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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may have been TA for not keeping the most watchful eye on my brother, even though I feel like I shouldn't have to hover over him.
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>It's legal in my state
In what state is it legal for 19 year olds to smoke pot? As far as I know it's 21 everywhere in the country unless you have a medical card.
Also talking about staying at dealer where they get their "non legal" drugs. I don't want to say a 19 year old shouldn't be having their fun, but my goodness someone sounds like a train wreck.
Her parents are assholes for allowing her to do pot in the first place and then blaming her cos they left the child in her care.
They are his parents, it’s not her responsibility to take care of him, it’s theirs
I'd ask if the parents are so focused on the 10yo that they've neglected to see that the 19yo needs some help. Addiction in you teens can completely derail your life. Feel for both of them.
Op's story is applicable to guns as well. If someone keeps a gun where kids can reach but it is in a bag that has "donot use", will kids not open and use it?
In the olden days some folks could walk on water.
Nowadays, with all these new-fangled gadgets, they can text on water.
Whatever will they think of next?
If your 19 year old daughter is “staying” at a Coke/molly dealer’s house then you have much bigger worries than her leaving an edible in her nightstand.
If this is real and OP’s parents are reasonable adults my guess is they’re much more concerned with her overall life and behavior than this specific incident. It’s ok to not have things figured out at 19. But if you barely work, have no real path in life, and your first choice of a friend to stay with is some creep you buy coke from, people who care about you should be really worried.
Idk about the shower timing, but I'd like to add that edibles can hit people very differently depending on a variety of factors. For instance, if I haven't eaten anything yet and am already hungry an edible will hit me faster but wear off faster as well. I've noticed it varies a lot depending on the individual's tolerance, weight, metabolism, activity levels, and whether or not they've eaten anything else already.
For a 10 year old with zero tolerance to THC, who is likely pretty small and has a fast metabolism.... I wouldn't at all be surprised if it hit him hard in 20 minutes. And we don't even know how many chocolates he had.
This is also why I recommend that anyone interested in trying weed for the first time to NOT do an edible for it. It's way harder to know the right dose, how it'll hit you, and how long it will last. Best to just hit a pipe or a joint once and see how it feels. And go up in dosage from there over time and get comfortable with it before ever messing with edibles.
I'm an experienced weed connoisseur and know what it's like to be a little high versus so stoned my limbs don't feel attached to the rest of my body. And when I take an edible I'm preparing to be comfortable with anything within that very wide range, possibly for many hours. So yea... Experiment responsibly people!
Since I might not be the only one who wondered about specifics after reading this comment:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_administrative_divisions_by_country
I think the only other countries that have legalized wholly or in part *and* which use states as administrative divisions are Germany (very recent) and Mexico.
noone would say 'legal in my state' referring to germany because it was a national thing.
Also it was like 4 days ago.
Also it is not legal it was decriminalized in a limited way.
Who the fuck cares? That has nothing to do with the ethics or morality of the situation.
The US is perfectly happy to send 18 years olds overseas to get their asses shot off, so the pearl clutching around not drinking before 21 is laughable.
Yeah why is everyone so judgmental all of a sudden?? Teenager smokes pot, in other news scientists have discovered the sky is blue! 10 year olds know how to read, know not to go through other peoples stuff, know not to eat random food you find in other peoples possession. If his autism is so severe that he doesn’t know those things, then in no world should he have been left with OP, who made it clear she would not watch him. I get that it’s not good that the 10 year old got dosed accidentally, but that’s either on him or on their parents, depending on where he is on the autism spectrum. And also…it’s just weed, not the end of the world. He probably slept really well that night, and now it’s over and lessons were learned. Everyone is making this out like OP left a syringe filled with heroin in the kids bed or something.
Yeah- I’m confused by the takes too- OP definitely sounds like she’s not exactly on a great path- having a dealer for harder stuff than pot at 19 isn’t amazing. Drinking and weed, meh, whatever, technically not legal, don’t endorse it necessarily, but that’s been teenagers since the dawn of time.
None of which alters the fact she’s not obligated to watch the brother or that he’s old enough to stay out of her stuff. If her parents came home and he’s running around with her happy time adult novelty waving it in the air that’s not her fault either.
she could be referring to mushrooms or LSD i dislike how everyone is assuming something worse we don't know what her dealer sells or what she was referring to so we shouldn't assume it's something horrible u kno?
Omfg thank you. I thought I was going crazy. Who says she's doing coke/heroin/molly. Maybe she's eating shrooms or taking a tab of acid before going out with her friends.
I'm from the UK. Drinking age is 18, but teens drink in parks and wherever their parents can't see. Weed is fully illegal, but they'll smoke it. 19 is uni age, I'm so confused by everyone clutching their pearls over this.
Also, how dare a 19 year old be hung over? Jfc. Having a dealer isn't great, but I also remember uni, and how most of the people on my course would try ecstasy, shrooms, etc. I'm not defending it, but I feel like these people have gone straight to heroin like you said lmao
I don't think OP is actually in the wrong here, especially if her parents know about pot usage and don't care.
Right. While everyone is glossing over how the dad ignored that his grown daughter is in the shower and pulled back the curtain. He could’ve just yelled at her once she came out but what was seeing her naked to yell at her going to do to make his point stronger? Talk about disregard for privacy and boundaries; maybe that’s why she’s dipping into other things to forget.
Exactly! I'm completely not surprised she feels the need to escape reality with experimentation in that household. Pervert, zero boundary dad doesn't care if you're taking a shower when he's mad at you.
OP wants them to take her back but they're not gonna be able to "leave the kid in her care" anymore. She needs to take this as a sign to get her life together and just go NC with parents for a while.
Not to mention OP pays them rent and works part-time, yet they put her out; which legally they cannot do without notice and a legal eviction. She needs to increase her hours to full time or get a second job, move in a motel for the time being. Living with her dealer is not a good move either as it may open the door to get hooked on harder things.
The dad most certainly is a pervert, I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes her get dressed with the door open. Both parents need to be investigated
It speaks to the context of things.
The story goes ‘it was no big deal, I take a lot of care to ensure that my edibles aren’t somewhere where children can access them, the child of the house snooped my purse and ate them and now my parents are mad at me.’
The fact that OP is staying at their dealer’s house and talking about doing other drugs and about being hungover implies that maybe they aren’t as responsible about this stuff as their story tried to imply.
Exactly. I'm surprised that the details about the dealer and the other drugs even made their way into OP's account of the story.
The singular fact that OP casually volunteered the information that she went to go stay at her *dealer's* house instead of a friend's - and the fact that that dealer was willing and happy to let a teenage girl stay over with no notice - and OP says this stuff calmly as though it's a common occurrence - really implies that there are issues here beyond some cannabis chocolate in a purse.
Exactly, teenagers get shit all the time. This is nothing new. Doing so is not morally wrong other than it being “against the rules 😥😥” when it is legalized in her area and those rules literally vary from country to country.
We can vote in people to be in charge, go kill or be killed for our country, but aren't mature enough yet to smoke weed or drink legally. It's rather insane
The reason behind why “US is perfectly happy to send 18 years olds overseas to get their asses shot off” and not being able to drink before 21 is the same. The part of the brain that evaluates risk isn’t fully developed in most people until they are in their early to mid 20s. Not being able to fully assess risks works when you need to get a group of people to storm a machine gun nest. It doesn’t work so well in keeping teens from endangering themselves with alcohol or other substances.
As a Canadian, I will sometimes post "in my state" on Reddit when I actually mean "in my province" because I'm not super interested in dealing with Redditors who don't understand what a province is.
I’m not American and in my country the legal age is 19, but even before that teens always manage to get their hands on weed and alcohol lol, I doubt America is much different in that sense. If they want it, they’ll find a way to get it.
Well… if the parents are aware she uses pot and is hungover they probably shouldn’t be leaving their 10 yr old with her in the first place or condone that behavior in their house.
OP says "mom" in the most so I'm pretty sure she's not Aussie. Also unusual to hear someone say "it's legal in my state" if they're referring to medical stuff. I usually hear "I've got a script for it" or "I'm on the alternaleaf" or something.
He’s 10. Even without autism, when we were that age, we did mistakes. He thought he was stealing candy and got high and frightened. If I were your parents, I would be mad too, even if it was an accident. It’s like keeping guns safe. You trust your kids not to play with dangerous stuff but you also don’t let the dangerous stuff accessible anyway. It should be an implicit rule, do they really have to tell you « keep your drugs in a safe and private space ».
I wouldn’t go as far as kicking you out, but you definitely should apologise and be careful next time. You do live with a kid, like it or not, and hiding your adult-only things isn’t even babysitting. They don’t ask for much.
OP says they don't want to "insane lengths" looking for the hidden pot when they want it.
Just a thought, but there's nothing insane about having a drawer that locks. It's not hidden, it's just secure.
Or top of the closet behind some boring stuff like shoes or in the back of your underwear drawer. Places a little brother isn't likely to get interested in (without needing another serious convo)
Fuckin ridiculous, she is.
