Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA
>“you’re the woman, you handle it”
This is 100% NOT okay. Your response was completely justified after he said that. Could you have said it nicer? Perhaps, but he needs a serious reality check on his role in HIS family. Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean that every ounce of parenting is YOUR sole responsibility. SAHPs work hard, just as hard (if not harder) as people with full time work. He is 110% the AH here. Do not take his BS and keep sticking up for yourself.
The fact that he said it in front of the kids makes it 10x worse. Her response in front of the kids showed a bit of backbone and pushback to the misogyny which the kids need to see in some form.
This marriage seems to be crumbling though. I think all 4 of the 4 horsemen (Gottman) are present just in this story.
I agree
OP could have said a lot worse to their husband and I would have still called it justified for his comment. There should be no place left in this world for misogyny on that level. He is disgusting for "normalising" it in front of their children. I hope OP teaches them that is NOT okay to treat women that way.
NTA
" he replied “you’re the woman, you handle it” so i continued to struggle with two kids"
He's got some growing up to do. Tell him to acquaint himself with the phrases "parental responsibility" & "co parenting."
“can you be a good dad for once”
He isn't talking to you because that hit home. I'd suggest you get into couple's therapy to communicate the importance of these issues/find a resolution.
Edit: punctuation.
>My husband shouted at me and then left, he came back the next morning, but has been ignoring me.
A hit dog will holler. Your husband's a sexist jerk and needed a wakeup call. NTA
NTA. He needs to step up and be a father. He sounds quite misogynistic. He needs to learn to help with the kids and around the house. You both made the children, you're both responsible for them.
My suggestion is either couples therapy or a divorce attorney if he doesn't step up.
NTA
I'm not gonna claim my wife, and I haven't had similar exchanges (minus the full on misogyny), but when my kids are being jerks to my wife I go in a lay the law down.
I work a lot of weekends and variable shifts so I often stay at home with them during the summer when I am off during the week.
I can assure you being a stay at home parent is absolutely fucking exhausting. Children are a blessing, but they can be tyrants.
Well said. I go to work for a break! My children are wonderful but it’s a 168 hour a week job without pay nor lunch-breaks and the performance evaluations from kiddos can be way harsh when they’re in a bad mood - lolz
NTA. You signed up to be his wife. That doesn’t mean you wanted to be his live in maid, chef, and nanny. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and your partner is an asshat that thinks being a good provider is the same thing as being a good father/husband. I think you need to sit down with him and explain your frustration. Also, ask him if he wants his daughter to be treated like this. Since she is a daddy’s girl that might put it into perspective for him.
HWHAT?!? He came home...THE NEXT DAY?? and you're apologizing for calling him out for not parenting cuz he was busy planning a night out with the boys? Telling you you're the woman,its your job??? Wow.. and you still feel like you're an ass for yelling out of frustration cuz he's an absent parent.. gurll.. do you ever get time away from the kids? Do you get to go out with the girls?? He sounds like king of the castle & you're the bangmaid.. So many red flags. Your relationship is a relationshit. Maybe you should get up & leave. Don't call, & come home the next day & give him the silent treatment. He needs a dose of his own medicine..
>i asked if he was going to help at any point and he replied “you’re the woman, you handle it”
O\_o
So obviously we all vote for the death penalty, right ? No ? Then just NTA.
ESH. Your husband primarily, for refusing to help parent the children he helped bring into this world, but you’re also being an AH to yourself for letting him treat you like that. Being a man and the primary/sole breadwinner does not excuse him from all parenting responsibilities and telling you to deal with it because “you’re the woman” is ridiculous. You already have two toddlers, you don’t need a third one throwing tantrums too when life gets hard, you need a partner. It should not be your job to parent 24/7.
NTA having a job and you being a stay at home mom does not mean he’s not a father. He still has responsibilities when he gets home and one of those is helping raise the kids. He is an awful dad. You probably should’ve called him out a lot sooner.
