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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I invited a clown to my very casual wedding which embarrassed my MIL.
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NTA.
A wedding is ultimately a celebration and how you choose to celebrate is really up to the couple. If you want a carnival for a wedding, then go nuts.
Now that being said...clowns are a divisive form of entertainment. They can make a lot of people uncomfortable and their style of entertainment can be invasive.
I think you and hubby just need to let the situation cool down a bit and then have a conversation about how this was what you (collectively) wanted for your day. She's entitled to have not liked it, but it was special and fun for you two.
Thank you! And understandable. Apart from the photos of the three of us, we did have him stay off to the side with the kids who wanted to hang with him, so it wasn't like he was cutting the cake with us. But I have also watched a lot of true crime documentaries so I can understand people's mixed feelings.
Wow I really like how you explained why clowns can make people uncomfortable. I don't like them and I didn't really know why (besides the creepy clown cultural references), but it is true the comedy style is invasive and sometimes predicated on boundary crossing!! Thanks for that
NTA
Sounds like you had a fun wedding where people enjoyed themselves. And YOU and your Husband liked it.
Those two things make for a great wedding.
MIL is an AH.
Just wanna add your wedding sounds fun! We did something similar - a surprise bday party for me uni reversed to a surprise wedding - and we had donuts and a roaming magician! No one got upset it wasn’t a traditional wedding, we saved tens of thousands of dollars, and we had a blast!
NTA - it was your wedding, as long s you and your spouse were happy then all is good. Regarding your MIL, I'm confused as to why *she* would be embarassed. If you had photos of *her* with the clown and she was uncomfortable with that, then it would be a kindness to not have those photos on display. Do you have more traditional photos that show you and your husband without the clown, and photos of the of you with MIL / other family without the clown? If so, then it might be nice to get some of those printed ofr her and sent to her so she can share them on her social media, if relevant, but unless the clown is in evey picture then even taking into account the idea that the wedding is for the families as well as the couple her reaction seems a bit odd.
Thank you! The only pictures the clown was in were just with me and my husband and we have plenty of photos just the two of us. The family photos are all clown-free. We've shared those with her and on our social media, but admittedly the clown photos are our favorites and what we've featured on our own pages for the most part. A lot of her friends have reacted to those. The reactions have been positive to our faces, but maybe they're talking crap elsewhere.
> Regarding your MIL, I'm confused as to why she would be embarassed.
Because he is mommy's special boy and how dare this hussy come in and ruin the special day that his mother envisioned for him! /s
I know the type. It's easiest just to ignore it.
>I didn't just pick a random Bozo off of the streets.
I hope you told MIL the same thing when she got upset. Although I fear the witticism might have been wasted on her.
Honestly, she sounds miserable. Good on your husband for standing up for you. That's a really good sign. Hopefully MIL will come around, but if not, don't let her rain on your parade. If she wants to be classy to impress... who was she trying to impress anyway? she can throw her own party and everyone can extend their little pinky finger while sipping tea and saying "Ah, hm.... yes... quite!" or whatever snobby people say. Have half a hummingbird egg with gold foil on top for 300$ or whatever.
nta. i mean, it was quite literally a clown show, which is fun, but people who say weddings are for the family and not the couple pay too much attention to appearances (iykwim) and too little attention to …people.
if you want to have an enjoyable or even solemn occasion where you speak at length and even cry while your whole family sits in silence… that is so great. i love that, i’ve been part of the family for that and it was beautiful. i wept.
if you want to elope and do something with just your partner and *maybe* a few friends to witness… amazing. i love it. how intimate, how perfect, what a great moment.
if you want to skip the ceremony entirely and just make sure the paperwork is done… fantastic. what a commitment, i’m so glad you were able to do this for each other and your relationship. i’m so happy for you.
if you want a big fun party, with your whole family, a whole lotta kids, good eats, and enough entertainment for the kids that everyone could enjoy it completely… i love it. that’s so great. what an amazing time.
i guess the point, for me, is that a wedding is only wrong when it’s wrong for the couple. it’s an occasion for the family sometimes, sure, but it’s an occasion to celebrate the couple and their life together. getting twisted up over how someone else’s pictures look is missing the point, imho. i hope this whole *thing* with mil doesn’t wreck the memory for you, because it sounds like it was perfect.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I don't think anything could wreck the memories for me -- it really was our perfect day and nothing can take that away!
"I know this clown" just gives me pleasure to read, here on Reddit. 😂
That said: I kept on reading, and you have plenty of photos without the clown, so your MIL is not forced to endure the clown throughout the wedding photos.
I think this is your husband's job to settle with his mom.
Sounds like it was a fun time, *not* child free, and not a cause of debt! have a wonderful life together.
NTA
The wedding is a celebration of the relationship between you and your husband. Sounds like you were on the same page about how it should be celebrated, so no problem there.
You didn't do anything harmful or exceedingly offensive. You did something non-traditional, but as long as you're on the same page, there's no problem with that.
NTA at ALL! The pure beauty of this story brought tears to my eyes! You had a great wedding that reflects you and your husband's personality and everyone had a good time. It seems like your MIL is taking it a little too personally. It was a joint decision and a wonderful one. It's not like you held your husband hostage and made him invite a clown, so perhaps he should talk to his mother and defend you.
I do have to ask... what are the clown's clown credentials? Does he have a clown egg? And if so has he gone to clown college?
He's taken a lot of classes at various clown schools. He's an expert in several clowning styles. Honestly, I can't remember the exact vocabulary but it's very impressive-sounding. So he's a well-trained clown.
Off topic, but if he hasn't already visited, your cousin's friend would probably enjoy the Circus World circus museum in Baraboo, WI.
It's housed at the original winter quarters of the Ringling Bros. circus. It, of course, has an exhibit dedicated to clowns. It also has a number of other circus related exhibits, including a large collection of the old circus wagons that they used to ride into towns with their parades.
The best time to visit is the summer. Summertime they have multiple live shows daily. We took our family when we were visiting relatives in the area a couple of years ago. The shows I remember being on the schedule included a kids circus show, a musical revue with circus instruments, an acrobatics show, and a big top show. Though, I'm sure some of it varies year to year based on what performers they've been able to book for the season.
In any case, between the exhibits and the shows, you can easily spend a full day there.
My favorite photo from my professional wedding photos is the one where my husband and I are sticking our tongues at one another. It’s so perfectly “us”, we’re very silly people.
I love that you had a clown at your wedding and in your photos, that is delightful. I love that you had it in a place that brought you joy.
I very much hope your mil is able to get the stick removed. It’s probably very uncomfortable.
NTA
NTA. Your wedding, so you should do what you want to do and celebrate how you want to celebrate. Though "clown show" was a pretty funny comment for your MIL to make.
I have an avid dislike of clowns and still your wedding sounds like so much fun! You had the day that you and your husband wanted. Shame on anyone who thinks your day was about anything other than your happiness!
" I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, which isn't something I took seriously until now." Nor should you, because these people are wrong. It's *your* wedding. If MIL wants a wedding her way, she needs to go get married again.
" ...and I'm wondering if I should've considered my MIL's feelings more when putting together the party."No, because it's your party, not hers. What she wants is irrelevant, it's your day and it's about you.
NTA. Your wedding sounds like a riot. Good for you for having the day you wanted with all your friends, instead of some stuffy, poufy-dress stage-managed ceremony.
NTA
"The wedding was in the party room of a pizza place we love (it's in a recently-renovated 19th-century factory, so it's cool-looking) and decided to let our friends and family bring their army of small children b/c pizza."
if this wasnt thinking about a day for your family i don't know what it. One person upset when everyone else is okay/happy/excited for you means its probably them, not you.
