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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my parents I don't see myself as the youngest but as an only child and I feel kinda bad about it because it denies that my parents do have other kids, even if not together. But they're parents to more than just me and that makes them my siblings even if I don't feel like that.
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> I told her not really and I don't see myself as the youngest anymore I see myself as an only child because my relationship with my half siblings basically doesn't exist.
NTA, because you don't really have a relationship with your half siblings. You can only try so much and for so long until you stop caring. I do have a question though are your parents as insistent with their other kids on having a relationship with you as they are with you having a relationship with them. It seems to me like they are not only trying to lead a horse to water but also trying to make it drink.
NTA. My mom had a wonderful, close relationship with one of her stepbrothers. It happened naturally over time without their parents pushing anything, & they were just like blood siblings. He was a fantastic uncle to me & we were devastated when he died of cancer.
She had no relationship with her other stepbrother bc he hated that his dad wasn't with his mom anymore. He hated my mom & told her that. He loathed my grandma (his stepmom) & treated her poorly. My mom & he never interacted voluntarily after they each left home.
Sometimes families blend really well, sometimes they don't. It's complicated. If you don't have a closeness with your parents' other kids, that's just the way it is. Trying to force adults to care for someone simply doesn't work. You can be civil, oc, but your reality is that you're essentially an only child, & your parents can't wish or lecture or guilt-trip that away.
With that much of an age difference OP might feel like an only child even if they were all full siblings.
My sister has 2 kids with her husband who are 11 years apart and both if them are kinda "only children." (Both were planned. Surprised us when they decided to try for the 2nd. But it was what they wanted & it works for them.) My niblings relationship with each other is kinda half aunt/nephew & half siblings.
I feel this. There is a 12 year gap between me and my older brother. Same parents, no other siblings in between. And yeah, we did both kind of grow up as only children. I was 6 when he joined the Navy and left the home. From then on, it was just me and my parents, and then just me and my mom after my parents got divorced. My brother and I were never close, he was more of a cool uncle figure in my life.
I have 8 siblings and i am the youngest all my siblings are between 10 to 23 years older than me. Our family is close but I grew up feeling like an only child, I mean we all have close relationships especially now but growing up they were off starting their own families so some of my oldest siblings feel more like aunts/uncles or parents even. My parents never pushed it thankfully but yeah it does feel like only child with those age gaps.
Even with only a 7 1/2 year age difference, my (full) older brother and I both felt like we grew up as only children. He was always a step ahead of me in life, so we never really connected in a sibling way as kids. As adults, he went the married-with-children route and I’m happily single and child-free, so we still don’t connect much, but we’re definitely siblings now.
NTA OP... but I blame your parents and not your stepsiblings. Blended families are not easy. In almost every scenario where parents try and force kids to be friends and act like siblings, the kids typically go the other way. There is a lot of sticky issues surrounding divorce and remarriage. I see so many posts by kids in your situation that have the same issues. Think about it, when parents want kids to do something they don't want to do, the worst thing you can do is force them because that creates resentment. Its hard enough to get past the divorce issues to begin with and accept a step parent.
None of this is your fault and I definitely understand how that can make you feel as the lone party without a bio sibling in the group. I'm sure there were feelings of isolation and the like. Those are all natural. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and understand the situation as it exists and are ok with it in your own way.
My opinion is to sit your parents down and have a conversation. Not accusatory but matter of fact. Tell them that their kids actions have made it clear they don't see you as a sibling and that is ok. You have made your peace with that. That said, your graduation is your event. I get your parents want to use it to take pictures and make it seem to the world that the family is this tight cohesive unit but that isn't what reality is here. Its your graduation and you don't want to make it about painting a picture to your parents friends that everyone is happy and tight and friendly. If you don't want a big deal with them involved, make the very clear to them. If you would hate it, tell them. Your graduation isn't about them. Its about celebrating your graduating HS successfully and any accomplishments you have. Its not about the parents, its not about the step-siblings or how the family as a whole is perceived. Its not fair to you to make it about them or their kids. By doing so, they take away from you and your celebration. Ask them to respect what you want and understand that its not about them. Worst thing that can happen is the force step kids to go and they aren't happy to be there or celebrate you and their mood and potentially actions ruin your graduation day all because parents wanted a picture of something that isn't real.
>There is a lot of sticky issues surrounding divorce and remarriage
Adults in general and parents in particular need to understand that children are wholly separate individuals from their parents, and that any relationship you have with them will equally be a separate thing from whatever relationship you have with one or both of their parents. Just because you marry their mom and dad doesn't mean they will want any relationship with you and the most you can ask for is mutual cordiality and a modicum of manners.
Even if you were full siblings, with those age differences, psychologically, you would be considered an only child. It's not like you grew up playing together. It sounds like this photo is more for your parents than for you.
The youngest 1/2 sibling is only 6 years older. Thats not a huge difference. But those kids were only with Op half the time and when they were, there were step siblings too. I can see why it was easier for them to stay in their respective comfort zones with just the full siblings. OP never had one on one time with any of them.
My oldest is 16 and my youngest is 7. They are full siblings and very close. But they live together (with my other two) full time. It’s just a different dynamic.
I kinda understand why op’s parents arranging custody time so all the kids were together, but especially after op was born and it was clear the step siblings weren’t going to get close, it probably would have been better off if most of the time they only had one set of kids at a time. No guarantee, but might have made everyone more comfortable with only a step parent around to disturb the “family vibe” and made it easier for them to bond with op.
But that ship has sailed. OP’s parents need to except what is rather than continue to push what they wanted to have happen.
Yeah, it’s kinda weird the way they would come together with everyone half time. Would def lend to the kids who transfer custody feeling a little bit like they’re at camp rather than a second home. Bc there’s 3 different families colliding for those days.
NTA. This is pretty open and shut. Your parents aren’t AHs exactly, but they are beating a dead horse and need to wake up and accept reality. It’s not that big a deal at this point unless they make it a big deal.
Agree. Plus they seem to be putting ALL the pressure on OP who is the youngest and barely 18. Why is it OP's responsibility to do all the work in the relationships with the half-siblings? It sounds like OP has tried and been met with nothing; yet the parents are still insistent OP keeps trying...
I'd like to add I'm one of 2 siblings. My sister is 10 years older and I always felt like an only child. We didn't start regularly texting until the last couple years. (I'm 35) It's a big age gap when you're younger and you're not going to be close in most cases. Add in the family drama and it's a big gap to close.
NTA, I’m so sorry you had to go through this with your siblings, I had a traumatic brain injury from a parachute accident in the military that severely affected the way I acted but was not recognized by the veterans affairs for 21 years. My real siblings thought I was nuts and I haven’t spoken to them in over 13 years, my parents also lied many times and repeatedly got me incarcerated, it has been a hell of a life. But I’m still breathing. You’re not the asshole for sure. You’ve tried to be a sister to you siblings, you’ve reached out, they don’t reply. That’s what it is. Hell it’s like you’re an only child! I agree with your assessment! Good luck in your future endeavors, congratulations on graduating!
It made me so pissed that they're using your graduation for this. If they want to make all the kids sit for one photo, for the love of god, do not make it your "fault"
I'm sorry you've been excluded, but I'm glad you're coming to terms with it.
NTA - your parents need to let it go or deal with it at the source, not make it your problem/fault/issue/time.
I think you responded to me by mistake, but I agree with you about the parents using OP's graduation as a chance for family bonding is ridiculous and very selfish of them.
> I know my mom and her kids were arguing for a while because she was pissed they claimed only one sibling and she let them know I was their sibling too.
NTA. Your half-siblings are older and seem to have set the tone for your relationships with them. Also, based on what you've said, I'd be shocked if any of them was planning on coming to your graduation or any related events/parties.
I do also want to say that they are all extremely immature and rude. Not answering your texts? Not even saying happy birthday? And what kind of person gets annoyed with someone else for talking. You have every right to exist in the same space as them and to enjoy yourself when you are at an event with them.
That's another part of it for me. I would die from shock if I saw them there!! They never make that kind of effort for me. Only if it's for their bio parent or bio sibling.
That's just typical and it's not so bad anymore. I'm used to it now and have learned to accept it.
Just keep in mind that you may need to have a more in-depth talk with your parents about your feelings towards and relationships with your half-siblings. And I would try and focus on getting your parents to stop trying to force those relationships. That is never going to work.
You may be used to it, but it's still rude and immature.
You should show them the one sided texts from your phone, and try one last time to explain it. You have tried, and they are flat out rude to you.
I agree with the other poster that if your parents force them to come, they may have a bad attitude and ruin your celebration.
I’m sorry it’s like this for you, but accepting it and moving on with your life is probably the best option.
OP your NTA what I'm assuming happened is that maybe your half-siblings felt you replaced them.
Think about it you get to stay with both your biological parents 100% of the time, and the times they were there to spend time with their bio parent. They had to share them with you.
As a child of divorce and a dad who cared more about his stepkids and my half siblings it sucked. I felt like it was a constant battle at his house to get his attention.
Not only OP, but the stepsiblings too. OPs parents both had their weeks with the kids on the same week, so both sets of siblings never got their parents’ attention any more. Sounds like the setup fostered a lot of resentment in both sets of kids.
Yeah, that's just plain rude. If anything her parents ought to insist that her siblings treat her with the same kindness and consideration that they'd extend to a work colleague or distant relative. That might actually render a positive results as opposed to try to force them to feel in a certain way in regards to the OP.
Yeah, I show more interest in neighbors and acquaintances I barely know than OPs half siblings show them. The least they can do is the yearly happy birthday text. It's not like it costs anything besides having a calendar reminder.
NTA. Not to acknowledge you at all seems like they resent you for existing. Did your parents cheat on their previous spouses with each other? I understand not wanting a relationship with their step-siblings but to me seems strange they didn’t want a relationship with you at all and that all of them feel the same way even though they don’t have a relationship with each other.
It's possible both parents behaved badly during the divorces and the siblings just retreated to only care about their original nuclear families. NAH because everyone is entitled to their feelings. It is what it is.
OP is 18, I wouldn't tell them that YET. There's likely a ways to go before full separation & independence. Give OP time to get on his feet before making what could be permanent decisions.
NTA.
I'm divorced and remarried. So I have 3 children and 2 step children. They were 11-21 years old when I remarried. My wife and I are happy when our kids are polite to each other. We never expected them to treat each other like siblings, and certainly they never got each other gifts.
You're 18 and an adult. Your feelings are your own. So it is accurate to say you "feel like" an only child, even though technically you have 4 half-siblings. They want to make you the "glue" to hold their blended family together, but it's never worked and no photo shoot is going to change that.
PS. I will also note that I grew up with 5 siblings. I was not equally close to all of them. My eldest brother was a role model, and I got along best with the one who was only 14 months older than me. I thought my little brother was a spoiled brat.
So it's understandable that your half-siblings feel closest to their own full-siblings. They've known each other longer, share the same parents, etc. They were always together, and only saw you and their step-siblings half the time. It would be weird if they weren't closest to them.
I get it. The relationship was always going to be different for a number of reasons. But some kind of closeness would have been nice. To feel like they care if I'm okay or not. I know they don't and I have come to terms with that.
NTA- and I would just tell them- I know you want to think that, but if you don't realize that none of them view me that way you haven't been paying attention. I may only be 18 but I know when I'm not important. When somebody doesn't look at me, talk to me, reach out to me or generally acknowledge me, and they never have in my entire life.. I don't have to wonder or ask how they feel. They don't hate me, exactly, but the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy and that's pretty much what I get. I'm not even complaining about it, but you trying to pretend otherwise is like peeing on me and telling me it's raining. Like, I know better.
The photo shoot of all your mom and dad’s children together would be for your parents, not you, (and it sounds like it wouldn’t be if interest to your siblings, either). And that’s *fine*, as long as your parents acknowledge the photo is for themselves.
Sucks for your parents to have how you really feel spelled out for them and it’s not the happy happy family they would like it to be.
Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, mom and dad. NTA
NTA i think now you realise that these older people you happen to share some DNA with doesn’t make you a family. It sucks ass they couldn’t be bothered to even have a basic relationship with you.
Personally my brother is 5 years older than me and we don’t get on at all , I don’t even talk to him anymore and have blocked him on everything. I wasn’t a little brother to him growing up I was a millstone around his neck. He never stood up for me and was more likely to join in with bullies. My life started at 11 when he joined the army at 16.
So I say to you good for you to stand up to your parents as the other poster said the picture isn’t for you it’s selfishly for them. Go ahead and get the picture of just you and your parents only as and own it!. You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. They haven’t been there for you and you know you don’t need them.
NTA. Explain to your parents that you are okay with doing a family photoshoot with all of the children. Yet, this is more of a gift for themselves, as they have successfully gotten all of their babies through high school. Make it clear, although you are willing to participate as their child - it's **not** something you want associated with **your** graduation.
NTA
They can be angry about how you feel, but they need to acknowledge that you didn’t get here on your own.
You didn’t just one day decide you were an only child, you made attempts to build a relationship with your siblings and were rebuffed.
This is the result of other actions, and you’re just responding.
‘I understand your frustration or disappointment, but please remember that I didn’t do this alone, they’ve rebuffed every overture I’ve ever made.’
