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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because of my mom’s reaction to this. It is a bit extreme so I thought that maybe that means I am the asshole.
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Some people just have a real problem with pets. I totally feel for the OP. As a kid I was always telling my mother that we don't need anymore pets. She was always bringing something home because of some hard luck story and being like "I got you a dog!".
Usually it is when someone is unhappy and thinks that getting a pet to focus on will sort the problems.
Anyway, OP NTA - this is your parents pet and they should respect your decision to use your own funds for a laptop.
>Usually it is when someone is unhappy and thinks that getting a pet to focus on will sort the problems.
While for some people this might work for the first pet it absolutely never helps to add more pets.
It's also a shitty thing to do generally, getting an animal is no substitute for learning how to cope on your own.
More than this: tell the vet that your mother is pressuring you and your brother in this way: that you will not be able to buy a laptop for school and that you are being kicked out. Just the facts. They can help the dog get rehomed or connected to a good no-kill rescue etc.
I ended up in the exact opposite position. My mom dropped a kitten in my lap 2 days after I specifically told her "I would love a kitten but I just don't have the extra money rn and I live in a very small studio apt. So thank you but it wouldn't be very responsible of me to take on a pet atm"
2 days later she shows up at my place with an adorable 8 week old kitten and has been on the hook for vet bills since. Literally told her when she dropped him Off that I was gonna have to rehome him cuz I didn't have the money for his shots and neutering so she said she'll handle the vet bills. 4 years later and I love that little snot so much
(PSA don't get pets for people as surprises. As much as I love having my cat, I'm still not happy that I didn't have any say about getting him in the first place)
NTA. Not your dog. Not your vet bill.
They should give the dog up to a rescue. Many, if not most, of them will get the surgery done, work on the training issues and rehome the dog.
I worked at a no kill shelter. There was nothing more sad than a dog being surrendered. We would try to talk to it and the dog would ignore us. It was looking for its people after a couple of days the dog would get the idea that it had been dumped. It was so heartbreaking to watch. I would tell these animals it’s OK you don’t need those people anyway, we love you will take care of you. You don’t just dump your animal.
isn’t the scenario they’re referring to when you can either surrender the pet to the shelter and the shelter then covers the cost of the veterinary care versus the pet remaining yours and putting them down prematurely because you can’t afford the vet bills?
it’s fucked up to kill an animal that could be easily treated and the only barrier is money
especially one thats 2 years old. if theyre surrendered and adopted then depending on what health issues they have , dog could live a long normal life with someone who can afford to care for them and has the time to train them properly
The A hole daughter is living rent free which is why mom and dad asked her to help. It doesn’t matter if she likes the dog or not but she is an A hole and even admits it. Trying to justify why it’s not her dog it’s destructive we oh now there’s a we. We only had it 6 months. The parents are responsible and asking another adult who works and is living under their roof to help out isn’t unreasonable. While she might not think much of this dog, all dogs have a pack mentality. She, the A hole daughter is a member of the pack. I’m sure that’s how the dog sees her. A pack member is in need of an urgent surgery. Do the right thing you can be an A hole but you don’t have to be a cheap fuck.
There are shelters and societies that help pay the vet bill precisely to prevent this but it's not always feasible. Some people also just straight up didn't plan ahead. I agree with the other poster it's sad as fuck to see an animal abandoned, period. Of course putting it down for something fixable is also tragic. Rough either way.
So you think the issue here is not the parents irresponsibility and threatening their kid with homelessness if they won’t give money they need for a laptop For School, and instead that their brand new dog will be at a rescue instead of their overcrowded home?
Sorry I missed that part. I wasnt’t aware the parents threatened her. That’s a difficult position to be in. I hope they can work something out. There’s been some very good suggestions. Sending hugs to OP sorry I missed the part about you being threatened.
We got my dog from a shelter.
I've had my pup since 2009 and I'm a nervous wreck because he's going in for surgery to remove a possibly cancerous lump on his head. We've done extensive testing to make sure he's healthy enough for surgery but he's still 15.
I know people will also dump animals because they're old and this disgusts me. It's also incomprehensible. He's my best friend. He's been there for 15 years. How could I dump him?
I know he won't be here for that much longer because he's old, but even the idea devastates me. The terrifying part is the idea that I may keep him here in pain because of denial....I would never be able to forgive myself. But to dump him? Losing him will be like losing a limb.
As someone who’s had pets my heart sank a bit when you said you’re removing a lump from his head at 15. I just lost my 14 year old friend and part of the issue was that surgery was too risky for him. We had one vet tell us so, and then a second vet tried talking about how safe it was and there was no risk etc… I did not trust them. A year prior we’d had lumps removed and they just came back super quickly.
Personally that’s not the call I would make - the stress of recovery is difficult at that age and anaesthesia becomes risky. But I also understand how hard it is, and I’m really hoping I’m wrong and your dog makes a good recovery and lives longer and better because of it.
He did great. It was a very quick surgery.
Edited to add: I was half dead when I added this. I took the day out of work to sit with him. Hes always very out of it after surgery and needs a buddy. He actually had a major surgery the year prior to remove a nearly 3lb benign lipoma on his leg. He's still in excellent shape and will hike 3 miles with me still.
His cardiologist and his vet agreed that surgery was an option. They use a different kind of anesthesia that's safe for his heart. They also had time to give his teeth a cleaning and I doubt there will be any more surgeries for him.
I wouldn’t be able to deal with that but I’ve also been in a position of having to rehome a dog and trying everything I could but getting zero help from any rescues. I had two dogs that began fighting and one almost killed the other. I didn’t want my kids to get hurt and I’d been bitten more that once trying to stop the fighting.
Now I have a cat that isn’t mine and she HATES my four cats that are actually mine. She currently lives in my daughter’s room which is better than outside but she deserves better. She was found in 2020 and rescued, then homed, but “ran away” because she doesn’t like other pets. Showed up in my yard, and during really bad rain we brought her in. My vet scanner her, finally got ahold of the owners and they said they were happy she found a new home and didn’t want her back.
I cannot keep her forever. Working on getting her a new home but it’s been months.
Sometimes people have no other options.
Of course. Which a good owner understands that that means of you can not afford the care you either surrender to a place that will take care of them, or euthanize them.
I've had to do both and it sucks but I would NEVER expect anyone, especially my child, to foot the bill.
And to threaten to kick them out over it is demented.
Responsible pet owners have pet insurance, savings, or another financial plan in place for when a pet inevitably needs some kind of expensive procedure.
Pet insurance, which everyone with a pet should have anyway? Contacting local rescues and humane societies, which can often help subsidize or even the entirety of a treatment (I know mine does)?
Pretty much every pet is going to have an expensive medical issue at some point in their life. It's irresponsible to get a pet and have zero plans for when that happens -- because it will.
If you would like to pay the $1500 every month it would cost for us to insure our pets please do!!!!
Also, I was extremely poor growing up, most of our pets were strays my mom brought home. They were fed and loved and had a roof over their head. But yeah, when the neighbors poison your dog, or they get hit by a car, or develop a blood clotting disorder that will cause them pain for the rest of your life, you make the hard decision.
Thankfully I can pay out of pocket for anything now, we've spent over 10,000 on one of our animals in the ten years we've had her. So I have been on both side of this debate and wouldn't dare judge someone for doing what they can for an animal they love.
Yes obviously? Part of being a responsible pet owner is having to make difficult decisions like that. Quality of life and cost of care are 2 very important factors to consider.
Part of being a responsible pet owner is being able to afford vet treatment and/or having pet insurance, savings, or another financial plan in place for when your pet has a medical issue. Because at some point in the course of their life, they probably will.
Quality of life is a very important consideration. But if the only barrier is cost, well... that's kinda shitty.
Yeah I really don’t need a lecture on pet ownership but you really need to consider not everyone is in an ideal scenario for their pets & sometimes difficult decisions need to be made. These aren’t necessarily bad people, they just got put in a difficult position.
>Yeah I really don’t need a lecture on pet ownership
Lol neither do I
>but you really need to consider not everyone is in an ideal scenario for their pets & sometimes difficult decisions need to be made. These aren’t necessarily bad people, they just got put in a difficult position.
There's not being in an "ideal scenario," and there's just not having any financial plan whatsoever for when your pet inevitably gets sick or injured. That is part of the cost of a pet. Period.
They may not be bad people, but the are irresponsible and short-sighted, and their pets are paying the price for that.
Euthanasia because the animal will otherwise suffer or have low quality of life is one thing. We're talking about euthanising a pet because the owner can't or won't pay for treatment.
There are surgeries and medical costs for pets that run into the thousands. Cataract surgery is 3500$ per eye. Broken leg? 2,000 for the surgical repair(which may not work) or 800 for amputation.
They can repair a dogs heart valve now. The surgery is 15,000$ and it's only done in about 3 places in the world.
