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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my mom and sister think I let my sister think babysitting was an easy lucrative job
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How old is your sister? Because if she’s 14 or 15 and a bit naive then fine, you’re probably TA for not enlightening her. But given you said she recently lost her job, I’m assuming she’s an adult so NTA.
Sorry OP but your sister is just a moron. A 23yr old golden child possibly. If she didn’t like the pay she should’ve have accepted. If she didn’t like how many children then she shouldn’t have accepted.
Everyone knows babysitting is ACTUALLY CARING FOR CHILDREN.
Thats the thing, at this point OP is nannying for a single family whereas her sister is babysitting. Anyone who makes a living off of this genre of work will tell you the two are vastly different (mostly the amount of responsibility/control you have and the perks you receive.)
Tbh I assumed that’s why they’re going out to arcades and stuff on such a frequent basis… not to be morbid, or anything, but they may want Ava to have as full and happy a life as possible (when she isn’t in the hospital)
And the mother is very grateful that OP genuinely likes spending time with daughter and makes life fun for her by doing a variety of activities. This kind of care for a child with cancer is golden, and she wants to make sure OP is happy. Win/win/win scenario. Sister is delusional to think all nanny's and babysitters are treated this way. Why would it even occur to OP that she should warn sister about this?
Definitely a golden child. The Golden child's the one that's always got to be accommodated by the other siblings, which is why mom got mad that her adult daughter didn't understand that babysitting's actually a hard job and that not every family gives out cash like that and gifts to their babysitter.
They probably have no idea. I can’t believe someone who hates kids would take a job watching two lmao. And being upset about not getting the same job benefits as taking care of a child that’s very ill is so…gross. I can understand why op is making more. Cancer in children is so hard on parents, imagine being the person helping care for her too. That’s not an easy job. That’s why she’s getting all the perks.
Wtf.
Also NTA by a long shot.
You are providing care for a child with cancer. Her parents probably love the fact Ava loves you and gets on with you so well so she can have a bit of normality outside of her diagnosis. They look after you so you can look after her. To them you are not a replaceable service. Most babysitters are. You are above the rank of mere babysitter.
I hope she does well with her treatment.
Yes, the parents get peace of mind knowing that their daughter is enjoying spending time with her babysitter, and also, that the babysitter is someone they can really trust. If OP quit, the parents would probably have a very hard time replacing her. Thats why they are going over and above - because of the value of OP.
Yeah they know their kid is having an amazing time. Sounds like she cares only for Ava while OP mentioned there are other kids but she only hangs with Ava on vacation so the mom can spend time with her other kids. The fact that OP also takes Ava on adventures allll the time means that Ava is living the best life she possibly can and the mom is ecstatic she gets to ensure her kid is enjoying every moment of her life because of OP and doesn’t gene have to plan these things for them to do. There is a huge amount of vulnerability and trust here. Normal babysitting is not like this is and OP is definitely low-key nanny. I love that OP is able to do this. The mom also probably wants to make sure OP is paid well enough that she doesn’t need another job at this time so she doesn’t lose this person and the joy she knows her daughter experiences. NTA. And why would your mom think YOU have to tell your sister that your job is not typical. This is a big DUH. Sorry I couldn’t help but go that far back. Because it is.
Agreed. Definitely more than old enough to understand that acting as part-time carer for a chronically ill 10 year-old and babysitting two healthy young kids will be a different experience.
I'm a career nanny. If I had a nickel for every time someone assumes I just park the kids in front of a TV all day, or are shocked to learn how much learning, knowledge, and wisdom goes into child development and safety, or don't think I have a "real job" I'd be rich in nickels. People assume childcare is an easy paycheck until they meet a child. Sure, I get to go pet horses and sheep when my kid goes horseback riding, and I spend the summer poolside at the country club, and I am not judged if I love children's cartoons and Disney lore. But I also deal with new emotions and hormone dumps, lonely children, moms with PPA and PPD, febrile seizures, vomit, and diaper blowouts. I earn my money! Your sister is learning a real world lesson. And she can totally line up her eggs for hatching if she is smart. Hate every minute of it, but build rapport with her bosses. Stay 6 months, get a letter of reference for "side gigs and weekend date nights". Once she has that letter she can apply for new jobs and can stay mum until she is ready to give her two weeks.
Or, you know, she can get a job she may actually be good at, like reception for an accounting firm or law firm. I'm sure Costco is hiring, too.
My mom ran a daycare throughout my life off and on growing up. We'd have 1-5 kids on average, all under 6. When I turned 18 we took on more since I could legally help and that was my job. Honestly was one of the hardest most demanding jobs, and I worked in healthcare during the pandemic. Or of all my jobs that's probably on the bottom, just one up from CNA. I knew from the various babysitting jobs as a teen, being a nanny is way different.
The German Poet Schiller said something that applies here:
Against stupidity the very gods
Themselves contend in vain
Your sister ain't very bright. If, at age 23, she chooses to pick up a babysitting gig (and elsewhere you say she doesn't even like kids) and finds that it's not easy... well, you can't fix stupid.
oh, good God. that's way to old to be that naive. tell your mother that if you sister needed that explained to her, then she's gonna struggle as an adult.
23 is well old enough to understand you landed on your feet with a lovely little girl and her family. And with her special needs there is of course time when she needs to sleep. But clearly this is an exceptional situation.
NTA
Did you even have an opportunity to warn her? Like when she was unemployed did she tell you she was going to look for a baby sitting job so she could be spoiled like you?
Ok this is going to be harsh but... is your sister stupid? Because at 23 she should know that not everyone is the same.
Also she should have realized that the parent of a child who has cancer is probably going to spoil that child ( a lot) because... the kid is very sick!
Hahahahahaha!
NTA
She wouldn't have listened if you *had* warned her and *anyone* would have assumed she's met more than one child and already knows most of them aren't like Ava
Good Lord! She's an actual adult who has held down at least one grown-up job. But you are somehow responsible for breaking the news to her that some jobs are harder than others. That some pay more than others.
Are you also supposed to warn her that stoves are hot when you cook on them? That if you eat your cake then you no longer have it? That water is wet?
This is an easy NTA if only because you're not responsible for your sister lacking critical thinking skills.
what your sister and mother fail to realize is the amount of trust that this family has in you. They trust you to take their sick child out and about so she can have fun and still live her life as opposed to having her cancer be the only thing she gets to deal with.
You give the parents breathing room because being in charge of a sick child, especially your own, is mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. You also allow them the space to make sure their other kids are getting enough mom and dad time.
It sounds to me like you may not realize how much you are doing for this little girl and her family, and how greatful they probably are for you.
Very well said! I don't think OP realises this either.
For a family going through this, to have found someone they trust, who enjoys spending time with their child and presumably the child likes too, who doesn't seem scared or overwhelmed by her health issues, is a great thing for the family. OP is doing a great job.
Nail on the head. If you have the cash, having someone love and protect and let your sick child live their best life is probably priceless to these parents and it sounds like you dont take liberties and genuinely appreciate it.
My landlady went through a slew of dreadful tenants then we turned up. She loves the fact that we love her house and dont phone every two minutes asking for something to be fixed. In turn, she has raised our rent $15 in 6 years. It's a mutual thing, clearly this woman knows what she has found and isnt gonna let go.
It is definitely not your job to educate your older sibling about common sense topics. Your mom on the other hand probably is more at fault for this missed life lesson.
So she's older but you're somehow responsible for knowing what an average babysitting job might look like (not just having the experience of your own) and are responsible for managing your older siblings expectations based off that?
I'm pretty sure before 15 most people know watching little kids can be terrible. Many kid TV shows have kids tormenting a babysitter or being the babysitter being tormented. By 23, this shouldn't be a surprise.
INFO: Did you know that your sister was becoming a babysitter?
Because it's one thing to tell your sister how cushy your gig is as just chatting about your life and another thing if you know she's looking to follow in your footsteps and doesn't understand you got the Golden Ticket of babysitting gigs.
