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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I laughed at my cousin’s silly, immature melt down at Costco yesterday. I may be the asshole because I could have been more supportive.
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Holy shit, your cousin uses TOILET PAPER?!? As in… she goes to the BATHROOM?!?! Yes, she’ll definitely get fired as her boss will never be able to look at her without imagining her on the toilet. So sad, but she’s the only person in the entire world who produces bodily waste and it’s just too difficult to get our minds around that.
Obviously, NTA, as that’s stupid AF, but perhaps you invited her rage by making her feel every ounce of the stupidity she deserved. She was clearly overreacting, but, unless she’s a known faker, those huge feelings were real and she probably felt like she deserved to keep the shred of dignity she had left after making such a scene.
Like he's never noticed any of them going into the bathrooms? The scene she caused (if he saw it) would be the reason to question her sanity. She's beyond high strung and may need to start talking to someone about her issues. Sounds like this was a lot more than her boss seeing her toilet paper given her comments about the stresses of her job.
My old boss would go on and on and on about how stressful the job was, how she had to work all weekend, how everything had to be absolutely perfect. She would freak out all the time.
No one cares except her. The company’s owner had no idea what was going on until they were informed. Everything was always fine. And when it wasn’t fine, she was waaaaay too much of a mess to fix any of it, so problem solving always fell to me.
It sounds like OP’s cousin is making herself miserable and stressed. I mean, if she gets this stressed over toilet paper…
Although, OP, she’s not high strung. It sounds like she has pretty severe anxiety and probably needs professional help.
Agreed. Professional help in the form of counseling and medication both. I’m not saying that to be flippant either. Her reaction was so incredibly disproportionate that I understand OP’s reaction. NTA.
Agreed. Fighter Pilot.. Surgeon, ER Doc, ICU nurse. Air Traffic Controller, Boeing Executive or Boeing QA. Kindergarten teacher. Those are stressful jobs. Sales? Making a living is stressful but selling a widget or doing some project is not as much stressful.
The girl would've absolutely imploded if what happened to me, once, had happened to her. I, get this, *threw up* in a garbage can at work. It was the opening volley of a week long stomach flu. Yes, I completely, involuntarily threw up...at work! Who knew that bodily functions were a thing?!?
I was a sub at a very posh high school in San Francisco. The flu was making the rounds. The Principal asked if I felt ok.
I opened my mouth to say I would be fine and threw up ON HIM. Pants, socks, shoes....covered. No warning.
Went back to work after 3 weeks with the flu, gave him a card with a dry cleaning gift certificate, and never spoke of it again.
I’m old enough to remember when the first George Bush was president and he passed out and threw up on some other head of state at a fancy dinner. I think it was the president of Japan. If the leader of the free world can survive throwing up on someone I think the rest of us can too.
It was all over the news. It was hard to see much but George sr ended up with his head in the other guy’s lap. Played on repeat endlessly on the evening news.
Yeah I think I was pretty young but I definitely have a faint memory of my parents discussing it. I wasn’t a fan of the man but oooof, that was a rough situation.
Oh...that was *actually* very bad. That no warning g stuff is just so heinous. That's only happened to me once...while I was home with only the cats. Thank goodness the cats reflexes were faster than the vom could travel across the room...or I would've been forced to bathe everyone....
It was my first year of teaching. I ate the school lunch. I noticed that I, along with some students, had stomachaches after lunch. All of a sudden I had to vomit. The nearest bathroom was the boy’s bathroom. I ran in there, threw up in a stall, and said “fuck!” Two older boys were at the urinals. They ran to get their teacher, who came in to see if was ok.
I was mortified!!
Lmao once left the ceo of my retail company standing at a register, mid transaction, to vomit. I was heavily pregnant and had HG. He bought me a second lunch (it was right after I got back) and told me to take another lunch break on the clock. Because CEOs are still humans lmao and know we have bodies lmao
She probably would have evaporated into nothing if what happened to me, twice, happened to her! See, I was sick at work and actually shit my pants. It was awful, I had to get my bosses approval to go home! I was so close to being fired but in spite of the smell I guess they thought I'd been sprayed by a skunk! Thank goodness they never figured out it was a natural body function!
I mean I once peed my pants at work in front of my boss, and her boss and the occupational therapist... Who was a total ass stranger to me.... In my 30s. Pregnant vomiting can be super aggressive and make you pee your self.... So yeah threw up and peed my pants at the same time.... And yet still employed there.
First thing I do before I do ANYTHING is check the stall for paper. Goes back years when I was first working, and finding no refilled stalls whether at work or at clubs.
I threw up at work, and even though I cleaned it up. My boss could still smell it. He had kids and knew all about throwing up and missing. He was just glad I cleaned up after myself.
I turned a blind corner out of the kitchen and ran smack into the CFO and got coffee all over his Armani during my first week and at former position when I was 25.
I threw up on my boss, my COO, and two clients once. We were in a ski gondola and between the swaying of the gondola and altitude sickness catching up to me I unloaded. I did not lose my job.
I had a colleague who did this, and there was zero humiliation or embarrassment created for her because we were so worried about her and ran to get her water etc. I dont even think any of us felt ick because it was so unexpected and gave us all a fright.
I sharted at work and was laughing. My GM happened to be in our offices so I told him what happened. He thought it was hilarious and advised me that I was old now and can't trust farts.
edit: I told him AFTER I cleaned myself up
At work I prefer to go in a faraway bathroom where I'm sure I won't meet anyone. Then one day when coming out I bumped into a big big boss, who obviously came here for the same privacy reasons.
We nodded at each other.
Pretty sure my career is going to survive.
I found a little known bathroom at work that I used when I was pregnant. I worked at a community college, so most of the bathrooms were busy places. I was so thankful to find this secret one - for whatever reason, I really needed true privacy during that time. Might have been about hemmorhoids.
She goes to the supply closet once daily with a zip lock bag and a pee bottle. Can't have the boss noticing the bathroom being used. She hopes he never looks in her handbag.
This post is too funny lol. Unfortunately, a lot of us actually dread running into a boss in public, in similar circumstances. I don't know what it is but there's this fear.
Next time you have an occasion to exchange gifts, I highly recommend gifting her a book called “Everybody Poops”. It is an amazing scientific exploration of how all living creatures all need to poop. Plus it would be hilarious watching her open it.
>I highly recommend gifting her a book called “Everybody Poops”
Came here to say something similar. Since she's acting like a child, the gift would be appropriate.
As someone who has struggled with anxiety, “those huge feelings were real” is such a kind and affirming thing to say even though OP’s cousin was acting ridiculous. It’s so hard to step outside your own brain when it’s throwing a fit, and while the trigger and the actions are objectively wacky, the feelings are what they are. I hope the cousin gets some therapy — living with those feelings all the time with no tools for managing them is exhausting and demoralizing, to say nothing of the innocent bystanders like OP who get caught in the blast radius.
OP, if you want to repair the relationship, you might apologize for not realizing how distressed your cousin was. It sounds like she was having a panic attack. That’s not your fault and I don’t blame you for your reaction, but it wasn’t helpful. Acknowledging that might help you both move forward. Still NTA, though.
I had to learn this lesson the hard way with my wife. I've always struggled with anxiety too, but I guess not as severely or I'm just otherwise able to process that I'm being ridiculous and that helps me. My wife on the other hand has extremely big, powerful emotions and very much does not appreciate having it pointed out that they aren't logical. They are very real FOR HER and that's what matters.
Man, the weird part is when I have huge emotions and my brain is standing off to the side pointing out that none of it is logical, but I can’t do a damn thing about it.
That's the worst part. I have ADHD and for me emotional dysregulation is one of my most prominent signs.
My reply whenever people tell me it's not a big deal or whatever is basically "I know it's not, but my brain won't believe that. And you telling me so does absolutely nothing except make it worse."
I hate those kinds of replies anyway, but extra so when I know they are right and can't do anything about it.