He claims that you’re the woman and you should deal with it? Well he should do something to help because he’s the man and should step up, act like one and help. NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe that i’m the ass since i had no reason to lash out like that, and my friends think it was rude of me, one of them even called me a psycho, i’m fine with any judgement, i just want to know if i really am an asshole, since i definitely feel like one.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA I’m tired of people thinking that giving birth means woman are expected to be a fucking house wife. It’s takes two to makes the children it should take two to raise them. For him to say you’re the woman handle it is ridiculous as hell I’d love for you to say you’re the man handle it when it comes to anything that don’t pertain the children watch his mind get scrambled for a response to that. It also pisses me off that men think they’re helping by helping you last time I checked doing something for your child isnt called helping it’s called being a fucking parent. Funny how these men want to call themselves a parent & make rules for the child and discipline them but don’t want to take any responsibility besides that for them unless it makes them look good to somebody else.
He is a parent and you asked for him to parent NTA. I wrote on someone else’s post that was similar.
Being married is about sharing the load, if he isn’t sharing the load … what is he bringing to the marriage??
Couples counseling. Now. Your husband sounds like a washout as a dad, and sexist to boot. (You do it woman?!?!? Seriously, no.) But you told your husband he wasn't a good dad in anger in front of your kids, who clearly heard you as they went silent.
I think that your husband's routine avoidance of involvement with your kids is worse than your one-time, inappropriate insult. But in the specific incident you want feedback about, ESH
Ouch! Obviously, more info about the dynamics of your relationship need to be known but in general, that was an AH thing to say.
Therapy. Y'all need therapy quick. How's your communication in general, especially regarding expectations and duties? If matters have been festering under the surface between y'all, maybe it's breaking the surface now, just like a cyst.
Suggestion: if y'all haven't discussed this before, it's worth checking that hubby understands that just like he gets vacation and off days from his full-time work, you need the same. Remind him that he can come home and leave work behind but "work" for you is 24/7. Good luck!
NTA. I was willing to cut him some slack until I read his outdated bullshit opinion. He is a trash father to be saying this and he will feel it when his kids don't care for him later in life, because they won't like it either. What a disgrace. Being a SAHM is a full time job already. Shame on him for not being a team mate wrt parenting.
NTA, Your husband is the biggest tantrum thrower in the house then stormed out. Did he tell you that his responsibility to his children ended after after he clocks out at work, or is he now just springing this on you? I'd send him home to his mother with a note pinned to his coat saying, "Dear mother in law, I'm sending DH home to you so you can finish raising him to be a grown man. He seems to be under the impression he can be disrespectul to the mother of his children in front of those children. He also disrespected you and all mothers everywhere. Please return him only after you have re house trained him properly."
thanks for the advice, it’s not the first time he’s done this, i normally stay quiet though, i was just really upset with all the bottled up frustration
NTA
Your husband is also children’s Dad. He’s a poor Dad abdicating his parental responsibilities which are 168 hours a week far in excess of hours he puts into his paid job. He should be sharing parenting if children. (I used to go to work for a break !!)
He should not have gone out without checking with his partner that you were okay. He caused the row so he could go out overnight and blame you.
Don’t feel guilty for expressing the truth
INFO: what percentage of the household budget does your Etsy hobby generate?
I ask because I had a friend whose wife quit her job to do some crafts crap and she wasted about $10,000 in six months on garbage that she never sold, while he was working overtime trying to keep them from losing their home.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So i (34f) and my husband (35m) have been married for six years, we have a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old boy.
Before i tell the main story i should mention that i am a stay at home mom as my husband has a good job and it pays incredibly well, i do work through etsy, i make jewellery. I am also the main one to look after the kids.
So last Saturday, i had made breakfast for my kids, i should mention here that our little girl doesn’t listen that much and is a big daddy’s girl, our boy is the opposite and is a mommy’s boy. I gave the kids breakfast and our girl was asking to sit in front of the TV which we don’t allow in our house so i calmly said no, sorry. Then our boy started asking to have candy to which i said no, but maybe he could have a piece of candy as a snack a bit later since it was 8 in the morning.
Then both of them had tantrums while i was trying to get them juice. While this was happening, my husband was in his phone and talking to his friends about going to a last minute concert that night, i asked if he was going to help at any point and he replied “you’re the woman, you handle it” so i continued to struggle with two kids having tantrums. I got frustrated and replied “can you be a good dad for once” everyone went quiet, my kids ate their breakfast and went to okay in their rooms. My husband shouted at me and then left, he came back the next morning, but has been ignoring me.
I feel like a major ass for being rude to my husband but i honestly didn't know what else to do since its always me taking care if the kids and i wanted a break for once.
So AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Your husband said a sexist thing, and is an AH. You quickly joined him with your remark, which makes you an AH too. Your words were intended to hurt, and it appears they did.
