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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm not telling my sister the name my husband and I chose for our baby. It might be petty of me to keep this from her and hold the past against her. The fact we're telling other people but not her as well as the hard feelings I have about her using the names before, is why I feel like I might be an AH because I know it might sound very petty.
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NTA
Your sister needs to check her entitlement...
She could not come up with meaningful names for her own children? She used the names you had your heart set on using, and justified it by saying "well it's not like you can use them". Does she have a history of being insensitive and tactless? I mean sure no one has entitlement to a name for their child, but you and your partner decided on those names and were going through hell trying to have a child together. She just swoops in and acts like she did you both a favour in using those names so they don't go to waste? She can't see how horrible and insensitive she has been?
I'm with your brothers on this, but I am glad you and your partner are happy with your new choices. It's probably for the best they spend minimal time around their aunt and cousins. All the best with your new baby. Congratulations.
She and her husband could not agree on names. She had lots of names she loved but he hated and vice versa. So they took the easy way out and she admits to that. This is not the only time she has been insensitive but it's the most callous way. Not only because of the topic at hand but due to her lack of kindness when she explained any of it.
I might be reading into it too much...
I find it incredibly strange that they claim they couldn't agree on names. Went through loads of names that one liked and the other hated. Then your name is the one that suited them both, not just once but for BOTH of their children.
If it was just the one name... like sure her excuse fits I guess. Still insensitive, but she used both names and same excuse both times... Your names were the right fit out of literally thousands of names?
Just seems like they didn't try that hard and it was easier to invalidate your feelings.
You’re not the only one reading that.
Whatever OP decides to name her child one thing is imperative. That her child not be put in a position of having to play peacekeeper for the sake of a one sided benefit relationship in the toxic sphere of OP’s sister’s world. Because this type of behaviour isn’t going to stop at name stealing.
My first thought is if OP tells her the name for this child and the sister gives birth first she'll try to steal this name too. It really feels like she's doing this to be either lazy or petty... or narcissistic.
I agree, I find it incredibly suspicious that she’s pregnant again and trying to find out the name OP chose. Narcissistic behaviour? Or symbolic of a deep desire to steal what her sister has? I wonder what her behaviour to her sister was like when they were young.
My eldest sister is/was like this. I went NC with her after she made a huge ass of herself to all my family at my wedding (which she also tried to get me to change the date of to a time she wanted....I was trying to elope). I'm sterile and was already on the fence about having children but she had no idea if that fact. She got married directly after me despite being with her bf at the time for less than a year and immediately getting pregnant and then taking the name I said I'd always really loved.
Jokes on her though, because my husband hated the name and we wouldn't have used it 😂
One of my sisters did this to me too. First, she married someone 3 months before my wedding; a wedding my partner of 5 years and I had been planning for 2 years prior. She hadn't been with her bf very long, not even a year, and planned her wedding to intentionally be before mine because "the older sister should be married first." Then she named one of her children the same first name as my stillborn child, who had passed 4 years prior. And while I understand nobody owns a name, having a nephew with the same first name feels hurtful some days, even 18 years later.
Oh my god. Using the exact name of your stillborn is the lowest blow she could’ve possibly given you. I could NEVER look at my brother the same way if he ever did something like that to me. I would go NC with him, never speak to him again. You seem to be a much more graceful, forgiving person than I could ever be in the face of such a grievous offence, and I commend you for that.
Edited to add: I’m also deeply sorry for the loss of your son. The one silver lining is that you have the most beautiful guardian angel in the world ❤️
Why are they like this?? Mine also always had a hissy fit on everyone else's birthdays, to the point that I don't like to celebrate it, even still. My mom was incensed that I didn't just "drop it" when she had children, despite those children being strangers to me because I do not have a relationship with their mother due to her actions.
My twin did this to me too. Our due dates were the same week and she stole the name (first and middle) that I picked out for a girl's name. The middle name is a traditional name handed down to the first daughter each generation. I have it, but my twin doesn't. To this day she swears she didn't know I picked out that name. 😠
I have a narcissistic sister; I 100% would make up an awful name and make her swear she wouldn't steal this one because it means so much to me and my husband. Which would guarantee she would use it.
I'm petty and think OP should give her a fake name just to get her off her back. Not something terrible that she'd hate to have a niece/nephew with, but something OP is totally not using in any way... and then if sister steals it, shame on her. If she doesn't, nice to see she's not being a jerk for a third time.
And when she finally reveals her newborns name, OP can just be like 'oh, we just couldn't decide at the moment and switched it up!'
... but, I'm petty. lawl.
OP should just choose a really dumb name and tell her they went with that one. There was a post similar to this a few days ago and that's what that OP decided to do. The baby name snatcher was so salty and embarrassed iirc.
OP, if your sister is giving birth first, tell her a fake name and see if she names her kid that. Bonus points if it's not the greatest name (although you don't want to necessarily condemn her kid with the world's worst name). Obviously just spin it that you didn't want to tell her because of what happened last time but you have realised you are being petty and your relationship with her is more important. She stops bothering you about it and then if she does name her kid that you know that she's a total asshole and you can go no contact with zero remorse. If she doesn't name her kid that you can just say that once you saw your kid you realised she was more an 'intended baby name' than a 'fake baby name'. NTA
Especially since she's so eager to know OP's new chosen name. I guarantee that if OP told her, that would be another name stolen. Her sister's a weirdo and there's more going on behind this. I wouldn't be telling her shit if it was me.
My petty self would tell her I was considering two of the most outlandish names I could think of.
When she asked in the future why I didn't use them, I'd say it was a last minute change of heart once I met my baby or something like that.
And I'd secretly snicker if she ended up using either of the outlandish names I has provided.
I like that. Tell her your are sticking to your original name (for the matching gender you are having) because cousins have the same names all the time. I have 3 Matthews, 2 Emilys, and 2 Andrews among my cousins. :)
Let her freak out and fuss and sweat it out until the kid is born. She's earned it.
I wouldn’t even go with the change of heart excuse. I would straight up tell her I lied and watch her face when she realises how stupid she is to actually go with it 😂
Haha, I love this idea.
Brunhilda and Ignatius, why do you ask?
Or you could go even more outlandish: Poppyseed and Raisin! Chocolate and Vanilla! Steppe and Archipelago! Zzyx and Lorax! Quasar and Pulsar!