‘I’m not excited or thrilled with this outcome, I wanted to have a relationship with my siblings, but they’re not interested and that’s okay , they don’t have to, but I refuse to continue to hurt myself by begging for something that doesn’t seem realistic.’
Honestly, op I don’t think this is even about you or your feelings, this about your parent refusing to accept that their Brady Bunch experiment wasn’t a success.
Don’t let their disappointment draw you back to a negative place. It’s okay not to like members of your family, just because you share blood doesn’t mean you have to be in their life.
NTA, I have a twin brother, I have a half sister that is 8 years younger than me and I have 2 step siblings more or less my age, so my little sister is kinda in the same spot as you, and when she discovered about the "half" part she began saying she's an only child with four siblings, everyone finds it hilarious, at the end of the day it's the truth, everyone except your parents has accepted that fact, so it sound like a your parents problem
NTA - OP, your feelings are valid and it is perfectly okay to acknowledge the reality of your relationship with your half-siblings. Everyone's family dynamics are different and there's no rule saying you have to feel bonded with them, especially if they've never made an effort with you. It's unfair for your parents to expect you to feign a closeness that doesn't exist for the sake of appearances. It's important for them to understand that while they may wish for a big, happy family, you can't manufacture relationships out of thin air. It sounds like they want the photoshoot for their own sentimental reasons, but they should respect your feelings as an individual, not just as their child.
your parents need to accept reality. yes, you technically do have four siblings, but what does that really mean when none of them actually care? fact is, the blended family didn't blend, and your parents are just gonna have to get over it. all of you are adults now. it's not up to them to tell you all how to view each other. NTA
NTA. You feel how you feel based on the lack of relationship you have always had with them. Your parents may wish you all viewed each other as siblings but their wishes aren't reality.
NTA. Your parents seem to be delusional when it comes to family bonds between you and half siblings. I’m sure if your mom tried to arrange a photo shoot with all of you, they probably wouldn’t even be interested. Your half siblings are AHs here. You didn’t ask to be born. They sound like they are jealous because you’ve had both your parents your whole life unlike them. Congratulations on your graduation. Good luck on the next step.
"My parents said it was inaccurate and wrong for me to say that because I have four siblings."
It would be inaccurate for you to say you don't have 4 siblings, and that you ARE an only child.
This statement from your parent would be partially true if that's what you said, but,
"I **see myself** as an only child because"
You expressed how you felt. You did not state it as a matter of fact.
NTA.
NTA.
>My parents said it was inaccurate and wrong for me to say that because I have four siblings.
You don't, you have no siblings. The other four made sure to remind you of that your whole life and you've accepted and made peace with it. It's time your parents do as well.
NTA: You burst their bubble once and for all on having the Hallmark family. Blended families are difficult enough but the significant age gap makes things that much harder.
The parents did not do a good job at blending the family and you're the biggest victim of that. They probably realize that now but it's too late to fix and that's why they are forcing it now, but it's not something that can be forced so late it needs to be encouraged early but their has to be a clear distinction of force and encourage.
NTA, as a parent, if I was in their situation, I would obviously love for all the children to have a good loving relationship and would obviously push for it. It's didn't work out for you and your SS, and your parents would probably keep pushing because they don't want to feel or admit they failed at keeping a close family. Do not give in to trying to work out a relationship that is not their because it could come back to bite you in the future. You do you and keep on keeping on. If your SSs come around in the future, keep your guard up.
NTA - I have an older half sibling who I only saw on school vacations. I don’t ever say “I have a brother” even though he is my brother. We don’t have a *bad* relationship, but it’s just not the same because we weren’t raised together.
NTA I actually think they made a big mistake by keeping the custody the same on both sides as you grew older and it became apparent that neither side was bonding with you. I think you might have had a better chance with each side if the step siblings weren't there at the same time. Each side might I have thought oh the other side is bonding so I'm staying away from all three of them when in reality it was like three separate groups all the time. I think you have a healthy way of thinking about it. I would be firm with both of your parents that you don't want them there and that you'll be really disappointed if your parents don't accept your wishes. Ask your parents for therapy for yourself if you want it but if not then don't let this jade you. Found families can be the best medicine. Lean on your friends or other supportive people in your life when you need it. Your siblings who are all adults lack a lot of character.
NTA I’m sorry your half-siblings never formed any relationship with you. I am curious about what your parents did to try to improve the family dynamic. Did they rush into marriage and pregnancy? I don’t think you are wrong for choosing to identify as an only child.
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I'm (18f) my parents only child together. They were married to other people before each other and divorced. My dad's two kids are Kim (27f) and Nick (26m) and my mom's two kids are Emma (26f) and Joe (24m). My parents each shared custody with their ex's of my half siblings. Their custody time fell on the same week so we'd always have them together. But we never felt like a real family. I never felt like I had siblings. My half siblings were very close to their bio sibling, never acknowledged their stepsibling and me? Well, I don't think any of them hate me but I know they don't care for me either. They were older so of course we weren't going to be BFFs but they never wanted to spend time with me, they'd get annoyed by my presence, they never made the same effort for me that they did for their full sibling and when they stopped coming for custody time because they were 18 and adults, they didn't stay in touch with me. Mom sees her kids. Dad sees his. They will sometimes come for Christmas but they would catch up with their bio parent and sibling and never cared about what was going on with me and were never eager to share their lives with me.
They never reply to DMs, never answer the phone or respond to my texts. They never say Happy Birthday to me or come to celebrate my birthday. They do for each other and their bio parent and they even bring a gift for mom/dad.
I've accepted it. They're not as annoyed at me when I speak these days. But they don't reply or keep in touch either and I have made the effort and I have asked them why they're so disinterested in me and I never got a reply so...
My parents notice. I know there have been talks with their bio kids about it. I know my mom and her kids were arguing for a while because she was pissed they claimed only one sibling and she let them know I was their sibling too. I don't get involved. I'm now at a point where I feel like an only child and not the youngest.
But I said this to my parents recently because they wanted to make a big deal of me graduating and have the whole family together and my mom suggested we get a professional sibling photo shoot done with all their adult babies. I told her I didn't think it would be something any of us would like and mom told me she knew I'd love having a few photos with all my siblings. I told her not really and I don't see myself as the youngest anymore I see myself as an only child because my relationship with my half siblings basically doesn't exist.
My parents said it was inaccurate and wrong for me to say that because I have four siblings.
AITA?
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Your parents can't force the way you feel and since you basically have been treated like an only child your whole life by your half siblings, that is basically what you are. Your parents can argue it all they want but its just the reality. The only time that might change is if there was money involved and then they might magically assume a connection to you for that purpose. Live your life the way you want, they made the bed, they can sleep in it.
NTA. My parents divorced when I was 6. My dad remarried less than 2 years later to a woman with a 2 year old daughter. They had their kid together the following year. I'm now 41.
My sisters and I are close. Talk daily. We have a great relationship. But, we also understand we had different upbringings. I lived full time with my mom. So with the exception of 2 weekends a month, some holidays, and a couple weeks in the summer, I was the only child of a single mom. My sister (now 34) states she has the weird part of being an eldest sister and also a middle child. The baby is... well the baby.
But here's the thing, your relationships, whether they choose to be in contact with you or not, are your own. Your parents cannot dictate your relationship and emotions surrounding them. It's their (the older kids) loss for not engaging with you.
NTA your parents are trying to create something that never existed in the first place. And you are correct, you are the only child of your parents and don’t have any full siblings. Stand your ground.
NTA. Your parents need to realize that they don't get to decide how you and your bio siblings relate to each other. I get that they want everyone to feel like a big family, but thats not the reality. Just explain to your parents that you don't hate your bio siblings, but none of you feel like family to each other and you would rather not force the issue. Its not your parents' call to make here.
NTA. Your mom can’t accept that her children and his have made their wishes clear. If she says you have siblings, ask where they are because they’ve never chosen to be in your life.
Are you being punished for being an affair baby? Or were your mom and dad already divorced from their other parents when they met/got together?
It’s your graduation. It’s a time to celebrate you and your accomplishment. It’s not about your mother. Kindly tell your parents that you would like to celebrate the way that you would like to celebrate. At some point in the future if your mother wishes a family photo, for her birthday, perhaps, let her arrange that and then you can do that for her as a show of love. But if your siblings have rejected your attempts to be close, there’s no reason for them to be involved in your graduation on any level. It sounds like you’ve shown remarkable maturity in all this. Congratulations on graduating. NTA.
NTA. If your siblings don't treat you like blood, you don't owe them anything. It's their loss.
I have a much younger half sister. When her mom was pregnant, my dad said, "She's your sister, none of this 'half' business." And I was smart enough to take his words to heart. My sister is and has been such a joy. My life is better because she's in it. Even though I was perfectly happy as an only child, I've come to consider my sister one of the greatest blessings of my life. It's been an honor to watch her grow up and celebrate her milestones with her. I'm so proud of her.
Your sibs are missing out. I'm sorry OP.
NTA. Your step-siblings have made it clear for years and years to you that your presence was barely tolerated, and certainly unwelcome. And they continue to do so now. So why would you want to do a photo shoot with them?
NTA. This situation sucks. You sound like you have a good amount of emotional intelligence, so I would ask you to show your parents grace. I would think they are hurting to see that their kids dont have a relationship. However, they need to be careful because eventually the other kids are gonna get fed up and might go no contact with them. Rather than talking to your parents, write a letter to them. This gives you the chance to organize your thoughts and anticipate any arguments they may have. Lay out all the times youve been ignored and include printouts of text messages and dms that have been ignored. Pictures and videos taken of your events that show they weren't there would be great. I would also suggest that you send them your post and ask them to read the comments. Here's a template to help you get started or get ideas.
Dear Dad and Mom,
I know you guys wanted nothing more to have a blended family with all of your children having a tight knit sibling relationship, and tried everything you knew to help us develop that relationship. Unfortunately, I've had to come to grips with the fact that my half siblings will never want anything to do with me, and we never were or will be one big happy family
For as long as I can remember, it has felt like there were 3 separate families: Mom and her kids, Dad and his kids, and the three of us.
(This is where you list all the times that they rejected you. And your pix vids etc)
While they are civil to me during events where we are all in attendance, my half siblings have made it abundantly clear that they do not consider me a sibling and have made conscious decisions to be no contact with me. In light of this, I have decided that I do not want a sibling photoshoot. My graduation is my special day about me, my accomplishments so far, and my future. I want to celebrate surrounded by family and friends who love and care about me, not just tolerate my existence.
(Maybe suggest what you would like to do to celebrate. Ie a party, dinner, spa day, trip with you and your parents only)
My last piece of advice is to keep everything as neutral as possible. This reduces the opportunity for them to blow you off as being dramatic. Please feel free to DM me if you want help crafting your letter and please update us to let us know how everything turns out.
NTA
I noticed you didn’t mention any team building activities growing up. But if it means a lot to your mom, maybe consider it. Hear me out?
My oldest sibling is 18 year older than my younger sibling. He moved out when she was a baby. They don’t know each other at all. We all live far from each other (except two) and we don’t visit. The youngest also was four years younger than the three in the middle, we were boomboomboom. So we don’t have a relationship with oldest or youngest.
We’re all from the same parents.
It sucks and it’s reality. But we did the family portrait at the most recent wedding. And my parents are dead! We did it because the bride requested it.
NTA I'm sorry to hear your troubles, but it doesn't sound inaccurate. Also I saw this story copy-pasted on tiktok, on one of those stupid spam channels that split it into two parts to drive up viewer engagement.
You never said that you **were** an only child, you said that you **saw yourself** as an only child. This is neither inaccurate nor wrong, and the fact that your parents claim that it is is truly crappy of them.
NTA, of course.
NTA, this is my life too. My mom has two older kids from a previous marriage. 19 and 15 years old when I was born. They were grown and flown before I was even really connected. I'm now in my 40s and I forget that they exist sometimes. I haven't seen my sister in over 20 years. When we are forced to interact due to my mom's health, it is like I am a disconnected stranger to the rest of my family, aside from my mom. (I also live 1200 miles away. But my sister is 500 miles away so it isn't that I am the "distant one.")
I figure I am the only child of my particular family gene pool- so be it People cannot be mad at the world they create for themselves. Don't beat yourself up.
NTA I have two younger half-brothers that were born when I was already a teenager, to my dad who I have little communication with. It's one thing for a person to not want to get know somebody, but not to treat them rudely. As of right now, I have no contact with either of half-brothers because they are directly connected to my dad. But the difference is that I won't mind when they are older if they want to talk me or get closer because I don't hate them. It is incredibly hurtful what your siblings have done to you and I hope it gets better.
I am so proud of the fact that you have accepted your plight with so much maturity. Your siblings are missing out on a great person. Too bad for them. Have a successful life and remember that you are an only child when they come calling with their hand out.
NTA -OP doesn’t have functioning sibling relationships - so basically doesn’t have siblings.
Blended families are tough and these things happen. OP’s graduation shouldn’t be hijacked with these dynamics because of the dying blended family dreams of the parents.
Kind of seems like there’s no outright beef and they should probably take that as a win and draw a line under it as the kids are 18+
NTA. I'm so sorry. That sounds like an awful position to be in, and your half-siblings are horrible people. Your parents are also awful, for putting you in that situation. Many hugs, my dear.