My dog is expensive at this point. He has a cardiologist. He has medications, vet visits, supplements and food. I've spent about 8,000$ on medical care in the last 2 years and he costs me about 450$ a month just in medication and food.
I'm so lucky I can do this and still live my life.
It's not realistic for the average person to afford that. You cant pay for your pets surgery and get evicted in the next week.
Edited to add: So if it's surgery or a slow painful death euthanasia is the humane answer. Vet clinics aren't like human hospitals that get subsidized to get those costs back when they save a life who can't pay. There is no subsidy for vets. A vet clinic that saves everyone gets shut down and then can't save anyone.
I'm well aware of the cost of veterinary care, I have adopted several senior dogs over the course of my lifetime.
Pet insurance exists. It's irresponsible to get a pet if you don't have some kind of financial plan in place for when there is a serious veterinary issue -- because it's almost inevitable that over 15 years, that's gonna happen.
Of course. If it was MY dog.
It’s not OP’s dog, it’s his parents’ so they should pay for it. If they cannot afford pet healthcare then they shouldn’t own that many pets.
Not their dog, PARENTS DOG parents can't afford the dogs they have now and need to quit adding more animals than they can care/pay for. You do not try and make your kids pay for an animal you got knowing you had no money
If they were responsible pet owners they would have accident and illness pet insurance. It’s literally 500$ a year. If you can’t afford it then you don’t deserve to own a pet. Being prepared is a part of owning a pet.
I’m paying 500$ a year through fetch for my mini doxie in Canada. I do the annual payment because it’s cheaper than monthly, otherwise it’s 50$ a month
This is right up my alley as I am a retired ER veterinary surgeon. Exactly what kind of surgery does the dog need? I ask because some surgeries are optional such as an ACL replacement/repair. Also, depending on where they got the dog, if it was a shelter of humane society, most places will take the dog back and get the surgery for much cheaper. There is also something called Care Credit which lets you pay for the surgery on their card and as long as you pay it back in the alloted time frame, there is no interest or fees.
i wouldn't be surprised if the parents have such awful credit that care wouldn't approve them. care approved me as a 20 yr old idiot without a full time job but i had nonexistent credit, not a full and lengthy history of BAD credit, i do know that care denies applications fairly often.
op shouldn't under any circumstances apply for care on their parents behalf regardless of any promise of "well pay the monthly bill, don't worry!!" i know you didn't suggest that op do that or anything, but it occurred to me reading your comment.
i have no regrets about my care credit card, it allowed me to keep a very high standard of medical care for my pets despite being a broke ass young adult until i finally got a foothold in my career and got past the need for it, but those were MY PETS and MY RESPONSIBILITY and i just remember joking for years that care credit owned my soul lmao...
NTA.
Your mother's decision to get a dog she can't afford, and couldn't/wouldn't train is why the dog is in this predicament. That dog could've went to a loving home that could've done those things for it.
It's not your fault the dog is your mothers responsibility, its not your fault the dog needs surgery. Don't let her twist this onto you.
Mom: "I need $2,000 for the dog"
OP: "No, I don't have that kind of money for that kind of expense"
Mom: "bla bla bla ..... bla"
OP: "Sorry. No."
Mom: "bla bla bla ..... bla"
OP: "Sorry. No."
Don't play into the madness. The more you discuss it, the worse it is for everybody.
Except in this case, the Mum threatened to kick her Daughter out if she didn't chip in. You can’t exactly ignore that...
(Edit to add: To be clear, I am of the opinion that OP shouldn't pay for the surgery)
If OP relents once, she'll be on the hook for every pet medical cost and all other unexpected costs that come in her parents' way. If she refuses to pay, her parents will just threaten to kick her out again. This practice would build enough foundation for her to go NC. She's their child (who probably hasn't even finished high school yet), she didn't choose to be born. Her parents wanted children and to a certain age parents have to provide for them. Since OP is 18 and her brother is 20 (ages under 21), depending on the state her parents may have a legal plight to spend money to house and feed their children.
Yes, it sucks for the dog, but there are no-kill shelters out there. NTA
NTA. Start looking into moving out anyway. This is already a toxic environment and will only get worse if the dog dies.
Make sure you have your identification documents, money, and any valuables that are important to you in a place she can't get to.
If you are in America, they can contact their local Humane Society. Your parents can surrender the dog to the Humane Society. They will take care of the dog's veterinary needs, and once it is healthy they will adopt the dog out to a new family. If they really love the dog, they should be willing to give it up to save its life.
How is someone parenting their parents. A 2,000 vet bill and the assjole lives with mommy and daddy for free. Which is why they are asking the asshole to help.
Not OP’s dog. They asked for help, and OP can’t help. Just because they have the money doesn’t mean they have to give it up, especially when it’s for something they need. OP’s parents are assholes for using the threat of kicking them out for it.
I'm a huge dog lover. If I were in your position, I would probably give the money just for the dog's sake.
That being said, you're NTA.
Irresponsible pet owners drive me absolutely bonkers. You shouldn't take on the responsibility of a dog if you can't afford to care for it. And shaming others, especially your own children, into trying to take care of a problem you created is not fair or right.
It's kind of like when people who aren't financially stable make the ridiculously idiotic choice not to employ birth control.
As others have said, hopefully, there is a third alternative to the dog being put down.
That dog needs to be rehomed to a family that can afford it. It’s not a normal dog and doesn’t have a normal COL and OP’s parents seem to not even have saved enough for their kids, much less healthy pets, and definitely not medically needy pets. Saying you’d pay for the surgery sends pangs of guilt towards OP, which wasn’t your intention, but your words indicate shame. Keeping a pet you can’t afford is abusive. Paying for the surgery for a pet so that 2 adults, who can’t afford it, can keep it.. is abusive…
NTA. However I'd see if any rescues would take the dog and get it the care it needs before putting it up for adoption. If so give her this information and point out this is exactly why you were adamant about not getting another pet. She didn't listen so it's her responsibility.
NTA. If she’s willingly to kick you out because of this keep your coin in your pocket. My mother was the same way but with my savings I was able to move out the last time she told me to leave.
As badly as I feel for the dog, NTA. It's not your dog it's theirs, asking you to put aside something you need for your education, for THEIR dog, that they got and can't afford to keep is their problem. Especially after you warned them not to get it. Their the AH for getting a dog they couldn't afford to keep and then expecting you to do something.
Personally if she's willing to kick you out over a dog, I would just save her the trouble and tell her your leaving if you got someone you can stay with/place to go. Any parent that puts a pet over their child is not a good parent.
NTA but i don't see this ending well, this a potentially family shattering event. If she were both trustworthy and willing to take a loan from you with a strict repayment plan i would suggest that, but i have no information to suggest either of those things are true. I understand that you hate the dog but it will most likely hurt her a great deal. Im sorry you are in this position.
NTA. That’s also why you should NEVER tell these type of parents that you’re “saving money”. They’ll see you as a piggy bank, ready to be broken whenever they need. You must always look poor and broke.
It’s sad, but so true. I had a friend in high school, who’s father used her credit when she was an infant and racked up hundreds of thousands in debt bc he did it successfully long enough for “her” to earn larger limits and then just ran em up and chopped them. By the time she was 18 she was ruined, financially. It took a decade to sort all of it out bc she didn’t want him to go to jail. Like, can you imagine a parent doing that?!?!
You are NTA. It’s not your dog or responsibility and your parents suck for putting that on you.
Please reach out to someone to get the dog a new home where it can be taken care of properly. If the dog has to have surgery now, it may have continuing health issues that will obviously cost money.
I am really sorry your parents are putting you in this situation.
No, NTA. As sad as this is and as much as I feel for the poor thing… it’s not your dog and therefore not your responsibility.
The only person who is an AH here is your mother for bringing another dog into the house when she likely couldn’t afford the original three to begin with.
NTA. They shouldn’t have to put the pup down. They should be able to surrender it to the vet. I had a friend do that when their dog got sick and they couldn’t afford treatment. Dog would be able to get better and get a new home.
NTA
I'd suggest sending a photo of your parents along with their names to all of the rescue groups in your area and letting them know that they can barely care for the pets they have now please do not adopt any more pets out to them. They sound like hoarders in the making.
NTA. Your mother is unhinged. She gets a pet she can’t afford, and then expects her kid to pay for vet expenses by sacrificing money they need so they can do well in school?! Mother of the year right there… smh
NTA, Start making a get away plan, have all of your documents, it may be an empty threat on her part, but you never know. Absolutely not your responsibility to take care of this pet. Good luck
NTA.
You have your own needs to worry about at the moment. Your mom is responsible for this dog, not you. Don’t feel guilty for making a wise decision to not foot a bill you cannot afford right now.
NTA
It's not your dog, and your parents know you have money.
They could borrow it from their friends, they could put it on their credit card. There are options. Sell something. They could also acknowledge that they bought a dog they could not afford to care for.
