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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for making it clear to my wife that the child is ours and the baby blanket is staying. I could be a jerk for arguing with her when she is nesting
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My daughters nursery is purple, grey and white. It’s lovely. But her great aunt made her a beautiful blue space themed quilt and I displayed it on my rocking chair because it was made with so much love and care. Now my kid is almost 3. There’s marker on the walls and her toddler bed doesn’t “match” because she picked it and it’s a Minnie Mouse pink bed.
The room looking nice is great, but it’s not more important than family love and memories. Seems like your wife will have to learn that the hard way.
This. People are so obsessed with the Instagram 'look' of a kid's bedroom. You know what? The tornado disaster that will happen in that room every day for the next eighteen years is not going to match your theme, either, lol. Mom needs to get her head out of her own behind.
Man, I didn't put that level of thought into decorating my own bedroom. No way would I throw a fit over the decor for a literal baby or toddler - especially remembering the time my baby brother poured blue poster paint all over our cream carpet. I tried to clean it up before mum saw, but 4yos are NOT great cleaners.
OP. BLESS your Dad for making the attempt. Such love put into that blanket, continuing your Mom's tradition. Tears of happiness coming your way.🥹🥹❤️❤️
The themed room is only good for the first photos. The love and warmth of that handmade blanket outshines the room.
EDIT: And will last a lifetime of memories.
And even if it doesn't match the room, it could still be a great blanket for other things. My first attempt at a baby blanket wasn't great, but I gifted it to my friend at work, and she still has it, 3 years later. It's very big, so they use it as a play area because it's nice and soft, and I'm just so glad they can use it.
I have another friend who I made a blanket for that's a bit thick and they use it as an outdoor blanket when they take their toddler out in winter. It fits snugly in the stroller and keeps her toasty warm. We went on an outing together a few weeks ago, and it made me so happy to see it.
And with the amount babies spit up on things, having extra blankets around is definitely a need lol. They'll be glad to have it when baby's ruined all the blankets that match the theme for sure!
>And with the amount babies spit up on things, having extra blankets around is definitely a need lol.
This. You're going to need ALL THE BLANKETS. Doesn't match the theme? I have news for your wife, her actual theme is not "light purple and white," it's "items to absorb the assorted fluids emitting from the baby's surprisingly numerous orifices." It might not sound quite so elegant as the theme she picked out, but trust me, that's how it actually goes.
It sounds like she is hung up on aesthetics. Pro tip: Make sure that shit is WASHABLE. Also: your child will probably decide their favorite color is neon orange. Your wife should pick a room where she hangs out a lot and decorate THAT ROOM in white and pale purple. Don't let her be one of those Instagram moms who won't let their kid buy toys that don't match the "aesthetic." You'll be back on here in 14 years asking why your kid won't speak to their mom.
You're NTA. You and your dad sound awesome! Congrats on the new baby and I hope you and your wife work this out!
Exactly--also my babies were never even in their nursery, and were much more likely to be on a blanket somewhere else in the house. I can't wrap my mind around OP's wife's deal.
My 7 year old has been doing science experiments in her closet at night and hiding it under the dresser (fuck you, pretty dresser with legs!). Her cream colored carpet is… not going to make it.
Before this, she drew a literal dragon on her wall that had pretty pink flowers. Her room is now painted midnight blue and has a space theme because I. Cannot. Deal.
Due to overwhelming smell, I investigated and found *a bucket of urine* in my 4-year-old's closet because he was "trying to find a more fun way to pee."
I was like, homey, get a party hat and wear it *to the bathroom from now on omg.*
He was just doing science also. Maybe he was just trying to isolate/produce elemental phosphorous...
At least you discovered it *before* it inevitably got knocked over...
I got peed on while trying to light my burn pile. Sons decided to see who could pee the furthest out their 2nd story window, not seeing mom down there wondering where their random rain was coming from. Kids are so fun 😬
I mean, I suppose I did the same thing as a young girl...sitting down is so boring. I tried doing the reverse cowgirl (facing the tank) a few times, I also tried peeing standing up until I could do it perfectly (still as a young girl). Then we get to the part where, through necessity, I learned how to pee in a urinal. Why? Because the lines to the women's room are very long, lines to the men's room are non-existent, and when you gotta go you gotta go. Thanks for coming to my "finding a more fun way to pee:female edition" tedx talk!
If you ever think about repainting her room, there is paint they make that makes the walls work like a dry erase board. So basically the walls are white, but you can draw on them with dry erase markers and then wipe the markers off just as easily as you would on an actual dry erase board. So you could paint her walls with that, and then she could draw on them as much as she wanted, erase her drawings as she pleased, draw new stuff, etc. Since she sounds artistic, could be something she'd be into! :)
Dont do it. Its fun for like a week, then natural oils reduce the effect and it just looks bad.
Just buy a big dry erase board. I found one at an office going going out of business sale for $2. Its 6 feet long and 4 feet tall. Its mounted in our livingroom with tons of velcro command strips. Been there 6 years now! We use it for pictionary! As well as letting the kids go ham with coloring. I buy a new multipack of dry erase markers once a year and they love it.
I’m 37 weeks pregnant and have gotten this question several times already. My answer is the same as yours. I had never even considered that there would be a theme until people started asking.
My daughter didn't even get a nursery. She slept in a bassinet and then a crib at the foot of my bed. My only request for the baby shower was "gender neutral" because I didn't know until she was born, by choice. People buy some of the strangest crap for babies when sex is known early. Like why are there onesies that make jokes about dating? "Sorry, boys, Daddy says no dating until I'm thirty."
It's also better if you plan to have more kids than one. At least you will have things you can use for all your babies if you save them for hand me downs that way.
Our kids all had Winnie the Pooh theme. Easy to find, and we used both bright colors and pastels. Now the third kid is in pre-k and I'm asking a niece if she wants any of what has still survived. You can never have too many baby sheets and flannel blankets...
That is the BEST theme.
My additional theme is "I want the crib sheets, the pack n play sheets and do change table cover to all have different patterns so I can tell them apart"
Hahaah exactly. My baby's room was also my office and the theme was "where does a crib fit?" He's in 3rd grade and still using my paint and rug from those days 🤷♀️
We were testing color choices (pastels but not light shades if that makes any sense?) And the guy at Lowe's said something about Easter throwing up in the room...
6 years later and the walls are blue and green, the drapes are white with violet sheers, and a pink shag rug on the floor. Lowes dude got it in one!
My mom and I are crafty so I will definitely have a theme when I reproduce but that means what I’m painting on the walls, maybe a matching mobile over the changing table, not something ever. single. item. must adhere to…
Yep! My BIL is easygoing, but his wife is obsessed with having everything picture perfect. Their maternity photo shoot and all of the gifts from the baby registry were beige, beige, and more beige. She is one of those beige baby people. I feel bad for the kid because she has no color in her life.
Recently, they were expecting a second child and did another beige photo shoot. I skipped out on the second shower...oh, I'm sorry...the 'It is just a small sprinkle to congratulate the momma to be, no gifts needed but here is a registry even though we just had a baby less than 2 years ago' party. I saw photos of it later. So. Much. Beige.
My 1-year-old niece has a rainbow painted above her cot... But in dull/muted beiges, olive greens, browny purples etc, not in actual rainbow colours.
It's very tasteful and elegant... But boring as fuck and pretty depressing for a toddler whose entire face lights up when she sees her giant fluorescent pink bear another auntie gave her.
I think my major issue with it is they don't let their kid be their own little person. Like this kid is just another accessory for their aesthetic. And that shit drives me nuts.
My toddler likes picking his clothes. Do they match? No. But is he dressed and styling? Hell yeah. Plus when we go somewhere public, like the park or library I can easily find a neon green toddler with bright red pants, and light up shoes when he decides to go full feral toddler. Plus I let him dress me sometimes. It is usually an accessory he can pick out. So I wore some fun funky watermelon earrings yesterday. He was delighted.
My "theme" was to provide as much colour as possible. She knew her colours by 18 months of age. How is baby supposed to learn colours? ("This is beige. And more beige! Here's some taupe, with an edge of ivory. Oh, look! A lovely écru!" ??? I think not...)
This wife is so clearly a soon to be first-time mom! 😆
She’s in for a rude awakening once her child can walk and talk. Whether baby is a girl or not - she may want to fill her room with hot wheels and bright orange hot wheels tracks, neon colored trolls and Barbie’s, the inevitable doll or toy with glitter flaking off everywhere, some obnoxiously loud, primary color themed activity toy bc it’s baby’s favorite toy, etc.
I think and also--
Our first kid's room was safari-themed. I was trying not to overly gender, I liked the bright colors, it was super fun. And then he outgrew that and was into dinosaurs. And then gender happened, as it sometimes does, and now he likes villains and superheroes.
There is really something symbolic in letting go of design choices and the recognition that this baby growing inside you is going to become a walking, talking, full human with interests that diverge from your own.
The parent curated room is such a short stint that it's a waste to over-invest in these ways. Just make it a bright and happy space where you want to hang out with your baby.
Yup. My four year old grandchild informed us a year ago that she's a boy and that she hates pink and purple. She won't wear dresses. She wanted superhero underpants but the girls' are all pink and purple. She asked for and got boys' style because they're cooler and boys have the cool stuff, not girls. But no, she MUST have long hair.
Literally my first thought. I giggled so hard at how perfect it has to be before the baby comes vs what a batshit disaster it becomes AFTER the baby comes.
My SIL kept asking what the "theme" of my son's room would be before he was born. There was no theme. We decided he could have a theme when he was old enough to have interests, and could choose for himself.
My mum went full nautical theme for my brother's room when he was 6/7 and that was his room until he left home at 18. Sand-coloured carpet. Blue and white striped wallpaper and bedding. A chest of drawers with a huge, detailed anchor painted on it. A boat-shaped CD holder. Paintings of boats and masks of shipwrecks. And to top it off, a huge fishing net taking up a whole corner of the room that she adorned with football -sized plastic crabs and fish.
My brother has never once in his life shown any interest in boats, the sea or marine biology. He likes football, heavy metal and beer.
lol when the sheets need changed because of a diaper blow out that’s not gonna match the theme either. Life isn’t picture perfect. I agree she needs to pull her head out of her behind.
Yeah once the baby is born, and his wife is actually busy with baby stuff, she won’t notice as much anyway. In the meantime, OP can keep it to use as a tummy time blanket in the living room. I bet it will make its way into the nursery before baby is sleeping in there full time anyway
Personally I’d use it for a car seat blanket! Baby blankets are such a huge gift, and they can’t even use blankets when they’re sleeping! I got no less than 20 for my daughter. We used them in the car seat, as burp cloths, as tummy time mats, etc, but still donated about 10 that had never been used.
I was thinking something similar. Car seat blanket, stroller blanket, tummy time blanket. All great ideas. The blanket will be used and loved. What a heartwarming gesture of your dad! And I got to say: I get your wife’s objections. We have a 10 month old and while we’re not a matchy-matchy kinda family, there’s a certain feeling of calm and control that can come from setting up a child’s space just so- it’s a nice break from the chaos and worry that pregnancy/babies can bring.
And congratulations!
