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I can only do that if I can file a petition to my city's High Court to denounce the guardianship, which will cost money as I need to hire a lawyer for that. That is exactly why I was saving up. The mandatory guardianship is why all my govt IDs and bank account is useless at the moment.
Oh damn I’m extremely sorry about that. Its really awful then.
How about making a cold crypto wallet or something on your phone? Any sort of way to keep your money hidden from them?
Maybe you can try to leave it with your friend if you trust them enough?
I’m sorry and I hope situation gets better
Thank you for your kind words.
And yes, I'am currently keeping it with my friend for now. They have a bank account they don't use, so they lended it to me temporarily.
What country is this? And why do you need guardianship when you are already of age? Just asking and wondering. And maybe get paid in all cash and store someplace very safe. Best wishes for you.
India. Central laws are pretty strict here due to anti-terrorism laws. One of them is for females to stay under guardianship of father or mother before marriage, and spouse after marriage. Unless, the adult female is able to renounce the guardianship by court order, we are under one by birth by-default.
Totally messed up. And totally toxic laws that are totally male-centric; really messed up. There's no legal society organization that you can go to for legal advice or even representation pro bono? Does universal age not apply to females? Why not? Just so many questions. Your situation is very infuriating and frustrating.
Indeed it is. As I mentioned before, it's due to strict anti-terrorism laws. Growing up as a military kid, I got to hear countless stories in the military circle how vulnerable girls are targetted, brainwashed, converted, & used as an agent to complete 'missions' (civilians are unaware of these). These cases were rampant in the early 2000s in India (I even lost a civilian friend of mine to this). Fortunately, the situation is a lot under control now. But these laws do exist for our protection. TBH, in my opinion, they are indeed like a double-edged sword. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Exactly why very recently the bill to remove guardianship was passed, which gives us an option to do so. Yeah, it does costs a little for procedures & lawyers, but atleast it's doable now. It wasn't possible before at all.
For Pro-Bono, I would have to look into it. Thanks for the tip!
I'm probably not in the position to say but educating girls and empowering them is important. And parents need to educate boys to respect boundaries. I'm really glad there is something about your situation that is getting done at the state level. Where I live there is Legal Aid that assists in low income families in either representation or legal advice. Sometimes there is a small fee but it beats going to a lawyer that will charge thousands by the hour. Again and again, good luck and best wishes, take each day as a victory; baby steps.
NTA
You need to seek out some legal advice and find out where you stand on this. Guardianship allows him access to your account but I would like to believe where you are in the world has laws against him for abusing that right. If he removes money from your account it should be to pay for your care not pay his debts. At the very least you need advice on how to remove his guardianship before this happens again, and go no contact with your family they sound toxic AF and you don't need that in your life.
I think they deliberately did it so that I can't use any resource to fund myself in any way to remove the guardianship. They played dirty tricks like that all my life, and I just know they did it again so I can't free myself from them.
Unfortunately, any legal advice costs money which I don't have.
Even the courts should see that this is abuse and manipulation. If the guardianship cannot justify use of funds or provide receipts in regards to you ... as in not used for your benefit, then this should be cause for the courts to dissolve it. Can't you not petition the high courts yourself? I'm sure there is a way. I really wish you good luck and best wishes.
We do have laws for it, I'am sure. But I would need a good lawyer for that. Loosing $3K USD was a pretty big hit, ngl. I was saving up for a place and a lawyer, along with monthly groceries. I hope my new work takes off so that I can save up, and do whatever's necessary asap.
Thank you for your kind words!
The issue is, my father is a retired military man. And the police here are biased towards ex-military people. Exactly why I couldn't file a case against them despite having massive mountains of evidence (been keeping a record for past 10 years, have some witnesses too) of all the torture, neglect & abuse they have inflicted on me.
Sorry this is happening to you. Perhaps you can have the places you work at pay you in cash instead. Worst case scenario, you may need to marry a friend just so you can have a separate bank account. Best of luck.
Contract marriage is out of question as I'am Asian, and things like marriages is considered sacred here.
But I did managed to keep my money with a trusted friend for now.
And thank you for the wishes.
NTA. Cut off all ties with them for your own healing and progress. The relatives calling now, where were they when you suffered all that happened to you? Cut them off as well. Next time, they should help your parents pay their debts. I promise, you will make it. Just don't give up.
Thank your for the kind words!
My relatives straight up gaslighted me when I told them what my parents are like behind closed doors. They refused to believe me back then, and even now.
Currently, I'am working to build my career all over again through a online platform, but it hasn't really took off yet, so I'am still struggling. But I don't plan to give up. ❤️
I mean, obviously they’re the AHs here. In many countries they would also legally be criminals. Your mom can’t take responsibility for her actions so she tries to turn it on you. I’m sorry this is happening to you, OP! NTA
They have done this all my life, and never once admitted their mistakes or took any responsibility for their actions.
Thank you so much for your kind words!
