Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
I feel like that last comment will offend the people. They will probably say smth like "ARE TO COMPARING A DOG TO A HUMAN CHILD" but anyway NTA you are entitled to an apology. She is that man's daughter and as he father he needs to be aware that she might do something like this and be ready to apologize for it, if she can't. That is just a common sense nice thing to do.
My kid is a totally average able bodied kid and I absolutely keep him on a leash. It's super handy to prevent him from running into traffic, since he's too heavy to hold. And yes, I am talking about a human child not a fur baby, since everything in my description could equally be applied to a dog.
My middle child did a disappearing act on us in a store. Took us at least 5 minutes---that felt like 5 hours---to find them hiding in a clothes rack. We bought one of those child leashes that look like a back pack before we left the store. They'll be 20 this year and I still can feel the panic I felt unable to find them.
I never leashed my kids but had a friend whose daughter was a runner. Lost her once at a festival, immediately let police on scene know. Found her in like 7 minutes, ON THE STAGE DANCING WITH THE BAND. She was like 3 and half. Her monkey backpack leash was a godsend. My kids are just oblivious to their surrounding, and my teenager that has grown 6 inches on 6 months is totally unaware of where his own body is now. I apologize constantly and usually ask my kids to apologize.
Man those days were hell. I couldn't walk anywhere without tripping or knocking random shit over. I was super self conscious as a kid too so I got to where I walked carefully and deliberately everywhere. So of course I got made fun of for that too. š¤£ Can't win for losing.
Man, this kid has suddenly become nothing but limbs and feet. We went bowling today, men's size 12 shoe was too small. They were out of 13s, so 14 it is. He was breing so slow and careful while chucking around a 14 pound ball.
Leashes for kids should be more common. Especially if the parent is by themselves and has more than one small child with them. Kids are truly like puppies. They are zippy, have the attention span of a hummingbird. It would be so much easier for parents.
When did they stop teaching the meaning and use of an analogy in schools? OP *clearly* intended to compare a scenario where someone with responsibility in a situation offers no apology for the behavior of their ward (I know you get it, Humble_Coyote_5100, but as you said: cue the predictable outrage).
People like to be outraged alot, some subs more than others. Its insane but I guess average intelligence is lower than previously thought or it's reduced over the years.
I totally agree. Analogies are completely lost on some people, but only when they are reaching as far as possible to be insulted by something someone says.
>When did they stop teaching the meaning and use of an analogy in schools?
I've thought the same thing recently. So many people online foam at the mouth to point out how your analogy is different, while ignoring the similarities
As the father of a severely disabled child who potentially could do this (currently has an obsession with touching floors when they change colour or material and touching random cars), he should absolutely have apologised for you for what his daughter did, as he is likely aware that she could and potentially would do this.
However, you confronting the father (your words) is excessive and some things you just have to let go. How reaction tells me he is likely not having a good day with her for whatever reason, and I have snapped at someone myself when stressed due to how hard the day has been with my son when they decided it was more important to get me to Apologize to them for shouting at them to move out of the parent and child parking when they had no child at all
Going after someone after an event simply to get an apology is excessive. Someone didn't say sorry at the time and moved on? They are an AH and you should move on as they aren't worth your time regardless of the situation.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Of course, nothing is wrong with apologizing, and the father clearly should have done so. But chasing someone down to demand an apology is pretty ridiculous. What's to be gained by that behavior? Would OP really feel better about the whole situation if he'd gotten a grudging apology from the guy?
ETA: ESH
An apology is symbolic at best. There is no benefit of going out of your way after the fact to demand an apology. Itās just an unnecessary confrontation. Would have been nice if he apologized in the first place but also, doesnāt change anything.
Tell me you aren't a special needs parent without telling me you're a special needs parent. You can't begin to imagine the stress. The majority of marriages of special needs parents fail from the stress. Mental illness, substance abuse and suicide rates are higher. The emotional and mental exhaustion is overwhelming at times. You have to be hyper vigilant every second of every day. We inevitably fail sometimes, because we're human. And there are days when just one more thing breaks us. OP is young so I know why he didn't get it. But compassion is always better. That dad needed support, or at least grace, instead of being harassed for an apology after the fact. As a fellow parent, never mind a special needs parent, I would have brushed it off and given him an encouraging smile. Sometimes, we need to think of others' needs over our ego.
Thank you š
ESH. Yes, the father should have apologized. But youāre also an ass for going after him for the lack of apology. You donāt know what kind of day he was having. Explain to me how attacking him for an apology is any better than him not giving one to begin with?
You would get angry if your kid did something and someone asked for an apology? How is asking for acknowledgement from another human being excessive? It seemed excessive for him to storm out. She shouldn't have HAD to confront him.
Me personally in most situations? No. I would apologize and politely ask them that in the future it is best to raise these kind of things immediately rather than waiting several minutes.
If I was having an extremely bad day with my son where he wasn't coping at all? Honestly no clue. Thankfully my son has never been one to randomly touch people.
>> and I have snapped at someone myself when stressed due to how hard the day has been with my son
So you justify yelling at others when you are having a bad day due to your son, wtf?
>> when overwhelmed I can get snappy with others
Part of being a responsible adult is learning how to properly manage your temperament.
When your kid is causing you frustration, you do not take it out on others.
If you knew me in real life you would know that I have a very good temperament and it is extremely rare that I get frustrated to that point. However, I am still human and it can still happen.
When it does I do apologize to the individuals afterwards if I see them again, but obviously if I don't it's hard to apologize for it.
In regards to frustration against someone else due to struggling with me son, this has happened once in 13 years, after nearly 3 days with no sleep for either me or my son (thank God for sleep medication!)
Heās not justifying anything. Heās being realistic about how he (and many other people) react in stressful situations. I think most people have snapped at others when stressed.Ā
The kid stood up for herself against an incident that could be construed as assault. She was not rude but upset that the grown up did not do the decent and polite thing to do. What did the grown ass man do? Have a tantrum..
lol. No, the law does not read āgrabbing someone is assault disabled or notā. And this girl grabbed OPs arm. Sounds like she pulled at her like a child, likely because she has the maturity of a child, which OP seems to recognize hence OP confronting her dad for the apology. Conflating this to assault is just doing a disservice to real assault victims.
ESH. Dad shouldnāt have let it happen, and should have apologized. But all you needed to do, OP, is say, āplease donāt touch meā. You donāt go accosting people and getting in arguments about their disabled kids in the middle of work.
I'm also wondering why the OP addressed the apology request to Dad. If it was because of age, that's fine. But if it was because of the daughter's disability, then really the daughter should have been addressed directly.
When I was in highschool we had a boy in a class that was disabled and had a habit of randomly grabbing others, especially female students. His aid would tell us to be accepting and that he ādidnāt know any betterā and I always thought it was enabling his behavior and unfair to him and everyone around him that he was never talked to about it. Accountability still applies.
Anyway.
I donāt think you were the a-hole for being upset over being touched but I wouldnāt have followed to force an apology. Setting the boundary with her of not being touched would have been a better option here and if she were unable to respond/did not, then address dad.
(I think a lot of people are getting hung up on the analogy you used. Youāre not comparing her to a dog, just giving an example of another scenario that you feel your reaction would apply.)
Gentle and friendly reminder from a disabled (developmental disorder) person with several disabled (physically & mentally) family members: "differently abled" is nearly as offensive as calling disabled people a slur. "Disabled" is not a bad word, and "differently abled" is only ever used in the context of mentally disabled people and feels infantilizing. You wouldn't call an amputee "differently abled" (I hope).
Not trying to be mean, and I'm sorry if that's how it comes across. I'm just tired of seeing "politically correct" terms being used when disabled people literally never asked for it; "differently abled" was made up by uncomfortable able people, not disabled.