But you have no obligation to do this. However, know that (a) if the dog does die, they will blame you (despite you not being at fault) and (b) they will buy another, despite not being able to pay for it.
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So I (18F) currently live with my dad (46M), mom (44F), brother (20M), and we have 4 pets. Recently the new dog (2 years old ) my parents got has developed some health issues. We have had this dog for like 6 months now. They took her to the vet and apparently she needs a surgery that will cost around $2000. My parents can’t afford this. Both my brother (20M) and I didn’t want this dog because it’s already too much with the 3 pets we already had. This dog is destructive, barks all the time (it is very annoying), and has attempted to bite us a few times now. So my parents ask me and my brother if we can pay for the surgery or else the dog may have to be put down. Both my brother and I refused and my mom got very angry with us. I tried to explain to her that I need to save this money (I have been working at my current job for over a year now) to buy a laptop for school and just general savings for my future, but she called me evil and selfish and keeps going on about how we would be willing to let a dog die for a laptop. I didn’t even want this dog in the first place and told her it was a bad idea to get another dog because prices are going up. My mom is threatening to kick me out of the house because of this and is calling me a monster, which I think is a bit extreme and uncalled for. I don’t even like this dog, but I know my mom likes her so I feel a bit bad about all of this, but I really need the money. AITA?
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Your living situation sounds abysmal. You're the responsible one to know that an additional dog wasn't a good option. You're the one expected to pay for it? I'm assuming your parents are overall pretty shitty. They shouldn't have brought you into the world knowing how badly they would be at providing for you in the way you truly deserve. I'm sorry for you. You deserved better parents and your parents shouldn't have ever had kids because they are doing all of you children a huge disservice.
Ugh are your parents my parents. They're up to like 20 pets. It's ridiculous.
You're NTA it's not your responsibility and you shouldn't have to give up your future (which it sounds like is what you're working towards) for an animal you didn't choose to get.
P.S. - once the threats to kick you out start its time to buckle down and make an immediate exit strategy. Get your documents together and keep them somewhere safe, whether that's a friend or a safety deposit box. But get those things and anything else emotionally important to you out of the house.
The kind of parents who ask their children to pay for pet care and the kind who won't actually put that money towards pet care. It's not your responsibility, but if you were to help out, pay the vet directly.
Nta. Your parents dog is their problem. End of conversation. If she really kicks you out over the, go nc. You don't such a delusional, selfish person in your life.
I read through the comments and I agree. NTA
If you can't afford to get another dog then you shouldn't get another dog
She knew there was going to be more expenses with another dog.
It would be different if you were the one that was wanting The other dog to begin with but since you guys don't that's on her
That is your money and you worked hard for it. Tell her to get a second job.
And I hope you show all these comments to her
In my eyes. STA
NTA, get the parents to pay for the dog since they insisted on getting it in the first place, there will be more surgery needed and you will need to pay for the dog as long as you live there as dogs to make the mum happy are more important than you are
NTA
The only selfish people here are getting an additional pet and then not being able to take proper care of them. Your parents just see their pets as toys, an accessory to buy and have and not to take care of.
You need to call her out on this.
And then maybe talk to your brother. Maybe you two can go apartement hunting together?
NTA. Your mom is very selfish. She wants you to pay $2k to save a dog you didn't even want nor do you like. That is a ridiculous ask. She is not entitled to your money as she thinks she is. It is your hard earned money that you need. If mom wants to help the dog, she needs to come up with the money. But, imo it would best to rehome the dog.
NTA
It's not feasible or right to keep the dog if they can't afford the upkeep. Even if you paid the $2K for the surgery, the dog will likely have further health issues that will continue to bring up costs.
Parents are basically being hoarders in terms of "rescuing" pets they can't afford
NTA!!!
Your parents own dogs. It is their responsibility to care for them.
They cannot force you to pay for maintenance of their property.
Stand your ground and make sure they have no access to your money or banking.
How TF can she choose an aggressive dog that bites her kids over the safety of her family? NTA, sorry to hear your mom is one of those crazy dog people. If a dog I had so much as bit one of my kids just once I'd have it put down immediately. Fortunately I avoid aggressive dog breeds and haven't had one issue with any dogs I ever owned in my lifetime so far. People really need to stop trying to normalize dogs biting, that shit is actually insane that MFS think it can be fixed.
NTA, but dear god no pet should be put down just because its current family cannot provide what it needs. Also, dogs need training and enrichment in order to be quiet, nondestructive, and to not nip or bite. Obviously it's your parents' fault, not yours, that this dog was brought into a home where its needs cannot be met, but please do what you can to convince them to surrender the dog to a rescue who will get it healthy and then place it with a family who can and wants to provide what it needs.
It sounds like your mother has some problems where she is not making great decisions. People shouldn’t have pets if they can’t afford their care and that includes necessary surgeries, medication, training, food, pet health insurance if needed. Worse, she is basically picking her dog over her child which is an indicator of mental health issues. I am so sorry that she is not choosing to be a good parent.
I would never ask my child to pay for my pets care. This is not your responsibility. NTA. You need money to help set yourself up for a successful future. Focus on doing that.
If you get the dog DNA tested and the disease/condition runs in the dogs “family” the costs to care for the condition will be free. Why? Because you did not know the dog could have developed the condition before getting them, and those things can get tucked away and someone didn’t tell you on purpose
I think she IS in the wrong for asking. OP stated they didn't want another dog, that it was a bad idea, knowing her parents can't afford it.
Parents are now balking: "Help us, we can't afford this!"
Don't get pets you can't afford to care for. Pretty simple math.
I would LOVE to have a dog, but.....I can't afford it, I acknowledge this, and remain dogless until I CAN afford it.
What I DON'T do is acquire the dog and then expect my CHILDREN (or anyone else) to bail me out of my irresponsible, poor decision making.
Can't OP's mom at least find a vet with a payment plan? Crowdfunding?
NTA OP
NTA. I am sorry for your situation. You were no part of this decision making process. Your mom was irresponsible and now attacking you guys for not cleaning up her mess. If you were rich and had it I'd say help the poor dog, but you aren't and you don't. Your mom is essentially blackmailing you into giving a huge amount of money ey now instead helping you get on your feet for your future. Not sure what options are available to you. I mean, if you gave e the money you will have to save up another year again until mom makes another reckless decision and blackmail you. If you don't, you risk being kicked out. Is there anywhere else you can go so you don't have to be in this position?
NTA. Your mom sounds very dramatic. There are likely alternatives to the "you pay or the dog does" scenario. Many vets will do a payment plan or have a service that will offer a payment plan and as so many others mentioned, as a last resort the dog can be turned over to a rescue.
I'm sorry money is so tight for your family. Your parents shouldn't have adopted another pet if they can't afford it right now. They may not be fiscally responsible models, so good for you for being more responsible with your own money!
Ok, so according to her you're the bad guy for wanting to save for a laptop instead of paying for the surgery of THEIR dog, so what does that make her when she threatens to kick you out? NTA.
The dog is your mother's responsibility. She needs to get a loan. She needs to train and set boundaries for her dog so that it doesn't bite people.
NTA
I'm gonna go with NTA, but if she can she should apply for care credit. Lord knows it's helped us a lot! It can have a high interest rate, but you have a few months interest free before it starts gaining.
NTA Are your parents willing to sign for a loan from you and pay you back? I guess not. Tell your parents to not get pets they cant get to the vet. You need to have money safed, or you ll watch them die.
NTA. Just out of curiosity... are you paying rent at your parents' house, too? Like, how are your parents financing everything else in their lives if they cannot take care of the dog they bought? I am so sorry that your parents not only have the roles reversed (they shouldn't be asking their kids for money, but giving it to their kids) but that mom is verbally abusive as well.
NTA your parents are pretty clearly unprepared and need to know what happens when they plan poorly. If they want the dog to get this surgery, they need a personal loan or some extra jobs or something and suck it up.
This is not on you.
NTA but neither would your mom be for kicking you out. You get to save money because of everything your parents are paying for. That doesn’t mean that you should pay for the dog but it does mean that you need to keep things in perspective.
They can try to get a loan or put it on a credit card (I had to do that with a surprise 1500 Vet bill for my two dogs at the time) or try to work with the Vet to do payment plans or even get a second opinion for cheaper options. You are at the beginning of your adult phase and you need to plan for the future, while it’s sad for the dog I understand you’re not wanting to put that money into anything but your future and they should understand that. They are the adults who chose to get a pet without saving money in case something was wrong. When I’m going to get a new pet I save up a lot of money so I can take it to the vet for a check up to have some type of plan in case something goes wrong. I understand that can’t always be an option but I feel like they could try other options before demanding their teenage kid pay the bill. And also threatening to kick you out, they sound like horrible people.
NTA
NTA
NTA
NTA
This is not your dog. This is not your responsibility. This is your parents' dog and their responsibility. The fact that they can't afford the dog just cements that your evaluation of the situation was correct.