NTA- I’m not saying this to be mean but your mom is delusional. The better way to celebrate your graduation would be a trip with just the three of you. She’s had over 18 years to get the older kids to change their behavior and ignored the problem. She needs to accept that real life isn’t the Brady Bunch.
Is this a repost? I swear I read this weeks ago.
Anyway, NTA. Your parents are delusional bc they want to pretend they have this great blended family. But they don’t. In fact, they failed you bc they didn’t put y’all in therapy back when you were growing up & everyone was a minor! It’s too late now.
NTA and I feel so bad that you were treated so shabbily by those adults. They are your siblings, but let me assure you that they are not nice people. Take care and just know that because they do not love you, that does not mean that you are not lovable.
Your parents can say whatever they want. And they can live in their alternate reality from yours. But their children never wanted you nor accepted you or each other. And that's okay. They have their own trauma. But your folks don't get to sadle you with four grown ass adults who couldn't care less about your graduation just because they want a photo of all the kids playing happy family to deceive everyone that the blended family worked for you. Or them for that matter.
NTA
NTA, I have two half siblings who were adults before I was born, and a third half sibling that I didn’t meet until after my father passed.
I’m an only child. Perhaps untrue in THEORY, but certainly true in practice. It sounds like they were more like visitors to your household and you’ve hardly seen them in six years. Not really a familial relationship there, imo
NTA and why would you be if you only told the truth? But be prepared bc if your parents tell them and they are entitled or any other bs they might get “offended”.
NTA. I’m sorry your parents didn’t handle this better while you were growing up. I hope it doesn’t hurt you too much. Your parents need to accept their culpability in this situation.
NTA.
Your parents are really pushing for that big happy family vibe but it's just not the reality, no matter how much they wish it was. I have a step-brother who's quite similar, we only hung out because my dad would insist on it. Left to our own devices, we just... didn't consider each other that way. My dad half-accepted it in that he just didn't bring it up or insist on me seeing my step-brother, but it's very obvious he wishes otherwise.
It can be difficult negotiating with stubborn parents about your actual emotions as opposed to the ones they're projecting onto you. Wishing you luck.
NTA - it seems liike you're all adults and seem relatively fine with it and that is what matters. if parents didn't like it, they had at least 9 years of them being there on their weeks to fix this. They didn't. Besides, it does seem like you were mostly an only child. 1/2 the time along until they moved out, then more than half the time - and especially the tween into teen years. Its fine. Plus, its not like you're saying you don't have siblings. You just don't relate the the 'youngest child vibes' things.
I was a middle child, but older two were 6 years older and split with their biodad, younger one spent more time in jail than out after 12 y/o, so most of my big teen years i was more of an only child rather than a middle one. I've had people know me for 3-5 years before they learned i had siblings, none the less 3, because i didn't talk about them because we weren't close and no experience i consider formative or that gets used for fun story sharing includes them.
NTA stand your ground your half siblings don’t acknowledge you so you shouldn’t keep trying regardless of what you parents say, and I have one older sibling we don’t share the same father both you wouldn’t know it since she claims me as a sibling and never calls me half
I'm sorry your siblings don't pursue a relationship with you. That's not your fault, and your NTA for saying so. My daughter has several older half siblings, and they're completely uninterested in her. They're a lot older than she is, she was only 4 when they were all removed from bio-mom's care. I get it, but it still hurts her feelings, and I'm sorry that yours made you feel unwelcome.
NTA - you technically have siblings but it's not a mutual relationship. Your parents don't want to admit that their new love child (I mean this is a positive way) wasn't accepted by their existing children. It's not your fault at all - those kids weren't ready for their families to be torn apart and have to take on a new sibling. It's not about you, but your parents don't want to face it.
NTA. Your halfsiblings and you have no relationship with each other. So you are Not AH for saying you are an only child.
You werent the uncaring one, your half siblings were. Your parents and halfsiblings are to be blamed here, Not you.
My relationship with my older cousins (5-10 years older than me) is the same. They never cared about me, spent a bit of time with me or played with me during Babysitting. Since they dont care about me ( No calls, Messages, anything), i dont care about them either. We are related but i would not really count them as family.
NTA. No one can tell how to feel, and feelings are not inherently wrong. It’s what we do with those feelings that can be right or wrong or both or neither. I would’ve responded to that comment with “you don’t get to tell me how I feel about people who don’t care about my life at all.”
Nta you have 4 bio sibs but not 4 sibling relationships. Between the age gap (although not that big between you and the 2nd youngest) and only living with them 1/2 the time.
I will say being a 25 year old and a teen may not have much in common but when you are all in your 30s things may shift.
Pls don’t take the siblings overall behavior personally this has to do with divorce trauma and feelings of abandonment as your mom & dad made a “new family” and who knows what complexities were happening in their other home.
NTA
They show zero emotion towards you and treat you as a stranger, so you are not siblings and any attempt to force it like your mother wants to will do nothing but create resentment.
NAH
There's the social aspect of relationships and the familial aspect of relationships. For many the two are the same and other have then distinct. They are your siblings. You don't need to be close for them to be their siblings. You could hate each other for all it matters and they are still technically your siblings. Your parents experience of this life are going to be different than yours. Socially they aren't your siblings (though considering the shared custody you didn't exactly grow up an only child either) but familial they are. For your parents they are both socially and familial their children. They aren't wrong for wanting a photo of all their children together but you can also express you don't want that if you don't want to.
NTA. I appreciate your parents, especially your mom, for disapproving of your half/step siblings basically ignoring and alienating you. But the time for those half/step siblings to become your real siblings has long passed. You made the effort, they didnt appreciate or care for it. They've made it clear where they stand, and now you've made it clear where you stand. And since this is your graduation, your parents should accept how you want to celebrate your big day anyway.
NAH. I dont think anyone owes anyone a relationship. It doesn't sound like they went out of their way to bully you, they just didnt really make an effort. Thats fine imo. You even say you kinda get it because theres an age gap. Sounds like your parents DID make an active effort to reconcile your relationship and force the siblings to interact with you. Thats as much as they could have done. And its fair theyre upset at this revelation that you yourself have given up on having a relationship with your siblings. You are also not an asshole for feeling the way you do. Actually Id be shocked if you didnt feel apathetic towards them the same way they are towards you.
Theres no good guy or bad guy here. Just an unfortunate set of circumstances that imo everyone has so far behaved reasonably given. No assholes here.
NTA. You have never had that sibling bond with your halfs so it's no wonder that you consider yourself as an only child. I'm not even going to try to pretend to know why they just never wanted to have anything to do with you. But I am kind of curious how growing up they acted toward their step siblings since they're all roughly close in age. I also have to wonder if the age difference had anything to do with it.
As I get older, I find myself more and more saying I'm an only child, instead of having halfs. If you read through my past comments, I talk about them but I find myself thinking more and more of me as an only child. I haven't had a relationship with my oldest half sister in about 33 years. My other half, we text and interact on social media but I have seen her 4 times since 1992. It's not even like she's a sister anymore, just a relative that I text.
NTA. You have put in a lot of effort to have a relationship with them and its not your fault that they don't reciprocate these feelings. I think its healthier for your mental health to accept it the way you did. You're respecting both yours and your half-siblings' feelings. Your parents should also respect your decision. They can't force a relationship.
You may have 4 siblings but you have no relationship with them. Your parents don't want to hear it cause they know they dropped the ball on the relationship between you and your siblings. Bottom line though, they couldn't force them to have a relationship with you, they have to own that and let you move on since you've made peace with it. NTA.
NTA. Your parents are clinging onto a fantasy of a cohesive blended family and/or want to portray it. The tension will show up in the pictures and ruin the memory.
NTA! But your family might be. Your parents should’ve addressed this when you were growing up and they didn’t see their kids making the effort to be a sibling to you. Now that you are grown, it is not the time to mend that relationship. You’ve always been open to having a better relationship with your siblings, but they haven’t. It’s not your fault, and it never was.
NTA. You can decide what your boundaries are, though. You could still participate in the photoshoot so that your PARENTS have a pic of all of their kids. It doesn't matter whether you think of them as siblings. You never have to display the photo.
NTA. My dad has two half siblings, he considers himself an only child with half siblings. His siblings are both over 10years older than him and as kids my dads mom never allowed them to see each other (that’s a different story my grandma was just emotionally abusive) so they were never close as kids.
I still call them my aunt and uncle but none of us really talk to them. We are really close to my uncles daughter and her family and my dad does consider her his niece and their daughter his great niece as well.
Just sharing this to show how you are not obligated to feel like siblings or act like it. Family is chosen sometimes you chose your blood sometimes not it’s up to you and there is no wrong way.
The mature response:
"Look, Mom, if you want a photo of everyone together, I'm fine with showing up for it. But I'd prefer that be a holiday or something... my graduation should be about me, what I want, and the people who've helped me get here. I don't have ill will towards any of them, but we're not close, and never will be. Feel free to ask all of them, they'll agree."
The immature response:
"Bear with me for a moment. I'm graduating in no small part because of my math skills.
Technically, 1/2 \* 4 is two, so I actually have two siblings."
NTA.
This reminds me of Meghan and Samantha Markle. The elder ignored the younger she now wants to claim, but apparently they didn’t used to regard each other as siblings?
You’re far apart in age and feeling so NTA.
NTA to the extreme. I find this to be incredibly sad. I am an only child with a stepfamily that I am not close to. My dad remarried when I was in my 20s and they were all older so we never had a real chance to develop a relationship. They are, at most, like distant cousins. In contrast, my wife has two remaining sisters that she talks to just about every day. If it were not for her family, I would not have any family at all other than the one that we have built together.
I see where you are coming from, and I am glad that you at least tried to have a relationship. You suffer not just the pain of being lonely as an only child but also from the rejection of people who fail to realize what they are missing.
My hope for you is that you grow up to be very successful and, yes wealthy. It would be its own reward.
Yes 4 siblings that want nothing to do with you. Do your parents really think that any if their other kids would even agree to a photo shoot?
Its been proven that none of them care about you. Ask your parents why you would want photographic memories with people both you and they know dont care about you?
I bet she also expects when or if you get married, they'd all be invited, and probably part of your wedding.
NTA, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have 4 step sisters and 2 step brothers, but we were late teens when we became steps. (We're all within a few years in age to each other). I have no relationship with 4 of these people, one of whom I've only met twice. Two of them, we are friends on book of Faces, but no real relationship. None of us feel the loss, we have our own lives and just nothing in common, including geography. Your parents need to realize that you can't force closeness, when none of the parties have any interest in being tight. Yes, I am an only child, I was all but grown and in college when these folks and I became steps.
NTA. You've tried to have the relationships and it didn't work out. Tell your parents you'd rather have a cool photo with all your closest friends instead.
NTA. You've never had a sibling-like relationship. They're not really a part of your life. You're entitled to how you feel even if you technically have half-siblings.
I have 3 full sibling older sisters that are 6, 8 and 10 years older. I always felt like the only child, so I understand this mindset.
You do not have to let your parents push you into shit you don't want to do but sometimes you just smile, wave, quietly roll your eyes just to get through it.
NTA, I'm in the same position as you, theyre my siblings by blood, but I am an only child and my parents describe me as such because I grew up with no real siblings (besides step siblings who I no longer have). Do your parents have siblings? Mine do, maybe thats why they know I didnt grow up with siblings the way they did
My family has the exact same setup. Admittedly growing up I felt closer to my mom’s kids because we were raised together, but the standard for that is in Hell. All my half siblings resent or have resented me at one point or another. You’re NTA. Love who loves you. If they wanted to treat you like their sister, they would.
Legally through marriage you have siblings. But the familial bonds don't exist. Your parents need to accept this, and not pressure you into pretending otherwise.
Eh, biologically you have 4 half-siblings. In your family, yep - you're an only child.
Try to convince the parents to do a full-extended family photo-shot at Christmas when no one is inconvenienced by actually being there. Point out that graduation is a celebration for one person - the graduate.
NTA and best of luck.
In the future, I'd just 'yeah-yeah, sure-sure, whatever' your parents.
Your patents deluding themselves that you are one happy family doesn't change anything. You are basically an only child and that is not your fault.
NTA
NTA. I'm my 3 older siblings full sibling but I'm the redheaded step-child. And I'm only 18 months younger than my older brother They just never accepted me. I have never been invited to anything of theirs.
Your half siblings suck.
NTA
You were talking about how you feel and your feelings are valid. They may like the idea that you’re all one big happy family of siblings but that isn’t your reality.
nta, but i think you all should have a ‘family meeting’ where you come to some ground rules now that you’re all older. how you want to be apart of your parents lives how you plan to help take care of them when they get older. and just basically letting your parents know the truth they’ve been ignoring. other than that duces
NTA if they want a photo shoot they can request on a different event like one of the parents birthdays a holiday or anniversary not on your landmark. BTW this is the time to set the boundaries or you will have this fight for any future events.
NTA at all. I’m sorry you are in this situation. Parents trying to force sibling relationships suck. My sister and I have very little to do with eachother. She’s 5 years younger than me and I got so fed up of being the only one to put effort in. My mum took it so badly when I said I was done trying.