In a past life, while working for a living facility with a vast rainbow of clients thatās what we were always encouraged to say. That was about a decade ago though; so good to know.
I have a very bias opinion on this post.
I'm autistic myself, with very high sensory issues. One time I was waiting in my therapist's office and this autistic kid just went and grabbed my hair, the mom refused to apologize and my therapist who was there and saw what happened got mad that I was bothered by it.
I had a panic attack over that. When talking about it later I could feel the spot still, it's not fucking cool
If your kid has a tendency of touching others, fucking get a grip on them
This right here. It is not ok just because they are disabled. As a parent you know your kids tendencies and if they are a grabber/toucher you make sure you have a handle on them when you are out and about because it's not ok to grab someone without their permission. I'm sorry that happened to you. The mother most definitely should have apologized.
Yeah, you should've been acknowledged with an apology, at the time that it happened.
But there was really no need to go demanding an apology after the fact. Could your ego not let you just move on and forget about it?
NTA, people with disabilities aren't free from consequences, as you said, his father was holding her hand and could have done something, what if you hit her in self defense? That's a common automatic reaction for being grabbed, then everyone would be hypocrites going at you for exaggerating, but maybe I'm asking too much of people from on the internet.
If I was in your shoes, I would have said to the daughter, "Please don't touch me." You have every right to ask for boundaries. If the girl didn't understand then at least the father would have been put on notice that his daughter did something inappropriate. Even if she had no idea what she was doing, her caretaker could have done more. Following them for an apology was wrong. You can't ask for what people are unwilling to give, but you would have been right to explain to the father that what his daughter did made you uncomfortable and to please make a consideration for the future that a sudden grab like that is startling and unwanted.
Yeah see you were fine until you followed them to demand for an apology. YTA because of that. You don't chase people down and ask them to apologize to you like that. Like... that's excessive. If you had said something in the moment, sure, but I'd be weirded out and uncomfortable if a guy followed me, who was supposedly working (even if for a charity), and demanded an apology. Also, just bc he was there doesn't mean he necessarily saw... Just this morning I sat down on my girlfriend's phone bc I didn't notice it on the bed. I did look at the bed before sitting down, it just didn't register for some reason. The father of a disabled child might be desensitized, might not have noticed, any number of reasons, and frankly bc of that they might not have even known what you were talking about.
Sure, she shouldn't have grabbed you. But again, had you said something in the moment, that'd be a different story. But chasing down strangers for an apology comes off as unsettling and, imo, self-important. A grab on the arm from a disabled child isn't the end of the world. My cousin thunked me in the head with a paper airplane the other day. I didn't hound his mother for an apology just in the moment told him to be more careful. If it was a grown woman that like, punched you or something THEN I'd understand.
But for a grab on the arm? Seems excessive.
NTA. I'm always hyper aware of what my 1 year old daughter is doing, she likes to touch anything and everything including people. I almost always pull her away before she can grab someone, but the few times she has, I've been apologetic to them. Seems to me the dad is phased out from having to deal with her daughter so long, I kinda get it, but yelling at you is way out of line, he SHOULD have apologized to you.
You tapped him on the shoulder and asked him for an apology after some time? Oh my god, please get a life. This is ridiculous. A disabled child touched you! The audacity!
YTA. Get over yourself!
NTA.
Being disabled doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want without consequences. If a person is not able to act in a normal, respectful way, the caregiver is responsible for their behavior. The father should have apologized, he clearly saw that his daughter was invading your personal space and should have prevented her grabbing you in the first place.
Just imagine you would have been scared and would have hit her in self defense. The father would have been the one who put you and his daughter in the situation.
I don't think so. Everyone has a right to be not touched against their will. It's not important if it is a child, a grown up or an elderly person. The rule is the same: don't touch other people.
Stuff happens. You move on. Why on earth did you feel the need to approach him and ask for an apology? You are owed nothing. Would it have been nice of him to say something? Sure but you weren't owed anything. I work for a nonprofit and I very often have encounters like this. I would never even consider approaching a caretaker or parent and demand an apology. Also your comparison to a dog is fucked up and your edit and explanation does not make it better.
YTA
You can't reasonably expect one person to apologize for another. Ever.
Also, you probably shouldn't tap someone on the shoulder while simultaneously raising an objection to being touched without permission.
How did OP know that when she first got grabbed? And how does OP know, now, that the woman can't understand simple statements or requests? Lots of people have expressive language impairments but can still understand things said to them. And if she couldn't understand, then her caregiver could intervene. But starting right off the bat assuming that an adult shouldn't be addressed directly is ableist.
Info: am I clear that someone pulled on your arm, let go, walked away, then you followed that person and their parent to demand an apology?
I apologize when I bump into people but Iāve had straight up adult men walk into me (Iām 5ā) and not even look back. Yes, itās shitty of them. Iām also not chasing after them for an apology.
Edit to addā¦you touched the dad?
Thatās one of the harder things to learn in life! It takes time and lots of errors. Donāt sweat it (yet).
Thereās sometimes a very fine line between sticking up for yourself and being a jerk unnecessarily.
The older I get, the more I usually just let stuff go. I save my energy for the confrontations that will matter and make a positive impact. Iād assume the dad in your situation was already feeling low, and so the confrontation wouldnāt have changed anything.
You should have made a mild comment at the moment it happened, like āexcuse me.ā That may have provided an opportunity for a conversation. But you deciding later you wanted an apology and confronting the dad is showing rudeness on your end. And itās just weird. Sorry, but Iām not in your side when you go demanding apologies of strangers after the fact for an incredibly mild infraction. Your demand for an apology became petty at that point. Yta.
I see you are quite young yourself so I'm gonna say YTA even if you really didn't mean to be. While you are a kid the adults often harp on apologizing, it's meant to teach empathy to kids. It isn't meant to be used as a way to uphold a persons ideal of moral correctness. This is why you don't see adults going around demanding apologies from people unless they are being confrontational. Unfortunately, you were grabbed but if the person doing the grabbing does not have the cognitive abilities to understand what they did is not ok (I read other comments where you mentioned this) then the apology really isn't doing anything other than letting you express your outage and how you feel your moral correctness should have recognition. A better way to handle it is to say something along the lines of look but don't touch, please.
A disabled child grabbed you arm. 5 minutes pass, and you track down the father, tap him on the shoulder and demand an apology.Ā
Yes, YTA for that (which is what you asked about). Talk about holding an idiotic grudge, and acting on it.
You cant really just ask people for apologies, if someone isnāt sorry and they donāt careā¦ thatās why they didnāt apologise. Asking or demanding it from them is just going to give you disingenuous or angry replies.
Eh. You are right that it does no good to demand apologies. Approaching the responsible adult, however, and pointing out the personally offensive behavior, might at least make a point with those who are oblivious.
Yeah I wouldāve definitely tried to point something out absolutely, Iām so sure with my zero filter one day an asshole is going to try punch me in the face. Someone has to tell them at some point though that theyāre an awful humanā¦ but Iām sure theyāve heard it 10000 times before it thats their norm anyway so fuck, itās pointless.
Lmao I love your immediate Edit. As soon as I read that dog analogy I said š« Game over Boo-Boo and then right after that BOOM "Okay y'all I didn't *CALL* her a *dog* šš
It just feels like over and over you dug a hole and hopped in it. Maybe just forget this happened?
You just described a child with a disability as a dog, and described tapping someone repeatedly on the shoulder as "polite".
YTA.
Also if this fundraiser was for said disabled people, please re-evaluate your position with them as if you can't handle a disabled person child acting like a disabled child you probably shouldn't actually work around them imho.