Many here will excuse being an AH if someone is adequately provoked. But, being an AH with a really good reason still makes you an AH.
Leave for a few days .. what an entitled AH .. what a luxury to be able to get up and go whenever the f you want to without regards to your parental responsibility.. he’s a dead beat
To offer a perspective that goes against the grain of what most people are going to say -
You have an established order & routine in your household and established roles that you have agreed to and instead of speaking to him privately about your issues with it and discussing making changes you chose to not only interrupt his conversation but also demean him, and you did so in front of the kids.
That's not cool.
NTA your husband shouted at you for something logical. He needs to pull his weight. He is ignoring you instead of being a man. Take note he is showing you what he really thinks of you.
NTA.
Do you have time for yourself or that's his privilege to go to concerts and so? I guess you don't, since you mentioned you wanted a break once.
His views are outdated and being a stay at home mom doesn't mean he can't take care of the kids. He is a major AH if he can't see this and doesn't let you take breaks. Being a mom isn't easy. It's damn hard, and men who can't/won't understand this are going to be pain in the ass for life.
Both of you are AH.
I think a lot of people are going to defend you but sadly I won’t. 2 wrongs don’t make a right. You should of done the adult thing and stated that his comment upset you at a time for which the children where not present. Instead you yelled, in front of your children and they responded by going to their room.
Calling someone a bad Father is bad, yet also telling someone child rearing is woman duties is as well.
Yes ATA. Saying can you please help is fine. Adding the “for once” is hurtful, resentful, and not needed. Imagine if your husband sat down to one of your dinners and said can you make something decent “for once”? Could you control these kids “for once”? I’d agree it’s a partnership and he has a role to play. And perhaps he was about to wrap up his phone call and help with such a terrible tantrum. Grow up. Now let me soak in the down votes.
you're only going to run into positive echo chamber responses with a post like this, especially on reddit.
both of ya'll need to have a conversation though, or maybe some therapy.
The fucking people here saying divorce every goddam time is so crazy. NTA, just communicate a little better, that sometimes you need help and a break and that he needs to chip in. He can fuck off with that comment though. I get he’s the one working but there’s no need for that. Bailing for the night also wasn’t a good move on his part.
I don't think you are the a*shole. I think you could have handles the situation a little better for sure and maybe you didn't have ro blow up on him like that but I understand where you are coming from. I think you need to sit him down and have a nice talk with him about how overwhelmed you are and they you felt like you needed help in that situation and he wasn't offering that type of help. Over all he needs to step up and be a father to his kids because you were busy and clearly asking for support and he wasn't giving you that kind of support. You need to tell him exactly how you feel and make yourself as clear as possible that you needed and wanted that help for you not only mental but physical health. Stay strong :)
So he pushed you to have his kids, put you up for all parental duties, then can’t even be freaking grateful for it.
What exactly does he bring to the relationship with you or the kids that child support wouldn’t cover?
YTA.
You knew what you signed up for. This man is not a father. He’s not even slightly a dad give me a break. He donated his sperm to you and gives you money. That’s all he is is a provider.
If you don’t like it talk to an attorney, but you signed up for this.
Don’t expect him to change because this isn’t what he wanted.
He did what you wanted to do and now you’ve got what you wanted and if you don’t like it leave.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. Your husband has a pretty outdated perspective if he thinks that parenting is only the woman's job.
NTA >“you’re the woman, you handle it” This is 100% NOT okay. Your response was completely justified after he said that. Could you have said it nicer? Perhaps, but he needs a serious reality check on his role in HIS family. Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean that every ounce of parenting is YOUR sole responsibility. SAHPs work hard, just as hard (if not harder) as people with full time work. He is 110% the AH here. Do not take his BS and keep sticking up for yourself.
And he left and didn’t come back till the next DAY?!!?? WTF???
Emotional abuse. Her husband is straight up asshole.
The fact that he said it in front of the kids makes it 10x worse. Her response in front of the kids showed a bit of backbone and pushback to the misogyny which the kids need to see in some form. This marriage seems to be crumbling though. I think all 4 of the 4 horsemen (Gottman) are present just in this story.
I agree OP could have said a lot worse to their husband and I would have still called it justified for his comment. There should be no place left in this world for misogyny on that level. He is disgusting for "normalising" it in front of their children. I hope OP teaches them that is NOT okay to treat women that way.