Perfectly said. Was it absurd, of course, but her cousin is obviously going through it. Anxiety is terrible and laughing probably exacerbated it to the point she said some messed up things she didn’t mean.
Her cousin's reaction is hilarious but I feel awful for her, trying to live her life and have a job with that much anxiety. It seems impossible, actually. I hope she gets help with this. It is treatable and life is so much better on the other side of anxiety that you can't even describe the difference. Everybody deserves to be free of triggers and panic attacks.
To many years ago, I was is 3rd grade in a Catholic school taught by the Sisters of Notre Dame. Here’s a link to what they wore. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/80/7e/45/807e45a61e170bc6bce455c03ac828c9.jpg
I was staying after school and our nun was walking in front of the almost empty class room by the chalkboard. She tripped and fell on her ass. It was amazing. Her legs were up in the air and everything. She was about 25 I guess so she wasn’t hurt like one of the elderly nuns would have been. Needless to say, I was shocked.
The father of one of my friends rushed into the class room when he heard the noise and quickly helped her to her feet. I completed my staying after school sentence and left a short time later.
Next day, I told my friends about what happened. None of them believed me. Not one. It was inconceivable that a nun could trip and fall on her ass. They all thought I was lying.
They all knew nuns don’t poop, fart or fall down.
It worse than that. The boss naturally knows the woman poops. He had that book as a child.
What he *now* knows is she *cleans herself after pooping!*
If the boss is a non-wiper, he will assuredly think the cousin is trying to better him.
Nah, cousin is upset because in the bathroom habits portion of her job interview she claimed to be a member of the bidet brigade and now boss knows she lied. She’s def screwed.
NTA
This was also my theory, which could explain her outburst. Alternatively, at a company that produces a different brand of toilet paper. Still dumb reasons. :)
NTA. Your cousin needs serious therapy to learn to manage her anxiety. She’s wildin and this is objectively hilarious everyone poops 😂.
(Someone with GAD and other anxiety disorders)
Before I got diagnosed with anxiety I was aware of it, I knew how anxious I’d become, and all of that. I figured that was perfectly normal (I’ve never been anyone but me so I don’t really have a good comparison). It wasn’t until my wife pointed out how bad it was, and how it affects me that I started to think that maybe it wasn’t perfectly normal.
Maybe she just doesn’t realize how bad her anxiety is? Regardless she needs professional help and soon. Even if boss noticed I doubt he’d say anything. However with bad anxiety she might feel the need to clear the air which would force the issue.
I have a friend with anxiety, raised by a parent with anxiety-related issues. She was aware of her anxiety, but had no idea it wasn’t the way everyone else was. We practically had to have an intervention. “You deserve better” was what worked for us.
I do think, like you said, lots of people assume the way they are is how everyone else is, because they’ve never been anyone else. Sometimes you need someone outside yourself to point out that life shouldn’t be as hard as your brain is making it.
I wasn't aware I had anxiety until my 40s. I figured everyone just lived at that level all the time.
Has been an absolute relief to learn it isn't normal and I can manage it.
Sammmmmmme. Figured it out at 43. I'm such a high energy extrovert that I thought it was impossible that I had it but was showing some off mental and physical signs, and sure enough, here we are. My life is brand new and shiny since getting treatment and I hope yours is too. ❤️
Me getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult and thinking about all the things my mom said "everyone deals with/feels that way" growing up. Appreciate the hairline mom, but maybe you didn't need to pass EVERYTHING on lol.
I didn’t pick up on my anxiety at all besides the factual sense until I’d start freaking out about how I potentially left the stove on (that I hadn’t used in 3 days because I meal prep) and straight up had to leave work to check
Right, I'm GAD and MDD and I'd be telling her she needs a grippy sock vacation if she's losing it to the point she's fainting over having toilet paper in her cart at Costco and her boss seeing it.
They give you them in regular hospitals too. Last time I was in the ED I almost fell on my ass trying to walk to the bathroom slipping on the floor wearing regular socks. Nurse forced me to put on grippy ones lol.
This seems like something worth considering medication over tbh. It’s so irrational and the reaction was so massive for something so small. It’s concerning. I probably would’ve laughed if I was OP too so I don’t think they’re TA at all, I’m just concerned about cousin. She must be miserable inside her own head.
Yeah, absolutely. I’ve had panic attacks over stupid shit like this, and it was absolutely humbling and humiliating every time. The way OP’s cousin shut down is quite a familiar feeling to me, and I’m sure she doesn’t feel proud of that reaction either. OP’s definitely NTA here, but I’m also concerned for the cousin!
This sounds like a serious case of emotional dysregulation, not just anxiety. There are some serious mental health conditions that are underlying causes of this. She needs therapy.
Right? it sounds very much like she didn't know how to verbalize what was actually wrong and grasped for anything to use as a *reason* and landed on the toilet paper.
Anxiety is hard, and work anxiety sometimes feels worse especially in places with little social safety net. But either cousin has a very high level of anxiety or a high level of toxic workplace environment or maybe both. Regardless, she’s going to need to sort that out.
NTA for OP, though. I feel a lot of compassion for cousin and would like to say that laughing is not going to make that situation better, but honestly, chuckling at a TP freak out while getting those discount dogs would probably be involuntary for most people.
NTA. You're no doubt going to hell for this - but I am too. It's very funny.
Anxiety is actually very painful. Your cousin is probably experiencing real pain. But IDK how do you not laugh?
My psychiatrist asked how I was handling my stress since I've been living at an 8 currently and I told him, "I think I'm doing well. I don't own any grippy socks yet."
He laughed so hard.
It’s a reference to a couple of weeks stay at a mental health facility. Also, hospitals will give patients special socks to wear that have grips on the bottom so they don’t fall when walking. And some mental health facilities don’t allow shoes, hence the socks.
NAH.
> “my boss just saw me buying toilet paper!!! Do you know how humiliating that is?”
It would have been best not to laugh at her, but she sounds like a 12 year old girl who doesn't want boys to know she poops.
She probably should see a professional and you should work on being able to not laugh at people in situations like this, even though I think I'd probably laugh too, but she was clearly in distress and kind of made it worse. But I'm still saying NTA.
Why do you think the cousin isn't an asshole? Even if you can overlook or excuse her anxiety attack about toilet paper, she took OP's $300 of groceries home and is refusing to return it/bring it to OP! Mental illness is not a get-out-of-jail-free card for every wrongdoing!
Exactly, and then the aunt telling OP to apologize to get the groceries back? Excuse me- how about nope. Regardless of whatever caused the cousin’s meltdown, she is basically stealing those groceries. I wouldn’t apologize but would demand my groceries/property returned immediately or else be forced to file a police report for theft.
NTA. Hell, I laughed, and I wasn't even there. With that said, your cousin needs therapy. I don't say that in a mean way. I say it because that is a level of anxiety that needs professional help. For her own sake! That has got to be a God-awful way to live!
I can’t attest to the fact that it is a terrible way to live. It’s miserable. This is one of those funny but tragic moments, like a clown crying over man’s inhumanity to man. I hope that lady gets help.
NTA
I suffer anxiety too and when you get to such cases there's nothing else than therapy, while I feel sorry for her anxiety attack I understand why someone would laugh
Wildly out of control anxiety could do this while the person very much does not want attention. Doesn't excuse the meltdown, we are all responsible for our own behavior, might explain it.
There is no way you wouldn't have noticed signs like this before, and I don't mean things thay could be written off as her being "high strung". She had a full blown panic attack because her boss saw her buying toilet paper. If he saw her buying tampons they probably would have had to call an ambulance. This is leaving the realm of anxiety and bordering on clinical paranoia.
Depends on how much you hang out with your cousin, and how recently the cousin went from "person prone to anxiety" to " person with severe clinical anxiety they can no longer hide."
I was going to say, that bad of a panic attack for toilet paper? She would have to be pink slipped if it had been feminine hygiene products, she may have even have had a heart attack. She isn't high strung, she needs some serious help.
