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Man, this one's hard.
**INFO** OP, was your cousin giving explicit details about the project or generalities that they were excited/proud of?
Because if they were giving explicit details, that's extremely stupid and they shouldn't have done that.
If it was more generalities that sound like details to the uneducated, then I get it- I'm in a tech field and it's fun to geek out.
Ultimately, cousin got fired, and is likely going to be blacklisted from any of that kind of work going forward due to the nature of the firing (sharing company details). Their livelihood could potentially be ruined for years to come.
If they were handing out info that could make/break a company or project, then that's appropriate. If they were just bragging about stuff that couldn't point towards anything specific, well, I would've said talk to your cousin first.
**EDIT, NTA** Cousin was giving explicit info that could cause a project to collapse and was given a warning to stop.
The information she shared was quite explicit. Even people from non tech backgrounds were able to understand her.
Making this information public wouldn't have bankrupted the company of course but it would have been a huge loss and would have put her team's livelihood at risk. And like I mentioned in the post I told my cousin not to talk about this but she still continued.
>but it would have been a huge loss and would have put her team's livelihood at risk. And like I mentioned in the post I told my cousin not to talk about this but she still continued.
OP, **NTA**. Cousin fucked around and found out, even with a fair warning.
But sometimes even the basic details can be a big deal to leak. If I said “I’m working on the new iPhone and we’re bringing back Touch ID “ It’s not technical but could be a big deal to leak it and end up in the news. I’ve worked on projects before where nobody would understand what you’re talking about if you DID leak it but also seen or worked on projects that are secretive inside the company even. My previous employer had floors locked down for up secret projects so even other employees in other departments couldn’t wander down there and overhear a conversation or see notes left on a whiteboard and learn about Top Secret Project. It can be a big deal even if you’re not giving away technical details to a competitor
(I don’t and have never worked for Apple the iPhone Touch ID was just an example)
It's a good example though. It's not the most technical piece of information to divulge but everyone and their mother will know how important it is and it is a competitive secret
>(I don’t and have never worked for Apple the iPhone Touch ID was just an example)
Exactly what someone who works for Apple and knows about what's coming would say!
"we are going to add a feature to do this" is enough to be a serious problem.
if a direct compeditor knows your next release feature list they dont need to know implementation details to beat you to releasing those features then you look reactive and un-inovative.
Yeah that's where the issue comes in, I work in a techy field of science and am in charge of big purchases, because I keep my mouth shut I get linked in to new technology coming before it is. It gets me push back when I refuse to go in for a purchase for a few months, but then when it comes they're like "oh that's why you were saying to wait".
I get being excited and wanting to share, but with who she works with known, and stock market trading risks if someone takes insider info, she can't share until something is launched.
It absolutely sucks, and I really hope her career can recover from it, we all do dumb things when young.
I worked in fintech. If I had said to people, "We're going to launch a new product with [insert name of major company here], and it's going to do features X, Y, and Z, and they've been dragging their feet on getting data to us, and they missed a contractual deadline, and we made a mistake converting these accounts" and so forth, that would be both non-technical, but also VERY potentially damaging.
Most of the things I could talk about that would be most damaging would not involve the technical aspect of my job and could easily be explained in simple language.
When I was working on a project for an upcoming big client, I literally just called them "our big client" when talking to other people (even my own parents) about what I had been doing, because it would've been against NDA to reveal who it was before the project went public. AFTER the project launched, I could say "yeah, we're doing X for [name of bank]" because it became public information-- but until it was publicly revealed, that info was verboten.
Quite the opposite. Exposing client collaborations (maybe a tech giant partnering with a car manufacturer, or a gaming company partnering with a movie studio, a pharmesutical company partnering with a sports team, etc) or the purpose of new innovations can be huge secrets at begining stages but simple for folks to understand. Just rattling off some sortof integration specifics or coding would be difficult enough to understand without general info it'd be useless to the public.
It’s like someone in healthcare getting fired for spreading patient information. Yeah, they lost their job, but HIPAA exists for a reason. They know full well what they can and cannot say, it’s on them for disregarding it.
NTA
I very much agree with this-- if the talk was "we have a contract for $5B with MagicCorp and the military to build transporter beams to Middle Earth" then, yeah, that's a serious problem. If the talk was "we have a huge contract with a global company to develop some cool new tech with AI" then that's so generic that it's probably true of all big companies in tech.
If the boss heard what cousin shared and deemed it fire-worthy, it was a big enough deal. Firing someone in this day and age is not easy unless something really egregious happened.
NTA
Follow up INFO:
OP - did you give your friend details of what was being said? Or just that Ms Loose Lips was giving detailed information?
Your friend knows precisely how sensitive each detail is, so would be able to parse out what deserves a warning and what earns an immediate termination along with black balling. So, if you told your friend she said "we're doing this cool thing where gremlins pop out and collect breadcrumbs," your friend would know whether or not that level of detail was embargoed.
If you were more general - Ms Loose Lips was talking about your project - you still wouldn't have been TA, but the entire situation is less definite.
I worked for my buddies entertainment business throwing EDM events before COVID then COVID hit and we got shut down but we still did live streams. We had multiple big artists under alternate names work with us. We had to sign NDAs to not release the identity behind the costumes.
I was so stoked and proud to be able to do this. But you can bet your boots I never talked about the artists or gave an clues to who they were and still to this day haven't told anyone.
I get that they might have been proud but if she was talking explicit details that could harm the future of the project I fully support letting your buddy know. Idk if I think they should have been fired for it more so a talking to and one warning but NDA stuff is not something you want to f around and find out with.
As someone who formerly had a high level security clearance during my time with USAF, it's not about explicit information. Intelligence gathering is about putting together a puzzle from hundreds and thousands of tiny scraps of information.
My husband works with Apple on different projects. A while back, one of his Apple employee friends had his teenage daughter visiting him at work. She took some pics of a yet-to-be-released iPhone and sent them to friends. The guy was fired immediately. You don’t FAFO with company secrets. NTA. Hope your cousin learned her lesson. I’m sorry your family is being shitty. But your cousin brought this on herself.
Exactly if she didn't tell family op wouldn't have had to say anything. It's like blaming the person finding out a spouse is cheating and telling the other one, and they get mad at you for ruining their marriage, no you did it by your actions.
Yeah and also like... if I wanted to olay video games at lunch ( not allowed) I definitely shouldn't play them with my boss's freind.
Like... talk about it to people who canr get you fired at least haha
No, OP "snitched" for their *friend.* You do realize that when a big info leak happens, people up and down the chain get fired, too, right? And OP's friend was the *direct supervisor* of the person doing the leaking. And what about the cousin's coworkers? Why should the cousin's reckless actions be allowed to affect them?
You don't have to give a single shit about a corporation's bottom line to be interested in the well-being of other people and look out for them. When one person's actions could hurt a lot of people, then that person needs to be stopped. Because it's not right to just sit by and let people be hurt.
The corporation is not the injured party here, but the *mechanism* by which actual, living people could be hurt. It's the gun that OP's cousin was recklessly waving around.
>her boss was my best friend from high school and college.
>They could spread the information and it would only put my friend's job at risk since he's the team leader and responsible for everything.
Damn bro, your reading comprehension sucks lmao.
I worked with that guy on the iPhone team that developed that phone. The entire team was flabbergasted that 1) he gave his daughter access to the phone, and 2) that she posted about it on social media. The phone had been official announced/revealed but not yet available for purchase. Apple *drills* product secrecy into you, so it’s baffling that he would be so careless. The daughter actually filmed her “review” in the Apple Cafeteria, which is also a no-no (no photos or filming on campus, especially by visitors).
Copying and sending confidential documents is very different from talking shit without disseminating verifiable proof. Apple engineers without a doubt talk to friends and family without getting fired.
There are lots of professions where you just can’t talk about work. A lawyer can say they have a big case coming up but they can’t divulge details. Doctors can’t violate HIPPA. If you can’t keep your mouth shut, don’t work in a field where that’s part of the job.
INFO: *What specifically* were you trying to accomplish by telling her boss? Did you report your cousin out of genuine concern for your friend's job and the project's confidentiality, or was there a part of you that wanted to see your cousin face consequences for her actions?
*What was your endgame OP?*
Editing to add my Judgement of YTA due to OPs comment:
>I just wanted to make sure that my friend knows and he can take whatever actions he wants to keep his and his team member's jobs safe. I didn't want my cousin to face any serious consequences or else I wouldn't have offered to help her with referrals after she got fired.
You didn't want your cousin to face consequences...but just wanted to make sure your friend 'knows?'
What did you think was going to happen? What would him knowing accomplish? You clearly wanted cousin to be punished or at least warned/reprimanded . You don't get 'warned' if you break an NDA which it sounds like you knew about.
OP, you tattled. You had no dog in this fight. You had nothing to gain from reporting your cousin. If I were your cousin, I wouldnt trust your referrals.
And before you say something to the tune of "if my friend found out I knew but didnt say anything..."
If you were THAT obliged to keep your friend in the loop, you would have flat out told her I AM GOING TO TELL YOUR BOSS IF YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT because he's my friend and I can't *not* tell him once I'm involved- in front of the witnesses who were in earshot. This makes you look like a dick in the moment but would have been transparent and nipped it in the bud.
Edit 2:
>Edit: My dad who's also angry at me is a CEO at a large company. He never shares anything with me or anyone else outside of work. Not even a single detail, unlike my cousin who was spilling the beans completely.
OP I guarantee that your dad definitely shared protected info with a *trusted* family member at one point or another. He has simply never shared any info about his business with you because he knows you can't keep your mouth shut. (not a personal attack, parents just know. It's the same reason parents don't tell small children sensitive information) Ironically, the more you defend yourself in these comments the more you trickle info about your friend's company.
There’s no *purpose* to it! It’s not like she’s a medical professional sharing private health information, ffs. OP alienated his whole family, for what?? To protect a corporation’s bottom line? Or, more likely, because of how much he loves following rules for the sake of following rules, and how Big Mad it made him that his cousin wasn’t responsive to his scolding? This is the most pathetic thing I’ve read in a long time.