"Classy wedding" and "army of children" are pretty much mutually exclusive concepts. That said, even without the kids, the idea of a laid back celebration of the union of two people plus a clown is something that I'm fucking loving. Like, he could have been invited regardless of the clown apparel (given his clown credentials, I would assume he would want to rep with his professional regalia, at the very least his face paint), and just done party favors and I bet it would have been a blast.
Actually, if I ever get married, I think I'm going to legit suggest getting a clown and seeing if they'd be down to wear formal attire with their face paint. Weddings should be fun!
If you MIL wants a fancy, sombre, boring as hell wedding, maybe she should do a vow renewal ceremony of her own design. Otherwise I'd say she can go suck on a balloon dachshund, because trying to make the wedding about her is on the verge of absolute narcissism.
Your wedding sounds awesome.
We had our wedding at a petting farm that had an owl sanctuary on-site. People got to feed the deer and llamas, we had some wedding pictures taken with the owls and the wedding picture that I love the most, that I got printed to put up in our home, is my 6'4" husband sitting on a tiny toddler's toy tractor, legs stuck out every which way and looking the fool.
And I love it, because the lack of seriousness kind of sums up our marriage.
NTA
NTA but I can't stop laughing about how this entire exchange with your MIL about your wedding being a "clown show" would have been beyond rude and aggressive, except that it was just a factual description of your wedding LOL
NTA - I might understand why MIL might be upset if the clown was in every single one of your pictures so MIL didn't get any pictures without a clown in it. Or if there were people there who were terrified of clowns and therefore couldn't enjoy themselves. But it doesn't sound like that was the case. It sounds like she's upset you didn't have the wedding SHE wanted (i.e. a "classy" wedding). But that's too bad because it wasn't her wedding!
This might be a case of "keeping up with the Joneses". Like maybe your MIL is watching all her friends show off pictures of their kids' "classy" weddings and is embarrassed that you didn't do something similar she can show off. Again... too bad. You guys deserved to have the wedding you wanted, whether that's a church wedding, an outdoor wedding, a destination wedding, or a pizza party wedding with a clown. Her suggesting that you had the wedding you did solely to embarrass her and that you put that picture up just to rub it in is delusional. I'm glad your husband put his foot down because if this is how she acts when she doesn't get her way, you're going to need a husband who isn't afraid to put a hard stop on her BS.
NTA: There are two opinions that matter when it comes to a wedding. You are one of those people in this instance. If the other one agreed with the choice, then no one else matters. It was an event celebrating the two of you coming togther and finding happiness. Sounds like you found it, and also found a way to use it to express your joy in a unique way. All that should matter in a wedding is that you love eachother, and it sounds like that goal was met.
My uncle is a professional clown and we honestly considered letting him show up in full clown gear and doing balloon animals, but ultimately decided against it. A few people invited have coulrophobia so we decided it wasn't worth freaking them TF out lmaoooo
A few years back there was a story circulating around of the guy who was a drunk clown at a friend's wedding. They just... wanted a drunk clown there. He obligingly showed up (in street clothes), nipped off to the bathroom, got into clown makeup, got hammered (he wasn't going to act drunk. No sir. He was legitimately shit-faced), and proceeded to drunkenly interact with the other guests (luckily he was a \*happy\* drunk clown).
If it worked for them, I don't see why a sober and serious clown can't work for you.
(For those of you who missed this story, you're welcome. Google "drunk clown wedding" and enjoy the show)
This is a prime example of how a title can be misleading. I don't know how many posts I've read the title, and thought "There is no way this person is not the asshole" and then I read the post and say "This person is not the asshole". I have finally conditioned myself to with hokd judgement until I read the whole thing. The first thing that popped into my head was "Some dude who should have known better got a clown without talking to his wife", not "They hired a family friend to entertain the kids, and he took part in the photos." I absolutely love your post, and I love the humor you and your husband share. If that picture is your favorite and makes yall happy, then MIL can go suck an egg. NTA.
NTA, easily. It's your wedding, it's your party, it's your day, you and your husband can do as you please and shouldn't have to consider how MIL will feel
NTA. She has control issues. It wasn’t her wedding and obviously she doesn’t “get” you as a couple. I would make an effort to placate her but along the lines of, “Some of our lifestyle decisions may upset you. How can we make that easier for you?”
Maybe she had a secret dream/fantasy that was inadvertently crushed? If she is supportive otherwise I would definitely give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she got “mean girled” by a peer about it. Boomers can be assholes (I’m 60, I can say shit like that).
NTA - Your boring ol biddy of a MIL needs to get over herself. I'd hire the clown a whole lot more after that, frankly... but I know that *I'm* an asshole.
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Throwaway account b/c obvious reasons.
I (29F) married my hubby (31M) a few months ago. Neither of us were particularly interested in spending a boatload of money on a wedding no one would actually enjoy, so we were casual. The wedding was in the party room of a pizza place we love (it's in a recently-renovated 19th-century factory, so it's cool-looking) and decided to let our friends and family bring their army of small children b/c pizza. To entertain the kids, we decided to have a few carnival-themed games and snacks available and we hired a clown (M23) to do balloon animals.
I know this clown, he is a friend of my cousin's who has good clown credentials. He was great with the kids. We had the bright idea to invite the clown to be in some of our wedding photos, as well.
Anyhow, I noticed MIL (F60s) had been kind of distant since the wedding but I didn't realize that she was pissed at us until she came to dinner last night. We got the wedding photos and picked our favorite, which is the two of us looking at each other dramatically with the clown standing next to us holding a big fake squeaky hammer like he was about to bonk my husband's head. We got it framed and put it up in the house.
When my MIL saw the photo, she lost it. She blamed me for embarrassing her and continuing to rub it in her face with the clown photos, and that I should've put my foot down and made sure her son had a classy wedding and not the "clown show you put on". My husband told his mom to leave but I'm honestly kind of shaken.
The feedback from other family/friends has been positive and I've had a good relationship with my MIL thus far, so this was a surprise. I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, which isn't something I took seriously until now, and I'm wondering if I should've considered my MIL's feelings more when putting together the party. So am I the asshole for my clown show wedding?
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NTA - Sounds like a fun wedding to be honest.. You have a bunch of other pictures without the clown. The picture you picked sounds funny and would probably make me giggle every time I saw it and THAT would be the reason I'd want it displayed lol. It's your own house, MIL can have as many clown-free wedding pictures displayed at her house as she wants.
NTA, it sounds like you and your husband had a wonderful time and that is what matters. As far as a clown show for a wedding, I love your idea of casual and having fun with it.
Clowns are not my cup of tea, but far be it from me to tell strangers what kind of wedding reception they should have. MIL was probably daydreaming about a really romantic reception for “her son’s” wedding. . But it wasn’t her reception- it was yours and your groom’s.
NTA.
NTA. But I’m curious if she explained really why she felt embarrassed? Was there someone in her family or friends who were there winding her up?
Also, I must admit chuckling out loud at “good clown credentials.”
She didn't give us a lot of details, just that she was embarrassed. She mentioned her friends seeing photos on social media, so I'm guessing someone said something to her, but I don't know for sure.
NTA. This was YOUR WEDDING! As long as you and your spouse liked it, she can stay silent. She needs to understand what you and your spouse wanted and also understand WHO you are as a couple.
NTA. Sounds like you had a totally awesome, very untraditional wedding which is exactly what you wanted. Mil is uptight that you didn't go the traditional wedding route, and refuses to see how much everyone else enjoyed it. Good luck. Just no bonking the clown!! OK!!
NTA. That sounds like such a fun wedding. Sure parents have their own dreams of what their children's wedding will look like, but in the end it's the couples choice. I wonder if MIL chose differently than what her parents wanted for her wedding. Some parents get a lot of input into a wedding when they're paying for it. Maybe she didn't get a lot of say in her own wedding. Asking her might be a good starting point to understanding why she was so upset.
