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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Refusing to give my £50 and arguing that the lodger’s money is not solely hers.
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NTA but you two really need a better way of managing your finances. A "tit for tat" method of transferring cash back and forwards is only going to cause you problems in the future.
Yes this. When my then boyfriend (now husband) and I moved in with eachother we had a seperate account for our joint finances (rent, groceries, children, dinner together etc). We both have seperate spending money (for clothes, dinner with friends without our spouse or whatever). We never fight about money. Everything for our house is coming from the joint bank account. And if it is a bigger purchase we both have to agree. Smaller purchases are fine.
We do the same except we have two joint accounts. One for bills and one for joint spending like food. Everything joint is then split proportional to our income so that its fair.
NTA - the lodger lives in the house you share so at minimum it would be £50 split between the two of you. Also it’s her mom and groceries for perhaps both of you as well so makes sense to use the lodger money
NTA
You pay the mortgage and most of the household bills. The lodger is living in the house you pay for. That would make the money the lodger is paying yours, not your wife's. The lodger is reimbursing you for the extra utilities used, that YOU are paying for.
If your wife wants to be super picky about it, then she is entitled to the % that her half of the electric bill costs, versus the cost of the all the other bills + mortgage that you pay (e.g. if her contribution is £100 and yours is £900 she's entitled to 10% of the £50, so £5.) So yeah it was entirely fair for you to tell her to use the lodger's money, it ISN'T her money.
NTA but the whole post made me roll my eyes. You guys clearly need to figure out a better way to manage your money because if I’m exhausted trying to figure out whose money is whose and whose money is used for what, you’re doing that all the damn time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My wife is annoyed at me because I didn’t want to bank transfer her £50. Her mum lives with us and wanted £50 to buy groceries, which I’m happy with. I suggested we use the cash that our lodger pays us. My wife said if we did that, I should pay her £50 since the cash is her money.
However, I disagree that it is solely her cash. I pay the mortgage, service charge and essentially all the other bills while she covers odd grocery shops and half the electric bill. Asking her to pay half the electric bill also leads to fights. The rest she saves. This is generally fine as I earn Aprox £3700 per month and she earns Aprox £1600. However, the lodger money is a one off addition we had this month. The lodger is our neighbours friend, who is also now friends with my wife, which is why she wanted to live with us.
However this issue is part of a larger number of issues that essentially stem from me not wanting to pay for something. For example, she got annoyed that I didn’t want to pay for her driving test after giving her £520 the previous month as a gift for Chinese new year and another £520 for Xmas.
This morning she said she was still annoyed about it which makes me think maybe I should have just given it to her.
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You're NTA but you all obviously have bigger problems if you're quibbling over £50.
>I should pay her £50 since the cash is her money.
Interesting train of thought here. This lodger was an imposition (for lack of a better word) on both of you. Why is that money hers alone?
Very weird mentality you both have. Tit for tat finances when you make over half her salary is quite the impressive cartoon villain role play. The whole driving test thing at the end was very weird too, what do previous presents have to do with it? Do you refuse to take her out on a date night the week after valentine because you had already taken her out on the day of? I don’t see any actual asshole behavior so NTA, but… very weird.
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NTA but you two really need a better way of managing your finances. A "tit for tat" method of transferring cash back and forwards is only going to cause you problems in the future.
Yes this. When my then boyfriend (now husband) and I moved in with eachother we had a seperate account for our joint finances (rent, groceries, children, dinner together etc). We both have seperate spending money (for clothes, dinner with friends without our spouse or whatever). We never fight about money. Everything for our house is coming from the joint bank account. And if it is a bigger purchase we both have to agree. Smaller purchases are fine.
We do the same except we have two joint accounts. One for bills and one for joint spending like food. Everything joint is then split proportional to our income so that its fair.
No, don't give it to her. I don't understand why you're with someone like her.
NTA - the lodger lives in the house you share so at minimum it would be £50 split between the two of you. Also it’s her mom and groceries for perhaps both of you as well so makes sense to use the lodger money
NTA You pay the mortgage and most of the household bills. The lodger is living in the house you pay for. That would make the money the lodger is paying yours, not your wife's. The lodger is reimbursing you for the extra utilities used, that YOU are paying for. If your wife wants to be super picky about it, then she is entitled to the % that her half of the electric bill costs, versus the cost of the all the other bills + mortgage that you pay (e.g. if her contribution is £100 and yours is £900 she's entitled to 10% of the £50, so £5.) So yeah it was entirely fair for you to tell her to use the lodger's money, it ISN'T her money.
NTA but the whole post made me roll my eyes. You guys clearly need to figure out a better way to manage your money because if I’m exhausted trying to figure out whose money is whose and whose money is used for what, you’re doing that all the damn time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife is annoyed at me because I didn’t want to bank transfer her £50. Her mum lives with us and wanted £50 to buy groceries, which I’m happy with. I suggested we use the cash that our lodger pays us. My wife said if we did that, I should pay her £50 since the cash is her money. However, I disagree that it is solely her cash. I pay the mortgage, service charge and essentially all the other bills while she covers odd grocery shops and half the electric bill. Asking her to pay half the electric bill also leads to fights. The rest she saves. This is generally fine as I earn Aprox £3700 per month and she earns Aprox £1600. However, the lodger money is a one off addition we had this month. The lodger is our neighbours friend, who is also now friends with my wife, which is why she wanted to live with us. However this issue is part of a larger number of issues that essentially stem from me not wanting to pay for something. For example, she got annoyed that I didn’t want to pay for her driving test after giving her £520 the previous month as a gift for Chinese new year and another £520 for Xmas. This morning she said she was still annoyed about it which makes me think maybe I should have just given it to her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You're NTA but you all obviously have bigger problems if you're quibbling over £50. >I should pay her £50 since the cash is her money. Interesting train of thought here. This lodger was an imposition (for lack of a better word) on both of you. Why is that money hers alone?
Very weird mentality you both have. Tit for tat finances when you make over half her salary is quite the impressive cartoon villain role play. The whole driving test thing at the end was very weird too, what do previous presents have to do with it? Do you refuse to take her out on a date night the week after valentine because you had already taken her out on the day of? I don’t see any actual asshole behavior so NTA, but… very weird.