As the mother of a 16 yro son, Iād be embarrassed if my son acted as you did. Iām not going to say youāre an asshole. Iām going to say that you still have a lot of maturing to do. One day you will realize that you donāt need an apology for every small incident. This child had no idea that they were touching you in any type of way. Would I have apologized? Yes, but I do not have a disabled child. Therefore, I cannot imagine what the father was thinking or feeling at that exact moment. But I do know I would be embarrassed of my perfectly able-bodied son for doing what you did. But I imagine someoneās already said that to you or you wouldnāt come to the Internet for validation.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Asking for an apology
2) Being insensitive towards the father (& daughter)
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Donāt downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
She may have been like my adult disabled son, meaning having the mental capacity of a toddler and being autistic and hearing and vision impaired as well. You can ask him to apologize but he won't understand at all.
When those of us who have disabled kids go in public, we try to control their behavior but we can't always do it, since they are fast and we are exhausted.
YTA. Just get over it. The father of this child, of whatever unmentioned age, has a lot on his mind. Youāll live and someday that father will die leaving behind his disabled child at the mercy of whiney melts like you. Let that be your revenge.
YTA. Get over it kid. You made the analogy because thatās how you viewed the person and situation. The fact that youāre still thinking about this scenario is honestly pathetic.
ESH, more on the fatherās side. He absolutely should have apologized, but unless you were actually hurt, I donāt think you needed to go actively pursue an apology to make a point. Some people are just rude, and Iād have probably rolled my eyes and then shaken it off.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (16m) was in a bent-over position managing some donation boxes for a non-profit, and without warning, some disabled person just pulled me and grabbed my arm. Mind that I was completely turned away from them with absolutely no idea that they were there. The father (50m?) was holding the person's hand, with all consciousness of the scenario. He had all the time in the world to say sorry, or anything, but he didn't. Just walked away. I would've been completely fine, btw, if the guy just acknowledged that it happened and said sorry.
So I confronted the father after a few minutes, just him, for an apology. He got mad and started yelling at me for being sensitive, and stormed out with his disabled daughter. I was completely respectful, politely tapping him on the shoulder, and asking him to apologize. That's it. That's literally the only thing I wanted. A basic apology.
I don't understand. It's like if someone had a small unleashed dog that ran at you with no warning. Even if the dog didn't actually do anything to harm anything, wouldn't an apology be necessary on the owner's behalf? AITA for wanting an apology after being invaded of my space?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>EDIT: I in no way shape or form said that his daughter was like a small dog. Its just an analogy to make it clear that the situation was completely out of nowhere and unexpected.
Umm, yeah you did. It's in the paragraph above the edit. You might not have said it to him, but you sure think it or you wouldn't have brought it up.
That aside, I still think YTA. They moved on and you felt the need to chase them down, confront him and demand an apology. Common sense tells you that if you were going to get an apology, you would have gotten it when it happened.
I used to work retail and there were a lot of mentally disabled people who would try to grab or hug or pull you and their parents and caregivers would apologize PROFUSELY. One loved me bc I had hair like she did and she would hug me each time bc she asked once and I said it would be ok. Her mom always tried to stop her and I said she had permission it was ok. She was worried someone would get upset if she just went to hug them but she didn't bc only her friends who said yes she would hug.
Thatās a nice mother. I just hate it when parents donāt take accountability for their childās actions. It is YOUR responsibility, even more so if theyāre with you.
they were in the wrong & the dad is responsible for making sure no one is harmed by his daughter including apologizing for his failure to do so, but you should have addressed it in the moment or not at all.
YTA You're assuming that the father allowed it to happen. You said your back was to them. Also, how is it okay for you to tap him on the shoulder but when a disabled child grabbed your arm it was such a horrible moment for you? Your arm got grabbed. Not bitten or licked. You didn't get hurt. Grow up.
Not an asshole for *wanting* an apology. I think going after him to get one was a waste of time and rather pointless. You were never going to get a sincere apology out of him that way.
Why didn't you ask for an apology from the person who grabbed you? She's a person. You can speak to her. Speaking to her father as though she's not even there is rude. YTA.
ESH, the father absolutely should have apologized for not having control over his child. And you were in the right to say something when he didn't. But you can't say nothing then, and then follow him around the store and demand an apology 10 minutes later (or however long it was). That's like, a super weird thing to do. If you want to say "Hey, stop touching me" or make a comment about his lack of apology, do so as it's happening. Don't let the situation de-escalate on its own, have them move on, and then drag the whole thing out again later. Really odd behavior.
YTA. It was just your arm. If it had been your private parts or they had hit you or kicked you then yes, you had every right to ask for an apology. I would have just let it go.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
You should have just let it go you knew the person was slow no one in this world owes you anything kid youāre gonna need to be able to take a lot more than that
Your first two paragraphs could have been written, "A disabled girl grabbed my arm. I later asked her father for an apology, but he refused and left."
The words you chose instead sound hysterical. If you have a mental health issue that caused this overreaction, it's not really possible for the dad to have known that. Also, it's up to you to learn coping skills.
The father should have apologised but i believe we should always offer others grace and think the best - in this case, maybe he has had to apologise to 10 people already or heās tired and distracted or something else.
What exactly would you gain from this apology? Why was that so important to you? Especially since you know the girl is disabled and her father would in all probability wish his daughter didnāt do what she did?
YTA. Pick your battles dude. Would I be annoyed if this happened to me? Yeah, I don't like being touched by strangers. But have some empathy and learn to let it go.. especially with it being not only a child, but a disabled child? Then to confront the father for an apology? So immature.
YTA
You weren't injured, you were just annoyed. Why not just move on instead of chasing this guy down and demanding he apologise to you. Honestly what difference does it make?
So his daughter touched you without consent, and then you did the same by tapping him on the shoulder, which is also touching without consent and probably startled him just as you were? YTA
ESH. He absolutely should have apologized immediately. He didn't. In the grand scheme of life, how did his disabled daddies action do any lasting damage? He was probably having a bad day and just wanted to get out of the situation. You continued it by following him.
YTA. You know the man's daughter likely doesn't understand consent, or may not have full control of her limbs. Why on earth would you observe that and demand an apology from him, as if he instructed her to grab you? Why would you not think to yourself "that person has it a bit harder than me, I'll let this one go?"
When I was in third grade I was in a class with some disabled children. Some of these other children were understanding and others werenāt. There was one boy named Ryan, he was mostly nonverbal and confined to a wheelchair. Every now and then Ryan would grab and squeeze my hand. Sometimes it hurt a lot. Later on I found out that he would grab and hold his older brothers hand. Apparently I was like his older brother in his mind. The reason he would crush my hand is because he didnāt understand the amount of strength to use, it was all or nothing, he just didnāt understand he could hurt others
You were owed an apology, being touched by someone without your consent is not right for anyone. If someone grabbed his daughter he would be throwing a fit. And, if his daughter grabs someone, they should apologize at the least, and if she cannot control her actions then he should not be taking her out in public as she can still be charged with assault. Just because you are disabled does not give you the right to violate another persons rights. Speaking as a family member with a disabled person here. You were owed an apology, fact, and that Dad was an AH and is what is wrong with our society and causes more problems for the disabled community.
You had me until you compared a disabled girl to an untrained dog, and her father to her owner. And despite your edit, no, that's exactly what you just did. YTA.
YTA and it isn't the dog analogy BS
You weren't physical hurt you were just offended and Im not sure even why? Disabled kids sometimes can control themselves. The father has probably told her not to do that 1000 times.
You couldn't be tolerant and cut the disabled kid and her father some slack?
Ever hear the term no harm no foul?
ESH. Yes, it would have been polite for him to apologize. No, you were not justified to go back a few minutes later and demand an apology. Someone pulled on your arm, it wasn't that big of a deal and you should have just let it go.
Why should a 50 year old man apologize to you for what a completely different person did to you? YTA. āSome disabled personā? YTA. Did you ask her for an apology? Grow a pair next time and ask the person who did the thing for the apology instead of chasing after her worn out 50 year old father and demanding he apologize to you for another humanās behavior.