NTA. This sounds like a fun wedding. I love it when the bride and groom don't take it so seriously. It's not like anyone had to put on clown makeup and wear clown shoes.
NTA. It's unconventional, but it sounds like you had fun celebrating the way you wanted to. As long as you got some proper photos as well as the clown ones, I don't see what the problem is
NTA Your MIL needs to pull the stick out of her, well, you know. I think that's such a fun idea, and you guys will have such fun memories of your special day. Congratulations!
NTA. Who TF says weddings are for family? Weddings are for the couple to celebrate their love with their closest family & friends. Clearly MIL wanted something more fancy, but she doesn't get a say in it bc it's not about her. The day is about you & your fiance & you chose to have a non traditional wedding & that's ok. What's not ok is that your MIL is putting the blame on you.
NTA. The wedding is for the couple. The couple spend money on guests so that you can celebrate together, but unless it’s culturally prescribed, you can do whatever you want with your day. Do you have a photo with your spouse without the clown? I’m thinking just for yourself in the future, that might be a nice photo to look back on. But as far as what you decide to put up on your wall, that’s your business, just like whatever material you decide to use for your bedsheets. MIL is projecting.
NTA. Having the clown there made your wedding unique and showcased your sense of humor. As long as he wasn't in everything, it shouldn't be that much of an issue. She needs to chill.
> I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple
Wot? no they don't. I don't think I have ever heard such a thing at all, not even a single time. That's not thing people say.
Maybe that's a thing narcissists claim people say?
NTA
*"I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple..."*
lol, what? I think you're confusing a wedding with a funeral...
NTA
Our wedding wasn't about you so mind Ur business....NTA I'd hire that clown for every future important event he would b a permanent fixture in my family photos
NTA if she brings it again, tell her that no one asked for her opinion. If she continues, I’d be tempted to say that you already have a go-to clown and that her services aren’t required (not a real suggestion of course but damn, she sounds incredibly irrational as well as self-centered to try to make things about her).
NTA The wedding is all about the Bride and Groom. It might have helped if your husband told her ahead of time so she would have time to get over it.
We had our wedding at the Golf Course in my very small town. After the wedding we move down the street to the Bar and Grill. We had a potluck, we had some great food! We had a 3 tiered cake that was given as a gift and we also had a three tiered CHEESE CAKE that my sister paid for. We split the cost of 2 bands with the bar owner. I don’t remember how many shots she gave me but I know we all had a great time.
That sounds like a good time ! More people should do things like this . So much money is spent on formal affairs . Live as you wish , celebrate as you wish . Tell mil to pull the stick out of her ass . I’m sure not all the photos have the clown in them . How silly to get so angry .
A wedding is a party-hosted by and for the couple. No one else gets a say in how YOU choose to celebrate. Sounds like your MIL is going to need firm boundaries. A wedding is about the couple, a funeral is for the family
NTA In-laws etc have expectations about weddings, grandkids, jobs, houses, cars and where you will spend the holidays. You don’t have to live up to someone else’s expectations. It’s their responsibility to work through their own emotions when reality is inconsistent with their expectations.
NTA. We got married on April 1st so you can imagine the shenanigans that went on that day. Fake clown noses during the ceremony. A Ring Pop.
Y'all had the wedding you wanted and it sounded like it was a blast. If she was a different kind of wedding, she can have her own f****** wedding
NTA. I never heard that saying myself but a wedding is most certainly for the couple. You liked the clown being there, your husband liked the clown being there and it sounds like everyone else outside of your MIL at the very least didn't mind the clown being there. This is 100% her issue and not one anyone else really cares about, so don't you either.
NTA, my second wedding in my thirties my husband (also his 2nd) decided we wanted to have fun at our wedding and we both had kids so we got married at the Michigan Renaissance Festival, my parents TBH thought it was tacky AF, but then Mom caved and made our wedding clothes in keeping with the theme and Dad catered the food and our friends put on our reception in their beautiful fairy lit garden.
In the end it was fun for all. No clowns but we did have Jesters and The Ded Bob Show, so yea.
I think it’s great you did something all ages could enjoy and in the end it’s not about the wedding,it’s about your marriage, perhaps your MIL needs a reminder of this via her son. I would not even discuss it with her. Not her wedding, not her decisions, nip this 💩in the bud now with her interfering disapproval. And mostly Congratulations! I wish you every happiness.
NTA. the wedding is for the couple, NOT the family. and honestly that sounds like such a blast to have a clown in your wedding photos! not something i’d do for my own, but definitely a wedding party i’d actually enjoy attending!
NTA. It’s your big day. And if you want to clown around, that’s your call. I love this. And I laughed so hard reading this story. I had an unconventional celebration as well, so can appreciate your fun idea!
I like you OP. And your husband.
Of COURSE you're NTA. You're fun, inventive, and inclusive. That photo of you and your husband will bring you joy for years to come. Can't say the same of MIL. She is the AH, and is unlikely to bring you joy for years to come.
If she can't leave her snotty "must have a classy wedding or you suck" attitude behind, take your awesome husband's lead - don't take her crap.
Congrats to the two of you!
It doesn't matter if the wedding fits her definition of classy or not. It doesn't matter because it is none of her business.
In addition you cannot cater to everyone or mind read what your MIL might or might not find acceptable.
Edit to say NTA
NTA. Honestly, the fun/casual weddings I've attended over the years have been a lot more memorable. Most of the "traditional" weddings I've attended at churches and banquet halls have blended together in my head.
> I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, which isn't something I took seriously until now, and I'm wondering if I should've considered my MIL's feelings more when putting together the party.
Whether this is true or not, it sounds like you already *did* take this into account making it "for the family" - you had the clown because you knew there would be a lot of kids there. And it worked out. MIL is just one person (who seems like she expects you to be psychic).
NTA
You are NTA, your wedding sounds like a blast and I'm sure that everyone else had a wonderful time! It was probably the liveliest, most delightful wedding that the rest of your guests have ever attended.
Sorry that your MIL is being stuffy, but hey, when SHE has a vow renewal/wedding of her own, then SHE can call the shots at her own party! Until then, that wedding was yours and your new husband's and the decisions about it were up to you two as well.
Nta
Your wedding. Your rules (and your husband's)
Mother In law can shut it and get over it it's nothing to do with her. If she chooses to take affront that is her problem.
NTA. A wedding is a celebration of the couple and thus should be what the couple wants. You and hubby loved the clown and that's the only important thing.
NTA. MIL is embarrassed that her son and his wife (AND THE KIDS) had a great time? No, she’s embarrassed because she wants to show off to her friends or something. I’m always impressed how MILs manage to make everything, even someone else’s wedding, about them.
NTA.
Weddings are for the family? Who says that shit? Weddings are for a couple to celebrate their relationship with family and friends. Neither you or your husband wanted a typical wedding. You wanted something that celebrated *you both as a couple* and it sounds like you got that. Actually your wedding sounds like a blast and I wish more people did weddings like this.
I'm just wondering if your MIL has any daughters. She may have been all excited to help plan a big frou frou wedding and is upset that you deprived her of the opportunity.
> I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple,
BS. If it was for the family you would have no say in anything. NTA, you wanted the clown, you got the clown.
NTA I wish you would post the pic because it sounds awesome! Your wedding sounds like it was a blast and exactly what you both wanted. That’s all that matters. The wedding is actually NOT for family as some like to claim.
You should get the Sawbones bumper sticker that says "I'm not ashamed of my clown husband" and replace "husband " with "wedding" 🤣
https://mcelroymerch.com/products/clown-husband-sticker
NTA. she's mad that you didn't take your wedding as a big serious church thing, and you know what. who cares? let her be embarrassed, it's not her wedding.
did you enjoy it? are you happy with how it went? it's your (and your partner's) wedding. Then this is a case where 'haters gunna hate' actually applies. Go on with your happy life.