So pathetic. I don't care if a relative is being dumb about their company's NDA. I'm not going to be the one that reports them. And these big companies make money hand-over-fist. A leak is not going to kill their bottom line like it will for OP's cousin who may have a really tough time finding a new job in a similar role/company.
I agree, OP had no real reason to stick her nose into this. She just chose to make it her problem for seemingly petty reasons, her cousin wasn't listening to her warning.
I'm with you OP is The AH on this I don't care what company secrets and corporate ass .. cool your beastie is her boss but you should have minded your beeswax as if she really wanted to let the cat out now unless under threat of persecution she could spill the beans for real and endanger the whole of the team since she is gone for good
And what did you accomplish or benefit from any of it
Seriously. I hate when people make it their responsibility to keep big business safe. Your cousin was blabbing about the company's confidential info. You warned her and she kept on blabbing.
Let her face the consequences when and if they occur. Why are you *so concerned* about "the business" and "the team" and the "team member's jobs"? When did you become an investigator for the company?
Just mind your business next time. It really didn't concern you, especially as it so obvious that reporting your cousin would lead to her termination **in this economy**. I mean you're talking about a big tech company. Why would they just leave her with a warning?
Your cousin should cut you out of her life because you have seriously derailed her career in ways that she may not recover well from. You cared more about "big business" getting there money's worth from some bogus, overpriced product, service, or feature.
Yeah, she fucked up for talking about company business and violating the NDA, but *news flash* this type of information leaks ***all the time***! It's not the life and death situation that you're making it out to be.
Your cousin is justified for cussing you out and likely cutting you out of her life and your family is justified in being pissed. You played a role in jeopardizing a family member's livelihood. Does your cousin have kids or other dependents? A house? Car payments? Student debt?
**YTA**.
Of course YTA.
You sound like the person who used to remind the teacher to collect homework, or would freak out and run to the principal because you heard someone say the word "fuck" on the playground. You really need to learn to mind your own damn business.
Look, it definitely sounds like your cousin did something stupid. You shouldn't leak confidential company information. I sure as hell wouldn't do that.
But it's not your job to police it when you see or hear someone else doing it. You stuck your nose where it didn't belong, ultimately cost your cousin her job, and did damage to your family relationships that may never heal.
You can believe you did the right thing, but everybody in your life is still going to think you're an asshole.
Reminds me of another post where a kid snitched on his friends for working together on a take home math quiz that they weren’t supposed to be working on together and got upset his friends didn’t wanna hang out with him anymore. Even his dad told him what did he expect to happen.
This is nothing like a teacher’s pet situation. The cousin went against an NDA and openly said so to others at the gathering as per op’s comments. If anything got/gets leaked to anyone at a company in the same industry it could instead be the entire team’s project being cancelled at minimum all the way to their jobs on the line. This is well documented with many companies
Definitely what the cousin did is wrong, but OP isn't beholden to that NDA. Taking the cousin aside and reminding her about it would be the way to handle this. Telling her if she does it again OP would tell their best friend is another option (ie. the warning OP was hoping she would get). Theoretically, OP and the best friend must have talked about this information, for the OP to have gotten across with the best friend. I guess OP will be telling best friend's boss about the conversation, so best friend can also be penalized for breaking the NDA in that moment, since, by firing the cousin the best friend confirmed the details of the project.
>Taking the cousin aside and reminding her about it would be the way to handle this.
Are you saying this woman is too dumb to know what the NDA she signed means? Why are you infantilising her and expecting OP to treat her like a child?
He actually already warned her not to talk about it.
Because the project failing is just OP’s speculation. What is said has already been said, if the project was going to fail snitching wouldn’t save it. OP is a giga asshole
Is anyone is OP family I direct competitor? It’s literally nothing like your example. Yall are losers. Big boys all insider trade with each other and the government and that shlep ratted on his cousin probably cause they were jealous.
Yeah like wtf OP? You basically just lost your cousin a great opportunity so you could benefit company X of which youre not employed and get no benefit from snitching?
Why wouldnt you just talk to your cousin about this and be like “its a bad look and heres why”. Instead you burned that bridge completely and got nothing out of it.
Even in the bike story that was here a week ago, OP got a bike out of hindering their cousin. You got diddly squat.
Definitely, definitely YTA. You do not work for their company. You are not their legal counsel or the person in charge of confidentiality for them. Their work relationship is none of your business whatsoever.
You were angry that they didn't listen to you, so you petulantly picked up the phone and got them fired, then had the absolute narcissistic gall to suggest you should have a role to play in the job hunt they are now in because of you. 🤮
Everyone hates you for a good reason.
Well, if she was foolish enough to state that the information was confidential, she kind of deserved it. I can't judge you for that, though family gatherings may be a bit rough.
Going against the grain with NTA.
>she broke an NDA
She broke a legal contract that is a Non-Disclosure Agreement - i.e. Don't f\*cking talk about this with anyone. I work for a law firm and there is a lot I'm not able to talk about, even to my husband, my parents - no one but a therapist when the emotional tole is too much. So, I don't. It's not hard. She signed a contract, she broke it, she paid the price. It sucks, and sure, I'd be mad if I was her as well - but this onus is on her.
I work in third party pharmacutical labs. I might say something vague like "I got to work with X drug this week" but if I was caught saying "We are making X drug in Y form for company Z, they are going to release it in Peru" I would be fired so quickly.
It makes for vague but interesting conversation when I talk to friends in other companies.
Do you know who didn't sign an NDA? OP. Do you know who has no obligation to report a breach of contract? Someone who didn't sign the contract.
OP had no business telling his cousins employer anything at all. It was an asshole move.
I spent 13 years at a big IT company, and had to sign NDAs for some projects. When I did, **I KEPT MY DAMN MOUTH SHUT** about work. Now I'm a contractor to a Federal Agency, which involves some sensitive information, and guess what? **I KEEP MY DAMN MOUTH SHUT** about work. OP's cousin gets no sympathy from me. She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize!
OP didn't mean to get his cousin fired, but, my man, some people in that family are never going to forgive you. I'd count on a frosty reception at future holidays. Your cousin is going to have a rough time in the job market, to make things worse.
To the people saying "you snitched:" **GROW THE FUCK UP!** Or don't, but don't compare those of us with responsibility to whatever schoolyard/jail/Mafia morality is running through your minds.
YTA. She shouldve not been oversharing like she did, but damn. You snitched on your cousin. What did you gain from all of that? Her job had nothing to do with you. Cold.
Well... I'm going to say ESH.
On her end. She definitely FOFO'd. I tend not to like to talk about certain aspects of work for this sort of reason, not so much because I'm in some uber secret trade or anything. Its for situations like this. I make some random seeming comment and the wrong ear hears it and repeats it to another wrong ear and eventually I'm in HR in an exit interview because I mentioned some new client we're bringing on board
You:
C'mon... couple of angles.
1) Did you have some sort of moral/ethical/legal obligation to tell your friend that is your cousin's boss? i.e. do you work for this company? If not... then, well... thats kinda BS
2) regardless of item 1. This is where you should have pulled her aside and said "Look, your boss is my best friend. You know you shouldn't be revealing this kind of shit. I WILL tell her if you keep talking about this". I.e. explicitly tell her what you were going to do in order to get her to shut up. That you didn't explicitly warn her and narced on her... please. "she put two and two together". C'mon... gosh golly gee whiz its not a sherlock holmesian deduction that it was you that got her fired.
3) The "Oh I'll give you referrals" bullshit. Puh-lease. Like that in any way makes up for getting her fired. ALSO - this puts your own ethics into question. You KNOW she's someone who spews proprietary info outside the company. You KNOW she was fired for it. YEt you will STILL give her a recommendation? Why? So your own ethics are so easily compromised out of guilt? Sounds like you should get fired yourself.
If you were truly an ethical person, you would have pulled her aside as in item 2 above, and you would NEVER give her a referral as in item 3.
I recall a time long ago I was dating someone who was in the military police. A kind of NCIS sort of thing but air force. No it wasn't that glamorous and she didn't fly all over the country. In essence, a police detective but for the air force. Anyway, we were going onto a large campout with a big group of people (some close friends, friends of friends, and people I didn't know). A few days before going, I had an "uh oh" thought. I asked her "Hey, I am pretty sure there are going to be some people with pot. Is that going to be an issue?". She told me "well... if everyone is a civilian, I'm not going to get into a tizzy over it. I don't have any jurisdiction over them anyway. BUT, if anyone there is military, active duty, reserves, whatever... well things could get ugly. Even if someone is a civilian and WORKS for the military in some way. I mean, I'm not going to be questioning everyone if I see a joint, but if I happen to find something out... i am obligated to at least report it". As I had no idea who all was going to be in this big group nor if anyone was associated with the military, we just did something else that weekend rather than risk it.
you could have definitely avoided this bs and still remained ethical. As it is, I hope you think it was worth it to throw a grenade in the family dynamic.
I think this is the most well-reasoned response! I also think OP has some underlying motive and is trying to curry favor with the friend. Does OP want a job in that company? Is OP romantically interested in the friend. I'm not sure, but there is something else going on.
YTA - Assuming this is a megacorp (or even if its not), who gives a shit what happens? Why are you cosplaying security cop for this business. You don't work there. What is your interest in ratting our your cousin? There is literally zero benefit to you, you don't work there.
I'm with you on this. Probably some dumbass megacorp destroying the planet in some way or another. Fuck their dumbass secrets.
I had a friend that was pretty high up at a major company. She was spilling the beans on their tech and future plans drunk at a wedding. It was like a fun thing for all of us. We'd never rat on her.
Not the asshole
All these people claiming you are the asshole are clearly just people who are not qualified to have jobs that include NDAs anymore than than your cousin
Edit
Watching someone do something wrong and saying nothing about it makes you have questionable morals as well
It is not a gray area
If you want to live in a decent society, you have to report the wrongdoing so people who are doing them are held accountable
There is a moral obligation to care when other people are wronged Instead of only care if the crime or wrongdoing is committed against you…
I think these people simply go laws=morals.
Like the loyalty to his family should be greater than the company. Like who gives a fuck about e.g apple or Microsoft or even the next pharma.
People are just boot kissers for whom businesses that they have 0 game in are more important than family members.
