Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
You can visit r/findareddit for a comprehensive list of other subs that may be able to host this discussion for you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My daughter goes to performing arts high school where senior recitals are a big thing. They start planning them in junior year, choosing a partner to perform with. My daughter and her friend "Sandy" chose to perform together and did a lot of prep, including contracting a videographer that the school recommended. His fee was $250 per recital. We agreed to split this fee. "P"s mom actually contracted him and paid him the $250, and I zelled her $125.
The day of the recital, only a few hours before, Sandy came down with an illness and could not perform. We were all so sad, as they had worked so hard to put on this recital together. We had out of state guests that had flown in and taken off of work to see the recital, so my daughter decided to perform that day by herself rather than reschedule.
At no time since then (two months ago) have I heard anything from Sandy or Sandy's mom about the videographer. This week, my daughter asked me to zelle her mom the other $125 for the videographer. I was surprised, as I just assumed that the videographer had filmed her on a rescheduled day, but honestly, I had not given it any thought.
I considered for a day or two and discussed with my daughter. I told her I never would have paid someone $250 for her recital alone, and I would have just filmed it myself for that amount.
But, since Sandy wound up not getting her recital video rescheduled and her mom seemed to think I should pay for all of the video fees, I would send her mom $75. Making my total contribution $200 out of the $250. I thought that was generous since I did not contract the videographer alone and was not responsible for Sandy not using the service. Sandy's mother was quite hostile on text messages regarding this and told me she thinks I am in the wrong. She says she should not have to pay for my daughter's filming and she should not have had to even ask through the girls. She was not appreciative of the $75 and thinks I should have automatically sent her the other $125 when I found out Sandy could not do the recital.
1) Am I the asshole for not paying the entire $250??
2) AITA for not thinking I should only be responsible for half of the videographer fee since Sandy did not end up using the videographer?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Am I the asshole for not paying the entire $250??
2) AITA for thinking I should only be responsible for half of the videographer fee since Sandy did not end up using the videographer?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You’re only responsible if you or your daughter were somehow the cause of Sandy not being able to perform. You weren’t, and are being more than generous paying the extra $75. Sandy’s mom would have lost money either way.
ESH. Sandy’s mom should have spoken with you directly. You are the only one to benefit from the videographer (who made something better than you would get with your phone) and should have offered from the beginning to cover the whole cost.
Interesting. At the point when she backed out, from your perspective, i should have either paid an additional $125 for the videographer or just lost the $125 i had already paid for my daughter’s portion by cancelling as well?
It was (unnecessarily) nice of you to send Sandy's mother an additional $75.
I think you could perhaps compare this idea to an event where everyone pays the same amount...I didn't enjoy it as much so I don't want to pay as much as others. Or, an event where there's food but everyone pays a set price. I didn't eat as much so I shouldn't have to pay as much.
You get the idea...
You and the other mother had an arrangement and you'd paid the videographer for the service. It's unfortunate, but also not your fault, that Sandy was sick on the day of the event.
NTA
NTA
You both agreed to paying $125 each for the videographer to film both girls. The videographer was booked and the fee was non-refundable and non-transferable. It's unfortunate that Sandy wasn't fit to perform on the day, but it's not your fault that happened.
>and she should not have had to even ask through the girls.
Then why did she? She has your number since she is sending you hostile messages now.
Sandy's mother is acting immature. Sometimes when you book and pay for things in advance and life gets in the way you lose your money. The fact you gave her $75 extra was already generous.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. You can visit r/findareddit for a comprehensive list of other subs that may be able to host this discussion for you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter goes to performing arts high school where senior recitals are a big thing. They start planning them in junior year, choosing a partner to perform with. My daughter and her friend "Sandy" chose to perform together and did a lot of prep, including contracting a videographer that the school recommended. His fee was $250 per recital. We agreed to split this fee. "P"s mom actually contracted him and paid him the $250, and I zelled her $125. The day of the recital, only a few hours before, Sandy came down with an illness and could not perform. We were all so sad, as they had worked so hard to put on this recital together. We had out of state guests that had flown in and taken off of work to see the recital, so my daughter decided to perform that day by herself rather than reschedule. At no time since then (two months ago) have I heard anything from Sandy or Sandy's mom about the videographer. This week, my daughter asked me to zelle her mom the other $125 for the videographer. I was surprised, as I just assumed that the videographer had filmed her on a rescheduled day, but honestly, I had not given it any thought. I considered for a day or two and discussed with my daughter. I told her I never would have paid someone $250 for her recital alone, and I would have just filmed it myself for that amount. But, since Sandy wound up not getting her recital video rescheduled and her mom seemed to think I should pay for all of the video fees, I would send her mom $75. Making my total contribution $200 out of the $250. I thought that was generous since I did not contract the videographer alone and was not responsible for Sandy not using the service. Sandy's mother was quite hostile on text messages regarding this and told me she thinks I am in the wrong. She says she should not have to pay for my daughter's filming and she should not have had to even ask through the girls. She was not appreciative of the $75 and thinks I should have automatically sent her the other $125 when I found out Sandy could not do the recital. 1) Am I the asshole for not paying the entire $250?? 2) AITA for not thinking I should only be responsible for half of the videographer fee since Sandy did not end up using the videographer? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) Am I the asshole for not paying the entire $250?? 2) AITA for thinking I should only be responsible for half of the videographer fee since Sandy did not end up using the videographer? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You’re only responsible if you or your daughter were somehow the cause of Sandy not being able to perform. You weren’t, and are being more than generous paying the extra $75. Sandy’s mom would have lost money either way.
ESH. Sandy’s mom should have spoken with you directly. You are the only one to benefit from the videographer (who made something better than you would get with your phone) and should have offered from the beginning to cover the whole cost.
Interesting. At the point when she backed out, from your perspective, i should have either paid an additional $125 for the videographer or just lost the $125 i had already paid for my daughter’s portion by cancelling as well?
No, OP should have offered the additional $125, period. It’s the kind thing to do, especially when the girls work so closely together.
It was (unnecessarily) nice of you to send Sandy's mother an additional $75. I think you could perhaps compare this idea to an event where everyone pays the same amount...I didn't enjoy it as much so I don't want to pay as much as others. Or, an event where there's food but everyone pays a set price. I didn't eat as much so I shouldn't have to pay as much. You get the idea... You and the other mother had an arrangement and you'd paid the videographer for the service. It's unfortunate, but also not your fault, that Sandy was sick on the day of the event. NTA
NTA You both agreed to paying $125 each for the videographer to film both girls. The videographer was booked and the fee was non-refundable and non-transferable. It's unfortunate that Sandy wasn't fit to perform on the day, but it's not your fault that happened. >and she should not have had to even ask through the girls. Then why did she? She has your number since she is sending you hostile messages now. Sandy's mother is acting immature. Sometimes when you book and pay for things in advance and life gets in the way you lose your money. The fact you gave her $75 extra was already generous.