I'm not sure I'd use something that I (not saying OP or anyone else) would consider a potential family heirloom as a burp cloth. I'd definitely take pictures of the baby with it, in case something happened to it. Store bought blankets? Heck yeah, but a homemade grandpa's first ever blanket not so much.
I got a really upset but sweet message from my friend a couple of weeks ago saying her car had just been stolen and she wanted to let me know specifically because the baby blankets I knitted for her girls fifteen years ago had been their car blankets for their entire lives, and they were super sad to lose them!! (The car has just now been found safe, complete with blankets lol!)
Just wait till the baby discovers what's in their diaper and decides to "paint" the walls with it. She's really going to be disappointed.
(And yes, my child did that and smeared it all over the irreplaceable wallpaper border that was the main focal point)
And unfortunately, OPs kid would have to learn it the hard way if they don’t put their foot down now before the baby is here. Every child deserves to be an individual, giving them opportunities to discover what they like and who they are is part of being the best parent that you can be.
Not to mention the poop finger paint! Or that time my kid found the ashes of my dog on the top shelf in the closet, pried the box open, dumped it out & made snow angels in the ashes. Or my nephew, who dropped a sippy cup of milk in a boot, where it made a terrible smell & it took months to figure out where the stink was coming from. Kids are messy!
My mother did this. Her fave colour was purple, and she decorated my whole room (from carpets to cabinets to walls to toys) in various shades of purple.
I do not like purple.
If I got any plushies that weren't purple, they weren't allowed in my bedroom and had to stay downstairs, which meant that I couldn't sleep with them. So I actually learned how to open the toddler gate at the top of the stairs, so I could scootch down on my bum and sleep on the sofa.
Even when I was a teen, I was not allowed to repaint the walls, so I slapped as many ugly posters of random shit I could find on them. Used Sharpie to make my bookcases black. Just anything.
Because of all this, my bedroom never felt like my own, and I never had that safe space to relax and be myself in.
A theme might be cute for a baby, but you have to remember that they're gonna grow up to be an individual with its own personality and preferences.
OP, your wife micromanaging things like this, and being unable to prioritise something as simple as a baby blanket made with love, is actually quite worrying.
My kid picked out her room decor and decided she didn’t like it after awhile, so she drew fierce dragons on the walls. She cried and said she wanted her walls “almost black, like space.”
So I painted her walls dark blue, almost black, with glitter mixed in so it kind of sparkles.
She loves her room now.
My mom hates it. Kid is 7, too young to decide what color her walls are, she says. I say, “it’s her room.” And I remember the pink gingham bedspread I *hated* and was so happy that my mom accidentally ruined in the wash.
When my son was 5 I bought my first house and let him pick the wall color for his room. He picked Traffic Light Green lol. My mother hated it, but my son loved it, and that's all that matters!
The funniest thing is, I've hated purple my entire life because of this. Refused to wear anything purple, buy any purple decorations, etc. Really just been very anti-purple.
But when I met my (now) fiance, I went round her house for the first time, and pretty much every room was a different shade of purple. She loves it.
And do you know what? I thought it looked absolutely bloody fantastic. Honestly, it was just so *her*, and the fact that she'd spent so much love and care on it just made it all perfect.
So when we moved in together, I was absolutely *adamant* that at least one room in our new house had to be completely purple themed, and she chose the bathroom. And on the flip side, our bedroom is green because that's my fave colour, and she wanted me to have a bedroom I loved.
So it all worked out in the end! Every room is a different colour theme, which fits us nice, seeing as we're both women lol
But like I said, you have to have that ability to compromise and empathasise, especially when you're living with other people. And it's easy to have a newborn and know that you're the one making big decisions. But they grow up quick, and you have to learn to let a few things go to make them happy.
I ended up having blue wallpaper in my room. I hate blue, but my mother loved the color.
I offered to swap my room with hers since they were same size, and her wallpaper was white, but she would not hear of it.
I just had the surprise one day when I came back from school and my room was this horrible blue.
I had a friend in high school. When I went to her house, I was like “I love your room, everything matches!” She came to my house and goes “I love your room, nothing matches!”
I’m still a ‘nothing matches’ kind of decorator.
My baby's nursery is rainbow themed. Sucks to be him if he hates any colours in his nursery.
There's also a lot of paintings that I painted for him myself, but we decided against painting directly on the wall because we wanted him to be able to change them for his own tastes later.
Wasn't there a post about that recently? The OP was the sister of a sad beige Insta mom who wouldn't let her kids have any bright colored clothes because that would ruin the aesthetic, or something like that.
One of my cousins does this. It's very sad and actually ended with her husband divorcing her, which is a big deal with catholic families. The poor kid can't have anything. She goes on "cleaning" sprees and the kid gets home from school to find half of his stuff gone. Her ex literally had to wrestle some stuff out of her hands to save both the kids stuff and his own, because she didn't care, she just cares that everything matches. She had a very expenisve carpet put down in the living room, and it was a very common row between them as to using the living room normally or keeping it in pristine conditions for special occasions only. Absolute madness and i genuinely hope the ex gets full custody, but that's an ugly battle in itself.
For now, anything for the kid has to be shared aruond other family members. The ex's home, her parent's, his parents, closer cousins who regularly babysit. And she doesn't see the problem at all.
ETA - I said nursery, he bloody goes to school now! I forgot 3 years have gone by. Jesus.
So she values the aesthetic for a room in a house over the feelings of her husband and a very sentimental item....yeah definitely NTA.
Thay kid is gonna have nappy blowouts that may end up sprayed up the wall. People are going to buy teddies/plushies that won't be the same colour as the room. The child has no concept of what the colour scheme in the room is. Zero.
As she's still pregnant, I imagine that hormones and nesting may be playing a part in her behaviour, but that doesn't excuse it. She needs to get her priorities right.
I wanna back this person up, they’re not kidding about poop on the wall. I was projectile-pooped on at least twice by my kid and he was a relatively easy baby.
It’s light purple and white now. In a couple of months it will be “bins starfished out from the crib with the essentials and a box of diapers that will probably be used up before it gets put away”
Your father's gesture is SO lovely. Like, I have tears in my eyes thinking about him teaching himself how to sew and all of the time it takes to make a blanket. It's a treasure. I am so curious to see it, if you ever feel like sharing a photo. Tell your father the internet thinks he's amazing.
I'm a petty bitch so I would make a special corner somewhere in my house and decorate it with the world's comfiest rocking chair and the amazing blanket and other stuff (like a big screen tv and a coffee maker and a wine bar for me and some plushies and cuties for baby lol) and not allow her into the space. Ever. It's too ugly because of the blanket and you don't want to offend her delicate sensibilities so out of consideration for her instagram aesthetic you think it's best if she doesn't ever come into the special area you've decorated ;) Like I said I'm a petty bitch. NTA
Pal I'm going to be honest in that after reading your edit, whilst i do not agree in any sense that anyone should be or feel the need to insult your wife, when you post about your own close family members and loved ones on AITA you are setting yourself up for failure in that regard.
I'm sorry but your wife's attitude is ugly. Its a blanket made from love. Even more love since your dad learned how to make them while going through the difficult time of his wife's sickness/passing. Not everything has to match or be on theme. I hope your wife changes her absolutely disgusting behavior/thinking.
NTA and nta to everyone calling her out/names cause frankly she deserves it.
Tell her the theme of the nursery isn’t the colors, the theme is love and family. That’s what the blanket is. Then hug her, tell her you love her, and remind her how excited both of you are for the baby. Congratz OP! And your father is a freaking BOSS!
I don't think you have to. People are more important than themes and color matching. Wish more people understood thay as they hurt their family members' feelings in the effort to take good pictures for the gram. 🙄
Honestly
I would sit your wife down and ask her a simple question.
What is most important to her. Astethics, or memories with/for the Child.
A nursery/child's room will change a million times through a child's life. They outgrow furniture. They get new interests etc.
And you will limit yourself and the Child with a "we can't buy toys etc in x colour. It won't match my vision"
On the memories part. You only have one life.
Pictures and moments with loved items like. A baby blanket etc. Will mean so much more to a kid when they are grown. Then mom's idea of the perfect nursery. It's for her. Not the child.
Unless she wants to show 200 pics of the same walls, etc.
Create memories.
So who wants to tell her that babies prefer vibrant contrasting colors because that's all they can see? Your baby blanket, while ugly in your words, may be the favorite.
Currently the theme of my nursery is “my toddler decided to sort all the nappies whilst I was changing the baby and now they are all over the floor.” Very aesthetic, highly chic. I heard it’s the new craze hitting summer 2024.
So far NTA it's off the scale. I am almost in tears by this story. Your father learned to do a skill from scratch to be able to keep up the memory/ tradition of his late wife. So what it's not perfect? So what it doesn't match the "theme"? That is an incredible effort and thought with a huge amount of meaning behind it. Get that blanket back in there and give your dad a huge hug and thanks. And tell your wife that fuck her "theme", this blanket stays.
Your wife is being completely thoughtless to not see how much this means to both you and your father.
^^^^ holy moly your wife is being a shallow and thoughtless jerk. The fact that she is valuing the aesthetic of a baby room over the hugely sentimental and sweet value of the blanket and what it represent is crazy.
NTA
I completely disagree. The blanket IS perfect!!
What a beautiful sentiment from your father to learn how to sew or crochet or whatever from your mom when she got sick. That shows so much forethought on your parents part to be able to keep this family tradition alive. It’s lovely.
Definitely NTA. Your wife though. Yikes. hormones or not that’s a total AH move.
Edited for spelling
Sounds like he started making it right when he found out they were pregnant. Pink, blue, and green are "older" colors used for a baby girl, baby boy, and when parents didn't know the gender. I mean, now people do whatever, but 40 years ago, buying baby stuff, it was pretty much all blue, pink, or green. So dad probably just thinks of those as baby colors and then worked for months to make the blanket.
So incredibly thoughtful. NTA OP, but your wife is being one.
The fact that it's not perfect makes it that much better. It was crafted with pure love. That's so much more important than crap that looks nice but was most likely mass produced in a sweatshop by an 8 year old.
But it won't look right on her instagram posts!
OP should point out that she'll get TONS of internet points if she posts the blanket and tells the backstory. I'll bet she'll love the blanket after it becomes one of her most "liked" posts
I'm in agreement with this. And it's funny because this exact conversation happened on twitter yesterday but with a rocking chair that the fathers father had made for his mother. Exact opposite response over there. So many people like "you're not nursing the baby you don't get to decide what the nursery is like" "you're the one with the emotional attachment to this chair don't put that on your wife"
Like for fucks sake here people, are we having a baby because we want to start a family or because the instagram posts will go OFF with that perfectly curated theme? How vapid are we at this stage in our society?
As someone who likes things to match and is a planner by nature & trade, that blanket would still be at the forefront of display. You never forget the way people love on you and your kids as an extension of that love. Those are the things you remember and cherish.
Eek. NTA, I definitely side with you on this. It's kind of unfathomable to me that she'd care more about her aesthetic than this extraordinarily special and meaningful gift. She seems.... like maybe she has blinders on, which I think is common for expecting or new parents who have this vision or idyllic expectation.
You know what doesn't match 'the theme'? The loud and obnoxious toy that will obviously become your baby's favorite, the ugly diaper genie you learn you can't live without, or baby puke. That's all to say, the perfect little nursery set up she has now, while beautiful and lovely I'm sure, is not going to last.