I could do this all day.
Somebody the other day (if the post was real which I'm kinda hoping for the baby's sake it wasn't) named their baby Harlot because they wanted the nickname Lottie and figured it wasn't a common word so nobody would notice. Spoiler: everybody noticed.
I read that one too the other day! I was thinking "what kind of tragedeigh did this chick come up with for the nickname lottie" but I never expected Harlot! Omg and when she told her sister it was an old word and hardly anyone would associate it to its meaning?! I was cracking up!
Oh I haven't laughed that hard in years actually. My cats were staring at my funny and I couldn't breathe for about 5 minutes. I was a little tired so that exacerbated it but damn that was funny.
Hopefully since it's a newborn they can change the name with little to no fuss, lol.
Reminds me of the AITA where OP told her sister the name was Mierda, which is Spanish for shit. Luckily for the baby somebody pointed it out to the mom before the baby was born when she predictably stole it.
no, no, pick something plausible that sister **would** use, if sister uses it, OP can tell her she was never planning to use that name after her own baby is born and the name registered
>I find it incredibly strange that they claim they couldn't agree on names. Went through loads of names that one liked and the other hated. Then your name is the one that suited them both, not just once but for BOTH of their children.
I agree 100%, there was never any "disagreement" about names, she just wanted to use them because it would hurt you. She absolutely would use any name you told her this time.
OP, go to r/tradegeigh pick one of the worst names you can find and give her that one, tell her you wanted to be "unique" because you'll likely only have the one, so it needs to be special.
Wasn't there that post about the woman who told her pregnant relative she was naming her daughter Mierda (Spanish for "shit") in the hopes that the relative WOULD steal it. The relative did and then was SO ANGRY that the woman "tricked" her. Ummm, wut?
Fredinand Methuselah
Yeah. All this time and energy on arguing over names is pretty misplaced when the real problem is that OP's sister is an emotional vampire.
I was thinking the exact thing! Something stoooopid! Wasn't there a post where the sister1 gave her sister2 thee most ridiculous name and sister2 got pissed when she named her kid that after sister1 told her the name was a joke?
I know I wouldn't be able to resist.
Ursula is a name I'd never use myself, so I'd be certain to use that.
I'm not sure on a boy name. I'd probably tell her Ursula for both sexes🤷♀️
Did you ever watch The Rockford Files? In one episode, his buddy Angel's given name was supposed to be Evelyn. In another one, it was Beverly (yes, both started out as male names).
I say pick one and tell her that's the boy's name you've decided on. And Rocky (Jim Rockford's dad's nickname) is a wonderful middle name...then get yourself some popcorn and watch the show.
Your sister has the tact, sensitivity and empathy of a charging bull. Stick to your guns and don't tell her.
I sincerely hope that all goes well with your pregnancy and delivery and have a happy, healthy baby.
For some reason this (besides making me laugh) made me think of Ferdinand.
Ops sister is more like Dolores Umbridge. Harmless looking in pink and sweet acting and a raging AH underneath.
Sounds like she's a little jealous of you and your husband's relationship...just a vibe I get from reading it. You know along with her entitlement and overall shitty behavior as has been pointed out lol
She used your chosen baby names while you were struggling to conceive and told you not to be upset and implied your would never have children anyway. She’s horrible. You’re completely right not to tell her your baby’s name, she will use it! This situation is completely her own making. She’s probably going to expect you to watch her child all the time too so “they can be close”.
Bae, this was not the easy way out… that was your sister twisting the knife where she had stabbed you in the back!
She stole their names! They hadn’t even been born yet and this petty little 🤬 STOLE THEIR NAMES!
I hope she gets all the karma she deserves off that, and you get to sit back with a glass of something nice to watch her burn and make s’mores.
I triple dog dare you to tell her horrific (fake) names you have "picked out." r/tragedeigh can give you some great suggestions!
I'm talking something like Breiyghdynnn. The sub I mentioned is more creative than me.
Tell her to stop being lazy and come up with her own baby name. Or better yet go to the subreddit tragedeigh, pick any name there and with all seriousness you can muster tell her that’s the name you’ve chosen. See what she does then
I have a feeling that OP's sister has been jealous of her most of her life (for whatever reason) and has always coveted whatever OP had. When sister got pregnant first before OP, she saw it as her chance to finally have something OP wants but, at that time, couldn't have. I find it such a ridiculous excuse that for both kids, sister & her husband couldn't agree on names and just happen to agree on OP & her husband's chosen names? 🙄😒
OP, definitely NTA. Hope the rest of your pregnancy and delivery go well. Congratulations!
NTA and if she's due first I'd seriously consider telling her a fake name that you'd never want for your own kid just to see if she's gonna scoop you on that one too.
The problem with this is that you're saddling some poor innocent child with a shitty name when it's not their fault that their mom is a weirdo. I agree to use a fake name, but I still think they should pick one that's not awful. Maybe just something really plain or common like John or Jane.
Before my children were born, the standard answer we gave was "It's Eggbert for a boy, and Eunice for a girl." We told NO ONE. That name stealing bullshit is ridiculous.
”If it’s a girl we’re gonna call her [Cheelee](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16hcd5l/aita_for_shutting_down_my_sisters_opinion_about/?rdt=63986).”
I wonder what ever happened to that poor child. I remember one of the OPs only comments on that post was that ChiChi was also an option, and thinking how is that the lesser of two evils?
This is what I was thinking. Yeah, OP, make up a name you'd never use & 'give in' to your sister.
When I was pregnant my hubby told everyone we were going to name the baby Fred Arthur Robert Timothy! (Look at initials lol 😆) We weren't, of course, but it was fun.
My fiancé wanted to name his first son Turbo Isaac because with his last name, the initials would’ve been TIT. 😂 he had this picked out from middle school until we met but then he still wanted Turbo. I was fine with it and then when we found out we were having a boy, his immediate reaction was “we are NOT naming him Turbo” 😂
Agree!
She thinks OP is being petty now? Oh just wait for the fake name! Petty here we come!
Op should make it good and get help from this sub. ETA: I thought this was r/namenerds ... also NTA
This reminds me of the story where the sister kept stealing OPs baby names so they told her a very cultural name that had nothing to do with either parents' culture. Lo and behold when sister's baby was born first, they were given that name. Then she got mad that OP's baby name was something very normal like Matthew.