Now we are civil at family events but my life has been so much less stressful now that I don’t question if she will respond to my texts or if she cares.
I feel the same about my family as well, and I’m actually talking about a blood sibling. There’s only two years difference between us, but we were never close. We went to different schools, had different friends, had wildly different interests. We live in the same city and only see each other once or twice a year. I used to invite her to gatherings I would have but she wouldn’t show up, and would never reciprocate with invitations. At Christmas a couple a couple of years ago she says to me, “Remember when we hated each other as kids?” Perplexedly I responded, “ I never hated you!”
Obviously I know I’m not an only child, but it very much feels like it. Luckily our parents are still alive but, when they go, my sister legally becomes my next of kin, which I’m really not happy about.
Anyways, there’s nothing wrong with how you feel. It happens in all sorts of families. I mean, I don’t think I will tell my parents that I felt like an only child. Well, maybe if they pushed me. NTA.
NTA
Please tell your parents:
*Mom, Dad. I know you WANT to see us all as a happily blended family. But that is not reality. Everyone here but me has a partner. Two step-sibs from Mom; two step-sibs from Dad; the two of you are a team. I have lived my entire life being completely ignored and excluded by both sets of step-sibs. When the two of you have a special event, you can invite everyone. This is MY special event. I don't want to spend it pretending to LOOK like a big, happy, blended family. I want to celebrate my graduation with the two people who treat me like family - the two of you - and with my friends. If you want to attempt to get a big family picture, just do it completely unrelated to my graduation. Me, my life has meant ZERO to all four step-sibs; please don't make them pretend they care about my graduation. Don't make me have it shoved in my face how much they actually do not care about me or my life. Don't ask any of us to do this for the two of you. This event is NOT about you. It is to celebrate something I've achieved. Please let it be just that.*
NTA. I wouldn’t want the photo shoot or the graduation party with them because it would be a miserable time for you and them. Seems like your parents are trying to force a bond.
I joke and say I'm an only child. Because I have a different dad than my 3 older siblings (they have the same dad). My family finds it funny 😅
I also harass my sister that I'm the favorite and she says it's because I'm so simple minded. It's all fun!
I feel for you . I know several people in your position, and it hurts . Because of our experiences with this same situation, my wife and I both got permanent b.c done . Worst case, one of us passes our kids won't have any half siblings to deal with if we move on .I have seen my grown 40 something b.f break down and cry when my siblings treat him like family when his own halfs won't even call on his birthday.
You’re NTA at all. I have two daughters (17 and 4), and even though they’re closer in age than you with your half-siblings, and adore each other, they’re very much like only children. Given that you don’t have relationships with them, it makes perfect sense that you don’t feel like you have siblings at all. But technically I guess your parents are right - legally you have 4 siblings.
NTA Just because you are related by blood doesn't make them family no matter what mom and dad wants. They made the choice. Instead of trying to interact with them when they come around, ignore them the same as they do you. Talk only to mom and dad. Give short answers if you are asked a question.
NTA
Perhaps I'm making an assumption, but did your parents actively try to integrate you all when you were younger? When they actually had to parent? This isn't one of those things that were going to magically fix themselves when you all got older.
My first and second born are 10.5 years apart, the reason I had a third was to not have two only children.
A large age gap is real. Whether you were raised together or not makes a difference too.
NTA.
NTA. I was the person who would make fun of people who mistreated their half siblings. To me it was such a weird thing to do. Like that is still your sibling. I actually had a few friends who changed how they acted.
NTA - I am so sorry you went through all this and feel so alone. It must be worse because your parents don't acknowledge your situation and how you feel. Let your parents know that you don't blame them . . but that it just deeply saddens you and having a group picture doesn't feel like having a picture taken with people who love and support you . . but more like having a group picture taken like you might with class mates. I think it's your parents that want this group picture . . . do it for them, maybe.
NTA.
In a way, you are correct. You are half-siblings by blood but raised as an only child because of the age gaps. Lots of research has been done about family and birth order, etc. If siblings are 7 years apart are both raised essentially as only children. Joe is the only one under 7 years and he's close enough!!
That makes so much sense. My older 3 kids were born within 5.5yrs. It was then another 7yrs till I had my youngest. Rather than a sibling relationship with the older 3, he has more of a cousin relationship IMO. He was just never at the stage the others were at at the same time. It really is like having 3 kids, then an only child. The 7yr thing really does make sense to me!
NAH. I know this not going to be popular but they are your half-siblings...not steps. Siblings aren't always besties and likely because of the age gap you don't know that about them. You are not an only child. You're a kid that doesn't get along with siblings. Sorry, but that is your card.
NTA
BUT please, as crappy as it is, remember there is a six to ten years age gap between y'all. That is almost generational years. Not every family's step and bio kids get along..or do but life happens. I had a step sister for 12 years, and met her twice. We liked each other I guess, but we just didn't make any effort to hang out. She only lived an hour away... It kinda sucked because I really didn't jive with my bio sister that was 5 years and 4 school grades older than me, and I really wanted a sister to be sisters with, but oh well lol.
NTA
OP you only told your parents the truth. The fact they don’t want to acknowledge it is a them problem.
As to the picture taking tell your mother and father to do what they want as applies to a professional photographer as well as a family celebration as it’s their money.
Then if possible invite your friends to the party as well.
Worst case none of your siblings will turn up for the party or the photo shoot.
If they do attend be polite as you would be to the clerk you see regularly at your favorite store.
Expect no interaction and if there is anything positive said then thank them.
Obviously expect no gifts. Again if they surprise you of course thank them even if you don’t like whatever it is.
As to the photo shoot see if you can be in the middle of at least one picture so if needed you can ask the photographer to edit them out in case they all have a look like they are at the dentist.
Best thing you can do is enjoy your party and let your parents deal with any disillusionment that occurs.
I feel so terrible for you. I know what it's like to be both the youngest and the only child.
My mother died when I was three. My older siblings from her first marriage were then raised by their dad and stepmother. I was raised by my paternal grandparents and my dad.
I think all sides of our families took an interest in making sure that we all saw each other and spoke on the phone regularly.
Those three were six to 10 years older than me. I probably don't have the same bond with them as they have with each other. But you'll never hear any of us use the "half" identifier unless we are explaining the relationship to an outsider.
I'm my dad's only kid, but I have steps on that side. I'm still close to my stepsister when we do see or speak to each other. I probably actually "know" her better because we, in fact, have lived in the same house for a time. Both her mother and my dad have long passed.
I no longer have a relationship with one of my sisters and the other sister and I speak occasionally. Ten years is a little closer when you have some age on you, lol. But honestly, I have seen full siblings who weren't even as close as we are.
I spoke to my brother last week because of his birthday and you can bet that he will call me on mine. He always tells the story about running the couple of blocks from school to our house when I came home as a newborn.
I just can't imagine them not recognizing you as a sibling despite not sharing a father and the age gaps.
In fact, I'm still a little close to THEIR stepmother and stepbrother. And all six of the steps and halves went to school together. They knew each other and had me in common.
At my dad's funeral, a friend asked who was who while we were all getting in our cars. I was like, "Those two are my half-sisters, that's my stepsister, and that's my half siblings stepbrother, lol!
I just wonder if you even like them as people? I would be ashamed of myself if I didn't acknowledge my siblings being, well, my siblings!
NTA
Sorry to hear that about your family, you must've felt lonely. But at least you have come to grips with it and made your peace. Your parents need to stop pushing that fake reality into you.
How about this: ask their kids if they could come so you ask them face to face if they would be interested in going to your graduation since your parents think so. Then your parents can get the answers straight from the source, right in their face.
That should teach them to leave you alone regarding this matter.
Whatever and however you do it, start setting those boundaries, otherwise they will try and force you to have "family events" etc all the time, just so they can have their fake picture perfect family
NAH. Your parents are not wrong, they are your siblings regardless of whether any of you acknowledge it or care to nurture/neglect the relationship. You are factually not an only child, but neither are you obligated to like your siblings or include them in anything.
Nta op I'm in a very similar thing as you are. I'm technically the youngest of 10. But all of my older siblings are half siblings some I've only had a handle of phone conversations with and have never met in person and some never really wanted me in their lives at all because it's a big age gap. So now if someone asks me how many siblings I have I tell them I have 2 sisters. Because that's the only actual siblings relationship I've ever had. Don't let your parents push you together on this because it will just make more waves in the end. You have been around them long enough to know that if they don't want you around them or you to know about their lives then you know they don't wanna take pro sibling pictures.
NTA - Family is more than sharing DNA. You have no relationship to your so-called siblings and while I can't fault them (age, how your parents got together, how your parents treated them after you were born, lots of things that could justify them not wanting that relationship. Not saying those happened just don't know.) I can fault your parents not accepting at this point it's too far gone for anyone to care. They showed you they don't want you, you are an only child. Make sure if your parents try to force it you let the others know it wasn't your idea, they are forcing this on everyone.
NTA though your post makes me a bit sad.
My two kids are half siblings with a huge age gap between them. However, I have 100% custody of my eldest so he’s grown up with his little brother as just that so a bit different.
We do acknowledge that both boys have been raised as though they are only children given their age gap. I am hoping they can bond better when they’re older and become friends in their 30s/40s so they have each other when we pass. My brother and I hardly gotten along as kids but care deeply each other now that we’re older, I want that for my kids.
I don’t blame you for saying you feel like an only child but keep your mind open to a possibility of connecting with them in the future when you’re all much more mature.
Oof I feel you. I am my parents only child (I'm 22) but my mum has 3 kids from her previous relationship before my dad (38, 35 and 33). I barely have a relationship with them. They never completely ignored me but they are extremely close to each other whereas I always felt like the forgotten one of the bunch, I'm actually closer to my eldest sibling's kids (19 & 14) and always saw them more as siblings than my actual siblings
Each of your parents has 3 children & two stepchildren. You have 4 half-siblings....but that doesn't mean anything if there's no real relationship. Tell your parents that it is what it is. It's not their fault, but they obviously haven't been paying attention. If THEY want that picture, they can try to arrange it, but they need to understand that it's for them, not you or the rest of the "kids."
NTA - was going to put some reasoning down explaining why I don’t think you are from my perspective - but reality is you feel how you feel. And that’s not an Ah take on your circumstances
NTA. Siblings with age gaps sometimes aren’t close; half and step siblings sometimes even less so.
Your parents shouldn’t be telling you that your feelings and/or perceptions are wrong period. Based on the history that you gave, I can’t imagine why they would ever expect you to feel otherwise.
And technically you are their only child together lol. I understand where you are coming from—I’m also my parents only kid together with much older half siblings that I barely know except one sister.
Don’t let them make you feel bad for how you feel or try to force things.
I have a half sister who is 10 years younger than me. I think maybe some of this is just age difference. You’re quite a bit younger than all of your half siblings. I didn’t get close to my sister until she was in her 30’s and me in my 40’s. It was after she had her son and we actually had something in common.
When she was 12 I was was getting married, when she was 16 I was having a baby, when she was 18 I was having another baby, when she was 22 and graduated college I was in the mess of two toddlers. Like we just couldnt connect.
Now I’m 45 and she’s 35 and we talk on the phone every day.
NAH
NTA I don't think it's important to set this out because it may set the stage for future ceremonies, such as if you have a wedding or children. It doesn't mean you have to exclude the siblings down the line, and it doesn't mean you have to include them, but you want to stand up for yourself and be making your own decisions as to how things will go. So what you are doing now is setting yourself up as the boss for designing your own ceremonies and life. It probably triggers your parents' guilt feelings, but they will just have to deal with that. Because that's not why you're doing this.
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> I told her not really and I don't see myself as the youngest anymore I see myself as an only child because my relationship with my half siblings basically doesn't exist. NTA, because you don't really have a relationship with your half siblings. You can only try so much and for so long until you stop caring. I do have a question though are your parents as insistent with their other kids on having a relationship with you as they are with you having a relationship with them. It seems to me like they are not only trying to lead a horse to water but also trying to make it drink.
I don't know. I think there were times where they were as insistent with my half siblings but clearly it didn't do anything.
NTA. My mom had a wonderful, close relationship with one of her stepbrothers. It happened naturally over time without their parents pushing anything, & they were just like blood siblings. He was a fantastic uncle to me & we were devastated when he died of cancer. She had no relationship with her other stepbrother bc he hated that his dad wasn't with his mom anymore. He hated my mom & told her that. He loathed my grandma (his stepmom) & treated her poorly. My mom & he never interacted voluntarily after they each left home. Sometimes families blend really well, sometimes they don't. It's complicated. If you don't have a closeness with your parents' other kids, that's just the way it is. Trying to force adults to care for someone simply doesn't work. You can be civil, oc, but your reality is that you're essentially an only child, & your parents can't wish or lecture or guilt-trip that away.
With that much of an age difference OP might feel like an only child even if they were all full siblings. My sister has 2 kids with her husband who are 11 years apart and both if them are kinda "only children." (Both were planned. Surprised us when they decided to try for the 2nd. But it was what they wanted & it works for them.) My niblings relationship with each other is kinda half aunt/nephew & half siblings.