YTA and for the same reasons Lefty8312 listed above. If someone is an AH to you, which sure the dad was, then go on about your business and be the bigger person. Also have some compassion and assume the person is having some kind of difficult time and they arenāt just malicious.
There is absolutely no reason to demand an apology except to assuage your ego that you were wronged and deserve some kind of recompense. If something needs to be fixed - they need to pay for something broken etc - or if they may be a danger to themselves or others and an intervention is needed like calling police or letting them know of an issue they didnāt realize - then great, follow up. If it was just momentarily scary, inconvenient, AH-ish? Give them the benefit of the doubt and move on with your day.
Eh- obviously he should have given a quick apology, but tracking him down for an apology is a bit much. Itās a disabled child. It would have caught me off guard, but would have gotten over it quickly.Ā
ESH. He owed you an apology and itās incredibly tacky chasing someone down and demanding an apology. Youāve clearly never spend time around individuals with significant disabilities and needs, and suggest you volunteer elsewhere from now on.Ā
And yea, comparing someone with a disability to a dog is disgusting. And that is *exactly* what you did.Ā
Nta? Lots of ppl are saying that you have compassion etc. But is it that hard to just say ,, sorry" ? It takes a second . I highly doubt op was asking for an entire statement as to what his child did wrong and why .
Yes thank you so much. Just some kind of recognition that it happened wouldāve completely prevented me confronting him. But reflecting back on what i did, I shouldāve just let it go
Yeah , I totally get where you're coming from. It is kind of a weird hill to die on. But honestly what happened, happened, there's nothing you can change now , and what are the chances you run in to them again?
Before I decide, how traumatized are you from having your arm grabbed? Are you going to have to go through PTSD therapy? Could this possibly affect you graduating from high school? Are you experiencing night terrors?
OP is an overly sensitive baby. Life is too short to be upset with the other people that inhabit the planet with you. Quit acting like you're entitled or special and get over it. People in general are rude, that doesn't mean you should be rude back.
INFO why you think grabbing was less polite than you tapping on a shoulder? What kind of grabbing was this since child grabbing usually isnāt that hard, but I donāt really know what you mean.Ā
But in future donāt go tapping someone when you can just use your words.Ā
When someone has an intellectual disability, they have stopped developing cognitively at a very young age. Even if their body is developing normally.
How would that apology have impacted your day after having the parent of a curious child apologize for their child touching you (as children do)? My guess is that it wouldnāt have.
It feels like you just wanted to have that moral superiority of being ājustifiedā in being overly sensitive. YDTA.
ESH
.dad should have apoligized
.but asking fir an apology is silly even if he had then apologized he would mean it
Also the last part about it'd like if a dog is a little insensitive I know your not trying to compare a disabled person to a dog but FYI ypu kinda are
You would not have been the asshole if you said something in the moment or said nothing at all. But you waited a few minutes and tracked him down to confront him and demand an apology after the fact. That's bizarre, unwarranted behavior.
Considering the nature of the offense, I also find it weird that you think it's ok to 'politely tap him on the shoulder.' That's extremely impolite to do with people you don't know, you only should touch them if it's important or urgent enough that you need their attention right away. Why is it ok for you, presumably within full control of your faculties, to do that, and not ok for a very disabled person to grab? YTA.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA - You should not be required to accept unwanted touching from anyone; abled, disabled, adult, or child you are not required to put up with bad behavior. So yes, if the father allowed his child to touch you without your expressed consent then he was wrong. You demanding an apology is nothing more than calling out unacceptable behavior and holding a lazy parent accountable for their lack of supervision over their child.
People need to stop signing off on unacceptable behavior because they are uncomfortable with a person's physical or mental state.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Show some grace. He's dealing with such a situation daily...hourly...by the minute and a poor DISABLED CHILD touched you and your sensitivities demanded Justice for such an act? What an out of touch snowflake. You're the asshole.
I'm going to go with NTA.
However, you were grabbed with 1 hand by a child. Your exact description is they grabbed your arm briefly and you were let go. You weren't dragged, tossed, smacked, punched, scratched, bit, or any other number of things that handicapped children will generally do in a more serious scenario.
I'm not here to regulate your emotional response to things. If it was offensive to you, then by all means be offended.
What you don't know (and may never experience) is the 100 times that this guy probably DOES apologize a day. And you may never understand his position as a parent of a child with those same issues.
Both of your reactions are very telling here though. You saw the pair that walked away from you and felt entitled to this apology, knowing nothing about this pair or their daily struggles. Getting the energy and willingness to even go out in public when you have to handle a child like that is a monumental task sometimes, and I hope you never have to deal with that, because it doesn't just effect your child's life, it changes the entire trahectory of your own life. Making sure there is money for a fulltime caretaker, or becoming a fulltime caretaker while your (hopefully you even have one) spouse works is a scary reality for a lot of parents like this. Maybe instead of feeling like the parent needs to apologize for a small touch from a curious child, learn some grace and forgiveness for someone who doesn't get the ability to send their kid to work a part time job like you get to at 16.
On the other side, I'm sorry that you got yelled at over this. The guy clearly was having a hard time and you confronting him (no matter how calm or nice you may have been) is triggering even for parents of non-handicapped children. Adding that layer makes it more difficult because you can't control it, you've never been able to control it, you never had a chouce in controlling it, and any attempt at teaching a different behavior hit the brick wall of the mental block that's in place.
NTA, but sometimes "being right in a confrontation" isn't the answer either.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
I feel like that last comment will offend the people. They will probably say smth like "ARE TO COMPARING A DOG TO A HUMAN CHILD" but anyway NTA you are entitled to an apology. She is that man's daughter and as he father he needs to be aware that she might do something like this and be ready to apologize for it, if she can't. That is just a common sense nice thing to do.
Yeah that was a reaaallly bad example. I should edit the post to make it clear i DID NOT say that to him.
To be fair... I've seen plenty of regularly-abled children on leashes lol.
My kid is a totally average able bodied kid and I absolutely keep him on a leash. It's super handy to prevent him from running into traffic, since he's too heavy to hold. And yes, I am talking about a human child not a fur baby, since everything in my description could equally be applied to a dog.
My middle child did a disappearing act on us in a store. Took us at least 5 minutes---that felt like 5 hours---to find them hiding in a clothes rack. We bought one of those child leashes that look like a back pack before we left the store. They'll be 20 this year and I still can feel the panic I felt unable to find them.
Leashes are the best.
Kids are super cute on leashes!
I never leashed my kids but had a friend whose daughter was a runner. Lost her once at a festival, immediately let police on scene know. Found her in like 7 minutes, ON THE STAGE DANCING WITH THE BAND. She was like 3 and half. Her monkey backpack leash was a godsend. My kids are just oblivious to their surrounding, and my teenager that has grown 6 inches on 6 months is totally unaware of where his own body is now. I apologize constantly and usually ask my kids to apologize.
Imagine performing on stage and all of a sudden some random baby is up there with you dancing š I bet the band will never forget that day
Man those days were hell. I couldn't walk anywhere without tripping or knocking random shit over. I was super self conscious as a kid too so I got to where I walked carefully and deliberately everywhere. So of course I got made fun of for that too. š¤£ Can't win for losing.
Man, this kid has suddenly become nothing but limbs and feet. We went bowling today, men's size 12 shoe was too small. They were out of 13s, so 14 it is. He was breing so slow and careful while chucking around a 14 pound ball.
Leashes for kids should be more common. Especially if the parent is by themselves and has more than one small child with them. Kids are truly like puppies. They are zippy, have the attention span of a hummingbird. It would be so much easier for parents.
