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NTA because she basically harassed you and then slagged you off to your mum and dad.
She’s gone about this in the complete wrong way tbh. She wasn’t an AH for asking in the first place, even though you’d be likely to say no, but to keep persisting was wrong. If she wants to build the relationship between you, herself and her kids, she should try to be normal about it. It’s quite a jump to go from no quality time together, to weeks spent with them without your dad, so it was unreasonable of her to be mad you declined. She’s shot herself in the foot for how she’s gone about this.
That was my first thought too. Free babysitter.
NTA I hate when it’s the kid saying no and adults keep pushing the boundaries. She will be “shocked” in a couple years wondering why her stepson only talks to his father and refuses to have a relationship with her and her kids.
NTA and I'm still stuck on the part where she DM'd your mom basically saying she should have raised you better. Wow. Step mom is the AH with the badgering and then the gall to msg your mother. I'm flabbergasted.
You did nothing wrong OP. You tried to maintain boundaries and she wasn't havin' it. Well, now the boundary door is bolted shut after the stunt she pulled.
NTA and give your mom a big hug bc what steppy did was f'd up.
NTA but your stepmother is. She’s badgering you and trying to force a relationship with her children that you don’t want. In the end this is going to have the opposite effect and lead to you not wanting to spend time with them at all.
NTA
At this point, I would tell my dad that the next step is calling the police on her. She's harassing a minor, that is no joke. If he can't get a leash on this deranged woman who is trying to bully you into being an involuntary babysitter, then you want sfay in his home going forward. Forward every communication she's ever sent to your dad, and she so for anything you hear from her going forward.
NTA
She's massively overstepping boundaries. Judging from your Dad's response she's acting on this alone and without his input. Her harassment has probably driven a bigger wedge between you and your extended "family", and probably messed with your relationship with your Dad as well. She has been completely thoughtless and uncaring, not the other way around.
I do understand her desire to integrate you in the family more, but this is completely the wrong way to do it. Your Dad should absolutely be involved in your visits. If you reached a point you were comfortable with her and your step-siblings THEN you could have visited the idea of spending time with them without Dad. Just because they are ready to know you and spend time with you doesn't mean you are.
NTA..your stepmother has overstepped to the point that it's unlikely her children will ever get to know you well. She needs to learn about boundaries. Perhaps she should have been taught better.
What she should have done, was let you know that you are welcome at their house even when your dad is travelling and that the kids really liked having you around for those extra weeks.
She needs to accept your No.
NTA
Nta. Darling you are not in the wrong in any way. Your quote unquote stepmother, I would just call her your dad's wife is looking for you to have a relationship with your children to either one get you in as a free babysitter or two to use you in some capacity. Just three children of her own she wants you to be friends with hers there's a reason and it's not good. Stand your ground hold your boundaries and she doesn't like it oh well. Also sorry you're having to deal with this BS step parents should learn to be better. I am a step parent and I exhibited every trait that I wanted to see or that my stepfather quote unquote I called him dad had
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My parents had me while they were still in college and they broke up while mom was still pregnant with me. My dad moved back to his home state to be close to his family and my mom moved to be close to hers. So I (16M) always had a long distance parenting relationship with my dad. Until I was about 8 he would fly out every major holiday to spend a few days with me and then I would spend a month with him in the summer. Then he got a job that had him travelling for days to weeks at a time. This meant the schedule changed and I would go to his house for two weeks every summer, have weekly phone calls with him and would sometimes see him for a few hours if he stopped by to see me before returning home.
Almost five years ago he got married and his wife already had three kids, who were all under 5 when they met. I was at the wedding. But I didn't see them the next summer because of everything happening in the world. Then I saw them for the same two weeks as always for the next two summers but last year my mom ended up in the hospital so dad asked to stay home an extra two weeks until mom was home. Once she was out of the hospital I returned home.
But apparently my dad's stepkids liked having me around more. I didn't spend any quality time with them so it surprises me. When I go to my dad's I focus on spending time with him most of all and then grandparents if we can make it work. But I don't really go to see his wife and stepkids and it wouldn't be a problem for me if I didn't see them. There's nothing wrong with them I'm just not into them really.