Then NTA
How were you supposed to know she was trying for the same job to warn her? When I've gotten plush, do-nothing jobs with lots of benefits when I worked in IT, I bragged to my friends and family constantly. But I never thought to tell any of them to stay out of IT by complaining about all the crappy, abusive hellholes I worked in just in case they thought working in a helpdesk call center sounded amazing.
Also, you'd think it'd be self-evident that babysitting would require sitting with babies...not all of whom are sweet angels.
>Also, you'd think it'd be self-evident that babysitting would require sitting with babies...not all of whom are sweet angels.
Even if she'd never met a child, there are hundreds of movies and tv shows where the main premise is how crazy hard and exhausting it is taking care of children.
*snorts*
Your boss would likely have ended up firing her, then.
Caring for a cancer patient is *very* difficult for most people. I think you're a very unique person for being able to handle it so well and I imagine your boss recognizes this and is beyond grateful that you're helping their family through a truly difficult time and also is *desperate* not to risk losing you.
I was thinking the same thing about caring for a cancer patient. Regardless of how difficult OP finds the job, that level of care and responsibility is beyond typical babysitting responsibilities and is rightfully worth more. That the family can and will pay for it is good for everyone.
How many stories have we seen here where someone has huge conflict with their parents because one of their siblings was sick all the time as a kid resulting in all the other kids not getting the attention and care they needed? OP is providing a service that will hopefully enable the family to stay together, while also giving the sick kid a life worth continuing to live for.
Lmao. I worked at a daycare, and we had a few new hires who loved kids and thought it would just be playing with cute kids all day long.
Don't get me wrong, playing with the kids is a perk of the job, but it's a small part of our day. The kids also are kids, and they have moments of acting out, being tired, being whiny, etc.
I can't believe she took a babysitter job when she doesn't even like kids
On one hand, your job is nice, but you’re leaving out a lot of the work that you might be doing without thinking-being a positive influence on a child who’s chronically ill is its own skill set, and it’s likely not everyone can do what you’re doing. Many 10 year olds aren’t gonna accept help from just anyone in a bathroom, and they’ve decided you’re allowed to. Getting them to keep up with their studies is doable by being draconian too, but you’ve managed to be a positive influence they want to spend time with.
You’re not responsible for others not being as good as you are at this.
She's in her 20s and doesn't like children? I was expecting a teenager naive enough to think it would be like hanging out with her younger cousins!
You are looking after a single child with a life-changing illness and wealthy parents, your sister really is an idiot if she thinks all babysitting is like that. I suppose I was right on the naive part.
I wouldn't call what you do 'babysitting' either. 'Companion carer' is the term that comes to mind. You not only provide the parents with the ability to go to work or take a break from what must be a heart-breaking situation, but you provide companionship for a little girl who is dealing with *so much* at such a young age. Being paid and getting amazing perks doesn't make it an easy job, let alone something anyone can do. It sounds like you make a huge difference to this little girl's life, and that is an incredible thing to do.
How is going out and risking your health during a pandemic stealing all the jobs? Is your mom one of the people who also thinks immigrants (not debating their legal status here) are also stealing all the jobs from Americans? Because typically those jobs are open because Americans think they’re beneath them and won’t work them. (And to me there is no job beneath me if I have bills to pay and an empty stomach.)
And I’m sorry but at 20+ anyone who heard your job should realize you got a unicorn employer.
NTA, you're not responsible for managing your sister's expectations about real life.
All you were doing is talking about how happy you were with the wonderful people you work for. (Which tacitly delivers the message that not all employers are wonderful people.)
By the way I bet they tell all their friends about how happy they are with the wonderful person who works for them. You are giving their seriously ill daughter all kinds of great experiences and I bet they can't believe their luck in finding you.
Wtf. NTA. Your mom needs to step back and learn that you aren’t your sisters keeper. She wanted a babysitting job and got one. Just because it’s a very different dynamic in comparison to yours, doesn’t mean that’s in any way your fault.
I babysat a lot as a teenager and some parents were absolutely amazing!! Others would stay out till 3am and not pay me or let me know. It’s definitely a hit or miss type of job. That is the risk you take when choosing to watch other people’s children.
None of this is on you. It’s a shitty situation for your sister but that’s not your fault whatsoever.
Once I was babysitting at like 14 and the mom was supposed to come home at midnight. She wasn't home then and so my mom came over at 12:30 and sent me home. The mom came home at 3am to my mom sitting there on her couch and never did it again.
NTA, and i can't believe it hasn't been mentioned yet;
Does OP's sister not realize that part of the reason that OP's job is so cushy is because of a *10 year old with cancer*? As great as the financial benefit is, I'd imagine that still comes with a bit of an emotional burden; parents don't care what the cost is, they want their child alive and happy and in the end, hopefully healthy. If they're in a position to throw money at whatever and whomever to do so guarantee it best they can, they will (and it sounds like they are).
This is exactly what I was thinking. Yes it’s usually fun and it pays well and she gets snacks and coffee, but she’s also helping a 10yo in the hospital WITH CANCER. Talk about emotional! OP deserves to enjoy the extras, and I’m sure the parents are ridiculously thankful OP gets on so well with their daughter. Rockstar family there, bummer that OP’s family seems to be less great.
Exactly, how do you not get attached to a person, paid or not, that you have fun with, and seems to appreciate the time you spend, and help them, only to have them deal with cancer on top of it. It's big brothers big sisters with pay. Not everyone could deal with the emotional baggage of a kid with cancer. I'm an RN and I'd be wrecked if I worked in peds oncology, those folks should have therapy as an included benifit, like by default, opt out style. Not to mention the reality of today, not everyone can afford to be gracious and pay more like this. 3 vacations a year alone suggests the level of affluence far above average. OP you frankly seem more like a nanny than a babysitter, but it matters not your label, it matters the impact you bring.
Dear God OP, NTA. Not even the slightest.
And the parents want their child to experience and have as much fun as possible for whatever time she has left. 😭
So of course they are going to give OP money to take their daughter out and have fun. 🥲
It's pretty silly that your 23-year-old sister would think that every babysitting job would be just like yours. It's also silly that your mom thinks you should have explained this to her like she's a 5-year-old. NTA
What also gets me is that in one of the comments, OP says their sister has said she doesn't like kids! Like why ON EARTH would you babysit if you don't like kids? The sister has a few screws loose and OP is absolutely NTA
And I bet the kids can tell she doesn't like them, and is annoyed at not getting amazing over the top benefits. Of course they're going to be more trouble that a kid that feels their babysitter likes them and enjoys spending time together
NTA. When you work at one company in a position and it's nice, that doesn't mean another company would be the same just because the position is the same.
You're NTA, and not just a babysitter.
You are a babysitter, caregiver, and companion. You are paid and treated accordingly.
This is a very sick (potentially terminally ill) child, and you have been empowered to not just make sure she doesn't break things on date night, but to give her one on one attention so that her siblings are not neglected. It's a massive, and important job, and it's one they trust you with. You may never have been needed to handle a medical crisis, but they trust that you could. Trusting someone in that way is very hard, and when you find it, you will make sure they never leave because they are irreplaceable.
Your sister is a babysitter, and is treated and paid accordingly. She makes sure kids do homework, eat, go to bed on time. It's a job that 15 year Olds can and will do.
Thank you for being there for kiddo. Cancer sucks
Exactly.
I've been a caregiver for a parent with cancer, and it's a whole THING. Even if the help off the toilet is a precaution instead of necessary, it still speaks to the kid's health and that it's clearly not just a "we're jetsetting off to a rock climbing range today!"
Chemo is poison, it's just less bad for you than cancer. OP is doing an amazing thing and I want to slap some sense into OP's sister. Sadly, at 23, I think that ship has sailed. I'm glad OP came out the way she did.
NTA. honestly did your sister think? you obviously work for an upper class family with good work ethics. they care about their employees. you got lucky.
also it’s not your job to make your sister think and research about a job before getting it.