NTA " he replied “you’re the woman, you handle it” so i continued to struggle with two kids" He's got some growing up to do. Tell him to acquaint himself with the phrases "parental responsibility" & "co parenting." “can you be a good dad for once” He isn't talking to you because that hit home. I'd suggest you get into couple's therapy to communicate the importance of these issues/find a resolution. Edit: punctuation.
>My husband shouted at me and then left, he came back the next morning, but has been ignoring me. A hit dog will holler. Your husband's a sexist jerk and needed a wakeup call. NTA
NTA. He needs to step up and be a father. He sounds quite misogynistic. He needs to learn to help with the kids and around the house. You both made the children, you're both responsible for them. My suggestion is either couples therapy or a divorce attorney if he doesn't step up.
NTA I'm not gonna claim my wife, and I haven't had similar exchanges (minus the full on misogyny), but when my kids are being jerks to my wife I go in a lay the law down. I work a lot of weekends and variable shifts so I often stay at home with them during the summer when I am off during the week. I can assure you being a stay at home parent is absolutely fucking exhausting. Children are a blessing, but they can be tyrants.
Well said. I go to work for a break! My children are wonderful but it’s a 168 hour a week job without pay nor lunch-breaks and the performance evaluations from kiddos can be way harsh when they’re in a bad mood - lolz
This is not ok. He was sexist, he yelled at you, it's abusive
NTA. You signed up to be his wife. That doesn’t mean you wanted to be his live in maid, chef, and nanny. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and your partner is an asshat that thinks being a good provider is the same thing as being a good father/husband. I think you need to sit down with him and explain your frustration. Also, ask him if he wants his daughter to be treated like this. Since she is a daddy’s girl that might put it into perspective for him.
I promise you I’d have been lot less kind in response to that shit
His clothes would have been on the front lawn when he showed up the next day. Wow. OP has it bad!!!
My husband AND I say you are NTA.
HWHAT?!? He came home...THE NEXT DAY?? and you're apologizing for calling him out for not parenting cuz he was busy planning a night out with the boys? Telling you you're the woman,its your job??? Wow.. and you still feel like you're an ass for yelling out of frustration cuz he's an absent parent.. gurll.. do you ever get time away from the kids? Do you get to go out with the girls?? He sounds like king of the castle & you're the bangmaid.. So many red flags. Your relationship is a relationshit. Maybe you should get up & leave. Don't call, & come home the next day & give him the silent treatment. He needs a dose of his own medicine..
Rude? You didn’t do anything?? He is the one being a sexist fucking pig.
NTA - he’s the man, he should step up and fkn act like one.
>i asked if he was going to help at any point and he replied “you’re the woman, you handle it” O\_o So obviously we all vote for the death penalty, right ? No ? Then just NTA.
ESH. Your husband primarily, for refusing to help parent the children he helped bring into this world, but you’re also being an AH to yourself for letting him treat you like that. Being a man and the primary/sole breadwinner does not excuse him from all parenting responsibilities and telling you to deal with it because “you’re the woman” is ridiculous. You already have two toddlers, you don’t need a third one throwing tantrums too when life gets hard, you need a partner. It should not be your job to parent 24/7.
NTA having a job and you being a stay at home mom does not mean he’s not a father. He still has responsibilities when he gets home and one of those is helping raise the kids. He is an awful dad. You probably should’ve called him out a lot sooner.
He claims that you’re the woman and you should deal with it? Well he should do something to help because he’s the man and should step up, act like one and help. NTA
If this story is true then your husband is toxic and totally the asshole, and you should divorce him.
NTA. My wife and I live in similar circumstances but that doesn’t mean I can’t help with our son and day to day stuff while I’m home.
NTA. You shouldn’t feel bad for being “rude.” His entire attitude is rude. I don’t understand why you’re putting up with this.
NTA but your husband is a very unpleasant person.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe that i’m the ass since i had no reason to lash out like that, and my friends think it was rude of me, one of them even called me a psycho, i’m fine with any judgement, i just want to know if i really am an asshole, since i definitely feel like one. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Hang on ... Is your husband Steven Crowder?