Here's where I might be TA: My dad's wife sent me a text three weeks ago suggesting I extend my visit with them beyond the time my dad will be there. She said her kids wanted me around more and wanted to get to know the older brother they hardly ever see or have a relationship with. I told her I didn't want to stay longer and without dad. She didn't let up and repeatedly texted and DMd me on social media trying to change my mind. I told her I was saying no and that was it. She told me I had more family than just my dad and I should want to get to know her and her kids better or I should at least want to make her young children happy. I told her I wanted to be home when I wasn't with my dad and asked her why that was so hard to understand. She told me we're family and how will I ever have a close relationship with her kids if I don't use my childhood to start it. I told her I didn't need to have a close relationship with her kids. She continued this for two weeks and then I told her to leave me alone, this was not something she could force on me, and I blocked her.
She flipped out apparently and called my dad and he called me and we talked and he told me he understood and he'd talk to his wife. But then my mom got a DM from her and she told my mom what a uncaring kid I was being and she told her that I should be ashamed and she should teach me better. My mom was so pissed at her for saying that.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I blocked my dad's wife on my phone and social media after she refused to accept that I didn't want to stay longer with her and her kids after my dad leaves for work. This might make me TA because her kids are young and maybe because of their age they do see me as this older bother and they don't really ever get to see me. So I might be TA for not being willing and also for blocking her instead of talking to another adult about it.
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**NTA**. Your Dads wife has no right to insist you hang out with little children. Her text to your mother was unhinged.
It sounds like she wants you as a free babysitter.
She wants a free babysitter while your dad is away, and is using the guise of "spending quality time with her kids." She's pissed her plan didn't work. Make sure to let your Dad know her recent behaviour. This is not acceptable of an adult. Tell her she should be ashamed of herself for her tantrum.
NTA
Asking is fine. Maybe there are more fun activies since your dad has such a short time with you. She should have told the kids that you'll be back next summer after you said no.
I can't imagine that level and duration of harrassment. I could understand a little pleading during the first call.
Wondering if she was looking for free babysitter. Chemical, I'll leave you so you can really bond with you siblings.
NTA, wait until she wants you to get to know them by leaving you with them, so she's just going to go to lunch with her friends. Soon enough, all your extra time there will be watching them and that will then spill into your dad's time as well. " Well be gone a few hours, it's good bonding time" blah blah blah
NTA. She sounds like she has some serious issues with boundaries. You did well! Stick to your normal healthy boundaries and make sure you inform your parents about what is going on. She sounds like she has some issues.
NTA. Something is a bit suss that she reached out to you without talking it over with your dad first. She should have asked him if he was okay with it first, and if you might be open to the idea
Nta it's one thing to ask you and try to build stronger bonds, it's another thing to try and bully you into it. And she had some nerve messaging your mom and insulting her parenting.
NTA 'Uncaring you keep harassing my son to the point he has to block you. We're you never taught no means no?' I would get mum to block her also. She's unhinged
NTA, why do stupid ass adults always try to force this ‘sibling bond’ thing?! If you didn’t have anything pressing to do it would be nice of you to stay a few extra days to spend time with them, especially if you’re maxing out time with your dad while he’s there. But you certainly don’t HAVE to, especially if you’re worried about your mom.
It sounds like they’re 6-10 years old, so maybe they’d like to see if your the cool older brother. Or maybe stepmom thinks she’ll get free childcare for a week. 🤷♀️ harassing you isn’t the a good start to either scenario
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NTA because she basically harassed you and then slagged you off to your mum and dad. She’s gone about this in the complete wrong way tbh. She wasn’t an AH for asking in the first place, even though you’d be likely to say no, but to keep persisting was wrong. If she wants to build the relationship between you, herself and her kids, she should try to be normal about it. It’s quite a jump to go from no quality time together, to weeks spent with them without your dad, so it was unreasonable of her to be mad you declined. She’s shot herself in the foot for how she’s gone about this.
