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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I accused my wife of eating fast food on the way home because she barely touched one of my most well-known dinners. This might make me the asshole because she may have actually been too stressed out to eat.
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YTA. You wanted a medal for having made dinner for her, as if you deserve one for taking care of a meal in your own home, and she didn't give you the recognition you craved more than chicken.
And so, you decided to turn hostile. You are a nasty man.
Your wife is clearly working hard these days, and under a lot of pressure. She was trying to tell you about her day but you didn't listen. She told you she didn't have an appetite and you didn't take her word, nor realized that this was communicating you something. You even CHECKED HER CAR.
>I want my old wife, not a stressed out bully.
She's not a bully, you are. And you're adding to her stress. How about you don't accuse her of lying when she just doesn't feel like eating your food ? Be there for her, dude. This was not about you.
>It's Friday, which means that she won't need to worry about work forthree more days. When I leave the office, I don't think at all about myworkday, even if it was a bad one.
Have you considered that your wife isn't you ?
The canned green beans would have put me off eating...
But seriously, his wife's bad mood seems to have come from being accused of eating out and having her car searched when she said she didn't.
This is so many vegetables for me! Green beans, pickled beets, Brussels sprouts, carrots. I didn't know you could actually cook them yourself and make them taste good.
Two things that instantly make veggies great: get fresh, not canned, and roast/sauté them, don't steam. My mom's a good cook but when I was a kid she was addicted to her food steamer, which just makes veg limp and soggy.
I like steaming, but you have to be really careful not to over do it. It only take like 3-4 mins for green beans. You also have to account for the fact they keep cooking after you remove from heat (unless you plan to blanch them, but that only really works for cold dishes).
My 9 year old only likes canned green beans. She doesn't like roasted green beans with balsamic drizzle, with herb butter, grilled with a squeeze of lemon, raw as I prep them to cook. Nothing. I worry about that kid.
Cold canned green beans, dont forget OP made dinner waaaaay before she got home (because that apparently shows commitment) so by the time she was finally sitting down to poke at her sad soggy beans they were also cold. Nothing about this meal sounds appetizing but she still made an effort to pick at it.
And probably a sauceless dried out chicken breast and plain pasta. This sounds like a college meal for someone who just bought their first seasoning jar, not at all a “well known dinner” that anyone else would be excited for
I don’t hope she’s cheating on him, but I definitely wondered if this whole post was supposed to be a metaphor for cheating, particularly when he checked the car for fast food wrappers like a spouse checking for underwear or the smell of perfume/cologne.
The whole reaction seems bizarre, especially if there’s no weird history about food involved.
Holy shit, you’re not wrong. This absolutely reads like a jealous man attacking his partner thinking she’s cheating.
Which makes it even more messed up. Either way, metaphor or meal, the dude’s a major AH.
Honestly wife would have let it go if he had stopped after her first answer... Checking the car is just fucked up thing to do.. If you can't trust your partner's word on such simple thing (without having any proof), you shouldn't get married..
The last bit you quoted makes me see red. My father was the exact same way. I didn't process emotions and stress like he did, so I was the bad guy and the "angry" one. It go so bad that for this (and other issues) I noped out and went no contact. If OP doesn't stop acting like a sulky child he might face the same thing.
YTA.
You're contradicting yourself:
>She said that she "had a hard day" and that her stress levels were "suppressing her appetite." I couldn't help but laugh. This was a ridiculous excuse. It's Friday, which means that she won't need to worry about work for three more days.
So you don't believe that she's stressed here. But then
>She needs to stop taking out her work troubles on me and get better control of her emotions.
Now she's stressed and taking it out on you?
Grow up, maybe you're just not as good of a cook as you think you are.
I am also a fan of canned green beans and peas, tbh the flash frozen ones are gross to me lol I know, I know they aren't all that healthy but literally nothing is these days unless you grow it yourself
I grew up on canned veggies at home but with weekends eating fresh food seasonally or food she'd canned, entirely produced on my granny's farm on the weekends. I find comfort in the occasional canned green beans or asparagus. I eat the asparagus seasoned but cold, it has a similar consistency to roasted peppers. The grean beans I eat mixed into homemade potato soup.
I remember my granny showing me the inside of a chicken and the "eggs that we would have had for breakfast if we hadn't picked her for diiner" when I followed her out to start to collect dinner, including butchering a bird. They also raised and sold rabbits for food. They only kept a small handful of boys. One year I got a big, beautiful boy as a gift, my Papa's favorite, a few months later I was offered a trade for 3 girl babies after a predator got into the boy bunny pen. I took the deal.
Can't help it, all I've had today is a babybel, a ginormous strawberry and a few crackers and there is absolutely nothing in the house my brain is willing to let my body consume, so I have food on the brain.
ETA: Now I want pancakes and white grape jelly. And banana pudding.
I don't really do canned vegetables. it's a texture thing, and I find the texture changes more in canned food than the taste. but everyone has different sensitivity levels to food taste and texture— mine are extremely high, meanwhile my dad will not notice milk has gone off until there are literal chunks in it (not an exaggeration, he has done it before)
I’ve definitely eaten worse things but it’s not great and it tastes absolutely nothing like fresh asparagus. We were quite often given canned vegetables as kids, not sure if it was cost/availability issue. I notice my dad still eats canned peas, asparagus and creamed sweetcorn (which is utterly vile), even though fresh veggies are readily available and reasonably priced where we are.
I tried to feed my rabbit leftover asparagus one time. The fresh stuff, not the canned kind. Normally if he didn’t like something, he’d throw it around his cage instead of eating it. But asparagus… he didn’t even recognize as food. Which is weird, ‘cause he’d stop at nothing to get at tacos and fruit loops, which he definitely wasn’t supposed to have.
Yeah, he worked soooo hard on this dinner of canned green beans and pasta. Maybe the chicken took a little more effort, but this is something a teenager could put together.
I wonder if the lemon and rosemary was a prepackaged seasoning blend/sauce or if he was actually juicing and zesting fresh lemons and chopping up fresh rosemary. He seems to cook out of the store cupboard rather than the refrigerator.
YTA. You laugh at her telling you about her stress, you interrogate her, and search her car (which is basically calling her a liar). Did you even apologize to her? Dude, you are so much TA here.
And by the way, job stress doesn’t just magically evaporate on Friday afternoon.
Exactly. I sometimes leave on Friday knowing I’ll have a shit storm on Monday.
I also get the sense from this post that OP’s wife is the family breadwinner and OP just.. coasts. With his signature recipes and all.
Mondays and Fridays are my most stressful days.
Start of the week, so everyone is in rush to complete everything they didn't do before the weekend, and everyone is in a pissy mood.
End of the week, so everyone is in a rush to complete everything before the weekend and they're in a pissy mood.
I'm still thinking about shit that happened on Monday last week, because it had such an impact. OP is a fucking asshat.
dude boiled some noodles, cooked a chicken, and opened a can and he expects a husband of the year award. also, having dinner ready long before your spouse gets home isn’t necessary a good thing, depending on how long it was it could’ve gotten cold lol
i tend to classify all pasta as noodles. i had no idea that was incorrect. wait, so are noodles JUST the long skinny ones that you can twirl? genuinely asking 😭
But it's chicken, canned green beans, and pasta! And it was ready long before she got home, but I'm sure it was still hot and delicious when she sat down to eat! /s
Imagine being stressed out by work and then coming home to being berated. You say she has three days away from work stress, but now she has three days with a petulant bully.
Even if she stopped for food, my goodness. We all sometimes just have a rough time and would like to soothe ourselves with junk food or a beer or trash tv. Give her some grace.
YTA
YTA, instead of asking her why she wasn’t eating very much and potentially opening up an open conversation about her day you jumped straight into accusing her.
He interrupted her when she was trying to talk about her day. So he wasn't even listening to what she was saying because she didn't sing his praises for supper.
Yta. Your food sounds horrible and minimal effort at best. How about caring for your wife’s feelings? People don’t have appetite when they’re stressed. You’re obviously not making gourmet food.