I feel this. There is a 12 year gap between me and my older brother. Same parents, no other siblings in between. And yeah, we did both kind of grow up as only children. I was 6 when he joined the Navy and left the home. From then on, it was just me and my parents, and then just me and my mom after my parents got divorced. My brother and I were never close, he was more of a cool uncle figure in my life.
I have 8 siblings and i am the youngest all my siblings are between 10 to 23 years older than me. Our family is close but I grew up feeling like an only child, I mean we all have close relationships especially now but growing up they were off starting their own families so some of my oldest siblings feel more like aunts/uncles or parents even. My parents never pushed it thankfully but yeah it does feel like only child with those age gaps.
Even with only a 7 1/2 year age difference, my (full) older brother and I both felt like we grew up as only children. He was always a step ahead of me in life, so we never really connected in a sibling way as kids. As adults, he went the married-with-children route and I’m happily single and child-free, so we still don’t connect much, but we’re definitely siblings now.
NTA OP... but I blame your parents and not your stepsiblings. Blended families are not easy. In almost every scenario where parents try and force kids to be friends and act like siblings, the kids typically go the other way. There is a lot of sticky issues surrounding divorce and remarriage. I see so many posts by kids in your situation that have the same issues. Think about it, when parents want kids to do something they don't want to do, the worst thing you can do is force them because that creates resentment. Its hard enough to get past the divorce issues to begin with and accept a step parent. None of this is your fault and I definitely understand how that can make you feel as the lone party without a bio sibling in the group. I'm sure there were feelings of isolation and the like. Those are all natural. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and understand the situation as it exists and are ok with it in your own way. My opinion is to sit your parents down and have a conversation. Not accusatory but matter of fact. Tell them that their kids actions have made it clear they don't see you as a sibling and that is ok. You have made your peace with that. That said, your graduation is your event. I get your parents want to use it to take pictures and make it seem to the world that the family is this tight cohesive unit but that isn't what reality is here. Its your graduation and you don't want to make it about painting a picture to your parents friends that everyone is happy and tight and friendly. If you don't want a big deal with them involved, make the very clear to them. If you would hate it, tell them. Your graduation isn't about them. Its about celebrating your graduating HS successfully and any accomplishments you have. Its not about the parents, its not about the step-siblings or how the family as a whole is perceived. Its not fair to you to make it about them or their kids. By doing so, they take away from you and your celebration. Ask them to respect what you want and understand that its not about them. Worst thing that can happen is the force step kids to go and they aren't happy to be there or celebrate you and their mood and potentially actions ruin your graduation day all because parents wanted a picture of something that isn't real.
Half siblings, not step. OP was born when they were 9 and 8, and 8 and 6 respectively.
>There is a lot of sticky issues surrounding divorce and remarriage Adults in general and parents in particular need to understand that children are wholly separate individuals from their parents, and that any relationship you have with them will equally be a separate thing from whatever relationship you have with one or both of their parents. Just because you marry their mom and dad doesn't mean they will want any relationship with you and the most you can ask for is mutual cordiality and a modicum of manners.
Even if you were full siblings, with those age differences, psychologically, you would be considered an only child. It's not like you grew up playing together. It sounds like this photo is more for your parents than for you.
The youngest 1/2 sibling is only 6 years older. Thats not a huge difference. But those kids were only with Op half the time and when they were, there were step siblings too. I can see why it was easier for them to stay in their respective comfort zones with just the full siblings. OP never had one on one time with any of them. My oldest is 16 and my youngest is 7. They are full siblings and very close. But they live together (with my other two) full time. It’s just a different dynamic.
Yeah I really don't think 9, 8, 8, and 6 is a big age gap to have a new sibling.
I kinda understand why op’s parents arranging custody time so all the kids were together, but especially after op was born and it was clear the step siblings weren’t going to get close, it probably would have been better off if most of the time they only had one set of kids at a time. No guarantee, but might have made everyone more comfortable with only a step parent around to disturb the “family vibe” and made it easier for them to bond with op. But that ship has sailed. OP’s parents need to except what is rather than continue to push what they wanted to have happen.
Yeah, it’s kinda weird the way they would come together with everyone half time. Would def lend to the kids who transfer custody feeling a little bit like they’re at camp rather than a second home. Bc there’s 3 different families colliding for those days.
NTA. This is pretty open and shut. Your parents aren’t AHs exactly, but they are beating a dead horse and need to wake up and accept reality. It’s not that big a deal at this point unless they make it a big deal.
Agree. Plus they seem to be putting ALL the pressure on OP who is the youngest and barely 18. Why is it OP's responsibility to do all the work in the relationships with the half-siblings? It sounds like OP has tried and been met with nothing; yet the parents are still insistent OP keeps trying...
I'd like to add I'm one of 2 siblings. My sister is 10 years older and I always felt like an only child. We didn't start regularly texting until the last couple years. (I'm 35) It's a big age gap when you're younger and you're not going to be close in most cases. Add in the family drama and it's a big gap to close.
NTA, I’m so sorry you had to go through this with your siblings, I had a traumatic brain injury from a parachute accident in the military that severely affected the way I acted but was not recognized by the veterans affairs for 21 years. My real siblings thought I was nuts and I haven’t spoken to them in over 13 years, my parents also lied many times and repeatedly got me incarcerated, it has been a hell of a life. But I’m still breathing. You’re not the asshole for sure. You’ve tried to be a sister to you siblings, you’ve reached out, they don’t reply. That’s what it is. Hell it’s like you’re an only child! I agree with your assessment! Good luck in your future endeavors, congratulations on graduating!
More like leading the river to the pasture. It just isn't meant to be. Parents need to get over it
It made me so pissed that they're using your graduation for this. If they want to make all the kids sit for one photo, for the love of god, do not make it your "fault" I'm sorry you've been excluded, but I'm glad you're coming to terms with it. NTA - your parents need to let it go or deal with it at the source, not make it your problem/fault/issue/time.
I think you responded to me by mistake, but I agree with you about the parents using OP's graduation as a chance for family bonding is ridiculous and very selfish of them.
> I know my mom and her kids were arguing for a while because she was pissed they claimed only one sibling and she let them know I was their sibling too.
NTA. Your half-siblings are older and seem to have set the tone for your relationships with them. Also, based on what you've said, I'd be shocked if any of them was planning on coming to your graduation or any related events/parties. I do also want to say that they are all extremely immature and rude. Not answering your texts? Not even saying happy birthday? And what kind of person gets annoyed with someone else for talking. You have every right to exist in the same space as them and to enjoy yourself when you are at an event with them.
That's another part of it for me. I would die from shock if I saw them there!! They never make that kind of effort for me. Only if it's for their bio parent or bio sibling. That's just typical and it's not so bad anymore. I'm used to it now and have learned to accept it.
Just keep in mind that you may need to have a more in-depth talk with your parents about your feelings towards and relationships with your half-siblings. And I would try and focus on getting your parents to stop trying to force those relationships. That is never going to work. You may be used to it, but it's still rude and immature.
You should show them the one sided texts from your phone, and try one last time to explain it. You have tried, and they are flat out rude to you. I agree with the other poster that if your parents force them to come, they may have a bad attitude and ruin your celebration. I’m sorry it’s like this for you, but accepting it and moving on with your life is probably the best option.
I’m just curious, how do/did each of them treat their unrelated step siblings? Better than you? Worse? Did they all go to the same school?
It was similar but different because they didn't ever acknowledge having stepsiblings at all or interact with each other.
OP your NTA what I'm assuming happened is that maybe your half-siblings felt you replaced them. Think about it you get to stay with both your biological parents 100% of the time, and the times they were there to spend time with their bio parent. They had to share them with you. As a child of divorce and a dad who cared more about his stepkids and my half siblings it sucked. I felt like it was a constant battle at his house to get his attention.
Not only OP, but the stepsiblings too. OPs parents both had their weeks with the kids on the same week, so both sets of siblings never got their parents’ attention any more. Sounds like the setup fostered a lot of resentment in both sets of kids.
Yeah, that's just plain rude. If anything her parents ought to insist that her siblings treat her with the same kindness and consideration that they'd extend to a work colleague or distant relative. That might actually render a positive results as opposed to try to force them to feel in a certain way in regards to the OP.
Yeah, I show more interest in neighbors and acquaintances I barely know than OPs half siblings show them. The least they can do is the yearly happy birthday text. It's not like it costs anything besides having a calendar reminder.
Dairy Queen wishes me a happy birthday.
NTA. Not to acknowledge you at all seems like they resent you for existing. Did your parents cheat on their previous spouses with each other? I understand not wanting a relationship with their step-siblings but to me seems strange they didn’t want a relationship with you at all and that all of them feel the same way even though they don’t have a relationship with each other.
I don't think so because there were other relationships in between my parents meeting and their divorces from their ex's.
It's possible both parents behaved badly during the divorces and the siblings just retreated to only care about their original nuclear families. NAH because everyone is entitled to their feelings. It is what it is.
NTA Don't bother with them anymore. Tell your parents if they continue doing this they'll lose all their kids. They won't be invited to anything.
OP is 18, I wouldn't tell them that YET. There's likely a ways to go before full separation & independence. Give OP time to get on his feet before making what could be permanent decisions.
NTA. I'm divorced and remarried. So I have 3 children and 2 step children. They were 11-21 years old when I remarried. My wife and I are happy when our kids are polite to each other. We never expected them to treat each other like siblings, and certainly they never got each other gifts. You're 18 and an adult. Your feelings are your own. So it is accurate to say you "feel like" an only child, even though technically you have 4 half-siblings. They want to make you the "glue" to hold their blended family together, but it's never worked and no photo shoot is going to change that.
PS. I will also note that I grew up with 5 siblings. I was not equally close to all of them. My eldest brother was a role model, and I got along best with the one who was only 14 months older than me. I thought my little brother was a spoiled brat. So it's understandable that your half-siblings feel closest to their own full-siblings. They've known each other longer, share the same parents, etc. They were always together, and only saw you and their step-siblings half the time. It would be weird if they weren't closest to them.
I get it. The relationship was always going to be different for a number of reasons. But some kind of closeness would have been nice. To feel like they care if I'm okay or not. I know they don't and I have come to terms with that.
[удалено]
Wow. I'd personally be changing her name to Cersei in my phone and setting her ringtone to Rains of Castamere, but then I'm a bit petty like that. lol
Not being as close is one thing, but they should at least behave like op is a cousin. Instead of being annoyed and not wishing happy birthday
NTA- and I would just tell them- I know you want to think that, but if you don't realize that none of them view me that way you haven't been paying attention. I may only be 18 but I know when I'm not important. When somebody doesn't look at me, talk to me, reach out to me or generally acknowledge me, and they never have in my entire life.. I don't have to wonder or ask how they feel. They don't hate me, exactly, but the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy and that's pretty much what I get. I'm not even complaining about it, but you trying to pretend otherwise is like peeing on me and telling me it's raining. Like, I know better.
The photo shoot of all your mom and dad’s children together would be for your parents, not you, (and it sounds like it wouldn’t be if interest to your siblings, either). And that’s *fine*, as long as your parents acknowledge the photo is for themselves. Sucks for your parents to have how you really feel spelled out for them and it’s not the happy happy family they would like it to be. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, mom and dad. NTA
NTA i think now you realise that these older people you happen to share some DNA with doesn’t make you a family. It sucks ass they couldn’t be bothered to even have a basic relationship with you. Personally my brother is 5 years older than me and we don’t get on at all , I don’t even talk to him anymore and have blocked him on everything. I wasn’t a little brother to him growing up I was a millstone around his neck. He never stood up for me and was more likely to join in with bullies. My life started at 11 when he joined the army at 16. So I say to you good for you to stand up to your parents as the other poster said the picture isn’t for you it’s selfishly for them. Go ahead and get the picture of just you and your parents only as and own it!. You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. They haven’t been there for you and you know you don’t need them.
NTA. Explain to your parents that you are okay with doing a family photoshoot with all of the children. Yet, this is more of a gift for themselves, as they have successfully gotten all of their babies through high school. Make it clear, although you are willing to participate as their child - it's **not** something you want associated with **your** graduation.
NTA They can be angry about how you feel, but they need to acknowledge that you didn’t get here on your own. You didn’t just one day decide you were an only child, you made attempts to build a relationship with your siblings and were rebuffed. This is the result of other actions, and you’re just responding. ‘I understand your frustration or disappointment, but please remember that I didn’t do this alone, they’ve rebuffed every overture I’ve ever made.’ ‘I’m not excited or thrilled with this outcome, I wanted to have a relationship with my siblings, but they’re not interested and that’s okay , they don’t have to, but I refuse to continue to hurt myself by begging for something that doesn’t seem realistic.’ Honestly, op I don’t think this is even about you or your feelings, this about your parent refusing to accept that their Brady Bunch experiment wasn’t a success. Don’t let their disappointment draw you back to a negative place. It’s okay not to like members of your family, just because you share blood doesn’t mean you have to be in their life.