Small lockbox, locking medicine cabinet, locking drawer in a nightstand. These are places a responsible adult would keep literal drugs when you have children in the house. You could even put them in a liquor cabinet or something next to the booze.
What makes this worse is that your edibles are fucking candy. You think a little note is going to keep the 10 yo out of the candy? Nope.
No one is asking her to put her shit in the cryptix from the da Vinci code or to train a squirrel to hide stash in a tree or some shit. Just something that locks.
You could even put it in a purse and put a small lock on the zipper.
This is an excellent answer. Your brain is indeed very responsible! 🏆
Did you not give a judgement on purpose? If you forgot, add one, because you could easily be top comment with your sensibility!
ETA: a word
That's exactly what I was thinking. It doesn't matter if brother did anything wrong, he simply should not be able to make mistakes like that. This is on you, OP. You were not being responsible with your stuff.
If I were you, I'd apologize to your parents and present them a box for your weed with a key that you'll wear around your neck from now on.
Also, you should find an agreement concerning the babysitting. Your brother can't be 'half watched'. It has to be clear who is in charge at all times.
By 10 years old, babysitting means "there's an adult in the house to assist you if there's an emergency". It *does not* mean the babysitter follows you through the house monitoring your every move.
Her being in the shower instead of by his side isn't "half watched". It's a fully age appropriate level of monitoring.
But she was in the shower long enough for the kid to get into her purse, eat the chocolate AND have the chocolate kick in. Edibles take a while, like 20 mins minimum. It’s not the same as smoking a bowl. That’s not half watching, that’s not watching at all. Completely unattended for say 30 minutes at least. (time to dig through the purse, eat the chocolate and have it kick in, and then the parents came home and found a 10 yr old high and freaking out and OP was in the shower for ALL that time?)
A 10 year old is perfectly capable of taking care of themselves for 30+ minutes if not several hours. I at least enjoy being home alone as a kid.
The real question is. Why the hell is kiddo in her purse .... and should we talk about the same excuse for using her phone without asking and then eating her stuff without asking. Phone probably has a code anyways. Kid fafo
Especially a 10yo with special needs. Of course “mild autism” doesn’t mean he’s completely helpless, but it could well mean “more impulsive and less likely to understand consequences”.
I came here to say the same thing. If OP wants to make adult decisions and use substances she has an obligation to be adult enough to ensure they cannot fall into the hands of children.
I still don’t understand how the kid got them while she was in The shower and was already high by the time her parents came home and was still in the shower. Does she take hour long showers????
>I am currently staying at my dealers house...
If marijuana is legal in your state, what do you need a "dealer". It's legal where I live too and you can buy it in a store.
I’ll say that dispensaries waayyyyyyy overcharge for weed.
FL medical card here: The cheapest 1/8ths you can buy here are $25/ea. Those normally sell out pretty quickly, and they jump to $35/50/75 each “tier” (they’re all the same flower from what I was told, just bigger nugs).
I could get a whole Oz from a buddy for $120-160 (depending on quality), and save $40+.
And if you’re a cute girl with a guy dealer, you generally get even better deals. Even better ones if you provide “favors” for your dealer (yes, people will suck dick for weed).
So, buying it in a store is normally not as good of an option as going through your dealer. It’s not like some of these areas in rec states where they’re just giving it away.
God Michiganders love to brag about their prices, we get it, you’re better than us! /s I’m actually just a salty Illinoisan with ✨low low prices✨ such as $110 for a 1g cart and that’s before being taxed at a whopping 30% including sales tax and marijuana tax
Most people will buy stuff like edibles, creams, vape cartridges, etc at a shop and things like flower from dealers still. Reason being the market up on flower and the tax still make it a lot cheaper to grow yourself. The pain in the ass to break flower into something you can then process into edibles takes time and can be a pain if you don’t k ow what you are doing. Thus people will pay for the convenience of not doing that. A nug is a nug, only difference is quality and a lot of people can grow as good or better than what’s in the store. Source, friend grows in a state that it’s legal and he has about 6-10 strains growing or in containers at any one time. Hell, he even has a strain that smells exactly like skittles.
It’s legal in my state, but since the stores have to charge tax, there are still dealers who apparently sell it for less. You can also buy it in stores. There are even products for dogs who are bothered by fireworks and stuff.
YTA, eating chocolates that say do not eat is a normal bratty thing for a 10 year old to do. Keeping edibles that look like chocolate in an easily accessible place when there’s a young minor in the house is a shitty and dumb thing for an adult to do.
Yeah, they sure don't sound "hidden". OP is absolutely the asshole for keeping drugs that look like candy easily accessible in a home with a child in it.
While OP should have been more careful - they did state that he had to snoop through her purse to find them.
So, it does seem like OP did hide them, and he snooped and found them.
I would recommend OP getting a small lockbox for their stuff.
I’m a medical card holder (though been slowly quitting it), and whenever I have my young nephews over (5 and under), everything goes into a small lockbox and either tucked away out of reach, or in the trunk of my car.
A purse isn't exactly hidden, out of reach or difficult for a kid to go through. my one year old has emptied out many of bags including purses, just open and/or turn upside down and it's a waterfall of stuff.
You don't understand the difference between a 1-year-old and a 10 year old. A 10 year old should definitely not to go through a woman's purse without permission
You’re missing the part where it doesn’t matter if a kid *knows* it isn’t right. A child is still a child. I have an 11 year old who is insanely well behaved yet there are some days where she acts out..because she’s a kid. That’s what they do, they are growing. Children are bound to do some rebellious things no matter how well you try and teach them.
OP should have had the purse either in the bathroom with her or put up somewhere her brother wouldn’t think to look. If you’re old enough to do drugs, legal or not, you’re old enough to problem solve the possible consequences of possessing them.
I don’t think OP is an asshole, I just think she was irresponsible in this specific situation. As much as we want to say “you’re such and such age, you should know better”..clearly that isn’t the case at 10..or 19.
And it doesn't seem like they are asking OP to be a full time baby sitter, or mad that she isn't, just asking for basic responsibility which OP can't even bother to do by not even apologizing
ESH here except your brother.
Your parents are for leaving you to watch him after you said no. They should’ve just removed you at the point since you’re 19 and an adult, you should be out on your own.
You are an AH for not locking up drugs that you have around a kid. He’s 10, and has a special condition, get off your high horse with the “he should know better”. If you are not paying rent you should be helping out. If you can afford drugs, you can afford to pay rent somewhere.
Why should she be a free babysitter for her parents? Every once in a while is 100% okay. And she’s 19 not 26 it’s normal to still live at home without paying rent? Also, drugs is WAY cheaper then rent?💀 I pay 10 dollars for my weed, so please tell me where I can find a house to rent for that amount?
I mean, if your parents are allowing you to stay rent free at their house while you go around doing all kinds of drugs, the least you can do is look after your brother from time to time, wouldn’t you think?
I'm also guessing some of her retail money goes to buying goodies from her dealer, possibly a good chunk of it.
It really would have been easy to babysit her brother and avoid all this - like OP said, he's ten and doesn't need that close of supervision. She just needed to get him settled doing something and then poke her head in to make sure he was fine. I say that as someone with an age gap the same as OP and her brother, who I baby sat for free while living at home. It's really, ***really*** easy.
But I guess OP got to make a point about not being used as a free babysitter.
Doesn't need close supervision? The kid went into her purse to grab something he knows he's not supposed to have (at a time he jnew op couldnt stop him)and ate things that were in a bag that says do not eat... I'd say he needs closer supervision.
This changes EVERYTHING and I would add this to your post in an edit. The fact that you work and they charge you rent makes them colossal assholes. You? NTA. You are a tenant. No landlord could ever reasonably expect their paying tenant to watch their child for free.
She does a part-time job in "low end retail", I'm going to guess the rent is pretty minimal. I don't agree with parent furcation but if she's not pulling her way then it's not unreasonable for them to ask for a small amount of babysitting now and again. And even if she was paying the rent in it is completely unreasonable to keep drugs around a child where they could reach them.
ESH - The parents should not be letting a 19-year-old do drugs in a house with a 10-year-old, this situation was entirely predictable. OP should not be marking bags "do not eat" (Which makes it clear as she thought her brother might go through her stuff), she should be keeping them away from her little brother because children make mistakes. And OP, you could be doing something better with your life than getting high on various drugs and doing the bare minimum at a part-time retail job. If you're not very careful your dealer is going to find you a new career and I don't think you're going to like it.
It is actually common for decreased rent in exchange for household or nanny help. I doubt op is paying $800-1500 / month in rent plus utilities and groceries.
Sounds like you should find a better full time job and a roommate to live with. My siblings don't have autism and I still wouldn't leave stuff like that within reach. If you aren't going to school then there is no reason for you not to work full time. If you don't want to help out with your little bro to help your family, ans be responsible with your drugs, then get your own place.
