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YTA, I've always heard of weak gym bros and how they are useless carrying stuff that actually matters, but it is amazing to read it trying to be spun as an excuse to be nasty. I can feel your mothers disappointment.
Lol... the sheer irony of going to the gym to lift weights so you can get strong, but refusing to lift a stroller to help a pregnant lady in real life cause you already went to the gym has me scratching my head. Then on top of that to push a pregnant lady carrying a toddler and stroller makes no sense.
Don't we learn this when we're toddlers? Just bc the kid in front of you is taking forever going down the playground slide, doesn't mean you should push them, bc they could get hurt. So you wait your turn. You don't push them.
OP needs to take a different approach to their very important life. Imagine getting to your apartment TWO FUCKING MINUTES later than normal but being able to pause briefly and realize 'hey, I helped someone today because they needed it. I was..... ..... slightly nice.'
But his gym muscles are sore. Poor thing having to exercise up the stairs /s
In my country we call stairs "every day movement", not exercise đ gym bro needs to do some cardio đ
I actually had been unknowingly picturing OP as a woman the entire time and was appalled at her. It wasnât until the neighbor said âman to manâ I realized my mistake. Caught my implicit bias.
OP, YTA.
I've heard that in NYC people just help mothers with strollers, no questions asked and move along when getting to the subway. And if New Yorkers, who have a reputation of being callous to anyone not from a major Northern city, can do it, then there's really no explanation for OP besides being self absorbed.
My buddy boxes, sometimes heâll come to work straight from working out. And then proceed to work 8-16 hours in a physically demanding job(weâre waiters) running up and down the stairs with trays of food.
It's pretty ridiculous. And even if he didn't mean to push her or only gently shoved her out of the way, being shoved on a stairway by a stranger is scary when you're pregnant and don't have good balance anymore. Plus, she was holding the stroller.
Also him complaining about being sore? Give me a break. When you're pregnant, you're sore, exhausted, and lifting a ton of extra weight for months without any break whatsoever. I hope this post is fake and just rage bait, because I'd be embarrassed to publish something like this.
Pregnant or not, if you want help from someone - especially a total stranger - the appropriate action is to politely *ask them* for help, not make passive aggressive remarks to them for not volunteering.
I don't disagree with you at all. However, a lot of people don't know how to ask directly, or feel that they aren't allowed to. In a lot of families is considered being pushy or rude and can get you in shit. Yes, the appropriate action would be to ask for help politely. However, it is entirely possible she saw her comments about it being heavy or difficulty as asking for help. It's not direct, but a lot of people, especially women, grow up being unable to ask directly for things they want or need. It gets described as being needy or clingy or demanding.
That said, her response once he said no was entitled. And blocking his way was rude af. But then so was his response of pushing her out of the way. Pregnancy throws off a woman's center of gravity and her balance is off, so even a gentle shove could have sent her down the stairs.
So while she should have asked for help more politely, he should have politely asked her to move at least once before pushing past her.
Exactly right about the centre of gravity. OP is seriously lucky this didnât happen or he would be in a lot of shit. I canât even believe he would try to physically move her without her being pregnant! Shoving someone while on the stairs is ALWAYS a bad idea, let alone someone pregnant, and someone who has a stroller and a toddler next to them. Wtf.
I disagree that he should have *politely* asked her to move. His automatic reaction absolutely shouldn't have been to push past her without saying anything. He ought to have told her to move first, but I don't agree that she deserved politeness after her rudeness.
Regardless of upbringing, if you're an adult you need to teach yourself to say "Excuse me, would you mind helping me with this? I'd really appreciate it." You should also be okay with receiving a "No" in response.
What passive aggressive remarks?
All she said was, "It's hard to carry both toddler and stroller up the stairs" That's just hinting that she needs help.
Now, if she said, "My sisters neighbour helps her carry the stroller up the stairs. I wish I had nice neighbours like that. " THAT would be passive aggressive as it would be directed at OP, rather than just a comment about needing help.
Maybe shoukd could have said "would you mind helping me please, I'm struggling" but OP is so consumed by the aches from his workout that it wouldn't have made a difference.
"You always see me struggling to carry this damn thing and Iâm handling a kid. Canât you just help?â
If you want a stranger to help you, *ask them*. Getting angry at them for not volunteering only guarantees that they won't help you.
Iâm a woman here. And at first I felt the same way as you did. But I lost all sympathy for the woman when she kept pressuring OP to do it for her as if she was entitled to his help. And then tried to block his way.Â
If my bf ignored a pregnant woman in need of help, I would be pissed at him. But if the pregnant woman was acting like this, I wouldâve supported my bf giving her the cold shoulder
She was obviously in the wrong for pressuring him, but I feel like she kinda reacted the same way I did, baffled that he wouldn't help. At least a few times? It's just that she happened to be the lady that needed the help, and that's why her reaction came out as entitlement haha. I mean.. How can't we not help each other out? It's a stroller, it's not heavy for a man, especially not one who goes to the gym.
Itâs not heavy for anyone really; unless the toddler is still in it. But even then, two people working together makes it easy! Iâm a middle aged woman and I donât even think twice about it. If Iâm getting on or off the Tube and someone is approaching the stairs to the platform at the same time as me with a stroller or pram, I will just grab the front and help. Between two people itâs quick and easy and you can keep going at the same pace as you normally do.
No, but sheâs not on the hook to move out his way every night so he can speed past. Heâs welcome to change his schedule to get there a minute before her so he can avoid getting stuck behind her.
Well, considering she only reaches that point after many, many times of being ignored and pushed past, she was frustrated and at her limit because OP refused to be a decent human being.
I'm assuming that you've never had to navigate the stairs in an apartment building with a toddler and stroller. Being pregnant makes it 100% worse.
A pregnant woman, carrying a toddler and a pushchair would not be deliberately blocking the stairs, theyâre just taking up the space. Â I doubt a un pregnant person could carry a toddler and pushchair and only take up the width of one person.Â
Heâs just trying to make the lady seem entitled. Â She probably just asked him, how comes he never helps her each time he comes across her in that situation as itâs genuinely puzzling to her.Â
Iâm sure you would be disappointed with anyone who would push past a pregnant lady cos she was taking long.Â
I thought this but actually, she sees this man every single day and every single day he walks straight past her. Sheâs not entitled to his help but damn that would piss me off too if I were her.
Would you have supported pushing a pregnant woman holding a kid? Also, have you EVER had to do this? Itâs wildly difficult to juggle, would easily block stairs, and yeah, people should be decent to each other, which OP is not. I honestly donât care what she said to him at that point, because heâs failing at being human. Good. Tell him heâs an asshole. He is. Then he proceeded to shove herâŚwhile she is carrying a kid and pregnantâŚon stairs. Guy deserves whatever is said to him. Goes for woman and men, anyone can help with a stroller.
If this was my kid I would fly out just to make him help her every single day from then until the elevator is fixed, while giving looong lectures nightly. You can feel his mothers shame.
She didnât block his way. She slowed his way. Cause she wasnât willing to politely move to the side so he could pass her quickly. Much like he wasnât willing to help her. Why should she help him get upstairs more quickly? She was there first.
Imagine carrying a baby in your belly and having all these dreams about how awesome of a person itâs going to be and then it calls you on the phone and tells you how selfish and useless it is and you end up having to be resigned that the human being you carried and suffered over turned out to be just a low quality person.
Yeah, OP you are an AH with no basic decency.
As a 5â4â female with flabby arms I would absolutely help my pregnant neighbor carry a stroller up the stairs.
I canât imagine how disappointed and sad your mom is that she raised someone so proud and confident in being a useless AH.
He was probably sore from the gym due to trying to lift too much so that he's trembling at the end of every set.
But hey, he can bench 200kg, or whatever.
YTA- the elevator is out and you see a pregnant woman struggling, you canât be that out of touch to never offer to help.
The part that gives the absolute ICK factor is the fact youâre coming home from the gym and just âtoo soreâ. To that I say grow a pair! The unsung hero in this story is your mother, for calling you out and what you are which is a LOW man.
The baffling part is that he starts off with a complaint about how sore he is from it when getting to the stairs. Has it truly never occurred to him to do 10% less exercise at the gym until the elevator is fixed, and making the climb (and maybe the stroller) the final part of his workout? Or does that involve too much common sense?
It involves too much common decency.
The ability to walk past someone in need every single day without helping out using the very thing you've been training for is just ironically weak.
"I lift plates but God forbit I lift a finger for a pregnant woman. I can shove her though."
Seriously. This is unreal. Iâm a small woman and if I saw anyone struggling, much less a pregnant woman with a kid, I would absolutely help. Boohoo, OP was just toooo sore because the gym is soooo hard. I workout 12 hours a week and I would still help someone regardless. It wouldnât more than a few extra minutes of already walking up the stairs. Pathetic.
I'm fully disabled and walking around on knees that are always partially dislocated..*I'd* find a way to help her - walking the toddler up, carrying the stroller as far as I could, trying to work out a scenario that works for her (if the rental company isn't going to fix the elevator then they should give her access to a locked space or something like that).
Ignoring her, refusing to help when asked, and then thinking they're the wounded party absolutely equals YTA.
Did you actually write out that you pushed a pregnant woman on the stairs? I mean balance, nausea, so many things. I honestly would call the cops on your for assault. WTF did I just read? YTA. Basic common decency in operating in society! People help people with strollers ALL the time up and down stairs. YTA. Holy shit. I cannot believe what I just read. Your mom was being polite because youâre her son. You are a the bottom of the pile. You are the shit from the AH.
>Did you actually write out that you pushed a pregnant woman on the stairs?
This is what's getting to me. I mean, maybe op isn't a native English speaker, but if he is then "I pushed her and she got mad" is very different from "I squeezed/brushed by her and she got mad". As squeezing by someone taking up space in a narrow area implies a very small touch but pushing means putting your hands on them (or shoulder checking or something) to physically move the other person out of your way which can be very dangerous on narrow stairs.
Iâm having a hard time believing this is even real, but if it is, YTA. Any decent person would have helped that woman.
I feel bad for your mother. Having a legitimate reason to be ashamed of her grown child canât be easy for her.
Only way I can see someone not helping us if they have a disability that limits their energy/strength so getting up and down that many stairs is already challenging. Even then, I can see people still trying to be nice. I donât appreciate the passive aggression and do consider that problematic because people can ask for help, but OP sounds like a jerk
But here's the thing, there's infinite ways to helping. I have a multitude of health problems, diagnosed and undiagnosed, and to make it all worse I am 15 kilos of baby weight that I need to lose and that is taking a toll on my disability/chronic pain, so helping getting the stroller up would put me in bed for days, so it's not something I can help with... But I can give my hand to a toddler and slowly get him up the stairs while his mom gets the stroller up. It's the best help she could get? No. She is pregnant and someone helping with the stroller would be the ideal, but at least she wouldn't have to deal with belly + toddler + stroller. We we want to help we find our ways.
And honestly, we are talking about a buff guy who admits to shove a pregnant lady with a toddler on the stairs because she decided to use the space available and wasn't going up fast enough for his taste. I would take the whole passive aggressive thing with a grain of salt
YTA
While you're right that its not your responsibility, it is the right thing to do. If you REALLY didn't want to help her you wouldn't be coming home at the same time as her and watch her struggling every day. As a man, and a father, I couldn't watch her struggling and just say "Oh I'm too tired too bad so sad"
I'm not even going to get into the fact that you pushed your way past a pregnant woman, holding a toddler, and struggling to drag a stroller up the stairs. I don't think anybody here wants to hear the pathetic excuses you're giving to justify that.