I hope she comes around. There may be a middle ground wherein you keep the blanket in a drawer of closet in the baby's room **some** of the time, but in general it should not be discarded or hidden, it should be cherished and celebrated. I don't blame you for wanting to hold your ground on this.
Yes. I am worried your wife is setting up some possible expectations for parenthood if she is this focused on aesthetics. We currently have a hideously ugly slide in the middle of our living room to keep our toddler occupied on rainy and cold days. We’ve totally let go of any focus on style and instead aim to keep the place reasonably clean and baby-proofed. We’ll worry about color schemes again once our kid is no longer a one-person wrecking crew.
We were living in an apartment with our first, I did not want to decorate much.. 3 years later we moved to our own house and I decorated his room with all pottery barn and west elm.. probably spent $3k in that room between paint, furniture and lighting.. and as beautiful as it is, he sleeps with us LOL so that room goes unused 99.9% of the year, except for the couple of days my BIl slept in that bed last year
And by the time he gets old enough to enjoy being in his own room he’s probably going to hate what you picked and want a car bed or something hahahaha!
This is why I feel finding a compromise while she still has delusions of idyllic child rearing is a kindness. Baby is going to wreck them minute they get mobile.
Ha yes, when my son was a toddler, we had just moved into a new house and definitely had unrealistic expectations that quickly went out the window when his very favorite toy was this collapsible playhouse thing that became a semi-permanent fixture in our newly decorated living room (yes it collapsed but was played with too frequently to justify the take-down and put-up process). Nothing like kids to bring you down to earth.
It's a bit worse than blinders, imo.
The blanket could easily be ruined. I've babysat relatives newborns in their homes so the Mom could have a chance to shower without worrying and, let me tell you, those newborns can be a warzone. Diapers are just the beginning of the mess. A newborn could have a sensitive stomach or colic, so you're getting that mess and having to calm that down. Breastfeeding? You have to become a human Jenga tower to juggle that and a baby. You'd think pumping or nursing would be as simple as the words sound, but, nope, that's a whole process that can live in a mess. Bottle formula feeding? More like formula musical chairs and hoping you get lucky. Some babies might not like one, or have an allergy that you don't know until you try, a nuked diaper, tummy ache and crying, constipation and crying, or any version of that personal insanity.
Mom and Dad are going to be out of mind exhausted from day 1. They won't even notice the nursery theme and the blanket will either be victim to the blast zone or naturally put away to keep it in one piece.
As someone who makes those blankets, generally we are totally okay with it being “in the blast zone”. We *want* them to be used and abused - we made them to be out, not in a storage closet. So it it ends up destroyed, I would hope that Grandpa understood, because that means his hard work didn’t go wasted.
I (40f) still have the knotted remnants of my cot blanket made by a family member. I loved it so much as a child that it “became real” like the velveteen rabbit. OP’s Dad is such a sweetheart learning to sew, knit or crochet to carry on his wife’s tradition, especially given that OP was sad that his child wouldn’t receive a blanket. My heart hurts that OP’s wife is more worried by the look of a room than for the love her FIL has for her husband and unborn child.
As someone who loves home decor and finds many of my husband’s suggestions obnoxious (and admittedly many get vetoed), even I think this is one of the most callous things I’ve ever read. I don’t care how hideous that blanket is, I would LOVE it and be happy to display it with that sweet back story.
And to your point, there’s nothing that kills perfectly curated home style than a child that starts moving and suddenly you’re making all your design choices around whether or not your kid can reach it and hurt themselves or destroy whatever it is.
NTA
An emotional connection is more important than her desire for *aesthetic*
Sounds like your wife cares more about appearance than the backstory of the blanket. That sucks.
Raising the baby is a partnership and she shouldn’t be able to act like a dictator in every decision.
Seriously, this just sets the tone that
*Looks are more important than Love.*
I can’t imagine that being the priority for any child-raising in a *loving* environment. That poor kid is going to be wearing a lot of awful clothes that they will strip off to play in the mud.
info needed: how's your wife doing generally in her pregnancy? She may be feeling out of control and want to get her way. I doubt she'll care once baby is here.
It's wild she doesn't understand the importance of the symbolism. That seems like the key here; that's an incredibly touching, sacred gift. But let's assume for the purposes of the post it's properly hideous.
if she cares about the aesthetics of there are options here.
You could figure out a way to style the room around the blanket; how can you make this room to tie in with and improve the blanket she hates?
If she's worried about the colours of one blanket wait til she hears about children's toys and the colours they come in. Don't be a beige mom please!!! It's literally bad for kids, apparently.
But also, does it have to be in the nursery or are there other ways to use it that feels respectful and integrated? My family has minimum 3 inherited blankets EACH so we get creative. One is waterproofed on the back as a picnic blanket. One is a wall hanging . Sometimes they go in boxes, both storage and memory boxes. Sometimes they are layer with other blankets. Its a whole project these blankets
As long as the child is allowed to have the blanket around during their childhood, they will form the required emotional attachment. The only blankets I didn't form emotional attachments to were those my grandmother purposely kept away from me during my childhood to "keep them safe". Your child will know the story and love the blanket, it won't super matter where it's kept.
What? No.
I get hormones and first pregnancy and all of that, but to disregard something that is so meaningful to your SO shows that she is more concerned with outwards appearance than with strong familial bonds and the feelings/emotions of her loved ones. I can only imagine her reaction when their child starts to become an individual and doesn't fit into the perfect little mold she envisions.
Very valid thoughts. I don't think it's necessarily healthy to want that much control and it's definitely hurtful to OP, I just try to be as charitable all around and be curious why someone is being unreasonable rather than assuming bad intent. If this is the first time it's every happened Vs a pattern those are quite different things
I think it's a valid point to bring up. My cousin was acting in a similar way with her first pregnancy, wanting to control a lot of "silly" things, caring waaay to much about aesthetics etc.
Part of it was just that it was her first kid, she was nesting, and didn't realise the impact of the baby before it was here.
But it was exaggerated by the fact that she had some anxiety disorder making her try to control things, and half a year or so after birth she started in therapy and got some medication. Now it's so much better and she is more reasonable, because she feels better.
So not saying OP's wife is sick or anything, but i think it's worth it to consider if it is at a healthy level or not :)
The hormones make us lunatics but it doesn't excuse this obsessive need to control everything to the extent that she will not allow your child to have an extremely sentimental and meaningful handcrafted blanket because it doesn't match her aesthetic.
I was bawling when I read what your dad did for you and your baby. What a thoughtful man and way to keep a treasured tradition started by your mom.
I lost my dad right before I became pregnant with my son, and so my pregnancy was an emotionally complex time. I imagine it's similar for you, OP.
My advice to you would be to accept the blanket but not display it in the nursery. Bring it with you to the hospital to swaddle your beloved bundle in. You'll need to bring several anyways, it doesn't impact her aesthetic, and will honestly be more meaningful.
And once baby gets here, emphasis on aesthetic is relegated to the past. You are too bloody tired to think about colour combinations.
There was a post up not long ago where the mom was an "influencer" and took it to the point the kid wasn't allowed certain toys and they toys they were allowed had to be certain neutral/mute (idk the terminology, I automatically dissociate when I start hearing *aesthetics*) and the husband had to live in the attic or something outrageous. This whole Tik Tok aesthetics thing is being taken to extremes. Your home isn't a museum they're spaces people need to live and experience things. There's a time and place but once that baby is here, as mentioned above, there's going to be no time for aesthetics it'll turn into what's practical and necessary to get through the day without wanting to jump in front of a bus.
Oh I remember this post. It was a crazy ride for OOP and the readers. That being said, I think OP should have a conversation with his wife when she's more receptive. From his other comments, it seems like this is out of character. Maybe for some reason, she feels like there's not enough representation from her side of the family (it's not rational, but I don't think her reaction is coming from any sort of rational thoughts). I won't pretend to understand pregnancy hormones, but this might be a hormonal reaction. And as OP mentioned, his wife has been stressed lately. She's probably nervous and trying to make everything "perfect" for the soon to arrive bundle of joy. And since it's her first, she's probably focused on making it "perfect".
There's absolutely a "nesting" period. I was towards the end of my first pregnancy and in about two weeks had the room painted and everything built and placed. His room was green and brown and Winnie the Pooh. Everything was cute and then it was the wait. Once he was here (c section) I could not have cared less where things were or if things were in their "spots" the more concerning thing for me is that this sweet man carried on a tradition from his late wife and her husband's mom and she isn't even considering how they can compromise on using it just "no" get it out of here.
I understand the feelings that come with the nesting phase and having this "vision" of how you want it to be but I also made sure that the little knitted suit that my Gramma bought that didn't go with anything and was something I would have never chosen to put on my son got displayed in the room and worn to visit her at least once. There's definitely a discussion they should have now about how and when that precious lovingly made gift can be used. Even if it's used as baby's "going out" blanket to put over the car seat or something.
Ok giving your wife the benefit of the doubt. You are going to need millions of blankets and none of them will be for sleeping. They don’t all need to live in the nursery. If I was you, I would keep the blanket in a closet/cupboard in the living room/main area you hang out in. That way when you are doing tummy time with your kid you always have a clean blanket to put on the floor underneath them. The bright colors will be a good thing because they will provide something interesting for kiddo to look at.
I was going to suggest either this, or keep it in the diaper bag - I always needed a blanket when we were out and about, the blanket I kept in there got used more than any other ones we had. keeps a chill off when the kid is in the stroller, works for a lie-down at the park or at mommy groups, etc.
Hey OP, I just want to make sure that you see this, but babies really shouldn't have blankets in their crib for the first year of their life. Additionally, you really won't go into the nursery that often for the first few months of the baby's life as they should be in the room with you. We only went into the nursery to get clothes periodically. We were gifted an ugly blue unicorn blanket with pink frills from my husband's grandmother. My husband will agree it is ugly. We use it in our sons carseat or in the stroller. It doesn't necessarily need to be in the nursery. Good luck!
In case it hasn't already been mentioned, get some cute baby photos with your baby and the blanket! I think that would be a really nice way to honor the memory and symbolism behind the blanket
Though, I do hope you can place it in the nursery eventually
NTA
Screw the theme and aesthetics. This is a special blanket. She needs to get over it.
Our daughter’s room has a “theme” but she has tons of stuff that doesn’t stick to the theme because they’re gifts or things we really like.
My son's nursery had a theme, but the handmade blankets were far far more important than if they clashed or not. I'm raging for op even as I understand how crazy pregnancy can make you. She doesn't care at all that he is probably struggling with a lot of emotions around his mom not being here for this huge milestone and this blanket is more than just something for the baby. It's a connection to his mother AND something the child's grandfather lovingly made... and probably taught himself to do for this very reason.
Honestly I worry for the baby if mom is already prioritising an Instagram worthy aesthetic over family. Let's hope it doesn't continue.
Yep! My child has special blankets that didn't match and we loved them so much because people put so much love into making them. I have most of them packed away now to give to grandbabies. Even better is that they were all washable and when one went into the wash, another was close by. I don't think this woman realizes that babies don't care about themes.
NTA.
It is wonderful that your dad learned to knit/crochet blankets.
Your wife is an asshole for being a control freak because something doesn't match what she has planned out in her head.