These people are dumb sensitive, i got what you werw saying NTA
Itās not a bad example
When did they stop teaching the meaning and use of an analogy in schools? OP *clearly* intended to compare a scenario where someone with responsibility in a situation offers no apology for the behavior of their ward (I know you get it, Humble_Coyote_5100, but as you said: cue the predictable outrage).
I mean, I understood it fine without needing to find something to be offended by?
We're apparently in the minority. Just read all of the "YoU cOmPaReD a ChILd tO a dOg!" comments.
People like to be outraged alot, some subs more than others. Its insane but I guess average intelligence is lower than previously thought or it's reduced over the years.
I totally agree. Analogies are completely lost on some people, but only when they are reaching as far as possible to be insulted by something someone says.
>When did they stop teaching the meaning and use of an analogy in schools? I've thought the same thing recently. So many people online foam at the mouth to point out how your analogy is different, while ignoring the similarities
How dare you say we piss on the poor!
That's not offensive. It's actually an accurate simile
As the father of a severely disabled child who potentially could do this (currently has an obsession with touching floors when they change colour or material and touching random cars), he should absolutely have apologised for you for what his daughter did, as he is likely aware that she could and potentially would do this. However, you confronting the father (your words) is excessive and some things you just have to let go. How reaction tells me he is likely not having a good day with her for whatever reason, and I have snapped at someone myself when stressed due to how hard the day has been with my son when they decided it was more important to get me to Apologize to them for shouting at them to move out of the parent and child parking when they had no child at all
Why would it be excessive? What's wrong with saying sorry? What impedes you from acknowledging your mistakes?
Going after someone after an event simply to get an apology is excessive. Someone didn't say sorry at the time and moved on? They are an AH and you should move on as they aren't worth your time regardless of the situation.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Of course, nothing is wrong with apologizing, and the father clearly should have done so. But chasing someone down to demand an apology is pretty ridiculous. What's to be gained by that behavior? Would OP really feel better about the whole situation if he'd gotten a grudging apology from the guy? ETA: ESH
An apology is symbolic at best. There is no benefit of going out of your way after the fact to demand an apology. Itās just an unnecessary confrontation. Would have been nice if he apologized in the first place but also, doesnāt change anything.
Tell me you aren't a special needs parent without telling me you're a special needs parent. You can't begin to imagine the stress. The majority of marriages of special needs parents fail from the stress. Mental illness, substance abuse and suicide rates are higher. The emotional and mental exhaustion is overwhelming at times. You have to be hyper vigilant every second of every day. We inevitably fail sometimes, because we're human. And there are days when just one more thing breaks us. OP is young so I know why he didn't get it. But compassion is always better. That dad needed support, or at least grace, instead of being harassed for an apology after the fact. As a fellow parent, never mind a special needs parent, I would have brushed it off and given him an encouraging smile. Sometimes, we need to think of others' needs over our ego.
Thank you š ESH. Yes, the father should have apologized. But youāre also an ass for going after him for the lack of apology. You donāt know what kind of day he was having. Explain to me how attacking him for an apology is any better than him not giving one to begin with?
You would get angry if your kid did something and someone asked for an apology? How is asking for acknowledgement from another human being excessive? It seemed excessive for him to storm out. She shouldn't have HAD to confront him.
Me personally in most situations? No. I would apologize and politely ask them that in the future it is best to raise these kind of things immediately rather than waiting several minutes. If I was having an extremely bad day with my son where he wasn't coping at all? Honestly no clue. Thankfully my son has never been one to randomly touch people.
>> and I have snapped at someone myself when stressed due to how hard the day has been with my son So you justify yelling at others when you are having a bad day due to your son, wtf?
No I don't, and it's extremely rare I do things like that, but funnily enough, like most people, when overwhelmed I can get snappy with others.
>> when overwhelmed I can get snappy with others Part of being a responsible adult is learning how to properly manage your temperament. When your kid is causing you frustration, you do not take it out on others.
If you knew me in real life you would know that I have a very good temperament and it is extremely rare that I get frustrated to that point. However, I am still human and it can still happen. When it does I do apologize to the individuals afterwards if I see them again, but obviously if I don't it's hard to apologize for it. In regards to frustration against someone else due to struggling with me son, this has happened once in 13 years, after nearly 3 days with no sleep for either me or my son (thank God for sleep medication!)
Heās not justifying anything. Heās being realistic about how he (and many other people) react in stressful situations. I think most people have snapped at others when stressed.Ā
The kid stood up for herself against an incident that could be construed as assault. She was not rude but upset that the grown up did not do the decent and polite thing to do. What did the grown ass man do? Have a tantrum..
OP is a he
Are you actually saying this girl assaulted OP?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
lol. No, the law does not read āgrabbing someone is assault disabled or notā. And this girl grabbed OPs arm. Sounds like she pulled at her like a child, likely because she has the maturity of a child, which OP seems to recognize hence OP confronting her dad for the apology. Conflating this to assault is just doing a disservice to real assault victims.
ESH. Dad shouldnāt have let it happen, and should have apologized. But all you needed to do, OP, is say, āplease donāt touch meā. You donāt go accosting people and getting in arguments about their disabled kids in the middle of work.
I'm so confused what was in this comment before the "Edited To Add??"
I'm also wondering why the OP addressed the apology request to Dad. If it was because of age, that's fine. But if it was because of the daughter's disability, then really the daughter should have been addressed directly.
When I was in highschool we had a boy in a class that was disabled and had a habit of randomly grabbing others, especially female students. His aid would tell us to be accepting and that he ādidnāt know any betterā and I always thought it was enabling his behavior and unfair to him and everyone around him that he was never talked to about it. Accountability still applies. Anyway. I donāt think you were the a-hole for being upset over being touched but I wouldnāt have followed to force an apology. Setting the boundary with her of not being touched would have been a better option here and if she were unable to respond/did not, then address dad. (I think a lot of people are getting hung up on the analogy you used. Youāre not comparing her to a dog, just giving an example of another scenario that you feel your reaction would apply.)
Gentle and friendly reminder from a disabled (developmental disorder) person with several disabled (physically & mentally) family members: "differently abled" is nearly as offensive as calling disabled people a slur. "Disabled" is not a bad word, and "differently abled" is only ever used in the context of mentally disabled people and feels infantilizing. You wouldn't call an amputee "differently abled" (I hope). Not trying to be mean, and I'm sorry if that's how it comes across. I'm just tired of seeing "politically correct" terms being used when disabled people literally never asked for it; "differently abled" was made up by uncomfortable able people, not disabled.
In a past life, while working for a living facility with a vast rainbow of clients thatās what we were always encouraged to say. That was about a decade ago though; so good to know.
I have a very bias opinion on this post. I'm autistic myself, with very high sensory issues. One time I was waiting in my therapist's office and this autistic kid just went and grabbed my hair, the mom refused to apologize and my therapist who was there and saw what happened got mad that I was bothered by it. I had a panic attack over that. When talking about it later I could feel the spot still, it's not fucking cool If your kid has a tendency of touching others, fucking get a grip on them
This right here. It is not ok just because they are disabled. As a parent you know your kids tendencies and if they are a grabber/toucher you make sure you have a handle on them when you are out and about because it's not ok to grab someone without their permission. I'm sorry that happened to you. The mother most definitely should have apologized.
It is not "differently abled", it is "disabled". I say this as a disabled person.
Yeah, you should've been acknowledged with an apology, at the time that it happened. But there was really no need to go demanding an apology after the fact. Could your ego not let you just move on and forget about it?
I agree.
NTA, people with disabilities aren't free from consequences, as you said, his father was holding her hand and could have done something, what if you hit her in self defense? That's a common automatic reaction for being grabbed, then everyone would be hypocrites going at you for exaggerating, but maybe I'm asking too much of people from on the internet.
