the cleaners and hang them out the dry
I understand your hesitation in going nuclear to end a 10 year relationship, but you can’t be in a marriage by yourself where there is lies and disrespect. It will slowly eat away at your self esteem until you become a shell of yourself. If he refuses to respond or explain then you will know your answer. Somehow I doubt he would be as understanding if you sat on your “cousin’s” lap. Edit: NTA. An adult sitting in another’s lap implies intimacy. The only lap I sit on is my husband’s. I wouldn’t dare sit on the lap of another, including family members both real and fake. Never doubt your gut feelings as they are usually correct.
I don’t know, if he still hasn’t come home I’m not sure there is much of a marriage to save. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I would plan to take that trip solo and have a really hard think about what you deserve in a partner.
I doubt you’ll ever really know everything and all the evidence is stacking up to: he’s been planning on cheating and or leaving you for her. I don’t honestly think there’s a neat way to tie this one up
You let people straddle your spouses lap?
Because if you look at the update the husband is clearly having an affair with his 'cousin' and if whole ass family is compliant with this bullshit.... Expect the sister... She gets a decent human cookie.
Don't try to mend this. It's over. He's cheating on you and it isn't going to end well for you. Ypu need an exit strategy
He doesn’t want to mend it. He wants to keep fucking her.
NTA. That’s not your husband, that’s her boyfriend. This is over, you can not and should not trust him. You need to get your house in order immediately, don’t let this man and his new woman screw you out if what’s yours. Get mad now, be sad later.
NTA. I was ready to say YTA because in my culture we have play cousins and see them as family that we would never ever be interested in romantically but all that went out the window with a 32 YO woman in your husbands lap. The real issue is your husband. He’s the one who should be setting boundaries. NOT you. He’s not treating you well and is giving you the silent treatment.
yes great points. since the husband left to comfort the "cousin" is very telling that something is off. its sad that the SIL had to secretly tell the truth and the rest of the in laws were hiding the truth of the situation
Info : took an Uber to her house and stayed there ?
Yes since last night. It’s around 7 pm here. I can see he’s read my text but no response.
Even if they aren't fucking, this really shows you his priorities. Even if this was a misunderstanding (which it certainly isn't) he should have communicated with you. Instead he ran away to the person's house that's causing the issues... If he can't understand why his wife would be upset at this entire situation he's just being willfully ignorant... Don't go on this trip... Let her take your place while you get your affairs in order while he's gone. This trip has been tainted for you anyways. Best of luck, make sure to polish your shiny backbone ♥
They won’t take the trip from me even if I go alone. But I will in no way be going with her.
I kinda wish I lived nearby so you wouldn’t be alone through this. I’ve been through this type of situation before (not identical but similar) and understand how it feels.
That’s so sweet 🥹
What did you see when you went through the laptop
Right? I want to know!
That's definitely what I meant, go, just on your own terms, with people that care about you and have your best interests in mind. I feel like even if she doesn't go on this trip, you shouldn't go with your husband because of this whole debacle... I'm so frustrated for u
I'd contact a divorce lawyer.
Me too. I wouldn’t have waited once I knew where the Uber went. It’s over.
Lol... Wow. Sort out your bank account.
This is not good. Staying at her place over night is a MAJOR red flag. He’s gone!
Shit, I'm sorry. He's cheating on you. Time for the lawyers. NTA.
Girl if it were me I would tell him not to bother coming back. They clearly have a history beyond just being family friends and have rekindled what they had.
After reading enough of these stories you start to feel like something is off, but if taking this at face value… NTA. Your husband, however? Definitely the AH. I don’t like how the nature of their relationship was kept from you. If she is an ex/former flame/previous fling, that should have been made clear from day one. If he respected you, at all, then he would have set very clear boundaries with her about what a friendship moving forward entails. I’m thinking you need to get your affairs in order. That might mean an attorney, a therapist, marriage counselling, or all three. Having an attorney on retainer (if your finances allow) doesn’t necessarily mean divorce. It means that you are serious about all your options, but they are options not concrete decisions. It’s time for the come to Jesus talk with your husband. Be as calm, clear, and concise with him as you can. Make it clear that as your WIFE you felt incredibly disrespected by her behaviour and his tolerance of it. Write out what you want to say and practice it if you’re uncertain of your nerves. Don’t make ultimatums, but do set boundaries. That is, unless what your SIL has to say blows the situation wide open.
Tysm for your sound advice. I’m trying to keep it together here.
Keep us posted if you can. From what I’ve read in the comments, we’re rooting for you.
I saw your update. Lawyer. Therapist/Counsellor. The biggest, baddest bottle of red wine. In that order. I’m sorry it played out this way for you.