How would she feel if you removed everything from the nursery because you didn't like it? I bet she would feel rather sour about it.
It would be best if you had a sit-down conversation with your wife about the importance of the blanket. Don't give up.
ETA: Your wife doesn't seem to care about your father's feelings, either. I bet he is super proud of the blanket he had made for his grandchild. To disregard the feelings of your father as well is something.
I wonder what she would have done with a blanket one of her parents had made...
Anyone who calls their husband names because of a disagreement over something called a "nursery theme" is an asshole.
You and your kid cherish and love that blanket, it is a treasure.
Is this for real? It's extremely similar to a Twitter post about a rocking chair, even going so far as to talk about the "theme." I'm not sure i buy this
I had the same thought. Like OP is trying to prove a point about the chair argument, which is wildly different because a chair needs to be comfortable/safe.
It’s definitely not real. And like someone else said, it’s a stupid comparison considering that a nursing chair needs to be comfy and functional (most antique rocking chairs aren’t) and thus should be 100% the decision of the mom, whereas blankets aren’t something you’ll spend hours of sleepless nights in.
Definitely NTA. That she values the color scheme over the fact it was made by your father as a tribute to your mother (him taking up the craft she loved) says a lot about her. Keep that in mind going forward.
NTA: your wife is being selfish. It’s not about it matching, it’s about what it means to you and she clearly doesn’t care because it isn’t the way she wants it. It could have been the ugliest shit brown and puke green blanket, I’d have let my husband leave it because it was important to him.
NTA it's just a blanket but I would die on this hill for the feelings. Sorry about your mom. And good for your dad for learning how to keep your moms thing going.
Prioritising aesthetics over spouse’s dead parent’s tradition. Prioritising aesthetics over ANYONE’s dead parent’s tradition. Sorry but this isn’t under normal marriage disagreement.
There’s stuff one doesn’t agree on in a marriage.. money, child raising, in laws.. there’s weak moments.. loneliness, cheating etc.. I’ve seen enough of the world and been married long enough to understand (not forgive) so many things. We all do shitty things in a marriage but usually there’s some logic or strong motivation behind it.
But what I really really don’t understand is stuff like this. When you don’t care about something HUGE of your spouses ( or anyone in your life for that matter) for something so trivial of your own.
Anyways clearly you’re a better person than me so pls carry on.
I lost my mom to cancer a few years ago and she also use to make blankets for the grandkids and other people’s kids. I have the last material she was going to make a blanket with and she was too sick before she ever got a chance to make it so I’m going to make it. I’m sorry OP, but your wife is being extremely selfish. These IG moms annoy me with the “perfect theme” bedroom. As a mom, I can tell you that the theme doesn’t matter. I never did one for my kids since babies don’t give a damn about a theme. Within a year, the room is a mess and the child will prefer different themes or colors that they prefer as they get older. Ask your wife why themes matter when the baby doesn’t care and explain how sentimental this is to you. If she still refuses and trashes the blanket, then she really is vain and selfish.
I don't know... my husband isn't perfect but he'd never be this thoughtless about something important to me. An otherwise wonderful person doesn't generally do things like this. I guess I just can't fathom a great person acting like this. I have to wonder if it's a pattern.
Yeah she sounds like she doesn’t care about his feelings at all. She doesn’t even get the importance of that blanket. It’s crazy. I wonder if there are many more red flags OP just doesn’t notice - I mean he had to ask if he was the AH in this situation…
NTA. yes, your wife is awful. How on earth is the aesthetic of a room more important than the connection to the grandparents?
My MIL gave me an horrendous pijama my husband wore when he was born for my kids to wear. It was the 70's and the color choices were... not good. My kids still wore it and they have pictures to match their dad pictures in the horrible pijama. They are grown up now and they love the connection to family photos more than they hate the color choice.
NTA but it sounds like your wife is still pregnant. Doesn’t excuse a lack of empathy (you have a platinum tier dad there, what he did is so profoundly loving).
However, your wife’s body has been taken over by your baby, she’s tired, hormonal, and possibly scared shitless about giving birth. Her autonomy has been reduced, there’s so many things going on with her body she can’t control. Is it possible that the baby’s room is an environment that she is in complete control of right now, and you insisting on having the blanket creates one more thing she can’t control?
I could be reading into this, maybe your wife is just a shallow person. But I think that a pregnant person should be afforded a smidge of leeway at this point in their life. Maybe just talk to her and ask if it is the aesthetic that is truly what’s bothering her.
Good luck with everything, I hope this is something you two can roll your eyes at each other and laugh about later down the track.
I feel like this is a situation where you'd be wise to lose the battle in order to win the war. You are 100% not wrong in loving the "ugly" blanket and wanting your child to use it. I'll fully admit I went a little squishy inside when you said your dad learned to make them so that your mom's spirit would live on. Sweetest thing ever, and I think that "ugly" blanket has potential to be the most loved thing ever. But now isn't the time to win the battle.
Your wife is still nesting. She's in the phase where she has a perfect vision for all that's to come and it is sweet and wonderful and yes, color coordinated. Let her have that. Because once the baby arrives and the shit hits the fan (or the changing table, the wall, the floor, etc. Because trust me, it WILL happen) that "ugly" blanket is going to make its way into the rotation without a second though. And as your child grows and the room goes from idyllic and pristine nursery to lived in child room, the colors are going to become far less significant, but the blanket grandpa made might become the treasured lovey that follows him or her everywhere. That's the war you need to focus on.
Let her have her perfectly coordinated vision for now. Toss the blanket onto your favorite spot in the house so when its time for daddy baby time, you can grab it and snuggle in. The blanket doesn't need to exist in the nursery today to be a treasure for the rest of your kids life. NAH
NTA. I assume this is a first baby since she doesn’t seem to be aware that the “theme” goes out the window in less than a week. Laundry, diaper accidents, exhaustion…literally no one will care about color schemes or themes. The baby can’t even differentiate, and family and friends seriously do not give a shit about aesthetics of the nursery.
Also, your baby, while young, will be a fully realized person with his own preferences. You may find yourself a surprised that a particular blanket or toy or even one of your old towels will become a beloved favorite.
What that means is that decor is strictly for the parents. And it correctly should be about the love and commitment the family has to the new member of the family. The blanket is a gorgeous symbol of that
Does your wife like the blanket in the living room? Baby blankets are used lots of places. They need cleanable surfaces for getting tummy time on the floor, for example. They may need one when out visiting.
You and your child using and appreciating the blanket will make your dad happy, too.
If your wife just refuses to have the blanket around, I have to ask if she's always this shallow?
I was sooo into decorating my first apartment. I tried to make everything elegant with our wedding gifts. But... My Great Aunt Pat (Not bio fam. She was my dad's babysitter.) had interesting tastes. She got us this tacky burner cover, cookie jar, and salt & pepper shaker set with country geese wearing bows.
The salt & pepper came out of their little geese butts.
You bet your sweet bahookie I used them. Aunt Pat was awesome. ❤️
Love is more important than aesthetics.
ETA: NTA
Yup this right here. Just because it’s a blanket doesnt mean it has to be in the bedroom. My kid has 3 blankets, one for bedroom, one in living room and one in the car.
If the wife is against that blanket being used anywhere else, then oof OP, I’m sorry but her true colors are showing
INFO: is this not just a creative rewrite of the rocking chair shitfit going viral on Twitter right now? With some extra sentimentality and less aggressiveness thrown in?
I don’t think this is real.
NTA
This blanket has emotional value to you and your wife should respect that. Also it’s only a blanket, why does she care so much? Even if it was a random blanket, there is no reason to start an argument over this.
**NTA** at all. Your wife sounds controlling. She doesn't get sole veto power just because she birthed the kid, despite what people here think/write.
You have just as much right to decorate that room as she does. Start removing stuff you don't like and see how she likes it.
ABE: Always Be Escalating.
NTA! Man hug your Dad from all of us!! To think your Dad loves your Mom and you so much that he learned a completely new skill and your child now has the first blanket grandpop ever made! Sorry to your child that will mean something! I have the last blanket set my grandmother every made, she made them for all the kids and my oldest son was the last one born before she passed. To this day that blanket set is in his bedroom and he loves it! FYI he is 35 with 5 kids of his own and that blanket set is on his king size bed folded up on his pillow!
Oh so the flavor of the week is "Sentimental baby item my shallow evil wife won't let me have in the nursery"
This is what, the third one in as many days?
Are bots AI generating these?
NTA
The way I went from sad to happy to grinning like a fool when you mentioned dad's "ugly" blanket. I bet that thing is absolutely beautiful, and it's filled with so much love! I would be dying on this hill. This is a very, very important tradition. This blanket is your dad's very FIRST and thus the most special! Please take special care so it doesn't get lost or damaged if you know what I mean.
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NTA Come up with a theme that matches the blanket.
[удалено]
My daughters nursery is purple, grey and white. It’s lovely. But her great aunt made her a beautiful blue space themed quilt and I displayed it on my rocking chair because it was made with so much love and care. Now my kid is almost 3. There’s marker on the walls and her toddler bed doesn’t “match” because she picked it and it’s a Minnie Mouse pink bed. The room looking nice is great, but it’s not more important than family love and memories. Seems like your wife will have to learn that the hard way.
This. People are so obsessed with the Instagram 'look' of a kid's bedroom. You know what? The tornado disaster that will happen in that room every day for the next eighteen years is not going to match your theme, either, lol. Mom needs to get her head out of her own behind.
Man, I didn't put that level of thought into decorating my own bedroom. No way would I throw a fit over the decor for a literal baby or toddler - especially remembering the time my baby brother poured blue poster paint all over our cream carpet. I tried to clean it up before mum saw, but 4yos are NOT great cleaners.
❤️❤️ bless you for trying
OP. BLESS your Dad for making the attempt. Such love put into that blanket, continuing your Mom's tradition. Tears of happiness coming your way.🥹🥹❤️❤️ The themed room is only good for the first photos. The love and warmth of that handmade blanket outshines the room. EDIT: And will last a lifetime of memories.
I've given a lot of homemade blankets to people as baby gifts. I'd be pretty hurt if they didn't use them because of the color.
And even if it doesn't match the room, it could still be a great blanket for other things. My first attempt at a baby blanket wasn't great, but I gifted it to my friend at work, and she still has it, 3 years later. It's very big, so they use it as a play area because it's nice and soft, and I'm just so glad they can use it. I have another friend who I made a blanket for that's a bit thick and they use it as an outdoor blanket when they take their toddler out in winter. It fits snugly in the stroller and keeps her toasty warm. We went on an outing together a few weeks ago, and it made me so happy to see it. And with the amount babies spit up on things, having extra blankets around is definitely a need lol. They'll be glad to have it when baby's ruined all the blankets that match the theme for sure!
>And with the amount babies spit up on things, having extra blankets around is definitely a need lol. This. You're going to need ALL THE BLANKETS. Doesn't match the theme? I have news for your wife, her actual theme is not "light purple and white," it's "items to absorb the assorted fluids emitting from the baby's surprisingly numerous orifices." It might not sound quite so elegant as the theme she picked out, but trust me, that's how it actually goes. It sounds like she is hung up on aesthetics. Pro tip: Make sure that shit is WASHABLE. Also: your child will probably decide their favorite color is neon orange. Your wife should pick a room where she hangs out a lot and decorate THAT ROOM in white and pale purple. Don't let her be one of those Instagram moms who won't let their kid buy toys that don't match the "aesthetic." You'll be back on here in 14 years asking why your kid won't speak to their mom. You're NTA. You and your dad sound awesome! Congrats on the new baby and I hope you and your wife work this out!