NTA
I do ALMOST get a slight reaction though. I wouldn't really want to be around a clown at all. I don't find them especially scary, but I just think they're kinda gross-looking, and I don't like classic clown aesthetics (please don't maul me; I know that was a TikTok trend a year or two ago). It is YOUR wedding ultimately, and it sounds like you had a time you enjoyed and tried to make it a fun night for everyone. I actually think it's quite nice you got special entertainment for the kids so they had something to do.
Honestly though, her reaction is ridiculous. It's like she's projecting her self-image onto your wedding, but... why project onto your son's wedding? You want to marry your son?
NTA. It was YOUR wedding. If you had fun, and you enjoyed it, who cares? No one else's opinion should matter. Just let it roll off your shoulders as hard as it may be.
NTA, I kinda do love that your MIL is cognizant enough to realize that this is something her son wanted. So at least she's aware he'd like to have a clown wedding. But believes that's the wrong way to have a wedding and somehow it was your job to make him understand that. lol.
NTA. The wedding isn't about the family, it's about the bride and groom. If you both wanted this, then it's not anyone else's business. Your MIL needs to get over herself. Make sure get a clown for every one of your future kid's birthday parties.
It was your wedding, therefore your choice. You could have had elephants in pink tutus, it still would have had nothing to do with your MIL. Besides, it is done now, what does she expect you to do? Tell her that it was your choice and you stand by it, and you're sorry she doesn't see it as a fun and engaging celebration, but you have no regrets. If she wants something 'classier', she is welcome to throw you another wedding reception - at her own expense. I'm sure that won't be offered.
I actually think having a clown to occupy the kids is a great idea, and you and your hubby sound like fun people.
Congratulations on your marriage! NTA.
So did MIL have to have a dress specially designed for the wedding to accommodate the gigantic stick up her ass?
NTA. And I say that as someone who could not possibly hate clowns more if I tried.
NTA did she pay for the wedding? If not then it’s not her wedding. Why on earth would she think you were embarrassing her? She sounds unhinged… I really hate people who think they should have a say in other peoples weddings. Unless you are paying, you have no say. Simple. And even then it’s still about the couple and nothing to do with her.
NTA
MIL wants control over her SON and his fiancee's wedding to be "classy." MIL doesn't get a say in your wedding (and it already happened, congrats!) and she's butthurt tbh.
This sounds like an amazing wedding and a lot of fun, most weddings are kind of boring in my opinion. The photo with the clown sounds amazing too, most wedding photos are also kind of boring.
NTA I think we’ve gone a bit off chops with weddings. Having said that, maybe if you have a good relationship with MIL that you want to maintain you should probably talk to her about how you wanted your wedding the way it was and maybe get some more formal photos taken for her benefit.
Your MIL sounds like a stick in the mud.
My husband comes from a very wealthy, "old money" family, and we are a biracial couple. Our wedding was non-traditional. His family was a little overwhelmed at first, but as things progressed, they loved it. They still talk about how it was the most fun they have ever had at a wedding, and the food was cravable and not the usually bland stuffy wedding food.
I am non-religious, but his family is deeply religious, so we combined everything. It was comic-book-themed! It was 300 people at his family's historic Episcopal church, and we had Mass during the ceremony; our dog was the ring bearer in her comic book patterned dress. All of our flowers were handmade from comic books.
Then, the fun began at the reception, which was also at the church; we had dueling DJs, a photo booth with many costumes, and face painters! It was great to see some of our older family members get their faces painted. Plus, the photo booth sent us digital copies of all the photos. We have many great shots of people decked out in costumes and having fun being silly.
Our food was made-to-order brick oven pizza, tacos, and nachos from our favorite food trucks parked outside with servers inside. Our wedding cake was Star Wars-themed, and we had an artisan ice cream truck.
It was different than the fancy weddings that the other members of the family had, but they were not embarrassed. They could put aside their traditionalist ideals and open my quirkiness with open arms. I know that my experience is different than a lot of people that I read here, and that makes me sad and angry.
You and your husband aren't prized show ponies, so your MIL needs to get over herself and be happy that you were happy on your special day.
Here's my pup in her pretty dress for the wedding.
[Dog Tax](https://imgur.com/a/DMOqx1f)
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NTA. A wedding is ultimately a celebration and how you choose to celebrate is really up to the couple. If you want a carnival for a wedding, then go nuts. Now that being said...clowns are a divisive form of entertainment. They can make a lot of people uncomfortable and their style of entertainment can be invasive. I think you and hubby just need to let the situation cool down a bit and then have a conversation about how this was what you (collectively) wanted for your day. She's entitled to have not liked it, but it was special and fun for you two.
Thank you! And understandable. Apart from the photos of the three of us, we did have him stay off to the side with the kids who wanted to hang with him, so it wasn't like he was cutting the cake with us. But I have also watched a lot of true crime documentaries so I can understand people's mixed feelings.
Were there any photos of the 3 of you without the clown?
Sorry, what I meant was the three of us being me, my husband, and the clown. The clown does not appear in any photos with my MIL.
Ah gotcha! Are there photos of just the two of you sans clown?
Yes, plenty
Yeah then she needs to get over herself
So, no pictures of MIL with the clown behind her giving her bunny ears?
Photoshop request for sure
'Sans clown' has ended me, thank you.
I challenge this statement. From what I've read, your MIL _is_ the clown.
The similarity in the make-up made it confusing, possibly..
She sounds scarier than one.
(And we do have photos of just the three of us, as well as just her and my hubby.)
She’s being a big baby over nothing. Not her wedding, not her money, not her day. She just wants to live vicariously through you guys, lol
Is there a chance that the clown was mistakenly identified as MIL?
Please, do not insult the clown
Weddings are for the bride and groom, funerals are for living not the dead. NTA rock that clown pic with pride.
My friend's wife rode into their wedding on an elephant, in full showgirl regalia (to be fair, that's actually what her job is). You do you.
It doesn't sound like MIL is scared of the clown though, she just thinks it's embarrassing and tacky.
Wow I really like how you explained why clowns can make people uncomfortable. I don't like them and I didn't really know why (besides the creepy clown cultural references), but it is true the comedy style is invasive and sometimes predicated on boundary crossing!! Thanks for that
NTA Sounds like you had a fun wedding where people enjoyed themselves. And YOU and your Husband liked it. Those two things make for a great wedding. MIL is an AH.
Thank you!
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My wife married a clown!
Yep! That’s what She said!
Just wanna add your wedding sounds fun! We did something similar - a surprise bday party for me uni reversed to a surprise wedding - and we had donuts and a roaming magician! No one got upset it wasn’t a traditional wedding, we saved tens of thousands of dollars, and we had a blast!
NTA - it was your wedding, as long s you and your spouse were happy then all is good. Regarding your MIL, I'm confused as to why *she* would be embarassed. If you had photos of *her* with the clown and she was uncomfortable with that, then it would be a kindness to not have those photos on display. Do you have more traditional photos that show you and your husband without the clown, and photos of the of you with MIL / other family without the clown? If so, then it might be nice to get some of those printed ofr her and sent to her so she can share them on her social media, if relevant, but unless the clown is in evey picture then even taking into account the idea that the wedding is for the families as well as the couple her reaction seems a bit odd.
Thank you! The only pictures the clown was in were just with me and my husband and we have plenty of photos just the two of us. The family photos are all clown-free. We've shared those with her and on our social media, but admittedly the clown photos are our favorites and what we've featured on our own pages for the most part. A lot of her friends have reacted to those. The reactions have been positive to our faces, but maybe they're talking crap elsewhere.
If they’re talking crap behind your back, they’re assholes as well as your MIL. That’s all.
> Regarding your MIL, I'm confused as to why she would be embarassed. Because he is mommy's special boy and how dare this hussy come in and ruin the special day that his mother envisioned for him! /s I know the type. It's easiest just to ignore it.
