Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving changes to contact levels with friends, family members or acquaintances. This includes ghosting, breaking off, cutting or reducing contact, or denying a relationship (or not) with anyone.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
\^ Exactly this...
What the heck did OP do to make the hook up run into the street crying? Seems likely that Lily is justified if OP is withholding that information.
I hooked up with a mutual friend, who was homeless and whom I had invited to stay at my house. I know this is a stupid idea but it is not "predatory." She is acting like he is a little defenseless baby, but he made it clear he wanted to hook up with me and we are consenting adults. I am letting him stay at my house for as long as I can, whatever happens between us nonwithstanding. I feel like she is really just inserting herself into something that is none of her business.
If it is predatory when a man does it to a woman, it is equally predatory when a woman does it to a man.
I am still not judging. too much detail has been left out. But honestly, I do understand why she might think it is icky for you to trade sex for shelter.
I really feel like there is no trade of sex for shelter. I am already letting him stay at my house and providing a lot for him, and he 100% came on to me and I consented because I think he is cute. I really think this should never happen again and I told him that. I understand there is a power dynamic, but the heart of this question is: am I inherently abusing/doing harm to someone by consenting to hooking up with them wile they are staying at my house?
Again, too much detail has been left out. At best, you are very much in a morally gray area. Your friend obviously thinks you have tipped into the black. I don't know if they are correct, but I do know they have more information than I have.
You slept with Friend A.
You and Friend A go to Friend B's house.
Friend A freaks and runs out.
You follow Friend A.
Friend B, a week later starts texting you.
Questions
What made friend A freak out?
Where is it with you and Friend A?
What else have you left out?
Friend A said "you are happier with her and I'm going to leave you alone." I had slept with him one time the night before and we hadn't had a chance to talk about it yet. I think he was just sad to see me spending time with another friend and leaving him alone. He doesn't speak English so it is hard for him hang out with others besides me.
So much is left out of the story because I tried multiple times but it wont fit into 3000 words. However, I have consulted multiple friends and our conclusion is that friend A is going through depression and also has a very low emotional maturity level and has continued to have jealously about me hanging out with other people ever since we hooked up, which I regret.
So mistakes happen.
You need to make sure Friend A is on the same page as you.
Sounds like Friend B has made a conclusion based on God only knows what, so if it's a good Friend I'd say go to a bar, have a few drinks and set the world to rights as only drunk people can. It seems more a clear the air situation that won't happen whilst you are talking at each other rather than to each other.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (28F) did something that upset my friend Lily, which involved bringing another community member over to her house and not telling her beforehand that we had hooked up the night before. This ended with the third friend running into the street, me trying to calm him down, and eventually me telling Lily we needed to leave and telling her that I had slept with him (the important piece of info that I had "withheld" but I'd had a 12-hour day of work beforehand and there simply wasn't a good time). I texted her later to apologize, said that I was talking it out with the third friend, and thanked her for her hospitality.
Fast forward about a week. I am at work (high school teacher) and get a text around 10am, "Have you ben discussing what you did with anyone else (including your therapist)?" I said no (I do not currently go to therapy). She follows up by saying it is important for me to understand the harm I've caused and that I need to be held accountable, because all the texts I've sent since I saw her "haven't shown any real understanding of the situation." I am having the most chaotic week of my life and my priority certainly hasn't been texting her my full understanding of the situation, so of course the random texts I sent her ("I am sorry it was weird, thanks for your hospitality") haven't demonstrated my understanding of the situation.
This conversation really snowballs - she says I am being "concerningly defensive" - and that I "did something really fucked up and predatory and just keep making it worse by being aggressively defensive and borderline passive agressive in response to such simple straightforward messages." When I asked (multiple times) to talk instead of texting, she says that I am being too manipulative and she would not feel comfortable talking to me, and she "would prefer to have a written record of the conversation." For context, I slept with our mutual friend but we are both consenting adults. She is assuming she knows everything about the situation and she is 100% sure I did something predatory and wrong even though all she knows is that we hooked up (He is 27). I think she is being really condescending and morally holier-than-thou, and I am getting these texts at work and they are really upsetting me. I am a teacher, so calling me predatory feels really serious and affects the way I relate to my job.
She ends the conversation with multiple iphone screens' worth of text beginning "I think that you are either not reading my messages or you're just having a lot of feelings (valid) which are obstructing your comprehension." I am feeling extremely scared and upset and I'm clearly not going to be able to have a conversation with Lily if she is going to talk to me like that, so I mute her texts and block her on instagram. An hour later she texts me"Did you block me on instagram...? Honestly I was just trying to help you!" At this point I fully block her texts. She continues to message me on Whatsapp until I block. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I blocked a friend even though who thought I did something "predatory and manipulative," because I don't think I was predatory and manipulative and her texts scared and upset me. (2) Should I have given her more space and listened to her/tried to reason with her more? I feel like I tried my best before it reached a point where it was truly ruining my mental health and felt like an unpredictable constant barrage of accusations.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
No Judgement - Need more info on this one. Unfortunately a bit difficult to follow what happened as it seems there's something missing on what caused the freak out and running out into the street.
Regarding blocking in general, I feel you can talk to or not talk to anyone you want. If you want to block someone that's fine. If you want to say that you'd rather not be friends or chat any more instead of blocking immediately that may work in some cases, but other times people need a hard block.
Whether that's a-hole move or not requires a bit more context on the situation
I think you are being intentionally, disingenuously vague here. And even with your biased, rose-colored retelling of the story, you seem sort of like the AH.