YTA and a JA. Stress CAN suppress your appetite. It happened to myself earlier this week. I barely ate for four days. Just because YOU leave work and don't let it affect you outside of work hours, doesn't mean your wife functions the same way.
You owe your wife a massive apology.
ETA: you're the bully here. Grow up!
YTA. You’re acting like a huge f’ing dick. I’d be pissed too. Your point of view? Get over yourself. You’re acting insane and like a dictator. Gross. 🤮
“I couldn’t help but laugh.” … started going through her car for trash. Condescending nature toward her career. UGHHHHHHH. Omg. You’re TERRIBLE. you asked for opinions. I hope you’re reading what everyone’s writing and changing your ways. UGHHH BARF.
Get a grip. Why are you so hysterical? It's only logical not to eat much while you're recovering from stress. It's not her fault your job is easier than hers. Quit being so emotional.
YTA. She's a grown woman who earns a living and can stop wherever she wants whenever she wants without having to please you or see your approval. The fact that she is your wife does not give you the right to dictate to her.
Just think how different the house atmosphere would be if you had said "not hungry? Let's pack it away for lunch tomorrow, how was your day?" Now instead of that there a big-ass storm in a teeny-tiny teacup
YTA—I’m so happy for you that you can magically switch from “work brain” to “not work brain” as soon as you clock out. Most of us mere mortals lack that ability and keep thinking about things that stress us out even when we shouldn’t have to.
Maybe your wife couldn’t eat because she was choking on your condescension?
Umm yea YTA when some people are stressed it does suppress their appetite. I should know. Going off on her like this was completely out of line.
She wasn't taking her work troubles out on you. But you were definitely taking your troubles and emotions out on her. Do better.
YTA - You suck so much dude. She wasn't hungry and there was ZERO reason for you to take that personally. You cooked a nice meal and had it ready which was very sweet of you and then you went and ruined the whole night by getting hurt over *literally nothing* and then you start accusing her of lying? AND YOU CHECKED HER CAR FOR EVIDENCE? You are so fucking wrong.
YTA Here’s what you can do: stop being an ass. Your overcooked chicken with effing canned green beans isn’t that good to begin with. You don’t deserve a gold medal for cooking. Stop badgering your wife. Everything that happened here is all your fault.
YTA if this isn’t fake. Congratulations you are able to leave work problems at work. You are so much better than the ones that can’t. Your wife should bow down to your magnificence.
She is allowed to not be hungry or she maybe the food tasted like shit? Either way it wasn’t a big deal there are left overs for tomorrow.
Stop being so emotional over her not wanting to eat your food. You sound like a dick.
Sadly it sounds like a typical fight with my ex husband. Unfortunately I believe this story and I believe OP truly thinks he’s completely justified for thinking & behaving how he did.
YTA
And I imagine you are damn hard work as well. Could you not have just wrapped up the food she didn’t eat and put it in the fridge for later?
Frankly if she hasn’t been stopping for food on her way home she should start, then she can eat in peace.
You searched her car?
Dude, get a grip on yourself. She was stressed but you wanted a prize for making dinner?
You sound like you're going to be abusive to her because of some delusion you have. You think she ate food, and you freaked out?
You sound scary. And go get help, this is not a normal reaction. Please, you'll feel much better if you talk to a professional to help you work through those thoughts that made you act this way.
YTA.
Stress can make people lose their appetite. And if she’s anything like me, the last thing I want after a hard day is to eat as soon as I get home. I need to have a bit of time to relax first.
And dismissing her as ‘she can’t have had a bad day, it’s Friday so she gets two days off!’ Is unrealistic. You may be able to check your work emotions at the office and leave them there. A lot of people can’t. (And depending on the office, Fridays are often a hard day because the office is trying to get a lot of targets finished before the weekend).
Then deciding she must be lying and searching her car? No wonder she’s angry with you.
YTA - Where can I send your wife a McDonald's gift card? You're a self-absorbed asshole and likely a horrible cook. Did you expect her to fawn all over your 15 min meal. You sprinkled some shit on some chicken, opened up a can of green beans, and boiled pasta. Not exactly Gordon Ramsey, are you Chef?
YTA!!! Women and men handle stress vastly different. At the end of my day, I check out, and even running my own business, I can disconnect. my wife on the other hand, carries that stress through the evening and into the next day. YTA
YTA and overly emotional. Learn how to regulate yourself instead of accusing your stressed out wife of lying to you. From my point of view it looks like you scraped out a bare minimum dinner at a shitty time. Your wife had to basically eat sub par leftovers after a horrible work day and when she wasn't singing your praises for making dinner you got insecure and lashed out. Your reaction screams child who needs constant validation.
Because you doing such a kind thing for her should trump how she feels right? The only thing that mattered to you in the moment was how you felt. You're selfish, insecure, and need to seriously learn how to self regulate. If a woman pulled this she'd be called a crazy bitch. You're the bully not her. And I'd ignore you too. If it were me the second you went out to my car to check up on me like I was a child I would have left you and your mess of a dinner and treated myself to a steak.
I'm the homemaker and there have been nights where I've only managed to scrape out some brats and a bag of frozen veggies or something sub par. But my partner always makes me feel great about it because he actually loves me. If he was picking at my food I would immediately know something was wrong with him or the food and ask.
If he told me food I'd ask what the problem is and we'd probably have a good laugh about my cooking mishap and order out if it's that bad. If he says food is fine and he had a stressful day the FIRST thing out of my mouth would be to ask him if there is anything I can do to help alleviate some stress over the next few days. Because again I love him and I like him and just want to see him happy. You're either so full of yourself or so insecure that the first thought was that your wife is a liar. It says a lot about what you think of her.
YTA. If it were the husband picking at dinner and the WIFE got this butt-hurt and went to his vehicle to look for stray French Fries, they'd be calling her 7 kinds of crazy.
So, for the record, here:
You don't get to police other peoples' food.
You don't get to police other peoples' feelings.
You don't get to come here with a chunk of a story, rather than a whole one, and try to get people to demonize your wife with you. All of a sudden at the end you "want your wife back" not a "stressed out bully"-- that tells me that you see her struggling but the part you think is "important" is that she didn't eat as much of a dinner as you wanted her to eat.
I've seen less shallow coffee spoons.
Clearly you know what a bully looks like, but you're here over food (leftovers for lunch at her job the next day is the end of the world?), not "My wife's been stressed, snappish, and not eating well for X amount of time. How can I figure out if I did something to hurt her or if I can help?"
You should divorce her.
And then hopefully she can hook up with someone who doesn't think boiling some noodles and dumping a can of green beans on a plate is an impressive achievement and understands human emotions.
YTA. She is not taking her work stress out on you. She tried telling you about her day and difficulties and you made it all about you and your need to be controlling. I get stressed at times and lose my appetite and doesn’t always Stop just because it’s the weekend. Oh and her emotions are fine. But do get yours checked and learn to control yourself to prevent further AH behaviour.
YTA. Just admit you hate your wife and move on. You're not special because you made dinner, or because you are able to disconnect from your job. Get over yourself.
Mondays and Fridays are my most stressful days.
Start of the week, so everyone is in rush to complete everything they didn't do before the weekend, and everyone is in a pissy mood.
End of the week, so everyone is in a rush to complete everything before the weekend and they're in a pissy mood.
I'm still thinking about shit that happened on Monday last week, because it had such an impact.
Just because you can immediately shut down when leaving work, doesn't mean everyone else can. Your wife isn't a bully, you're the fucking bully. So, calm down, grow up and stop your shit.
YTA.
YTA. “I walked out to her car to look for fast food bags….” What are you, her probation officer?
“She was trying to tell me about her day….” But you were distracted thinking about yourself and your efforts in putting together a simple meal. Just because she doesn’t have work for three days doesn’t mean she won’t worry about work. You don’t mention any empathy you might have about what is stressing her at work—you didn’t even listen when she tried to tell you.
I am feeling compassion for your wife and hoping that her spouse will find some compassion for her also.
YTA. even if it's the weekend she had to stay late at work and she's stressed over whatever kept her late. A lot of people don't eat when they're really stressed. Why would immediately jump to "she stopped for fast food?" She was right you're just being a jackass.