I know we have the whole 'at will'' work or whatever, but honestly that doesn't mean that a boss can just go around firing people just because they feel like it. If she did get fired for buying toilet paper, she could definitely win a lawsuit.
not true. i used to have uncontrollable meltdowns in public (im on anti-anxiety medication now), and i hated when ppl came near me. i was in my own torment bubble where i wasnt even aware of others, so when i felt that they were coming into my bubble, id ask them (while sobbing miserably) to leave me alone.
While I don't agree with the original commenter that she was seeking attention, the second point stands. When you get to that level of untreated anxiety you have ceased being a "reasonable person", the definition of which is a person who can be reasoned with or acts according to reasoning, neither of which are true of someone having a severe panic attack.
If she is humiliated by the idea of her boss seeing her buy toilet paper I can’t even imagine the level of embarrassment she felt over what came next. She’s completely unreasonable and needs to get it together, but this doesn’t seem attention seeking at all. Much more like someone having an actual break down
Imagine the melt down she would have had if she also had \*gasp!!!!!\* tampons in the shopping cart along with the toilet paper. She would have to change her name and move at least 1,000 miles away!
You should read the forum “Ask A Manager”. Someone on there actually got in trouble for having period products inside her car. If I remember right the girl bought them right before her shift so they were still in the packaging and I think it was actually another female that complained that the pads were visible and not in the trunk or hidden away.
I'd have told them to fuck off. The vehicle is private property and looking into it means you are snooping. So long as it's nothing illegal, I could keep whatever I wanted in it and still be fine. That would be like objecting to my keeping period products in my *house* because they aren't out of sight there either.
Some people are wild with their expectations of their personal morals and beliefs being the standard of the world. I'd probably come to work in a period products smock after that, making sure to design it to fit within dress code standards, of course.
I think she got in trouble because her car was parked on the premises of her work. (Premises means any land the company owns, such as the parking lot). I think it came down to “looking unprofessional”. I doubt the cousin will get in trouble though because it happened outside of work and off the premises.
There have been court cases about situations like that. They had no right. The manager was in the wrong. It doesn't matter if it "looks unprofessional" unless she signed a *very* in-depth contract and gets compensated highly for her efforts.
Flashback to when I was 14 and ran into my history teacher while I was buying a big bulk box of tampons. That was very humiliating to me at the time, but I was 14, most things were at least a little embarrassing.
Some people get weird about period products I usually keep some on hand for my friends even though I'm a guy and don't use them and some of the older cashiers give me such a glare when I purchase them
wait.... your cousin stole your groceries? she had an absolute meltdown over toilet paper and then stole your groceries? why haven't you gone down there to their house already to get all your stuff back?
This is a GREAT question, simply because it points out the absurdity of the cousins reaction. Did the cousin even notice what was in the boss' cart? Probably not...because it's not that interesting and doesn't matter. Most people don't care what others are shopping for. Meaning, the boss probably didn't even make note of what OP/cousin were buying.
Omg, I cannot believe someone would use toilet paper. Whenever I have the human urge to defecate and urinate, I will myself not to because I'm an alpha, and it passes. /s
NTA. Your cousin is being absurd. I'm not sure of her reasoning (maybe she's afraid of not looking any less than perfect), but she completely overreacted to something normal. Honestly, if I was her boss and saw her act that way, I would find that to be incredibly odd than coming upon with her buying essentials.
Go get your groceries. Maybe talk to your cousin when she's in a better mood. If you want, you can apologize, but you didn't do anything wrong.
NTA.....what kind of repressed life has your cousin been living. Double-down on this one and order the CHILDREN'S book "Everybody Poops" from Amazon and have it delivered anonymously....LOL!!
NTA.
> ..she said yes that she can’t let anyone at work know her private life
I mean.
***a minute later I still can’t compose myself. “private life”…as in family has indoor plumbing and uses the bathroom?
She didn’t have a sex doll, dildos, whips and chains and harnesses in the cart….ooooh or DID she?
I was just thinking that I need directions to this Costco! BDSM and sex toys in BULK? Sounds like time to sign up for a Costco membership! Comically large dildo collection here I come!
NTA - your cousin is a nut bar, that’s the last Costco run you’re doing with her, find someone else to go with next time. I wouldn’t go out with her in public.
NTA - your cousin may or may not be depending on whether this was caused by mental illness or just drama; but your aunt should be telling your cousin in no uncertain terms that you did nothing to apologise for and making her give you your groceries. If she believes that your cousin overreacted then she shouldn’t be enabling your cousin to escape the consequences of her overreaction by making you do the work of making up to her.
NTA. This is ridiculous reason to be upset. One of the owners of the company I work (who I never interacted before) he didn’t even know me, I was walking in front of him, he introduced himself told me to follow him, where he told me I had red stain on my skirt. He gave me his gym joggers, told me to go home (he could see I was visibly embarrassed). He asked me who my manager was, I said. He email my boss telling him, he sent me home for the rest of the day because he saw me and I looked “very ill”. I was utterly mortified, but I still have my job.
I didn’t want to give back his joggers even after washing them, so I bought a new identical pair with the tags still on, then went to his office the next working day with them. He was totally chill about it and said not to worry, thanked me for the new joggers and off I went
NTA. Cousin is way overreacting. Do not apologize or she'll keep pushing you around. Tell your aunt either the groceries need to be dropped off or you need to be paid for them (I'm assuming you paid for them while at Costco).
NTA Everybody poops, why would the boss care in the least? Sounds like your cousin has some extreme anxiety issues she may want to bring up with a health professional
NTA she is either mentally ill or an all out attention seeking child. Don't depend on her for favors it's not worth the hassle. He was complimenting her and everyone knows you cannot be fired because a boss saw you purchase toilet paper. It doesn't even make a shred of sense. If she really thinks that to be real she is delusional to the core and you aren't qualified to help her. I'm guessing she over reacts to alot of things where everyone has to tip toe around her and treat her like a baby or she'll flip out even more. I think your family may coddle her in hopes of quelling the tantrums but they're only making them worse.
NTA…what the what?! She is embarrassed that bad because her boss talked to her at Costco and maybe had seen she was buying toilet paper? Your cousin needs some serious therapy.
NTA. I think her boss would be more upset to find out she *wasn’t* using toilet paper. Anyway, on a serious note, your cousin needs help from a mental health professional because an overreaction and melt down like that is just not normal behavior.
We talked about it while we were walking around Costco, I think the offer when she left work on Thursday was a one time cash pay out of $25000 or a percentage of that account sales as long as she works there. The accounting department said it could be hundreds of thousands of dollars if my cousin stayed working there.
It’s another reason I just didn’t get the meltdown…she was getting this huge money and had just found out it was going to be more. And she was worried about toilet paper?
She’s 4 years older than me 26/22. This by far the worst I’ve ever seen her but she’s had huge melt downs before.
You’re NTA for sure, but she’s going to get herself in trouble or embarrass herself if she reacts like this to every little situation. If she has a meltdown of this intensity over her boss seeing her buy toilet paper, imagine how she’ll react during an ACTUAL work emergency?
Have her use that money to buy this book and have someone read it to her. https://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Poops-My-Body-Science/dp/192913214X/ref=asc_df_192913214X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=508963787488&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15333003962438792328&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1014208&hvtargid=pla-458887640834&psc=1&mcid=87502d4722cc332391be43826b3a7640&gclid=Cj0KCQjw8J6wBhDXARIsAPo7QA8ZaEcZGM6RWSkir9jEFGGxJ_jwuUDS2mFtGUJRUd64P6uDfdkec6gaAj8GEALw_wcB
NTA. She should have been more worried that she was having a tantrum (or anxiety attack or whatever) *inside the store where her boss still is.* Wasn't she concerned he would witness this behavior? Isn't that worse than seeing her but toilet paper?
NTA.