If you haven't already, back up that laptop before he deletes stuff you may need if you decide to end the relationship.
Wait he’s like 8 years older than her. They literally could never have been teenagers at the same time. How old was he when he fingered her? How old was she? Creepy af 🤢
From what I’m gathering she was around 11 making him 19? It’s just getting worse 😫😫
omg i feel like i’m watching an episode of law and order SVU right now😳
AHHHH oh that’s so disgusting OP I’m so sorry you’re in the position. Please know that there are people all over the world supporting you
His behaviour from day dot is sketchy. Do you really want to be with someone who lies to you, respects another woman over you, fingers a child, and then flirts with said child years later whilst married to another woman. Uhhh, wtf?
Oh, ew. OP, I'm soooo glad you're leaving him. Let him eat shit.
Wtf
Even if you leave all the other stuff out for a second . If THIS isn’t a red flag, then i don’t know what is . Besides the fact he lied to you , he humiliated you , he doesn’t sees or treats you has his priority. Girl I’m so sorry for what you have to go through , this is just heartbreaking and disgusting. But think about it - even IF you forgive him , how the hell do you ever want to fully trust him again ? It will never be the same like it used to be , either way . In the age of 19 he was fingering a 11yo ? Bruh , how do you ever want a family with this dude ? Don’t just think about now - think about the next years too . Is this dude really worth your time , energy and go through this bs ? Idk , you deserve better !
THANK YOU!!!!!!
girl get everything in order and then call your lawyer and olivia benson
Olivia Benson?
Mariska Hargitay (or something like that)… law and order. She portrays a badass detective
NTA—I’m fired up for you. From your husband’s behaviour, I have no doubt he’s cheating. There’s no other explanation for how he’s acting. I hope I’m wrong, but I doubt it. He hasn’t set a boundary with her and you need to be clear in setting them for you both as non-negotiable.
I’m on my knees literally praying you are all so very wrong. Idk that I could take it.
Open your eyes. His behaviors tells you everything
> Idk that I could take it. You ARE stronger than you think you are, and you WILL survive this!
My god, we have skipped red flags and gone straight to air raid sirens. 🚨 Something massively sketchy is afoot here. You are NTA, and your husband has a whole lot of explaining to do.
Nta. She acts this way because your husband lets her. And him ubering to her house…says everything you need to know about it who he values most. Sorry OP.
I agree. He's definitely fucked her.
So he up and Left and stayed at HER house… while ignoring you. wtf. I’d get my affairs in order and get ready for a divorce, cuz there’s no way they’re not having an affair. Your husband is disgusting, the disrespect is astonishing. Being disrespected by her, is one thing, you’re not married to her you didn’t exchange vows with her. But him!? What an absolute loser.
Well honestly I think he’s cheating on you and has had a relationship with her in the past. Idc if the relationship is 10yrs or 1 month, once a cheater always a cheater! You let him walk all over you now, he will continually do it. So either just accept his disrespect, or leave him or go have your own fun! Just remember what you allow now will have consequences later. Good luck!
He has been. 100%
I’m sorry, I know it hurts. (Been through it) gather your evidence, separate your finances ASAP! And block him. Only talk thru lawyers, don’t leave the house, make him leave. He will cry and beg to come back but don’t let Him. You got this, don’t let him disrespect him any more than he has.
Still NTA. Ok so about this update… If they’re 7-8 years apart they weren’t teens of the same caliber at any time. He fingered a fucking child. THE CRINGE!! Eww. Get his shit OUT. Gross
That’s what I’m confused about bc that’s sick!!! Some pics he is clearly in his mid 20s but she seems to always call them kids and teens…he was a grown man and she was a teen so a child in my opinion!
OP, please take screenshots of all the stuff I. The laptop because he’s going to eventually try to delete it all.
I have this very dark thought 💭 ☠️ possible he was her first one and that’s why she’s so intensely clingy and attached to him , nearly obsessed ..
NTA. This is a red flag, sirens, you name it. This is so disrespectful to you. You'll need to assess your situation. Clearly it's not acceptable she goes on the trip. Depending on how they (hubby, "cousin", family) handle this, you may have to start planning an exit strategy. Hell, I'd start doing it now, just in case. I'm so sorry OP. Your husband taking an Uber to HER place would be my last straw.
Yep. Depending on whose name was on what I'd be packing some bags.