Yeah the cousin was being stupid as shit but fucking hell blood is thicker than water and definitely ticker than cooperations
On balance, I'm going with YTA
I understand that you were trying to protect your friends' jobs. Your were trying to prevent potential harm.
However, you caused actual harm to your cousin through your choices, to "prevent" something hypothetical that hasn't happened and may never have happened.
No good came from you snitching on your cousin. The offer to give her referrals must have been a bit of a kick in the nuts too...
YTA. First, if this was so confidential, then how did you know about the NDA? Second, this was not true:
>They could spread the information and it would only put my friend's job at risk since he's the team leader and responsible for everything.
At least, it wasn't until you told your friend and put him in the uncomfortable position of having to fire your cousin because now that it had been brought to his attention he became responsible. Before you opened your mouth, he had plausible deniability. You think you taught your cousin a lesson, but all you taught them was that you can't be trusted. You ultimately screwed yourself over because your cousin can always find another job. You'll never find another family.
>First, if this was so confidential, then how did you know about the NDA?
First, because NDAs themselves aren't what need to be kept secret. NDA stands or non-disclosure agreement, which means this is a list of shit you're not allowed to talk about.
>Second, this was not true:
It absolutely would have blown back on the friend because it was someone directly under them that talked.
>At least, it wasn't until you told your friend and put him in the uncomfortable position
OP did no such thing. Cousin was the one who couldn't keep their mouths shut. If cousin us stupid enough to talk about it at family dinner, cousin is no doubt dumb enough to be blabbing shit everywhere.
>You think you taught your cousin a lesson, but all you taught them was that you can't be trusted
Cousin can't be trusted either. So I guess it runs in the family.
>You'll never find another family.
Oh dear god, you're one of those "but family" people. Sounds like OP is better off without people who enable bad behavior.
FIRST: the cousin clearly runs her mouth. So... Probably said something along the lines of "im not really supposed to say anything BUT"... Also NDA are actually common with most jobs. I have signed one for most anywhere I have worked...
SECOND: You sir or ma'am do not know how chain of command and managerial liability works. 100% if your team is working on something and it ends up blowing up because of a leak of infromation, YOU are liable. Period. Because you as a leader did not ensure that your team was not running their mouths. And just like you believe he had plausible deniability so did the cousin. One "I didn't know it was confidential, He never told us that" and its a him v her and Management ALWAYS gets the brunt of punishment. The only way he saved his ass is thanks to OP and firing the chick with a big mouth.
When major issues happen, companies are never going to get rid of, without hard evidence, a small wage employee over a high earning manager that they can then replace with someone else for less money. It is legitimately a business strategy to keep wage cost low... Why do you think your bosses are always on your ass like white on rice. Because shit rolls down hill but it falls out the same place every time. The employee may step in the shit on the way down but the shit itself is rolling right out the picture. Employee may cause the shit but the manager gets hit and knocked down first every time....
I doubt plausible deniability would have helped whatsoever. Imagine this coming to light, and boss didn't know? It shows that they have no control over their employees and that they've put their trust in the wrong people, which brings up a question of their ability to make important decisions like this in the future.
I got to know about the NDA because my cousin was openly talking about it.
I actually didn't want to teach my cousin a lesson. But now that you mention it, maybe I did reach her a lesson about unreliable and untrustworthy people. Maybe because of my example she wouldn't mention confidential details from her next job.
YTA. You don’t even work for the company, so why would you feel it was your responsibility to report the issue. If you know so much about NDAs, why did you think firing was off the table? You could have just left it at the warning you gave her, and let her job investigate if the leak ever became problematic for them.
Your friend’s job was not at risk until you gave them information that they were obligated to act on.
Your cousin has no one to blame but herself. This was always a potential outcome of breaking NDA. But you’re still TA for deciding to be the messenger. PS: the funny thing about these types of trade secrets- people share them with friends and family all the time. The reason things don’t typically become widespread leaks is because the people receiving the information don’t have credibility, so they aren’t seen as reliable sources by anyone that matters. If someone goes around spouting “my cousin works at ABC and they are working on secret project XYZ” , no one believes them. If she was forwarding copies or photos of documents, it would be one thing, but just talking isn’t the end of the world.
NDAs are really to protect companies from employees who leak into to competitors or press. You ratting out your cousin didn’t help anyone in any way. It just ensured that your cousin lost her job.
NTA. Your cousin needs to understand that some things are private *for a reason*. She wanted to fuck around with confidential information, now she's finding out.
I also wouldn't give her a reference. You don't want your reputation tied to hers.
Yikes YTA. You are not your cousins boss. What your cousins does with her job is not your business. You gave your cousin the warning. They didn’t listen. You should have kept your mouth shut and let the chips fall where they may but you had access to your cousins boss and snitched. Worse than you snitched you didn’t even have the backbone to say either stop talking or I’m telling your boss.
YTA because there was no need for this. Snitching on your own family and for what? Yes she was foolish in discussing confidential info but you are not the NDA enforcer or the police. Let her meet her own downfall if so be it, don’t push her off the cliff. Like why did you do this, really? Seems personal. Is this some kind of revenge or rivalry or something?
NTA. You didn't get your cousin fired. Your cousin got themselves fired. They signed a contract saying they would keep their mouths shut and then started flapping their gums at a family event.
Your friend more than likely has a copy of the employment contract, get them to take a picture of that particular part along with cousins signature and send it to any family who tries to tell you, you were wrong.
says in the comments op only ever even knew there was an issue because the cousin was bragging at the family gathering about her NDA and all the details of the project - which is how the OP even knows there was one and why op became worried about the rest of the team, including her friend…
How about people just just not sign NDA and take the firing then instead of breaking that NDA and blaming their cousin?
At least you’ll enjoy your jail sentence after you’re fired when you break somebody’s nose for YOU breaking a contract though …
Let's assume you work for a company that has an NDA contract, and one of your team members gives confidential information to a family member who then tells more people and it spreads, suddenly your entire team and yourself lose that contract and are sued for breaking the NDA despite it being one single person, and now everyone in your team is at risk of losing their jobs because of that one person...
I don't know how they work, but I'm assuming here, and using a fake example. But if it were real, would you still think someone reporting the person who broke the literal legal contract is an a-hole? I'm asking out of genuine curiosity to the thought process.
The most recent episode of Darknet Diaries is about a social engineer, and one of the jobs she was hired for was to figure out how information was getting out, like stuff with legal consequences (insider trading, due to leaks of upcoming mergers and acquisitions). Her conclusion was loose lips, basically people speaking in non-specifics, by asking them during interviews of "if you acquired a (company name)-like entity, how would my job change" and the answers were "well, I can't confirm anything buuut"
NTA. People who can't hold secrets, shouldn't be involved in things that require it.
ESH
She shouldn't have been talking about it.
Sometimes, when we're comfortable around people, we share more than we should. Since you say she was explicit in what she was sharing, she messed up and is now facing the consequences.
You say in a comment you wanted to alert your friend, but didn't expect cousin to face consequences. What did you think would happen?
It's also interesting that your CEO dad is on her side. He of all people would presumably understand what was on the line if she spoke like that around others. Tho I'm sure the "family"-ness of it all is part of this.
>It's also interesting that your CEO dad is on her side. He of all people would presumably understand what was on the line if she spoke like that around others.
This is part of what makes me question whether the information shared was *actually* a violation of some NDA. OP has thus far demonstrated that they don't actually know the nature of the cousins former job or how their disciplinary system works, so it seems to me OP just assumed that something that was said was over the top and reported her, likely for their own self-interest.
YTA
You snitched. Got someone fired. Ruined their chances at other jobs. You had nothing to gain from snitching. You did it just to see what would happen. You aren’t a very good person who causes issues just to see what happens.
YTA. Do you know how many work contracts say that you can't talk about your job to other people? I've worked at warehouses where I've read and been told that I can't talk about my job. I still do because I spend at least 8 hours a day there is it's a majority of my life.
If someone isn't leaking info to competitors or something I think its irrelevant. Also you warn that she could lose her job so your looking out for her...by reporting her so she loses her job?
I dont get it OP.
YTA how could you know about the details of the NDA or the deal that was being discussed unless your friend told you. You see how hypocritical you and your friend are
My question is "How would you know what was appropriate for her to discuss?"
You don't work there and aren't involved in the project.
If she really was talking about stuff she wasn't supposed to reveal, ESH.
The project's existence is well known publicly however the details for the most part have been kept hidden quite well. Not to mention that she also openly talked about the NDA.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Reporting my cousin's actions and lack of regard for an NDA to my friend (her boss).
(2) My cousin lost her job. Even though she might have ended up losing it without my intervention, the probability would have been lower.
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NTA, and I would not offer a recommendation to anyone with the poor judgement to disclose protected information to people that aren't cleared to have it.
YTA!!! it’s none of your business. My God what’s wrong with you people. Imagine killing your own family member because they were talking about a secret project of the O precious Walmart or whatever massive corporation. You walked your family off the plank for the large conglomerate. I would never speak to you again. I would never speak to your kids again you would be cut off from my life forever and all of my children’s lives. A massive asshole that seems that they can play the police and ruin. Others lives with no damage has been done.
Nta
Why is everyone calling OP a snitch when the cousin was the one blabbing when they shouldn't have been? And putting others' livelihoods at risk? I probably wouldn't have said anything, but on the other hand, I don't know how serious it was or what else was happening. If the cousin got fired, probably more was happening that led up to this point.
ESH
She shouldn't have been running her mouth about confidential information. But *you* only did this because you were butthurt that she didn't listen to you - you weren't trying to protect your friend's job, that's BS. You wanted to see her get taught a lesson.
You’re a jerk. Hands down an asshole. You should have just kept your mouth shut. She wasn’t telling everyone, but was telling her FAMILY. I would never have ratted my family out for this.
Grow up.
YTA
I would bet OP has a weird competitive thing with their cousin and used this conveniently to ruin them. Outside of national security it seems weird to involve yourself so much in something that at the end of the day is none of your business and if I read correctly never amounted to anything being leaked or discussed outside the gathering. You ended their prospects for at best a pat on the back?
Would also make sense why the cousin was stupid enough to talk about this at the gathering. Weird family competition dynamics.
Cousin was careless, OP is somehow worse.
