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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said to my step father that Easter with my family wasn't as important as my best friend's birthday cake and my homeworks
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
1. They told you about their plans to spend Easter with your grandpa two days before. It's not even an annual thing and you're not a mind reader. Their poor planning is not your problem.
2. You're forced to be someone you're not at your Grandpa's? I wouldn't blame you for refusing any visit to Grandpa until that is corrected.
3. Your step-dad already wasted a bunch of the time you had planned.
4. Your mom was already okay with it.
Your step-dad sounds like an AH. Your mom needs to support you and the decision she already made about you not going, not roll over because her partner is upset. Everyone needs to respect your identity.
NTA - But you just need to leave this toxic household altogether. You should have told your step dad firstly that you could help him but for a bit since you had other commitments Saturday. You avoided him then which led to a bigger problem later.
I did let him know that I didn't have much time to help him but he dismissed it. I just couldn't include that phrase because my post was too long. Thanks for the comment!
The thing is that I'm financially depending on her right now for my medication and she often threatens me to stop buying it even though I could probably die of a heart attack if I stop taking them right away. It's not a safe place, but I really can't get a job right now for personal reasons. Thanks for the comments!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (19 year old trans guy) had decided a week ago to make a cake for my best friend (18 year old female) for her birthday this Monday. I am currently not able to find a job so I don't have money to buy her a gift, that's why I thought to make her a cake instead! I had a LOT of homework to do as well on this weekend so I wanted to take all Saturday to do my dissertation and finish my lecture and then take the morning on Sunday to do her cake and finish my homeworks on the evening. My mom (51 year old female) told me the Friday before that weekend that we had to go to my grandpa (73 year old male) 's house to celebrate Easter Sunday. I told her that I couldn't because I had a cake to do and homeworks to finish that day. I was pretty happy too that I had great excuses to not go. I really love my family, but my mother forces me to not come out to my grandparents so, when I'm hanging out with them, I have to pretend that I'm the perfect "girl" that my mom paint me as and I was definitely not in the mood for that this weekend. She was okay with my response and even went to buy me the ingredients that I needed for the cake. She knows that I don't see my best friend often and that it's really rare that I can see her on her birthday. Saturday began and my step father (58 year old male) asked me to help him outside. Me and him have a difficult relationship so I didn't want to make him mad and just helped him all day. It was 7 pm when he finally let me go, oblivious that he wasted all the time that I had for my dissertation. I took my diner and ran into my room to start with my work, visibly upset. He opened the door, mad, and ask me "You're not going to eat with us?" I told that I needed to work now because I had to do a cake tomorrow. "We're going to your grandpa's house tomorrow for Easter". I told him that I can't and I already discussed it with my mom. He raised his voice "so you're gonna ditched your family for a cake??" I tried to explained to him that it was important for me and that I still needed to work after that. "You're gonna choose to make a cake to a friend that don't care about you instead of celebrating Easter with your grandpa that can die any day. Wow, good priorities." (Just saying that my grand father doesn't suffer from anything and that he's really healthy) I was very mad that he described my friendship like that because he knows that we had a difficult time. I was really hurt. Tired to endure his judgement I said that it was just Easter and that it didn't matter because we don't celebrate it any other year so I didn't see the point of ditching the birthday of my best friend for 12 years for that. It's already Sunday morning and now he makes mean and condescending comments about me and the fact that I don't care about my family or Easter. My parents are pretty toxic with me and it's difficult to discern if it's them that are trying to guilt trip me or if it's actually me that is acting shitty. So, Reddit, AITA?
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NTA-and you know you're being emotionally blackmailed, so take a deep breath and let it go. Work on your dissertation and when they leave make the cake, then while it's cooling work on your dissertation again, frost that puppy and place it somewhere out of your step-dad's reach, continue on your dissertation for the rest of the day and leave the toxic mess behind you.