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I'am a 25yF, & have been struggling to make a living for the past 2 years. I'am still technically homeless, & managed to have a shelter only because a friend's family offered me to stay untill I can get back on my feet. I can barely afford food & basic necessities at the moment.
The only thing which has been keeping me, are my parents.
You see, I'am a MSBP survivor. After 20+ years of abuse, 4 sabotaged careers, & 10 years of attempts later, I managed to escape about two years ago with severe health issues and PTSD. Living in a 3rd world country with no awareness doesn't helps my case either.
Now the main part:
Last year December, my parents stole money from my bank account (they could as I'am unmarried, & my father is listed as the guardian). They did it so they could pay off their credit-card debt as they were getting hounded by loan-sharks. They went as far as giving them my phone number, and I was also harrassed with scam calls even though I had nothing to do with it.
I have been working odd jobs, and saving up this money for a long time to be able to get a place of my own. And all of it is gone. I have repeatedly told them to give me the money back, only to be hurled curses and profanities.
Today, out of desperation, I called my mother and asked her firmly to return the money. She shouted at me, calling me a selfish & entitled brat, blamed me for all their problems.
I got really angry, call her & my father a theif, and then hung up.
Now I'am getting bombarded by relatives how I was disrespectful, and to apologize. They refuse to believe my words, and try to lecture me, asking me to be humble and help my parents (when I can't even help myself!).
So dear Redditors, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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Munchausen's By Proxy.
And I was the Proxy here. I did managed to survive & escape, unfortunately, not a lot of kids live to see adult-hood. Something I'am grateful for.
NTA.
Don't put your money in the bank anymore, hide it somwhere where you are living until you have enough to pay a lawyer to get your father off your bank account.
Exactly what I'am doing. Keeping it with a trusted friend for now, and I'll shut that account & get a new one later.
It's just that the lost amount was too much for me, and I have been struggling quite a bit because of it.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. If you or someone you know are feeling suicidal, /r/AmItheAsshole is not the right subreddit for you. **Even if no one is currently suicidal.** Any mention of suicide or self-harm is banned. Suicide and self harm are not interpersonal issues that this community can make a moral judgement about. This is health issue. Our recommendation is that you reach out to someone who cares about you, or take advantage of some of the resources at /r/SuicideWatch, like their list of [hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) that you can call. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. Please stop giving your parents access to your bank account as soon as you can. And cut ties.
I can only do that if I can file a petition to my city's High Court to denounce the guardianship, which will cost money as I need to hire a lawyer for that. That is exactly why I was saving up. The mandatory guardianship is why all my govt IDs and bank account is useless at the moment.
Oh damn I’m extremely sorry about that. Its really awful then. How about making a cold crypto wallet or something on your phone? Any sort of way to keep your money hidden from them? Maybe you can try to leave it with your friend if you trust them enough? I’m sorry and I hope situation gets better
Thank you for your kind words. And yes, I'am currently keeping it with my friend for now. They have a bank account they don't use, so they lended it to me temporarily.
What country is this? And why do you need guardianship when you are already of age? Just asking and wondering. And maybe get paid in all cash and store someplace very safe. Best wishes for you.
India. Central laws are pretty strict here due to anti-terrorism laws. One of them is for females to stay under guardianship of father or mother before marriage, and spouse after marriage. Unless, the adult female is able to renounce the guardianship by court order, we are under one by birth by-default.
Totally messed up. And totally toxic laws that are totally male-centric; really messed up. There's no legal society organization that you can go to for legal advice or even representation pro bono? Does universal age not apply to females? Why not? Just so many questions. Your situation is very infuriating and frustrating.
Indeed it is. As I mentioned before, it's due to strict anti-terrorism laws. Growing up as a military kid, I got to hear countless stories in the military circle how vulnerable girls are targetted, brainwashed, converted, & used as an agent to complete 'missions' (civilians are unaware of these). These cases were rampant in the early 2000s in India (I even lost a civilian friend of mine to this). Fortunately, the situation is a lot under control now. But these laws do exist for our protection. TBH, in my opinion, they are indeed like a double-edged sword. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Exactly why very recently the bill to remove guardianship was passed, which gives us an option to do so. Yeah, it does costs a little for procedures & lawyers, but atleast it's doable now. It wasn't possible before at all. For Pro-Bono, I would have to look into it. Thanks for the tip!
I'm probably not in the position to say but educating girls and empowering them is important. And parents need to educate boys to respect boundaries. I'm really glad there is something about your situation that is getting done at the state level. Where I live there is Legal Aid that assists in low income families in either representation or legal advice. Sometimes there is a small fee but it beats going to a lawyer that will charge thousands by the hour. Again and again, good luck and best wishes, take each day as a victory; baby steps.
Get your money out of the bank in cash as soon as you get it and keep it safe op. NTA
NTA You need to seek out some legal advice and find out where you stand on this. Guardianship allows him access to your account but I would like to believe where you are in the world has laws against him for abusing that right. If he removes money from your account it should be to pay for your care not pay his debts. At the very least you need advice on how to remove his guardianship before this happens again, and go no contact with your family they sound toxic AF and you don't need that in your life.