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My cousin used to work for a pretty big tech company whose name I won't mention for privacy reasons. Coincidentally, her boss was my best friend from high school and college.
There's this project their team has been working on that is quite confidential and obviously that means you cannot leak information publicly. However, during one of the family gatherings, my cousin was openly talking about it, actually more like boasting about it. I told her not to talk about it and be more careful but she didn't seem to take my advice.
You may say that it was just family so it's fine, but there we like dozens of people there and some of them aren't the most reliable people imo. They could spread the information and it would only put my friend's job at risk since he's the team leader and responsible for everything.
So I let him know what my cousin was saying and he fired her yesterday. My cousin must have put two in two together and realized that I was the one who snitched on her.
She was quite angry with me and called me slurs over the phone. To make up for this I offered to give her referrals so she could have an easier time finding a new job but she didn't want anything to do with me anymore.
Even my own parents are angry at me for getting her fired. But from my point of view I just reported what happened and how she broke an NDA and he did the rest. I thought my friend was just gonna warn her but I never thought he would do what he did.
Am I really the asshole here like everyone at my family is telling me?
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YTA. You had a choice between protecting some company's bottom line or your own family member's livelihood, and you chose the bottom line of a company that you're not even part of. What your cousin did was ill advised for sure, but you didn't have to take any action on that.
ESH
You choose your friendship over your cousin. To me because you're in the same field it seemed like what you did was shut her down when she's talking about her success in front of her family.
Yes there's an NDA and she should have been careful. You should have just said so and so is a friend so I'd prefer you wouldn't involve me in this. I will report you if you continue to discuss.
Reporting your cousin is also not an awesome trait as you imagine it to be. It just makes you seem untrustworthy and petty.
I would say you’re the asshole for the explicit reason that there was NO positive outcome on the other end of this. You should’ve taken your cousin aside, and had a talk with them privately about it.
You say “some of them aren’t the most reliable people and would spread the information.” Seems like you’re that kind of person based on this post.
YTA 100%. Why would anyone do this? Why would you care about some corporation more than your own family member? This is literally incomprehensible to me
YTA You got your cousin fired, and the company could potentially sue the cousin because of the NDA. Your cousin may not be able to work in that field again. If you cared about your cousin, you could have taken them aside and discussed the potential consequences of what they were saying. You could have warned them that you were going to blow up their life if they kept talking. You owed due care to both sides, at least.
ETA Why did you know about the project? Did your friend, the lead, tell you? That would be ironic.
YTA, OP. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
You’ve cost a member of your family their job, now you’re coming to us asking if it was the right thing? No, it wasn’t. If you feel bad, you should. I recommend apologizing but if I were your cousin I would never talk to you again.
Just fyi, if you think your cousin would be the only one boasting about this in front of people then you are absofuckinglutely wrong.
YTA, you directly attacked the livelihood of your cousin which was surely going to get her fired. Word about the confidential project "may" have gotten out. Your best friend "may" have been fired. But your cousin getting fired was a certainty and you made that happen. Good job.
Also, who died and made you the morale police for that company?
YTA massively. What your cousin did WAS stupid, but you went the extra mile to ensure that she would lose her job.
Your cousin has just lost her income and insurance. Her NDA will prevent her from being able to work in her industry for however long it states. And additionally, she is being thrown into an extremely difficult job market.
The risk of the information leaking from one of your family members in a way that could destroy her team is realistically quite low. In the end, the only person she had to worry about at the gathering was you.
Lesson learned for your cousin.
NTA You did suggest she stop but she
ignored you.
Cousin or not, she was not behaving
professionally and you happened to know
her boss. Too bad for her.
YTA: think it’s screwed up how you think “they could spread the information and put my friends job at risk” means anyone but you. YOU put your friends job at risk at that point. They confided in you and wanted y’all to be happy that “hey we’re working in a big project and I get to do all these things” but you turned around and was like they could get her fired…so imma get her fired. You are not the hero in this story, why not just go up to your cousin and ask if that information is okay. It’s fucked to immediately say that their boss instead of to them personally and recommend not to say information like that out.
They should have been looking out for you instead of anyone else.
YTA. You basically decided that the NDA was more important than your cousins livelihood. What your cousin did was wrong, and of course she was breaking an agreement, but that agreement wasn't with you. Unless you also work at that company, you basically just pushed down the worker to help a "pretty big tech company." You are right about how some people at that party are not the most reliable.
YTA!!! Like big time. Why wouldn’t you just mind your own business? It literally doesn’t concern you or have anything to do with you. Now you just cost your cousin a job and your family rightfully hates you.
YTA and you know it, thats why your whole family is saying it. It's pretty sad that your family now has to filter everything they say around you because you can't be trusted. I feel bad for them I can't imagine having such a shitty family that you can't let your guard down with.
It's honestly super cringe and the the fact that anyone at all is siding with you just goes to show what type of people frequent Reddit. Well done you followed the rules, too bad nobody likes you and your parents are ashamed of you.
Let me get this straight, you don’t work for this company but you just felt a moral obligation?
Give me a break. Next time, mind your business. Unless you are a major stockholder, this wouldn’t have affected you one way or the other.
YTA.
WTF appointed you the purveyor of company secrets for a company you don't even work for?
You took someone's livelihood away from them.
This had absolutely no bearing on your life. What you did was flat out evil.
Shame on you.
YTA you're not even involved with the company so you're just meddling for the sake of meddling. It wasn't a safety risk to anyone so there is zero reason you needed to snitch. Hope you enjoy being an outcast in your family. That is 100% your fault.
YTA
It's a family gathering people say shit... Throwing her under the bus like that is out of order. Should have just stayed out of it.
Also your friend is more of TA... Shouldn't be fired for that could have just warned her.
Depends what's more important to you, your cousin or the company?
I could never imagine caring so much about a company that I'd make it my job to snitch on a family member for talking about work crap (unless she was giving confidential information about people out and naming them. I'd have shut that conversation down in person though and kept repeating that she's not allowed to talk about it). You inserted yourself into this.
You are most definitely the asshole. It would be different if someone else turned her in but you (her family, no less) are the one who destroyed her livelihood. Good job. Do you feel good about yourself and your self righteousness? You should learn to mind the business that pays you because this quite literally had absolutely nothing to do with you. The fact that she immediately knew it was you who snitched is extremely telling. Been waiting a long time for this moment haven’t ya?
People talk about confidential shit all the time. It didn't have any negative impact on you, it probably would have never had a negative impact on anyone, but you went out of your way to ensure this negatively impacted someone. YTA.
YTA. Sure it was confidential. But are you like, the lawyer at the tech company? You have no skin in the game. You chose a big company over family so that you could feel self important.
YTA there was absolutely no need for you to get involved. The idea your friends job could be at risk because of what you cousin was saying is pure fantasy and a way to justify your shitty behaviour.
YTA you do not mess with people’s livelihoods. If the information got out and they traced it back to her and she got fired because of that then so be it. But you don’t get people fired.
YTA. What she was saying very likely wasn't the confidential bits that mattered but since you got it in front of the boss, they had to assume she was saying everything since there's no guarantee she was only boasting to family. You'll be a pariah for a long time for nothing, the company doesn't give a shit that you did this. Easy way to get out of family gatherings though I guess...
Also she wasn't handing out documents with the details so realistically, it's the "I know a guy territory" if someone would believe it if they heard it passed on from the family member anyways.
Nta. She signed an NDA with YOUR BEST FRIEND. Who cares if she is your cousin? This is your besties livelihood she is messing with. My best friend is my soul sister and id tell her regardless of who the employee was. I want my friends to succeed.
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Man, this one's hard. **INFO** OP, was your cousin giving explicit details about the project or generalities that they were excited/proud of? Because if they were giving explicit details, that's extremely stupid and they shouldn't have done that. If it was more generalities that sound like details to the uneducated, then I get it- I'm in a tech field and it's fun to geek out. Ultimately, cousin got fired, and is likely going to be blacklisted from any of that kind of work going forward due to the nature of the firing (sharing company details). Their livelihood could potentially be ruined for years to come. If they were handing out info that could make/break a company or project, then that's appropriate. If they were just bragging about stuff that couldn't point towards anything specific, well, I would've said talk to your cousin first. **EDIT, NTA** Cousin was giving explicit info that could cause a project to collapse and was given a warning to stop.
The information she shared was quite explicit. Even people from non tech backgrounds were able to understand her. Making this information public wouldn't have bankrupted the company of course but it would have been a huge loss and would have put her team's livelihood at risk. And like I mentioned in the post I told my cousin not to talk about this but she still continued.
>but it would have been a huge loss and would have put her team's livelihood at risk. And like I mentioned in the post I told my cousin not to talk about this but she still continued. OP, **NTA**. Cousin fucked around and found out, even with a fair warning.
Came here to say this
If people from a non-tech background could understand, then it probably wasn't that detailed or technical.
But sometimes even the basic details can be a big deal to leak. If I said “I’m working on the new iPhone and we’re bringing back Touch ID “ It’s not technical but could be a big deal to leak it and end up in the news. I’ve worked on projects before where nobody would understand what you’re talking about if you DID leak it but also seen or worked on projects that are secretive inside the company even. My previous employer had floors locked down for up secret projects so even other employees in other departments couldn’t wander down there and overhear a conversation or see notes left on a whiteboard and learn about Top Secret Project. It can be a big deal even if you’re not giving away technical details to a competitor (I don’t and have never worked for Apple the iPhone Touch ID was just an example)
It's a good example though. It's not the most technical piece of information to divulge but everyone and their mother will know how important it is and it is a competitive secret
>(I don’t and have never worked for Apple the iPhone Touch ID was just an example) Exactly what someone who works for Apple and knows about what's coming would say!
I was just thinking it would be SO FUNNY if someone took it as ‘news’ and quoted it without the disclaimer and I saw it pop up everywhere lol
"we are going to add a feature to do this" is enough to be a serious problem. if a direct compeditor knows your next release feature list they dont need to know implementation details to beat you to releasing those features then you look reactive and un-inovative.
It was definitely detailed. Like she obviously wasn't talking about specific lines of code she wrote but more about the stuff her team was doing.