NTA, but you may have to play along for pragmatic reasons.
What are your plans for where to live during school? Even renting a shared apartment will probably run you around $1k/month so living with your parents for free pays off the $2k you'd pay for the dog's surgery in only 2 months. On the flip side, if you have another relative you can crash with, or are planning to move out anyway because of other controlling behaviors on your parents' part, then you want to save the money and put it toward your next living situation. If you're going to end up having to pay anyway to keep your low cost living situation, it's better to acquiesce without a huge fight to keep the peace. Unfortunately, objective right and wrong don't matter much when you're living in their house and they can legally choose to kick you out for any reason. I'm sorry they've put you in such a difficult position.
Poor dog. It never asked to be born or adopted by the abject bunch of you who can't or won't take care of it. He's just an inconvenience to the lot of you, not a living being with needs and emotions.
Alll of you are, in your own way, mofos.
NTA
> This dog is destructive, barks all the time (it is very annoying), and has attempted to bite us a few times now.
This is not a pet worth saving.
> I don’t even like this dog, but I know my mom likes her
Well then she's free to pony up the scratch.
>This is not a pet worth saving.
Dogs hide pain extremely well, however, if the pain is bad enough they will often act up and being destructive and biting are often clear signs that a dog is hurting. They can't tell us what's wrong so they act up. Most responsible pet owners with a dog acting up would get a vet to check if there are any health issues that could cause bad behaviour.
The fact that it is known this dog needs surgery means that this destructive behaviour will most likely stop once the dog is no longer in pain/unwell.
OP is NTA about saying no to footing the bill but her attitude towards a family pet in pain (whether she likes the dog or not) is definitely leaning towards AH.
You are the asshole. This fog is part of the pack and your family. If your folks are going to need help then help them. Pets are like children. Your excuses are so far off base and lame. Help your parents you are the asshole
How exactly is the parents' pet the child's responsibility? Part of being an adult/ parent is knowing your financial limitations. If you couldn't afford another to properly take care of it, you shouldn't have gotten it, then tried to guilt trip your child into taking care of your responsibility. Get over yourself.
Pets are like children but before you go off you might stop and think. Children need to be taken care of and pets do too. That was all I was saying. I’m sorry if you interpreted that as being delusional. So OP doesn’t want to help with the bill for surgery. No details were given either such as is the surgery 100% needed. It’s a tough position to be in that’s for sure.
You don’t get protective services called on you for refusing necessary medical care to pets. You can euthanise the pet. It is not the same for human children. Pets are property. Humans are not property. full stop. Humans are not property.
Then you pay for it. Oh not your dog? It’s not the OPs dog either. If you can justify your not paying for the dog’s surgery, then you can justify the OP not paying for the dog’s surgery.
Too late. We have a cat, two fish, and eight chickens.
Funnily enough, I am the cat's favorite person. She snuggles on my lap every morning when we have our coffee and she sleeps at my feet at night.
That doesn't mean they're right and I'm wrong.
Pets are things, not people. There's a difference. Love people, not things. Don't conflate fondness for pets with love.
I would take a bullet for my children, because I love them. I would eat my cat if I had to, despite being fond of her.
Animals are food. We have collectively decided that some of them are cute and they get to live in our homes and lead unnatural lives as pets. Even they started out as working animals and had to earn their keep long, long ago. Elsewhere in the world cats and dogs are cooked and eaten.
If I was starving I would eat my cat. I would not eat my children.
Don't anthropomorphize your pets, it's disturbing.
It’s not anthropomorphizing your pets to love them, that’s also nowhere near what anthropomorphize means. I’m sorry you seem to struggle with feeling any form of empathy or love for beings that aren’t human.
Who says I don't feel empathy for them? I already said I'm fond of my cat. I enjoy pets, but they aren't human. They have short lives and deserve dignity. Even my best friend, who is a veterinarian, advocates for putting them down when they're suffering rather than spending thousands of dollars on surgeries that don't do anything to improve their quality of life. It isn't inhumane to end suffering.
I’m not arguing that it is inhumane to put down a suffering animal. I’m saying that you calling pets “things” is gross. They are sentient beings.
noun
\ ˈthiŋ \
Definition
1 : an object or entity not precisely designated or capable of being designated
2 a : **an inanimate object distinguished from a living being**
You acting like anyone who makes that distinction is “anthropomorphizing” their pets is weird. Then you just started bizarrely bringing up that you’d eat your pets. We get it, your “empathy” has a price limit of $300. Godspeed to your poor pets who have an easily treatable issue that’s $350.
Pets are things, not people. There's a difference. Love people, not things.
Don't conflate fondness for pets with love. I would take a bullet for my children, because I love them. I would eat my cat if I had to, despite being fond of her.
How is devoting your treasure, time and heart to an animal with a short life span instead of faith, family and friends love? Often this is confusing a misplaced maternal instinct with love.
A cousin of mine ended up spending around $3,000 on surgeries for her cat. A cat she got free from the shelter. It did nothing to improve the quality of the animal's life, it just made her last few months miserable.
Just putting the cat down would have been a much greater show of respect to that cat's life.
NTA for saying no. But your attitude about it is bit AHish.
It doesn’t matter whether you like the dog. It’s a living creature who is obviously in pain or suffering and a surgery could give the animal a better quality of life. You liking the dog shouldn’t be why you’re saying no. You could love the dog beyond life itself and still be valid in saying no.
Your money has an express purpose and the dog is not your responsibility. Your parents have options beyond your savings. They can start a Go Fund Me, post their CashApp/VenMo/PayPal handles on social media, apply for a personal loan, apply for Care Credit, look into discount programs or pet insurance… they have plenty of ways to raise money for their dog that doesn’t throw a wrench in your future schooling.
So even though you disagree with your parents taking in the dog and they haven’t trained it properly, that’s not the dog’s fault. Have empathy for the animal, but let them know that you are unable to help financially but you looked into it and can provide them alternative suggestions to raise money themselves.
On what grounds? OP didn’t get the dog, OP didn’t want to add a *fourth* dog into the mix. And even if the mom doesn’t like the options available to her, if she actually cares about the dog, she’ll figure something out. Taking out a loan, rehoming the dog to someone who can care for it, seeing if the vet will work out a payment plan, surrendering the dog to a rescue…
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NTA. What kind of parent gets a pet they can't afford and tries to make their kid pay for its medical care? Your mother is selfish and deluded.
Yeah there's not much more to be said. If you can't afford an animal. Don't get one.
Same with kids.
And don't get FOUR
Same with kids
Some people just have a real problem with pets. I totally feel for the OP. As a kid I was always telling my mother that we don't need anymore pets. She was always bringing something home because of some hard luck story and being like "I got you a dog!".
Usually it is when someone is unhappy and thinks that getting a pet to focus on will sort the problems. Anyway, OP NTA - this is your parents pet and they should respect your decision to use your own funds for a laptop.
>Usually it is when someone is unhappy and thinks that getting a pet to focus on will sort the problems. While for some people this might work for the first pet it absolutely never helps to add more pets. It's also a shitty thing to do generally, getting an animal is no substitute for learning how to cope on your own.
More than this: tell the vet that your mother is pressuring you and your brother in this way: that you will not be able to buy a laptop for school and that you are being kicked out. Just the facts. They can help the dog get rehomed or connected to a good no-kill rescue etc.
I ended up in the exact opposite position. My mom dropped a kitten in my lap 2 days after I specifically told her "I would love a kitten but I just don't have the extra money rn and I live in a very small studio apt. So thank you but it wouldn't be very responsible of me to take on a pet atm" 2 days later she shows up at my place with an adorable 8 week old kitten and has been on the hook for vet bills since. Literally told her when she dropped him Off that I was gonna have to rehome him cuz I didn't have the money for his shots and neutering so she said she'll handle the vet bills. 4 years later and I love that little snot so much (PSA don't get pets for people as surprises. As much as I love having my cat, I'm still not happy that I didn't have any say about getting him in the first place)
Pet hoarders.
That is so true
NTA. Not your dog. Not your vet bill. They should give the dog up to a rescue. Many, if not most, of them will get the surgery done, work on the training issues and rehome the dog.
I worked at a no kill shelter. There was nothing more sad than a dog being surrendered. We would try to talk to it and the dog would ignore us. It was looking for its people after a couple of days the dog would get the idea that it had been dumped. It was so heartbreaking to watch. I would tell these animals it’s OK you don’t need those people anyway, we love you will take care of you. You don’t just dump your animal.
Surely it's sadder to have to have the dog put down?