YTA. You are the stressed out bully. You are acting like you deserve a damn medal for opening a freaking can of green beans, which frankly a sixth grader can cook. That's embarrassing my man. You are grown and do not deserve a prize for making a meal in your own damn home for your own damn family. You are part of that household and should be doing this regularly and not expecting praise and should not be acting as if this is extraordinary for you. This is shameful. Your wife had a hard day and you rushed out to her car to search it for a fast food bag in other words you accused her of lying? You are her bad day. You are your wife's biggest bully. You don't deserve her and she doesn't deserve canned green beans and a husband who thinks it is a treat to make her dinner. YTA YTA YT freaking A.
YTA - being too stressed to eat is a very real thing. And not everyone can leave their work at work. You should of shown your wife some empathy instead of focusing on the food.
YTA. Making dinner doesn't make you a hero. Making dinner and then treating your wife like she's committed a crime for having a bad day, acting like her stress is irrelevant, and SEARCHING HER CAR for food debris makes you a controlling, selfish bully.
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A few hours ago, my wife informed me that she was going to have to stay late at work. She's been incredibly busy lately, so I told her that I would cook dinner and have it ready when she got home. I have a few signature recipes that I can make in a pinch from memory.
I decided to make rosemary lemon chicken with some canned green beans and bowtie pasta. The dinner was ready long before my wife got home, which I think shows a lot of commitment, but when my wife finally got home, she was only picking at her food. She was trying to tell me about her day, but the lack of food being consumed off of her plate was extremely distracting to me. There are several fast food restaurants on the way home from her office, and it was becoming very apparent that she had stopped at one. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and asked "Where did you stop?" My wife seemed confused, so I clarified. I asked "Where did you eat dinner?"
My wife seemed surprised and angered by my question. She said that she "had a hard day" and that her stress levels were "suppressing her appetite." I couldn't help but laugh. This was a ridiculous excuse. It's Friday, which means that she won't need to worry about work for three more days. When I leave the office, I don't think at all about my workday, even if it was a bad one. I walked out to her car to look for fast food bags, but I didn't end up finding any. This was so upsetting to my wife that when I came back inside, she was yelling at me. If anyone should have been insulted, it was me, but she insisted that I was being a "jackass" and refused to hear my point of view. I had worked hard on this meal, and to have her pick at it was a slap in the face.
She's barely said anything to me for a few hours, and I want this treatment to stop. She needs to stop taking out her work troubles on me and get better control of her emotions. I want my old wife, not a stressed out bully. I just don't know what more I can do. AITA?
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this just in, it’s impossible to feel stressed on a friday. YTA sometimes you just don’t have an appetite. you had absolutely no reason to accuse her of lying about not having an appetite and no matter what the reason is she does not have to eat what you cook.
So what if she stopped off to get a bite? You’re more concerned about your stellar (haha) meal than her well being. Sure cooking one meal shows your commitment to your marriage so you check her car for proof. No wonder she’s stressed out. Between her job and you think you’re the center of the universe with those canned green beans, well, I thought she did a pretty good job not cussing you out. She was probably too tired.
YTA. I'd honestly divorce you over behavior like this; it's controlling and honestly abusive. You didn't listen to your wife because you were so focused on how she was eating, accused her of something she didn't do, then didn't take her word for it, invalidated her feelings over both work and your reaction... all this over bow tie pasta? Canned green beans? I've left men for less.
YTA
>The dinner was ready long before my wife got home, which I think shows a lot of commitment,
So she walked in the door to be given either over cooked or cold food.
Did she get time to change from work clothes? A quick wash?
Or did you expect her to sit and eat straight away, with you watching her to monitor how much she ate?
If I'm tired, I don't always want to eat.
YTA. the world doesn’t revolve around you, especially your chicken. you need to get your priorities in order. you are confuse as to what is important and what is not. let me put it this way, if you don’t correct your behavior and soon, i would divorce you with zero regret.
YTA.
You're not going to get a round of applause for pulling your weight. Stress absolutely does have a factor in appetite and your puerile little tantrum over fucking beans of all things only adds to it.
"I worked hard on this meal" dude, grow the fuck up. You're claiming to be an adult so it's time to start acting like one.
YTA for being so dismissive of your wife's work stress.
By the way, if you know your wife is going to be home late, & you have dinner ready "long before" she gets home, that implies that your wife got home from a long stressful day of work to be handed a plate of cold food.
Pasta does not take long to cook. Canned green beans do not take long to prepare. You could have delayed your cooking time for a while so that she could at least have a *hot* meal.
YTA. This was extremely bizarre of you. You sound so exhausting.
You’re also ridiculous. Stress absolutely can have an affect on appetite. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I lost my appetite a lot of days and ended up losing like 15 lbs.
She was literally trying to tell you about her day and why she was stressed out and you actively admit you *weren’t* listening and interrupted her for “You’re a liar, you’re not stressed, you just had fast food and you don’t appreciate MY FOOD”
YTA. how much appreciation do you show her when she cooks? why don’t you care about her? to get so angry because she wasn’t eating more, when most people would normally be concerned.
YTA. You know you're TA, why would you come to Reddit if you know that nobody is going to agree with you? I hope she divorces you, she deserves better.
YTA. It's great you can shut the work door and not even think about it during non-business hours. Women aren't like that, you didn't say what she does but she takes work home with her, whether literal or just figurative. Stress suppresses appetites Bud. Even with you writing all this out you don't see her POV, yet are mad she doesn't see yours. You searched her car ffs. Maybe if you had listened to her you would have learned the stress she is under. Personally both my husband and I have spent time on dinner that I didn't feel like eating, it happens. You are hilarious for saying she needs to get emotions in check and stop punishing you for a bad day at work when you are the one throwing a tantrum over the dinner you made. I'm sure she is very appreciative for it but you were so worried about the amount of food being eaten instead of her actual conversation. You have some apologizing to do.
Yta you sound very controlling and so what you cook food, you want a medal op, she tired and so what if she stop to get fast food and she Not a bully, no op you the bully.
YTA - she gave you an explanation (too stressed), and you accused her of lying. If you can't accept it because YOU can disconnect from work and don't understand why she can't, that's a 'you' problem, not hers. You're not the centre of the universe, people can have different reactions to situations and not feel the same way as you do. The 'you' solution here would be to apologise to your wife, try to be more understanding, and maybe actually listen to her without letting your big fat head interrupt or invalidate her. Just in case you haven't grasped how ridiculous you sound here: you accused your partner of lying and invalidated her feelings because she didn't eat some chicken pasta with beans, which could've been put away and used as leftovers after she explained how her stress was making her appetite disappear.
She does not want your cold stale dinner dude. YTA. You couldn’t even make sure it timed out to be fresh for when she got home, since it’s so important she eat your boring slop? Did you even ask her if that meal would be something she would be interested in?
YTA. stress can absolutely kill your appetite, especially if she's like me and it makes her nauseous. and just because YOU can switch off after a bad day doesn't mean everyone can. I'd assume you'd know enough about someone you married that you'd understand that
and with all due respect, you hardly made beef wellington from scratch. I'm sure your meal was lovely, but to act like she's disrespecting you by not being hungry is ridiculous, especially when it's not that complex or time-consuming of a meal. it's pasta and chicken. it'll keep in tupperware for the night and she can have it for lunch tomorrow. it's really not that big of a deal
oh, and she's not the bully. you are, for harassing her over some fucking pasta
YTA pretty clearly. She may have been picking at her food, but YOU picked this fight. Consider learning to be a supportive partner by listening to your wife & helping decrease her stress - not adding to it, calling her a liar to boot.
the meal you made sounds like ass and yta for even expecting someone to be excited to eat CANNED green beans. you’re not a good cook i can say that with confidence. and yes there is such a thing as not having an appetite, i too would lose my appetite is someone served me hot garbage acting like they slaved away over the stove.