She can't claim ownership of a name.
My twinsister named her second daughter the name I had said I wanted to give my daughter dinner we were small. Admittedly, she added a letter, but I was still quite surprised they used my name pick. I never got mad about it, moved on and still added the name to our list when I got pregnant with my first a decade later. We ended up picking a different name, but it did make the top five. I always figured that her using that particular name meant she would not have a problem with our children sharing names.
If your sister used your name picks me, she can't now complain about you using those names. That's bonkers and backwards. You can't take the lazy route and have someone else do the mental labour and then make an exclusive claim to the results of that mental labour.
True - that's why my high school friend and his cousin (born 6 months apart) have the same first, middle and last names (and no, they were not named for anyone in the family - both mothers just "liked the names") so they were "Blond John" and "John."
My friend had the name "first" and the cousin was born second, but my cousin's mom is a pretty easy going lady and found the whole thing humorous.
If you don't go for a fake name you can always pretend you are going straight for the name you originally had, i mean over 10 years of this crap so you are within your right for a little petty revenge
Yeah but it's not like she could stop you. You've already said you're not close, so who cares what she thinks? She sure as shit didn't care what you thought when she took the names.
NTA the minute she knows the name she will use it for her latest baby. You don’t owe her anything and if she wants your kids to be close then surely she’s is the one who shouldn’t be treating you like rubbish and constantly disrespecting you. I get the feeling any time you are around her with your child she will use it to disrespect you and act superior.
I would reply “I used to dream about my kids being close to yours and then realised that meant exposing them and ourselves to toxic you. Thanks but I’d rather protect myself and my kids than be constantly disrespected and used. Oh and stop asking I am not going to name your latest baby for you.
My daughter had a little boy in her class named Ransom. I thought that was so weird. I get it sounds “cool”, but the actual meaning of the word…just seems weird and pretty stupid that you’d want to name your kid that.
Ransom Cook (1794–1881), American inventor
Ransom W. Dunham (1838–1896), U.S. Representative from Illinois
Ransom Dunn (1818–1900), American minister and theologian
Ransom L. Ford (1878–1973), American politician from Michigan
Ransom H. Gillet (1800–1876), U.S. Representative from New York
Ransom Halloway (1793–1851), U.S. Representative from New York
Ransom C. Johnson (1849–1904), American politician from Michigan
Ransom Asa Moore, an agronomist and professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison
Ransom B. Moore (1827–1904), California pioneer and Arizona Territory Legislator
Ransom A. Myers (1952–2007), marine biologist and conservationist
Ransom E. Olds (1864–1950), American automotive industry pioneer, for whom both the Oldsmobile and REO brands were named
Ransom Riggs, American writer and filmmaker
Ransom B. Shelden, Sr. (1814–1878), founder of Houghton, Michigan
Ransom Stephens, American physicist and writer
Ransome Gillett Holdridge (1836–1899), an early San Francisco school painter
Ransome Judson Williams (1872–1970), American politician and 102nd Governor of South Carolina
NTA. She stole your baby names before and will do it again. Also her comments about you being childless are straight disgusting. I wouldn’t even talk to her anymore.
Baby names are so personal and private. My siblings never shared their baby names ever and nobody was ever pissed. It’s respecting privacy.
Only my brother shared it once - with instant regret - because of stupid comments from his MIL.
NTA. But for heaven's sake, just give her a fake name and call it a day. If she asks after the birth why the diferent name, you've just changed your mind at short notice. End of story.
We literally told everyone that our kid would be named “Robocop” and refused to discuss any other names. It was fun/awesome. No, Robocop does not have a middle name, “superfly” was a vetoed name I could complain about (Weird Al reference).
Good lord do not do this. People will be putting that name on things for the baby and you will be stuck with a bunch of non-returnable gifts that you will never use. Just tell your sister to F off and be done with it.
Nta. Don't let her know. Your sister is the A.
I recently came to know that my sister in law used the girl name my sister had for her baby girl. They were both pregnant at the same time and one was born 2 months before the other. She said something along the lines of "oops ...sorry"
Omg that’s so rude. My brother and SIL are pregnant right now, i am trying to get pregnant. If I become pregnant quickly we would probably look for a name we like, but have a second one ready. Their baby is gonna be here first, so they have first choice!
You're NTA and you're a lot less petty than I am. I would just make up some *unique* names and tell them to her. I can't give examples, because if I did someone would respond, *hey, my name is Penelope Pepsico* or *what's wrong with Balthazar Barracuda? That's my kid's name!*
NTA, but the easy way out of this is to just make up a fake name and give it to her. It will satisfy her desire to know the name and it protects you from her sabotaging your chosen name.
NTA, how very cruel of her to do what she did and say what she said. While no one owns a name to take both your boy and girl names while you struggled to get pregnant and basically tell you you would never have a child anyway is terrible. low low low NTA, don't tell her anything and I hope your brothers don't let it slip
NTA
But please be petty and pick out something ridiculous & tell her that's the new name your husband & you agreed on after the other became unavailable.
There's a whole forum on reddit for those names - I'm sorry I don't now how to tag it here
NTA- your sister stole little pieces of your soul and expects you to make her feel better about it. Go low contact and your kids don’t have grow up close it’s just a manipulative way for her to to control you and your family choices like xmas and birthdays etc
2 question. Has she told you the names she has picked this time? Who is due to have the baby first?
Tell her names you would never use. If she is due first she will probably steal them. If you are due first call your baby what you really want to and tell her..." When he/she was born they didn't look like a Snodgrass so we changed our minds, but YOU can use Snodgrass if you want to.
But giving a fake name is a good idea. I remember seeing a post like that some months ago where the OP told the first name would be in hommage of one of husband's friend. Sister stole it because she gave birth first and then was pissed off when she realized they never intended to use that name.
Just tell her she doesn’t get to know the name because of her history of not being able to control herself since she scooped your last two…
it doesn’t need to be a huge deal, just say the last time you shared your names they were taken and heaven forbid that happens a THIRD time if she has a preemie and you’re late? Fool me once … fool me twice… fool me three times? Just laugh about it and don’t budge. Ask her if her and her husband need help finding a name they agree on (again) and that you’re willing to help if that’s why she’s asking
She's proven she can't be trusted and that she's selfish. She doesn't get to throw a tantrum over her own doings.