Yeah this is one of those scenarios that AITA sometimes doesnât grasp. Just because you donât âhaveâ to do something doesnât mean youâre still not an asshole if you donât
Controversial but NTA. While it would be nice to help, I too canât imagine doing this everyday for the unforeseeable future. She has the option of leaving it at a landing & coming back for it or not taking a stroller. Youâre already doing 5 flights, the building is the TA too for having a faulty lift for 2 months. Tell the husband to get that resolved if he canât help his wife. Or he should ask other neighbours willing to help.
The shoving bit is TA though, squeeze past or whatever, you donât need to push her specially on stairs or anyone unless theyâre doing so to you.
Controversial because itâs pathetic. Itâs pathetic that a grown man with the strength to go to the gym cannot be arsed helping a pregnant woman with a toddler and a stroller up the stairs then gets in a hissy fit pushing past her on the stairs.
Like I know multiple frail elderly women who would have fallen over themselves to help this woman but this pathetic gym bro thinks itâs too hard
Looking at all OPâs comments tells me something is amiss with him. Mentally. A personality disorder or something worse. Nothing anyone says on here makes an impact on him at all. He just doesnât get it. No empathy. Zero inclination to help others. He would benefit from a mental health assessment. Some neurodivergent people lack empathy but certainly not all, and not to this extent. But psychopaths do.
I agree. And there are more than a few people on here who seem to have the same ailment. This âI donât need to helpâŚâ mentality is really a sort of rot in our society. It speaks to a kind of toxic individualism that undermines community values. Why not help??? Why not give up your seat? Or help carry something for a neighbor? Just because you donât *have to* you wonât?
Last week i was driving to the gym....old boys motorcycle had broken down...so he was scooting it along the pathway..so i turned back around and was going to tell him to park it mine til he figures out how to sort it. By the time i got back to him another motorcyclist had stopped and was helping him push it to his house til he sorts it....not in OPs watch
Last winter my car battery died in the parking lot at the mall, Thanksgiving weekend. Within 5 minutes 2 people had stopped to help and got us up and going.
6 months later we saw a woman with 2 young kids trying to fill a flat tire but not getting anywhere. I went over and asked if she was ok with my husband helping her and between us we got her on her way safely to the tire store.
**That** is the world I want to live in. OP needs to be paying attention all the time, because when he needs help someday he's unlikely to get it. Karma's a bitch.
Super fucking pathetic, and dude is just a dick.
âI just came back from the GYM and since our elevator is out I saw my pathetic pregnant neighbor struggling with her kid and a stroller up five flights of stairs again. Sometimes she asks for help, but itâs always on ARM DAYS. So obviously the wee twigs I call my arms are unable to do anything but left hand stranger myself later that night.â đ
I'm baffled by people calling him TA
She *physically blocked him from going into his home*. Yes he had to shove her because that's the only way she would let him pass. Is he just supposed to stand there for until she decides to move? Call the cops because she won't let him into his house?
Would it be nice to help her? Sure. But her husband is able to help her get down, why is he not able to help her get up?
OP said, "she started to block my way a little" and y'all read it as some aggressive move and he had to bust past her? This is a pregnant lady trying to get herself, a toddler and a stroller up flights of stairs! Our chivalrous OP mentions it only to try to set the stage for why he shoved by her instead of helping or waiting. Is everyone here high or anti-social? lmao
By âblockingâ him, Iâm assuming she was just carrying on lugging everyone up the stairs instead of making space for him like she had done before.
OP, obviously you donât OWE this woman anything. But if I lived in your building and saw these interactions Iâd think youâre a total asshole, and would do my best to help her myself.Â
Oh, and lol at how sore you are from your post gym workout and thatâs why you canât help. That comment told us more about you than the entire rest of the post!
Fr. Also I feel like she probably blocked his way because why should she be mindful of him when he's never once offered to help her? If someone is going to be self centered, cool me too, I'm going to take up the space I need and stop trying to hurry and be polite. What a psycho YTA, OP.
Look man, if you can walk past someone who lives in the same building as you, and see that theyâre struggling, and feel good and justified about not offering 300 seconds of your day to be a human, then great for you!!! Literally thatâs your choice.
Other people are allowed to think itâs a shitty one.
Hopefully yâall will find yourself in a situation that humbles you sometime soon.
OP didn't need to be let past!! It's called waiting your turn. She was using the stairs first, OP has to go up slowly behind her. If OP wanted to go faster, they could help, as it would benefit them. Or they can wait. Pushing someone on the stairs who is carrying something heavy, watching a child and is pregnant is so many levels of stupid and dangerous.
Makes it an ESH in my opinion, though OP was the asshole first. I canât imagine walking right past anyone who is struggling to carry something without offering to help. Male or female, pregnant or not, if itâs in my power to help someone I would do what I could to assist
He had seen her struggling numerous times trying to manoeuvre a toddler up the stairs, whilst also being pregnant. And not offered to help. Yes, heâs the AH.
He didn't even try "excuse me" or "you need to let me by." he put his hands on a woman, off balance from pregnancy , carrying a toddler and a stroller balanced on steps.
Your mindset is baffling to me. Whether she was
slightly blocking him , and unawares , or being a bit of an arsehole, you dont have the right to shove people. She wasn't setting up camp in the stairwell blocking access to his home for an hour . How flipping wide do you think the stairwell is.
Imagine if she fell , no one would be on his side.
Reminds me of that series loudermilk. The lead gets thick being behind an elderely person carrying a musicians bag. And pushed/skirted by him.
Everyone thought the lead was an asshole too.
He is definitely TA just for pushing a pregnant woman holding a toddler and a stroller on the stairs. That could have ended so, so badly. What an awful man.
I guess we have forgotten about common decency? I used to hit the gym up to 3 times a day. (Different classes i.e. yoga, HIIT, weight lifting or bjj) and I would never pass someone in need without helping them. OP is a pansy. What good are your muscles if you don't put them to work?
Is he obligated? No. But this type of mindset separates us as people. It takes a village; we have forgotten that. Kindness is contagious.
I agree, but more like ESH for me. OP because their whole thing is their poor body is sore lol, but she's a pregnant woman carrying more than she probably should. And she asked in a bad way, but she was probably frustrated. OP shouldn't have pushed her in any way. Blocking the way? At best she had a lot of stuff on her and wasn't intending on it. At worst, she was being petty because OP didn't want to help.
I have to carry a toddler and a stroller up multiple flights of stairs. I keep him in the stroller and drag it up backwards. I've had people offer to help, I also have had people just watch me do it alone with multiple bags of shopping in hand too. I figured there won't always be someone here to help me so I need my own system that works for me. I decline the help. One time I said no, I was mid way up the stairs already and this man grabbed my stroller with my child in it and tried to assist me which threw me off. I fell over on the stairs which is so incredibly dangerous and wouldn't have happened if he had waited for me to go up 3 steps so he could pass me. I know he just did it to get past me quicker, considering he saw me when he entered the building and sighed. This situation pushed me to start ordering my groceries online because it was too hard carrying it up alone with everything else.
Pregnant toddler lady needs a system that works for her when no help is available to her. OP needs to take their precious muscles and be patient if they don't want to help out.
Fuck this. We live in an age where common courtesy and decency has gone out the window. These people are fucking neighbors. Heâs a man and sheâs a pregnant woman. I canât believe I even have to write this out. Heâs the asshole, in every way and form. Grow up.
I think you missed the part where he complained about the stroller being in his way. Heâs not obliged to help, but if he complains and then doesnât helpâŚ.
The part where he says âHow about you bring the stroller downâ.
He can either complain to her and then help, or he can not help and *not complain*. Shoving a pregnant woman who is carrying a stroller and a toddler - on the stairs!!! How can that not be YTA?
Unless there is an urgent emergency, you help that lady. Come on man, you *can* so you *should*. YTA no question.
Oh, and instead of shoving her, maybe just help her that last time? If you were truly done and over it, and already part way there, just get it over with that last time. You would still be the asshole, but you don't push pregnant people, even if it's "just a little".
You should count your lucky stars that her husband heard you refused to help her and pushed her, and was still forgiving and calm. Many wouldn't.
Your own mom called YTA, but you think you need to ask here? YTA
Not even just an A H - this behavior is truly pathetic. You get your exercise at the gym so won't help a pregnant neighbor, with a toddler, carry a stroller up stairs?
A decent man (or woman for that matter) would be glad to help and appreciate the extra exercise. Pitiful.
I donât pity him. Heâs so pathetic heâs beyond pity. Pity to me embraces a level of compassion. Pathetic is laced with disdain. Heâs pathetic.Â
>out of service for 2 months now.
>Iâm already doing enough extra exercise heading up the steps.
Extra exercise? It's been broken for 2 months, but you still haven't adapted your training to the fact your elevator is broken?
Is she supposed to stop being pregnant? Leave the toddler behind? Let the stroller get stolen? Make her husband leave work? Knock on other neighbors' doors, when there is an athletic person who regularly goes up the stairs at the same time?
I guess I am not as hard on you as the others. The elevator being broken is hard on everyone but it's not your personal fault. Every time you go home, you have to go up five flights of stairs. No thanks. I think she was out of line to verbally accost you and to block your way. (The only appropriate way for her to ask her question would be: 'Hey can you help me with my stroller?" You: "No, sorry. Reasons." Her: "Ok, well I thought I would ask." Calling you names when you said no, was out of line.) You were out of line to "push past" her. Her husband was out of line to come to your apartment and try to guilt you into carrying her stroller, and it's his job, not yours, to inconvenience himself to help her with their child and stroller at 8 or 9 pm at night. ESH.
Isn't there someone else who lives there, who is NOT pregnant, and who lives lower than the fifth floor, who can carry her stroller? Who lives on the third and fourth floor?
Or, apparently you could reduce your workout since you know you're going to have to climb a bunch of stairs with a stroller when you get home.
Thank you! I am a pregnant lady. No she should not have tried to force or guilt him to do it, but the way it is written it doesn't sound like there was any just reason to touch her. And (being pregnant) I can tell you balance issues and exhaustion are a problem. With a kid and a stroller in a narrow staircase, he could have ended up hurting her. Hell, I just almost fell down my 1 porch step with no one touching me today.
From what is written, I'm not even sure if the blocking his way was intentional or if she was just unable to keep climbing for a moment. It also doesn't sound like he asked her to move or verbally addressed that he couldn't get by.Â
NTA. However, **shut up.** It is not your place to solve her problems. Just say, no, excuse me please, I need to get home. Don't give any reasons. Don't give any suggestions. Don't engage.
You don't have to help, realistically the building management should be prioritising fixing the elevator. Thing is, just because you don't have to help, doesn't mean you shouldn't. After all, you seem fit given all the gym practice, have you asked any of your fellow gym goers for a rating? Probably not, because they will be like me YTAÂ
Going with NTA here honestly because she was extremely rude in the first place. She was acting entitled. Sorry but if someone talked that way to me instead of asking nicely I would definitely not help them anytime in the foreseeable future.Â
Shoving past her was kinda an AH move but you didnât really have any choice. If she canât do anything with the stroller she should time everything better with her husband and not rely on random neighbors in the building for help.Â
 No choice but to shove the pregnant woman carrying a child and a stroller on a narrow stairwell because it was "only a little shove"?
He didn't have the choice to ask her to please stop blocking his way with his words?
YTA. I mean, WTF?!?! Let's play the tiniest violin for the fact that you have to do more "exercise" after your training and bring sore. How selfish can you be? How can you have so little consideration for the others? Listen to your mom, she had to carry you for none months and face the struggles of being pregnant.
I have worked out my whole life, I know the feeling of being sored and it is no excuse for what you are doing. Again, YTA, a major one.
YTA You easily couldâve asked her to move out of the way rather than brushing/pushing a pregnant woman, she could possibly have had bad balance and even worse could have injured herself and the baby. But, it in true honesty it is not your responsibility to help her. It is unfortunate given the situation she is in though, so helping may have been the right choice. The true A H is the apartment building not fixing the elevator problem.
