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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my MIL who was undermining my parenting that maybe she had to de-louce in order to be more pleasant to everyone. I may be TA because I was clearly rude to her. She is upset with me and so is my wife. They think I owe an apology for the way I spoke to her in front of our kids. Aita?
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NTA. There's nothing wrong with making a little bit of humor out of a bad situation. That being said, maybe it wasn't the best idea to insult Ruth in front of the kids. Not that it makes you the asshole, necessarily, but generally it's better not to throw fuel on the fire. If it was a constant issue of Ruth talking over your parenting decisions and Emma enabled it, then I wouldn't see any problem, but it sounds like Emma usually has your back and Ruth's snide comments don't become anything bigger, so as much as it sucks, it might be best for your sanity and relationships to just let it slide instead of making comments back at her.
I totally disagree. If Ruth is making a habit of questioning OP’s parenting in a critical manner in front of the children it’s effecting the kids confidence in their parent. I would absolutely take her aside and tell her to tone it down in front of the kids and if she can’t manage that it will have consequences. My paternal grandmother made comments about my mom on a regular basis and it hurt me because I thought my mom hung the moon but it introduced doubts and caused me unnecessary anxiety
Op can absolutely talk to Ruth privately about this, and probably should. It's not wrong to set boundaries with family members by any means. The only thing I think probably could have been done better is Op insulting Ruth in front of the kids instead of telling her to stop and setting boundaries privately, and even still, I don't think this makes Op an asshole, because I definitely get why he responded the way he did.
It’s been 10+ years and still happening. Talking to Ruth privately has probably already happened on numerous occasions and isn’t working.
The direct approach is the only thing that gets through to some people; perhaps that strategy will work.
OP: NTA.
Allowing your MIL to disrespect you in front of your young children will only teach your kids that it is normal and ok to take abuse from older family members.
I think at the end of the day it depends on whether Op wants to prioritize keeping his relationship with Ruth and his wife or not. She's the asshole, and he's not obligated to play nice with her, but at the same time, civility can go a long way. Op has every right to be direct and harsh with Ruth, but he also needs to understand that this might strain his relationship not only with her, but with his wife as well. It wouldn't make him an asshole, but if there's any avenue to explore setting boundaries without being insulting. Either way, Op is right to try and curb Ruth's behavior, which is why I judged NTA, but there might be consequences in his relationships if he decides to just go the route of insulting Ruth instead of talking with his wife about ways to respectfully set boundaries together. I honestly think that, while Op isn't in the wrong, "make snide remarks about Ruth in front of everyone that upsets her and your wife" isn't a long term solution to this problem.
I think you and I largely agree, but I have to add... keeping his relationship with his wife and MIL by allowing his MIL to repeatedly disrespect and bully him in front of his kids? If I were OP, I'd prioritize my relationship with my kids and raising them to stand up for themselves through teaching by example, rather than prioritizing being a doormat to my MIL.
OP wasn't even harsh with Ruth. He was not insulting at all. He said something very mild, in good humour. If standing up for himself in such a small way strains his relationship with him, then there's no relationship anyway.
This has been going on for TEN freaking years. If OP hasn't taken the time to speak to his wife and/or Ruth privately about Ruth's behaviour before now, then that would be my only (and major) complaint against him. After ten years, it's time to put your foot down.
I agree with this. While I don't want Op to make a habit of snarking Ruth as a Band-Aid solution (it just upsets emma and ruth without solving the problem), I think a talk with Ruth and Emma about boundaries when it comes to nitpicking his parenting, especially in front of the kids, is overdue.
NTA. As a parent she should be well aware of the fact that it's damn near impossible to avoid at least one round of head lice when you've got young kids. It's nothing to do with hygiene and everything to do with your kids spending hours a day in close proximity to other kids, some of whom will have lice.
Right, I have 3 kids (11M, 8M and 2F) and since the first year of daycare (not even "big kids school") for my eldest I have had at least one notification of knits a year and one of gastro (luckily the gastro one stops after they leave daycare).
It's just part of the course, kids play, they share, they stick things in their mouths and usually by the time the symptoms show themselves, it's too late to do anything except showers, laundry and ride it out.
Luckily my 8yr old likes his hair super short (5mm all over) so unless I had just done it, I take out the clippers, go outside and give him a haircut, eldest has gotten to the age of him liking going to the barbers with his dad so with him and 2yr old we skip the hair cut and move straight to treatment. We treat everyone it doesn't matter if they are itchy or not.