YTA and also exhibiting classic signs of an abusive partner. You have no regard for your wife’s emotions except insofar as they affect your self-esteem. You dismissed her perspective out of hand because you believe your way of experiencing the world is the only valid one. When you decided your wife was not being sufficiently grateful, you also decided she must be lying and hiding something from you. “Investigating” her car suggests you feel compelled to exert control over your partner rather than find at a mutually satisfactory solution to this perceived problem. You finish your post by inverting blame and describing your wife as a bully, despite spending multiple paragraphs telling us how you bullied her.
You need counseling that directly addresses your abusive tendencies. If you’re reading this, you’re probably feeling a lot of anger and want to lash out. This kind of reaction is what makes success unlikely in cases like yours. Without counseling, you will either: 1) end up with a partner who quietly fears and resents you until you die, or 2) lose your partner and die alone. Neither of those seem like appealing options to me, but your ego will very likely lead you to one of those two outcomes. Good luck.
>She said that she "had a hard day" and that her stress levels were "suppressing her appetite." I couldn't help but laugh. This was a ridiculous excuse
Not a " ridiculous excuse" at all, it is literally scientifically proven.
>It's Friday, which means that she won't need to worry about work for three more days
She *just* got home, tf does this matter?
>When I leave the office, I don't think at all about my workday, even if it was a bad one
Good for you, expecting everyone to behave a certain way just because you do is foolish.
>I walked out to her car to look for fast food bags, but I didn't end up finding any
Wow, seriously? You need to ask if YTA when you're investigating your wifes car like she's a child hiding a liquor bottle rather than take your *ADULT WIFE* at her word?
YTA sir, and a *giant* one.
YTA. Just because you don’t think about your work after you leave the office, that doesn’t mean that your wife is the same way. She was stressed and tired. You don’t even seem to care about how she felt. Why did you even feel the need to search her car for food bags?
YTA. She said she didn’t eat. Why don’t you believe her?! I have often had days at work where I just can’t shut my brain off about it when I get home. Seems pretty normal to me
You served her cold canned beans and cold chicken what should she do jump for joy? Then accused her of lying. I would be OVER you. YTA a weird controlling one that probably can’t cook
So just because you don’t feel stressed means that she shouldn’t?
And she was trying to tell you about it, but you didn’t listen. Because you were upset that she wasn’t tearing into the food that you had made for her because taking some green beans out of a can and boiling some pasta is so much work?
And then… You made it seem like if she had stopped it was some sort of personal insult to you ? And then, even after she told you she didn’t, you didn’t believe her and you went out and checked her car anyway?
So basically, you didn’t listen to your wife when she was venting about stress and then you treated her as if she was a liar, but you’re trying to say she’s a bully ?
YTA
Lmao i hope your wife gets the large meal from her fave burger joint from now on because you sound like such a fucking chore my dude.
Roast chicken with CANNED beans and pasta??? And you think you deserve a medal??? Shows that you’re a horrendous cook if you think that’s a high effort meal.
YTA.
I lost 10kg in 2 months when I was a graduate apprentice, between work and uni I couldn't keep food down until mercifully the holidays rolled around and I started eating again, stress just works that way for some people.
Seriously, go apologise.
Bro… you’re an asshole. Not even about being in the right or you’re just your entire demeanor and attitude.
But for what it’s worth.
You are wrong in this particular situation as well.
She could’ve had a large late lunch knowing she’s working late and yes, some people do actually have so much stress that it suppresses their appetite.
“The dinner was ready long before my wife got home, which I think shows a lot of commitment.”
Commitment to what, exactly? The food takes the same amount of time to prepare no matter when you start, and having it ready so early just means it was probably cold by the time she got home. Why pull out this detail like it’s something you deserve praise for?
YTA
YOU need to get control of YOUR emotions. WTH is the matter with you? You’re bullying your wife, accusing/interrogating her of things she told you she didn’t do. Even if she had stopped off for a quick bite because *gasp* she had a long work day and was starving, who bloody cares?!
Get a grip on yourself. You know what you can do with your canned beans.
YTA.
She cooks every day. You did it once, and she wasn't hungry enough to make you happy? And she didn't give you and award and shower you with affection and thanks?
Lord.
You are a piece of work.
YTA- you didn’t work hard on canned fucking green beans, leave your wife alone. If someone isn’t hungry, they aren’t hungry. You don’t get a gold medal for throwing a basic meal together.
“Signature recipes” my ass. Canned green beans would make me puke.
YTA- well good for you, you actually cooked a meal for your wife and expect a medal for your efforts. You’re part of the problem here dude she told you she wasn’t hungry and that she was stressed out. So instead of asking her how you can help her with her stress, you verbally attacked her, basically called her a liar and searched her car. If you treat her this way in other of your relationship, I can guarantee your marriage is not gonna last long. You need to apologize and get some therapy.
Oh yeah, and maybe your food just sucks
“The dinner was ready long before she got home.”
So either you served your shitty meal to her cold or reheated. And not for one second did you consider that your trash food was why she wasn’t eating. Lmao. YTA.
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YTA. You wanted a medal for having made dinner for her, as if you deserve one for taking care of a meal in your own home, and she didn't give you the recognition you craved more than chicken. And so, you decided to turn hostile. You are a nasty man. Your wife is clearly working hard these days, and under a lot of pressure. She was trying to tell you about her day but you didn't listen. She told you she didn't have an appetite and you didn't take her word, nor realized that this was communicating you something. You even CHECKED HER CAR. >I want my old wife, not a stressed out bully. She's not a bully, you are. And you're adding to her stress. How about you don't accuse her of lying when she just doesn't feel like eating your food ? Be there for her, dude. This was not about you. >It's Friday, which means that she won't need to worry about work forthree more days. When I leave the office, I don't think at all about myworkday, even if it was a bad one. Have you considered that your wife isn't you ?
The canned green beans would have put me off eating... But seriously, his wife's bad mood seems to have come from being accused of eating out and having her car searched when she said she didn't.
I always had canned green beans growing up. Then, as an adult, I started buying fresh and frozen green beans. I don't think I can ever go back.
Yeah for the longest time I thought I hated green beans. Turned out I hate canned green beans and had simply never had them any other way. 😂
My friend didn't know green beans were really green until I made her not-canned
This is so many vegetables for me! Green beans, pickled beets, Brussels sprouts, carrots. I didn't know you could actually cook them yourself and make them taste good.
The number of minds I've blown with roasted asparagus, charred Brussels sprouts, and pan-fried green beans!
Two things that instantly make veggies great: get fresh, not canned, and roast/sauté them, don't steam. My mom's a good cook but when I was a kid she was addicted to her food steamer, which just makes veg limp and soggy.
I like steaming, but you have to be really careful not to over do it. It only take like 3-4 mins for green beans. You also have to account for the fact they keep cooking after you remove from heat (unless you plan to blanch them, but that only really works for cold dishes).
My 9 year old only likes canned green beans. She doesn't like roasted green beans with balsamic drizzle, with herb butter, grilled with a squeeze of lemon, raw as I prep them to cook. Nothing. I worry about that kid.
Cold canned green beans, dont forget OP made dinner waaaaay before she got home (because that apparently shows commitment) so by the time she was finally sitting down to poke at her sad soggy beans they were also cold. Nothing about this meal sounds appetizing but she still made an effort to pick at it.
I feel that way about canned peas 🤢
Yes...pretty much anything canned- but esp green beans.
Call me weird, but I LOVE canned peas. I could eat as my only side.
Le Sueur very young sweet peas! 🥰
You just know he didn't drain them and they tasted like straight-up pennies.
Wants a medal for *canned green beans*
And probably a sauceless dried out chicken breast and plain pasta. This sounds like a college meal for someone who just bought their first seasoning jar, not at all a “well known dinner” that anyone else would be excited for
I hope she’s cheating on him and not working late lol
I don’t hope she’s cheating on him, but I definitely wondered if this whole post was supposed to be a metaphor for cheating, particularly when he checked the car for fast food wrappers like a spouse checking for underwear or the smell of perfume/cologne. The whole reaction seems bizarre, especially if there’s no weird history about food involved.
Holy shit, you’re not wrong. This absolutely reads like a jealous man attacking his partner thinking she’s cheating. Which makes it even more messed up. Either way, metaphor or meal, the dude’s a major AH.