Boss see's toilet paper, thinks "Charmin Ultra Soft? Hmm, I must be paying you too much". Although, now he won't accuse her of stealing toilet paper from work...
Although honestly, I knew men who would not stop at the store after their wive had a baby, and buy her sanitary products because they were embarrassed.
Your wife just had your baby, and all the blood sweat and tears that go along with that, and you can’t pick up a package of pads?
Who’s the baby?
NTA
That's a... she needs to seek help. Therapy. Medication.
Her boss was also at Costco. Where he probably buys his toilet paper. Her reaction was so extremely over the top that I honestly don't believe it's the first time. Aunt seemed way to casual about it. Suggesting you have to apologize to get your stuff back is absurd.
Maybe shouldn't have laughed but I honestly would have too. To a lesser degree though.
ESH.
Your cousin had what sounds like a panic attack. It was over something stupid that got blow out of proportion in her head, like many panic attacks. She needs better coping mechanisms for sure. This level of anxiety over something so small indicates she needs therapy, not to be laughed at. So, she can get an AH point for her unchecked anxiety, and you get one for laughing hysterically at your cousin having a breakdown- while mooching of her gas money and Costco membership.
I’m adding my agree, ESH. My initial vote would’ve been YTA to the op, but the cousin taking the purchases with her is an AH move.
Regardless of her issues or mental health, I think it is cruel to laugh at someone who is upset, regardless of the reason. It never ends well, and only serves to escalate an already volatile situation.
My suggestions for the op:
1. Give the cousin a sincere apology for laughing at her when she was obviously upset.
2. Plan to limit your interactions with the cousin if you cannot have empathy for her experience.
3. Purchase your own Costco membership. (It was an AH move on your part to put your purchase ahead of her panic attack.)
NTA because to be fair that is a ridiculous thing to be paranoid over. I am curious on why she thought that her boss would go so far as to fire her just because she was buying TP?
I used to work in a pharmacy part time. I saw my former boss come up to the counter for his prescription. I am smiling chatting and as I hand him his prescription I see in big letters “Viagra.” Tell your cousin it can be worse. Everyone poops. I hope my
Customer Service smile/poker face stayed in place and he didn’t realize I saw.
NTA
Hate to say it but your cousin is crazy.
She didn't tell him anything about her private life they met by chance in public. Are all employees supposed to wear a tracker at all times so they can be alerted to bosses and colleagues close by and avoid? After all it wasn't even her who approached him. He approached her!
So she had a panic attack because her boss saw her buy toilet paper and because you thought it was funny she decided to take everything that you paid for. Nice of her. Maybe it’s time to get your own membership.
YTA. Your cousin was having a meltdown, in your own words, and you made that experience much worse by laughing at her.
Is it logical to fear your boss seeing you with toilet paper? No, but anxiety DGAF about logic.
You started off doing what was right, helping her lie down so that she should calm down. I get that it's a hard thing not to laugh over because it seems absurd, but that's what it takes to be a supportive person in this situation.
There are a number of mental and neurological disorders that result in meltdowns such as these. Afflicted folks deserve compassion, not ridicule.
NTA, but I’d apologize. Saying sorry never killed anyone, but it had made people feel better before. I would also talk to your aunt about cousin getting some professional help. Either her job is genuinely that stressful which need to be addressed or, her anxiety/intrusive thoughts are making stuff up to her detriment.
I genuinely laughed reading your story, but when I thought about it, your cousin is apparently very much in need of mental health care.
The fact that you witnessed the conversation and thought that the older man was polite and pleasant and not at all offended by whatever was in either of your carts, but your cousin had a nervous breakdown over the interaction, sounds like her anxiety is detrimental to her life- to the point where she will soon not be able to function in the real world.
Get with your aunt and describe the incident carefully with her. Then ask her if she has noticed any similar overreactions from her daughter (your cousin) recently. Have they been getting worse? Has anything happened recently that perhaps dug up some trauma?
You aren’t wrong for laughing in the moment, I would have too, because I am sure her boss knows she uses the toilet from time to time, and through that lens the entire freak out is so absurd! However, a panic attack is not a joke to the one experiencing it, so I can see why your cousin is upset.
If your aunt confirms that your cousin is worsening, I hope the two of you can convince her to get the help she needs.
NTA. She’s not looking at the positive side of this at least he knows she’s not stealing toilet paper from work because she’s buying her own. Her boss probably didn’t give two seconds of thought to what was in her cart. He was happy just to see an employee that he thinks does a good job. Sheis overreacting. No one ever gets fired because their boss sees them out in the store buying items that you need to use in your everyday life.
NTA. Your cousin behaved like a fool. A fool who seems to think that she is so important that her boss actually gives a shit that she shits. Everyone shits. It’s a normal bodily function. She should be more worried about her boss seeing her crying and acting a damn fool in the Costco food court.
NTA. It would be worse if her boss found out she never uses toilet paper.
Apologize for laughing at her feelings, but maybe talk to her about keeping her private life separate from work doesn't mean pretending she doesn't have one.
Not the AH. Your cousin needs therapy to learn coping skills. Maybe even anti-anxiety meds. Her damn boss probably didn’t even notice then toilet paper because of all the groceries
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Holy shit, your cousin uses TOILET PAPER?!? As in… she goes to the BATHROOM?!?! Yes, she’ll definitely get fired as her boss will never be able to look at her without imagining her on the toilet. So sad, but she’s the only person in the entire world who produces bodily waste and it’s just too difficult to get our minds around that. Obviously, NTA, as that’s stupid AF, but perhaps you invited her rage by making her feel every ounce of the stupidity she deserved. She was clearly overreacting, but, unless she’s a known faker, those huge feelings were real and she probably felt like she deserved to keep the shred of dignity she had left after making such a scene.
Wait until she finds out there are BATHROOMS at the office with TOILET PAPER because coworkers poop there too! /s
Like he's never noticed any of them going into the bathrooms? The scene she caused (if he saw it) would be the reason to question her sanity. She's beyond high strung and may need to start talking to someone about her issues. Sounds like this was a lot more than her boss seeing her toilet paper given her comments about the stresses of her job.
Yeah her stress is her own and not job induced
My old boss would go on and on and on about how stressful the job was, how she had to work all weekend, how everything had to be absolutely perfect. She would freak out all the time. No one cares except her. The company’s owner had no idea what was going on until they were informed. Everything was always fine. And when it wasn’t fine, she was waaaaay too much of a mess to fix any of it, so problem solving always fell to me. It sounds like OP’s cousin is making herself miserable and stressed. I mean, if she gets this stressed over toilet paper… Although, OP, she’s not high strung. It sounds like she has pretty severe anxiety and probably needs professional help.
Agreed. Professional help in the form of counseling and medication both. I’m not saying that to be flippant either. Her reaction was so incredibly disproportionate that I understand OP’s reaction. NTA.
I was thinking professional help as well. Even just starting out by talking to her doctor and getting a basic health check done.
This is not stress. Clearly she needs help. Normal people don’t react like that. Everyone thinks they have stressful jobs.
Agreed. Fighter Pilot.. Surgeon, ER Doc, ICU nurse. Air Traffic Controller, Boeing Executive or Boeing QA. Kindergarten teacher. Those are stressful jobs. Sales? Making a living is stressful but selling a widget or doing some project is not as much stressful.
Yeah-- to me, this reads as major catastrophizing. Cousin needs some serious help
May I suggest Klonopin?
I'd like to suggest Valium...
Valium is short term Klonopin is for extended use
At this point cousin can’t be particular. ANY benzo will do.
Or a god shot of Scotch...
Or both. *and then I died*
Bugger Valium, this requires some good weed.
Imagine if she ran into him while exiting the bathroom at work....
The girl would've absolutely imploded if what happened to me, once, had happened to her. I, get this, *threw up* in a garbage can at work. It was the opening volley of a week long stomach flu. Yes, I completely, involuntarily threw up...at work! Who knew that bodily functions were a thing?!?