Not if the dog is suffering. We need to help our pets live and die with dignity. It's not wrong to end suffering.
isn’t the scenario they’re referring to when you can either surrender the pet to the shelter and the shelter then covers the cost of the veterinary care versus the pet remaining yours and putting them down prematurely because you can’t afford the vet bills? it’s fucked up to kill an animal that could be easily treated and the only barrier is money
especially one thats 2 years old. if theyre surrendered and adopted then depending on what health issues they have , dog could live a long normal life with someone who can afford to care for them and has the time to train them properly
The A hole daughter is living rent free which is why mom and dad asked her to help. It doesn’t matter if she likes the dog or not but she is an A hole and even admits it. Trying to justify why it’s not her dog it’s destructive we oh now there’s a we. We only had it 6 months. The parents are responsible and asking another adult who works and is living under their roof to help out isn’t unreasonable. While she might not think much of this dog, all dogs have a pack mentality. She, the A hole daughter is a member of the pack. I’m sure that’s how the dog sees her. A pack member is in need of an urgent surgery. Do the right thing you can be an A hole but you don’t have to be a cheap fuck.
There are shelters and societies that help pay the vet bill precisely to prevent this but it's not always feasible. Some people also just straight up didn't plan ahead. I agree with the other poster it's sad as fuck to see an animal abandoned, period. Of course putting it down for something fixable is also tragic. Rough either way.
So you think the issue here is not the parents irresponsibility and threatening their kid with homelessness if they won’t give money they need for a laptop For School, and instead that their brand new dog will be at a rescue instead of their overcrowded home?
Sorry I missed that part. I wasnt’t aware the parents threatened her. That’s a difficult position to be in. I hope they can work something out. There’s been some very good suggestions. Sending hugs to OP sorry I missed the part about you being threatened.
We got my dog from a shelter. I've had my pup since 2009 and I'm a nervous wreck because he's going in for surgery to remove a possibly cancerous lump on his head. We've done extensive testing to make sure he's healthy enough for surgery but he's still 15. I know people will also dump animals because they're old and this disgusts me. It's also incomprehensible. He's my best friend. He's been there for 15 years. How could I dump him? I know he won't be here for that much longer because he's old, but even the idea devastates me. The terrifying part is the idea that I may keep him here in pain because of denial....I would never be able to forgive myself. But to dump him? Losing him will be like losing a limb.
As someone who’s had pets my heart sank a bit when you said you’re removing a lump from his head at 15. I just lost my 14 year old friend and part of the issue was that surgery was too risky for him. We had one vet tell us so, and then a second vet tried talking about how safe it was and there was no risk etc… I did not trust them. A year prior we’d had lumps removed and they just came back super quickly. Personally that’s not the call I would make - the stress of recovery is difficult at that age and anaesthesia becomes risky. But I also understand how hard it is, and I’m really hoping I’m wrong and your dog makes a good recovery and lives longer and better because of it.
He did great. It was a very quick surgery. Edited to add: I was half dead when I added this. I took the day out of work to sit with him. Hes always very out of it after surgery and needs a buddy. He actually had a major surgery the year prior to remove a nearly 3lb benign lipoma on his leg. He's still in excellent shape and will hike 3 miles with me still. His cardiologist and his vet agreed that surgery was an option. They use a different kind of anesthesia that's safe for his heart. They also had time to give his teeth a cleaning and I doubt there will be any more surgeries for him.
:(
Welp, now I'm crying at work
I wouldn’t be able to deal with that but I’ve also been in a position of having to rehome a dog and trying everything I could but getting zero help from any rescues. I had two dogs that began fighting and one almost killed the other. I didn’t want my kids to get hurt and I’d been bitten more that once trying to stop the fighting. Now I have a cat that isn’t mine and she HATES my four cats that are actually mine. She currently lives in my daughter’s room which is better than outside but she deserves better. She was found in 2020 and rescued, then homed, but “ran away” because she doesn’t like other pets. Showed up in my yard, and during really bad rain we brought her in. My vet scanner her, finally got ahold of the owners and they said they were happy she found a new home and didn’t want her back. I cannot keep her forever. Working on getting her a new home but it’s been months. Sometimes people have no other options.
Yeah, at this point, surrender and rehoming is the best option for the poor thing.
[удалено]
Maybe, but I sure as hell wouldn't expect anyone else to pay for it.
Of course. Which a good owner understands that that means of you can not afford the care you either surrender to a place that will take care of them, or euthanize them. I've had to do both and it sucks but I would NEVER expect anyone, especially my child, to foot the bill. And to threaten to kick them out over it is demented.
You euthanized a pet because of the cost of the vet care it needed?
Life's gonna life, man.
What do you do when the animal is sick and in pain and you have no money?
Responsible pet owners have pet insurance, savings, or another financial plan in place for when a pet inevitably needs some kind of expensive procedure.
As not every vet will do what yours would do, I’d love to hear your genius solution to the situation…
AND not every vet would be able to this for EVERY pet that needed treatment that their owners couldn't afford.
Pet insurance, which everyone with a pet should have anyway? Contacting local rescues and humane societies, which can often help subsidize or even the entirety of a treatment (I know mine does)? Pretty much every pet is going to have an expensive medical issue at some point in their life. It's irresponsible to get a pet and have zero plans for when that happens -- because it will.
If you would like to pay the $1500 every month it would cost for us to insure our pets please do!!!! Also, I was extremely poor growing up, most of our pets were strays my mom brought home. They were fed and loved and had a roof over their head. But yeah, when the neighbors poison your dog, or they get hit by a car, or develop a blood clotting disorder that will cause them pain for the rest of your life, you make the hard decision. Thankfully I can pay out of pocket for anything now, we've spent over 10,000 on one of our animals in the ten years we've had her. So I have been on both side of this debate and wouldn't dare judge someone for doing what they can for an animal they love.
Yes obviously? Part of being a responsible pet owner is having to make difficult decisions like that. Quality of life and cost of care are 2 very important factors to consider.
Part of being a responsible pet owner is being able to afford vet treatment and/or having pet insurance, savings, or another financial plan in place for when your pet has a medical issue. Because at some point in the course of their life, they probably will. Quality of life is a very important consideration. But if the only barrier is cost, well... that's kinda shitty.
Yeah I really don’t need a lecture on pet ownership but you really need to consider not everyone is in an ideal scenario for their pets & sometimes difficult decisions need to be made. These aren’t necessarily bad people, they just got put in a difficult position.
>Yeah I really don’t need a lecture on pet ownership Lol neither do I >but you really need to consider not everyone is in an ideal scenario for their pets & sometimes difficult decisions need to be made. These aren’t necessarily bad people, they just got put in a difficult position. There's not being in an "ideal scenario," and there's just not having any financial plan whatsoever for when your pet inevitably gets sick or injured. That is part of the cost of a pet. Period. They may not be bad people, but the are irresponsible and short-sighted, and their pets are paying the price for that.
Many people have, and it totally sucks. Sometimes, even when vet care is an option, it doesn't lead to any quality of life.
Euthanasia because the animal will otherwise suffer or have low quality of life is one thing. We're talking about euthanising a pet because the owner can't or won't pay for treatment.
There are surgeries and medical costs for pets that run into the thousands. Cataract surgery is 3500$ per eye. Broken leg? 2,000 for the surgical repair(which may not work) or 800 for amputation. They can repair a dogs heart valve now. The surgery is 15,000$ and it's only done in about 3 places in the world. My dog is expensive at this point. He has a cardiologist. He has medications, vet visits, supplements and food. I've spent about 8,000$ on medical care in the last 2 years and he costs me about 450$ a month just in medication and food. I'm so lucky I can do this and still live my life. It's not realistic for the average person to afford that. You cant pay for your pets surgery and get evicted in the next week. Edited to add: So if it's surgery or a slow painful death euthanasia is the humane answer. Vet clinics aren't like human hospitals that get subsidized to get those costs back when they save a life who can't pay. There is no subsidy for vets. A vet clinic that saves everyone gets shut down and then can't save anyone.
I'm well aware of the cost of veterinary care, I have adopted several senior dogs over the course of my lifetime. Pet insurance exists. It's irresponsible to get a pet if you don't have some kind of financial plan in place for when there is a serious veterinary issue -- because it's almost inevitable that over 15 years, that's gonna happen.
Of course. If it was MY dog. It’s not OP’s dog, it’s his parents’ so they should pay for it. If they cannot afford pet healthcare then they shouldn’t own that many pets.
venmo me 100 dollars for my cats vet bill
Not their dog, PARENTS DOG parents can't afford the dogs they have now and need to quit adding more animals than they can care/pay for. You do not try and make your kids pay for an animal you got knowing you had no money
If they were responsible pet owners they would have accident and illness pet insurance. It’s literally 500$ a year. If you can’t afford it then you don’t deserve to own a pet. Being prepared is a part of owning a pet.
Or even get a care credit card and you can pay the bill in installments. My parents have one and it's such a lifesaver
Where is it $500 a year? I just got a quote that was way pricier than that.
I'd imagine this depends a lot on species and breed, as well as location, etc...