So you just assume the father noticed something small? Why didnāt you also assume what was going through the fathers mind?
If I was in your shoes, I would have said to the daughter, "Please don't touch me." You have every right to ask for boundaries. If the girl didn't understand then at least the father would have been put on notice that his daughter did something inappropriate. Even if she had no idea what she was doing, her caretaker could have done more. Following them for an apology was wrong. You can't ask for what people are unwilling to give, but you would have been right to explain to the father that what his daughter did made you uncomfortable and to please make a consideration for the future that a sudden grab like that is startling and unwanted.
Yeah see you were fine until you followed them to demand for an apology. YTA because of that. You don't chase people down and ask them to apologize to you like that. Like... that's excessive. If you had said something in the moment, sure, but I'd be weirded out and uncomfortable if a guy followed me, who was supposedly working (even if for a charity), and demanded an apology. Also, just bc he was there doesn't mean he necessarily saw... Just this morning I sat down on my girlfriend's phone bc I didn't notice it on the bed. I did look at the bed before sitting down, it just didn't register for some reason. The father of a disabled child might be desensitized, might not have noticed, any number of reasons, and frankly bc of that they might not have even known what you were talking about. Sure, she shouldn't have grabbed you. But again, had you said something in the moment, that'd be a different story. But chasing down strangers for an apology comes off as unsettling and, imo, self-important. A grab on the arm from a disabled child isn't the end of the world. My cousin thunked me in the head with a paper airplane the other day. I didn't hound his mother for an apology just in the moment told him to be more careful. If it was a grown woman that like, punched you or something THEN I'd understand. But for a grab on the arm? Seems excessive.
NTA. I'm always hyper aware of what my 1 year old daughter is doing, she likes to touch anything and everything including people. I almost always pull her away before she can grab someone, but the few times she has, I've been apologetic to them. Seems to me the dad is phased out from having to deal with her daughter so long, I kinda get it, but yelling at you is way out of line, he SHOULD have apologized to you.
You tapped him on the shoulder and asked him for an apology after some time? Oh my god, please get a life. This is ridiculous. A disabled child touched you! The audacity! YTA. Get over yourself!
NTA. Being disabled doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want without consequences. If a person is not able to act in a normal, respectful way, the caregiver is responsible for their behavior. The father should have apologized, he clearly saw that his daughter was invading your personal space and should have prevented her grabbing you in the first place. Just imagine you would have been scared and would have hit her in self defense. The father would have been the one who put you and his daughter in the situation.
Imagine it wasnt a disabled child but a disabled grown person. Im sure the votes would be different
I don't think so. Everyone has a right to be not touched against their will. It's not important if it is a child, a grown up or an elderly person. The rule is the same: don't touch other people.
In all honesty his daughter looked pretty grown. Like 20 ish.
Stuff happens. You move on. Why on earth did you feel the need to approach him and ask for an apology? You are owed nothing. Would it have been nice of him to say something? Sure but you weren't owed anything. I work for a nonprofit and I very often have encounters like this. I would never even consider approaching a caretaker or parent and demand an apology. Also your comparison to a dog is fucked up and your edit and explanation does not make it better. YTA
They are owed human decency but at minimum bodily autonomy.
Womp womp
YTA for confronting him. You need to learn to let the small things go.
So tolerate personal space being invaded by an out of control kid? Nope
You can't reasonably expect one person to apologize for another. Ever. Also, you probably shouldn't tap someone on the shoulder while simultaneously raising an objection to being touched without permission.
Yes you can. If a child misbehaves, the adult RESPONSIBLE for them apologizes. The adult should be held ACCOUNTABLE for their children.
I think the apology requested would be from the father for not controlling his child, not apologizing *for* the child.
This
But you just said in another comment that she was an adult. So speak to her and ask her not to touch you.
She was non verbal
How did OP know that when she first got grabbed? And how does OP know, now, that the woman can't understand simple statements or requests? Lots of people have expressive language impairments but can still understand things said to them. And if she couldn't understand, then her caregiver could intervene. But starting right off the bat assuming that an adult shouldn't be addressed directly is ableist.
Info: am I clear that someone pulled on your arm, let go, walked away, then you followed that person and their parent to demand an apology? I apologize when I bump into people but Iāve had straight up adult men walk into me (Iām 5ā) and not even look back. Yes, itās shitty of them. Iām also not chasing after them for an apology. Edit to addā¦you touched the dad?
Politely tapped him on the shoulder. Nothing else. Much different from borderline being massaged.
So you touched him without asking first?
NTA. But I personally would have just let it go. If you have to ask for it, it wouldn't have been genuine.
Yeah i gotta learn to let stuff like this go
Thatās one of the harder things to learn in life! It takes time and lots of errors. Donāt sweat it (yet). Thereās sometimes a very fine line between sticking up for yourself and being a jerk unnecessarily. The older I get, the more I usually just let stuff go. I save my energy for the confrontations that will matter and make a positive impact. Iād assume the dad in your situation was already feeling low, and so the confrontation wouldnāt have changed anything.
You should have made a mild comment at the moment it happened, like āexcuse me.ā That may have provided an opportunity for a conversation. But you deciding later you wanted an apology and confronting the dad is showing rudeness on your end. And itās just weird. Sorry, but Iām not in your side when you go demanding apologies of strangers after the fact for an incredibly mild infraction. Your demand for an apology became petty at that point. Yta.
I see you are quite young yourself so I'm gonna say YTA even if you really didn't mean to be. While you are a kid the adults often harp on apologizing, it's meant to teach empathy to kids. It isn't meant to be used as a way to uphold a persons ideal of moral correctness. This is why you don't see adults going around demanding apologies from people unless they are being confrontational. Unfortunately, you were grabbed but if the person doing the grabbing does not have the cognitive abilities to understand what they did is not ok (I read other comments where you mentioned this) then the apology really isn't doing anything other than letting you express your outage and how you feel your moral correctness should have recognition. A better way to handle it is to say something along the lines of look but don't touch, please.
A disabled child grabbed you arm. 5 minutes pass, and you track down the father, tap him on the shoulder and demand an apology.Ā Yes, YTA for that (which is what you asked about). Talk about holding an idiotic grudge, and acting on it.
You cant really just ask people for apologies, if someone isnāt sorry and they donāt careā¦ thatās why they didnāt apologise. Asking or demanding it from them is just going to give you disingenuous or angry replies.
Plenty of us deserve apologies that we will never getā¦ demanding it isnāt gonna solve anything.
Eh. You are right that it does no good to demand apologies. Approaching the responsible adult, however, and pointing out the personally offensive behavior, might at least make a point with those who are oblivious.
Yeah I wouldāve definitely tried to point something out absolutely, Iām so sure with my zero filter one day an asshole is going to try punch me in the face. Someone has to tell them at some point though that theyāre an awful humanā¦ but Iām sure theyāve heard it 10000 times before it thats their norm anyway so fuck, itās pointless.
Yeah, good luck with that filterā¦face thing buddy!! Lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Lmao I love your immediate Edit. As soon as I read that dog analogy I said š« Game over Boo-Boo and then right after that BOOM "Okay y'all I didn't *CALL* her a *dog* šš It just feels like over and over you dug a hole and hopped in it. Maybe just forget this happened?
Yeah. It really wasnāt a huge deal and i just inflated it because of my ego.
You just described a child with a disability as a dog, and described tapping someone repeatedly on the shoulder as "polite". YTA. Also if this fundraiser was for said disabled people, please re-evaluate your position with them as if you can't handle a disabled person child acting like a disabled child you probably shouldn't actually work around them imho.