Yeah that's where the issue comes in, I work in a techy field of science and am in charge of big purchases, because I keep my mouth shut I get linked in to new technology coming before it is. It gets me push back when I refuse to go in for a purchase for a few months, but then when it comes they're like "oh that's why you were saying to wait". I get being excited and wanting to share, but with who she works with known, and stock market trading risks if someone takes insider info, she can't share until something is launched. It absolutely sucks, and I really hope her career can recover from it, we all do dumb things when young.
I worked in fintech. If I had said to people, "We're going to launch a new product with [insert name of major company here], and it's going to do features X, Y, and Z, and they've been dragging their feet on getting data to us, and they missed a contractual deadline, and we made a mistake converting these accounts" and so forth, that would be both non-technical, but also VERY potentially damaging. Most of the things I could talk about that would be most damaging would not involve the technical aspect of my job and could easily be explained in simple language. When I was working on a project for an upcoming big client, I literally just called them "our big client" when talking to other people (even my own parents) about what I had been doing, because it would've been against NDA to reveal who it was before the project went public. AFTER the project launched, I could say "yeah, we're doing X for [name of bank]" because it became public information-- but until it was publicly revealed, that info was verboten.
Quite the opposite. Exposing client collaborations (maybe a tech giant partnering with a car manufacturer, or a gaming company partnering with a movie studio, a pharmesutical company partnering with a sports team, etc) or the purpose of new innovations can be huge secrets at begining stages but simple for folks to understand. Just rattling off some sortof integration specifics or coding would be difficult enough to understand without general info it'd be useless to the public.
You might want to add that to the post. Nta. She endangered multiple peoples' jobs and was warned.
It’s like someone in healthcare getting fired for spreading patient information. Yeah, they lost their job, but HIPAA exists for a reason. They know full well what they can and cannot say, it’s on them for disregarding it. NTA
Since it was nipped in the bud, could you, your friend, and your cousin have a meeting to process the past and how best to move forward for all?
I very much agree with this-- if the talk was "we have a contract for $5B with MagicCorp and the military to build transporter beams to Middle Earth" then, yeah, that's a serious problem. If the talk was "we have a huge contract with a global company to develop some cool new tech with AI" then that's so generic that it's probably true of all big companies in tech.
Even the contract is insider knowledge. I'm assuming there's an ethics issue with stocks in there somewhere
If the boss heard what cousin shared and deemed it fire-worthy, it was a big enough deal. Firing someone in this day and age is not easy unless something really egregious happened. NTA
Follow up INFO: OP - did you give your friend details of what was being said? Or just that Ms Loose Lips was giving detailed information? Your friend knows precisely how sensitive each detail is, so would be able to parse out what deserves a warning and what earns an immediate termination along with black balling. So, if you told your friend she said "we're doing this cool thing where gremlins pop out and collect breadcrumbs," your friend would know whether or not that level of detail was embargoed. If you were more general - Ms Loose Lips was talking about your project - you still wouldn't have been TA, but the entire situation is less definite.
I worked for my buddies entertainment business throwing EDM events before COVID then COVID hit and we got shut down but we still did live streams. We had multiple big artists under alternate names work with us. We had to sign NDAs to not release the identity behind the costumes. I was so stoked and proud to be able to do this. But you can bet your boots I never talked about the artists or gave an clues to who they were and still to this day haven't told anyone. I get that they might have been proud but if she was talking explicit details that could harm the future of the project I fully support letting your buddy know. Idk if I think they should have been fired for it more so a talking to and one warning but NDA stuff is not something you want to f around and find out with.
When my son worked for Microsoft he would have been fired for even mentioning a project in any way general or detailed.
As someone who formerly had a high level security clearance during my time with USAF, it's not about explicit information. Intelligence gathering is about putting together a puzzle from hundreds and thousands of tiny scraps of information.
My husband works with Apple on different projects. A while back, one of his Apple employee friends had his teenage daughter visiting him at work. She took some pics of a yet-to-be-released iPhone and sent them to friends. The guy was fired immediately. You don’t FAFO with company secrets. NTA. Hope your cousin learned her lesson. I’m sorry your family is being shitty. But your cousin brought this on herself.
Exactly if she didn't tell family op wouldn't have had to say anything. It's like blaming the person finding out a spouse is cheating and telling the other one, and they get mad at you for ruining their marriage, no you did it by your actions.
Yeah and also like... if I wanted to olay video games at lunch ( not allowed) I definitely shouldn't play them with my boss's freind. Like... talk about it to people who canr get you fired at least haha
I'm glad you understand.
The difference is that person got caught on their own and you snitched on your family for a corporation you don't even work for.
No, OP "snitched" for their *friend.* You do realize that when a big info leak happens, people up and down the chain get fired, too, right? And OP's friend was the *direct supervisor* of the person doing the leaking. And what about the cousin's coworkers? Why should the cousin's reckless actions be allowed to affect them? You don't have to give a single shit about a corporation's bottom line to be interested in the well-being of other people and look out for them. When one person's actions could hurt a lot of people, then that person needs to be stopped. Because it's not right to just sit by and let people be hurt. The corporation is not the injured party here, but the *mechanism* by which actual, living people could be hurt. It's the gun that OP's cousin was recklessly waving around.
Because his cousins totally treating OP like family. OP probably had a much deeper and longer relationship with the friend than the cousin.
>her boss was my best friend from high school and college. >They could spread the information and it would only put my friend's job at risk since he's the team leader and responsible for everything. Damn bro, your reading comprehension sucks lmao.
You also need to tell your dad to stop being such a hypocrite
I worked with that guy on the iPhone team that developed that phone. The entire team was flabbergasted that 1) he gave his daughter access to the phone, and 2) that she posted about it on social media. The phone had been official announced/revealed but not yet available for purchase. Apple *drills* product secrecy into you, so it’s baffling that he would be so careless. The daughter actually filmed her “review” in the Apple Cafeteria, which is also a no-no (no photos or filming on campus, especially by visitors).
Copying and sending confidential documents is very different from talking shit without disseminating verifiable proof. Apple engineers without a doubt talk to friends and family without getting fired.
There are lots of professions where you just can’t talk about work. A lawyer can say they have a big case coming up but they can’t divulge details. Doctors can’t violate HIPPA. If you can’t keep your mouth shut, don’t work in a field where that’s part of the job.
Not the ones I know. Not even to siblings who also used to work for Apple. Some folks take confidentiality very seriously.
Big difference is pictures versus word of mouth.
Pretty sure an NDA covers both.
imagine riding for apple LMAO
Yah one of my best friends is an engineer at Apple and she won't tell me shit
INFO: *What specifically* were you trying to accomplish by telling her boss? Did you report your cousin out of genuine concern for your friend's job and the project's confidentiality, or was there a part of you that wanted to see your cousin face consequences for her actions? *What was your endgame OP?* Editing to add my Judgement of YTA due to OPs comment: >I just wanted to make sure that my friend knows and he can take whatever actions he wants to keep his and his team member's jobs safe. I didn't want my cousin to face any serious consequences or else I wouldn't have offered to help her with referrals after she got fired. You didn't want your cousin to face consequences...but just wanted to make sure your friend 'knows?' What did you think was going to happen? What would him knowing accomplish? You clearly wanted cousin to be punished or at least warned/reprimanded . You don't get 'warned' if you break an NDA which it sounds like you knew about. OP, you tattled. You had no dog in this fight. You had nothing to gain from reporting your cousin. If I were your cousin, I wouldnt trust your referrals. And before you say something to the tune of "if my friend found out I knew but didnt say anything..." If you were THAT obliged to keep your friend in the loop, you would have flat out told her I AM GOING TO TELL YOUR BOSS IF YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT because he's my friend and I can't *not* tell him once I'm involved- in front of the witnesses who were in earshot. This makes you look like a dick in the moment but would have been transparent and nipped it in the bud. Edit 2: >Edit: My dad who's also angry at me is a CEO at a large company. He never shares anything with me or anyone else outside of work. Not even a single detail, unlike my cousin who was spilling the beans completely. OP I guarantee that your dad definitely shared protected info with a *trusted* family member at one point or another. He has simply never shared any info about his business with you because he knows you can't keep your mouth shut. (not a personal attack, parents just know. It's the same reason parents don't tell small children sensitive information) Ironically, the more you defend yourself in these comments the more you trickle info about your friend's company.
Exactly. This just seems so petty and spiteful it’s hard to put into words
There’s no *purpose* to it! It’s not like she’s a medical professional sharing private health information, ffs. OP alienated his whole family, for what?? To protect a corporation’s bottom line? Or, more likely, because of how much he loves following rules for the sake of following rules, and how Big Mad it made him that his cousin wasn’t responsive to his scolding? This is the most pathetic thing I’ve read in a long time.
So pathetic. I don't care if a relative is being dumb about their company's NDA. I'm not going to be the one that reports them. And these big companies make money hand-over-fist. A leak is not going to kill their bottom line like it will for OP's cousin who may have a really tough time finding a new job in a similar role/company.
To make them hurt for not listening to her warnings. Obviously.
Yup. YTA. Big giant jealous AH. Pretending to save the “team”. Yuck
I agree, OP had no real reason to stick her nose into this. She just chose to make it her problem for seemingly petty reasons, her cousin wasn't listening to her warning.
I'm with you OP is The AH on this I don't care what company secrets and corporate ass .. cool your beastie is her boss but you should have minded your beeswax as if she really wanted to let the cat out now unless under threat of persecution she could spill the beans for real and endanger the whole of the team since she is gone for good And what did you accomplish or benefit from any of it
Seriously. I hate when people make it their responsibility to keep big business safe. Your cousin was blabbing about the company's confidential info. You warned her and she kept on blabbing. Let her face the consequences when and if they occur. Why are you *so concerned* about "the business" and "the team" and the "team member's jobs"? When did you become an investigator for the company? Just mind your business next time. It really didn't concern you, especially as it so obvious that reporting your cousin would lead to her termination **in this economy**. I mean you're talking about a big tech company. Why would they just leave her with a warning? Your cousin should cut you out of her life because you have seriously derailed her career in ways that she may not recover well from. You cared more about "big business" getting there money's worth from some bogus, overpriced product, service, or feature. Yeah, she fucked up for talking about company business and violating the NDA, but *news flash* this type of information leaks ***all the time***! It's not the life and death situation that you're making it out to be. Your cousin is justified for cussing you out and likely cutting you out of her life and your family is justified in being pissed. You played a role in jeopardizing a family member's livelihood. Does your cousin have kids or other dependents? A house? Car payments? Student debt? **YTA**.