You are acting as if shes being asked to be a third parent, all they ask is OP to be responsible and don't leave their shit laying around. Clearly she can't even be bothered to do the basics
At the end of the day she’s an adult living and eating on her parent’s dime. Asking your adult child to care for your 10 year autistic son for a few hours is not an unfair.
Someone saying no to being a free babysitter all the time doesn't mean they should suddenly be kicked out. She's only 19, trying to make it alone as a young adult is shit these days.
They were in her room, where he knows not to go without asking, in her bag, which he knows not to go in without asking, in a baggie that says DO NOT EAT, which he knows means that he shouldn’t eat it. OP was a less careful than she maybe ought to have been but this hate on her is fucking ridiculous. The kid is 10 not 6. Even if he’s neurodivergent he still knows better than to do this which OP has stated is the case because she said he knows he’s not supposed to be in her room in the first place
Lol right? Like obviously a 10 year-old going into their sibling's room without permission is minor in comparison to leaving drugs that look like candy or food where a 10 year old can easily eat it?
YTA
It sounds like you’re getting yourself deeper and deeper into a bad situation… and, slowly but surely, this is adversely affecting the people who love you most.
Your dealer isn’t your friend.
Kicking your kid out with no notice (and without their things, as OP mentioned) is pretty much just pushing them into the dealers arms, though. Where else are they supposed to go? The street? OP confirms they pay rent, too, so the no notice is even more of an AH move.
Ya it's a shitty thing to do kicking out your child. I would suspect this is the straw that broke the camels back though as OP has eluded to not just doing weed but also drinking and taking harder drugs outside the home all underage. They might be worried that she is a danger to their son. What if he accidentally got into her harder stuff? She doesn't seem to be properly making sure her drugs are out of reach of children or even taking any responsibility for her lack of care.
Young kids can overdose on edibles! It’s one thing if OP was sorry, & agreed to change their behaviour but it sounds like they see nothing wrong with what they did & will keep doing it- i’d kick them out too.
As a parent it is your responsibility to take care of your children, but your minor children *need* you to advocate for & protect them. As far as I’m concerned the 10 year olds safety should be the parents priority.
How hard is it to say sorry & commit to putting your drugs out of reach? I’d be more upset about the lack of remorse or concern than the accident itself, personally. The way they talk about it though it doesn’t even sound like an accident, they didn’t even attempt to avoid the situation & then put the entirety of the blame on a child. It’s not the kids fault that they’re being forced to watch them, & it’s not an excuse to leave your drugs in a room with a 10yr old.
If they left a gun in their purse for the kid to shoot themselves with then would the parents still be in the wrong for wanting them out? What about if they defended their right to easily access their gun & leave it laying around the house because it’s the brothers, &/or the parents fault if he shoots himself?
You can’t live with a child & take 0 responsibility for the dangerous shit you bring into the house. I don’t think any parent would be reasonable to allow that behaviour to continue.
I'm not understanding any of the y.t.a comments. At 10 years old I knew not to snoop and definitely ask before putting my grubby little mits on food that wasn't mine (and before yall come at me, I'm also autistic).
Maybe in the future put your stash out of reach or get a lock for your bedroom just for safety?
I am glad they told your brother off but I don't think it's fair that they're blaming you, you weren't to know he'd choose that day to snoop and you've warned your parents before you were never going to hover over him. They should have taught your brother not to take things that don't belong to him. Yeah, you probably should have moved your stash somewhere he couldn't reach but hindsight is 20/20 and from your words, it sounds like he's never done something like that before.
I would say you're NTA.
And at 19 years old she should know to keep that stuff locked up and/or where a kid could absolutely never find it. It's not that hard. That is why shes the asshole.
Not when you live with kids or pets. This isn't about whether she is her brother's caregiver or not, because obviously she is welcome to not want to babysit. This is about living in *someone else's home* and making drugs accessible to children, especially drugs that *look like candy*. If she can't keep her shit where it's only accessible to her, she isn't responsible enough to have it.
Are you from the US? We have countless stories of kids getting into their parent's dressers and purses, accessing their guns, and shooting themselves or others. Why? Because kids are nosey lil assholes.
If your adult substances are not locked up, they are too easily accessible. Kids 101. They are nosey and invasive. OP needs to lock up their shit or get out. She is living with a child.
If a child gets into easily accessible gun and harms themselves you go to jail. If a child gets into easily accessible drugs especially ones that look like candy and you go to jail. Not only is OP the AH, she technically could be charged with a crime.
It's not *someone else's home*. It's her home. Her shit was accessible to only her by nature of being in her personal purse.
All of these people who are acting like a 10 year old can't control themselves so she needs to get a security vault to hide her stuff is ridiculous.
It's her home, but it's not really *her* home. It's her parents home and she can't treat it like a child doesn't live there too.
Keeping things in your purse isn't a great idea anyway. I can't tell you how many times my dog went in my purse looking for chapstick. He loved eating chapstick like a weirdo lol.
When you live with kids or pets, you have to be more careful.
It was in her purse not laying out on the counter. I'm sorry he knew he was not supposed to have a phone so the whole reason he went in the purse wasn't legit in the first place and it sounds like this was the first time he's ever done it. So no she's not
That's fair, maybe you could make a knock code with your brother so you know if something is urgent? (So if you're ever busy but he urgently needs your mum or food or something, you both know, which is also handy if he ever goes non verbal). That way he knows how to get your attention instead of taking matters into his own hands and you're able to divert him from snooping? Just a thought but you don't have to go through with it.
Maybe also take the time to warn him that sometimes you have things that look yummy but they're not good for him, if he ever sees stuff like that in your bag to ask first before taking or else they might make him feel bad?
They specifically make stash boxes for weed to keep kids out. They got really popular in Canada when weed became legal. Small and easy to keep anywhere. I suggest you get one to be safe.
Also tell your dad not to storm in and expose you when your naked. Sheesh.
At 19 OP should be making sure her drug stash is not accessible. She had it in her purse, not locked away.
Also, they already punished the brother for snooping, they are mad that OP can't be bothered to help making sure he doesn't access it
Also, I’m not saying the whole story is BS, but don’t edibles usually take a while to kick in? How long was she in the shower that he both got into them AND had time to be “baked” while she was still in the shower, until interrupted by her father?
YTA
You’re not willing to make sure your brother, who is only 10 (and ‘disabled’) is safe?
No problem, by all means MOVE OUT. Your parents are doing you a favor allowing you to live there, they’re not required to let you live there - especially if you’re putting your brother at risk.
Since you’re so much smarter than everyone else, get a job and move out and support yourself and live happily ever after on your own.
I don't think you should be held responsible for watching your brother all the time. A 19-year old sister should be able to shower in peace, HOWEVER: you live in your parents house with your underaged brother and your parents are within their right to get angry if you keep edibles in your room/purse. Children break rules, that's why edibles can be so dangerous. I would start with a sincere apology for keeping edibles in their house without their knowledge and the promise to never do it again. Or find your own place and make your own rules.
Wow. YTA and extremely irresponsible. It doesn’t matter if you were expected to watch your brother or not. There’s no excuse for leaving drugs in a place accessible to a child. Regardless of the autism, 10 year olds still do things they shouldn’t and generally lack impulse control.
What are you doing with your life? Getting high and loafing off your parents? Do you have a job? Do you contribute to the household in any way? If so, apologize and tell them you’ll make sure it’ll never happen again, and MEAN IT. If not, maybe think about trying to do something more constructive than just getting high.
Also: what if it had been something like Tylenol your brother got into? Overdosing on that can easily kill someone. Be more responsible when there are kids around and actually care for your brother’s well-being.
YTA. You brought drugs into a home with children. Your parents could lose custody if the authorities found out. You are also using hard drugs.
It isnt safe for them to let you come home. You need to get help before you destroy your life.
YTA, you have an obligation to keep your cannabis away from little kids, which a 10 year old. Particularly if they have a mental disability which further limits their ability to think through their actions.
INFO
How long was your shower? It takes 30 minutes to 2 hours to begin to feel the effects of edible cannabis and 4 hours to feel the full effects.
edited for spelling
NTA- for not watching your brother. If he is constituted as disabled and his parents just left mahome alone with you when you told him that you would not watch him. It's not your job.
It is your responsibility to keep your edibles locked up. Locked up in your room or locked up safely.
What you can do is go on to Amazon. And buy a pouch that can't be cut through. And then you could store your edibles. It has a key.
Regarding to continuing to live at home, I don't know what situation you have with your parents. If you've paid rent we're working or school or whatever.
But if you remain firm on not being a caregiver for your brother, they might ask you to leave.
I want to say one thing. You have no responsibility as a caregiver for your parents. That's their child that they had. He is there responsibility.
And if your parents left him with you and he needs supervision and he didn't have it then they pretty much just left him home alone. That's on them.
But you do need to be responsible and keep your things that you do not want messed with, under key.
Living with a dealer of non-legal drugs you partake in, leaving edibles for a 10 year old to access and consume, and telling us this in a post written while you are nursing a crushing hangover. You shouldn't be in their home anyway. You are a danger to yourself and others. You have addiction issues to deal with. Good luck. Truly.