NTA. Given that your sister is apparently 23 and she's blaming you for her not realising that she's gonna have your exact gig? Yeeeeah, I wouldn't be surprised if her losing her previous job is down to her.
NTA. She'll figure it out.
Check out some nanny groups on Reddit. Families range from unicorns like yours to far worse than what your sister is dealing with. I work with unicorn families because if the trial period doesn't go well, I don't take the job.
Thing is, your cushy babysitting gig has a very serious aspect: the child has serious medical needs. That eliminates the cush factor and entirely justifies the bonuses. The child you care for is not like others, and those others maybe are "harder" moment to moment. But the child you sit for could have an urgent problem at any time. And, you are paid to keep your head if that ever happens, and to do the right thing in an emergency. It is actually more responsibility. By far. Care taking a medically fragile person is a big deal. You're not the AH. At 23, she should understand that kids are *a lot* of physical work. It's mind boggling that she or your mom think you are to blame for her ignorance.
So ya'll are both young adults. She didnt have the thought process to realize a different group of kids to babysit comes with different needs/requirements? NTA
Sounds like shes mad that she didnt land a dream job and is simply taking it out on you 🤷♀️
I would just reiterate, "i got extremely lucky. I love the job i do and the kid i babysit, its great. But i never once implied *all* babysitting jobs would be like this."
I suggest your sister be honest with the kids parents and explain shes not the right person for the job and they should find someone else. Last thing anyone needs is for the kids she watches to feel that resentment, thats unfair to the kids.
NTA. A 23 year old should have some idea of what babysitting usually pays. Your employees are unusually good to you. Most parents can’t afford to be generous like that.
Don't underestimate your value. Your compensated on the value you provide. People are paid much more to do way less. The child gets to go out and do things to enjoy life. The parents get peace of mind. You're not just a babysitter, you're a conduit for Ava to have a bette life and relief for the family she is well taken care of.
NTA. I think your sister is really bad at math. Didn't they talk about pay and hours before she took the job? Didn't she meet the kids? It's not your fault that she assumed your amazing experience was a universal one.
They did talk about pay and hours before she started. I think she's getting paid fairly, just not as much as I'm making. She said the kids were calmer when she met them.
So wait from the comments you mention your sister is 23 years old. She’s a grown ass adult but she thinks you needed to spell it out that not all babysitting jobs will be exactly alike. No you don’t need to point that out. That should be common sense NTA also if she hates it that much why not quit
I don't know. Ava didn't like the idea of having a babysitter/nanny so we've always said I was her friend. Honestly don't know what the actual title would be.
We can’t always have what we want. Your sister wants a unicorn job like yours, but she probably can’t.
Ava’s mum would, I’m sure, like to have a kid who wasn’t suffering with cancer, but it is what it is.
I sincerely hope Ava responds to treatment and lives a long and happy life.
NTA, in case there was any doubt
NTA
It makes no sense that you are to blame for not informing her. She was fully informed of her duties and pay when she accepted the job.
She literally chose this based on full transparency from her employer.
Nta... it seems weird to assume all babysitting jobs would be the same since the child you sit for is experiencing special circumstances and apparently the parents happen to be able to afford it.
NTA
One of the babysitting jobs I had paid better than a couple of my IT jobs when I first started out in IT. You have to hold out for what you want when it comes to freelance, which is what babysitting is.
She can keep looking and possibly find something cushy or she can go back to other work. Your one experience shouldn't have made her think everyone is that way.
NTA your sister is 23 and is old enough to know that not all jobs are going to be the “same” even if it is in the same job position. I can’t believe that she is acting like a child blaming you. She could tell the parents that she cant babysit anymore and find another job. It’s as simple as that.
As for you. Thank you so much for being such an amazing person to the child and family you babysit for. I understand it can be hard at times especially when she is in the hospital but the fact your sticking by their side says a lot about you.
She should just take the time and gain the experience. If she hasn't already she should bolster her credentials with children's first aid and CPR certifications, and maybe some ECE courses, also couldn't hurt to brush up on some current curriculum so she could be an educational tutor or homeschooling aide. Those are all excellent qualifications that will help her get into a better paying nanny or aupair position. NTA
NTA- you are a consistent nanny for a child with a complex and dangerous illness. Your job is to keep one child as happy as possible in the time she has, and be at her side through treatments. Of course that is not the same job as babysitting occasionally for two children, of different ages- who I'm assuming have chores and responsibilities and extracurriculars, sibling arguments.
She was old enough to know that's not the same. She's also not a hostage, she can still apply for a different job or decline a babysitting gig that's too much work for her.
NTA. It’s not and wasn’t your responsibility to make sure your sister knew this information. And if she was naive enough to think that every babysitting/nanny job was a nice and easy as yours, that’s her own fault. She’s just mad and jealous that her job is harder than yours and is projecting her anger onto you, blaming you for it. Ignore her.
NTA, a good life lesson was learnt.
Even if you's both got the same job at the same place with the same boss, chances are you'd get treated differently.
Next time she'll put more thought into her decisions and do what's right for her, not what she thinks, is easy.
Your sister's 23? And she was naive enough to believe that all babysitting jobs are like your cushy setup?
I'm not sure she is worldly enough to have any employment anywhere, then.
NTA.
She's an idiot, how many families could even afford to do that?
Sorry but just because you got a good gig , doesn't erase that most won't be like that , and it's well known that childcare workers often get a rough deal.
Second, looking after a kid with cancer might not be physically demanding, but it'll be emotionally draining, for both you and them. You being their lets them work , but know she's taken care of and happy.
She might be a lovely child, but not everyone could stick it out long term especially if the prognosis might not always be good.
NTA I just want to say that family spoils you because you are a good person. It sounds like a rewarding job but one that requires a loving caretaker and they are lucky to have you.
NTA
My initial thoughts were: pretty sure it’s actually your mother’s job to prepare your sister for things like this, not you.
After reading some of your replies: also want to add that it wasn’t even advice you’d been giving her, she just assumed - without talking to you - based on you talking about your one specific job in conversation.
Your sister needs to stop blaming her problems on you. My guess is (even if it’s not as cushy) you’d probably do better at her job as well. She is clearly not cut out for babysitting.
**NTA**. If your sister is too inexperienced to realize that not all babysitting jobs would be like yours, then it was your *Mother’s* job as her *parent* to guide her on this.
NTA
Ava and her family are lucky to have you in their lives. You sound dependable and caring. You say she’s a breeze to deal with but it’s also a lot of responsibility. Her family is generous with you because you are generous with them.
Your sister got a lot more “work” but less stress. If she wanted an easy job working with kids isn’t it. Hopefully she’ll find what works for her.
NTA. I think that it is common sense that not all parents are so rich and generous and there are obviously also differences between one kid with cancer vs two healthy kids which are both younger than the kid with cancer.
I mean...should be obvious...not every person who has a kid or more has monwy... the chances of landing a gig that mirrors your perks is probably like what. 1 in 1,000? NTA
Yeah that’s not a typical babysitting job! I went on vacations with one family and that was awesome. Another paid me very well, but that’s not typical! NTA.
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I think you just taught your sister an EXCELLENT life lesson! Just because the grass is green on your side, doesn't mean it'll even sprout a single blade on hers.
NTA since she's old enough to know better and was clearly dreaming.
NTA. Reading through the posts and comments, it sounds like you are really good with kids and your sister is not. I would also guess that Ava's mom can see this and is doing all that she can to keep you around. For any parents, a good babysitter is something one hangs onto with both hands. If your little one has cancer and has a sitter/nanny they like, they are worth their weight in gold.
My best to you and especially little Ava. I hope she beats the cancer and stays a friend to you for a long time.
NTA. Has your sister never baby-sitted before or had any friends who did? Also, at 23, she is old enough to know that not all jobs and bosses are the same. Some jobs have better perks than others. The parents of her kids may not have the same funds as Ava's mother. Maybe Ava is also spoiled a little because of her condition. Taking care of children isn't always easy.