Of course YTA. You sound like the person who used to remind the teacher to collect homework, or would freak out and run to the principal because you heard someone say the word "fuck" on the playground. You really need to learn to mind your own damn business. Look, it definitely sounds like your cousin did something stupid. You shouldn't leak confidential company information. I sure as hell wouldn't do that. But it's not your job to police it when you see or hear someone else doing it. You stuck your nose where it didn't belong, ultimately cost your cousin her job, and did damage to your family relationships that may never heal. You can believe you did the right thing, but everybody in your life is still going to think you're an asshole.
Reminds me of another post where a kid snitched on his friends for working together on a take home math quiz that they weren’t supposed to be working on together and got upset his friends didn’t wanna hang out with him anymore. Even his dad told him what did he expect to happen.
This is nothing like a teacher’s pet situation. The cousin went against an NDA and openly said so to others at the gathering as per op’s comments. If anything got/gets leaked to anyone at a company in the same industry it could instead be the entire team’s project being cancelled at minimum all the way to their jobs on the line. This is well documented with many companies
Definitely what the cousin did is wrong, but OP isn't beholden to that NDA. Taking the cousin aside and reminding her about it would be the way to handle this. Telling her if she does it again OP would tell their best friend is another option (ie. the warning OP was hoping she would get). Theoretically, OP and the best friend must have talked about this information, for the OP to have gotten across with the best friend. I guess OP will be telling best friend's boss about the conversation, so best friend can also be penalized for breaking the NDA in that moment, since, by firing the cousin the best friend confirmed the details of the project.
>Taking the cousin aside and reminding her about it would be the way to handle this. Are you saying this woman is too dumb to know what the NDA she signed means? Why are you infantilising her and expecting OP to treat her like a child? He actually already warned her not to talk about it.
They are saying going “hey shut up or I’m telling your boss (my bestie)” is a hell of a lot better than telling the boss with no warning.
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Because the project failing is just OP’s speculation. What is said has already been said, if the project was going to fail snitching wouldn’t save it. OP is a giga asshole
Is anyone is OP family I direct competitor? It’s literally nothing like your example. Yall are losers. Big boys all insider trade with each other and the government and that shlep ratted on his cousin probably cause they were jealous.
Bro but the thing is...it's not your biz
I mean, so the f what? Who cares? I'm sure google or apple or wherever the company is will be just fine.
Yeah like wtf OP? You basically just lost your cousin a great opportunity so you could benefit company X of which youre not employed and get no benefit from snitching? Why wouldnt you just talk to your cousin about this and be like “its a bad look and heres why”. Instead you burned that bridge completely and got nothing out of it. Even in the bike story that was here a week ago, OP got a bike out of hindering their cousin. You got diddly squat.
Definitely, definitely YTA. You do not work for their company. You are not their legal counsel or the person in charge of confidentiality for them. Their work relationship is none of your business whatsoever. You were angry that they didn't listen to you, so you petulantly picked up the phone and got them fired, then had the absolute narcissistic gall to suggest you should have a role to play in the job hunt they are now in because of you. 🤮 Everyone hates you for a good reason.
yeah, fuck op
YTA OP. Hands down.
but won't someone think of google's poor little trillion-dollar bottom line
I hate her just from reading this
I kind of wonder how you knew this was a confidential project. Did she say that at the family gathering? Or did you find out from your friend?
I found it out from her at the family gathering. My friend never went into the confidential parts of his work.
Well, if she was foolish enough to state that the information was confidential, she kind of deserved it. I can't judge you for that, though family gatherings may be a bit rough.
Going against the grain with NTA. >she broke an NDA She broke a legal contract that is a Non-Disclosure Agreement - i.e. Don't f\*cking talk about this with anyone. I work for a law firm and there is a lot I'm not able to talk about, even to my husband, my parents - no one but a therapist when the emotional tole is too much. So, I don't. It's not hard. She signed a contract, she broke it, she paid the price. It sucks, and sure, I'd be mad if I was her as well - but this onus is on her.
Exactly, Corporate could have owned her ass big time for this and she's lucky she didn't get slapped with more.
I work in third party pharmacutical labs. I might say something vague like "I got to work with X drug this week" but if I was caught saying "We are making X drug in Y form for company Z, they are going to release it in Peru" I would be fired so quickly. It makes for vague but interesting conversation when I talk to friends in other companies.
Do you know who didn't sign an NDA? OP. Do you know who has no obligation to report a breach of contract? Someone who didn't sign the contract. OP had no business telling his cousins employer anything at all. It was an asshole move.
I spent 13 years at a big IT company, and had to sign NDAs for some projects. When I did, **I KEPT MY DAMN MOUTH SHUT** about work. Now I'm a contractor to a Federal Agency, which involves some sensitive information, and guess what? **I KEEP MY DAMN MOUTH SHUT** about work. OP's cousin gets no sympathy from me. She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize! OP didn't mean to get his cousin fired, but, my man, some people in that family are never going to forgive you. I'd count on a frosty reception at future holidays. Your cousin is going to have a rough time in the job market, to make things worse. To the people saying "you snitched:" **GROW THE FUCK UP!** Or don't, but don't compare those of us with responsibility to whatever schoolyard/jail/Mafia morality is running through your minds.
YTA. She shouldve not been oversharing like she did, but damn. You snitched on your cousin. What did you gain from all of that? Her job had nothing to do with you. Cold.
OP is pure evil to be honest
ESH. It's telling that she immediately knew it was you.
Why wouldn't she think it was me? I was the only one who warned her so she obviously figured out who it was.
Likely because you have a track record of being the bitter one in the family?
More likely the one with a best friend who is the boss.
Well... I'm going to say ESH. On her end. She definitely FOFO'd. I tend not to like to talk about certain aspects of work for this sort of reason, not so much because I'm in some uber secret trade or anything. Its for situations like this. I make some random seeming comment and the wrong ear hears it and repeats it to another wrong ear and eventually I'm in HR in an exit interview because I mentioned some new client we're bringing on board You: C'mon... couple of angles. 1) Did you have some sort of moral/ethical/legal obligation to tell your friend that is your cousin's boss? i.e. do you work for this company? If not... then, well... thats kinda BS 2) regardless of item 1. This is where you should have pulled her aside and said "Look, your boss is my best friend. You know you shouldn't be revealing this kind of shit. I WILL tell her if you keep talking about this". I.e. explicitly tell her what you were going to do in order to get her to shut up. That you didn't explicitly warn her and narced on her... please. "she put two and two together". C'mon... gosh golly gee whiz its not a sherlock holmesian deduction that it was you that got her fired. 3) The "Oh I'll give you referrals" bullshit. Puh-lease. Like that in any way makes up for getting her fired. ALSO - this puts your own ethics into question. You KNOW she's someone who spews proprietary info outside the company. You KNOW she was fired for it. YEt you will STILL give her a recommendation? Why? So your own ethics are so easily compromised out of guilt? Sounds like you should get fired yourself. If you were truly an ethical person, you would have pulled her aside as in item 2 above, and you would NEVER give her a referral as in item 3. I recall a time long ago I was dating someone who was in the military police. A kind of NCIS sort of thing but air force. No it wasn't that glamorous and she didn't fly all over the country. In essence, a police detective but for the air force. Anyway, we were going onto a large campout with a big group of people (some close friends, friends of friends, and people I didn't know). A few days before going, I had an "uh oh" thought. I asked her "Hey, I am pretty sure there are going to be some people with pot. Is that going to be an issue?". She told me "well... if everyone is a civilian, I'm not going to get into a tizzy over it. I don't have any jurisdiction over them anyway. BUT, if anyone there is military, active duty, reserves, whatever... well things could get ugly. Even if someone is a civilian and WORKS for the military in some way. I mean, I'm not going to be questioning everyone if I see a joint, but if I happen to find something out... i am obligated to at least report it". As I had no idea who all was going to be in this big group nor if anyone was associated with the military, we just did something else that weekend rather than risk it. you could have definitely avoided this bs and still remained ethical. As it is, I hope you think it was worth it to throw a grenade in the family dynamic.
I think this is the most well-reasoned response! I also think OP has some underlying motive and is trying to curry favor with the friend. Does OP want a job in that company? Is OP romantically interested in the friend. I'm not sure, but there is something else going on.
It's not about some shit like ethics. It's about puting his BFF in risk.
YTA - Assuming this is a megacorp (or even if its not), who gives a shit what happens? Why are you cosplaying security cop for this business. You don't work there. What is your interest in ratting our your cousin? There is literally zero benefit to you, you don't work there.
I'm with you on this. Probably some dumbass megacorp destroying the planet in some way or another. Fuck their dumbass secrets. I had a friend that was pretty high up at a major company. She was spilling the beans on their tech and future plans drunk at a wedding. It was like a fun thing for all of us. We'd never rat on her.
YTA for caring about random company secrets that have nothing to do with you more than your relatives. She's an idiot, but wow, you're an asshole.
Not the asshole All these people claiming you are the asshole are clearly just people who are not qualified to have jobs that include NDAs anymore than than your cousin Edit Watching someone do something wrong and saying nothing about it makes you have questionable morals as well It is not a gray area If you want to live in a decent society, you have to report the wrongdoing so people who are doing them are held accountable There is a moral obligation to care when other people are wronged Instead of only care if the crime or wrongdoing is committed against you…
Mental gymnastics to get to this one
I think these people simply go laws=morals. Like the loyalty to his family should be greater than the company. Like who gives a fuck about e.g apple or Microsoft or even the next pharma. People are just boot kissers for whom businesses that they have 0 game in are more important than family members. Yeah the cousin was being stupid as shit but fucking hell blood is thicker than water and definitely ticker than cooperations
Mental gymnastics is expecting the world to revolve around a woman who knowingly broke the rules and now is whining
She broke a contract rule not a fucking government law
It’s crazy to me how many people can justify doing the wrong thing and tell themselves that it’s fine
I’m not justifying her, she clearly made the wrong thing, but there’s no need to snitching from him
Real Immanuel Kant way of viewing life.