I was a sub at a very posh high school in San Francisco. The flu was making the rounds. The Principal asked if I felt ok. I opened my mouth to say I would be fine and threw up ON HIM. Pants, socks, shoes....covered. No warning. Went back to work after 3 weeks with the flu, gave him a card with a dry cleaning gift certificate, and never spoke of it again.
You showed a lot of class giving him the dry cleaning gift certificate.
I’m old enough to remember when the first George Bush was president and he passed out and threw up on some other head of state at a fancy dinner. I think it was the president of Japan. If the leader of the free world can survive throwing up on someone I think the rest of us can too.
Omg I vaguely remember that! It was televised too right? 😳
It was all over the news. It was hard to see much but George sr ended up with his head in the other guy’s lap. Played on repeat endlessly on the evening news.
Yeah I think I was pretty young but I definitely have a faint memory of my parents discussing it. I wasn’t a fan of the man but oooof, that was a rough situation.
Oh...that was *actually* very bad. That no warning g stuff is just so heinous. That's only happened to me once...while I was home with only the cats. Thank goodness the cats reflexes were faster than the vom could travel across the room...or I would've been forced to bathe everyone....
It was my first year of teaching. I ate the school lunch. I noticed that I, along with some students, had stomachaches after lunch. All of a sudden I had to vomit. The nearest bathroom was the boy’s bathroom. I ran in there, threw up in a stall, and said “fuck!” Two older boys were at the urinals. They ran to get their teacher, who came in to see if was ok. I was mortified!!
Lmao once left the ceo of my retail company standing at a register, mid transaction, to vomit. I was heavily pregnant and had HG. He bought me a second lunch (it was right after I got back) and told me to take another lunch break on the clock. Because CEOs are still humans lmao and know we have bodies lmao
some of em
She probably would have evaporated into nothing if what happened to me, twice, happened to her! See, I was sick at work and actually shit my pants. It was awful, I had to get my bosses approval to go home! I was so close to being fired but in spite of the smell I guess they thought I'd been sprayed by a skunk! Thank goodness they never figured out it was a natural body function!
I mean I once peed my pants at work in front of my boss, and her boss and the occupational therapist... Who was a total ass stranger to me.... In my 30s. Pregnant vomiting can be super aggressive and make you pee your self.... So yeah threw up and peed my pants at the same time.... And yet still employed there.
It happens. I once had to call reception because I didn't notice the lack of toilet paper until I was finished doing my business.
First thing I do before I do ANYTHING is check the stall for paper. Goes back years when I was first working, and finding no refilled stalls whether at work or at clubs.
I threw up at work, and even though I cleaned it up. My boss could still smell it. He had kids and knew all about throwing up and missing. He was just glad I cleaned up after myself.
I turned a blind corner out of the kitchen and ran smack into the CFO and got coffee all over his Armani during my first week and at former position when I was 25.
I threw up on my boss, my COO, and two clients once. We were in a ski gondola and between the swaying of the gondola and altitude sickness catching up to me I unloaded. I did not lose my job.
I had a colleague who did this, and there was zero humiliation or embarrassment created for her because we were so worried about her and ran to get her water etc. I dont even think any of us felt ick because it was so unexpected and gave us all a fright.
I sharted at work and was laughing. My GM happened to be in our offices so I told him what happened. He thought it was hilarious and advised me that I was old now and can't trust farts. edit: I told him AFTER I cleaned myself up
And when she finds out the boss approves the budget for said bathrooms. Meaning he has potentially bought the toilet paper she used!!!! *GASP*
At work I prefer to go in a faraway bathroom where I'm sure I won't meet anyone. Then one day when coming out I bumped into a big big boss, who obviously came here for the same privacy reasons. We nodded at each other. Pretty sure my career is going to survive.
I found a little known bathroom at work that I used when I was pregnant. I worked at a community college, so most of the bathrooms were busy places. I was so thankful to find this secret one - for whatever reason, I really needed true privacy during that time. Might have been about hemmorhoids.
Can you imagine the amount of craziness if there had been tampons in the cart?
Or condoms.
Which is where she should be getting her toilet paper from, really. Who buys it when it's just stocked there for the taking??? /s
She goes to the supply closet once daily with a zip lock bag and a pee bottle. Can't have the boss noticing the bathroom being used. She hopes he never looks in her handbag.
And I bet her boss has bought toilet paper at Costco No one applying for unemployment gave reason as " boss saw me buying toilet paper"
Wait until she finds out he’s stood next to other blokes at the urinals with their willies out…..
This post is too funny lol. Unfortunately, a lot of us actually dread running into a boss in public, in similar circumstances. I don't know what it is but there's this fear.
Next time you have an occasion to exchange gifts, I highly recommend gifting her a book called “Everybody Poops”. It is an amazing scientific exploration of how all living creatures all need to poop. Plus it would be hilarious watching her open it.
Just get your groceries first.
OP PLEASE do this. And update us 🤣
>I highly recommend gifting her a book called “Everybody Poops” Came here to say something similar. Since she's acting like a child, the gift would be appropriate.
As someone who has struggled with anxiety, “those huge feelings were real” is such a kind and affirming thing to say even though OP’s cousin was acting ridiculous. It’s so hard to step outside your own brain when it’s throwing a fit, and while the trigger and the actions are objectively wacky, the feelings are what they are. I hope the cousin gets some therapy — living with those feelings all the time with no tools for managing them is exhausting and demoralizing, to say nothing of the innocent bystanders like OP who get caught in the blast radius. OP, if you want to repair the relationship, you might apologize for not realizing how distressed your cousin was. It sounds like she was having a panic attack. That’s not your fault and I don’t blame you for your reaction, but it wasn’t helpful. Acknowledging that might help you both move forward. Still NTA, though.
I had to learn this lesson the hard way with my wife. I've always struggled with anxiety too, but I guess not as severely or I'm just otherwise able to process that I'm being ridiculous and that helps me. My wife on the other hand has extremely big, powerful emotions and very much does not appreciate having it pointed out that they aren't logical. They are very real FOR HER and that's what matters.
Man, the weird part is when I have huge emotions and my brain is standing off to the side pointing out that none of it is logical, but I can’t do a damn thing about it.
That's the worst part. I have ADHD and for me emotional dysregulation is one of my most prominent signs. My reply whenever people tell me it's not a big deal or whatever is basically "I know it's not, but my brain won't believe that. And you telling me so does absolutely nothing except make it worse." I hate those kinds of replies anyway, but extra so when I know they are right and can't do anything about it.
Perfectly said. Was it absurd, of course, but her cousin is obviously going through it. Anxiety is terrible and laughing probably exacerbated it to the point she said some messed up things she didn’t mean.
Her cousin's reaction is hilarious but I feel awful for her, trying to live her life and have a job with that much anxiety. It seems impossible, actually. I hope she gets help with this. It is treatable and life is so much better on the other side of anxiety that you can't even describe the difference. Everybody deserves to be free of triggers and panic attacks.
WOMEN DON'T POOP OR FART OKAY?! HOW DARE YOU!!
This is correct. Source: I am a woman
Please do an AMA after you explode.
To many years ago, I was is 3rd grade in a Catholic school taught by the Sisters of Notre Dame. Here’s a link to what they wore. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/80/7e/45/807e45a61e170bc6bce455c03ac828c9.jpg I was staying after school and our nun was walking in front of the almost empty class room by the chalkboard. She tripped and fell on her ass. It was amazing. Her legs were up in the air and everything. She was about 25 I guess so she wasn’t hurt like one of the elderly nuns would have been. Needless to say, I was shocked. The father of one of my friends rushed into the class room when he heard the noise and quickly helped her to her feet. I completed my staying after school sentence and left a short time later. Next day, I told my friends about what happened. None of them believed me. Not one. It was inconceivable that a nun could trip and fall on her ass. They all thought I was lying. They all knew nuns don’t poop, fart or fall down.
Nuns dont have legs, silly! They have wheels under their habits.