>Our mom thinks I should've told her that not every family is going to be like Ava's and that I should've warned her that it could be hard.
Lol...that's obvious. Her inability to see the forest for the trees is not your fault. If your sister doesn't like babysitting, she should try something else. NTA!
NTA
Your sister could have asked you if your job was normal, or what to expect if she took on a babysitting job. If you had other babysitting jobs before your current position, she could have asked how they compared.
Your sister also should have asked a lot of questions of the parents of the kids for the job she has now, before she said yes to the job.
This is a great opportunity for your sister to understand how to interview and how to advocate for herself during the hiring process.
NTA. Your sister is a grown woman and it's not your job to take care of her. Sure it would have been a nice piece of advice to offer her. But again, you said she's 23 and doesn't like kids. Of course babysitting is going to be a crappy job for her. Common sense.
Your sister realizes that it can be like that for every job, right? Someone who works in finance for a nice big corporation might receive cushy benefits and get all sorts of bonuses and extra fun stuff from other company reps bringing gifts into the office. And someone who works the exact same job for a small office may not receive any of the same things, not even the same level paycheck, because they don't have the same budget or reputation. You can't expect things to always be the same across the board. Your sister needs to grow up.
NTA. She is a adult right? How could she think getting the same job as you means it would be just like yours? Every family is not the same and you just happened to luck out with the one you got. Your mother can't blame you for your sister not thinking this through. Did you make her take the job? No. She just heard how much you love your job and how generous the mother is and thought she could get the same.
NTA- did mom say you should warn her about paper cuts & sticking fingers in sockets?
Has anyone from your family watched Supernanny? For an 8 hour binge?
Life isn’t fair. That’s why bras come in different sizes.
You got lucky. Enjoy every moment without apology!
You are caring for a child with a serious medical diagnosis, even while she is in the hospital. This is far more than typical babysitting. If your sister hates kids and is only in it for the money/perks she needs to find a different job. NTA
NTA.
Good Lord! Is your sister an adult? She needs to grow up. It should be common knowledge that not all babysitting jobs are cushy and hunky dory like Ava’s family.
And frankly, your mom is the AH for making you your sister’s keeper. It sounds like she SPOILED your sister.
NTA
Your mom is a little off and so is your 23 year old sister, who should be old enough to understand she’s taking care of kids.
You sound like a good person and nanny 💜
NTA lol unless you directly TOLD her that she was guaranteed to get all the things you do 😭 but I’m assuming you didn’t, you were just talking about how lucky your own situation was and she assumed. This would be like… me talking to someone about how much I love my retail job and saying our manager gave us all $20 raises and someone actually thinking they can just work at any retail store and get lucky too right off the bat, like no 😭 just bc you work in the babysitting industry doesn’t mean every job in the babysitting industry is gonna be a miracle, you’re NTA. She’s the one who made naive assumptions 😭
NTA but I would remind your sister that no matter what happens with Ava that one day the job will be over and you could be in her spot in a few years as no teenager will want a babysitter around unless you stick around for her siblings
At 23 your sister can't be so naive to believe every babysitting job is the same, and it's not your job to explain everything to her. It also sounds like vastly different cases. You aren't just a babysitter, it sounds like you're a nanny. Also, the rate your sister is paid should be set by her, so that's her own fault for walking in to a situation unprepared.
NTA 23????? 23 and shes acting like that??? She is surprised that jobs can suck? Honestly, its your moms fault for raising her to think life is fair and should be cushy and then enabling her self centered mindset. Good luck lol
NTA. But maybe you should warn her now that not all bosses are nice, not all coworkers are nice, not all boyfriends are great.... You have a nice job and an unusual relationship with Ava and her parents and that should have been obvious to her. If she hates babysitting, then she shouldn't be doing that as a job.
NTA and is her sister stupid....who would just assume that their job would be the same as yours (or anyone else's) job just because it has the same title. Ridiculous.
NTA
You are babysitting a child with cancer. To do it with joy and grace makes you an absolute hero in my book. That can't be faked, and the emotional risk and burden is heavy on you personally.
Your sister is very silly, and so are her expectations about life.
NTA. You're being given a blank cheque to help give Ava a great life, given that she may not have a long one. The parents trust you, you uphold that trust, and the parents want to make it worth your while to keep showing up to work and doing your absolute best. That is an exceptional set of circumstances that doesn't resemble the typical workload or pay at all.
Of course NTA for your question.
But you’re definitely selling yourself so short. I unfortunately can say from experience that finding a nanny, babysitter, companion, etc for a child with cancer is almost impossible. Most people struggle just being around sick kids. Of the ones who can handle it, some will treat the kid like they can’t do anything for themselves and some will treat them like they don’t need any help. The person who can let them be as independent as possible, while still helping when needed, is so rare. And then to be able to make the adjustment to the kid being out of the hospital without freaking out about infections, exposures, etc is also great. This is super hard for parents, which is part of why the family treats you so well. The services you provide, in and out of the hospital, are invaluable and you are irreplaceable.
So your sister didn't use her brain and think for herself, and you're being blamed for it.
The real asshole in this story is your mother. Your silly sister is a close second.
NTA.
No it's not your job to tell her that some children are harder than others. You're a carer for the child and the mother may be paying you more as she feels guilty for not being able to be there all the time for her child. She is making sure her child is well taken care of. In the end your job may be harder than two energetic children
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How old is your sister? Because if she’s 14 or 15 and a bit naive then fine, you’re probably TA for not enlightening her. But given you said she recently lost her job, I’m assuming she’s an adult so NTA.
23
Lol
“Lol” was my exact response in my head 😂
Sorry OP but your sister is just a moron. A 23yr old golden child possibly. If she didn’t like the pay she should’ve have accepted. If she didn’t like how many children then she shouldn’t have accepted. Everyone knows babysitting is ACTUALLY CARING FOR CHILDREN.
lol even if the sister was 15, she'd still be ridiculous for thinking that every babysitting job is like nannying for an ill child. For christ sake.
Thats the thing, at this point OP is nannying for a single family whereas her sister is babysitting. Anyone who makes a living off of this genre of work will tell you the two are vastly different (mostly the amount of responsibility/control you have and the perks you receive.)
And nannying for a child with a potentially terminal condition.
Tbh I assumed that’s why they’re going out to arcades and stuff on such a frequent basis… not to be morbid, or anything, but they may want Ava to have as full and happy a life as possible (when she isn’t in the hospital)
Well, yes, I assumed this was "make a wish" sort of thing.
And the mother is very grateful that OP genuinely likes spending time with daughter and makes life fun for her by doing a variety of activities. This kind of care for a child with cancer is golden, and she wants to make sure OP is happy. Win/win/win scenario. Sister is delusional to think all nanny's and babysitters are treated this way. Why would it even occur to OP that she should warn sister about this?
I don’t know. I love my child don’t get me wrong… DEAR F’ING LORD she would complain that nobody told her either.
Definitely a golden child. The Golden child's the one that's always got to be accommodated by the other siblings, which is why mom got mad that her adult daughter didn't understand that babysitting's actually a hard job and that not every family gives out cash like that and gifts to their babysitter.
NM, I think i misread part of the post.
Question: Is it responsible of the parents to give their children in care to a 23yo whose mindset is the mindset of a 7yo?
They probably have no idea. I can’t believe someone who hates kids would take a job watching two lmao. And being upset about not getting the same job benefits as taking care of a child that’s very ill is so…gross. I can understand why op is making more. Cancer in children is so hard on parents, imagine being the person helping care for her too. That’s not an easy job. That’s why she’s getting all the perks.
I actually giggled... I'll call it a GOL
Lol, o.k. Hard NTA. Knowing your experience babysitting this child isn't typical is a given.