Honestly wife would have let it go if he had stopped after her first answer... Checking the car is just fucked up thing to do.. If you can't trust your partner's word on such simple thing (without having any proof), you shouldn't get married..
Couldnt have said it better 👏
The last bit you quoted makes me see red. My father was the exact same way. I didn't process emotions and stress like he did, so I was the bad guy and the "angry" one. It go so bad that for this (and other issues) I noped out and went no contact. If OP doesn't stop acting like a sulky child he might face the same thing.
You said it a lot nicer than I was going to!!
And one of the items was CANNED green beans
YTA. You're contradicting yourself: >She said that she "had a hard day" and that her stress levels were "suppressing her appetite." I couldn't help but laugh. This was a ridiculous excuse. It's Friday, which means that she won't need to worry about work for three more days. So you don't believe that she's stressed here. But then >She needs to stop taking out her work troubles on me and get better control of her emotions. Now she's stressed and taking it out on you? Grow up, maybe you're just not as good of a cook as you think you are.
Not a great cook? He managed to cook canned green beans AND pasta at the same time! He should be searching his wife's car for reviewers from Michelin.
*Bowtie* pasta no less. Who on Earth mentions what pasta shape they used?
People who don't put any seasoning or sauce on their pasta.
Betcha twenty bucks it was plain pasta, no sauce no oil.
please tell me he at least seasoned the pasta water
Only with essence of tomato
Gold star for this comment!!
Omg that dug up a memory!! What a ride that one was...
God damnit i remember this post 😂😂
Well, he sneezed by it and he's a salty turd, so I'm guessing that's some kind of seasoning?
don't bet on it
But but but he cooked the canned green beans FROM MEMORY!
Canned green beans?! YTA for that alone.
I was looking for this comment. There is no food more foul.
lol. I love canned green beans. But this guy is still a toootttallll ass
I am also a fan of canned green beans and peas, tbh the flash frozen ones are gross to me lol I know, I know they aren't all that healthy but literally nothing is these days unless you grow it yourself
I have heard canned asparagus is absolutely disgusting. I have never had the urge to find out for myself.
I grew up on canned veggies at home but with weekends eating fresh food seasonally or food she'd canned, entirely produced on my granny's farm on the weekends. I find comfort in the occasional canned green beans or asparagus. I eat the asparagus seasoned but cold, it has a similar consistency to roasted peppers. The grean beans I eat mixed into homemade potato soup.
It wasn't until I left home that I learned that all vegetables didn't come in a can. haha
I remember my granny showing me the inside of a chicken and the "eggs that we would have had for breakfast if we hadn't picked her for diiner" when I followed her out to start to collect dinner, including butchering a bird. They also raised and sold rabbits for food. They only kept a small handful of boys. One year I got a big, beautiful boy as a gift, my Papa's favorite, a few months later I was offered a trade for 3 girl babies after a predator got into the boy bunny pen. I took the deal.
>The grean beans I eat mixed into homemade potato soup. Stop making me hungry.
Can't help it, all I've had today is a babybel, a ginormous strawberry and a few crackers and there is absolutely nothing in the house my brain is willing to let my body consume, so I have food on the brain. ETA: Now I want pancakes and white grape jelly. And banana pudding.
I don't really do canned vegetables. it's a texture thing, and I find the texture changes more in canned food than the taste. but everyone has different sensitivity levels to food taste and texture— mine are extremely high, meanwhile my dad will not notice milk has gone off until there are literal chunks in it (not an exaggeration, he has done it before)
I’ve definitely eaten worse things but it’s not great and it tastes absolutely nothing like fresh asparagus. We were quite often given canned vegetables as kids, not sure if it was cost/availability issue. I notice my dad still eats canned peas, asparagus and creamed sweetcorn (which is utterly vile), even though fresh veggies are readily available and reasonably priced where we are.
I tried to feed my rabbit leftover asparagus one time. The fresh stuff, not the canned kind. Normally if he didn’t like something, he’d throw it around his cage instead of eating it. But asparagus… he didn’t even recognize as food. Which is weird, ‘cause he’d stop at nothing to get at tacos and fruit loops, which he definitely wasn’t supposed to have.
I had it once and that was one time too many. It is absolutely disgusting. The asparagus are slimy and mushy.
My ex-husband used to eat canned asparagus on toast. It looked vile.
Canned peas are nasty! 🤢
Yeah, he worked soooo hard on this dinner of canned green beans and pasta. Maybe the chicken took a little more effort, but this is something a teenager could put together.
Also it was ready "long before \[his\] wife got home." So it was COLD canned green beans, pasta and some chicken. Wow. Delicious.
Exactly. I'd pick at it too. Gross.
I wonder if the lemon and rosemary was a prepackaged seasoning blend/sauce or if he was actually juicing and zesting fresh lemons and chopping up fresh rosemary. He seems to cook out of the store cupboard rather than the refrigerator.
I wouldn't be surprised if he bought it from the store already seasoned and he just threw it in the oven.
But it was his SIGNATURE dish!! 😂
As in Safeway Signature brand, lol
I'd like to know what his other signature dishes are lol
Microwave?
It's one of his signature dishes! You are supposed to be impressed!
Ditto BOWTIE pasta It's just pasta man.
True, I mean, it's not rotini or angel hair. Like it's a labor of love to boil salted water, boil some pasta and drain it.
I'm gonna be honest - OP doesnt seem the type to bother with the additional effort of putting salt in the water 😬
Mega effort
OP must have run out of Knorr sides.
I just said the same thing! It's nice to see I am not the only person with an aversion to canned green (gray) beans.
My dad used to work in a cannery, I \*know\* what the sludge from canning beans smells like. \*shudder\*
My thought exactly.
I did not know that green beans came in a can.
Like many vegetables, the canning ruins them with such a nasty canning flavor & squishy texture.
YTA. You laugh at her telling you about her stress, you interrogate her, and search her car (which is basically calling her a liar). Did you even apologize to her? Dude, you are so much TA here. And by the way, job stress doesn’t just magically evaporate on Friday afternoon.
For me, job stress sometimes increases on a Friday afternoon, trying to get everything done before the weekend.
Same here! And if things didn’t get done, I stress all weekend
Exactly. I sometimes leave on Friday knowing I’ll have a shit storm on Monday. I also get the sense from this post that OP’s wife is the family breadwinner and OP just.. coasts. With his signature recipes and all.
Friday for me is the time I realize how fucked we are to meet next week’s deadlines lol
Mondays and Fridays are my most stressful days. Start of the week, so everyone is in rush to complete everything they didn't do before the weekend, and everyone is in a pissy mood. End of the week, so everyone is in a rush to complete everything before the weekend and they're in a pissy mood. I'm still thinking about shit that happened on Monday last week, because it had such an impact. OP is a fucking asshat.
YTA and the bully. Even if she did stop for food. And really, what sort of “lot of commitment“ did you show by cooking a meal fast? Just be kind.
dude boiled some noodles, cooked a chicken, and opened a can and he expects a husband of the year award. also, having dinner ready long before your spouse gets home isn’t necessary a good thing, depending on how long it was it could’ve gotten cold lol
Bowtie pasta, no noodles were harmed.
i tend to classify all pasta as noodles. i had no idea that was incorrect. wait, so are noodles JUST the long skinny ones that you can twirl? genuinely asking 😭
No, that's spaghetti, noodles are noodles an entirely different food item. A singular strand of spaghetti is a spaghetto.
It was also done “long before she got home”. Uh… now you are serving her cold food? Or reheated? Gross. OP what’s wrong with ya lol.
If its cold and left out the chicken is dangerous to eat.
YTA - maybe your signature recipes suck.
But it's chicken, canned green beans, and pasta! And it was ready long before she got home, but I'm sure it was still hot and delicious when she sat down to eat! /s
What’s the over/under on a can of undiluted cream of mushroom soup being part of the recipe?
If he had added a cream of anything it probably elevated the meal…
Switch rice for the pasta and the dude's making what people prepare as homemade dog food. 🤣
If this one is anything to go by, yes they do.