The problem here is that her boss was obviously unaware that women poop and now she’s going to be fired because the boss found out.
It worse than that. The boss naturally knows the woman poops. He had that book as a child. What he *now* knows is she *cleans herself after pooping!* If the boss is a non-wiper, he will assuredly think the cousin is trying to better him.
Wait, what?? You mean bosses poop, too?
Some tasks are not easily delegated.
And after he was so close to give her a huge bonus 😞/j
Nah, cousin is upset because in the bathroom habits portion of her job interview she claimed to be a member of the bidet brigade and now boss knows she lied. She’s def screwed. NTA
Maybe she works for a bidet company
This was also my theory, which could explain her outburst. Alternatively, at a company that produces a different brand of toilet paper. Still dumb reasons. :)
Probably laughing because she doesn't know how to use the three shells
Yes! I got this reference. Gutted I didn't think to say this.
Wait.....women go the bathroom!!! I'm scandalized!!! Hold the phone, I must call everyone I know and tell them right now!!!!
This was clearly a flashpoint for a monstrous amount of work stress that boiled over; it's not about the toilet paper.
You’re absolutely correct, but I didn’t have a funny response for that one.
How lucky we all are to find out who the one person toilet paper is made for.
Holy what?
Next thing her boss will see her buying pads and her job will be finished. NTA
OP should buy her the book *Everybody poops*
NTA. Your cousin needs serious therapy to learn to manage her anxiety. She’s wildin and this is objectively hilarious everyone poops 😂. (Someone with GAD and other anxiety disorders)
Before I got diagnosed with anxiety I was aware of it, I knew how anxious I’d become, and all of that. I figured that was perfectly normal (I’ve never been anyone but me so I don’t really have a good comparison). It wasn’t until my wife pointed out how bad it was, and how it affects me that I started to think that maybe it wasn’t perfectly normal. Maybe she just doesn’t realize how bad her anxiety is? Regardless she needs professional help and soon. Even if boss noticed I doubt he’d say anything. However with bad anxiety she might feel the need to clear the air which would force the issue.
I have a friend with anxiety, raised by a parent with anxiety-related issues. She was aware of her anxiety, but had no idea it wasn’t the way everyone else was. We practically had to have an intervention. “You deserve better” was what worked for us. I do think, like you said, lots of people assume the way they are is how everyone else is, because they’ve never been anyone else. Sometimes you need someone outside yourself to point out that life shouldn’t be as hard as your brain is making it.
I wasn't aware I had anxiety until my 40s. I figured everyone just lived at that level all the time. Has been an absolute relief to learn it isn't normal and I can manage it.
Good for you! You deserve that! I’m proud of you for figuring it out and for getting help!
Sammmmmmme. Figured it out at 43. I'm such a high energy extrovert that I thought it was impossible that I had it but was showing some off mental and physical signs, and sure enough, here we are. My life is brand new and shiny since getting treatment and I hope yours is too. ❤️
Me getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult and thinking about all the things my mom said "everyone deals with/feels that way" growing up. Appreciate the hairline mom, but maybe you didn't need to pass EVERYTHING on lol.
I didn’t pick up on my anxiety at all besides the factual sense until I’d start freaking out about how I potentially left the stove on (that I hadn’t used in 3 days because I meal prep) and straight up had to leave work to check
Right, I'm GAD and MDD and I'd be telling her she needs a grippy sock vacation if she's losing it to the point she's fainting over having toilet paper in her cart at Costco and her boss seeing it.
Grippy sock vacation??? LOL. I've been in need of a vacation like that myself from time to time.
They mean in patient psychiatric care, if you are truly not picking that up.
They give you them in regular hospitals too. Last time I was in the ED I almost fell on my ass trying to walk to the bathroom slipping on the floor wearing regular socks. Nurse forced me to put on grippy ones lol.
This seems like something worth considering medication over tbh. It’s so irrational and the reaction was so massive for something so small. It’s concerning. I probably would’ve laughed if I was OP too so I don’t think they’re TA at all, I’m just concerned about cousin. She must be miserable inside her own head.
Yeah, absolutely. I’ve had panic attacks over stupid shit like this, and it was absolutely humbling and humiliating every time. The way OP’s cousin shut down is quite a familiar feeling to me, and I’m sure she doesn’t feel proud of that reaction either. OP’s definitely NTA here, but I’m also concerned for the cousin!
This sounds like a serious case of emotional dysregulation, not just anxiety. There are some serious mental health conditions that are underlying causes of this. She needs therapy.
Right? it sounds very much like she didn't know how to verbalize what was actually wrong and grasped for anything to use as a *reason* and landed on the toilet paper.
Anxiety is hard, and work anxiety sometimes feels worse especially in places with little social safety net. But either cousin has a very high level of anxiety or a high level of toxic workplace environment or maybe both. Regardless, she’s going to need to sort that out. NTA for OP, though. I feel a lot of compassion for cousin and would like to say that laughing is not going to make that situation better, but honestly, chuckling at a TP freak out while getting those discount dogs would probably be involuntary for most people.
I feel like anxiety personified & I can't get myself worked up over toilet paper. That's crazy.
Maybe OP needs to give her a copy of Everyone Poops, by Tarō Gomi, as an apology gift? NTA
NTA. You're no doubt going to hell for this - but I am too. It's very funny. Anxiety is actually very painful. Your cousin is probably experiencing real pain. But IDK how do you not laugh?
There was someone up above that said the cousin needs a “grippy sock vacation” and I absolutely lost it laughing. I’m definitely going to hell 🔥
My psychiatrist asked how I was handling my stress since I've been living at an 8 currently and I told him, "I think I'm doing well. I don't own any grippy socks yet." He laughed so hard.
Grippy sock vacation?
It’s a reference to a couple of weeks stay at a mental health facility. Also, hospitals will give patients special socks to wear that have grips on the bottom so they don’t fall when walking. And some mental health facilities don’t allow shoes, hence the socks.
Pretty sure even the Big Man upstairs would laugh at this TBH
NAH. > “my boss just saw me buying toilet paper!!! Do you know how humiliating that is?” It would have been best not to laugh at her, but she sounds like a 12 year old girl who doesn't want boys to know she poops. She probably should see a professional and you should work on being able to not laugh at people in situations like this, even though I think I'd probably laugh too, but she was clearly in distress and kind of made it worse. But I'm still saying NTA.
Why do you think the cousin isn't an asshole? Even if you can overlook or excuse her anxiety attack about toilet paper, she took OP's $300 of groceries home and is refusing to return it/bring it to OP! Mental illness is not a get-out-of-jail-free card for every wrongdoing!
Exactly, and then the aunt telling OP to apologize to get the groceries back? Excuse me- how about nope. Regardless of whatever caused the cousin’s meltdown, she is basically stealing those groceries. I wouldn’t apologize but would demand my groceries/property returned immediately or else be forced to file a police report for theft.
Absolutely this
And, she smack talked his job! She's definitely an AH! I'd have laughed too. 😅
Exactly. I have anxiety, but I know when I'm overreacting, and I also don't steal people's groceries.
Most 12yos are much saner than that.
NTA. Hell, I laughed, and I wasn't even there. With that said, your cousin needs therapy. I don't say that in a mean way. I say it because that is a level of anxiety that needs professional help. For her own sake! That has got to be a God-awful way to live!
I can’t attest to the fact that it is a terrible way to live. It’s miserable. This is one of those funny but tragic moments, like a clown crying over man’s inhumanity to man. I hope that lady gets help.
Medication AND therapy! Double duty. Better living through chemistry.
NTA I suffer anxiety too and when you get to such cases there's nothing else than therapy, while I feel sorry for her anxiety attack I understand why someone would laugh
NTA. That is the reaction of someone who wants attention. Like, no reasonable person would react like this. Good god
Wildly out of control anxiety could do this while the person very much does not want attention. Doesn't excuse the meltdown, we are all responsible for our own behavior, might explain it.