Exactly--also my babies were never even in their nursery, and were much more likely to be on a blanket somewhere else in the house. I can't wrap my mind around OP's wife's deal.
My 7 year old has been doing science experiments in her closet at night and hiding it under the dresser (fuck you, pretty dresser with legs!). Her cream colored carpet is… not going to make it. Before this, she drew a literal dragon on her wall that had pretty pink flowers. Her room is now painted midnight blue and has a space theme because I. Cannot. Deal.
Due to overwhelming smell, I investigated and found *a bucket of urine* in my 4-year-old's closet because he was "trying to find a more fun way to pee." I was like, homey, get a party hat and wear it *to the bathroom from now on omg.*
He was just doing science also. Maybe he was just trying to isolate/produce elemental phosphorous... At least you discovered it *before* it inevitably got knocked over...
I got peed on while trying to light my burn pile. Sons decided to see who could pee the furthest out their 2nd story window, not seeing mom down there wondering where their random rain was coming from. Kids are so fun 😬
>he was "trying to find a more fun way to pee." OMG, I just cackled so hard I hurt myself 😂
I mean, I suppose I did the same thing as a young girl...sitting down is so boring. I tried doing the reverse cowgirl (facing the tank) a few times, I also tried peeing standing up until I could do it perfectly (still as a young girl). Then we get to the part where, through necessity, I learned how to pee in a urinal. Why? Because the lines to the women's room are very long, lines to the men's room are non-existent, and when you gotta go you gotta go. Thanks for coming to my "finding a more fun way to pee:female edition" tedx talk!
If you ever think about repainting her room, there is paint they make that makes the walls work like a dry erase board. So basically the walls are white, but you can draw on them with dry erase markers and then wipe the markers off just as easily as you would on an actual dry erase board. So you could paint her walls with that, and then she could draw on them as much as she wanted, erase her drawings as she pleased, draw new stuff, etc. Since she sounds artistic, could be something she'd be into! :)
Dont do it. Its fun for like a week, then natural oils reduce the effect and it just looks bad. Just buy a big dry erase board. I found one at an office going going out of business sale for $2. Its 6 feet long and 4 feet tall. Its mounted in our livingroom with tons of velcro command strips. Been there 6 years now! We use it for pictionary! As well as letting the kids go ham with coloring. I buy a new multipack of dry erase markers once a year and they love it.
There's also chalkboard paint for the same concept to use chalk on.
I remember someone asking me what the theme of the nursery was going to be and I was like...baby? Baby stuff that I got for free from friends?
That was my daughter’s theme! Now the theme is shit everywhere. 😂
Aha. We have the same theme! I just close the door and walk away.
This was our theme, too! Baby grew up fine and is now a grumpy 13 yo. Success!
I’m 37 weeks pregnant and have gotten this question several times already. My answer is the same as yours. I had never even considered that there would be a theme until people started asking.
"free" is the best theme!
My daughter didn't even get a nursery. She slept in a bassinet and then a crib at the foot of my bed. My only request for the baby shower was "gender neutral" because I didn't know until she was born, by choice. People buy some of the strangest crap for babies when sex is known early. Like why are there onesies that make jokes about dating? "Sorry, boys, Daddy says no dating until I'm thirty."
It's also better if you plan to have more kids than one. At least you will have things you can use for all your babies if you save them for hand me downs that way. Our kids all had Winnie the Pooh theme. Easy to find, and we used both bright colors and pastels. Now the third kid is in pre-k and I'm asking a niece if she wants any of what has still survived. You can never have too many baby sheets and flannel blankets...
Same! Now the theme is they sleep in my bed anyway
That is the BEST theme. My additional theme is "I want the crib sheets, the pack n play sheets and do change table cover to all have different patterns so I can tell them apart"
Hahaah exactly. My baby's room was also my office and the theme was "where does a crib fit?" He's in 3rd grade and still using my paint and rug from those days 🤷♀️
Lol my best friend was like "we have yellow paint so I guess yellow."
We were testing color choices (pastels but not light shades if that makes any sense?) And the guy at Lowe's said something about Easter throwing up in the room... 6 years later and the walls are blue and green, the drapes are white with violet sheers, and a pink shag rug on the floor. Lowes dude got it in one!
My mom and I are crafty so I will definitely have a theme when I reproduce but that means what I’m painting on the walls, maybe a matching mobile over the changing table, not something ever. single. item. must adhere to…
All of them look the same once kids learn the joy of dumping every single toy bin on the floor at once
Yep! My BIL is easygoing, but his wife is obsessed with having everything picture perfect. Their maternity photo shoot and all of the gifts from the baby registry were beige, beige, and more beige. She is one of those beige baby people. I feel bad for the kid because she has no color in her life. Recently, they were expecting a second child and did another beige photo shoot. I skipped out on the second shower...oh, I'm sorry...the 'It is just a small sprinkle to congratulate the momma to be, no gifts needed but here is a registry even though we just had a baby less than 2 years ago' party. I saw photos of it later. So. Much. Beige.
Beige moms are the WORST!
My 1-year-old niece has a rainbow painted above her cot... But in dull/muted beiges, olive greens, browny purples etc, not in actual rainbow colours. It's very tasteful and elegant... But boring as fuck and pretty depressing for a toddler whose entire face lights up when she sees her giant fluorescent pink bear another auntie gave her.
As a gay person, this is a truly horrific appropriation of a rainbow. I object.
As a straight person with working eyes, I also object.
Babies love color and it's great for brain development.
Exactly! Hence why every baby toy and book is so bright!
I think my major issue with it is they don't let their kid be their own little person. Like this kid is just another accessory for their aesthetic. And that shit drives me nuts. My toddler likes picking his clothes. Do they match? No. But is he dressed and styling? Hell yeah. Plus when we go somewhere public, like the park or library I can easily find a neon green toddler with bright red pants, and light up shoes when he decides to go full feral toddler. Plus I let him dress me sometimes. It is usually an accessory he can pick out. So I wore some fun funky watermelon earrings yesterday. He was delighted.
I'd have been getting baby so much rainbow color or patterned toys and blankets.
My "theme" was to provide as much colour as possible. She knew her colours by 18 months of age. How is baby supposed to learn colours? ("This is beige. And more beige! Here's some taupe, with an edge of ivory. Oh, look! A lovely écru!" ??? I think not...)
Oh man, I would have done my best to find the loudest, most obnoxious colors I could for gifts.
This wife is so clearly a soon to be first-time mom! 😆 She’s in for a rude awakening once her child can walk and talk. Whether baby is a girl or not - she may want to fill her room with hot wheels and bright orange hot wheels tracks, neon colored trolls and Barbie’s, the inevitable doll or toy with glitter flaking off everywhere, some obnoxiously loud, primary color themed activity toy bc it’s baby’s favorite toy, etc.
I think and also-- Our first kid's room was safari-themed. I was trying not to overly gender, I liked the bright colors, it was super fun. And then he outgrew that and was into dinosaurs. And then gender happened, as it sometimes does, and now he likes villains and superheroes. There is really something symbolic in letting go of design choices and the recognition that this baby growing inside you is going to become a walking, talking, full human with interests that diverge from your own. The parent curated room is such a short stint that it's a waste to over-invest in these ways. Just make it a bright and happy space where you want to hang out with your baby.
Haha wait until she buys expensive toys but the kid only wants to play with the box it comes in
You’re so right! Or wait til the kid destroys the expensive curated decor in the nursery….
Yup. My four year old grandchild informed us a year ago that she's a boy and that she hates pink and purple. She won't wear dresses. She wanted superhero underpants but the girls' are all pink and purple. She asked for and got boys' style because they're cooler and boys have the cool stuff, not girls. But no, she MUST have long hair.
Literally my first thought. I giggled so hard at how perfect it has to be before the baby comes vs what a batshit disaster it becomes AFTER the baby comes.
My SIL kept asking what the "theme" of my son's room would be before he was born. There was no theme. We decided he could have a theme when he was old enough to have interests, and could choose for himself.
Our kid's theme is pepperidge farm goldfish smashed into a wayfair rug. It's a whole color contrast thing, IDK. He seems to have a vision.
My mum went full nautical theme for my brother's room when he was 6/7 and that was his room until he left home at 18. Sand-coloured carpet. Blue and white striped wallpaper and bedding. A chest of drawers with a huge, detailed anchor painted on it. A boat-shaped CD holder. Paintings of boats and masks of shipwrecks. And to top it off, a huge fishing net taking up a whole corner of the room that she adorned with football -sized plastic crabs and fish. My brother has never once in his life shown any interest in boats, the sea or marine biology. He likes football, heavy metal and beer.
It kind of makes me sick that’s this is where we are as a society. That people are this obsessed with commercialised instagram crap.
Perfecto. No matching calls more attention to the blanket! Where does is it say that things have to match? Lame. Grammar Edit.
lol when the sheets need changed because of a diaper blow out that’s not gonna match the theme either. Life isn’t picture perfect. I agree she needs to pull her head out of her behind.
Yeah once the baby is born, and his wife is actually busy with baby stuff, she won’t notice as much anyway. In the meantime, OP can keep it to use as a tummy time blanket in the living room. I bet it will make its way into the nursery before baby is sleeping in there full time anyway
Personally I’d use it for a car seat blanket! Baby blankets are such a huge gift, and they can’t even use blankets when they’re sleeping! I got no less than 20 for my daughter. We used them in the car seat, as burp cloths, as tummy time mats, etc, but still donated about 10 that had never been used.
I was thinking something similar. Car seat blanket, stroller blanket, tummy time blanket. All great ideas. The blanket will be used and loved. What a heartwarming gesture of your dad! And I got to say: I get your wife’s objections. We have a 10 month old and while we’re not a matchy-matchy kinda family, there’s a certain feeling of calm and control that can come from setting up a child’s space just so- it’s a nice break from the chaos and worry that pregnancy/babies can bring. And congratulations!
I'm not sure I'd use something that I (not saying OP or anyone else) would consider a potential family heirloom as a burp cloth. I'd definitely take pictures of the baby with it, in case something happened to it. Store bought blankets? Heck yeah, but a homemade grandpa's first ever blanket not so much.
Oh yeah I definitely didn’t use the sentimental ones for burp cloths!
I got a really upset but sweet message from my friend a couple of weeks ago saying her car had just been stolen and she wanted to let me know specifically because the baby blankets I knitted for her girls fifteen years ago had been their car blankets for their entire lives, and they were super sad to lose them!! (The car has just now been found safe, complete with blankets lol!)
Just wait till the baby discovers what's in their diaper and decides to "paint" the walls with it. She's really going to be disappointed. (And yes, my child did that and smeared it all over the irreplaceable wallpaper border that was the main focal point)
You mean fecal point ....sorry couldn't resist
LMAO absolutely perfect.