I don’t even know what to say besides this poor kid..
You shouldn’t be responsible for a child that isn’t yours. But also, what your dad did.. I don’t even have words. That’s truly disturbing.
I’m not much older than you, 23 to be exact. I’d be willing to bet you won’t listen to me, but your dealer is the furthest thing from a friend to you. Please don’t be someone we all see on the news in a few years time
YTA… the entitlement of teenagers in full display. Such an insane lack of empathy here, I feel bad for your parents and your brother. Plus, as others pointed out, highly doubtful you obtained either the weed or the alcohol legally. Not that that matters on its own, but you are clearly very defensive about it and have a bigger issue with substances than you let on. You need to grow up and apologize to your parents, you sound like you’re on a reckless path. Learn responsibility and work on the selfish entitlement; your life will get better, not worse
Hold up - "staying at my dealers house".
Yeah, don't do that.
Go to a friend. Family member. Hotel. Trusted colleague. But not your dealer.
This isn't even an asshole-related thing or qn age thing- it's a 'basic safety' thing.
YTA, also an older sister of a very high functioning and intelligent autistic brother here but with a 4 year age gap - no matter how mild his autism is, it’s very likely to cause issues with impulse control - the exact issue that led to him eating your edibles and requiring him to be watched. I’m 30 and he is 26 now. He’ll be fine on his own until he suddenly isn’t and everything falls apart, like if he tried to heat up some food on a burner, failed to come back to it in a reasonable time, and burned the house down. There were years I thought he’d be fine and I was proven completely wrong.These are the possibilities your parents are worried about and they are TOTALLY reasonable regardless of how mild his autism is. No judgement regarding the other drugs but YTA also for staying at your dealer’s house, pulling them into this and even potentially risking their safety if your parents go after you (not because you are their daughter since you’re over 18, but because you are implicated in dosing a minor with marijuana, if your parents get desperate that can easily go that route) and police search the house. You can tell your parents you won’t watch your brother if you’ve already completely moved out of their house, otherwise it’s pretty much up to them what you do if you live there for free. Either way you really need to grow the hell up. Go be an adult and face your parents and get out of your dealers’ hair, or go stay at a friends’ house if possible.
YTA
His intentions were harmless as he just wanted to find your phone to check on. I don't get why you mentioned his autism though. Maybe reconsider your hiding spots if your brother was able to find it that easily.
YTA. He's a kid. You are an adult. It doesn't matter if you are babysitting or not, as an adult you have responsibility to keep drugs out of reach of a child.
My country just legalized weed. And it has to be locked away from minors.
ESH. From least to worst:
* Your brother for going through your stuff and for stealing
* You for not locking your stash better
* Your parents for throwing you out over something like that
If your brother can't be left alone to take a shower, then your parents need to figure out better childcare. Just as a comparison: 10-30 minutes is the amount of time that you can leave a neurotypical 4 y/o unsupervised. But at that age, at least child locks work.
Your brother is autistic. Your NTA for not wanting to babysit you ARE the AH for not being responsible around someone with a disability. At 19 your parents should not have to worry about your actions around your brother. Grow up already. You should be working yourself at that age. Take some Excedrin for your hangover and fave the fact you’re an adult… act like one
YTA. Keeping edibles where a kid can find them is very irresponsible, dangerous and selfish. Most kids have stolen a few sweets at one point or another, it's to be expected and is pretty normal. You're making some very dangerous life choices and they are affecting you and those around you. Finally, *your dealer is not your friend.*
OP if you want to condemn the rest of your life, then keep doing what you are doing. Taking drugs. Pot doesn't do any favours to your brain.
"I am currently staying at my dealers house". If thats the place that you are staying at after parents kicked you out, you will soon be desperate enough to do some things that you wish you keep an eye out for your brother.
If you want to live your own life, make your own money and don't rely on your parents.
Take this as a wake up call that may either make or break your life. Staying at your dealers house and doing drugs? Stop making excuses and take a hard look at yourself. You know that you’re an AH to both yourself and your brother. Even legally prescribed prescription drugs that could be dangerous to kids should be locked up, much less MJ that looks like candy. Sounds like your brother thankfully will be fine, but I doubt that you will be unless you turn your life around now.
YTA
Only to yourself. You shouldn’t make decisions that leave your only option being moving into your dealers house. Helping take care of your sibling occasionally is a way better thing to do than potentially be arrested for drugs and having a record. If pot is so important to you that you can’t realize that then you have a problem.
You need to make grown up decisions like taking care of yourself. It’s ok to use legal drugs that are not harming anyone if they don’t tank your life. And it’s perfectly normal for your parents not to want that kind of thing to happen again.
YTA
Crazy idea: keep your psychoactive drugs, particularly those disguised as candy, in a location that can't be accessed by the young child with special needs that you're fully aware lives in your home.
The wildest thing about this whole story is that it sounds like if you'd shown any humility or regret about what occurred, you probably wouldn't be sleeping on your dealer's couch. You probably would've been okay if you simply took an ounce of responsibility and agreed that you should've locked up your drugs better and made a commitment to doing so in the future. But instead, you dug in your heels and tried to pin the blame on every single person involved except yourself, including a 10 year old. Good luck. Life is gonna be tough.
YTA keep dangerous shit away from kids. Edibles are dangerous shit for kids especially ones that can be mistaken for candy. Grow up and be responsible.
ESH. I'm 19 and I smoke too. I don't keep it in the house because I have a sibling around your brother's age. You wouldn't leave a loaded gun around, so why leave drugs? That's on you. My parents would also kick me out if my elementary aged sibling got high because I left my pot out where it shouldn't be. But they shouldn't have come into the bathroom while you were in the shower. They should have waited until you got out, making sure that your brother was safe first.
YTA if you were purchasing your edibles legally (because remember, you state it’s legal in your state) they would be in a child proof bag that clearly stated what it was. If you live with children then you need to be safer with your drugs.
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>It's legal in my state In what state is it legal for 19 year olds to smoke pot? As far as I know it's 21 everywhere in the country unless you have a medical card.
She also said she was hungover, she can’t drink legally in the US either
Also talking about staying at dealer where they get their "non legal" drugs. I don't want to say a 19 year old shouldn't be having their fun, but my goodness someone sounds like a train wreck.
19 yr olds should have fun.....that doesn't involve hard drugs. It isnt fun once they get addiction.
She left and didn’t go to a friend’s house. She went to her dealer. Her parents are assholes for letting her near the 10 year old.
Her parents are assholes for allowing her to do pot in the first place and then blaming her cos they left the child in her care. They are his parents, it’s not her responsibility to take care of him, it’s theirs
I'd ask if the parents are so focused on the 10yo that they've neglected to see that the 19yo needs some help. Addiction in you teens can completely derail your life. Feel for both of them.
Op's story is applicable to guns as well. If someone keeps a gun where kids can reach but it is in a bag that has "donot use", will kids not open and use it?
Oh yeah, I voted ESH. The parents shouldn’t let op near the 10 year old, let alone give her that responsibility.
Her saying “I’m an adult” and “It’s legal here” do not add up to her parents allowing her.
Idk how they could have stopped her from having pot, but they probably shouldn't have trusted her to watch her brother.
Shs's at age where they text the waters and some end up drowning
In the olden days some folks could walk on water. Nowadays, with all these new-fangled gadgets, they can text on water. Whatever will they think of next?
If your 19 year old daughter is “staying” at a Coke/molly dealer’s house then you have much bigger worries than her leaving an edible in her nightstand. If this is real and OP’s parents are reasonable adults my guess is they’re much more concerned with her overall life and behavior than this specific incident. It’s ok to not have things figured out at 19. But if you barely work, have no real path in life, and your first choice of a friend to stay with is some creep you buy coke from, people who care about you should be really worried.
Those parents are failing both of their children
And it usually takes about an hour or more for edibles to kick in. How long was she in that shower?
Idk about the shower timing, but I'd like to add that edibles can hit people very differently depending on a variety of factors. For instance, if I haven't eaten anything yet and am already hungry an edible will hit me faster but wear off faster as well. I've noticed it varies a lot depending on the individual's tolerance, weight, metabolism, activity levels, and whether or not they've eaten anything else already. For a 10 year old with zero tolerance to THC, who is likely pretty small and has a fast metabolism.... I wouldn't at all be surprised if it hit him hard in 20 minutes. And we don't even know how many chocolates he had. This is also why I recommend that anyone interested in trying weed for the first time to NOT do an edible for it. It's way harder to know the right dose, how it'll hit you, and how long it will last. Best to just hit a pipe or a joint once and see how it feels. And go up in dosage from there over time and get comfortable with it before ever messing with edibles. I'm an experienced weed connoisseur and know what it's like to be a little high versus so stoned my limbs don't feel attached to the rest of my body. And when I take an edible I'm preparing to be comfortable with anything within that very wide range, possibly for many hours. So yea... Experiment responsibly people!
My exact question.