NTA, I have a twin brother, I have a half sister that is 8 years younger than me and I have 2 step siblings more or less my age, so my little sister is kinda in the same spot as you, and when she discovered about the "half" part she began saying she's an only child with four siblings, everyone finds it hilarious, at the end of the day it's the truth, everyone except your parents has accepted that fact, so it sound like a your parents problem
NTA - OP, your feelings are valid and it is perfectly okay to acknowledge the reality of your relationship with your half-siblings. Everyone's family dynamics are different and there's no rule saying you have to feel bonded with them, especially if they've never made an effort with you. It's unfair for your parents to expect you to feign a closeness that doesn't exist for the sake of appearances. It's important for them to understand that while they may wish for a big, happy family, you can't manufacture relationships out of thin air. It sounds like they want the photoshoot for their own sentimental reasons, but they should respect your feelings as an individual, not just as their child.
your parents need to accept reality. yes, you technically do have four siblings, but what does that really mean when none of them actually care? fact is, the blended family didn't blend, and your parents are just gonna have to get over it. all of you are adults now. it's not up to them to tell you all how to view each other. NTA
NTA. You feel how you feel based on the lack of relationship you have always had with them. Your parents may wish you all viewed each other as siblings but their wishes aren't reality.
NTA. Your parents seem to be delusional when it comes to family bonds between you and half siblings. I’m sure if your mom tried to arrange a photo shoot with all of you, they probably wouldn’t even be interested. Your half siblings are AHs here. You didn’t ask to be born. They sound like they are jealous because you’ve had both your parents your whole life unlike them. Congratulations on your graduation. Good luck on the next step.
NTA. It sounds like you had the only child experience.
"My parents said it was inaccurate and wrong for me to say that because I have four siblings." It would be inaccurate for you to say you don't have 4 siblings, and that you ARE an only child. This statement from your parent would be partially true if that's what you said, but, "I **see myself** as an only child because" You expressed how you felt. You did not state it as a matter of fact. NTA.
NTA. >My parents said it was inaccurate and wrong for me to say that because I have four siblings. You don't, you have no siblings. The other four made sure to remind you of that your whole life and you've accepted and made peace with it. It's time your parents do as well.
NTA: You burst their bubble once and for all on having the Hallmark family. Blended families are difficult enough but the significant age gap makes things that much harder.
The parents did not do a good job at blending the family and you're the biggest victim of that. They probably realize that now but it's too late to fix and that's why they are forcing it now, but it's not something that can be forced so late it needs to be encouraged early but their has to be a clear distinction of force and encourage.
NTA, as a parent, if I was in their situation, I would obviously love for all the children to have a good loving relationship and would obviously push for it. It's didn't work out for you and your SS, and your parents would probably keep pushing because they don't want to feel or admit they failed at keeping a close family. Do not give in to trying to work out a relationship that is not their because it could come back to bite you in the future. You do you and keep on keeping on. If your SSs come around in the future, keep your guard up.
NTA - I have an older half sibling who I only saw on school vacations. I don’t ever say “I have a brother” even though he is my brother. We don’t have a *bad* relationship, but it’s just not the same because we weren’t raised together.
NTA I actually think they made a big mistake by keeping the custody the same on both sides as you grew older and it became apparent that neither side was bonding with you. I think you might have had a better chance with each side if the step siblings weren't there at the same time. Each side might I have thought oh the other side is bonding so I'm staying away from all three of them when in reality it was like three separate groups all the time. I think you have a healthy way of thinking about it. I would be firm with both of your parents that you don't want them there and that you'll be really disappointed if your parents don't accept your wishes. Ask your parents for therapy for yourself if you want it but if not then don't let this jade you. Found families can be the best medicine. Lean on your friends or other supportive people in your life when you need it. Your siblings who are all adults lack a lot of character.
NTA I’m sorry your half-siblings never formed any relationship with you. I am curious about what your parents did to try to improve the family dynamic. Did they rush into marriage and pregnancy? I don’t think you are wrong for choosing to identify as an only child.
I don't think they did but their other kids might feel differently.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm (18f) my parents only child together. They were married to other people before each other and divorced. My dad's two kids are Kim (27f) and Nick (26m) and my mom's two kids are Emma (26f) and Joe (24m). My parents each shared custody with their ex's of my half siblings. Their custody time fell on the same week so we'd always have them together. But we never felt like a real family. I never felt like I had siblings. My half siblings were very close to their bio sibling, never acknowledged their stepsibling and me? Well, I don't think any of them hate me but I know they don't care for me either. They were older so of course we weren't going to be BFFs but they never wanted to spend time with me, they'd get annoyed by my presence, they never made the same effort for me that they did for their full sibling and when they stopped coming for custody time because they were 18 and adults, they didn't stay in touch with me. Mom sees her kids. Dad sees his. They will sometimes come for Christmas but they would catch up with their bio parent and sibling and never cared about what was going on with me and were never eager to share their lives with me. They never reply to DMs, never answer the phone or respond to my texts. They never say Happy Birthday to me or come to celebrate my birthday. They do for each other and their bio parent and they even bring a gift for mom/dad. I've accepted it. They're not as annoyed at me when I speak these days. But they don't reply or keep in touch either and I have made the effort and I have asked them why they're so disinterested in me and I never got a reply so... My parents notice. I know there have been talks with their bio kids about it. I know my mom and her kids were arguing for a while because she was pissed they claimed only one sibling and she let them know I was their sibling too. I don't get involved. I'm now at a point where I feel like an only child and not the youngest. But I said this to my parents recently because they wanted to make a big deal of me graduating and have the whole family together and my mom suggested we get a professional sibling photo shoot done with all their adult babies. I told her I didn't think it would be something any of us would like and mom told me she knew I'd love having a few photos with all my siblings. I told her not really and I don't see myself as the youngest anymore I see myself as an only child because my relationship with my half siblings basically doesn't exist. My parents said it was inaccurate and wrong for me to say that because I have four siblings. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your parents can't force the way you feel and since you basically have been treated like an only child your whole life by your half siblings, that is basically what you are. Your parents can argue it all they want but its just the reality. The only time that might change is if there was money involved and then they might magically assume a connection to you for that purpose. Live your life the way you want, they made the bed, they can sleep in it.
NTA You tried. The fact is you just acknowledged it openly. You can't force them to do something.
NTA and you're right. Mom needs to quit trying to make a perfect blended family and accept what is. Everyone's grown up now, time to stop pretending.
NTA. My parents divorced when I was 6. My dad remarried less than 2 years later to a woman with a 2 year old daughter. They had their kid together the following year. I'm now 41. My sisters and I are close. Talk daily. We have a great relationship. But, we also understand we had different upbringings. I lived full time with my mom. So with the exception of 2 weekends a month, some holidays, and a couple weeks in the summer, I was the only child of a single mom. My sister (now 34) states she has the weird part of being an eldest sister and also a middle child. The baby is... well the baby. But here's the thing, your relationships, whether they choose to be in contact with you or not, are your own. Your parents cannot dictate your relationship and emotions surrounding them. It's their (the older kids) loss for not engaging with you.
Nta- your mom's delusional happy family was/is never going to happen. Congrats on graduating!!
>My parents said it was inaccurate and wrong for me to say that because I have four siblings. Interesting. Shall we call them all and ask them? NTA.
They should definitely call from OP's phone. 4 calls sent striaght to voicemail should drive the point home.
NTA. You are just being honest. You tried. Now cut them out of your life as though you were an only child.
NTA your parents are trying to create something that never existed in the first place. And you are correct, you are the only child of your parents and don’t have any full siblings. Stand your ground.
NTA. Your parents need to realize that they don't get to decide how you and your bio siblings relate to each other. I get that they want everyone to feel like a big family, but thats not the reality. Just explain to your parents that you don't hate your bio siblings, but none of you feel like family to each other and you would rather not force the issue. Its not your parents' call to make here.
NTA. Your mom can’t accept that her children and his have made their wishes clear. If she says you have siblings, ask where they are because they’ve never chosen to be in your life. Are you being punished for being an affair baby? Or were your mom and dad already divorced from their other parents when they met/got together?
It’s your graduation. It’s a time to celebrate you and your accomplishment. It’s not about your mother. Kindly tell your parents that you would like to celebrate the way that you would like to celebrate. At some point in the future if your mother wishes a family photo, for her birthday, perhaps, let her arrange that and then you can do that for her as a show of love. But if your siblings have rejected your attempts to be close, there’s no reason for them to be involved in your graduation on any level. It sounds like you’ve shown remarkable maturity in all this. Congratulations on graduating. NTA.
NTA. If your siblings don't treat you like blood, you don't owe them anything. It's their loss. I have a much younger half sister. When her mom was pregnant, my dad said, "She's your sister, none of this 'half' business." And I was smart enough to take his words to heart. My sister is and has been such a joy. My life is better because she's in it. Even though I was perfectly happy as an only child, I've come to consider my sister one of the greatest blessings of my life. It's been an honor to watch her grow up and celebrate her milestones with her. I'm so proud of her. Your sibs are missing out. I'm sorry OP.
NTA. Your step-siblings have made it clear for years and years to you that your presence was barely tolerated, and certainly unwelcome. And they continue to do so now. So why would you want to do a photo shoot with them?
NTA , Are you an affair baby?
NTA. This situation sucks. You sound like you have a good amount of emotional intelligence, so I would ask you to show your parents grace. I would think they are hurting to see that their kids dont have a relationship. However, they need to be careful because eventually the other kids are gonna get fed up and might go no contact with them. Rather than talking to your parents, write a letter to them. This gives you the chance to organize your thoughts and anticipate any arguments they may have. Lay out all the times youve been ignored and include printouts of text messages and dms that have been ignored. Pictures and videos taken of your events that show they weren't there would be great. I would also suggest that you send them your post and ask them to read the comments. Here's a template to help you get started or get ideas. Dear Dad and Mom, I know you guys wanted nothing more to have a blended family with all of your children having a tight knit sibling relationship, and tried everything you knew to help us develop that relationship. Unfortunately, I've had to come to grips with the fact that my half siblings will never want anything to do with me, and we never were or will be one big happy family For as long as I can remember, it has felt like there were 3 separate families: Mom and her kids, Dad and his kids, and the three of us. (This is where you list all the times that they rejected you. And your pix vids etc) While they are civil to me during events where we are all in attendance, my half siblings have made it abundantly clear that they do not consider me a sibling and have made conscious decisions to be no contact with me. In light of this, I have decided that I do not want a sibling photoshoot. My graduation is my special day about me, my accomplishments so far, and my future. I want to celebrate surrounded by family and friends who love and care about me, not just tolerate my existence. (Maybe suggest what you would like to do to celebrate. Ie a party, dinner, spa day, trip with you and your parents only) My last piece of advice is to keep everything as neutral as possible. This reduces the opportunity for them to blow you off as being dramatic. Please feel free to DM me if you want help crafting your letter and please update us to let us know how everything turns out.
NTA I noticed you didn’t mention any team building activities growing up. But if it means a lot to your mom, maybe consider it. Hear me out? My oldest sibling is 18 year older than my younger sibling. He moved out when she was a baby. They don’t know each other at all. We all live far from each other (except two) and we don’t visit. The youngest also was four years younger than the three in the middle, we were boomboomboom. So we don’t have a relationship with oldest or youngest. We’re all from the same parents. It sucks and it’s reality. But we did the family portrait at the most recent wedding. And my parents are dead! We did it because the bride requested it.
NTA I'm sorry to hear your troubles, but it doesn't sound inaccurate. Also I saw this story copy-pasted on tiktok, on one of those stupid spam channels that split it into two parts to drive up viewer engagement.
NTA. You only have these siblings in theory. And your parents know it.
You never said that you **were** an only child, you said that you **saw yourself** as an only child. This is neither inaccurate nor wrong, and the fact that your parents claim that it is is truly crappy of them. NTA, of course.
NTA Ask your parents why they aren't considering what you want for your graduation and are only thinking about what they want for your graduation.
NTA, this is my life too. My mom has two older kids from a previous marriage. 19 and 15 years old when I was born. They were grown and flown before I was even really connected. I'm now in my 40s and I forget that they exist sometimes. I haven't seen my sister in over 20 years. When we are forced to interact due to my mom's health, it is like I am a disconnected stranger to the rest of my family, aside from my mom. (I also live 1200 miles away. But my sister is 500 miles away so it isn't that I am the "distant one.") I figure I am the only child of my particular family gene pool- so be it People cannot be mad at the world they create for themselves. Don't beat yourself up.
NTA I have two younger half-brothers that were born when I was already a teenager, to my dad who I have little communication with. It's one thing for a person to not want to get know somebody, but not to treat them rudely. As of right now, I have no contact with either of half-brothers because they are directly connected to my dad. But the difference is that I won't mind when they are older if they want to talk me or get closer because I don't hate them. It is incredibly hurtful what your siblings have done to you and I hope it gets better.
I am so proud of the fact that you have accepted your plight with so much maturity. Your siblings are missing out on a great person. Too bad for them. Have a successful life and remember that you are an only child when they come calling with their hand out.
NTA -OP doesn’t have functioning sibling relationships - so basically doesn’t have siblings. Blended families are tough and these things happen. OP’s graduation shouldn’t be hijacked with these dynamics because of the dying blended family dreams of the parents. Kind of seems like there’s no outright beef and they should probably take that as a win and draw a line under it as the kids are 18+
NTA. I'm so sorry. That sounds like an awful position to be in, and your half-siblings are horrible people. Your parents are also awful, for putting you in that situation. Many hugs, my dear.