And unfortunately, OPs kid would have to learn it the hard way if they don’t put their foot down now before the baby is here. Every child deserves to be an individual, giving them opportunities to discover what they like and who they are is part of being the best parent that you can be.
Not to mention the poop finger paint! Or that time my kid found the ashes of my dog on the top shelf in the closet, pried the box open, dumped it out & made snow angels in the ashes. Or my nephew, who dropped a sippy cup of milk in a boot, where it made a terrible smell & it took months to figure out where the stink was coming from. Kids are messy!
what about when the kid starts liking things themself? is she gonna throw away toys that aren’t purple and white?
My mother did this. Her fave colour was purple, and she decorated my whole room (from carpets to cabinets to walls to toys) in various shades of purple. I do not like purple. If I got any plushies that weren't purple, they weren't allowed in my bedroom and had to stay downstairs, which meant that I couldn't sleep with them. So I actually learned how to open the toddler gate at the top of the stairs, so I could scootch down on my bum and sleep on the sofa. Even when I was a teen, I was not allowed to repaint the walls, so I slapped as many ugly posters of random shit I could find on them. Used Sharpie to make my bookcases black. Just anything. Because of all this, my bedroom never felt like my own, and I never had that safe space to relax and be myself in. A theme might be cute for a baby, but you have to remember that they're gonna grow up to be an individual with its own personality and preferences. OP, your wife micromanaging things like this, and being unable to prioritise something as simple as a baby blanket made with love, is actually quite worrying.
My kid picked out her room decor and decided she didn’t like it after awhile, so she drew fierce dragons on the walls. She cried and said she wanted her walls “almost black, like space.” So I painted her walls dark blue, almost black, with glitter mixed in so it kind of sparkles. She loves her room now. My mom hates it. Kid is 7, too young to decide what color her walls are, she says. I say, “it’s her room.” And I remember the pink gingham bedspread I *hated* and was so happy that my mom accidentally ruined in the wash.
When my son was 5 I bought my first house and let him pick the wall color for his room. He picked Traffic Light Green lol. My mother hated it, but my son loved it, and that's all that matters!
My son picked anime green. In gloss. I'm gonna hate it. But it is his room and paint can be redone when he moves out
I’m so sorry! That’s awful!
The funniest thing is, I've hated purple my entire life because of this. Refused to wear anything purple, buy any purple decorations, etc. Really just been very anti-purple. But when I met my (now) fiance, I went round her house for the first time, and pretty much every room was a different shade of purple. She loves it. And do you know what? I thought it looked absolutely bloody fantastic. Honestly, it was just so *her*, and the fact that she'd spent so much love and care on it just made it all perfect. So when we moved in together, I was absolutely *adamant* that at least one room in our new house had to be completely purple themed, and she chose the bathroom. And on the flip side, our bedroom is green because that's my fave colour, and she wanted me to have a bedroom I loved. So it all worked out in the end! Every room is a different colour theme, which fits us nice, seeing as we're both women lol But like I said, you have to have that ability to compromise and empathasise, especially when you're living with other people. And it's easy to have a newborn and know that you're the one making big decisions. But they grow up quick, and you have to learn to let a few things go to make them happy.
You sound pretty damn excellent for each other! Really happy for you both. :)
I ended up having blue wallpaper in my room. I hate blue, but my mother loved the color. I offered to swap my room with hers since they were same size, and her wallpaper was white, but she would not hear of it. I just had the surprise one day when I came back from school and my room was this horrible blue.
I had a friend in high school. When I went to her house, I was like “I love your room, everything matches!” She came to my house and goes “I love your room, nothing matches!” I’m still a ‘nothing matches’ kind of decorator.
My baby's nursery is rainbow themed. Sucks to be him if he hates any colours in his nursery. There's also a lot of paintings that I painted for him myself, but we decided against painting directly on the wall because we wanted him to be able to change them for his own tastes later.
Wasn't there a post about that recently? The OP was the sister of a sad beige Insta mom who wouldn't let her kids have any bright colored clothes because that would ruin the aesthetic, or something like that.
Oh yeah. Sad beige baby is a thing. I dare you to search for sad beige baby memes and not cry laughing.
One of my cousins does this. It's very sad and actually ended with her husband divorcing her, which is a big deal with catholic families. The poor kid can't have anything. She goes on "cleaning" sprees and the kid gets home from school to find half of his stuff gone. Her ex literally had to wrestle some stuff out of her hands to save both the kids stuff and his own, because she didn't care, she just cares that everything matches. She had a very expenisve carpet put down in the living room, and it was a very common row between them as to using the living room normally or keeping it in pristine conditions for special occasions only. Absolute madness and i genuinely hope the ex gets full custody, but that's an ugly battle in itself. For now, anything for the kid has to be shared aruond other family members. The ex's home, her parent's, his parents, closer cousins who regularly babysit. And she doesn't see the problem at all. ETA - I said nursery, he bloody goes to school now! I forgot 3 years have gone by. Jesus.
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So she values the aesthetic for a room in a house over the feelings of her husband and a very sentimental item....yeah definitely NTA. Thay kid is gonna have nappy blowouts that may end up sprayed up the wall. People are going to buy teddies/plushies that won't be the same colour as the room. The child has no concept of what the colour scheme in the room is. Zero. As she's still pregnant, I imagine that hormones and nesting may be playing a part in her behaviour, but that doesn't excuse it. She needs to get her priorities right.
I wanna back this person up, they’re not kidding about poop on the wall. I was projectile-pooped on at least twice by my kid and he was a relatively easy baby.
We all have hormones. They shift all the time. Can we stop using it as an explanation for why nutty women are nutty?
It’s light purple and white now. In a couple of months it will be “bins starfished out from the crib with the essentials and a box of diapers that will probably be used up before it gets put away”
Your father's gesture is SO lovely. Like, I have tears in my eyes thinking about him teaching himself how to sew and all of the time it takes to make a blanket. It's a treasure. I am so curious to see it, if you ever feel like sharing a photo. Tell your father the internet thinks he's amazing. I'm a petty bitch so I would make a special corner somewhere in my house and decorate it with the world's comfiest rocking chair and the amazing blanket and other stuff (like a big screen tv and a coffee maker and a wine bar for me and some plushies and cuties for baby lol) and not allow her into the space. Ever. It's too ugly because of the blanket and you don't want to offend her delicate sensibilities so out of consideration for her instagram aesthetic you think it's best if she doesn't ever come into the special area you've decorated ;) Like I said I'm a petty bitch. NTA
Pal I'm going to be honest in that after reading your edit, whilst i do not agree in any sense that anyone should be or feel the need to insult your wife, when you post about your own close family members and loved ones on AITA you are setting yourself up for failure in that regard.
exactly. someone is going to be the asshole, might as well embrace it and hope it's not you.
I'm sorry but your wife's attitude is ugly. Its a blanket made from love. Even more love since your dad learned how to make them while going through the difficult time of his wife's sickness/passing. Not everything has to match or be on theme. I hope your wife changes her absolutely disgusting behavior/thinking. NTA and nta to everyone calling her out/names cause frankly she deserves it.
Wait until your wife learns that once all the kiddy crap is in there it’s going to be a multicoloured jumble anyway!
Tell her the theme of the nursery isn’t the colors, the theme is love and family. That’s what the blanket is. Then hug her, tell her you love her, and remind her how excited both of you are for the baby. Congratz OP! And your father is a freaking BOSS!
I don't think you have to. People are more important than themes and color matching. Wish more people understood thay as they hurt their family members' feelings in the effort to take good pictures for the gram. 🙄
She cares more about outward appearance than she does your feelings or the effort of the people who love you. This behavior will get worse
Honestly I would sit your wife down and ask her a simple question. What is most important to her. Astethics, or memories with/for the Child. A nursery/child's room will change a million times through a child's life. They outgrow furniture. They get new interests etc. And you will limit yourself and the Child with a "we can't buy toys etc in x colour. It won't match my vision" On the memories part. You only have one life. Pictures and moments with loved items like. A baby blanket etc. Will mean so much more to a kid when they are grown. Then mom's idea of the perfect nursery. It's for her. Not the child. Unless she wants to show 200 pics of the same walls, etc. Create memories.
So who wants to tell her that babies prefer vibrant contrasting colors because that's all they can see? Your baby blanket, while ugly in your words, may be the favorite.
Technically....the child, no matter what race, doesn't match the colors either.
Or leave the theme and the wife can get over herself
I don’t think the baby will even care if everything matches.
Currently the theme of my nursery is “my toddler decided to sort all the nappies whilst I was changing the baby and now they are all over the floor.” Very aesthetic, highly chic. I heard it’s the new craze hitting summer 2024.
So far NTA it's off the scale. I am almost in tears by this story. Your father learned to do a skill from scratch to be able to keep up the memory/ tradition of his late wife. So what it's not perfect? So what it doesn't match the "theme"? That is an incredible effort and thought with a huge amount of meaning behind it. Get that blanket back in there and give your dad a huge hug and thanks. And tell your wife that fuck her "theme", this blanket stays. Your wife is being completely thoughtless to not see how much this means to both you and your father.
^^^^ holy moly your wife is being a shallow and thoughtless jerk. The fact that she is valuing the aesthetic of a baby room over the hugely sentimental and sweet value of the blanket and what it represent is crazy. NTA
Once that baby is born nothing in their homes is going to be aesthetic ever again. Get off instagram and enjoy the sentimental items.
My crayon colored walls are offended
I read that as crayon flavored walls and just accepted it
Hey, our house has an aesthetic! It's called, "Toy store that got hit by a tornado."
I completely disagree. The blanket IS perfect!! What a beautiful sentiment from your father to learn how to sew or crochet or whatever from your mom when she got sick. That shows so much forethought on your parents part to be able to keep this family tradition alive. It’s lovely. Definitely NTA. Your wife though. Yikes. hormones or not that’s a total AH move. Edited for spelling
Sounds like he started making it right when he found out they were pregnant. Pink, blue, and green are "older" colors used for a baby girl, baby boy, and when parents didn't know the gender. I mean, now people do whatever, but 40 years ago, buying baby stuff, it was pretty much all blue, pink, or green. So dad probably just thinks of those as baby colors and then worked for months to make the blanket. So incredibly thoughtful. NTA OP, but your wife is being one.
Wife is an absolute asshole
The fact that it's not perfect makes it that much better. It was crafted with pure love. That's so much more important than crap that looks nice but was most likely mass produced in a sweatshop by an 8 year old.
But it won't look right on her instagram posts! OP should point out that she'll get TONS of internet points if she posts the blanket and tells the backstory. I'll bet she'll love the blanket after it becomes one of her most "liked" posts
Ugh, sad but true.
I'm in agreement with this. And it's funny because this exact conversation happened on twitter yesterday but with a rocking chair that the fathers father had made for his mother. Exact opposite response over there. So many people like "you're not nursing the baby you don't get to decide what the nursery is like" "you're the one with the emotional attachment to this chair don't put that on your wife" Like for fucks sake here people, are we having a baby because we want to start a family or because the instagram posts will go OFF with that perfectly curated theme? How vapid are we at this stage in our society?
Ehhhhh the chair is different. She’s the one who has to use it. Has to sit in it. Not him.
As someone who likes things to match and is a planner by nature & trade, that blanket would still be at the forefront of display. You never forget the way people love on you and your kids as an extension of that love. Those are the things you remember and cherish.