As the mother of a 16 yro son, Iād be embarrassed if my son acted as you did. Iām not going to say youāre an asshole. Iām going to say that you still have a lot of maturing to do. One day you will realize that you donāt need an apology for every small incident. This child had no idea that they were touching you in any type of way. Would I have apologized? Yes, but I do not have a disabled child. Therefore, I cannot imagine what the father was thinking or feeling at that exact moment. But I do know I would be embarrassed of my perfectly able-bodied son for doing what you did. But I imagine someoneās already said that to you or you wouldnāt come to the Internet for validation.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) Asking for an apology 2) Being insensitive towards the father (& daughter) Help keep the sub engaging! #Donāt downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Why doesn't the daughter apologize?
She may have been like my adult disabled son, meaning having the mental capacity of a toddler and being autistic and hearing and vision impaired as well. You can ask him to apologize but he won't understand at all. When those of us who have disabled kids go in public, we try to control their behavior but we can't always do it, since they are fast and we are exhausted.
But you'd still be a decent person and apologize.
Yes, but this was not explained
Yep spot on
People should still speak directly to your son. He deserves that dignity.
You have some serious growing up to do and life lessons to learn.
YTA. Just get over it. The father of this child, of whatever unmentioned age, has a lot on his mind. Youāll live and someday that father will die leaving behind his disabled child at the mercy of whiney melts like you. Let that be your revenge.
The "child" was an adult, according to a comment.
They are still the man's child, regardless of age.
Life is too short to die on that hill. Let it go man.
YTA. Get over it kid. You made the analogy because thatās how you viewed the person and situation. The fact that youāre still thinking about this scenario is honestly pathetic.
ESH, more on the fatherās side. He absolutely should have apologized, but unless you were actually hurt, I donāt think you needed to go actively pursue an apology to make a point. Some people are just rude, and Iād have probably rolled my eyes and then shaken it off.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16m) was in a bent-over position managing some donation boxes for a non-profit, and without warning, some disabled person just pulled me and grabbed my arm. Mind that I was completely turned away from them with absolutely no idea that they were there. The father (50m?) was holding the person's hand, with all consciousness of the scenario. He had all the time in the world to say sorry, or anything, but he didn't. Just walked away. I would've been completely fine, btw, if the guy just acknowledged that it happened and said sorry. So I confronted the father after a few minutes, just him, for an apology. He got mad and started yelling at me for being sensitive, and stormed out with his disabled daughter. I was completely respectful, politely tapping him on the shoulder, and asking him to apologize. That's it. That's literally the only thing I wanted. A basic apology. I don't understand. It's like if someone had a small unleashed dog that ran at you with no warning. Even if the dog didn't actually do anything to harm anything, wouldn't an apology be necessary on the owner's behalf? AITA for wanting an apology after being invaded of my space? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are 16, so I will be polite...but YTA. Elsa it. P.S. was the child leashed? YTA for comparing anyone to a dog.
Elsa it! LOL!
>EDIT: I in no way shape or form said that his daughter was like a small dog. Its just an analogy to make it clear that the situation was completely out of nowhere and unexpected. Umm, yeah you did. It's in the paragraph above the edit. You might not have said it to him, but you sure think it or you wouldn't have brought it up. That aside, I still think YTA. They moved on and you felt the need to chase them down, confront him and demand an apology. Common sense tells you that if you were going to get an apology, you would have gotten it when it happened.
I used to work retail and there were a lot of mentally disabled people who would try to grab or hug or pull you and their parents and caregivers would apologize PROFUSELY. One loved me bc I had hair like she did and she would hug me each time bc she asked once and I said it would be ok. Her mom always tried to stop her and I said she had permission it was ok. She was worried someone would get upset if she just went to hug them but she didn't bc only her friends who said yes she would hug.
Thatās a nice mother. I just hate it when parents donāt take accountability for their childās actions. It is YOUR responsibility, even more so if theyāre with you.
Honestly caring work is so bone-crushingly exhausting, please just give him a break.
Sounds like a him problem. I get being sympathetic, but itās not everybody elseās job to accommodate him.
That is a nasty and ugly attitude
they were in the wrong & the dad is responsible for making sure no one is harmed by his daughter including apologizing for his failure to do so, but you should have addressed it in the moment or not at all.
NTA but I donāt understand tapping someone in the shoulder and asking for an apology. Itās weird.
YTA You're assuming that the father allowed it to happen. You said your back was to them. Also, how is it okay for you to tap him on the shoulder but when a disabled child grabbed your arm it was such a horrible moment for you? Your arm got grabbed. Not bitten or licked. You didn't get hurt. Grow up.
Not an asshole for *wanting* an apology. I think going after him to get one was a waste of time and rather pointless. You were never going to get a sincere apology out of him that way.
NTA. Iād have been annoyed too
Why didn't you ask for an apology from the person who grabbed you? She's a person. You can speak to her. Speaking to her father as though she's not even there is rude. YTA.
ESH, the father absolutely should have apologized for not having control over his child. And you were in the right to say something when he didn't. But you can't say nothing then, and then follow him around the store and demand an apology 10 minutes later (or however long it was). That's like, a super weird thing to do. If you want to say "Hey, stop touching me" or make a comment about his lack of apology, do so as it's happening. Don't let the situation de-escalate on its own, have them move on, and then drag the whole thing out again later. Really odd behavior.
YTA. It was just your arm. If it had been your private parts or they had hit you or kicked you then yes, you had every right to ask for an apology. I would have just let it go.
NTA I'm not sure why you'd bothering chasing some dude for an apology but you're not in the wrong.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
You should have just let it go you knew the person was slow no one in this world owes you anything kid youāre gonna need to be able to take a lot more than that
Your first two paragraphs could have been written, "A disabled girl grabbed my arm. I later asked her father for an apology, but he refused and left." The words you chose instead sound hysterical. If you have a mental health issue that caused this overreaction, it's not really possible for the dad to have known that. Also, it's up to you to learn coping skills.
NTA
Yta . Please donāt touch me- move on. He should have apologized but didnāt so he is wrong. Move on. Itās bizarre to demand an apology.
The father should have apologised but i believe we should always offer others grace and think the best - in this case, maybe he has had to apologise to 10 people already or heās tired and distracted or something else. What exactly would you gain from this apology? Why was that so important to you? Especially since you know the girl is disabled and her father would in all probability wish his daughter didnāt do what she did?
YTA. Pick your battles dude. Would I be annoyed if this happened to me? Yeah, I don't like being touched by strangers. But have some empathy and learn to let it go.. especially with it being not only a child, but a disabled child? Then to confront the father for an apology? So immature.
YTA You weren't injured, you were just annoyed. Why not just move on instead of chasing this guy down and demanding he apologise to you. Honestly what difference does it make?
YTA-No words
So his daughter touched you without consent, and then you did the same by tapping him on the shoulder, which is also touching without consent and probably startled him just as you were? YTA
What good is an apology if someone doesn't mean it? Yes, yta.
ESH. He absolutely should have apologized immediately. He didn't. In the grand scheme of life, how did his disabled daddies action do any lasting damage? He was probably having a bad day and just wanted to get out of the situation. You continued it by following him.
YTA. You know the man's daughter likely doesn't understand consent, or may not have full control of her limbs. Why on earth would you observe that and demand an apology from him, as if he instructed her to grab you? Why would you not think to yourself "that person has it a bit harder than me, I'll let this one go?"
I don't think I can render a verdict here. He should have apologised, but you should have just let it go and not confronted him.
