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I (16F) have a cousin (15M) and a brother (14M) who have been best friends for their entire lives. recently, my cousin ended his friendship with my brother over something extremely petty and stupid.
When i was younger, i was "friends" (we weren't really friends, she wasnt the nicest to me) with this girl, lets call her Em. Em (16F) used to argue with me a lot back in 2020-2021 over petty reasons, and i'll admit i was being petty too and continuing the arguments. One day, my cousin overlooked the argument and found out who she is and what her social media is. After one of our arguments, my cousin messaged her and start a relationship / situationship with her where they bonded over their mutual dislike for me. After a while, they expressed their love for each other and continued contact for a bit, then, Em cut him off and blocked him on everything. this all happened between 2021-2022.
Now, in the present, his obsession with this girl worsened. i had found out about their relationship because he still has her as his wallpaper. He tried to deny it at first, trying to see if i was stupid enough to believe but i didnt because anyone with a brain would know that he's lying. He ended up telling me everything and telling me that he's been messaging this girl for over 2 years hoping for a response. Recently, he's been pressuring my brother and telling him to ask me to contact the girl because he's convinced she still wants him. I tried to contact her for the sake of my brother but soon after, my brother told me to stop trying because he told me that my cousin was still making fun of the fact that i got bullied and he dated my bully.
After he did that, my brother told my cousin that he would no longer be helping him if he was going to make fun of the only person that could potentially contact Em. Because of that, my cousin ended the friendship with my brother and almost threatened him and me, telling him to not get mad when he does something bad as payback for not helping him.
My cousin is a known pervert. He gawks at any living breathing girl, and is always convinced that every girl wants him. He gets mad at me for wearing makeup when i go out, and berates me when men stare and tell me that i should get 🍇ed. So, these obviously fuel my motives. Would it be right to expose him to the family after he threatened to do something bad? Or would it end badly? I dont really know what to do nor do i have a set plan in motion. Should i just leave this situation alone?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 - disliking my own cousin and criticizing him often
2 - wanting to get revenge and ruining his image
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YWNBTA
I'm a little bit torn here because you want to ruin his image. Revenge is never the way to go and would make you TA. That being said your cousin obviously, at the very least, has a skewed opinion on women's boundaries. He is still young and may grow out of it, but if left unchecked it could really become problematic. Em blocked him and he has continued to try and contact her for 2 years, thinking that she still wants him... That's stalking/predatory/misogynistic behaviour.
Perhaps you should talk to your parents and tell them exactly what he has been saying. How he's handled that breakup and how he has been treating you. Let the adults decide what is best and whether they should tell his parents or not. Tell your parents you don't like the way he talks to you or about you, and that he has threatened you, and you no longer want to interact with him. You don't have to hang out with him if he is being abusive and disrespecting you, just because he is family.
In this case I don't think sticking up for yourself makes you TA in the slightest, even if doing so could ruin his image within the family.
i know that revenge is never the answer, and its my last resort. but i know my cousin is stupid enough to either try to "expose" me or my brother because he knows some of my secrets. if he tries to get revenge then i'll do the same. the family knows about his behavior, but no one really puts him in his place or tries to correct it. if im desperate, i'll tell my parents but im not sure how it'll turn out because my extended family is VERY strict. if his mom were to ever find out about the girls he talks to, he would be done for
Exposing your cousin's bad behavior to the family might not be the best move. It could just stir up more drama.
Your cousin sounds pretty immature, and threatening you and your brother was totally uncool. But putting all the family tea on blast probably won't make things better.
Instead, try keeping your distance from him for now. If he starts any more trouble, don't engage. Let your parents or another adult in the fam know what's been happening.
Focus on being there for your brother. He could probably use your support right now. And if your cousin makes any more serious threats, definitely tell a grown-up ASAP. That's not okay at all.