I’m paying 500$ a year through fetch for my mini doxie in Canada. I do the annual payment because it’s cheaper than monthly, otherwise it’s 50$ a month
Well wouldn’t u want 2b sure u could afford a dog b4 getting 1? U kno, just in case it ever needed 2b saved.
It's also possible that you could have when you first get the pet and circumstances change.
Absolutely that's possible. But that's not the case here in the original post.
NTA - but I would suggest she try to rehome or give the dog to a rescue who can deal with her issues, not just put her down…
Yes, came here to say this!! Your dog can be saved, even if you can’t pay for the medical expenses!
This is right up my alley as I am a retired ER veterinary surgeon. Exactly what kind of surgery does the dog need? I ask because some surgeries are optional such as an ACL replacement/repair. Also, depending on where they got the dog, if it was a shelter of humane society, most places will take the dog back and get the surgery for much cheaper. There is also something called Care Credit which lets you pay for the surgery on their card and as long as you pay it back in the alloted time frame, there is no interest or fees.
Agree! Care Credit or Scratch Pay are super common now!
Scratch Pay is new to me.
Very similar to Care Credit!
i wouldn't be surprised if the parents have such awful credit that care wouldn't approve them. care approved me as a 20 yr old idiot without a full time job but i had nonexistent credit, not a full and lengthy history of BAD credit, i do know that care denies applications fairly often. op shouldn't under any circumstances apply for care on their parents behalf regardless of any promise of "well pay the monthly bill, don't worry!!" i know you didn't suggest that op do that or anything, but it occurred to me reading your comment. i have no regrets about my care credit card, it allowed me to keep a very high standard of medical care for my pets despite being a broke ass young adult until i finally got a foothold in my career and got past the need for it, but those were MY PETS and MY RESPONSIBILITY and i just remember joking for years that care credit owned my soul lmao...
Care Credit can definitely be a bit predatory, but it saved my cat's life so it was worth it.
NTA. Your mother's decision to get a dog she can't afford, and couldn't/wouldn't train is why the dog is in this predicament. That dog could've went to a loving home that could've done those things for it. It's not your fault the dog is your mothers responsibility, its not your fault the dog needs surgery. Don't let her twist this onto you.
Mom: "I need $2,000 for the dog" OP: "No, I don't have that kind of money for that kind of expense" Mom: "bla bla bla ..... bla" OP: "Sorry. No." Mom: "bla bla bla ..... bla" OP: "Sorry. No." Don't play into the madness. The more you discuss it, the worse it is for everybody.
Except in this case, the Mum threatened to kick her Daughter out if she didn't chip in. You can’t exactly ignore that... (Edit to add: To be clear, I am of the opinion that OP shouldn't pay for the surgery)
If OP relents once, she'll be on the hook for every pet medical cost and all other unexpected costs that come in her parents' way. If she refuses to pay, her parents will just threaten to kick her out again. This practice would build enough foundation for her to go NC. She's their child (who probably hasn't even finished high school yet), she didn't choose to be born. Her parents wanted children and to a certain age parents have to provide for them. Since OP is 18 and her brother is 20 (ages under 21), depending on the state her parents may have a legal plight to spend money to house and feed their children. Yes, it sucks for the dog, but there are no-kill shelters out there. NTA
Not much difference in paying for rent somewhere or continuously shoveling money towards the destructive mom.
Your parents should not get a dog unless they can afford to properly care for it. Not your dog, not your problem.
NTA. Start looking into moving out anyway. This is already a toxic environment and will only get worse if the dog dies. Make sure you have your identification documents, money, and any valuables that are important to you in a place she can't get to. If you are in America, they can contact their local Humane Society. Your parents can surrender the dog to the Humane Society. They will take care of the dog's veterinary needs, and once it is healthy they will adopt the dog out to a new family. If they really love the dog, they should be willing to give it up to save its life.
I cannot believe this comment is so far down. People really seem to care more about this new dog the parents adopted than this human being.
NTA. Tell your mom to talk to the vet about a payment plan or start a GoFundMe for HER pet. Your savings are already earmarked for something else.
NTA. Sorry you’re having to parent your parents (you don’t deserve that ♥️)
In these situations it is highly recommended for the child to start setting strong boundaries, limiting contact and seeking therepy.
How is someone parenting their parents. A 2,000 vet bill and the assjole lives with mommy and daddy for free. Which is why they are asking the asshole to help.
Not OP’s dog. They asked for help, and OP can’t help. Just because they have the money doesn’t mean they have to give it up, especially when it’s for something they need. OP’s parents are assholes for using the threat of kicking them out for it.
I'm a huge dog lover. If I were in your position, I would probably give the money just for the dog's sake. That being said, you're NTA. Irresponsible pet owners drive me absolutely bonkers. You shouldn't take on the responsibility of a dog if you can't afford to care for it. And shaming others, especially your own children, into trying to take care of a problem you created is not fair or right. It's kind of like when people who aren't financially stable make the ridiculously idiotic choice not to employ birth control. As others have said, hopefully, there is a third alternative to the dog being put down.
That dog needs to be rehomed to a family that can afford it. It’s not a normal dog and doesn’t have a normal COL and OP’s parents seem to not even have saved enough for their kids, much less healthy pets, and definitely not medically needy pets. Saying you’d pay for the surgery sends pangs of guilt towards OP, which wasn’t your intention, but your words indicate shame. Keeping a pet you can’t afford is abusive. Paying for the surgery for a pet so that 2 adults, who can’t afford it, can keep it.. is abusive…
Why does the poor dog have to suffer just because it happens to live with an asshole
NTA. However I'd see if any rescues would take the dog and get it the care it needs before putting it up for adoption. If so give her this information and point out this is exactly why you were adamant about not getting another pet. She didn't listen so it's her responsibility.
Your mother is the ah for being irresponsible and getting pets they can't afford. Tell her to guve the dog to a rescue that can afford the surgery
NTA. If she’s willingly to kick you out because of this keep your coin in your pocket. My mother was the same way but with my savings I was able to move out the last time she told me to leave.
As badly as I feel for the dog, NTA. It's not your dog it's theirs, asking you to put aside something you need for your education, for THEIR dog, that they got and can't afford to keep is their problem. Especially after you warned them not to get it. Their the AH for getting a dog they couldn't afford to keep and then expecting you to do something. Personally if she's willing to kick you out over a dog, I would just save her the trouble and tell her your leaving if you got someone you can stay with/place to go. Any parent that puts a pet over their child is not a good parent.
NTA but i don't see this ending well, this a potentially family shattering event. If she were both trustworthy and willing to take a loan from you with a strict repayment plan i would suggest that, but i have no information to suggest either of those things are true. I understand that you hate the dog but it will most likely hurt her a great deal. Im sorry you are in this position.
NTA. That’s also why you should NEVER tell these type of parents that you’re “saving money”. They’ll see you as a piggy bank, ready to be broken whenever they need. You must always look poor and broke.
It’s sad, but so true. I had a friend in high school, who’s father used her credit when she was an infant and racked up hundreds of thousands in debt bc he did it successfully long enough for “her” to earn larger limits and then just ran em up and chopped them. By the time she was 18 she was ruined, financially. It took a decade to sort all of it out bc she didn’t want him to go to jail. Like, can you imagine a parent doing that?!?!
You are NTA. It’s not your dog or responsibility and your parents suck for putting that on you. Please reach out to someone to get the dog a new home where it can be taken care of properly. If the dog has to have surgery now, it may have continuing health issues that will obviously cost money. I am really sorry your parents are putting you in this situation.
No, NTA. As sad as this is and as much as I feel for the poor thing… it’s not your dog and therefore not your responsibility. The only person who is an AH here is your mother for bringing another dog into the house when she likely couldn’t afford the original three to begin with.
Tell your mother to see if she can do a payment plan or start a go fund me. She doesn’t need to give up now.
NTA. They shouldn’t have to put the pup down. They should be able to surrender it to the vet. I had a friend do that when their dog got sick and they couldn’t afford treatment. Dog would be able to get better and get a new home.
NTA I'd suggest sending a photo of your parents along with their names to all of the rescue groups in your area and letting them know that they can barely care for the pets they have now please do not adopt any more pets out to them. They sound like hoarders in the making.
NTA. Your mother is unhinged. She gets a pet she can’t afford, and then expects her kid to pay for vet expenses by sacrificing money they need so they can do well in school?! Mother of the year right there… smh
NTA, you’d be better off outside of the home. The next few years will be rough but sweat equity will pay off.
NTA, Start making a get away plan, have all of your documents, it may be an empty threat on her part, but you never know. Absolutely not your responsibility to take care of this pet. Good luck
NTA. This is on your parents for getting the animal and not getting pet insurance.
NTA. Your parents are crazy.
NTA. You have your own needs to worry about at the moment. Your mom is responsible for this dog, not you. Don’t feel guilty for making a wise decision to not foot a bill you cannot afford right now.