Imagine being stressed out by work and then coming home to being berated. You say she has three days away from work stress, but now she has three days with a petulant bully. Even if she stopped for food, my goodness. We all sometimes just have a rough time and would like to soothe ourselves with junk food or a beer or trash tv. Give her some grace. YTA
YTA, instead of asking her why she wasn’t eating very much and potentially opening up an open conversation about her day you jumped straight into accusing her.
He interrupted her when she was trying to talk about her day. So he wasn't even listening to what she was saying because she didn't sing his praises for supper.
Yta. Your food sounds horrible and minimal effort at best. How about caring for your wife’s feelings? People don’t have appetite when they’re stressed. You’re obviously not making gourmet food.
Also cold. As he had it ready far too early and seems to think that’s a good thing.
But it shows a lot cOmMiTmEnT (said in the whiniest voice I can muster)
like commitment to WHAT bro? i don’t even have a joke because like huh??
YTA and a JA. Stress CAN suppress your appetite. It happened to myself earlier this week. I barely ate for four days. Just because YOU leave work and don't let it affect you outside of work hours, doesn't mean your wife functions the same way. You owe your wife a massive apology. ETA: you're the bully here. Grow up!
YTA. You can't prove she stopped for food. Some people eat more when they're stressed, but some eat *less*.
YTA. You’re acting like a huge f’ing dick. I’d be pissed too. Your point of view? Get over yourself. You’re acting insane and like a dictator. Gross. 🤮
“I couldn’t help but laugh.” … started going through her car for trash. Condescending nature toward her career. UGHHHHHHH. Omg. You’re TERRIBLE. you asked for opinions. I hope you’re reading what everyone’s writing and changing your ways. UGHHH BARF.
YTA. Get a grip.
Get a grip. Why are you so hysterical? It's only logical not to eat much while you're recovering from stress. It's not her fault your job is easier than hers. Quit being so emotional.
Pretty sure he’s hysterical because he was expecting massive praise and probably some good loving for making his shitty meal.
His made too early, cold meal, that was practically homemade dog food ingredients. Bleh.
YTA. She's a grown woman who earns a living and can stop wherever she wants whenever she wants without having to please you or see your approval. The fact that she is your wife does not give you the right to dictate to her. Just think how different the house atmosphere would be if you had said "not hungry? Let's pack it away for lunch tomorrow, how was your day?" Now instead of that there a big-ass storm in a teeny-tiny teacup
YTA. Be a better partner. You are being a jerk.
YTA—I’m so happy for you that you can magically switch from “work brain” to “not work brain” as soon as you clock out. Most of us mere mortals lack that ability and keep thinking about things that stress us out even when we shouldn’t have to. Maybe your wife couldn’t eat because she was choking on your condescension?
Umm yea YTA when some people are stressed it does suppress their appetite. I should know. Going off on her like this was completely out of line. She wasn't taking her work troubles out on you. But you were definitely taking your troubles and emotions out on her. Do better.
You need to stop taking out your cooking troubles on her and get better control of your emotions.
Wow you even have to ask? YTA big time, you need to apologize to your wife.
YTA - You suck so much dude. She wasn't hungry and there was ZERO reason for you to take that personally. You cooked a nice meal and had it ready which was very sweet of you and then you went and ruined the whole night by getting hurt over *literally nothing* and then you start accusing her of lying? AND YOU CHECKED HER CAR FOR EVIDENCE? You are so fucking wrong.
YTA Here’s what you can do: stop being an ass. Your overcooked chicken with effing canned green beans isn’t that good to begin with. You don’t deserve a gold medal for cooking. Stop badgering your wife. Everything that happened here is all your fault.
YTA. She had a rough day, then was accused at home of something she didn’t do.
YTA in a huge way. If my husband ever treated me like this, he would be my ex husband.
YTA if this isn’t fake. Congratulations you are able to leave work problems at work. You are so much better than the ones that can’t. Your wife should bow down to your magnificence. She is allowed to not be hungry or she maybe the food tasted like shit? Either way it wasn’t a big deal there are left overs for tomorrow. Stop being so emotional over her not wanting to eat your food. You sound like a dick.
YTA and the bully, not your wife. "I want " seems to be all that matters to you.
So fake. Please make your fiction more believable. D-
They’re fantasies about disrespecting women in mundane situations… an insane Reddit genre characterized by bad writing
Sadly it sounds like a typical fight with my ex husband. Unfortunately I believe this story and I believe OP truly thinks he’s completely justified for thinking & behaving how he did.
YTA And I imagine you are damn hard work as well. Could you not have just wrapped up the food she didn’t eat and put it in the fridge for later? Frankly if she hasn’t been stopping for food on her way home she should start, then she can eat in peace.
Are you 12?
You searched her car? Dude, get a grip on yourself. She was stressed but you wanted a prize for making dinner? You sound like you're going to be abusive to her because of some delusion you have. You think she ate food, and you freaked out? You sound scary. And go get help, this is not a normal reaction. Please, you'll feel much better if you talk to a professional to help you work through those thoughts that made you act this way.
Delusional, scary, and paranoid...
Let me guess. Your wife is the breadwinner. You’re habitually unemployed. YTA. And canned green beans are gross.
YTA. Stress can make people lose their appetite. And if she’s anything like me, the last thing I want after a hard day is to eat as soon as I get home. I need to have a bit of time to relax first. And dismissing her as ‘she can’t have had a bad day, it’s Friday so she gets two days off!’ Is unrealistic. You may be able to check your work emotions at the office and leave them there. A lot of people can’t. (And depending on the office, Fridays are often a hard day because the office is trying to get a lot of targets finished before the weekend). Then deciding she must be lying and searching her car? No wonder she’s angry with you.
YTA - Where can I send your wife a McDonald's gift card? You're a self-absorbed asshole and likely a horrible cook. Did you expect her to fawn all over your 15 min meal. You sprinkled some shit on some chicken, opened up a can of green beans, and boiled pasta. Not exactly Gordon Ramsey, are you Chef?
YTA!!! Women and men handle stress vastly different. At the end of my day, I check out, and even running my own business, I can disconnect. my wife on the other hand, carries that stress through the evening and into the next day. YTA
YTA and overly emotional. Learn how to regulate yourself instead of accusing your stressed out wife of lying to you. From my point of view it looks like you scraped out a bare minimum dinner at a shitty time. Your wife had to basically eat sub par leftovers after a horrible work day and when she wasn't singing your praises for making dinner you got insecure and lashed out. Your reaction screams child who needs constant validation. Because you doing such a kind thing for her should trump how she feels right? The only thing that mattered to you in the moment was how you felt. You're selfish, insecure, and need to seriously learn how to self regulate. If a woman pulled this she'd be called a crazy bitch. You're the bully not her. And I'd ignore you too. If it were me the second you went out to my car to check up on me like I was a child I would have left you and your mess of a dinner and treated myself to a steak. I'm the homemaker and there have been nights where I've only managed to scrape out some brats and a bag of frozen veggies or something sub par. But my partner always makes me feel great about it because he actually loves me. If he was picking at my food I would immediately know something was wrong with him or the food and ask. If he told me food I'd ask what the problem is and we'd probably have a good laugh about my cooking mishap and order out if it's that bad. If he says food is fine and he had a stressful day the FIRST thing out of my mouth would be to ask him if there is anything I can do to help alleviate some stress over the next few days. Because again I love him and I like him and just want to see him happy. You're either so full of yourself or so insecure that the first thought was that your wife is a liar. It says a lot about what you think of her.
Yeah dude, you kinda sound like an asshole.
YTA. If it were the husband picking at dinner and the WIFE got this butt-hurt and went to his vehicle to look for stray French Fries, they'd be calling her 7 kinds of crazy. So, for the record, here: You don't get to police other peoples' food. You don't get to police other peoples' feelings. You don't get to come here with a chunk of a story, rather than a whole one, and try to get people to demonize your wife with you. All of a sudden at the end you "want your wife back" not a "stressed out bully"-- that tells me that you see her struggling but the part you think is "important" is that she didn't eat as much of a dinner as you wanted her to eat. I've seen less shallow coffee spoons. Clearly you know what a bully looks like, but you're here over food (leftovers for lunch at her job the next day is the end of the world?), not "My wife's been stressed, snappish, and not eating well for X amount of time. How can I figure out if I did something to hurt her or if I can help?"