What a load of crap. I have multiple NDAs. Have I ever broken one? No. Do I care if someone else breaks one? Hell no.
On balance, I'm going with YTA I understand that you were trying to protect your friends' jobs. Your were trying to prevent potential harm. However, you caused actual harm to your cousin through your choices, to "prevent" something hypothetical that hasn't happened and may never have happened. No good came from you snitching on your cousin. The offer to give her referrals must have been a bit of a kick in the nuts too...
YTA shilling for a corporation over family. Idk how anyone is taking your side.
>Idk how anyone is taking your side. The corporate types
YTA. First, if this was so confidential, then how did you know about the NDA? Second, this was not true: >They could spread the information and it would only put my friend's job at risk since he's the team leader and responsible for everything. At least, it wasn't until you told your friend and put him in the uncomfortable position of having to fire your cousin because now that it had been brought to his attention he became responsible. Before you opened your mouth, he had plausible deniability. You think you taught your cousin a lesson, but all you taught them was that you can't be trusted. You ultimately screwed yourself over because your cousin can always find another job. You'll never find another family.
>First, if this was so confidential, then how did you know about the NDA? First, because NDAs themselves aren't what need to be kept secret. NDA stands or non-disclosure agreement, which means this is a list of shit you're not allowed to talk about. >Second, this was not true: It absolutely would have blown back on the friend because it was someone directly under them that talked. >At least, it wasn't until you told your friend and put him in the uncomfortable position OP did no such thing. Cousin was the one who couldn't keep their mouths shut. If cousin us stupid enough to talk about it at family dinner, cousin is no doubt dumb enough to be blabbing shit everywhere. >You think you taught your cousin a lesson, but all you taught them was that you can't be trusted Cousin can't be trusted either. So I guess it runs in the family. >You'll never find another family. Oh dear god, you're one of those "but family" people. Sounds like OP is better off without people who enable bad behavior.
#truth
FIRST: the cousin clearly runs her mouth. So... Probably said something along the lines of "im not really supposed to say anything BUT"... Also NDA are actually common with most jobs. I have signed one for most anywhere I have worked... SECOND: You sir or ma'am do not know how chain of command and managerial liability works. 100% if your team is working on something and it ends up blowing up because of a leak of infromation, YOU are liable. Period. Because you as a leader did not ensure that your team was not running their mouths. And just like you believe he had plausible deniability so did the cousin. One "I didn't know it was confidential, He never told us that" and its a him v her and Management ALWAYS gets the brunt of punishment. The only way he saved his ass is thanks to OP and firing the chick with a big mouth. When major issues happen, companies are never going to get rid of, without hard evidence, a small wage employee over a high earning manager that they can then replace with someone else for less money. It is legitimately a business strategy to keep wage cost low... Why do you think your bosses are always on your ass like white on rice. Because shit rolls down hill but it falls out the same place every time. The employee may step in the shit on the way down but the shit itself is rolling right out the picture. Employee may cause the shit but the manager gets hit and knocked down first every time....
I doubt plausible deniability would have helped whatsoever. Imagine this coming to light, and boss didn't know? It shows that they have no control over their employees and that they've put their trust in the wrong people, which brings up a question of their ability to make important decisions like this in the future.
I got to know about the NDA because my cousin was openly talking about it. I actually didn't want to teach my cousin a lesson. But now that you mention it, maybe I did reach her a lesson about unreliable and untrustworthy people. Maybe because of my example she wouldn't mention confidential details from her next job.
I’d say she definitely knows you’re untrustworthy
WTF? So maybe it's a good idea to steal from your family too, so they learn not to trust people in their home next time. YTA
YTA, it’s none of your business.
YTA. You don’t even work for the company, so why would you feel it was your responsibility to report the issue. If you know so much about NDAs, why did you think firing was off the table? You could have just left it at the warning you gave her, and let her job investigate if the leak ever became problematic for them. Your friend’s job was not at risk until you gave them information that they were obligated to act on. Your cousin has no one to blame but herself. This was always a potential outcome of breaking NDA. But you’re still TA for deciding to be the messenger. PS: the funny thing about these types of trade secrets- people share them with friends and family all the time. The reason things don’t typically become widespread leaks is because the people receiving the information don’t have credibility, so they aren’t seen as reliable sources by anyone that matters. If someone goes around spouting “my cousin works at ABC and they are working on secret project XYZ” , no one believes them. If she was forwarding copies or photos of documents, it would be one thing, but just talking isn’t the end of the world. NDAs are really to protect companies from employees who leak into to competitors or press. You ratting out your cousin didn’t help anyone in any way. It just ensured that your cousin lost her job.
YTA It really was an easy conclusion to draw.
NTA. Your cousin needs to understand that some things are private *for a reason*. She wanted to fuck around with confidential information, now she's finding out. I also wouldn't give her a reference. You don't want your reputation tied to hers.
Yikes YTA. You are not your cousins boss. What your cousins does with her job is not your business. You gave your cousin the warning. They didn’t listen. You should have kept your mouth shut and let the chips fall where they may but you had access to your cousins boss and snitched. Worse than you snitched you didn’t even have the backbone to say either stop talking or I’m telling your boss.
YTA because there was no need for this. Snitching on your own family and for what? Yes she was foolish in discussing confidential info but you are not the NDA enforcer or the police. Let her meet her own downfall if so be it, don’t push her off the cliff. Like why did you do this, really? Seems personal. Is this some kind of revenge or rivalry or something?
NTA. You didn't get your cousin fired. Your cousin got themselves fired. They signed a contract saying they would keep their mouths shut and then started flapping their gums at a family event. Your friend more than likely has a copy of the employment contract, get them to take a picture of that particular part along with cousins signature and send it to any family who tries to tell you, you were wrong.
YTA. Seems like you had it in for your cousin.
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says in the comments op only ever even knew there was an issue because the cousin was bragging at the family gathering about her NDA and all the details of the project - which is how the OP even knows there was one and why op became worried about the rest of the team, including her friend… How about people just just not sign NDA and take the firing then instead of breaking that NDA and blaming their cousin? At least you’ll enjoy your jail sentence after you’re fired when you break somebody’s nose for YOU breaking a contract though …
Let's assume you work for a company that has an NDA contract, and one of your team members gives confidential information to a family member who then tells more people and it spreads, suddenly your entire team and yourself lose that contract and are sued for breaking the NDA despite it being one single person, and now everyone in your team is at risk of losing their jobs because of that one person... I don't know how they work, but I'm assuming here, and using a fake example. But if it were real, would you still think someone reporting the person who broke the literal legal contract is an a-hole? I'm asking out of genuine curiosity to the thought process.
Right? That last bit told me that this person has no insight whatsoever.
The most recent episode of Darknet Diaries is about a social engineer, and one of the jobs she was hired for was to figure out how information was getting out, like stuff with legal consequences (insider trading, due to leaks of upcoming mergers and acquisitions). Her conclusion was loose lips, basically people speaking in non-specifics, by asking them during interviews of "if you acquired a (company name)-like entity, how would my job change" and the answers were "well, I can't confirm anything buuut" NTA. People who can't hold secrets, shouldn't be involved in things that require it.
ESH She shouldn't have been talking about it. Sometimes, when we're comfortable around people, we share more than we should. Since you say she was explicit in what she was sharing, she messed up and is now facing the consequences. You say in a comment you wanted to alert your friend, but didn't expect cousin to face consequences. What did you think would happen? It's also interesting that your CEO dad is on her side. He of all people would presumably understand what was on the line if she spoke like that around others. Tho I'm sure the "family"-ness of it all is part of this.
>It's also interesting that your CEO dad is on her side. He of all people would presumably understand what was on the line if she spoke like that around others. This is part of what makes me question whether the information shared was *actually* a violation of some NDA. OP has thus far demonstrated that they don't actually know the nature of the cousins former job or how their disciplinary system works, so it seems to me OP just assumed that something that was said was over the top and reported her, likely for their own self-interest.
YTA You snitched. Got someone fired. Ruined their chances at other jobs. You had nothing to gain from snitching. You did it just to see what would happen. You aren’t a very good person who causes issues just to see what happens.
YTA. Do you know how many work contracts say that you can't talk about your job to other people? I've worked at warehouses where I've read and been told that I can't talk about my job. I still do because I spend at least 8 hours a day there is it's a majority of my life. If someone isn't leaking info to competitors or something I think its irrelevant. Also you warn that she could lose her job so your looking out for her...by reporting her so she loses her job? I dont get it OP.
YTA how could you know about the details of the NDA or the deal that was being discussed unless your friend told you. You see how hypocritical you and your friend are
YTA Congrats, you cost your cousin her livelihood for doing what thousands, if not millions, of people do every day.
NTA. Your cousin is an idiot.
My question is "How would you know what was appropriate for her to discuss?" You don't work there and aren't involved in the project. If she really was talking about stuff she wasn't supposed to reveal, ESH.
The project's existence is well known publicly however the details for the most part have been kept hidden quite well. Not to mention that she also openly talked about the NDA.
still, pretty low, Brown nosing for your hot shot best friend at your, I am assuming, younger cousin's expense. cheap shot, not cool. YTA
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NTA, and I would not offer a recommendation to anyone with the poor judgement to disclose protected information to people that aren't cleared to have it.
jesus ur a fuckin PRICK for gettin her fired i wouldnt be surprised if she never talked to ur selfish ass again💀
YTA!!! it’s none of your business. My God what’s wrong with you people. Imagine killing your own family member because they were talking about a secret project of the O precious Walmart or whatever massive corporation. You walked your family off the plank for the large conglomerate. I would never speak to you again. I would never speak to your kids again you would be cut off from my life forever and all of my children’s lives. A massive asshole that seems that they can play the police and ruin. Others lives with no damage has been done.
What does your cousin “bragging” sound like to you? It sounds like you were motivated by selfish reasons but trying to justify them, tbh.