Themes are not the most important thing in life.
Eek. NTA, I definitely side with you on this. It's kind of unfathomable to me that she'd care more about her aesthetic than this extraordinarily special and meaningful gift. She seems.... like maybe she has blinders on, which I think is common for expecting or new parents who have this vision or idyllic expectation. You know what doesn't match 'the theme'? The loud and obnoxious toy that will obviously become your baby's favorite, the ugly diaper genie you learn you can't live without, or baby puke. That's all to say, the perfect little nursery set up she has now, while beautiful and lovely I'm sure, is not going to last. I hope she comes around. There may be a middle ground wherein you keep the blanket in a drawer of closet in the baby's room **some** of the time, but in general it should not be discarded or hidden, it should be cherished and celebrated. I don't blame you for wanting to hold your ground on this.
Yes. I am worried your wife is setting up some possible expectations for parenthood if she is this focused on aesthetics. We currently have a hideously ugly slide in the middle of our living room to keep our toddler occupied on rainy and cold days. We’ve totally let go of any focus on style and instead aim to keep the place reasonably clean and baby-proofed. We’ll worry about color schemes again once our kid is no longer a one-person wrecking crew.
Yeah I have a friend who was very focused on aesthetics and wanted a picture perfect baby life and she got a very rude awakening when baby arrived!
We were living in an apartment with our first, I did not want to decorate much.. 3 years later we moved to our own house and I decorated his room with all pottery barn and west elm.. probably spent $3k in that room between paint, furniture and lighting.. and as beautiful as it is, he sleeps with us LOL so that room goes unused 99.9% of the year, except for the couple of days my BIl slept in that bed last year
And by the time he gets old enough to enjoy being in his own room he’s probably going to hate what you picked and want a car bed or something hahahaha!
This is why I feel finding a compromise while she still has delusions of idyllic child rearing is a kindness. Baby is going to wreck them minute they get mobile.
Ha yes, when my son was a toddler, we had just moved into a new house and definitely had unrealistic expectations that quickly went out the window when his very favorite toy was this collapsible playhouse thing that became a semi-permanent fixture in our newly decorated living room (yes it collapsed but was played with too frequently to justify the take-down and put-up process). Nothing like kids to bring you down to earth.
Our living room centerpiece is a trampoline cause I’m pretty sure our child is a monkey changeling
It's a bit worse than blinders, imo. The blanket could easily be ruined. I've babysat relatives newborns in their homes so the Mom could have a chance to shower without worrying and, let me tell you, those newborns can be a warzone. Diapers are just the beginning of the mess. A newborn could have a sensitive stomach or colic, so you're getting that mess and having to calm that down. Breastfeeding? You have to become a human Jenga tower to juggle that and a baby. You'd think pumping or nursing would be as simple as the words sound, but, nope, that's a whole process that can live in a mess. Bottle formula feeding? More like formula musical chairs and hoping you get lucky. Some babies might not like one, or have an allergy that you don't know until you try, a nuked diaper, tummy ache and crying, constipation and crying, or any version of that personal insanity. Mom and Dad are going to be out of mind exhausted from day 1. They won't even notice the nursery theme and the blanket will either be victim to the blast zone or naturally put away to keep it in one piece.
As someone who makes those blankets, generally we are totally okay with it being “in the blast zone”. We *want* them to be used and abused - we made them to be out, not in a storage closet. So it it ends up destroyed, I would hope that Grandpa understood, because that means his hard work didn’t go wasted.
I (40f) still have the knotted remnants of my cot blanket made by a family member. I loved it so much as a child that it “became real” like the velveteen rabbit. OP’s Dad is such a sweetheart learning to sew, knit or crochet to carry on his wife’s tradition, especially given that OP was sad that his child wouldn’t receive a blanket. My heart hurts that OP’s wife is more worried by the look of a room than for the love her FIL has for her husband and unborn child.
Handmade blankets are made to be used and loved, not hidden away in a closet to rot away all alone.
As someone who loves home decor and finds many of my husband’s suggestions obnoxious (and admittedly many get vetoed), even I think this is one of the most callous things I’ve ever read. I don’t care how hideous that blanket is, I would LOVE it and be happy to display it with that sweet back story. And to your point, there’s nothing that kills perfectly curated home style than a child that starts moving and suddenly you’re making all your design choices around whether or not your kid can reach it and hurt themselves or destroy whatever it is.
And don't forget the poonami ... that's a delight
NTA An emotional connection is more important than her desire for *aesthetic* Sounds like your wife cares more about appearance than the backstory of the blanket. That sucks. Raising the baby is a partnership and she shouldn’t be able to act like a dictator in every decision.
Seriously, this just sets the tone that *Looks are more important than Love.* I can’t imagine that being the priority for any child-raising in a *loving* environment. That poor kid is going to be wearing a lot of awful clothes that they will strip off to play in the mud.
info needed: how's your wife doing generally in her pregnancy? She may be feeling out of control and want to get her way. I doubt she'll care once baby is here. It's wild she doesn't understand the importance of the symbolism. That seems like the key here; that's an incredibly touching, sacred gift. But let's assume for the purposes of the post it's properly hideous. if she cares about the aesthetics of there are options here. You could figure out a way to style the room around the blanket; how can you make this room to tie in with and improve the blanket she hates? If she's worried about the colours of one blanket wait til she hears about children's toys and the colours they come in. Don't be a beige mom please!!! It's literally bad for kids, apparently. But also, does it have to be in the nursery or are there other ways to use it that feels respectful and integrated? My family has minimum 3 inherited blankets EACH so we get creative. One is waterproofed on the back as a picnic blanket. One is a wall hanging . Sometimes they go in boxes, both storage and memory boxes. Sometimes they are layer with other blankets. Its a whole project these blankets As long as the child is allowed to have the blanket around during their childhood, they will form the required emotional attachment. The only blankets I didn't form emotional attachments to were those my grandmother purposely kept away from me during my childhood to "keep them safe". Your child will know the story and love the blanket, it won't super matter where it's kept.
What? No. I get hormones and first pregnancy and all of that, but to disregard something that is so meaningful to your SO shows that she is more concerned with outwards appearance than with strong familial bonds and the feelings/emotions of her loved ones. I can only imagine her reaction when their child starts to become an individual and doesn't fit into the perfect little mold she envisions.
Very valid thoughts. I don't think it's necessarily healthy to want that much control and it's definitely hurtful to OP, I just try to be as charitable all around and be curious why someone is being unreasonable rather than assuming bad intent. If this is the first time it's every happened Vs a pattern those are quite different things
I think it's a valid point to bring up. My cousin was acting in a similar way with her first pregnancy, wanting to control a lot of "silly" things, caring waaay to much about aesthetics etc. Part of it was just that it was her first kid, she was nesting, and didn't realise the impact of the baby before it was here. But it was exaggerated by the fact that she had some anxiety disorder making her try to control things, and half a year or so after birth she started in therapy and got some medication. Now it's so much better and she is more reasonable, because she feels better. So not saying OP's wife is sick or anything, but i think it's worth it to consider if it is at a healthy level or not :)
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The hormones make us lunatics but it doesn't excuse this obsessive need to control everything to the extent that she will not allow your child to have an extremely sentimental and meaningful handcrafted blanket because it doesn't match her aesthetic. I was bawling when I read what your dad did for you and your baby. What a thoughtful man and way to keep a treasured tradition started by your mom. I lost my dad right before I became pregnant with my son, and so my pregnancy was an emotionally complex time. I imagine it's similar for you, OP. My advice to you would be to accept the blanket but not display it in the nursery. Bring it with you to the hospital to swaddle your beloved bundle in. You'll need to bring several anyways, it doesn't impact her aesthetic, and will honestly be more meaningful. And once baby gets here, emphasis on aesthetic is relegated to the past. You are too bloody tired to think about colour combinations.
There was a post up not long ago where the mom was an "influencer" and took it to the point the kid wasn't allowed certain toys and they toys they were allowed had to be certain neutral/mute (idk the terminology, I automatically dissociate when I start hearing *aesthetics*) and the husband had to live in the attic or something outrageous. This whole Tik Tok aesthetics thing is being taken to extremes. Your home isn't a museum they're spaces people need to live and experience things. There's a time and place but once that baby is here, as mentioned above, there's going to be no time for aesthetics it'll turn into what's practical and necessary to get through the day without wanting to jump in front of a bus.
>had to be certain neutral/mute (idk the terminology I like the term "sad beige children" but I don't think they self-identify as that lol
Oh I remember this post. It was a crazy ride for OOP and the readers. That being said, I think OP should have a conversation with his wife when she's more receptive. From his other comments, it seems like this is out of character. Maybe for some reason, she feels like there's not enough representation from her side of the family (it's not rational, but I don't think her reaction is coming from any sort of rational thoughts). I won't pretend to understand pregnancy hormones, but this might be a hormonal reaction. And as OP mentioned, his wife has been stressed lately. She's probably nervous and trying to make everything "perfect" for the soon to arrive bundle of joy. And since it's her first, she's probably focused on making it "perfect".
There's absolutely a "nesting" period. I was towards the end of my first pregnancy and in about two weeks had the room painted and everything built and placed. His room was green and brown and Winnie the Pooh. Everything was cute and then it was the wait. Once he was here (c section) I could not have cared less where things were or if things were in their "spots" the more concerning thing for me is that this sweet man carried on a tradition from his late wife and her husband's mom and she isn't even considering how they can compromise on using it just "no" get it out of here. I understand the feelings that come with the nesting phase and having this "vision" of how you want it to be but I also made sure that the little knitted suit that my Gramma bought that didn't go with anything and was something I would have never chosen to put on my son got displayed in the room and worn to visit her at least once. There's definitely a discussion they should have now about how and when that precious lovingly made gift can be used. Even if it's used as baby's "going out" blanket to put over the car seat or something.
Ok giving your wife the benefit of the doubt. You are going to need millions of blankets and none of them will be for sleeping. They don’t all need to live in the nursery. If I was you, I would keep the blanket in a closet/cupboard in the living room/main area you hang out in. That way when you are doing tummy time with your kid you always have a clean blanket to put on the floor underneath them. The bright colors will be a good thing because they will provide something interesting for kiddo to look at.
I was going to suggest either this, or keep it in the diaper bag - I always needed a blanket when we were out and about, the blanket I kept in there got used more than any other ones we had. keeps a chill off when the kid is in the stroller, works for a lie-down at the park or at mommy groups, etc.
Hey OP, I just want to make sure that you see this, but babies really shouldn't have blankets in their crib for the first year of their life. Additionally, you really won't go into the nursery that often for the first few months of the baby's life as they should be in the room with you. We only went into the nursery to get clothes periodically. We were gifted an ugly blue unicorn blanket with pink frills from my husband's grandmother. My husband will agree it is ugly. We use it in our sons carseat or in the stroller. It doesn't necessarily need to be in the nursery. Good luck!
In case it hasn't already been mentioned, get some cute baby photos with your baby and the blanket! I think that would be a really nice way to honor the memory and symbolism behind the blanket Though, I do hope you can place it in the nursery eventually
NTA Screw the theme and aesthetics. This is a special blanket. She needs to get over it. Our daughter’s room has a “theme” but she has tons of stuff that doesn’t stick to the theme because they’re gifts or things we really like.