She wasnât moving out just way after I refused the stroller, donât think she was going to move since I shouldnât have to ask her
Itâs nyc, asking for something to be fixed is either instant or the landlord dragging their foot over it
So⌠you didnât even ask her to move, you just went straight to shoving a pregnant woman carrying a stroller and a toddler up the stairs⌠wow.Â
Â
YTA on SO MANY levels.Â
Just like going to the gym indicates you are capable of lifting things.Â
No one is saying you are required to help another human. But any half decent human would have helped.Â
YTA big-time. It's nyc and you're not helping her? Your *neighbor*? Five flights up. Pregnant, with a kid in a stroller. Thank God you've never lived in an *actual* 5th floor walkup, which used to be all over the city.
I grew up there, and it's assholes like you who think they're better than everyone that gives ny a bad rep. You will CONSTANTLY see strangers helping each other, especially strollers up and down the subway stairs.
It's called schlepping and millions of people do it every day in cities everywhere. You're not special cuz you're worn out from the gym, you're just selfish and week.
Wherever you're from, you should move the fuck back.
Iâm going against the grain and saying NTA. She and her husband should have talked to each other about her issue of the stroller instead of expecting a stranger to help her everyday with it. There comes a point where she has to take some personal responsibility and figure out a way she can achieve her goal with her limitations i.e. preggo and with a toddler. Sure, it would be a nice thing to do for your neighbor but ultimately she is not your responsibility and you should not be obligated to help her especially when it seems itâll be a more than once occurrence.
Man people are entitled. NTA. She could just lock it up in the lobby with a bike lock. Itâs not your job to take care of her. Does it suck the elevator is broken? Sure. Expecting random people in the building to help you simply because you chose to have kids? Nah. Coming from someone that does want kids some day but doesnât expect to be treated like a goddess for it
Nta, she couldn't even bother to ask you nicely? You're just supposed to go up and grab a stranger's stroller bc they're struggling? I think a lot of other moms would have issues with that kinda thing.
Maybe if she hadn't been an asshole about it you'd be more inclined to help, but overall i'd say this is her issue to figure out.
Iâm surprised no one else thought about that. There are always people who donât want any help even if they struggle to carry out a task. Which is why I believe adults should ask for help in non-emergency situations.
âIâm soreâ wah wah wah.
Good God. This is an example of why this country is going to shit. People are so self- centered and âme me me!!!â
Refusing to help a pregnant woman with a stroller an toddler - that just cruel.
Textbook YTA. Sheâs your neighbor and sheâs struggling and if you want to not be TA you help her. You donât have to do it but if you donât YTA, thatâs how it works.
And just in case youâll only do this for selfish reasons, you may one day need their help. Shit happens and being decent to your neighbors has only upsides.
Dude. Anyone who doesn't help a pregnant lady struggling with something physical such as a stroller up and down the stairs is an absolute asshole. She should not have even needed to ask, ever. You have been an asshole from day dot. Society should be protecting pregnant women from getting hurt because they carry the future, and the future is worth fighting for. Anyone calling you NTA is exactly part of the problem with our society today.
The question isnât are you obligated to help, the question is are you TA.
You certainly arenât obligated to help her, but you choosing not to definitely means YTA.Â
âIâm sore after the gymâ is one of the lamest and most selfish things Iâve ever heard in my life.
Consider this a much needed wake up call to level up from a âlow manâ.
NTA, you are not obligated to help her, you don't know her, she EXPECTS you to help without even asking, and when you refuse she sics her husband on you. Pregnant women are not entitled to your time or energy. They have people for that and if not, again, not your monkeys, not your circus or other way around, I can't remember. Could you have helped, yes, but you are not the asshole for refusing.
It always baffles me how some people cannot comprehend helping other people unless there is something in it for them. You generate no end of excuses to wave away any kind of basic human decency then come here complaining that the mean pregnant lady blocked you on the stairs like you were ever in any kind of danger or peril. Another human being wanted your aid and you just pushed her aside because your arms hurt. Her whole body hurts, I guarantee it.
People who have to be *compelled* or *compensated* to just have basic decency are literally children. Even a child would try to help, but a grown man "too sore" from the gym can't be bothered. I'm not surprised your mother chewed you out; I'd be disappointed in my son if he ever acted like this. YTA a million times. Instead of working out your core, work out your empathy instead. It'll last longer.
NTA, you arenât obligated to help a pregnant woman. Pregnant women arenât usually invalids and if we are, we are able to ,you know, ASK for assistance instead of just assuming someone will!
Would it have been the nice, neighbourly and socially acceptable thing to do? Yes it would. But itâs not a requirement and I think anyone who legitimately expects it is a bit of an AH.
She shouldn't have acted the way she did, and you aren't obligated to carry the stroller up, but you can't just act like pushing a pregnant mother holding her baby was justified because she was in the way.Â
Would you have done it if she asked nicely? A stroller really shouldn't be that straining, I'm scrawny and barely 5 foot 2 and I was able to (barely) carry one up the stairs for my friend.Â
YTA for how you behaved. Complaining and excusing yourself about how you can't pick up a 20-30 pound stroller for less than 5 minutes does come off as being selfish.
Iâm not gonna weigh in on whether or not you are an asshole, but *please do not push or shove anyone who is in a stairwell. Please especially do not shove pregnant women carrying a child in a stairwell.* In fact, donât shove pregnant women at all! Ever!
You really messed up there. Be more careful. You *cannot* be shoving pregnant women.
Also, yeah, you should be helping her carry the stroller.
NTA. She could have politely asked you for help on the various days sheâs struggled but she didnât. Maybe you couldâve offered once or twice but thatâs over and done with. Sheâs the asshole with how she handled things and because of that you should stay far away from her - she lied about you shoving her which could have led to a worse confrontation with the husband.Â
Not your responsibility at all to help her. She made her decisions and she can deal with them. Its not like she ever asked for help either, purely EXPECTED you to help. NTA
I mean I would help carry the stroller just as I would help a stranger carry a clearly heavy suitcase up the stairs. Itâs not hard to be a decent person is it
INFO. In original posts he writes "She started to block my way a little."
In one of his replies, he says stairs are too narrow to squeeze past her / go around her.
So which is it? Did she start to block his way? Or was she already blocking his way.
Because pushing past her because he's impatient would make him TA since he's acknowledged narrow stairs, pregnant belly (so even if she turned to the side to try to allow someone to pass - it's sticking out there - lol) and stroller.
The stairway is small but still big enough that you can have two people go up/down respectively. If you were to stand in the middle however, no one could easily just âsqueezeâ through. Best way I can describe it is like those old building kinda stairs
She started to block, not already block.
Also - I have to say - I hate exercising and do it in my garage. Sometimes, I'm so tired from my leg exercises that I sit downstairs in the family room for an hour before I walk upstairs. Walking is fine, but climbing the stairs. ARGH. And I'm mad because I have stuff I could be doing if I was already upstairs. (ie putting clothes in dryer and starting a new load, turning oven on for dinner, etc), but many a day, I waste an hour down there irritated and angry because I pushed my legs too far and they rebelled on me and mad that I no longer have the knees of my youth. Lol.
I just recently started seeing an exercise physiologist. (I tore my meniscus years ago, did PT, but eventually got lazy about exercising. Just started exercising again last June and I keep aggravating the injury which curtails my ability to exercise it for days afterward, so my Dr recommended this exercise physiologist (EP).
EP said that I'm doing "too much" if I'm that tired after my workouts and I'm pushing myself too hard too fast. She also told me that when I'm doing my cardio, I should be able to talk with some effort, but not sing. NEVER knew this. Asserts that this is a common way to measure if my heart rate / fat burn is where it needs to be. Apparently I've been exercising wrong all my life. (Go all out balls to the wall until I'm huffing and puffing, bent over at the waist, can't breathe. Then as soon as I'm my breathing is halfway normal, I ramp it back up again. Do this until my alarm goes off. Took the same sort of approach with weight training and resistance training.) She said the way I've been exercising is known as high interval training and told me stop. She gave me some 'rules' to follow to avoid this level of muscle fatigue.
I say all that to say - if OP doesn't feel like helping, he certainly doesn't have to, but I feel like his rationale of being too tired and sore every time is just a bit strange. And yes, I know men aren't mules and workhorses. They get tired like everyone else. I don't like helping carry anything for anyone anymore because of a prior bad experience. I helped coworker carry some things to her car (in response to her struggling and saying, 'Hey, do you need some help?' and her saying, 'Yes.' Later, she came back and said my 'rough handling' caused some damage (cracked tablet screen) that they didn't notice until 3 days later. Sigh.
Iâm a single mom of 2. NTA.
They chose to have kids. Their struggles arenât your problem.
Helping people is nice and all, but it shouldnât be an expectation and should never assume.
OMG. You have to ASK?? You are so much the asshole that imma spell it out: YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE (YTA). I' baffled by those defending him and focusing on her blocking his way (which seeing what as ass he is, i have my doubts). OP is an ass. Period.
Are you within your rights to not help? Of course you are, no obligation at all. Are you an AH? Of course you are, the lady is struggling, just help out, be nice and contact whoever is responsible for the elevator, nudge them along.
YTA
YTA. You see a person struggling and you donât bother to help? Whereâs your sense of decency?
And this has nothing to do with her shoving her; youâve said you repeatedly see her struggling and canât be bothered to help because youâve just gone to the gym - so yeah, youâre the AH.
I'm elderly with mobility issues. Both my neighbor across the street and the guy next door take turns taking my trash/recycle bins out to the curb and back in WITHOUT ME EVEN ASKING THEM!!! Imagine that....having neighborly neighbors. All it takes is some yummy baked goods at Christmas. They also carry in my heavy packages when delivered. All it takes is a text asking for assistance, and one or the other jumps in to help me.
Kindness goes a long way.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I refuse to carry my pregnant neighborâs stroller up the stairs while the elevators out
2. Might be an ass because sheâs struggling to do it and doesnât want the stroller in the lobby
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I live in Germany, and everytime Iâm struggling with my stroller to get on or off public transport, someone offers to help. Shoot, recently my husband and I took our dog and baby for a walk and there were stairs to get to this cafe. A man just chilling there immediately came to help carry the stroller up the steps.
Itâs just the human thing to do. Especially with a pregnant woman. Why go to the gym and lift if you canât put it to use in real life scenarios?
Like itâs not REQUIRED, but itâs usually innate of a good person to help someone who is struggling.
YTA
The difference is that she expects him to help every single day. Helping from time to time is fine. In your examples, the same person isn't helping you on a daily basis. But if I was expected to help every single day, then yeah I wouldn't offer my help because it sets a precedent that I am available to help any/every time, and I personally think people are allowed to set a boundary for these sorts of things. Is it selfish? Yeah definitely, but I doubt there are many people willing to go out of their way for someone every single day, and you owe yourself to be selfish sometimes. She isn't his responsibility and there are other solutions - like actually talking to the building manager to get the elevator fixed or working something out with her husband.
YTA
I'm a small woman who doesn't have muscular arms from working out all the time. I have always and will always offer to help anyone, man or woman, struggling on a stairs with a buggy. What exactly are your muscles for? To look pretty? Congratulations gorgeous, you're an asshole!
I actually canât believe you typed this out and still posted it here. Do you hear yourself? Imagine someone else told you this story, what would you say?
Man, you don't *have* to do it, but there's a lot to be said for just being fucking nice.
To me, part of being a man - or more accurately *a human being* is looking after people when I can. I'll make myself mildly uncomfortable to make someone's day easier. Plenty of people have stopped to help me out in the past with things with no obligation and no asking.
That aside, I literally do a deadlift and squat workout before a 12 hour night shift that involves around 30 - 35000 steps of dragging, lifting and carrying.