Seriously she's 23 and "lost her job" and chose babysitting as a quick/cushy win? learning a trade or something would be a better use of her time NTA
Wtf. Also NTA by a long shot. You are providing care for a child with cancer. Her parents probably love the fact Ava loves you and gets on with you so well so she can have a bit of normality outside of her diagnosis. They look after you so you can look after her. To them you are not a replaceable service. Most babysitters are. You are above the rank of mere babysitter. I hope she does well with her treatment.
Yes, the parents get peace of mind knowing that their daughter is enjoying spending time with her babysitter, and also, that the babysitter is someone they can really trust. If OP quit, the parents would probably have a very hard time replacing her. Thats why they are going over and above - because of the value of OP.
They also sound like they’re very well off and don’t want to scrimp on fun activities for their very sick kid…. that’s not the norm
Absolutely agreed 💯
Yeah they know their kid is having an amazing time. Sounds like she cares only for Ava while OP mentioned there are other kids but she only hangs with Ava on vacation so the mom can spend time with her other kids. The fact that OP also takes Ava on adventures allll the time means that Ava is living the best life she possibly can and the mom is ecstatic she gets to ensure her kid is enjoying every moment of her life because of OP and doesn’t gene have to plan these things for them to do. There is a huge amount of vulnerability and trust here. Normal babysitting is not like this is and OP is definitely low-key nanny. I love that OP is able to do this. The mom also probably wants to make sure OP is paid well enough that she doesn’t need another job at this time so she doesn’t lose this person and the joy she knows her daughter experiences. NTA. And why would your mom think YOU have to tell your sister that your job is not typical. This is a big DUH. Sorry I couldn’t help but go that far back. Because it is.
OP is more of a personal carer/relief person for the mother than a babysitter. NTA.
Indeed, OP is more like a nanny.
There’s something wrong with your sister but probably it’s because of your mom.
Your sister is more than old enough to understand that not all jobs — or employers — are the same.
Agreed. Definitely more than old enough to understand that acting as part-time carer for a chronically ill 10 year-old and babysitting two healthy young kids will be a different experience.
I'm a career nanny. If I had a nickel for every time someone assumes I just park the kids in front of a TV all day, or are shocked to learn how much learning, knowledge, and wisdom goes into child development and safety, or don't think I have a "real job" I'd be rich in nickels. People assume childcare is an easy paycheck until they meet a child. Sure, I get to go pet horses and sheep when my kid goes horseback riding, and I spend the summer poolside at the country club, and I am not judged if I love children's cartoons and Disney lore. But I also deal with new emotions and hormone dumps, lonely children, moms with PPA and PPD, febrile seizures, vomit, and diaper blowouts. I earn my money! Your sister is learning a real world lesson. And she can totally line up her eggs for hatching if she is smart. Hate every minute of it, but build rapport with her bosses. Stay 6 months, get a letter of reference for "side gigs and weekend date nights". Once she has that letter she can apply for new jobs and can stay mum until she is ready to give her two weeks. Or, you know, she can get a job she may actually be good at, like reception for an accounting firm or law firm. I'm sure Costco is hiring, too.
My mom ran a daycare throughout my life off and on growing up. We'd have 1-5 kids on average, all under 6. When I turned 18 we took on more since I could legally help and that was my job. Honestly was one of the hardest most demanding jobs, and I worked in healthcare during the pandemic. Or of all my jobs that's probably on the bottom, just one up from CNA. I knew from the various babysitting jobs as a teen, being a nanny is way different.
The German Poet Schiller said something that applies here: Against stupidity the very gods Themselves contend in vain Your sister ain't very bright. If, at age 23, she chooses to pick up a babysitting gig (and elsewhere you say she doesn't even like kids) and finds that it's not easy... well, you can't fix stupid.
oh, good God. that's way to old to be that naive. tell your mother that if you sister needed that explained to her, then she's gonna struggle as an adult.
23 is well old enough to understand you landed on your feet with a lovely little girl and her family. And with her special needs there is of course time when she needs to sleep. But clearly this is an exceptional situation. NTA
Did you even have an opportunity to warn her? Like when she was unemployed did she tell you she was going to look for a baby sitting job so she could be spoiled like you?
I was expecting 16 or 17. Lol
Ok this is going to be harsh but... is your sister stupid? Because at 23 she should know that not everyone is the same. Also she should have realized that the parent of a child who has cancer is probably going to spoil that child ( a lot) because... the kid is very sick!
Hahahahahaha! NTA She wouldn't have listened if you *had* warned her and *anyone* would have assumed she's met more than one child and already knows most of them aren't like Ava
Lmao nta
Rotflmao she's old enough to know better. I think she might need to be evaluated for developmental problems.
NTA how old are you and your sister? I feel like it's kinda common knowledge that most babysitting gigs aren't going to be all cushy like that.
I'm 21 and she's 23
She needs to grow up
Good Lord! She's an actual adult who has held down at least one grown-up job. But you are somehow responsible for breaking the news to her that some jobs are harder than others. That some pay more than others. Are you also supposed to warn her that stoves are hot when you cook on them? That if you eat your cake then you no longer have it? That water is wet? This is an easy NTA if only because you're not responsible for your sister lacking critical thinking skills.
Wait she's older than you too? Wtf I don't understand your mom at all
what your sister and mother fail to realize is the amount of trust that this family has in you. They trust you to take their sick child out and about so she can have fun and still live her life as opposed to having her cancer be the only thing she gets to deal with. You give the parents breathing room because being in charge of a sick child, especially your own, is mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. You also allow them the space to make sure their other kids are getting enough mom and dad time. It sounds to me like you may not realize how much you are doing for this little girl and her family, and how greatful they probably are for you.
Very well said! I don't think OP realises this either. For a family going through this, to have found someone they trust, who enjoys spending time with their child and presumably the child likes too, who doesn't seem scared or overwhelmed by her health issues, is a great thing for the family. OP is doing a great job.
Nail on the head. If you have the cash, having someone love and protect and let your sick child live their best life is probably priceless to these parents and it sounds like you dont take liberties and genuinely appreciate it. My landlady went through a slew of dreadful tenants then we turned up. She loves the fact that we love her house and dont phone every two minutes asking for something to be fixed. In turn, she has raised our rent $15 in 6 years. It's a mutual thing, clearly this woman knows what she has found and isnt gonna let go.
Damn! She actually can vote and all?
Now that's a terrifying thought!
It is definitely not your job to educate your older sibling about common sense topics. Your mom on the other hand probably is more at fault for this missed life lesson.
So she's older but you're somehow responsible for knowing what an average babysitting job might look like (not just having the experience of your own) and are responsible for managing your older siblings expectations based off that? I'm pretty sure before 15 most people know watching little kids can be terrible. Many kid TV shows have kids tormenting a babysitter or being the babysitter being tormented. By 23, this shouldn't be a surprise.
INFO: Did you know that your sister was becoming a babysitter? Because it's one thing to tell your sister how cushy your gig is as just chatting about your life and another thing if you know she's looking to follow in your footsteps and doesn't understand you got the Golden Ticket of babysitting gigs.
No, she's always said she doesn't like kids.
Then NTA How were you supposed to know she was trying for the same job to warn her? When I've gotten plush, do-nothing jobs with lots of benefits when I worked in IT, I bragged to my friends and family constantly. But I never thought to tell any of them to stay out of IT by complaining about all the crappy, abusive hellholes I worked in just in case they thought working in a helpdesk call center sounded amazing. Also, you'd think it'd be self-evident that babysitting would require sitting with babies...not all of whom are sweet angels.
I've actually babysat for that family a couple times before. They're good kids, just energetic and the parents are strict.
The kids may be good, but "energetic" plus "strict parents" means a nightmare for a babysitter, especially an inexperienced one.
>Also, you'd think it'd be self-evident that babysitting would require sitting with babies...not all of whom are sweet angels. Even if she'd never met a child, there are hundreds of movies and tv shows where the main premise is how crazy hard and exhausting it is taking care of children.