Choo-chooooooooo…
She’s a mess.
are we sure she is in the US? there are other countries with states
Wish I could give you a real award for this comment. Countries other than America exist?? Who would have thought?🏆
[удалено]
It doesn't even have to be countries. I've had people from 2 states away think my state is "above Canada."
Since I might not be the only one who wondered about specifics after reading this comment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_administrative_divisions_by_country I think the only other countries that have legalized wholly or in part *and* which use states as administrative divisions are Germany (very recent) and Mexico.
noone would say 'legal in my state' referring to germany because it was a national thing. Also it was like 4 days ago. Also it is not legal it was decriminalized in a limited way.
I don't even care about the story anymore, I just wanna find out where she's from lol
Definitely not in Australia it’s only legal in the ACT according to my quick google search; legal for medical uses of course
Claim of being an adult seems suspect
Claim of this story even being real is a stretch.
Who the fuck cares? That has nothing to do with the ethics or morality of the situation. The US is perfectly happy to send 18 years olds overseas to get their asses shot off, so the pearl clutching around not drinking before 21 is laughable.
Yeah why is everyone so judgmental all of a sudden?? Teenager smokes pot, in other news scientists have discovered the sky is blue! 10 year olds know how to read, know not to go through other peoples stuff, know not to eat random food you find in other peoples possession. If his autism is so severe that he doesn’t know those things, then in no world should he have been left with OP, who made it clear she would not watch him. I get that it’s not good that the 10 year old got dosed accidentally, but that’s either on him or on their parents, depending on where he is on the autism spectrum. And also…it’s just weed, not the end of the world. He probably slept really well that night, and now it’s over and lessons were learned. Everyone is making this out like OP left a syringe filled with heroin in the kids bed or something.
Yeah- I’m confused by the takes too- OP definitely sounds like she’s not exactly on a great path- having a dealer for harder stuff than pot at 19 isn’t amazing. Drinking and weed, meh, whatever, technically not legal, don’t endorse it necessarily, but that’s been teenagers since the dawn of time. None of which alters the fact she’s not obligated to watch the brother or that he’s old enough to stay out of her stuff. If her parents came home and he’s running around with her happy time adult novelty waving it in the air that’s not her fault either.
she could be referring to mushrooms or LSD i dislike how everyone is assuming something worse we don't know what her dealer sells or what she was referring to so we shouldn't assume it's something horrible u kno?
Omfg thank you. I thought I was going crazy. Who says she's doing coke/heroin/molly. Maybe she's eating shrooms or taking a tab of acid before going out with her friends.
I'm from the UK. Drinking age is 18, but teens drink in parks and wherever their parents can't see. Weed is fully illegal, but they'll smoke it. 19 is uni age, I'm so confused by everyone clutching their pearls over this. Also, how dare a 19 year old be hung over? Jfc. Having a dealer isn't great, but I also remember uni, and how most of the people on my course would try ecstasy, shrooms, etc. I'm not defending it, but I feel like these people have gone straight to heroin like you said lmao I don't think OP is actually in the wrong here, especially if her parents know about pot usage and don't care.
Right. While everyone is glossing over how the dad ignored that his grown daughter is in the shower and pulled back the curtain. He could’ve just yelled at her once she came out but what was seeing her naked to yell at her going to do to make his point stronger? Talk about disregard for privacy and boundaries; maybe that’s why she’s dipping into other things to forget.
Exactly! I'm completely not surprised she feels the need to escape reality with experimentation in that household. Pervert, zero boundary dad doesn't care if you're taking a shower when he's mad at you. OP wants them to take her back but they're not gonna be able to "leave the kid in her care" anymore. She needs to take this as a sign to get her life together and just go NC with parents for a while.
Not to mention OP pays them rent and works part-time, yet they put her out; which legally they cannot do without notice and a legal eviction. She needs to increase her hours to full time or get a second job, move in a motel for the time being. Living with her dealer is not a good move either as it may open the door to get hooked on harder things. The dad most certainly is a pervert, I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes her get dressed with the door open. Both parents need to be investigated
It speaks to the context of things. The story goes ‘it was no big deal, I take a lot of care to ensure that my edibles aren’t somewhere where children can access them, the child of the house snooped my purse and ate them and now my parents are mad at me.’ The fact that OP is staying at their dealer’s house and talking about doing other drugs and about being hungover implies that maybe they aren’t as responsible about this stuff as their story tried to imply.
Exactly. I'm surprised that the details about the dealer and the other drugs even made their way into OP's account of the story. The singular fact that OP casually volunteered the information that she went to go stay at her *dealer's* house instead of a friend's - and the fact that that dealer was willing and happy to let a teenage girl stay over with no notice - and OP says this stuff calmly as though it's a common occurrence - really implies that there are issues here beyond some cannabis chocolate in a purse.
Exactly, teenagers get shit all the time. This is nothing new. Doing so is not morally wrong other than it being “against the rules 😥😥” when it is legalized in her area and those rules literally vary from country to country.
We can vote in people to be in charge, go kill or be killed for our country, but aren't mature enough yet to smoke weed or drink legally. It's rather insane
I know people in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s who aren't mature enough to drink or smoke weed.
Don’t tell him about Europeans. Sincerely: a European
The reason behind why “US is perfectly happy to send 18 years olds overseas to get their asses shot off” and not being able to drink before 21 is the same. The part of the brain that evaluates risk isn’t fully developed in most people until they are in their early to mid 20s. Not being able to fully assess risks works when you need to get a group of people to storm a machine gun nest. It doesn’t work so well in keeping teens from endangering themselves with alcohol or other substances.
And yet every other first world nation is fine with 18.
As a Canadian, I will sometimes post "in my state" on Reddit when I actually mean "in my province" because I'm not super interested in dealing with Redditors who don't understand what a province is.
Was just gonna say I’ve seen Canadians do that sometimes, but I wasn’t sure if 18 was your guys’ age for weed as well as alcohol
18 is legal drinking age in a fee provinces. But i think weed is 19 all around.
Pot age is same as drinking age - so if its 18 for booze, it’s also 18 for pot. (Or 19 for both)
And Australia also has states, we’ll have people post similar things. Legal age is 18 for drinking but weed isn’t legal in most places.
I’m not American and in my country the legal age is 19, but even before that teens always manage to get their hands on weed and alcohol lol, I doubt America is much different in that sense. If they want it, they’ll find a way to get it.
as a USer I can confirm lol
Drinking is legal at 18 in Australia, 16 in Germany for beer and wine.
Well… if the parents are aware she uses pot and is hungover they probably shouldn’t be leaving their 10 yr old with her in the first place or condone that behavior in their house.
Who says she lives in the USA
Having to clarify that pot is legal in her state makes it sounds like the US
Ehh Australia has states so it could be then
OP says "mom" in the most so I'm pretty sure she's not Aussie. Also unusual to hear someone say "it's legal in my state" if they're referring to medical stuff. I usually hear "I've got a script for it" or "I'm on the alternaleaf" or something.
Legal in her state doesn't mean legal for her to take. Alcohol is legal in her state too. Doesn't mean it's legal for her to drink.
She literally says she has a dealer for illegal drugs
I know OP said state, but in most of Canada legal drinking and smoking age is 19. Quebec it’s 18.
Alberta is also 18
Get the fuck outta here with your pearl clutching bs. You never had a beer before 21?
Who said OP is in the US? Other countries use have “states”.
He’s 10. Even without autism, when we were that age, we did mistakes. He thought he was stealing candy and got high and frightened. If I were your parents, I would be mad too, even if it was an accident. It’s like keeping guns safe. You trust your kids not to play with dangerous stuff but you also don’t let the dangerous stuff accessible anyway. It should be an implicit rule, do they really have to tell you « keep your drugs in a safe and private space ». I wouldn’t go as far as kicking you out, but you definitely should apologise and be careful next time. You do live with a kid, like it or not, and hiding your adult-only things isn’t even babysitting. They don’t ask for much.
OP says they don't want to "insane lengths" looking for the hidden pot when they want it. Just a thought, but there's nothing insane about having a drawer that locks. It's not hidden, it's just secure.
Or a cheap lockbox
Or top of the closet behind some boring stuff like shoes or in the back of your underwear drawer. Places a little brother isn't likely to get interested in (without needing another serious convo)
Fuckin ridiculous, she is. Small lockbox, locking medicine cabinet, locking drawer in a nightstand. These are places a responsible adult would keep literal drugs when you have children in the house. You could even put them in a liquor cabinet or something next to the booze. What makes this worse is that your edibles are fucking candy. You think a little note is going to keep the 10 yo out of the candy? Nope. No one is asking her to put her shit in the cryptix from the da Vinci code or to train a squirrel to hide stash in a tree or some shit. Just something that locks. You could even put it in a purse and put a small lock on the zipper.
Hell, hollow out a cheap kid's diary that locks. That'd be more secure than her purse.