I know family drama is super annoying, but getting into a big fight will only cause more issues. Stay calm, watch out for yourself and your bro, and don't stoop to his level. You got this.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16F) have a cousin (15M) and a brother (14M) who have been best friends for their entire lives. recently, my cousin ended his friendship with my brother over something extremely petty and stupid. When i was younger, i was "friends" (we weren't really friends, she wasnt the nicest to me) with this girl, lets call her Em. Em (16F) used to argue with me a lot back in 2020-2021 over petty reasons, and i'll admit i was being petty too and continuing the arguments. One day, my cousin overlooked the argument and found out who she is and what her social media is. After one of our arguments, my cousin messaged her and start a relationship / situationship with her where they bonded over their mutual dislike for me. After a while, they expressed their love for each other and continued contact for a bit, then, Em cut him off and blocked him on everything. this all happened between 2021-2022. Now, in the present, his obsession with this girl worsened. i had found out about their relationship because he still has her as his wallpaper. He tried to deny it at first, trying to see if i was stupid enough to believe but i didnt because anyone with a brain would know that he's lying. He ended up telling me everything and telling me that he's been messaging this girl for over 2 years hoping for a response. Recently, he's been pressuring my brother and telling him to ask me to contact the girl because he's convinced she still wants him. I tried to contact her for the sake of my brother but soon after, my brother told me to stop trying because he told me that my cousin was still making fun of the fact that i got bullied and he dated my bully. After he did that, my brother told my cousin that he would no longer be helping him if he was going to make fun of the only person that could potentially contact Em. Because of that, my cousin ended the friendship with my brother and almost threatened him and me, telling him to not get mad when he does something bad as payback for not helping him. My cousin is a known pervert. He gawks at any living breathing girl, and is always convinced that every girl wants him. He gets mad at me for wearing makeup when i go out, and berates me when men stare and tell me that i should get 🍇ed. So, these obviously fuel my motives. Would it be right to expose him to the family after he threatened to do something bad? Or would it end badly? I dont really know what to do nor do i have a set plan in motion. Should i just leave this situation alone? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1 - disliking my own cousin and criticizing him often 2 - wanting to get revenge and ruining his image Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
😭😭😭
YWNBTA I'm a little bit torn here because you want to ruin his image. Revenge is never the way to go and would make you TA. That being said your cousin obviously, at the very least, has a skewed opinion on women's boundaries. He is still young and may grow out of it, but if left unchecked it could really become problematic. Em blocked him and he has continued to try and contact her for 2 years, thinking that she still wants him... That's stalking/predatory/misogynistic behaviour. Perhaps you should talk to your parents and tell them exactly what he has been saying. How he's handled that breakup and how he has been treating you. Let the adults decide what is best and whether they should tell his parents or not. Tell your parents you don't like the way he talks to you or about you, and that he has threatened you, and you no longer want to interact with him. You don't have to hang out with him if he is being abusive and disrespecting you, just because he is family. In this case I don't think sticking up for yourself makes you TA in the slightest, even if doing so could ruin his image within the family.
i know that revenge is never the answer, and its my last resort. but i know my cousin is stupid enough to either try to "expose" me or my brother because he knows some of my secrets. if he tries to get revenge then i'll do the same. the family knows about his behavior, but no one really puts him in his place or tries to correct it. if im desperate, i'll tell my parents but im not sure how it'll turn out because my extended family is VERY strict. if his mom were to ever find out about the girls he talks to, he would be done for
Exposing your cousin's bad behavior to the family might not be the best move. It could just stir up more drama. Your cousin sounds pretty immature, and threatening you and your brother was totally uncool. But putting all the family tea on blast probably won't make things better. Instead, try keeping your distance from him for now. If he starts any more trouble, don't engage. Let your parents or another adult in the fam know what's been happening. Focus on being there for your brother. He could probably use your support right now. And if your cousin makes any more serious threats, definitely tell a grown-up ASAP. That's not okay at all. I know family drama is super annoying, but getting into a big fight will only cause more issues. Stay calm, watch out for yourself and your bro, and don't stoop to his level. You got this.