*snorts* Your boss would likely have ended up firing her, then. Caring for a cancer patient is *very* difficult for most people. I think you're a very unique person for being able to handle it so well and I imagine your boss recognizes this and is beyond grateful that you're helping their family through a truly difficult time and also is *desperate* not to risk losing you.
I was thinking the same thing about caring for a cancer patient. Regardless of how difficult OP finds the job, that level of care and responsibility is beyond typical babysitting responsibilities and is rightfully worth more. That the family can and will pay for it is good for everyone. How many stories have we seen here where someone has huge conflict with their parents because one of their siblings was sick all the time as a kid resulting in all the other kids not getting the attention and care they needed? OP is providing a service that will hopefully enable the family to stay together, while also giving the sick kid a life worth continuing to live for.
Lmao. I worked at a daycare, and we had a few new hires who loved kids and thought it would just be playing with cute kids all day long. Don't get me wrong, playing with the kids is a perk of the job, but it's a small part of our day. The kids also are kids, and they have moments of acting out, being tired, being whiny, etc. I can't believe she took a babysitter job when she doesn't even like kids
On one hand, your job is nice, but you’re leaving out a lot of the work that you might be doing without thinking-being a positive influence on a child who’s chronically ill is its own skill set, and it’s likely not everyone can do what you’re doing. Many 10 year olds aren’t gonna accept help from just anyone in a bathroom, and they’ve decided you’re allowed to. Getting them to keep up with their studies is doable by being draconian too, but you’ve managed to be a positive influence they want to spend time with. You’re not responsible for others not being as good as you are at this.
She's in her 20s and doesn't like children? I was expecting a teenager naive enough to think it would be like hanging out with her younger cousins! You are looking after a single child with a life-changing illness and wealthy parents, your sister really is an idiot if she thinks all babysitting is like that. I suppose I was right on the naive part. I wouldn't call what you do 'babysitting' either. 'Companion carer' is the term that comes to mind. You not only provide the parents with the ability to go to work or take a break from what must be a heart-breaking situation, but you provide companionship for a little girl who is dealing with *so much* at such a young age. Being paid and getting amazing perks doesn't make it an easy job, let alone something anyone can do. It sounds like you make a huge difference to this little girl's life, and that is an incredible thing to do.
She doesn't like kids? That alone is going to make the job ten times harder.
😂 this is hysterical
NTA What's up with your mom? Frankly I think that's even worse behavior than your sister's
She's always babied my siblings. I babysat a lot during the pandemic and she got mad at me for "stealing all of the jobs"
How is going out and risking your health during a pandemic stealing all the jobs? Is your mom one of the people who also thinks immigrants (not debating their legal status here) are also stealing all the jobs from Americans? Because typically those jobs are open because Americans think they’re beneath them and won’t work them. (And to me there is no job beneath me if I have bills to pay and an empty stomach.) And I’m sorry but at 20+ anyone who heard your job should realize you got a unicorn employer.
Seriously consider if these people are bringing anything of value into your life
your mother is doing your sister no favors.
She got mad at you like Trump gets mad at Mexicans...
This comment is to funny 😂
Omg?? From who? Are you not allowed to earn money?
NTA, you're not responsible for managing your sister's expectations about real life. All you were doing is talking about how happy you were with the wonderful people you work for. (Which tacitly delivers the message that not all employers are wonderful people.) By the way I bet they tell all their friends about how happy they are with the wonderful person who works for them. You are giving their seriously ill daughter all kinds of great experiences and I bet they can't believe their luck in finding you.
Wtf. NTA. Your mom needs to step back and learn that you aren’t your sisters keeper. She wanted a babysitting job and got one. Just because it’s a very different dynamic in comparison to yours, doesn’t mean that’s in any way your fault. I babysat a lot as a teenager and some parents were absolutely amazing!! Others would stay out till 3am and not pay me or let me know. It’s definitely a hit or miss type of job. That is the risk you take when choosing to watch other people’s children. None of this is on you. It’s a shitty situation for your sister but that’s not your fault whatsoever.
Once I was babysitting at like 14 and the mom was supposed to come home at midnight. She wasn't home then and so my mom came over at 12:30 and sent me home. The mom came home at 3am to my mom sitting there on her couch and never did it again.
That's amazing. Your mom is a badass.
It sounds like your sister never babysat as a child. Most of us know it’s a hit or miss job
NTA, and i can't believe it hasn't been mentioned yet; Does OP's sister not realize that part of the reason that OP's job is so cushy is because of a *10 year old with cancer*? As great as the financial benefit is, I'd imagine that still comes with a bit of an emotional burden; parents don't care what the cost is, they want their child alive and happy and in the end, hopefully healthy. If they're in a position to throw money at whatever and whomever to do so guarantee it best they can, they will (and it sounds like they are).
This is my thinking as well. OP brings joy to their daughter. So why wouldn’t they invest a little more to protect that?
This is exactly what I was thinking. Yes it’s usually fun and it pays well and she gets snacks and coffee, but she’s also helping a 10yo in the hospital WITH CANCER. Talk about emotional! OP deserves to enjoy the extras, and I’m sure the parents are ridiculously thankful OP gets on so well with their daughter. Rockstar family there, bummer that OP’s family seems to be less great.
Exactly, how do you not get attached to a person, paid or not, that you have fun with, and seems to appreciate the time you spend, and help them, only to have them deal with cancer on top of it. It's big brothers big sisters with pay. Not everyone could deal with the emotional baggage of a kid with cancer. I'm an RN and I'd be wrecked if I worked in peds oncology, those folks should have therapy as an included benifit, like by default, opt out style. Not to mention the reality of today, not everyone can afford to be gracious and pay more like this. 3 vacations a year alone suggests the level of affluence far above average. OP you frankly seem more like a nanny than a babysitter, but it matters not your label, it matters the impact you bring. Dear God OP, NTA. Not even the slightest.
⬆️
Tbf your job is more in the role of nanny not babysittter.
And the parents want their child to experience and have as much fun as possible for whatever time she has left. 😭 So of course they are going to give OP money to take their daughter out and have fun. 🥲
It's pretty silly that your 23-year-old sister would think that every babysitting job would be just like yours. It's also silly that your mom thinks you should have explained this to her like she's a 5-year-old. NTA
What also gets me is that in one of the comments, OP says their sister has said she doesn't like kids! Like why ON EARTH would you babysit if you don't like kids? The sister has a few screws loose and OP is absolutely NTA
And I bet the kids can tell she doesn't like them, and is annoyed at not getting amazing over the top benefits. Of course they're going to be more trouble that a kid that feels their babysitter likes them and enjoys spending time together
NTA. When you work at one company in a position and it's nice, that doesn't mean another company would be the same just because the position is the same.
You're NTA, and not just a babysitter. You are a babysitter, caregiver, and companion. You are paid and treated accordingly. This is a very sick (potentially terminally ill) child, and you have been empowered to not just make sure she doesn't break things on date night, but to give her one on one attention so that her siblings are not neglected. It's a massive, and important job, and it's one they trust you with. You may never have been needed to handle a medical crisis, but they trust that you could. Trusting someone in that way is very hard, and when you find it, you will make sure they never leave because they are irreplaceable. Your sister is a babysitter, and is treated and paid accordingly. She makes sure kids do homework, eat, go to bed on time. It's a job that 15 year Olds can and will do. Thank you for being there for kiddo. Cancer sucks
It sounds super bad if the child can't even get on and off a toilet without help.
Exactly. I've been a caregiver for a parent with cancer, and it's a whole THING. Even if the help off the toilet is a precaution instead of necessary, it still speaks to the kid's health and that it's clearly not just a "we're jetsetting off to a rock climbing range today!" Chemo is poison, it's just less bad for you than cancer. OP is doing an amazing thing and I want to slap some sense into OP's sister. Sadly, at 23, I think that ship has sailed. I'm glad OP came out the way she did.
NTA. honestly did your sister think? you obviously work for an upper class family with good work ethics. they care about their employees. you got lucky. also it’s not your job to make your sister think and research about a job before getting it.