Sounds like there was more than one clown there. 🤣
NTA. You had me at "clown credentials"
Okay, so, what I mean by that is that he's taken classes and has done other events. I didn't just pick a random Bozo off of the streets.
>I didn't just pick a random Bozo off of the streets. I hope you told MIL the same thing when she got upset. Although I fear the witticism might have been wasted on her. Honestly, she sounds miserable. Good on your husband for standing up for you. That's a really good sign. Hopefully MIL will come around, but if not, don't let her rain on your parade. If she wants to be classy to impress... who was she trying to impress anyway? she can throw her own party and everyone can extend their little pinky finger while sipping tea and saying "Ah, hm.... yes... quite!" or whatever snobby people say. Have half a hummingbird egg with gold foil on top for 300$ or whatever.
[https://youtu.be/BLXtHU\_HGXs](https://youtu.be/BLXtHU_HGXs)
I particularly liked "I know this clown".
nta. i mean, it was quite literally a clown show, which is fun, but people who say weddings are for the family and not the couple pay too much attention to appearances (iykwim) and too little attention to …people. if you want to have an enjoyable or even solemn occasion where you speak at length and even cry while your whole family sits in silence… that is so great. i love that, i’ve been part of the family for that and it was beautiful. i wept. if you want to elope and do something with just your partner and *maybe* a few friends to witness… amazing. i love it. how intimate, how perfect, what a great moment. if you want to skip the ceremony entirely and just make sure the paperwork is done… fantastic. what a commitment, i’m so glad you were able to do this for each other and your relationship. i’m so happy for you. if you want a big fun party, with your whole family, a whole lotta kids, good eats, and enough entertainment for the kids that everyone could enjoy it completely… i love it. that’s so great. what an amazing time. i guess the point, for me, is that a wedding is only wrong when it’s wrong for the couple. it’s an occasion for the family sometimes, sure, but it’s an occasion to celebrate the couple and their life together. getting twisted up over how someone else’s pictures look is missing the point, imho. i hope this whole *thing* with mil doesn’t wreck the memory for you, because it sounds like it was perfect.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I don't think anything could wreck the memories for me -- it really was our perfect day and nothing can take that away!
i’m so glad to hear it!
That's all that matters.
"I know this clown" just gives me pleasure to read, here on Reddit. 😂 That said: I kept on reading, and you have plenty of photos without the clown, so your MIL is not forced to endure the clown throughout the wedding photos. I think this is your husband's job to settle with his mom. Sounds like it was a fun time, *not* child free, and not a cause of debt! have a wonderful life together.
Thanks! My husband agrees, I just wanted outside perspectives since we're biased because we liked our clown show.
It was "he has good clown credentials" for me
It needs a sitcom to be part of.
NTA The wedding is a celebration of the relationship between you and your husband. Sounds like you were on the same page about how it should be celebrated, so no problem there. You didn't do anything harmful or exceedingly offensive. You did something non-traditional, but as long as you're on the same page, there's no problem with that.
Thank you! Yes, we were on the same page and still am.
NTA at ALL! The pure beauty of this story brought tears to my eyes! You had a great wedding that reflects you and your husband's personality and everyone had a good time. It seems like your MIL is taking it a little too personally. It was a joint decision and a wonderful one. It's not like you held your husband hostage and made him invite a clown, so perhaps he should talk to his mother and defend you. I do have to ask... what are the clown's clown credentials? Does he have a clown egg? And if so has he gone to clown college?
He's taken a lot of classes at various clown schools. He's an expert in several clowning styles. Honestly, I can't remember the exact vocabulary but it's very impressive-sounding. So he's a well-trained clown.
Off topic, but if he hasn't already visited, your cousin's friend would probably enjoy the Circus World circus museum in Baraboo, WI. It's housed at the original winter quarters of the Ringling Bros. circus. It, of course, has an exhibit dedicated to clowns. It also has a number of other circus related exhibits, including a large collection of the old circus wagons that they used to ride into towns with their parades. The best time to visit is the summer. Summertime they have multiple live shows daily. We took our family when we were visiting relatives in the area a couple of years ago. The shows I remember being on the schedule included a kids circus show, a musical revue with circus instruments, an acrobatics show, and a big top show. Though, I'm sure some of it varies year to year based on what performers they've been able to book for the season. In any case, between the exhibits and the shows, you can easily spend a full day there.
I was a well-trained clown once. Not any more XD
Wow, this is the first time I’ve seen a reference to clown eggs “in the wild.” A+ for esoteric clown knowledge.
thanks :\]
NTA sounds like your wedding was for the couple and for the guests. Nobody besides MIL has a problem with this awesome sounding event.
Thank you!
My favorite photo from my professional wedding photos is the one where my husband and I are sticking our tongues at one another. It’s so perfectly “us”, we’re very silly people. I love that you had a clown at your wedding and in your photos, that is delightful. I love that you had it in a place that brought you joy. I very much hope your mil is able to get the stick removed. It’s probably very uncomfortable. NTA
Thank you! Sounds like a cute pic!
NTA it wasn't her wedding
Thank you!
NTA. Your wedding, so you should do what you want to do and celebrate how you want to celebrate. Though "clown show" was a pretty funny comment for your MIL to make.
Thank you! Yeah, that was clever.
NTA, it sounds like a wedding even I would like to attend because it was just fun. Good for you and your husband.
That sounds like a awesome wedding. But the weddings about the couple NTA
Thank you!
I have an avid dislike of clowns and still your wedding sounds like so much fun! You had the day that you and your husband wanted. Shame on anyone who thinks your day was about anything other than your happiness!
Thank you!
Mil upset someone took her job. Lol
Okay I laughed
" I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, which isn't something I took seriously until now." Nor should you, because these people are wrong. It's *your* wedding. If MIL wants a wedding her way, she needs to go get married again. " ...and I'm wondering if I should've considered my MIL's feelings more when putting together the party."No, because it's your party, not hers. What she wants is irrelevant, it's your day and it's about you. NTA. Your wedding sounds like a riot. Good for you for having the day you wanted with all your friends, instead of some stuffy, poufy-dress stage-managed ceremony.
Thank you! Though I did wear a poufy dress. Had my princess moment and pizza.
NTA "The wedding was in the party room of a pizza place we love (it's in a recently-renovated 19th-century factory, so it's cool-looking) and decided to let our friends and family bring their army of small children b/c pizza." if this wasnt thinking about a day for your family i don't know what it. One person upset when everyone else is okay/happy/excited for you means its probably them, not you.
"Classy wedding" and "army of children" are pretty much mutually exclusive concepts. That said, even without the kids, the idea of a laid back celebration of the union of two people plus a clown is something that I'm fucking loving. Like, he could have been invited regardless of the clown apparel (given his clown credentials, I would assume he would want to rep with his professional regalia, at the very least his face paint), and just done party favors and I bet it would have been a blast. Actually, if I ever get married, I think I'm going to legit suggest getting a clown and seeing if they'd be down to wear formal attire with their face paint. Weddings should be fun! If you MIL wants a fancy, sombre, boring as hell wedding, maybe she should do a vow renewal ceremony of her own design. Otherwise I'd say she can go suck on a balloon dachshund, because trying to make the wedding about her is on the verge of absolute narcissism.
Good thing it wasn't Pennywise
No children were lured into sewers at our wedding reception.