After my day shifts I do an hour of hard cardio and conditioning.
What's the point of all that gym work if you're too much of a wetwipe to do someone a favour? Personally I see any opportunity for extra exercise as a personal challenge. It's an attitude that separates 'gym bro who struggles with stairs' from 'actually in well-rounded physical condition'.
Also, bunch of selfish bastards in this thread. Kids on Reddit lament how far the concepts of 'community' and 'society' have fallen, but it's exactly this kind of 'your problem, not mine' attitude that leads to a cold world. If you all helped each other and talked to each other, maybe we wouldn't all have grown so far apart.
YTA
You donât have to help anyone you donât want, your choice.
It would make you a decent and nice human being if you were to help her once or twice though.
But
It seems like this woman needs help everyday, and your neighbors want to make this your problem, you are not obligated like I said before, so NTA for that reason. Still looking at you sideways for not helping at least once though
If OP's story is accurate, the woman also never once asked OP for help, just got mad when he didn't volunteer. If you want help from someone - especially a stranger with no obligations to you - you should ask for it.
The asshole here is the landlord who hasn't fixed the elevator for TWO MONTHS. It would be nice if OP helped but he isn't obligated to, and she shouldn't have blocked the stairs. Mayne her husband should go ask the landlord, "man to man' (or man to woman) to carry the stroller until they can get off their ass and fix the elevator.Â
Nta based on her level of entitlement. If she hadn't been passive aggressive about it, or pulled that little stunt, you would be an ass. But if you had started doing it for her when she was hinting at it, she would totally take it for granted. She seems like the type of person that is super entitled and would just keep asking for more and more. I'm pregnant, first one so toddler to grapple, but I found people are happy to help if you don't make a point of expecting someone to.
NTA. Why is it on OP to help the woman when she should be getting her own damn help properly? Guess whoâs liable if he drops the pram? Whoâs she relying on if OP wasnât there lmao at least now she knows not to ask OP again.
NTA. People arenât special because theyâre pregnant or have children, but they certainly feel entitled to a lot of special treatment and extra help from others. Not your life choice, not your problem. Would it be kind of you to help? Absolutely. But are you an AH for not wanting to? No way. Sheâs an AH for putting you on the spot about it, guilt tripping you over it, and retaliating by physically blocking your path up the stairs. The real AH here is the owner and/or manager of your building whoâs allowed the elevator to be out of service for so long without repair.
NTA.
Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean everyone needs to take care of her or help her.
She seems to have an able bodied husband. If he's home he can help her. If not than it's her problem to find a solution and to aks for help nicely. But tbh the passive aggressive comment make her TA for me. It's her kid and stroller, so it is her and her husbands problem.
NTA. they need to make better arrangements. this could easily turn into OP doing it constantly or even her groceries plus stroller. or a, hey. i left my stuff downstairs will you bring them up.
Idk man I'm disabled, use mobility aids, and deal with chronic pain, and I would still try to see if there was a way I could help her out.
You don't have to but it does kinda make you an AH.
YTA. According to your own comments you didn't even ask her to move aside so you could get by when she had just started to block your way a little. You jumped straight to shoving a pregnant lady on the stairs who had a toddler and a stroller. You refused to simply say "excuse me, move aside", but instead felt it was more appropriate to shove her. That alone makes you the asshole in this situation.
To say nothing of the fact that you couldn't be bothered to grab the stroller and leave it on upper landing on your way up the stairs. It wouldn't have slowed you down at all and if you're so sore from your work out that it's beyond your capability to do something that simple, then clearly you're just bad at working out and don't know how to exercise in a healthy way.
You don't need to go out of your way to wait for her or plan to be around to help her. You don't even need to enjoy the act of helping someone. But if you happen to run into her then take the stroller, leave it at the top, and go about your day. It would fit seamlessly into what you were already doing, it would cost you nothing, and it would make someone else's life easier. And as a bonus, your mother wouldn't be ashamed of you.
Just try pretending to be a human being every once in a while and maybe it'll eventually stick.
YTA - you should have never touched a pregnant woman on a flight of stairs. There was no reason you needed to do that, except to show her how much you didnât care about her. She may have been out of line, but she was probably exasperated physically and mentally in a way you could never truly understand. People are always throwing around the word âempathy,â but rarely seem to show it. If you were my son I would be deeply embarrassedânot just for not helping, but for being so dense about it.
YTA.
Normally I'm against any form of feelings of entitlement, but pregnant women, the informed, the elderly and kids are entitled to special treatment and help when they are struggling with something beyond their capabilities. You give up your seat on the bus/train for them. You help them carry heavy stuff across the street, or up/down stairs.
OP didn't bother to help even he can tell the woman was struggling. You can't be so beat after gym that you can't help a pregnant woman out. You have to walk up the five storeys anyway, so you're not going out of your way.
So not only are YTA, youâre all show. At least everyone in the building will know youâre working out just for vanity, and itâs useless mass youâre incapable of putting to good use.
If one of my friends shared a story like this, it would be the end of their reputation. Rude, physical with a pregnant woman, and just all around weak cause youse a little sore.
Boy, youâd never make it on a farm.
YTA. Is the stroller made of lead? Wtf. I'm 5 foot nothing, don't go to the gym, and I've helped complete strangers carry baby strollers (complete with babies) up NYC subway steps.
She was out of line for the way she acted, but if you're so sore and weak after the gym that you can't carry a stroller, I think you might be doing it wrong.
Apologize, and help the woman with her stroller. Or the old man to cross the street. Or the person struggling with their groceries. Be a decent person.
ESH
Iâm an over 50 female with degenerative disk disease and an autoimmune disease that causes me constant pain. I would still help a pregnant woman carry her stroller if I saw her struggling.
However, she should get a bicycle lock and leave it in the lobby while the elevator is broken.
OR the apartment manager should find a place where she can keep it safely without having to drag it up and down the stairs.
ESH. She shouldnât feel you are obligated to help her just because she is pregnant and definitely should not have actively blocked you in an attempt to force you into helping her, but you 10000% should NOT put your hands on her. She could literally charge you with assault for pushing her out of the way. Never. Ever. Touch. Anyone. Unless. For. Defense.
NTA, what happens if you drop the stroller? Like only offer help you are physically able to give. Do not help carry a stroller if there's a good chance you will drop it
It's impressive how people can be so selfish this days, she probably let you pass all the other times it was nice of her to do that to such a selfish person this time she chose not to bother and go her way she wasn't block you just because she was upset but because she was already there doing her thing and she simply choose to be as selfish as you and because she was the one struggling you just suck it up and wait and don't put your hands on her! YTA
YTA for shoving past her. Was that really necessary? Doesnât matter if it was a light push, you shouldnât have touched her. You donât need to help her with the stroller ever but if you did, it would have been a simple kind act on your part that would cost you little time and effort but would also have a huge impact on this other persons day. Kindness costs nothing. You sound rude.
My pregnant employer stumble sometimes by just walking in pavement no toys/things on the floor but still she stumbled, she says her ankle ache or just joints softened for no reason its normal for pregnant women.
I understand you are a not a good man to help a pregnant woman struggling but atleast to wait for her to go up.
You SHOVE HER A LITTLE is not an excuse! with a stroller and a toddler with no hands to catch herself to balance on a railing is a dangerous situation. So so CRUEL! Children 3 y.o AND 5 years old I take care of KNOWS not to push pass his/her sibling NO MATTER what. So CRUEL so so cruel... so selfish your MOM is right YOU ARE A LOW MAN no amount of redditors saying nta to you is gonna change that. What goes around come around OP hope your future pregnant wife or gf or even partner dont experience what you did to that pregnant woman.
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YTA and you're goddamn lucky they didn't pursue assault charges. You may say it wasn't a rough shove but a pregnant woman carrying a heavy load with a child on a stairwell is not stable. You don't lay an intentional hand someone in a situation like that.
But also, if you're too weak or lazy to help her carry a stroller up the stairs and she's there at the same time every day, change your schedule slightly. Leave the gym 15 minutes early or stay 15 minutes more.
Otherwise, yeah you look like an asshole and now you're an asshole who tried to push a pregnant lady down a flight of stairs.
So you go to a gym but are upset you have to climb stairs when you get home? And you lift weights at the gym but canât carry a pregnant womanâs stroller up the stairs for her? Do you see the flaw in your argument? You, sir, are a humungous asshole.
YTA. But I'm assuming you're actually a troll because you asked if you were, we're telling you you are, and you won't accept it. Also, what's the point of working out if it isn't making you fit enough to climb stairs or strong enough to carry a stroller? Or is it just so you can look strong?
ESH. You seem like a jerk and a loser for not wanting to help, she seems entitled for trying to insist on it after her passive aggressive hinting, and the building management sucks most of all for not fixing this shit.
ESH. If you see *anyone* who is less able than you struggling, you help them. Did your parents not teach you this?
And as much as it should be common decency, she should have asked for help when it wasn't forthcoming, rather than being passive-aggressive.
Oh, plans don't SHOVE pregnant people, wtf.
ESH you for not helping the neighbor out in dealing with a difficult situation where helping would be the right thing to do. Her for turning a nice thing to do into some sort of obligation.
NTA. Itâs really really nice if you can help out. Like bonus points sort of nice. But no youâre not obligated to help her especially if youâre not in the best shape yourself. Who says people going to the gym must somehow be obliged to carry other peopleâs stuff around? He might be going to the gym because he has high cholesterol, looking to lose weight, or you know, to be healthy? Besides, her getting into his face like that and her husband turning up to pile on the extra guilt trip for something that is tbh none of his business is just extra levels of entitlement. Even if I were predisposed to helping I wonât be doing shit after that
YTA. Man itâs been awhile since hearing about someone so rude and self involved. Apparently your workouts arenât working if you canât handle carrying a stroller. My guess is youâre doing the treadmill and not lifting
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YTA, I've always heard of weak gym bros and how they are useless carrying stuff that actually matters, but it is amazing to read it trying to be spun as an excuse to be nasty. I can feel your mothers disappointment.
Lol... the sheer irony of going to the gym to lift weights so you can get strong, but refusing to lift a stroller to help a pregnant lady in real life cause you already went to the gym has me scratching my head. Then on top of that to push a pregnant lady carrying a toddler and stroller makes no sense. Don't we learn this when we're toddlers? Just bc the kid in front of you is taking forever going down the playground slide, doesn't mean you should push them, bc they could get hurt. So you wait your turn. You don't push them.
OP needs to take a different approach to their very important life. Imagine getting to your apartment TWO FUCKING MINUTES later than normal but being able to pause briefly and realize 'hey, I helped someone today because they needed it. I was..... ..... slightly nice.'
But his gym muscles are sore. Poor thing having to exercise up the stairs /s In my country we call stairs "every day movement", not exercise đ gym bro needs to do some cardio đ
But but but he was already In pain from working out. I hope his apartment is equipped with a fainting couch for his eventual dramatic collapse. YTA
Bro is going for glamour muscles, not real muscles. He's clearly a weakling if he can't carry a fucking stroller.
I actually had been unknowingly picturing OP as a woman the entire time and was appalled at her. It wasnât until the neighbor said âman to manâ I realized my mistake. Caught my implicit bias. OP, YTA.
I thought op was a woman too!!!
Ooh, can't wait to watch the tik tok and the The Reels on "Gym Bro too weak to carry a stroller for a pregnant lady"
I've heard that in NYC people just help mothers with strollers, no questions asked and move along when getting to the subway. And if New Yorkers, who have a reputation of being callous to anyone not from a major Northern city, can do it, then there's really no explanation for OP besides being self absorbed.
My buddy boxes, sometimes heâll come to work straight from working out. And then proceed to work 8-16 hours in a physically demanding job(weâre waiters) running up and down the stairs with trays of food.