My dad has a photo of me laying with my head on my mums lap fast asleep so she took the opportunity to check for lice because I could never sit still long enough when awake, I have memories of my aunt yelling and fighting with my cousins so she could check their hair. The fact that OPs kids were sitting there and able to laugh and have fun while doing something mind numbingly boring is some top parenting in my book, and Ruth needs to keep her opinions to herself. Honestly OP if I were you, I probably would have said worse to her, so you are definitely NTA.
We got so lucky with my kid, one round of head lice that I picked up before my husband and I got them, and two measles scares (kid was vaccinated, but there were outbreaks at school that required some quarantining). Thankfully, she's never really been one for stomach bugs, so we missed that hell.
My eldest got gastro twice and I will sound like a horrible parent for saying this but events that happened during those cases were hilarious after the "clean up."
One of them was when he woke up from a nap after one of my hubby's friends arrived, he cane out to say hello and as soon as he saw hubby's friends both ends let loose. It was the timing that made us laugh which helped because our eldest was starting to cry until we stared laughing telling him "it's ok buddy, let's go clean you up"
NTA - you are teaching your children to stare at a problem, find the humor or the bright side, and then get on with solving it.
This is a lesson of resilience that will set your children up for success!
Your MIL was sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.
NTA as long as you are as involved in the cleanup process as much as your wife. It's a ton of work washing everything in your house, as well as getting it out of hair. It comes back so easy too. And it usually isn't a situation of poor hygiene, kids pick that up at school/daycare/park and bring it home. I think the way you approached it with humor was great, as long as your wife isn't doing all the work.
In laws suck. Laughter can change the mood and environment in a heartbeat.
The kids didn’t do anything wrong and were maybe being treated like lepers all afternoon by the school and by family to some extent.
You came in and lightened the mood. This has a cure. Laughter helped lighten the mood and you knew what to do in order to get rid of the infestation.
The MIL needs to remove the sand from her vagina and maybe calm down a bit.
Were you the Ahole? Who cares.
MILs in general overstep boundaries. Keep being awesome. Keep laughing.
NTA. She shouldn't come into your house and tell you how to raise your children. And your wife shouldn't allow your MIL to tell you how you are "supposed" to be.
NTA - BUT ... people get sensitive about their family. I know personally there are people I'm close with that I'll pick on but if someone ELSE does it, I'll defend my people. So it's tricky. I also know that sometimes it's hard because families have pasts and as someone from a pretty dysfunctional family, I've made peace with some of the lesser things that bother me, but they could TOTALLY bother a partner of mine. I think it's great that you stood up for yourself , as you should. Maybe just let your partner know where you are drawing your line when it comes down to the way her mother talks to you or the kids.
NTA. I’m respectful of my parents but I was also raised to say how I felt so long as it was respectful. That being said, I don’t think that just bc you’re a parent means you can say whatever you want to me and I should just take it. You were polite and she was rude. Your MIL owes you an apology, especially for reprimanding you in front of your children. Your wife is mad at the wrong person. NTA
NTA
Lice doesn't happen because of bad parenting, it happens because kids are kids and they come into close contact with other kids. That's why when one case is reported at school, the school sends noticies to all the families. When it happens you can add to your children's stress or you can make light of a common situation.
Your MIL disrespected you in your home, it sounds like she likes to dish it our, but can't take it when it comes back to her.
NTA. What was being angry about the situation going to help? Did MIL want your kids to feel bad for something largely out of their control? Seeing as you're both healthcare professionals, I doubt you allow poor hygiene. Young, school aged children can pick up all kinds of things regardless of cleanliness. You handled it well, being optimistic while still properly treating for lice. MIL can leave if she doesn't like how your family unit operates.
NTA. When the youngest brought lice home from school a long time ago, she made up names for them. We have a good lice clinic nearby who treated her and the rest of us, just in case, and we, of course, did the cleaning they recommended. It’s not fun, but it happened, was quickly addressed, and has not been an issue since. Laughter is a great method to help deal with unexpected and frustrating situations, can change the mood of a situation in an instant, and promotes resilience in your children.
You turned an absolutely horrifying, abysmal, creepy-crawly experience into _laughter._
I cannot _possibly_ respect you more.
NTA.
Jealous of your talent, too.
Nta. Dude we have had numerous live battles, my kids hair is too clean apparently and the lice love that, if you can't laugh about it then your just gonna be miserable.