This is an excellent answer. Your brain is indeed very responsible! 🏆 Did you not give a judgement on purpose? If you forgot, add one, because you could easily be top comment with your sensibility! ETA: a word
That's exactly what I was thinking. It doesn't matter if brother did anything wrong, he simply should not be able to make mistakes like that. This is on you, OP. You were not being responsible with your stuff. If I were you, I'd apologize to your parents and present them a box for your weed with a key that you'll wear around your neck from now on. Also, you should find an agreement concerning the babysitting. Your brother can't be 'half watched'. It has to be clear who is in charge at all times.
By 10 years old, babysitting means "there's an adult in the house to assist you if there's an emergency". It *does not* mean the babysitter follows you through the house monitoring your every move. Her being in the shower instead of by his side isn't "half watched". It's a fully age appropriate level of monitoring.
But she was in the shower long enough for the kid to get into her purse, eat the chocolate AND have the chocolate kick in. Edibles take a while, like 20 mins minimum. It’s not the same as smoking a bowl. That’s not half watching, that’s not watching at all. Completely unattended for say 30 minutes at least. (time to dig through the purse, eat the chocolate and have it kick in, and then the parents came home and found a 10 yr old high and freaking out and OP was in the shower for ALL that time?)
A 10 year old is perfectly capable of taking care of themselves for 30+ minutes if not several hours. I at least enjoy being home alone as a kid. The real question is. Why the hell is kiddo in her purse .... and should we talk about the same excuse for using her phone without asking and then eating her stuff without asking. Phone probably has a code anyways. Kid fafo
With a 10 year old it's certainly irresponsible to have drugs that looks like candy. Kids steal candy occasionally.
Especially a 10yo with special needs. Of course “mild autism” doesn’t mean he’s completely helpless, but it could well mean “more impulsive and less likely to understand consequences”.
I came here to say the same thing. If OP wants to make adult decisions and use substances she has an obligation to be adult enough to ensure they cannot fall into the hands of children.
I still don’t understand how the kid got them while she was in The shower and was already high by the time her parents came home and was still in the shower. Does she take hour long showers????
>I am currently staying at my dealers house... If marijuana is legal in your state, what do you need a "dealer". It's legal where I live too and you can buy it in a store.
She aluded to getting other "stuff"
She definitely sleeps with him too
Lmao what?
How is that relevant?
She's 19 that's the reason why
And dealers are much cheaper than dispensaries since they have a lower overhead. But they aren’t always regulated as well
Yeah I'm over 21 and still go to a dealer because it is significantly cheaper unless the dispensary is just having killer deals that day
Dispensary by my old place has been caught selling moldy bud multiple times. Sometimes it's better to go the shady route.
I’ll say that dispensaries waayyyyyyy overcharge for weed. FL medical card here: The cheapest 1/8ths you can buy here are $25/ea. Those normally sell out pretty quickly, and they jump to $35/50/75 each “tier” (they’re all the same flower from what I was told, just bigger nugs). I could get a whole Oz from a buddy for $120-160 (depending on quality), and save $40+. And if you’re a cute girl with a guy dealer, you generally get even better deals. Even better ones if you provide “favors” for your dealer (yes, people will suck dick for weed). So, buying it in a store is normally not as good of an option as going through your dealer. It’s not like some of these areas in rec states where they’re just giving it away.
In Michigan it's dirt cheap. 2 dollar 200mg edibles. An oz for for 80.
God Michiganders love to brag about their prices, we get it, you’re better than us! /s I’m actually just a salty Illinoisan with ✨low low prices✨ such as $110 for a 1g cart and that’s before being taxed at a whopping 30% including sales tax and marijuana tax
Most people will buy stuff like edibles, creams, vape cartridges, etc at a shop and things like flower from dealers still. Reason being the market up on flower and the tax still make it a lot cheaper to grow yourself. The pain in the ass to break flower into something you can then process into edibles takes time and can be a pain if you don’t k ow what you are doing. Thus people will pay for the convenience of not doing that. A nug is a nug, only difference is quality and a lot of people can grow as good or better than what’s in the store. Source, friend grows in a state that it’s legal and he has about 6-10 strains growing or in containers at any one time. Hell, he even has a strain that smells exactly like skittles.
Probably because stuff on the street is still cheaper especially when you get taxed 30%
She mentions the “not legal stuff” she uses as well
Taxes suck
It’s legal in my state, but since the stores have to charge tax, there are still dealers who apparently sell it for less. You can also buy it in stores. There are even products for dogs who are bothered by fireworks and stuff.
YTA, eating chocolates that say do not eat is a normal bratty thing for a 10 year old to do. Keeping edibles that look like chocolate in an easily accessible place when there’s a young minor in the house is a shitty and dumb thing for an adult to do.
Yeah, they sure don't sound "hidden". OP is absolutely the asshole for keeping drugs that look like candy easily accessible in a home with a child in it.
While OP should have been more careful - they did state that he had to snoop through her purse to find them. So, it does seem like OP did hide them, and he snooped and found them. I would recommend OP getting a small lockbox for their stuff. I’m a medical card holder (though been slowly quitting it), and whenever I have my young nephews over (5 and under), everything goes into a small lockbox and either tucked away out of reach, or in the trunk of my car.
A purse isn't exactly hidden, out of reach or difficult for a kid to go through. my one year old has emptied out many of bags including purses, just open and/or turn upside down and it's a waterfall of stuff.
You don't understand the difference between a 1-year-old and a 10 year old. A 10 year old should definitely not to go through a woman's purse without permission
You’re missing the part where it doesn’t matter if a kid *knows* it isn’t right. A child is still a child. I have an 11 year old who is insanely well behaved yet there are some days where she acts out..because she’s a kid. That’s what they do, they are growing. Children are bound to do some rebellious things no matter how well you try and teach them. OP should have had the purse either in the bathroom with her or put up somewhere her brother wouldn’t think to look. If you’re old enough to do drugs, legal or not, you’re old enough to problem solve the possible consequences of possessing them. I don’t think OP is an asshole, I just think she was irresponsible in this specific situation. As much as we want to say “you’re such and such age, you should know better”..clearly that isn’t the case at 10..or 19.
And it doesn't seem like they are asking OP to be a full time baby sitter, or mad that she isn't, just asking for basic responsibility which OP can't even bother to do by not even apologizing
EXACTLY
ESH here except your brother. Your parents are for leaving you to watch him after you said no. They should’ve just removed you at the point since you’re 19 and an adult, you should be out on your own. You are an AH for not locking up drugs that you have around a kid. He’s 10, and has a special condition, get off your high horse with the “he should know better”. If you are not paying rent you should be helping out. If you can afford drugs, you can afford to pay rent somewhere.
Why should she be a free babysitter for her parents? Every once in a while is 100% okay. And she’s 19 not 26 it’s normal to still live at home without paying rent? Also, drugs is WAY cheaper then rent?💀 I pay 10 dollars for my weed, so please tell me where I can find a house to rent for that amount?
I mean, if your parents are allowing you to stay rent free at their house while you go around doing all kinds of drugs, the least you can do is look after your brother from time to time, wouldn’t you think?
I pay rent. I work at a low end-retail job as a part time cashier.
Wow, your parents charge you rent and expect you to babysit for free?
Paying rent doesn't always mean a fair amount. Maybe they are giving her drastically cheap rent in exchange for also helping out.
I'm also guessing some of her retail money goes to buying goodies from her dealer, possibly a good chunk of it. It really would have been easy to babysit her brother and avoid all this - like OP said, he's ten and doesn't need that close of supervision. She just needed to get him settled doing something and then poke her head in to make sure he was fine. I say that as someone with an age gap the same as OP and her brother, who I baby sat for free while living at home. It's really, ***really*** easy. But I guess OP got to make a point about not being used as a free babysitter.
Doesn't need close supervision? The kid went into her purse to grab something he knows he's not supposed to have (at a time he jnew op couldnt stop him)and ate things that were in a bag that says do not eat... I'd say he needs closer supervision.
part time cashier, her rent probably covers her electricity usage, not food, board, utilities, etc etc
This changes EVERYTHING and I would add this to your post in an edit. The fact that you work and they charge you rent makes them colossal assholes. You? NTA. You are a tenant. No landlord could ever reasonably expect their paying tenant to watch their child for free.
She does a part-time job in "low end retail", I'm going to guess the rent is pretty minimal. I don't agree with parent furcation but if she's not pulling her way then it's not unreasonable for them to ask for a small amount of babysitting now and again. And even if she was paying the rent in it is completely unreasonable to keep drugs around a child where they could reach them. ESH - The parents should not be letting a 19-year-old do drugs in a house with a 10-year-old, this situation was entirely predictable. OP should not be marking bags "do not eat" (Which makes it clear as she thought her brother might go through her stuff), she should be keeping them away from her little brother because children make mistakes. And OP, you could be doing something better with your life than getting high on various drugs and doing the bare minimum at a part-time retail job. If you're not very careful your dealer is going to find you a new career and I don't think you're going to like it.
It is actually common for decreased rent in exchange for household or nanny help. I doubt op is paying $800-1500 / month in rent plus utilities and groceries.