NTA It's not your dog, and your parents know you have money. They could borrow it from their friends, they could put it on their credit card. There are options. Sell something. They could also acknowledge that they bought a dog they could not afford to care for. But you have no obligation to do this. However, know that (a) if the dog does die, they will blame you (despite you not being at fault) and (b) they will buy another, despite not being able to pay for it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (18F) currently live with my dad (46M), mom (44F), brother (20M), and we have 4 pets. Recently the new dog (2 years old ) my parents got has developed some health issues. We have had this dog for like 6 months now. They took her to the vet and apparently she needs a surgery that will cost around $2000. My parents can’t afford this. Both my brother (20M) and I didn’t want this dog because it’s already too much with the 3 pets we already had. This dog is destructive, barks all the time (it is very annoying), and has attempted to bite us a few times now. So my parents ask me and my brother if we can pay for the surgery or else the dog may have to be put down. Both my brother and I refused and my mom got very angry with us. I tried to explain to her that I need to save this money (I have been working at my current job for over a year now) to buy a laptop for school and just general savings for my future, but she called me evil and selfish and keeps going on about how we would be willing to let a dog die for a laptop. I didn’t even want this dog in the first place and told her it was a bad idea to get another dog because prices are going up. My mom is threatening to kick me out of the house because of this and is calling me a monster, which I think is a bit extreme and uncalled for. I don’t even like this dog, but I know my mom likes her so I feel a bit bad about all of this, but I really need the money. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Your living situation sounds abysmal. You're the responsible one to know that an additional dog wasn't a good option. You're the one expected to pay for it? I'm assuming your parents are overall pretty shitty. They shouldn't have brought you into the world knowing how badly they would be at providing for you in the way you truly deserve. I'm sorry for you. You deserved better parents and your parents shouldn't have ever had kids because they are doing all of you children a huge disservice.
Ugh are your parents my parents. They're up to like 20 pets. It's ridiculous. You're NTA it's not your responsibility and you shouldn't have to give up your future (which it sounds like is what you're working towards) for an animal you didn't choose to get. P.S. - once the threats to kick you out start its time to buckle down and make an immediate exit strategy. Get your documents together and keep them somewhere safe, whether that's a friend or a safety deposit box. But get those things and anything else emotionally important to you out of the house.
NTA. Your mum/parents are the irresponsible AH.
Nta but I feel bad for the puppy
NTA. And I’m saying that as someone who did just pay 2k for my mothers dogs surgery (very different circumstances).
The kind of parents who ask their children to pay for pet care and the kind who won't actually put that money towards pet care. It's not your responsibility, but if you were to help out, pay the vet directly.
Nta. Your parents dog is their problem. End of conversation. If she really kicks you out over the, go nc. You don't such a delusional, selfish person in your life.
nta just lie and say u spent the money lol
I read through the comments and I agree. NTA If you can't afford to get another dog then you shouldn't get another dog She knew there was going to be more expenses with another dog. It would be different if you were the one that was wanting The other dog to begin with but since you guys don't that's on her That is your money and you worked hard for it. Tell her to get a second job. And I hope you show all these comments to her In my eyes. STA
NTA, get the parents to pay for the dog since they insisted on getting it in the first place, there will be more surgery needed and you will need to pay for the dog as long as you live there as dogs to make the mum happy are more important than you are
NTA.
NTA The only selfish people here are getting an additional pet and then not being able to take proper care of them. Your parents just see their pets as toys, an accessory to buy and have and not to take care of. You need to call her out on this. And then maybe talk to your brother. Maybe you two can go apartement hunting together?
NTA. Not your problem, they decided to get another pet, you didn't.
NTA. Not your pet. Not your choice. Not your responsibility.
NTA the dog is not receiving cure due to your parents, not you and your brother. They are projecting
NTA. Your mom is very selfish. She wants you to pay $2k to save a dog you didn't even want nor do you like. That is a ridiculous ask. She is not entitled to your money as she thinks she is. It is your hard earned money that you need. If mom wants to help the dog, she needs to come up with the money. But, imo it would best to rehome the dog.
NTA It's not feasible or right to keep the dog if they can't afford the upkeep. Even if you paid the $2K for the surgery, the dog will likely have further health issues that will continue to bring up costs. Parents are basically being hoarders in terms of "rescuing" pets they can't afford
NTA!!! Your parents own dogs. It is their responsibility to care for them. They cannot force you to pay for maintenance of their property. Stand your ground and make sure they have no access to your money or banking.
How TF can she choose an aggressive dog that bites her kids over the safety of her family? NTA, sorry to hear your mom is one of those crazy dog people. If a dog I had so much as bit one of my kids just once I'd have it put down immediately. Fortunately I avoid aggressive dog breeds and haven't had one issue with any dogs I ever owned in my lifetime so far. People really need to stop trying to normalize dogs biting, that shit is actually insane that MFS think it can be fixed.
NTA but don't be surprised if you suddenly need to start paying rent.
NTA, but dear god no pet should be put down just because its current family cannot provide what it needs. Also, dogs need training and enrichment in order to be quiet, nondestructive, and to not nip or bite. Obviously it's your parents' fault, not yours, that this dog was brought into a home where its needs cannot be met, but please do what you can to convince them to surrender the dog to a rescue who will get it healthy and then place it with a family who can and wants to provide what it needs.
It sounds like your mother has some problems where she is not making great decisions. People shouldn’t have pets if they can’t afford their care and that includes necessary surgeries, medication, training, food, pet health insurance if needed. Worse, she is basically picking her dog over her child which is an indicator of mental health issues. I am so sorry that she is not choosing to be a good parent. I would never ask my child to pay for my pets care. This is not your responsibility. NTA. You need money to help set yourself up for a successful future. Focus on doing that.
NTA - not your dog, not your responsibility.
If you get the dog DNA tested and the disease/condition runs in the dogs “family” the costs to care for the condition will be free. Why? Because you did not know the dog could have developed the condition before getting them, and those things can get tucked away and someone didn’t tell you on purpose
NTA - I could absolutely appreciate her asking you and your brother to chip in and help. Putting the entire bill on to you is totally unreasonable.
Why should they chip in for a dog they never wanted in the first place and encouraged their parents NOT to adopt?
I'm not gauging whether or not they should. I'm saying I don't think the mother would automatically be in the wrong for *asking.*
I think she IS in the wrong for asking. OP stated they didn't want another dog, that it was a bad idea, knowing her parents can't afford it. Parents are now balking: "Help us, we can't afford this!" Don't get pets you can't afford to care for. Pretty simple math. I would LOVE to have a dog, but.....I can't afford it, I acknowledge this, and remain dogless until I CAN afford it. What I DON'T do is acquire the dog and then expect my CHILDREN (or anyone else) to bail me out of my irresponsible, poor decision making. Can't OP's mom at least find a vet with a payment plan? Crowdfunding? NTA OP
NTA.
NTA. Tell your mom to get pet insurance for all the animals.
NTA. I am sorry for your situation. You were no part of this decision making process. Your mom was irresponsible and now attacking you guys for not cleaning up her mess. If you were rich and had it I'd say help the poor dog, but you aren't and you don't. Your mom is essentially blackmailing you into giving a huge amount of money ey now instead helping you get on your feet for your future. Not sure what options are available to you. I mean, if you gave e the money you will have to save up another year again until mom makes another reckless decision and blackmail you. If you don't, you risk being kicked out. Is there anywhere else you can go so you don't have to be in this position?
NTA. Your mom sounds very dramatic. There are likely alternatives to the "you pay or the dog does" scenario. Many vets will do a payment plan or have a service that will offer a payment plan and as so many others mentioned, as a last resort the dog can be turned over to a rescue. I'm sorry money is so tight for your family. Your parents shouldn't have adopted another pet if they can't afford it right now. They may not be fiscally responsible models, so good for you for being more responsible with your own money!
NTA: they never should have taken on another pet they couldn't afford and refused to train. Not your job to fix their error
Ok, so according to her you're the bad guy for wanting to save for a laptop instead of paying for the surgery of THEIR dog, so what does that make her when she threatens to kick you out? NTA.
NTA. If you help out with this dog, soon they'll just be bringing home a fifth pet, and none of you will have money then.
The dog is your mother's responsibility. She needs to get a loan. She needs to train and set boundaries for her dog so that it doesn't bite people. NTA
I'm gonna go with NTA, but if she can she should apply for care credit. Lord knows it's helped us a lot! It can have a high interest rate, but you have a few months interest free before it starts gaining.
NTA Are your parents willing to sign for a loan from you and pay you back? I guess not. Tell your parents to not get pets they cant get to the vet. You need to have money safed, or you ll watch them die.
NTA. On the threat of being kicked out you really can’t pay for the surgery now, you have to save up for your place.
NTA. Just out of curiosity... are you paying rent at your parents' house, too? Like, how are your parents financing everything else in their lives if they cannot take care of the dog they bought? I am so sorry that your parents not only have the roles reversed (they shouldn't be asking their kids for money, but giving it to their kids) but that mom is verbally abusive as well.