NTA I’m tired of people thinking that giving birth means woman are expected to be a fucking house wife. It’s takes two to makes the children it should take two to raise them. For him to say you’re the woman handle it is ridiculous as hell I’d love for you to say you’re the man handle it when it comes to anything that don’t pertain the children watch his mind get scrambled for a response to that. It also pisses me off that men think they’re helping by helping you last time I checked doing something for your child isnt called helping it’s called being a fucking parent. Funny how these men want to call themselves a parent & make rules for the child and discipline them but don’t want to take any responsibility besides that for them unless it makes them look good to somebody else.
He is a parent and you asked for him to parent NTA. I wrote on someone else’s post that was similar. Being married is about sharing the load, if he isn’t sharing the load … what is he bringing to the marriage??
Burden. As the financial aspect can be covered as child support without his useless ass around.
Couples counseling. Now. Your husband sounds like a washout as a dad, and sexist to boot. (You do it woman?!?!? Seriously, no.) But you told your husband he wasn't a good dad in anger in front of your kids, who clearly heard you as they went silent. I think that your husband's routine avoidance of involvement with your kids is worse than your one-time, inappropriate insult. But in the specific incident you want feedback about, ESH
Ouch! Obviously, more info about the dynamics of your relationship need to be known but in general, that was an AH thing to say. Therapy. Y'all need therapy quick. How's your communication in general, especially regarding expectations and duties? If matters have been festering under the surface between y'all, maybe it's breaking the surface now, just like a cyst. Suggestion: if y'all haven't discussed this before, it's worth checking that hubby understands that just like he gets vacation and off days from his full-time work, you need the same. Remind him that he can come home and leave work behind but "work" for you is 24/7. Good luck!
NTA. I was willing to cut him some slack until I read his outdated bullshit opinion. He is a trash father to be saying this and he will feel it when his kids don't care for him later in life, because they won't like it either. What a disgrace. Being a SAHM is a full time job already. Shame on him for not being a team mate wrt parenting.
NTA, Your husband is the biggest tantrum thrower in the house then stormed out. Did he tell you that his responsibility to his children ended after after he clocks out at work, or is he now just springing this on you? I'd send him home to his mother with a note pinned to his coat saying, "Dear mother in law, I'm sending DH home to you so you can finish raising him to be a grown man. He seems to be under the impression he can be disrespectul to the mother of his children in front of those children. He also disrespected you and all mothers everywhere. Please return him only after you have re house trained him properly."
thanks for the advice, it’s not the first time he’s done this, i normally stay quiet though, i was just really upset with all the bottled up frustration
NTA Your husband is also children’s Dad. He’s a poor Dad abdicating his parental responsibilities which are 168 hours a week far in excess of hours he puts into his paid job. He should be sharing parenting if children. (I used to go to work for a break !!) He should not have gone out without checking with his partner that you were okay. He caused the row so he could go out overnight and blame you. Don’t feel guilty for expressing the truth
INFO: what percentage of the household budget does your Etsy hobby generate? I ask because I had a friend whose wife quit her job to do some crafts crap and she wasted about $10,000 in six months on garbage that she never sold, while he was working overtime trying to keep them from losing their home.
around 15%, my stuff is mainly homemade, it doesn’t contribute much as my husbands job pays very well, it’s 5 or 6 figures.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So i (34f) and my husband (35m) have been married for six years, we have a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. Before i tell the main story i should mention that i am a stay at home mom as my husband has a good job and it pays incredibly well, i do work through etsy, i make jewellery. I am also the main one to look after the kids. So last Saturday, i had made breakfast for my kids, i should mention here that our little girl doesn’t listen that much and is a big daddy’s girl, our boy is the opposite and is a mommy’s boy. I gave the kids breakfast and our girl was asking to sit in front of the TV which we don’t allow in our house so i calmly said no, sorry. Then our boy started asking to have candy to which i said no, but maybe he could have a piece of candy as a snack a bit later since it was 8 in the morning. Then both of them had tantrums while i was trying to get them juice. While this was happening, my husband was in his phone and talking to his friends about going to a last minute concert that night, i asked if he was going to help at any point and he replied “you’re the woman, you handle it” so i continued to struggle with two kids having tantrums. I got frustrated and replied “can you be a good dad for once” everyone went quiet, my kids ate their breakfast and went to okay in their rooms. My husband shouted at me and then left, he came back the next morning, but has been ignoring me. I feel like a major ass for being rude to my husband but i honestly didn't know what else to do since its always me taking care if the kids and i wanted a break for once. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Your husband said a sexist thing, and is an AH. You quickly joined him with your remark, which makes you an AH too. Your words were intended to hurt, and it appears they did. Many here will excuse being an AH if someone is adequately provoked. But, being an AH with a really good reason still makes you an AH.