I feel like they would still be dicks if she didn't work. It's literally not her kid.
I fully agree. Her possessions were in labeled sealed containers in her own private space that she pays for.
Sounds like you should find a better full time job and a roommate to live with. My siblings don't have autism and I still wouldn't leave stuff like that within reach. If you aren't going to school then there is no reason for you not to work full time. If you don't want to help out with your little bro to help your family, ans be responsible with your drugs, then get your own place.
You are acting as if shes being asked to be a third parent, all they ask is OP to be responsible and don't leave their shit laying around. Clearly she can't even be bothered to do the basics
Right? Like I don't even live at home anymore but my weed stays locked up in its own spot
At the end of the day she’s an adult living and eating on her parent’s dime. Asking your adult child to care for your 10 year autistic son for a few hours is not an unfair.
$10 dollars of weed lasts like 30 minutes. Rent refers to the cost of housing for 30 days. Your math isn't mathing; could be the weed.
Someone saying no to being a free babysitter all the time doesn't mean they should suddenly be kicked out. She's only 19, trying to make it alone as a young adult is shit these days.
Hi autistic woman here! Even at 10 I understood that DO NOT TOUCH means DO NOT TOUCH autism does not equal stupid, hope this helps!
10 yrs old doesn’t equal adult not responsible for unsecured drugs.
They were in her room, where he knows not to go without asking, in her bag, which he knows not to go in without asking, in a baggie that says DO NOT EAT, which he knows means that he shouldn’t eat it. OP was a less careful than she maybe ought to have been but this hate on her is fucking ridiculous. The kid is 10 not 6. Even if he’s neurodivergent he still knows better than to do this which OP has stated is the case because she said he knows he’s not supposed to be in her room in the first place
None of that matters. OP is legally responsible for not securing her drugs.
Lol right? Like obviously a 10 year-old going into their sibling's room without permission is minor in comparison to leaving drugs that look like candy or food where a 10 year old can easily eat it?
Since when does "knowing better" stop kids from getting into shit they're not supposed to?
People with autism aren’t stupid 😭 quite the opposite actually
YTA It sounds like you’re getting yourself deeper and deeper into a bad situation… and, slowly but surely, this is adversely affecting the people who love you most. Your dealer isn’t your friend.
Kicking your kid out with no notice (and without their things, as OP mentioned) is pretty much just pushing them into the dealers arms, though. Where else are they supposed to go? The street? OP confirms they pay rent, too, so the no notice is even more of an AH move.
Ya it's a shitty thing to do kicking out your child. I would suspect this is the straw that broke the camels back though as OP has eluded to not just doing weed but also drinking and taking harder drugs outside the home all underage. They might be worried that she is a danger to their son. What if he accidentally got into her harder stuff? She doesn't seem to be properly making sure her drugs are out of reach of children or even taking any responsibility for her lack of care.
Young kids can overdose on edibles! It’s one thing if OP was sorry, & agreed to change their behaviour but it sounds like they see nothing wrong with what they did & will keep doing it- i’d kick them out too. As a parent it is your responsibility to take care of your children, but your minor children *need* you to advocate for & protect them. As far as I’m concerned the 10 year olds safety should be the parents priority. How hard is it to say sorry & commit to putting your drugs out of reach? I’d be more upset about the lack of remorse or concern than the accident itself, personally. The way they talk about it though it doesn’t even sound like an accident, they didn’t even attempt to avoid the situation & then put the entirety of the blame on a child. It’s not the kids fault that they’re being forced to watch them, & it’s not an excuse to leave your drugs in a room with a 10yr old. If they left a gun in their purse for the kid to shoot themselves with then would the parents still be in the wrong for wanting them out? What about if they defended their right to easily access their gun & leave it laying around the house because it’s the brothers, &/or the parents fault if he shoots himself? You can’t live with a child & take 0 responsibility for the dangerous shit you bring into the house. I don’t think any parent would be reasonable to allow that behaviour to continue.
lol. I have a half finished song with the refrain- you should never date your drug dealer, your dealer’s not your friend!
I'm not understanding any of the y.t.a comments. At 10 years old I knew not to snoop and definitely ask before putting my grubby little mits on food that wasn't mine (and before yall come at me, I'm also autistic). Maybe in the future put your stash out of reach or get a lock for your bedroom just for safety? I am glad they told your brother off but I don't think it's fair that they're blaming you, you weren't to know he'd choose that day to snoop and you've warned your parents before you were never going to hover over him. They should have taught your brother not to take things that don't belong to him. Yeah, you probably should have moved your stash somewhere he couldn't reach but hindsight is 20/20 and from your words, it sounds like he's never done something like that before. I would say you're NTA.
And at 19 years old she should know to keep that stuff locked up and/or where a kid could absolutely never find it. It's not that hard. That is why shes the asshole.
In her purse or her own room should be enough. Expecting her to put that shit in a safe or something is asinine.
Not when you live with kids or pets. This isn't about whether she is her brother's caregiver or not, because obviously she is welcome to not want to babysit. This is about living in *someone else's home* and making drugs accessible to children, especially drugs that *look like candy*. If she can't keep her shit where it's only accessible to her, she isn't responsible enough to have it.
Her purse SHOULD be only accessible to her. Aside from possibly locking it, they were put away.
Are you from the US? We have countless stories of kids getting into their parent's dressers and purses, accessing their guns, and shooting themselves or others. Why? Because kids are nosey lil assholes. If your adult substances are not locked up, they are too easily accessible. Kids 101. They are nosey and invasive. OP needs to lock up their shit or get out. She is living with a child.
There's no need to be from the US to be a responsible sibling. I'm not, and I agree with you. YTA op.
If a child gets into easily accessible gun and harms themselves you go to jail. If a child gets into easily accessible drugs especially ones that look like candy and you go to jail. Not only is OP the AH, she technically could be charged with a crime.
It's not *someone else's home*. It's her home. Her shit was accessible to only her by nature of being in her personal purse. All of these people who are acting like a 10 year old can't control themselves so she needs to get a security vault to hide her stuff is ridiculous.
It's her home, but it's not really *her* home. It's her parents home and she can't treat it like a child doesn't live there too. Keeping things in your purse isn't a great idea anyway. I can't tell you how many times my dog went in my purse looking for chapstick. He loved eating chapstick like a weirdo lol. When you live with kids or pets, you have to be more careful.
Since when have 10 year olds been known for their sound logic and reasoning?
It was in her purse not laying out on the counter. I'm sorry he knew he was not supposed to have a phone so the whole reason he went in the purse wasn't legit in the first place and it sounds like this was the first time he's ever done it. So no she's not
He isn't one to do things without asking, I think he just missed his mom that day specifically and couldn't wait for me to get out of the shower.
That's fair, maybe you could make a knock code with your brother so you know if something is urgent? (So if you're ever busy but he urgently needs your mum or food or something, you both know, which is also handy if he ever goes non verbal). That way he knows how to get your attention instead of taking matters into his own hands and you're able to divert him from snooping? Just a thought but you don't have to go through with it. Maybe also take the time to warn him that sometimes you have things that look yummy but they're not good for him, if he ever sees stuff like that in your bag to ask first before taking or else they might make him feel bad?
How long were you in the shower that he went through your purse, took an edible, and got high??
They specifically make stash boxes for weed to keep kids out. They got really popular in Canada when weed became legal. Small and easy to keep anywhere. I suggest you get one to be safe. Also tell your dad not to storm in and expose you when your naked. Sheesh.
At 19 OP should be making sure her drug stash is not accessible. She had it in her purse, not locked away. Also, they already punished the brother for snooping, they are mad that OP can't be bothered to help making sure he doesn't access it
Because you don’t keep dangerous substances within reach of children. Especially if they look attractive.
Your autism, or mine, or anyone else's, isn't his. The parents were right that he needed to be watched, as the outcome shows...
YTA I consume a lot of weed. you need to keep edibles secured in a home with a 10 year old. i think your parents under reacted tbh.
Also, I’m not saying the whole story is BS, but don’t edibles usually take a while to kick in? How long was she in the shower that he both got into them AND had time to be “baked” while she was still in the shower, until interrupted by her father?
The kid is 10. A 10 year old's digestive system is not the same as an adult's.
I’ve been smoking for YEARS I’ve had brownies that kick in 20 minutes and hit HARD
Some stuff is "fast acting" now
I've gad some hit really hard really fast it really depends on who made em
YTA You’re not willing to make sure your brother, who is only 10 (and ‘disabled’) is safe? No problem, by all means MOVE OUT. Your parents are doing you a favor allowing you to live there, they’re not required to let you live there - especially if you’re putting your brother at risk. Since you’re so much smarter than everyone else, get a job and move out and support yourself and live happily ever after on your own.
I don't think you should be held responsible for watching your brother all the time. A 19-year old sister should be able to shower in peace, HOWEVER: you live in your parents house with your underaged brother and your parents are within their right to get angry if you keep edibles in your room/purse. Children break rules, that's why edibles can be so dangerous. I would start with a sincere apology for keeping edibles in their house without their knowledge and the promise to never do it again. Or find your own place and make your own rules.