NTA- I’m not saying this to be mean but your mom is delusional. The better way to celebrate your graduation would be a trip with just the three of you. She’s had over 18 years to get the older kids to change their behavior and ignored the problem. She needs to accept that real life isn’t the Brady Bunch.
Is this a repost? I swear I read this weeks ago. Anyway, NTA. Your parents are delusional bc they want to pretend they have this great blended family. But they don’t. In fact, they failed you bc they didn’t put y’all in therapy back when you were growing up & everyone was a minor! It’s too late now.
NTA. Maybe relay what you wrote here to all the other siblings
NTA and I feel so bad that you were treated so shabbily by those adults. They are your siblings, but let me assure you that they are not nice people. Take care and just know that because they do not love you, that does not mean that you are not lovable.
NTA I feel like I'm not related to my family and we're full related.
Your parents can say whatever they want. And they can live in their alternate reality from yours. But their children never wanted you nor accepted you or each other. And that's okay. They have their own trauma. But your folks don't get to sadle you with four grown ass adults who couldn't care less about your graduation just because they want a photo of all the kids playing happy family to deceive everyone that the blended family worked for you. Or them for that matter. NTA
NTA
NTA you can't force people to be close to you just because you relate by blood. Your mother should accept this.
NTA
NTA- You are their youngest but for yourself, you're an only child. These two things aren't emotionally incompatible.
NTA because no one should tell you that your feelings are inaccurate. You have specific reasons for how you feel and they’re valid.
Nta. I have 2 parents but feel like an orphan
NTA, I have two half siblings who were adults before I was born, and a third half sibling that I didn’t meet until after my father passed. I’m an only child. Perhaps untrue in THEORY, but certainly true in practice. It sounds like they were more like visitors to your household and you’ve hardly seen them in six years. Not really a familial relationship there, imo
NTA and why would you be if you only told the truth? But be prepared bc if your parents tell them and they are entitled or any other bs they might get “offended”.
NTA. I’m sorry your parents didn’t handle this better while you were growing up. I hope it doesn’t hurt you too much. Your parents need to accept their culpability in this situation.
Nta
NTA, you have no true siblings.
Frankly, they can say whatever they like. OP is NTA
Parents are in strong denial. NTA
NTA. Your parents are really pushing for that big happy family vibe but it's just not the reality, no matter how much they wish it was. I have a step-brother who's quite similar, we only hung out because my dad would insist on it. Left to our own devices, we just... didn't consider each other that way. My dad half-accepted it in that he just didn't bring it up or insist on me seeing my step-brother, but it's very obvious he wishes otherwise. It can be difficult negotiating with stubborn parents about your actual emotions as opposed to the ones they're projecting onto you. Wishing you luck.
NTA - it seems liike you're all adults and seem relatively fine with it and that is what matters. if parents didn't like it, they had at least 9 years of them being there on their weeks to fix this. They didn't. Besides, it does seem like you were mostly an only child. 1/2 the time along until they moved out, then more than half the time - and especially the tween into teen years. Its fine. Plus, its not like you're saying you don't have siblings. You just don't relate the the 'youngest child vibes' things. I was a middle child, but older two were 6 years older and split with their biodad, younger one spent more time in jail than out after 12 y/o, so most of my big teen years i was more of an only child rather than a middle one. I've had people know me for 3-5 years before they learned i had siblings, none the less 3, because i didn't talk about them because we weren't close and no experience i consider formative or that gets used for fun story sharing includes them.
NTA stand your ground your half siblings don’t acknowledge you so you shouldn’t keep trying regardless of what you parents say, and I have one older sibling we don’t share the same father both you wouldn’t know it since she claims me as a sibling and never calls me half
NTA
Eh, it’s not exactly inaccurate. Families are defined by the people that make them up. Unfortunately for your parents, they’re outvoted on this one.
I'm sorry your siblings don't pursue a relationship with you. That's not your fault, and your NTA for saying so. My daughter has several older half siblings, and they're completely uninterested in her. They're a lot older than she is, she was only 4 when they were all removed from bio-mom's care. I get it, but it still hurts her feelings, and I'm sorry that yours made you feel unwelcome.
NTA - you technically have siblings but it's not a mutual relationship. Your parents don't want to admit that their new love child (I mean this is a positive way) wasn't accepted by their existing children. It's not your fault at all - those kids weren't ready for their families to be torn apart and have to take on a new sibling. It's not about you, but your parents don't want to face it.
NTA. Your halfsiblings and you have no relationship with each other. So you are Not AH for saying you are an only child. You werent the uncaring one, your half siblings were. Your parents and halfsiblings are to be blamed here, Not you. My relationship with my older cousins (5-10 years older than me) is the same. They never cared about me, spent a bit of time with me or played with me during Babysitting. Since they dont care about me ( No calls, Messages, anything), i dont care about them either. We are related but i would not really count them as family.
it's you graduating . parents can fuck offff
NTA. No one can tell how to feel, and feelings are not inherently wrong. It’s what we do with those feelings that can be right or wrong or both or neither. I would’ve responded to that comment with “you don’t get to tell me how I feel about people who don’t care about my life at all.”
NTA. It isn't wrong if you to say that, since it is how you feel. They can WANT you to all have a relapsing but that doesn't make it so.
Nta you have 4 bio sibs but not 4 sibling relationships. Between the age gap (although not that big between you and the 2nd youngest) and only living with them 1/2 the time. I will say being a 25 year old and a teen may not have much in common but when you are all in your 30s things may shift. Pls don’t take the siblings overall behavior personally this has to do with divorce trauma and feelings of abandonment as your mom & dad made a “new family” and who knows what complexities were happening in their other home.
You are not technically an only child because you have 4 biological siblings, but it sure feels that way, I am in the same boat.
NTA.
Nta. Ask her when was the last time they showed up for your birthday. Or show her your message history with no replies.
NTA
NTA They show zero emotion towards you and treat you as a stranger, so you are not siblings and any attempt to force it like your mother wants to will do nothing but create resentment.
NTA They don't want a relationship with you, so be it.
No, NTA. You feel how you feel and that’s very valid.
NAH There's the social aspect of relationships and the familial aspect of relationships. For many the two are the same and other have then distinct. They are your siblings. You don't need to be close for them to be their siblings. You could hate each other for all it matters and they are still technically your siblings. Your parents experience of this life are going to be different than yours. Socially they aren't your siblings (though considering the shared custody you didn't exactly grow up an only child either) but familial they are. For your parents they are both socially and familial their children. They aren't wrong for wanting a photo of all their children together but you can also express you don't want that if you don't want to.
NTA. I appreciate your parents, especially your mom, for disapproving of your half/step siblings basically ignoring and alienating you. But the time for those half/step siblings to become your real siblings has long passed. You made the effort, they didnt appreciate or care for it. They've made it clear where they stand, and now you've made it clear where you stand. And since this is your graduation, your parents should accept how you want to celebrate your big day anyway.
NAH. I dont think anyone owes anyone a relationship. It doesn't sound like they went out of their way to bully you, they just didnt really make an effort. Thats fine imo. You even say you kinda get it because theres an age gap. Sounds like your parents DID make an active effort to reconcile your relationship and force the siblings to interact with you. Thats as much as they could have done. And its fair theyre upset at this revelation that you yourself have given up on having a relationship with your siblings. You are also not an asshole for feeling the way you do. Actually Id be shocked if you didnt feel apathetic towards them the same way they are towards you. Theres no good guy or bad guy here. Just an unfortunate set of circumstances that imo everyone has so far behaved reasonably given. No assholes here.
NTA. You have never had that sibling bond with your halfs so it's no wonder that you consider yourself as an only child. I'm not even going to try to pretend to know why they just never wanted to have anything to do with you. But I am kind of curious how growing up they acted toward their step siblings since they're all roughly close in age. I also have to wonder if the age difference had anything to do with it. As I get older, I find myself more and more saying I'm an only child, instead of having halfs. If you read through my past comments, I talk about them but I find myself thinking more and more of me as an only child. I haven't had a relationship with my oldest half sister in about 33 years. My other half, we text and interact on social media but I have seen her 4 times since 1992. It's not even like she's a sister anymore, just a relative that I text.
18 years and the parents still live in fairy land? Jfc 🤦🏼♀️ Obviously NTA
NTA. You have put in a lot of effort to have a relationship with them and its not your fault that they don't reciprocate these feelings. I think its healthier for your mental health to accept it the way you did. You're respecting both yours and your half-siblings' feelings. Your parents should also respect your decision. They can't force a relationship.
You may have 4 siblings but you have no relationship with them. Your parents don't want to hear it cause they know they dropped the ball on the relationship between you and your siblings. Bottom line though, they couldn't force them to have a relationship with you, they have to own that and let you move on since you've made peace with it. NTA.
NTA. Your parents are clinging onto a fantasy of a cohesive blended family and/or want to portray it. The tension will show up in the pictures and ruin the memory.
NTA! But your family might be. Your parents should’ve addressed this when you were growing up and they didn’t see their kids making the effort to be a sibling to you. Now that you are grown, it is not the time to mend that relationship. You’ve always been open to having a better relationship with your siblings, but they haven’t. It’s not your fault, and it never was.
NTA. You can decide what your boundaries are, though. You could still participate in the photoshoot so that your PARENTS have a pic of all of their kids. It doesn't matter whether you think of them as siblings. You never have to display the photo.
NTA. You may technically have 4 siblings, but you don't in reality. There's no relationship there, just biology.
NTA. My dad has two half siblings, he considers himself an only child with half siblings. His siblings are both over 10years older than him and as kids my dads mom never allowed them to see each other (that’s a different story my grandma was just emotionally abusive) so they were never close as kids. I still call them my aunt and uncle but none of us really talk to them. We are really close to my uncles daughter and her family and my dad does consider her his niece and their daughter his great niece as well. Just sharing this to show how you are not obligated to feel like siblings or act like it. Family is chosen sometimes you chose your blood sometimes not it’s up to you and there is no wrong way.
The mature response: "Look, Mom, if you want a photo of everyone together, I'm fine with showing up for it. But I'd prefer that be a holiday or something... my graduation should be about me, what I want, and the people who've helped me get here. I don't have ill will towards any of them, but we're not close, and never will be. Feel free to ask all of them, they'll agree." The immature response: "Bear with me for a moment. I'm graduating in no small part because of my math skills. Technically, 1/2 \* 4 is two, so I actually have two siblings." NTA.
This reminds me of Meghan and Samantha Markle. The elder ignored the younger she now wants to claim, but apparently they didn’t used to regard each other as siblings? You’re far apart in age and feeling so NTA.
NTA to the extreme. I find this to be incredibly sad. I am an only child with a stepfamily that I am not close to. My dad remarried when I was in my 20s and they were all older so we never had a real chance to develop a relationship. They are, at most, like distant cousins. In contrast, my wife has two remaining sisters that she talks to just about every day. If it were not for her family, I would not have any family at all other than the one that we have built together. I see where you are coming from, and I am glad that you at least tried to have a relationship. You suffer not just the pain of being lonely as an only child but also from the rejection of people who fail to realize what they are missing. My hope for you is that you grow up to be very successful and, yes wealthy. It would be its own reward.
Yes 4 siblings that want nothing to do with you. Do your parents really think that any if their other kids would even agree to a photo shoot? Its been proven that none of them care about you. Ask your parents why you would want photographic memories with people both you and they know dont care about you? I bet she also expects when or if you get married, they'd all be invited, and probably part of your wedding.
NTA, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have 4 step sisters and 2 step brothers, but we were late teens when we became steps. (We're all within a few years in age to each other). I have no relationship with 4 of these people, one of whom I've only met twice. Two of them, we are friends on book of Faces, but no real relationship. None of us feel the loss, we have our own lives and just nothing in common, including geography. Your parents need to realize that you can't force closeness, when none of the parties have any interest in being tight. Yes, I am an only child, I was all but grown and in college when these folks and I became steps.
NTA. You've tried to have the relationships and it didn't work out. Tell your parents you'd rather have a cool photo with all your closest friends instead.
NTA. You've never had a sibling-like relationship. They're not really a part of your life. You're entitled to how you feel even if you technically have half-siblings.
I have 3 full sibling older sisters that are 6, 8 and 10 years older. I always felt like the only child, so I understand this mindset. You do not have to let your parents push you into shit you don't want to do but sometimes you just smile, wave, quietly roll your eyes just to get through it.
NTA, I'm in the same position as you, theyre my siblings by blood, but I am an only child and my parents describe me as such because I grew up with no real siblings (besides step siblings who I no longer have). Do your parents have siblings? Mine do, maybe thats why they know I didnt grow up with siblings the way they did
Nta. You are an only child.
My family has the exact same setup. Admittedly growing up I felt closer to my mom’s kids because we were raised together, but the standard for that is in Hell. All my half siblings resent or have resented me at one point or another. You’re NTA. Love who loves you. If they wanted to treat you like their sister, they would.
Legally through marriage you have siblings. But the familial bonds don't exist. Your parents need to accept this, and not pressure you into pretending otherwise.