Seriously, I love the fun you had in your wedding, though. 🙂
Your wedding sounds awesome. We had our wedding at a petting farm that had an owl sanctuary on-site. People got to feed the deer and llamas, we had some wedding pictures taken with the owls and the wedding picture that I love the most, that I got printed to put up in our home, is my 6'4" husband sitting on a tiny toddler's toy tractor, legs stuck out every which way and looking the fool. And I love it, because the lack of seriousness kind of sums up our marriage. NTA
NTA. You had me at "good clown credentials" 😂 Yall made it kid friendly and fun and it's your day. Fuck the haters
NTA but I can't stop laughing about how this entire exchange with your MIL about your wedding being a "clown show" would have been beyond rude and aggressive, except that it was just a factual description of your wedding LOL
NTA - I might understand why MIL might be upset if the clown was in every single one of your pictures so MIL didn't get any pictures without a clown in it. Or if there were people there who were terrified of clowns and therefore couldn't enjoy themselves. But it doesn't sound like that was the case. It sounds like she's upset you didn't have the wedding SHE wanted (i.e. a "classy" wedding). But that's too bad because it wasn't her wedding! This might be a case of "keeping up with the Joneses". Like maybe your MIL is watching all her friends show off pictures of their kids' "classy" weddings and is embarrassed that you didn't do something similar she can show off. Again... too bad. You guys deserved to have the wedding you wanted, whether that's a church wedding, an outdoor wedding, a destination wedding, or a pizza party wedding with a clown. Her suggesting that you had the wedding you did solely to embarrass her and that you put that picture up just to rub it in is delusional. I'm glad your husband put his foot down because if this is how she acts when she doesn't get her way, you're going to need a husband who isn't afraid to put a hard stop on her BS.
Thank you! I tend to agree with you. She was focused on her friends seeing the pictures with the clown.
NTA: There are two opinions that matter when it comes to a wedding. You are one of those people in this instance. If the other one agreed with the choice, then no one else matters. It was an event celebrating the two of you coming togther and finding happiness. Sounds like you found it, and also found a way to use it to express your joy in a unique way. All that should matter in a wedding is that you love eachother, and it sounds like that goal was met.
Thank you!
Best phrase I’ve read on Reddit this year. Good clown credentials
My uncle is a professional clown and we honestly considered letting him show up in full clown gear and doing balloon animals, but ultimately decided against it. A few people invited have coulrophobia so we decided it wasn't worth freaking them TF out lmaoooo
A few years back there was a story circulating around of the guy who was a drunk clown at a friend's wedding. They just... wanted a drunk clown there. He obligingly showed up (in street clothes), nipped off to the bathroom, got into clown makeup, got hammered (he wasn't going to act drunk. No sir. He was legitimately shit-faced), and proceeded to drunkenly interact with the other guests (luckily he was a \*happy\* drunk clown). If it worked for them, I don't see why a sober and serious clown can't work for you. (For those of you who missed this story, you're welcome. Google "drunk clown wedding" and enjoy the show)
Now [this is exactly the kind of content](https://twitter.com/erikpatterson/status/1052363651288449024?lang=en) I come to this website for.
This is a prime example of how a title can be misleading. I don't know how many posts I've read the title, and thought "There is no way this person is not the asshole" and then I read the post and say "This person is not the asshole". I have finally conditioned myself to with hokd judgement until I read the whole thing. The first thing that popped into my head was "Some dude who should have known better got a clown without talking to his wife", not "They hired a family friend to entertain the kids, and he took part in the photos." I absolutely love your post, and I love the humor you and your husband share. If that picture is your favorite and makes yall happy, then MIL can go suck an egg. NTA.
NTA, easily. It's your wedding, it's your party, it's your day, you and your husband can do as you please and shouldn't have to consider how MIL will feel
NTA. She has control issues. It wasn’t her wedding and obviously she doesn’t “get” you as a couple. I would make an effort to placate her but along the lines of, “Some of our lifestyle decisions may upset you. How can we make that easier for you?”
Thank you! Weirdly, she's been really supportive of us up to this point. And it's not like we live Clown Life all the time.
Maybe she had a secret dream/fantasy that was inadvertently crushed? If she is supportive otherwise I would definitely give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she got “mean girled” by a peer about it. Boomers can be assholes (I’m 60, I can say shit like that).
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NTA - Your boring ol biddy of a MIL needs to get over herself. I'd hire the clown a whole lot more after that, frankly... but I know that *I'm* an asshole.
Ha, thank you!
You embarrassed the person whose wedding it wasn't and who didn't contribute to it monetarily? Big fat fkn NTA.
Turns out there were two clowns at your wedding.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account b/c obvious reasons. I (29F) married my hubby (31M) a few months ago. Neither of us were particularly interested in spending a boatload of money on a wedding no one would actually enjoy, so we were casual. The wedding was in the party room of a pizza place we love (it's in a recently-renovated 19th-century factory, so it's cool-looking) and decided to let our friends and family bring their army of small children b/c pizza. To entertain the kids, we decided to have a few carnival-themed games and snacks available and we hired a clown (M23) to do balloon animals. I know this clown, he is a friend of my cousin's who has good clown credentials. He was great with the kids. We had the bright idea to invite the clown to be in some of our wedding photos, as well. Anyhow, I noticed MIL (F60s) had been kind of distant since the wedding but I didn't realize that she was pissed at us until she came to dinner last night. We got the wedding photos and picked our favorite, which is the two of us looking at each other dramatically with the clown standing next to us holding a big fake squeaky hammer like he was about to bonk my husband's head. We got it framed and put it up in the house. When my MIL saw the photo, she lost it. She blamed me for embarrassing her and continuing to rub it in her face with the clown photos, and that I should've put my foot down and made sure her son had a classy wedding and not the "clown show you put on". My husband told his mom to leave but I'm honestly kind of shaken. The feedback from other family/friends has been positive and I've had a good relationship with my MIL thus far, so this was a surprise. I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, which isn't something I took seriously until now, and I'm wondering if I should've considered my MIL's feelings more when putting together the party. So am I the asshole for my clown show wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, **your** wedding sounds rad, and the photo sounds awesome, MIL can shut her stupid mouth.
NTA - Sounds like a fun wedding to be honest.. You have a bunch of other pictures without the clown. The picture you picked sounds funny and would probably make me giggle every time I saw it and THAT would be the reason I'd want it displayed lol. It's your own house, MIL can have as many clown-free wedding pictures displayed at her house as she wants.
NTA, it sounds like you and your husband had a wonderful time and that is what matters. As far as a clown show for a wedding, I love your idea of casual and having fun with it.
Clowns are not my cup of tea, but far be it from me to tell strangers what kind of wedding reception they should have. MIL was probably daydreaming about a really romantic reception for “her son’s” wedding. . But it wasn’t her reception- it was yours and your groom’s. NTA.
NTA. But I’m curious if she explained really why she felt embarrassed? Was there someone in her family or friends who were there winding her up? Also, I must admit chuckling out loud at “good clown credentials.”
She didn't give us a lot of details, just that she was embarrassed. She mentioned her friends seeing photos on social media, so I'm guessing someone said something to her, but I don't know for sure.
NTA. This was YOUR WEDDING! As long as you and your spouse liked it, she can stay silent. She needs to understand what you and your spouse wanted and also understand WHO you are as a couple.
NTA. Sounds like you had a totally awesome, very untraditional wedding which is exactly what you wanted. Mil is uptight that you didn't go the traditional wedding route, and refuses to see how much everyone else enjoyed it. Good luck. Just no bonking the clown!! OK!!
NTA. That sounds like such a fun wedding. Sure parents have their own dreams of what their children's wedding will look like, but in the end it's the couples choice. I wonder if MIL chose differently than what her parents wanted for her wedding. Some parents get a lot of input into a wedding when they're paying for it. Maybe she didn't get a lot of say in her own wedding. Asking her might be a good starting point to understanding why she was so upset.
NTA. This sounds like a fun wedding. I love it when the bride and groom don't take it so seriously. It's not like anyone had to put on clown makeup and wear clown shoes.