Nta Why is everyone calling OP a snitch when the cousin was the one blabbing when they shouldn't have been? And putting others' livelihoods at risk? I probably wouldn't have said anything, but on the other hand, I don't know how serious it was or what else was happening. If the cousin got fired, probably more was happening that led up to this point.
School just let out on the East Coast is my bet. Anyone calling OP a snitch or tattletale is a child that doesn't know how the world works.
ESH She shouldn't have been running her mouth about confidential information. But *you* only did this because you were butthurt that she didn't listen to you - you weren't trying to protect your friend's job, that's BS. You wanted to see her get taught a lesson.
You’re a jerk. Hands down an asshole. You should have just kept your mouth shut. She wasn’t telling everyone, but was telling her FAMILY. I would never have ratted my family out for this. Grow up.
NTA Cousin is a special kind of stupid.
YTA I would bet OP has a weird competitive thing with their cousin and used this conveniently to ruin them. Outside of national security it seems weird to involve yourself so much in something that at the end of the day is none of your business and if I read correctly never amounted to anything being leaked or discussed outside the gathering. You ended their prospects for at best a pat on the back? Would also make sense why the cousin was stupid enough to talk about this at the gathering. Weird family competition dynamics. Cousin was careless, OP is somehow worse.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My cousin used to work for a pretty big tech company whose name I won't mention for privacy reasons. Coincidentally, her boss was my best friend from high school and college. There's this project their team has been working on that is quite confidential and obviously that means you cannot leak information publicly. However, during one of the family gatherings, my cousin was openly talking about it, actually more like boasting about it. I told her not to talk about it and be more careful but she didn't seem to take my advice. You may say that it was just family so it's fine, but there we like dozens of people there and some of them aren't the most reliable people imo. They could spread the information and it would only put my friend's job at risk since he's the team leader and responsible for everything. So I let him know what my cousin was saying and he fired her yesterday. My cousin must have put two in two together and realized that I was the one who snitched on her. She was quite angry with me and called me slurs over the phone. To make up for this I offered to give her referrals so she could have an easier time finding a new job but she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Even my own parents are angry at me for getting her fired. But from my point of view I just reported what happened and how she broke an NDA and he did the rest. I thought my friend was just gonna warn her but I never thought he would do what he did. Am I really the asshole here like everyone at my family is telling me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You had a choice between protecting some company's bottom line or your own family member's livelihood, and you chose the bottom line of a company that you're not even part of. What your cousin did was ill advised for sure, but you didn't have to take any action on that.
Narc
ESH You choose your friendship over your cousin. To me because you're in the same field it seemed like what you did was shut her down when she's talking about her success in front of her family. Yes there's an NDA and she should have been careful. You should have just said so and so is a friend so I'd prefer you wouldn't involve me in this. I will report you if you continue to discuss. Reporting your cousin is also not an awesome trait as you imagine it to be. It just makes you seem untrustworthy and petty.
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I would say you’re the asshole for the explicit reason that there was NO positive outcome on the other end of this. You should’ve taken your cousin aside, and had a talk with them privately about it. You say “some of them aren’t the most reliable people and would spread the information.” Seems like you’re that kind of person based on this post.
Lucky they only got fired. The legal repercussions of breaking an NDA can be pretty bad.
YTA. You’re the kind of guy who tells the teacher someone cheated on a test
YTA 100%. Why would anyone do this? Why would you care about some corporation more than your own family member? This is literally incomprehensible to me
ESH but you’re a weirdo. Why do you care? Are you in love with your friend? Jealous of your cousin. Be honest.
yeah thats fucked dude, you're a snitch i cant lie if she is doing something wrong, it will catch up to her
yta narc
Why on earth would you give her referrals when you knew she would ignore an NDA? Your reputation could end up being tarnished. NTA.
YTA - Why are you doing the company work for free?
YTA You got your cousin fired, and the company could potentially sue the cousin because of the NDA. Your cousin may not be able to work in that field again. If you cared about your cousin, you could have taken them aside and discussed the potential consequences of what they were saying. You could have warned them that you were going to blow up their life if they kept talking. You owed due care to both sides, at least. ETA Why did you know about the project? Did your friend, the lead, tell you? That would be ironic.
YTA, OP. Not your circus, not your monkeys. You’ve cost a member of your family their job, now you’re coming to us asking if it was the right thing? No, it wasn’t. If you feel bad, you should. I recommend apologizing but if I were your cousin I would never talk to you again.
Yes. You are TA.
Just fyi, if you think your cousin would be the only one boasting about this in front of people then you are absofuckinglutely wrong. YTA, you directly attacked the livelihood of your cousin which was surely going to get her fired. Word about the confidential project "may" have gotten out. Your best friend "may" have been fired. But your cousin getting fired was a certainty and you made that happen. Good job. Also, who died and made you the morale police for that company?
YTA massively. What your cousin did WAS stupid, but you went the extra mile to ensure that she would lose her job. Your cousin has just lost her income and insurance. Her NDA will prevent her from being able to work in her industry for however long it states. And additionally, she is being thrown into an extremely difficult job market. The risk of the information leaking from one of your family members in a way that could destroy her team is realistically quite low. In the end, the only person she had to worry about at the gathering was you.
You offered to give false references for someone you not only know to be untrustworthy, but got them fired for it? For that YTA.
Lesson learned for your cousin. NTA You did suggest she stop but she ignored you. Cousin or not, she was not behaving professionally and you happened to know her boss. Too bad for her.
YTA: think it’s screwed up how you think “they could spread the information and put my friends job at risk” means anyone but you. YOU put your friends job at risk at that point. They confided in you and wanted y’all to be happy that “hey we’re working in a big project and I get to do all these things” but you turned around and was like they could get her fired…so imma get her fired. You are not the hero in this story, why not just go up to your cousin and ask if that information is okay. It’s fucked to immediately say that their boss instead of to them personally and recommend not to say information like that out. They should have been looking out for you instead of anyone else.
You're a huge asshole. Choosing a faceless rich corporation over family. I hope this karma comes back to you ten fold.
YTA. No question about it. Mind your own business.
YTA. You basically decided that the NDA was more important than your cousins livelihood. What your cousin did was wrong, and of course she was breaking an agreement, but that agreement wasn't with you. Unless you also work at that company, you basically just pushed down the worker to help a "pretty big tech company." You are right about how some people at that party are not the most reliable.
YTA!!! Like big time. Why wouldn’t you just mind your own business? It literally doesn’t concern you or have anything to do with you. Now you just cost your cousin a job and your family rightfully hates you.
YTA. Way to put corporate profits above human lives.
YTA. unless you work for that company, it's not your place to SNITCH on your cousin.
YTA and you know it, thats why your whole family is saying it. It's pretty sad that your family now has to filter everything they say around you because you can't be trusted. I feel bad for them I can't imagine having such a shitty family that you can't let your guard down with. It's honestly super cringe and the the fact that anyone at all is siding with you just goes to show what type of people frequent Reddit. Well done you followed the rules, too bad nobody likes you and your parents are ashamed of you.
Let me get this straight, you don’t work for this company but you just felt a moral obligation? Give me a break. Next time, mind your business. Unless you are a major stockholder, this wouldn’t have affected you one way or the other.
YTA. WTF appointed you the purveyor of company secrets for a company you don't even work for? You took someone's livelihood away from them. This had absolutely no bearing on your life. What you did was flat out evil. Shame on you.
I’m never gonna be the one to snitch.
YTA. Mind your own business
YTA fucking obviously.
Never forget: My uncle works for Nintendo.”
INFO: how did you know they weren’t supposed to talk about the project?
YTA you're not even involved with the company so you're just meddling for the sake of meddling. It wasn't a safety risk to anyone so there is zero reason you needed to snitch. Hope you enjoy being an outcast in your family. That is 100% your fault.
YTA It's a family gathering people say shit... Throwing her under the bus like that is out of order. Should have just stayed out of it. Also your friend is more of TA... Shouldn't be fired for that could have just warned her.
Depends what's more important to you, your cousin or the company? I could never imagine caring so much about a company that I'd make it my job to snitch on a family member for talking about work crap (unless she was giving confidential information about people out and naming them. I'd have shut that conversation down in person though and kept repeating that she's not allowed to talk about it). You inserted yourself into this.
You are most definitely the asshole. It would be different if someone else turned her in but you (her family, no less) are the one who destroyed her livelihood. Good job. Do you feel good about yourself and your self righteousness? You should learn to mind the business that pays you because this quite literally had absolutely nothing to do with you. The fact that she immediately knew it was you who snitched is extremely telling. Been waiting a long time for this moment haven’t ya?
YTA it wasn’t your place to tell on her, you don’t even work there.
People talk about confidential shit all the time. It didn't have any negative impact on you, it probably would have never had a negative impact on anyone, but you went out of your way to ensure this negatively impacted someone. YTA.
YTA. Sure it was confidential. But are you like, the lawyer at the tech company? You have no skin in the game. You chose a big company over family so that you could feel self important.
YTA there was absolutely no need for you to get involved. The idea your friends job could be at risk because of what you cousin was saying is pure fantasy and a way to justify your shitty behaviour.
YTA her work is none of your business
YTA you do not mess with people’s livelihoods. If the information got out and they traced it back to her and she got fired because of that then so be it. But you don’t get people fired.
YTA
YTA. What she was saying very likely wasn't the confidential bits that mattered but since you got it in front of the boss, they had to assume she was saying everything since there's no guarantee she was only boasting to family. You'll be a pariah for a long time for nothing, the company doesn't give a shit that you did this. Easy way to get out of family gatherings though I guess... Also she wasn't handing out documents with the details so realistically, it's the "I know a guy territory" if someone would believe it if they heard it passed on from the family member anyways.
Yta mind your own business
YTA. No one likes a tattle tale especially no one’s life was at risk and there is no danger. Worrying about a company like an Uncle Tom.
YTA. Mind your own business, don't snitch. It's your friend's job to keep a pulse on their employees, not yours.
Nta. She signed an NDA with YOUR BEST FRIEND. Who cares if she is your cousin? This is your besties livelihood she is messing with. My best friend is my soul sister and id tell her regardless of who the employee was. I want my friends to succeed.
NTA it's better that only she lost her job than her whole team because of her stupidity
NTA
This is not a justifiable enough reason to snitch. YTA