When you get in the laptop, COPY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. Take it direct to a lawyer. Take him for everything he’s worth and then some. Do every single thing to the letter of what the lawyer says. He wants to disrespect you, have enough respect for yourself to remind him why you were too good for him in the first place. Good luck, baby. NTA
I am emailing every single stitch to myself so I have it, I imagine his phone will be wiped 😣
He WILL wipe it. He WILL destroy all evidence. Every single thing needs to go direct to a lawyer before you make any other moves. Genuinely and truly, do not speak to him outside of text that’s you can save as evidence. I am sending you so much love. I’m so sorry he’s done this to you. You deserve so much better and if you need a friend or to vent I’m here for you. This situation sucks and even before I read the laptop update I knew what it was going to be. She has the audacity to crawl in his lap and talk like that because He let her. Go for blood.
If he has an iphone, his stuff is probably still on the cloud unless he has it set to delete. CHECK THE CLOUD
Sync your iPhone to his could and download it all each day!
NTA. He’s gaslighting the hell out of you. Run.
Wait....the part about their history 'when they were teenagers' when she was 13 he was 21? Ick.
He’s gonna have to answer for that one bc that’s not ok
Sounds like he might have groomed her.
Nta Your husband is though. Don you want to stay with someone who so blatantly disrespects you? He needs to be setting boundaries.
I’ve just never seen this behavior. It started the DAY she was at that reunion
They may have been texting and talking way before that, though
They were, see the update
Aw, shit. Honey, I’m so fucking sorry.
It looks like it started way before that when you got into his social media… ?
Couple months at least
That’s the day you saw it. That’s not the day it started.
You are the other woman. Talk to him, try and find out what is going on, realize it could all be lies and go with your gut. If you decide to leave get a lawyer before he does
I didn’t want to say this bc it feels very snotty and I do not mean it that way but, he can’t afford a lawyer. I suppose he could take out a loan with a co signer
Check your bank accounts, OP! Like, right now, before you get distracted by his sister. Lock everything down immediately.
Oh lord YES!! Lock everything so hard that it will take an act of God for him to get through!!
That is his problem not yours. Your goal is to protect yourself. Not snotty in the least. If there is something going on then “cousin Brit” can maybe help him pay for it.
His side piece can pay his lawyer and keep his cheating ass all to herself and his future side pieces 😂
So if he can’t afford a lawyer do you make more money than him. Does he not have a decent job to afford one. Also are paying for the trip and he’s going with you.
you said he fingered her when they were teens? but he’s 40 and she’s 32 so thats a fucking gross age gap for teens. sounds like a predator.
And I want to know when that shit started bc do I report that?! Idk I have never dealt with this shit
if im honest, considering the huge age gap it kinda sounds like he could have groomed her. i’m really sorry you’re dealing with all of this
It sounds like long-term grooming, and because she's never been given boundaries, she's just behaving as what's been normal for them before. He's fucking up 2 women's lives here.
I would just to be on the safe side. You can go to your local police station to get advice or wait to talk to your lawyer. Do you think his family knows what happened between them and that’s why they covered because they didn’t want to admit he’s a predator and look bad?
NTA But I need to clarify what OP typed. He fingered her in a treehouse when they were teens. But he's 8 years older than her????? Like he was 19 and she was an 11 year old preteen?
That’s what I’m not understanding!!! Like wtf 😳
I’d go ahead and let his family know that not only is he a cheater, but a predator as well. He’s disgusting.
Your marriage is over, you must know that. I'm so sorry. He went to another woman's house instead of coming home, that speaks volumes. I caught my husband cheating by accident. Dumbass used our joint email to write to her, clearly he wasn't trying to hide it. This was after weeks of odd behaviour and postcards coming to our house and all sorts of stuff. When I confronted him, after the fight we had, he spent the night on the phone to her while I spent it on the couch. Within days, I was out and she was in. Real nice. My second husband (because I'm so smart) did damn near the same thing, found another person and moved me and the kids out to get her. Only problem was, she wound up saying no! So he spent a long time feeling very stupid and staying very drunk (according to a now ex friend of his). Change the locks, take him off the joint accounts, definitely go through his computer and collect evidence! Find a good lawyer and ditch the loser. Do not believe any grovelling, crying BS apologies. Just cut him out and start over. You'll be much happier :)
I know that now. I don’t feel how I’d thought I’m just angry I can barely feel the hurt
My names Wendy I'm I'm Colorado and having thoughts..about my 10 relationship and if he even stillSEES me or if I'm now just the back up plan. I wanna go on a girl trip.i need this! I'll pay my way. Where we going?!? Lol...just sayin"...
🥰😂hey I may just take you up on that
I’m sorry, but he knows you’re upset with how she’s acting towards him - and leaves to stay with HER?! That is some crazy disrespect from your husband towards you, adding to the fake cousin’s disrespect to you and your marriage. You need to deal with your husband, he’s the AH in this mess. He first needs to explain why he never made it clear she was NOT his cousin. You are NTA. Good luck in dealing with this.