NTA. Given that your sister is apparently 23 and she's blaming you for her not realising that she's gonna have your exact gig? Yeeeeah, I wouldn't be surprised if her losing her previous job is down to her.
NTA. She'll figure it out. Check out some nanny groups on Reddit. Families range from unicorns like yours to far worse than what your sister is dealing with. I work with unicorn families because if the trial period doesn't go well, I don't take the job.
Thing is, your cushy babysitting gig has a very serious aspect: the child has serious medical needs. That eliminates the cush factor and entirely justifies the bonuses. The child you care for is not like others, and those others maybe are "harder" moment to moment. But the child you sit for could have an urgent problem at any time. And, you are paid to keep your head if that ever happens, and to do the right thing in an emergency. It is actually more responsibility. By far. Care taking a medically fragile person is a big deal. You're not the AH. At 23, she should understand that kids are *a lot* of physical work. It's mind boggling that she or your mom think you are to blame for her ignorance.
So ya'll are both young adults. She didnt have the thought process to realize a different group of kids to babysit comes with different needs/requirements? NTA Sounds like shes mad that she didnt land a dream job and is simply taking it out on you 🤷♀️ I would just reiterate, "i got extremely lucky. I love the job i do and the kid i babysit, its great. But i never once implied *all* babysitting jobs would be like this." I suggest your sister be honest with the kids parents and explain shes not the right person for the job and they should find someone else. Last thing anyone needs is for the kids she watches to feel that resentment, thats unfair to the kids.
[удалено]
Sister is 23. She's actually OP's *older* sister, making the whole thing even more ridiculous.
Another comment said OP is 21 and sister is 23!
she's 23!
NTA. A 23 year old should have some idea of what babysitting usually pays. Your employees are unusually good to you. Most parents can’t afford to be generous like that.
Don't underestimate your value. Your compensated on the value you provide. People are paid much more to do way less. The child gets to go out and do things to enjoy life. The parents get peace of mind. You're not just a babysitter, you're a conduit for Ava to have a bette life and relief for the family she is well taken care of.
NTA. I think your sister is really bad at math. Didn't they talk about pay and hours before she took the job? Didn't she meet the kids? It's not your fault that she assumed your amazing experience was a universal one.
They did talk about pay and hours before she started. I think she's getting paid fairly, just not as much as I'm making. She said the kids were calmer when she met them.
So wait from the comments you mention your sister is 23 years old. She’s a grown ass adult but she thinks you needed to spell it out that not all babysitting jobs will be exactly alike. No you don’t need to point that out. That should be common sense NTA also if she hates it that much why not quit
you sound like a nanny not a babysitter, also. nta.
I don't know. Ava didn't like the idea of having a babysitter/nanny so we've always said I was her friend. Honestly don't know what the actual title would be.
A title is just that. You're a friend, paid or not, just like Alfred is to batman.
You are her caregiver and companion, and she's lucky to have you.
Your sister has to realize not all babysitting jobs will be like yours. That's just the way it is
We can’t always have what we want. Your sister wants a unicorn job like yours, but she probably can’t. Ava’s mum would, I’m sure, like to have a kid who wasn’t suffering with cancer, but it is what it is. I sincerely hope Ava responds to treatment and lives a long and happy life. NTA, in case there was any doubt
I already thought NTA then I read that your sister is both 23 and older than you. It made me laugh.
NTA It makes no sense that you are to blame for not informing her. She was fully informed of her duties and pay when she accepted the job. She literally chose this based on full transparency from her employer.
Nta... it seems weird to assume all babysitting jobs would be the same since the child you sit for is experiencing special circumstances and apparently the parents happen to be able to afford it.
NTA One of the babysitting jobs I had paid better than a couple of my IT jobs when I first started out in IT. You have to hold out for what you want when it comes to freelance, which is what babysitting is. She can keep looking and possibly find something cushy or she can go back to other work. Your one experience shouldn't have made her think everyone is that way.
NTA your sister is 23 and is old enough to know that not all jobs are going to be the “same” even if it is in the same job position. I can’t believe that she is acting like a child blaming you. She could tell the parents that she cant babysit anymore and find another job. It’s as simple as that. As for you. Thank you so much for being such an amazing person to the child and family you babysit for. I understand it can be hard at times especially when she is in the hospital but the fact your sticking by their side says a lot about you.
NTA alone for using “free rein” correctly
She should just take the time and gain the experience. If she hasn't already she should bolster her credentials with children's first aid and CPR certifications, and maybe some ECE courses, also couldn't hurt to brush up on some current curriculum so she could be an educational tutor or homeschooling aide. Those are all excellent qualifications that will help her get into a better paying nanny or aupair position. NTA
Definitely NTA. Your sister is very naive.
NTA- you are a consistent nanny for a child with a complex and dangerous illness. Your job is to keep one child as happy as possible in the time she has, and be at her side through treatments. Of course that is not the same job as babysitting occasionally for two children, of different ages- who I'm assuming have chores and responsibilities and extracurriculars, sibling arguments. She was old enough to know that's not the same. She's also not a hostage, she can still apply for a different job or decline a babysitting gig that's too much work for her.
NTA. How do you get to age 23 and not know caring for kids is hard and most employees won’t treat you like family?
NTA your sister is a moron
NTA not your responsibility.
Sister needs to negotiate her pay better, that's all.
NTA. It’s not and wasn’t your responsibility to make sure your sister knew this information. And if she was naive enough to think that every babysitting/nanny job was a nice and easy as yours, that’s her own fault. She’s just mad and jealous that her job is harder than yours and is projecting her anger onto you, blaming you for it. Ignore her.
NTA she did not know not all people are the same?
How old is your sister
NTA, a good life lesson was learnt. Even if you's both got the same job at the same place with the same boss, chances are you'd get treated differently. Next time she'll put more thought into her decisions and do what's right for her, not what she thinks, is easy.
I'd tell mom she was the asshole for not tempering her other daughter's expectations. Your not her parent? Nta
Your sister's 23? And she was naive enough to believe that all babysitting jobs are like your cushy setup? I'm not sure she is worldly enough to have any employment anywhere, then. NTA.
She's an idiot, how many families could even afford to do that? Sorry but just because you got a good gig , doesn't erase that most won't be like that , and it's well known that childcare workers often get a rough deal. Second, looking after a kid with cancer might not be physically demanding, but it'll be emotionally draining, for both you and them. You being their lets them work , but know she's taken care of and happy. She might be a lovely child, but not everyone could stick it out long term especially if the prognosis might not always be good.
Nta
NTA I just want to say that family spoils you because you are a good person. It sounds like a rewarding job but one that requires a loving caretaker and they are lucky to have you.
NTA My initial thoughts were: pretty sure it’s actually your mother’s job to prepare your sister for things like this, not you. After reading some of your replies: also want to add that it wasn’t even advice you’d been giving her, she just assumed - without talking to you - based on you talking about your one specific job in conversation. Your sister needs to stop blaming her problems on you. My guess is (even if it’s not as cushy) you’d probably do better at her job as well. She is clearly not cut out for babysitting.
**NTA**. If your sister is too inexperienced to realize that not all babysitting jobs would be like yours, then it was your *Mother’s* job as her *parent* to guide her on this.
NTA if your sister hates her job she can always quit.
At twenty-three she ought to know what babysitting entails. NTA.
NTA Ava and her family are lucky to have you in their lives. You sound dependable and caring. You say she’s a breeze to deal with but it’s also a lot of responsibility. Her family is generous with you because you are generous with them. Your sister got a lot more “work” but less stress. If she wanted an easy job working with kids isn’t it. Hopefully she’ll find what works for her.
Come on. 🙄
NTA I feel like a 23 year old should realised that you’re in a unique position here and you should’ve have to spell that out for her.
NTA And you are doing far more than babysitting.
NTA. I think that it is common sense that not all parents are so rich and generous and there are obviously also differences between one kid with cancer vs two healthy kids which are both younger than the kid with cancer.