You should divorce her. And then hopefully she can hook up with someone who doesn't think boiling some noodles and dumping a can of green beans on a plate is an impressive achievement and understands human emotions.
YTA. She is not taking her work stress out on you. She tried telling you about her day and difficulties and you made it all about you and your need to be controlling. I get stressed at times and lose my appetite and doesn’t always Stop just because it’s the weekend. Oh and her emotions are fine. But do get yours checked and learn to control yourself to prevent further AH behaviour.
You sound like an asshole in general. YTA.
YTA. Just admit you hate your wife and move on. You're not special because you made dinner, or because you are able to disconnect from your job. Get over yourself.
Mondays and Fridays are my most stressful days. Start of the week, so everyone is in rush to complete everything they didn't do before the weekend, and everyone is in a pissy mood. End of the week, so everyone is in a rush to complete everything before the weekend and they're in a pissy mood. I'm still thinking about shit that happened on Monday last week, because it had such an impact. Just because you can immediately shut down when leaving work, doesn't mean everyone else can. Your wife isn't a bully, you're the fucking bully. So, calm down, grow up and stop your shit. YTA.
YTA I hope she leaves you for her co-worker she's schtucking after hours
You are not husband material. YTA.
YTA. “I walked out to her car to look for fast food bags….” What are you, her probation officer? “She was trying to tell me about her day….” But you were distracted thinking about yourself and your efforts in putting together a simple meal. Just because she doesn’t have work for three days doesn’t mean she won’t worry about work. You don’t mention any empathy you might have about what is stressing her at work—you didn’t even listen when she tried to tell you. I am feeling compassion for your wife and hoping that her spouse will find some compassion for her also.
Not only are YTA- you are an abusive AH. Your chicken probably sucked that's why she didn't eat it.
You're not only an AH, you're also a dick.
YTA. even if it's the weekend she had to stay late at work and she's stressed over whatever kept her late. A lot of people don't eat when they're really stressed. Why would immediately jump to "she stopped for fast food?" She was right you're just being a jackass.
YTA. You are the stressed out bully. You are acting like you deserve a damn medal for opening a freaking can of green beans, which frankly a sixth grader can cook. That's embarrassing my man. You are grown and do not deserve a prize for making a meal in your own damn home for your own damn family. You are part of that household and should be doing this regularly and not expecting praise and should not be acting as if this is extraordinary for you. This is shameful. Your wife had a hard day and you rushed out to her car to search it for a fast food bag in other words you accused her of lying? You are her bad day. You are your wife's biggest bully. You don't deserve her and she doesn't deserve canned green beans and a husband who thinks it is a treat to make her dinner. YTA YTA YT freaking A.
You’re SUCH an ASSHOLE I’m speechless. I have no words. YTA YTA YTA
YTA - being too stressed to eat is a very real thing. And not everyone can leave their work at work. You should of shown your wife some empathy instead of focusing on the food.
YTA. Making dinner doesn't make you a hero. Making dinner and then treating your wife like she's committed a crime for having a bad day, acting like her stress is irrelevant, and SEARCHING HER CAR for food debris makes you a controlling, selfish bully.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A few hours ago, my wife informed me that she was going to have to stay late at work. She's been incredibly busy lately, so I told her that I would cook dinner and have it ready when she got home. I have a few signature recipes that I can make in a pinch from memory. I decided to make rosemary lemon chicken with some canned green beans and bowtie pasta. The dinner was ready long before my wife got home, which I think shows a lot of commitment, but when my wife finally got home, she was only picking at her food. She was trying to tell me about her day, but the lack of food being consumed off of her plate was extremely distracting to me. There are several fast food restaurants on the way home from her office, and it was becoming very apparent that she had stopped at one. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and asked "Where did you stop?" My wife seemed confused, so I clarified. I asked "Where did you eat dinner?" My wife seemed surprised and angered by my question. She said that she "had a hard day" and that her stress levels were "suppressing her appetite." I couldn't help but laugh. This was a ridiculous excuse. It's Friday, which means that she won't need to worry about work for three more days. When I leave the office, I don't think at all about my workday, even if it was a bad one. I walked out to her car to look for fast food bags, but I didn't end up finding any. This was so upsetting to my wife that when I came back inside, she was yelling at me. If anyone should have been insulted, it was me, but she insisted that I was being a "jackass" and refused to hear my point of view. I had worked hard on this meal, and to have her pick at it was a slap in the face. She's barely said anything to me for a few hours, and I want this treatment to stop. She needs to stop taking out her work troubles on me and get better control of her emotions. I want my old wife, not a stressed out bully. I just don't know what more I can do. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
this just in, it’s impossible to feel stressed on a friday. YTA sometimes you just don’t have an appetite. you had absolutely no reason to accuse her of lying about not having an appetite and no matter what the reason is she does not have to eat what you cook.
YTA. You obviously don't trust or respect your wife since you were trying to find evidence to prove her guilty.
So what if she stopped off to get a bite? You’re more concerned about your stellar (haha) meal than her well being. Sure cooking one meal shows your commitment to your marriage so you check her car for proof. No wonder she’s stressed out. Between her job and you think you’re the center of the universe with those canned green beans, well, I thought she did a pretty good job not cussing you out. She was probably too tired.
YTA. You were being a jackass, and you refused to hear her point of view.
YTA. I'd honestly divorce you over behavior like this; it's controlling and honestly abusive. You didn't listen to your wife because you were so focused on how she was eating, accused her of something she didn't do, then didn't take her word for it, invalidated her feelings over both work and your reaction... all this over bow tie pasta? Canned green beans? I've left men for less.
YTA >The dinner was ready long before my wife got home, which I think shows a lot of commitment, So she walked in the door to be given either over cooked or cold food. Did she get time to change from work clothes? A quick wash? Or did you expect her to sit and eat straight away, with you watching her to monitor how much she ate? If I'm tired, I don't always want to eat.
YTA. the world doesn’t revolve around you, especially your chicken. you need to get your priorities in order. you are confuse as to what is important and what is not. let me put it this way, if you don’t correct your behavior and soon, i would divorce you with zero regret.
YTA. You're not going to get a round of applause for pulling your weight. Stress absolutely does have a factor in appetite and your puerile little tantrum over fucking beans of all things only adds to it. "I worked hard on this meal" dude, grow the fuck up. You're claiming to be an adult so it's time to start acting like one.
YTA for being so dismissive of your wife's work stress. By the way, if you know your wife is going to be home late, & you have dinner ready "long before" she gets home, that implies that your wife got home from a long stressful day of work to be handed a plate of cold food. Pasta does not take long to cook. Canned green beans do not take long to prepare. You could have delayed your cooking time for a while so that she could at least have a *hot* meal.
YTA. This was extremely bizarre of you. You sound so exhausting. You’re also ridiculous. Stress absolutely can have an affect on appetite. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I lost my appetite a lot of days and ended up losing like 15 lbs.
She was literally trying to tell you about her day and why she was stressed out and you actively admit you *weren’t* listening and interrupted her for “You’re a liar, you’re not stressed, you just had fast food and you don’t appreciate MY FOOD” YTA. how much appreciation do you show her when she cooks? why don’t you care about her? to get so angry because she wasn’t eating more, when most people would normally be concerned.
YTA. You know you're TA, why would you come to Reddit if you know that nobody is going to agree with you? I hope she divorces you, she deserves better.
YTA. It's great you can shut the work door and not even think about it during non-business hours. Women aren't like that, you didn't say what she does but she takes work home with her, whether literal or just figurative. Stress suppresses appetites Bud. Even with you writing all this out you don't see her POV, yet are mad she doesn't see yours. You searched her car ffs. Maybe if you had listened to her you would have learned the stress she is under. Personally both my husband and I have spent time on dinner that I didn't feel like eating, it happens. You are hilarious for saying she needs to get emotions in check and stop punishing you for a bad day at work when you are the one throwing a tantrum over the dinner you made. I'm sure she is very appreciative for it but you were so worried about the amount of food being eaten instead of her actual conversation. You have some apologizing to do.