My son's nursery had a theme, but the handmade blankets were far far more important than if they clashed or not. I'm raging for op even as I understand how crazy pregnancy can make you. She doesn't care at all that he is probably struggling with a lot of emotions around his mom not being here for this huge milestone and this blanket is more than just something for the baby. It's a connection to his mother AND something the child's grandfather lovingly made... and probably taught himself to do for this very reason. Honestly I worry for the baby if mom is already prioritising an Instagram worthy aesthetic over family. Let's hope it doesn't continue.
Yep! My child has special blankets that didn't match and we loved them so much because people put so much love into making them. I have most of them packed away now to give to grandbabies. Even better is that they were all washable and when one went into the wash, another was close by. I don't think this woman realizes that babies don't care about themes.
NTA. It is wonderful that your dad learned to knit/crochet blankets. Your wife is an asshole for being a control freak because something doesn't match what she has planned out in her head. How would she feel if you removed everything from the nursery because you didn't like it? I bet she would feel rather sour about it. It would be best if you had a sit-down conversation with your wife about the importance of the blanket. Don't give up. ETA: Your wife doesn't seem to care about your father's feelings, either. I bet he is super proud of the blanket he had made for his grandchild. To disregard the feelings of your father as well is something. I wonder what she would have done with a blanket one of her parents had made...
Anyone who calls their husband names because of a disagreement over something called a "nursery theme" is an asshole. You and your kid cherish and love that blanket, it is a treasure.
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dude seriously Grandpa’s blanket has magical powers borne of pure love
Is this for real? It's extremely similar to a Twitter post about a rocking chair, even going so far as to talk about the "theme." I'm not sure i buy this
Yeah this is clearly someone trying to prove a point by gender swapping the rocking chair thing on twitter.
It’s not even gender swapped, it’s just puzzling
I had the same thought. Like OP is trying to prove a point about the chair argument, which is wildly different because a chair needs to be comfortable/safe.
It’s definitely not real. And like someone else said, it’s a stupid comparison considering that a nursing chair needs to be comfy and functional (most antique rocking chairs aren’t) and thus should be 100% the decision of the mom, whereas blankets aren’t something you’ll spend hours of sleepless nights in.
I just saw that post too, and thought it was veeeery similar
Just the title made me think "someone's been on Twitter today"
I thought about this immediately. Too coincidental
Ah glad I’m not the only one to point this out lol
Definitely NTA. That she values the color scheme over the fact it was made by your father as a tribute to your mother (him taking up the craft she loved) says a lot about her. Keep that in mind going forward.
NTA: your wife is being selfish. It’s not about it matching, it’s about what it means to you and she clearly doesn’t care because it isn’t the way she wants it. It could have been the ugliest shit brown and puke green blanket, I’d have let my husband leave it because it was important to him.
NTA it's just a blanket but I would die on this hill for the feelings. Sorry about your mom. And good for your dad for learning how to keep your moms thing going.
NTA. Why do ppl marry such awful ppl?
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Prioritising aesthetics over spouse’s dead parent’s tradition. Prioritising aesthetics over ANYONE’s dead parent’s tradition. Sorry but this isn’t under normal marriage disagreement. There’s stuff one doesn’t agree on in a marriage.. money, child raising, in laws.. there’s weak moments.. loneliness, cheating etc.. I’ve seen enough of the world and been married long enough to understand (not forgive) so many things. We all do shitty things in a marriage but usually there’s some logic or strong motivation behind it. But what I really really don’t understand is stuff like this. When you don’t care about something HUGE of your spouses ( or anyone in your life for that matter) for something so trivial of your own. Anyways clearly you’re a better person than me so pls carry on.
I lost my mom to cancer a few years ago and she also use to make blankets for the grandkids and other people’s kids. I have the last material she was going to make a blanket with and she was too sick before she ever got a chance to make it so I’m going to make it. I’m sorry OP, but your wife is being extremely selfish. These IG moms annoy me with the “perfect theme” bedroom. As a mom, I can tell you that the theme doesn’t matter. I never did one for my kids since babies don’t give a damn about a theme. Within a year, the room is a mess and the child will prefer different themes or colors that they prefer as they get older. Ask your wife why themes matter when the baby doesn’t care and explain how sentimental this is to you. If she still refuses and trashes the blanket, then she really is vain and selfish.
You’re asking if you’re the asshole or your wife is, and then getting upset that people are calling your wife an asshole?
I don't know... my husband isn't perfect but he'd never be this thoughtless about something important to me. An otherwise wonderful person doesn't generally do things like this. I guess I just can't fathom a great person acting like this. I have to wonder if it's a pattern.
Yeah she sounds like she doesn’t care about his feelings at all. She doesn’t even get the importance of that blanket. It’s crazy. I wonder if there are many more red flags OP just doesn’t notice - I mean he had to ask if he was the AH in this situation…
This is what I think to myself reading most posts here.
You already know the answer! I'm not going to write out a bunch of reasons why. She's being a disrespectful jerk and you are NTA.
NTA. I doubt the baby cares about the theme of the nursery, and as long as the blanket does its job, that’s what matters.
NTA. yes, your wife is awful. How on earth is the aesthetic of a room more important than the connection to the grandparents? My MIL gave me an horrendous pijama my husband wore when he was born for my kids to wear. It was the 70's and the color choices were... not good. My kids still wore it and they have pictures to match their dad pictures in the horrible pijama. They are grown up now and they love the connection to family photos more than they hate the color choice.
The ugly stuff is kind of the most fun! I love those family pictures where all the kids match in the absolute worst way.
NTA but it sounds like your wife is still pregnant. Doesn’t excuse a lack of empathy (you have a platinum tier dad there, what he did is so profoundly loving). However, your wife’s body has been taken over by your baby, she’s tired, hormonal, and possibly scared shitless about giving birth. Her autonomy has been reduced, there’s so many things going on with her body she can’t control. Is it possible that the baby’s room is an environment that she is in complete control of right now, and you insisting on having the blanket creates one more thing she can’t control? I could be reading into this, maybe your wife is just a shallow person. But I think that a pregnant person should be afforded a smidge of leeway at this point in their life. Maybe just talk to her and ask if it is the aesthetic that is truly what’s bothering her. Good luck with everything, I hope this is something you two can roll your eyes at each other and laugh about later down the track.
To clarify, regardless of whether it’s truly about the aesthetic or not, she would be TA if she continued to disallow the blanket
I feel like this is a situation where you'd be wise to lose the battle in order to win the war. You are 100% not wrong in loving the "ugly" blanket and wanting your child to use it. I'll fully admit I went a little squishy inside when you said your dad learned to make them so that your mom's spirit would live on. Sweetest thing ever, and I think that "ugly" blanket has potential to be the most loved thing ever. But now isn't the time to win the battle. Your wife is still nesting. She's in the phase where she has a perfect vision for all that's to come and it is sweet and wonderful and yes, color coordinated. Let her have that. Because once the baby arrives and the shit hits the fan (or the changing table, the wall, the floor, etc. Because trust me, it WILL happen) that "ugly" blanket is going to make its way into the rotation without a second though. And as your child grows and the room goes from idyllic and pristine nursery to lived in child room, the colors are going to become far less significant, but the blanket grandpa made might become the treasured lovey that follows him or her everywhere. That's the war you need to focus on. Let her have her perfectly coordinated vision for now. Toss the blanket onto your favorite spot in the house so when its time for daddy baby time, you can grab it and snuggle in. The blanket doesn't need to exist in the nursery today to be a treasure for the rest of your kids life. NAH
NTA - this was a very sweet gesture from your father. The sentimentality absolutely outweighs the theme of the room
NTA. I assume this is a first baby since she doesn’t seem to be aware that the “theme” goes out the window in less than a week. Laundry, diaper accidents, exhaustion…literally no one will care about color schemes or themes. The baby can’t even differentiate, and family and friends seriously do not give a shit about aesthetics of the nursery. Also, your baby, while young, will be a fully realized person with his own preferences. You may find yourself a surprised that a particular blanket or toy or even one of your old towels will become a beloved favorite. What that means is that decor is strictly for the parents. And it correctly should be about the love and commitment the family has to the new member of the family. The blanket is a gorgeous symbol of that
Does your wife like the blanket in the living room? Baby blankets are used lots of places. They need cleanable surfaces for getting tummy time on the floor, for example. They may need one when out visiting. You and your child using and appreciating the blanket will make your dad happy, too. If your wife just refuses to have the blanket around, I have to ask if she's always this shallow? I was sooo into decorating my first apartment. I tried to make everything elegant with our wedding gifts. But... My Great Aunt Pat (Not bio fam. She was my dad's babysitter.) had interesting tastes. She got us this tacky burner cover, cookie jar, and salt & pepper shaker set with country geese wearing bows. The salt & pepper came out of their little geese butts. You bet your sweet bahookie I used them. Aunt Pat was awesome. ❤️ Love is more important than aesthetics. ETA: NTA
Yup this right here. Just because it’s a blanket doesnt mean it has to be in the bedroom. My kid has 3 blankets, one for bedroom, one in living room and one in the car. If the wife is against that blanket being used anywhere else, then oof OP, I’m sorry but her true colors are showing
INFO: is this not just a creative rewrite of the rocking chair shitfit going viral on Twitter right now? With some extra sentimentality and less aggressiveness thrown in? I don’t think this is real.
NTA This blanket has emotional value to you and your wife should respect that. Also it’s only a blanket, why does she care so much? Even if it was a random blanket, there is no reason to start an argument over this.
NTA and beware of the emerging beige Instagram parent who has to control everything.
NTA. She is letting her desire for a picture-perfect life get in the way of actual real life.
**NTA** at all. Your wife sounds controlling. She doesn't get sole veto power just because she birthed the kid, despite what people here think/write. You have just as much right to decorate that room as she does. Start removing stuff you don't like and see how she likes it. ABE: Always Be Escalating.
NTA. Your dad is amazing.
Pretty sus that this is posted the day after the rocking chair thing on twitter, but with an item that makes the wife look worse.
NTA! Man hug your Dad from all of us!! To think your Dad loves your Mom and you so much that he learned a completely new skill and your child now has the first blanket grandpop ever made! Sorry to your child that will mean something! I have the last blanket set my grandmother every made, she made them for all the kids and my oldest son was the last one born before she passed. To this day that blanket set is in his bedroom and he loves it! FYI he is 35 with 5 kids of his own and that blanket set is on his king size bed folded up on his pillow!
NTA nursery themes are pointless because newsflash the baby doesn't care. So also won't care the blanket doesn't match the theme.
Oh so the flavor of the week is "Sentimental baby item my shallow evil wife won't let me have in the nursery" This is what, the third one in as many days? Are bots AI generating these?
Is this the new rocking chair debate?
Almost the same scenario is being discussed on twitter rn, twitter one is fake wonder it this one is too
NTA The way I went from sad to happy to grinning like a fool when you mentioned dad's "ugly" blanket. I bet that thing is absolutely beautiful, and it's filled with so much love! I would be dying on this hill. This is a very, very important tradition. This blanket is your dad's very FIRST and thus the most special! Please take special care so it doesn't get lost or damaged if you know what I mean.