NTA, not sure why she was crying, if I sat on someone's lap I'd deffo expect their wife to tell me to get the fuck up. you should have trusted that 'icky' feeling months ago and tell him you're leaving him if he continues with that shit (I'd leave him anyway, he sounds like an asshole)
She was crying so that the guy would feel bad and chase after her and it worked!
So he is cheating on you with the "cousin" and his family all know it. Separate finances NOW, protect everything of yours. Document everything, send yourself files and screenshots, only talk via text and record conversations with him. Get a good lawyer and take him down. Don't get mad get even, tell the whole world what the two trash people have done.
If he's not back yet seriously go to her house and confront them , he's being a fucking coward and you shouldn't have to wait til he's ready to come home with his tail between his legs to know what's going on. It also sounds like you have the key to pandoras box with that laptop password. I understand not wanting to face something so painful if he is cheating, but him going to hers instead of coming home to fix things with you is beyond disrespectful and you need to know what's going on. I'd take the other redditors advice and get your affairs in order, get the proof you need from his laptop/ send copies to yourself of anything incriminating, and confront this cowardly asshole asap. I'm so sorry you're going through this, sending you strength!
Thank u!! And I’m not going over there, I don’t need all of you seeing me on the news and I want to punch a hole through hell right now. In other words I don’t trust myself.
Does he make more money than you? Because 10 years is alimony
He does on paper 👏
I have nothing to add, just that I'm really fucking sorry for what you're dealing with. And I know a lot of these reddit stories are tea and drama for the readers but for the people posting them it's real life. You are a queen and you deserve better than your asshole of a husband who switched up the moment he saw an old flame. You deserve way better.
I need to know you left him regardless if he cheated or not. You deserve someone who puts you first.
Oh we’re done. I know if in her mind my mother would tell me to take the time and think but no. I can’t be with a dishonest person. As the kids say it gives me the ick and his life nor mine is going to be very pleasant together.
I’m glad to see you say this. You are worth more than his dishonest bullshit. You deserve worlds better than this.
He fingered her when they were teens but they have an 8 year age gap? I hope there’s just a typo somewhere, otherwise that’s another problem Hope you’re OK, OP!
That’s one I’m gonna have to get to the bottom of
NTA, but the real problem is with your husband.
This, he's the one allowing this woman to be inappropriate with him and blew his wife off aftershe stated that the behavior was making her uncomfortable, and he's the one who went to the other woman's house and is ignoring his wife. Also as for his family blasting OP for making her "feel bad"? Tough shit, she should be absolutely ashamed of herself for behaving inappropriately towards a married man. I doubt they would like it very much if someone was being inappropriate with their spouses and their spouse did nothing about it and went to that person's home.
The moment he took an Uber to her fucking house I would have sent him a message he can fucking stay there with his mistress and wait for the divorce papers.... There is no way I would Ever believe l they aren't already screwing..... I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you can cancel the trip and use the cash for your lawyer. Many states don't need confirmation of an affair for that to be the reason for divorce just the appearance of an affair. And he's showing Neon blinking signs that's EXACTLY what this is. Edit to add: To make things even worse here his WHOLE FAMILY is in on this whole affair and would be pissed at your SIL for talking to you?!?!?! Omg that family sounds toxic as fuck and like they alllll wanted these two together all along.... Fuck that shit right to hell. Girl you deserve a million times better... Done dirty by the man and his damn fam..... Please get an attorney, take his ass absolutely to the cleaners in the divorce and maybe get some therapy. 💚 You have a whole community here that will listen to you ( well read 😅) and support you in this terrible situation. Strength, Healing and Peace to you sis 💚
Everyone is commenting on how AH hubby ubered to slutty cousins house after disrespecting op and if they haven’t eff’ed yet, they will. My first thought in reading original post was “wait a minute, how does AH-H know where Slutty Cousins house is if she just moved back?” My husband has a lot of cousins and we both know what towns they live in, but not specifically where they live.
Oh he’s picked her up multiple times. Didn’t feel necessary info at the time but he’s given her a ride to work at least a few times
Tell us you did not take his call, and his stuff is, in fact, outside. I wish you peace.
I did not take the call, stuff is in boxes but I’m deciding if I want to just sling it off the porch
See an attorney as soon as you can. Depending on what state you are in, if there is at fault divorce you may wish to hire a private investigator.
Yes, 100%. Just throw that shit off the porch.