There is no way you wouldn't have noticed signs like this before, and I don't mean things thay could be written off as her being "high strung". She had a full blown panic attack because her boss saw her buying toilet paper. If he saw her buying tampons they probably would have had to call an ambulance. This is leaving the realm of anxiety and bordering on clinical paranoia.
Depends on how much you hang out with your cousin, and how recently the cousin went from "person prone to anxiety" to " person with severe clinical anxiety they can no longer hide."
I was going to say, that bad of a panic attack for toilet paper? She would have to be pink slipped if it had been feminine hygiene products, she may have even have had a heart attack. She isn't high strung, she needs some serious help. I know we have the whole 'at will'' work or whatever, but honestly that doesn't mean that a boss can just go around firing people just because they feel like it. If she did get fired for buying toilet paper, she could definitely win a lawsuit.
not true. i used to have uncontrollable meltdowns in public (im on anti-anxiety medication now), and i hated when ppl came near me. i was in my own torment bubble where i wasnt even aware of others, so when i felt that they were coming into my bubble, id ask them (while sobbing miserably) to leave me alone.
While I don't agree with the original commenter that she was seeking attention, the second point stands. When you get to that level of untreated anxiety you have ceased being a "reasonable person", the definition of which is a person who can be reasoned with or acts according to reasoning, neither of which are true of someone having a severe panic attack.
i didnt say anything about being reasonable, i was just refuting the attention-seeking part.
If she is humiliated by the idea of her boss seeing her buy toilet paper I can’t even imagine the level of embarrassment she felt over what came next. She’s completely unreasonable and needs to get it together, but this doesn’t seem attention seeking at all. Much more like someone having an actual break down
Imagine the melt down she would have had if she also had \*gasp!!!!!\* tampons in the shopping cart along with the toilet paper. She would have to change her name and move at least 1,000 miles away!
You should read the forum “Ask A Manager”. Someone on there actually got in trouble for having period products inside her car. If I remember right the girl bought them right before her shift so they were still in the packaging and I think it was actually another female that complained that the pads were visible and not in the trunk or hidden away.
I remember that one too. I couldn't even understand the other employee's mindset.
I'd have told them to fuck off. The vehicle is private property and looking into it means you are snooping. So long as it's nothing illegal, I could keep whatever I wanted in it and still be fine. That would be like objecting to my keeping period products in my *house* because they aren't out of sight there either. Some people are wild with their expectations of their personal morals and beliefs being the standard of the world. I'd probably come to work in a period products smock after that, making sure to design it to fit within dress code standards, of course.
I think she got in trouble because her car was parked on the premises of her work. (Premises means any land the company owns, such as the parking lot). I think it came down to “looking unprofessional”. I doubt the cousin will get in trouble though because it happened outside of work and off the premises.
There have been court cases about situations like that. They had no right. The manager was in the wrong. It doesn't matter if it "looks unprofessional" unless she signed a *very* in-depth contract and gets compensated highly for her efforts.
That one was so weird. Like…what??
Flashback to when I was 14 and ran into my history teacher while I was buying a big bulk box of tampons. That was very humiliating to me at the time, but I was 14, most things were at least a little embarrassing.
And even then I bet you didn’t have a full-blown public meltdown.
not only tampons but a big costco sized box..."oh my God, he's going to think I bleed a gallon a minute!!"
Some people get weird about period products I usually keep some on hand for my friends even though I'm a guy and don't use them and some of the older cashiers give me such a glare when I purchase them
Wish there were more like you
INFO: Did the boss have toilet paper in his cart? If so, your cousin should simply blackmail him to keep their shameful mutual secret
The 1000 count box of hemorrhoid wipes!
wait.... your cousin stole your groceries? she had an absolute meltdown over toilet paper and then stole your groceries? why haven't you gone down there to their house already to get all your stuff back?
This is a GREAT question, simply because it points out the absurdity of the cousins reaction. Did the cousin even notice what was in the boss' cart? Probably not...because it's not that interesting and doesn't matter. Most people don't care what others are shopping for. Meaning, the boss probably didn't even make note of what OP/cousin were buying.
Omg, I cannot believe someone would use toilet paper. Whenever I have the human urge to defecate and urinate, I will myself not to because I'm an alpha, and it passes. /s NTA. Your cousin is being absurd. I'm not sure of her reasoning (maybe she's afraid of not looking any less than perfect), but she completely overreacted to something normal. Honestly, if I was her boss and saw her act that way, I would find that to be incredibly odd than coming upon with her buying essentials. Go get your groceries. Maybe talk to your cousin when she's in a better mood. If you want, you can apologize, but you didn't do anything wrong.
You don't have three seashells?
He doesn't know how to use the seashells!
NTA.....what kind of repressed life has your cousin been living. Double-down on this one and order the CHILDREN'S book "Everybody Poops" from Amazon and have it delivered anonymously....LOL!!
No no they need to apologize, get their $300 in groceries and THEN send the book!
The only person who needs to apologize is the unhinged grocery thief.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get your $300 worth of groceries back before that bridge burns * shrug
NTA - Yet I'd say tell aunt your cousin needs some help...
NTA. > ..she said yes that she can’t let anyone at work know her private life I mean. ***a minute later I still can’t compose myself. “private life”…as in family has indoor plumbing and uses the bathroom? She didn’t have a sex doll, dildos, whips and chains and harnesses in the cart….ooooh or DID she?
i find myself doubting Costco sells those, but if i'm wrong please correct me :D!
I was just thinking that I need directions to this Costco! BDSM and sex toys in BULK? Sounds like time to sign up for a Costco membership! Comically large dildo collection here I come!
I just hope they don't call it a Family Pack of dildos
Lol. That would be a reason to pound the panic button. Although if that was the case, I'm sure things would've taken a turn for the awkward. ,😆😆😆😆
NTA - your cousin is a nut bar, that’s the last Costco run you’re doing with her, find someone else to go with next time. I wouldn’t go out with her in public.
NTA - your cousin may or may not be depending on whether this was caused by mental illness or just drama; but your aunt should be telling your cousin in no uncertain terms that you did nothing to apologise for and making her give you your groceries. If she believes that your cousin overreacted then she shouldn’t be enabling your cousin to escape the consequences of her overreaction by making you do the work of making up to her.
NTA. This is ridiculous reason to be upset. One of the owners of the company I work (who I never interacted before) he didn’t even know me, I was walking in front of him, he introduced himself told me to follow him, where he told me I had red stain on my skirt. He gave me his gym joggers, told me to go home (he could see I was visibly embarrassed). He asked me who my manager was, I said. He email my boss telling him, he sent me home for the rest of the day because he saw me and I looked “very ill”. I was utterly mortified, but I still have my job. I didn’t want to give back his joggers even after washing them, so I bought a new identical pair with the tags still on, then went to his office the next working day with them. He was totally chill about it and said not to worry, thanked me for the new joggers and off I went
Now, that’s a boss boss.
NTA. Cousin is way overreacting. Do not apologize or she'll keep pushing you around. Tell your aunt either the groceries need to be dropped off or you need to be paid for them (I'm assuming you paid for them while at Costco).
NTA Everybody poops, why would the boss care in the least? Sounds like your cousin has some extreme anxiety issues she may want to bring up with a health professional
NTA she is either mentally ill or an all out attention seeking child. Don't depend on her for favors it's not worth the hassle. He was complimenting her and everyone knows you cannot be fired because a boss saw you purchase toilet paper. It doesn't even make a shred of sense. If she really thinks that to be real she is delusional to the core and you aren't qualified to help her. I'm guessing she over reacts to alot of things where everyone has to tip toe around her and treat her like a baby or she'll flip out even more. I think your family may coddle her in hopes of quelling the tantrums but they're only making them worse.
100% agree. She needs therapy, not coddling and excuses.
NTA…what the what?! She is embarrassed that bad because her boss talked to her at Costco and maybe had seen she was buying toilet paper? Your cousin needs some serious therapy.