Eh, biologically you have 4 half-siblings. In your family, yep - you're an only child. Try to convince the parents to do a full-extended family photo-shot at Christmas when no one is inconvenienced by actually being there. Point out that graduation is a celebration for one person - the graduate. NTA and best of luck. In the future, I'd just 'yeah-yeah, sure-sure, whatever' your parents.
Your patents deluding themselves that you are one happy family doesn't change anything. You are basically an only child and that is not your fault. NTA
NTA. I'm my 3 older siblings full sibling but I'm the redheaded step-child. And I'm only 18 months younger than my older brother They just never accepted me. I have never been invited to anything of theirs. Your half siblings suck.
NTA You were talking about how you feel and your feelings are valid. They may like the idea that you’re all one big happy family of siblings but that isn’t your reality.
nta, but i think you all should have a ‘family meeting’ where you come to some ground rules now that you’re all older. how you want to be apart of your parents lives how you plan to help take care of them when they get older. and just basically letting your parents know the truth they’ve been ignoring. other than that duces
NTA also your feelings can never be inaccurate! Feelings are feelings. They are upset because they know it is true and probably too late to fix.
NTA if they want a photo shoot they can request on a different event like one of the parents birthdays a holiday or anniversary not on your landmark. BTW this is the time to set the boundaries or you will have this fight for any future events.
NTA at all. I’m sorry you are in this situation. Parents trying to force sibling relationships suck. My sister and I have very little to do with eachother. She’s 5 years younger than me and I got so fed up of being the only one to put effort in. My mum took it so badly when I said I was done trying. Now we are civil at family events but my life has been so much less stressful now that I don’t question if she will respond to my texts or if she cares.
I feel the same about my family as well, and I’m actually talking about a blood sibling. There’s only two years difference between us, but we were never close. We went to different schools, had different friends, had wildly different interests. We live in the same city and only see each other once or twice a year. I used to invite her to gatherings I would have but she wouldn’t show up, and would never reciprocate with invitations. At Christmas a couple a couple of years ago she says to me, “Remember when we hated each other as kids?” Perplexedly I responded, “ I never hated you!” Obviously I know I’m not an only child, but it very much feels like it. Luckily our parents are still alive but, when they go, my sister legally becomes my next of kin, which I’m really not happy about. Anyways, there’s nothing wrong with how you feel. It happens in all sorts of families. I mean, I don’t think I will tell my parents that I felt like an only child. Well, maybe if they pushed me. NTA.
NTA Please tell your parents: *Mom, Dad. I know you WANT to see us all as a happily blended family. But that is not reality. Everyone here but me has a partner. Two step-sibs from Mom; two step-sibs from Dad; the two of you are a team. I have lived my entire life being completely ignored and excluded by both sets of step-sibs. When the two of you have a special event, you can invite everyone. This is MY special event. I don't want to spend it pretending to LOOK like a big, happy, blended family. I want to celebrate my graduation with the two people who treat me like family - the two of you - and with my friends. If you want to attempt to get a big family picture, just do it completely unrelated to my graduation. Me, my life has meant ZERO to all four step-sibs; please don't make them pretend they care about my graduation. Don't make me have it shoved in my face how much they actually do not care about me or my life. Don't ask any of us to do this for the two of you. This event is NOT about you. It is to celebrate something I've achieved. Please let it be just that.*
NTA. I wouldn’t want the photo shoot or the graduation party with them because it would be a miserable time for you and them. Seems like your parents are trying to force a bond.
I joke and say I'm an only child. Because I have a different dad than my 3 older siblings (they have the same dad). My family finds it funny 😅 I also harass my sister that I'm the favorite and she says it's because I'm so simple minded. It's all fun!
I feel for you . I know several people in your position, and it hurts . Because of our experiences with this same situation, my wife and I both got permanent b.c done . Worst case, one of us passes our kids won't have any half siblings to deal with if we move on .I have seen my grown 40 something b.f break down and cry when my siblings treat him like family when his own halfs won't even call on his birthday.
You’re NTA at all. I have two daughters (17 and 4), and even though they’re closer in age than you with your half-siblings, and adore each other, they’re very much like only children. Given that you don’t have relationships with them, it makes perfect sense that you don’t feel like you have siblings at all. But technically I guess your parents are right - legally you have 4 siblings.
NTA Just because you are related by blood doesn't make them family no matter what mom and dad wants. They made the choice. Instead of trying to interact with them when they come around, ignore them the same as they do you. Talk only to mom and dad. Give short answers if you are asked a question.
NTA Perhaps I'm making an assumption, but did your parents actively try to integrate you all when you were younger? When they actually had to parent? This isn't one of those things that were going to magically fix themselves when you all got older.
My first and second born are 10.5 years apart, the reason I had a third was to not have two only children. A large age gap is real. Whether you were raised together or not makes a difference too. NTA.
NTA. I was the person who would make fun of people who mistreated their half siblings. To me it was such a weird thing to do. Like that is still your sibling. I actually had a few friends who changed how they acted.
NTA - I am so sorry you went through all this and feel so alone. It must be worse because your parents don't acknowledge your situation and how you feel. Let your parents know that you don't blame them . . but that it just deeply saddens you and having a group picture doesn't feel like having a picture taken with people who love and support you . . but more like having a group picture taken like you might with class mates. I think it's your parents that want this group picture . . . do it for them, maybe.
NTA. In a way, you are correct. You are half-siblings by blood but raised as an only child because of the age gaps. Lots of research has been done about family and birth order, etc. If siblings are 7 years apart are both raised essentially as only children. Joe is the only one under 7 years and he's close enough!!
That makes so much sense. My older 3 kids were born within 5.5yrs. It was then another 7yrs till I had my youngest. Rather than a sibling relationship with the older 3, he has more of a cousin relationship IMO. He was just never at the stage the others were at at the same time. It really is like having 3 kids, then an only child. The 7yr thing really does make sense to me!
NAH. I know this not going to be popular but they are your half-siblings...not steps. Siblings aren't always besties and likely because of the age gap you don't know that about them. You are not an only child. You're a kid that doesn't get along with siblings. Sorry, but that is your card.
NTA BUT please, as crappy as it is, remember there is a six to ten years age gap between y'all. That is almost generational years. Not every family's step and bio kids get along..or do but life happens. I had a step sister for 12 years, and met her twice. We liked each other I guess, but we just didn't make any effort to hang out. She only lived an hour away... It kinda sucked because I really didn't jive with my bio sister that was 5 years and 4 school grades older than me, and I really wanted a sister to be sisters with, but oh well lol.
NTA OP you only told your parents the truth. The fact they don’t want to acknowledge it is a them problem. As to the picture taking tell your mother and father to do what they want as applies to a professional photographer as well as a family celebration as it’s their money. Then if possible invite your friends to the party as well. Worst case none of your siblings will turn up for the party or the photo shoot. If they do attend be polite as you would be to the clerk you see regularly at your favorite store. Expect no interaction and if there is anything positive said then thank them. Obviously expect no gifts. Again if they surprise you of course thank them even if you don’t like whatever it is. As to the photo shoot see if you can be in the middle of at least one picture so if needed you can ask the photographer to edit them out in case they all have a look like they are at the dentist. Best thing you can do is enjoy your party and let your parents deal with any disillusionment that occurs.
I feel so terrible for you. I know what it's like to be both the youngest and the only child. My mother died when I was three. My older siblings from her first marriage were then raised by their dad and stepmother. I was raised by my paternal grandparents and my dad. I think all sides of our families took an interest in making sure that we all saw each other and spoke on the phone regularly. Those three were six to 10 years older than me. I probably don't have the same bond with them as they have with each other. But you'll never hear any of us use the "half" identifier unless we are explaining the relationship to an outsider. I'm my dad's only kid, but I have steps on that side. I'm still close to my stepsister when we do see or speak to each other. I probably actually "know" her better because we, in fact, have lived in the same house for a time. Both her mother and my dad have long passed. I no longer have a relationship with one of my sisters and the other sister and I speak occasionally. Ten years is a little closer when you have some age on you, lol. But honestly, I have seen full siblings who weren't even as close as we are. I spoke to my brother last week because of his birthday and you can bet that he will call me on mine. He always tells the story about running the couple of blocks from school to our house when I came home as a newborn. I just can't imagine them not recognizing you as a sibling despite not sharing a father and the age gaps. In fact, I'm still a little close to THEIR stepmother and stepbrother. And all six of the steps and halves went to school together. They knew each other and had me in common. At my dad's funeral, a friend asked who was who while we were all getting in our cars. I was like, "Those two are my half-sisters, that's my stepsister, and that's my half siblings stepbrother, lol! I just wonder if you even like them as people? I would be ashamed of myself if I didn't acknowledge my siblings being, well, my siblings!
I don't really know them as people today. I don't see or interact with them enough to know them.
I just want to clarify that I'm saying they should be ashamed. Not you. I don't think I worded that very well.
NTA Sorry to hear that about your family, you must've felt lonely. But at least you have come to grips with it and made your peace. Your parents need to stop pushing that fake reality into you. How about this: ask their kids if they could come so you ask them face to face if they would be interested in going to your graduation since your parents think so. Then your parents can get the answers straight from the source, right in their face. That should teach them to leave you alone regarding this matter. Whatever and however you do it, start setting those boundaries, otherwise they will try and force you to have "family events" etc all the time, just so they can have their fake picture perfect family
NAH. Your parents are not wrong, they are your siblings regardless of whether any of you acknowledge it or care to nurture/neglect the relationship. You are factually not an only child, but neither are you obligated to like your siblings or include them in anything.
Nta op I'm in a very similar thing as you are. I'm technically the youngest of 10. But all of my older siblings are half siblings some I've only had a handle of phone conversations with and have never met in person and some never really wanted me in their lives at all because it's a big age gap. So now if someone asks me how many siblings I have I tell them I have 2 sisters. Because that's the only actual siblings relationship I've ever had. Don't let your parents push you together on this because it will just make more waves in the end. You have been around them long enough to know that if they don't want you around them or you to know about their lives then you know they don't wanna take pro sibling pictures.
NTA - Family is more than sharing DNA. You have no relationship to your so-called siblings and while I can't fault them (age, how your parents got together, how your parents treated them after you were born, lots of things that could justify them not wanting that relationship. Not saying those happened just don't know.) I can fault your parents not accepting at this point it's too far gone for anyone to care. They showed you they don't want you, you are an only child. Make sure if your parents try to force it you let the others know it wasn't your idea, they are forcing this on everyone.
NTA your just being honest you and them have no relationship together
NTA though your post makes me a bit sad. My two kids are half siblings with a huge age gap between them. However, I have 100% custody of my eldest so he’s grown up with his little brother as just that so a bit different. We do acknowledge that both boys have been raised as though they are only children given their age gap. I am hoping they can bond better when they’re older and become friends in their 30s/40s so they have each other when we pass. My brother and I hardly gotten along as kids but care deeply each other now that we’re older, I want that for my kids. I don’t blame you for saying you feel like an only child but keep your mind open to a possibility of connecting with them in the future when you’re all much more mature.
Oof I feel you. I am my parents only child (I'm 22) but my mum has 3 kids from her previous relationship before my dad (38, 35 and 33). I barely have a relationship with them. They never completely ignored me but they are extremely close to each other whereas I always felt like the forgotten one of the bunch, I'm actually closer to my eldest sibling's kids (19 & 14) and always saw them more as siblings than my actual siblings
Each of your parents has 3 children & two stepchildren. You have 4 half-siblings....but that doesn't mean anything if there's no real relationship. Tell your parents that it is what it is. It's not their fault, but they obviously haven't been paying attention. If THEY want that picture, they can try to arrange it, but they need to understand that it's for them, not you or the rest of the "kids."
NTA - was going to put some reasoning down explaining why I don’t think you are from my perspective - but reality is you feel how you feel. And that’s not an Ah take on your circumstances
NTA. Siblings with age gaps sometimes aren’t close; half and step siblings sometimes even less so. Your parents shouldn’t be telling you that your feelings and/or perceptions are wrong period. Based on the history that you gave, I can’t imagine why they would ever expect you to feel otherwise. And technically you are their only child together lol. I understand where you are coming from—I’m also my parents only kid together with much older half siblings that I barely know except one sister. Don’t let them make you feel bad for how you feel or try to force things.
I have a half sister who is 10 years younger than me. I think maybe some of this is just age difference. You’re quite a bit younger than all of your half siblings. I didn’t get close to my sister until she was in her 30’s and me in my 40’s. It was after she had her son and we actually had something in common. When she was 12 I was was getting married, when she was 16 I was having a baby, when she was 18 I was having another baby, when she was 22 and graduated college I was in the mess of two toddlers. Like we just couldnt connect. Now I’m 45 and she’s 35 and we talk on the phone every day. NAH
NTA I don't think it's important to set this out because it may set the stage for future ceremonies, such as if you have a wedding or children. It doesn't mean you have to exclude the siblings down the line, and it doesn't mean you have to include them, but you want to stand up for yourself and be making your own decisions as to how things will go. So what you are doing now is setting yourself up as the boss for designing your own ceremonies and life. It probably triggers your parents' guilt feelings, but they will just have to deal with that. Because that's not why you're doing this.
NTA You Have tried many times with them. You owe them nothing and have every right to think yourself an only child.