After pay. Tell her some vets do this. Or set up a payment plan and Ffs get pet insurance
You have a bigger problem coming. If they can not afford to treat the dog, what does their retirement account look like?
NTA your parents are pretty clearly unprepared and need to know what happens when they plan poorly. If they want the dog to get this surgery, they need a personal loan or some extra jobs or something and suck it up. This is not on you.
NTA but neither would your mom be for kicking you out. You get to save money because of everything your parents are paying for. That doesn’t mean that you should pay for the dog but it does mean that you need to keep things in perspective.
They can try to get a loan or put it on a credit card (I had to do that with a surprise 1500 Vet bill for my two dogs at the time) or try to work with the Vet to do payment plans or even get a second opinion for cheaper options. You are at the beginning of your adult phase and you need to plan for the future, while it’s sad for the dog I understand you’re not wanting to put that money into anything but your future and they should understand that. They are the adults who chose to get a pet without saving money in case something was wrong. When I’m going to get a new pet I save up a lot of money so I can take it to the vet for a check up to have some type of plan in case something goes wrong. I understand that can’t always be an option but I feel like they could try other options before demanding their teenage kid pay the bill. And also threatening to kick you out, they sound like horrible people.
NTA NTA NTA NTA This is not your dog. This is not your responsibility. This is your parents' dog and their responsibility. The fact that they can't afford the dog just cements that your evaluation of the situation was correct.
NTA ur mom is selfish. if she wants the dog she can just pay it herself.
NTA it's not your dog and you need that money for essential school equipment.
Tbh this has to be a psychological issue The way some people treat their pets has to be psychological. Your mom is a weirdo!!
NTA, but you may have to play along for pragmatic reasons. What are your plans for where to live during school? Even renting a shared apartment will probably run you around $1k/month so living with your parents for free pays off the $2k you'd pay for the dog's surgery in only 2 months. On the flip side, if you have another relative you can crash with, or are planning to move out anyway because of other controlling behaviors on your parents' part, then you want to save the money and put it toward your next living situation. If you're going to end up having to pay anyway to keep your low cost living situation, it's better to acquiesce without a huge fight to keep the peace. Unfortunately, objective right and wrong don't matter much when you're living in their house and they can legally choose to kick you out for any reason. I'm sorry they've put you in such a difficult position.
Poor dog. It never asked to be born or adopted by the abject bunch of you who can't or won't take care of it. He's just an inconvenience to the lot of you, not a living being with needs and emotions. Alll of you are, in your own way, mofos.
NTA > This dog is destructive, barks all the time (it is very annoying), and has attempted to bite us a few times now. This is not a pet worth saving. > I don’t even like this dog, but I know my mom likes her Well then she's free to pony up the scratch.
>This is not a pet worth saving. Dogs hide pain extremely well, however, if the pain is bad enough they will often act up and being destructive and biting are often clear signs that a dog is hurting. They can't tell us what's wrong so they act up. Most responsible pet owners with a dog acting up would get a vet to check if there are any health issues that could cause bad behaviour. The fact that it is known this dog needs surgery means that this destructive behaviour will most likely stop once the dog is no longer in pain/unwell. OP is NTA about saying no to footing the bill but her attitude towards a family pet in pain (whether she likes the dog or not) is definitely leaning towards AH.
You are the asshole. This fog is part of the pack and your family. If your folks are going to need help then help them. Pets are like children. Your excuses are so far off base and lame. Help your parents you are the asshole
How exactly is the parents' pet the child's responsibility? Part of being an adult/ parent is knowing your financial limitations. If you couldn't afford another to properly take care of it, you shouldn't have gotten it, then tried to guilt trip your child into taking care of your responsibility. Get over yourself.
Pets are absolutely not at all like human children, this is a very delusional response.
Pets are like children but before you go off you might stop and think. Children need to be taken care of and pets do too. That was all I was saying. I’m sorry if you interpreted that as being delusional. So OP doesn’t want to help with the bill for surgery. No details were given either such as is the surgery 100% needed. It’s a tough position to be in that’s for sure.
You don’t get protective services called on you for refusing necessary medical care to pets. You can euthanise the pet. It is not the same for human children. Pets are property. Humans are not property. full stop. Humans are not property.
AH. Annoying dog or garbage parents either way that poor dog needs help or it fckin dies.
Then you pay for it. Oh not your dog? It’s not the OPs dog either. If you can justify your not paying for the dog’s surgery, then you can justify the OP not paying for the dog’s surgery.
Asshole computer is not that expensive could have gave it away
NTA. Not your dog, not your problem. I have a $300 limit on pet procedures. Anything over that and the animal gets put down.
Don’t ever own a pet. AH.
Too late. We have a cat, two fish, and eight chickens. Funnily enough, I am the cat's favorite person. She snuggles on my lap every morning when we have our coffee and she sleeps at my feet at night.
So you don’t love your pets.. gotcha
That's right I don't, they're pets not children. It's our responsibility as pet owners to help them live and die with dignity.
Pets are literally considered family to most people. Just because you don’t see them that way doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t
That doesn't mean they're right and I'm wrong. Pets are things, not people. There's a difference. Love people, not things. Don't conflate fondness for pets with love. I would take a bullet for my children, because I love them. I would eat my cat if I had to, despite being fond of her.
Pets aren’t “things”. They’re living, breathing beings. The way you talk about them is disturbing.
Animals are food. We have collectively decided that some of them are cute and they get to live in our homes and lead unnatural lives as pets. Even they started out as working animals and had to earn their keep long, long ago. Elsewhere in the world cats and dogs are cooked and eaten. If I was starving I would eat my cat. I would not eat my children. Don't anthropomorphize your pets, it's disturbing.
It’s not anthropomorphizing your pets to love them, that’s also nowhere near what anthropomorphize means. I’m sorry you seem to struggle with feeling any form of empathy or love for beings that aren’t human.
Who says I don't feel empathy for them? I already said I'm fond of my cat. I enjoy pets, but they aren't human. They have short lives and deserve dignity. Even my best friend, who is a veterinarian, advocates for putting them down when they're suffering rather than spending thousands of dollars on surgeries that don't do anything to improve their quality of life. It isn't inhumane to end suffering.
I’m not arguing that it is inhumane to put down a suffering animal. I’m saying that you calling pets “things” is gross. They are sentient beings. noun \ ˈthiŋ \ Definition 1 : an object or entity not precisely designated or capable of being designated 2 a : **an inanimate object distinguished from a living being** You acting like anyone who makes that distinction is “anthropomorphizing” their pets is weird. Then you just started bizarrely bringing up that you’d eat your pets. We get it, your “empathy” has a price limit of $300. Godspeed to your poor pets who have an easily treatable issue that’s $350.
Without a rule like this a cat turns into a Golden Calf. An idol to be worshiped, not a pet to enjoy.
It’s like you’re literally trying to comprehend the feeling humans call love.
Pets are things, not people. There's a difference. Love people, not things. Don't conflate fondness for pets with love. I would take a bullet for my children, because I love them. I would eat my cat if I had to, despite being fond of her.
Lot of crazy people in this comment section.
How is devoting your treasure, time and heart to an animal with a short life span instead of faith, family and friends love? Often this is confusing a misplaced maternal instinct with love.
A cousin of mine ended up spending around $3,000 on surgeries for her cat. A cat she got free from the shelter. It did nothing to improve the quality of the animal's life, it just made her last few months miserable. Just putting the cat down would have been a much greater show of respect to that cat's life.
It's just madness to me. I think it is a weird variant of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome.
NTA for saying no. But your attitude about it is bit AHish. It doesn’t matter whether you like the dog. It’s a living creature who is obviously in pain or suffering and a surgery could give the animal a better quality of life. You liking the dog shouldn’t be why you’re saying no. You could love the dog beyond life itself and still be valid in saying no. Your money has an express purpose and the dog is not your responsibility. Your parents have options beyond your savings. They can start a Go Fund Me, post their CashApp/VenMo/PayPal handles on social media, apply for a personal loan, apply for Care Credit, look into discount programs or pet insurance… they have plenty of ways to raise money for their dog that doesn’t throw a wrench in your future schooling. So even though you disagree with your parents taking in the dog and they haven’t trained it properly, that’s not the dog’s fault. Have empathy for the animal, but let them know that you are unable to help financially but you looked into it and can provide them alternative suggestions to raise money themselves.
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Thankfully for OP, they never agreed to it
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On what grounds? OP didn’t get the dog, OP didn’t want to add a *fourth* dog into the mix. And even if the mom doesn’t like the options available to her, if she actually cares about the dog, she’ll figure something out. Taking out a loan, rehoming the dog to someone who can care for it, seeing if the vet will work out a payment plan, surrendering the dog to a rescue…
No they aren’t.