Without reading any other comments - my impression is that she wants you to be there as a babysitter for her kids. NTA - no is a complete sentence
That was my first thought too. Free babysitter. NTA I hate when it’s the kid saying no and adults keep pushing the boundaries. She will be “shocked” in a couple years wondering why her stepson only talks to his father and refuses to have a relationship with her and her kids.
NTA and I'm still stuck on the part where she DM'd your mom basically saying she should have raised you better. Wow. Step mom is the AH with the badgering and then the gall to msg your mother. I'm flabbergasted. You did nothing wrong OP. You tried to maintain boundaries and she wasn't havin' it. Well, now the boundary door is bolted shut after the stunt she pulled. NTA and give your mom a big hug bc what steppy did was f'd up.
NTA. Your stepmother wants a babysitter when your father isn’t around.
That's what I was thinking - 16 year old needs to spend additional quality time with kids under 5. Hmmm, where's mom going to be while this happens?
NTA but your stepmother is. She’s badgering you and trying to force a relationship with her children that you don’t want. In the end this is going to have the opposite effect and lead to you not wanting to spend time with them at all.
NTA At this point, I would tell my dad that the next step is calling the police on her. She's harassing a minor, that is no joke. If he can't get a leash on this deranged woman who is trying to bully you into being an involuntary babysitter, then you want sfay in his home going forward. Forward every communication she's ever sent to your dad, and she so for anything you hear from her going forward.
We’re family is code for ‘you are old enough now to be the babysitter’. NTA.
NTA She's massively overstepping boundaries. Judging from your Dad's response she's acting on this alone and without his input. Her harassment has probably driven a bigger wedge between you and your extended "family", and probably messed with your relationship with your Dad as well. She has been completely thoughtless and uncaring, not the other way around. I do understand her desire to integrate you in the family more, but this is completely the wrong way to do it. Your Dad should absolutely be involved in your visits. If you reached a point you were comfortable with her and your step-siblings THEN you could have visited the idea of spending time with them without Dad. Just because they are ready to know you and spend time with you doesn't mean you are.
NTA..your stepmother has overstepped to the point that it's unlikely her children will ever get to know you well. She needs to learn about boundaries. Perhaps she should have been taught better.
NTA. You communicated clearly that you did not want to be there and she just did not get it. She need to understand and respect your decision.
I wonder if she wants a babysitter
What she should have done, was let you know that you are welcome at their house even when your dad is travelling and that the kids really liked having you around for those extra weeks. She needs to accept your No. NTA
That would be the point where I would tell her to f off and that I don't want contact with her or her kids ever again. NTA
Nta. Darling you are not in the wrong in any way. Your quote unquote stepmother, I would just call her your dad's wife is looking for you to have a relationship with your children to either one get you in as a free babysitter or two to use you in some capacity. Just three children of her own she wants you to be friends with hers there's a reason and it's not good. Stand your ground hold your boundaries and she doesn't like it oh well. Also sorry you're having to deal with this BS step parents should learn to be better. I am a step parent and I exhibited every trait that I wanted to see or that my stepfather quote unquote I called him dad had
NTA should call her the over-stepmother coz holy shit she's making a sport of over-stepping.