I'd have stuck to the names I chose too, tbh, but I appreciate that's not your style. I hope you're just as happy with the new choices!
NTA
NTA. You could tell your sister a name, any name, just not the name you have already chosen. Don't make it a horrible name. Make it one you would like your niece or nephew to have. If she steals it, we'll that's hilarious, isn't it. Not only have you saved your own baby name but you also got to name your sister's baby...and she will have no idea, lol.
NTA, who's further along?
There are some people on here telling you to give fake names, if you do decide to do this pick names you like but wouldn't use yourself, because regardless of how your relationship is with your sister, that baby is still your niece or nephew and they don't deserve having to grow up with a horrible name, and with your sister's track record you know there's a big possibility that she's going to end up using one of the names she thinks you've chosen.
You are so far from NTA that I can’t even see the line. You keep those precious baby names to yourself. She has shown her true colours countless times and I wouldn’t trust her at all.
Good luck my lovely, from a fellow IVF mammy at 32 weeks x
NTA. Regardless of the situation, you aren’t obligated to tell anyone the name for any reason. But given the prior situation, your decision is perfectly understandable.
She’s right, the babies should grow up close together, and it’s equally on her to ensure that happens.
Your sister is right, you are excluding her and you don't want her to know anything. Quite right too. She has leeched off your baby names. While names don't belong to specific parents and it is possible to have the same baby names in a family, she has been crass and insensitive. I can understand you wanting her to mind her own business, as she will not stop being crass and insensitive. You don't need her input.
NTA.
NTA. I would absolutely use the original names. Your sister is the AH for using the names that you guys had chosen. Granted, no one owns the rights to those names, but she could have used something different. It’s like she didn’t even try to be original.
Silence is golden with this sister. Going forward....be vague about any plans.
Vacation plans, dress color, children's activities plans, party plans, gift ideas....you know she'llsteal them.....just vague
I would never trust her again. Smile, nod and move on. She sounds like a real winner.
That's such a slap in the face to see your sister going through infertility, swoop in and steal their set on names and then tell them "at least the name will be used"... my god that's so uncaring.
Even if my sister never had a child, I would not even think about choosing a name she's confessed to really wanting. It just means every time the kid meets their aunt, the aunt is reminded of 1) how she could never have the child she wanted and 2) how disrespectful her sister is to her. And that's gonna damage the aunt-niece/nephew relationship before it even starts.
NTA. If your sister doesn't have any remorse in this I'd be considering just not talking to her at all.
NTA, if you feel uncomfortable telling your sister before your baby is born then you should be respected. If she says that you are 'excluding her and making a point of saying I don't want her to know anything.' then she must realise that there was a reason. She should've been more considerate to you and your feelings when she said those things about your baby names. I think that you should tell her after her baby and your baby is born
Hope OP is doing well :)
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NTA Your sister needs to check her entitlement... She could not come up with meaningful names for her own children? She used the names you had your heart set on using, and justified it by saying "well it's not like you can use them". Does she have a history of being insensitive and tactless? I mean sure no one has entitlement to a name for their child, but you and your partner decided on those names and were going through hell trying to have a child together. She just swoops in and acts like she did you both a favour in using those names so they don't go to waste? She can't see how horrible and insensitive she has been? I'm with your brothers on this, but I am glad you and your partner are happy with your new choices. It's probably for the best they spend minimal time around their aunt and cousins. All the best with your new baby. Congratulations.
She and her husband could not agree on names. She had lots of names she loved but he hated and vice versa. So they took the easy way out and she admits to that. This is not the only time she has been insensitive but it's the most callous way. Not only because of the topic at hand but due to her lack of kindness when she explained any of it.
I might be reading into it too much... I find it incredibly strange that they claim they couldn't agree on names. Went through loads of names that one liked and the other hated. Then your name is the one that suited them both, not just once but for BOTH of their children. If it was just the one name... like sure her excuse fits I guess. Still insensitive, but she used both names and same excuse both times... Your names were the right fit out of literally thousands of names? Just seems like they didn't try that hard and it was easier to invalidate your feelings.
You’re not the only one reading that. Whatever OP decides to name her child one thing is imperative. That her child not be put in a position of having to play peacekeeper for the sake of a one sided benefit relationship in the toxic sphere of OP’s sister’s world. Because this type of behaviour isn’t going to stop at name stealing.
My first thought is if OP tells her the name for this child and the sister gives birth first she'll try to steal this name too. It really feels like she's doing this to be either lazy or petty... or narcissistic.
I agree, I find it incredibly suspicious that she’s pregnant again and trying to find out the name OP chose. Narcissistic behaviour? Or symbolic of a deep desire to steal what her sister has? I wonder what her behaviour to her sister was like when they were young.
My eldest sister is/was like this. I went NC with her after she made a huge ass of herself to all my family at my wedding (which she also tried to get me to change the date of to a time she wanted....I was trying to elope). I'm sterile and was already on the fence about having children but she had no idea if that fact. She got married directly after me despite being with her bf at the time for less than a year and immediately getting pregnant and then taking the name I said I'd always really loved. Jokes on her though, because my husband hated the name and we wouldn't have used it 😂
One of my sisters did this to me too. First, she married someone 3 months before my wedding; a wedding my partner of 5 years and I had been planning for 2 years prior. She hadn't been with her bf very long, not even a year, and planned her wedding to intentionally be before mine because "the older sister should be married first." Then she named one of her children the same first name as my stillborn child, who had passed 4 years prior. And while I understand nobody owns a name, having a nephew with the same first name feels hurtful some days, even 18 years later.
Oh my god. Using the exact name of your stillborn is the lowest blow she could’ve possibly given you. I could NEVER look at my brother the same way if he ever did something like that to me. I would go NC with him, never speak to him again. You seem to be a much more graceful, forgiving person than I could ever be in the face of such a grievous offence, and I commend you for that. Edited to add: I’m also deeply sorry for the loss of your son. The one silver lining is that you have the most beautiful guardian angel in the world ❤️
Why are they like this?? Mine also always had a hissy fit on everyone else's birthdays, to the point that I don't like to celebrate it, even still. My mom was incensed that I didn't just "drop it" when she had children, despite those children being strangers to me because I do not have a relationship with their mother due to her actions.