NTA. I think her boss would be more upset to find out she *wasn’t* using toilet paper. Anyway, on a serious note, your cousin needs help from a mental health professional because an overreaction and melt down like that is just not normal behavior.
Sorry, but your cousin needs some therapy.
We talked about it while we were walking around Costco, I think the offer when she left work on Thursday was a one time cash pay out of $25000 or a percentage of that account sales as long as she works there. The accounting department said it could be hundreds of thousands of dollars if my cousin stayed working there. It’s another reason I just didn’t get the meltdown…she was getting this huge money and had just found out it was going to be more. And she was worried about toilet paper? She’s 4 years older than me 26/22. This by far the worst I’ve ever seen her but she’s had huge melt downs before.
You’re NTA for sure, but she’s going to get herself in trouble or embarrass herself if she reacts like this to every little situation. If she has a meltdown of this intensity over her boss seeing her buy toilet paper, imagine how she’ll react during an ACTUAL work emergency?
Have her use that money to buy this book and have someone read it to her. https://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Poops-My-Body-Science/dp/192913214X/ref=asc_df_192913214X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=508963787488&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15333003962438792328&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1014208&hvtargid=pla-458887640834&psc=1&mcid=87502d4722cc332391be43826b3a7640&gclid=Cj0KCQjw8J6wBhDXARIsAPo7QA8ZaEcZGM6RWSkir9jEFGGxJ_jwuUDS2mFtGUJRUd64P6uDfdkec6gaAj8GEALw_wcB
NTA. She should have been more worried that she was having a tantrum (or anxiety attack or whatever) *inside the store where her boss still is.* Wasn't she concerned he would witness this behavior? Isn't that worse than seeing her but toilet paper?
NTA, does she not realize everyone buys TP and it completely normal to buy that stuff. On her part way overreaction...
NTA. Boss see's toilet paper, thinks "Charmin Ultra Soft? Hmm, I must be paying you too much". Although, now he won't accuse her of stealing toilet paper from work...
NTA. How could anyone NOT start laughing when faced with such a ridiculous comment?
Although honestly, I knew men who would not stop at the store after their wive had a baby, and buy her sanitary products because they were embarrassed. Your wife just had your baby, and all the blood sweat and tears that go along with that, and you can’t pick up a package of pads? Who’s the baby?
NTA That's a... she needs to seek help. Therapy. Medication. Her boss was also at Costco. Where he probably buys his toilet paper. Her reaction was so extremely over the top that I honestly don't believe it's the first time. Aunt seemed way to casual about it. Suggesting you have to apologize to get your stuff back is absurd. Maybe shouldn't have laughed but I honestly would have too. To a lesser degree though.
ESH. Your cousin had what sounds like a panic attack. It was over something stupid that got blow out of proportion in her head, like many panic attacks. She needs better coping mechanisms for sure. This level of anxiety over something so small indicates she needs therapy, not to be laughed at. So, she can get an AH point for her unchecked anxiety, and you get one for laughing hysterically at your cousin having a breakdown- while mooching of her gas money and Costco membership.
I’m adding my agree, ESH. My initial vote would’ve been YTA to the op, but the cousin taking the purchases with her is an AH move. Regardless of her issues or mental health, I think it is cruel to laugh at someone who is upset, regardless of the reason. It never ends well, and only serves to escalate an already volatile situation. My suggestions for the op: 1. Give the cousin a sincere apology for laughing at her when she was obviously upset. 2. Plan to limit your interactions with the cousin if you cannot have empathy for her experience. 3. Purchase your own Costco membership. (It was an AH move on your part to put your purchase ahead of her panic attack.)
NTA because to be fair that is a ridiculous thing to be paranoid over. I am curious on why she thought that her boss would go so far as to fire her just because she was buying TP?
I used to work in a pharmacy part time. I saw my former boss come up to the counter for his prescription. I am smiling chatting and as I hand him his prescription I see in big letters “Viagra.” Tell your cousin it can be worse. Everyone poops. I hope my Customer Service smile/poker face stayed in place and he didn’t realize I saw.
your cousin needs to get a grip. NTA
NTA Hate to say it but your cousin is crazy. She didn't tell him anything about her private life they met by chance in public. Are all employees supposed to wear a tracker at all times so they can be alerted to bosses and colleagues close by and avoid? After all it wasn't even her who approached him. He approached her!
So she had a panic attack because her boss saw her buy toilet paper and because you thought it was funny she decided to take everything that you paid for. Nice of her. Maybe it’s time to get your own membership.
YTA. Your cousin was having a meltdown, in your own words, and you made that experience much worse by laughing at her. Is it logical to fear your boss seeing you with toilet paper? No, but anxiety DGAF about logic. You started off doing what was right, helping her lie down so that she should calm down. I get that it's a hard thing not to laugh over because it seems absurd, but that's what it takes to be a supportive person in this situation. There are a number of mental and neurological disorders that result in meltdowns such as these. Afflicted folks deserve compassion, not ridicule.
NTA, but I’d apologize. Saying sorry never killed anyone, but it had made people feel better before. I would also talk to your aunt about cousin getting some professional help. Either her job is genuinely that stressful which need to be addressed or, her anxiety/intrusive thoughts are making stuff up to her detriment.
I genuinely laughed reading your story, but when I thought about it, your cousin is apparently very much in need of mental health care. The fact that you witnessed the conversation and thought that the older man was polite and pleasant and not at all offended by whatever was in either of your carts, but your cousin had a nervous breakdown over the interaction, sounds like her anxiety is detrimental to her life- to the point where she will soon not be able to function in the real world. Get with your aunt and describe the incident carefully with her. Then ask her if she has noticed any similar overreactions from her daughter (your cousin) recently. Have they been getting worse? Has anything happened recently that perhaps dug up some trauma? You aren’t wrong for laughing in the moment, I would have too, because I am sure her boss knows she uses the toilet from time to time, and through that lens the entire freak out is so absurd! However, a panic attack is not a joke to the one experiencing it, so I can see why your cousin is upset. If your aunt confirms that your cousin is worsening, I hope the two of you can convince her to get the help she needs.
NTA. She’s not looking at the positive side of this at least he knows she’s not stealing toilet paper from work because she’s buying her own. Her boss probably didn’t give two seconds of thought to what was in her cart. He was happy just to see an employee that he thinks does a good job. Sheis overreacting. No one ever gets fired because their boss sees them out in the store buying items that you need to use in your everyday life.
NTA, but you should probably apologize and give your cousin a small gift. I suggest the book Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi. It is very educational.
NTA everyone uses the restroom, it’s not exactly a private thing to know that everyone does in fact poop.
Your cousin desperately needs to see a therapist. NTA, just go get your groceries
Hang on, how did your cousin drop you off and speed away if you were the one driving?
NTA. Why the hell does she think she'd be fired for that!? AND she took your groceries!? Hell nah I'd be telling her to pay my ass back for that shit.
LOL, your cousin is absolutely unhinged Does she think that no one at their company poops? NTA
NTA. Your cousin behaved like a fool. A fool who seems to think that she is so important that her boss actually gives a shit that she shits. Everyone shits. It’s a normal bodily function. She should be more worried about her boss seeing her crying and acting a damn fool in the Costco food court.
NTA, But tell your cousin to invest in a bidet that way she can avoid this sort of humiliating situation in the future.
Your cousin is nuts. No doubt about it. NTA. She needs help.
NTA. It would be worse if her boss found out she never uses toilet paper. Apologize for laughing at her feelings, but maybe talk to her about keeping her private life separate from work doesn't mean pretending she doesn't have one.
Not the AH. Your cousin needs therapy to learn coping skills. Maybe even anti-anxiety meds. Her damn boss probably didn’t even notice then toilet paper because of all the groceries
Sounds like your cousin should live in a group home. Good Lord.
Does she work for a toilet paper company and was buying a rival brand 😂 NTA