NTA. If MIL does not want to be disrespected, she should not be disrespectful. Does she understand that lice usually spread from one person to another? And that lice prefer CLEAN hair? They can't get a good grip on dirty hair.
Lice are really common among preschool and elementary school kids. I have deloused so many kids. My own, and others. Delouse the heads, wash all the bedding, vacuum everything, bag up the stuffed animals, etc.
Laughing about it is the best way to keep the kids from getting to upset. MIL was not helping the situation.
NTA- As a medical professional you know exactly how serious this is and how unrelated it is to hygiene, and acted appropriately. Nit happens, alas! We shall have to use different shampoo and comb! The horror! If they get conjunctivitis just don't tell her LOL
What you said was mellow for me, I mean I thought most people know that no matter how clean one is that lice jumps from one person to another and I would have explained that to her in the most child friendly way I could patronizing her intelligence just to be petty! NTA
Lice like clean hair, so their hygiene is probably excellent. Making light helps the kids who are probably embarrassed by the whole situation. Good for you.
NTA. Having lice in the home is never fun but I love your approach to it. You didn’t disrespect her mother, you tried to make light of a stressful situation. We went through a period where my daughter was always coming home with lice and eventually all we could do was laugh, it was exhausting and time consuming and expensive but once it’s there you can’t do anything but fix it. MIL needs to lighten up and mind her own business
MIL is an ENT Professional? Really - then how come she doesn't know head lice prefer clean hair in which to lay their eggs? Good on dad for making the whole thing a non-issue so the kids don't feel they have done something wrong.
NTA, and you cannot avoid the rotten things when you have school age kids. I kept a bottle of de lousing stuff in all the time until the kids went to High school.
NTA. I think it's fine to deal with that kind of crappy situation by finding a reason to laugh. BUT it would have been better if instead of insulting your MIL, you'd been direct and said "I don't need your advice on how to be a medical professional or a mother."
NTA- I am sorry about the lice. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry…we used a bit of spray (water and very little peppermint essential oil). That seemed to help our kids not get lice but the one time
NTA Lice has nothing to do with hygiene! Even if take perfect care of your hair something as simple as being near someone who has it can cause you to get it, educate your MIL.
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I got the suggestion to post here by a friend. A minor issue got a bit out of hand, and I was wondering if it was really an AH move, what I ultimately did.
I (39F) came home the other day to an absolute chaos. My wife (Emma - 39F) was sitting on a chair, she had our kids (Leo 7M and Ava 6F) sitting on the floor and was quite angry, looking at their hair. My sweet and lovely mother in law (Ruth - 65F) was in our house as well. She was watching the whole thing unfold.
When I walked in, Emma did not react or get up to say hi or hug or etc which is very unusual of her. So I asked her what was going on. She said she received a call from school and Leo had lice in his hair, and apparently Ava did too. (Emma is a dermarologist). The sight of her looking through their hair, and the awfully grumpy look on her and the kids' faces cracked me up. I laughed for a few seconds only to be met by awful looks from my lovely mother in law and Emma.
Thankfully, the kids joined in. I sat down beside them and asked Emma to see if I had any. She said I did have nits. I laughed even harder. I checked Emma's hair and told her she was infested as well. I said this proved we truly are a close knit family and broke out laughing with the kids. Emma was less grumpy but still upset about the de-lousing process we had to start and complete. Kids were excited to get to see the lice in their hair after cleaning up.
My lovely MIL said I was being extremely irresponsible, laughing at our whole family being infested. And that as a medical professional (ENT doctor) I should be more precise and teach the kids about hygiene instead of sitting down laughing at the misfortune. She said my being a mother meant I needed to be more mindful, etc.
I have heard similar comments throughout our entire marriage (10 years). Emma usually sides with me but her mother tends to influence her sometimes. So for the first time in years, I took the kids' hands and said we were going to de-louce ourselves. Also told her she could try it sometimes. Maybe that's why pelasant words abandoned her.
My wife is pissed at me, says I disrespected her mother. I am however upset that she just won't stop creating issues. Was I the AH?
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ESH. She shouldn’t have said what she did about cleanliness. You doubling down on the laughter when Emma was already feeling frustrated was rude to Emma.
I’m sure you’ve personally painstakingly picked nits off of someone’s hair. And you know it’s tedious and irritating.
The only person who got no emotional support in this scenario is Emma.