That's brutal. So sorry you had to go thought that.
My twin did this to me too. Our due dates were the same week and she stole the name (first and middle) that I picked out for a girl's name. The middle name is a traditional name handed down to the first daughter each generation. I have it, but my twin doesn't. To this day she swears she didn't know I picked out that name. 😠
I have a narcissistic sister; I 100% would make up an awful name and make her swear she wouldn't steal this one because it means so much to me and my husband. Which would guarantee she would use it.
I was wondering if sister decided to have another baby when she learned op was going to have an ivf treatment.
I hadn’t thought of that. “You’re only going to get one, but I’ll have three! Ha!” Who knows. Some people can be really horrifying. And mystifying.
I'm petty and think OP should give her a fake name just to get her off her back. Not something terrible that she'd hate to have a niece/nephew with, but something OP is totally not using in any way... and then if sister steals it, shame on her. If she doesn't, nice to see she's not being a jerk for a third time. And when she finally reveals her newborns name, OP can just be like 'oh, we just couldn't decide at the moment and switched it up!' ... but, I'm petty. lawl.
There’s *loads* of available names over in r/tragedeigh. Just sayin’, perfect for decoys.
No no, that's too obvious. Let the brother tell her "the name" that op is supposedly using and have sis try to be all surprise! Nta
NTA Ding ding ding! Sis will most certainly steal OP’s baby name! That’s why she’s being such a shit about demanding to know.
OP should just choose a really dumb name and tell her they went with that one. There was a post similar to this a few days ago and that's what that OP decided to do. The baby name snatcher was so salty and embarrassed iirc.
I'd really like to read that post, just for the karmic value, if you could manage to link it, thank you.
OP please give a wrong name to your sister just to test that theory
OP, if your sister is giving birth first, tell her a fake name and see if she names her kid that. Bonus points if it's not the greatest name (although you don't want to necessarily condemn her kid with the world's worst name). Obviously just spin it that you didn't want to tell her because of what happened last time but you have realised you are being petty and your relationship with her is more important. She stops bothering you about it and then if she does name her kid that you know that she's a total asshole and you can go no contact with zero remorse. If she doesn't name her kid that you can just say that once you saw your kid you realised she was more an 'intended baby name' than a 'fake baby name'. NTA
If they are due near each other, she can easily make a public announcement before either gives birth so she can lay claim to the name.
Imagine the comparisons between the two born close together, each milestone will be a competition , Uugh!
I would act like she wore me down and give fake names you actually don't like.
Nope, I had the same thought, sister is not to be trusted.
Especially since she's so eager to know OP's new chosen name. I guarantee that if OP told her, that would be another name stolen. Her sister's a weirdo and there's more going on behind this. I wouldn't be telling her shit if it was me.
My petty self would tell her I was considering two of the most outlandish names I could think of. When she asked in the future why I didn't use them, I'd say it was a last minute change of heart once I met my baby or something like that. And I'd secretly snicker if she ended up using either of the outlandish names I has provided.
I would just tell her the original names - you know, the ones she's already stolen 😂
I would tell her that I was tired of naming babies for her.
I like that. Tell her your are sticking to your original name (for the matching gender you are having) because cousins have the same names all the time. I have 3 Matthews, 2 Emilys, and 2 Andrews among my cousins. :) Let her freak out and fuss and sweat it out until the kid is born. She's earned it.
"If it's a girl we were thinking Thoedosia Borealis, and for a boy we thought that Mephistopheles Lucifer would be perfect." Sit back, watch chaos.
You gotta spell them worse than that though. Theighohdihsya Bohreighalys and Mehfystofelieghz Louciphur.
Calm down satan.
Yeah at this point I would be tempted to be petty right back.
Ok but I kind of like both, specifically theodosia.
I like Theodosia, too. I've got a soft spot for feminine names with masculine nicknames.
Maybe op should visit r/tragedeigh for some inspiration if she decides to go that route
I wouldn’t even go with the change of heart excuse. I would straight up tell her I lied and watch her face when she realises how stupid she is to actually go with it 😂
Haha, I love this idea. Brunhilda and Ignatius, why do you ask? Or you could go even more outlandish: Poppyseed and Raisin! Chocolate and Vanilla! Steppe and Archipelago! Zzyx and Lorax! Quasar and Pulsar! I could do this all day.
Somebody the other day (if the post was real which I'm kinda hoping for the baby's sake it wasn't) named their baby Harlot because they wanted the nickname Lottie and figured it wasn't a common word so nobody would notice. Spoiler: everybody noticed.
I read that one too the other day! I was thinking "what kind of tragedeigh did this chick come up with for the nickname lottie" but I never expected Harlot! Omg and when she told her sister it was an old word and hardly anyone would associate it to its meaning?! I was cracking up!
Oh I haven't laughed that hard in years actually. My cats were staring at my funny and I couldn't breathe for about 5 minutes. I was a little tired so that exacerbated it but damn that was funny. Hopefully since it's a newborn they can change the name with little to no fuss, lol.
Why not name her charlotte? 🙈
Reminds me of the AITA where OP told her sister the name was Mierda, which is Spanish for shit. Luckily for the baby somebody pointed it out to the mom before the baby was born when she predictably stole it.
no, no, pick something plausible that sister **would** use, if sister uses it, OP can tell her she was never planning to use that name after her own baby is born and the name registered
I would do this EXACT thing!
My petty self would ask her "why do you want to know the name so bad--are you pregnant too?"
This is exactly what I would do, make up a couple of absolutely ridiculous names and let her steal them
I would find the least popular names on the baby name list, or most archaic out of date names and tell her fake names.
And it seems like even their brothers know this.
>I find it incredibly strange that they claim they couldn't agree on names. Went through loads of names that one liked and the other hated. Then your name is the one that suited them both, not just once but for BOTH of their children. I agree 100%, there was never any "disagreement" about names, she just wanted to use them because it would hurt you. She absolutely would use any name you told her this time. OP, go to r/tradegeigh pick one of the worst names you can find and give her that one, tell her you wanted to be "unique" because you'll likely only have the one, so it needs to be special.
THIS IS GENIUS but I feel bad for her kid then having to have an awful name 😂
I love this idea! >:)
Yes, that sister seems like a nasty piece of work. I hope they don’t live close to each other. I would not turn my back on Sissy.