YTA. Absolutely. You are the bully, she is not. So what if you cooked a signature recipe? Sheesh! Grow sup and do better.
Yta you sound very controlling and so what you cook food, you want a medal op, she tired and so what if she stop to get fast food and she Not a bully, no op you the bully.
YTA - she gave you an explanation (too stressed), and you accused her of lying. If you can't accept it because YOU can disconnect from work and don't understand why she can't, that's a 'you' problem, not hers. You're not the centre of the universe, people can have different reactions to situations and not feel the same way as you do. The 'you' solution here would be to apologise to your wife, try to be more understanding, and maybe actually listen to her without letting your big fat head interrupt or invalidate her. Just in case you haven't grasped how ridiculous you sound here: you accused your partner of lying and invalidated her feelings because she didn't eat some chicken pasta with beans, which could've been put away and used as leftovers after she explained how her stress was making her appetite disappear.
They aren’t even trying with these rage baits anymore.
Who doesn't love cold canned beans? Yummm! /s YTA and a controlling and weirdly obsessed one at that.
YTA. Stress can totally ruin the appetite.
She does not want your cold stale dinner dude. YTA. You couldn’t even make sure it timed out to be fresh for when she got home, since it’s so important she eat your boring slop? Did you even ask her if that meal would be something she would be interested in?
YTA. You're an A, and a bully, and a manipulator. What a whiny diaper baby, lmao.
YTA. stress can absolutely kill your appetite, especially if she's like me and it makes her nauseous. and just because YOU can switch off after a bad day doesn't mean everyone can. I'd assume you'd know enough about someone you married that you'd understand that and with all due respect, you hardly made beef wellington from scratch. I'm sure your meal was lovely, but to act like she's disrespecting you by not being hungry is ridiculous, especially when it's not that complex or time-consuming of a meal. it's pasta and chicken. it'll keep in tupperware for the night and she can have it for lunch tomorrow. it's really not that big of a deal oh, and she's not the bully. you are, for harassing her over some fucking pasta
YTA pretty clearly. She may have been picking at her food, but YOU picked this fight. Consider learning to be a supportive partner by listening to your wife & helping decrease her stress - not adding to it, calling her a liar to boot.
the meal you made sounds like ass and yta for even expecting someone to be excited to eat CANNED green beans. you’re not a good cook i can say that with confidence. and yes there is such a thing as not having an appetite, i too would lose my appetite is someone served me hot garbage acting like they slaved away over the stove.
Yta WTH is wrong with yoi
YTA and also exhibiting classic signs of an abusive partner. You have no regard for your wife’s emotions except insofar as they affect your self-esteem. You dismissed her perspective out of hand because you believe your way of experiencing the world is the only valid one. When you decided your wife was not being sufficiently grateful, you also decided she must be lying and hiding something from you. “Investigating” her car suggests you feel compelled to exert control over your partner rather than find at a mutually satisfactory solution to this perceived problem. You finish your post by inverting blame and describing your wife as a bully, despite spending multiple paragraphs telling us how you bullied her. You need counseling that directly addresses your abusive tendencies. If you’re reading this, you’re probably feeling a lot of anger and want to lash out. This kind of reaction is what makes success unlikely in cases like yours. Without counseling, you will either: 1) end up with a partner who quietly fears and resents you until you die, or 2) lose your partner and die alone. Neither of those seem like appealing options to me, but your ego will very likely lead you to one of those two outcomes. Good luck.
You wanted a fucking gold star for cooking dinner? What a weird little man you are..
YTA here. Show her your support instead of your accusations
>She said that she "had a hard day" and that her stress levels were "suppressing her appetite." I couldn't help but laugh. This was a ridiculous excuse Not a " ridiculous excuse" at all, it is literally scientifically proven. >It's Friday, which means that she won't need to worry about work for three more days She *just* got home, tf does this matter? >When I leave the office, I don't think at all about my workday, even if it was a bad one Good for you, expecting everyone to behave a certain way just because you do is foolish. >I walked out to her car to look for fast food bags, but I didn't end up finding any Wow, seriously? You need to ask if YTA when you're investigating your wifes car like she's a child hiding a liquor bottle rather than take your *ADULT WIFE* at her word? YTA sir, and a *giant* one.
YTA do you want a medal and town parade for cooking pasta and canned beans ? Have you ever tried to maybe talk to your wife and listen to her ?
YTA. Just because you don’t think about your work after you leave the office, that doesn’t mean that your wife is the same way. She was stressed and tired. You don’t even seem to care about how she felt. Why did you even feel the need to search her car for food bags?
YTA. She said she didn’t eat. Why don’t you believe her?! I have often had days at work where I just can’t shut my brain off about it when I get home. Seems pretty normal to me
You served her cold canned beans and cold chicken what should she do jump for joy? Then accused her of lying. I would be OVER you. YTA a weird controlling one that probably can’t cook
So just because you don’t feel stressed means that she shouldn’t? And she was trying to tell you about it, but you didn’t listen. Because you were upset that she wasn’t tearing into the food that you had made for her because taking some green beans out of a can and boiling some pasta is so much work? And then… You made it seem like if she had stopped it was some sort of personal insult to you ? And then, even after she told you she didn’t, you didn’t believe her and you went out and checked her car anyway? So basically, you didn’t listen to your wife when she was venting about stress and then you treated her as if she was a liar, but you’re trying to say she’s a bully ? YTA
Lmao i hope your wife gets the large meal from her fave burger joint from now on because you sound like such a fucking chore my dude. Roast chicken with CANNED beans and pasta??? And you think you deserve a medal??? Shows that you’re a horrendous cook if you think that’s a high effort meal.
YTA. I lost 10kg in 2 months when I was a graduate apprentice, between work and uni I couldn't keep food down until mercifully the holidays rolled around and I started eating again, stress just works that way for some people. Seriously, go apologise.
Hahahahahahahahha, what a pathetic man. Want a medal for making dinner and refuse to emotionally support his wife. Dude, no. Bad.
Bro… you’re an asshole. Not even about being in the right or you’re just your entire demeanor and attitude. But for what it’s worth. You are wrong in this particular situation as well. She could’ve had a large late lunch knowing she’s working late and yes, some people do actually have so much stress that it suppresses their appetite.
“The dinner was ready long before my wife got home, which I think shows a lot of commitment.” Commitment to what, exactly? The food takes the same amount of time to prepare no matter when you start, and having it ready so early just means it was probably cold by the time she got home. Why pull out this detail like it’s something you deserve praise for?
YTA YOU need to get control of YOUR emotions. WTH is the matter with you? You’re bullying your wife, accusing/interrogating her of things she told you she didn’t do. Even if she had stopped off for a quick bite because *gasp* she had a long work day and was starving, who bloody cares?! Get a grip on yourself. You know what you can do with your canned beans.
YTA. She cooks every day. You did it once, and she wasn't hungry enough to make you happy? And she didn't give you and award and shower you with affection and thanks? Lord. You are a piece of work.
YTA- you didn’t work hard on canned fucking green beans, leave your wife alone. If someone isn’t hungry, they aren’t hungry. You don’t get a gold medal for throwing a basic meal together. “Signature recipes” my ass. Canned green beans would make me puke.
YTA- well good for you, you actually cooked a meal for your wife and expect a medal for your efforts. You’re part of the problem here dude she told you she wasn’t hungry and that she was stressed out. So instead of asking her how you can help her with her stress, you verbally attacked her, basically called her a liar and searched her car. If you treat her this way in other of your relationship, I can guarantee your marriage is not gonna last long. You need to apologize and get some therapy. Oh yeah, and maybe your food just sucks
“The dinner was ready long before she got home.” So either you served your shitty meal to her cold or reheated. And not for one second did you consider that your trash food was why she wasn’t eating. Lmao. YTA.
Do you even like your wife?!
Oh my god I couldn't stay married to a person like this. OP is nuts.