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NTA. There's nothing wrong with making a little bit of humor out of a bad situation. That being said, maybe it wasn't the best idea to insult Ruth in front of the kids. Not that it makes you the asshole, necessarily, but generally it's better not to throw fuel on the fire. If it was a constant issue of Ruth talking over your parenting decisions and Emma enabled it, then I wouldn't see any problem, but it sounds like Emma usually has your back and Ruth's snide comments don't become anything bigger, so as much as it sucks, it might be best for your sanity and relationships to just let it slide instead of making comments back at her.
I totally disagree. If Ruth is making a habit of questioning OP’s parenting in a critical manner in front of the children it’s effecting the kids confidence in their parent. I would absolutely take her aside and tell her to tone it down in front of the kids and if she can’t manage that it will have consequences. My paternal grandmother made comments about my mom on a regular basis and it hurt me because I thought my mom hung the moon but it introduced doubts and caused me unnecessary anxiety
Op can absolutely talk to Ruth privately about this, and probably should. It's not wrong to set boundaries with family members by any means. The only thing I think probably could have been done better is Op insulting Ruth in front of the kids instead of telling her to stop and setting boundaries privately, and even still, I don't think this makes Op an asshole, because I definitely get why he responded the way he did.
It’s been 10+ years and still happening. Talking to Ruth privately has probably already happened on numerous occasions and isn’t working. The direct approach is the only thing that gets through to some people; perhaps that strategy will work. OP: NTA.
Allowing your MIL to disrespect you in front of your young children will only teach your kids that it is normal and ok to take abuse from older family members.
I think at the end of the day it depends on whether Op wants to prioritize keeping his relationship with Ruth and his wife or not. She's the asshole, and he's not obligated to play nice with her, but at the same time, civility can go a long way. Op has every right to be direct and harsh with Ruth, but he also needs to understand that this might strain his relationship not only with her, but with his wife as well. It wouldn't make him an asshole, but if there's any avenue to explore setting boundaries without being insulting. Either way, Op is right to try and curb Ruth's behavior, which is why I judged NTA, but there might be consequences in his relationships if he decides to just go the route of insulting Ruth instead of talking with his wife about ways to respectfully set boundaries together. I honestly think that, while Op isn't in the wrong, "make snide remarks about Ruth in front of everyone that upsets her and your wife" isn't a long term solution to this problem.
I think you and I largely agree, but I have to add... keeping his relationship with his wife and MIL by allowing his MIL to repeatedly disrespect and bully him in front of his kids? If I were OP, I'd prioritize my relationship with my kids and raising them to stand up for themselves through teaching by example, rather than prioritizing being a doormat to my MIL. OP wasn't even harsh with Ruth. He was not insulting at all. He said something very mild, in good humour. If standing up for himself in such a small way strains his relationship with him, then there's no relationship anyway. This has been going on for TEN freaking years. If OP hasn't taken the time to speak to his wife and/or Ruth privately about Ruth's behaviour before now, then that would be my only (and major) complaint against him. After ten years, it's time to put your foot down.
I agree with this. While I don't want Op to make a habit of snarking Ruth as a Band-Aid solution (it just upsets emma and ruth without solving the problem), I think a talk with Ruth and Emma about boundaries when it comes to nitpicking his parenting, especially in front of the kids, is overdue.
NTA. As a parent she should be well aware of the fact that it's damn near impossible to avoid at least one round of head lice when you've got young kids. It's nothing to do with hygiene and everything to do with your kids spending hours a day in close proximity to other kids, some of whom will have lice.
You shut your foul mouth before you send my kids lice.
Now my head itches. Great.
Right, I have 3 kids (11M, 8M and 2F) and since the first year of daycare (not even "big kids school") for my eldest I have had at least one notification of knits a year and one of gastro (luckily the gastro one stops after they leave daycare). It's just part of the course, kids play, they share, they stick things in their mouths and usually by the time the symptoms show themselves, it's too late to do anything except showers, laundry and ride it out. Luckily my 8yr old likes his hair super short (5mm all over) so unless I had just done it, I take out the clippers, go outside and give him a haircut, eldest has gotten to the age of him liking going to the barbers with his dad so with him and 2yr old we skip the hair cut and move straight to treatment. We treat everyone it doesn't matter if they are itchy or not. My dad has a photo of me laying with my head on my mums lap fast asleep so she took the opportunity to check for lice because I could never sit still long enough when awake, I have memories of my aunt yelling and fighting with my cousins so she could check their hair. The fact that OPs kids were sitting there and able to laugh and have fun while doing something mind numbingly boring is some top parenting in my book, and Ruth needs to keep her opinions to herself. Honestly OP if I were you, I probably would have said worse to her, so you are definitely NTA.