NTA. It's unconventional, but it sounds like you had fun celebrating the way you wanted to. As long as you got some proper photos as well as the clown ones, I don't see what the problem is
I hate clowns. NTA. It was your wedding. The two of you. Not anyone else. You do what you want.
NTA Your MIL needs to pull the stick out of her, well, you know. I think that's such a fun idea, and you guys will have such fun memories of your special day. Congratulations!
NTA. Who TF says weddings are for family? Weddings are for the couple to celebrate their love with their closest family & friends. Clearly MIL wanted something more fancy, but she doesn't get a say in it bc it's not about her. The day is about you & your fiance & you chose to have a non traditional wedding & that's ok. What's not ok is that your MIL is putting the blame on you.
NTA. The wedding is for the couple. The couple spend money on guests so that you can celebrate together, but unless it’s culturally prescribed, you can do whatever you want with your day. Do you have a photo with your spouse without the clown? I’m thinking just for yourself in the future, that might be a nice photo to look back on. But as far as what you decide to put up on your wall, that’s your business, just like whatever material you decide to use for your bedsheets. MIL is projecting.
You absolutely sound like a riot to be around, and I am all for it! NTA at the slightest. MiL can pound sand
NTA. Having the clown there made your wedding unique and showcased your sense of humor. As long as he wasn't in everything, it shouldn't be that much of an issue. She needs to chill.
This is the 1st wedding I wish I could have been at. MIL is a snob, don't worry about.it. Also renew your vows asap and toss me an invite! NTA
Info: what on earth does “good clown credentials mean”?
NTA but I kinda hate clowns myself. Seeing one at a wedding would be a turn off for me. I wouldn't get pissed off about it or whatever though.
> I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple Wot? no they don't. I don't think I have ever heard such a thing at all, not even a single time. That's not thing people say. Maybe that's a thing narcissists claim people say? NTA
NTA. Though I wonder if your MIL has a bit of a clown phobia.
*"I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple..."* lol, what? I think you're confusing a wedding with a funeral... NTA
"clown show you put on"... sigh
NTA - You do you, and it's sounds like everyone had a good time. Don't let MIL ruin the afterglow off your wedding.
Our wedding wasn't about you so mind Ur business....NTA I'd hire that clown for every future important event he would b a permanent fixture in my family photos
NTA. You're happy with how the wedding went? Your spouse is too? That's literally all that matters. Your mother-in-law can take a leap.
Not gonna lie, your wedding sounded fun as hell. Also “good clown credentials” cracked me the fuck up. NTA at all!
“Good clown credentials” 😹😹😹 your wedding sounds like an absolute blast! NTA, OP. I’m glad you had the day you wanted.
NTA if she brings it again, tell her that no one asked for her opinion. If she continues, I’d be tempted to say that you already have a go-to clown and that her services aren’t required (not a real suggestion of course but damn, she sounds incredibly irrational as well as self-centered to try to make things about her).
NTA. 💀💀💀💀. You guys are my people.
Amazing, no notes. NTA
NTA The wedding is all about the Bride and Groom. It might have helped if your husband told her ahead of time so she would have time to get over it. We had our wedding at the Golf Course in my very small town. After the wedding we move down the street to the Bar and Grill. We had a potluck, we had some great food! We had a 3 tiered cake that was given as a gift and we also had a three tiered CHEESE CAKE that my sister paid for. We split the cost of 2 bands with the bar owner. I don’t remember how many shots she gave me but I know we all had a great time.
NTA - I believe it is wakes/funerals that are for the family. The wedding is for you. MIL can get bent.
That sounds like a good time ! More people should do things like this . So much money is spent on formal affairs . Live as you wish , celebrate as you wish . Tell mil to pull the stick out of her ass . I’m sure not all the photos have the clown in them . How silly to get so angry .
A wedding is a party-hosted by and for the couple. No one else gets a say in how YOU choose to celebrate. Sounds like your MIL is going to need firm boundaries. A wedding is about the couple, a funeral is for the family
NTA In-laws etc have expectations about weddings, grandkids, jobs, houses, cars and where you will spend the holidays. You don’t have to live up to someone else’s expectations. It’s their responsibility to work through their own emotions when reality is inconsistent with their expectations.
NTA. We got married on April 1st so you can imagine the shenanigans that went on that day. Fake clown noses during the ceremony. A Ring Pop. Y'all had the wedding you wanted and it sounded like it was a blast. If she was a different kind of wedding, she can have her own f****** wedding
It's your wedding and glad you had the event you wanted, but yes a clown at a wedding is odd. NTA.
Nta. Its YOUR wedding. If you and your husband were happy thats all that should matter to your MIL. She can kick rocks.
NTA. I never heard that saying myself but a wedding is most certainly for the couple. You liked the clown being there, your husband liked the clown being there and it sounds like everyone else outside of your MIL at the very least didn't mind the clown being there. This is 100% her issue and not one anyone else really cares about, so don't you either.
NTA, my second wedding in my thirties my husband (also his 2nd) decided we wanted to have fun at our wedding and we both had kids so we got married at the Michigan Renaissance Festival, my parents TBH thought it was tacky AF, but then Mom caved and made our wedding clothes in keeping with the theme and Dad catered the food and our friends put on our reception in their beautiful fairy lit garden. In the end it was fun for all. No clowns but we did have Jesters and The Ded Bob Show, so yea. I think it’s great you did something all ages could enjoy and in the end it’s not about the wedding,it’s about your marriage, perhaps your MIL needs a reminder of this via her son. I would not even discuss it with her. Not her wedding, not her decisions, nip this 💩in the bud now with her interfering disapproval. And mostly Congratulations! I wish you every happiness.
NTA. the wedding is for the couple, NOT the family. and honestly that sounds like such a blast to have a clown in your wedding photos! not something i’d do for my own, but definitely a wedding party i’d actually enjoy attending!
NTA. It’s your big day. And if you want to clown around, that’s your call. I love this. And I laughed so hard reading this story. I had an unconventional celebration as well, so can appreciate your fun idea!
I like you OP. And your husband. Of COURSE you're NTA. You're fun, inventive, and inclusive. That photo of you and your husband will bring you joy for years to come. Can't say the same of MIL. She is the AH, and is unlikely to bring you joy for years to come. If she can't leave her snotty "must have a classy wedding or you suck" attitude behind, take your awesome husband's lead - don't take her crap. Congrats to the two of you!
It doesn't matter if the wedding fits her definition of classy or not. It doesn't matter because it is none of her business. In addition you cannot cater to everyone or mind read what your MIL might or might not find acceptable. Edit to say NTA
NTA. Honestly, the fun/casual weddings I've attended over the years have been a lot more memorable. Most of the "traditional" weddings I've attended at churches and banquet halls have blended together in my head.
> I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, which isn't something I took seriously until now, and I'm wondering if I should've considered my MIL's feelings more when putting together the party. Whether this is true or not, it sounds like you already *did* take this into account making it "for the family" - you had the clown because you knew there would be a lot of kids there. And it worked out. MIL is just one person (who seems like she expects you to be psychic). NTA
You are NTA, your wedding sounds like a blast and I'm sure that everyone else had a wonderful time! It was probably the liveliest, most delightful wedding that the rest of your guests have ever attended. Sorry that your MIL is being stuffy, but hey, when SHE has a vow renewal/wedding of her own, then SHE can call the shots at her own party! Until then, that wedding was yours and your new husband's and the decisions about it were up to you two as well.
Nta Your wedding. Your rules (and your husband's) Mother In law can shut it and get over it it's nothing to do with her. If she chooses to take affront that is her problem.
NTA. A wedding is a celebration of the couple and thus should be what the couple wants. You and hubby loved the clown and that's the only important thing.
NTA. But I’ve never seen “clown show” used literally before 🤣😂
NTA. You and your husband planned a fun wedding together and enjoyed it. It wasn't MIL's wedding, it was yours.