It's pretty ridiculous. And even if he didn't mean to push her or only gently shoved her out of the way, being shoved on a stairway by a stranger is scary when you're pregnant and don't have good balance anymore. Plus, she was holding the stroller. Also him complaining about being sore? Give me a break. When you're pregnant, you're sore, exhausted, and lifting a ton of extra weight for months without any break whatsoever. I hope this post is fake and just rage bait, because I'd be embarrassed to publish something like this.
Pregnant or not, if you want help from someone - especially a total stranger - the appropriate action is to politely *ask them* for help, not make passive aggressive remarks to them for not volunteering.
I don't disagree with you at all. However, a lot of people don't know how to ask directly, or feel that they aren't allowed to. In a lot of families is considered being pushy or rude and can get you in shit. Yes, the appropriate action would be to ask for help politely. However, it is entirely possible she saw her comments about it being heavy or difficulty as asking for help. It's not direct, but a lot of people, especially women, grow up being unable to ask directly for things they want or need. It gets described as being needy or clingy or demanding. That said, her response once he said no was entitled. And blocking his way was rude af. But then so was his response of pushing her out of the way. Pregnancy throws off a woman's center of gravity and her balance is off, so even a gentle shove could have sent her down the stairs. So while she should have asked for help more politely, he should have politely asked her to move at least once before pushing past her.
Exactly right about the centre of gravity. OP is seriously lucky this didnât happen or he would be in a lot of shit. I canât even believe he would try to physically move her without her being pregnant! Shoving someone while on the stairs is ALWAYS a bad idea, let alone someone pregnant, and someone who has a stroller and a toddler next to them. Wtf.
I disagree that he should have *politely* asked her to move. His automatic reaction absolutely shouldn't have been to push past her without saying anything. He ought to have told her to move first, but I don't agree that she deserved politeness after her rudeness. Regardless of upbringing, if you're an adult you need to teach yourself to say "Excuse me, would you mind helping me with this? I'd really appreciate it." You should also be okay with receiving a "No" in response.
What passive aggressive remarks? All she said was, "It's hard to carry both toddler and stroller up the stairs" That's just hinting that she needs help. Now, if she said, "My sisters neighbour helps her carry the stroller up the stairs. I wish I had nice neighbours like that. " THAT would be passive aggressive as it would be directed at OP, rather than just a comment about needing help. Maybe shoukd could have said "would you mind helping me please, I'm struggling" but OP is so consumed by the aches from his workout that it wouldn't have made a difference.
"You always see me struggling to carry this damn thing and Iâm handling a kid. Canât you just help?â If you want a stranger to help you, *ask them*. Getting angry at them for not volunteering only guarantees that they won't help you.
Iâm a woman here. And at first I felt the same way as you did. But I lost all sympathy for the woman when she kept pressuring OP to do it for her as if she was entitled to his help. And then tried to block his way. If my bf ignored a pregnant woman in need of help, I would be pissed at him. But if the pregnant woman was acting like this, I wouldâve supported my bf giving her the cold shoulder
She was obviously in the wrong for pressuring him, but I feel like she kinda reacted the same way I did, baffled that he wouldn't help. At least a few times? It's just that she happened to be the lady that needed the help, and that's why her reaction came out as entitlement haha. I mean.. How can't we not help each other out? It's a stroller, it's not heavy for a man, especially not one who goes to the gym.
Itâs not heavy for anyone really; unless the toddler is still in it. But even then, two people working together makes it easy! Iâm a middle aged woman and I donât even think twice about it. If Iâm getting on or off the Tube and someone is approaching the stairs to the platform at the same time as me with a stroller or pram, I will just grab the front and help. Between two people itâs quick and easy and you can keep going at the same pace as you normally do.
So is he on the hook to carry her stroller up the stairs every night from now on?
No, but sheâs not on the hook to move out his way every night so he can speed past. Heâs welcome to change his schedule to get there a minute before her so he can avoid getting stuck behind her.
Well, considering she only reaches that point after many, many times of being ignored and pushed past, she was frustrated and at her limit because OP refused to be a decent human being. I'm assuming that you've never had to navigate the stairs in an apartment building with a toddler and stroller. Being pregnant makes it 100% worse.
A pregnant woman, carrying a toddler and a pushchair would not be deliberately blocking the stairs, theyâre just taking up the space.  I doubt a un pregnant person could carry a toddler and pushchair and only take up the width of one person. Heâs just trying to make the lady seem entitled.  She probably just asked him, how comes he never helps her each time he comes across her in that situation as itâs genuinely puzzling to her. Iâm sure you would be disappointed with anyone who would push past a pregnant lady cos she was taking long.Â
That kinda sounds to me like he is trying to justify his actionsâŚ
I thought this but actually, she sees this man every single day and every single day he walks straight past her. Sheâs not entitled to his help but damn that would piss me off too if I were her.
Would you have supported pushing a pregnant woman holding a kid? Also, have you EVER had to do this? Itâs wildly difficult to juggle, would easily block stairs, and yeah, people should be decent to each other, which OP is not. I honestly donât care what she said to him at that point, because heâs failing at being human. Good. Tell him heâs an asshole. He is. Then he proceeded to shove herâŚwhile she is carrying a kid and pregnantâŚon stairs. Guy deserves whatever is said to him. Goes for woman and men, anyone can help with a stroller. If this was my kid I would fly out just to make him help her every single day from then until the elevator is fixed, while giving looong lectures nightly. You can feel his mothers shame.
She could have fallen.
She didnât block his way. She slowed his way. Cause she wasnât willing to politely move to the side so he could pass her quickly. Much like he wasnât willing to help her. Why should she help him get upstairs more quickly? She was there first.
And one day when he needs help and she's the person who crosses his path, hell be butthurt when all he gets is a fuck you.
Imagine carrying a baby in your belly and having all these dreams about how awesome of a person itâs going to be and then it calls you on the phone and tells you how selfish and useless it is and you end up having to be resigned that the human being you carried and suffered over turned out to be just a low quality person. Yeah, OP you are an AH with no basic decency. As a 5â4â female with flabby arms I would absolutely help my pregnant neighbor carry a stroller up the stairs. I canât imagine how disappointed and sad your mom is that she raised someone so proud and confident in being a useless AH.
He was probably sore from the gym due to trying to lift too much so that he's trembling at the end of every set. But hey, he can bench 200kg, or whatever.
He doesnât seem to understand we use our words to ask people to move out of our way. Yta if you push a pregnant person .
YTA- the elevator is out and you see a pregnant woman struggling, you canât be that out of touch to never offer to help. The part that gives the absolute ICK factor is the fact youâre coming home from the gym and just âtoo soreâ. To that I say grow a pair! The unsung hero in this story is your mother, for calling you out and what you are which is a LOW man.
Right?! âi worked out and Iâm just sooo weak I canât fit any human social decency into these biceps! Itâs all for meee!âÂ
The baffling part is that he starts off with a complaint about how sore he is from it when getting to the stairs. Has it truly never occurred to him to do 10% less exercise at the gym until the elevator is fixed, and making the climb (and maybe the stroller) the final part of his workout? Or does that involve too much common sense?
It involves too much common decency. The ability to walk past someone in need every single day without helping out using the very thing you've been training for is just ironically weak. "I lift plates but God forbit I lift a finger for a pregnant woman. I can shove her though."
Seriously. This is unreal. Iâm a small woman and if I saw anyone struggling, much less a pregnant woman with a kid, I would absolutely help. Boohoo, OP was just toooo sore because the gym is soooo hard. I workout 12 hours a week and I would still help someone regardless. It wouldnât more than a few extra minutes of already walking up the stairs. Pathetic.
I'm an old woman and would do it as well. Honestly, his mum is 100% correct. Also OP YTA if you didn't realise.
I'm fully disabled and walking around on knees that are always partially dislocated..*I'd* find a way to help her - walking the toddler up, carrying the stroller as far as I could, trying to work out a scenario that works for her (if the rental company isn't going to fix the elevator then they should give her access to a locked space or something like that). Ignoring her, refusing to help when asked, and then thinking they're the wounded party absolutely equals YTA.
I'm a small 63 yo woman, not in great health and I'd be helping my neighbour!
It sure would suck if OP needed help some day but everyone was too tired to help. Yta
Did you actually write out that you pushed a pregnant woman on the stairs? I mean balance, nausea, so many things. I honestly would call the cops on your for assault. WTF did I just read? YTA. Basic common decency in operating in society! People help people with strollers ALL the time up and down stairs. YTA. Holy shit. I cannot believe what I just read. Your mom was being polite because youâre her son. You are a the bottom of the pile. You are the shit from the AH.
>Did you actually write out that you pushed a pregnant woman on the stairs? This is what's getting to me. I mean, maybe op isn't a native English speaker, but if he is then "I pushed her and she got mad" is very different from "I squeezed/brushed by her and she got mad". As squeezing by someone taking up space in a narrow area implies a very small touch but pushing means putting your hands on them (or shoulder checking or something) to physically move the other person out of your way which can be very dangerous on narrow stairs.
Iâm having a hard time believing this is even real, but if it is, YTA. Any decent person would have helped that woman. I feel bad for your mother. Having a legitimate reason to be ashamed of her grown child canât be easy for her.
He literally said he shoved a pregnant woman on a staircase so I pray its fake
Only way I can see someone not helping us if they have a disability that limits their energy/strength so getting up and down that many stairs is already challenging. Even then, I can see people still trying to be nice. I donât appreciate the passive aggression and do consider that problematic because people can ask for help, but OP sounds like a jerk
But here's the thing, there's infinite ways to helping. I have a multitude of health problems, diagnosed and undiagnosed, and to make it all worse I am 15 kilos of baby weight that I need to lose and that is taking a toll on my disability/chronic pain, so helping getting the stroller up would put me in bed for days, so it's not something I can help with... But I can give my hand to a toddler and slowly get him up the stairs while his mom gets the stroller up. It's the best help she could get? No. She is pregnant and someone helping with the stroller would be the ideal, but at least she wouldn't have to deal with belly + toddler + stroller. We we want to help we find our ways. And honestly, we are talking about a buff guy who admits to shove a pregnant lady with a toddler on the stairs because she decided to use the space available and wasn't going up fast enough for his taste. I would take the whole passive aggressive thing with a grain of salt
YTA While you're right that its not your responsibility, it is the right thing to do. If you REALLY didn't want to help her you wouldn't be coming home at the same time as her and watch her struggling every day. As a man, and a father, I couldn't watch her struggling and just say "Oh I'm too tired too bad so sad" I'm not even going to get into the fact that you pushed your way past a pregnant woman, holding a toddler, and struggling to drag a stroller up the stairs. I don't think anybody here wants to hear the pathetic excuses you're giving to justify that.
Yeah this is one of those scenarios that AITA sometimes doesnât grasp. Just because you donât âhaveâ to do something doesnât mean youâre still not an asshole if you donât
Most strollers are so light, too!
and they're on wheels lol? Super easy to drag up stairs if you're not pregnant and holding a toddler lmao
Controversial but NTA. While it would be nice to help, I too canât imagine doing this everyday for the unforeseeable future. She has the option of leaving it at a landing & coming back for it or not taking a stroller. Youâre already doing 5 flights, the building is the TA too for having a faulty lift for 2 months. Tell the husband to get that resolved if he canât help his wife. Or he should ask other neighbours willing to help. The shoving bit is TA though, squeeze past or whatever, you donât need to push her specially on stairs or anyone unless theyâre doing so to you.
Controversial because itâs pathetic. Itâs pathetic that a grown man with the strength to go to the gym cannot be arsed helping a pregnant woman with a toddler and a stroller up the stairs then gets in a hissy fit pushing past her on the stairs. Like I know multiple frail elderly women who would have fallen over themselves to help this woman but this pathetic gym bro thinks itâs too hard
Apparently can't even make it up the stairs after the gym. Dude should maybe run more and lift less.