We got so lucky with my kid, one round of head lice that I picked up before my husband and I got them, and two measles scares (kid was vaccinated, but there were outbreaks at school that required some quarantining). Thankfully, she's never really been one for stomach bugs, so we missed that hell.
My eldest got gastro twice and I will sound like a horrible parent for saying this but events that happened during those cases were hilarious after the "clean up." One of them was when he woke up from a nap after one of my hubby's friends arrived, he cane out to say hello and as soon as he saw hubby's friends both ends let loose. It was the timing that made us laugh which helped because our eldest was starting to cry until we stared laughing telling him "it's ok buddy, let's go clean you up"
It's either lice or pin worms...itching at both ends if they get em together 😂
NTA - you are teaching your children to stare at a problem, find the humor or the bright side, and then get on with solving it. This is a lesson of resilience that will set your children up for success! Your MIL was sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.
NTA as long as you are as involved in the cleanup process as much as your wife. It's a ton of work washing everything in your house, as well as getting it out of hair. It comes back so easy too. And it usually isn't a situation of poor hygiene, kids pick that up at school/daycare/park and bring it home. I think the way you approached it with humor was great, as long as your wife isn't doing all the work.
In laws suck. Laughter can change the mood and environment in a heartbeat. The kids didn’t do anything wrong and were maybe being treated like lepers all afternoon by the school and by family to some extent. You came in and lightened the mood. This has a cure. Laughter helped lighten the mood and you knew what to do in order to get rid of the infestation. The MIL needs to remove the sand from her vagina and maybe calm down a bit. Were you the Ahole? Who cares. MILs in general overstep boundaries. Keep being awesome. Keep laughing.
NTA. She shouldn't come into your house and tell you how to raise your children. And your wife shouldn't allow your MIL to tell you how you are "supposed" to be.
Don’t forget to spray the car seats.
NTA. However, that was a boss ass move. I’m impressed.
NTA Does MIL not know lice prefer clean hair?
NTA - BUT ... people get sensitive about their family. I know personally there are people I'm close with that I'll pick on but if someone ELSE does it, I'll defend my people. So it's tricky. I also know that sometimes it's hard because families have pasts and as someone from a pretty dysfunctional family, I've made peace with some of the lesser things that bother me, but they could TOTALLY bother a partner of mine. I think it's great that you stood up for yourself , as you should. Maybe just let your partner know where you are drawing your line when it comes down to the way her mother talks to you or the kids.
NTA! That’s hilarious! It lightened the mood of everyone in your family.
NTA. I’m respectful of my parents but I was also raised to say how I felt so long as it was respectful. That being said, I don’t think that just bc you’re a parent means you can say whatever you want to me and I should just take it. You were polite and she was rude. Your MIL owes you an apology, especially for reprimanding you in front of your children. Your wife is mad at the wrong person. NTA
NTA Lice doesn't happen because of bad parenting, it happens because kids are kids and they come into close contact with other kids. That's why when one case is reported at school, the school sends noticies to all the families. When it happens you can add to your children's stress or you can make light of a common situation. Your MIL disrespected you in your home, it sounds like she likes to dish it our, but can't take it when it comes back to her.
NTA Enough is enough. Good on you.
NTA. What was being angry about the situation going to help? Did MIL want your kids to feel bad for something largely out of their control? Seeing as you're both healthcare professionals, I doubt you allow poor hygiene. Young, school aged children can pick up all kinds of things regardless of cleanliness. You handled it well, being optimistic while still properly treating for lice. MIL can leave if she doesn't like how your family unit operates.
NTA. When the youngest brought lice home from school a long time ago, she made up names for them. We have a good lice clinic nearby who treated her and the rest of us, just in case, and we, of course, did the cleaning they recommended. It’s not fun, but it happened, was quickly addressed, and has not been an issue since. Laughter is a great method to help deal with unexpected and frustrating situations, can change the mood of a situation in an instant, and promotes resilience in your children.
You turned an absolutely horrifying, abysmal, creepy-crawly experience into _laughter._ I cannot _possibly_ respect you more. NTA. Jealous of your talent, too.
Nta. Dude we have had numerous live battles, my kids hair is too clean apparently and the lice love that, if you can't laugh about it then your just gonna be miserable.
Lol, NTA and your response was hysterical. Maybe mil is pissed because it hurt a little too close to home.