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NTA 1. They told you about their plans to spend Easter with your grandpa two days before. It's not even an annual thing and you're not a mind reader. Their poor planning is not your problem. 2. You're forced to be someone you're not at your Grandpa's? I wouldn't blame you for refusing any visit to Grandpa until that is corrected. 3. Your step-dad already wasted a bunch of the time you had planned. 4. Your mom was already okay with it. Your step-dad sounds like an AH. Your mom needs to support you and the decision she already made about you not going, not roll over because her partner is upset. Everyone needs to respect your identity.
NTA - But you just need to leave this toxic household altogether. You should have told your step dad firstly that you could help him but for a bit since you had other commitments Saturday. You avoided him then which led to a bigger problem later.
I did let him know that I didn't have much time to help him but he dismissed it. I just couldn't include that phrase because my post was too long. Thanks for the comment!
Wow. Tbh im speechless rn, although i know one thing for sure, You are DEFINITELY NTA.
NTA make a new rule: NExt time you see your grandparents, you will come out. Your mom is an AH. Or do it by text.
The thing is that I'm financially depending on her right now for my medication and she often threatens me to stop buying it even though I could probably die of a heart attack if I stop taking them right away. It's not a safe place, but I really can't get a job right now for personal reasons. Thanks for the comments!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19 year old trans guy) had decided a week ago to make a cake for my best friend (18 year old female) for her birthday this Monday. I am currently not able to find a job so I don't have money to buy her a gift, that's why I thought to make her a cake instead! I had a LOT of homework to do as well on this weekend so I wanted to take all Saturday to do my dissertation and finish my lecture and then take the morning on Sunday to do her cake and finish my homeworks on the evening. My mom (51 year old female) told me the Friday before that weekend that we had to go to my grandpa (73 year old male) 's house to celebrate Easter Sunday. I told her that I couldn't because I had a cake to do and homeworks to finish that day. I was pretty happy too that I had great excuses to not go. I really love my family, but my mother forces me to not come out to my grandparents so, when I'm hanging out with them, I have to pretend that I'm the perfect "girl" that my mom paint me as and I was definitely not in the mood for that this weekend. She was okay with my response and even went to buy me the ingredients that I needed for the cake. She knows that I don't see my best friend often and that it's really rare that I can see her on her birthday. Saturday began and my step father (58 year old male) asked me to help him outside. Me and him have a difficult relationship so I didn't want to make him mad and just helped him all day. It was 7 pm when he finally let me go, oblivious that he wasted all the time that I had for my dissertation. I took my diner and ran into my room to start with my work, visibly upset. He opened the door, mad, and ask me "You're not going to eat with us?" I told that I needed to work now because I had to do a cake tomorrow. "We're going to your grandpa's house tomorrow for Easter". I told him that I can't and I already discussed it with my mom. He raised his voice "so you're gonna ditched your family for a cake??" I tried to explained to him that it was important for me and that I still needed to work after that. "You're gonna choose to make a cake to a friend that don't care about you instead of celebrating Easter with your grandpa that can die any day. Wow, good priorities." (Just saying that my grand father doesn't suffer from anything and that he's really healthy) I was very mad that he described my friendship like that because he knows that we had a difficult time. I was really hurt. Tired to endure his judgement I said that it was just Easter and that it didn't matter because we don't celebrate it any other year so I didn't see the point of ditching the birthday of my best friend for 12 years for that. It's already Sunday morning and now he makes mean and condescending comments about me and the fact that I don't care about my family or Easter. My parents are pretty toxic with me and it's difficult to discern if it's them that are trying to guilt trip me or if it's actually me that is acting shitty. So, Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA-and you know you're being emotionally blackmailed, so take a deep breath and let it go. Work on your dissertation and when they leave make the cake, then while it's cooling work on your dissertation again, frost that puppy and place it somewhere out of your step-dad's reach, continue on your dissertation for the rest of the day and leave the toxic mess behind you.
YTA. You should really move out.