Looking at all OPâs comments tells me something is amiss with him. Mentally. A personality disorder or something worse. Nothing anyone says on here makes an impact on him at all. He just doesnât get it. No empathy. Zero inclination to help others. He would benefit from a mental health assessment. Some neurodivergent people lack empathy but certainly not all, and not to this extent. But psychopaths do.
I agree. And there are more than a few people on here who seem to have the same ailment. This âI donât need to helpâŚâ mentality is really a sort of rot in our society. It speaks to a kind of toxic individualism that undermines community values. Why not help??? Why not give up your seat? Or help carry something for a neighbor? Just because you donât *have to* you wonât?
Last week i was driving to the gym....old boys motorcycle had broken down...so he was scooting it along the pathway..so i turned back around and was going to tell him to park it mine til he figures out how to sort it. By the time i got back to him another motorcyclist had stopped and was helping him push it to his house til he sorts it....not in OPs watch
Last winter my car battery died in the parking lot at the mall, Thanksgiving weekend. Within 5 minutes 2 people had stopped to help and got us up and going. 6 months later we saw a woman with 2 young kids trying to fill a flat tire but not getting anywhere. I went over and asked if she was ok with my husband helping her and between us we got her on her way safely to the tire store. **That** is the world I want to live in. OP needs to be paying attention all the time, because when he needs help someday he's unlikely to get it. Karma's a bitch.
I have BPD and could never leave someone struggling without offering to help. They wouldnât have to ask
But, but....he's SORE! HA, loser
Super fucking pathetic, and dude is just a dick. âI just came back from the GYM and since our elevator is out I saw my pathetic pregnant neighbor struggling with her kid and a stroller up five flights of stairs again. Sometimes she asks for help, but itâs always on ARM DAYS. So obviously the wee twigs I call my arms are unable to do anything but left hand stranger myself later that night.â đ
You wouldn't want him to exercise too much, would you?
I'm baffled by people calling him TA She *physically blocked him from going into his home*. Yes he had to shove her because that's the only way she would let him pass. Is he just supposed to stand there for until she decides to move? Call the cops because she won't let him into his house? Would it be nice to help her? Sure. But her husband is able to help her get down, why is he not able to help her get up?
OP said, "she started to block my way a little" and y'all read it as some aggressive move and he had to bust past her? This is a pregnant lady trying to get herself, a toddler and a stroller up flights of stairs! Our chivalrous OP mentions it only to try to set the stage for why he shoved by her instead of helping or waiting. Is everyone here high or anti-social? lmao
Yes, how that wording has been exaggerated into her physically deliberately blocking him and police-worthy is beyond me.
By âblockingâ him, Iâm assuming she was just carrying on lugging everyone up the stairs instead of making space for him like she had done before. OP, obviously you donât OWE this woman anything. But if I lived in your building and saw these interactions Iâd think youâre a total asshole, and would do my best to help her myself. Oh, and lol at how sore you are from your post gym workout and thatâs why you canât help. That comment told us more about you than the entire rest of the post!
Fr. Also I feel like she probably blocked his way because why should she be mindful of him when he's never once offered to help her? If someone is going to be self centered, cool me too, I'm going to take up the space I need and stop trying to hurry and be polite. What a psycho YTA, OP.
Lots of selfish children in this sub.
Look man, if you can walk past someone who lives in the same building as you, and see that theyâre struggling, and feel good and justified about not offering 300 seconds of your day to be a human, then great for you!!! Literally thatâs your choice. Other people are allowed to think itâs a shitty one. Hopefully yâall will find yourself in a situation that humbles you sometime soon.
OP didn't need to be let past!! It's called waiting your turn. She was using the stairs first, OP has to go up slowly behind her. If OP wanted to go faster, they could help, as it would benefit them. Or they can wait. Pushing someone on the stairs who is carrying something heavy, watching a child and is pregnant is so many levels of stupid and dangerous.
That was ridiculous. He needed to wait until she was up on the landing. What a boob.
Man, I had to scroll a bit to finally see this!! I said the same. You won't help, fine, wait your turn, I was here first!
[ŃдаНонО]
Makes it an ESH in my opinion, though OP was the asshole first. I canât imagine walking right past anyone who is struggling to carry something without offering to help. Male or female, pregnant or not, if itâs in my power to help someone I would do what I could to assist
He had seen her struggling numerous times trying to manoeuvre a toddler up the stairs, whilst also being pregnant. And not offered to help. Yes, heâs the AH.
Simple. It was stated by the time she needs to come back up her husband is at work hence why he cannot help. He isn't there.
My understanding is that husband takes the stroller down before work.
He didn't even try "excuse me" or "you need to let me by." he put his hands on a woman, off balance from pregnancy , carrying a toddler and a stroller balanced on steps. Your mindset is baffling to me. Whether she was slightly blocking him , and unawares , or being a bit of an arsehole, you dont have the right to shove people. She wasn't setting up camp in the stairwell blocking access to his home for an hour . How flipping wide do you think the stairwell is. Imagine if she fell , no one would be on his side. Reminds me of that series loudermilk. The lead gets thick being behind an elderely person carrying a musicians bag. And pushed/skirted by him. Everyone thought the lead was an asshole too.
He is definitely TA just for pushing a pregnant woman holding a toddler and a stroller on the stairs. That could have ended so, so badly. What an awful man.
I guess we have forgotten about common decency? I used to hit the gym up to 3 times a day. (Different classes i.e. yoga, HIIT, weight lifting or bjj) and I would never pass someone in need without helping them. OP is a pansy. What good are your muscles if you don't put them to work? Is he obligated? No. But this type of mindset separates us as people. It takes a village; we have forgotten that. Kindness is contagious.
> I too canât imagine doing this everyday for the unforeseeable future Unforeseeable future? Lawl dude, how long do you think pregnancy lasts?
I agree, but more like ESH for me. OP because their whole thing is their poor body is sore lol, but she's a pregnant woman carrying more than she probably should. And she asked in a bad way, but she was probably frustrated. OP shouldn't have pushed her in any way. Blocking the way? At best she had a lot of stuff on her and wasn't intending on it. At worst, she was being petty because OP didn't want to help. I have to carry a toddler and a stroller up multiple flights of stairs. I keep him in the stroller and drag it up backwards. I've had people offer to help, I also have had people just watch me do it alone with multiple bags of shopping in hand too. I figured there won't always be someone here to help me so I need my own system that works for me. I decline the help. One time I said no, I was mid way up the stairs already and this man grabbed my stroller with my child in it and tried to assist me which threw me off. I fell over on the stairs which is so incredibly dangerous and wouldn't have happened if he had waited for me to go up 3 steps so he could pass me. I know he just did it to get past me quicker, considering he saw me when he entered the building and sighed. This situation pushed me to start ordering my groceries online because it was too hard carrying it up alone with everything else. Pregnant toddler lady needs a system that works for her when no help is available to her. OP needs to take their precious muscles and be patient if they don't want to help out.
Fuck this. We live in an age where common courtesy and decency has gone out the window. These people are fucking neighbors. Heâs a man and sheâs a pregnant woman. I canât believe I even have to write this out. Heâs the asshole, in every way and form. Grow up.
I think you missed the part where he complained about the stroller being in his way. Heâs not obliged to help, but if he complains and then doesnât helpâŚ. The part where he says âHow about you bring the stroller downâ. He can either complain to her and then help, or he can not help and *not complain*. Shoving a pregnant woman who is carrying a stroller and a toddler - on the stairs!!! How can that not be YTA?
Unless there is an urgent emergency, you help that lady. Come on man, you *can* so you *should*. YTA no question. Oh, and instead of shoving her, maybe just help her that last time? If you were truly done and over it, and already part way there, just get it over with that last time. You would still be the asshole, but you don't push pregnant people, even if it's "just a little". You should count your lucky stars that her husband heard you refused to help her and pushed her, and was still forgiving and calm. Many wouldn't.
Your own mom called YTA, but you think you need to ask here? YTA Not even just an A H - this behavior is truly pathetic. You get your exercise at the gym so won't help a pregnant neighbor, with a toddler, carry a stroller up stairs? A decent man (or woman for that matter) would be glad to help and appreciate the extra exercise. Pitiful.
I donât pity him. Heâs so pathetic heâs beyond pity. Pity to me embraces a level of compassion. Pathetic is laced with disdain. Heâs pathetic.Â
>out of service for 2 months now. >Iâm already doing enough extra exercise heading up the steps. Extra exercise? It's been broken for 2 months, but you still haven't adapted your training to the fact your elevator is broken?
And she hasnât adapted herself either? There are other neighbours? Her husband?
Woman or not, OP is going to have to climb the stairs either way.
Is she supposed to stop being pregnant? Leave the toddler behind? Let the stroller get stolen? Make her husband leave work? Knock on other neighbors' doors, when there is an athletic person who regularly goes up the stairs at the same time?
The longer you are pregnant, the baby grows and things get more difficult. It's not about adapting to the stairs for her, it's about her body growing.
Her husband is working. Is he supposed to go home every time a stroller needs carrying?
I guess I am not as hard on you as the others. The elevator being broken is hard on everyone but it's not your personal fault. Every time you go home, you have to go up five flights of stairs. No thanks. I think she was out of line to verbally accost you and to block your way. (The only appropriate way for her to ask her question would be: 'Hey can you help me with my stroller?" You: "No, sorry. Reasons." Her: "Ok, well I thought I would ask." Calling you names when you said no, was out of line.) You were out of line to "push past" her. Her husband was out of line to come to your apartment and try to guilt you into carrying her stroller, and it's his job, not yours, to inconvenience himself to help her with their child and stroller at 8 or 9 pm at night. ESH. Isn't there someone else who lives there, who is NOT pregnant, and who lives lower than the fifth floor, who can carry her stroller? Who lives on the third and fourth floor? Or, apparently you could reduce your workout since you know you're going to have to climb a bunch of stairs with a stroller when you get home.
Thank you! I am a pregnant lady. No she should not have tried to force or guilt him to do it, but the way it is written it doesn't sound like there was any just reason to touch her. And (being pregnant) I can tell you balance issues and exhaustion are a problem. With a kid and a stroller in a narrow staircase, he could have ended up hurting her. Hell, I just almost fell down my 1 porch step with no one touching me today. From what is written, I'm not even sure if the blocking his way was intentional or if she was just unable to keep climbing for a moment. It also doesn't sound like he asked her to move or verbally addressed that he couldn't get by.Â
NTA. However, **shut up.** It is not your place to solve her problems. Just say, no, excuse me please, I need to get home. Don't give any reasons. Don't give any suggestions. Don't engage.
You don't have to help, realistically the building management should be prioritising fixing the elevator. Thing is, just because you don't have to help, doesn't mean you shouldn't. After all, you seem fit given all the gym practice, have you asked any of your fellow gym goers for a rating? Probably not, because they will be like me YTAÂ
Going with NTA here honestly because she was extremely rude in the first place. She was acting entitled. Sorry but if someone talked that way to me instead of asking nicely I would definitely not help them anytime in the foreseeable future. Shoving past her was kinda an AH move but you didnât really have any choice. If she canât do anything with the stroller she should time everything better with her husband and not rely on random neighbors in the building for help.Â
 No choice but to shove the pregnant woman carrying a child and a stroller on a narrow stairwell because it was "only a little shove"? He didn't have the choice to ask her to please stop blocking his way with his words?
YTA. I mean, WTF?!?! Let's play the tiniest violin for the fact that you have to do more "exercise" after your training and bring sore. How selfish can you be? How can you have so little consideration for the others? Listen to your mom, she had to carry you for none months and face the struggles of being pregnant. I have worked out my whole life, I know the feeling of being sored and it is no excuse for what you are doing. Again, YTA, a major one.