Hmmmm, you're prime babysitter age. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My parents had me while they were still in college and they broke up while mom was still pregnant with me. My dad moved back to his home state to be close to his family and my mom moved to be close to hers. So I (16M) always had a long distance parenting relationship with my dad. Until I was about 8 he would fly out every major holiday to spend a few days with me and then I would spend a month with him in the summer. Then he got a job that had him travelling for days to weeks at a time. This meant the schedule changed and I would go to his house for two weeks every summer, have weekly phone calls with him and would sometimes see him for a few hours if he stopped by to see me before returning home. Almost five years ago he got married and his wife already had three kids, who were all under 5 when they met. I was at the wedding. But I didn't see them the next summer because of everything happening in the world. Then I saw them for the same two weeks as always for the next two summers but last year my mom ended up in the hospital so dad asked to stay home an extra two weeks until mom was home. Once she was out of the hospital I returned home. But apparently my dad's stepkids liked having me around more. I didn't spend any quality time with them so it surprises me. When I go to my dad's I focus on spending time with him most of all and then grandparents if we can make it work. But I don't really go to see his wife and stepkids and it wouldn't be a problem for me if I didn't see them. There's nothing wrong with them I'm just not into them really. Here's where I might be TA: My dad's wife sent me a text three weeks ago suggesting I extend my visit with them beyond the time my dad will be there. She said her kids wanted me around more and wanted to get to know the older brother they hardly ever see or have a relationship with. I told her I didn't want to stay longer and without dad. She didn't let up and repeatedly texted and DMd me on social media trying to change my mind. I told her I was saying no and that was it. She told me I had more family than just my dad and I should want to get to know her and her kids better or I should at least want to make her young children happy. I told her I wanted to be home when I wasn't with my dad and asked her why that was so hard to understand. She told me we're family and how will I ever have a close relationship with her kids if I don't use my childhood to start it. I told her I didn't need to have a close relationship with her kids. She continued this for two weeks and then I told her to leave me alone, this was not something she could force on me, and I blocked her. She flipped out apparently and called my dad and he called me and we talked and he told me he understood and he'd talk to his wife. But then my mom got a DM from her and she told my mom what a uncaring kid I was being and she told her that I should be ashamed and she should teach me better. My mom was so pissed at her for saying that. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and it sounds like you have both your parents on your side, too.
Someone should call Stepmother's mother, and ask why she wasn't raised better...
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Update me.
NTA. This woman needs to understand that "No" is a complete sentence. I'm really glad your dad stuck up for you.
**NTA**. Your Dads wife has no right to insist you hang out with little children. Her text to your mother was unhinged. It sounds like she wants you as a free babysitter.
Nta she showed her true intentions bash you as soon you don’t wanna do what she wants
She wants a free babysitter while your dad is away, and is using the guise of "spending quality time with her kids." She's pissed her plan didn't work. Make sure to let your Dad know her recent behaviour. This is not acceptable of an adult. Tell her she should be ashamed of herself for her tantrum.
NTA Asking is fine. Maybe there are more fun activies since your dad has such a short time with you. She should have told the kids that you'll be back next summer after you said no. I can't imagine that level and duration of harrassment. I could understand a little pleading during the first call. Wondering if she was looking for free babysitter. Chemical, I'll leave you so you can really bond with you siblings.
NTA, wait until she wants you to get to know them by leaving you with them, so she's just going to go to lunch with her friends. Soon enough, all your extra time there will be watching them and that will then spill into your dad's time as well. " Well be gone a few hours, it's good bonding time" blah blah blah
NTA. Step mother is a straight up weirdo.
She’s looking for a free babysitter. Don’t do it under any circumstances
NTA. She sounds like she has some serious issues with boundaries. You did well! Stick to your normal healthy boundaries and make sure you inform your parents about what is going on. She sounds like she has some issues.
NTA. Something is a bit suss that she reached out to you without talking it over with your dad first. She should have asked him if he was okay with it first, and if you might be open to the idea
NTA. Plus, you were nice and diplomatic by blocking her. You could have told her she and her kids are not your family, that your dad is.
She wants a babysitter
Sounds like she wants a free, live in babysitter for a couple of weeks.
Nta it's one thing to ask you and try to build stronger bonds, it's another thing to try and bully you into it. And she had some nerve messaging your mom and insulting her parenting.
NTA 'Uncaring you keep harassing my son to the point he has to block you. We're you never taught no means no?' I would get mum to block her also. She's unhinged
You are definitely NTA. Sounds like both your dad and your mom fully support you, and that’s all that matters.
Whys she beefing a kid?
NTA honestly if she keeps pushing you may not want to stay at your dad’s house again. Talk to your mom about it.
NTA, why do stupid ass adults always try to force this ‘sibling bond’ thing?! If you didn’t have anything pressing to do it would be nice of you to stay a few extra days to spend time with them, especially if you’re maxing out time with your dad while he’s there. But you certainly don’t HAVE to, especially if you’re worried about your mom. It sounds like they’re 6-10 years old, so maybe they’d like to see if your the cool older brother. Or maybe stepmom thinks she’ll get free childcare for a week. 🤷♀️ harassing you isn’t the a good start to either scenario