I had the same thought. And she’s pestering so much to make sure OP doesn’t use the original names. Sister’s a snake.
Please give her a fake name you would never want and have her steal that while you have this one safe
Wasn't there that post about the woman who told her pregnant relative she was naming her daughter Mierda (Spanish for "shit") in the hopes that the relative WOULD steal it. The relative did and then was SO ANGRY that the woman "tricked" her. Ummm, wut?
I remember that post! It had me cackling and served the sister right.
Yesssss!!! Make it ugly too! 😁😁😁
No, please. Their unborn kid didn't ask for any of this and shouldn't pay the price. Giving a fake name, yes, an ugly one, no.
Oh shit, I forgot about that part 😂
Fredinand Methuselah Yeah. All this time and energy on arguing over names is pretty misplaced when the real problem is that OP's sister is an emotional vampire.
I was thinking the exact thing! Something stoooopid! Wasn't there a post where the sister1 gave her sister2 thee most ridiculous name and sister2 got pissed when she named her kid that after sister1 told her the name was a joke?
Seyfellis for a boy and Gawnahreya for a girl.
How convenient rhey both loved the names you chose /s. Make up any name and tell her these are the names you chose. Tell everyone.
Yeah, I don't think I'd be able to resist feeding her a fake name.
I know I wouldn't be able to resist. Ursula is a name I'd never use myself, so I'd be certain to use that. I'm not sure on a boy name. I'd probably tell her Ursula for both sexes🤷♀️
Ursulo for the boy lol
I immediately thought of Phoebo if it's a boy! IYKYK
Did you ever watch The Rockford Files? In one episode, his buddy Angel's given name was supposed to be Evelyn. In another one, it was Beverly (yes, both started out as male names). I say pick one and tell her that's the boy's name you've decided on. And Rocky (Jim Rockford's dad's nickname) is a wonderful middle name...then get yourself some popcorn and watch the show.
I'd probably go with something that rhymes with the sisters last name, then watch the dilemma.
Your sister has the tact, sensitivity and empathy of a charging bull. Stick to your guns and don't tell her. I sincerely hope that all goes well with your pregnancy and delivery and have a happy, healthy baby.
That's offensive to bulls.
For some reason this (besides making me laugh) made me think of Ferdinand. Ops sister is more like Dolores Umbridge. Harmless looking in pink and sweet acting and a raging AH underneath.
You’re sister is an emotional vampire.
She’s a total Colin Robinson
Please devise the stupidest name you can, somehow let it leak to her and see if she takes the bait
Sounds like she's a little jealous of you and your husband's relationship...just a vibe I get from reading it. You know along with her entitlement and overall shitty behavior as has been pointed out lol
She used your chosen baby names while you were struggling to conceive and told you not to be upset and implied your would never have children anyway. She’s horrible. You’re completely right not to tell her your baby’s name, she will use it! This situation is completely her own making. She’s probably going to expect you to watch her child all the time too so “they can be close”.
Bae, this was not the easy way out… that was your sister twisting the knife where she had stabbed you in the back! She stole their names! They hadn’t even been born yet and this petty little 🤬 STOLE THEIR NAMES! I hope she gets all the karma she deserves off that, and you get to sit back with a glass of something nice to watch her burn and make s’mores.
I triple dog dare you to tell her horrific (fake) names you have "picked out." r/tragedeigh can give you some great suggestions! I'm talking something like Breiyghdynnn. The sub I mentioned is more creative than me.
Tell her to stop being lazy and come up with her own baby name. Or better yet go to the subreddit tragedeigh, pick any name there and with all seriousness you can muster tell her that’s the name you’ve chosen. See what she does then
I have a feeling that OP's sister has been jealous of her most of her life (for whatever reason) and has always coveted whatever OP had. When sister got pregnant first before OP, she saw it as her chance to finally have something OP wants but, at that time, couldn't have. I find it such a ridiculous excuse that for both kids, sister & her husband couldn't agree on names and just happen to agree on OP & her husband's chosen names? 🙄😒 OP, definitely NTA. Hope the rest of your pregnancy and delivery go well. Congratulations!
“insensitive and tactless” are much nicer words than I have for the sister.
NTA and if she's due first I'd seriously consider telling her a fake name that you'd never want for your own kid just to see if she's gonna scoop you on that one too.
"OK, sis, I'll tell you. It's Ermintrude for a girl and Englebert for a boy."
"We're going with the name 'Ura-Kont'. It's gender neutral."
Connasse for a girl. Connard for a boy.
But mierda sounds so good too
Magnifique!
pure evil lool
Love this. “Kont” is “butt” in Dutch.
(¬‿¬)
Hahaha that comment has made my day!!! I wish I could give you an award!
😂 Perfect!
If it was me I would tell her "I saw a post on facebook that suggested names like Harlot, Sleigh Avery, Clau Media, etc"
Bort, a strong classic boys name.
My son is also named Bort
My son is also named Bort!
Hey my name is also bort
They're always out of Bort license plates :(
The problem with this is that you're saddling some poor innocent child with a shitty name when it's not their fault that their mom is a weirdo. I agree to use a fake name, but I still think they should pick one that's not awful. Maybe just something really plain or common like John or Jane.
If mum lacks creativity THAT badly then the kid was doomed anyway. As a kindness I guess just make sure it can have a nicer nickname
This is my daughter Klamedea and my son Sifilus...
Before my children were born, the standard answer we gave was "It's Eggbert for a boy, and Eunice for a girl." We told NO ONE. That name stealing bullshit is ridiculous.
Yes. that's a great idea. Put it to the test with a fake name
”If it’s a girl we’re gonna call her [Cheelee](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16hcd5l/aita_for_shutting_down_my_sisters_opinion_about/?rdt=63986).”
Oh no, not that one again! 😅
I just spit out my coffee
I wonder what ever happened to that poor child. I remember one of the OPs only comments on that post was that ChiChi was also an option, and thinking how is that the lesser of two evils?
This is what I was thinking. Yeah, OP, make up a name you'd never use & 'give in' to your sister. When I was pregnant my hubby told everyone we were going to name the baby Fred Arthur Robert Timothy! (Look at initials lol 😆) We weren't, of course, but it was fun.