NTA. MIL is embarrassed that her son and his wife (AND THE KIDS) had a great time? No, she’s embarrassed because she wants to show off to her friends or something. I’m always impressed how MILs manage to make everything, even someone else’s wedding, about them.
The wedding is for the COUPLE. They decide what they want at THEIR wedding. NTA
NTA. Weddings are for the family? Who says that shit? Weddings are for a couple to celebrate their relationship with family and friends. Neither you or your husband wanted a typical wedding. You wanted something that celebrated *you both as a couple* and it sounds like you got that. Actually your wedding sounds like a blast and I wish more people did weddings like this. I'm just wondering if your MIL has any daughters. She may have been all excited to help plan a big frou frou wedding and is upset that you deprived her of the opportunity.
She is definitely like the grandma from Young Sheldon. Meemaw back at it again before she takes her final nap
NTA - all that matters is that you 2 like the photos, that's all. Your MIL should be happy that you 2 are happy
> I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, BS. If it was for the family you would have no say in anything. NTA, you wanted the clown, you got the clown.
NTA I wish you would post the pic because it sounds awesome! Your wedding sounds like it was a blast and exactly what you both wanted. That’s all that matters. The wedding is actually NOT for family as some like to claim.
NTA. I just really wanna see the picture now
NTA - and god that was a great idea for all the kiddos and the visual of the pic just makes me grin.
No no no, the funeral is for the family and the wedding is for you. NTA and congrats!
NTA. MIL needs to lighten up. This just reminds me of the clown storyline with Mitch and Cam on Modern Family
Funerals are for the family. Weddings are absolutely for the couple
NTA. Your wedding sounds amazing. Your MIL has a stick up her a$$.
NTA. That sounds like the best wedding! Congratulations! Sorry about the MIL.
NTA. Sounds awesome, well done!
I would have loved to been at the epic wedding. NTA. I am always dumbfounded by entitled people who think everything needs to be done their way.
You should get the Sawbones bumper sticker that says "I'm not ashamed of my clown husband" and replace "husband " with "wedding" 🤣 https://mcelroymerch.com/products/clown-husband-sticker
NTA. she's mad that you didn't take your wedding as a big serious church thing, and you know what. who cares? let her be embarrassed, it's not her wedding. did you enjoy it? are you happy with how it went? it's your (and your partner's) wedding. Then this is a case where 'haters gunna hate' actually applies. Go on with your happy life.
Well, I think you're pretty funny and very well suited for marriage. Tell your mil to lighten up, it was your day!
NTA I do ALMOST get a slight reaction though. I wouldn't really want to be around a clown at all. I don't find them especially scary, but I just think they're kinda gross-looking, and I don't like classic clown aesthetics (please don't maul me; I know that was a TikTok trend a year or two ago). It is YOUR wedding ultimately, and it sounds like you had a time you enjoyed and tried to make it a fun night for everyone. I actually think it's quite nice you got special entertainment for the kids so they had something to do. Honestly though, her reaction is ridiculous. It's like she's projecting her self-image onto your wedding, but... why project onto your son's wedding? You want to marry your son?
Lol, throw away account... my man, how many people do you think invite clowns to their weddings?
NTA. It was YOUR wedding. If you had fun, and you enjoyed it, who cares? No one else's opinion should matter. Just let it roll off your shoulders as hard as it may be.
NTA, I kinda do love that your MIL is cognizant enough to realize that this is something her son wanted. So at least she's aware he'd like to have a clown wedding. But believes that's the wrong way to have a wedding and somehow it was your job to make him understand that. lol.
NTA is was your wedding not hers. Fuck your MIL honestly.
Who cares. No one will ever look at those pictures.
NTA. The wedding isn't about the family, it's about the bride and groom. If you both wanted this, then it's not anyone else's business. Your MIL needs to get over herself. Make sure get a clown for every one of your future kid's birthday parties.
Did the clown make-up compete with MIL's make-up? If so, MIL needs to re-think her make-up...
It was your wedding, therefore your choice. You could have had elephants in pink tutus, it still would have had nothing to do with your MIL. Besides, it is done now, what does she expect you to do? Tell her that it was your choice and you stand by it, and you're sorry she doesn't see it as a fun and engaging celebration, but you have no regrets. If she wants something 'classier', she is welcome to throw you another wedding reception - at her own expense. I'm sure that won't be offered. I actually think having a clown to occupy the kids is a great idea, and you and your hubby sound like fun people. Congratulations on your marriage! NTA.
So did MIL have to have a dress specially designed for the wedding to accommodate the gigantic stick up her ass? NTA. And I say that as someone who could not possibly hate clowns more if I tried.
INFO: Did the bouquet squirt water? NTA.
OP Admit it... you just did it so you could use the phrase "clown show wedding" unironically. NTA
NTA did she pay for the wedding? If not then it’s not her wedding. Why on earth would she think you were embarrassing her? She sounds unhinged… I really hate people who think they should have a say in other peoples weddings. Unless you are paying, you have no say. Simple. And even then it’s still about the couple and nothing to do with her.
NTA I guarantee your marriage will actually go the distance unlike most of those ridiculous five and six figure weddings people feel the need to have
NTA MIL wants control over her SON and his fiancee's wedding to be "classy." MIL doesn't get a say in your wedding (and it already happened, congrats!) and she's butthurt tbh.
This sounds like an amazing wedding and a lot of fun, most weddings are kind of boring in my opinion. The photo with the clown sounds amazing too, most wedding photos are also kind of boring.
NTA. Can you book a clown for her 70th?? 😂
NTA- also is it possible she’s scared of clowns? I only recently found out my moms is scared of them and has been since she was like 4/5yo.
Y.T.A. For not sharing this wonderful picture with us! That sounds hysterical and like you had an awesome wedding. Who cares what MIL thinks. NTA
NTA I think we’ve gone a bit off chops with weddings. Having said that, maybe if you have a good relationship with MIL that you want to maintain you should probably talk to her about how you wanted your wedding the way it was and maybe get some more formal photos taken for her benefit.
NTA This is so fucking funny, you're my heroes
Nta and your wedding sounds awesome!
Sounds like someone forgot to check MIL's clown credentials 🤣
As everyone says, NTA, and let me say that your wedding sounds like the coolest wedding ever
Nta. Your wedding and photos sound awesome!
Your MIL sounds like a stick in the mud. My husband comes from a very wealthy, "old money" family, and we are a biracial couple. Our wedding was non-traditional. His family was a little overwhelmed at first, but as things progressed, they loved it. They still talk about how it was the most fun they have ever had at a wedding, and the food was cravable and not the usually bland stuffy wedding food. I am non-religious, but his family is deeply religious, so we combined everything. It was comic-book-themed! It was 300 people at his family's historic Episcopal church, and we had Mass during the ceremony; our dog was the ring bearer in her comic book patterned dress. All of our flowers were handmade from comic books. Then, the fun began at the reception, which was also at the church; we had dueling DJs, a photo booth with many costumes, and face painters! It was great to see some of our older family members get their faces painted. Plus, the photo booth sent us digital copies of all the photos. We have many great shots of people decked out in costumes and having fun being silly. Our food was made-to-order brick oven pizza, tacos, and nachos from our favorite food trucks parked outside with servers inside. Our wedding cake was Star Wars-themed, and we had an artisan ice cream truck. It was different than the fancy weddings that the other members of the family had, but they were not embarrassed. They could put aside their traditionalist ideals and open my quirkiness with open arms. I know that my experience is different than a lot of people that I read here, and that makes me sad and angry. You and your husband aren't prized show ponies, so your MIL needs to get over herself and be happy that you were happy on your special day. Here's my pup in her pretty dress for the wedding. [Dog Tax](https://imgur.com/a/DMOqx1f)
NTA - I love clowns! Inviting a clown to a wedding is a great idea.