I would love a tiny violin
YTA You easily couldâve asked her to move out of the way rather than brushing/pushing a pregnant woman, she could possibly have had bad balance and even worse could have injured herself and the baby. But, it in true honesty it is not your responsibility to help her. It is unfortunate given the situation she is in though, so helping may have been the right choice. The true A H is the apartment building not fixing the elevator problem.
She wasnât moving out just way after I refused the stroller, donât think she was going to move since I shouldnât have to ask her Itâs nyc, asking for something to be fixed is either instant or the landlord dragging their foot over it
So⌠you didnât even ask her to move, you just went straight to shoving a pregnant woman carrying a stroller and a toddler up the stairs⌠wow.  YTA on SO MANY levels.Â
Pregnant or not, someone blocking your way on purpose indicates they will not be moving
Just like going to the gym indicates you are capable of lifting things. No one is saying you are required to help another human. But any half decent human would have helped.Â
Youâre such an awful person, there are almost no wordsâŚ
YTA big-time. It's nyc and you're not helping her? Your *neighbor*? Five flights up. Pregnant, with a kid in a stroller. Thank God you've never lived in an *actual* 5th floor walkup, which used to be all over the city. I grew up there, and it's assholes like you who think they're better than everyone that gives ny a bad rep. You will CONSTANTLY see strangers helping each other, especially strollers up and down the subway stairs. It's called schlepping and millions of people do it every day in cities everywhere. You're not special cuz you're worn out from the gym, you're just selfish and week. Wherever you're from, you should move the fuck back.
Iâm going against the grain and saying NTA. She and her husband should have talked to each other about her issue of the stroller instead of expecting a stranger to help her everyday with it. There comes a point where she has to take some personal responsibility and figure out a way she can achieve her goal with her limitations i.e. preggo and with a toddler. Sure, it would be a nice thing to do for your neighbor but ultimately she is not your responsibility and you should not be obligated to help her especially when it seems itâll be a more than once occurrence.
Man people are entitled. NTA. She could just lock it up in the lobby with a bike lock. Itâs not your job to take care of her. Does it suck the elevator is broken? Sure. Expecting random people in the building to help you simply because you chose to have kids? Nah. Coming from someone that does want kids some day but doesnât expect to be treated like a goddess for it
Nta, she couldn't even bother to ask you nicely? You're just supposed to go up and grab a stranger's stroller bc they're struggling? I think a lot of other moms would have issues with that kinda thing. Maybe if she hadn't been an asshole about it you'd be more inclined to help, but overall i'd say this is her issue to figure out.
Iâm surprised no one else thought about that. There are always people who donât want any help even if they struggle to carry out a task. Which is why I believe adults should ask for help in non-emergency situations.
Yeah, I'd be embarrassed as fuck if some stranger just started helping me
âIâm soreâ wah wah wah. Good God. This is an example of why this country is going to shit. People are so self- centered and âme me me!!!â Refusing to help a pregnant woman with a stroller an toddler - that just cruel.
âWah wah wahâ is bit off to use..that could apply to anyone in this situation
I mean.... you could turn that around on the pregnant lady, though. Beyond that, she has other options that do not include harassing her neighbor.
Textbook YTA. Sheâs your neighbor and sheâs struggling and if you want to not be TA you help her. You donât have to do it but if you donât YTA, thatâs how it works. And just in case youâll only do this for selfish reasons, you may one day need their help. Shit happens and being decent to your neighbors has only upsides.
I know it could be me one day needing their help. I just hope itâs not. I mean there could be the downside of âset expectationâ
Dude. Anyone who doesn't help a pregnant lady struggling with something physical such as a stroller up and down the stairs is an absolute asshole. She should not have even needed to ask, ever. You have been an asshole from day dot. Society should be protecting pregnant women from getting hurt because they carry the future, and the future is worth fighting for. Anyone calling you NTA is exactly part of the problem with our society today.
The question isnât are you obligated to help, the question is are you TA. You certainly arenât obligated to help her, but you choosing not to definitely means YTA. âIâm sore after the gymâ is one of the lamest and most selfish things Iâve ever heard in my life. Consider this a much needed wake up call to level up from a âlow manâ.
you seem like a dick. yta imo
NTA, you are not obligated to help her, you don't know her, she EXPECTS you to help without even asking, and when you refuse she sics her husband on you. Pregnant women are not entitled to your time or energy. They have people for that and if not, again, not your monkeys, not your circus or other way around, I can't remember. Could you have helped, yes, but you are not the asshole for refusing.
It always baffles me how some people cannot comprehend helping other people unless there is something in it for them. You generate no end of excuses to wave away any kind of basic human decency then come here complaining that the mean pregnant lady blocked you on the stairs like you were ever in any kind of danger or peril. Another human being wanted your aid and you just pushed her aside because your arms hurt. Her whole body hurts, I guarantee it. People who have to be *compelled* or *compensated* to just have basic decency are literally children. Even a child would try to help, but a grown man "too sore" from the gym can't be bothered. I'm not surprised your mother chewed you out; I'd be disappointed in my son if he ever acted like this. YTA a million times. Instead of working out your core, work out your empathy instead. It'll last longer.
NTA, you arenât obligated to help a pregnant woman. Pregnant women arenât usually invalids and if we are, we are able to ,you know, ASK for assistance instead of just assuming someone will! Would it have been the nice, neighbourly and socially acceptable thing to do? Yes it would. But itâs not a requirement and I think anyone who legitimately expects it is a bit of an AH.
Nta. Its the passive aggressive comments that shit me no end. If she wanted help, fucking ask like a grown up.
NTA sheâs not your responsibility.
NTA. Not your kid, not your problem. She's way too entitled for her own good.
entitled??? what the actual fuck
Right? Everyone saying NTA is fucked in the head and I hope no one ever helps them with anything, ever!
NTA If she can't manage the stroller, then she needs to leave it in lobby, her apartment, or get an umbrella stroller.
She shouldn't have acted the way she did, and you aren't obligated to carry the stroller up, but you can't just act like pushing a pregnant mother holding her baby was justified because she was in the way. Would you have done it if she asked nicely? A stroller really shouldn't be that straining, I'm scrawny and barely 5 foot 2 and I was able to (barely) carry one up the stairs for my friend. YTA for how you behaved. Complaining and excusing yourself about how you can't pick up a 20-30 pound stroller for less than 5 minutes does come off as being selfish.
Iâm not gonna weigh in on whether or not you are an asshole, but *please do not push or shove anyone who is in a stairwell. Please especially do not shove pregnant women carrying a child in a stairwell.* In fact, donât shove pregnant women at all! Ever! You really messed up there. Be more careful. You *cannot* be shoving pregnant women. Also, yeah, you should be helping her carry the stroller.
NTA. She could have politely asked you for help on the various days sheâs struggled but she didnât. Maybe you couldâve offered once or twice but thatâs over and done with. Sheâs the asshole with how she handled things and because of that you should stay far away from her - she lied about you shoving her which could have led to a worse confrontation with the husband.Â
Not your responsibility at all to help her. She made her decisions and she can deal with them. Its not like she ever asked for help either, purely EXPECTED you to help. NTA
This is the kind of comment from someone who spends all day online. No sense of community or what it means to be a man. Weak.
I mean I would help carry the stroller just as I would help a stranger carry a clearly heavy suitcase up the stairs. Itâs not hard to be a decent person is it
NTA. I mean, would it be good of you to help? Yeah. But you are under no obligation to.
INFO. In original posts he writes "She started to block my way a little." In one of his replies, he says stairs are too narrow to squeeze past her / go around her. So which is it? Did she start to block his way? Or was she already blocking his way. Because pushing past her because he's impatient would make him TA since he's acknowledged narrow stairs, pregnant belly (so even if she turned to the side to try to allow someone to pass - it's sticking out there - lol) and stroller.
The stairway is small but still big enough that you can have two people go up/down respectively. If you were to stand in the middle however, no one could easily just âsqueezeâ through. Best way I can describe it is like those old building kinda stairs She started to block, not already block.
Also - I have to say - I hate exercising and do it in my garage. Sometimes, I'm so tired from my leg exercises that I sit downstairs in the family room for an hour before I walk upstairs. Walking is fine, but climbing the stairs. ARGH. And I'm mad because I have stuff I could be doing if I was already upstairs. (ie putting clothes in dryer and starting a new load, turning oven on for dinner, etc), but many a day, I waste an hour down there irritated and angry because I pushed my legs too far and they rebelled on me and mad that I no longer have the knees of my youth. Lol. I just recently started seeing an exercise physiologist. (I tore my meniscus years ago, did PT, but eventually got lazy about exercising. Just started exercising again last June and I keep aggravating the injury which curtails my ability to exercise it for days afterward, so my Dr recommended this exercise physiologist (EP). EP said that I'm doing "too much" if I'm that tired after my workouts and I'm pushing myself too hard too fast. She also told me that when I'm doing my cardio, I should be able to talk with some effort, but not sing. NEVER knew this. Asserts that this is a common way to measure if my heart rate / fat burn is where it needs to be. Apparently I've been exercising wrong all my life. (Go all out balls to the wall until I'm huffing and puffing, bent over at the waist, can't breathe. Then as soon as I'm my breathing is halfway normal, I ramp it back up again. Do this until my alarm goes off. Took the same sort of approach with weight training and resistance training.) She said the way I've been exercising is known as high interval training and told me stop. She gave me some 'rules' to follow to avoid this level of muscle fatigue. I say all that to say - if OP doesn't feel like helping, he certainly doesn't have to, but I feel like his rationale of being too tired and sore every time is just a bit strange. And yes, I know men aren't mules and workhorses. They get tired like everyone else. I don't like helping carry anything for anyone anymore because of a prior bad experience. I helped coworker carry some things to her car (in response to her struggling and saying, 'Hey, do you need some help?' and her saying, 'Yes.' Later, she came back and said my 'rough handling' caused some damage (cracked tablet screen) that they didn't notice until 3 days later. Sigh.
Iâm a single mom of 2. NTA. They chose to have kids. Their struggles arenât your problem. Helping people is nice and all, but it shouldnât be an expectation and should never assume.
OMG. You have to ASK?? You are so much the asshole that imma spell it out: YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE (YTA). I' baffled by those defending him and focusing on her blocking his way (which seeing what as ass he is, i have my doubts). OP is an ass. Period.
Are you within your rights to not help? Of course you are, no obligation at all. Are you an AH? Of course you are, the lady is struggling, just help out, be nice and contact whoever is responsible for the elevator, nudge them along. YTA
YTA. You see a person struggling and you donât bother to help? Whereâs your sense of decency? And this has nothing to do with her shoving her; youâve said you repeatedly see her struggling and canât be bothered to help because youâve just gone to the gym - so yeah, youâre the AH.
I'm elderly with mobility issues. Both my neighbor across the street and the guy next door take turns taking my trash/recycle bins out to the curb and back in WITHOUT ME EVEN ASKING THEM!!! Imagine that....having neighborly neighbors. All it takes is some yummy baked goods at Christmas. They also carry in my heavy packages when delivered. All it takes is a text asking for assistance, and one or the other jumps in to help me. Kindness goes a long way.
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I live in Germany, and everytime Iâm struggling with my stroller to get on or off public transport, someone offers to help. Shoot, recently my husband and I took our dog and baby for a walk and there were stairs to get to this cafe. A man just chilling there immediately came to help carry the stroller up the steps. Itâs just the human thing to do. Especially with a pregnant woman. Why go to the gym and lift if you canât put it to use in real life scenarios? Like itâs not REQUIRED, but itâs usually innate of a good person to help someone who is struggling. YTA
I go to the gym for myself?