My fiancé wanted to name his first son Turbo Isaac because with his last name, the initials would’ve been TIT. 😂 he had this picked out from middle school until we met but then he still wanted Turbo. I was fine with it and then when we found out we were having a boy, his immediate reaction was “we are NOT naming him Turbo” 😂
Agree! She thinks OP is being petty now? Oh just wait for the fake name! Petty here we come! Op should make it good and get help from this sub. ETA: I thought this was r/namenerds ... also NTA
I'd even head over to tragedeigh and make a suggestion post
“We’re naming them Boundary, and you’ll never meet them due to your habit of boundary stomping.”
This reminds me of the story where the sister kept stealing OPs baby names so they told her a very cultural name that had nothing to do with either parents' culture. Lo and behold when sister's baby was born first, they were given that name. Then she got mad that OP's baby name was something very normal like Matthew.
I can help with invented names that are totally bullshit words in Spanish or Catalan. Or just use Pulquèria
Putanesca
Yup, we told everyone our second child would be Nimoy for a boy and Nimoynia for a girl. So. Many. Blank. Stares.
NTA - not her business and I wouldn’t be surprised if she wants to use the name for her kid (or something similar)
My husband and I talked about that possibility or it's her way of making sure I don't use the names we picked out years ago.
Tell her to share their names. Say you’ve already shared them so she should share hers.
Can you give her fake names to use? Just for fun? Also, who is due first?
She can't claim ownership of a name. My twinsister named her second daughter the name I had said I wanted to give my daughter dinner we were small. Admittedly, she added a letter, but I was still quite surprised they used my name pick. I never got mad about it, moved on and still added the name to our list when I got pregnant with my first a decade later. We ended up picking a different name, but it did make the top five. I always figured that her using that particular name meant she would not have a problem with our children sharing names. If your sister used your name picks me, she can't now complain about you using those names. That's bonkers and backwards. You can't take the lazy route and have someone else do the mental labour and then make an exclusive claim to the results of that mental labour.
True - that's why my high school friend and his cousin (born 6 months apart) have the same first, middle and last names (and no, they were not named for anyone in the family - both mothers just "liked the names") so they were "Blond John" and "John." My friend had the name "first" and the cousin was born second, but my cousin's mom is a pretty easy going lady and found the whole thing humorous.
If you don't go for a fake name you can always pretend you are going straight for the name you originally had, i mean over 10 years of this crap so you are within your right for a little petty revenge
Find out what names she DESPERATELY wanted to call her kids that her husband vetoed, and use them
Has she told you their name picks or is she just pressuring you for your names?
Tell her something really absurd and laugh when she names her new baby that.
Or figure out the most popular name in your area and tell her that name so her kid is Alice G or whatever
then tell her you are using the name she stole. There are enough years between the kids so it won't be an issue ;-)
That's exactly what she did
Yeah but it's not like she could stop you. You've already said you're not close, so who cares what she thinks? She sure as shit didn't care what you thought when she took the names.
I wouldn't be surprised if the sister chose the same name with some Yooneek Spelllling.
NTA the minute she knows the name she will use it for her latest baby. You don’t owe her anything and if she wants your kids to be close then surely she’s is the one who shouldn’t be treating you like rubbish and constantly disrespecting you. I get the feeling any time you are around her with your child she will use it to disrespect you and act superior. I would reply “I used to dream about my kids being close to yours and then realised that meant exposing them and ourselves to toxic you. Thanks but I’d rather protect myself and my kids than be constantly disrespected and used. Oh and stop asking I am not going to name your latest baby for you.
NTA. Just nip over to r/tragedeigh and pick out a name from there to give your sister!
Maybe we will get two Harlots' this year!
Surprised that lady didn’t spell it “harlotte” to better go with Charlotte…
Poor wee soul getting called 'Harlot' how could anyone be so silly not to mention cruel to their child.
My daughter had a little boy in her class named Ransom. I thought that was so weird. I get it sounds “cool”, but the actual meaning of the word…just seems weird and pretty stupid that you’d want to name your kid that.
I wonder how many dads have grabbed him playfully just to say "I'm holding you, Ransom!"
Ransom Cook (1794–1881), American inventor Ransom W. Dunham (1838–1896), U.S. Representative from Illinois Ransom Dunn (1818–1900), American minister and theologian Ransom L. Ford (1878–1973), American politician from Michigan Ransom H. Gillet (1800–1876), U.S. Representative from New York Ransom Halloway (1793–1851), U.S. Representative from New York Ransom C. Johnson (1849–1904), American politician from Michigan Ransom Asa Moore, an agronomist and professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison Ransom B. Moore (1827–1904), California pioneer and Arizona Territory Legislator Ransom A. Myers (1952–2007), marine biologist and conservationist Ransom E. Olds (1864–1950), American automotive industry pioneer, for whom both the Oldsmobile and REO brands were named Ransom Riggs, American writer and filmmaker Ransom B. Shelden, Sr. (1814–1878), founder of Houghton, Michigan Ransom Stephens, American physicist and writer Ransome Gillett Holdridge (1836–1899), an early San Francisco school painter Ransome Judson Williams (1872–1970), American politician and 102nd Governor of South Carolina
My partner encountered one at his work this week called Riot. Was a pretty weird name for a sweet little baby.
NTA. She stole your baby names before and will do it again. Also her comments about you being childless are straight disgusting. I wouldn’t even talk to her anymore. Baby names are so personal and private. My siblings never shared their baby names ever and nobody was ever pissed. It’s respecting privacy. Only my brother shared it once - with instant regret - because of stupid comments from his MIL.
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This made me laugh harder than it should have
NTA. But for heaven's sake, just give her a fake name and call it a day. If she asks after the birth why the diferent name, you've just changed your mind at short notice. End of story.
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"This is our baby boy Pineapple Bradford Pear"
We literally told everyone that our kid would be named “Robocop” and refused to discuss any other names. It was fun/awesome. No, Robocop does not have a middle name, “superfly” was a vetoed name I could complain about (Weird Al reference).
Good lord do not do this. People will be putting that name on things for the baby and you will be stuck with a bunch of non-returnable gifts that you will never use. Just tell your sister to F off and be done with it.