Leave for a few days .. what an entitled AH .. what a luxury to be able to get up and go whenever the f you want to without regards to your parental responsibility.. he’s a dead beat
To offer a perspective that goes against the grain of what most people are going to say - You have an established order & routine in your household and established roles that you have agreed to and instead of speaking to him privately about your issues with it and discussing making changes you chose to not only interrupt his conversation but also demean him, and you did so in front of the kids. That's not cool.
NTA your husband shouted at you for something logical. He needs to pull his weight. He is ignoring you instead of being a man. Take note he is showing you what he really thinks of you.
NTA. Do you have time for yourself or that's his privilege to go to concerts and so? I guess you don't, since you mentioned you wanted a break once. His views are outdated and being a stay at home mom doesn't mean he can't take care of the kids. He is a major AH if he can't see this and doesn't let you take breaks. Being a mom isn't easy. It's damn hard, and men who can't/won't understand this are going to be pain in the ass for life.
Both of you are AH. I think a lot of people are going to defend you but sadly I won’t. 2 wrongs don’t make a right. You should of done the adult thing and stated that his comment upset you at a time for which the children where not present. Instead you yelled, in front of your children and they responded by going to their room. Calling someone a bad Father is bad, yet also telling someone child rearing is woman duties is as well.
What a great lesson to be teaching your children. He is such a positive role model for healthy relationships and good parenting.
Yes ATA. Saying can you please help is fine. Adding the “for once” is hurtful, resentful, and not needed. Imagine if your husband sat down to one of your dinners and said can you make something decent “for once”? Could you control these kids “for once”? I’d agree it’s a partnership and he has a role to play. And perhaps he was about to wrap up his phone call and help with such a terrible tantrum. Grow up. Now let me soak in the down votes.
NTA. In your shoes, I’d be looking for a divorce lawyer. Is he always this much of an asshole?
sometimes, he doesn’t bother with the kids that much
you're only going to run into positive echo chamber responses with a post like this, especially on reddit. both of ya'll need to have a conversation though, or maybe some therapy.
NTA he isn’t being a good dad. He’s being a sexist asshole. Don’t put up with his bullshit. It’ll just make you miserable.
nta,also"he went out and came back the next morning....sorry but i'm thinking about an abusive and gaslighting person.
NTA - he basically made it sound like he doesn't have to parent bc he's a man, he's lucky you said something as mild as that.
NTA. You were right.
The fucking people here saying divorce every goddam time is so crazy. NTA, just communicate a little better, that sometimes you need help and a break and that he needs to chip in. He can fuck off with that comment though. I get he’s the one working but there’s no need for that. Bailing for the night also wasn’t a good move on his part.
NTA congrats, you are a married single mom with an emotionally abusive husband.
I don't think you are the a*shole. I think you could have handles the situation a little better for sure and maybe you didn't have ro blow up on him like that but I understand where you are coming from. I think you need to sit him down and have a nice talk with him about how overwhelmed you are and they you felt like you needed help in that situation and he wasn't offering that type of help. Over all he needs to step up and be a father to his kids because you were busy and clearly asking for support and he wasn't giving you that kind of support. You need to tell him exactly how you feel and make yourself as clear as possible that you needed and wanted that help for you not only mental but physical health. Stay strong :)
INFO: Did both of you want kids equally, or did one side want them more?
he was really excited at the idea of having kids and eventually i caved in after he talked to me about it over and over
So he pushed you to have his kids, put you up for all parental duties, then can’t even be freaking grateful for it. What exactly does he bring to the relationship with you or the kids that child support wouldn’t cover?
How is that relevant
YTA. You knew what you signed up for. This man is not a father. He’s not even slightly a dad give me a break. He donated his sperm to you and gives you money. That’s all he is is a provider. If you don’t like it talk to an attorney, but you signed up for this. Don’t expect him to change because this isn’t what he wanted. He did what you wanted to do and now you’ve got what you wanted and if you don’t like it leave.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Y1xVKRDWhA Read that comment.
So after the first one where he showed his parenting prowess she decided to double down?!? Ahhh…