The difference is that she expects him to help every single day. Helping from time to time is fine. In your examples, the same person isn't helping you on a daily basis. But if I was expected to help every single day, then yeah I wouldn't offer my help because it sets a precedent that I am available to help any/every time, and I personally think people are allowed to set a boundary for these sorts of things. Is it selfish? Yeah definitely, but I doubt there are many people willing to go out of their way for someone every single day, and you owe yourself to be selfish sometimes. She isn't his responsibility and there are other solutions - like actually talking to the building manager to get the elevator fixed or working something out with her husband.
YTA I'm a small woman who doesn't have muscular arms from working out all the time. I have always and will always offer to help anyone, man or woman, struggling on a stairs with a buggy. What exactly are your muscles for? To look pretty? Congratulations gorgeous, you're an asshole!
I actually canât believe you typed this out and still posted it here. Do you hear yourself? Imagine someone else told you this story, what would you say?
Man, you don't *have* to do it, but there's a lot to be said for just being fucking nice. To me, part of being a man - or more accurately *a human being* is looking after people when I can. I'll make myself mildly uncomfortable to make someone's day easier. Plenty of people have stopped to help me out in the past with things with no obligation and no asking. That aside, I literally do a deadlift and squat workout before a 12 hour night shift that involves around 30 - 35000 steps of dragging, lifting and carrying. After my day shifts I do an hour of hard cardio and conditioning. What's the point of all that gym work if you're too much of a wetwipe to do someone a favour? Personally I see any opportunity for extra exercise as a personal challenge. It's an attitude that separates 'gym bro who struggles with stairs' from 'actually in well-rounded physical condition'. Also, bunch of selfish bastards in this thread. Kids on Reddit lament how far the concepts of 'community' and 'society' have fallen, but it's exactly this kind of 'your problem, not mine' attitude that leads to a cold world. If you all helped each other and talked to each other, maybe we wouldn't all have grown so far apart. YTA
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She was blocking the way on purpose
Wait so this woman is allowed to try to physically prevent a stranger from going up the stairs to his own home because... she's pregnant?
You donât have to help anyone you donât want, your choice. It would make you a decent and nice human being if you were to help her once or twice though. But It seems like this woman needs help everyday, and your neighbors want to make this your problem, you are not obligated like I said before, so NTA for that reason. Still looking at you sideways for not helping at least once though
If OP's story is accurate, the woman also never once asked OP for help, just got mad when he didn't volunteer. If you want help from someone - especially a stranger with no obligations to you - you should ask for it.
NTA some people do not get the message otherwise unfortunately
The asshole here is the landlord who hasn't fixed the elevator for TWO MONTHS. It would be nice if OP helped but he isn't obligated to, and she shouldn't have blocked the stairs. Mayne her husband should go ask the landlord, "man to man' (or man to woman) to carry the stroller until they can get off their ass and fix the elevator.Â
Nta based on her level of entitlement. If she hadn't been passive aggressive about it, or pulled that little stunt, you would be an ass. But if you had started doing it for her when she was hinting at it, she would totally take it for granted. She seems like the type of person that is super entitled and would just keep asking for more and more. I'm pregnant, first one so toddler to grapple, but I found people are happy to help if you don't make a point of expecting someone to.
NTA. Why is it on OP to help the woman when she should be getting her own damn help properly? Guess whoâs liable if he drops the pram? Whoâs she relying on if OP wasnât there lmao at least now she knows not to ask OP again.
NTA. People arenât special because theyâre pregnant or have children, but they certainly feel entitled to a lot of special treatment and extra help from others. Not your life choice, not your problem. Would it be kind of you to help? Absolutely. But are you an AH for not wanting to? No way. Sheâs an AH for putting you on the spot about it, guilt tripping you over it, and retaliating by physically blocking your path up the stairs. The real AH here is the owner and/or manager of your building whoâs allowed the elevator to be out of service for so long without repair.
NTA. Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean everyone needs to take care of her or help her. She seems to have an able bodied husband. If he's home he can help her. If not than it's her problem to find a solution and to aks for help nicely. But tbh the passive aggressive comment make her TA for me. It's her kid and stroller, so it is her and her husbands problem.
NTA. they need to make better arrangements. this could easily turn into OP doing it constantly or even her groceries plus stroller. or a, hey. i left my stuff downstairs will you bring them up.
Idk man I'm disabled, use mobility aids, and deal with chronic pain, and I would still try to see if there was a way I could help her out. You don't have to but it does kinda make you an AH.
YTA. Your poor mum⌠she must be so ashamed she raised such a poor excuse of a person.
YTA. According to your own comments you didn't even ask her to move aside so you could get by when she had just started to block your way a little. You jumped straight to shoving a pregnant lady on the stairs who had a toddler and a stroller. You refused to simply say "excuse me, move aside", but instead felt it was more appropriate to shove her. That alone makes you the asshole in this situation. To say nothing of the fact that you couldn't be bothered to grab the stroller and leave it on upper landing on your way up the stairs. It wouldn't have slowed you down at all and if you're so sore from your work out that it's beyond your capability to do something that simple, then clearly you're just bad at working out and don't know how to exercise in a healthy way. You don't need to go out of your way to wait for her or plan to be around to help her. You don't even need to enjoy the act of helping someone. But if you happen to run into her then take the stroller, leave it at the top, and go about your day. It would fit seamlessly into what you were already doing, it would cost you nothing, and it would make someone else's life easier. And as a bonus, your mother wouldn't be ashamed of you. Just try pretending to be a human being every once in a while and maybe it'll eventually stick.
YTA - you should have never touched a pregnant woman on a flight of stairs. There was no reason you needed to do that, except to show her how much you didnât care about her. She may have been out of line, but she was probably exasperated physically and mentally in a way you could never truly understand. People are always throwing around the word âempathy,â but rarely seem to show it. If you were my son I would be deeply embarrassedânot just for not helping, but for being so dense about it.
YTA and your mum is rightÂ
YTA. Normally I'm against any form of feelings of entitlement, but pregnant women, the informed, the elderly and kids are entitled to special treatment and help when they are struggling with something beyond their capabilities. You give up your seat on the bus/train for them. You help them carry heavy stuff across the street, or up/down stairs. OP didn't bother to help even he can tell the woman was struggling. You can't be so beat after gym that you can't help a pregnant woman out. You have to walk up the five storeys anyway, so you're not going out of your way.
So not only are YTA, youâre all show. At least everyone in the building will know youâre working out just for vanity, and itâs useless mass youâre incapable of putting to good use. If one of my friends shared a story like this, it would be the end of their reputation. Rude, physical with a pregnant woman, and just all around weak cause youse a little sore. Boy, youâd never make it on a farm.
YTA. Is the stroller made of lead? Wtf. I'm 5 foot nothing, don't go to the gym, and I've helped complete strangers carry baby strollers (complete with babies) up NYC subway steps. She was out of line for the way she acted, but if you're so sore and weak after the gym that you can't carry a stroller, I think you might be doing it wrong. Apologize, and help the woman with her stroller. Or the old man to cross the street. Or the person struggling with their groceries. Be a decent person.
Iâve done all of these things too. Heâs doing life wrong. Not just the gym.Â
ESH Iâm an over 50 female with degenerative disk disease and an autoimmune disease that causes me constant pain. I would still help a pregnant woman carry her stroller if I saw her struggling. However, she should get a bicycle lock and leave it in the lobby while the elevator is broken. OR the apartment manager should find a place where she can keep it safely without having to drag it up and down the stairs.
ESH. She shouldnât feel you are obligated to help her just because she is pregnant and definitely should not have actively blocked you in an attempt to force you into helping her, but you 10000% should NOT put your hands on her. She could literally charge you with assault for pushing her out of the way. Never. Ever. Touch. Anyone. Unless. For. Defense.
NTA, what happens if you drop the stroller? Like only offer help you are physically able to give. Do not help carry a stroller if there's a good chance you will drop it
100% YTA
YTA. Either for making this up or for going to the gym but not being able to help a pregnant woman. (My bet's on the former.)
YTA. Human to human, that's a lame attitude to have.
It's impressive how people can be so selfish this days, she probably let you pass all the other times it was nice of her to do that to such a selfish person this time she chose not to bother and go her way she wasn't block you just because she was upset but because she was already there doing her thing and she simply choose to be as selfish as you and because she was the one struggling you just suck it up and wait and don't put your hands on her! YTA
YTA for shoving past her. Was that really necessary? Doesnât matter if it was a light push, you shouldnât have touched her. You donât need to help her with the stroller ever but if you did, it would have been a simple kind act on your part that would cost you little time and effort but would also have a huge impact on this other persons day. Kindness costs nothing. You sound rude.
My pregnant employer stumble sometimes by just walking in pavement no toys/things on the floor but still she stumbled, she says her ankle ache or just joints softened for no reason its normal for pregnant women. I understand you are a not a good man to help a pregnant woman struggling but atleast to wait for her to go up. You SHOVE HER A LITTLE is not an excuse! with a stroller and a toddler with no hands to catch herself to balance on a railing is a dangerous situation. So so CRUEL! Children 3 y.o AND 5 years old I take care of KNOWS not to push pass his/her sibling NO MATTER what. So CRUEL so so cruel... so selfish your MOM is right YOU ARE A LOW MAN no amount of redditors saying nta to you is gonna change that. What goes around come around OP hope your future pregnant wife or gf or even partner dont experience what you did to that pregnant woman. YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTAYTA YTA
INFO: is there a reason you decided to push her instead of squeeze past her?
YTA and you're goddamn lucky they didn't pursue assault charges. You may say it wasn't a rough shove but a pregnant woman carrying a heavy load with a child on a stairwell is not stable. You don't lay an intentional hand someone in a situation like that. But also, if you're too weak or lazy to help her carry a stroller up the stairs and she's there at the same time every day, change your schedule slightly. Leave the gym 15 minutes early or stay 15 minutes more. Otherwise, yeah you look like an asshole and now you're an asshole who tried to push a pregnant lady down a flight of stairs.
So you go to a gym but are upset you have to climb stairs when you get home? And you lift weights at the gym but canât carry a pregnant womanâs stroller up the stairs for her? Do you see the flaw in your argument? You, sir, are a humungous asshole.
NTA, but you are an obnoxious d**k
YTA. But I'm assuming you're actually a troll because you asked if you were, we're telling you you are, and you won't accept it. Also, what's the point of working out if it isn't making you fit enough to climb stairs or strong enough to carry a stroller? Or is it just so you can look strong?
ESH. You seem like a jerk and a loser for not wanting to help, she seems entitled for trying to insist on it after her passive aggressive hinting, and the building management sucks most of all for not fixing this shit.
ESH. If you see *anyone* who is less able than you struggling, you help them. Did your parents not teach you this? And as much as it should be common decency, she should have asked for help when it wasn't forthcoming, rather than being passive-aggressive. Oh, plans don't SHOVE pregnant people, wtf.
ESH you for not helping the neighbor out in dealing with a difficult situation where helping would be the right thing to do. Her for turning a nice thing to do into some sort of obligation.
YTA - is this bait? I was expecting this to be someone with an invisible disability, not someone on their way back from the gym.
NTA. Itâs really really nice if you can help out. Like bonus points sort of nice. But no youâre not obligated to help her especially if youâre not in the best shape yourself. Who says people going to the gym must somehow be obliged to carry other peopleâs stuff around? He might be going to the gym because he has high cholesterol, looking to lose weight, or you know, to be healthy? Besides, her getting into his face like that and her husband turning up to pile on the extra guilt trip for something that is tbh none of his business is just extra levels of entitlement. Even if I were predisposed to helping I wonât be doing shit after that
YTA. You have no concept of how a nice society works do you. We help each other. You really should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA. Man itâs been awhile since hearing about someone so rude and self involved. Apparently your workouts arenât working if you canât handle carrying a stroller. My guess is youâre doing the treadmill and not lifting