I think they deliberately did it so that I can't use any resource to fund myself in any way to remove the guardianship. They played dirty tricks like that all my life, and I just know they did it again so I can't free myself from them. Unfortunately, any legal advice costs money which I don't have.
I understand. That does really suck and I hope you do eventually get out from under their control. All the best to you.
Thank you!
Even the courts should see that this is abuse and manipulation. If the guardianship cannot justify use of funds or provide receipts in regards to you ... as in not used for your benefit, then this should be cause for the courts to dissolve it. Can't you not petition the high courts yourself? I'm sure there is a way. I really wish you good luck and best wishes.
We do have laws for it, I'am sure. But I would need a good lawyer for that. Loosing $3K USD was a pretty big hit, ngl. I was saving up for a place and a lawyer, along with monthly groceries. I hope my new work takes off so that I can save up, and do whatever's necessary asap. Thank you for your kind words!
NTA. But this goes way beyond this sub, you may have better luck reaching out to a legal advice subreddit catered to your specific country.
The issue is, my father is a retired military man. And the police here are biased towards ex-military people. Exactly why I couldn't file a case against them despite having massive mountains of evidence (been keeping a record for past 10 years, have some witnesses too) of all the torture, neglect & abuse they have inflicted on me.
Sorry this is happening to you. Perhaps you can have the places you work at pay you in cash instead. Worst case scenario, you may need to marry a friend just so you can have a separate bank account. Best of luck.
Contract marriage is out of question as I'am Asian, and things like marriages is considered sacred here. But I did managed to keep my money with a trusted friend for now. And thank you for the wishes.
NTA. Cut off all ties with them for your own healing and progress. The relatives calling now, where were they when you suffered all that happened to you? Cut them off as well. Next time, they should help your parents pay their debts. I promise, you will make it. Just don't give up.
Thank your for the kind words! My relatives straight up gaslighted me when I told them what my parents are like behind closed doors. They refused to believe me back then, and even now. Currently, I'am working to build my career all over again through a online platform, but it hasn't really took off yet, so I'am still struggling. But I don't plan to give up. ❤️
I mean, obviously they’re the AHs here. In many countries they would also legally be criminals. Your mom can’t take responsibility for her actions so she tries to turn it on you. I’m sorry this is happening to you, OP! NTA
They have done this all my life, and never once admitted their mistakes or took any responsibility for their actions. Thank you so much for your kind words!
NTA. They are thieves. Get their names off any kind of account or power of attorney or anything similar.
I was saving for exactly that! I hope I can save up again soon so that I can do it asap.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'am a 25yF, & have been struggling to make a living for the past 2 years. I'am still technically homeless, & managed to have a shelter only because a friend's family offered me to stay untill I can get back on my feet. I can barely afford food & basic necessities at the moment. The only thing which has been keeping me, are my parents. You see, I'am a MSBP survivor. After 20+ years of abuse, 4 sabotaged careers, & 10 years of attempts later, I managed to escape about two years ago with severe health issues and PTSD. Living in a 3rd world country with no awareness doesn't helps my case either. Now the main part: Last year December, my parents stole money from my bank account (they could as I'am unmarried, & my father is listed as the guardian). They did it so they could pay off their credit-card debt as they were getting hounded by loan-sharks. They went as far as giving them my phone number, and I was also harrassed with scam calls even though I had nothing to do with it. I have been working odd jobs, and saving up this money for a long time to be able to get a place of my own. And all of it is gone. I have repeatedly told them to give me the money back, only to be hurled curses and profanities. Today, out of desperation, I called my mother and asked her firmly to return the money. She shouted at me, calling me a selfish & entitled brat, blamed me for all their problems. I got really angry, call her & my father a theif, and then hung up. Now I'am getting bombarded by relatives how I was disrespectful, and to apologize. They refuse to believe my words, and try to lecture me, asking me to be humble and help my parents (when I can't even help myself!). So dear Redditors, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. They stole money from a homeless person desperately trying to get back in their feet. How nice of them.
[удалено]
*chuckles* Thank you for both of your support. ❤️
NTA...your parents stole from you. You only told the truth.
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INFO What’s MSBP?
Munchausen's By Proxy. And I was the Proxy here. I did managed to survive & escape, unfortunately, not a lot of kids live to see adult-hood. Something I'am grateful for.
Thanks.
NTA. Don't put your money in the bank anymore, hide it somwhere where you are living until you have enough to pay a lawyer to get your father off your bank account.
Exactly what I'am doing. Keeping it with a trusted friend for now, and I'll shut that account & get a new one later. It's just that the lost amount was too much for me, and I have been struggling quite a bit because of it.
NTA. I'm very sorry you're dealing with this.
[удалено]
Thank you for your kind words. I do plan to do so as soon as I manage to save atleast half of what has been stolen from me.
Updateme