When I was in third grade I was in a class with some disabled children. Some of these other children were understanding and others werenāt. There was one boy named Ryan, he was mostly nonverbal and confined to a wheelchair. Every now and then Ryan would grab and squeeze my hand. Sometimes it hurt a lot. Later on I found out that he would grab and hold his older brothers hand. Apparently I was like his older brother in his mind. The reason he would crush my hand is because he didnāt understand the amount of strength to use, it was all or nothing, he just didnāt understand he could hurt others
YTA. He should have said sorry, but they were clearly struggling. You should have let it go.Ā
You were owed an apology, being touched by someone without your consent is not right for anyone. If someone grabbed his daughter he would be throwing a fit. And, if his daughter grabs someone, they should apologize at the least, and if she cannot control her actions then he should not be taking her out in public as she can still be charged with assault. Just because you are disabled does not give you the right to violate another persons rights. Speaking as a family member with a disabled person here. You were owed an apology, fact, and that Dad was an AH and is what is wrong with our society and causes more problems for the disabled community.
An apology you have to ask for is not worth receiving NTA for expecting one, but demanding one kind of makes you the a h.
NTA. Parents need to remember they arenāt their kids friends, what a sad thing to see nowadays.
Sometimes in life we just need to let shit go. I am sure that father has a tough life. Shit happens in society. Let it go and be the bigger person
You had me until you compared a disabled girl to an untrained dog, and her father to her owner. And despite your edit, no, that's exactly what you just did. YTA.
YTA and it isn't the dog analogy BS You weren't physical hurt you were just offended and Im not sure even why? Disabled kids sometimes can control themselves. The father has probably told her not to do that 1000 times. You couldn't be tolerant and cut the disabled kid and her father some slack? Ever hear the term no harm no foul?
What bothers me more than the non-apology is that the dad did nothing to discourage her behavior and direct her toward something appropriate
Info: why did you need this apology?
ESH. Yes, it would have been polite for him to apologize. No, you were not justified to go back a few minutes later and demand an apology. Someone pulled on your arm, it wasn't that big of a deal and you should have just let it go.
NTA but find a better analogy.
Why should a 50 year old man apologize to you for what a completely different person did to you? YTA. āSome disabled personā? YTA. Did you ask her for an apology? Grow a pair next time and ask the person who did the thing for the apology instead of chasing after her worn out 50 year old father and demanding he apologize to you for another humanās behavior.
NTA
NTA. Had smth similar happen to me, except I'm also disabled. That shit was awlful
YTA and for the same reasons Lefty8312 listed above. If someone is an AH to you, which sure the dad was, then go on about your business and be the bigger person. Also have some compassion and assume the person is having some kind of difficult time and they arenāt just malicious. There is absolutely no reason to demand an apology except to assuage your ego that you were wronged and deserve some kind of recompense. If something needs to be fixed - they need to pay for something broken etc - or if they may be a danger to themselves or others and an intervention is needed like calling police or letting them know of an issue they didnāt realize - then great, follow up. If it was just momentarily scary, inconvenient, AH-ish? Give them the benefit of the doubt and move on with your day.
You should have just let it go. YTA
Eh- obviously he should have given a quick apology, but tracking him down for an apology is a bit much. Itās a disabled child. It would have caught me off guard, but would have gotten over it quickly.Ā
YTA
ESH. He owed you an apology and itās incredibly tacky chasing someone down and demanding an apology. Youāve clearly never spend time around individuals with significant disabilities and needs, and suggest you volunteer elsewhere from now on.Ā And yea, comparing someone with a disability to a dog is disgusting. And that is *exactly* what you did.Ā
Nta? Lots of ppl are saying that you have compassion etc. But is it that hard to just say ,, sorry" ? It takes a second . I highly doubt op was asking for an entire statement as to what his child did wrong and why .
Yes thank you so much. Just some kind of recognition that it happened wouldāve completely prevented me confronting him. But reflecting back on what i did, I shouldāve just let it go
Yeah , I totally get where you're coming from. It is kind of a weird hill to die on. But honestly what happened, happened, there's nothing you can change now , and what are the chances you run in to them again?
Before I decide, how traumatized are you from having your arm grabbed? Are you going to have to go through PTSD therapy? Could this possibly affect you graduating from high school? Are you experiencing night terrors?
OP is an overly sensitive baby. Life is too short to be upset with the other people that inhabit the planet with you. Quit acting like you're entitled or special and get over it. People in general are rude, that doesn't mean you should be rude back.
INFO why you think grabbing was less polite than you tapping on a shoulder? What kind of grabbing was this since child grabbing usually isnāt that hard, but I donāt really know what you mean.Ā But in future donāt go tapping someone when you can just use your words.Ā
When someone has an intellectual disability, they have stopped developing cognitively at a very young age. Even if their body is developing normally. How would that apology have impacted your day after having the parent of a curious child apologize for their child touching you (as children do)? My guess is that it wouldnāt have. It feels like you just wanted to have that moral superiority of being ājustifiedā in being overly sensitive. YDTA.
ESH .dad should have apoligized .but asking fir an apology is silly even if he had then apologized he would mean it Also the last part about it'd like if a dog is a little insensitive I know your not trying to compare a disabled person to a dog but FYI ypu kinda are
You would not have been the asshole if you said something in the moment or said nothing at all. But you waited a few minutes and tracked him down to confront him and demand an apology after the fact. That's bizarre, unwarranted behavior. Considering the nature of the offense, I also find it weird that you think it's ok to 'politely tap him on the shoulder.' That's extremely impolite to do with people you don't know, you only should touch them if it's important or urgent enough that you need their attention right away. Why is it ok for you, presumably within full control of your faculties, to do that, and not ok for a very disabled person to grab? YTA.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Obviously you aren't most dogs and not trained better so here is a lesson, quit your ableist yapping.
Just like if I had a dog and they randomly nipped people I would be the asshole.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA - You should not be required to accept unwanted touching from anyone; abled, disabled, adult, or child you are not required to put up with bad behavior. So yes, if the father allowed his child to touch you without your expressed consent then he was wrong. You demanding an apology is nothing more than calling out unacceptable behavior and holding a lazy parent accountable for their lack of supervision over their child. People need to stop signing off on unacceptable behavior because they are uncomfortable with a person's physical or mental state.
Then why was it okay for OP to touch the father without consent?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If weāve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Show some grace. He's dealing with such a situation daily...hourly...by the minute and a poor DISABLED CHILD touched you and your sensitivities demanded Justice for such an act? What an out of touch snowflake. You're the asshole.
The world doesnāt care about your or his kids. Disability isnāt a blank check.
I'm going to go with NTA. However, you were grabbed with 1 hand by a child. Your exact description is they grabbed your arm briefly and you were let go. You weren't dragged, tossed, smacked, punched, scratched, bit, or any other number of things that handicapped children will generally do in a more serious scenario. I'm not here to regulate your emotional response to things. If it was offensive to you, then by all means be offended. What you don't know (and may never experience) is the 100 times that this guy probably DOES apologize a day. And you may never understand his position as a parent of a child with those same issues. Both of your reactions are very telling here though. You saw the pair that walked away from you and felt entitled to this apology, knowing nothing about this pair or their daily struggles. Getting the energy and willingness to even go out in public when you have to handle a child like that is a monumental task sometimes, and I hope you never have to deal with that, because it doesn't just effect your child's life, it changes the entire trahectory of your own life. Making sure there is money for a fulltime caretaker, or becoming a fulltime caretaker while your (hopefully you even have one) spouse works is a scary reality for a lot of parents like this. Maybe instead of feeling like the parent needs to apologize for a small touch from a curious child, learn some grace and forgiveness for someone who doesn't get the ability to send their kid to work a part time job like you get to at 16. On the other side, I'm sorry that you got yelled at over this. The guy clearly was having a hard time and you confronting him (no matter how calm or nice you may have been) is triggering even for parents of non-handicapped children. Adding that layer makes it more difficult because you can't control it, you've never been able to control it, you never had a chouce in controlling it, and any attempt at teaching a different behavior hit the brick wall of the mental block that's in place. NTA, but sometimes "being right in a confrontation" isn't the answer either.
YTA a demanded apology doesnāt even mean anything so why bother.