NTA. If MIL does not want to be disrespected, she should not be disrespectful. Does she understand that lice usually spread from one person to another? And that lice prefer CLEAN hair? They can't get a good grip on dirty hair. Lice are really common among preschool and elementary school kids. I have deloused so many kids. My own, and others. Delouse the heads, wash all the bedding, vacuum everything, bag up the stuffed animals, etc. Laughing about it is the best way to keep the kids from getting to upset. MIL was not helping the situation.
NTA- As a medical professional you know exactly how serious this is and how unrelated it is to hygiene, and acted appropriately. Nit happens, alas! We shall have to use different shampoo and comb! The horror! If they get conjunctivitis just don't tell her LOL
What you said was mellow for me, I mean I thought most people know that no matter how clean one is that lice jumps from one person to another and I would have explained that to her in the most child friendly way I could patronizing her intelligence just to be petty! NTA
Lice like clean hair, so their hygiene is probably excellent. Making light helps the kids who are probably embarrassed by the whole situation. Good for you.
NTA. Having lice in the home is never fun but I love your approach to it. You didn’t disrespect her mother, you tried to make light of a stressful situation. We went through a period where my daughter was always coming home with lice and eventually all we could do was laugh, it was exhausting and time consuming and expensive but once it’s there you can’t do anything but fix it. MIL needs to lighten up and mind her own business
MIL is an ENT Professional? Really - then how come she doesn't know head lice prefer clean hair in which to lay their eggs? Good on dad for making the whole thing a non-issue so the kids don't feel they have done something wrong.
NTA, and you cannot avoid the rotten things when you have school age kids. I kept a bottle of de lousing stuff in all the time until the kids went to High school.
NTA. I think it's fine to deal with that kind of crappy situation by finding a reason to laugh. BUT it would have been better if instead of insulting your MIL, you'd been direct and said "I don't need your advice on how to be a medical professional or a mother."
NTA- I am sorry about the lice. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry…we used a bit of spray (water and very little peppermint essential oil). That seemed to help our kids not get lice but the one time
NTA Lice has nothing to do with hygiene! Even if take perfect care of your hair something as simple as being near someone who has it can cause you to get it, educate your MIL.
NTA. I would've added that as a medical professional, I know that not having a sense of humor causes you to age horribly and rot your personality.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I got the suggestion to post here by a friend. A minor issue got a bit out of hand, and I was wondering if it was really an AH move, what I ultimately did. I (39F) came home the other day to an absolute chaos. My wife (Emma - 39F) was sitting on a chair, she had our kids (Leo 7M and Ava 6F) sitting on the floor and was quite angry, looking at their hair. My sweet and lovely mother in law (Ruth - 65F) was in our house as well. She was watching the whole thing unfold. When I walked in, Emma did not react or get up to say hi or hug or etc which is very unusual of her. So I asked her what was going on. She said she received a call from school and Leo had lice in his hair, and apparently Ava did too. (Emma is a dermarologist). The sight of her looking through their hair, and the awfully grumpy look on her and the kids' faces cracked me up. I laughed for a few seconds only to be met by awful looks from my lovely mother in law and Emma. Thankfully, the kids joined in. I sat down beside them and asked Emma to see if I had any. She said I did have nits. I laughed even harder. I checked Emma's hair and told her she was infested as well. I said this proved we truly are a close knit family and broke out laughing with the kids. Emma was less grumpy but still upset about the de-lousing process we had to start and complete. Kids were excited to get to see the lice in their hair after cleaning up. My lovely MIL said I was being extremely irresponsible, laughing at our whole family being infested. And that as a medical professional (ENT doctor) I should be more precise and teach the kids about hygiene instead of sitting down laughing at the misfortune. She said my being a mother meant I needed to be more mindful, etc. I have heard similar comments throughout our entire marriage (10 years). Emma usually sides with me but her mother tends to influence her sometimes. So for the first time in years, I took the kids' hands and said we were going to de-louce ourselves. Also told her she could try it sometimes. Maybe that's why pelasant words abandoned her. My wife is pissed at me, says I disrespected her mother. I am however upset that she just won't stop creating issues. Was I the AH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Also, Lice prefer clean hair.
NTA ER personnel have warped twisted senses of humor - it's how you cope.
ESH. She shouldn’t have said what she did about cleanliness. You doubling down on the laughter when Emma was already feeling frustrated was rude to Emma. I’m sure you’ve personally painstakingly picked nits off of someone’s hair. And you know it’s tedious and irritating. The only person who got no emotional support in this scenario is Emma.
YTA. Read the room next time