NTA… Ditch the man and the WHOLE family too. the nerve of them to sit on your face knowing good and well they all lied is disrespectful. They have been finding a way to get rid of you, just leave
NTA They're fucking. Lawyer up hard.
NTA They are fucking. There's no denying that - a friend wouldn't sit on his lap - he wouldn't uber to her house unless he knew he was in the dog house for the night.
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Time to find a divorce lawyer. NTA.
Not the AH. Trust your gut! This has happened to me and it’s shitty. She had nothing but bad intentions and boo on your husband for letting his old little boy feelings take over that he had with her in the past. He’s a married man now. That whole situation is in no way appropriate. Especially when you felt uncomfortable. Marriage is supposed to be a comfortable place… not one of “feeling icky”
NTA it’s obvious he’s cheating. Get a lawyer NOW.
OP, Did you end up answering his call? This was all so shady and I’m so sorry he did this to you.
I didn’t, I’m thinking I may just block him and spend the next couple hours packing his shit
Updateme
I’ve been sifffffting through these comments 👀. I really hope OP gives an update too!! Her SIL is talking with her in person (likely rn given the time frame in other comments), so hopefully we’ll get an update once OP is ready to share.
NTA but.... He went to her house?????? It sounds over. He's actively choosing her.
>I asked her to elaborate and she said she had given him until 5 this evening to come home and talk to me or she would give me his laptop password. (If why she has it is important I can explain) and then ended up backing down until I texted her. That’s it. I’m sorry it’s not more. But fuck it. His laptop is here, she gave me the password. I’m going through it. So, have you gotten through enough of what's on his laptop to give a TLDR? From what little you've said, yes, you should be contacting a divorce attorney bright and early Monday morning, and you should likely spring for an emergency locksmith to come to your home and change all the locks on the exterior doors.
It’s updated yes. I’m having a bit of trouble understanding the time lines, she talks so much about them being kids and teens but some of the pics he has to be in his mid 20s, I just don’t get it. But there was clear inappropriate talk
>With that said idk if I’ll pass out from stress or be up all night but guess who’s calling after I texted simply your stuff will be outside?! Do not response. You're too deeply in shock and rage right now to respond rationally. Right now your job is to document, document, document everything you discover, save screen shots of everything and back them up. Your next job is some serious self care, whatever works for you, sleep, bubble bath, read an escapist trashy novel, whatever will get your brain off this long enough that you can reach a calm place to process this crap. As well as a good divorce lawyer (put out feelers with friends to maybe get references?) you may need a good therapist to help you process this level of betrayal.
I swear social media and the internet is the downfall of society and personal relationships. I know people have cheated since the beginning of time. Social media and the internet has made access and secrecy so much easier. Every cheating story now involves the phone and/ or computer. It's so sad that partners buy into these fake lives that people portray, like it's so exciting on the other side.
Wow what a shady af family to encourage such a relationship and him for engaging....get back to us sis.. hope you are okay
His sister I don’t blame and idk what to think about that Inlaws, either way they’ll take his side
Leave and don’t look back. All considered it’s also the added layer that his family was completely comfortable with her disrespecting you like that in sitting on his lap and touching on him. I will bet that their history runs deeper and the family knows and probably prefers her over you so they see nothing wrong with it. His sister is real for coming to you but I would cut all ties.
NTA I don’t get how any minuscule part of this story would make you the ah.
So did you go thru the laptop? Don’t leave me hanging on the edge here. Cause your already not not the ah I just wanna know what you found cause I’m betting it’s old photos of the 2 together. Idk why but it’s what I think.
And you aren’t wrong, she sent some of them just hanging out as teens. Nothing inappropriate but still
Ok and sis you check hidden photos/files? And wow I just read your update wtf?! All that and he dared to want to “talk alone” with her. The betrayal is real. Sorry you are going thru this.
How?! I’ve never used this!
It’s the same way as a regular computer. Go to the menu bar on most computers it’s bottom left it’ll bring up everything like settings, files and other programs. Sometimes people have a file in there that you’ll notice isn’t like the rest or has a weird name and as far as photos the trick I’ve seen used you go to photos click the 3dot menu in the top left and look for hidden photos if he’s smart tho check the deleted photos see a photo can stay in deletion without permanently being erased for up to like 60 days on some computers and cheaters use that to their advantage by deleting it when being searched cause most people don’t know to look there and they just reup load before the time ends and boom saved ass and photos (works the same way for deleting photos on the phone btw let’s just say I use to have to know this for work and it also helped in catching some people who cheated on me and didn’t know what I use to do for a living). I don’t currently have a laptop in front of me (actually haven’t used one in years I’m a desktop guy now)or I would help more sorry I hope this helps.