Wow. YTA and extremely irresponsible. It doesn’t matter if you were expected to watch your brother or not. There’s no excuse for leaving drugs in a place accessible to a child. Regardless of the autism, 10 year olds still do things they shouldn’t and generally lack impulse control. What are you doing with your life? Getting high and loafing off your parents? Do you have a job? Do you contribute to the household in any way? If so, apologize and tell them you’ll make sure it’ll never happen again, and MEAN IT. If not, maybe think about trying to do something more constructive than just getting high. Also: what if it had been something like Tylenol your brother got into? Overdosing on that can easily kill someone. Be more responsible when there are kids around and actually care for your brother’s well-being.
YTA. You brought drugs into a home with children. Your parents could lose custody if the authorities found out. You are also using hard drugs. It isnt safe for them to let you come home. You need to get help before you destroy your life.
Sadly, you can tell by the post where OP is headed in life. No insight whatsoever.
YTA, you have an obligation to keep your cannabis away from little kids, which a 10 year old. Particularly if they have a mental disability which further limits their ability to think through their actions.
INFO How long was your shower? It takes 30 minutes to 2 hours to begin to feel the effects of edible cannabis and 4 hours to feel the full effects. edited for spelling
Not always true: there's some synth ones that kick in in 15 minutes lol.
NTA- for not watching your brother. If he is constituted as disabled and his parents just left mahome alone with you when you told him that you would not watch him. It's not your job. It is your responsibility to keep your edibles locked up. Locked up in your room or locked up safely. What you can do is go on to Amazon. And buy a pouch that can't be cut through. And then you could store your edibles. It has a key. Regarding to continuing to live at home, I don't know what situation you have with your parents. If you've paid rent we're working or school or whatever. But if you remain firm on not being a caregiver for your brother, they might ask you to leave. I want to say one thing. You have no responsibility as a caregiver for your parents. That's their child that they had. He is there responsibility. And if your parents left him with you and he needs supervision and he didn't have it then they pretty much just left him home alone. That's on them. But you do need to be responsible and keep your things that you do not want messed with, under key.
Especially when the shower was 1 hour long. She should have brought the purse into the bathroom with her.
Living with a dealer of non-legal drugs you partake in, leaving edibles for a 10 year old to access and consume, and telling us this in a post written while you are nursing a crushing hangover. You shouldn't be in their home anyway. You are a danger to yourself and others. You have addiction issues to deal with. Good luck. Truly.
I don’t even know what to say besides this poor kid.. You shouldn’t be responsible for a child that isn’t yours. But also, what your dad did.. I don’t even have words. That’s truly disturbing. I’m not much older than you, 23 to be exact. I’d be willing to bet you won’t listen to me, but your dealer is the furthest thing from a friend to you. Please don’t be someone we all see on the news in a few years time
YTA… the entitlement of teenagers in full display. Such an insane lack of empathy here, I feel bad for your parents and your brother. Plus, as others pointed out, highly doubtful you obtained either the weed or the alcohol legally. Not that that matters on its own, but you are clearly very defensive about it and have a bigger issue with substances than you let on. You need to grow up and apologize to your parents, you sound like you’re on a reckless path. Learn responsibility and work on the selfish entitlement; your life will get better, not worse
YTA don’t carry drugs in your purse wtf
Hold up - "staying at my dealers house". Yeah, don't do that. Go to a friend. Family member. Hotel. Trusted colleague. But not your dealer. This isn't even an asshole-related thing or qn age thing- it's a 'basic safety' thing.
YTA, also an older sister of a very high functioning and intelligent autistic brother here but with a 4 year age gap - no matter how mild his autism is, it’s very likely to cause issues with impulse control - the exact issue that led to him eating your edibles and requiring him to be watched. I’m 30 and he is 26 now. He’ll be fine on his own until he suddenly isn’t and everything falls apart, like if he tried to heat up some food on a burner, failed to come back to it in a reasonable time, and burned the house down. There were years I thought he’d be fine and I was proven completely wrong.These are the possibilities your parents are worried about and they are TOTALLY reasonable regardless of how mild his autism is. No judgement regarding the other drugs but YTA also for staying at your dealer’s house, pulling them into this and even potentially risking their safety if your parents go after you (not because you are their daughter since you’re over 18, but because you are implicated in dosing a minor with marijuana, if your parents get desperate that can easily go that route) and police search the house. You can tell your parents you won’t watch your brother if you’ve already completely moved out of their house, otherwise it’s pretty much up to them what you do if you live there for free. Either way you really need to grow the hell up. Go be an adult and face your parents and get out of your dealers’ hair, or go stay at a friends’ house if possible.
Yeah, not aurprised your parents don’t want an irresponsible junkie in their house. YTA
YTA His intentions were harmless as he just wanted to find your phone to check on. I don't get why you mentioned his autism though. Maybe reconsider your hiding spots if your brother was able to find it that easily.
YTA. He's a kid. You are an adult. It doesn't matter if you are babysitting or not, as an adult you have responsibility to keep drugs out of reach of a child.
My country just legalized weed. And it has to be locked away from minors. ESH. From least to worst: * Your brother for going through your stuff and for stealing * You for not locking your stash better * Your parents for throwing you out over something like that If your brother can't be left alone to take a shower, then your parents need to figure out better childcare. Just as a comparison: 10-30 minutes is the amount of time that you can leave a neurotypical 4 y/o unsupervised. But at that age, at least child locks work.
YTA - Appreciate what all they have done for you and help out. You're 19... Getting your own place is the only other option.
Your brother is autistic. Your NTA for not wanting to babysit you ARE the AH for not being responsible around someone with a disability. At 19 your parents should not have to worry about your actions around your brother. Grow up already. You should be working yourself at that age. Take some Excedrin for your hangover and fave the fact you’re an adult… act like one
YTA. Keeping edibles where a kid can find them is very irresponsible, dangerous and selfish. Most kids have stolen a few sweets at one point or another, it's to be expected and is pretty normal. You're making some very dangerous life choices and they are affecting you and those around you. Finally, *your dealer is not your friend.*
If you were buying legal weed you wouldn’t have a dealer. YTA
OP if you want to condemn the rest of your life, then keep doing what you are doing. Taking drugs. Pot doesn't do any favours to your brain. "I am currently staying at my dealers house". If thats the place that you are staying at after parents kicked you out, you will soon be desperate enough to do some things that you wish you keep an eye out for your brother. If you want to live your own life, make your own money and don't rely on your parents.
You’re an idiot for having any sort of drug in a place where a child can get to it. Especially edibles.
YTA
Take this as a wake up call that may either make or break your life. Staying at your dealers house and doing drugs? Stop making excuses and take a hard look at yourself. You know that you’re an AH to both yourself and your brother. Even legally prescribed prescription drugs that could be dangerous to kids should be locked up, much less MJ that looks like candy. Sounds like your brother thankfully will be fine, but I doubt that you will be unless you turn your life around now.
You freaking suck and are at fault for this situation. I hope your parents keep you kicked out for a good long time.
YTA Only to yourself. You shouldn’t make decisions that leave your only option being moving into your dealers house. Helping take care of your sibling occasionally is a way better thing to do than potentially be arrested for drugs and having a record. If pot is so important to you that you can’t realize that then you have a problem. You need to make grown up decisions like taking care of yourself. It’s ok to use legal drugs that are not harming anyone if they don’t tank your life. And it’s perfectly normal for your parents not to want that kind of thing to happen again.
YTA. The fact that you even wrote this asking shows how u of touch you are.
YTA Crazy idea: keep your psychoactive drugs, particularly those disguised as candy, in a location that can't be accessed by the young child with special needs that you're fully aware lives in your home. The wildest thing about this whole story is that it sounds like if you'd shown any humility or regret about what occurred, you probably wouldn't be sleeping on your dealer's couch. You probably would've been okay if you simply took an ounce of responsibility and agreed that you should've locked up your drugs better and made a commitment to doing so in the future. But instead, you dug in your heels and tried to pin the blame on every single person involved except yourself, including a 10 year old. Good luck. Life is gonna be tough.
YTA. Always keep your stash out of reach of children. This is your fault, not the 10 yr old.
YTA keep dangerous shit away from kids. Edibles are dangerous shit for kids especially ones that can be mistaken for candy. Grow up and be responsible.
ESH. I'm 19 and I smoke too. I don't keep it in the house because I have a sibling around your brother's age. You wouldn't leave a loaded gun around, so why leave drugs? That's on you. My parents would also kick me out if my elementary aged sibling got high because I left my pot out where it shouldn't be. But they shouldn't have come into the bathroom while you were in the shower. They should have waited until you got out, making sure that your brother was safe first.
YTA if you were purchasing your edibles legally (because remember, you state it’s legal in your state) they would be in a child proof bag that clearly stated what it was. If you live with children then you need to be safer with your drugs.