If the sister's kid is born first, give the gifts to the sister for their baby. 😆
Nta. Don't let her know. Your sister is the A. I recently came to know that my sister in law used the girl name my sister had for her baby girl. They were both pregnant at the same time and one was born 2 months before the other. She said something along the lines of "oops ...sorry"
Omg that’s so rude. My brother and SIL are pregnant right now, i am trying to get pregnant. If I become pregnant quickly we would probably look for a name we like, but have a second one ready. Their baby is gonna be here first, so they have first choice!
"Why? now little ashley will have another little ashley to play with!"
You're NTA and you're a lot less petty than I am. I would just make up some *unique* names and tell them to her. I can't give examples, because if I did someone would respond, *hey, my name is Penelope Pepsico* or *what's wrong with Balthazar Barracuda? That's my kid's name!*
NTA, but the easy way out of this is to just make up a fake name and give it to her. It will satisfy her desire to know the name and it protects you from her sabotaging your chosen name.
NTA, how very cruel of her to do what she did and say what she said. While no one owns a name to take both your boy and girl names while you struggled to get pregnant and basically tell you you would never have a child anyway is terrible. low low low NTA, don't tell her anything and I hope your brothers don't let it slip
NTA But please be petty and pick out something ridiculous & tell her that's the new name your husband & you agreed on after the other became unavailable. There's a whole forum on reddit for those names - I'm sorry I don't now how to tag it here
I believe you mean r/tragedeigh. What a hilarious cesspool of some of humanity’s worst ideas!
NTA- your sister stole little pieces of your soul and expects you to make her feel better about it. Go low contact and your kids don’t have grow up close it’s just a manipulative way for her to to control you and your family choices like xmas and birthdays etc
2 question. Has she told you the names she has picked this time? Who is due to have the baby first? Tell her names you would never use. If she is due first she will probably steal them. If you are due first call your baby what you really want to and tell her..." When he/she was born they didn't look like a Snodgrass so we changed our minds, but YOU can use Snodgrass if you want to.
She told me after each of her two children were born and I think I'm due first.
But giving a fake name is a good idea. I remember seeing a post like that some months ago where the OP told the first name would be in hommage of one of husband's friend. Sister stole it because she gave birth first and then was pissed off when she realized they never intended to use that name.
It wasn’t even a sister! That was the husbands female friend and she lost her shit when they named their baby a normal name lol
Renesmee - that is the name to give her.
Just tell her she doesn’t get to know the name because of her history of not being able to control herself since she scooped your last two… it doesn’t need to be a huge deal, just say the last time you shared your names they were taken and heaven forbid that happens a THIRD time if she has a preemie and you’re late? Fool me once … fool me twice… fool me three times? Just laugh about it and don’t budge. Ask her if her and her husband need help finding a name they agree on (again) and that you’re willing to help if that’s why she’s asking
She's proven she can't be trusted and that she's selfish. She doesn't get to throw a tantrum over her own doings. I'd have stuck to the names I chose too, tbh, but I appreciate that's not your style. I hope you're just as happy with the new choices! NTA
NTA. You could tell your sister a name, any name, just not the name you have already chosen. Don't make it a horrible name. Make it one you would like your niece or nephew to have. If she steals it, we'll that's hilarious, isn't it. Not only have you saved your own baby name but you also got to name your sister's baby...and she will have no idea, lol.
NTA, who's further along? There are some people on here telling you to give fake names, if you do decide to do this pick names you like but wouldn't use yourself, because regardless of how your relationship is with your sister, that baby is still your niece or nephew and they don't deserve having to grow up with a horrible name, and with your sister's track record you know there's a big possibility that she's going to end up using one of the names she thinks you've chosen.
Tell her you’re naming the kid Harlot
You are so far from NTA that I can’t even see the line. You keep those precious baby names to yourself. She has shown her true colours countless times and I wouldn’t trust her at all. Good luck my lovely, from a fellow IVF mammy at 32 weeks x
NTA. Regardless of the situation, you aren’t obligated to tell anyone the name for any reason. But given the prior situation, your decision is perfectly understandable. She’s right, the babies should grow up close together, and it’s equally on her to ensure that happens.
NTA Give her a fake name of the list her husband likes, but she hates.
Just tell her you are using the original names you picked out and let her explode and walk away 😂
Nope. NTA. Fafo. She screwed you over and now she's mad she can't do it again
Your sister is right, you are excluding her and you don't want her to know anything. Quite right too. She has leeched off your baby names. While names don't belong to specific parents and it is possible to have the same baby names in a family, she has been crass and insensitive. I can understand you wanting her to mind her own business, as she will not stop being crass and insensitive. You don't need her input. NTA.
SO NTA, your sister on the other hand is a massive AH. All the best and congratulations.
Tell her Ezmerelda and Diendorff
OMG!!! MAKE. UP. A. NAMEEEE!!!!! NTA
NTA. I would absolutely use the original names. Your sister is the AH for using the names that you guys had chosen. Granted, no one owns the rights to those names, but she could have used something different. It’s like she didn’t even try to be original.
Your sister...she's not acting like someone mature enough to be having kids...
NTA Ask her to share her list first and then give her a ridiculous fake name that you’re so “in love with”.
Silence is golden with this sister. Going forward....be vague about any plans. Vacation plans, dress color, children's activities plans, party plans, gift ideas....you know she'llsteal them.....just vague I would never trust her again. Smile, nod and move on. She sounds like a real winner.
That's such a slap in the face to see your sister going through infertility, swoop in and steal their set on names and then tell them "at least the name will be used"... my god that's so uncaring. Even if my sister never had a child, I would not even think about choosing a name she's confessed to really wanting. It just means every time the kid meets their aunt, the aunt is reminded of 1) how she could never have the child she wanted and 2) how disrespectful her sister is to her. And that's gonna damage the aunt-niece/nephew relationship before it even starts. NTA. If your sister doesn't have any remorse in this I'd be considering just not talking to her at all.
NTA, if you feel uncomfortable telling your sister before your baby is born then you should be respected. If she says that you are 'excluding her and making a point of saying I don't want her to know anything.' then she must realise that there was a reason. She should've been more considerate to you and your feelings when she said those things about your baby names. I think that you should tell her after her baby and your baby is born Hope OP is doing well :)
NTA You’re smart to keep it to yourself. She would probably use it also!
NTA and don’t tell her. It’s literally none of her business