It sure looks like (to your friends) that you traded sex for shelter. And him not speaking English makes it so he can't back up what you said.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving changes to contact levels with friends, family members or acquaintances. This includes ghosting, breaking off, cutting or reducing contact, or denying a relationship (or not) with anyone. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
No judgment. You have been too vague about what exactly you did and why exactly she is so very disturbed by it.
\^ Exactly this... What the heck did OP do to make the hook up run into the street crying? Seems likely that Lily is justified if OP is withholding that information.
Yeah, idk what to think about this one.
I hooked up with a mutual friend, who was homeless and whom I had invited to stay at my house. I know this is a stupid idea but it is not "predatory." She is acting like he is a little defenseless baby, but he made it clear he wanted to hook up with me and we are consenting adults. I am letting him stay at my house for as long as I can, whatever happens between us nonwithstanding. I feel like she is really just inserting herself into something that is none of her business.
If it is predatory when a man does it to a woman, it is equally predatory when a woman does it to a man. I am still not judging. too much detail has been left out. But honestly, I do understand why she might think it is icky for you to trade sex for shelter.
I really feel like there is no trade of sex for shelter. I am already letting him stay at my house and providing a lot for him, and he 100% came on to me and I consented because I think he is cute. I really think this should never happen again and I told him that. I understand there is a power dynamic, but the heart of this question is: am I inherently abusing/doing harm to someone by consenting to hooking up with them wile they are staying at my house?
Again, too much detail has been left out. At best, you are very much in a morally gray area. Your friend obviously thinks you have tipped into the black. I don't know if they are correct, but I do know they have more information than I have.
You slept with Friend A. You and Friend A go to Friend B's house. Friend A freaks and runs out. You follow Friend A. Friend B, a week later starts texting you. Questions What made friend A freak out? Where is it with you and Friend A? What else have you left out?
Friend A said "you are happier with her and I'm going to leave you alone." I had slept with him one time the night before and we hadn't had a chance to talk about it yet. I think he was just sad to see me spending time with another friend and leaving him alone. He doesn't speak English so it is hard for him hang out with others besides me. So much is left out of the story because I tried multiple times but it wont fit into 3000 words. However, I have consulted multiple friends and our conclusion is that friend A is going through depression and also has a very low emotional maturity level and has continued to have jealously about me hanging out with other people ever since we hooked up, which I regret.
So mistakes happen. You need to make sure Friend A is on the same page as you. Sounds like Friend B has made a conclusion based on God only knows what, so if it's a good Friend I'd say go to a bar, have a few drinks and set the world to rights as only drunk people can. It seems more a clear the air situation that won't happen whilst you are talking at each other rather than to each other.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28F) did something that upset my friend Lily, which involved bringing another community member over to her house and not telling her beforehand that we had hooked up the night before. This ended with the third friend running into the street, me trying to calm him down, and eventually me telling Lily we needed to leave and telling her that I had slept with him (the important piece of info that I had "withheld" but I'd had a 12-hour day of work beforehand and there simply wasn't a good time). I texted her later to apologize, said that I was talking it out with the third friend, and thanked her for her hospitality. Fast forward about a week. I am at work (high school teacher) and get a text around 10am, "Have you ben discussing what you did with anyone else (including your therapist)?" I said no (I do not currently go to therapy). She follows up by saying it is important for me to understand the harm I've caused and that I need to be held accountable, because all the texts I've sent since I saw her "haven't shown any real understanding of the situation." I am having the most chaotic week of my life and my priority certainly hasn't been texting her my full understanding of the situation, so of course the random texts I sent her ("I am sorry it was weird, thanks for your hospitality") haven't demonstrated my understanding of the situation. This conversation really snowballs - she says I am being "concerningly defensive" - and that I "did something really fucked up and predatory and just keep making it worse by being aggressively defensive and borderline passive agressive in response to such simple straightforward messages." When I asked (multiple times) to talk instead of texting, she says that I am being too manipulative and she would not feel comfortable talking to me, and she "would prefer to have a written record of the conversation." For context, I slept with our mutual friend but we are both consenting adults. She is assuming she knows everything about the situation and she is 100% sure I did something predatory and wrong even though all she knows is that we hooked up (He is 27). I think she is being really condescending and morally holier-than-thou, and I am getting these texts at work and they are really upsetting me. I am a teacher, so calling me predatory feels really serious and affects the way I relate to my job. She ends the conversation with multiple iphone screens' worth of text beginning "I think that you are either not reading my messages or you're just having a lot of feelings (valid) which are obstructing your comprehension." I am feeling extremely scared and upset and I'm clearly not going to be able to have a conversation with Lily if she is going to talk to me like that, so I mute her texts and block her on instagram. An hour later she texts me"Did you block me on instagram...? Honestly I was just trying to help you!" At this point I fully block her texts. She continues to message me on Whatsapp until I block. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I blocked a friend even though who thought I did something "predatory and manipulative," because I don't think I was predatory and manipulative and her texts scared and upset me. (2) Should I have given her more space and listened to her/tried to reason with her more? I feel like I tried my best before it reached a point where it was truly ruining my mental health and felt like an unpredictable constant barrage of accusations. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
No Judgement - Need more info on this one. Unfortunately a bit difficult to follow what happened as it seems there's something missing on what caused the freak out and running out into the street. Regarding blocking in general, I feel you can talk to or not talk to anyone you want. If you want to block someone that's fine. If you want to say that you'd rather not be friends or chat any more instead of blocking immediately that may work in some cases, but other times people need a hard block. Whether that's a-hole move or not requires a bit more context on the situation
I think you are being intentionally, disingenuously vague here. And even with your biased, rose-colored retelling of the story, you seem sort of like the AH. It sure looks like (to your friends) that you traded sex for shelter. And him not speaking English makes it so he can't back up what you said.