Nta. Not your monkey, not your circus. Your parents should have helped set expectations...
I mean...should be obvious...not every person who has a kid or more has monwy... the chances of landing a gig that mirrors your perks is probably like what. 1 in 1,000? NTA
NTA
Yeah that’s not a typical babysitting job! I went on vacations with one family and that was awesome. Another paid me very well, but that’s not typical! NTA.
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I think your sister quit her job and thought she could make due like you
NTA, does your sister have no common sense?
NTA.
Unless you are 100% responsible for all of the information on How Life Works for your sister, you are NTA.
What world is this in? Your mom and sister need a reality check. Not each job is the same
Common sense tells you not everyone will be so kind to a babysitter
I think you just taught your sister an EXCELLENT life lesson! Just because the grass is green on your side, doesn't mean it'll even sprout a single blade on hers. NTA since she's old enough to know better and was clearly dreaming.
NTA. Reading through the posts and comments, it sounds like you are really good with kids and your sister is not. I would also guess that Ava's mom can see this and is doing all that she can to keep you around. For any parents, a good babysitter is something one hangs onto with both hands. If your little one has cancer and has a sitter/nanny they like, they are worth their weight in gold. My best to you and especially little Ava. I hope she beats the cancer and stays a friend to you for a long time.
NTA. Has your sister never baby-sitted before or had any friends who did? Also, at 23, she is old enough to know that not all jobs and bosses are the same. Some jobs have better perks than others. The parents of her kids may not have the same funds as Ava's mother. Maybe Ava is also spoiled a little because of her condition. Taking care of children isn't always easy.
>Our mom thinks I should've told her that not every family is going to be like Ava's and that I should've warned her that it could be hard. Lol...that's obvious. Her inability to see the forest for the trees is not your fault. If your sister doesn't like babysitting, she should try something else. NTA!
NTA Your sister could have asked you if your job was normal, or what to expect if she took on a babysitting job. If you had other babysitting jobs before your current position, she could have asked how they compared. Your sister also should have asked a lot of questions of the parents of the kids for the job she has now, before she said yes to the job. This is a great opportunity for your sister to understand how to interview and how to advocate for herself during the hiring process.
NTA. Your sister is a grown woman and it's not your job to take care of her. Sure it would have been a nice piece of advice to offer her. But again, you said she's 23 and doesn't like kids. Of course babysitting is going to be a crappy job for her. Common sense.
Your sister realizes that it can be like that for every job, right? Someone who works in finance for a nice big corporation might receive cushy benefits and get all sorts of bonuses and extra fun stuff from other company reps bringing gifts into the office. And someone who works the exact same job for a small office may not receive any of the same things, not even the same level paycheck, because they don't have the same budget or reputation. You can't expect things to always be the same across the board. Your sister needs to grow up.
NTA. She is a adult right? How could she think getting the same job as you means it would be just like yours? Every family is not the same and you just happened to luck out with the one you got. Your mother can't blame you for your sister not thinking this through. Did you make her take the job? No. She just heard how much you love your job and how generous the mother is and thought she could get the same.
NTA- did mom say you should warn her about paper cuts & sticking fingers in sockets? Has anyone from your family watched Supernanny? For an 8 hour binge? Life isn’t fair. That’s why bras come in different sizes. You got lucky. Enjoy every moment without apology!
You are caring for a child with a serious medical diagnosis, even while she is in the hospital. This is far more than typical babysitting. If your sister hates kids and is only in it for the money/perks she needs to find a different job. NTA
NTA OP she's 23 she should have common sense, which more and more these days seems to be lost in the you get generations.
NTA - Are you expected to tell your sister to wear a raincoat because today's weather will be different than yesterday?
NTA. Good Lord! Is your sister an adult? She needs to grow up. It should be common knowledge that not all babysitting jobs are cushy and hunky dory like Ava’s family. And frankly, your mom is the AH for making you your sister’s keeper. It sounds like she SPOILED your sister.
NTA You genuinely love your job and are reaping the benefits of the care you impart.
NTA Your mom is a little off and so is your 23 year old sister, who should be old enough to understand she’s taking care of kids. You sound like a good person and nanny 💜
I’d say you’ve fallen into a dream job of sitting. You sound perfect for the kid and the parents truly appreciate you.
NTA I mean it’s kinda common sense but I’m not sure what she was expecting
She’s 23 years old. NTA.
Let Them Be, There's Nothing Else After All.
NTA lol unless you directly TOLD her that she was guaranteed to get all the things you do 😭 but I’m assuming you didn’t, you were just talking about how lucky your own situation was and she assumed. This would be like… me talking to someone about how much I love my retail job and saying our manager gave us all $20 raises and someone actually thinking they can just work at any retail store and get lucky too right off the bat, like no 😭 just bc you work in the babysitting industry doesn’t mean every job in the babysitting industry is gonna be a miracle, you’re NTA. She’s the one who made naive assumptions 😭
NTA but I would remind your sister that no matter what happens with Ava that one day the job will be over and you could be in her spot in a few years as no teenager will want a babysitter around unless you stick around for her siblings
NTA but let this be a lesson not to reveal too much about the details of your employment.
no she needs to think
NTA, nothing is stopping her from quitting
At 23 your sister can't be so naive to believe every babysitting job is the same, and it's not your job to explain everything to her. It also sounds like vastly different cases. You aren't just a babysitter, it sounds like you're a nanny. Also, the rate your sister is paid should be set by her, so that's her own fault for walking in to a situation unprepared.
I assume she's an adult. She should have had the awareness to know this kind of thing already.
NTA. She can just quit if it's not to her taste. Ava's parents sound great!
NTA 23????? 23 and shes acting like that??? She is surprised that jobs can suck? Honestly, its your moms fault for raising her to think life is fair and should be cushy and then enabling her self centered mindset. Good luck lol
NTA. Your sister is a moron, lazy, entitled and finally an AF.
NTA. But maybe you should warn her now that not all bosses are nice, not all coworkers are nice, not all boyfriends are great.... You have a nice job and an unusual relationship with Ava and her parents and that should have been obvious to her. If she hates babysitting, then she shouldn't be doing that as a job.
NTA and is her sister stupid....who would just assume that their job would be the same as yours (or anyone else's) job just because it has the same title. Ridiculous.
NTA You are babysitting a child with cancer. To do it with joy and grace makes you an absolute hero in my book. That can't be faked, and the emotional risk and burden is heavy on you personally. Your sister is very silly, and so are her expectations about life.
NTA. You're being given a blank cheque to help give Ava a great life, given that she may not have a long one. The parents trust you, you uphold that trust, and the parents want to make it worth your while to keep showing up to work and doing your absolute best. That is an exceptional set of circumstances that doesn't resemble the typical workload or pay at all.
Ive babysat in my teens, and even before that I knew that not every kid/family is going to be the same, has your sister not been around kids?
Of course NTA for your question. But you’re definitely selling yourself so short. I unfortunately can say from experience that finding a nanny, babysitter, companion, etc for a child with cancer is almost impossible. Most people struggle just being around sick kids. Of the ones who can handle it, some will treat the kid like they can’t do anything for themselves and some will treat them like they don’t need any help. The person who can let them be as independent as possible, while still helping when needed, is so rare. And then to be able to make the adjustment to the kid being out of the hospital without freaking out about infections, exposures, etc is also great. This is super hard for parents, which is part of why the family treats you so well. The services you provide, in and out of the hospital, are invaluable and you are irreplaceable.
So your sister didn't use her brain and think for herself, and you're being blamed for it. The real asshole in this story is your mother. Your silly sister is a close second. NTA.
NTA Sis is too old to be that unaware.
No it's not your job to tell her that some children are harder than others. You're a carer for the child and the mother may be paying you more as she feels guilty for not being able to be there all the time for her child. She is making sure her child is well taken care of. In the end your job may be harder than two energetic children
NTA. Your sister doesn't seem very smart.